The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 91 – Cum Town Classic

Episode Date: February 22, 2018

Well its the original boys and no guest. We had fun on this one folks. It's kind of nice to just say dumb shit without someone interupting with a story about israel or getting a hand job from a chinese or whatever.

Little stupid us. Oh, yeah, so I put it in the user. Uh, so I was at the The I was telling Stavros earlier, but this now it's for the fans. Uh-huh hit him with it, baby I was at this they got this bodega That's Korean this little like Korean grocery store, and it's like a nice place. You know, it's well lit It's not like it's not filled with flies and dust like a normal bodega. That's right. They got like You know cool like oh if you go know bodega and all the raps have like clever names Yes, you know that was throws me off when you go know bodega and like the any thought has been right the raps are named like The Meravigian

It's like this matrix inspired Or the Billy Joel and then the guys working there are like wood sun is you want Who named these? I know it wasn't Mohammed. Right, right, right? He's barely wearing a shirt. Oh, yes You know my man's got a dirty ass beat on my muslim friend over here You know what i'm talking about muslims don't know how to name sam. My muzzle Yeah, do they Who are we hanging out with who called someone a muzzle brandon somebody called somebody a muzzle? Yeah, yeah

Oh, yeah, that uh brandy british guy british guy. What's up brandon burns brandon burns. Yeah Yeah, he called someone a muzzle and I you heard that I was like, no he said he said he's got a muzzle beard Muzzo beard that's it sounded raised, but maybe it's just a fun Thing they say over there. Yeah, well, they have those beards. I don't know what's wrong Doesn't muzzle sound like a slur sure because it's shorter and has o at the end. Mm-hmm. Are there any slurs that end in o? There you go. That's true. That's what it was. Yeah, they go sounds so good Uh, that one you feel nice niggro I think you can say that

No, n-i-g-r-o. That's like how the clan says negro. Oh really? Yeah, it's like a southern racist way to pronounce they put a little they put a little sting on a little yeah Yeah, they'll say negro, but then in front of a camera. That's how they say the n-word basically back even in the 60s Anyways, I'm in this bodega This is nice Korean bodega. They're just blasting that uh Little stupid ass bitch. I don't fuck with you. Yes, big Sean. I don't fuck with you. I don't fuck with you And uh, it's just on way too loud, you know, and it was like there could be families come right? Right, right, right, right. We're in new york city. There's families about absolutely

Everyone knows that about you nick your family values type of guy, you know, you're always worried about yeah I said what if a child heard this fucking shit? Yes. Yes, what if some dumb fucking cunt child? heard this black Yeah, then the kid's gonna want to fuck black guys I'm tired of I dealt with that in the adult world enough. That's why I started fucking children in the first place So I don't have to worry about getting cocked Just being a pedophile is a white issue. That's so good a guy who becomes a pedophile He's not even attracted. I just got tired of my girlfriend's fucking black guys

You know children there's no black pedophile. So I don't have to worry about Anyways, yeah, they're blasting that I put a few kicks in around age 13. I get I get up to the register and uh The korean guy behind the counter is like This stupid us be sure and focus you Sing along That's nice, man. Yeah a melting pot. You know, that's that's the kind of anecdote you guys are gonna get on this one This is Some might say officially the start of come town season two because we're back to basics, baby

Yeah, dude adam is adam's gone and we didn't replace him. Yeah, we just said fuck it and we're doing it in a story Like the first one ever. Yeah. Yeah, it was a nice nice 68 degrees in beautiful new york ass city today And I rode my bicycle All the way up here my bicycle which somebody stole the pump off my bike. What a fucking prick I know it was a $15 bicycle pump. Maybe he needed first cock Well, which you I mean I don't need that I don't have that issue anymore because I have a beautiful hercules cock pump Yeah, which I honestly have yet to try unfortunately, but we'll get there. Yeah, try it out You know, let the fans know I certainly spent a lot of money on it. So I would hope you appreciate it, man

Yeah, it's not gonna go to waste at least take it out of the box. It's out. It's already been out of the box You know, I've already kind of looked at it. But yeah, we did that at the live show came I fucked a I fucked a couple times since And I have not used it, but I have I'm off all the also even the weird or like gas station dick pills I'm off everything and I gotta say my dick is back to being like gas station dick pills It'd be a great name for like a really shitty punk band To your friend's band. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I gotta go see I gotta see the pills. Mm-hmm. The pills are playing Oh, yeah, the pills are playing Jonathan's

Next week and I gotta go all their songs are named after brands Rhino X and fucking samurai hentai. There's one where it's ryu and uh It's like street fighter characters just having sex with ryu and yeah, no, no, it's ryu and the bitch with the fans I was either I started off. I wanted to get a shirt. I'm gonna make the next shirt ideas is uh tailspin blue fucking coconut broad drag Blue from the king louis scene in jungle book Now explain to me sort of the backstory there is that is that all happening in blue's head? No, he's he beating off Well, I wanted to get I wanted to get initially what I wanted was either on either bicep or either ass cheek

Tailspin blue and then coconut broad drag blue from that's right. That's what me also me Yeah, you know what I mean tweet that. Yeah, I'm saying the two the two genders the two worlds. Yeah, that's the two genders Is tailspin blue and coconut broad drag scene king louis scene blue Um, anyways, yeah, you should I and I vote for ass cheek by the way, it would be a good look Yeah, oh, yeah, I would love to see that you know that porn angle where it's just the guy's ass in his balls for some reason And you can just sort of see the woman's thighs and feet and you don't really see any of her Yeah, it feels like a hack thing to bring up

I like I feel like I've heard other people talk about this But it took a while for them to stop doing male face close-ups in pornography. It really did these is just do like Like and then just cut to the guy being like, oh, yeah a shot of the guy enjoying himself I don't want to see that at all. Nobody wants to see that and never who's that for Get a closeted gay man who probably I mean, I don't think you're closeted if you're but then why are you watching straight porn? Oh, imagine being that far in the closet. Oh, yeah Yeah, you know, maybe it's for those Kinsey fellas Although if you if you wanted to fuck a man's ass and he's plowing the one maybe that's who that ball angles for too

Yeah, you're seeing a ass kind of open Sneaky sammy, you know Who likes to come in? Well, you're fucking a girl and you're like this field this pussy feels great. Wait a minute And he's like, hello Hello boys, and he's fucking your ass. Whoa, dude. That's That's what's that. What's that one not the Houdini is already something. What should it be called? Well, the Houdini is is uh, what is that one? Yeah, it's like

You and your friend switch real quick and then you're fucking outside of a window All right, it's rape with the Houdini's rape. Yeah, the woman is the woman has to schumer joke The woman has to be the woman has to be facing a window. Yes, which there's a lot of logistics in those. Yeah, you know I think that's that's a privilege thing that you would assume people have access to a window Window large enough a bay window. Some of us some of us don't have windows and we don't have friends either That's right. You need a first floor apartment That's true or to pull that off or one of those one of those uh window washer things You know at first I was going to say the clamps, but that's not a real guy

The spider, you know, the guys will try and climb 100-story buildings every once in a while. Yeah. Yeah I also like the premise of that is you and your friend have to have the same dick same exact size dick And you also have to kind of like the rhythm. You have to really catch it. Just right, right. I don't think put is any Like how what woman is that out of it? You know that she doesn't know no She's drugged in which case like it's already right. Yeah, right different layers of rape involved here. Yeah um That's another good punk band

Eight layers of rape eight layers of rape. Also a good dip Eight layers of rape is another uh, yeah a nice casserol Um, I feel like we were talking about something before that were we porn the guys ass Uh, why were we talking about porn? Did I bring it up? Yeah. No. Yeah, you did god damn it Do you want to move the recorder closer? There's no we don't have a table. Oh, we should address too that adam is uh Adam in LA. Yeah, he had to go to Los Angeles and cancel doing the podcast so you could hang out with brandon wardell Who uh, who cucked him who hang out cucked it. Yeah. Yeah. He told me he was in a fight with his girlfriend Right. What a fucking asshole. That was a real dick move for sure. Yeah

Uh, I don't mind. I don't mind even saying that publicly because if you're gonna do something You know that rude to a friend, but even a fucking piece of shit friend like like adam like a gay guy like a gay bitch Like adam adam got some bad news recently too. I don't want to put his business out there. Yeah, it turns out All those jokes you're making about uh, he's a dick being really small his him being gay was True the test came back. Yeah, and he's medically homosexual. So we're gonna start a No, he did get some he did get some bad news. So I guess it's talk about that. I mean, well, no, I mean just you know, take it easy on adam I guess you're not going to his business. But yeah, no, he got some pretty bad news. Mm-hmm. He's been banned from israel

It sucks man. He was just trying to go to the Hooters and Tel Aviv. Yeah, that was his safety country was israel In case he's no longer welcome in the united states Should things go according to plan So yeah, we're doing the podcast in eldest's room. Yeah, we're in eldest room. He's in paris right now He did not give me permission to use his room. He's in paris, huh by himself. No, he's with his girlfriend Oh, yeah, it would be funny if he went by himself. Yeah, that seems like a thing he would do Yeah, he went on a crepe tasting tour of paris. I love the eiffel tower I can't wait to meet the eiffel tower

Have you been to gay pally? Yeah, he just got he rents a bicycle and his his pants get sucked into the spokes like homer I mean it's a clown when homer has to be crusty Uh, fuck. Yeah, so yeah, it was very nice and I thought we've already fucked it up pretty good with stuff, but He can suck my nuts as far as I'm concerned amen to that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm Um, so yes, we are in eldest's room. I just took a fat shit in his bathroom. He's got a private bathroom Amen. Why the fuck is why is that the thing they say in the bible? Oh, interesting. I never thought of that Yeah, I mean, I think that's pretty good evidence that Jesus is black Mm-hmm, because only black people say amen. Well, you know, I mean

That's all that I don't need to be convinced further than that's true done and done Although wouldn't he be like Egyptian looking or some shit would he really be black? Uh, he was black dude. Jesus was black panther. Oh shit. I haven't seen that. Have you seen the movie yet? Um, no, I'm gonna I'm gonna tour. I buy most movies now, but I'm gonna steal that one. I was making myself laugh the other day It's like I was that one, huh? That one specifically Uh, I was making myself laugh the other day because it's like I was gonna go see black panther But I I hate all that marvel bullshit

Yeah, and I was gonna go by myself and it's like I should probably be high for this Sure, and it's like, well, it's a black panther. So I should probably smoke crack instead of weed In a dashiki smoking crack Sucking crack in a meter Wakanda God damn dude. Hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we should go we should hit up Harlem, you know, yeah smoke crack in the shikis Go to Magic Johnson. Yeah. Yeah. This is like one of those one of those white guys It goes way too hard in the trying to like, you know patronize black people

What is up my brother? Blessings my brother. I cannot wait to see black panther. I'm on crack right now As a gesture to you and your people. I started smoking the beautiful rock Africa's beautiful rock like Like the mother diamond that gave birth to us all beautiful crack rocks We are all brothers and sisters and children of crack Mother crack rock The first man smoked crack. That's the circle life, baby. Amen

The earliest man was from Africa and he smoked crack. Yeah It's fucked up what they're doing in those crack mines in Zimbabwe. Yeah forcing young Africans that's the real that's the real blood diamond. Oh, yeah crack The blood diamond A guy's asshole gay guys asshole. Yeah I was gonna see that's where we're really missing adam because I was gonna say the blood out of out of habit the blood diamond I was gonna say adam's asshole, but he's not here Well, I it's important that I stay focused because I can't have this be a shit episode and then people think that adam is necessary

to the show the problem is that we just went and got all that shitty We had a beautiful day. We had a nice day. It's a nice day, but that barbecue is fucking terrible We really loaded up on brisket shitty brisket and uh Burnt ends I don't want to say the name of the place because you know what I gave I gave like a glowing review to the smoke joint And then they followed me on instagram. So I forget the people actually listen, right? Yeah, we shouldn't trash it But it's not it wasn't great. Yeah, not this. This is not I didn't go to the smoke joint No, no, no let that on the record the smoke joints good

Although I will say if you were in queens and you want barbecue you should go to john browns smoke house rather than The place we went. Yes. So there's only two barbecue places that I know of yes. Yes. Yes. One of them is god awful If you wind up there, you should make sure you let your waitress know That nick mullen a guy. She will know that yeah Uh, we had a beautiful day though, and it was nice dude. It was that it was that weather where I realized fuck It's not going to be cold. I'm going to be have to be fatten less layers soon. Yeah, you know Yeah, now all that all the working out that you do that I was calling you gay for yeah It's about to come in handy. He's gonna pay off dude. Yeah suns out guns out right around the corner

Fuck I gotta get big guns, dude. Yeah, how do I get my arms big and nothing else big nick? Um, I mean you just do curls curls. Yeah curls and like rowing I guess okay rose help Heavy rows and then switch move over to curls. I'm just gonna fucking curl dude. Nice pump I'm gonna be you're gonna catch me in a fucking beater Why don't you just stick your arms in that to the dick sucking machine? I got you you think that would help Yeah, for sure. I'm just Cock pump my arms. Yeah. Oh, does it work for muscles biceps as well? It should okay Okay

Theoretically Man, it is a it's I am fucking sleepy that that fucking barbecue really hit your ass on it did I just checked the time to see how far we are. We've done three and a half minutes. We've done nine eight minutes and 30 seconds Yeah I felt like we had a hot first five minutes. No, we're doing good. We're fine um, I had something I wanted to talk about specifically for come town, but these dumbass books that all this has you want to roast those butterfly stories He's got a hundred years of solitude which like

Not a bad book, but you should have read that when you were much younger. I'll this your 37 years old Fucking idiot, but I'm 29 butterfly stories. That does sound gay. Yeah, I will admit a book that just says carl marx on it Does it for real? Yeah, that's it. That's pretty funny and then psychoanalysis and psychopathology. Whoa Damn eldest eldest is trying to be smart. Yeah, he really does He should lean into being a fucking idiot because he's what he's just as stupid as I am and I'm very stupid Yeah, but he likes to pretend he's smart. Mm-hmm. I also like that. He hides his scale under his bed Oh, he has not looked at that for a while my friend. It was a gun My man has not fucking hit the damn

Scale at all. He's getting fat as hell. Yeah Yeah, everybody's getting fat except me. Yeah, it's annoying I wish you were fat again, dude. Yeah, you were humble and sad when you were fat I know now you're you're a peacock. I am you're peacocking. You got your feathers out, dude I gotta be hot dude. I gotta that's gotta that's my my main mental focus is not on writing bits Making sure the show goes well. It's Be is be maintaining being sexy as hell being hot and maintaining hot status When was the hottest you've ever been in your life? Do you remember when I was like 23?

Did you fuck a ton at that age? No, not really. I've always I'm just kind of always in a relationship. I guess so But you and you don't want to let the hog out and run do you? Uh, I don't like it's it's kind of a burden. It's like a drag to just fuck all like a bunch of different people Yeah, it does get it. It's fine. Yeah. It's well. It's not emotional. It's just like It's just fucking annoying. There's like all the logistics a lot of texting You realize you're fuck if you fuck one person you're fucking a lot more for sure And it's better quality fucking it's to have to like yeah, like every time just be like, so what do you do the first time? Yeah, I remember I was doing that. I was like fucking, you know, whoever

And I had to like read some girl sent me like some paper. She wrote She's like read it. Let me know what you think and I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, you met on tinder the price to bust this night is far too high. Right. Yeah I see dude. That's what I'm saying. That woman should be in jail. Oh, yeah, she's gonna she's gonna get what's coming to her If you know what I'm saying, don't you worry pal? We sent some goons over to her house. Yeah Some some of uh our mirror max friends You want to be in movies? Yeah, I saw an article where uh, I wonder I wonder how Harvey Weinstein is doing in sex rehab

Yeah, the well the way they cure it. It's kind of like a fever where it's like you have to feed a fever My man looks like he also needs checks rehab Been eating too much checks man Harvey take that Harvey you sexy bitch. Oh, he's so hot He is dude. Yeah, that's your body idle, right? You want to get to that point? Oh, did you see dain cook lately? Yeah, he looks identical to harvey. It's unbelievable. Yeah Um, which is so funny because he was like the comedian that takes his shirt off Yeah, and he wasn't ever in shape really just wasn't disgusted. I think he had like a run of being sort of in shape All he did was work out Bobby used to tour with him back then back when Bobby was

Like in shape Bobby said the most hilarious bodies Of all time because he used to actually be ripped and now he's fat as hell But he said there was a run where he because Bobby lived in LA with dain cook and they would like run up The canyon or whatever the fuck whatever canyons out there that everyone runs Yeah, and then he was ripped and shit I mean he probably fucked a ton back in those days who bobby. No, I mean bobby. Yes, but dain cook He fought he was the first guy to fuck off my space. Maybe the only guy to fuck off my space. No, I fucked up

Everyone fucked up much. Yeah I was late to the myspace game. I didn't trust it. I thought it was like a scam That's how I didn't have the internet at all. Yeah, like my fan like I was like you put your picture on it Yeah, right. How about how about a character named Shane cook and said dain cook and they fuck kids? That's good Wow, that's really good. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Yeah, what else man? What are the day? What are the dain cook characters dain cook dain cook? He's like Yeah, you something about the dark bk Yeah, the bk lounge

You you merely adopted the dark. I painted it all over my face Yeah, that's that's pretty good. That was the first design for bane There's a guy who's got a bunch of chocolate all over his mouth. It was simple, dude It's streamlined. Yeah, it would be great if those to see where they pull off bane's mask and he's got big Big lips big fake lips It's just Kylie Jenner lips. That's why it talks like that lip gloss He's got huge dsl's out of there. Oh, but man

Hey, hey, that's batman. What's up, dude? Batman's like I'm coming in my pants He weren't prepared for this. That's a secret weapon. He just gets batman hard and horny as shit Gonna go bane Big angel put the mask back on I'm afraid I can't do that Batman big Angelina Jolie lips Just saunters over what we have here Yeah, he's big the character's name is brain

And he sucks a day Oh, fuck just in the middle of dark night or whatever that movie was called. It's just a seven minutes Sucking his cock POV And then it goes right back in When Gotham is in ashes, then you have my permission to come Oh, yeah, oh that's good, man I love brain. Yeah, it's my favorite And then instead of Joker, there's jelker. Yeah, it's the Joker and he's obsessed with getting his dick longer and bigger

You want to see how I got my my dick out this hard instead of two faces two inches Maybe we should listen to the Joker. No, we can't listen to him Maybe the Joker's got some idea. No, my dick's fine Rachel she could never come It's my fault. I could have done more. I could have hit the back walls Uh, fuck how about instead of two faces two race two You ruin that half blackface. Yeah. Yes. He's like deciding whether or not to kill Batman He's like, it's not up to me that he flips a coin. It comes back on the scratch side. He's like

I'm about to bust a cabin yard. Harvey, you're better than this Oh, fuck. Yeah, that's good, man. That's really good. And how about this gay Alfred? Master wine, I just want to suck you Ever since you was a little boy the only thing I could think about was sucking you When your parents died I made a promise to them they always suck you up and I I Oh, yeah, pal Yeah, some other. Oh, this is a Batman. Now I'm going out of the movies, but there's a Batman villain named the clock king

Oh, well that one's the cock. Yeah, the cock ring What about the guy who has that that uh that puppet? You know that guy it's like puppet. I don't remember what the guy's called but in the animated series He's like the boss is the puppet the mob boss is the puppet Um, that sounds sort of familiar. Nah, fuck him. Forget it. Penguin Penguin the peg gwin. Hegwin, uh, then he gets pegged Peng Uh, um, scat woman scat. Yeah, she's got a bunch of shit in her pussy

She's exactly like cat woman. What do you make of it Batman? There's a bunch of feces all over the diamonds Looks like it was scat woman She tried to sneak him out in her pussy and they fell out because it's too loose Uh, yeah, very good. Very good poison ivy. What do we got? Um, it's poison hivy. There he is It's just a cake nine green in a green shirt. All right Uh, dr. Freeze. Oh, yeah, mr. Freeze. Uh, mr. Freeze He was a doctor. He's not dr. Freeze. No, he's not is he? He's mr. Freeze Um, but he's got an accent. So he's mr. Gs. I can't wait to cheese

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, my wife is dead. So I have frozen all of my cheese So I can make a baby when I bring her back She's freezing gallons to his own calm In the hopes that he'll be able to bring his wife back Oh, yeah, mm-hmm. Yeah, I think we got all the meat off that bone Fuck that in a half minutes. That was fucking good though, man. Yeah. No, there's still a couple more Well, you think we got a couple more. Yeah, um, I don't think you realize how many stupid Batman characters. You're right Oh, yeah, those are just the oh the did we do the riddler night yet the diddler. Is that too easy?

Yeah, yeah, mm-hmm child molasses It's just it and the riddler but But it ends in a yarn. Yeah, well that now ends in L er. Oh man, that's a really funny word This is the most I've ever been Well, it's like his thing as he goes into the bank and he says that people are like what the fuck did he just say? He's like it's not the same Oh They're like, I don't know what to do and he's like well, give me the money. Oh, it's a white guy

People can't figure out is that I mean technically it's not it. I know this Batman. Am I allowed to say this? He's like, I don't know. No, I Don't know which is that a bad word or not Just dropping a very strategic L He has it written all over his clothes I just say it. The blankler Okay It's sex Luther now that's

But I like That's just a black guy named Luther, you know what I'm saying Superman is I'm trying to I'm trying to buzz That's the cool ball Fucking And it's like he he harms Superman by having a bigger dick Superman's only weakness is still having a white dick despite being able to fly He's a fly he's got x-ray vision, but he's still got a cool 5.75 Damn that would suck being a little dick

And listen man 5.75. There's nothing really that wrong with that size dick, you know just in general I'm just saying well for Superman. I mean just in general though, you know for yeah, you're right Yeah, I do like how they're like. Yeah, the average dick is five inches, right? Counting children. I don't understand. Yeah, that's why it's counting women. Yeah They measured all the women's decks, too How little are some people's dicks? I mean, that's wild. I know that's insane. I Can't imagine I mean I feel like I'm right on the borderline Fine if I missed a fucking centimeter of cock

I would feel horrible. Oh, do you measure in the metric system? Yeah, of course dude because there's more numbers That's smart 40 dick My love is where women asked me how big my dick is I answer in degrees. Yeah, Calvin. Yeah It's not very big, but it's very hot That's what women like a nice burning dick. I tell them how much potential energy my dick holds It's like the Olympic torch. Oh, yeah, you're about to get fucked by all of the Zimbabwe national bobsled team. That's right They're back. What about Commissioner Gordon? What is he new Commissioner Horton? He's a whore. Mm-hmm. He's a prostitute. Commissioner James Corden come come each and her

Gordon Batman's gone. He was like, that's the rudest guy in the world. There's just come Spilling all of her as I love It looks beer, but it's Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, that's good. That's yeah, we're not gonna top come eats and her Gordon Man it's like I keep thinking like oh, we're not gonna top that bit, but then the another one comes Yeah, yeah, well listen if you think of one at any point just Say it, you know, yeah, but I really can't well

There's what other Batman villains were there a scarecrow. Oh, of course. Mm-hmm The Cheryl Crow Cheryl Crow's just a Batman villain Stop stop that's that music Shit is fucking gay. I'd like to I can't think of a single Cheryl Crow song Oh, I want to suck off the sun. Oh, is that her I think so all all of those women I combined into one person Shania Shania, I know because the I don't feel like a woman

Shania's got some jams, dude, and that I think we probably I don't know how Shania is also like a true salt of the earth blue collar toothless Appalachian woman a fucker that fucking that I don't I don't is it respect you much Impressed that don't impress that don't impress me that video when she's in like I think a like a leopard Body suitor, maybe I'm remembering that but I definitely beat off to a lot. She doesn't have teeth Really? Yeah, I like that dude. I might be confusing her with Celine Dion She's she's probably a toothless Montreal bitch, right? Yeah, Celine. Yeah But no, Shania sexy dude. I definitely cranked the whole hoggy hoggerino to that. Yeah

Yeah, who else that when you're saying all those women who else you thinking of oh, you know who else I beat off the fucking The god was one of us bitch Meredith. Oh, I don't even know who Yeah, whatever was sexy Natalie and Bruglia Natalie. No, I know her because she's hot as she's hot as but like a lot It's and oh, yeah, I guess a lot of Cheryl Crowe and fucking Fiona She's hot too. Apple If you happen to get this I'll eat you Um, Tony Braxton. Yeah

Another lady I beat off to yeah, big old juicy a tetanus. Yeah Who else I was thinking of someone else that I beat off I'm thinking about come each and her Come eat and her corn is probably the best thing we've ever said That man come in I'm just warped up my cums his mustache I just killed him. Well, don't mwah mwah. He can't even move his mouth sometimes. There's too much cums. It's like when you eat too much peanut butter. Oh fuck. One second. Put a little cinnamon in there

I just put it in the microwave sometimes to switch it up He's got cum popsicles also Up there by the bat signal spotlight just drinking a big Big God damn it Batman. It's cold out here. Sometimes he's got a little flash It has to really shake it to get out of the fucking little hole. I'm getting too old for this shit Yeah, just at someone's funeral Come eat center Gordon, baby

That's the best character. That's the comic book character. They're ever Yeah, that one got me good I can't tell if this is people are gonna enjoy listen man. I don't give a fuck this gave us come eats in her Gordon That's all dude. I mean Even brain the very beginning was pretty good No, I know why we need Adam on the show to derail Adam's problems that he derails him too quickly just wait a little bit well I don't know who's gonna listen to an hour of two people laughing like retards

Yeah, you're right you're right. All right, let's talk about something else Fuck dude. How about that guy they caught in Montgomery County about to do a school shooting? I didn't see that here's what they caught him with so he brought a gun to school, right? And they were like are we got to check this out and they caught his ass. They went to his house and found 15 grenades a Detonator for C4 landmines a tactical vest A fucking ar-15 and just like a list of grievances also an Asian would have been another Asian school shooter. Oh damn We're due for one of those. It's been a while that I guarantee an Asian is gonna set the record

It's just true. It's we're gonna have another Asian and they're gonna like make Steven Paddock look like oh, yeah Loser absolutely, you know, they're gonna make them look like they're really just uncool Well, this motherfucker had lion minds. He had a detonator. He was gonna set off fucking bombs under the school That's bad. That would have been honestly cool. I mean, it would have been fucked up pretty cool I mean imagine my lamb and he had a list of grievances against students and teachers list of grievances like number two. Good luck chicken Number three. There was a part of the number three garlic pepper sauce part of the grievances were the lunch special We also found his manifesto hidden inside of a shitty cookie Fuck yeah, dude, I don't know that's just wild. Damn. You think he was doing it for Chinese New Year. Yeah, dude

Yeah, that would have been a pretty good Chinese New Year resolution Work off all that doggie eight over Chinese before anyone tries to write a letter to the president of our network me To get me fired. You should know two things. Hey, I specifically wrote in a no firing myself claws So I can never be smart. I can never be forced into the definite real documents that we have for this I guess company is a copy. I'm a corporation now. Nice, dude. You and Adam got to get your own corporation So yeah, that's what the account said. I'll make my own corp. Hell. Yeah, dude Let's all do let's all have corporations hard dick hard dick enterprise. I started using quick books this month

Let me tell you something not very quick. Oh Take that into it. Yeah, you fucking Pussies. Yeah, eat my nuts. You know, they they fuck it into it lobbies the federal government to keep taxes Of course, because they're pieces of shit so they can keep selling software how mad they would be if it was just a simplified Yeah, if the government just did your taxes for you, right? They're like, we're just gonna take 10% Yeah, whatever there, whatever the fuck it is. Oh, it's way more. Yes. I'm much so much more. Yeah, that's why it's it is like I do believe that You know, we need wealth redistribution or whatever. Yeah, people should pay more in taxes

But this idea that like rich people just don't pay anything and it's like they pay more to year than you will in your It's why all the amount. Yeah, the amount that goes out Also, why self-employment tax so high you get fucked in the ass just by not being a part of your fucking system, man Yeah, well, that's why you need to do an escort, but then you don't pay that shit. Mmm a suck corp. Yeah, I do have to do that shit, man Fuck I don't want to do that taxes are gay, dude. No. Anyways, Asian shooter is yeah Yeah, that's gonna be the next one you think so has there has there been what are we missing? Has there been a black school shooter? Yeah, but that happens like all the time. That's just regular base. That's no school shooters have to be at least

Oh, they have to be more than one. He's got it for a black school shooter to count as a school shooter He's got to be in a Dragon Ball Z He's got to like go around the school trying to go Super Saiyan as he kills the kids Otherwise, it's just that's just yeah should regular day in Chicago or Baltimore or wherever the fuck Yeah, although they don't there was a shooting in Philly a couple years ago. It's like a and I remember doing a bit about it because it's like, you know, it's cool shooting or like it's so tragic But then it's Philly's you're like, well, these are in school You know, yeah, sure

The fucking what's that word? the not relinquents the way not delinquent a Truancy truance. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You were probably a truant No, not really you didn't skip school not often. I mean not like an excessive amount really I saw I would see you as a skip school kid. No, I just went and didn't do shit Yeah, I just into shit then eventually I just dropped out right right right, but the ultimate truancy. Yeah, it's like I didn't mind being in school. I kind of like the social aspect. I just I just didn't want to do work Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it got to a point where it was like I'm like failing everything, right?

So what am I doing here? Right exactly. Yeah. Yeah, no, I liked hanging out with people I like I enjoyed being I mean a bully. No, not a bully No, I mean I was I'm like I still am like a faggot myself But you know, I like I mean like it was like I enjoy like I got into coming You know you start doing comedy because you're like funny in school, right? That's like I used to go to school Especially in middle school the mentality of like I gotta just I gotta try and be I got a crush. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I know I know. Yeah. Oh, I definitely had bits. I was working on. Yeah middle school shit

Yeah, oh whenever you could make fun of a teacher you get him I remember one of my friend you make a teacher laugh though. That's like damn. That's big leagues. Oh, yes There's a big titty teacher miss Warner who I made laugh Oh, I think maybe I told a story where I had to do a presentation on the way rain worked and I just I forgot about it and You just got up to the front of the class and you just pissed yourself. Yeah, I was like, oh, no Yeah, I literally not that much different dude I put I forgot about it until that morning and I think I was the Pillsbury Doughboy for Halloween

Yeah, so I had a chef's hat and I wrote God on it and then I took a bag I took a piece of paper and I ripped them up and I took a bag and I wrote rain on it And I just like went to the front of the class put a God chef hat on took This the paper out and sprinkled rain. I was like, and that's how condensation She just laughed and I passed. That's great. Yeah, it was fucking I put some big old titties I was in seventh grade and I can't remember the name of the teacher but like we had to learn this Warner was mine the holocaust and And I said so I forget how we got to it

But I said something about like man, it's like fucked up that they killed like a Gajillion Jews or whatever and I used like a fake number. Yeah You know and like or like I said like six Kajillion or something Yeah, yeah, and I forget how I did it or what right specific setup was but the teacher just started laughing She had to like apologize. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean that is a hilarious thing to just kind of be a fucking shit She had teenager bows like sorry a six Kajillion Jews Yeah, a way to disrespect the holocaust, which is something that's very important sure man You gotta have values in your life. Yeah, and that's one of mine is disrespecting the holocaust whenever possible

How about a Batman villain? It's just the holocaust and that's good. Yeah, they're a visionist Six million is too many Batman. I don't give a shit. I literally don't care Maybe a hundred thousand perhaps Fine, okay, just give me back Rachel Not until she changes her name To something a little less Semitic like Julie, perhaps that's a nice name. That's a good name I don't mean name a Julie Julia or ethno Ethel I will continue to deny the holocaust until all of the Gentile girls have Gentile names I don't want any more Christian Sarah's walking around. Oh Sarah's a Jew name. Yeah, you're right now. Yeah, damn

What language did they speak back then dude Hebrew? I guess that's true, but it probably sounded fucked up Yeah, but how did that? How do we keep the names? You know? You know what I'm saying? You get you get what I'm getting there. I don't gotta explain it further. I definitely know what I'm talking about Also, they were probably like cave people right that was like 6,000 years ago What do you mean? Like the Jews of the of the Bible they were bad probably three feet tall like basically guerrillas Yeah, I guess they probably look like aborigines or something. Yeah, they're probably like a little as shit. Harry as fuck

Yeah, you know the pussy hair was a wall Yeah, man. That's some wild ass pussy here. I Love that shit one of that shit looks like a goddamn fucking like a like a retarded boy went to town on a piece of Velcro You know I'm saying he's got his fucking salava in there pieces of candy mm-hmm a big old Retarded up piece of fucking. I mean they probably smelled horrible too. Yeah, no bathing. Well people smelled horrible until like the 1970s That's probably that's true. Yeah, I mean a lot of Greek people still smell horrible. Yeah How about that homeless guy we saw that guy was so crazy ass eyes. Yeah, he looked like Adam Duritz. Oh, yeah But like with Rasputin actually he looked like a homeless person. Yeah, Adam Duritz looks looks like

That's true. Yeah, did you get you see that message that Adam Duritz sent Dasha? Yeah, we've talked about it Yeah, it was wild on what imagine being famous and still being a bitch That's gotta suck. Do you mean like a famous woman? No, no, no like being a pussy, I guess. Oh, oh like I was gonna say there's plenty of women that are in like movies and stuff Yeah, I'm like imagine women famous. No, no, no a famous bitch. No, no, no like bitches like Michelle Obama. Yeah Queen Latifah No, there's a different people what yeah, well, how did I show Obama was married to Barack Obama? Who is Queen Latifah? Oh, I thought Queen Latifah was the honorary. You give the black first lady. No, they become Queen Latifah

Queen Latifah Yeah, does Queen Latifah outrank Michelle Obama? Like it's close. Yeah, does anyone use the name King Latifah? That's that's a good. She's a she's a lesbian though, right? Yeah, I know but that doesn't mean there can't be that's true. Oh, that's true. Her brother's King Latifah. Yeah, probably Would be King Latifah King Latifah. How about I'm Queen Latifah X Oh Yes, I want to I want to get Queen Latifah X in there somehow I came up with the best drag name the other day I don't know if it's so many uses already, but I want to start doing drag is Carmen San Francisco

Yeah, that's good, I'm happy with that one right sir. Oh, you just get rice Aroni comes out of your ass Yeah, dude the San Francisco treat. Yeah, why is rice Aroni? I wrote I wrote a joke like my first year in comedy about rice Aroni the San Francisco treat. I'm pretty sure that's HIV Why is that the treat? Yeah, penis I don't think I ever did that on on stage, but that's the idea of yeah The idea of a you know like a commercial for HIV and it's just some guy riding a trolley around me. I have AIDS It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood a beautiful day in the neighborhood Was that my dick? What's that? Was that in San Francisco? Yeah downtown Detroit. It was for real. I don't know

Mr. Roger. Yeah, we're Mr. Rogers, dude. Yeah, it's a beautiful day here in Shreveport, Louisiana It's a beautiful day here in Vidar, Texas home of the Ku Klux Klan As we leave our doors unlocked and walk down the streets in racial harmony Me and mr. Trolley know that the white race will never be threatened again That is unless King Friday has anything to say about Folks we're starting off mr. Rogers his neighborhood, but let's try to get to mr. Rogers is America and then eventually mr. Rogers is world Some folks will say this is genocide children. We're just doing math. It's just subtraction If twelve point five percent

What's the perfect number of people in America, it's not even racist I mean Thomas Malthus tell you himself We just can't feed all of these people Whatever he's supposed to do kill every chicken in the world They don't work that hard It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood I want some fucking it they've got it already started all right or like racist ass Children's programming, right? I don't think so that it seems like a no-brainer. There wasn't they're like too You mean like Rick and Morty. Yeah, I guess you're right. Just watch

Yeah, yeah, I Feel like there was two like little blonde girls that had like cutesy songs about Hitler and shit. Yeah Prussian blue Oh, really? Yeah, and they were that was like pop, right like like racist pop Yeah, those girls eventually like elect because their family was making them do it. It was like they were like the Phelps daughters Michael Phelps daughters. Yeah, they made him swim. No Oh, oh the school there's Westboro Baptist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, wait, that was I thought that was Jerry Falwell. No, that's a different church. No Westboro Baptist Church is the The Phelps family. Oh, yeah, Fred Phelps Fred Phelps. Yeah, Shirley Roper Shirley Phelps roper

Well, whoa, whoa, so they she had a hyphenated name, but yeah still thought that yay people weren't yeah Well, this is because she was proud of her. She's from the Roper family who invented lynching So she was more racist than she was subservient to men. Yeah, that makes sense. No, that makes sense I do like it is funny to see like women in like that those communities want to be respected Yeah, it's like you're against like every other. Why do you think these dudes are gonna be chilled with like women like? Getting having careers. Yeah in the in the racist workplace You know I'm saying I think they want women to have the job within the ideal You know Nazi red at Nazi world the women go and work and then they come home and game the game

You're right, you're right, how could I forget? Yeah When the reality is neither gender should work, you know, that's true. You should just move in with her parents Her dad pay for everything that would be fucking chill. Yeah, I want a sugar mama, dude I've said this before but I would like to be taken care of like the pretty bitch that I am. Yeah Fuck who was that thing about Nazis? Oh We're talking about the homeless guy going to jail Oh, that was just a conversation. We had it. Yeah side. Oh a homeless Ted talk

Yeah, yeah, yeah that guy cuz he looked like he had the intensity of a guy about to give a Ted talk, right? Yeah, he's like Why are we just shitting in the Starbucks bathrooms when we should just be shitting in Starbucks? Why don't you share homeless people just shitting Starbucks, you know I'm saying yeah, I wonder you know Because it's like because of all the injustices in this world. How many of these homeless guys could be, you know The next Elon Musk, so true, you know, mm-hmm. It's it's like These these guys could be heroes one of them could be the next I Tanya But because of of economic injustice, they have to live outside. We're missing out on our next Peter teal our next Mark Zuckerberg I could just be some bomb. Well, yeah, and if you just shit, what if God was

What if that bomb was Elon Musk Trying to launch a shopping cart into space That man you homeless Elon Musk It's launched a key foods bag full of human shit into space his most prized possession a Mountain Dew two-liter filled with blood and piss on the moon Yeah, I don't I don't get why people Were mad about that about the car in space. Yeah, they're like, oh, this is creating space pollution It's like who gives a fuck. I don't fucking care. I mean, it's just kind of lame. Yeah, I mean

Like oh, well, you know, he did it because of his own ego or whatever. It's like, yeah That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's everything does everything. Yeah. Yeah, you don't have a Socialism blog because of your right, you know, you know those Twitter followers and right, right, right Hey in socialism, do people get to see how many followers you get how many retweets you're fucking side by side side screen shots Yeah, yeah Anyways, what was I gonna say though about? Oh, oh the homeless guy going to yes If you just shit in a Starbucks, you just end up in jail, which like you pointed out outside. It's basically a home Yeah, you know, yeah, it's fucking perfect. I did point that out. I made the

Extremely Insightful point. It's a good point. There's no problems in jail. It's a utopia. Yeah No, but yeah, you were saying it's like every little kid thinks that there's just like why don't you just commit a crime? Yeah, you go to jail get your fucking whole stretched out fucking stealing some bread to eat. Yeah Who boy now I'm getting congested too. I hope I'm not getting sick From what dude? I don't know barbecue. I don't feel sick, but my nose is kind of Jammed up here Maybe I should clear my nose out with a little little something. Yeah, little drain. Oh little little weed

Nick tapped his nose. Yeah, and snorted. Yeah, I got to do some weed Chop up. Yeah, if you pardon me, I got to go look at child pornography Like yeah, you know, that's worse than cocaine. Oh Oh, is it? I thought cocaine was one down Damn Yeah, that's how you get your fix What if just looking at child porn and you didn't like it, right? But you looked at it and it did the same thing as cocaine. Would you look at child porn?

Yeah, but it was free. Wait, you mean what if I looked at child porn and it made me look at child porn? No, no, no, no, no, no, you go to the bathroom and you open up a picture of a kid I was making a joke about what cocaine. Oh, oh, oh, sorry. Sorry. Yeah, and you looked at a peak a picture of a kid Getting fucked real quick and it made you feel like you just did some good-ass coke. Would you look at child porn? No, that's just being a pedophile. No, no, no, because you're not getting horny. Yeah, yeah You're not in the kid. You're not in the child porn, but you look at it and you get this incredible rush Blood rushes to a certain part of your body Yeah

Adams, right, man, you really are bad. No, dude. I'm saying it makes you feel like you did coke dude Come on, man. Look whatever you spend money on coke. I'm gonna be doing it for free. Don't look at a child You you fucking you don't like looking at child porn, but you look at it because you you have to because you're addicted to What do you do you get into a bad mood if you don't live it's been too long your energy level dips You do it because you can't forget the 80s back when you had a sitcom back where you on Rodney Dangerfield's young comedian Now you just moves from city to city

Trying to get younger comics impressionable younger comics to watch YouTube videos of your act from 30 years. Yeah, Johnny Carson smiling at you in the green room But not because you like it but because you're Because it feels like drugs here's something else I saw a For there's a photo of a guy on Valentine's Day at a restaurant sitting across from his wife's ashes He was just crying in this restaurant. That's great. That's like yeah, what a bummer for everyone else That's the funniest thing I've ever heard And there's like a glass of wine for it and shit it's like come on man, I'm just trying to have a fucking Valentine's

Do that to yourself. It's brutal and then where does it stop? Do you fuck the ashes? I tell you what I'm doing when my wife dies going straight to GameStop It would be funny to I would just like to dress up like real autistic like you know But like a Zelda shirt tucked into your sweatpants and then walk into GameStop with an urn and just start emptying it all Of just bumping into shit and then like flies out. No, no, no, you mean on purpose This is where she wanted to be married. That's like this is what Eric wanted Oh That is funny as shit, we should literally do that. Yeah, we should do that. That would be good

Yeah, just I mean they try and stop you I Get arrested Oh, man, I'd be worth getting arrested for I did yeah, but let's pass the idea onto Christian Western Chandler Maybe Christian could do that. That's true. He likes getting arrested at GameStop. Yeah. Oh, yeah What do you get arrested for for macing an employee? He ran into the store in drag by the way Trans now. Oh, Christian is trans. Yeah, he was furious that they changed the color of Sonic's arms in the new Are you fucking kidding? Yeah, because his arms used to be tan

But now I guess Sonic's arms are blue and also he's blew the whole way instead of having Arms and so he went in first with a blue marker and tried to correct incredible and they tried to stop him So he maced the employee, right? That fucking rules actually yeah, I give him a lot of credit Like we talk about having like ideals and a code that man lives by his code Wait, hold on. We talk about having ideals In my mind, I'm a samurai the royal we know like Uh us in general. Yeah, but Christian really yeah to be it to be willing to go to jail because you mace the game's not employee

Yeah, I don't think he was willing to go to jail so much as he didn't consider the consequences Yeah, you're right. I mean he's got to be like almost 40 years old at this point Brutal dude. I remember because I've been following Christian since I was like probably 15 years old Yeah, and I'm like 29. Yeah, and he was 20. Yeah, he's 40 this year He's got to be 40 because he's like he was 26. I think that's when I like found out, but maybe it's like 24 That's either way. Anyway, you slice it. That's horrible. Yeah. Oh Man that man's been being trolled for almost 20 years What a life parents probably it was dad died Bob lumberjack Bob Bob chin. Yeah, Bob

It's an audio recording of him like cyber like having phone sex with some girl But not a girl. It's a 13 year old boy pretending to be right, of course I don't know how this recording happened either. They were doing it over Skype and then Bob comes in He's like, what are you doing on there? Get off the internet. I'm cutting it down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like dad. No Oh, um, but it's damn. He's having site phone sex with a 13 year old boy pretending to be a woman 13-year-old boy pretending to be a woman to troll Grow you are having sex you are sort of having gay sex. Yeah as a troll, but you know respect

What a funny world. I'm so glad I'm so glad that that the internet used to be like that Instead of like, let's all pretend this journalist is good at stand-up Right, let's all tweet like can you believe what this guy does now you moron you absolute fucking idiot Yeah, Donald Trump tweets like that's gonna matter. Yeah Yeah, you just get verified on Twitter now if you're blocked by Donald Trump No, it's that seriously there's people that are verified and they do they've done nothing else and have a tweet to Donald Trump That's like you sir are an ingrate Retweeted like 30,000 times and they're like, yeah, let's verify this place. Hell. Yeah, dude

Damn, I'm about to get verified. You know what Twitter and I know you're listening Jack Verify me, please You know Jack is what he's like the Tom of Twitter. Yeah, mm-hmm Oh, yeah, hard to believe that guy turned out to be a pedophile also, did he well basically and I don't know this But basically anybody whose name is a company and then their first name is a pedophile Interesting interesting subway Jared makes sense. You know my space Tom my space Tom Twitter Jack TJ Max Should teach that was TJ Miller's birth name. Yeah, that's why he did rape. Yeah

Yeah, um, yeah Chipotle Eric Yeah, pull Eric does sound like a rape Chipotle Eric was smuggling children in his ass across the border Which is a type of fucking them technically. Yes, their dicks were inside your ass. Yeah, technically speaking so a Child fucked you in the ass Um Tom cashed out though, dude. He sold the fucking he sold My space to Fox for like 500 mil when no one was fucking using it. Yeah, and no one is still using it respect I know what the fuck what I don't understand that purchase

I think they thought they were gonna rebrand it remember they tried to rebrand it was like Justin Timberlake Yeah, it was gonna be like a music place and it's like now this fucking sucks dick Yeah, I think it's still upright. You can still go to your old myspace page probably. Yeah damn I wonder what mine is looking like how about my race? Okay, you know, is that is that having to do with uh? All or white supremacist mr. Rogers. Yeah, that's his that's his online presence. It's a beautiful day on the internet beautiful day on the internet Now children, this is someone we call Pepe

Yeah He whenever you're feeling sad post this picture Teaching them all the Pepe means yeah Damn, that sucks for the Pepe guy. Oh, hey Pepe that man. What's his name? Yeah? I don't know what his name is And I didn't read the fucking comic sherry So it seems like it sucks dick. Well, the imagine if your art was yeah taken over. It's not bad boys club is bro It's okay. I remember because I was a fan of it like no, I know I mean it's I've heard before they all write shit that like

It was a good thing. It's not the funniest shit in the world The where Pepe got popular that specific comic is pretty funny like the dog or something the dog You know, it's just like roommates, but they're like they look like animals, right? And one of them walks into the bathroom and like the guy who's Pepe is like at the toilet and his Cheeks out, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've seen that. It says it feels good man feels good man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I Remember that yeah, that became meme. Mm-hmm. Yeah, do you remember I meme I mean that was a way to listen to music Was that like a deaf girl named Irene? Yeah Yes, it was

Yeah, do you remember her we always have sex with her just like yeah, you're you're just showing your dick and she points to herself and goes I mean I Like yes, meme keep it down. I Don't want anyone at the deaf school to hear you I'm very bad at taking advantage of the deaf children But you're wearing brightly colored clothes that everyone can see You rappel down from the ceiling completely naked

Fuck dude Damn, bro, that barbecues actually starting to hit your boy my too. Yeah as well. Well, I think we're good probably can you see what that says? I cannot 105. Let me see right here. We're good. Let me get the fun. I'm having fun, dude Oh 105. Do we have any reads or anything? Nope. Oh fuck. I should plug Philly. Hold on. Oh, yeah Guys a couple you were DMing me the ticket links are up for The show in Philly at the good good comedy theater March 17th Saturday, there's an 830 in a 10 o'clock show two shows. Let's sell those motherfuckers out Hey, all I'm saying is wordel did three shows. So come on

We can let wordel do more shows than me or we're gonna buy tickets. Yeah, we're talking suck a dick He's a fucking asshole Also, I think we're doing funny moms the 26th and then March 22nd. I'm at House of Blues in Boston. Oh, yes So if you enjoyed all of those Batman come come eat Come eat some or Gordon be prepared for come eat some or Gordon's one-man show his one-man play Fuck come eat some or Gordon rules, dude. Yeah called the dark

Not the dark and don't forget about the Batman B. Blur I Beepler was good Guys we had a lot of fun on this show But if you or someone you know is suffering from an eating disorder, please don't hesitate to call the eating disorder hotline Someone will talk to you and take your Take down your name and send you a nice big ol. Mm-hmm hot pocket or something. Oh, yeah, really a really tasty one I remember there was an episode of Doug where Patty mayonnaise has an eating disorder and really the episode ends

And then they have her like be like, you know eating disorders are a serious issue, but it's like the cartoon Yeah, also, she's skinny as shit. She never like yeah, they all are yeah, just draw her fatter Yeah, give her little titties. Yeah, give Patty mayonnaise a couple titties, dude. Yeah, you know I'm saying yeah, dude Why are you making that bitch look like disgusting ass lesbian pepper in? Hey, man, come on. Don't say that about nobody wants to fuck pepper. I'm not pepper and pepper and has a big old fucking bush Yeah, yeah, it has a hairy ass pussy Pepper and pepper and she's got red hair, so she gives people head Pepper and he's not cool, but people hang out with her

Pepper and this is what happens to you when you're going with red hair Pippi Longstocking I feel like I wanted to fuck her when I had a crush on the fictional character Yeah, Pippi Longstocking. Yeah, and I still like braids a lot. Pippi Pogstocking Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah. Well, what was what was Pippi Longstocking's deal? She was real strong Yeah, she was like a fictional character She's a fiction because I remember my grandma used to make me watch Pippi Longstocking videos I also wanted to fuck her because she was strong me too. There was something about I wanted to get beat up by a girl Actually dominate you hold you down and suck your little dick fucking in like tell me I can't say any of the stuff

I say yes Yeah, I would like that for a nice change I would like I've talked about this before but I feel like there's got to be strong women Who are jacked who hate fat people so much, but that's sexually they want to just dominate a fact Yeah, I just want a nice girl that'll stick a gun to my head. You know Richie April style. Yeah. Yeah, Jan is sticking that gun to his head Mm-hmm. That'd be good. I don't want the gun, but I do want. I don't know what I want I used to work with an old woman named Janice and I would That's where the BSL. Yes. Yes, and I would I would just see the ball sucking organization

Yeah, yeah, I would you're the number one ball sucker employee of the month every month In fact, I was fired for insubordination No, I would I would sometimes I would see if I could sneak it in if I'd like so if I need to ask you I'm gonna be like of a Janice And most of the time I just said no idea I was calling her Vaginas that rules what about the times that she figured it out though I don't think because it's such a bizarre thing that yeah I could be calling her right right. She just like looks at you. We're like yes. Yeah a classic move my friend Gina

The Gina, but yeah, we they literally took down the name tags in our our dorm freshman year Because every time they gave Gina a new one We just wrote vagina on it every single time. Yeah the point. They just had to stop giving her one. Yeah So take that you fucking bitch take that College yeah, yeah, you are as I did get busted smoking weed You always did take your boy down, but anyway, listen pippy hogs sucking That's the note to go Titty hogs sucking

Just a couple of titties with red hair I'm sucking your dick nipples your mouth nipples your mouth. I gotta go to sleep dude. I don't feel all right, buddy. Good night