The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 82 – Im just one man

Episode Date: December 21, 2017

i had to run uptown on business this morning and couldnt upload the episode on time. im sorry folks. one of these days ill be dead and the podcast wont upload at all. keep in mind that ill be dead soon. im going to die soon everyone

Having sex I had a dream last night that Recorded like 30 minutes of an episode and it was going great And I looked down and I hadn't enabled any of the tracks on the recorder. Oh my god Which I guess is a nightmare But not because it went bad, but because now I have dreams about podcast Which is the real nightmare I had a dream I had a dream the other night that I was shaving my mustache off and crying While anya was playing no woman with breast cancer

That's fucking weird. Yeah, I had another dream to the same night about like a Live-action Garfield TV show Okay, they just had some morbidly obese man that they painted like Garfield, but he was still nude so you could see his penis And it was on like, you know ABC family That sounds like a good ass show. Let's do it. Yeah, I'll be Garfield Well, it's funny because it's like I'd like to think of myself as like I'm like good at comedy And it's the thing I put effort into and have to like come up with but it's just my brain is like broken on a fundamental level Yeah, you have some kind of fucked up, right? It's just more like symptoms

Comedy is just one way that your brain is fucked up the things that shit The one way your brain is operating in a way It shouldn't all comedy is is like you say something unexpected. Yeah, and For my humble brag session of the show, so that's humble brain that you dreamt about shaving your mustache and crying My man go to sleep and he dreaming about sushi. He's dreaming about sushi. Hold up All right joining us on this episode is the wonderful Mm-hmm. Always insightful for big titty amber Fat old titty amber

Hooters she writes a lot about her Couple of ladies magazines. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good housekeeping. Yeah. Yeah Cat fancy Yeah, how to breastfeed your cats I think the cat fancy was like why isn't there a magazine for autistic gay, man Where is my magazine? Okay, this is good the different types of autism trains standard issue. Yeah straight the good Horses is girl version of that knitting knitting. There's a there's a knitting autism

Mm-hmm girls. Mm-hmm and cat fancy gay gay artists. Yeah, what about lesbian artists cat? No other lesbians. They're autistic about. Oh, yeah. Yeah lesbians, okay I think they're autistic about frowning and smoking cigarettes It was so funny There's like some lesbians that lived down the block and they were like unloading their car or whatever and it was like I I don't know what kind of car it was but it was like it would look like if Subaru was like let's make a Even more Subaru is right. Right. Right. It was like an Aztec or something. Yeah, it's big Other son right exactly. There was like leg hair on the wheel

That Asian woman with the mullet no, it's I love her she has a physique like Danny DeVito I haven't seen her but they were unloading they were unloading the car and like And this isn't gonna have like a good payoff But they just you know, they look like white like Portland main lesbians right and I was like I bet I'm gonna get up there in the license plate. It's gonna be like a You know little it. Yeah, well like Vermont or something right and I walk past it like of course, it's a That type of New England lesbo. Oh, yeah, I think I told the story, but I dropped my cousin off at a lesbian in

Burning man potluck and I am not kidding. There was six Subaru's parked in the driveway It was like I was like Olga. What the fuck man? Come on. This is she's like no, you got me. This is really good Well, they're good cars. Yeah, I had cars. Yeah, I like that. They were like we're gonna make shit It's a Japanese company and they're like we're gonna make cars for australian Oh, yeah, what you're right guys love sounds Japanese. Yeah, and then all they did with bars for women that dress like australian Back khaki. Yeah. Yeah a lot of tackle tackle vests. Yeah short shorts damn I never thought of Subaru's Japanese. Yeah, Subaru. Well, I know you can But you remember the commercials coming out. Yeah, they're all

Traditional lesbian xin Oh My little bit about me. I grew up in Vermont Is a lesbian eat me pussy. Yeah, my throat throw neck steakhouse Throat out eat out back. Yeah, there we go. You're almost got it. You almost got it. Yeah, eat out back steakhouse. That's it Fuck I haven't I don't dream anymore because I've been 30 days in a row. I have been high as shit at bedtime I've been eating edibles like they're fucking regular candies Shouts out to the cumboy that gave your boy a couple. He gave me muddy buddy edibles, dude

Yeah, what are those shots out there when it came out the Boston by the way and the shout South Shore boys What's up those chocolates? No, it's like they're there's got poppers in there so you can raw dog Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're high and your ass is just fucking dilated like you're giving birth Right, I take the medicine that they get from pregnant women that are dilating something poppers And then his ass opens up like porky pig is about to come That's all Poppers It's illegal or I guess not. No, they're just they're just like whipped cream chargers. Yeah

Yeah, I seamless chips the other day is CO2 illegal nitrous is you can't you need a license or something Yeah, you have to be racing. Oh, by the way for the just make that shit, right? Yeah for the cumboys that This is this is coming out on Wednesday, but on Friday We have Friday DC show in the lot outside the come-town show I will have a nitrous tank and I'll be selling balloons I Went to Starscape one time. Uh-huh, and it's just bunch of guys outside going up balloons balloons Blings I got balloons. He wants to leave bling. Yeah, let's get fucked up off bling

I think it would be really cool. It's like yeah, no, I didn't take them already. I'll just sound like this This one kid in my neighborhood I went I remember going to his fucking house and he was he like got a dick to heroin or whatever he's been in rehab a Bunch of times, but yeah, I want to hang out with that I went into his house I was friends with his older brother and I was just hanging there and I just saw 12 cans of whipped cream and I was like Hell, yes. Yeah, Tom the fucking eat. I didn't think about the whip it factor at all

Yeah, all it was I just ate I just sucked up all this flat whip cream They had taken all the whip it's out and I'm like how that's this story started with some guy that fucked up It got addicted to heroin and then it the ending is your your horrific topping Yeah, I'm just snorting sprinkles. Yeah No, they had a deep fryer in the basement and there was a bunch of shit left over in the basket And I was sucking on that while they were the oil. They were they were yeah They were they were they were sucking freon out of the back of the fridge Sour cream that was about to expire out of the front

Yeah, they're barnacles and you're the whale I do want to get some barnacles for my body. Oh, yeah, I think that would be cool Right people are like what the fuck is that I'm like I'm helping the environment. That's right. Do you that what barnacles do? Yeah, they suck your dick and In exchange the shark gets to have barnacles Yeah, that sounds good. Yeah, it's like a tapeworm they make you beautiful So if you put a couple barnacles on your nuts, it could suck your dick. That's true. Yeah Well, let's get barnacles boys down to the docks. It could just suck the cums straight from your nuts. Yeah

Would it feel like you're ejaculating? No, yes Then I'm back in I changed my mind boo boo boo boo Science rules There's got to be like very primitive Animals that are just basically a mouth that you could get to suck me like a clam Yeah, like there's got to be species of clams. You've seen that video the chimp Opening the frog fucks the frogs man. That's different. That's rape. You saw that thing that came out That's why that's why all those pepe guys they embrace the frog

Because the chimp is black people With that frog it's a metaphor that video started at all I feel like that frog mouth fucked by my natural enemy the chimp That's that fucking chimp went to town on that frog Yeah, yeah, well, I like that the chimp looks like it barely gives a shit about what it's doing. Yeah, and the frog been there You got a masturbates with glee me Nick is all smiles right

And he comes his hair. He takes a shower any time you hear musicals coming out of my room. You know what's going on Yeah, I listened to Gloria Stefan when I jack off choreographed. Yeah, I would smash Gloria Stefan Current day current day. Oh Miami sound machine. Mm-hmm. My eyebrows are raised. You know what I mean? Interested that's what eyebrow raising means, right? Oh, yeah, I don't know how to use my eyebrows Raised to raise is in quick succession is you're up to something. Yeah Right, we're doing it. Let's see how long we can do this instead of actually talk This is gonna be our best episode. All right. Okay Oh

No, no, this is it. This is the episode where you only communicate with eyebrows Suck my dick around Suck me from the backside. That's good. Yeah, just a picture of Mark Maron wearing the pith helmet. Oh, yeah Everybody was questioning, you know, when I said mailmen were pith helmets people like what the fuck are you talking about? That's when you're like take that. He dresses like Babar. That's what you what was Marin doing? Exciting you project. Um, I don't know. He's a real mailman. Yeah, you got a job. I've never cared what Mark Maron is doing He's delivering me two letters to powerful men in Hollywood. Yeah Fuck dude, so Jay Miller speaking of J more TJ Miller. Oh TJ Miller story drop today

He he beat he beat and rapes, didn't he? Yeah, well, he like violated consent within the context of relationship. I mean the real bad thing is the beating. Yeah, yeah So he beat the shit out of a woman. Yeah Fuck TJ Miller. Yeah, that's some bullshit. Yeah. Yeah, you heard it here foot first Yeah, I don't know why even brought it up. I was like, well, maybe we could say something funny about it. Nah, probably not That's pretty bad. Yeah, there's just excited about it. You're like, oh, here's the and I'm like This I'm like reading it to you like oh Right. Well, I was hoping it would be something where he did like a bad improv bit

Production assistant Like you dig out as a bit. Yeah, he's slapped a woman around and like not one of her teeth out and you're like, oh, that's not Yikes, that's not funny. What are we gonna get Bobby Lee? Such a funny guy? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, he's a better comic What about Bobby Lee whose closure used to be pulling his dick out and putting on the audience's shoulders Yeah, but he would do it the men which is okay. I'm still firmly in the right of men can't be sexually assault It's funny when men get straight straight men cannot be sexually assaulted Okay, or sexually harassed, but gay men can yeah by other gay men or by straight guys or by women

Mainly by women. Oh, yeah, you know Yeah They're really whatever is that an issue? Am I am I only one and this is probably somebody probably already does this is like a hack bit But I think about it like when you hear sex predator, you'd think about predator from The word predators, so it's like it's like the worst thing it's like a blackout dreads But his face is a vagina with teeth. Oh And he sucks your dick with that pussy mouth and it rips it and it fucks it up all teeth

That's brutal. I would hate to have that happen to me. Yeah Do you guys ever see teeth that movie with the girl has Teeth in her pussy. I didn't see it because that was like the first of the movies. It was like I felt like Necessitated by a thing people were talking about online. That's a good point. Yeah, I think it made the rounds. Yeah I'm sure I'm sure it was good I mean there's plenty of movies that are good But like they just it was like this like that, you know the fucking piss-pick granddad movie that's coming out There's a piss-pick granddad. Yeah. Yeah, really who's good? Is it Jonah?

No, yeah, like before he even got back from Syria, it was like Jake Gyllenhaal. They like optioned his life without asking him Yeah, he's not gonna see a dime. He's not seeing Yeah, playing him risked his like legal freedom by doing that. I mean, like there's like some serious concerns And someone told me you should at least you know get to see the set of the Avengers Get to hang out in Hollywood Maybe a more fun. That'd be that'd be like a story I also do a movie without asking him But the story is is about that happen the movie right?

So it's a story about a guy who goes to Syria to fight ISIS You know and then somebody starts making a movie about his life and he gets mad so he goes to Hollywood where he's raped by Brian As a grown man, it's called the piss-pick granddad story He's like none of that happened Like you don't understand Let me just go back to shooting Arabs Let let me Be this you ever hear the expression sin for a poet. That's me. That's my role, you know

I do poetry. I've never heard that expression. Yeah, what is that? You ever heard no sin for a poet. No, I'm gonna get Amber probably. Yeah, you've heard that wish Well, that's another I'm the expression guy like asking a poet to write something nice for you. Yeah. Yeah, okay So if I wanted to seduce a woman, I would send for a poet to write a poem Serrano de Berger act That's what you want. Yeah, is that the guy with the big nose? Yeah, so you Adam Adam it's like tell her tell her like pretend like the movie. She's likes are dumb Then say actual dumb movies that make you sound smart. Yeah Three arbitrary facts about where she's from. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Tell her that McGroober was the best movie

Grubber is really years. Yeah. It is. I do fuck. I really think it is. Yeah You think that's the best movie of the last I think it's maybe the best I haven't seen McGroober but Tropic Thunder is like way up there for me I think it's better than comedy to come out in the last 20 years. Yeah, like scripted comedy I think Borat and Jackass are also very funny You know what? I liked a lot as far as comedy in the last 10 years. Remember clown the Danish movie. Yeah. Yeah clown It's okay. Yeah. No, I don't know. I don't know whatever. Yeah It's not this guy who's like wants to prove to his girlfriend that he can like handle a serious relationship

So he takes his like nephew on a road trip with his like horny friend But you know, this is like the boy doesn't grow or change at all Is he sort of there while they're exposing him to all this sex shit? It's really pretty good. I'm gonna check it out. It was on Netflix for a while So it's a grown man and his horny friend. Yeah, and it's Danish. So you got to read My so you feel smarter at the oh, I don't want to read fuck that shit Fuck reading Reading can suck my dick. It's like I've actually been reading. I'm reading the Bronx is burning right now

I'm also reading that you've been reading it for like four and a half months. No, I've been reading it for two weeks Do not come to his defense. Thank you, Amber. I have been reading breaks of the game It's like imagining stop in bed, and he's like turning the page It's just you looked out and then it's just barbecue sauce Chocolate the full page. It's completely blacked out Oh shucks Hard to read Yeah, I have to buy the book bad at reading. I have to buy the book four times

I ran out of toilet paper. So I'm missing the last chapter Man, I kept feeling like I like I had just was leaking shit out of my ass Yeah, you kept saying that last and I would run in the bathroom and like, you know check and I wasn't shitting myself But I just had this sensation that I was shitting myself. Yeah, you kept running to the back interesting Yeah, is it cocaine? It might have been a good I mean always We all are kind of backsliding here We're all doing a lot of drugs right now, I think yeah, yeah, I just wanted to I I hope I die soon I

It would be such I already bought all the shit the wheel was kind of the end of the road where it's like you bought a Yeah, this is this is it. You bought the wheel you bought the fucking weight vest. What else man guns Bank will buy a computer. Yeah, the bank. I tried to buy that new They were like that's too expensive You don't get to make that choice. So like actually we do what? Yeah, they're like 3500 they're like you're not allowed to spend more than $3,500. I'm like, that's not how the bank works It's our money never happened before I'm sorry the people that go to this bank don't have I bank it amalgamated. So they assign you a Puerto Rican girlfriend that gets mad at you for buying

Uh-uh puppy you are not buying that shit. You are not bringing that into my house Here I can only see you in between noon and 2 30 p.m. On Monday through Wednesday The only hours you're open man, the banks get really fucking bold with their hour. Oh, yeah Oh, they're just oh insane. Yeah, and then it takes like days to even when they are open. It's like, oh, that won't process for another Terrible what is a bank? A bank on a Saturday is open for about an hour and a half. Yeah It's like 11 30 to 9 9 to 12 usually. Yeah, I feel like I always miss it if I have to go to the bank Sometimes I'll go to the branch I go to in Union Square and they'll just be a thing. It's like we're closed today

There's just no reason. It's like a fucking note. No, we didn't get an email. No to our customers We will be closed November 6th for clothes. We're just closing day Yeah, the ramen place by me closes sometimes. Yeah, that's like a bank. It's a bank for me I use it more than my bank. I have gone to that wrong place more often than I've gone to my bank I was refused ramen last night. Maybe we should get swords. I would get a sword Yeah, to bring just a just to bring to the ramen place. I Would love to cut up lines with a fuck. Yes, dude Take and then a broadsword to take the lines off of you're using a good time to cut up the lines on

Like and then he made me do lines off his sword Never asked for anything sexual, but it's the most violated and dirty I've ever felt my life Yeah, he made me do lines while playing call of duty Gay guy that does lines off dildos by himself at home. No One day It'll be a guy's cock Me and Adam were laughing last night and by me and Adam I mean me at his house and I told him about it

It's like, you know, I think the Freddie Mercury movie the scene where he's like dying of AIDS and he's on his death bed I'm like Brian Mays air. Oh, yeah, he starts like he's like, I feel okay. I think He starts like coughing up just come Yeah, the napkin he sees it and he's like it's it's fine don't Freddie what is that? Yeah, that better be blood Doctor it better not be jizz I say, you know, you have terminal AIDS Yeah, it's good to laugh at these things

Uh, I think I mentioned it, but I saw behind the candelabra. Yeah Michael Douglas's character Liberace Mm-hmm died of AIDS and that as well Yeah, that's true He looked really bad Liberace had a hairpiece. Would you stop for a fabulous life about is uh, who's that the McCarthy lawyer? Roy Cohn. Yeah. Yeah, that would be a fun movie. What do you know Al Pacino plays them in? That's right. Yes, he does and it's he's fucking sick. That's right. He's so good But then I forget that that is already a movie

It's not a movie, but he's in Dude, they Roy Cohn. Oh, I thought you know what I thought this was I thought this was a new cryptocurrency What is it? It should be it's like somebody just posted a Uh, niggas instead of niggas and it's it's a non gender binary version of niggas That's too much. Oh, I love that's like the Latin X of the Edward. It's already gender neutral though. Yeah No, it's not because no bitch is for women And I don't mean to be culturally appropriated, but yeah, don't culturally appropriate. I don't want to yeah, but no

I mean it Yeah, it's not and words and bitches. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's you know what it is It's gender neutral in the same way like guys is right where it's like which is not gender neutral And if you say it it's offensive, I've learned that right, but I said that the trans everyone pretends like the n word is offensive When it's like no, I'm talking about men and women The whole race is the problem. Yeah Yeah, I said I called a trans person dude a trans woman, but I say dude to like everyone Yeah, I call amber, right? That's what I mean. Like I say you guys all the time

Yeah, and I say the n word to trans people Flora's doing that bit about how y'all is the only truly gender neutral pronoun No, people are it's not even a bit people like use that an actor. It's stupid. It's like you y'all is radical politics Don't say y'all. Well, you heard it here first folks. Amber thinks jake is a bad comedian. Yes Take that jake poor jake and his new weird haircut. He's got a hair cut. No, he's just been growing his hair out Jake join us brother. Yeah join our ranks. Yeah You should get a piece dude. I'm gonna get a piece someday. Well jake says it's been shitty as long as I know him Like it receded like it receded all the way to the back of his head

And like on his temples, but then it still stayed in the middle without like oh like the penis No, not the penis You know, and like a bald guy's a bald guy's head. He gets the I've heard you do this bit a to me and It's not a bit dude. It's just a description of a way that male pattern baldness works You say oh, he has the penis and you say this way you think is gonna be funny. I'm not saying it in a funny way I'm describing Yeah, he does he does have the class class know me fun Is that the penis?

Um, no, he's another age. Who's class know me? Is he a clown? He's like bowie, but american sort of no, he's german. He's german Oh, yeah, his name is claus know me We're fine. Fine. Fine. He's german so come out of like the east village. Yeah. Yeah. He was like a new york based guy Yeah, and he used to he was a soprano. He used to sing He was on the sopranos. Yeah, he was like Was he the guy in the in the woods that they had to hunt down the pineys the pine. Yeah, yeah great episode. Um

Yeah, no and he was really gay Oh, yeah, I'm like bowie who tried to be gay and then couldn't do it didn't he fuck Mick Jagger He I don't think it was Mick Jagger bowie fuck children. He's a pedophile They all were David Bowie said he was gay and then they asked about it years later and he was like Oh, yeah, that was a bit. He's like miss me with that gay shit. I tried to I tried to fuck a guy and it just sucked No, he said he definitely had sex with men. Yeah, he's like I was like a closet heterosexual No, he's like I tried it on with men, but honestly, it really didn't take I love pussy But he definitely had sex with a lot of men

Pussy Yeah, no, I heard there. I heard there was a rape story coming out about michael stip and that would really upset me if that's true Yeah, here really I'm not a low key. I love r.m. I would be upset if michael stip was a boy rapist That would suck. Yeah What are they what are their songs? Uh losing my religion. That's right. They have they have a lot of penis. Yeah That's good. I like uh out of time more than that's good

More than eponymous, but I was never really into them. I didn't know how to say eponymous until like 10 years after having first read it There's one of those words. I just avoided that stopped. I remember I see too I remember that used to happen to me when I was reading But now that I don't read. I know how to pronounce every word. It's so funny how often the chapeau guys say words wrong Oh god, because they read too much. Well will too. We'll like He says rather. Well, that's just like he says they're like a like a boston brahman

Well, it's funny because like none of those guys had ever spoken out loud until the podcast They'd only communicated How about recie's party? How about recie's party? It was so funny. Recie had a party and we show up and like somebody let the chapeau guys be in control of the tv I don't think anyone let them. Felix just grabbed it. Oh, we're watching iranian parliament fist fights Oh, these people like what the fuck is going on? Can we put on mariah carry christmas? No, we have to watch Yemeni train crashes

On live leak it uh, it was on mute. We could listen to mariah carry and watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah That's true. Definitely not the typical christmas party Damn, I didn't get any pizza either Mike and devra were just making food the entire time. I like didn't see them. I felt bad This is why this country never had a sophisticated military. You know who I felt bad for is uh, oliver It was his birthday the dog the little doggy My brother just adopted a dog. What kind well husky mix. That's cute. She's cute of shit She's a little a girl dog girl dog girl dogs are better. She's got ice blue eyes. Oh, that's beautiful

She's cute of shit. I don't know what he's gonna name her yet Any suggestions for my my brother's dog's name guys? Uh, Stavros But that's it's a girl Maybe like a Athena Like a greek goddess. My mom named her her cats melina and aliki Which is too pretty. I like greek. I likey. I likey. I likey. I likey. You're pretty. That's good. I likey

What no, it's pussy What do you my dog was named after an egyptian goddess? Yep Of blowing up your dog was named after the caliphate the the dog the The dog Adam's trainers in a in a different kind of caliphate called the dicky eight The dicky eight. Yeah, that's yeah, you ate a dick. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's true Uh adam how's hanukkah going buddy? Mm-hmm. I've gotten I got a book for my girlfriend. Oh, that's cute. The only hanukkah gift I've gotten

It's called act like a woman think like a man I would like to read that book. Oh, no, I spent I was like in borders one day just thumbing through it for a while just like Weeping to myself Maybe we should read it at the live show. We should read a a chunk Of the Steve Harvey series. Yeah, I think we that's where we should try out our eyebrow communication Oh, yeah, because finally people will be impressed. The reason it didn't kill is because no one could see us But if they oh, no, I think it probably did kill. I think it was killing. We don't know. I mean, there's no way you could Oh, yeah, Nick just found out about the pipe cast theme now, you know what?

I knew about it when you first did it and I've forgotten about it. Yeah, and then hearing it again Yeah, it's catchy. It's catchy. It's art. It's not illegal to use the song It's right up there with uh, where everybody knows your name, you know, yeah one of the one of the most iconic theme songs No, it's where everybody knows you're gay. Yeah, that's show called queers That's right. And that's first of all that I would even have to explain that to you It breaks my heart. It's very surface level. There's a gay Ted dancing I'm still laughing about straight Niles

Why don't you come over here and suck my penis Niles? Oh, but Frasier, I don't know. That's right That's pretty good. Hey you guys, what are you doing? Yeah, stop sucking each other off That's Daphne. You're really about an impression. Yeah, that's a buff. I'm the gay ass dog The dog wasn't gay. Shut up, man The dog was cool. How about, Adam, you've got a little penis. This show called Suckbone and it's about a dog that Breeds gay porn and then goes into the gay porn Yes Little jackgain or Jack Russell's terrier

Who is Jack Russell? He's the only guy in history to get a dog named after him. No, there's King Charles Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, but he's a king. Jack Russell is just some guy that's like, yeah, I came up with this. Check this out. Boom A little dog. My dog. That's what Wishbone was. The mask? Yeah, Jack Russell Jack Russell would be a good name for like, I don't know, one of those subscription box services for retarded men Yeah, I just got my Jack Russell box. It's a tiny dog a wooden condom You know, get a lot of splinters. Have you guys ever used, have you guys ever used non-latex condoms like a lambs wool condom? Do you have a latex allergy? Yeah Wow, polyurethane. That's like a wood, wood finish. They break. No, it's like skateboard wheels and bowling balls. Damn, bro

They break. You might as well just raw dog Honestly, pulling out is just as effective as condoms. Mm-hmm. Just as safe It's in terms of contraception. It's just as effective not in terms of There's no way that's true. It's 100% true. Look it up. Well, it's not just as effective. It has the same failure Yeah, um, busting inside is is like just as effective I said straight up pulling a fat fucking load all over the back wall Like it's over a certain age. So sticking your dick into the cervix and coming into the colopian tube is as effective Not in terms of how they feel because they feel like shit, but condoms suck in terms. They break all the fucking time

I mean, you know, you know, it was a great moment. I busted inside from when wearing a condom Yeah, that's because you have women's cum and it won't mix with the eggs That you have to you have to meet a really masculine woman that has sperm eggs Yeah, yeah, I did a lot of shot putters. Yeah One of the tweets someone used as evidence of your misogyny Uh, what's that? You're telling me one of the tweets that someone used as evidence of your misogyny was like Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah It went to when people were like going off about like this. Here's hard evidence. This guy's a piece of shit

And one of them was like it was a tweet where I was like, uh, it's fucked up that women have eggs like spiders So you can't trust them It's like, yeah, he literally thinks women are spiders That is a good point. Well, you're a little human garbage women are fucking spiders, man Sorry claire is asking for the link to the the web series. I didn't realize it was out Everyone on the patreon, but I guess it fucked up everyone the web series is out and uh Uh, what do you mean? She was in it. Oh claire. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry

Uh That's probably you know, we put out some hot content and I think you're really going to be surprised by the level of Professionalism detail professionalism. Yeah tenacity Oh tenacity. All right Fuck man. There's no way you can so I think I'm gonna go home for a whole week. I think I'm gonna be home for a week What are we gonna do by recording?

I'm gonna go into africa, dude. Oh fuck Whatever No, I'm doing toto you're not allowed to sing it You're not allowed so they were named so that band only me and stover allowed to sing toto So that was that band is named after in africa, dude. I don't give a shit, dude. Yeah Yeah, after you go to africa survive if you dare bless the reins while you're there If you bless those reins, you better toe the fucking line Back off toto

I'm doing we I we're saying this is the only two toto songs I know Yeah, I wish I knew more so I could continue this bit. They wrote human nature by michael jackson. No, uh, yeah Well, it's human nature for you to Rosanna Yeah I actually don't like having sex with boys Right, I don't know enough toto to like them or not like that. Are they named after the dogs and wizards of us? They are Africa's all right. It's a great song. Something about it seems off though

Yeah, I don't know that's how toto is you know what you know what I don't like about That song is like and this is gonna sound stupid because it is but I like lyrically And like uh, just the way the music sounds like thematically they don't align You know what I mean? The way the song makes you feel it's got sort of like a melancholy tone But the lyrics themselves aren't right. It fucks with my head I know you mean there's songs like that that it's like a real fucking upbeat melody and it's about killing yourself That I understand because there's like an irony there But when it's like a melancholy song and it's just about like, you know, it's happy

Yeah, we have yeah, exactly. They should have you know It's like somebody came up with a good song and then like this song writer Yeah, right. They were just like, yeah You know good times and lollipops and rainbows and that song makes me cry Yeah, puppy dogs and stick in your dick inside of a flashlight looks like a pussy Never runs that the loves that song. Uh, yeah Frank Sinatra. Yeah When I was 17

I sucked on a man's day Just kidding. I would never fucking do that. Don't look at me that way You fucking piece of shit Sinatra had a nice run, man. Yeah. Yeah, dude, you know, it's so crazy. It's so crazy. It's like I know you know Sinatra's in man heaven right now looking down at all this me too stuff and being like thank god Yeah, thank god, we're here in the man cave. Yep him and all the fucking all those guys raped big time Oh, of course. It's him man. Heaven is him. Winston Churchill. Babe Ruth. I eat off Hitler. Okay Saddam Hussein

Yeah, he was too gay to be in man heaven. Mm-hmm. Yeah, didn't he get his nuts blown off in world Adam Corolla's up there. A lot of people don't know this but Adam Corolla died after they canceled the man chef And this new guy is an imposter. He's doing a podcast. You know who the new Adam Corolla is the guy that used to be Andrew W. K When you get too old to be Andrew W. K, you have to become Adam Corolla. Mm. Make sense Damn, he became like a super duper reactionary, right? Oh, yeah. He's a yeah. He's like a real libertarian type guy and like has like No career. Really? No, he actually does well as well as he's a huge podcast. He's actually he's probably a big audience No, no, he was actually on the top. He was probably on the first the first wave of like self funding or shit You know, he doesn't he like him and Jimmy. You know, probably never talk like the trajectory

Well, even when the man I would love to see them resentfully walk by each other even when the man show was on Kimmel was like, you know Like this is all stupid. I don't like these fees like I don't want to say I resent my audience But he's like I'm not like a frat guy. It's like this is just a performance for the show and he's like from where we're sitting It's like the same thing we have where we're intellectual We make nothing but racist and rape jokes, but when our audience does it, it's wrong of them Because we make money off of it. It's somehow different. It's all right. It's very funny. It shouldn't be judged based on our words That's right. You know, it is a really weird thing though to like Like see clips in the man show now and you're like, how was that on tv?

Oh, and one with Andy Milanoff is buying beer was good, but it's like god, this is so dumb The boy. Yeah, it wasn't Andy. But there's also there's also he Jimmy Kimmel just there was a bit where he's Carl Malone and he's just in black body, not black face. They fucking brown his ass out. Yeah. Yeah, he's wild. Yeah, black muscles. That's the dream. Black muscles, dude. That's what I want. I mean like I know it sounds racist But if we could just harvest them for their bodies and give us their bodies and then fix the skin That's me too. You know, I could have my head surgically removed in place on a black man's body And then we you know, make his skin the right color. That's right. That's right. You know, but we did it without hurting them Humane. Yeah, we could sew all all of their heads together

Into like a big basketball. You're kind of getting like park muscle workout guy physique now. Yeah. Yeah Like oh, because you're a pull-up guy. Yeah, you're a pull-up guy now There's a guy there's a guy like a block away from me and where I walk my dog Who just is an outdoor workout man? The outdoor workout guys are the best when they wear no shirt gloves beanie. Yeah Beanie gloves no shirt. Um, and then bluetooth speaker. I don't understand the gloves It's like why don't you want calluses and pull it up. That's cool. So it's like a hood Oh, yeah, well, I like that's like a porn thing They do too where they take a t-shirt and they put it behind their heads

I do that in porn on the train doing that like wearing it like an abaya or something. It's very weird Like it's like a They drape it and it's like why are your arms still in the sleeves? He the outdoor workout guy recently got one of those bane masks. So it's like Hell, yeah breath suppression or whatever oxygen. I wear those to beat off. Yeah Yeah, so when I'm making love to hear your own heavy breathing. Yeah a couple weeks ago I saw him doing sprints up and down The block on green with his girlfriend piggy backing on him and then she like fell off a couple times

Yeah, that dude. Yeah, that guy yelled at her. He yelled at her for not holding grip for falling off. He's jacked Really, he's insanely jacked damn. Yeah a job otherwise Daily mail photos show inside the derail damn track train. Oh my god He was making his girlfriend And it's like god everything we have in this country is expensive and will kill you Well, I just love that the daily mail is like a train derailed. I guess what people want to see is Is the inside of the train where blood is splattered? No, it's a real expensive one. I guess because it's that one that people take to Seattle to Portland. Yeah

Oh, all of them are the real expensive. Amtrak's a fucking Yeah, why is it so expensive? Because I don't think Amtrak has like ever been profitable Really? Yeah, it's subsidized by the federal government. Yeah, it's subsidized by the government and it still costs that much. Yep. Yeah That sucks. Well, they don't have any competitor, but also there's no like central control So there's no price. And so it's like The worst of both. It's too expensive. If you ask me the problem with the trains is that like They roll off the tracks kill people. That's really a large problem. Well, it's all antiquated technology Like you could you could have high speed rail that would like work

But it has to go through like, you know, there's all this like There's so much more red tape with trains because it literally like goes through places You have to like use eminent domain to like You know build the fucking tracks and you can't upgrade you like you have to rip all that shit out. I told you about when Like a cell X jumped the turnstile and had to pay the pay the fine in the office and he goes in and like The walls are covered in posters of like Japanese and German like bullet trains. Yeah people dream of

Living in a world where the trains are good. It was so sad. I think we should just go back to making the Chinese bill You know, it was probably a better train the one to Auschwitz You think so? Yeah No, that was cold service and reliability Show me one story of one of the holocaust trains derailing and killing people. I think it happened a lot never No, never once they give they made sure all of those people got to where they were going safe to be killed Oh, no, no, no accident will kill these fucking Jews. What a tragedy 400 Jews dead in a train accident This is horrible. You fucking bitch. Don't go out

Stay there. You dumb fucking bitch cat. That's how you talk to an animal. Yeah, it feels me. It sensed me as the alpha Dude, Adam, I got you where's your boy? Didn't you go in front of that dick pills? I needed some dick pills, dude We got dick pills when we went to Mexico, but he lives in Connecticut. I need I need to plug on some dick pills, man Just go to Mexico. You can get mad. See Alice. I can't go to Mexico This is one of the guys that died my birth control. Really? Yeah That guy died in the train through Vanuatu a small island nation Although once their volcano erupted and I couldn't order birth control This is one of the guys that died. So, you know

He definitely was on that train for He was a recreation. Spectral. Yeah Spectral Reasons of the spectrum. Well, this is this is huge amber. I can get fucking island dick pills. Well, my friend I think they have those Yeah, they've got like a sexual health section. Awesome where I get my okay, great when the internet was all dialed up my friend accidentally Was like watching porn when he was like 13 or something

And accidentally went through Vanuatu and his parents got a bill for like $5,000. Whoa. Yeah, damn Yeah Yeah, I got a I got a you know, my my penis needs some fucking A jolt of you're 28 years old stuff. Hey, man. What do you want from me? What do you want? I've been putting together some it's just a little something to get me going, dude Once my cock gets hard it will never stop being hard. That's my guess Mm-hmm. You know, it's like you start you prime the pump Somebody died broke that boy dick

I want a perpetually hard dick Was that priapism? Yeah, that's called Because it's named after a Greek guy whose dick was always hard and he was a laughing stock I would just tape it to my leg and then when I have to fuck Take the tape off hard dick ready to go. Do you go 12 o'clock? I go When it's hard, I go I like talking about you're talking about one plane. There's two planes here 11 I don't go 12 o'clock anymore. You need to yeah, you mean straight up. I don't go straight out

I just go forward forward. I go forward to the left and a little up what stop stop goes cuckoo clock His penis is hidden in layers of fat and when he's hard a little door opens and comes out and dances around It goes back into a shitty body I don't have a cuckoo cock um I go up into the left Up and to the left Up and to the left

Do not forget your fallen king JFK Oliver stone. Mm-hmm beautiful. Thanks. I wish I remembered more of that monologue. Yeah, I don't remember any of that movie Um, it's good movie. That movie is good Yeah, I said it first. So okay That was a tie. That was not a tie. It was not a tie. I count that as a tie But I think I told nick previously that I thought it was Checkmate I never listened to a single fucking thing. I said, um, actually you were like, let me write that down so I can remember Damn, I want to appreciate anything now dude. You think I you think I'm foolish enough to keep a record of anything that happens in my life

So true. That's what got nixon, dude. Yeah, I don't keep no damn records That's what got the nazis, dude. Really the record keeping. Yeah, they were like, oh, we think this is fine And then they opened up a yeah, I wonder who helped at least keep those records Come on you fucking imbecile. Uh, oh, sorry shit What it's a fact it's a historical fact god damn it I think it was Hewlett Packard. Yeah. Yeah. It was hp. That's how we save ourselves Blame it on a different

That actually was not complicit at all I heard it was the Packard gateway. Remember that this shit was cows. Yeah, what was that about cow computers? I did but I did I'm not kidding. I did actually love it. Mom. Can I dress up like a cow? No, stop it. Oh No dress like I know funny if you get that AIDS cancer and you just look like a big old cow What? Caposi's sarcoma

It makes you black and white. No, you get lesions that kind of look like cow spots. I don't think I'm gonna get that would be very I don't think I'm gonna get AIDS. Yeah You're probably low risk for AIDS. Yeah. Yeah, he's probably incredibly low And now you don't have sex stop got AIDS from a trolley bright crawler Yeah, somehow he managed to get a gummy form of AIDS I put it into my dick hole. I sound with those little gummy worms, dude Would you suck gummy worms out of a man's penis? You're so petty

It's hypotheticals make no sense Yes, would you? Would you? What if the man had AIDS? Yesterday Saab asked me would you fuck a woman that's like got a hot body but has an old woman's face Yeah, would you I mean I would I would yeah, I mean would yeah fine. Yeah We'll answer the fucking question. Don't make a big deal about it No, but the stop move would be if you had said no and then he's like, what if she had both an old woman's face and an old woman's body? Just you don't understand incentive

Yeah, like what is well would you suck the gummy bears out of a fucking guy's dick? No Me neither What if it was a flavorless plan going to be trans amorous, huh? How's your like Oh, yeah, there's a woman that stuff. So that's a big old crush. I was a trans woman. No, I don't I would fuck one though if she was hot. I can't say who it is for a business reason I would fuck a hot trans woman. I'm on record of saying that because I'm liberal Sure, I could arrest the bankers, but would that make men fuck trans women? No

No You know, excuse me for being open-minded Yeah Unlike you two fucking bigots. I would think it's fun because it almost feels like you're saying another word You know the one. Yeah, we all know Yeah, nothing but nothing but a bunch of bigots holding hands Kiss each other. Last thing I wanted some fucking bigot Mary and my daughter If my daughter brings home some fucking big, I'm oh, I was thinking I was thinking gay, but that's it works for that one, too

Oh, yeah, it works for anyone just like my son brings home some fucking big it fucking him in his Not my household This is a bigot eight in the household Uh, fuck Yeah, so if you're a sexy trans woman how damn the kid, you know, let's solve this problem once and for all together Sexually, you know, but you have to bring dick pills for both of us, I guess Yeah, look if you're a trans woman your dick better not work better than mine

You know if we're gonna have any kind of romantic relationship That's true. That has a whole wrinkle to it that I didn't you know, yeah, you gotta worry about who's got the nicer dick That's a nice part about you. You never have to worry about wrinkles because you just expand. That's right. You're smooth Yeah, well you guys will look horrible. I would say Taught rather than smooth both taught and smooth. You know, they go hand in hand No, it's like a like kind of like an over inflated kitty. No, I would say both Yeah, no, definitely not Definitely definitely taught and smooth. Yeah, I was grabbing your love handles the other night at the show

Just for fun. Yeah, you from behind and it felt good, didn't it? It would be yeah, actually I kind of understood why that guy said he would fuck your ass. No, he's not gay If you went to japan some guy didn't DM me. He was like, I would fuck you I don't remember exactly what he said, but he was like, I would fuck your I would fuck you so bad Uh, dm hit me up if you're ever in tokyo So I'm not gonna do that We should all go to tokyo so that guy can have sex with you I would I can I can get brought into a drifting gang

I would go to tokyo. We should do a show in tokyo. I would love to go to tokyo Let's do it now that we got money. We should do international shows. Why not? I would love to go to tokyo to entertain you know what we should do If we got australian fans to entertain we can go to australian if we got australian fans if you're an australian fan listening you please harass uh melbourne Yes, melbourne comedy festival. Yeah, please harass that send in bomb threats and ask them to book nick and stavros Yeah, we have them come town. What are you talking about? They don't allow jews in australia. Yes, they do

Yes, they do They have some jews there. They have insidious. I'm trying to go to melbourne Get my prick get my no-polished in melbourne in tazmania jews are not a lot that is true Oh, really? But the rest of the country. It's totally chill. Yeah, they already got enough devils in tazmania. Yeah Other than the six flags in uh in in uh, california Yeah, they had a trans tazmanian devil Lucy or daisy. You sent me the picture. You were so excited I was the trans manian devil. He fucks it, right?

That's his wife Huh taz's wife. It was never explained. I think I think yeah, he has a wife Well, there was a spin-off. You know, they're tiny. They're toony. They're all a bit a little bit away Looney, so they're all fucking each other canadian money. Yeah, nice Now do the bit say it adam Say it's so weird that their money is like the looney shut up I mean like what is that? Did they not know the looney's here? Say it

I think you have to say it. What's going up? What's going on up there in canada with the money? Okay, that's my question. There he is All right, I talked to my canadian friend the other day and I'm like, hey pierre. Let me get a dollar and he's like, don't you mean Uh, a looney No, they have dollars. Oh, they have dollars. You fucking idiot. I don't know Looney's or their coins or some shit. I'm talking to my friend, uh, pierre from canada the other day and I'm like, hey Hey motherfucker, let me. Yeah. Oh, there you go. I'm like slap my hand. Slap my hand Give me a dollar Yeah

That's it. That's a little thing from my act Yeah, proud of you. I was uh, you know the classic dan ninen bit yesterday. Oh, we kept Nick kept doing. Yeah, we started doing like dan ninen, but it's jadekiss. I don't even know how we got to that That was fun. I wonder if cocaine had anything to do with that. No, we were at that line of thinking It's like that would be a great sketch dude jadekiss dan ninen No, that was like keeping it I love fucking just burying myself up my own fucking nose

Damn, yeah Yeah, did you hear last year about the bombing in chelsea? It was a bombing But I actually heard it was uh, somebody trying to charge the new samsung galaxy s8 phone All right, good crowd already I Literally waiting for oj material. Yeah, I've got did you hear oj simpson uh raped and murdered his wife But I heard actually I heard a rumor that it was uh, somebody trying to charge the new samsung Fuck dude, yeah, because you can do it with any tragedy and it becomes very funny. Mm-hmm

apparently two planes I said tragedy Damn, I want a pastry dude. Yeah, I want a coffee I love I love Fuck I want a chocolate croissant. I want to live. I want to just let's all move to French Riviera, you know hang out at kfz pastries Oh, let's get a gondola avoid the war effort gondolas are vicious. I love it

It's a gondola. Let's get gondola. He's gonna steer it. Mateo. Maybe bring Mateo along. That'd be awesome Yeah, just have him speak all all his different languages and yeah, he's his sexy his strong sexy body to steer It was fucking annoying I like I I I got in like pretty good shape a couple years ago, and I remember seeing Mateo Never be gay buff. Well, I've never seen him out and Mateo was not like swole in any way shape or form I should go back to the gym. I saw him a fucking month later and he put on like 40 pounds. Yeah He's of muscle his sister's like a bodybuilder. Yeah, I know she liked told him all the shit He had a system. Well, you know, he didn't do steroids. Well, are you saying Mateo's on steroids? No, if you drink cum There's so much testosterone. No, I guess his like sister like helped him out

Careful with the speaker Yeah, like a nutrition plan for him or something. Yeah, but still but it was literally like a month later I saw him at moon tower and I was like, what the fuck? Yeah Yeah, you have a bad body, dude. Yeah, I know I wish I was Wish I had a bodybuilder sister that I also had sex with Wish I had an incestuous relationship with my big strong russian sister You do julia vins acknowledge me on instagram. I saw that on your birthday. Yeah, I threatened to fight some man from zanzibar for hitting on her She liked it. That's all that's all russians. No, dude. Yeah, that's how you want to win a russian world

I like it when they hit other men for me. Yeah, you should kill someone and send her dm You should get married julia could beat up both of us me and zanzibar, you know, tommy. Maybe she can't fight What maybe she can't fight, you know, maybe she's just the muscles are just for show not for go That the I the pinnacle of legion of skanks will be the episode where lewis fights julia vins in the studio Dude, I will take any challenge. Yo guys tune in next week. I'm gonna be fighting nick mullen's wife If Legion of skanks 2020

Would lose if a woman challenged him to a fight he'd have to accept He's a great tradition. Those are his rules. Yeah, handicraft We should have a woman fight adam. That would be actually awesome. We should have adam turn into a woman and then fight his sister That's true. I wouldn't fight my sister. Yeah, she'd fuck you up. No, I kick her ass Yeah I remember seeing one time one of my friends growing up like he always had like a nice relationship with his sister Then one time they was like a dispute over the tv and he like just beat the shit out of her in front of us She's like crying. He like knead her in the stomach. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and she was like on the ground crying. We're like, what the fuck

Yeah, and uh, but they were siblings. So it was like you can do that Oh my sister when she was Yeah, you're allowed to beat the shit out of for sure You are definitely allowed to beat the shit out of your sister. No, you're not not like a brother. Yes You're being sexist puberty like no one one night And I don't have to be like really shitty to him and like push him around And he like I I grabbed him like around the neck Like in like a headlock to like no game or whatever and he like suddenly like moved his whole body forward

And like flipped me over his shoulder Oh, and I landed on a glass tabletop that just shattered that rules and he was like 15 He had like gone through puberty like six hours ago all at once and he was like I am so sorry Like he had no idea it happened or whatever. I'm like, it's okay. We have to clean up the glass You could only fight your sister if she's the older sister If it's if you if you're an older brother and you have a younger sister, you can't you have to protect that you can't fight I think you shouldn't beat the shit out of people that are smaller and weaker. I used to tell my sister

I wish she was a boy so I could get better at fighting I would not have yeah, if she's a boy I shouldn't like hit women in general like even if a woman was bigger than me. I wouldn't hit her But if you're 13 and she's you would have to be like a Monstrously huge woman. It's like there's I know that there's no way I could win the fight at all You know, I'm doing this for honor for glory Throw yourself at her like a pebble waiting to be smacked down Right exactly

Like I got my friend Lulu is like an enormous Lulu has like physically defended me from other women throwing punches at my face Lulu is a bruiser name too. Like she had no choice Lulu sounds like a gorilla with a hat a little hat on. Yeah. Yeah, they taught her something. I mean, that's basically yeah Yeah, fuck Um, I would wish I want to fight women. Yeah, you ever punched a woman. No, what the fuck? I was kidding Why would I punch a woman? Anybody I've you've never punched anybody in your life. I've punched. No, your hands would be broken if that happens

That's not true. I'd be permanently here. Punch my fist. I have punched punch my fist right now as hard as you can Wait, when I want to punch your fist punch it my fist right now. I'm not gonna punch knuckles Do it. I don't want to play bloody control of the collision here. You can decide to make it I don't want to punch your fist. Just tap it. No, you don't punch. A fist isn't a place you punch. Tap it, bitch No, you punch the stomach. You punch the chin. You punch it. Go ahead. Punch my face right now I don't want to punch it. I don't want to do that Adam, you don't understand. They're gonna be like a whole week of him not making fun of you. No, that's not true It's gonna get worse. Okay. No, it's gonna get worse

Punching bitch. I'm not gonna punch you. I think you get a week out of it. If you can make good if you can make contact You make contact. I won't move my head at all. Punch him, bitch I would only punch you for honor. I only punch for honor. I swore an oath, okay? I swore an oath at a certain point in my life that I would only use violence for honor Okay, and this is not an honorable use of force. You're just honors every week on this podcast. No, I have a tremendous amount of honor I have a tremendous amount of honor. No one honors you at all A lot of people honor me. No, honor this dick. I have like six friends Honor this dick in a nice fucking chabarro. You do have more friends than anyone. I know

Yeah, you do. I don't have any friends You have me and Saf. I know that's literally my only friend. I'm not friends with anyone from jewish summer camp They all think actually I literally are I know I'm friends with two people from camp and one of them went to a wedding Where's a bunch of people from jewish summer camp that were that was there this weekend? And they all Think that come town is anti-semitic podcast. It is. It is. I've made it clear We have a certain anti-semitic podcast Which is honestly the best possible scenario for me is that like I like your new jersey friends to keep these people out of my

At like a time capsule. Those are like college friends. They're like the same age as us But they're like jews from 50 years ago New jersey is like a time capsule. They have like some kind of old world quality about them I think that guy that walked in he's like zelda dropped her cell phone. Hello to you too. Oh, yeah, sammy Do you have dick pills sammy was the one with the dick pills. All right. Tell sammy say what's up He gave me no way the other one gave me an edible. Those are really nice people. They're good guys That's the next that's that's what stop me. I need that dude. Yes brownies to get you hard I'm just walking around my cock is like dripping out of my fucking clothes

Holy shit, that'd be awesome. No, I mean, I think that uh, oh my god if someone can make that please No, but it totally rules that these people I don't want to have in my life at all and are super annoying think I'm anti-semitic No, yeah, you are anti-semitic. I know do not grab my cock. Stop touches penis suck Stop suck my man on the stop. I'm ready to go now. Are you pretty hard? Yeah Did you guys used to get uh boners in the car in the way to school? Like every morning not every morning. Oh, I used to get them like Now what I remember what I remember is getting on the bus is getting hard right before the period would end And I'm like god, and you can't get up. Yeah, you can't get up

What's up, too? Like I didn't know that you weren't supposed to wear only basketball shorts and sweatpants until I was 27 Yeah, you could actually like hold your shit down I do remember going to the grocery store with my dad one time and I was in the car and we got there And I was like, I'm just gonna wait in the car because I was like just like I'll basically coming Because I started thinking about like just a pair of tits. I'd say maybe an hour or a week You started thinking about an art girl's armpit And you were hard as shit. It wasn't even that dude. It wasn't even thinking about sex stuff Just boners used to just fucking out of nowhere. I'm so glad that doesn't happen anymore. That's sucked. Yeah

No, I think that's funny. No, it's like you have literally no control of your own body It also seems like terrible for our current political climate Yeah, you should be able to just sort of exist in a cocoon until you're like 26 And then you come out and then uh, yeah, that would be the ideal situation Being a parent of a teenager must really fucking suck Yeah, they're gross and imagine if you had a roommate that left calm everywhere And you weren't allowed to bring it up because it would embarrass them Yeah, that is what living with eldest is like

Have you seen my come? Yeah Scott, do you know where my come is? Being a parent does suck dick though It's like a job that you fucking But you lose money. How about that You know Just reading. I'm reading responses. It's tj Miller thing. I might yeah Any hot takes

T.J. Miller not only fucks clowns, but he's also a transphobic asshole who might want nothing more than to strangle with my bare hands He fucks clowns is a criticism I don't know what that means. What the fuck does that mean? Yeah, they're calling the woman who said they're calling the abuse victim a clown That's fight someone that just hates tj Miller. That's fucked. I know opinion on every the alleged violence he committed Didn't you have a brain tumor? Is he gonna use that as the excuse? Did he yeah? He like uh, he had like collapsed during a pitch meeting. No, he was doing the yogi bear movie in australia Oh, yeah, it's like brain He almost died. No, he does have like he does an actual brain damage

But I don't know. I mean, it's like you look at those guys with cte and it's like, yeah, they murdered their whole family And then they're like, oh, yeah, I guess it's bad to Chris Benoit when you mess with someone's brain They might do weird shit when they get thousands of concussions Well, should I get lobotomized? I think that'd be good for the show electric shock. You should get a vasectomy Yeah, for the show. You might be a good candidate for Really? What is it? Is that really fixed? They still do it apparently depression sometimes and they literally don't know why Why? What they just zap your shit. Yeah, but you should I mean that's what medicine was until yesterday

Damn, let's see what it is. It's leeches and electric shocks. I won't get electric shock I think I would like that life, you know to be just committed to a mental institution in the 60s and just catatonic Yeah, just have my brain fried by doctors and You'd like that? Yeah, I think that would be a nice slide I mean, I'm not sure what the success rates are But like for people who have chronic depression not not mania or anything else um Electric shock therapy has had like surprisingly good results. Yeah, and now of course they can like knock you out

I guess so it doesn't you're not horrible. Well masturbating for women was originally invented to help hysteria hysteria I think we should bring that back doctors. He's a finger like a finger bomb women. Yeah That's cool the first vibrators were um Cool, they were cool They were uh Whatever they're medical. They were considered medical. Yeah. Yeah, just imagine like a doctor in 1800s coming home and the wife's like You know like your dinner's cold and it's like

I have been eating pussy for like nine hours. I don't need this shit right now for this shit I've been at my pussy eating job That I had to learn how to read to do You're gonna come at me with this nonsense That'd be a pretty sweet job. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Just get like getting to eat out 57 year old women. Mm-hmm who just drowned all their children in there. Yeah in the town bathtub. Mm-hmm, you know We dream Sounds good to me

Yeah, well folks, uh, no, sir. They go for it. People love eating on when we eat on mic Oh, yeah, I'm holding the mic away. Yeah, I know you do that even when you're speaking Got her ass I'm gonna go see star wars, but again guys if you're around the dc metropolitan area Oh, yeah, and then again, we I guess we we forgot to do it, but we should be plugging the patreon Oh, yeah, beginning of the episode last week. I think was the first time we did it since we've never mentioned that Yeah, if you listen to the show regularly, there's a bonus episode every week. Mm-hmm on patreon.com slash come town really good Um, maybe an item should post the bonuses

Uh, uh Yeah, you should or on twitter. Yeah, but we had a lot of new signups because people just didn't know about it Anyways, uh, you guys are fun. Thanks