The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. P03 – Just a little slop

Episode Date: January 27, 2023

So today, I thought I'd let the rats try a banana!

Music Music Music Music Music Music Music Music

And we're live. Welcome to the Adam Friedland show. This is the podcast. As you can tell I'm not in my suit. This is a more casual after dark version of the talk show. I'm joined now with our guest Jordan Jensen. Hello. Friend of the show. So this is the way it's going to be working folks. Just an update on the state of the program. But what's happening is we will be releasing these episodes henceforth on Wednesday. They will be released

video and then on an RSS feed audio. And then starting Wednesday. The talk show resumes. This month we've been working on a lot of shit in the studio. And I think we are pretty much done. Is that right Dave? Is that right Nick? I don't know. Dave seems to have the answer. I don't know. Yeah. It has been a holding period. I understand that people are frustrated. We have had our own frustrations. But

the regular talk show and podcast this Wednesday it will be commencing henceforth at a regular schedule. So that is answering any questions that anyone may have. But now too. I want to tell people if they are listening to this. Yes. And it sounds bad because we are using labs. Labs. Yes. If you want to watch the show on YouTube it will sound just as bad but there is a visual element. Yeah. You can lip read. Yeah. Well they can watch the show now. Yeah.

Which people have been waiting for. Yes. Yeah. And perhaps it will make me more likeable to our audience. I thought I spent on YouTube. I thought I spent on YouTube. It hasn't. What? I don't know. Dave your phone is ringing. That's your phone? No it's not. Oh. Oh it's a moment about the lights. There is more light stuff to figure out. There are really D strips on these. We need a higher wattage. But after that we are ready to go.

You want to plug your dates real quick? Oh smart. I will be in Philadelphia and Helium this weekend and next weekend at the Improv in Pittsburgh and afterwards I will say which is a better city. So you guys better suck up to me and then I'll definitively rule on which is the best major city in Pennsylvania. What's your opinion Nick? I will be in Salt Lake City in Utah at I don't know something like Wise Guys. Wise Guys. It's a Mormon mafia.

January 26th through the 28th. The plane ticket was very expensive. So please come out. Are you shocked by that? Yeah. Do you have dates you want to plug? Yeah. This comes out Wednesday. Tomorrow. Yeah. Tomorrow. Unfortunately I'm at Uncle Vinnie's on Friday. What's your opinion about that? Uncle Vinnie. Vinnie already sounds like a pedophile. Listen it's a mistake that I'm doing it. What's Uncle Vinnie's? It's where that girl got the beer thrower. Ariel? Yeah. Oh yeah. Was that in Jersey?

Yes. Yeah I mean it has to be. It's called Uncle Vinnie's. Yes. It's in Jersey. Don't throw beer at me. Okay. Don't. Don't. And then I'm going to be at Boston's favorite club of all time. The third and fourth. And then after that I'm going to be at Laugh Boston the 9th, 10th, and 11th. Well we're not really doing full calendar. Yeah that's it. What are you going to do the rest of your year? You're a fucking guest. That's it. We humbly plugged one or two days. Please come to Hilarides because it's the last minute booking. Please come out.

It was once a great city. One time the last time I was at Hilarides a big come town fan Justin came out and saw me. Trails a lot of hours. Was really scared to meet him and all those creepy stalker guys here came out. Kind of a little boy. Little stick and poke tattoo. It was adorable. I could have breathed them out. Oh damn. Did he have a backpack with him? He did. You know how he had a gun in there right? Yeah. Those guys, any time you meet those guys they're like oh this guy was real nice and then you remember he had a backpack on. There was a briefcase guy at Funny Mom's and the entire audience went like this and then he pulled out vintage pornography

that he wanted to give Stavros and he stopped it on the show for two months. You let the one guy give you the script when I was there. I remember that guy. We read it on stage. It was a tragedy that script. Not in terms of the quality. That was a sweet man though. Very nice guy. He didn't have a nice ending. How did it end again? I don't remember. I should pull up this guy. I won't do it.

He wrote a book about you. Oh no. He wrote a book about Nick. Nick does this and then he poops his pants and you and Adam have to go and save him from the... Me and Jordan have to save you? This I got to hear. The worst guy we ever met was this guy in New Zealand. I hate Australians. I'm sick of them being in New Zealand. Hopefully he's been killed by coronavirus. One could only hope. He wrote some massive things. You have to read it.

He was like being an asshole about it. You probably saw my post on the reddit. It's the come town fan fiction. I was like, no. I didn't see it. I think he told Nick afterwards that he left a child at home to be there. He was really blowing it. Maybe his child died. That saved a life. Yeah. That would be good to find that out. So first on the docket today. Avatar 2. Did you see it?

I did not see it. I also haven't seen the whale. The whale was not... I heard it was dog shit. I heard it was bad but Brandon was good. They should have spent more money on suits. Like you should have gotten fatter throughout. Because it's only like two days in this guy's life. Yeah. That would be a good bit. Over the course of two days. More cartoonish. It sucks that it was bad. I feel like everybody was so hopeful because I think everybody found out that he stopped doing

movies because he was sexually molested. He got fingered by an agent. He tried to say something about it to his therapist or somebody. They were like, you'll never work in this town again. This would be his comeback after... What's the movie he made? Dog Bone? Bone. Ghost Dog. I remember the one he was in called Bone Monkey. Monkey Bone?

You guys. Yeah. He goes to hell. Yes. Really. I don't really remember it but it was on HBO during the day all the time. It was on HBO 3. You tried to watch it? I tried to but I was with Nellie. The attention span was very low. She doesn't understand great art like that about being a man. Bad career move. I think he turned down... What's the safari movie or the jungle movie?

It's like Adventure to the fucking center of the fucking... You mean like National? No. They turned down the sequel and then they got The Rock to do it. Oh yes. Black Adam. No. It's like The Journey to the Center of Africa or something. Wakanda. Wakanda. I recently went to the center of Africa. The Heart of Darkness. Did you? How did you go? South Africa? It was great.

I learned a lot about myself. I was able to be behind my girlfriend's back. Really? She doesn't like Maya? She was saying stuff where I was like, damn, you're going hard right now. She was like tell me, is she physically active? I was like, yes, she's really athletic. She thinks she's a VL girl, doesn't she? What's a VL? You know, like a VL cow, how they trap them in a cage. They don't let them move so their meat's all tender.

It's a baby cow and they don't let them move so they stay all tender. It's like a feeder fetish kind of thing. Well, she thinks I'm locking my girlfriend into the cage and feeding her. She thinks you're a girlfriend? No, no, no. She said, is your girlfriend physically active? And I said, yes, she grew up playing sports and she's very athletic. She goes to the gym and then she said, well, I think she might have weight issues later on in life. Because of her tickle bitties. Because she has a big breath.

I totally get it. If you have the tickle bitties... Well, you can't see yourself getting fatter underneath them. Well, no, if your stomach's coming out here until it crosses the disgusting threshold. She's very fit. Oh my God, the shock when it happens though. Could you imagine when you first see the tummy? What the fuck? She's very fit. You know that their mother has big naturals and then they're resting. They need to build themselves a shelf of fat to rest on over the time.

I always said, do you remember bus drivers used to have like that? Yes. I had this one lady who'd drive literally with her breasts. She'd drive us to school. And ladies that work at McDonald's would have those too a lot of time. I don't think I've been into McDonald's in ten years. I always said that now that we have the mRNA, the first move should either be we take tits away from women. That only men have breasts and women get nothing. Yeah, we don't deserve them anymore. Or we move them to a woman's back.

So doggie. So you can see them while you're doing doggie. Or you can just see them all the time. You can stare at them and the woman has no idea. And that solves 90% of this me too stuff. Right out of the game. Oh my gosh, yeah, you're right. You know another thing I noticed the other day I was singing about this. You noticed in your brain? Yeah. Well no, I was singing about it in society. Feet guys are never getting me too. There's not been a single story about a feet guy

that's like a rapist. There's not been one actress who was like, yeah I woke up and he was taking pictures of my feet. It never happened at all. I don't think that community really gets as much credit for being filled with you know, heroes. Every other community. Heroes isn't the people who deal with the fact that their feet, they're waking up with their foot in somebody's mouth. No. Or the heroes that are. Well they're just not ribbed. They're very respectful people. There is that internet, there is that website where they like

the eons on it and stuff where they find, like if you've ever been barefoot. Oh yeah. Oh yes. When you said eons on it, I thought you meant eons is like a participant He's a moderate. He's the one who showed it to me. Cause that's how you can tell if it's a girl or a guy. One time a lady that was babysitting put my feet in her mouth when I was little and I had a panic attack and now I can never, now I don't like feet. I don't think that's what I'm saying. So you're doing the first me too.

But it was a woman. But she was a big fat lady. Big fat older lady. Big tits? Big tits. Well that's what happens. Your stomach outgrows your tits. You gotta put kids feet in your mouth. Who's gonna fuck you? I gotta get into children's feet. It does seem to be the only thing left at a certain point. You know I found out a comedian has a, you know the fart thing where people fart?

The fart thing. Is that true? Or is he just trying to start a new podcast? He's trying to make that his thing. That is so comedian. That is so desperate. This is what comedians are getting into after the DSA. That's not a thing you can be anymore. So it has to be farting her children's feet. If Bernie won, no one would feel like they had to do this. He's trying to find a new thing.

Now he has a catchphrase on stage. He'd be like oh she farted. He'd be like go see Mike Oshie Farting Cannon this weekend. At Hilarity's. Who cut the cheese? Who cut the cheese? I mean farting is very funny. You can't appreciate how funny farting is. That's a sad life. You just get a rouse.

Nick farted in my face today. We both died of laughter. He bent over at a 90 degree angle. I was looking at my phone and I ripped one right in the nostrils. I was just checking to see if the chips were stale. Mike Rowland likes to do a thing where he says I really have to tell you something but I need you to be cool about it. He's so excited and then he farts so loud. It doesn't matter how many times a day he does it, I smell for it every single day. I was laughing the other day imagining a guy that brags about crop dusting people.

But he thinks it means shitting yourself while you walk past them. He's just shitting his pants while walking. While walking past people. Check it out guys. Oh man, now that's rich. I didn't move the other day. I was telling Dave and Nick but my girlfriend was bitching that her back was hurting. She had a large breast.

I had to give her a massage. She was laying on the bed so I farted into her butt. Oh yeah, a lot of farting into butts. Yeah, I slept in Nellie's bed the other night and I farted into her butt. You guys slept ass to ass? Well she's a lesbian so I'm always like don't touch me. At one point she reached over and grazed my hair because she thought I was her girlfriend in her sleep. Just because I am so averse to it, in my sleep stood up in rage.

Like half asleep, went into the kitchen, ate a spoonful of Nutella with anxiety. And then slept on the couch. On the middle of the night I'm fucking my cat. I thought you were the cat I have sex with and not my own cat. That happens to the best of us. The night I met your lesbian friend she was telling me her relationship issues. I was like pull up a pig with this chick.

She was whack. I was like this girl sounds... No, it's by the standards of their community. She's more the fella. The manager of the coffee shop. Adam thinks he can bond with my friend Nellie by being like look at this girl's hot ass when Nellie's like a femme lesbian. Have you noticed that coffee shops, the newest employees always the rudest one? What's that? Coffee shops, they get a new employee and they're always incredibly rude.

Yeah, they should be frantic and afraid. No, I've been making coffee for years. He's always 55. I'm thinking like a bartender that gets fired from the gutter that's been making espresso in the back for years and now he has to work as a barista. Does the gutter have old people working there? That place fucking sucks. I've had sex in the gutter bathroom, I think that's why I think it sucks.

But I think while I was having sex I heard another people having sex and I was like I need to change my life immediately. Did the guy roll a 300 before? That's the only way I fuck anybody. No, it should be like bowling alleys. You go out to the suburbs, you go bowling alleys. There used to be this place outside of Austin that was like $5 all you can bowl. And then they had a happy hour from 4 to 7pm.

You get pictures. We'd leave, we'd spend $20 ahead. But the gutter is like $200 to walk in the door. When I was in Rosemont this weekend, I was telling you just now, they're trying to make an entertainment district by the airport in Chicago. It's basically just Orlando, Florida. But it's just like I miss going to a place where it's new and it's not

a piece of shit. The gutter is like oh this is grimy Brooklyn. The places we went there were nicer than anywhere we go here. You know what I was thinking about doing? Taking a trip on the Queen Mary 2. Wait, to London? It's not like a cruise because there's no port stops. It's just seven days at sea. But you get to have dinner with the captain.

It's not a cruise ship. You can go see Russell Peters or a magic show. Have you ever been on a cruise ship? When you're inside, that was a great movie. But I feel like that all the time anyway. I'm not in trains. I'm perpetual nausea all the time. The vape is killing us.

My pee smells different. You can smell it while you're pissing. No, it could be clear. Some men pee sitting down. Adam lays all the way down. I do like a fountain. He wedges himself behind the bowl. He hides back there. He's like don't look at me.

He hides behind the toilet and wets himself. He never learned how to use the toilet. I have pee issues. I rewatched Airplane recently. This isn't going to be funny. It's very funny. It's the movie that holds up. Wedding Crashers.

Old school. Unreal. Old school is so funny. I realized I wiped standing up. I don't have the dexterity. Some people do the hover move. I'll sit down to pee. You should.

Adam wipes me from behind the bowl. Cool teacher style? Let's wrap. I take the lid off the top. I put my hands in the water. I close my eyes. I make my own bidet. It's a mess.

It's his special place. I thought about having all my organs replaced with machines. You wouldn't breathe or eat. What would you do with your asshole? You could use it for whatever you wanted. I wouldn't be gay. You'd have no option. People can bring things through the airport.

That doesn't get your asshole. It goes in your asshole. I got my asshole checked at the Israel border. I went to a casino in Egypt. I was 18. I had long hair like this. I looked like a lesbian. I looked like a 13-year-old girl.

I can't wait to get out of this town. I looked more mature. You don't know what I looked like. That's what I looked like. What did I say? Is this your asshole? They made me pull down my pants and bend over. That's what they said immediately after.

I had long hair when I was in 9th grade. When I went to Mexico, dogs sniffed our bag. My body was like, no. I took out an empty container. We had so many drugs. The other black couple tore them apart. No dogs sniffed them. It wasn't a dog.

It was a large rat. Where in Mexico were you? It was so bad. It was half Ithicans like me. We would sit around and play cards. The other half was influencers with fake butts. They already got robot assholes. That was the issue.

What kind of influencers? Do they influence anybody? What kind of influence do they have? I voted for Bernie because of Hassan. He influenced me. Hassan is definitely an influencer. There were streamers there. A lot of them can influence you to masturbate.

Is that the move now? We keep harassing Hassan until he complains about it. You think Hassan is hot? Straight men think other guys are hot. It's like in a mathematical way. You think Hassan with the spindly fingers extend to the floor? We're talking about different Hassan. You don't know anyone other than people at the cell.

We're talking about Hassan Minhaj. Who are you talking about? That's who I thought you were saying. People have been saying my name wrong. It's Hassan. It's Hassan. People are saying Nicky Minhaj. It's Hassan.

It's this guy. We talk about him every episode. We're streamers now. We did a test. He's doing it live at the stadium. Even this is uncomfortable. Louis is doing a live stream from MSG. He's going to be doing stand up.

What if I rip people's eyeballs out? What if I fight my tongue off? He's doing it live at the stadium. I say I do a live show at a club. If they don't book me again. If I do a live streaming thing to the world. Even airplanes freak me out. Airplanes how nobody goes crazy.

When they say that what do you mean? It's not like subways where you can take a shit in a subway. crazy? Yeah, you can shit on spirit. Spirit airlines, yeah, you can shit. I don't take spirit. I take Delta. They don't have a, you know, if you go to the bathroom in spirit, it's just a hole that leads to the air outside the plane. It goes into the pilot's mouth. The pilots on spirit, they actually don't get paid. They get paid in feces. Yeah. And they just eat shit from the passengers. Yeah. Yeah. But you got to do your dues. You know, if you want to work your way up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I resisted putting the tray table up the other day and a woman beat the shit out of me. Beat me. Can you

believe it? What? I put the tray table down. I slept it. I slept on it. And then she said put your tray table up and I didn't move. And she started hitting me. Well, you should have been resisting. But it was funny because there was a Hasidic Jew sitting right next to me. So she was elbowing him. He was trying to pray. I was laughing pretty hard. Yeah. My goal is to get beaten up by airport security and dragged off the plane so I can scream. I'm a Chinese doctor. While it's how can you do this to me? I'm a Chinese doctor. Yeah. While they beat me. She doesn't know what your reference is. What are your references? There's a Chinese doctor who got dragged off a plane. Is it bad that I never know references? You don't know anything. I told you

about the. It was in a shame they did that. And then his patients missed out on a week of being prescribed giant mushrooms and a bag of packing peanuts. Yeah, ground up rhino horn. Yeah. Yeah. Just different types of fake dick pills. Yeah. I have a Chinese doctor and he gives me any drug you could ever want. I can be like just speed. And he's like, okay, how much? And he writes the prescription. He gets a big paintbrush out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just beautiful as hair is spinning. They sell necklaces in my doctor's office, like little Chinese necklaces. Really? Yeah. And the other day I had to get blood taken and three of their little Chinese nurses had to hold me down and I was, when you don't want your blood

taken, if you're fainting, you go like this naturally. So I was whipping them off. It was like a Godzilla type thing happened. Yeah. It was crazy. One of them had the little dog and then two seconds later the dog was gone and she was the nurse, also a nurse. It was crazy. They got the blood taken. So they take care of animals? You went to a vet? No. Well, that's what I'm saying. Who knows? Necklaces. There was a dog. She had a facial mask on. So it's also like a spa place, but they give me everything on. It was a spa? Well, she had this like facial mask on. Uh-huh. And then two seconds later, the women... What kind of mask? Like, scream? No, like the thing that... Oh, COVID. That women put on their faces at night. No,

like a facial. Like cream. Oh, like a face mask. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like a beauty face mask. But not a sleeping mask. Beauty. Yeah, I do those, you know... I know you do them. What do you mean? They look like they're working. They look really beautiful. My skin's been better recently. Yeah, it looks really good. You know what it is? Why? I got a new dandruff shampoo. Oh, really? Yeah. Which one? You had dandruff on your face? I forget the brand. No, but it's connected. Really? It's related, yeah. Wow. Because I have the sensural column of my face is dry and it's related to... It's like a... It's called... I think that it was the Chinese vet told them. Yeah. Actually, I suffer from medical dandruff and it's just... I'd appreciate it.

It goes all the way down. I know there's a comedy show, but... It goes all the way down to your nose? To my penis. All the way down to... Yeah. You have penis dandruff? The way you licked your lips after you said that. With right... And my penis. Yeah, it's my penis. It goes down to my penis. It... Penis dandruff is a tough one. Oh, my God. Has it happened? A lot, I guess, yeah. Yeah, currently. And it... But it's good for the police because you leave kind of like a Goldilocks trail of evidence for sex crimes. Your flakes. Yeah. Yeah. Crabs? You ever seen a crab? I don't think that exists anymore. I don't think it existed ever. Can I just say that?

You have to be like a Donald Duck style sailor. Yes. To get crabs. Oh, my buddy showed me a bump on his dick the other day, and it is not good. I lied. Was it your Chinese doctor? Huh? It was... Yes. Yes, to both. He was like, so I checked your shit out. Could you check this out for me? Yeah. Dude, well, I was like, I needed to get a pap smear, and I thought they were going to write me a script for a fucking... And all of a sudden he comes in, he's like, take off your clothes, the little Chinese doctor. And he was just inside of me. Just moments later. With what? His full body? Yeah. No. Like a magic school boss?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Do you know, have you seen the... He's Jet Li, not Jet Li. He's in there. In fucking Ocean's 12. Who's the Chinese guy? Oh, he's amazing. It's the other Jet Li. The flipping guy. Yeah. The flip guy. The laser man. Yeah. That guy's amazing. I let him in, my manna. Have you seen the mini-me Verntroyer sex tape? No. I'd love to see it. He crawls into the woman's vagina. No, he doesn't. And then she gives birth. Remember the woman who sat on that big column? Remember the columns that stop people from

running their cars into things and a woman got it all the way in there? What? No. That was a video of it. That's the stuff you know? Well, I'm googling stuff. I'm looking stuff up. What was the last thing you checked out? Listen, I'm having a lot of trouble with porn right now. I think I might have a little bit of an addiction, but it's getting bad. What do you mean? Really? Well, I just found out about audio porn. Have you seen it? Women are ridiculous. Yeah. And I'm looking up really, really gruesome stuff. And my buddies are... I would talk to them about

it and they go quiet. What is it? Dirty talking? Or is it like it's the Donald Duck getting a blowjob mp3 from the Napster? Is audio porn like just the squeaky noises? No, it's like somebody being like, you're my daughter. Boy, I love having sex with you. Yeah, it's a silent film. Yeah, like 1920s, yeah. There's nothing I love more than putting my cock in your fanny. Hey, that kind of stuff? Yeah. I'd like to listen to like a British girl audio porn where she's like... Sometimes Siri is hot as hell, dude. You get the right Siri going.

What do you mean, Siri? What do you mean, hot as hell? When she goes like this? You know about that one? You know about that one? Holy shit. When you're like, hey, Siri, and then you forget what you're going to say and you're like, oh, what's up? Yeah, totally. No, I just want to hear a British girl be like, oh, you're buffing me, me fanny. You're buffing me. You're buffing me fanny. Do they say boff? I don't even know. I didn't know you had little badger hands. Look at those guys. What do you mean? I don't like, I'm very insecure about my hands. Badger hands. Can you put them up like, I'm really insecure about my golfing there.

No, I don't want to, can we do it? On a video? Can we do it? Do you see this nails with the fray? You see what's going on here? What is that, flames? Look at, yeah, it's flames. Did you pay someone to do that or did it at the Chinese doctor's office? I'm telling you, I did Molly. Somebody touched like this with my head with fake nails and I immediately went and got that. Wait, was it a lesbian you shared a bed with? She did that? No, it was one of the influencers. Oh, in Mexico. How is Mexico, is anyone even there? From what I see on the news,

it seems like they're all here now. No. Mexico has got to be empty by now. You look at the news, they're like, yeah, eight million people came from Mexico last month and we're supposed to be mad at Joe Biden for that. I don't know, I only watched Tucker. I love the little Mexican guy. But how many more people in Mexico could there possibly be that they're still coming? They got a lot of guys. They got a lot of Mexicans. There's no Mexican there, it's just all Brooklyn. You went to the vacation part. Yeah.

Yeah, but there's Mexicans there. I think a lot, I think Mexico City is now a lot of just American hipsters. Yes, yes. Like a lot. A lot of people during COVID. I love when, I love when cities have lazy names like that. Mexico City. Yeah, yeah, totally. Do we have any like that? Yeah, Texas City, Oklahoma City. There is Texas City, yeah. Texas has a lot of lazy names. New York City, wow, crazy that that didn't come up first. No, that's the best, that's the best name in the world.

Yeah. Wait, Jordan, can you, Dave, can you cut to? New Amsterdam was a cooler name. It's a sick name. Wait, Dave, can you cut to their coverage? Can we do this off? Dave, did you switch? No, go off the white. First of all, don't ride the wides. I don't ride the wides. Okay. Sparingly with the wide. But this is what I do. You know who rides the wides is that later, who sat on the pylon. Yeah, she's right. Yeah, she's right.

To the, to the, the, the, the million time Muslim pylon. Yeah, yeah. I said the best riff today where DeStefano said that he had a contractor coming into his house and his wife was all upset with him because he was like, she was like, you don't even know what a backsplash is. And then we kind of unveiled that the contractor was fucking his wife and I was like, talk about backsplash, he's splashing all over his back. Joke went totally over the, I didn't even get a fist bump. Ian just barreled over me.

Yeah. He doesn't understand. vnn.com, patreon.flash. Ian's, Ian's overdosing on Sederats and he's like, now he's on a different planet. He's just too drugged. You see a tail bottom of a machine to suck out the smoke, doesn't work. What do you mean suck out the smoke? Inside. So when. His body?

No, to suck it out of this, of the, when you rest it down instead of an astray, it pulls the smoke out and filters it into the air. It goes nothing. Oh, okay. I was imagining like a machine that smokes the cigarettes. You're really on this bionicle body thing. Yeah. No, I got obsessed with it. Have you been Googled yet?

You know, once in a general grievous, the guy at Star Wars Episode three, he was mostly, he was once a human. Yeah. But then he became mostly machined. He could be like that. No, I was like, what, you know, what if you needed a. The woodcouse keeper. Well, I was like, where are artificial hearts at?

What's up with that technology? Yeah. Well, what about jacks arms first? Well, I would want the organs replaced. Why? No one cares about the organs. Everyone, if you have fucking big ass jacks arms, like everyone be respected. Remember the old Intel inside commercial? Yes.

Where you go into the computer? Yeah. That's what I want in here to be. Just like, you know, when you're a kid, you look through a VCR. Yeah. That's what I want my insides to be. Yeah. And we're like, at the movies, the ride where you're like going down the film.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. You know what was cool? My buddy got a sister moved in their uterus. And the picture beforehand is that her uterus is all or her ovaries all inflamed and fucked up. And there's a cyst next to it, just like pretending to be and everything's inflamed. And then it shows it after and as and if you zoom in on the cyst, I'll show it to you later.

It you can see a little face on it. I swear to God, where it looks like it's like, no. And then now that the phone storage is filled up, you got a bunch of weird medical. Dude, I went into the doctor and I was like, give me all her for medical history. And they're like, this is not legal. And I stole the photos and took pictures of it. But now if you look at the insides, it's all clean.

She sees that Chinese guy. Speaking of body modification, this episode is brought to you by bluetooth.com. Oh my God. Promo code. I can't believe they still let you do this. Why? Because of how much shit has been spoken about it. Yeah.

But we don't talk shit about it. Oh, I do, I do, I do. We fucking push, we push those chewables, like out, out to the entire world. Did Ridge send you a wallet for me, Ridgeback? No, I got to talk to him. Oh. No, I don't anymore. You don't?

Mike Racine got mad at me. Yeah, what is that about? That text? I don't know, because people were bullying him for, because he says he had, he had a joke about the Ridge wallet. No, because he asked me for Ridge wallet. Because I had it. He threw it in the trash.

And then I gave it to him. And then he met, he, and then he was doing a bit about it on stage, where he talks about how much he hates it. And so I'd mentioned that. And then he got mad at me. He was like, why are people saying? Oh, when we were, we talked about it. He was like, I didn't need a Ridge wallet.

He got like mad. And I probably shouldn't be saying this, because now it's going to be worth. He made me do a podcast. No, you can say it, because that's ridiculous. Publicly, I'll say, Mike, that's ridiculous. We love Mike Racine. He's a very funny guy.

He's my boy, but that's absurd. He made me do a podcast in a hotel room bed. Comics are freaks. Comics are freaks. The things we get upset about are so inconsequential. They're all a bunch of borderline women, every one of them, where they think about it. Is that a type of trans borderline woman?

Yeah. Borderline woman disorder. Disorder. I got a BWD. I think all comics are a little borderline, because you get the late night text that's like, Hey, you're a bad friend. Just fuck you.

You never did it. And then the next day it's like, Hey, I'm really sorry. I don't get texts from anybody. What? What? No, I don't get that. I get those all the time. Oh, my God.

Who's sending you that, Ian? Is it Ian? Brought to you by bluetooth.com. Bluetooth is a chewable tablet. Because did you know that over 40% of Americans hate taking fucking pills? They have swallowing issues. They have swallowing issues.

I do have swallowing issues. I have to drink a full bottle of water after I take a pill, or else I'm worried I'm going to die. And then I'm worried that I'm going to have good things happen to me, but I won't be able to celebrate them because I'm worried I'm dead. Honestly, I'm so good at taking pills,

because I'm vegan. So I have to take this huge stack every day to make sure I don't fucking give myself... Yeah, I don't give myself... You're on steroids? Nerve damage. No. You're stacking?

Yeah, I just take a bunch of fucking pills, but I take like 15 horse pills. One sip. One sip. In one? All of them. I threw up the other day because I tried to do two lysines.

Why are you taking a lysine for? What? You got cold sore? I had a canker sore on my tongue. Oh, okay. I've had one right now. I've had one right now. What?

I have one right now. They suck. That's a nightmare. Orange ale. I get them from like any type of spice. I get them from stress. Yeah, like if I have cinnamon, any time I have cinnamon, I get a canker sore.

Sevens sucks. Sevens gross. Yeah. I used to put in... I didn't know that coffee could be good when I was younger. I thought you just put cinnamon in the fucking filter. And it makes any coffee good coffee.

You do that? I used to. But I used to just... I used to down cinnamon constantly. A lot of cinnamon. Really? Yeah. Is it good for you?

Well, no. You mean fucking ulcers. No awkward visits to the doctor. You talk to one of their licensed medical professionals. No awkward visits to the pharmacy. They send it to you directly to your home in discreet packaging. And guess what?

They have three different types. They have sodenophil to dhalophil and vardenophil. Look how good he is. No waiting rooms, no appointments. I like that. Imagine the waiting room at the fucking... At the boner, doctor? Yeah, some guy trying to have a conversation.

No, this guy's like about to fight. Your dick doesn't work either, huh? Yeah. It's like the version of not getting pussy like at being at the diner at three. Yeah. Yeah. Also promo code T-A-F-S.

You get some kind of deal. Sorry. Is that what you're talking about? Hold it. Hold it regular. Check this out. You wanna see something cool? Hold it regular.

Cock it. All the way. There you go. And then put it in your mouth. Don't use the other hand. But just yeah, put it in your mouth. Now try to pull the trigger. No, I can't.

What do you mean? I can't do it. Try to pull the trigger. You'll be physically. I can't. You just won't be able to do it. I taste myself today and it's really hard. For being Ian Parke.

I can't do it. Can you do it? No, I think it's yeah. It's just it's not you can't. I guess you can. No, it wasn't in your mouth. Are you grossed out by my juice? No, I mean it's no.

It's just that the the angle because the barrel's so long like you can't. Would you let me? What? Pull the trigger? Yeah, I don't give a... In your mouth? Yeah, I don't want to put that in my mouth.

Oh, okay. Yeah. What did you just? That's been in my ass. I don't think I can do it on my face. But why? That's so ridiculous. How about a suicide keg out?

Put it in your gun. In his ass. Yeah, I can do it by blue shooting. Blue shooting, I probably got a TAF ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I probably got a TAF ass. You get 20% off your first order of nutrition. And you know why you do this, I don't know

because you can't maintain erection. Yeah. What are you worried about? It's not real. It's not real. But if I do this, it will just, it won't kill me. It was just, it's really hard to get yourself to do it.

That's what they told Alec Baldwin. Oh my God. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah.

It's not real. Scary. What? No, it doesn't scare me. Can you put it in your mouth? Yeah. So Alec Baldwin's gonna be, he's been indicted. Oh my God.

Of all people. What? Me? Of all people. I believe in nothing. Wow. I'm a fucking nihilist. Geez. I have no opinions.

I just listen to fuckingpitchwork.com. You know it's a toy gun, right? I do. I don't see that. Yeah, it's a toy. Yeah. Well, there's nothing to worry about. You put it in your mouth and pull the trigger though.

I told you. I'm just, it's dirty. I don't want to put that thing on. Well, go like this. I gotta go on the road. I don't want to get sick again. You're scared. I'll put it to my head.

You did it. You put it to my head and pulled the trigger. All right, I'll do it then. There you go. Okay. Welcome to the show. Welcome back. And we're back, folks.

Yeah. Promo code T-A-F-S, bluetube.com. No in-person doctor visits. You had to do the Zoom call. I didn't have to do that. I did the Zoom call. Yeah. Right after a breakup.

And I told the nurse practitioner that I was going through a breakup. And she was like, you don't have to tell me this. She was like, that's... Why is it called a nurse practice? Just call them a nurse. I think it's better than a nurse. No. Yes.

Yeah. I think they're, and basically I think they kind of are like, maybe better than a doctor. In terms of like... Is a registered nurse the same thing as a nurse practitioner? No, registered nurse is the one in the hospitals that have the scrubs. And then there's a physician's assistant too. And that's nothing.

And then there's the nurse practitioner who prescribes drugs can be a therapist. The coolest and easiest one is phlebotomist. What's that? This is a person that draws blood. What's the one that makes feet nice? A podiatrist. A podiatrist. Yeah.

That's not a real doctor. Man, I had a Sumo wrestler of a... Anything with bones is not, you're not a doctor. You know who's not a doctor? People don't say it enough? The fucking optometrist are not fucking doctors. That's a rare time. They're just selling glasses.

And then I could learn that machine. We were talking about this before the show. I could learn that flipping machine so easy. There's areas in towns where they just have like, there's an eye in your place or an eye in front of you or something. And there's always blind people around there. Yeah. And it's like, what are they going?

Like EBT, like they're waiting for food. Yeah, what do you go? You go to the doctor and you're like, yeah, you're still blind. Wait, I've never seen that. Wait, they just loiter outside. They're always buying it. Like in urgent care. Really?

Like, yeah. Like Hasidic's around in urgent care is the same as blind people around these infirmaries. I was in Best Buy today and there was a blind guy and he needed help finding something and there was a chick working there. And he did the move where she like, you know, they like link arms. She like helps them. He's like, hold on now. Let me get my stick in your pussy.

Yeah. And I was like, all right, play on player. He probably gets to touch women all the time. He's looking for, I don't know, headphones or something. If I was blind, what I would do is I'd cover my body in laser pointers and I'd go to Times Square on New Year's Eve. And be like, now I'm going to get revenge on the world. Yeah, you'd be like a villain. A superhero villain.

The blind man. Laser pointers on you. What's that? Laser pointers on you. Just covered in them. So they hit our blinds every now and then. High power. Oh, that chick going outward, going outward.

I see. That was a big thing in middle school, was like, don't put it in people's eyes. Oh, I remember I had one, put it in everybody's eyes. Favorite thing to do. Yeah, yeah. No troublemaker. It's really, we have a laser to measure distances here and I get him in his eyes all the time.

Really? Yeah, it does center the forehead. He's like, you're Indian. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good, we have a big laugh about that. Do you think you could play off being blind? If you went out into the street and pretended to be blind, you think you could do the movement?

Yeah, that's actually something we have planned for the Adam Freeland. Yeah, we're going to do a man on the street kind of thing. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah, grab the tits. Blind, yeah, blind guy, rapist.

You're going to be the blind guy? Yeah, well Nick, it's going to be like, we've been talking a lot about this, but like an impractical joker. So I'll have an earpiece in and then Nick will be like, you know, grab that ladies tits and I'll have to do it. How about a show called the impractical milkers? And it's just women with enormous tits. Yeah, yeah.

And then just walking around the streets of Manhattan with their giant tits exposed. And then there's a guy put your guys in the room and they're like, those are huge tits. That's awesome. This is impractical. That's pretty impractical, but they're all like, that's fucking awesome. So your grandma was saying about Maya, those are impractical tits. Yeah, impractical milkers. My grandma was hating.

No, my grandma was like acting like a girlfriend, like an ex-girlfriend. She was kind of being competitive a little bit. She was like, I hope you're enjoying your honeymoon. Oh my god. Yeah, she's had that too. She wanted you to come alone to spend time with her on her last visit with you. Sorry, on your second visit. I tell you, you know who'd love to go on a honeymoon is a bear.

Yeah. A bear? Yeah, well, yeah. An astronaut bear. Because of honey? Yeah, they love honey. Yeah. Astronaut bear.

Or some bees. Yeah, some bees. They'd like to. They would love, I bet you a bunch of bees would love to go on a honeymoon. I bet you, I bet you they would. Bunch of space bears. Mm-hmm. The honeymoon would be a nice nickname for a Chinese lady.

Yeah. Hey, how you doing, honeymoon? That's great. It would also be a nice slur for a guy trying to fuck a Chinese lady. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A guy, a Vietnam veteran.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Just like that. You're going to pretend to be a blind guy? I don't think there are any white blind guys. Um, what's that? They're all black. All black.

All blind people are black. Well, we were. Show me a white guy who's blind. Go ahead. Find one. What's that? Let's go find a white guy who's blind. You won't see one.

Nobody's going to believe you. Gotta get a black guy. Reggie Conquest. Uh, Val Kilmer, the saint? Mm-hmm. No, sorry. Is it the saint? The saint, he's a killer.

There's a movie where he's blind. Uh-huh. He's the scent of a woman. No, it might be just called Blindness. What's the Val Kilmer? Dave, what's the Val Kilmer movie where he's blind? It's called Blind. It's called Blind.

Dave, also, can you bring my, uh, my beer? That's on the table. My, I brought you a beer. There's another one on the table. Why'd you give him two beers? I don't fucking know. Let's repay Dave and beer. Dave, no, Dave is like, Dave's like, a little bit.

So, Blue Chew, they got Sildenafil, Tidalafil, and Vardenafil. So, you got all three. Vardenafil? Vardenafil. Yeah. You probably had a couple of those inside of you. You think? Only one.

Which one? Sea Alice? No, only one time have I had a guy with a Blue Chew. Uh-huh. You know about this. I want to take a Blue Chew and see what happens. Oh, it's nice. It's nice for girls.

Really? Yeah. Have you seen the- Okay, well, you got three plans. Active, busy, and popular. Oh, four plans. Pro. And, uh, pro is-

Pro is like if you're like a James Bond type. Yeah. You're fucking multiple times a day. Well, what is pro? Pro is, pro is they send you, uh, 34 pills a month. And if you get the 90, 45 milligram Sildenafil, 34 months, $120 a month. That's not bad.

Yeah. It's a great deal. That's basically a cable. It's a great deal. That's basically, you know, you could get that or fucking Univision. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. You can get that or the Disney plus Hulu bundle.

Let me ask you this. Would you rather lose your vision or watch Univision? Yeah. Well, that's another segment on the show is street hypotheticals. We're going to be doing that. Yeah. Give me another one. Um, but with a reference that I know, which is not.

You don't know what Univision is? I don't know. It's the Mexican television. It's the Spanish language, language channel. Oh yeah. Gotcha, gotcha. Univision. Gotcha, gotcha, like fuzzy, like fuzzy.

You really don't know anything. Wait, what do you know, Jordan? Now I've learned. She just knows comedians with long fingers. I don't even know anything. She knows how long Hasan Minhaj's fingers are. Yeah, right. I don't know very much.

Do you feel like you have an expert, woodworking? I just know practical things. Have you ever seen 101 Dalmatians? You know what that is? Yes. Okay, so you know something? Can you do a dovetail joint? I've seen a lot of movies.

Yeah. I can do a dovetail joint. I can roll a blunt. I can do anything that it needs to be done. But I don't have stupid, I don't know. I just found out that there's two fighters with a lead singer. Can you do magic tricks, like card tricks? Yes, I can.

Really, I was playing with a deck of cards the other night and I was like, I've never, in my life, ever once learned a single card trick. I can do one. I know one. It's bad. Why? I never, I was like, I'm nothing.

I learned it with a Boy Scout. Oh, okay. May I teach you magic there? I was a Cub Scout for like a couple of weeks. You know, a Cub Scout's probably like, it's a honeymoon. Oh, they're bears. Yeah. Yeah.

I did it for a couple of weeks until I found out about the... People used to call me Tub Scout. No, because you were fat? Yeah. And what would you scout? Chocolate? Food. Yeah.

How fat were you? 200 pounds in sixth grade. I found a picture the other day. I found a picture of five weeks. Let's see if I can do it. Sixth grade? Sixth grade. Sixth grade.

Oh my God. Let's see if I can do it. LeBron James is like 250. See, you look like LeBron James. You're 80% of LeBron. Does that sound not realistic? Here, I'll show you a couple years before I was my biggest, and maybe I'm wrong about the weight size,

but this picture is fucking hilarious. Imagine if she's lying. Here's a video of my... Yeah, that was a big nasty one. Here's a video of my brother lying. Can you get fat enough as a kid that you have to take the short bus to school? Because you're so fat you're retarded.

Yeah. I wasn't that. It's like a disability. I think so. Oh, 100%. Because it has... You can be put in retard class. Oh, the short bus is for physical disabilities too, right?

Yeah, right. Yeah, so yeah, I'm sure. It's got the... All right, here was me before I was at my fatest. I love the kneeling buses. Because they'll kneel for fat people, and that's got a kneeling bus. They have the buses that got hydraulics or like...

Who was it, the fucking... They're like a cholo bus. Or it's like... Oh, yeah. You know, it like goes down. Oh, that's sick. Yeah, yeah. It's like the bus will...

You've seen them kneeling buses. And then the front of the bus will lower below the curve. That's for handicapped people. Yeah, but they'll do it for fat people. And that's got to be like a thing. If it sinks up when they step on... Public buses. Yeah, public buses have that.

Is this 200? No. No, you look like Tim Dillon. Let me see. God damn. Can we show the camera? Yeah, yeah. This...

I got bigger. Dude, you're... It's going to be out of focus. You're a lezzy mom. Wait, look at this. Let me do a better one. You're a lezzy mom. Let me do a better one.

Look at this. Watch this. Damn. Damn, you're a... Okay, this is my cousin. This is my cousin. Uh-oh. Look who can't get on the rock.

Oh, damn. Let me see. You couldn't get on the rock. That's my cousin. Then look at me in the lower left. Oh, you're like... You really just rolled down. You're like Sisyphus.

I can't get up there. Yeah. Yeah. That was a big fat fatty. You probably have to sit back down. I was on a lot of pearls. Yeah, friend, everybody can see your penis, Sandra. This is a low-budget fucking ad.

No, it's not. It's actually an incredible ad. That's why we want sponsors of the show. We want to do their ads. More bigger than this. We want to shoot stuff. Yeah. Just have you banging dulce from the back

with a big blue chew dick? No, not an ad. I'm saying to put it in an ad. Yeah. No, but we put narrative in it. An emotion, a feeling. No, so it opens and it's fucking like a swarthy guy on the subway and he's got a backpack with him

and it's packed and it's real intense. And then he's going to the train stations and he gets out and it's Times Square in New Year's. He pulls fucking kills a bunch of people. And then the detectives are interviewing him. And they're like, so you did this because you're Muslim? And he's like, no. I've got the pro pack.

Yeah, something else is wrong with me. You could have just taken a blue chew. And he's like, what? What? I didn't need the kills. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Like the Snickers ads.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? I'm not Danny DeVito anymore. Chloe Kardashian. And she's cheers-ing a police officer's penis. That's the big girl, right? Whichever one. Kanye's just shooting Jews and they just pop a blue chew.

What? What? Kanye's not shooting Jews. Hey, I didn't say it. Apparently. Oh yeah, we got party rights. Yeah, no, yeah. We got the party lights.

And show them bisexual lighting on the day. 824 style? Yeah, show off the lights. That's not it. That was all. That was bad. That's for monologue. I think it's number one, Dave.

It's preset number one. Preset one is euphoria style. I want euphoria style. That's not doing it. Oh, no. That's not in here. That's doctor. That looks terrible.

That looks kind of cool. This is moody. So tell us about the time you got raped. Yeah, tell us why you're raped. Well, I was an open miker. And that old tale. Yeah. And how much did you weigh?

290 pounds. I popped a blue chew. I don't need this, yeah. I haven't seen any euphoria lights yet. Yeah, I think the preset got overridden. Oh. Great. Yeah.

One month. Yeah. One month. It took a month, yeah. What are we in now? We're in bisexual mode? Get the fucking bisexual lighting when we just won. This is the regular one.

These still need to be done. This hair light is flickers. So that needs to be figured out. Who put these? We had four different people do the change the fucking thing. Yeah, we keep bringing in different guys with scarves on. They're like, no, it's terrible. We do all new.

And then they change it. Each guy is different. Every guy, different scarf. Same guy. And then a camera, then a DP will come in. They'll be like, this is wrong. And they'll change it. And then the fucking gaffer guy will come in and he'll change it back.

Yeah, who do you trust? You can't trust the gaffer. Literally the only person in the world I trust. Gaffer guy loses sharpie, gets so mad about it. That's a gaffer thing. Oh, it's a gaff. That's a gaff. That's a gaff thing.

Yeah, he says the n-word. That's a major gaff. Major gaff. Huge gaff. Oh, he gets mad when you say that. That's what they call it that, because on the set, they hire guys with Tourette's because they couldn't get any other jobs. Oh, yeah, it isn't.

Except the on-fill adder. Yeah. Because in the silent film era, that was the only job you could do because everything else mattered, but noises were made. Yeah, you can't hear. So yeah, and if you could hear what was going on in silent films, it was just guys with Tourette's screaming the n-word.

They were like, yeah. Doing the what? Yeah, he's gaffing. He's gaffing. He's doing a Joe Biden. He's doing a Hunter Biden. Yeah. If the crew was here right now, that would get a huge laugh.

You got a big crew? What? We really will. For the episodes, we have two camera ops. We have three camera ops, and then we have someone in the control room. This is good. And then we also have someone doing interview prep, and then eventually we'll have people.

The plan is the Wednesday episodes are going to be this kind of garbage. It'll just be a video podcast. This is garbage? Well, I mean, it's not. I'm here for the garbage? Yeah, you're here for the garbage. It's not like, it's just like, it's not produced. Just a garbage?

Yeah, it's okay. Yeah, we got Christian Bale coming in. No, it's okay. We have two celebrity guests, one on Wednesday and one on Monday. We're shooting the next episode. On Wednesday. What's the next celebrity guest? No, this is Tuesday.

Simon Cowell. Oh, this is Tuesday. We have Simon Cowell coming. We have Simon Cowell, yeah. And then we have, what's his name? Ruben Stuttert. We have Simon Cowell. We have Stuart Little is going to be the next.

Oh, good. Good. I heard he was working again. We have Ken Bone. I can't believe how many of these animal jokes that you've made in one. Huh? You've made so many animal jokes.

That's the only kind of comedy I can answer. Wait, can animals or history? I'll say this live, because I think a lot of our friends know who this guy is. No, I've always been this way. Well, what do you mean? What way? Well, you're just moving away from, you know,

edgelord into adorable animal comedies. No, that was really only come town. Like, I really wasn't an edgelord guy. Come town was, it was funny to do those jokes because I hate comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so you do the worst. But I like this.

You're going to be one of these guys who, you know, like you, my dad chiseled a bear that had, it was holding a gun and he was like, get it because it's arm bears instead of bear arms. Take me to the honeymoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's going to be you. That will be.

You can't wait. Yeah. Well, Salt Lake City this weekend, they'll be at the wise guys. Can I feel how this feels? Feels cool, huh? Yes. I can imagine that just blasting my organs.

Say something. And I'm like, what did you do? Say something mean about me. Why did you do that to me? 200 pounds in sixth grade. Being in with Jordan. Oh my God. And also, I just want to add before we leave.

Being in and then it's with Jordan, but it's W-I-D-T-H. Yeah. You get it? Hold on. Did you hear what I said? Yeah, that would have been fun. Yeah, that would have been fun. Oh, that's so funny.

You wait that much when you're in sixth grade. You know what? Tell that to my boob sweat at the time. Tell that to my boob sweat that that was funny. Let me have it to stuff little tissue papers under there to keep it from just running down my Joe Boxer shirt, huh? Tell it to my boob sweat. Honestly, Jordan, that makes me want to throw up.

Yeah, me too. OK, so I just want to reiterate. Monday, the talk show resumes on a regular schedule. It'll be Mondays for the talk show. Wednesdays for the Adam Friedland Show podcast, which is what this is. I guess. And then, what are you whispering about?

You're upsetting him. She's mocking your hands again. My hands? Yeah, honestly, I don't mind the hands. I wasn't saying that. I don't mind the hands. I don't mind. I don't mind that.

I like that the level of control you've taken over. I like the watching you. Whatever. At least I didn't weigh that much when I was in sixth grade. How much do you weigh now? I was saying 149. What's that? 145.

Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, me too. Yeah. You think? I thought it would be closer to 200, honestly. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I don't know.

Oh, my God. Anyway, thanks for joining us. Thanks for joining us. OK, and then finally, wait, what was the last one? How much do you weigh? Filly this weekend. What? Like 108 pounds, I think?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, fuck off. He's a classic twink. Yeah. I weigh about 97 pounds. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's mostly dick weight, too. It's a heavy weight. I have hollow bones. Yeah. He's got birds' bones, but he's got a heavy cock. That's my best friend, dude. He's a heavy guy.

Thank you for joining us, guys. That's a wrap. Why are you mocking me behind my back in front of people? I asked him if he had a heavy cock. He's got a heavy one, dude. Does he, really? Like, honestly, we had to put it on a, like, you know, when truckers have to weigh there, goodnight, everyone.

You think I look like I weigh 200 pounds? No, I'm just giving you a hard time. Is it my track? Is it your track suit? It's your great track suit. No, you don't weigh 200 pounds. You weigh like 190. I weigh 145.

I weigh 140. I really hope that I'm bleeding through my tampon into this Ferrari track suit. Well, it's red. I hope that that's getting in. Yeah, it'll be fine. All right, Dave, you cut it? My period blood is black.

What's Italian for menstrual? I hope I shit. I don't know. I don't speak Italian. It's real. Rossi. What do they call it? Yeah.

Flossi, Rossi. Yeah, yeah. Z. The red, yeah. It's spaghetti tossi. It would be, like, something dramatic. Yeah. It'd be, like, you know, like, the red wave or something.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks for joining us, everybody. Thanks for joining us, guys. Yeah. Good night. Good night. Yeah, no one's got to go there.

Oh, that's so nice. Pay to black. That's dramatic. Oh, my God. All right.