The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. P06 – Will Menaker

Episode Date: February 17, 2023

Video available tomorrow on patreon.com/tafs Also OMAHA MARCH 10-11

Hello, which action Adam was the real one you want to do it again. Hello and welcome to the Adam Freeland show the podcast we are joined by our friend Will Menaker. Happy to be here. Old school. Why Dick Willie? We're doing a check in a friend check in. What do you think of our enterprise? I mean, you've come so far from from the humble beginnings back at the back of Amber's old apartment back in. Certainly. Yeah. Yeah. The set looks amazing. The stew is exquisite. Thanks for having me on. Yeah, definitely. I think just to catch the audience up what we're doing today is we are testing out our control room which we've been building out the last month and a half. Is that right? Yeah, I don't think people give a fuck. No, no. But so what we're doing is there will be a

video feed of this which will be going up on assuming that there's not in some kind of fuck up with that's why that's why I said I said I wouldn't mention it. I would say you didn't say I wouldn't mention it. That's why I said I literally I asked you whether or not I should say this before we started. I said you say whatever you want. I said we're just doing a podcast. No, you I know we're doing a podcast right now. But is this going to be okay? We will attempt to be putting up the video feed of this. All right, who gives a shit? First thing in the news this week. The nobody cares about the fucking control room or anything. I asked you before we started podcast whether or not no, no, forget the cameras. The studio looks great. The studio looks great. No, Nicholas, I

asked you before prior to us starting whether or not we plug the video feed of this podcast going up on patreon.com. Top of the news this week. What trained the real man in Ohio. Yeah, way worse than I thought initially. And how bad did you think it was initially? Well, I was upset for the train. Was it was it cargo or was it passenger? It was a passenger train. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, was this the one that just happened today? No, the one a couple weeks ago. Is this the chemical spill in Ohio? Yeah, they had to burn all the people in the train. They were filled with chemicals, I guess. No, did you see this? Have you seen the pictures of this like fucking mushroom? It's quite an impressive column of smoke. Yeah, moving into the atmosphere. Well, there's pictures from like

planes. There's pictures of the water around the surrounding area now. It's funny too, because it's like those people probably took those pictures from the planes like on the way to like Chicago. Like no one was going to Ohio. They're just flying over Ohio and they're like, that sucks. That's Ohio. Yeah. It's the state with the ongoing chemical fire. Yeah. So was the chemical fire a passenger train? No, it was a freight train. It was a freight train. Passengers were not killed. It was a freight train transporting an extremely toxic chemical called vinyl chloride that derailed, then caught on fire. And it's a disaster, an ongoing disaster. To make LPs, to make records. It's like a precursor for PVC. But it's like, the problem is that I guess when they keep it

in a liquid state, it's like pressurizing there, but it boils at like seven degrees. So if it loses pressure, then it immediately starts to boil. And it could have created this like giant, it could have blown up the entire fucking town. Because basically the train turns into a bomb. So they decided to burn off the chemicals coming out of the, but then even burning it off, it's like untold. People's pets are dying and birds are falling out of the sky. Like a hundred miles away. Yeah. And then there's now, there's already people jumping on it saying that it's part of like a Republican genocide. Oh yeah, no, it's like a great replacement thing. Like they're like, they're, they're, they're burning down the chicken coops with all the eggs that people

need. And they're intentionally derailing trains to sort of scour the landscape of, you know, people that voted for Donald Trump. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But I mean, so you buy that, Will? I think that like, yeah, like, I mean, like we're going to see an uptick in train derailments. I mean, there were a thousand last year, there'll probably be 10,000 this coming year. And just be, just be assured that everyone who dies suspiciously in them probably wasn't vaccinated or didn't vote for Donald Trump or voted for Donald Trump. This is at the discretion of Pete Boudage. Yes. He is the, he is the, he is the capo, the tutti capo behind all the train derailments. He's kind of the power broker. He's a mad man. He's a child with a nationwide train set. And

he's just like, did you, have you seen the Fableman's, the Spielberg movie? Of course I have. It's like when little Steven, this is where Adam comes along. What are you talking about? You know, like when he recreates the train, the train disaster that he saw on screen in that movie, he's recreating it again. But like instead of being some sort of like a Freudian deconstruction of wanting to have sex with his mother or being a bear witness to her being, her dad being cucked by Seth Rogen, it's to, yeah, to gas Trump voters with deadly chemicals. What's wrong with my, is it like something inherent in me? Like am I just a bad person that I read about Ohio? And my first thought is like, oh, I really want to watch Chernobyl again.

Like that's, that's the emotion that inspires me. Well, I mean, I wanted to watch Tony Scott's Unstoppable again. Yeah. I mean, great movie. Yeah. Well, I think it's because, is that a lack of empathy or have I just seen too much good stuff? I think there's just too many good movies and TV shows these days. It's just like everything that will happen in reality already has its analog in a film or television show that's already existed and you've seen. Yeah. So when reality catches up to what the movie was trying to transmit, then you're like, oh, we'll have a famous reference for this. Literally, the Chernobyl disaster was worth it for the television series. We got out of it 40 years later. Well, did you know about the Ohio train disaster? They filmed

parts of the white noise adaptation in East Palestine, Ohio, and they used people from that town as extras in the train disaster. Tough, tough, tough choice name or name choice for the town. Yeah, for a town getting bombed with chemicals. Yeah. Israel, they'll put a settlement anywhere. Actually, that's really what's happening. It's like Trump voters are just clearing them out for the year to make an Israeli settlement in East Palestine. They got the West Bank, now they're getting the East Bank in Ohio. They're getting every part of it. Yeah. Adam, do you have any thoughts about that? You know, it's a center-left program now. So we are pro-Israel and pro-Palestine. Yeah, two-state solution. Yeah. No. Yes, two states. That's the center-left position.

Yeah, it's crazy to catch up with you, Will, because we used to be on the... We used to be, yeah, on the same side. We used to be members of the alt-left together. Yeah. And now Nick and I have evolved, kind of, we're adults. Well, I mean, yeah, like it's... We're like Rachel Ray or Martha Stewart. Yeah. Yeah, that's the vibe now. Are you guys going to have like a cooking element to the program, like Rachel Ray or Martha Stewart? If you guys want me to cook something on the show, like when Carson would have something, you know, like... I think we should add... Letterman had Scorsese have his mom. A chemistry, like a food network for chemistry. It's like the science that we're gonna... Yeah, we just like fuck around with, like,

yeah, chemicals. You know, but we have, like, a big, like, production studio kitchen. Let me try to make our own methamphetamines. Make your own vinyl chloride. Yeah. That'd be cool. It would be cool. It's very late. It's 10.30 right now. This is a taffs after dark. Yeah. Will came into the studio. He saved our asses. We wanted a guest. And I don't think he wanted to come, but I think you're a lovely Catherine wanted to come. And for that, I say thank you. Catherine, how are you back there? I'm doing great. She's a... We're trying... We want to keep her away from the buttons. We're not used to a woman being so close to the buttons on our show.

I mean, that's the thing about women. They love to push buttons. They push my buttons. You know what I'm saying? That's true. So it's weird without a mic. Yeah, it is weird. That's why I'm glad I have this beer here, because I feel like it's my... We're still getting used to it. I feel like I'm used to it. I feel fun. I feel a little bit of this action. You're so handsome. That's the issue. I need it to cover my face. Just like masks. It's really... I was watching Tucker in the hotel. Doing headphones are bigger for me than having headphones on, especially if you're doing impressions and you have live feedback and you can hear it. That helps.

That's very important, yeah, for sure. This man is a master over here. No, not really. There's none I'm good at. What are you talking about? I mean, your Joe Biden impression was fantastic. I thought that was fantastic. I mean, that was... You were in the workshop, you know? Yeah, Joe Biden and the Robert... Just staying up till 4 a.m. Talking into your phone. Was that in the cabin? Yeah, that's... Robert Duvall. I thought your Robert Duvall was very good too. Yeah, so this train derailment. I really can't get enough of this thing. It's really bad.

Yeah, it's terrible. It's like the Bhopal disaster, which is what White Noise is based on. Now there's like... It's just... That's what I mean. It's like movies... Like reality has already happened. And it's... All reality that's going to happen is happening in movies. And it's just a matter of like... We're not making any new movies. We're just gonna like catch up eventually and then... I don't know. You're a native New Yorker, right? So when you saw 9-Eleven happen as a child... Did we get a single good 9-Eleven movie? They tried too quickly. I don't know. Like, you're 9-93 is I think what people would say,

but I'm not really a big... I mean it's... And that's just lies. Yeah, it is. That's just lies. It took 80 years to make a good Titanic movie. Yeah, it's true. What's the one from like the 40s? The night to remember. The night to remember. Yeah. It was crap. Funny to forget the name.

What a dumb title. Did somebody say that on the Titanic while it was sinking? Oh, I... Well, this surely is the night to remember. I met the... Sorry, just gonna name drop here. I met the actress who portrays Kate Winslet's mom in Titanic this past weekend. Francis Fisher. Oh, her mom. Being named throughout.

Oh, not the old chick. No, no, no. Not like... When you say met, that's like somebody you're in line behind at Radio Shack and you're like, hey, are you the bitch from Titanic? Yeah, it was basically like that. Yeah. And then you have a head shot there with them for whatever reason. It'd be nice to have like a cache of weird character actors in a backpack and then just go around in the city until you run into the water.

You'd make their life. You know? Well, I mean, I'm telling you... You'd be like, excuse me, are you Bob Balaban? Yeah. Can you sign this? And you just have his, you know, his eight by 10 head shot? I've only like, when I was a kid, I always wondered, like when you go to like a pizza restaurant, they have like, you know, Danny Ielo's.

Just L.A., Italian. Every, every year. Exactly, like signed. I'm just like, does Danny Ielo go around with glossy eight by tens of them? Or like, do they ask his like manager or agent for one after like he goes in there? Like, does he give him a card? Like, how does that work? Yeah, I'm not really sure.

But they always do that. They always have, yeah, walls as celebrities. But it's always race dependent restaurants. Like black restaurants would be like, you know, fucking Curtis Mayfield on the wall or Judge Mathis or Howard G. That place, Florida Avenue Grill in D.C. I used to sit at the table with Judge Mathis, maybe feel safe. That was your favorite table?

That was my, that was my table. You asked for the judge's table? Yeah, and I would go and eat whatever crap they had there. It was a crap restaurant. Judge Mathis was the best TV show. I was always a big fan of Judge Mathis. That was your favorite TV judge? Yeah, for sure.

What was his deal again? He was in prison and then he became. Oh, okay, wait, you can become a, you can come. Can you do that? You can pass the bar after being a convict of a felony, I suppose? Maybe he was just in jail. Oh, okay. I don't know.

He was certainly a black fellow. I know that for sure. So, I don't believe whatever the charges were. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, they never tell you what he was in jail for. Well, they said that he was on a bad path as a youth. They said he was on a bad path and then they were like,

and now he's a judge, but they didn't say, yeah. It's kind of like your story. Kind of, yeah. Why don't you tell us your story? Would you want a bad path at him? Yeah, kind of. Was this just recently or just as a kid? No, throughout my entire life until we started Come Town podcast.

Yeah. Yeah. I was, I was doing ice. Yeah. Yeah. Which is. What is ice again? It's what Dog the Bounty Hunter asked the perps.

He's always like, he's always like, are you on ice? Yeah. Yeah. In like, well, I won't do the Hawaiian. He does the whole, we won't go there, right? We'll go where? Well, he, Dog the Bounty Hunter does like a colloquial Hawaiian thing when he gets the perp because he's on the big island.

It's a colloquial Hawaiian thing. You know who I said I wanted for the show more than anybody? Branscom Richmond. Who is that? Bobby Sixkiller from Renegade. Renegade the Lorenzo Llamas show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck.

What's his sidekick? It was like a big Hawaiian guy. Oh, okay. But he plays like a casino. I mean, I don't know. He looks like he owns a casino. Okay. But yeah, Bolo Ties.

Leisure suits with Bolo Ties. And then just a very sick mullet. Just the mullet that everyone else was, you know, it was funny about the hairstyles in the 1980s. Yeah. Is like the men were all trying to grow a mullet and no one ever really got there all the way. They abandoned it.

So it was like this period where everyone was trying to like catch up to something in the moment past before they ever reached it. The fucking Vandam in Hard Target. Yeah. Well, Hard Target, no, it's uh. He had more of a full mullet in that show. And even better is than that is Time Cop.

Yes. Because Time Cop is supposed to be 2004. And the movie's from 1994. And I might be fucking this up. Don't fact check me. Don't look into this. Where are we? Wide?

Wide. Catherine, can you ask Dave if we're on the wide right now? I can't hear him on headset. Oh, you can't hear him? Dave, can you communicate with Will's partner? We're on the wide. We're on the wide. Don't fact check me on this.

I can't hear him. Dave? Dave, can you get a beer for me and Will also? Don't fact check me on this. Catherine, actually, could you? Oh, yeah. Thanks, love. Okay.

Sorry, I didn't love some British vibes. That's okay. Don't fact check me on this. Let's go. But I'm pretty sure. Yeah, yeah. You look great with the headset. It's cool.

Yeah. Oh my god. All right. Wow. Okay, let's go. Don't fact check. Yeah. Don't fact check me on this.

Take four. But don't fact check me on this. But in 2004 is when the jump forward occurs. And the movie is set in 1990. It starts in 1994. And in 1994, no mullet. 2004, he has the mullet. So he thought by that they're like,

oh, it's going to come back. It's the Dippin' Dots. Yeah, I didn't get the chance to have the cool mullet. I remember, I mean, when I first saw Time Copy, I was a kid. Obviously, I liked it for the very lengthy sexy, where there's quite a bit of nudity. And then John Colombe, I don't know why. My favorite part was that they left.

They would just leave the blood on the wall from the other failed time. Yeah, yeah, like this flat. It's like, you have 18 billion dollars worth of scientific information. And I'm a fucking mom. You can't get any. Well, you know, it's just.

You can't get any. Yes, you know, it's like. Fabuloso in here. It's part of the. Some latex gloves. It's part of the office culture. Yeah, right. It's sort of like a little joke that they have.

A reminder, Joey's birthday is on Wednesday. And next to like just brain chunks and fucking a piece of skull. Yeah, yeah, it's like, is this my lunch? No, it's the last guy who tried the time travel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I remember being sort of disappointed with it because that is a very cool scene where like dudes

with like MP5s rob a Confederate gold, you know, horse drawn carriage. And I was like, oh, oh, I'd love one. Thank you. I'm good. Thanks. This is a after dark episode. And but like there's really not a lot of time

copping in that movie. It takes place in 94 when the movie came out and a version of 2004 that looks almost identical to it. Yeah, it's just got stupid looking. It's just got dumber looking. It's got the Homer Simpson. I like he like, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Like he goes back to like stuff. Some guy who's like trading on stocks during the Great Depression or something, but that's it. Like there's no like, you know, like a Wild West or, you know, medieval medieval times. Yeah. Like there is a one.

Wander the time cop. He goes forward in time to kill George Floyd. I thought that was kind of fucked up. Yeah. That's messed up. Thank you. If you could go use a time machine and arrest anyone. Who would you arrest?

Paul Pelosi. Yeah. For what? Drunk driving. Yeah. Drunk driving. Deleting the part of the body cam footage where he was having gay sex for money.

For fabricating. You like that body cam video, right? Yeah. It was like Reno 911. Yeah. It was like, it was crazy. It was like, what is this dude? Well, it's also too, if they just released that immediately,

none of this, like, because that's like the problem with social media. Like, okay, they show up at the house. Like anybody reads it, they show up at the house and they're both holding a hammer and they're in their underwear. And it's like, even if you're not like a, I hate Paul Pelosi guy, you're like, all right.

Unless you're like, you know, one of these like, I don't even, the people I don't even think are real. Like Brooklyn dad defiant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's that Chinese doctor lady in pictures on the beach? Eugene? No, no, no, no. Linda Yee or what?

I don't think I know that person. Leanda, I have no idea. But there's like, you know, the handful of these like, these like DNC surrogates that are just like Twitter, middle-aged Twitter people, you know, that happen, no matter what happens. Like, Biden could, Biden could fuck a child on the National Mall.

And they would be like, what about the time Trump fucking walked out of Dippin' Dots without paying? Hello folks. Yeah. You know, but like, you know, the fucking initial police report, it's like, all right. What happened? Was Paul Pelosi also holding a hammer?

No, I mean, it's clear. You watch the video, the guy broke into his house. He's like deranged and Paul Pelosi was probably drunk, but he's like not super drunk, like sober enough to like, try to calm the guy down and be like, it's, oh, hey, well, like, it's okay. Yeah. No, we're just going to like call the police.

And then when they open the door, he's like, at least like, has his hand on the hammer and is trying to like talk the guy down. And then he goes towards the cops and then the guy fucking waxes. It's, it's terrifying. Yeah. And the other guy isn't as underwear at all.

He's like fully clothed. Clearly broke into a terrible Paul Pelosi. Right. But that doesn't mean that Paul Pelosi isn't gay. It shouldn't, it doesn't drink and drive. Yeah, it doesn't. Well, we know that, but like, he shouldn't be. Inside trades with his wife.

Yeah. No, that, that guy prints. He does. And he sleeps in a dress shirt too. That's weird to me. That, that was what made me think maybe some, some wicked games. Not because like the boxers in a t-shirt,

that's pajamas, but like the dress. Yeah. Dress shirt and underwear. And underwear is like a little bit. And kind of like, because, you know, you don't, if you were just lounging around the house, you take the collar, you take the dress shirt off. But I don't know.

Like, I don't know, some, some old guys are weird. Yeah. You know, my, like my dad slept in a t-shirt and no underwear. You know, I think I'm traumatizing that is to wake your, you know, like, be like, I can't sleep tonight. Christmas mornings. Yeah.

I'm kind of on the stairs. Add it back to your point. He's got a coffee cup and his cocks just in the coffee cup. Hey, Merry Christmas. Just the tip dipping into the coffee. Hey, how'd you sleep? Hardly at all. It's Christmas.

Yeah. Another Christmas in the Pelosi household. But there's your question. Who would, who would I, if I had a time machine, who would I arrest? Probably Osama Bin Laden. Yeah. You could take it off Hitler.

Well, I mean, I wouldn't arrest him. I mean, like, that's, that's too good for the, for like, No, I don't understand the, the, the hypothetical or the premise of the question here. Are you trying to just enact justice? Or are you trying to get the personal glory of being the person that arrested, you know, whoever? Oh, that's a good point.

Like I could go and just arrest, arrest like Ted Bundy or the guy who shot Reagan. Yeah. Right. Exactly. Yeah. And I think I'd arrest, I don't know, the damn bankers who caused the economic crash.

I don't know. I would arrest the, I would, I would, I would, I would go back and arrest that, that remember that story about the, the football team giving the ball to the Down syndrome boy. I'd arrest the Down syndrome boy right at the one yard line. Right. Just send him to jail.

And then, and then I just go back to the future. I'd arrest that kid that they let be Batman in San Francisco. Yeah. He, he lived, right? And then people would be like, how could you arrest that guy? And I'd be like, so long folks.

And I'd be like, the man you thought was a time cop is actually the Joker. Yeah, exactly. Fuck Batman. Time Joker. That'd be a great movie. We should write Time Joker. No, Adam?

No. Adam said no. No, we should. I'm embarrassed I did vaping on the thing. I promised my father I wouldn't vape on the thing. Oh yeah? Yeah. I would go, I would arrest his dad.

Why? For what? For the anti-vaping policies. No, it's right. I would, I would arrest, no, here's this. I would arrest Adam when he was like a teen to stop him from going down a bad path. Yeah.

You know? I'd scare you straight. No, but then I met Nick and he changed my life. All right. So like I wouldn't want to flap that butterfly wing. No, you have to. Well, you know, I mean, without you guys, my life would be significantly impoverished as well.

You have to go through hell. Yeah, to get to the Adam Friedman show. And I've been through hell, especially this last week. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? I disappointed the daughter of Bill and Hillary Clinton. Oh, right, yeah. I really looked up to her. Yeah.

The worst thing that's ever happened to me, I didn't get pussy when I was like 17. I had to wait till I was 18. Oh, man, I wish I could relate to that, but cheers, buddy. Wait, you were getting it in early? No, definitely not. Just drink the entire beer. No way, pal.

You ever see that movie, Jeff Town? Jeff Town. No, I don't think so. It's a documentary about a guy with Down syndrome. But he's evil. He's not evil. He's just he's a drunk. He's a bad guy.

He does heroin. So it's sort of an uplifting film is what you're saying. Yeah, it's awesome. That's an awesome. Is that an HBO undercover? It's honestly, to be honest with you, the premise is better than the movie itself. Because I just told I just told you about it.

Yeah. It's just that. So it's his documentary about a mentally challenged man who does heroin and fucks prostitutes. Does fucks fucks prostitutes. Yeah, it's a strong setup, but I'd like to see the payoffs. Yeah, right. Yeah.

No, it doesn't really go anywhere. Well, you know, it's like a lot of movies don't have to be about plot. You know, it could be about a vibe. It's insane to have. Yeah. They don't get him help or anything. What do you mean?

Like medicine? Yeah, for him to be smarter. Yeah. No. I mean, for him to not be like a. There'll be a better jumping off point for Flowers for Aldrinan. He's Jeff Town.

Oh, man. I was thinking about rereading that book as an adult, because it was hilarious to me when I was a kid. But I think I have, you know, but the razor sharp. Flowers for Aldrinan. Yeah. I never read it. I mean, it's such a funny idea for a book.

Did they make you read it in school? No. Yeah. Especially too, because it's like there's like mentally disabled kids in the school. And then if you're just a dumb kid and you read that book, it's like, well, why don't we give to him the pill?

You know what I mean? Do you remember any other books you read? Like in like grade school? Yeah. Like English class. I remember reading The Giver. The Giver. Yeah.

The Giver was big. Flowers for Aldrinan. There was one. It's like Island of the Blue Dolphins or something like that. Hatchet was great. Hatchet. I think Hatchet's a very good book. I remember that.

Where the red fruit grows. Yeah. Bridge to Terabithia. I don't remember that one. Yeah. It was sad. The girl dies. Um. Spoiler alert.

Sorry. There's one I remember reading. I don't remember the title of, but it's about some guy who's like car breaks down in the desert. And then he goes like looking for like water and then some guys hunting him. But there's like a parallel story about a Native American boy that's also being hunted by like,

like a predator. That's a book? Callness or something. Yeah. That just sounds like a dream or something. Well, it's a book. What's it? Wait, there's a parallel story about a Native American boy.

Yeah. And then there's the most dangerous game element. Yeah. Whoa. I don't remember the title of the book. No, I read like, I started cheating like in seventh grade. Have you ever actually read a book? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. I had a teacher that was so nice, an English teacher in like 11th grade that I felt bad about cheating. Yeah. So I, yeah. So what book did you actually read? I read Crime and Punishment that year.

Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah. That's, I read, yeah, I don't know, other, like that level, like 11th grade level like books. I read The Stranger because that was the shortest one on the. It was about how to jack off and, you know, when it feels like someone else's hand.

Yeah, yeah. It was pretty sick. Has anyone ever actually done that? I don't know. I think it's just one of those things that adolescent boys. Because yeah, no, it's, it's a fake thing. Like, you know, like donkey puns. Because then you're just jacking off to the sensation

of your hand missing. Right. It feels like you're getting a handy. It feels like you're getting a hand job. Or so I'm told. Yeah. No, it's better to do that and then jack someone else off so you don't feel like that you're being gay.

So you're like, you sort of like, so you're like, it just feels like you're rummaging in a bag for your keys or something. Yeah, like the box from Dune. This is, yeah. It's just fucking. Y'all greatest peers. Many have tried, tried and died.

I like the David lunch, dude. We talked about it, I think. I think it's great. Yeah, it's really good. I've never gone through it. Yeah, like many books. I mean, it is. If you put on the subtitles, it's a book, technically.

Yeah. Yeah. A foreign language film, that's a book. Sure. Yeah. Next stop story this week. What do you mean? Arriving in Minneapolis for sentencing,

the former nuclear waste assistant deputy to fucking the ball day them that stole luggage. Oh, yeah, yeah. The guest, the unfinished guest character that got arrested. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the Mrs. Potato Head that got arrested for stealing luggage. They had to show up in court in Minneapolis. What a funny crime, stealing people's luggage.

I don't know about the story of all. That seems like a bigger part of your identity than gender. Luggage stealer? It's sort of like those. That's a community that's more like just sort of like that. That would be my entire identity. I wouldn't have any time to think about gender if I was like, I'm going, I'm going, I'm an airport luggage stealer.

What I like about that crime, though, is that it's like a slightly more, I mean, more, you get more information to go off of, but it's like those like storage locker war shows, or people bid on like cracking some like abandoned storage locker. It's like, you know, there could be like a Strativarius violin in there, or it could just be like a bunch of like old diapers. Yeah, it's like playing scratch off where the tickets are free,

but one of the prizes is jail. Anyway, so, but like, you have more information to go on, because if you like see that someone has really nice luggage, you could be like, aha, you know, placing a bet that like, there's going to have some pretty nice shit in that. It'd be great if somebody's really bad at that, and they just get their own luggage every time. That's got to be like, if you have like a security clearance

to be doing stuff with like nuclear energy in the US government. I'd say the thing too, is if you wonder with this, this, because I thought it was a lady, it's not, they're gender fluid, actually the only, the first, and I think only ever gender fluid, like federal, like a person in a federal administrative. Yeah, yeah. But then it begs the question, it's like,

is this person even gender fluid, or that that's just with the luggage they got that day? You know what I mean? Yeah, I haven't heard they speak. Maybe being a luggage thief informed is that, because then, you know, they don't know which kind of clothes they're going to get that day. That's the exact joke I just made.

Oh, that's the exact point I was making. Dave, can you edit that? Dave, Nick, can I get that pen, the click, click thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nick, what do you make of all these fucking, these weather balloons and shapes they keep shooting down? Because the UFO thing? The UFO, the phone at UFO.

It's a distraction. Yeah, yeah, it's, well, I mean, what else can it be? Yeah, it's not, it's not actually aliens. Yeah, right. I know that, but. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I guess it's like, I didn't have the bandwidth to think about it.

Normally, I mean, I do say I didn't, couldn't help myself. Yeah. But I don't, first of all, I don't understand what a spy balloon is. Satellites. Yeah, I know. It doesn't make any sense. Well, they were like, they're saying like,

the attorneys could be like seeing where our, our, our, our, like the missile silos and like North Dakota and Montana that we would, but like, I don't know. I mean. I mean, is there like a little. That's all on Google Maps. Yeah, but like, yeah. All of that shit is just on Google.

I remember like Google, Google Maps. It seems like they're pretty sure they know where those are. I can't remember the name of the company that Google Maps acquired, but it was something like 3D Earth or something. There's like all of that. It was all like, all of that information just became like publicly available in like the early 2000s.

And it was like, can we do this? Is this allowed? I think it was the American History Museum. They had, they had like an installation where you could just type in any chord and you could see it. Like they had just had a satellite. They didn't map everything. And it's like that to me, I guess that invalidates,

like maybe spy planes can get higher resolution photos, but I don't know what more information that gives. Is there like a little fan on the like side of the balloon to like direct it? Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't seem like a very efficient like means of like. I just hope that like. They have stealth like surveillance drones.

Yeah, but like I'm, I'm hoping that this augurs for like a sort of Blade Runner style future, where like dirgeables and like blimps of stuff with like big like TV messages on it. Like things like that. That's big for Nick. Nick one's blimp technology back. Oh yeah, definitely.

It's coming back actually. You can like book, you can take a ride in a blimp. Would you like, would you want to do that? Yeah, but they're not, they're, they're not, you know, they're not like the big rigid airships. Oh, they're not like the Hindenburg, right? They're like, it's like, it's like a, it's like a big balloon with just like some fans on like that.

Like yeah, there's a little gondola. Yeah, the good year, Blimp. The good year bullet. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we'll never return to the glory days of, of the Hindenburg. Of, of the manageable travel. Yeah, the Hindenburg, which is, is foolish

because it's like, it could certainly be done safe. Yeah, sure. Like, I mean, just don't paint it with gasoline and then fill it with hydrogen gas. Yeah, well, I mean, you still have to use hydrogen because helium's in limited supply. Oh, right. And that's still a problem.

In those days, it was an issue because the United States had most of the helium and we wouldn't export it. Where do they get helium from? I keep hearing like helium running out, like the, how do they farm helium? I'm pretty sure it's like a byproduct of natural gas. Like, you know, when you go get like methane or whatever, you're like fracking or something, I don't know.

I would love to see something like that. But I mean, like, when you love to take a cross country trip on, on like a Hindenburg style, like aircraft. You can make hydrogen from water. So hydrogen is like a, like a basically limitless resource. But the problem is with the Hindenburg, it's like the, the gas bags. The Nazis.

Well, the gas, no, that was fine. The gas bags. What do you mean that was fine? It was before the Holocaust. Up until 1942, there's nothing really negative you can say about the Nazis. 42, what do you mean? They were doing the fucking,

Chris, the final solution didn't start until 1941. Oh my God, bro. Prior to that, it was just running the mill anti-Semitism. No, it wasn't at all. It was the kind of garden variety anti-Semitism. I, we can go down to old New Orleans right now and I can find you a handful of anti-Semites exactly in line with, with, with Germany, Berlin, 1938.

He's kidding. He's kidding. All right, back. Anyways. Yeah, the problem is the gas bags were made out of like, they were still made out of like pig intestines back then. They didn't have like the synthetic materials we have now. So I'm sure there's a safer way to, to make a.

I mean, even if it wasn't safe, I would gladly pay for it. Oh, of course. Like a, just where you have like a sleeper cabin. Yeah. What do I have across the country? Okay. I am my apartment from like a vape byproducts. Like I just have my heart stopped fucking like with the

PlayStation. Are you still streaming with fucking Bioshock? And then somebody just finds me. Are you still there? Just a Netflix auto-playing. I'm just fucking, I'm just covered in my own feces. That or burning to death. One glorious emulation of hydrogen gas.

Giant flaming swastika. I couldn't imagine a more beautiful death. What, what do you mean? In terms of the comparing the two, you would make the same choice. Why, why do the, why do the KKK burn across? That's kind of mean to Jesus too. Not only to minorities.

I have no idea. I don't think I really put much thought into the KKK. You think it was. The KKK almost seems Japanese to me. You know what I mean? Like, you know, you consume Japanese culture. And it's like, you know, it's like it'd be like, it's a cat that like lives in a magical toilet kingdom.

And he's like, you know, it's like, I mean, like look at Super Mario Brothers. He's an Italian plumber that eats mushrooms, but also fights them. And there's a princess and his biggest enemy is a turtle covered in spikes. It's like, this is just schizophrenic, you know? Their main guy seems so far culturally removed.

From like, is that what white culture is? Is this guy's grossing up like ghosts? I mean, like most of what we think about when we like, of like the look of like the hooded clansmen. Those are, that was like invented in the 20th century by people who saw the movie, Birth of a Nation. And that was like DW Griffith's like idealized costume. Of like, there's, I feel like all of that is based

on like a fictional account of like a mythic depiction that was created in the 20th century. So once again, like movies have already created all the reality that's going to exist. But the problem is now we're running out of movies. And you know, like we're like, we've already run out of reality, but like now we're running out of movies.

So like we won't, events will happen and they won't have, hopefully at some point events will happen, they won't have a movie analog, like Unstoppable or Saving Private Ryan. Yeah, somebody needs to invent a new genre. Yeah. Yeah. Blink, what, like a story about a blink.

Black Sunday? We're honestly, you need more Japanese sort of thought. It's just something crazy. Yeah, it could be a cat that lives in a toilet kingdom and he lives off mushrooms and he's racist. And him and his friends get together to get all the black people out of Mississippi. That'd be nice.

Yeah. How about that? That's a new genre. That sounds nice, yeah. Sounds like sort of a Miyazaki. Yeah, racist anime cat movie. Boom, done. Give me the $10 million.

The cat eats a ton. Give me the Millennium Prize. I figured it out. I don't want to. What is the Millennium Prize? It's math stuff. I don't know. What's that P equals NP thing?

Is that about whether or not squirt is urine or some type of other juice? It's not not urine. What is it, Catherine? It's a secret third thing. No, it's not. A number four. No one doesn't come out of your body.

You don't talk about it. What? No, it's not P. No, it's not not P. We talk about it. It's not purely P, but like, yeah. What, it's half P? Yeah, it's like diluted P, I think.

It's what squirt is. Running my mouth, about what? I'm talking to Will. Oh, yeah, Will, you gotta be careful. She's mad at you. It's all good. It's all good. Love you, baby.

So what is squirt? I was thinking about the other day. It was weird that squirt used to be like just like a nickname for children until. Are you squirt? Yeah, until we found out that it comes out of a woman's pussy. You know what I mean, if I can't do that.

Hey, what's up, squirt? Hey, squirt. You're just calling a kid P to his face. I mean, it doesn't even know. Yeah, and it was a soda. Lemon. It was a soda. Yeah, Mellow Yellow, you remember that?

Yeah, Mellow Yellow. That was a big one. Yeah, until they found out that that was P. Yeah. Yes, Mellow Yellow was conclusively proof. Yeah, it was done. Yeah. What are the movies you've seen in lately, Will?

As always, I saw Knock at the Cabin last week, which I thought sucked. Knock at the Cabin? Knock at the Cabin, the new M. Night Shyamalan movie. Oh, he's got another one already. Yeah, yeah, because I remember I saw Old with you. That was when I stopped. The pandemic ended.

I was going to see a movie every single day. An Old killed it for you. Yeah, I was like, oh, fuck movies. I'm done with them. Movie Pass is back. Was that? Movie Pass is back. Yeah, I just got the email today.

Are you going to be signing up again? I mean, it's not going to be like the glory days. Apparently, someone told me that in Boston, OK, a little bit saw me, that the homeless all got Movie Pass. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, it was like just movies all day. Yeah, they were just in movies all day. They were watching I, Tonya, and stuff.

I mean, that's a great idea. They had to like, yeah, the movie theaters were like, we got to get rid of these homeless. Well, I mean, that's probably why they're doing the thing now with like, OK, you have to reserve seats. But now like, there's like a sort of tiered prices for like, how good a seat you get is at AMC. But yeah, I thought knocking the cabin was not very good.

So what's the what's? So the premise is, the premise is it's like. Let me list the whole guess. I'll guess. Because I don't know. Yeah, the movie saw this. All right, so the movie begins. It's a married gay couple who has taken their adopted daughter

to like a cabin, the particular cabin in the woods. Let me find out. It's Paul Pelosi or his boyfriend and the daughter. It's Nancy Pelosi. Yes, exactly. They adopted a eight-year-old with progeria that they've convinced everyone is an 85-year-old woman. That's the twist of the day.

All right, so like, so like, they're having a nice family weekend, but then like, Dave Bautista comes out of the woods along with three other people. And they have like, you know, like weapons of some kind. These are my pets. And like, they do like a sort of home invasion on this family who's having like a nice vacation. And they like, detain them and tell them

that one of them has to, like among themselves, they have to decide that like one of them has to die and like the other two have to kill the other one to prevent the end of the world from happening. Yeah, so that's it. And you know, a spoiler alert, like I didn't like the movie because there is no twist. Like, that's exactly, everything is exactly the same.

I was gonna say, my guess was gonna be there is no twist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right, yeah. My final trick is that the twist is that there is no twist. And I have been white the entire time. My name is Subway Jared. I'm not even having that challenge. Wow, I've been directing from prison. I've been pretending to be an Indian man

and I'm married to Nancy Pelosi. Yeah. Dude, Subway Jared really missed the, he had to be the one guy, you know, he's in jail reading the fucking Epstein stuff, being like, like what, what more do I need to do? I lost the weight.

I think he's reading it and just thinking like, why wasn't I invited to be, I was, yeah, of course. Right. I mean, he was like one of the biggest pitch men in American history. Yeah. I mean, I think if everyone else was fucking, I mean, if you look at some of the dorks

that the fucking Epstein brought to that audience. Stephen Hawking was getting top down there. Yeah, right. He was. Well, he was there. I don't know if he got top or not, you know, allegedly has to be, let's be careful here. Yeah.

Well, that's what that weird temple was. That was the put Stephen Hawking in room while we have sexy children. Somebody please plug me in after dinner. We need to make sure I'm plugged in after dinner or I'll die. Oh, we got a place just perfect for you, Stephen. It's like a Tesla.

You'll be, yeah, yeah, you'll be staying. You'll be staying at the Tesla charging station at the far end of the island in the mysterious temple with painted on doors. That sounds perfect to me. So I thought, not going to the island was not very good, but the movie that I absolutely hated was Infinity Pole. No, it's Brandon Cronenberg's.

Let's go Brandon. It's David Cronenberg's son. And it's this movie with like Alexander Sarsgaard and Mia Goff. And it's supposed to be very extreme and gross and nihilistic, but I found it to be excruciatingly boring for the most part.

So I really did not like that movie. But for the most part, Nick, you know me like, I've just been watching Star Trek. That's how I spend my time these days. Okay, hell yeah. I just watched Star Trek. Is there a new Star Trek on right now? Yeah, the new season of Picard just started.

Oh, okay. So I didn't know I did it was a Picard show. Yeah, as a Picard. My dad watches the season there. Yeah, did you like it? I think he likes it. Yeah, he's good. No, it sucks.

It's bad. But it's like an early Tom Hardy role playing the Picard clone. Yeah, the clone in Star Trek Nemesis. Yeah. And apparently like he, they filmed the version of that movie where he was doing a Tom Hardy voice

and then they were like, could you not do this? Like Bane? Well, you know, not like a Bane voice, but like he likes doing voices, you know? Like, and he was doing a much more exaggerated voice to do that character. But then the damn execs made him tone it down.

Yeah, really? Yeah. He was doing like an emo Phillips kind of Picard. No, I'm the back of the tongue. Look, Picard. To infinity and beyond. Tom, stop. Just read the script.

Just say it normal and read the fucking script, please. No more Toy Story. We'll do for another Toy Story, huh? What was the last one? Four. I was talking to Exos. Gathered and I were talking about this the other night. Like when Toy Story 3 came out,

like the number of articles from like adult men who were talking about how much that movie made them cry was a little bit depressing. Yeah, we had, well, I'm gonna spoil it a bit. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, no, well, it's just that one scene where they go under the incinerator. Yeah.

Right? Is that four or three? Was it Toy Story 3 or four? I don't know, I lost track of them. I don't know, I remember watching three, but it was like a Russian torrented it. This is, because Toy Story 3 came out like 10 years ago now, it's not like that.

So I torrented it and it was not only Russian, but it was mirrored for whatever reason. Like the whole image was swapped. Okay, okay. So yeah, it was like. It was like a Russian cam. It was in the Russian language with American US subtitles going backwards.

Oh, I don't know, I haven't seen you in a while, Nick, but recently I watched a great movie on an airplane because like you gave me a great movie recommendation. There was a great movie to watch on an airplane, which was a Dream Horse, the Tony Collette movie with Damien Lewis and Tony Collette about these nice Welsh people. Dream Horse?

Dream Horse is like. Dream Horse is a perfect movie. It's a narcotic, especially if you're watching on an airplane, it's just like. You know, and remember we were talking about, it's like, it's a true story about these like nice Welsh people who, she reads a race horse and gets her friends to invest in it.

And then it like, it runs in like, you know, the King's Cup Derby or whatever and it pays out. And then they show the real people at the end of the movie and they're like the richest people in Wales who have $5,000. Yeah, yeah, no, they talk about how they split up the money and each one of them, you do the math on it. They got like 250 bucks for this.

But like this 10 year long saga to breed a race horse. But I love the movie I watched on an airplane very similar. Tony Collette though, probably the greatest actress of all time. Yeah, she's pretty goaded. Yeah, she's incredible. Well, this was like a very similar movie to Dream Horse in that it's about sports and British oddballs

with Merck Ryland's Phantom of the Open. It's another true story about like, this charming British eccentric who like cons his way. It doesn't know how to play golf at all. And like cons his way into the British Open, so. That's good. Yeah, well, I mean, like to watch on an airplane, it's great. I watched this movie Beast with Idris Elba.

Oh, the Lion movie, how was that? How much is a lion? How was that? Pretty sick. Yeah, pretty good. I was like flying back from South Africa and it was taking place in South Africa. That guy, Charles Toe Copley.

He's always good. South Africa's finest. Our finest. Our finest. Our finest. Yeah, no, I watched, are we talking about movies? Yeah, sure. I watched that movie that was like the, it was John Ford.

It was like everyone says it's like the biggest upset in Oscar history. I think it would be like Citizen Kane or something. How green was my body? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, with John Wayne. No, no, it's about this Welsh family. Oh, yeah. Oh wait, I'm thinking the informant, yeah.

It made me fucking weep. It's so like fucking beautiful and sad. I'll just, if you see my darling Clementine. Yeah. That's my favorite John Ford movie. Here's the go. You haven't seen, you haven't seen what do you call it? Fableman's yet?

No. No, I don't even know what it's about. It's about Steven Spielberg. I don't even, we've probably got plenty of thoughts about a movie about Steven Spielberg, Charles. No, I mean, I like Steven Spielberg, but I mean, I do think he's like, yes, definitely. You think he's top of the pyramid?

Well, no, not really. I think he's, he plays ball. Yeah, I don't think he's top of the pyramid at all. I think he's a guy that like had talent to make movies. And in the fucking late 1960s, the State Department went to him and said, you're gonna be our guy. And he's like, okay, yes, I will.

Yes, I will. And what a guy, what a great director. Yeah. I'll make movies about how all aliens are pedophiles. How the biggest threat facing us is giant sharks. How World War II was cool. How World War II was pretty cool. Yeah, it was good.

I guess you're the new Indiana Jones movie. You fuck with that? No, I didn't know that was an Indiana Jones movie. I got a new one coming out. I'm so checked out, dude. I got no idea what's going on. You're building this amazing studio here. Yeah, the only thing I really paid attention to

is this Ohio thing. It's really fucking bad, dude. I know, I just did an interview with Dave Sarota about it. About the Ohio thing. About the Ohio disaster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's like shocking. I mean, I thought a train derailed.

Right. It's like all the trains on fire. And it's doubly bad because the Ohio River Valley has a watershed that covers it. Oh, yeah. So the whole middle of the country. Like a huge swath of the country, like. Yeah.

Well, I mean, we're fine here, luckily. Yeah. Hopefully the cloud goes over Boston. Yeah, that's pretty fucking sad, I guess. I don't know. I didn't even know it happened. Yeah. I literally don't know anything anymore.

Well, this is the thing too. You were talking about a gender fluid luggage thief. Both of you guys were like laughing about it. I was like, what the hell is? It was someone in the Biden administration. Yeah. It was a sleepy's friend. Yeah, it was a sleepy Joe.

Yeah, no, you gotta see this, damn. They look like Crang. It's very funny. The stomach part. The stomach part, not the large outer body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's a very funny face. Very, very funny face, very funny person to be,

very funny crime, everything. I mean, it's such a gimme to like the Tucker Carlson sense. Yeah, I don't know. It's like, it's just funny. They're stealing our luggage. Yeah, right. Who's getting away with it? No, it's like when you get the free cookie at Hilton.

It's like that level of like just a nice little gift for them, that a gender fluid fucking just- Biden administration, they're in charge of nuclear energy. Right. Yeah, no, I love stories like that. I love it when they get a dub, because then that fades out of the news cycle and then they have to just go back.

I can't believe they brought the green M&M back in the news. They brought it back. I was like, I feel like I missed that story. It was like, was the, was Tucker remember because like the green M&M wasn't sexy enough? They said right there, Tucker's not mad. Okay, yeah. There's no one that's actually mad.

No, no one, no one. They just don't have anything to do while they're waiting for the FBI to show up and question them about January 6th. So they just have to pick a thing. And the thing just happened to be the fucking green M&M either being too hot or not hot enough. But like what was like, yeah, I was confused about

what the entirely K-Fade outrage was supposed to be. It was like they're making the green M&M like not fuckable. Yeah, it was like Chris Chan level, like being mad about Sonic's arms color change. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They put like sexy boots on the green M&M. Although they took them off. They took them off because it's like,

oh, she's got a damn job. She's fucking, she's her own bitch. And she has sex when she wants to or something. I don't know. She's outraged over the Dobs decision. Yeah, right. Yeah, the green M&M is gonna do her own abortion. She's gonna have the peanut out of her.

She's gonna have the peanut in her body fucking killed, just shriveled and killed and have its head cut off with giant scissors. Have you ever seen like a, what is it called? An abortion? An abortion, no. An extraction. Well, I mean, I've only seen the illustrations of it.

And it really is, it's like the inventor of the procedure. And it's like the inventor. It's just, you're shoving scissors up. What do you mean the inventor? It's not fucking, it's like, what? It's like, oh, I'm actually, I'm the man that invented wiping your ass. Like it's like this.

It's just, you can't, that's, if I had to come up with, if you guys the dumbest person in the world, if there's a baby inside of a lady and we gotta kill it, what would you use? Oh, I don't know. Maybe one of those pair of scissors they open a mall with. And they're like, wow, you're an inventor.

You're like Ben Franklin or Nikola Tesla. The inventor. Yeah, no, that's funny me. But you know, women need their rights. We support that on the Adam Freeland show. Yeah, we do. It's not your love show. Yeah.

Yeah, coming up on our next episode, we have a politics round table. I've got a preview of it. You guys saw a promising stuff for the audience. What do you mean? That's in the can. No, it's not. Otherwise it would be out already.

It's in the can though. Okay. In Hollywood they say in the can means. It's in the ass. They used to have a gay assistant on every film. They would finish a reel and then it'd be like, Michael get over here and he'd be like, yes, sir. And then he would put it in his can, in his ass.

And then he would run it out because the film had to stay hot. It was like those pneumatic tubes they used to send letters through in the shadow. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And because the film had to stay hot back then or it would spoil. It could blow up.

That's why everything is like sepia tone. That's actually just feces. It's the whole day. That's actually just a fecal staining on the silver nitrate. Dozens of assistants have exploded spontaneously on the silver nitrate films. Stuck up their ass.

Yeah, what was the name of that guy? The best boy? I think the best boy. That was the best boy. The key gripper. Exactly. Yeah, the best boy. Because he would run the show back to the studio.

Back to David O'Sulls. Yeah, that's what I'm out of references. I'm out of film. Where are you? Yeah. Bidets. Yeah, I just got as a Valentine's gift. A bidet for your girlfriend?

A bidet for her ass and vagina. Yeah. I confidence all the bidet and... This is a fucking super soaker. In her film, and I used a bidet for the first time. Sent me recently. Yeah, it is like the first... It's bracing.

I like it though. The first time it's like, this is maybe a little gay. You're like, how gay is this? I mean, it doesn't feel good. I mean, it feels good to have, you know, shit blasted off your asshole, but I wouldn't say it. I don't know. It's...

My opposition to it is... No. My opposition to it was never the gay thing. I have no problem with that. It's that I don't want to be informed at 34 years old that I've been cleaning my asshole wrong my entire life. I'm not going to accept that I just wasn't potty trained. I have a system that works.

I don't care if it's imperfect. Do you fold or crumple? What? Of toilet paper? Oh, you just like... Like around the end? I do like a Mussolini. Yeah.

Yeah. I spin it up on my hand. Yeah. And then I do like kind of a spaghetti fork move in my ass. I get in there. Get a spoon in there and then I twirl it up. I don't know how to wipe my ass. I don't know how to wipe my ass.

So, yeah, like, it's funny, like, or when you find out they're like, oh, you've been shitting wrong because you've been shitting while you're shitting. Yeah. You know, like, apparently, like, you know, like, now they have these like little stools where you're supposed to have like... Chinese style. Like in Asia, they like, they squat and it's like, you know, your whole thing is like more like straightly aligned.

Yeah. But I'm not, I'm not starting. I'm like, I'm like 40 years old now. I'm not going to like shit differently now. And I'm sorry. That's absurd. You're going to... Let's just look at a Japanese person.

You're going to tell me they're better at shitting than the people on my 600 pound life. The most American people we have. Well, it depends on what you mean by like how good you are at shitting, by the way. You can smell them all watching the show. These people are in a perpetual state of shitting. I don't expect them to explain to Japanese people how to take their shoes off, you know, before going to their house.

Don't tell us how to shit. That's the basis of cultural exchange. And you know, like, I've never had problem shitting. I've never had problem shitting. So, you know, like a clock, you know, like, in and out like the Navy SEAL. I've never understood that expression, talking about, you know, regularity in the bathroom that you like a clock. It's like, do clocks shit?

Well, it means that you shit like, well, it means that you shit like, you know, when the clock strikes. So... I feel like that would be a pretty disgusting and inconvenient type of clock to have. Like a cuckoo clock, but it just depicates, but it just like puts us out of log, but... Yeah, a German cuckoo clock. There's a dashi stick, spray, shit all over your face, oh, it's time to go to work. It's time to go to work.

And then he like brushes his teeth and we see him get ready. And then he gets to work. And then there's just a man shitting in his face at work and that's his job. Who's that? Burgine. Post-war. Berlin. The blackout.

Yeah, yeah. They have a series of poo poo, poo poo clocks, poo poo poo poo. Poo poo poo poo? Yeah. Cock-a-clock. Cock-a... Cock-a poo poo. I'm cock-a for cocoa puffs.

Classic family guy bit. That one would get me so good as a kid. Which one? When Peter's auditioning to be the fucking, the, the cocoa puff bird and he keeps saying I'm cock-a for cocoa puffs. It's a great show. Yeah. Honestly.

Honestly. Are we still going to be able to enjoy Rick and Morty now though? Yeah. Now that Justin and Laurel are in this. That's the question. Yeah. I mean it seems like... I always found that show to be...

It seems like, like, is there any going to be, I mean like, honestly Seth MacFarlane and the South Park guys are coming out of this looking great because like, is there like a big like, like, animation for like, adult comic- Seth MacFarlane's like secretly been in a relationship with Paul Pelosi for the last 35 years. It's his old lounge singer persona. He comes over there, takes his pants off, does some Sinatra standards and then, you know, they hit each other in the head with hammers.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I can only imagine Seth MacFarlane only ever exposes himself to his own drawings. Yeah. You know what I mean? His own characters. He's like, he strikes me as like a Walt Disney type. Yeah. Sort of drawing with one hand.

Sort of a sexless guy that just wants to fuck his own creations. Yeah, like Lois. Yeah, right. She's a real sex pot. Oh my God. He's his time though. No. Sorry.

It was a Justin Roiland quote. When he was getting canceled, somebody pulled some quote of him being like on the DVD commentary where he was like, yeah, I really want to fuck Summer's ass here. And they quoted him. And then somebody on Twitter, they're like, Summer is 17 years old drawing that he did. No, I don't know. I mean, I didn't really ever, I watched, I think, the first couple of episodes of the first season of Rick and Morty when it first came out.

I was like, yeah, this is all right, but the show I always found to be kind of nauseating. I wasn't. I think it's a good show. I'm not intelligent enough for it. So I never really got into it. No, I think it's a good show. It's one of those things where it's like if you're in comedy or like, you know, the comedy, like if you just have to think about comedy, it gets broken down into like, you

know, like Matrix code or whatever. So I'd watch Rick and Morty and I'd be like, I can appreciate it as something that's technically good, but I don't enjoy it. Veep was like that too. Yeah. Yeah. Like Veep didn't make you laugh. Doesn't make me laugh.

I just watch it. I'm like, that's funny. That's funny. So like you're like, you're like, you're registering that like that's a good show, but you're not like, it's not bringing like an response out of you. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. It's like, what do you watch that does?

Something that made me laugh. Yeah. I mean, it's got to be really, it's got to be really stupid. Yeah. You know, Jeff Town didn't make me laugh. Oh, God. Yeah. I didn't think it was like particularly fun.

Yeah. You find Jackass funny? Jackass is very funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tom Pearl. Tom Pearl.

Tom Pearl. The more I got into that. What is that? What is Tom Pearl? Tom Pearl. Don't do it again. Oh, I'm sorry. Some guy needs his diary on Diary.

Oh, God. That's not funny. That's gross. Where can I stream this? Yeah. You say like him having poo poo like on his, on his face. He doesn't get any of it in his mouth or on his, around his mouth. He's very clean.

He's very, very tidy. We already covered this in the show. Okay. I'm sorry. I missed it. Oh, you weren't here for it. I wasn't here. Oh, that's right.

We did two episodes on Tom Pearl while Adam was... Where were you? I can't remember. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, it's hilarious. The most shocking thing to me is that his house and bathroom is nicer than mine. It's cleaner.

Yeah. His bathroom looks way better than mine. Well, it's a kitchen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's... It's his food that we're showing.

He's there with Mario Lopez. And he's like, what are we doing to Tom? Well, we're eating my own shit there, Mario. Mario, we're eating shit. I'm so happy to eat my diarrhea for you, Mario. What's his job? Huh? What's his life?

I think he's just a connected pedophile. I don't think he... Yeah. That's the other thing. Job? Yeah. Yeah. Well, in the future Marxist utopia, we're going to need...

We're going to need some guy to eat this shit and be a pedophile. Yeah. What is it? Gay poo poo eating space? Lungery gay German cuckoo clock communism. Cuckoo clock... Lungery gay space. Lungery gay space.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I think ideally in the horizons of a communist utopian future is that the shit eating pedophile jobs would have to be shared equally among burdens like that. Does anyone think that that's ever going to happen? We're never going to have anything. Why even put that idea forward? Yeah. Why even bother?

Well, you know, Star Trek? Yeah, I guess. But we're not... Star Trek wasn't... Like this cast of Star Trek, these are all people in the military. Yeah, Starfleet are cops. Yeah. They're not fucking...

Wait, are there people that are like, that's communist? Star Trek. Star Trek is like, well, you know, it portrays a post-capitalist society. I don't know if it's communist. But they're doing settler colonialism. I mean, yeah. They go to the different ones. But they're not really, though.

They don't, like, establish colonies. Oh, they're like... No, they just simply... It's exploration. Well, they explore, but then they're like, you know, they get people to join the Federation. So, like, I guess that's a form of soft imperialism, I don't know. Do people join the Federation on the show? Yeah.

In Deep Space Nine, I guess it starts off... Well, it's like the Bajorans, like, are like... Yeah. After they've been liberated, they can apply. They're like Puerto Ricans, right? Yeah, yeah. It's exact. They're a protectorate, and they're newly liberated.

But they're not quite... You have to apply to join the Federation. It's like, you know, New York City private school or something. And the bad guys are the Dominion. The Dominion, yeah. The Cardassians. The shape shifters. Yeah, exactly.

And who's the other... Is there another group? Well, there's like... The Klingons are a big part of DS9. But are they part of the Dominion, or are they part of the Federation? The Klingons are like the ally with the Federation against the Dominion and Cardassia during the Dominion Wars. Oh, very political.

DS9 is a good show. It's a great... It's like my favorite TV show. Have you ever seen the full name of the actor that plays the doctor on DS9? Oh, like Siddiq Al-Faisal or Alexander Siddiq. Alexander Siddiq, but his full name is like this crazy muscle name.

He was born in the Sudan. His dad's Sudanese. His dad's Sudanese, but his mom is British. Yeah, but his full name is hilarious. I only watched Next Generation. You don't even watch Next Generation. I watched it with my dad. You've seen maybe two or three episodes of the doctor.

I watched it measure of a man this afternoon. You're trying to be cool right now about this? You're sorry? No, no, no, don't. No, the data episode where it's like a trial to determine if he's properties. I saw that one. You remember that one? Yeah, yeah.

It's one of my favorites. Are you crying? I don't know. His eyes are watering. You're kind of sweating. He's literally crying. My eyes are watering. I feel like I've had like allergies.

Wait, I read that allergies are back. Yeah? Because we didn't get snow. It's 64 degrees today. It's already an interesting thing. It's February. I had my eyes opened by a 12-year-old girl on Twitter who explained that because of capitalism,

we don't have any female trees in the city. Really? Because they don't want poor people to be eating fruit for free. Oh, I remember that. I remember that. So if there were male trees, they would fertilize it, like the things lining like sidewalk dividers or whatever, and they would fruit.

Yeah, we would all have access to free food. They're not fruiting trees. It's like we would be eating acorns essentially. Yeah, because what capitalism wants is we need... It's the people not having... Yeah, we don't want the dull banana company to lose out on a cumulatively $20 worth of sales a year. Well, that's why Biden is setting all the chicken and egg factories on fire.

Because eggs are... That's what you eat when you're old. Did you see that tweet? Yeah, I remember that. I remember that. It got retweeted like 200,000 times, but that one really drove me nuts. Would Biden tweet about eggs? No, you can just go on Twitter and say, because of capitalism,

and then make the most wild claim, and then people will fucking retweet it. The reason we don't have chimpanzees as cops is because the capitalists don't want us having monkey cops, because then you could shoot a police officer and no one would get mad about it. I don't know. Something.

I didn't think about that as much before I said it. Chimpanzee police officer. No, it's absurd to think that. I think there should be more orchards in the city, though. Do you know that when they do gardens and abandon lots, they make a community garden? Yeah, but have you ever been? The thing is they have to plant sunflowers for a couple cycles to leech all of the lead out of the ground

before they can grow anything that anyone can eat. Because there are so many heavy metals. There's heavy metals, but there's also parasites and shit. Have you ever been to a small working farm where they don't use lots of pesticides or anything? Definitely not. They were like picked raw corn? No, actually I have, actually.

And then you get home and it's filled with fucking worms? It sucks, yeah. It's not like fruit doesn't... Monsanto, for all the bad shit that they do, the reason fruit is fucking delicious is because we've perfected and just created it. Fruit isn't natural. It's like we have this long process.

But is it delicious, though? What? For fruit? Yeah, totally. Good orange? What's your favorite fruit? I don't know, I used to say kiwi. I feel like the quality of fruit is going down just like everything else.

I can't remember the last time I had a really good apple. No, no, no. Yeah? You disagree? No, and they're coming up with new apples all the time. Yeah, the honey crisp is relatively new. Okay. I think the only really shitty apple is the red delicious. Red delicious is disgusting.

It's so mealy. That's what we had when we were kids. We didn't have jazz apples, Fuji apples, Gala apples, we didn't have fucking news. You had Macintosh, red delicious, Granny Smith, and fucking like... That was it. I don't know, it's hard to press now.

You're right, I think like... If you want to talk about what has gotten... Seedless watermelon? Are you fucking kidding me? What has gotten demonstrably better in my lifetime in American quality of life? Bread and coffee. The general quality of bread and coffee

that you're given access to for anywhere in America has gotten markedly better in just my life. Wonder bread was the pinnacle of bread. Remember as a kid, you find out about potato bread? You're like, holy shit. Now they've got all kinds of... Now the healthy bread's the best. That Dave's bread?

Do you like that? I love Dave's bread. They have an everything bagel bread. It's fucking great. I haven't tried it yet. I really like the bread from the bakery at Wegmans. That's the grocery store I go to now. Excellent baguettes and sandwich loves.

All right, we'll get off my shopping list. We're wrapping up here. We're almost done. Adam, any closing thoughts on the Ohio train derailment? I didn't know. And that's been the Adam Friedland show for this week, folks. Will, thanks for joining us. Thanks for having me on.

This place is great. You guys are awesome. Does it look like I'm crying right now? Yeah, you do look like you're crying. But yeah, that's a wrap on the show. And then we'll dump these cards and then see what it looks like when we just do this swap, try to export it and get this uploaded. We'll pull the audio, post that tonight, because that's got to go up.

And then hopefully, hopefully, post a video on the page. Hopefully everyone will be as mad at me as they are at Matt Healy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you didn't say anything bad. Yeah, yeah. I said Monsanto was good. I said that the clan was Japanese. I said, let's see.

You said Time Cop killed George Floyd. Time Cop killed George Floyd. That was the best part about that Mattie Healy thing. All of these things I said got attributed to Adam or Mattie Healy. This is just nothing. Nick's master plan. I like what that happened, though, because I had a really Twin Peaks moment of being like, what year am I living?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, everything's fake. All right, folks, thanks. That's a wrap. We can cut it. Dave, do you want to cut the lights? Dave, cut the lights out, and then we'll do one of those cool, Adam sit back down. What?

Okay. Do you want to listen to like, we keep talking to each other while this is rolling? Yeah, yeah. I think that looks kind of cool. But we're done after we cut.