The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 88 – Finally Real Boys

Episode Date: January 31, 2018

Well we're big dick terrotiroy now folks. I plugged the damn zoom into the laptop and we recorded thsi shit directly into logic. So who's a "fucking retard" now? Not me, is what I mean. I mean I'm sure there's someone out there that is. Theres nothing wr

Welcome to the new professional audio We figured out the audio it's perfect Now you just broke it by screaming I think oh did I yeah, I tried to make it well, let's Let's see what is this place some kind of some kind of cave Everything smells like shit in here You're inside of a man's ass This is the gay place, but I'm not gay. Oh, you are now

Where's my wife you're all gone You and every gay man It's not fair. I always suck one dick and it was in the Navy My country asked for me There's no excuses in the gay place Hell yeah, yeah, well I should probably Turn the volume down. Hopefully that doesn't destroy the recording. Do you think it did? Should we pause and listen?

Yeah, we you know what we can do that now that we're using a computer Recording and I guess there's gonna be some overlap, but I did pause and re-record and sounds fine We're good to go the new professional set up hell yeah, dude, so hopefully I'm not the problem with this is now I have a computer in front of me So my impulse is to use to get on writer, you know, let's get on chatter bait Let's see who's be jacking off on chatter bait. Yeah, it's funny You go to chatter bait and they rank it by Biggest pussy by biggest pussy. Yeah, no by audience by audience size

Adam spent a lot of time on chatter. Yeah, like I like the ones were not a lot of people are watching You're hipster. You're beat off hipster. Yeah, I like just you know an old woman with Titties I like nipples to knees. That's what that's my kind of thing. Yeah, long-ass ariola. Oh, yeah, actually The area was the center part, right? Yeah, I like it when the titties look like tubes, you know, I'm saying Oh, yeah, it's you penis. I was laughing today about my wife asked me to get my tube tides Very strong time I dick in and out like the end of a balloon Yeah, I got my tube tie

Said my wife doesn't get pregnant It's a bunch of cum come build up. It's a reversible procedure Yeah, I piss in my own face now. Anyways, so on chatter bait, right? They rank it by the chatter bait number of views The other night there was on the first page you're like 70 year old woman. No, really? Well, like an old just you look good. I heard no methie looking was it a glitch? No, and she was just furiously masturbating. I'm like, I got to see what's going on I clicked on it and she's just masturbating in the description. You know, it's like whatever that, you know, they have the top It's like the description of what they're doing and it just said watching my man jacket

So there's a guy beating off and she was looking at him, I guess yeah, nice. Yeah, and that was a lot of people We're she getting a lot of tokens most of them are like Russian sex slaves or like a Colombian 13 year olds in a warehouse. Yeah, what's triple Z tits? Yeah. Oh, oh Oh, did he's so big or bra looks like it's asleep asleep in cartoon and they don't really do much to dress the set up My girlfriend titties so big or her bra size look like a black man's report card That's pretty good. Yeah Fuck I'm being texted another thing having the computer open all my text messages Oh, just turn it around turn it. No, I got it. I'm the producer now. So I got a this by the way

This means I'm taking even more money now that I'm producing. No, that's what that's what you were supposed to be You're gonna produce it from the beginning. Yeah. Well now I am What are the texts they read them live on air like it's gossip about a friend of ours I don't want to say who but let's just say Hey, he's from Puerto Rico Fuck see I see Ricky Martin you guys have been you put that back Adam Yeah, put that back in there. Don't ever take that out again. I'm not what I wasn't playing You got you got to stop with the fidgeting. We got to get you. It helps me focus. Yeah, I'm playing with something in my hand

Why don't you play with my dog? Yeah, play with your dick. Play with my dick. I don't want to play with my own dick No, you know, that's all you want. That's all Adam. That's what he's dying for I don't know if I forced you to let a little kid to silly buddy get his fucking paws on a nice lip smack and cock Adam you just lip your lip lick your lips and look at my cock. No, that that was you making the lip We just did that sound. No, don't say that that was me. Did he just lick his lips and look at my cock? Anyway, so it doesn't matter that the show is going to be bad in terms of like Content because it sounds now. We sound Chris. We're this is that's what we're going for in 2018 Is being the best sounding podcast. Yeah, no bitch. No bitch

Just people this is gonna be ASMR. You know, yeah, I might start an ASMR channel. Yeah, and it's all shit like that Suck my fucking little cock. My dad molested me. I got fucked in the ass, but I was molested by my dad. I might put a strap on on and fucked my ass. Yeah, you think there's that kind of molestation? I don't know. I don't know what ASMR is Um, yeah, that's basically it. It's that and like people flicking There's some there's some ladies that eats a secret molestation recording. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's some lady who eats vegetables very loud And I don't get the appeal of that. That's an ASMR? Morning. Yeah, what's up black lady with like very pink lipstick and she's eating like cucumbers loud as far

Have you ever seen that video the grapefruit video? Of course. Yeah Classic Yeah, that that glug glug glug glug the way she sounds when she's sucking that dildo. That would have been awesome Again, that's ASMR to me. That's why it's my version of ASMR. Put the fucking grapefruit on. Yeah, the grapefruit lady Goddamn. Have you ever had a blowjob that furious? Um, yeah, of course everybody has Um, I have what about you Adam? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, that's a no Not that few. It's come on now with like a wish

No Tim wants me to bull top him. No, clearly. No, that's not what he wants. It's physically not possible. He wants to molest you Like he's like a fucking little league coach. Yeah. Yeah, he wants to point. There's absolutely No, he wants to give you an exam like a sleepover scenario and suck your cock Where he's like, uh, come on, dude. Yeah, and he's like the father of the boy you're sleeping over Well, in that case, that's the sleepover scenario. Well, in that case, I'm not doing it I thought it was friends at a sleepover And someone pretending to be my friend sounds enticing enough

Uh, all it takes is friendship for you to get your cock sucked by a man All it takes is friendship for me to do a whole lot of things. Oh, you need his friendship To get your cock sucked by a man Um Um, so you guys still on that chatter bait heavy. I I don't beat off it. I like it because you don't have to tip It's just suggested. That's right. I'll be honest with you guys I'm a little nervous with this this computer thing is making it harder for me to just do the show I don't trust that it's not gonna fuck up. We'll get that

I guess we'll just we'll go and if it fucks up, it fucks up But yeah, what how do you think it's gonna fuck up? Uh, either stop recording or something Once you add like a red light or something right once you add No, I can see that it's recording but like once you add an additional like the the zoom works fine The zoom is never fucked up unless I've like fucked up by not replacing the batteries or having the wrong input set Um, I've recorded shit on laptops before not in logic, but in audition Where it just crashes. It just yeah, it gets fucked up, dude I used to do all those like prank phone calls and I had one where I kept Best Buy on the line for 45 minutes

And you lost an old man. I it was like the probably the best prank call I've ever done in a while Where I had some like a squad guy I could call them gook squad Hell yeah, sir. That's not what it's called. This fuck. Yes I know you're gonna send one of your gooks. Yeah, I was like, are you one of the gooks? I like excuse me Dude, it was perfect. It was like the bed is like the whole grail of your grandfather's ass No, you don't even need to fucking hit it that hard over there. Just saying gook It's the bit is that it's a confused old man

Not that he's like outwardly racist. He just didn't he doesn't no his mind It would be reasonable that it would be called So he doesn't get it but he's like, I guess I don't know. I mean things used to be called things like that I guess it's not out of the realm of possibilities. Damn, and it just so yeah I had I had this guy on fucking on the phone and I was like I was like, I my family got me this computer to help me listen to the pod. There's a Nazi podcast. I wouldn't listen to And I was like, which button do you press to listen to the podcast? And I was like, they were like, well, I don't know sir, you know, they

Yeah, and describing how to like get on the internet explore and I was like, well, there's a button here that says ESC, what is that? like, uh Well, like on the keyboard. I'm like, yeah, they're like, that's the escape key and I'm like, okay Well, will that Let me listen to The podcast and I'm like, no, I'm like, okay Well, there's a button here that says

F1 What does that do? And then I I got to like f4 before the guy's like, sir, I'm not gonna explain every key on the keyboard He's like losing his fucking mind. Of course. I got off the phone and I was like, perfect. I ruined that guy's day They make they make pretty good money at Geek Squad they get like 11 12 dollars Holy shit They get the to ride around on those vw. That's what I made it sure when I was I made a fat 11 dollars Because I put on the form 11 dollars an hour And they just tell them supposed to be 10 dollars and I'll just put 11

Yeah, I never said that you apply for some bullshit job. They're like, how much money do you want to make an hour? And it's like A million dollars and I put 15 dollars an hour and they're like, no And then don't even give me that option. What are you fucking insult? But then the lady just asked me so what are we starting you at and the guy told me 10 and I just said 11 and no one checked instead of Instead of name it should just be what would you like to be called? Yeah, and then they're like, all right Well, we only have Richard name tags. So yeah, I guess you're dick now We already got a dickie. I'd like to be king hard cock, please. Yeah refer to me as king hard cock

anyways Yeah, dude, and then I went I played the back that fucking recording And uh, it was like Static and shit. So I'm pissed So that's on your old You know, I call up Toshiba tech support and I'm like, whoa You know, why is this recording fucked up and they're like, I don't know something happening this thing and I'm like, well I'm trying to make my nazi podcast

You know, this recording was for the nazi podcast and it's fucked up and they're like, well, I don't know what to do I'm like, is there a button I can press to fix it I'm like, probably not. I'm like, well, there's this ESC Damn, dude for the love of the game. Yeah Fuck yeah, I I'm I haven't done a prank on quite some time Yeah, but uh, I don't know. Maybe I'll get back in there Really everyone like paul hooper was saying that he went to jail for prank calling nine month one He's like he's the guy like I'd be talking about sobriety or whatever. I guess I love hooper

He's great and he's been sober for a while. He's like, yeah, I went to jail. Uh, pretty bad a couple years ago Like I was just really drunk. I called in a bomb threat to nine one more He told that he was gonna blow up nine one one. Oh, yeah, something like that. Oh, yeah, dude It's funny people are hilarious because it's like, you know, they're like They're already did all this. Yeah, so they're super reasonable. Then you hear the shit they did and you're like, what? Yeah, like Evan you're shitting the lady's mouth. Like the fuck is going on here Yeah, the lady was asleep on the train and he just put a little bit of shitting on her nose The Evan story about the snake is the funniest. It's still the funniest. What's story about the snake about how him and his friend

Oh, did he tell it on the podcast? No, I don't think he did it on the podcast. I think he told me once Oh, what's the story? He has a bit about that. Is it a bit? Yeah, so it's from his act And what's this? Something like let's do our friend's jokes and no, no, he like bought a snake with coke money That's a good way to have a for-profit show Is to just repeat bits from our underpaid comedian friends as our own content Evan's jack though. Yeah

Well, that's like a sober guy thing too, right? Evan's not only jacked. He's lean now too Oh, he lost because Evan was fat before and there was a thing that he was fat And you can't say that just people people who don't go to the gym don't understand, you know What it means to be fat? They see somebody with big arms and they're like, oh that guy's in shape, but Evan was disgusting He wasn't Nick is straight up. Yeah, Nick is fucking Nick is about to get on a straight eating disorder shift Yeah, it's like on those websites. Not my own. Look, there's the only problem with eating disorders is if they affect you

If you employ them to hurt other people Nick's about to go on those pro anorexia websites where he convinces other 12-year-olds like keep don't eat. Just don't do it You'll look hot dude. Now that we got pro audio editing. I can just throw I can put in some silver chair in the background Oh, yeah, yeah, silver chair the australian band pro anorexia band Yeah, the guy they had to quit because the lead singer had an anorexia What a man. There was a guy. Yeah. Oh, it's just a confused silver chair and jane's addiction. I don't know why Really? I used to confuse them and uh And you know what she was addicted to?

No, just in general. No, my guy's a peri peri peri kuomo Peri is mario komo's brother Peri komo is like a singer like uh, yeah, that's he was a singer silver chair. Yeah Um peri, I don't know, but I think he was greek From jane's addiction. So no, this is him. Yeah peri komo Uh, also known as mr. C was american singer and television personality during a career spanning more than half a century He recorded exclusively for rca victor for 44 years after signing with the label in 1943 and then went on to start the band silver chair

Peri komo was like a frank sinatra kind of guy. He was an anorexic He is komo on the peri komo show a pro anorexia american bandstand It was on in the 60s. It's why you know morbid obesity became a problem in the 70s Um, we had some more more fat style singers, but that's right for fuck's sake. I'm not I'm gonna stop playing Again, you can fidget with my dick if you need to fidget with something. I don't want to fidget with your dick It's got it's going to ruin the dynamic of the podcast. Yes, it will

I have a foreskin. You've never you've never touched a foreskin. You know man as I get closer to 30 quick reminder that adam is almost 31 years old by the way. Yeah adam you're an old bitch. That's so old. I'm still playing onto my youth I'm the youngest one. I'm 28 That's why you're the idealistic one. Yeah, the world hasn't beaten me down. It's crazy. I'm the cynic when this podcast started I was 17 years old. Yeah, that was 16. Yeah, and adam was 30 Adam was 30 years old still hadn't hit puberty yet though Me and stavros were more advanced than adam in terms of pubes And coming and low low lowness of nuts. I don't know

I'm just gonna nut inside my girlfriend. I think are you trying to have a baby? Yeah, it's gonna be awesome. I have to have kids, right? Is that the rule if you get a kid if you have a kid We're gonna fire you damn the second half of my life is gonna be a fucking disaster, dude You think so? Oh, yeah, I do not have the personality for I'm like an insane narcissist There's no way I can deal with a kid and stuff or for myself. First of all, it would be I remember when you Highly do not let nick have a kid. Highly you're responsible of me to have a child. Oh, that would be wild. But yeah I'm gonna be I'm gonna be getting like fake teeth and shit and tanning and like

Fucking hair plugs and starting halfway down my forehead What's that guy's name George? I'm gonna be one of those guys that's in his like 70s dating like I don't know like a 31 year old Filipino woman. Yeah, you're gonna be like Liberace, dude You're gonna get women that look like you you're gonna make them get plastic surgery to look like you with abs The look like you right now. You know, you'd look cool with Like Paulie wings, you know, like the oh gray hair kind of yeah. Yeah. Yeah Well, I'm hoping I just sort of age gracefully into one of those sort of like disgusting cursed jockey irish men You know, yeah, you get old you start wearing newsy caps. Yeah, that's spitting all the time

Yeah, you always have a newspaper under your arm. What you always have a newspaper under your arm You look cold all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't fuck with that. Get into horse bedding on horses Yeah, I think I'm gonna get into bedding soon. I think I'm really gonna get back into gambling. Yeah. Yeah Um, I need a couple places. We try to pick like basketball picks on our podcast and we got everyone Yeah, we got everything wrong. Yeah, we got to do picks on or you guys guys. Oh, yeah Yeah, we got super bowl. We got some we got it on lock. Yeah, we'll do that in a fucking minute I got some inside info actually on the page. Do you have some tips? I got some insider Insider trading some things you fucked gronk

Ruined your asshole bugged gronk for the fans So you guys want if you guys want to do your picks now and then we can just do the read at 30 minutes Because it's technically still mid-roll if we're At what do we have to pick? I haven't even looked at it. No, we'll do the promo We'll do it. All right, we'll stop recording start recording again. Yeah, we're addicted to pausing now that we can do it. Yeah I love pausing dude Check this shit out and we're back and we're back. I just we watched Every single episode of who's the boss. Yep. Yep

And I got some thoughts the audience at home. It sounds like, you know, we were gone for Not even gone. That's the magic podcast ends with me saying check this out and then immediately cuts to me and we're back And we're back and we watched every episode of uh, perfect strangers or whatever. I said, I mean, who's the boss Did you hear that? We'll go to the tape and then we'll find out what I said. Hold on pause Who do you think is the boss? Um, did you obviously the bitch? Yep. We've talked about this before Diane bitch We've talked about this and then I think I brought up Elisa Milano's titties and then we talked about the vampire movie She was a child. Yeah, in the vampire movie we can hear titties Is a kiss of vampire

No, kiss of vampire, which is the one with nicolas cage Uh, maybe kiss the vampire. Maybe that's uh, but all I know is I have videos.com. You can see that Yeah, that was like a very early. She was also in the joey butterfucko movie. Yeah. Yeah, this is literally the conversation Yeah, the last time we say we have no house. Shall we pause? Let's listen back to every episode of come down. Yeah, that would be horrible, dude Oh my god, he'll be brutal. I feel awful. No more sucking off my gay ass nice, thanks, man suck my little fucking gay dick

Um, r.r.p. Neil Young. Is he dead? He will be by the time this air. Oh, are we gonna kill him? These are the predictions. Those are my picks You can bet on that. I'm pet. He has a pet dick suck international. All right. Well, don't Talk shit about the sponsor. I mean wait until we do the read. I don't Don't want to fuck up the contract That's not. So this is our big, uh, state of the union episode. Oh, yeah, fuck. That's happening tonight, right? Damn Um, we should have fucking watched that the stars are out. Oh, did you watch the Grammys? I watched, uh, like five minutes Yeah, I won Bruno Mars like everything. Oh, shit. We were talking about Bruno Jadena Mars or whatever the fuck. Yep. That's right

We talking about I think I was all right. I'm sorry. I was doing Bruno Jadena and no one appreciates Genius Jadena and also, uh, Miguel. Yeah. Hey, this is Bruno Jadena. See now you can appreciate it. Hey, you're listening to Bruno Jadena. Hey, K, the classic man. We were ending the show and you just started doing that for like six minutes. I don't know why that. It's still so funny to me. I don't know what makes it so funny. I'm Bruno Jadena. Michael Jackson once. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For a guy named Bruno Jadena. Yeah, Bruno. Well, that was officially the come town bump. So that set him over the edge. You think, you think we did it? That's why he got all the trophies. Yeah, we recorded that on Saturday. He won on something. He's a very bouncy man. Bruno? Yeah, I think he's like five too, also. He's a short guy. So he's Adam's height.

That's not true. He's your height. He's your height. We've already made this clear. I'm taller than you. I'm stronger than you. He's your dick height, Adam. You're not taller than me. Bruno Mars is your dick height. You're debatably stronger than me. I could literally fucking crush your head into a million pieces. You could crush it how? With my fucking hands, dude. That's not true. I'll put it between. I will crush your fucking. He's gonna do a thigh crush for you. I would lie my way out of it. You know, we're gonna do the final episode of this show is we're gonna do it Legion of Skanks style. We have a bunch of interns from towns in New Jersey that Bruce Springsteen would be embarrassed of. Way too fucking drunk and high videotaping me putting your fucking head between my hands and squeezing it as hard as I can. I know you would do that style. Until your fucking, until blood comes out of your eye sockets and nose. I'm going to kill you on the final episode of this show. That would be cool. If you can't crush my skull with your bare hands. And I can. I don't think he can. I don't think he can, dude. I hate to be this guy, but I think he can. Crush the bone in my skull, which is hard. It's a hard bone. Yeah, I'll crush it, dude. I got a hard bone. You can crush it. And there's a plate in there, too. So you can't crush it. You have a plate in your skull. I got a plate right here. A collectible plate. Yeah. A commemorative plate. It's a salvation. Israel commemorative plate installed in his brain. It's for the Jewish National Fund. Do you really have a plate in your head? No, no, that'd be cool. People do that. Some people do. Of course people do that. We thought there was something cool and interesting about you, but no. There is cool and interesting stuff about me. Name one thing. I had a lot of stress in my house growing up.

Adam had a rough childhood. Sometimes his dad would have a couple of glasses of wine and raise his voice. You've all heard about Adam's terrible childhood with his father, who says things loudly. You've got to stop making background noise on the table, especially. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. It's all right. I mean, you can fidget. Just do it off the table. I'm going to fidget here. There's a way to fidget without making noise. Maybe if there was some soft flesh, you could run your fingers. I'm not going to jack you off. Don't jack me off, but play with my foreskin a little bit. Aren't you curious to think what a foreskin feels like? You've never felt one. I was in gym class. I saw them. Did you? I stared at them. Yeah. You looked your lips. Yeah, I was like, your shit looks fucked up. Yeah. Anyone a German kid? The German kid that Adam hated because of his programming, his Hasbara programming, and then also had just a forbidden sexual desire towards and for. I slept with a German. Adam's sexual awakening was in that shower when him and that German boy compared dick sizes and they argued about whether or not the foreskin counts. Oh, it counts. Oh, no. He put he it definitely counts. First of all, and also not. You don't count. You don't measure. It definitely counts. You can. You can stretch out your foreskin. Here's what I do. Check this out. Look, I'm wearing a beanie right now. I'm actually six foot three. Hey, man, the beanie is not part of your body, pal. There's a foreskin. Yes, it is. No, that's borrowed inches. That's close. It gives you an extra optical inch. If you shave your pubes and have a foreskin. Wow. It looks like you have a three inch stick. It doesn't look like no. No. Do you shave your pubes? No, I don't. I trim. I don't really. You don't trim? You let your wild boy nick? I keep my shit real clean. Yeah, I don't. I go. I get it. Like number two. Well, look at my fucking mustache. Look at the amount of work I put into that. Yeah. Well, who knows, man? You can have a wild thicket of pubes down there. No, sometimes I'll let it go, but it's like it just gets sweaty and fucking uncomfortable. Do you take a razor to it? No. No, I use clippers with a number three guard on top, and then I clean up the base. And I actually have been using that Phillips Nereco. This is an official. Yeah, the one blade. I used the one blade on my balls. I put you on to that. You do?

That sounds good. Do you shave your balls? I've never shaved my balls before until I started using the Phillips Nereco one blade. That could work. It's $30. It's available on Amazon Prime now, so it can be at your house in two hours. It is the best shaver. You can have smooth balls. I'm about to literally buy it right now, but if I might go home, I will shave my back. Dude, it's nice. If you like getting your fucking nuts sucked. I love it. I don't really care for it. No, because it's nice. They always bite your ball a little bit. Well, they suck too hard. Ball's not supposed to go in somebody's mouth. Oh, I couldn't disagree more. I don't want to affirm suction. You get a sloppy hand job during a ball suck. How about a nice broad-tongue lick? A broad-tongue lick on your nuts and then lick up all the way to your cock. Come on. I mean, jeez, Louise, there's nothing better than that. Anyways, you should be fucking trimming your shit if people are going down. Sucking your nuts. Absolutely. I mean, you should just in general. I keep it pretty tight. No, that's not true. It is. No, we're evolutionarily supposed to have. Yeah. Oh yeah, we're not supposed to brush our teeth or no deodorant. I'm caveman style, dude. I'm paleo. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Ball sack. Your balls are, your nuts are paleo warriors. My nuts are very much in the 21st century. I don't know. I just, I think that, like, if, you know, you have hair and the person you're having sex with has hair, it's less friction. It's evolutionarily, that's how to involve to make sex more comfortable. I want to go to one of those rock and roll barber shops and get a fucking, and get a hot shave on my nuts. Just go to Floyd's 99 and get there to put that hot. Get a wrap it in a towel. Exactly. Wrap my nuts in a towel. Mario. And then use one of those fucking old fashioned blades and just give my shit, get my shit so smooth. That's so scary, dude. Hold my dick like, hold it from the top of the foreskin and then.

Well, then there's like, there's straight, you guys have straight hairs on your shaft, too. Not really. Yeah, not that much. Well, I get some, I get like around the base and sometimes all the wax that shit off. No. You wax the base of your cock? Yeah, yeah. Where'd you get wax from? I get it at Target. They got shit that, like, you just, it heats up, you rub your hands together. Get the fuck out of here. They used to shave that shit and it's painful when it grows back. You wax it, it doesn't come back for like two months. You wax your gooch? No, that would be excruciating. I feel like a gooch should be hairless. No, you take, you take maybe like a half inch of hair off the base with like wax strips. It's like, yeah. Why do you do it? So your dick looks better? No, it's just, you know what it is? I get follicleitis. Folliculitis. Well, whatever. My follicles get infected. Folliculitis. Well, follic my fucking dick, you faggot. I don't give a shit what it's called. Damn, follic my nuts. If I don't maintain that shit, like, you know, because what I'll do is I'll fuck and then I won't bathe for like three days. Oh, yeah, I love that. And then it's like, oh, well, now it looks like my dick's about to fall off. Yeah, I told you guys how Elder's got a yeast infection on his dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think shut also gets folliculitis and his dick just looks fucked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never, thank God, that's, you know, I have an olive oily smooth cock.

Yeah, I've never, I've never had a venereal disease, knock on wood. No, I've had so many dick problems. Really? Yeah, I've had like, I've had, I've had like hematomas and shit. Oh, what the fuck is that? It's like blood like that built up underneath the skin. Yeah. From what, from jacking off to furious? Yeah, just fucking like just going nuts. Salute. I mean, that man loves beating off. Yeah, dude, you get drunk, you fucking just fucking cock like a lawn mower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's being fucked up and then just like not be like and jacking off fucked up and coke. No, like fucking while real drunk and like my dick won't stay hard. So I'll like just squeeze the shit out. I know about putting the hand at the base. And then like you wake up the next morning and then there's your dick looks like it just lost a fight. Yeah, street fighter. I just tape my dick up like it's a boxer's hands. Yeah. My dick looks like like cut me. You just lost his doll scene. Yeah, it was weird how there was like only like maybe like 12 or 15 girls at that DC show. We did. Was it weird? Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I don't think I don't think about shit like that. Yeah, yeah. I thought that was weird. It's like, oh, well, that means it. Oh, no, I was just making a joke about how we were talking about our penises. Oh, okay. No, because you were doing that at the live show. You're like, oh, there's no girls here. I'd like more girls in our fan base. That would be nice. I think all the fuck doesn't matter. I think it would be nice, you know, just, but that's like it's an extension of that. Like when you post something on Facebook and somebody be like, only three women like. No, it's the exact same thing. That's what you're doing by the more more girls there. Why so you can try to fuck them? That's certainly one.

That's the only valid. That's the only valid reason you're allowed. That's one reason. We should have a show that appeals to everybody. Fuck you. Go right for Buzzfeed or something. Yeah, this is a serious show. Right. Now anyway, men's issues such as folliculitis on your fucking dick. Yeah. All right. Okay. We're going to take a break and have a message from our sponsor and we'll be back. I love pausing. Pausing is great. All right. Well, everybody, it's break time. And you know what I like to do during the break? Gamble the money that you're sending us. And I gamble on bettsi.com. Bettsi is one of the top sports book websites online. They've been in business for over 20 years, paying winners consistently. They have an easy to use mobile playing interface. You can play, win, get paid. And they've got a great mobile app that you can use from anywhere, you know, at home, at work, at your wife's funeral. You know, that's a good place to gamble. You know, you gambled on her life when you had a couple extra drinks before leaving the bar. So you might as well make one last bet bettsi.com. They offer live in-game wagering so you can make plays throughout the entire game or whatever event you're betting on. And I play there myself. You know, I'm not really into losing money. And, you know, it happens sometimes. That's the nature of gambling. But I enjoy their mobile app so much that I play there. I recommend bettsi. If you want to add a little excitement to the games you're watching, even if you don't like sports, you can have fun watching the Super Bowl. They got a lot of fun bets like, we'll play or leave the game due to a concussion. You know, so you don't get on people getting hurt. How many times is Donald Trump going to tweet during the game? Wow, God, what a goofball that guy is. You're going to have fun joining the resistance by gambling on it.

Well, any players take a knee during the national anthem. Maybe three-fifths of the players. You know who knows. How many Anheuser-Busch commercials would be aired during the broadcast? So these are all the kinds of things you can bet on. So once again, if you go to bettsi.com and use promo code CUM25, you'll get a free $25 wager on the house and 200% extra bonus on your deposit. Damn. So they'll match your deposit by 200%. That's promo code CUM25, capital C, lowercase UM25, get your free wager, start winning today. And Adam and Stav, do you have picks for this week? Take the damn Eagles. Fuck the Patriots. That's our picks. Eagles plus six. The line might have moved a little bit, but take the damn Eagles for everything that's good in the world that they're going to win. The Patriots too hot. Adam, what do you think? Let's go Eagles. Let's go Big Dick, Nick Foles.

That's right. Let's go Rocky. I'll have a Rocky Balboa. We'll drink a tall glass of water. Philadelphia style. That's right, baby. Geno, speak English. Yes, speak fucking English. Sounds good. And I guess we can just go right back into the episode.

Damn. It's the beauty of a professional audience. I was hoping we'd do a little pause. I love pausing, but sometimes it's edging. Now I can't wait until the next time we pause. Are you getting into edging? No, I've never edged in my life. The goal is to come.

The goal is to come. I love coming. I like to edge with food. Sometimes I'll put just a tip of a little smoky. Yeah, I got a little smoky. You put the tip in. He's a very little smoky. I didn't know they made smokies even littler. The littler smoky. I don't edge, but I have fucked and tried not to come,

which is sort of de facto edging. I remember when I was a kid, I found a little can of Gerber's Vienna Sausage in the garage, and I was eating them. I don't know why they were in the garage. Gerber's like the baby food? The baby food, yeah. But they made Vienna Sausages? They had a little Vienna Sausage.

Those were baby dicks. They were just in the garage for something. I don't know about that. Nice. In a jar? Yeah. Pickled. That sounds nice.

Motherfucker, I'll eat anything. I don't get shit. I feel like edging is something that's done only by the very wealthy. I'm actually an edge fund manager. Yeah. I teach rich people how to not come. I have the world's biggest chode. This is what we've got.

I called the big short. I'm an edge fund manager that predicted that nothing, really. But during 2008, I did a lot of jacking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not coming. Yeah. So stay tuned for a nice period piece from 10 years ago where everybody's got candy bar phones, but they're basically mostly the same.

Yeah. Slightly shittier haircuts. Nokia snake. You know. Yeah. Playing snake on the phone. Do you find that when you beat off and don't come for a while, the load is thicker? It's not thicker.

It's more. Yeah. For sure. And I haven't. For whatever reason, when I'm busting at home. Yeah. I'm doing some personal busting sessions. My dick never gets hard all the way.

Okay. Fair. I never get hard jacking off all the way. I don't know how people get hard outside of fucking. Yeah. I need to be in the pussy to reach final form. I get my dick 85% of the way there and once we're in. Yeah.

Then then we're really. I'll wake up in the middle of the night with a boner. I sleep hard. You know. Yeah. During the day. Sometimes in the morning, I'll wake up in the morning. Absolutely.

Only if I fall asleep on my stomach, which is a rarity. I'm a stomach sleeper because there's like pressure on the day. Yeah. I'm a stomach sleeper. You are. Mm hmm. No, I mean, I wake up at like seven a.m. immediately bang out 50 push up, start punching holes in the drywall.

I get my fucking day going. I was like Mark Wahlberg's Instagram today. His last post, he was like every morning I wake up at 3 a.m. and I work out for two hours. What? That's nighttime. Yeah. You're not waking up.

Even four would be semi acceptable. Three is the last hour of the night. Yeah. That doesn't make any sense. Yeah. Yeah. Now he goes to bed at 7 p.m. and wakes up to drink fucking protein shakes. Well, that's the fucking hour, isn't it?

Wasn't there like a study that came out like a year ago that's like our ancestors used to wake up in the middle of the night and to stay awake for an hour? This is a study. What study was this? Bro, look the shit up. It was out there, man. I'm serious. People would wake up in the middle of the night and they didn't say it.

But the clear implication was that's the fucking hour. You'd wake up in the middle of the night, stay up for an hour. What do you think's going on there? It's the fuck sesh hour. I like that. Waking up in the middle of the night, having sex with someone who's, you know. Having sex with Aldous. Yeah.

Just fucking Aldous in the ass. Yeah. Aldous is rude. Yeah. He's in such a deep slumber because of all the fucking ice cream he ate. His blood is running so thick and viscous he has no idea what's going on. Speaking of viscous, now what I was saying when I bust at home. Yes.

On a personal bus session. Do some home busting. Yeah. Always just it looks like the little amount of wood glue you get with an Ikea bread. You know what I mean? Yeah. That little like. Cause you're probably doing toothpaste for a pygmy.

Yes, of course. Well, that's because you're very efficient when you're jerking off. What's your ritual? What's your jackoff ritual? Can I say something to you? I have not been jacking off recently. Oh, to make sex better. To make sex better.

Okay. To have more powerful erections. Braggie. Bragger. I think I'm coming towards the end of that. I don't know. I feel like beating off is fun. I've been jacking off a lot.

Well, you're girls in girls across the coast. Yeah. I mean, I have a little nice ritual. I'm going to be with it. Circle of candles in the middle of the circle, cross-legged, put on pure moods. The Native American song. You distinguish every candle by putting it in your ass. One by one.

Yeah. Put them all out. Squad on top. Squad on top. Yeah. They're coming crystal. Yeah. No, I place a yoni egg in my asshole.

And just like your grandmother. Stretch out. What are those? Does it make your pussy stronger? Yoni egg? Yeah, I think so. His grandma beat off with them. My grandma did at dinner mention that she knew what that was.

I think it'd be very funny if like a woman put a yoni egg in her pussy and then you fuck her, but like somehow you don't realize it's in there. And then afterwards she squeezes it out and she's like, this is yours. You're going to have to take care of this. Like one of those kinder chocolate eggs that has a little prize in the middle. Oh yeah. That'd be nice. I'm going to hang out tonight, guys.

I'm going to go sit on my egg. This girl I've been seeing, she laid an egg and she's actually, she's seeing some other guy now. It's some Puerto Rican guy. So I got to go. I guess I got to sit on the egg while she. Damn. Is that what happens to birds?

Yeah, dude. The bird girls go out. Have they happened to penguins? Well, flightless birds, the men take the role of being the caretaker. Whoa. Well, the wife's out there getting fucking. That's why I call them dickless birds. Cocks.

Yeah. Eagles don't do that shit. Eagle sore, dude. Yeah. Bye Eagles. They're in the fucking sky. That's why it's American. I'm a tier one operator.

I fucking love bald Eagles because they cheat on their wives. They fly using Viagra. They see the most American shit you can do, baby. Wow, Bill Hicks himself over here, dude. Thanks, man. Yeah. Yeah, I'm getting into political comedy. Yeah.

Yeah. They were getting. I know that bald Eagles don't fuck. Why? Because I've tried Viagra. The best. Tom Mars is classic I've tried Viagra bit. Why don't you just say I've smoked pot instead of I've tried pot?

How do you have to say in the worst way possible? How could you fuck up lying about having smoked pot? I've tried pot. Calling it pot. Pot is awesome. Pot is, yes. Pot is hilarious. I've experienced pot.

How is that set 11 years old and we're still laughing at? Is it really 11 years old? Yeah, dude. It's 11 years old. 2007. What? I wasn't even present. George Bush.

I was in high school. I was a senior in high school. George Bush was present with that set. Adam, what year of high school were you in? That was during the primaries. I was in college. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Pretty old. Yeah. I was already doing comedy. Two years older than you. I knew who Tom Myers was. I had no idea who Tom Myers was. I was intimately familiar with Tom. Those were the years you had ahead of me, dude.

That was the jump. Yeah. That's why I'm so much more successful now. That's right. That's why I get spots all the time. I had a fun spot on Claire's show last night. Yes. I've done that show.

Claire, what's her name? Parker. Yes. She was in our video. Yeah. I forget her name because she had too many names. Did she? I think this is two.

Yeah. She filled out a W-9 and she's got too many names. Oh, nice. Yeah. W-9. She has a lot of names. The one that acted in our show. She has like four middle names.

She probably only has two. Where is her show? I remember being like, what the fuck is, why? Maybe she's like, she went to church or something. Yeah. I don't know. She's like, you know, I forget where she's from, but Claire's cool. Yeah.

Yeah. Claire's great. Yeah. Too many names. Too many names. Guess what? You're canceled, bitch. Catholics have a lot of names.

Yeah. I think so. My dad's got two middle names. You know? Yeah. Like a family name and then a middle name. Francis Buckley. I never really even asked him about it.

That's cool. Every Greek person's middle name is their dad's name. Ooh. Mm-hmm. So my son will be named. You know, like, Rocky. Like, Scandinavians. Like, Norwegians didn't have last names until like 1910.

Well, that's cool. They were just Venn and shit. Well, they had to make like a law demanding that people have last names. Because your name would just be like Richard Ben's son. You know? Oh, is that why? Yeah. That's why I hold her last name.

Daniel's son. Yeah. Yeah. Simon's son. Daniel Simon's son. Yeah. That's another funny guy. Well, that's like your Hebrew name is your name.

No, it's not like that. And then your father's son of your father. I don't think it's like that. So it's Adam's son of and then my dad's son. No, I don't think so. That's what a Hebrew name is. I don't think that's like what Hebrew names are. That's what it is, dude.

I have a Hebrew name and I have an English name. He has a Hebrew name, too. Which is his call sign on the ham radio that he has in his little PT cruiser that he goes around meeting truckers. You had to buy a gay or car than your normal car to go suck dick in. Of course. You ought to be respectful. Do you remember that episode of cops where they pulled over the truck?

It's like nine million episodes. Wait, I was about to say. No, the answer is no. Storytime's over for you. God damn it. They pulled over the truck and the truck driver is just in full full on drag. He's like drunk and belligerent. It was like the truck was like an 18 wheeler.

Sounds transphobic to me. What are you implying that trans women can't drive trucks? The cop is like, the cop's like, all right, I'm going to ask you to go back in your car and change, right? Which is pretty transphobic. And then he comes out and he's hammered still and he's wearing like. Yeah. Wasn't he supposed to be not be drunk anymore?

Because he was forced to degenerate. And then he goes back in the truck and he just comes out wearing like a pair of cutoff like jean shorts that were literally like the bottom half of his ass is showing. And just like a small, tiny like tank top with a belly coming out. It's so funny. It's still got the makeup on. Was it cops is the one where there was that episode where they pull up and the guy's like drunk passed out in the bed of a pickup truck and he like wakes up and I guess he had like

shit himself. And then he just he's like they're shining the light in his face and you just smear shit all over his face. Trying to like open his eyes. I don't know. It sounds possible though. Yeah. That was a great show.

It was great. It was it was real right? Or was it fake? I think it was real. I think it was real. People say that it was fake or something. No. I mean it was real.

Probably produced a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. They were definitely real cops. Yeah. Those are real cases. Like what do you think those people are actors? Like Methi people beating the shit out of each other.

No man. No. Yeah. I guess that makes sense. You dumb motherfucker. Anyway. That clip of cops is very funny. That's pretty good.

Yeah. Did you fuck him? Of course. Was he hot? Was he hot? No. No. No.

No. He looked like shit. Yeah. That sucks. It's cool that he was that that she was. You don't know that it was a sheep. That they were driving the truck. Why was it?

18 wheels. You think it's a novel thing? Big ass truck. You know in other countries what they call that? A penteknicon. You know that? You call what? A truck?

A penteknicon? Yeah. That's a cool ass name but I don't believe you. Yeah. It's like 18 wheels. Where? Like England and shit. Just England?

Well that's what they call it. They told me in South Africa. South Africa. A penteknicon? A penteknicon. I'm probably just making up dumb shit to say to you so you come back here and repeat it. I think that's what they call it.

That's probably it. A penteknicon? Yeah. It's called a fucking lorry. No. A lorry. A hugh lorry. A lorry is like a pickup.

It was made after the guy who was in house. They're finest actor. A ute is a pickup. A ute? Yeah. A ute is making this shit up. No. Maybe it's right.

Maybe. Maybe I made this up. It's a named lorry after a hugh lorry from house. Very good dude. I just wanted to make sure that was on the record man. He was actually English. He was British. You guys didn't know that because he was that good of an actor.

Yeah. I remember when I found out. I saw a minority report and I found out Colin Farrell was Irish. A penteknicon. A large van for transporting. A van. A van. Yeah.

A van. Basically. No. A lorry is a truck. No. A lorry is a hugh lorry. A lorry is named after the guy from house. As a tribute.

Whatever. Yeah. You looked this up to be wrong. I wasn't wrong. Yeah. You were. You know what? I want Kraft macaroni and cheese with some tuna fish and hot sauce.

Tuna fish. What the fuck. It is kind of a nice meal. I've had it before. What? Yeah. It is. You throw a little tuna fish.

It sounds gross bro. That's jail shit. I am really hungry right now. You want ramen with fucking crust up cheetos in it? I do want ramen right now. And then cigarettes that has been in someone's ass. Oh I love cigarettes. Yeah.

That sounds like France to me. You know in France they call that meal a suck dick mcconn. They call that pan breakfast. Yeah. Anyways. What else have we got going on boys? We got ten minutes left. We got our big state of the union.

I know we also have a show. Oh yeah. We got our big show at Caroline's coming up guys. Which is the 15th of February. My birthday is coming up. Stav's birthday is right before it. And for the fans in attendance you will get to see Nick and I give Stav his birthday presents. And let me tell you.

We've been hyping them up. What the fuck are these man? We've been hyping them up. I don't know if maybe it deserves a hype. I think it probably does. I think they're good presents. I think they're funny. I think they're both funny gifts.

And it's two gifts. We're not even like splitting a gift. We're being real good friends. I don't think you're being good friends on it. We are dudes. We are. And the audience and you are going to like it. I don't think I am going to.

It's going to be good for us. I don't think I'm going to like it. I'm going to the fucking dentist tomorrow. I'm nervous dude. I'm scared of the dentist. I don't fuck with the dentist. They're going to fix your shit up dude. I hope so.

But I don't have insurance. What the fuck. It's going to be expensive. Dentist. You know what I'm saying? Dentist. They put titties in your mouth to clean your teeth. I love that.

I love that. Dude, that sounds great. Dude, I remember I had a period where I was like 21. And I was like going to sleep. I would drink a bunch of chocolate milk before going to sleep. I wouldn't brush my teeth. I was like, well it's got milk in there. I used to think that's your bones.

I got like six cavities. I was doing that like every night for like six months. Does milk have a high sugar content? Oh yeah. Chocolate milk does. Regular milk does. It does right? It's got a shit ton of sugar in it.

Lactose. But it's got lactose in it which is like only in milk. So it's a different type of sugar. I don't really know how any of that shit works. Yeah. I just know that to be jacked you need to drink a gallon of milk. Go Mad, baby. Go Mad.

Mark Ripito. Have you guys ever had any horrible... Yes Coach! Yes Coach Rip! The guys on the starting strength forum are so funny. So the guy that's like got into exercising at 47 years old. It's been like a fucking like network engineer since like 1992. Awful body.

Three divorces. The last one to a woman who did not speak any English at all. And they're like I'm an athlete now. My squat's 315 pounds at a body weight of 375 pounds. I am an athlete. They're fattish but they just have big traps for some reason. Yeah. My fingers have rolls.

I'm an athlete. I'm a 52 year old athlete. And Mark Ripito. Coach Rip has taught me. You go on there and somebody asks like a completely reasonable question. And they're like oh can I squat like high bar instead of doing low bar? They're like you're not doing the fucking program. You can fucking shit do what you fuck want.

Like that's... You know that focus group that said that people trust people who curse more? And then like a month later like Tom Perez was like he's full of shit. You know like the Democrats were like cussing. Right. Everyone was cussing. You remember that? Yeah.

Like that's kind of how Ripito comes off with all that. Like he's always just... He's like he's the guy that cusses. That's how you know. There's no bullshit. He's so authentic. You can't help cusses. Yeah.

Right. You don't squat the right way. I don't cuss dude. Makes me like... I give people straight up the advice they need to hear. Number one. Pay me more money. That's good advice.

Number two. Never ever let people know your true intentions. You know what I'm saying? Cruel intentions. The decepticality of the mindset of the decepticality. I think you could be like that in articulate and get a show on Infowars. 100% Yeah.

The thing is is that a lot of these so called liberal groups per se. Don't understand the intellectual locality of a man of my brain stature. Dude I was into the fucking 24 hour Best Buy the other night buying an external hard drive. Nice. And that is the best place in New York. Yeah. I'm telling you dude for fucking people watching you get some fucking weirdos in there. Middle of the night.

What time were you there? Some kind of midnight release for like a Dragon Ball Z thing. Oh yeah. All these people in line. People who I'm going to call Dorks even though they're like maybe one notch above myself on the Dork scale. That's fine. You call anyone beneath you.

Yeah. I've gone to plenty of midnight releases myself. For what? Like just other games that have come out. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah. Not Grand Theft Auto.

Maybe one of the Call of Duty's. Bioshock 2. I think it was a movie release for. Okay. It's not an event. You just go buy. Yeah. You get it.

Yeah. Yeah. But I'm a gay nerd. I'm like you. Yeah. It's 24 hours. The one at Union Square? Yeah.

It's 24 hours. Anyway. So I'm in line buying the external hard drive. This woman next to me who she's there. What's sucking my dick? With her like camo short son. Oh shit. Just like Stoff.

She was hot. Stoff didn't shave his face and tried to grow out whatever. He was hot. He was fucking. Yeah. He committed respect. He's not daughter as this horrible habit of breaking the space bar. So they're buying like a new keyboard at two o'clock in the morning or whatever.

And then fucking this like the best buy employee who's like he's got like some kind of a Hispanic accent. He's like he's like well yeah it's actually the most used key. So it did make sense that they would like break you know that would happen and then this fucking doofus like white guy with like forearm tattoos who also works there. Actually I think the return key would be the most used key. Oh hell yeah. And then the other guy goes the other guy goes well no he's like when you write a sentence

think about how many times you hit space in between every word. He's like yeah but to start the sentence you got to fucking hit enter. Awesome. So you can't even begin the sentence unless you're. Either one of them has. Actually mind-blowing conversation. They're just guessing. Obviously the space.

Obviously the space. Way more than the return. It's not even a debate. That's how fucked up his head is to start the sentence. Which A you don't. That's not true. That's not true at all. Anyways he goes yeah he's like but you know and then the Hispanic guy's just trying to

be nice to him so he's like oh yeah that's interesting. I guess we will have to look it up at some point you know and then the fucking the white trash moron looks at the family and he goes yeah we always get into these you know these little brain wars. Did you mean arguments? Did you just call arguments brain wars? That fucking rocks. Oh fuck yeah dude.

Shout out union square best buy. Fuck yeah dude. That's a brain warrior. Yeah we always get into these brain wars. God damn dude. Yeah well oh fuck. What do you got coming up boys? I'm just having says and says.

Yeah we got our fucking big show please come out to that February 15th at Carolines. And then we're back at come on everybody on the 20 whatever the fourth Monday. Uh huh and then I will be at I'll be in Philadelphia in March the 17th. That's a little bit of a ways away but you know and it's my birthday February 11th. So we're going to be getting buck wild. I'm going to have I'm going to get Korean barbecue and get a massage. Maybe take mushrooms. I might go get Korean barbecues tonight.

Damn for real. Yeah. Yeah after this I'm going to go to K-Town. Why you just feel like it. Yeah I haven't had in a while been talking about it. I want to go into the city anyways. I figure we got enough time left for me to get Macy's and buy another track suit and some gloves.

Very nice. You're going for another track suit. I'm going to be track suited out when it comes spring. I got a fucking problem. I love it. Tracksuit problem bitch. What which one you got a solution. Yeah.

You got a track. You get the tree foil tape. I just I can't stop purchasing shit. Oh yeah just don't don't buy some. I mean I wish I had something else to do. But that's the thing is people are like oh you go to therapy or whatever that's just like a hundred dollars a session. Yeah that's spending a hundred dollars I could have half of a track suit.

You can't go to just one therapy session. You got to go at least two. Yeah I think I'm way more than two. By the time I've figured out whatever my problems are I could have purchased 600. Literally hundreds of tracks. Well most people actually you know what you're kind of you're kind of making me rethink going to therapy now. Of course it's a fucking purchase dude.

You're buying shit. Damn. Retail therapy works dude. You could have you guys so many tracks. Skip fucking therapy this week and just go buy a PlayStation game. Damn that would be awesome. This is shit called Monster Hunter that I think people are into. I have no idea what it is.

What's the other game that everyone's addicted to right now? Grand Theft Auto Stomps Peas. What kind of fucking question? Grand Theft Auto Stomps Peas. Fortnite. Fortnite? Yeah that's the game everyone's addicted to. I don't know what it is.

You don't see the memes and kids talking about it. No. Punching each other and stuff. No. I'm not on the internet like that like you are bitch. You got to talk into the microphone. I'm so sorry. I would love to delete your memory card Adam.

My cousin deleted my memory card for Tony Hawk's Pro Skater too when it was an Activision game and they were about to drop the new Spider-Man game. So if you beat the whole game you got to escape. Now it's an affirmative Activision game. If you beat it. They let a couple of Indian guys make it and it's not as good as you say. Hell yes. Good ass riff.

Good ass riff alert. Hell yeah. I'm entering the good ass riff zone. Welcome to the zone baby. I'm gay. What is this place? Why is everybody so racist in here? It's the good ass riff zone.

It's the good riff zone. Only good riff zone out in here. I don't know what riffing is. I sound like this because I have autism. Wow that sounds scary. It does sound scary. I'm glad we have that as an option to do that. Dude I can't wait to get a fucking, just a fucking, some different shit dude.

Voice modulators. I was actually going to get a board. Who is your dad and what does he do? I don't want to know. I can make sound boards pretty easily. I have the ability to make sound boards and plug the iPad in and fucking. We got to sell Stavibot dude. Once that new computer comes I'll fucking take a look at it and figure out why it's not running anymore.

Put that on the app store for people. I emailed a shirt guy today so we should have t-shirts. Fuck yes. I'll get a quote on that. I got a shirt guy too. We can compare quotes. The shirts you got are nice dude. We should talk.

We'll do that. We've done enough for this episode. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. With the computer you mean? It was definitely fucking distracting. I feel like this was hard for me to do. Should we hire a lady with big tits? Incorrect.

We don't need to hire anybody to do anything. We'll probably just go back to using the zoom. Because this doesn't really... It saves me a little bit of time. But not even that much. Not really worth it. Thank you for listening everybody and have a good night. Thank you.