The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 89 – Tai Bo

Episode Date: February 7, 2018

We doin kawate up in dis mofucka

Okay, I figured it out. I know why people were complaining they wanted a loud type episode. Oh, hell yeah. I gave them something smooth and velvety. I thought, you know what, we're gonna go subtle. Like my dick. And everybody filled their pants about the episode not being too loud, which is usually a problem. Yes. I've always felt that the show is way too fucking loud. And I wanted a nice, some smooth, dulcet. Like a A-A-A-A-R-15-ASMR. Oh, ASMR, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we've been talking about that quite a bit. Yeah, that's my man, ASMR. That boy quiet as hell. Y'all know ASMR? Yo, my head be tingling when ASMR be talking. Yeah, that girl, y'all ever listen to ASMR? No, who's she? Man, who's ASMR? Man, shoot, I didn't pay attention for a damn week. I don't even know who this damn

A-A girl is. Yeah, you know ASMR? ASMR. Yeah, she used to be in three cousins, the female group three cousins. And it was three women that were unrelated, but their last name was cousins. I thought her last name was some more. It is. Oh, okay. Her name is ASMR. ASMR cousins. A-S-S, ASMR. What's that? A-S-S. Yeah, that's not bad. Like ass. When you fucks over the ass and, and. Mr. Ass. Mr. Ass. ASMR is supposed to make your head tingle, right? That's what people say. Your spine, I think too. Oh, your spine. I get it when I get shampooed at the, at the. Really? Well, that's just a great feeling. It feels incredible. I know because I get shampooed all the time. Yeah. Um, I don't get it. I don't, I, I insist

that they don't touch my head when I go to the barbershop. Interesting. Wait, scissors, just the metal? No, yeah. No hand to hand. Yeah, you fucking, the scissors have hand, the scissors have handles on them. First of all, stop interrupting me. Second of all, I will describe the process that takes place at the barbershop. Continue. Number one, first of all, barbershop quartet is mandatory in the barbershop. Absolutely. I don't know why the fuck you think you can get away with having a haircutting business if there aren't men singing. I want some harmonizing males. Absolutely. One better have a deep ass voice. Yeah. One better sound, very like a child. Back when we, back when we knew what to do with gay

men. Exactly. We got a job pouring soda pop. That's right. Down at the pop stand and you, you sang songs and you fucking hung out with my bored ass wife while I'm at the. That's right. I'm at the missile making factory. Get my, get my hair cut by a guy that, a fellow GI, we're both in middle management, making the modern day equivalent of $82 million a year. A modest Christian living in 1950s America. That's right. So cryptocurrencies and the regular stock market are crashing. Yep. That's right. I want to talk about old gay guys. I hope Adam did actually buy quote unquote, buy the dip like he thought he was doing. Oh, I'm buying the dip on the market and on the crypto. I bought dip. I bought stocking. Yeah.

Yeah. School. Yeah. That's right. I did. Yeah. That's crazy. I did. That's what I call investing. Yeah. That's what I call buying the dip. I was, I was wearing a vest when I did it. My tactical weight vest. I put, because by yourself, you can get pretty deep. But when you have the vest really weighing you down, you, you dip your dick as far and you get your dick all the way in there, baby. You feel that weighted vest pushes my pelvic bone all the way down your fucking throat. That's right. He can feel, he can feel a little stomach acid on the tip of his cock. You're fantasizing about wearing weight lift. No, this is something that actually has happened. It's called investing, you fucking idiot.

You moron. I've never, I'm incapable of fantasizing. You're an erotic. You're the one that sits around reading books like The Secret. I don't read The Secret. You do, you do magical thinking at home. Not me though. I'm, I accomplish. I don't ever visualize. When Nick dreams, there's nothing inside my head. It's static. It's static from an old TV. You know, just yeah, it's the national anthem and then static. I remember in school, they played this video that explained us what like dyslexia was or something. And it was like, it's like a TV, but all the wires are crossed. I'm like, so that's what it's like in a retarded kid's brain. No, please don't use this to bully the retarded kids.

Yeah, that's what they told you. You weren't the only one getting that speech alone in a fucking room. Yeah, I love, I love bullying disabled, disabled. I was just saying earlier today, you know, I remember 10 years ago, I thought intellectually disabled wouldn't catch on, but no, it's kind of, it's, it works. You know, it works better than mentally retarded. Yeah, you're saying that you, you didn't think people would start using that term. Intellectually disabled. Yeah. I mean, it sounds like it's too serious. Is that just a diss you made up that caught on as the PC term? No, no, that's not a good diss. It's too serious. Mentally retarded is a much better diss. Oh, it's the best of all time. Intellectually

disabled just sounds like you're stupid, which I guess sort of is what we're talking about here. Yeah. Yeah, maybe you are. Yeah, no, I just didn't think that the people would actually say intellectually disabled. That's going to start being, well, I would sound like it after time, it would sound like it was bad, you know, like special became it will though, eventually. No, it hasn't. I don't think it will. No, it's going to suck. It's going to, it's going to do something else. Maybe, maybe we finally found the word, you know, because it's not fun, actually disabled. Well, wait, isn't disabled? Oh, no, handicapped is better. I was watching videos of this Down syndrome guy that enters powerlifting

competitions. Oh, yeah. And he wins all them places, you know, he gets them like third or whatever. Is that fair? That's kind of like taking steroids. Yeah, I mean, imagine how much that no, they're not actually stronger. It's like Down syndrome people have like horrific core strength. Oh, really? Yeah, I think their limbs work the same, but yeah, they don't have very good core strength. Why is that? It's part of the disease. Whoa. Wow. Really? What if they did some Billy Blanks Ty Boe? Maybe the dad was shooting Billy Blanks. Ty, Ty Boe is, I'm trying to think about it. Okay. I believe in you, man. I'm spotting you right now. You're pushing me up the mountain. Come on, baby. We got a tie.

Are we doing Asia? Ty Boe is when the Down syndrome guy misspells something on the computer. We always believed in you. He always had it in you. Well done. I did it. Ty Boe. That's really good. Listen, man, when you look down, there was two sets of footprints. Yeah, because I was lifting your feet while I was fucking you in the ass on the beach. One or one set of footprints. You get it, man. I get it. Yeah, that makes sense to me. So he did good in the weightlifting competition? Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, he comes in in like a third or whatever he places every time. Nice. Which can you imagine you're like a, you take powerlifting pretty seriously and you show up and you're like, you got your dumb little rubber suit

on and that little belt, your fucking smelling salts and you know, you're listening to a Trey you fucking your SRT Raptor out in the parking lot and you're like, dude, I'm gonna go in there and I'm gonna prove that my dad black eye that's fucking my wife now isn't better than me. I'm going to do it once and for all. Then you get in there and then it's like, Oh, it looks like Down syndrome. Mikey's making an appearance. Every time that down syndrome man takes the only thing I have away is squatting weights that mentally retarded character. That ID. Yeah, he's my dick dastardly is that down syndrome guy. Dig down. Dig down sturdly. Who's dick dastardly? I don't know. Dastardly cartoon character that ties up women

and puts them on the train. Oh, yeah, the curly mustache. If you use that as a verb, that's me when I have sex. I dick dastardly. Dick downwardly. Yeah. Downward dick. That's my favorite yoga position. Oh yeah. It's just my cock is down is hard but down. I push it down. That sex position where it's just like the Pogo stick type of thing. It's very funny. Like, I can't take myself seriously. You're laying completely horizontal and your dick is just straight vertical. No, you're like, you're like up and then. Oh, they're bouncing on your cock like a. No, no, they're like kind of on the mattress and then you're sort of. Oh, wait, you're doing the Pogo stick. Yeah. I was watching porn the other day. You're

doing cowboy. Not cowgirl cowboy. It's like, yeah, it's like the girl's ass is in the air. She's grabbing your hips and moving you up and down. The girl's ass is in the air and then your penis is facing downward. I mean, you do a check in on Adam's weight. What are you weighing these days? I think I'm weighing 109. I think, no, I think I'm weighing more than 97 pounds. No, no, I think I'm weighing the most I've ever weighed, which is probably like 148. Oh damn, dude. Yeah, which is around the same. You're fat. I'm 157 now and seven pounds from that box of Teddy Grahams. Yeah. Well, there you go. Yeah. I got pretty fucking lean last week though. Hey, man, I'm going to get back. So about looking at your abs

for yourself. Yeah. And not quite beating off, but wishing you were aroused. Oh, I beat off looking at my abs in the mirror. Only when I have abs. Yeah. Absolutely. It's true. It's the same. I mean, why not? You know, I'm a businessman now. And that's what business men do. They all look at their abs and beat off in the mirror and then they get other businessmen with abs to come over. I think that's what Occupy was about, is to get them to stop doing that. We've got to make these guys stop doing that thing where they jack off to themselves. It's destroying them. A guy who only think, who think businessmen are just from American Psycho or whatever. Not American Psycho. Is that the one? That

part is... How about American Taibo? And it's about a retard again. It's about one Taibo that changed the course of history. Don't you stare at it, eat it. It's like two prostitutes. And one of them's got a bunch of Swedish fish. Don't you stare at it, eat it. Instead of business cards, it's his Pokemon cards. You know, he's got a really good Pokemon deck. If you excuse me, I have to go return some video tapes. That guy sitting on his couch really is describing why Rafi's great. Well, when Rafi first released his album, it was kind of down tempo, and many people didn't understand it. But if you really listen to Rafi's lyrics, it's not about the wheels on the bus, so much as it is about the bus itself.

American Taibo. Based on the coloring book by Brett Easton Ellis. Based on the Chuck Pollinic coloring book. American Taibo. Oh yeah, dude, sign me up for that shit. Damn boys. So we talked about Dow Jones. What are your financial hot takes, Nick? How about Downs Jones? There we go. It's like a cool black guy with Downs. Yep, yep, yep. How are y'all doing? What y'all, y'all talking about finance? Oh, there you're ready. It's Downs Jones. Hell yeah, dude. Oh yeah. Nice. Downs Jones down six points in Mario Party tonight. His favorite game. Ain't nothing, baby. We're coming back, baby, you know it. Ain't a thing, Slick. So he's also a 70s black down syndrome guy. Yeah, he's an older, cool.

Yeah, that's cool. Got a nice hat. What's going on, Jack? Oh, I like that girl. She's foxy. She's so foxy to me. It would be funny to teach a bunch of intellectually disabled people old slang. Yeah, that would be cool. Yeah. And then they're just talking amongst and everyone's confused. Is that part of the disease? Are they behind like 30 years on slang? You could probably convince someone of that. I'm sure that's what people would think that it's part of the disease. We're part of the thing, you know. Yeah, I hear that. That makes sense to me. You know what I'm saying, man? Uh huh. That would be pretty cool. Kind of sets them back. When I started smoking weed again, we got high the other

night and I watched another Steve Harvey special. Very nice. Which I'd done before. I used to do that. That was my old move when I would get high. I used to watch Steve Harvey specials. Are they on Netflix? I don't know. They're on YouTube. Okay. I was watching one that was shot in 2001 and he's dressed in a yellow zoot suit. So it's like six years after the mask came out. So there's no way that nobody stopped him and was like, Steve, you look like the mask. Well, he said somebody stopped Steve. Somebody stopped Steve. He's like, P-A-R-T-Y. Well, you shouldn't be. Somebody needs to lock these kids up. Now, he has this fucking hilarious bit on that special. He's like, uh, men ain't shit and women need a

man. Here's what you gotta do is you gotta assemble a man. He's like, you're gonna get four different type of men. He's like, the first type of man you're gonna get is a gay man. And he's like, because he wants to listen to all your stories. He listens to all your stories and he goes, because he's, he'll sit there and listen to you all day because he's just trying to, you know, pick up a couple of traits so he can go downtown and get a man in his home. Incredible. The gay men need to learn from women. Hang out with women to copy. To go downtown. Fuck yeah, that rules. Yeah. That's a great understanding of gay men. Who are the other three guys? It's an old man. An old man. I forget what the third

one was. And then the last one is, uh, a man dingo type. Yes. To blow your back out. Right. Yeah, exactly. Interesting. You know, so he's like, you get the man dingo comes and fucks you. The other guy, the other guy takes care of your kids. He's like, oh, you get a nice guy. Nice guy to take care of your kids. You get the fucking old guy to pay for, you know, the night out. The man dingo fucks you. And then the punchline, the big punchline at the end is, and then you call up that sissy and tell him all about it, which honestly, structurally, great job. The whole fucking thing is like perfectly done. It's like, it's like it harkens back to a time or stand up actually took effort and it's not like here

in sissy, though, is like, that's one that like this catches me off guard. Yeah. Yeah. Cause it's, it's 1950s. You call up that Nancy boy. That's pretty good. Yeah. That's you, Adam. He's talking about you and Nancy. You are. Yeah. You're the sissy. I don't like listening to anyone's anything. That's not a problem. Yeah. You don't even listen to other sentences coming out of the mouths of people speaking directly to me. You're doing a podcast with, I listened guys. I've listened attentively because I've been playing with this bottle opener and something to fidget with. Help me. Man, I stopped by the Victor Renox flagship store. Yeah. We went there before the one. Yeah. It's Zoho. I was with

the Swiss army knives. I was with an associate of mine. It was in the market for a knife. So we went to the Louis. No. We went to the Victorinox store to purchase a knife and I said, these are life, got a lifetime warranty on them. Right. And they were like, yes, we don't actually service them here, but we can send it off for you to Switzerland. And yeah, they mailed my fucking knife off to the fucking Alps baby to have it re re machined. Beautiful. Which is like, I didn't think I'd be one of those guys that would go get his knives remachine, but here I am. But now it's like, I keep panicking and thinking I've lost my keys because I don't have the weight of that knife. Oh, so you keep the knife on deck. He's always got it.

I always carry a blade on me. Ty Bo is that you? No, I was doing Will Keith. You know, that big fat guy has the sword videos because he calls the swords his blades. The most important part of the bleed is when you open a new bleed. Hell yeah, dude. Who needed a knife? An associate of mine. What are you doing? What do you mean? What do you mean? I'm not doing with associates. I got a lot of people that I talk to spend time with do favors for me. That's not true, dude. You got me in stock. No, I got hookups. I got all kinds of deals. You got a guy at the Apple store, right? No, he quit the Apple store. Where's he working now? He sells knives. He's actually the one guy. He actually sent me his resume to be a producer on the show.

So obviously he's not doing too well. Like I said, he's got to either be a gay guy, which we have, or some with big tits. What's that? The two kinds of producers. Gay guy, you make fun of her. I seem like a nice guy. We'll see how much people hate that. I think I got it figured out this time. Okay, nice. I listen back to it. It sounds fine. We all listen to it. It sounds fine. I didn't listen to it. Well, it sounds fine. Maybe a little bit quieter than the other ones, but everything's quieter than the one last week. Yes. I want to go a little bit quieter. Yes. Yes. You know, I think that might help a little bit softer now. Smooth. Like we mentioned in the beginning, smooth, dulcet. What does dulcet mean? It's

just a dulcet tones. Yeah, it's just a word people use that no one knows. But does it mean like quiet? I think it means quiet or smooth. I know it's good. Yeah, like a lullaby is dulcet. Maybe. I mean, I'm not gonna look that shit up. Yeah, I don't mean either. Fuck it. Fuck it, baby. But I do want to know actually now that I say it. I'm horny. You want Adam to suck you off? Yeah. Adam, get to work. For what? I'm horny. Typo. Do they have gay people in their community? Yes, of course. We've been over this. You're one of them. You're gay and retarded. That's fine. I had a friend who used to teach at a school for the intellectually disabled. I rewatched that video that Pia Glenn made of. The what? Pia

Glenn's Black Weekend update where she goes in on me. Oh, I don't remember that. No. Oh, yeah, she's like, she's like, there's a writer on thought catalog named Nicole Mullen, which is really Nick Mullen. Awesome. Plus this goofy ass picture. I mean, it's a really funny segment. Oh, really? She doesn't really. It's not. It's not. I mean, it's like, it's like this is just a fucking white man doing like base level comedy. It's like, yep. Yeah, that's it. You got his baby. She's like, she's like, it's not and it's not funny. It's like, makes me laugh. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, Pia. Pia in my mouth. She's Salman Rushdie's ex-girlfriend. Oh, nice. Salman lays the pipe, dude. Yeah. Yeah. That might

be my sex idol. Salman Rushdie? I want to be the number one fat bald guy. Yeah, just the ugliest shit bald guy. Yeah, girl, you know, man, he's Muslims is trying to kill my ass. He's so dangerous. Oh my God. Oh, do I need to get a Fatwa? Yeah, you need a Fatwa. I need a Fatwa. He's so dangerous. Muslims want to kill him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know, I drew Muhammad. I'm about to draw Muhammad. I was just going to say that I'm about to draw Muhammad right now if they'll get me pussy. I'm going to get an etch a sketch. But you need to get the whole country of Iran to want to kill you. Oh, really? Yeah. You got to write some satanic verses, baby. Well, I get to fuck a hot Iranian

girl. The satanic hook. The satanic chorus. I would love to. Yeah. That sounds great. Is that what he did? He did some satanic shit. You wrote a book called The Satanic Verses. Oh, nice. And it's about the devil? Yeah. No, it's about how Muslims are the devil. Oh, damn. Something like that. Okay. Yeah. Damn, I really like how they use their hand to wipe their ass. One hand and one to eat, which I think is a good system, actually. Well, I mean, you know, I mean, is that is that's not as bad as the French who just don't wipe at all. Yep. Yep. That's right. That's where you have hair in your ass because the hair wipes your ass. Why would that? Why would that take the poop out? It's to me, it is

better to leave it in because you know, it's a style. It looks good. When you have your ass cheeks completely covered in diarrhea. Yeah. I went to Metrograph the other night to see what? Lola. What is that? Like an old movie? Yeah. It sounds like a movie in the 50s about a slut. It is. Really? It's not Lolita. No, it's not Lolita. I didn't your favorite movie. I didn't say the name of the movie wrong. Yeah. You might have forgotten Lolita, the part that I see you watch every time I come. You're only you're always watching a couple specific scenes from that movie. Every time I come into your home, it's kind of weird. It's a scene with Dustin Hoffman's penis. Yeah. You're just slow motion, putting

the part where you see his cock. You've actually edited so that you don't see a woman anywhere. Whatever, man. You're watching that. Maybe it's not Lolita, but. And actually sometimes it's just, you just Google Dustin Hoffman's penis. Yeah. Sometimes. That's what I thought. I don't remember, man. His penis is in that movie. Yeah. His penis is in that movie. The point is, you look at Dustin Hoffman's penis a lot when I come into your apartment. Yeah. He's a good actor. Dustin. Dustin. Dust him off, man. Yeah. That's when Adam fills his bug mouth with a bunch of dust. Get it, old guy. There we go. There we go. There we go. Yeah. Yeah. I got him pretty good, dude. Typo. Typo. It keeps popping up. All right, tonight

on Rose Battle, when everyone's been fucking waiting for, Louis J Gomez will battle a man with Darren's syndrome. Who will win? Honestly, we all pretty much know the answer immediately. But who's going to win in the fucking boxing match slash spelling bee afterwards? We also know who will win that. That'd be cool if Typo is an insult comment. I mean, how far away are we from that? We're having a really awesome at Rose Battles. Yeah. Oh, he'd crash. He's dumb, bitch. Because he whiffs under a walk with his career. And he makes a bunch of noise. Thank you. Last joke. What else, boys? What else is going on in them current events? You know, the Super Bowl. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hell of a game. Philadelphia. If you watch it.

I watched, yeah, actually, I was shooting pool, but it was on. Oh, nice. Who's an entertaining game? It was a good one. Yeah. It was really good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was at Amsterdam. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I watched it. Yeah. I loved it. Yeah. They ate dog. They ate horse shit. Philly. Philly fans ate horse shit to celebrate, I guess. Yeah, that rules. What? I don't know, man. There's a video of like on Rod Street. They ate horse shit. They were like flipping over cars and there was pandemonium and then some dude in a Donovan McNabb jersey. They were like, do it, do it. This face is just in the horse shit that he just eats it like very delicately and then everyone starts to fear. I mean, that's better than people

were expecting hate crimes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So if all we got was somebody eating horse shit, that's a, that's great. No, the racist team lost, you know, it's, I guess. Yeah. That's, I mean, that's was the narrative everyone put in and, you know, yeah. No, fuck, fuck. Tom Brady lost in the end and it was a win for all POCs. Well, they they already said they're not going to the White House. All of them, all of them as a team. I like that because they got Chris Long, shouts out to Chris Long. He, he, he fucking has a name for retarded people. It's people of colored pencils. People of coloring. There was a person of coloring books. That's where we go after intellectually disabled POC

bees. Oh fuck, dude. Yeah, it was, that was really cool. And the one come town related aspect to the game that was really just the background was of course the fact that Tom Brady was outed as a son kisser. Yeah. The lips are gay with his. So it was kind of torn because on one hand I don't want you ain't going to win right, but on the other hand, we got a support. He was gay with his son. Someone being gay with their dad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, and he's been gay with his dad. He's kissed his dad on the lips. And Bella Chick kissed his daughter on the lips. That doesn't count. That's not being gay with your dad. Well, that was just hot. I was just some sexy shit. That was too, that was too normative

for us. Oh yeah. Also, I watched two bills. It's a documentary about Bill Belchick when he was younger and Bill Parcells. Bill Parcells has just an awesome like he's so fat and like a fucking like lunch lady way. Yup. And, and Bill or Bill Parcells and Bill Belchick has no personality. He looks awesome though. He's wearing like short shorts in the seventies. It kind of rules. Yeah. It's nice to see, you know, fat old guys, how they used to be sexy. Heads up, motherfuckers. I just, I just said okay to this guy to print this order off. So I got t-shirts coming at least one design. So I guess I'll be upfront. I bought a domain name and the plan is to just put a storefront on there because I don't think

there's no reason to have a fucking website. There's been some sort of like dispute going on between the Reddit people about like a Discord server, which I don't know. What's that mean? I don't know what it is. It's like a way for people who like show to chat with each other. So I was like, somebody told me to set one up through Patreon because Patreon has some kind of integration. But I guess like what that would mean is that people would have to pay money to just talk to the chat. Yeah. Talk to other people who like like to the show. Yeah. What if they don't subscribe? Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's a waste. So just for the URL, what it's going to be is like, if you subscribe to the Patreon, you'll be

able to log in and you get like free shipping and like $5 off like merge orders. Cool. That's cool. Yeah. Very generous. And then at some point, no, it's just business. You fucking idiot. I think it's very generous. I would make back the, I would make back the fucking percentage point as soon as the second month rolls out. It's not business. It's not personal. It's business, man. Sorry, Nick. I'm going to, I think you're a good guy and you can't change my mind about that. Okay. Shut up. Adam's home address is to be disclosed. Subscribe to the Patreon. If you're, if you're not a subscriber, you can't Adam's home address. Premium subscribers figure out where I lay my head every night. Yeah. I'm excited about

this. Boys voucher me. Tell everyone how nice the shirt looks. It's a good ass shirt design. The shirt looks really good. We're very proud. Yeah. It's just one right now. So what I'm going to do is, and I'll say this, if you hit me up on Instagram for now, once I get the shirts in until I can set up the storefront, because it's going to cost, I guess, a decent amount of money to just have that storefront set up from the guy I talked to. If you want a shirt, I'll put the design on Instagram and then we'll just do PayPal for now. But if you are a premium subscriber, hold off until I can set up the storefront so you can get the discount. Okay. Yeah. That sounds fair. And also while we're doing this right

now, we have a show at Caroline's on the 15th, which I'm not sure how well we've gotten the word out about it. Oh yeah. We really need to promote that because we've only sold like four tickets. I don't know. I haven't checked. Yeah. So next week on Thursday, we're doing a live come town at Caroline's on Broadway and we're going to be doing the full hour 15 or whatever, just the three of us on stage. So it won't be like funny moms where it's us fucking around at the beginning for 20 minutes and then stand up. It's just going to be us doing a live podcast. Based on the one in DC, it went really well. So yeah, please come out. Please come out. And if you haven't been to Caroline's before, it's pretty cool

to see a show there. Yeah. I'm going to email them now and figure out where our ticket sales are at. We're going to take a quick break and we'll be back in a second to have sex. Hey everybody. Guess what? Take off your underwear, throw it away because we got some brand new underwear for you. Mack Weldon. It's better than whatever you're wearing right now. Mack Weldon is a brand new underwear company that believes in smart design, premium fabrics and simple shopping. Go online. It's the easiest online shopping experience you'll ever have. I've done it myself. It was great. I got some great underwear. I got some very comfortable socks, shirts, undershirts, hoodies and sweatpants, most comfortable hoodies and

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More CrossFit sessions a day. I don't fuck anymore, but I go to CrossFit a lot. I've been wearing Mack Weldon underwear the whole time. It keeps me tight in the hole. What hole is that? Squatting? No. K-hole. I'm fucked up on ketamine every time I go to the gym. So go to MackWeldon.com and get 20% off using promo code COMTOWN, everybody. The greatest promo code you've ever heard in your life, C-U-M-T-O-W-N, 20% off, MackWeldon.com. Check them out. And we're back. Let's roll, baby. We're just going to roll right into the episode. Not to toot our own horns, and we won't mention the company unless you motherfucking pay us, but our Super Bowl picks were correct. Yes. I hope you made some money on the Eagles.

I also made that pick to people in DMs. Oh, really? People come to me with gambling questions because of my crypto calls. Really? Yeah. And then, yeah, we were right about the amount of Trump tweets. We were right about the concussion, all the profits we got. We were right. Make sure you actually talk into the microphone. I'm talking into the microphone. No, you were looking at Stov and holding the microphone into your cheek. But my mouth was speaking into the microphone. No, it was not. I got something about to hold up to your cheek, Adam. Do you want to know what it is? I'm not going to tell you, but it's my penis. You just told him. You told him. But no, it's just some misdirected text in my balls. Anyway,

the Frasier's dad died, guys. Oh, shit. That's John Mahoney. I didn't know he was British. Did you know he was British? Yeah, of course. I didn't know that. That's crazy. And his sons weren't British. That's hence acting, you fucking idiot. That's wild, though, bro. He didn't seem British at all because like even the Dalton, McNulty, he seems, you know, I kind of know he's not from Baltimore. Right. Well, his accent on the wire is terrible. Yeah, but even in other shit. It was an episode where he has to do a British accent. He does, but it sounds ridiculous. He has to do a British accent on a sting. He does that, too, when he fucks us. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about a different episode.

When he does the murder, when he's faking the murderer, he has to like do it. You calm down, Adam. Yeah, sorry. I know you thought you knew something and you could have corrected so much. I've seen the whole wire. I've seen it, guys. He, yeah. Actually, you've seen a show called The Liar, and it's the self-facing camera on your phone. When you were, you actually were looking at yourself in your phone and watching a different TV show. And if anyone's interested in watching that show, it's going to be on Showtime. When you walk through the garden, you will encounter a bug. Yeah, he does a horrible, like Glenn Birdie-ish over the top Baltimore accent. He definitely worked with a dialect. And then he does, but

he does do the British. What's up, man? My name is dialect. Yeah, I work in the major motion big shit. Do you hear about this fucking, this FEMA contract? They're FEMA, like a 150 million dollar contract to some lady that's like, divine inspirations. I'm sure she's spent most of the money on scented candles and bath bombs. Yeah, they ordered like 3.5 million meals. Yeah, 30 million meals and she made 30 million meals. Yeah, 30 million meals and she delivered like 20,000. Oh my God. That's wild, dude. And like probably nothing's going to happen. Like Puerto Rico's just going to keep getting fucked. And she's just going to like not have to pay the money back or something. I don't fucking know.

It's still fucked there, I think. Yeah, they're real fucked. Well, the problem is that they're so fucking picky with the meals. It's true. They would only eat like mofungu and macaw, macaw chicken wings, deep fried macaw wings. Man, I need my fucking $20,000 dinner, man. You got to kill these delicious foodie bars. The hurricane. She make it so I can order me my pretty bars. I want to eat the spicy pretty bars but I can't. Well, I had no idea that was the biggest problem in Puerto Rico right now. Yeah, I got my finger on the pulse. I know what's going on down there in Puerto Chico where I had my summer vacation this year. That's right. Last year. I was, you know, I was wearing that pan of my hat while

nude in my bedroom the other day. Of course. And I thought what a nice little trip that night was. Yeah, to Puerto Rico. Smoking some cigars. Yeah. You enjoyed it. Every time I've asked you how it was, you said you did not enjoy yourself. Yeah, but it's not. I've spent some time. You know what I like? You're like, oh, it's a great trip. Yeah, I like looking back on things when you can't remember the pain. You know what I'm saying? Being dark. It is funny because it's like understanding your dark past. Oh yeah. Absolutely. The heart, the struggle I went through and being forced to go to Puerto Rico for a birthday. It is funny because if we think about like when we met and became friends, it's like funny

stories we've told. Both of us were probably at the one of the worst parts of our lives. That's true. We were so depressed. You were like 650 pounds. Yeah, I was fat as shit. I was ordering wine at Sidebar to prevent myself from drinking. The wine has dust in it. Yeah, it was horrible. They were like, not even sure they had it. Yeah. They were like, oh, yeah. I mean, I guess if you want to drink this, right? But now we look back fondly. Yeah, life is good. If you think my dick doesn't work now, who should have seen when I was fat even? Oh, it was worse then. Yeah. Oh, I thought it just got worse as you got older. Really? Your dick. The fatter I get, the fatter I get, the worse my dick is.

Are you sure that's how it works? For sure. For sure. No, it's circulation. Yeah, it's a circulation problem. And then when I hit the stationery, that's why I'm going to get a stationery bike in my bedroom. That's why my new thing now is smirculation. You know what I'm saying? I like to smile at my dick until it gets hard. I like to give my dick a little grimace. Oh, a grimace to get it back soft. That's right. Okay. I'm going to get a little bike for my balls. My balls are the feet and my dick is the head. I would like it if my dick and balls could walk like that. They keep on trucking guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure, man. That'd be a cool look. That would be an awesome look. Just put your balls

on a table and just fucking start wandering. That would be fucking cool. I also watched a bunch of movies this weekend. I watched the Sopranos episode last night where Tony takes Meadow to college. That's the best episode. I don't know if it's the best, but it's considered the best episode by Adam's OpinionSource.com. He pays $15 a month to get opinions told to him by other people. Wait, is that the one where he stays at the hotel and has like dreams and shit? What happens in that one? No, those episodes are great though. He sees a snitch. Oh, that is really good. That is a really fucking good one. Meadow asks him if he's in the mob. Yeah. But Meadow knows what's up. No, but she like knows what's

up. I know you're in the mob and he's like, what the fuck are you talking about? And he's like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I, yeah, whatever. I love that speech Meadow gives when it's somebody's funeral. How about Meadow's Sucrano, right? Like S-O-C-R-A-Y-O-N-O. Okay. And she has Down syndrome. What about Meadow's secretion? How about Tony's Sucrano? Okay. You know, it's the same premise. I got it. I figured that out. Christopher. Christopher. I don't have any more jelly beans, Tony. What the fuck is the matter with you, Tony? Tom, stop beating on my Twizzlers. Come on, I've been going to therapy. Come on, I've been going to speech pathology. Tony Sucrano. Tony, you want me to drive you to the bouncy house?

You want me to drive you to Discovery Zone, Tony? The Chuck E. Cheese. I watched Heat, which I'd never seen. What? How did you never see the Heat, dude? It rules. You haven't seen anything. It was crazy. Last night, I was, like, I just typed in, like, best thrillers of all time. Yeah. And then I look at the list and it's like, I've seen every single one of these movies. What are some movies? What, like, the Hitchcock movies? Yeah, there's Hitchcock movies on there, but then there's, like, other shit. It's just, you know, I mean, that's like... Is Heat considered a thriller? No. It's an action. It's a caper. Ooh, caper. I like capers. Yeah. Well, caperberry. I love caper. I don't know what caperberry is, but

I don't know what. But yeah, it was good as fuck. Is Charlize's in there, right? She's so hot in that. Charlize Theron? No, no, no. Who's plays the fucking wife, Val Kilmer's wife? Ashley Judd. Ashley Judd. Yeah, she's a fucking... Yo, Val Kilmer's looking good as hell. In that movie? I forget because he's fat as hell and looks terrible now, but he's like... I think he's sick. He's sick? Oh, damn. Sorry, man. He's one of my faves. Uh, he... Apparently he's a real asshole. Of course. Is he? Yeah. He tweets some funny shit every once in a while, but that's a good... De Niro and Pacino just goes between being awesome and then being hilarious. They did a movie a couple of years ago. They were like, we're

back together again, and then it was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Yeah, yeah, I remember that. I believe I was working at Blockbuster at the time. Yeah. It was a while ago. You were a Blockbuster guy, and you haven't seen any movies? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the best part about Blockbuster, was you could talk to the Blockbuster guy about movies and he's seen fucking everything. I watched a lot of... I hadn't seen anything going in. If you... You're like, yeah, see, my thing is more of the candy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, uh... No, I saw... I saw a bunch of Scorsese movies that I hadn't seen. Like, what? Uh, King of Comedy. King of Comedy is the class. Oh, my God. I love that. Do you watch Bringing

Out the Dead? No, no, no, not this time. Do you watch Bringing Out the Dead? No. You fucking imbecile. I watched History of Violence. This doesn't hold up. It doesn't hold up. I loved it when I was a teenager. It wasn't as good as I remembered, yeah. I watched History of Violence. It is nice to get a glimpse of an old type of New York that doesn't really exist. Yeah, like the fucking... Where was it? Like Hell's Kitchen? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like Midtown Manhattan. Yeah. 95. Oh, shit. Crackheads and trannies. Even in 95? It was that bad? Yeah, dude. Up until, like, the late 90s, like, early... My aunts lived in Hell's Kitchen my whole life. I remember, like, going to visit. I was just there. It was pretty cool,

now. It's like... Do you remember Mark? I mean, it's not cool. He's like, prostitutes walking, yeah. What's that? Mark Anthony's character in that movie. He was like the local drug addict. Yeah, yeah. Does it get impaled on the thing at the end, or...? I forget what happens to him, but he's just constantly covered in shit. Oh, yeah. The entire movie, and then you watch it and you realize, oh, my God, that's Mark Anthony. But how about let's talk about History of Violence, because I saw that, too. That's good. I gotta say, Vigo, there's a scene in there where he really eats pussy big time, and salute to any movie that shows that kind of graphic. I love when the gay son of the mob boss in Eastern Promises is

like, you fuck him! You fuck everybody! He's like, watching Vigo fuck. No Eastern Promises spoilers, guys. I haven't seen it yet. Man, I could re-watch both of those movies. Let's watch Eastern Promises sometime. They're really good. Bro, I got the projector going. Browningberg did History of Violence? Yeah. Yeah. History of Violence in Eastern Promises. They're like companion films, almost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little Kronenberg, Vigo, Double Feach. I'm down to do it. Vigo was good as hell in that shit, dude. He's great. And then I watched John Wick also. And John Wick is like a hard dick-ass version of History of Violence, if you think about it. How about John Lick? And he's got a big lollipop, and he's always looking

on it. He's like, well, you see my dog? He's all up. He's all up. John Wick. John Wick. He's all up syndrome? No, it's just me. Doesn't Keanu, like, in real life, he's like- He stole my twice ago. He's like fancies himself in intellectual? No, he's a cool dude. Oh, so that Adam Friedland does that? Yeah. No, no, because the joke about him was that he was retarded, right? Yeah, he fancies himself in intellectual. No, I think Keanu rocks. Yeah, he does rock, but the joke about him was like, whoa. His life is also tragic. Everyone he's ever loved has been fucking died. He's kind of like John Wick. Same with Kelsey Grammer. Yeah, but Kelsey Grammer seems like a dick-ass. He's a horrible person. Including

Mahoney, the Frasier Curse. The Frasier Curse, dude. That lady with big tits, that blonde lady, his wife, his ex-wife, is she gonna die next? They're gone with the wind curse. Everyone who's in the movie, gone with the wind, is dead. It's crazy. Everyone in Third Man is now dead. What the fuck? Everyone in Birth of a Nation is now dead. The first movie. That wasn't the first movie. Wasn't that like one of the first ones? People say it's like one of the first, you know, great movies. Which is wild to, like, put that on the- I feel like you should get disqualified. Because it's racist. How about a movie called Burp of a Nation, right? And it's a documentary about microbreweries for people who like bullshit

like that. But then it's also racist. I mean, yeah. That makes sense. A lot of microbrewery guys look like racists. How about a sequel to Making a Murderer called Blaming a Black Guy? Stephen Avery finally figures out the solution to his problem. That would be good. Here's the painting in the Met, some of us told me recently, people want to take down because the artist, I guess from like the 1800s or whatever, is a pedophile. And the subject is a baby. Well then we can't even have geometry, you know? They were all sucking to measure little boys' cops. To figure out how to fuck it. The circumference of which little boy's asshole matches your penis. Exactly. That's why they learned not to put the Gorian theorem

in the other one. That's why you got to respect the art, you know? What's the circle one? Which one? Is it Walt Whitman? Yeah, that's another guy who fucked kids. Yeah, you can't read any Walt Whitman. No, it's not a Walt Whitman. Leaves are his dick and wind is a boy's ass. Yeah. If you go back and read all of... No, no, Leaves of Grass was about smoking a weed. And you see this thing about Fleetwood Mac. Some people were mad that Fleetwood Mac, apparently all the band members got paid the same, which is like, initially people were like, oh, that's gender equality. But then it was like, well, Stevie Nicks was the star of the band, so she should have gotten way more money. Yeah, the bassist got as much

as Stevie Nicks. Oh, okay, yeah. I'm wrong. It was a painting of a young woman with her legs sort of exposed and her panties, like the crotch of her panties, just by the artist Balthus. Every medieval... Well, first of all, what does pedophile even mean back then? Yeah. Well, it means someone who fucks kids. It was early 20th century. It had the same meaning back then. But you know what I mean? Didn't everyone fuck kids? Like, weren't you getting them married at 11? Anyway, the med has refused. I'm about to show, instead of married with children, it's married to children. You're really on today, man. And then what happens? Ow, we have sex. It's a kid that's trying to get fucked, Orton. It's the pedophile

that molested Blake, kick it hard. Oh, I forgot that. Someone else? Yeah, that's a great story. That's a great story about my friend being assaulted. Yeah, it was really... Married to children. We've had a lazy pedophile who's grown complacent now that his wife is 14. Yep. Well, I wanted to talk more about that FEMA contractor. Let's talk more about it. Let's talk more about it, man. Well, I don't know. I mean, I just mentioned it, and then we kind of moved on. You can go back. I just saw movies, and I wanted to talk about them. I also saw Kill Bill again. It's my favorite movie, I think. Yeah. I love Kill Bill. Your favorite movie out of all movies. I think so, yeah. Why not? Although, now Tarantino's,

he said that... What did he say that like... Roman Polanski... That girl wanted it. Didn't rape her, but he had sex with her. That's tough. I don't know. I didn't read the thing, but that's just not a good... Why even make a comment, even if you believe that? I don't know. Yeah, I don't... You're coming through on his... on Polanski side? No, I just don't think it changes whether, like, Kill Bill was good or not. It doesn't make you feel a little weird. No. Listen to this. Doug Shifter, a New York livery driver, said he killed himself to eliminate how ride-hailing services have devastated taxi workers financially. Oh, nice. Yeah, it's like that. He killed himself. Couldn't you have just written a blog? Yeah, man. What

a drama queen. I mean, it would like... It sucks. Yeah. I don't like that he... that guy killed himself. I'll be honest, guys. That's kind of fucked up. Because a Lyft? A Lyft made him kill himself? Yes. Last Spring by Ravi Desai, a middle-aged woman without a driver's license and thus an unlikely leader for... What if the podcast is just me reading the New York Times? Is that illegal? I don't think so. I feel like it would be illegal for me to just read it. You have to change every fourth word. Oh. So try it. It's the Gray Lady at the paper of record. Last... Last Ass Spring by Ravi Desai, a middle-ass aged woman without a driver's ass license and thus an unlikely leader for thousands

of mostly male ass drivers in the world's largest ass market for hired ass vehicles. Dog, loophole, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's make our own newspaper. Doggie. The New York Ass Times. The New York Ass Times. Who's ready for the world-ass news? Delivered an emotional testimony in front of New York Ass City's Taxi and Limousine Commission about the mounting existential discontent in her field. The executive ass director of the New York Taxi or his alliance. Ms. Desai had been a labor activist. We should do that for real. What? Kill ourselves in front of City Hall? Yeah, that'd be cool. I feel like that's the goal for any white man is to kill yourself in front of City Hall. They've taken everything from us. Just say

they've taken everything from us and let them figure out what you mean, you know? I love that Simpsons episode where Homer becomes a sanitation commissioner. I don't remember that one. That is a great episode. What happens in that one? How does he get it? Well, he gets into a fight with the trash men initially because they put a bunch of, like, he didn't want to take the trash out and they take it out and then, like, they don't, they just pass by him and he yells at them and then he gets into a fight with them. Nice. They won't pick up his trash anymore. And then Marge forges his signature to write an apology letter to the sanitation. Hell yeah. And then he gets into it with the San... That might

be a later episode too because I think Steve Martin guest stars as the... Sanitation director. As the real sanitation guy. But it has that musical number. Can't somebody else do it? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Is this the mob? Is this the mob? No, Homer starts letting other cities dump their trash in the city and the entire city erupts in garbage. Oh, I remember that. Yeah. And there's a wall of garbage? No, it just boils up from under the... And then they just move the town. They move the entire town. Like, five miles down the road. That's cool. We should do that with a different planet, huh boys? Yeah. That's what Elon Musk is trying to do. Yeah. That guy sucks, right? He's selling flamethrowers now? Yeah. I don't

really have a problem with Elon Musk with the people that idolize him are fucking weird. Yeah. Yeah, they're lame ass. Didn't he like fire a secretary or something because she asked for a raise or... Did? He's like a libertarian sort of. Yeah, I think he's against unions maybe. No, she asked for a raise and then he was like, how about you just take a week off and let me see what you'd actually do. And then like, there was no change in his productivity. He was like, oh yeah, you're fine. I guess you shouldn't even have been working here. Damn. Whoa. That's cold blooded, dude. Yeah, obviously secretaries aren't supposed to do anything. Yeah, you just look cute for the boss. Pick up the phone. That's all the...

Mm-hmm. What an asshole. You know, you get pregnant, you get an abortion, like this, like madmen. That's what secretaries do. Yeah. Should we get one of those, a madmen style secretary? I'm trying to think of a show called Mad Men, but it's got Don Typer in it. Down Draper. Down Draper. Down Draper. Yeah. Can I ask you something? Why do you smoke? No, hold on. Can I ask you something? Why do you eat butterfingers? I don't know, I guess that's what we ate during the war. I just like it. You just like it. That's perfect. Thank you. Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. But anyway, I don't know. Fuck you on Musk, I guess. Shouldn't we have like cool as shit by now? It was cool when he got the

rocket to land right side up. That was pretty cool. I don't remember that. That's the coolest thing I think he's done. He like got a rocket, like instead of like just like, you know, falling back down upon reentry to like land like like Star Wars. I would just like rich guys to pay to give poor people more money. That's kind of my stance. I think yeah, I don't know enough about it, but I think I'm like Jeff Bezos and his fucked up. I fuck that guy about Jeff. Jeff beats off. That's good. That's cool. I like that. I'd like that guy more than Bezos. How about Beth J's off? Jeff Bezos. Jeff J's off. Jeff J's off. Yeah. He's a cool cousin that beats off. He's always felt inferior to his jacking off cousin.

That's why he became so successful. Yeah. Amazoff. Yeah. Yeah. Glamazon. He's a gay. When I shop so hard, I come. That's when I amazoff. What about the Winter Olympics? What are we excited about though? Yeah, I invited Claire and invited you to that Winter Olympics opening ceremony, the ceremony party that starts at 6 a.m. I think, yeah, I think it was a bit on Facebook. Oh, was it? Well, she sent me a personal message saying like, hey, I'm having a, I was like, what's it? I don't know. I don't know. It seems like a fucking joke. I don't really read Facebook, but you don't have Facebook. So how else would she do it? It's on Instagram. She messaged me. Oh yeah. Well, you don't have a Facebook.

I don't know. I mean, I'm not shitting on Claire, but like, who the fuck gives a shit about the Winter Olympics? I assume it's a bit, but maybe she used to ice skate or something. She seems like she could or went skiing or something. Maybe. Yeah. I'm just ready. Maybe she went skiing once. I'm just excited for Pyong Chang to finally have its moment in the spotlight. Pyong Yang. Pyong Chang. What's that? Is where the Winter Olympics are. Is it pronounced Chang or Yang? Because everyone. Pyong Yang is the capital of North Korea. Yeah. Pyong Chang is where the Winter Olympics is. In South Korea? Where's Pyong Chang? Speaking of the Space X is launching to space the world's most powerful rocket, the Falcon Heavy, named

after Jonah Falcon. Elon Musk's personal idol. Yeah. It's carrying a cherry red sports car as its payload. That is the gayest thing I've ever heard. He sent a car into space. Yeah. Red sports car. Yeah. So some aliens going to find it and be like, this must be a gift. So he's a clown. From time to time. Alien time, bro. Yeah. That's just what they. Oh, yeah. They don't have as much oxygen on other planets. That makes sense. They need the chromosomes in their lungs, so they have extra of them. So Elon Musk is just a nerd who's trying to be cool. This is really what it comes down to. I guess he's a billionaire that's trying to live in space off like other people's hormones and whatever. And then live for like 400 years.

Yeah. Yeah. Damn. He definitely is getting some weird injections. Okay. Yeah. We're at 137 for Caroline's ticket sales. That's not bad. It's not bad, but we should do more. Yeah. What's it? Three? Should we do a flyer? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We should do a flyer. I know we are nine days. Yeah. Maybe we should. I'll I'll figure that out today. Okay. There you go. Yeah. A little initiative. Yeah. Thanks. You know, yeah. You're pulling your weight around here? No, I mean, I'll just do a flyer. Someone else to do it. Yeah. But yeah, I'll make the flyer and I'll put it out today. Why? Because I know how to fucking do that kind of thing. I know how to do it. You can't draw your fucking idiot. Are you drawing it?

I'll draw. He's good at drawing. I know how to draw. Okay. Nixon, when he gets in his little fucking autistic. I didn't send you guys, but this guy took some pictures in DC that are very nice. Nice. Let's see him. And Adam just loves pictures of himself. He's a fucking narcissist. I don't love pictures of myself. These pictures are so nice. These are pictures of him. It's not of me. It's of us. Then you were eating saltine in the background 15 feet away. That's not true. It's it's added with a fat guy and a different guy with a mustache. Look how good we look. I'm just completely zoomed in on his own face. I'm not. That's not true. Wow. What a great picture of us. They are nice pictures

of us. I'll show them to you. I want to see him too, man. You asshole. But you guys look cute. Thanks, man. And I look cute too. And yes, that was a fun trip. I want to go on another trip. We got to book shows on the road. I'm working on it. I got Austin coming up. Yeah. We got to figure out this Caroline's thing because if we don't sell out Caroline's we're fucked because I'm looking at that. I'm looking at venues in Austin. I got Matt Bearden helping me out. Bro, we're not fucked. We won't be fucked. We're not going to be fucked. 137 a week. That's fine. We'll get it. We'll get it. What were we at when with Black Hat like a week out? I can react for you. Yeah, but we've been promoting it for

fucking a month in advance. Guys, you got to come out February 15th. There's no funny moms ever again, actually. Unless we sell out. Unless we sell out. There's no funny moms next week. Just the show at Caroline's and then we'll be back at come on everybody on 27th. No, we won't be unless we sell it out. Unless we sell. Yeah. If we don't sell out, we're going to fucking kill ourselves. Yeah, we're going to kill Adam. Yeah, we got to sell out. And we're all going to do it. We're all definitely going to kill ourselves. Adam's going to go first. Read to it. I'm not going to go first, but we are going to do it because I believe you guys, but I just want you guys to know you're going first.

I'm going to kill myself in front of City Hall and then the New York Times has to write an article about it. And then we'll sell out the next one for sure. They're like, just like kill themselves because nobody came to a show at Caroline's. Yeah. So please don't do that, guys. The editor-in-chief of the New York Gas Times. You know, yeah, you know how the pot is when Nick is clearly reading his phone and me and Adam are just going back and forth. Imagine that's what just the pot is if we don't sell out Caroline's and it kills himself. So yeah, it's just going to be me and Stav going back and forth. I mean, you're lucky that I'm not at, you know, 8% body fat yet because obviously I can't kill

myself until I might get it. I might spend my last Patreon check on liposuction. Oh yeah. That's good. Bring the body fat down. That would be cool. If you got liposuction, that would be really funny actually. Where would you get it sectioned from? Oh, lower back and lower stomach. Your lower, is that where you possess fat? That's where everybody does. Yeah. Lower back? That's the first place. That's the first place you gain weight is, you know, like this area, the love hand. Oh yeah, the love hand. Yeah, yeah. The muffin tops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the first place you gain weight. Last place you lose it. Oh, interesting. Oh, yeah. Unless you have, it's too much estrogen in your bloodstream. In

that case you get breasts and hip fat, leg fat. I've never gained weight on my legs ever. Really? Never once. No. It's never fucking happened to me once in my fucking life. Little chicken leg ass piece. Yeah, I got, I'm a chicken leg too. No, I don't have chicken legs. I'm what they call a chicken head actually. You do give, you're a chicken head. I'm a real hood rat. The beautiful chicken. We cannot have her anymore because of her again. She take the beautiful chicken and she kill her. How about this? So FEMA paid five dollars each for those meals. Yeah, probably. It's, it was an enormous contract. What about this for? That's insane. Just send McDonald's. Yeah. Cheaper. Yeah. Just fucking contract

out to McDonald's. 550 each for those meals. I don't know if it was landed or whatever. It's like this stupid combination of like, all right, we're going to have something bloated and huge like the government deal with disaster relief, which like the government should be doing. Yeah. But then we're going to contract this all out to fake tiny companies. Tiffany Brown. Right. Yeah. And her 11 employees. Yeah. Black ladies. Zero employees. Do we know if she's black? I wonder. First of all, all you need to say is government contractor and then you know. No, dude. What the fuck? I mean, a lot of them, my dad works for like a contractor in the entire office is all just, you know, who I don't know if most of government

contractors are black people is true. I don't know. I feel like the federal government, the federal government is filled with black people. Well, yeah, those are actually people who live in DC. Yeah. Yeah. But like, but like government contractors are like, also when I think government contracts consulting it, like, yeah, consulting. Yeah. Like, yeah, like in what are those other companies? Deloitte. Deloitte. Yeah. I'll just thieves just like they don't do shit. They do nothing. Ernst and Young, I think is another one. I was talking to my friend that they can suck my fat nuts. I was working at Deloitte or McKinsey and like missile companies. Yeah. Boeing. That's a plane, right? Sure. What's the Raytheon? Is that Raytheon? Yeah,

that's missiles. Tom Hawk cruise missile. I thought that was the person on Twitter. That was was. Yeah. Juan Adel Raytheon. That was the it's so funny. How much how much these fucking idiots just consume themselves. It's really fun. It's almost it's like that you feel like I feel like you don't really hear much about the alt right anymore because it's kind of unnecessary. You can just let the left destroy itself. Yeah. That should add Barnes and Noble with Rose McGowan. Yeah. Yeah. Rose McGowan screaming at that trans woman who's dragged out screaming Rose McGowan. Shut the fuck up. Screaming cis, white fucking race, you know, racism or whatever. And then it turns out that the trans woman raped children. Yeah. Yeah. We talked about that. Yeah.

On the last one. But yeah, that's wild before you get it's kind of like being baptized. She's also been like so like raped and fucking diddled in Hollywood for so many years. She's like literally just a crazy person at this point. Rose McGowan. Yeah. Last time we talked about it, you said all trans people are bad at them if I recall correctly. No, I didn't. You said you're a turf. No. You literally said I'm a turf. I did not say that. You said turfs are right. No. I would never. I said they were hot. I said that's a hot kind of one. Yeah. Yeah. You said that turf girls are hot. Yeah. They have long necks, I think. To drink water. Yeah. I don't know why. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's how they evolved. You get closer to puddles. So you start with a little

last-necked lady. No. I think that it's just different, but trans women probably have a harder life than cis women. Yeah. But you can't say that they have the same experience. No, I agree with that. Yeah. That's all I was saying. But yeah, the left will cannibalize itself and we're fucked. So that's why this is now officially back to being an old, right? Hell yeah, dude. Dude, those clown prints. Oh, yeah. Oh, Nick's putting on his makeup. Yeah. Friends, let me tell you that that bit was only on a premium episode. Oh, that's a great bit. Well, if you want to subscribe to premium, you can hear Nick's great pastor that hot topic pastor that just saw the dark night. Yeah. That was a really good one. I'm sure someone will steal it and put it on

YouTube for sure. Which honestly, I prefer that drives listeners to the show. Yeah. Because if people just put the fucking the only parts of the show that are funny on YouTube. It makes the whole show seem funny. Yeah. They figured out a way to cut out Adam's microphone. Yeah. Yeah, they can do that. There is technology for that. All right. Well, we're going to wrap it up. Caroline's February 15th. Please come out. Yes.