The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 99 – Comb Town

Episode Date: April 19, 2018

I got a haircut, i like it

Werewolves, werewolves was being gay. The werewolves, but that doesn't even make sense. Werewolves being gay. Yeah, it does. It's perfect. And his hair was perfect. Doctor, doctor, suck me the dick. I got it.

All right, put your tooth in. We got to do the show. Bad case of being gay. No, that's good. Doctor, doctor, suck me the dick. I got a bad case of being gay. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, that is a pretty good one.

Oh, fuck. Adam, get over here, you fucking slut. Just a dick suck, boy. Born and raised in South Detroit. Is there a South Detroit or is that just Windsor? I don't know. I thought, is that? Adam, we're doing the podcast, by the way.

Oh, it started. Yeah, we already started. So maybe you want to talk it in the microphone instead of feeding your dog banana bread and kissing it on the lips. I don't have lips. They have pussy lips. They have pussy lips. She does.

That's just what I meant. She wiped her ass the other day. Like she pooped, and then we stopped at like a couple feet. The dog scooted. Yeah, she like wiped her ass all the time. Dogs do that when they have worms, you fucking idiot. Well, I've never seen her do that before. The dog isn't wiping its ass.

It's itching its asshole because it has worms. No, because she had a dingle. Because you're a bad mother. No, she had a dingleberry. Because you're a bad lesbian mother. There is some woman on vice that's like, I guess, like gender nonconforming. She has a little ass mustache.

She looks exactly like Adam. Yeah, same glasses, same hair cut. Oh, yeah. Someone showed me a picture of her. Yeah, I do look a lot like her. Exactly like her. She's from that band LaTique, right? Oh, is she?

Somebody sent me a picture one time. And it was just some guy. It was like like Portland Main's Pride Day or whatever. And there was some guy that looked exactly like me. Like, not it. It was me. There's no like, no, like this guy kind of looks like me. He looked exactly fucking like me.

And it just gay as shit spinning around the lamppost. Hell yeah, dude. Oh my god. If someone has that, please send it to me. Somebody, I mean, it's like so unsettling when you see somebody that looks like you. Yeah, oh, yeah, I hate it. Yeah, I know.

It's like while dogs get pissed off and they see a mirror. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I look a lot like Anne Grace. Somebody sent me a picture of a little girl with cancer that looked just like you. Like me? Yeah. Exactly the way she looks.

A little fat girl with cancer. Well, she had chemo, so her hair is all gone. Well, what the fuck? I have hair, though. That's a big difference. That's number one problem, so looking just like me to have a picture. She didn't have hair.

Yeah, she looked just like John Wick. Yeah, she looked just like Keanu Reeves. Yeah, I get mad whenever I watch fucking Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, dude, because I'm like, is that me from high school? Yeah. Is that young me? Yeah, you're the phone booth.

One man, one man, a rectangle. I wish I was a rectangle. That would be cool. Just fucking. A wrecked anal. Oh, yeah. Sick, you know? Where you fuck, you destroy a woman's asshole.

Yep, with a brick-shaped cock. That's what I really want. It's a guy who will completely destroy my asshole. This is a rectangular dick. What about sexagon? Sexagon? As a shape, instead of hexagon. I feel like UFC, like getting the sexagon.

Yeah, yeah, that's the one we talk about all the time with the gay guys. What do you think is going to happen when UFC goes away? It'll never go away. Yeah, it's just going to get bigger and bigger. No, I won't. It's fun to watch. Yeah, people won't put you there.

Isn't it the fastest growing sport in America? Yeah, but, you know, what goes up must come down. Yeah, good point, Nick. I guess, what do I think will happen? Ripple's about to blow up again. It's already starting to. Go down. No, go up.

Are you going to buy? Did you buy? No. I can't buy these things because I suggest them on the show. Oh, yeah, because you'll get what's sued by the FDIC. Yeah, the FDIC. The government sues you when you commit a crime. No way.

How would that be a crime? Because you talk about your cum podcast. This isn't a fucking financial expert podcast. What is it? The SEC? Yeah, no, that's a violation of SEC rules. If you're backing a cryptocurrency for no other reason other than you're invested in it.

In any kind of security or whatever, I think that's not. So any of the advice they give on CNBC, like mad money? It's so easy to break the law when it comes to investing rules and people don't. Like, I get people who message me all the time. It's like, hey, my friend worked at Facebook, and they said that they're having a really good quarter. So you might want to invest in it.

And it's like, yeah, that's illegal. You can't do that. Yeah, that's what they got Marth on. Either that or having a perfect pussy. Having a perfect shit. Missed doing your under arrest. It's just got beautiful drapes. Pussy looks gorgeous.

So tastes a little piece of lilac. You're in there and it's like, dang, damn. She nailed it. The carpets match the drapes perfectly. Yeah, gorgeous. Let me ask you this. Do the carpets match the rapes? In what sense?

I don't know. I don't know. That's just a question I like to ask. Let me ask you this. Hey, bitch. Hey, bitch. Does the carpets, she's like crying on the train. Does the carpets match the rapes?

Oh my god. They're like, what are you talking about? I don't even make any sense. It's just mean. It's just a mean thing to say to a stranger. She's having a tough day. Yeah. I've been doing a lot of rape jokes on stage lately.

Because it's safe again. Is it? Yeah, me too is over. Oh, really? It's officially done, guys. We're back to it. Now that Harvey Weinstein trial is over, he's been convicted. We can finally move on.

What do you think Harvey Weinstein is doing right now? He's in Mexico having sex. Yeah. Sexy cow. He went to France. I know that for sex rehab. Oh, nice. The best place to stop learning how to have sex.

They sent me dog the sex rehab. My dog's pussy doesn't work. She's a good boy. Yeah, she is a good boy. Wow, dude. Miss gender and the fucking dog much. My dog met Racine's new dog, the puppy, at my birthday party. What happened?

She was playing very, very excitedly. And then I think she lunged. And they were like, oh. Because that dog's expensive. Yeah, your dog's bullshit. Yeah, that's so stupid. Mine was free from the street. You got an iMac dog.

I know. Yeah, Racine's fucking moving on the weekends. Yeah, I got this dog with one night of money. Yeah, I had to do 15 weekends to be able to afford this dog. Deb's happy. Yeah, you know, I mean, she's a dumb bitch, but. I love her, you know. Hey, she wanted the dog, so I said, yeah, I guess, you know.

I'm going to be a dumb bitch or buy a dog. What a beautiful old school couple, man. Yeah, they're great. We'll never work through their problems. We'll just argue each other. Same exact race, you know. Yeah, just. The man works.

As it should be. The wife spends the money irresponsibly. I can't wait until Racine has a goomar. Yeah. He's going to. Not soon, but. So Mike, who definitely listens to podcasts. He loves the stuff that's betting on when you're going to cheat on.

I believe he will at some point because it's tradition. The same reason he bought her the three thousand dollar dog because he wanted it. You know, it's like the time is the seven fishes. That's to seven. This is Christmas Eve. Seven. I remember, yeah, when you turn 13, you get to lick the put the seven

pussies with the men. You know, Christmas Eve. That's the bar. Son, come over here. We're going to lick your mama's pussy. I'm going to. This is your bar mitzvahs. You're going to be going to bend your model over.

You're going to suck up from behind. Papa, I don't want to. Don't be a faggot. Come on, what's your old man? Grandmothers there to help the women in the family get their pussies eaten. Shut up, Grandma. Yeah, Jimmy's becoming a man today. Get that old fucked up pussy out of here.

That's the old beast of the seven bitches. I love traditional Italian culture, ma'am. Yeah, dude. Yeah, Mama Mia, Mama Mia. That's my mama. They got too hard. Yeah. If your dick gets hard while eating out your mom, that's a mama.

Two more weeks to the spring. The probability of a hung jury in your grandfather's murder case goes up. You have to hum the Godfather theme while you're eating your mom's clit. Yeah, the vibrations make her go wild. Do as much as the alphabet as you remember on her pussy. Yeah. Yeah, that's actually the only thing from Italy that came over that Italian Americans kept going down on your mom.

Oh, yeah, the pasta they fuck up. None of those issues. They don't use garlic in Italy. That's crazy. You told me that. Yeah, garlic's good as hell. Nobody believes me when I tell them that. I don't believe it.

They don't, they don't, they don't also use garlic. I think they use garlic. They also don't, they also don't mix meat and pasta. I believe that. Yeah, there's no like, because good Italian restaurants, they always serve you on the side, the Piscetti. Yeah, yeah, they're different kinds of Italian cuisine. Shut the fuck up, dude.

They're with the fucking tone you said that like you're an expert motherfucker. I'm not an expert. How dare you saying that there's no other guys. Um, there's actually different shit. Fuck you, dude. All right, pasta. You're going to fucking lecture me on pasta, Adam. When you say gay shit, when you say game, I never jumped out of the pasta

in with the mean, it's as bad as if you put it in the meat into your mother's pussy and it's sacred tradition of eating a pussy. Yeah, well, that's seven bitches. You can't, you don't, you do not put spaghetti on your mother's pussy. She will get a yeast infection, which is not supposed to happen until the fall for their mother's pussy bread festival. When you make the bread of your mother, they actually didn't invent eating your mom's pussy.

They took it from the Chinese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Marco Polo brought that back. Well, that's where the game Marco Polo came from. Chinese people and they couldn't see anything and they were going around accidentally eating their mom's pussy, they go, yeah, these are all true. This is all real information. Oh, fuck.

So wait, so yes, spaghetti's just low main, right? The. So that makes sense because because because Greek food is so much different than Italian food They must have stolen it, you know pizza almost a little bit makes sense. It's a flatbread of pita You know what I mean a pizza pizza and so there you go two completely different things that they sound the same No, no, fuck you similar it is similar because all Mediterranean food is like flat bread in a different way Chinese people stole the concept of dragons from the band imagine dragons Really because they were they were the first people to imagine them

The band was the band was okay, damn Well, that's great. I imagine I just like I don't like that It's open-ended to with imagine dragons because it's like imagine dragons doing what yeah, like just imagine kissing each other Yep, I'm having gay sex Tony the tiger and and a cartoon dragon in a bench pressing competition with each other They go sweaty and nude that's good. Yeah, I bet yeah, but you can find a lot of people imagining dragons Is that what you're referring to is it that kind of imagining maybe just having the original name of the band was fantasizing about Bowser Yeah, and then Sony BMI was like maybe you should

Change the name yeah cut out all the references to sucking Bowser's cock that you put in every single song Man you suits don't get it man Art this is our deviant artist, man We think Bowser's dick looks like it's on Nick's business card. Oh, that's right Did it just say autism on it But the way Bowser's just sort of leaning on that desk. It's not really overtly sexual He's just like kind of presenting and like he's proud more than his penis. Just happens to be out of his band He's wearing like a vest

God yeah, that's some good. That's some good deviant art man. Yeah Chill out. I see you fucking bitch. Yeah, I want a deviant art of grave digger fucking Bowser doggy style. Yes The monster truck. Mm-hmm ass digger. Mm-hmm. Do you want to do it? What is your dog doing? Why is she snarling? She's begging. I'll tell my girl. No, she's good like yeah No, she's like what she associates us as sitting at the table with us eating and then she wants us to give no We're making money you dumb bitch. Yeah, we're making we're pretty good. This is business. You fucking Dog whore Yeah, get over there. There's nothing for you here

Mm-hmm. That's what from now on Adam great. They're the best from now on Adam to not fuck up the podcast start eating on the floor Yeah, you gotta start eating on the floor because now you gotta start eating out of a dog food bowl Poor little fucking some of your fucking different kind of Italian cuisine that you know so much about yeah You know start eating that out of the fucking dog. Okay. That's fine. You know, you're northern Italian fucking cuisines Yeah, I did this girl told me her ex-boyfriend would make her a drink piss out of dog food balls, and it's like you don't tell me that Don't tell me Yeah, I was cool. Please tell me in detail the one time a guy made you come real the hardest It wasn't me. I'd love to hear that story. Yeah

Well from the food bowl. Yeah from now. This was just like this was like a culture thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, you're back Because it is Christmas I'm not being mean it's Christmas. There's a place crying while she's doing it. I'm so sorry Please come back father Please come back to family. I make her drink pee I think yeah, how much do you hate your mother if you make a woman drink piss out of a dog bowl? I think it is much. No, I think it I think you can really love your mother and make a woman do that Of course, I think you could really love oh too much

I love dootings my mother and be a new vagina Do it then let's go to let's just rattle off every ethnic voice. Okay, let's go through all of them, okay? No, we've already done most of them Katalon Katalon. Hey Hey, here. I am Joey Katalon. Oh That's good. That is from a region of Spain. I'm not exactly which one you got a white Spanish bean of Spain Yeah, hey, I'm fucking gay talk like that because the prince had a lisp and then they didn't want to make him feel bad Was that that's I kind of is that an urban?

That's one of those things I hear that I believe It's done. Yeah, like what if you think about it for a second. It's stupid. It's right like on the back of those voodoo chips Where it says that they accidentally mix all the flavors together, right? I was like damn for real Wow, that's crazy lucky for me that that happened because I love these flavors Those are good chips. Yeah, they are damn jalapeno. The jalapeno ones Is that it? Zaps dude zaps makes fire chips zaps zaps is good. It's probably zaps is best than utz and then Pringles No, no, that's a wild ranking. No, it's not. Yeah, what am I missing here? Lays shit. What are these kids of my dick?

But yeah, what about all those brands of like kettle core? Are you I kettle chips? Maybe there's some sort of fancy highfalutin Wall Street hap isn't that a wall street. Yeah, those famous wall street guys that never rape women What is fancy chivvy wall wall street You know all those berries down on wall street That would be awesome, dude. They're all gay. Everyone was gay on wall street. I like stocks and fancy chips Wait, isn't zaps? Uh, New Orleans aren't they kettle? Whatever. I think so. Yeah. Oh, is it the same? That's what you ranked number one air go. You were gay the Matrix nice

Thank you. Yeah, he uses a lot of those Latin words doesn't in the matrix a air go air go Oh, I think it's just the architect that says that I know that's that guy Doesn't he say things like that? Who's the architect use other Latin some guy in a room And who's the black lady the omen or something? Yeah Well, what was she something like that the Oracle the or yeah She taught Morpheus how to eat corn This is from memory I

Like Morpheus out of e-corn and because of that, you know, you bring all those friends. He's like you got to meet this bitch She was telling a suck chicken chicken mirror out of the bone Pigeon ladies in the park, but how she was hiding in the Matrix. No, she's a program She's she is a program. Yeah, she's a program to trick because basically they tell you at the end of the third movie Oh, the best one That like Neil isn't really the ones mr. Smith it like agents. What yeah, I mean in terms of in terms of agent Smith being like The thing that's different Because the one is something that's programmed into the Matrix

Where because like people operate on like an understanding that they need some kind of like hope or whatever Oh, so the so there's no hope the Matrix wins so the agents or the machines have like six times Destroyed Zion and then killed everybody in like, you know They keep two people and then start the resistance again Damn really? Yeah, so the Oracle is part of this like system of control. Oh fuck keep these people thinking that sounds good That happens the third one. Yeah, it happens a third one. Yeah, that's pretty cool Yeah, but agent Smith they didn't agent Smith is like the program that decides he's not gonna do I thought he's a virus, right? Sort of is that what he is?

Oh, he just misses the good guy. He's supposed to be like the anti-christ like he's like that opposite of everything. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so wait they don't win at the end No, they do they do when they win because Neo makes a deal with the machines because they can't They agent Smith took over the Matrix at the end of the third one and he's like just doing whatever the fuck Oh, he's just getting sucked off. So they need to eat horse. They put like that'd be cool They put yeah, Neo makes a deal where he goes into the Matrix to destroy agent Smith because they can only cancel each other out Fuck and then if he sacrifices himself. Yeah, if he does that yeah, then the machines will stop Yeah approaching Zion. Oh, yeah, dude attacking Zion good fruit. I kind of miss und

I kind of thought he was supposed to be sort of Jesus like he was resurrected. That is Jesus Right. Jesus dies for our sins, but Jesus was a program in the Matrix. Mm-hmm. Jesus died. He fought the devil And that's the those were the Jews. Oh, he thought the devil When he was in the cave, yep, he's fucking up all the Jews and then cave reading the chive 65 inch flat screen. Oh, yeah, ps4 wings for the big game The VR Mary Magdalene tried to come and he's like bitch get out of here This is for the guy part of Christianity that so is part of Christianity thinking that Jesus died a virgin. Yeah He never fucked right never had sex in the Bible, which is why I had to come in. Is there a type of Christianity is like

He was gonna fuck up, but her pussy was too hairy And he was like I'm out and then he wax that shit. Yeah, he's like damn. What are you gay? And then he gave her pussy alopecia and all the hair fell off. Yeah, and then he fucked her because he has that power He's God. Yeah, that's tight. Mm-hmm Give all women Africa where they think if you have sex with a virgin it gets rid of AIDS. Yeah. Yeah, this is the funniest thing Yeah, it's really sad. It's really chill for those virgins If you're a baby double rape, it's very funny too

It is funny that some things can be both sad and I'm a little able to laugh at them. Yes, conceptually It's maybe funny. No, it is shut up. You know, it's funny. Yes. I'll pretend like you care. It's fucked up We're talking to an African-American right now. I'm personally turned down I'm from the dark continent. We got offered to do a show for the victims of AIDS in Africa And you said no, we're not doing it. Well, not until I couldn't vet the organization to make sure that the money was going To the actual close personal friend Bono sent me a private message on alt.irish Said I oh he brought Do you want to comply my motorola razor festival down hell yeah, yeah

Yeah, calm down to arena in London. Yeah. Well, the reason Adam was against that is because once South Africa started their Racist campaign against white farm landowners. Oh, yeah, the white That was Zimbabwe wasn't was it? No, it's it's they're saying it's happening in South Africa. No, like Alex Jones is like They're killing white people all over South Africa Now I don't know if we can get uve bowl cuz it's like he wants too much money to come here How much does he want? I don't know. He's like, I Don't know if I well he fucking yeah, I said I was like he's like are you go if you pay for my flight? I'll come. Oh my god. Great. And then he's like well need a hotel, too

Well, I was like about this. I'll give you a thousand bucks. You spend it however you want Yeah, more than that's more than it's more than a flight hotel. I was like well. He's like flight will be $1,300 I'm like from where? Fucking hot air balloon. No, he's coming from Vancouver. Oh, it's not $1,300. Yeah, there's no way to search. No way and then he was like We could just I mean he's open to do Skype, but I don't want to do fucking Skype. No, you know, I'm with you Yeah, and I guess his priority right now is trying to fight Alex Jones Well, we can make a day. Are they having a beef? No, I don't I don't know. I don't really pay Damn dude, I wanted uve in the mix, dude

We'll get him here. Well, maybe fuck it. Maybe we'll just spend the money and get uve bowl here Maybe next time he's in New York Yeah, he said he said he said we wait till fall because we'll be in Toronto more in the fall All right, I'm gonna come down from Toronto. We should just go to Toronto I was saying we should just go to Vancouver. Vancouver is a beautiful city. Yeah. Yeah slam Cougar slam Cougar slam Slam Pooner slam Pooner slam Cougar Mm-hmm that would be about van Cougar and it's a van Wilder No, it's an older woman with a van that goes around molesting. Whoa, but she's a total Cougar. Yeah, she's a kid as long as she's hot

I'm so funny like a man referring to himself as a Cougar. I fuck like 11 year old girl I'm a kid, dude. Yeah, total Cougar's like John. I don't think you understand. Yep, I'm here to make that pussy purr. Everyone's like good for him. Yeah, there he is. He's in leopard print. He's got his nails done. He's molesting children. He's really rebounded. He's really rebounded from that divorce. He's doing great. We're so happy for him. He's wearing tube like club skirts. Oh, yeah, tube clubs. What are those called club? You know, tube tops to like tube tops, like the girls were the clubs. Anyway, I got a tube top for you. Yeah, why don't you give my tube top? Do you want to give my tube top at him? Your tube top. Give my tube top. Is there a disease where you can be born without a dick head? I would assume so. Yeah, look at that.

I mean, there's probably guys with various skinny shafts. There's like ambiguous genitalia, right? Not the same thing. People have pussies and like dicks shaped clits. Is that what her math is? MedHealth.org or the first result when you type in penis without glands. The first result, my friend says he does not have a penis cap at exclamation point. I love penis caps. My wife's a doctor and she's pretty much seen her doll and she can't ever recall hearing about someone being born without a glands. Is that what your head is called? A glands? Yeah. Wow. Really? Dude, Nick is so smart and he acts dumb. He knows all this stuff that we don't know. He's not that smart. He just has reindeer. No, I'm dumb and I act smart. Yeah, that's literally what Nick is. I'm dumb and I act smart. What do you mean I'm so smart? I'm sitting here googling. No, he's not. You know the medical term for a dick head. I know a lot. He knows anatomy. Yeah, he knows random facts, but he's dumb. He's cutting people open.

From doing at home? Yeah. Doing my own surgeries on homeless people's surgeries. Should we open a fucking homeless shelter and then try and make Frankenstein's? Oh yeah. Well, we should just open an abortion shelter. Cause you know, once the government takes that right away from women, we have to privatize it. What if we privatize abortions? That's how we get Republicans on board. We make our own little private fucking abortion clinics. And then we get to keep all the fucking, all the beautiful baby juice that makes you strong. Stem cells. Yeah, cool. And then we inject stem cells directly into our cocks. And we really give like women like kind of a luxury spa experience at the abortion clinic. So cucumbers on your eyes. Yeah. Facials. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Maybe a little bit of sedative help you sleep. Oh, yeah. Oh, they'll be. Maybe you wake up confused. Yeah. Don't worry about what happened while you're here. This is one.

But that looks like. Oh, come on. Let me see. Where is that even from? They took that off someone's body. No, that's still on their body. Let me see. What do you mean that's on their body? There's like a blanket. Yeah, they're doing surgery. They're cutting his dick. That's a weird ass looking dick, dude. That looks like a hot dog. No, it looks like a normal dick with just no top. That's what's weird about it. I don't know. It looks really small to me. Yeah. Well, the top's missing. I wouldn't mind to be able to be removed. I want a little hand on the side of my dick that goes. Hello. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The top goes on and off. Oh, yeah. Like a little news boy cap. No, like a top hat. It's like a gentleman. Honestly, that's kind of what my dick looks like sometimes because my dick doesn't go all the way back. It doesn't go all the way back. So you've never seen the bottom of the helmet. I have sometimes. You never just like pull as hard as you can. I never do that. But sometimes when I'm fucking, it happens when I'm really getting in there, getting in those. What about the whole cleaning aspect of it?

Yeah, my dick's clean. But like, if you can't get in under the ridge, like under the helmet, nothing gets in, brother. Nothing gets in. Nothing gets in. Airtight. Airtight. What is going on? I don't even know. Oh, my God. What is that? It looks like they're putting a rod in that guy's cock. They're doing, yeah, some kind of surgery on this guy's dick. Oh, man. Imagine getting dick surgery. Yeah. Semi-rigid penile prosthesis as a salvage. Oh, they literally are putting a rod in his cock. Yeah. Semi-rigid penile prosthesis is a salvage management of idiopathic ishemic stuttering priopism. What is salvage? Stuttering priopism? Yeah. Stuttering priopism, I guess, is when you're like, my dick is too hard. My dick won't stop being hard. That's crazy. Man, that's not what priopism is, though, is it? Yeah, it's where your dick stays hard for too long. Whoa, 24-7, 365, you come through with that hard pipe, and that's a fucking problem. That's not a problem. That sounds awesome, dude.

Always hard. Look at how much surgery there is. Dude, can we stop looking at dicks getting cut open, please? It's like 12 guys looking on that dick. I don't want to look at that dick. Operating theater full of like 15 doctors. That is so cut open. Yeah, that dick is splayed the hell out. Oh, fuck. Goddamn. Teenager undergoes world's first penis reduction surgery. Oh, dude, come on. Stop reading my medical records. First of all, you're not a teenager. I was. I was at one point. Bitch. Thanks, man. Dunked on you, man. Slam dunk. Come on, man. Stop looking at cocks. I'm looking at surgery pictures, first of all. He's a medical enthusiast. I am a medical enthusiast. I've been to all kinds of weird surgeries. Like what else? What are some of your favorite surgeries? Having your balls replaced with eyes.

Holy fuck, man. Imagine a much better sex. Just to see an asshole coming closer and further away. Just inches away from an asshole. You keep getting scared. You're like, I'm gonna go to that ass. Oh, I told you guys about that abortionist that maxed at me, that Wikipedia article. Clear throat, man. Yeah, some dude in Philly. Tell him how to do his syrup. Tell this bitch how to do his damn throat. Yeah, he was just he was just like babies were being he was like a DIY abortionist. Oh, nice. He like killed like hundreds of babies. Yeah, and like didn't clean up. Like there's just fetuses on the floor. Kermit something. Right. Philly. Yeah.

Kermit the frog. I can find it. Kermit the frog. Kermit the frog. What about what were you saying? He killed a bunch of babies after their live births. Like he just like about a job. You know. What's up, Mac? Yeah, go ahead and slap me, motherfucker. Listen here, Jack. I got time for no Yip Yap. Whatever. Oh, black guys say. Oh, yeah. Yeah, my art teacher. I told you guys my art teacher was named Mac Daily. Oh, really? What a good ass name, dude. He's an old black guy. Old, awesome black or silk shirts.

Good mustache. Balding mini fro. The king, dude. Mac Daily. Sorry, I'm trying to find something here. What is it? You'll see in a second. Talk about something else for a second. Okay. My roommates say we have to clean up better. And you know what? I don't really want to, man. Wait, Christina's gone. Christina's gone. It's all guys. It's all bros. Christina's been gone for a while, dude. So yeah, so what do you need to clean up? Her new place is nice. Yeah, I mean the bedroom is.

Wait, when did you go? I went into the window. You got a ladder. She was on the sixth floor. There's a man in a superhero costume. It's a diaper and cape. Was she there? No. Not yet. But she will be. Said the spider to the fly. Let me see your penis.

Said the spider to the fly. You're in third grade. I'm a cougar. Said the spider to the fly. That's so funny. I'll be like, yeah, it's like the Okay, here we go. It's break time. So guys, if you're wearing underwear right now. I'm free bowling. But I wish I was.

I wish it contained, you know, because I got what you call a wild style hog. It likes to wiggle and wave around all day long. It's about guys whose dicks have stuttering cryopism. It's really hard to ride a motorcycle, but they figure it out. Anyway, so if you got wild hogs stuttering cryopism, what you need is a good pair of underwear. And that's why Mack Weldon is there for you. They make better underwear than whatever you're wearing right now.

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using promo code COMTOWN. That's C-U-M-T-O-W-N. Mack Weldon.com, thanks guys. And we are back. We're back, bitch. How about that movie, We're Back, but it's We're Black and it's Black Dinosaur. Yeah, cool. We're back about dinosaurs? Yeah. I don't remember that movie. You don't? I remember Jurassic Park. No, we're back. It was an animated movie. It was great. Never saw it. It was about dinosaurs. Land Before Time? Yeah, this guy, he's got a time machine and he brings dinosaurs to the future so that they can go to the

Museum of Natural History or something. And watch their dead relatives look at their dead relatives? Yeah, basically. And then they meet up with this kid that's like, I guess lives on a boat in the East River? Oh wait, it's like a spaceship. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good ass movie. Yeah, they move rules. Yeah, that does rule. But John Goodman is the T-Rex. Yeah, fuck yeah. They're friends with those kids. I used to watch a movie over and over again. I watch that all the time. I just don't remember the plot at all. Anyway, so it's that, but it's We're Black. I like that, yeah.

They're like, wow, dinosaurs. And he's like, shut up. That's the thing white people do be saying. Shut up. We're the white women That's what the dinosaurs say. I like a big white woman. Don't you feel like dinosaurs, the TV show, the dad at least was black? The dad was John Goodman too. Yeah, no, that was just Roseanne. Yeah, but he was John Goodman and the new one. Roseanne? Yeah. Oh yeah, shut up to Roseanne. I watched the new one. It seemed like they tried to cram like five episodes into the first episode. Yeah, so

much was happening. Was it funny? It was too much going on. You know what? It's like it wasn't bad, but it's like shows aren't good anymore. Like sitcoms, multi cams in the 1970s and the 1990s. There was a bunch of really good sitcoms and then outside of that there hasn't been anything ever that's good. Yeah, I heard that. Nothing good. I heard Gerard Carmichael's shows good and it's pretty good. Yeah, I tried watching it. It's like there's something I mean the original Roseanne you go back and watch the new Roseanne and then go pick any episode from

the first three seasons or four seasons of Roseanne and watch that and you're like, oh, this is like an amateurish attempt at making a TV show in comparison to how the show used to be. Yeah, well there's something so fucking bizarre about it because it's like you're just aware that it's not the same fucking thing. It's just like it's too old. It's weird. It's like, I don't know. I was never clear like John Goodman's neck looks like a pussy now. Yeah, he looks old as shit. And you know Roseanne is a crazy dumb bitch. Like we all know that. Yeah. You know,

isn't he playing a farm or some shit? How about Nozan? And it's about she's it's more about how she's Jewish. She is half Jewish. She's Jewish. And it's but you know, she's like, Dan, what are you going to eat my pussy for the six fishes? Perhaps just five fishes. Oh, these fishes gets expensive. Maybe too many fishes. Seven fishes. What a whoa, whoosh, whoosh, what am I? King David. Whoa, I'm Solomon over here.

What a who am I that I need all these fishes. Maybe two, three at most. Okay, four. I see you. I see your point before. But let me ask you this is three not the same as four. If you're talking about eating by the third fish or four, after that you're just becoming more full. So we'll do we'll call it we'll split the difference color two fishes. And what it will actually we'll just serve one Swedish fish. That'll be dinner for

tonight. And then we'll split the bill. Sir, I'll tell you what, I'll give you 13 cents. You go down to the candy store. You get a Swedish fish. You cook it up back there and your your shimuch frying you got back there and you bring it to me. Thank you. I will be eating my napkin. I've eaten all the silverware. I ate the tablecloth and the tablecloth was yours.

The table is gone. In the middle of the restaurant. Clearly the table is under his shirt. I think I'm full. I should not be expected to pay. Knives are falling out of his fucking boots. Well, I've had a very good meal. But you know, sometimes it's food takes too long to come out.

So we'll call it even I won't pay anything and please may I have some of the mince from the restaurant. Fill my pocket with the mince. I will be taking all of these to go menus to make hats for my children. The traditional Jewish feast of the two fishes of the one Swedish fish. We try and steal as much from a Chili's as possible.

You guys can laugh all you want. But these traditions have been passed down for hundreds of years. They've kept your people strong. Of all the stereotypes of all the races, Jews being cheap is the funniest. It's so good. It is really funny. The sad part is like you're nearly dead. If someone had done a little better logistical work,

it would have taken this long. It would have been a lot quicker. My grandma used to invite me and my sister for dinner and buy one steak, like a fillet, and then pull it out of the oven and be like, whoa, you should have seen the size of it when I put it in. That's why I'm such a woman. This little shriveled cock comes out so small. You know meat shrinks when you cook it.

I'm sorry, I have two slices of meat and a carrot. What is that, eucalyptus? Lavender? No, it's a different Dasha. Dasha, can I have some coffee? What kind of flour is this? It looks nice. You got banana bread here. How about bandana bread? What kind of bread you want, man?

Pupuchiko, come over here. I got some bread for you right here. You know, bandana bread? Give me a job, bro. I know people listening don't know this, but Adam Bakes banana bread. Everyone mocked me when I said multiple cakes. Guess what, motherfuckers? We all enjoyed the delicious cast iron banana bread.

Different sizes. Some for guests, some you can freeze. You got nothing like a personal pancake. Just believe it. What about Alex Jones getting sued for? That's pretty tight. Why didn't that take so long? Well, he folded pretty fast during the piece of gate. What's his name? Padesta? Padesta sued him.

And then he apologized. That's probably the one that's true. Padesta is a rapist, right? For sure, without any fear of a lawsuit. Without a doubt that Tony Padesta has a secret prison in his basement. And in a pizza restaurant. But yeah, people molest children for sure. But the Sandy Hook thing, it's crazy you can just make fun of people whose children were murdered.

It's just so long to get sued. There's no real consequences for any of this shit. Like Brian Singer was quote unquote done. He's off of that Freddie Mercury movie. Yeah, the gate. Which would have been a child molesters dream. Why are there so many scenes of Freddie as a child? He's from India.

Why is the first half of the movie about his penis as a six year old? Well, dude, if there's no justice, maybe these pedophiles do need to be vigilante justice. Should we become superheroes? I'm trying to be a vagilante. I'm trying to be a backman where I blow women's backs up. Instead of Batman, I'm trying to be fuck qua man.

I have sex with water. Where I come in a bathtub. Dolphins rock, dude. Dolphins suck each other's dicks. Do they rape? I think so. If they're smart, then there's going to be bad guys. I guess Brian Singer's back in LA now. Dude, there's zero consequences.

Here's a picture of him with two other pedophiles. They look like pedophiles. I love Brian Singer's haircut. And the glasses. The other seventh graders. This is a funny thing for Brian Singer to put on his Instagram. It says I wonder what he'd say about all this. He would say it's cool to rape children.

As a gay man. I remember watching the behind the music for Queen when I was a kid. And then I was like very confused. I started looking at the back of a walkie and discovered the bath house scene in Milwaukee. Really? But it's just like a weird place to figure out what you guys are doing. This guy's had multiple accusations from people accusing him of sexual assault. There's no way Brian Singer is innocent.

There's no way with all this shit. All these assholes defending him on Instagram. hanging out you know yeah you could just rape if you're rich fuck this world although the most famous gay guy from Milwaukee going back to that Prince of course was Jeffrey Dahmer oh right yeah you know that sov and I were talking about this the other day but you know that story of like what that like Chinese boy who's murdering like ran away like got away and went up to the cops it was like there's this guy this guy's trying to kill me oh yeah with

Dahmer and then Dahmer like Dahmer was like that's my boyfriend that's my boyfriend the cops were like oh you you girls you girls go ahead and have fun that's crazy that the guy got out yeah he got running up to the police like Dr. Jones Dr. Jones dude imagine how much it's suck getting murdered if you're that guy it double like it just sucks in general but you were like Dahmer throws him in the dungeon and locks the door and then puts on the curb your enthusiasm there they just came out with a young not just but a couple months ago young Dahmer movie every everyone gets a young and they fuck movie well

he was kind of sexy he was he looked good I hope they do that for me to make a buying about me young ball and then it's just with the ring warm it yeah dude to play in PlayStation it's two hours of battlefield so I can unlock I can unlock the new cape yeah a new type of skin mp18 you know that's what it's all about fall camo hell yeah dude yeah hell yeah should I become a fucking twitch streamer those people keep telling me I should you don't have to do video games on it we know it now I think it's just live streaming off I do it I think it plays Super Nintendo emulators on my computer that'd be fun yeah I'm about to do it I'm about to do a fucking I'm

about to be a twitch streamer dude and I'm just gonna lose it every game that's gonna be my thing I'm gonna be bad at it how do you monetize twitch like people are making all this money so whoever watches you you sell them your underwear you gotta be a hot girl panties yeah no they're like gamers that are really you have to be good at it you have to be good at you can either be a male that's good at gaming I mean the only way it would work for us is if we're like riffing the whole time right and I'm not the podcast yeah I can't do that while gaming while gaming I like to embrace being mad you know and you

that's funny too because they always get in trouble for saying that like bad they always get in trouble for yeah I mean they're bound to it was so funny when that PewDiePie video came out and it's like how is that the first time this is happening yeah I don't understand out anytime you get killed on like a game a racial serves bound to come out yeah yeah yeah where's Pew so PewDiePie is was he American or British he's American Swedish Swedish but he sounds American sounds weird I know the big one now is that guy I remember they had him they had him at the Barnes and Noble Union Square like four years ago it's

like this PewDiePie I'm like is this some like alt lit fucking retard yeah I had no idea he was a YouTube gamer and it's like what why is he why is he a bookstore I went to the Alamo Draft House last night and they had some guy signing shit I saw a quiet place oh I wanted to see that what is that horror thriller movie or something oh it's the office yeah sucked office I would love the sucked office I would love to beat off to Pam sucking a guy's beat office the beat office Pam Angela every woman on the show except the one except the one we all know

the one yeah that one that looks like a rotting eggplant no you know but that bitch was yeah Phyllis yeah they're not many Kaling not Mindy Kano a regular eggplant a rotting eggplant Angela no come on the fat one no no that's the old bitch the one that with the dog face oh the red head yeah the one that looks like a bully from Arthur yeah yeah nah man her whole thing is like a drunk but she's a drunk so you know she gets the character gets drunk sucks you off at an office party with a lampshade over your head and your ties real loose mm-hmm you know that sounds pretty good to me

dad yeah no so I saw quite Oscar I should say it's not as good as people are pretending it is I really were saying it's good people are saying it's like amazing it's not it's really not yeah it's signs it's the same exact movie oh damn dude it's a place where you make noise then these monsters will eat you oh so you have to be quiet but guess what their weakness is water nope oxygen loud noises oh they get scared yeah it's like feedback there's a deaf girl's hearing aid like blows up their heads or whatever so they just go damn but the hearing aid to this microphone damn sound of feedback oh

like blow up their heads and it's like there's zero chance that nobody figured that out oh yeah yeah what about guns too yeah eventually the guns yeah but they're mostly impervious guns also work cuz they they screech at it and then they blow the things head off with a shotgun yeah yeah but don't guns make loud noises it's like they didn't they were like we're not even gonna bother really with an explanation or like where these things came from we're not gonna worry about like the technical aspects or like the obvious flaws as to why this one noise you know does it but then there's nothing to justify that you

know I mean like I don't care about this family really they never really talk are they sexy they choose their sexy I guess but it's mostly cousin Emily Blunt it's mostly cousins get together in life right like sad puppy faces the whole time but that's just go to my family and it's like Dwight did something retarded good for him figuring out a way to boat to make dumb faces and get paid twice yeah it's just this it's all this look the whole he does the voiceover on like half of the commercials on TV he's so rich yeah he's rich as fuck should we fuck him and John Hamm John Hamm does a lot of voice John Hamm's got a good-ass voice

though great voice he's got a better voice in Jim yeah yeah absolutely John Hamm yeah that's not how he sounds John Hamm I could I use I did him John Hamm do it I want to see the redheads titties I'd like to buy the world a coke why would you why would you have sex with a man that's good that's good yeah why would you why would you insert your dick into another man's ass it's pretty good that's pretty good mine but it's close why is he friends with like a lot of why would a person be he just was did he do stand up I think he just liked comedy like before we just hang out like before he was famous he was like he played poker like Doug

Benson and shit it's so weird to play strip poker with Doug Benson and he fucked my ass wait he did he fucked your own ass John if I listen to him I'm pretty sure that was pretty good that's pretty good it's a little too deep it's a little like Bill from the fucking what's that shit Bill Buffalo Bill you're a little too deep no it sounded like a little you're a little too deep look with your little Greek ass now silence of the lambs Ken Levine is that his name no you sound a little bit like no country for old men oh yeah Javier yeah

Vicky why would you be gay fuck I can't do him anymore I that's another guy heads or tails yeah I'm gay this is your lucky this is your lucky dollop of semen don't put it in your pocket where it will become just more semen with all the other semen you keep in your pocket which it is yeah yeah but I don't have gonna come in my pocket mmm yeah I don't know these people that only kind of have a distinct voice and they're the hardest to do yeah like them like that Michael Shannon thing I was trying to do oh yeah yeah yeah yeah you you did it's like that's in Hoffman really well yeah but that's in people of like impressions

are easy to do once someone's broken them what about you've heard an impression a million times everyone can do it them suck me off men so yeah oh definitely that's the same thing as brain yeah dude nothing wrong with a little going back to the good stuff one guy trying to get his dick so yeah this fall a retarded man tries to have sex what's another way I am Sam maybe a daughter trying to get a retarded yeah dad yeah pussy to calm him down these shoes right up radio yeah mmm Cuba gooding penis juniors already a pretty retarded man yeah penis gooding junior there you go Cuba Cuba Cuba yes he hasn't been in anything in a long

time I feel like cuba doing junior yeah yeah not really what's up with Cuba what's he what's he what's he got cooking with John Krasinski married really yeah have you seen that movie with him and Horatio sands where they actually go on a gay boat cruise yes I was just gonna bring that up yeah it's really good to win to win that sexy ass Latina woman that was in like every movie for a while yeah she was in it yeah she was in everything six years yeah yeah she's so hot yeah she's caught she was like after she was getting like all of Catherine Zeta Jones's roles when she became like a serious actress it's a she was so sexy no no

or Eva she had there was like a weird period where this woman was no fuck I beat off to her so much I don't remember her name though the story my life because I beat up to you so much but now I can't remember your name there's everybody like a singer-songwriter they're just right songs about women he talked and now I forgot what your Instagram name was ever since I saw you with that picture of that black fella suddenly I couldn't beat off to your summer vacation from two years ago and we never met you were suggested follow two girls deep that I also lurked with my friend Brian one of you was tagged

in a picture with my friend Brian from the Sherwin Williams you know it's like scrolling when I when I go to write music it's like what is love you know because there's a lot of different kinds of love there's love you have for a child or a parent or a wife and then there's a kind of love you have for a woman who you've never met before that you just masturbate to her Instagram pictures in the bathroom and Chevy's while you're on a date with a much fatter one you can't do any better so you go listen to that dumb bitch talk about some deal she got at Michael's own pants and you just you say fuck my life and you go

in the bathroom you pull up Instagram you just beat your fucking dick off right there in that single-star bathroom like my question was about your tour for the next time oh yeah we'll be in Peoria June live 15 it's just about being an artist you know I remember watching those interviews with the fucking what's this goddamn name the Brooks Ronnie Brooks oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I don't give a fuck at all but you mentioned it like five yeah he was just naming different cities they're like what is there like where does your music come from he's like well I'll tell

you San Antonio is you think I spent a lot of time in Texas you're gonna go the home yeah maybe I'll pass you know but always you know I mean you got Arizona mentally you got to get a drum kid I gotta get a tambourine I gotta get an amp to get a little tambourine tambourine you've got Jim blossom his cover band be the little tambourine boy you can be the yeah yeah yeah yeah you know how's how's this a fat-ass stov dance here on a stage with a tambourine hey jealousy I got a question when you want to suck my little dick what is it that song a tambourine hey tambourine man play a song for me what song can

someone play yeah get him yeah fuck you Bob Dylan tell that fucking about shit how about slob knob Dylan oh god the worst thing in the world him the worst like the worst kind of busker in New York City is like the guy at the G the LG stop on like Lorimer Metropolitan Mike's fucking up and that like clearly moved to New York to like be Bob Dylan yeah and then he's just like busking on the subway yeah he's got that hope in his eyes like he's gonna make it he's wearing a fucking like suede leather jacket so sad yeah about Bob Dylan you know and it's like a fresh-off Asian person I was thinking it's a guy who can

get you into any while while horses that's the rolling yeah but it's so he also did it wouldn't be wired horse wire at the wire at the horses hell yeah take that yeah nobody ever comes to your restaurant anymore because they found out you were serving rat I don't believe any of them do that man Panda Express got caught doing it rat rat yeah or cats or something no Panda Express a giant corporate entity yeah and express is like a Donald's it's like 22 different locations it like no way I'm gonna look it up right now where's my phone I like it express

shut up Siri oh that's hilarious no I didn't say Siri thought I said where am I oh no that's a question you can ask Siri what is my name this another one Panda X how big is my dick Siri Panda X how big is my dick cats never mind it won't tell me here we go let's go 11 things you might want to suck my lips press yeah they don't serve here we go fact check cat and Chinese food it's totally 100% true nobs all right do Chinese sir cat that's Chinese people not the nice proud American and Mexican people were handed Panda Express socks dude yeah it's not bad no it sucks go to any Chinese restaurants better well

what if you're in an army to say that when I was a kid she's like you know cats have been missing around the neighborhood so first of all what do you mean cats have been missing yet do you keep tabs on this train you don't have friends the cats are going to the Chinese well hold on now the Snopes is not saying that no Chinese restaurants do this see see and that shows but this is an important lesson that Snopes is incorrect because we know fact that there is no way the Chinese you know I know I thought that it was dog not cat same shit dogs are meteor you know yeah they got more it's raining cats on the bone there was some

racist Joker was like it's raining I told him it was raining cats and dogs and he went out I don't know with a grocery bag or something like that yeah so someone can figure that out do you remember that movie about that like Jewish kid that went to go play football at Notre Dame brain Frasier with Brandon Frazier Judy was the Judy is the name of the movie yeah but they were like yeah the air force said there was gold in the skies to you too cheap to play football and they got in a fight yeah yeah he's too cheap to play there when they do the coin toss at the beginning he's always stealing Judy no look someone put a stopwatch on that

boys 40 yeah and they timed him after he stole that's how they discovered it in the coin toss someone stole it and ran that little newt Rockney says boy I started running with that penny so what they started there was just putting a court a shiny quarter to touch at the end zone yeah handing him the ball why did you bring that up because that was the same as the kind of joke yeah whatever what was it what was them when have you been the most has there been like real anti-Semitism that you know there's no such thing as anti-Semitism I'm serious it doesn't exist not a mom and a cult that says the not America I mean he was

in France maybe that did then that's like an issue but I picked up on the mic but oh fuck Nick said that anti-Semitism doesn't exist in America and then serious that you seem very certain oh dude that's what I use have Apple now that's that's what I mean that's literally how much power they have my technology that's not it that's not it one of our companies yeah that's a girl your companies ever see those like anti-bts things that are like oh you want to boycott Israel better stop drinking water yeah you better not wear those glasses anymore yeah you can't use panty and chips yeah oh you like bts

well you better that air you're breathing we've comes from a trade mocked it yeah good bad they still try to make it I don't think I mean I don't think it's really the squeeze there did you see those pictures of like they're like those like those sniper sort of perches I didn't kill a journalist or some shit yeah they killed journalist wild kids yeah there's like in outside of Gaza there's like a sniper perch and like these like just regular Israeli people went to go sit up there and like watch the Palestinians getting shot Jesus Christ fucked up and then the New York Times is like Donald Trump

disrespected a hot dog stand clerk by wiping his mouth you know why are we reading this story well one article like Israel does what it has to I don't think that the Times is as much of an apologist for Israel but the Times isn't I mean in the grand scheme of things they're pretty as bad as they could be but I mean the coverage is always the the as aggressive and critical as they got is probably like two years ago and then for the most part it goes like especially with Trump like it's ignored oh sure yeah well the other thing is like there's a lot of questions surrounding Syria but like whether they

did this just for Israel kind of what the gassing no like the bombing bombing Syria probably who knows I don't care anymore about being smart I already did my I-24 interview is that the Israeli television yeah yeah oh fuck they got emailed me Philip got emailed by the man anyway guys this podcast is brought to you by Tate's cookies oh hell yeah can we get my from Southampton I'm gonna start doing free advertising for companies in the hopes that they'll send me free shit so if you know anybody that works at Tate's let them know that they got a huge shout out from come tell them to send me free cookies

okamoto condoms the best condoms really no I just bought a bunch of Japanese condoms your tiny Japanese okamoto when they make small ones they're not that good actually but I got them on sale on Amazon and me and my friend it became a meme so I want to be happy Japanese and they're pink so it's pretty funny that's hilarious dick is pink as hell when you get a big pink dick big pink dick big pink honking ass cock that's tight why don't you suck me off I'm gay I'm trying to think of a company I really respect that I want to give a shout out to I guess easy shoes fun yes if I can get free funions fun it's not bad it's why

do you use condoms stuff you know they do nothing right what they're protecting it's a complete waste of time a couple weeks ago and I'd like the New York City Clinic and they have like the in the lobby they have like all these videos that are made by the city about like your microphones all these is this better yeah something like that all these videos they're made by the city to like in like educate people on sex things but they're like made for different demographics so there's like a gay Spanish one hell yeah there's like a lesbian English one and they show all the videos but the gay Spanish one was

hilarious because there was like big fat drag queen she's like singing about prep yeah no I love that like the stock at where they get like print ads for prep that are they just use stock photography so it'll be like a black woman the thing she's gonna be like you know featured an ad for a community college and it's like you probably have a child they're marketing they're marketing it to straight people now too yeah of course they are because they probably got shit for fuck yeah they want to sell more but it's also it's like that's how HIV became such a problem as they pretended like it was just a gay

problem well they didn't address it because it's just a game yeah right and then when it hurt one little straight boy they're like everyone can get it and then there's like a disparity in the I mean you should treat it as a little straight you should treat it as a kid kid Elton John sang about Ryan or Ryan white and done Ryan and done yeah from Jack yeah that's why hey I'm jack ass and this is don't use a condom so April sleeping right now hit it wrong while she's asleep well no it's like because people got upset because you know you want to say HIV is like a gay thing but it's like the transmission rates are

higher if you're having fucking anal sex with like intravenous drug users and it does disproportionately affect like the black community so like right there's no reason why you shouldn't pay attention to those issues and like just say hey heads up if you're in like a high-risk group you should pay more attention of course of course so by saying like oh it's like a the problem that everyone deals with it kind of you're not paying enough attention right or notifying the right people you're all lives mattering aids yeah yes essentially in in an effort to like not make people feel discriminated so what you're saying is

that if there's a woman that's HIV positive and you fuck her no condom you literally the number is you is a one in a thousand yet what so easy was gay probably most likely no didn't should night inject him with AIDS now if you have that would happen yeah if you have like let's say if you have like herpes and you have open sores and you fuck a woman who has HIV positive the number skyrocket because you have like you know an open wound right otherwise yeah I mean this like well also we have a foreskin because foreskin skin is his meat is like more absorbent of AIDS juice yeah that's why I stopped if you

have a foreskin you can see certainly not gonna go to the gym right so he's got to lose weight one way that's why use condoms because I'm not losing my skin yeah and also I don't want other other STD's I'm not trying to get gonorrhea yeah I'm will Keith here for AIDS awareness I have my blades and I'm trying to get it okay well yeah right of time here I feel like there's something else I wanted to talk about oh there was gondoms yeah what do you think about premature premature oblaculate that was kind of in the moment yeah that was good yeah just getting it on keep on camera is good

yeah getting it on camera damn dude you're so aware of what's going on the words that are coming out of your mouth I don't give a fuck yeah my nuts are too heavy yeah I'm gonna get back to designing t-shirts I finally figured out was wrong with my tablet what was too much the other men you gotta set if you're listening out there and you have an Apple computer don't and you have a Wacom tablet and there's an issue with sort strokes like causing some kind of jitter you got to set the double click distance to off and then it stops doing it the things you're double-clicking yeah that was the problem that was the

fucking problem that's why I only do those long strokes that you know what I wish I could do I wish I could do a Joey pants impression oh yeah joy panteleon panteleon oh yeah yeah yeah that would be a good yeah yeah listen tone no it's I gotta work that is close hey on listen yeah yeah town that's Christian I could get there you know it's I'll figure it out I'll spend a lot of private time say she was saying we're trying an impression that I haven't figured out yet it's probably the most humiliating thing that's good it's hard it's hard to do that we'll name her after you watch me Barack Obama I'm Ryan

shut and I'm gay I don't know why that's so funny just doing Ryan has Obama but he's also gay man I can't wait for it to be goddamn summer I'm gonna get one of these I'm gonna you want to go over to Home Depot with me after this Adam I gotta get some whole sauce and I was thinking about getting one of those little Hibachi girls oh I got it clean the house no you clean clean my apartment instead I'm not trying to clean your apartment much of sawdust everywhere but I do I I will go over did you get a rug I did I chose one yeah is it nice yeah it's the one upstairs on the which one

the very bottom of the very bottom Persian one the big one oh okay yeah yeah yeah I know that's a good idea okay all right I'm gonna have that router table set here max give me the okay on the router set it up in the backyard yeah maybe you're downstairs in the basement right every time yeah yeah you can cut cut some data is in rabbits I need to make shelves hanging shelves yeah we'll talk about I want shelves to let's talk about now this is also a woodworking pocket okay yeah well I got all these but Dasha brought all these books yeah she's a fucking nerd dude speed reader how to date somebody that's got a small

dick how to how to fake come because your boyfriend's got it small any bus quick clit like dick clit like dick he's so wet constantly coming to a slow steady stream developing your little ass dick yeah we also have funny moms on the 23rd funny moms in the 23rd yes and we're trying it we kind of want to just do kind of an impromptu show in Baltimore the first weekend first weekend in May somebody sent me free tickets to go see the orchestra at Carnegie Hall whoa how many tickets just to oh okay you know I like of course yeah I mean I know you didn't want to go I love you I love

orchestras yeah me and Adam are going to the orchestra I'm gonna go with like that look I don't don't pretend like this didn't happen but just today I privately invited you to Chinese buffet just the two of us that's true I know the different me and Adam go to the orchestra and we play catch together you and maybe I don't like Chinese buffet and we go to Indian buffet you're right man no you're right about that I do want to get a cash going to yeah let's do that today yeah let's just go to fucking Models let's go to Models right now get go to move yeah I mean it's fucking yeah it's not that nice today

it's not that nice around but today but if we will be soon it will be I don't want to I don't want to waste a good day going and getting smart I love my glove yeah baseball is gay dude no but having a yeah having a catch is fucking fun as shit yeah you know you know what you guys you guys who like your father you know it's a lot of fun is you get a bunch of tennis balls and you get like four or five people home run derby yeah that I'm on board with yeah that I'm on board with yeah we should get we should get a home run derby is I love smacking big dongs yeah let's get a home run derby gone yeah

there are their fields at bunking yeah yeah there's one yeah let's do it yeah just kick all the little black kids off there on a nice there's not playing baseball they're not playing baseball they're not playing baseball they're playing that stupid game where you have to hit a racquetball with your hand against the wall kick the little Dominican kids out no well I'm gonna put them to work oh yeah yeah I'm gonna get started training spring training boys you guys got this baseball thing in your blood you got to appreciate it yeah what you have so anyway if you have a venue with like 300

and go tomorrow's gotta go to home all right I think that's it I gotta go gay