The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 93 – Look Who’s Talking

Episode Date: March 8, 2018

The boys are back together again but im mad about the weather.

Yeah, I guess that is good. I made chili last night. How you feeling? Was a good chili? It was a Texas style. What do you mean, Texas style? I don't know. Did you have is it made from the meat of an executed retarded man? No, I used ground beef and then like beef around cubes as well. The cubes is where it's at. I don't fuck with the ground beef. Well, you need some you need other. You can't just go all cube. I like all cube. No, I get some filler meat in there. I don't like when it breaks down too much and it just gets like, you know what I mean? Like the pieces of the ground beef get too small. Yeah, you can get them keeping together in

a nice chunk of ground beef. That's why sometimes sausage instead of ground beef for that purpose. Yes, it stays together better. It's more flavorful. You take the casing off the sausage and break it up and put it in the chili and you wrap it around your cock. Oh, and it looks she's got a nice sheen to it. You got a nice meaty sheen to your cock. If it's encased in in a sausage, so he's tubing. Yeah, and then you fuck put some tubing on your to tube on the tube, baby. That's right, brother. Did you put would you put corn in your chili? Sometimes I didn't this time though. Now just kidney beans. You have a crock pot. Nope. How'd you do

it on the stove? Yeah, you fry up the the beef with onions and garlic. That's right, bitch. It's nice. And then you, you know, get the I use. I use half a pine of some kind of Mexican stout and then coffee is base. Oh, look at this mother fucker tomato sauce, the stout and that's a hard to move. And then you yeah, a little bit of liquid smoke in there. Oh, Nicholas, powder, cumin, Nicholas, you little motherfucker. That sounds delectable. You got something in the fridge. Cayenne. Yeah, dude, I made leftovers. Yeah, I mean, you can only make way too much. Yeah, there's no way you can never. You have to throw chili away at the end of

it or you didn't make enough. Yeah. Yeah, a little bit of oregano in there and then use broth. No, no broth. You don't use broth. No. Yeah, I like to throw a little broth in there. Chicken, chicken. It depends. Beef, beef to when I'm making a pork. Last last snow when I made a fucking up roasted a whole damn pork shoulder back in my pork shoulder days, which are over now, by the way. Officially, my pork shoulder days are behind me. Yeah. And but I made a pork shoulder chili and it was good as fuck. It was so goddamn good. But I was sickish. I came to realize I get sick every time I eat pork shoulder every single time.

And I think it's not it's not good for me. It hurts me. What kind of sick like I ate too much of the skin and I would get my stomach would hurt. I eat too much meat. I can't help myself when I got a whole shoulder. What am I going to stop? Literally, yes, I would get the meat sweats and then my stomach would hurt from too much. Anytime I get a fucking ham, I just I think in my head, I'm like a ham. That's like three days worth of meat. But no, no, it's way more than that. Well, I try to do it in three days for the protein. No, because ham tastes good. Yeah, dude. It's all fat. It's all salt. Yeah, it's all salt and fat. It's great to be back.

You know what? It's not. The weather is shit. Yeah, it sucks. It's fine. We're finally out of blizzard season. But here we are again. And it wasn't even the cool one where it's like you wake up and it's your snowed in and it kind of feels nice. You're like, well, fuck it. I can't do anything. It's like it was bad. Like if it was bad, we just wouldn't have done an episode. We just would have been like, ah, fuck it. We do it tomorrow or some shit snow in. I don't know. I don't think that would have been chill. It would have been fun to be late. Just not do the show. You forgot to upload it for like a day or two. Who cares?

This time it'd be a snow day. Yeah, people understand. Actually do it tomorrow. Why I got jury summons. Really? Yeah. I don't know what I'm going to do. Wait, do you mean you're you're on trial for something? Tell them about come town. How am I going to get out? Yeah, tell me you have to do a podcast. You're on it. Where are you reporting Kings County? Oh, yeah, I got to call it five today. See if that if I actually have to go. Yeah, because if it's if it's civil and not criminal, it's a really easy to get out of really. Yeah, I don't know what you do. Well, it's because nobody wants to. I mean, I had to go and it's like it was all just that's where you saw that PlayStation guy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well,

I mean, it's like okay. Well, this is going to be a an eight week trial. Oh, and it's about like a company that installs ventilation. Their truck backed into like the front of a retail store and clip the sign. So it's like I don't care about any of the people involved. It sounds like some bullshit. I mean, it is. It's just like some bullshit, you know, dispute between like companies that own way too much real estate. Yeah. And so yeah, it's civil court. Yeah, nobody like they don't find like first of all, like fuck the attorneys for not just getting like a bench trial or whatever. I don't know why those need to be decided by juries who don't know about. Yeah, but that's why it has to be like a complex business. It has to be such a long trial is

because they have to spend like three weeks being like, well, the thing about Vince is explaining it's a retard. Your honor, I could never my dick got caught in a fan once. So I can't I have to recuse myself. That's what I would say. Can I tell him I'm just too sad to be on a jury? A fan of the show. Yeah, actually. Yeah, a couple times DM me. By the way, it's still true what the doctor said about pussy. This is the tooth. I have not. I've been a little funk, not only because of the tooth, but I've just kind of gotten depressed and I haven't tried to fuck. Yeah. So I have not, but I'm looking forward to eating pussy toothless. It is really fun. I mean, I'm sure everyone's telling you this, but this is the first time I've seen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You look very funny. Thanks, man. I like the look. I have the flipper. I should be have it in, but I'm amongst friends. Yeah. Yeah. You be yourself. Why put the flipper in be naked around. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got my titties out for you boys. I've been shaved in a couple of days. It might go beard again. Oh, for the spring, you're switching it up. Yeah. Well, as long as winter is staying. Oh, yeah. You stopped doing the game mustache. What game? The little game. You got a normal mustache. No, that's actually very massive. No, it's incredibly Gary. Gary Cooper. No, it's funny. Stanley Tucci. A lot of us are very Stanley Tucci is gay as hell. No, he's not. Yeah. There's no way, dude. No way. Stan. John Waters, the most famous. I said that mustache

guy. Oh, you're right. He crushes. It's all in front being gay as hell because he just, he has so many paternity cases. I used to hook up with a girl that really had a mustache. Fuck. Stanley Tucci. That was like one of her celebrity crushes. Really? Yeah. I don't know why. Because she likes weak men. He actually kind of is kind of jacked. He looks kind of. No, I'm fucking around. I like Stanley Tucci. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who is, what is he? He's not Monk. Who's that guy? No, no, that's Tony Shalube. Shalube. Yeah. Yeah. Monk was also in wings, correct? Can he play a guy in wings? You ever watch wings? No, I never watch wings. I watched like three episodes when I was a child, but it had a real effect on me. What was it about?

Pilots? Yeah. It's like some small town airport or some shit. It's kind of fun. I think Emilio Estevez was in it or some guy that looks like him. And I did, I did Nikki Glaser's show yesterday. Oh, how was it? It was fun. I like going, yeah. I like going to Sirius just because like, you know, it makes you feel like you feel official. You're like walking to Sirius. They got that like $20,000 coffee maker. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Like an Espresso. No, it's like a Starbucks machine. It's like a vending machine that just makes Starbucks drinks. That's sick. Not the one they had at CPXI, is it? Yeah, same. Oh, that one? Yeah. Yeah. Damn. I thought it was, I was hoping something more fancy. Is that still a company? Child porn, extreme international. I think so. Anyways,

I'm at Nikki's show and I guess they do like sway in the morning right next door. Hell yeah. They do. Yeah. So Forest Whitaker and Adam, get your phone away from the cord for the mic. Making a noise. Anyways, yeah. So what it is, it makes like a click. I know. I know. I know. Yeah. Forest Whitaker and Omar from the wire were both there. I was wearing that Andre steakhouse shirt. So I couldn't go up to them. I get a picture with you guys. Oh, that would be legendary if you got to explain to them why I'm wearing or what to tell them. It's a real steakhouse. Like you know how guys like you tell them, tell the friends of yours from the old neighbor and tell

them you were supporting a black owned business. Yeah. This is probably what I liked you where I'm in the black history month legionist gang shirt. Don't they have a slave for legion of black history month? Well, they have a series of interns that they do not pay. I think they literally made a black they got black guys wearing like a chain necklace or something. That's a good guy. That's smart. That's a smart satire. I love satire. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking cool, dude. You should have gone up anyway. Middle school teacher in like Mississippi. They got fired. Yeah. What happened? She had an ironic podcast. Yeah. She was doing satire, but that's the thing, man. It's like the people that legitimately are doing satire

get a bad rap because the people that aren't keep saying it's satire. It's like, come on, man. Just be racist. Yeah. It's a good business model. All of your contemporaries are just like, no, this isn't satire racist. Those are people you're friends with that, you know, that you talk to all the time. Just go ahead and do it. Stop fucking over the simple folk like me. Exactly. Was she actually doing satire? Was she racist? She said she was doing satire. She was definitely racist though, right? Probably. I mean, I haven't looked into it at all, but I started, I almost clicked on the link and then underneath it, there was like another story about like a sexy teacher that fucked a kid. So I clicked on that one and she was hot, dude. Yeah, they're always hot.

She was really particularly hot. There's never some busted ass like Mary Kay. Let's turn it was a piece of ass, dude. A hot piece of ice. Yeah. And then this picture, particular picture, she was wearing a very small like a bikini bottom and you could see not pussy, but like a part of the surrounding pussy area that you normally don't see in a bikini. No, not lips, but just like regular skin. It is just skin, but it's like very close to the side pussy fat side pussy fat. I don't think she should have been teaching a class dress like that. Yeah. Yeah. It's never a hot. It's never like a. I mean, it's never an ugly. It's never like a mistrunch bull type. No, it's like a twenty five year old, like just recent big old titties. I would like a college

grad. I mean, I bet you that some time. No, you know what? It probably is, but the kids too embarrassed to a midi fuck. They're like only the hot ones get out because they're like, yeah, I fucked your dog. I get sucked off by the ugly teacher. You're not fucking bragging because they talk too much. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that is how they get caught. Yeah. Somebody loose lips. Yep. Sink ships, loose lips, let little boys, dicks enter them. That was cool that they were slut shaming women and you know, fucking children. Yeah. They're saying if you're a whore, you're helping the Nazis. That's what that poster was. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What? What? What? Loose lips, sink ships. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's pretty cool. I we had a sex scandal at my high school, my senior

year, one of the gym coaches. He fucked his teaching assistant. Oh, that doesn't count. She was hot teaching assistant. No, no, she was a student. Oh, yeah. Oh, wait. She was assisting him. She was a high school. She was a high school. She was seventeen. How old was he? He was like in his, you know, late 20s, early 30s. He was cool, dude. Yeah, cool. He was really cool. Was he was he jacked? No, he had like a cool goatee, though. Cool goatee. Yeah. You wore a lot of golf pullers. What happened to him? I went to jail. Yeah. Oh, god damn. Really? Went to jail. Yeah. You got a regular child molesting jail. Fuck a 17 year old. Yeah. Yeah. For being cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not cool. They see you in a leather jacket. They are a regular prison, but all the rooms

are connected by those like tubes. Yeah, dude. I can't. I can't go out today. I'm sir. I'm doing a solitary confinement in the ball pit. Yeah. I'm getting my nuts. I got raped in the shoe wrap. Did you hear about this? Put a hand in each shoe. Yeah. You know that rapper six nine? Yes. Kashi. So like he he raped a kid and no he didn't. He did. He had sex with a 13 year old girl. I think well from what I heard shut told me basically. So this is wrong. Blame Ryan shot. Okay, that his friend was fucking a child and he slapped her ass. Oh, okay. So that's I mean it's bad, but it is different than raping a kid. I mean it's not good. Yeah, but there's like all these videos of like gangbangers in different cities. Like so I saw one from like these gangbangers in San Antonio.

There's like yeah like it's prison rules like no no child predators in our city like we're fucking kill you if you come over here San Antonio. Really though. Yeah, although like rape and kill them. I guess but yeah. I mean that rainbow hair. It's yeah in prison. You probably want to get you probably want to probably make and get a haircut. You think so? Yeah. Cut your damn hair. Boy. Yeah. Do they make you get a haircut in prison? No, I think that's the military. Yes. You could have long hair in prison. There's plenty of people. Charles Manson has long hair. Oh yeah. It's just like a bunch of people. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's no dress code. Not in my prison. You can have a swastika tattooed on the middle of your head in prison. Well, that's that's permanent.

You can basically do whatever you want in prison. Sounds pretty cool actually. Except for go outside. Can you play video games? Yeah. If you could play video games, Jordan's your Anders Brevik. You can. Who's that again? PlayStation to use the the Norway. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty cool. He's way. He's got a PS two. That's yes. Yes. Yeah. That was just complaining that they didn't give him newer video. He has to play like twisted metal black. That's what that's hard time right there. Um, yeah. Okay. Cool. Nick, what you depressed or something? You're fine. Oh, okay. Yeah. Stop being good. No, I mean, I'm not doing that good, but I'm fine. Yeah. I really miss you guys. I know, man. Yeah, this weather, this weather sucks, dude. I know. It's a bummer. Did you

were you weren't here for that 77 degree day? No, I was I was no, that was the day we were we were cruising around a story. Remember? No, I was by myself on my bicycle. I guess it was the day before then. We had that day out hang. We were looking at ladies titties and shit. Oh, yeah. You know what? We did hang out. Yeah. And then I biked. I biked to, uh, I guess the lower east side got a massage. That's right. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, that makes two of us. Then no, I've gotten you didn't get jerked. Lower Manhattan massages. No, I just get massages under 14th Street, Manhattan. Yeah. I get massages in lower Manhattan. That's what I call my nuts. You get massages under 14 years old.

We don't want you coming through the San Antonio China and the Chinese child. Oh, that's what that song is about. Originally sex with a Chinese child. Bear naked four year olds. Yeah, weird choice for the Shrek sound. Shikety China, the Chinese children, you pull your dick out and they start a suckin. Yeah. Huh? What do you think of that one? Just like that chapstick. Oh, fuck, dude. I think I'm going to go back to Baltimore for my mommy's B day. Yeah. When's your mom's birthday? It's it's Friday. Oh, but I'm going. Are you in Philly this weekend? No,

next weekend. Next weekend. Next weekend, March 317 Saturday. Good, good comedy theater. Two shows. The first shows about to sell out. And if it does, we will add a third show. So come out and get your nuts sucked. And so right now the eight o'clock is almost sold out. We got it early at eight 30, then a 10 o'clock and then maybe an 1130. Stop the after dark, bitch. But yeah, this weekend, I think I'm a go, you know, hang out, avoid my father. Yeah. How much time are you doing there? 45 to an hour. Yeah, I got a bit still doing that. The house of blue show in Boston. Yes. And I was like, you know, hoping maybe I'd write a new new, at least 15. Yeah, I know. I'd say I got about 10. I feel the same way. I really don't

want to have to go in and do a bunch of old shit, but you also should catalog your old shit though, dude. I have been. I started organizing everything. Should release a fucking special, dude, hometown records. Yeah, all those, all those bits about, you know, things like the blind side, very top. No, Joe, I definitely remember. You should do a CD of topical jokes. You can't do anymore. That's kind of funny and just release it for like a $2007. My classic will never elect a black man or a woman. I'm still half right. Well, I guess three quarters, right? You know, if you really get down. No, I guess. I don't know. How does that work? That would be one quarter correct. I said we never elect a black man or a woman for president and we elect a half black guy

that I am a quarter incorrect. So three quarters correct, three quarters correct, which is what I said. Yeah, yeah, okay. I'm the math genius. It turns out I was the only one who knew the difference between me and me and the math genius with a tiny penis. No, no, no ruler to get the centimeters. I do measure my cock and centimeters. That's well documented because you're Greek. No, yeah. Well, because it gets more numbers that way. Yeah, you do bigger numbers. We can go centimeters. Yeah, you get one of those rulers with the picas on it. Your tiny inch. Yeah, what's the smallest kind of inch? I think it's millimeter besides your penis, Adam. My penis is a picas, right? I don't know. What is a pica? It's it's a I think it's a unit of measurement

for no because millimeter. That's all the metric system, but imperial numbers have numbers smaller than than an inch or a unit smaller than and I think it's picas. I'm not sure though to measure how long Adam Fox. Yeah, that's you can't measure it in a distance. Yes, you can in light years. Each pump, each pump is distance. Oh, how long the actual thrust every thrust. Yeah, I'd like to know my measurements. That kind of would be fun after every time you fuck. You see like the analytic. How much like your KD ratio. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It happens when you're fucking 13 year old boys online or calling you the n word. I'd like to see how long I just got my pumps are sex have live sex have live.

What do you got there, pal? People tweeting me. They're receiving their t shirts. Oh, yeah. Someone told me they bought a couple Italian chromosome shirts. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's great. They're going to be strolling around town in them. I saw a guy with a in a come town pin yesterday. Yeah, those. Oh, yeah, those are really nice guy Charlie. Yeah, strike gently co. Yeah, they're like gold or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He hit me up a couple months ago about making them. Yeah, I think he DM me that he was going to do it, but he make me a gold pen does some. Yeah, can you make me a gold tooth? Yeah, and make stop. I want to fang. You should have like a little come town in the middle of it too. Yeah,

I want a little splash of cum. My mom called me and she was like because my mom works at a dental lab. She found out I was toothless and she was like you'll never believe one time what one guy asked to have on his tooth. He wanted to draw a dick. I was like what she's like don't do anything like that. My mom had to call me to tell me not to get a dick on my tooth and I was pretty fucking cute. Yeah, it's also I feel like she's opening up, you know, I think becoming having a cum podcast has made my mom feel like she can say whatever to me. Yeah, so yeah, my parents, my dad was telling doctors and nurses about cum. That's how you get respect for guys. Everybody doesn't know Adam had to go home to get penis reduction. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That

was correct surgery. There's no way to make it bigger, but they straighten it out, at least make it look less curly and scrunched up. I had a most little scrunched up cock of all time. I had a penis. It looks like it looks like somebody like neurotically unfolded a paper clip. But very small, same, same thickness though. Yeah, but very small. Well, I'm glad you guys like my new dick. Yeah, it's kind of cute, dude. Adam's lockpick set there. Hey, Adam, I forgot my keys again. Could you come over and kind of let me let me impound? Yeah, it's true. And I'm working on a bank vault right now. You're one of the guys in Oceans 69. I'm in the girls Oceans. Yeah, you're small enough that you're technically a girl.

So you're the lockpick expert non binary. I saw the you guys watch the Oscars. I watched it. Yeah, I watched the Oscars. I watched it with the stand. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like you guys love the Oscars. Gary Oldman won for a movie that I have never heard of. He looked so stupid. He played Churchill. Well, I didn't know what the movie was. So it's behind them is pictures of him in like a fat suit acting upset. Yeah, and it's like what what is this movie? Yeah, yeah, it looked like if they did a like British Eddie Murphy movie where he plays all the fucking like it felt like it felt like it felt like it felt like Eddie Murphy like you remember that movie where he played the midget little feeder whatever the fuck it's called.

Yeah, I don't know, but fuck the Oscars innocent. The funniest part was when the makeup guy for that movie won because he made him look like Churchill and it was a Japanese guy and he's like I want to thank gay old man. He looked stupid as fuck, dude. Why just like that? I mean, in Hollywood always does this. Apparently he's me too. By the way, he was saying that he was he's a bad bad boy who the makeup Gary Oldman, the Japanese makeup guy. Come on, give me some pussy. Well, yeah, I mean, I guess that's what it is is they all and you know, everybody knows this, but it's like this industry just harbors pedophiles and 100 years.

It's all it's in a business built on literally raping people. Yeah. Yeah. And then because they got caught. Now they take turns going on stage handing each other tiny little statues going like we're at the forefront of stopping sexual assault. I'm sorry, but the people that work at Best Buy aren't raping each other. That's solely you. This is you doing you want to be the weekend manager here at Best Buy. We're setting a sample for the world by by finally, you know, pretending like everyone else does the thing that we do. Oh, fuck dude. They're just they're all pigs. They're all fucking horrific pigs. Well, congratulations to Kobe Bryant from going from the one industry. You could be a rapist to the

other industry. No, I don't know that. Right. There's a lot of their question marks will be surrounded after the hell out of that poor one. I like that he essentially won an Oscar for like he basically won a letter writing contest. He wrote a game of fucking Oscar for for writing the best letter to the editor about himself about an exit service. He filled out one of those comment cards about how you feel about the NBA. And also it sucked. Do you see the actual thing? The animation sucked. Yeah, it was like the snowman. The music was good. It was John Williams. And the the letter wasn't bad. Shut up. It sucks. Fuck you, dear basketball. Come on. You know, and there were some problems in Colorado, dear basketball. No, he never talked about it. I was

I was a whore accused me of something I did not do. So what? I helped myself to some asshole, even though she told me I could not. That's not my fault. Anyway, basketball was fun. Got to go. That was it. The Jadakiss line. Why did Kobe got to put it in the ass or in why? Yeah, Kobe. Yeah. Anyway, congrats to him for being a double rapist and Francis McDormand seemed like she was like completely completely unhinged. Yeah, on drugs. Yeah, my girl gets fucked up on dabs. She thought she was going to really close it with like her like closing line and it just bombed. Yeah, when they close it, she's like last last thing. Inclusion claws. And then it was just like is the speech over and then she walked off stage.

It's weird. Are you a fucking lawyer now? Yeah. You think that that's that's in any way legal. What is that man that if you want to work on something, you have to hire people of my race. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. I'm all for it, dude. Yeah. Get more cute fat boys. That's that movie wasn't that movie wasn't three billboards is completely overrated. Yeah, it wasn't like it was. I mean, it was an entertaining movie, but the way people were sucking its dick. It's like this is not. Well, because I think it was like rape adjacent call me by your name is the best movie that came out. It was really good. Yeah. Yeah. And I did not get hard a little bit in the slightest.

Just did you get any money? So my dick was asleep. Did you get any money because they made your life story into a movie, Adam? Actually, I didn't thank you for any lawyers listening. Let's fucked up. My summer in Italy was like you don't deserve that kind of shit, dude. I haven't seen it yet, but I feel like you don't deserve those kind of sweet dickings that that kid that Timothy Chalamet get got Tim. Yeah, Timothy, Charlemagne, the God, and Shamile, Shamile. It sounds like it. I'm with the Shamuel Malay. It sounds like he's pronouncing it wrong. Chalamet is his name. Timothy, too. Yeah, Timothy, Timo, Faye, Mosco, Timo, Faye, Mosco. Yeah. What are they beat off in a peach in that movie or Jacks off in a peach and then they gave it to

a woman that jacks off in a fish. So did he eat the peach? Yeah, he eats the peach. His own come? Yeah. Yeah. I was at some bar. Who's the guys come? There's a girl that like listens to the show walked in and she looked familiar. I guess or whatever. Anybody talked to her. She came and sat down and she was reading the book and she had like the call me by your name book and I was like, let's go to the part where the peach part open the book and found it within like four seconds. Whoa. You've got a fucking six cents, dude. For fucking literature about come. A guy eating his own come. Nick can spot it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty quickly. It's like when a dog can fucking smell cancer and in somebody you can find come in a book. Yeah. You know,

is the dog smelling cancer or peanut butter? I don't know. It's like you want to know how I found out I had dick cancer is my dog. I found out a testicular cancer because my whatever reason my dog kept licking my balls and my dick. I have just all day long. What is it, boy? What is it? Trouble down at the old warehouse? What is it? What is it? Lassie? And it turns out my wife also had pussy and household cancer. There's a little boy down in the well that needs to get fucked. Just a guy running up to the well with lassie and his dick covered in peanut butter. Where's that boy? He's shimming because his fucking pants are around his ankles. Have you ever had a dog lick your balls like while you're having sex with a woman? No. No.

So you have? Never mind. You have and tell us the story. Nope. This just happened just recently. I had a cat. I see his done. I had a cat lick my ass. I see his lick my balls. Really? Yeah. Cats have shitty tongues, though. Like a man in a Garfield costume. Yeah, while it's having sex with them. Yeah, dude. Anthrocon a couple years ago. When did I see lick your balls? It's happened a couple of times. Really? Yeah. You just forget about I see being there. Yeah, dude. Dogs do that and they're like, this is revenge for Westminster. There's a portion where an English guy eats a dog's ass and tastes the better tasting dog. That's part of the that's part of the scoring system. I was trying to write a bit for stand up today about like, you know, we're doing all this me too

shit. When are we going to call out the fucking that guy from the Westminster dog show that just touches all those dogs? Yeah, probably the most horrific sex criminal in all of entertainment. Nobody's stopping him. I might. Why? Because too many people's jobs are on the line. That's why it's true. It's a whole industry. Yeah, big dog show. Do they actually like see how good their balls are? Yeah, he smells it. It takes a big asshole and puts puts you away. They're nuts. Whoever's got the heaviest nuts wins. Yeah, that's it. That's a different kind of dog show. How much do you think your balls way if you put them on a scale? My balls couple pounds. No, not a couple pounds. It's your the adult weight.

The adult weight of your balls is the same weight you were as a baby. No, I did have big as balls baby, but they're even bigger now baby. Yeah, so if you know, no, no, no, I mean that you're entire. I'm nine pounds seven ounce balls. You're a big baby. Yeah, I was. Wow. Wow. That's crazy. You're minus seven pounds. Okay, all right. We don't need to hear guys. Guess what, it's break time and I want to take this opportunity to talk to you about a new underwear. I love it. Wearing a heavy balls. No. I mean, yes, any kind of ball. Don't ask questions. You can contribute, but don't ask questions. Have fun. Say what you want. You know how to

talk to your audience better than anyone else. No rules, but there are just don't use the word undies or talk negatively. Oh, dude, you can't part of this part. I'm reading the wrong part. I know. Don't run this one. No, it's fine. They said don't say a couple words and you said them. Bleep them out. It's fine. No, you know, this is a kind of loose, you know, sort of avant-garde style of marketing that Mack Weldon appreciates. And yes, it's the reason I love the only company willing to do business. God bless him. God bless. Mag Weldon. Yeah, my heavy ass nuts feel great in it. No, they really are comfortable underwear and it's much easier to shop on Mack Weldon.com than our website where you can buy overpriced t shirts made with terrible fabrics with atrocious

design. Mack Weldon's website is very easy to use. It actually is a secured server, so you don't have to worry about your information getting stolen, which is not the case on come where you can buy it. I wish I'd been secure by the way. No, it's not. Mack Weldon believes in smart design, premium fabrics and simple shopping. They're the most comfortable underwear that you can buy right now. I can't guarantee that in the future there won't be some sort of underwear that right now, but right now. That sounds good. Are they working on any prototypes? Yeah, I don't want to put their business out there. Maybe working on underwear that sucks your dick. They got a line of silver underwear and shirts that are naturally antimicrobial, which means they eliminate odor and they want

you to be comfortable. So if you don't like your first pair of underwear, you can return it and they will refund you. No questions asked. Not only does Mack Weldon underwear, socks, shirts, and pants look good. They perform well too. They're good for working out, going to work, going out on dates, or just everyday life. Every day life, dude. Sitting at home watching, you know, clear out for the straight guy. You're all right. You know, video, podcast, whatever you're doing. So go to Mack Weldon.com, get 20% off using promo code COMTOWN. That's all capital letters, C-U-M-T-O-W-N, Mack Weldon.com. Check them out. And we're back. And we're back. Yeah. I did mention if you want to buy a Andre's Steakhouse merchandise, because a lot of people,

my policy has always been if you want to fucking make money off the name of the show, go for it. I don't give a shit, you know, but there was enough people that asked. So I went ahead and I put up a store, it's COMTOWN, if you want to buy those shirts, which the prices are high, but it's all dropshipping and third party fulfillment. So I don't see any of the merchandise. I don't have inventory. You buy it. The cost of the items is debited from my bank account. It comes out of my bank account. And then can you move your phone away from me? Oh fuck, I keep doing that in my bed. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, the money comes out of my bank account, and then once it finally ships, then the difference is like credited to me. Oh, okay.

Yeah, it's actually, it's been a huge mistake. That seems horrible, yeah. Yeah, because now I have like a million different charges all over my fucking card. I have to pay taxes on all of that. Oh fuck that. I have to pay sales tax now in every individual state. You should use my guy, dude. You probably owe sales tax too. If you get audited, you're gonna get fucked. No, no, he does all the sales tax on his end. Yeah. Mm-hmm. All right, something's causing this thing to make a fucking noise. Should we pause and figure it out? No, it's fine. Is it still buzzing? No, it just stopped. But I mean, it's been fine the entire time, but it just started doing it. I'm gonna put my phone even further away. I don't know if it's a phone or... It's probably my heavy

ass nut. It's probably my magnetic... It wasn't a problem on the episodes you were doing at your place. So I'll just say that much. Oh, yeah, you're right. It's my... There's a new variable here. So I starved, David. Yeah. It's the masseuse. It's all my masseuses. What is that? That masseuse? That's like, what's other vampires know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mored off other vampires. Yeah, it's just to say that the blood has already been sucked dry out of this place. Yeah. There's no real living creatures here. Yeah. It lets criminals know that this is a... This is probably a house that's gonna put up a fight. Yes, some real alpha men. Are you ready to watch Death Wish?

Oh, the new one. The new one with Bruce Willis. Yeah. Is it gonna be good, you think? I'm definitely gonna see it. It's definitely like, you know... I read online that it's just a disgusting white male fantasy. That's what I think it is. What? So I will not be supporting that movie. I'm not gonna pay for it, but I will see it. Charles Bronson was queer, so... Well, he's Mongolian. I refuse to see a movie where a white man does anything except apologize. That would be good. Yeah. Sway's in Death Wish. Your friend Sway. My friend Sway came up to me and was like, yo, I got to say mad respect for your shirt. Black-owned businesses. I do. Have you been watching Queer Eye, Adam? Oh, yeah. Do you see the episode?

I saw them all. Do you remember that fucking stand-up comic, dude? That's what a fucking loser. Dude, he had such little charisma. How do you know he doesn't listen to comes? Doug, what do you want me to do about it? He put it out there. Like, those guys liked a cop that was a Trump supporter. Yeah. Like an open, a 30-year-old open-micro has lower charisma than that guy. It was brutal. Yes. And he's probably not getting any cheeks. Everyone else got cheeks. He kissed that girl at the end of the episode. Brutal. Yeah. Was she hot? No. No. She was the kind of, she was the kind of girl that you'd hook up with prior to the podcast. That's not true. I did very well. I just didn't fuck that much, but it was still quality. She was one of those

like Renaissance fair kind of girls. Oh, no, thanks. Yeah. A stop classic. I don't know. And it's not a stop classic. That's in the Sula wheelhouse. Thank you very much. The what? Elda Sula. Oh, Elda was slamming some horrific horse back in the day. I like a girl that smells like body odor. A nice dirty laundry Renaissance girl. He was dating some like, I think pastry chef that would eat his ass. Could you imagine eating Elda's ass? Jesus Christ. With the hat on. Jesus Christ. The chef Boyardee hat on. Jesus Christ. That's the way I like it. But I want to go on Queer Eye, dude. Yeah, you dress too good, though. You have good style. Yeah. And it's not going to give me a haircut. Yeah. They can't

make you skinnier in three days. Someone sent me a post. I guess I'm fortune fashion advice. People were asking whether this show is a fashionable one, which is like, I can't. What show? Our show. We're fashionable. And it's like, we are fashionable. No, actually, it was funny. They said me and staff dress well, but you're a try hard fact. They're not wrong about that. You look basic. You try real hard to look cool. That's I'm quoting what they said. You try hard by wearing Mountain Dew sleeveless shirts. I'm not trying. I just think it's a funny shirt. Yeah. First of all, this is not that's trying. This is what the fashion right now. Adam is what the fashion police. I'm for Adam is mad. You're

fucking mad. Wait till April. That's all I'm going to say. Wait till April. I'm going to be sausage. So you're going to see my you're going to see my boy. You're going to see me stunning and whatever dude. Oh yeah, because what you're describing don't say what you're describing definitely doesn't fall in. They couldn't spin that. Yeah, they're going to love that. They're going to love my. I guess our point is that you look like everyone else in Brooklyn. Yeah, which is what you're going for. I don't know if I'm going for it, but yeah, there are a lot of guys that look like me in Brooklyn. I'm sweatshirts and like you too. There's not. You're not like a fucking unique like look. I'm not trying to look like anything.

I just have. We all have a very nice thing. Nick has a very utilitarian. We all we all I'm wearing. I'm wearing most in pants from Amazon that I found because I googled the war. What kind of pants to wear in Antarctica because I wanted the warmest pants I could get. Yeah, I'm looking like a cute little bitch in my own black sweatsuit. I don't know about you guys champions back. What do you think's next ever last probably ever last no Russell Russell athletic starter. I think it's actually started came back a while ago. Is it? Yeah, it's sort of had a little comeback. I don't know. I love champion. I was always a champion boy in my youth. I think they were like they were like a cheap brand somewhere.

Yeah, it's sort of the mart. The motel is for a second. It's sort of the XFL. They were champion. Were they? Oh yeah. I just watched the XFL documentary. This shit was so tight. I remember beating off to the cheerleader. I used to have a rod. Smart. He hates me. You did off to it. There were some steamy parts to that shit, dude. But for like three seconds on screen before they go back to the Las Vegas Outlaws versus I think you could find LA extreme on the on the Internet. I love the XFL, dude. I love the two. I just watched the documentary. They'd be great if the XFL was like a more extreme version of the NFL. So instead of like the Washington Redskins, it's just like the Washington like the XFL hardcore. You're only allowed if you beat your wife.

The New York giant faggots. Oh yeah, dude. That's pretty extreme, dude. What else? What else? What could be more extreme? Just more slurs that... Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Buccaneers are just like the straight up gun in the mouth rapist. Just toothless gun in your pussy and asshole rapist. Oh yeah, James Winston is a rapist. It's the whole shirt. Straight up gun in the pussy and ass rapist. Both swords cut a slit in between your pussy and asshole so I can fuck both my goddamn arms. The Miami Japanese guys that kill dolphins, you know, yeah. That's extreme enough.

Is that not a stealing dolphins? What if you fucking rape the dolphins with one gun in their pussy? Well, the Buccaneers are the rapist because the Buccaneers are pirates, right? Yeah. Yeah. So pirates are rapists. So this would have to be an extreme type of dolphin. Yeah. So extreme to the sharks. Oh, okay. You're right. Which was the team on any given Sunday, the Miami sharks. They got to be gay too. Yeah. Well, it was a pretty gay movie. The Miami... No, that was a good estimate. The Cleveland Browns just the same thing. The San Diego Chargers are the San Diego charging their Samsung Galaxy. Yeah, that's good. We're not topping that. Yeah. The 49ers are the...

This gold rush... No, I was trying to think like a prospector. I was going to say like what year did the Civil War start? But wasn't that like also 49? No, it was in the 60s. What about getting... What about the... No, the Civil War ended in what? 1862? 64, I think. I don't know. I have no fucking idea. I think it was 60 to 64. I'm probably wrong. No, I don't know. I think that's my guess though. Yeah, it's gay. It is gay. Fuck the Civil War. Sorry. Dude, it was in the 60s, bro. It was a fucking free love. Yeah, free love, Lincoln. The dawning of the age of Aquarius. Let's see. What else do we have here? Fuck, maybe... It's the same thing as the Buccaneers, but with those little mining hammers.

And so the Cardinals, it's the Cardinals that were just moved to another city after... Yes, yes, yes. The recently relocated Cardinals. The mysteriously relocated Cardinals. The Father John's on sabbaticals. About the Rams, it's the Rams that had a trailer hitch with a rope attached to the... Oh, dammit. Yeah, they're Rams. It's the XFL. Yeah, it is extreme. That's by definition. It's the most extreme. What else? Seahawks? We're gonna do the Seahawks. The Ravens. There's a lot of birds. Raven Simons nude pictures from the Fappening. Now you've gone too far, Nick. Actually, I would definitely look at those. Who am I?

I certainly would. I thought you were against looking at Fappening pictures. I mean, I'm talking body type. Oh, body. Yeah, if they were presented. Fuck Raven Simone is what I'm saying. You would. Is she? Is she? Lezzie? How about the Atlanta Jonah Falcons? They're just stuffed. They're constantly... Everyone has had the biggest pickleball time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that one. The Denver White Broncos, right? Yeah. Easy. That's easy money, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect. Cincinnati Bengals. How about the... Instead of... It's like the Seattle Seahawks, Suck Hawks. When I see... I'm on a Seacock diet. What about Bengals? Bengali guys on a bus committing rape in India? Yeah, just, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bengali's

a type of Indian, right? Something like that. It's a type of person from Bangladesh. Oh, okay. Right? I guess, yeah. Who fucking cares? Yeah, but you know the same type of flavor of bus rape over there, I would assume. Sure, yeah. Bangladesh. I mean, look the same. The... We got some more here. Come on. All right. How about the Dallas Buyers Club? Cowboys? All right. Yeah. Well, yeah, but what's the more extreme version of the cowboys? You can't just say Dallas Buyers Club. Something about killing Indians? Yeah, maybe. What the fuck is this? Goddamn noise. Is it the AC adapter? No, it's something. It's like somebody's phone or something? My shit. I threw my shit in the river. I don't know. Yeah. Houston Texans that are being

executed for being mentally retarded. Yeah. Let's see. Philly Delphia Eagles. The Nazi Eagle. That's good. The Eagle. Yes. The one holding the swastika. Yes, yes. We both had the Eagle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And honestly, this looked a lot cooler. It was more Roman. Aesthetically, that shit was fucking tight. Yeah. Well, Nazis had very good taste. Yeah. In people and clothes. Which race? This should be around. Remember when Trump got elected at him and you were legitimately afraid there was going to be another Holocaust? That was a bit. No, it wasn't. Yeah. There might still be, dude. It wasn't. Honestly, after driving here in the snow through that fucking acidic neighborhood,

you could... I could be convinced. God, it is. It was horrible, dude. These fucking Hassid Busjibers tried to cut across two lanes of traffic to make a right. Yeah. I mean, then you understand it. Imagine you're trying to use the newly created autobahn. You can go 130 miles per hour on it. It's filled with school buses, empty school buses. With Hebrew letters on it. And fucking mini vans cutting people off and blocking the bike lane. That's right. Well, you can't go faster than me if you have a bike. It's not... I have to block the bike lane because I'm culturally spiteful. I have to prevent people on a bicycle from getting to where they need to be faster than me

because I only understand spite. Yeah. If you had caught me in those 10 minutes, I could have been radicalized, but I guess I'm back now. Now that I'm in the home of a nice Jewish friend of mine. Yeah. Thanks. I don't know. It's kind of light on snacks here, to be honest with you. I am a little... I could use a dessert, if I'm being honest. I was pretty upset when I got over here and there was no snacks happening. Yeah. Sorry. They could come over for 10 minutes. Are there any cookies? A couple days ago and eat an entire bag of lanes and then leave.

And you know better than to have that salt and vinegar. I went grocery shopping. That's gamer fuel for me. Yeah, dude. And then you were like, come over and eat your fucking chips. Snack this. What is it? It's my house. You can't pre-missnactice me in my own house. Well, fat guys get pre-missnactice everywhere. First of all, I've colonized your house. Uh-oh. Fuck. And I have fat rice of pre-missnactice. The sun never sets on my fucking empire. My breakfast empire.

Oh, fuck, dude. I really do want snacks. I feel like Bob Evans should have a flag. You know, I've never been to Bob Evans in my life. Is that the Canadian one? We should go Bob Evans, dude. Is it actually good? No. Okay. But I'm down to have a little breakfast buffet. Okay. You fuck with buffets, right? I like, oh, fuck, come on.

I love buffets. Yeah, which, okay. Okay, sorry. You guys, good girl. I just feel, feels nice to be back. Yeah, I do love buffets though. Yeah, we should go to a breakfast buffet. I would like to go to that kind of buffet. We should go to an Indian buffet.

Why aren't we talking about doing that? Yeah. Let's do that. The one we went to on the Johns Hopkins campus. What did they do? They like, I bought some like endless tea and then they like took away the tea and me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was bullshit. That place sucked.

And then we went back and watched Sam Hyde videos. That was fun. That was a great day. There's a good one by me. If you guys want to do the bonus on Sunday in a story, in a story, we go gets a little Indian buffet. There's some good ones in the east village or in Murray Hill. Is it in Murray Hill?

I don't know. You said it. You, you're the one on the east side. There's like, there's like a stretch of Indian restaurants. Yeah, but I don't know if any of them are buffets. No, we need that buffet, baby. I've been to a couple of like, but they're like cafeteria style and they're fucking disgusting. Yeah, this one's nice. But see what I miss about the buffets from Baltimore was just the size, the sprawl here.

It's like, it is a buffet, but it's everything's on three. It's like crowded in tech with the places I used to go to with Cubis. I can only imagine balcony seating. So you can watch the other patrons of the buffet. The fattest people were in the center and everyone else gets to watch them. They're a ton of Indians, right? In Texas, I guess. Randomly.

I don't know. Yeah. I don't pay attention to things like that. I do. I like to keep lists. Yeah. I know that your, your, your natural enemy is a Jewish person is. Well, they are more wealthy than us.

Are they? Yeah. I think they're the most wealthy Asian, like Indian Americans in particular. Yeah. Are their average household income is like 110,000. It's like 100, it's over 100,000. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And they own every subway. Have you noticed that? And Dunkin Donuts. Yeah. And Dunkin Donuts. When did they get into the Dunkin Donuts game? I don't know, dude, but they're crushing it. I kind of want a donut.

I want a lot of things, man. I want some desserts. How about a restaurant called Drunken Donuts? And it's Adam's asshole that he parades around town and lets people fuck it. That's good. I don't get the. I don't get the. Drunken.

Drunken as far as a drunk hole. I'm not much of an asshole as the whole. Is it a donut hole? Okay. I drink so much stuff. Fuck my ass. So it's a restaurant or more? It sounds like more of a food truck.

It's more of a roaming thing. It's more of a guy. Yeah, man. We start calling Adam Drunken Donuts. Yeah. I don't know. I think that one, you guys have done some good ones. I think that one was maybe a little stretch.

Shut up. He's just asking. I'm just saying it feels. I said how about. Yeah. It's a question. Yeah. What does this have?

Unless you're coming with constructive criticism. I don't want to hear any of this bullshit. All right. I'll say constructively. It had something with the drunken thing, but it didn't really make much sense. I actually. How about Drunken Donuts better?

Huh? Drunken Donuts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whenever Adam's drunk, then he becomes Drunken Donuts.

Yeah. My testicles. The only person that doesn't have confidence. Go back into my body. Damn. Should I get drunk and grab some titties? I had a dream I was drinking. Oh, nice.

Yeah. That's a good sign. Yeah. It's definitely cool to fall off the wagon. Damn. I hope you don't, brother. Yeah. Don't drink, man.

Unless you want to drink my cum. No, thanks. Are you sure? Also, that's not alcoholic. Yeah, it is. I wouldn't. It's not like I quit drinking cum. You're right.

You still. I'm sorry. I mean, I could theoretically drink cum, and it wouldn't be a problem. Yeah. It's not like I would have fallen off the wagon if I drank a bunch of cum. What if it was a really drunk guy's cum?

Um, that's not how your body doesn't. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it doesn't. Really? The only thing he doesn't cum is HIV. What about? Okay. So literally, this smart guy, if you eat a bunch of pineapples.

Yeah. Your cum tastes better, right? No. So if you drink a bunch of what? Urban, you're saying there's black people coming up? No, yeah. Who the fuck else is eating those pineapples? If it was urban legend, it would be about watermelon.

But, um, uh, um, if it was about a turban legend. That's good. So if you put pop rocks and sodas, then you're going to get hate crimes because people think you're Muslim. A genie comes out of the pop rocks. Yeah. I was saying the other day,

the Sikh thing is so funny that Sikhs, you've got a Sikh cab driver and you know, they get hate crimes anytime. Sucks. Muslims act a fool. Yeah. And they're funnier and cooler. They're cooler.

But also like Sikhs have like been at war with Muslims forever. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like when, it's like when like fucking skateboarders like harass mall security because they just sort of look like like right, right, right, right, right poor man with probably learning disability. Yeah.

Like fuck you pig. Yeah. And he's like, I'm just trying to save up for a pay station. I'm just trying to make sure no one steals from this T.J. Marshals. Yeah. T.J. Max.

T.J. Max. T.J. Max. T.J. Marshals. They do the same thing essentially. I like marshals and T.J.

Max, man. I used to go there with my mom all the time, get some billabong t-shirts. Oh yeah. Some quick silver and suck some. Hard ass dog. Because you know, I was, I was on those beaches of Las Vegas as a kid, just fucking.

Shrining. Shrining. Two bitch. Shrining the wing. I watched the first half of Leaving Las Vegas last night. Yeah. It's a good movie. I loved it.

That was one of my favorite movies when I was a teenager. Yeah. Yeah. Why? Because you were drunk. Well, yeah. I used to love watching it because if you watch Leaving Las Vegas drunk, you think it's a movie about the world's most charming.

The coolest guy. I am back and I'm ready to sign the check, baby. I haven't seen it. I'm going to add it to my list of movies to see. Oh yeah. It's a great movie. Yeah. It's a fucking amazing movie.

Maybe Nick Hibbs is the best. What's great is it was, it's based on a novel by this guy, John O'Brien. John O'Brien was just some like, I guess, screenwriter in Hollywood. But never really, I don't know. I think he had much success. He wrote an episode of Rugrats.

Nice. That's the extent of his career. But he wrote that book, Leaving Las Vegas, and then they optioned it and we're making it into a movie. And like two weeks after they optioned it, he killed himself. What? Yeah. But the movie's about, it's like a guy,

it's like a screenwriter in Los Angeles. The movie starts off and he's already just like a complete fucking like drunk. Yeah. He's like, you know, ruining business relationships and he's getting fired. And so he decides that he's going to just burn all of his shit and take the rest of his money and go out to Las Vegas and drink himself to death in a hotel.

That's fun. In the course of a month. That's not a good way to go. Yeah. He gets out to Vegas and then, yeah, it just starts. Elizabeth's shoe. Yeah. He starts dating Elizabeth's shoe, who's a prostitute.

Nice. Who then became an actress. Nick, come on. That's the same thing we all know. Chill out, man. Chill out. Shut up. Okay.

Finish a story. Anyways, so then, then Andy gets a new toy. That's an astronaut man. What? Yeah. And what about the cowboy? And Nicholas Cage gets jealous. What?

Yeah. And so he, he, he, he connives to have Buzz killed. That's fucked up or whatever. Does he, does he, does he get killed? Is that, I can't remember toy stories. Is that Woody's fault that Buzz gets like fucked over? I think so. And then he realizes what he fucked up.

But then they go back and save him from the pizza restaurant. Yeah. Or something like that or the aliens. Is the evil kid from Toy Story 2? Yeah. No, that's the first one. Sid Sid. Yeah.

The evil kid who's being molested. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. And he's like kind of creative. He like takes toys and makes them into new toys. Yeah. He's like artistic.

Yeah. That movie is really about how we need to human humanize products and consumerism. Yeah. And, and abandon empathy for people that might be eccentric. Andy's the bad guy. Yeah. No, Andy's the good guy and the toys. Or no, yeah.

The expensive toys are the good guys. Yeah. Not the, not the kid who wants to. Right. Damage those beautiful products with a brand identity. Yeah. Because you know, Sid's parents were definitely, you know, going out and buying him expensive toys and he didn't have like a

sort of divorce kind of fucked up situation. Getting sucked off by the mailman. Getting sucked off by the mailman. Is that heaven? I guess. Yeah. I bet you there's mailman, mailman who molested children. You know?

Children. Probably. Yeah. I'm hearing the speech. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's the, he's the, he's the mailman.

There's no speech impairment, man. Dude, that tooth is. It's pretty funny. Yeah. It's really. I'm finally, I'm so glad I got the iPhone 10 because taking pictures is a stop in portrait mode. It's gorgeous.

Yeah, I saw the one you took the other day. The humans of New York. Oh yeah, baby. Yeah, how it's all like, like shallow focus is like fuzzy in the background. Yeah, looks really nice. Take one in the snow, dude. Yeah, let's go outside.

I would love to make use of this fucking $1200 cell phone. Let's go outside after this. Take one in the snow. I want to get a fit pic to show all the bitches how cute I look. Yeah. Oh, be at the stand. I was taking pictures of my dick with portrait mode. Oh, nice.

Does it blur out the head? No, no, no. You just say, I take like nice glamour shots of my cock. Oh, man. Did I tell you by the time I saw, I was just cock full hard? Oh, who? Because he was, he was showing me like, he was like some girl was sending him nudes and he was showing me like her titties and

then he just kept scrolling by accident and he didn't mean to. He's like, oh, and it was like his hard ass, like for like presentation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, and it's pink as shit. Looking the best. His dick is so pink. And I know it was a fucked up angle. Like he curved it so it looked like he had an extra inch.

But yeah, just so hard. Oh yeah, dick pics are all lies. Very pink dick. Yeah. Yeah. Which I did not appreciate. I got a nice tan boy. Yeah.

I used to, I took a picture one time where I was like grabbing at the base and you know, like you could cheat. Of course, of course. Because you pull back his pubes. Right. Yeah. And you also stretch it out. It makes my dick look like 13 inches long.

So yeah, yeah. Just to send that to people. Yeah. And yeah, it's like, man, I hope we never actually fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You think my dick reaches my head? Yeah. Oh, if you take a picture from underneath, it looks pretty big too.

Yeah. Oh, underneath. I never go underneath. Yeah. Oh, I've always pulled back my fat to give you that. If I did lose weight, my dick would be nice. Anyways, so House of Blues March 22nd shows already sold out. Come.town.

Merchandise. Stoves. Yes. March 7th. Oh, yeah. Stobby baby. Or it's by fred.co slash Stobby baby. Just fucking buy a domain name.

Who's going to remember? It's my friend. It's my friend. By fred.co slash. I know. It's fucked up. Okay. Geo cities.

Look motherfucker. I know. It's just my friend. Buy Stoves shirts at Stovesfriend.virus.ru. March 12th is funny moms. We didn't announce the last one. We stranded and got it. Yeah, dude.

Nobody fucking came. That was embarrassing. I was sorry about that. Were you embarrassed? It is a little bit. Yeah. When you show. Yeah.

Because we had Damien on the show and I like literally for months. I was like Damien. You got a and he's like technically my boss sort of. Yeah. And he's also probably not good. Yeah. Yeah, it is. I mean, they are all are all pretty like.

Yeah. Good. But even not being my boss. I like Damien. He's a good comic. You don't waste his time. Yeah. He doesn't need to fucking waste his time.

Were there anyone there? Max said he was there. Yeah. There was a handful of people there. Okay. So I mean. We're going to announce it on the show. He said it was like by regular standards.

It was fine. But we have a bang. Right. We they're usually great. So we ended up owing the bar. March 12th. We did. Yeah.

Because for what? Because it's $150 to rent the space. Yeah. There was only $75 in ticket sales. Oh, did you pay it? No. The guy let it slide. Yeah.

You better fucking let it slide. We made those cocksuckers so much. He knew what was going on. I wrote them an email and I was like, I'm out of town. I told him why. So yeah, we shouldn't be a pain that way. That's a different story anyway. So March 12th. That's the show.

We've already booked a couple comics and Andy Haines. Chris DeStefano and Andy Haines. And we're going to book a couple more. That's the show. And like I said, March 17th and March 17th at the Good Good Comedy Theatre. Please buy tickets for that. Philadelphia and then yeah, baby.

That's pretty much it for now. Yeah. Suck me off. Oh, and I'll be at Umar Khan's show, I think on. Oh, when? In Baltimore? Yeah, the 5th of April. Cool.

It's a good show. OK. That's it, you motherfuckers. That's the show. Bye-bye.