The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. P07 – Brace Belden

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

Episode 7 of The Adam Friedland Show Podcast Check out the video version, episode 2 of The Adam Friedland Show Podcast Show on patreon.com/tafs

Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show everybody. The podcast. The podcast. We're joined live with a very special guest, Brace Belden from the band The 1975. So nice to be here. Thanks for being here. Nicholas, how are you doing? I'm good.

I'm getting this timer going. You're staying dry in all this inclement weather. Well, yeah, there's acid rain. Yeah, yeah. You've got to be careful. I don't care about that. No one cares anymore. They stopped.

They beat it, right? They didn't win. They didn't win? No way. Would it burn you or just make you sick? I think it just fucks up the pain on your car, but I prefer not to have acid rain on me. Yeah, it doesn't.

Yeah. This is hail outside. Yeah. People used to care about acid rain. Cholesterol. Remember that? I saw like a movie from the Woody Allen movie from the 90s. That was one of the big things.

It's going to clog your arteries. Yeah. People used to talk about that all the time. Yeah, people are fatter now, too. Yeah, yeah. They're wrong. I don't know. Yeah, I guess so.

It's a pleasure to be here, boys. Thanks, man. Thanks for us having you. Thanks for being here. What do you think of this whole thing? The studio? Yeah. It's a beautiful studio.

We should probably cut out the asking every guest. Not cut out from this, but in the future, we've already established that the studio, we did a good job on it. You don't think. But I mean, it's nice to do a mix of that. Yeah, everybody that comes on. No, I don't say it to a guest. Because what are you saying every time?

I'm not. I don't say it to a guest that I'm personally... How come you're having me on the podcast now on The Real Show? What? How come you're having me on the podcast now on The Real Show? Oh, because that's the like a who's... You play them like an indie rock band? The Real Show is more like a who's who of Hollywood and Washington, D.C. movers and shakers.

That's kind of the idea for The Real Show. This is for losers. No, this is for more like, this is just a real talk out. Do you know it's Loser New Year? Yeah. Yeah. Did you know that? It is.

It's Loser New Year. I saw that on the news the other day. That was a headline. Is it a typo? No. That's, I guess that's a religion. One of these new Chinese religions. It's called the Luzar.

We worship the moron. Losers. Yeah. And it's their new year. There's got to be a lot of losers in China. Yeah. Right? I don't know.

It's sort of like, it's a perspective thing. But I think it's even easier to be a loser there. What's a fast turtle? You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. It's a challenge loser.

I mean, I just figured in China there's so many people. There's probably more losers. There's probably more cool guys there. Technically. Anyways. Just raw numbers. I don't think they have cool guys. Is that guy ping you or whatever?

The drinking guy. The drinking guy drinks beer. Yeah. I think that was their fucking John Belushi. They de-platformed him. They said it wasn't looking good for them. I saw an animal house of him like a month ago or something. He seemed like something really bad had happened to him.

Do you think it's the years of alcohol abuse? Yeah. No. It's something worse than that. Maybe they made him stop drinking. Oh, the government? Yeah. What a loser.

Yeah, it never happened to me. He could be ethnically loser. Yeah, he's an ethnically loser. I'm so shocked. It's L-O-S-A-R. And that's the problem. It really is. You know, the loser.

Loser, new year. Loser, new year. Yeah. My god. No, they had it on the local news. I mean, I was dying. It's just all these Chinese people in this fucking lower third. It's just a loser, new year.

I used to work at a flower shop. I used to text it to the thread. For a long time, on the side of a highway. Oh, yeah, you were a florist. Yeah. I worked at a Greek flower shop. Yeah, always a big money-making day. They do a lot of crowd work.

Oh, my god. Loser, new year celebration. They did. Well, there was one big guy, one really short guy, and one really kind of built guy. She's got the little Russian hat on, too. Yeah. What kind of hat is that?

I don't know. They're Chinese Russian losers, I guess, is what it is. And it's new year for them. You think that's why they're mean to the Wiggers? Because the Wiggers are like, damn, Durham, y'all are. It's weird that they have Wiggers and Losers in China. They have Wiggers and Losers. I feel like I'd be at home there.

Yeah. I think I like Chinese. I think I understand them. I don't understand what's going on over there. Oh, the pooping squat? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Loser is just the name of the New Year festival in Tibet.

Oh, it's in Tibet? So they're Tibetan, but Loser is what they call it. They are losers. So the local news was doing a little he-he-he-he-he-ha in calling it Loser New Year. Well, Tibetans are probably the biggest losers of any. Yeah, dude. Because no one, who wants to be free? That's another thing, free Tibet.

Not my problem. No one says that. Dalai Lama wore out his welcome. No one cares anymore. He's a prostitute. Is he around? Yeah, he was not like, the last time Dalai Lama was in the news. Is the same guy still?

Nexium documentary. He was hanging out with the Nexium guy. He was getting pussy? I don't know if he was getting pussy. I don't know if Dalai Lama was getting pussy. What do you mean? What do you mean? But if you just pay the Dalai Lama $50,000, he'll come and hang out with you.

Oh, he's just like a hustler? Yes. But what happens? He dies and then they make a baby? Well, a baby is already made. And then everyone says the baby is God or something? Yeah, so that's the Lama. The Lama.

They go find him. But the thing is... How do they find a baby? He's talking about Kundun. Kundun, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kundun, I liked it. There's a lot of...

Kundun! I liked it! What? Hey, Kundun! Do you know what we're talking about? I don't. It's a prana. Oh, I've never seen a single episode of that.

There's a scene where Christopher goes, Kundun, I liked it. What? Christopher is... What's his? Christopher Lloyd. Yeah. Weber. Is that a guy?

Andrew Lloyd Weber. Andrew Lloyd Weber. I don't know if Christopher Lloyd is. Christopher Lloyd was from Back in the Future. The older fella. One flew over the cuckoos now. Yeah, he was also... Rick and Morty is based on...

He's passed now, I assume. I'm probably last year, I think. Yeah, I feel like him dying. Because they had him and Michael J. Fox on Jimmy Kimmel a couple years ago. That guy doesn't seem like he's doing too well either. They both really weren't doing well and they're like, oh, special guests. And then they come out and Christopher Lloyd's like, are we out of the time machine, Marty? And Michael J. Fox is like, we sure are, Doc.

And it's like, why are they putting this on television? You know, I feel like... Because what's he got? He's got... Parkinson's. Parkinson's. Yeah. I feel like you can cure that with opiates.

You can't cure it. But you can mitigate the symptoms with opiates and muscle relaxers. No. Like if I was shaking, just give me... The shaking is dyskinesia and it's actually from the medication. It's from the medicine. Oh, it's from? Yeah.

The Parkinson's is your shit. Yeah. It's rigidity. Parkinson's is like your body. You can't move. I'm going to get it. You think you're going to get it? My mom had it.

Yeah, my mom. Fingers crossed. Yeah. I kind of already sometimes think I have it. Really? I'm tight. I'm like very tight. You're fucking insane.

Why? Imagine yourself as a... Well, you think you have like lesionaire's disease all the time. I don't think you have a lesionaire's disease. But the fact that you think you're tight... What is that? I'm not calling you a hypochondriac. I think it's like scabies.

I'm saying that you see yourself as tight. I sleep. I sleep like this. You don't have bones or muscles. I have bones. No, not either. You're languid. It would be sick if I didn't have bones.

I'd be like a shit. You're gelatinous. What? I'm tight. I wake up every morning feeling like that. Well, that's because the flashbacks of being in the shit. Yeah, that's true. I wake up every day with flashbacks.

Yeah. Why do they only say that in Vietnam? Is there actual shit that they were in? Mud, I think. Yeah. Just manure, yeah, because they were in the rice paddies and stuff like that. It seems like... I gotta be honest.

I mean, it was bad that we were there, right? It seems like a lot of fun. You really? Are you kidding me? You do heroin? Drugs? You do heroin? Yeah.

You sleep... You have sex with them. Yeah. Exploded. They let the army look the coolest. So you just... They look cool. You didn't have to wear sleeves there, man.

That's really cool. You can't have a mustache now. Yeah, yeah. You didn't have to do shit. You could just have headbands and stuff. How do those guys even grow hair that long in the time that they're over there? Yeah, they all look like the Contra guys. Yeah, exactly.

And they're just like, you're in a helicopter all the time? Yeah. I remember being a kid and I remember looking at Vietnam War Pictures and being like, damn, I hope I get drafted so I can be jacked. So fun. You just wear whatever you want on your helmet. Yeah. You can probably kill just a guy you're there with and just get away with it because you're

like, I'm... Yeah, yeah. And you lose, too? Yeah. And you lose, you come back, everyone respects you. And think about how much better... What's it called? Port Leave?

How much better that would have been in Vietnam? Oh my God. Because you're just... You're getting fucked up. You're fucking a little boy. Yeah, yeah. You can smoke... Compared to one of those long things.

Compared to one of those long things. You got to write love letters in some French bit. You got to take a fowling out. You got to take a fowling out. Exactly. You're ugly. You can only get the one with the shaved heads. World War I really sounds like the absolute worst one.

Things suck. That sucks. You didn't have drugs. I think the World War I was probably the best. Why? Because it's the gayest war of all. It's just the guys. It's just the guys.

Just guys. All packed in their trench. You've been talking about being in the shit. It's crazy. Have you seen the All Quiet in the Western Front? Yeah, down there, fucking... I would love that. 15 year real sexy.

I mean, not me. The gay version of me. In All Quiet in the Western Front. Of fellas? Yeah. What do you mean? Isn't it a book? No, but Netflix made a movie.

And there was a 50 minute interlude where the main guy is just getting his dick sucked for about... By another guy? By another guy. Yeah. That sounds pretty gay. It's crazy. It's a three hour movie.

50 minutes of it is that. Wow. But... He's looking through a periscope too. Yeah, they did. They did a periscope. He's looking at his friend in the eyes while he sucks his cock through a periscope. See, my thing is I wouldn't hear the trench.

He's making eye contact with his friend while he's blowing up. No, he's like with a German soldier. They're both... They have the periscope down here so he's sucking at the guy's dick. They're locked eyes while he gets his dick sucked. Civil war to World War I. There was always like a couple of 15 year old boys hanging around like the regiment. Well, yeah.

That's like Master and Commander. They have like boys on the ship. Yeah. That are captives. Yeah. They're like Chinese. I would be so fucking pissed if a little kid was telling me what to do when I was on a ship.

Yeah. I would... I would just... Yeah, but it's definitely not as bad as like having a 17 year old manager at Subway when you're like fucking 33 years old. I know. I've only had old, like, more loser guys than myself. Because of this thing.

In the Navy, if you kill that child, then you become a pirate. Yeah, yeah. If you work at Subway and you murder your 17 year old manager, you just go to prison. Yeah, yeah. They think you're insane. Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, if you...

My whole thing is if you kill someone, you should get their life. Adam, can you hand me the vape? I don't have it. Can we share everything? Yeah. I give you... I give you this, but I have disease. You have pneumonia.

I have pneumonia. People thought... When I told people that, they thought I was like gonna die. Actually, I was gonna die. We gotta stop doing it on the show. We gotta start doing dip. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm gonna just bring a pipe in. I'm gonna start smoking a pipe. Dude, you know what? That lingers. I actually got it. One time you came over to my house and like just ripped pipe. Yeah. And it was like a week and a half of just like I was living in Hickory.

Smells good. Smells not nice. No, it does. It is. No, but it was like... It's an earthy scent. Whatever. There's like a fruity thing.

It was like a Hickory berry or something. I don't know. It's some Turkish blend. Yeah. It sounds delicious. You go to the tobacconist and you get a guy that's just been... A tobacconist? Yeah.

They have... They have little jars and shit. Yeah. That's so like... Do you ever smoke cigarettes? Yeah. Of course. You go to the tobacconist.

Roll me up a pack. No, I go to the Yemenis. Oh yeah. They don't let me go in there. Why not? They run this town. Yeah. They run old bodegas.

They're good people. I mean, I'm sure they are. They don't let me go in. I don't like that old... Yemen? No, I like Yemen. I just don't like bodegas. Why?

I find them distasteful. I mean, it's gross. I mean, they're like all nasty. They just don't like that. They have a name for that here. Oh, it's... You can call it a corner store. I know.

I do. I call it a deli, typically. You call it a deli because you heard that white people stop calling it a bodeg. They did? Yeah. I read a thing where black women wanted me to stop saying bodeg. Me specifically. No, it's not that they wanted...

They said we don't say bodeg anymore, so Adam... Now he's calling it a deli. Honestly, I think I say deli because it sounds more Jewish. It does sound more Jewish. It sounds more like I'm a Jew living in New York. Yeah. It's all cosplay. Are there just less Jews here now?

Hopefully. Yeah. It's great. We don't have them like that where I'm from. You know what I mean? The seeds are only here. Yeah. But I didn't know...

No, they got them. They got them in LA. In LA? In the Bay Area. I never saw them in LA. I saw a mad hospital in Montreal. There's only one neighbor there. And you'll see them walking around during the summer in full ghetto.

What neighbor? It's like West something. It's like the neighborhood we wouldn't go to. It's weird that they don't call it Jewish town or something. Because all the Asian... All the Asian ones. There's a fucking Thai town there. Yeah.

Little Italy, Thai town, K town, Japan town. It has Filipino... Little Bangladesh in LA? Yeah. LA has really got every... Little Armenia. Little Jakarta. Yeah.

They should have like... Yeah. They should have like Little Warsaw Ghetto. Yeah. Well at least it's... I mean... I don't know. It is a ghetto.

Shtetl. What? I'm just like... Shouldn't we learn a lesson? They don't all live in the same place. Why? You can wallow it in. Prison style sticks to your own kind.

Yeah. Well I think it would be easier to do that. What do Jews do if they go to prison? I would just become a Nazi. Because you have to like... That's the... You have to go with your race, but you're Jewish. But you could just be like...

A lot of guys... A lot of the people in there... I knew a guy who was a Nazi in prison. That just means white. Yeah. And so you go in there like... This guy did not know what a Jew looked like. Nothing in the tattoos.

Yeah. This guy... When I was younger... I really don't want to go ever. This guy... Sounds terrible. With like... Probably will.

My friends would do this punk house. For some kind of financial crime at some point. No. Well they don't have Nazis in those prisons. No, no. Those are nice. I'm positive. No.

You get lobster, you play tennis. Yeah. That's like... You go to like the Michael Cohen... You saw out white people, but it's like... You don't have to... There's literally a Jewish prison where... What's his name?

Michael Cohen went there. Really? There's like a federal prison where they have like kosher food and stuff. When I was... It's a conspiracy. When I was young, my friends lived in this house in a mission and this dude that was like staying with them was like, hey, my buddy Jimmy's like coming into town from Parma. It's like this town in Ohio.

In like... He's gonna stay on the couch here for a little bit. And this guy comes up and he's like six, seven, covered like in swastikas. I think he told me like 150 from the neck down. But he had like a... Oh, that's not really a swastika. Swastikas. Yeah.

Why so many? Daisy chain of swastikas around his neck. I don't even think Nazi Germany had that many swastikas. I know. It was astounding. I was like, you were... Yeah, Hitler saw that. He'd be like, that's...

That's ridiculous. That's too many swastikas. It looked like shit. And I remember I was like... What's next? 100 Jewish guys. 160 swastikas. It was crazy.

And there's other Jewish guys who are like sitting there like, well, what's... Before you know it, you're up to 170 swastikas. They'll hurt us. And then he was like, man, almost 200. This was a prison thing. And I'm like, wait, that's kind of on the neck or whatever. I mean, you're good, but... On your neck for the rest of your life.

So he started putting car paint all over himself. Black car paint, fully blacking out his arms and... Do you like any tattoos that you have? See, what I would do, you get the swastika in prison, when you get out, turn them all into windows, you'd be like, yeah, I just love them. Yeah, I love it. It's beautiful. Microsoft.

They're all taken to Hebrew school when you're drawing a swastika, as you make it into cool guy on surfboard. I do some swastika. You can do it really quick. You do a circle surfboard on the bottom. Yeah. It's all. Because your parents tell you that it's...

You shouldn't do it. We should own it. That's the only thing you can do. Oh, it should be the R thing? It should be R-style. We should have, like, be able to copyright it and stuff. Yeah. I guess you could easily make it into a lot of other things.

I gotta come up with a shape. I gotta come up with my own shape. That's what the last one they kind of came up with. No new shapes have been around since World War II. No, what's the band Margera likes? The Heart of Graham. Him. You're right.

The Heart of Graham. That is true. That's kind of like... Yeah, that's his favorite band. Him came up with that. That was crazy. I was like, in middle school or whatever, and I was like, this is fucking gay. The music?

It sucks. It's really bad music. It's horrible. It sounds like Alkaline Trio. Yeah, yeah. I thought I was like, this is... It's Scandinavia. They're like from Norway or something.

I think! They're like gothic in the music. They would have been nothing without band Margera. There wouldn't be a single person walking around in a him hoodie. Yeah. Because I think that's all they had, which is like big hoodies. Well, people thought it was the band Margera logo. I did too.

And best wishes to band old friends of the show. That's true. That's true. I don't know. Where are we? No, his wife is... Are they getting divorced? Yeah, I think so, yeah.

He's getting divorced. Yeah. We should have his wife on the show. I'll have his wife on the show. Yeah, his wife and son. I mean, that's... Some of you guys, because you had the debate last episode, you could try to do like couples counseling on here.

That could be... Yeah. Try to like reunify people. Yeah. Uh-huh. You know? Yeah. You should intervene in people's lives.

Uh-huh. Yeah, really just in a completely unethical way. Yeah, yeah. You should get Guillain on the show. I don't like that. You should. She did a fucking interview. A bit over Zoom.

It sucked. Yeah. I want her in here in this space. I'm trying to get that girl in there. We can really light up the fucking... the hooters on that thing. You think she was good looking? Um... She had big hands.

She had big hands. That doesn't... that's like... but that's nothing, though. You know what I mean? Like... It looks like... I mean, we could have big titties. I know, but it like... it looks like... Not anyone could have big titties.

It's also because she's evil. Yeah. She's like a fucking... she's like a James Bond. She's like the villain from James Bond's girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Of course, you know James Bond at some point is going to fuck this pedophile lady.

Yeah. Yeah. And... They should have James Bond fucker. James Bond should fuck Guillain. Yeah. That's what James Bond did. Is there new stuff with that?

Are you still... like do you still... You know everything about it. We just did. We just did one today on it. Yeah. Fucking... Sean Connery lived out the rest of his life and then he went back to the Caribbean. Yeah. He was really...

Who knows what it is? Catamites. I'm sure he made it to Epstein's Island at some point. 100%. By, yeah, just, you know, out on his boogie board. Mm-hmm. Just made it over there. I guarantee you he fucked Guillain.

No, there was... he was... we just did one today about... we don't... I mean, there's not a lot going on with it. You kind of... At the moment. But there was this new lawsuit from the Virgin Islands and then the lady who filed it, the attorney general of the Virgin Islands, got fired like four days after she filed it. Since J.P. Morgan, because he was like... you were clearly helping him pay off like children. Yeah.

Oh. And then the governor of the Virgin Islands fired her immediately after filing it. Yeah. That sounds kind of like whenever, like, my dad is like, oh, there's a new subpoena against Trump. I'm like, come on, bro. Yeah. You're never... nothing's happening.

I would love that. I mean, don't go to prison. Like, here's the thing, it's like, I'm not invested in... he's obviously not going to. Yeah. And I would be... I wouldn't really like... but I would like it if he went to... I wouldn't like the lead-up because it would be really annoying, but Trump in prison would be incredible. Yeah. Like...

Well, we wouldn't get to see him, though. Because you know what would come out that he's like a king in it? A god! And he's... And you died... He could genuinely... You died as a racist. That would destroy the lives of all of these liberals that would imagine that the prisoners

are like, this is for George Floyd. Yeah, exactly. They would expect this is... and he's like, fuck. Yeah, right. I would imagine how sick it would be if Donald Trump goes to your prison, dude. And honestly, it would be weird because initially, yeah, you're right, the gloating... Yeah. The rough.

Once he somehow is produced, once he's doing this in prison, like he's smuggled in, he's built this out of like disposable razors. Yeah, absolutely. And he has his own talk show. Well, it's like... If they let him have a show after he got locked up, that would be the coolest show ever. Yeah. He's made cameras out of Dixie Cups and he's like figured out why or just did it.

He would be fucking incredible. Yeah, he's gonna win. He's gonna win. Because everyone would respect him, right? Yeah. You know? He's a man who knows how to adapt to whatever... You think he's gonna win in 2024?

Yeah. Yeah. I think because he's never gonna like change his mind about the vaccines and I don't know if... It doesn't matter. The vaccine... I thought that like it would actually be bad because his guys don't like the vaccine and he's like, I invented the vaccine, but...

And I was like, yeah, that's what made me think DeSantis, but he's been absolutely cooking him. Yeah. Well, that's... I was like, I forgot. I forgot. I just forgot how good Trump was. He just got like a couple like based retards working for him that like make him say shit

or whatever. But like he's got... He's like a fucking... It's like a dead fish. Yeah. I just saw there's a clip where he's like, I'm here to talk about policy. I'm like, you're dead. Who cares about that?

You're dead. I don't think he's a pedophile. Yes. Oh my God. Like just being like, you fuck the kid... Listen, I've got my career on that. Yeah. Calling someone a pedophile works.

100%. I mean, yeah. What's the comeback? I don't... No, I'm not. It's the guy you are. No. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Oh, I'm not a pedophile. That's so funny. Yeah. I mean, it's just like, wait, is it teacher? Epstein? No.

Epstein? DeSantis. Was he a teacher? He was a teacher. Did he go to school? Yeah. Because he experienced. Because people are calling him gay?

Yeah. In his class. Did you have kids in your school who bullied teachers? I would... You did? I was pretty mean to teachers. That's awful. Did you?

What's the gay... I mean, I wouldn't say I was ever mean to teachers. I mean, I'd be disruptive. I was disruptive. My move was always pretend to be like really fucking stupid. Oh, yeah. Like to just waste their time. Yeah, yeah.

You'd be like, answer questions wrong, enthusiastic. You just like it when you raise your hand, man. They don't care what you say. Yeah, yeah. Oh, pick me. Yeah. Like, what is it? Like, oh, I'm sorry, never mind.

You know, just being a dickhead, I guess. But what is the gay in school thing? What is... I don't understand what that... You can't say it? You can't mention homosexuality at all in school. I said gay so much in school. Well, I think, no.

I think it's like you can't have like a math problem that's like, like Steve and his husband are like buying apples. Yeah. Yeah. Is that what it is? I don't... I don't frankly really know. I mean, it's just like a fake thing.

Yeah. That they like to get people mad. I think it was like you couldn't like do sex ed. So it's something... Oh, you couldn't talk about like gay sex? Is this what you just leave out the asshole? I don't really... Yeah, yeah.

I don't think they taught gay sex and sex ed. We had... They taught us gay sex. Well, you're from San Francisco. We just taught me gay sex. Oh, yeah? Yeah. They want to make sure the gay kids are doing it normal, you know?

Look, you don't teach it and then you have fucking some gay kid trying to stick his dick into the other gay kid's dick. Yeah. Sending him to the hospital. Doesn't work. Yeah. They got to explain that it goes in the asshole. Yeah, yeah.

He thought it went in the pee hole. Yeah. Exactly. I mean, at this point it's like... You don't know how many of these boys help. You know what I mean? They're fucking each other in the nose and the ear. Some kids fucking deaf now.

They should just give it one day, it's like you guys fucking this classroom, figure it out. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's like a Montessori kind of thing. Yeah. We lock the doors, we turn out the lights. Yeah. You guys go wild.

Montessori school, they're like, you make up your own kind of sex? No, it's like... Yeah. You invent your own. Like, I went to... Adam Clay? When I was molested there, it was like the teacher really just like, let me do whatever I wanted.

You went to Montessori? Yeah. And you got molested? Multiple times. But it's not Catholic though, right? No. It sounds Catholic. I didn't go to Montessori school.

You didn't? No. I went to Montessori school. But I didn't... I went to like a special high school. What's Montessori? What do they do at Montessori? They're like...

It's like... It's like you do whatever you want. It's like a new age. Yeah. It's like, yeah, you like... Evergreen college? You go as fast or slow as you want. Yeah.

You go as fast or slow as your brain can go. I think you grade yourself too. Really? It's a place where I would learn nothing. Yeah, it's rich. I went to like... It cost a lot of money. Like a special school?

For what? I think if I had kids I wouldn't even send them to school. Yeah. No. I went for like eight years and that was basically it. To school? To school. Oh, okay.

High school. They made us go... I only had to go for three hours a day. There was no homework and there was... You could smoke in school. Why was it special? Because I... Was it private special?

No, it was public. But I couldn't... They wouldn't let me go back to the regular high school. Because my... I got sent away. When I came back my grades were so bad and I had... I got in trouble. Why?

Were they sent you wilderness? They got sent to wilderness and I got sent to this like... Like perform school. But I escaped from there. And then spent like four and a half, five months like as a runaway. And then I got caught and went back to school. And they were like, you're... What are you doing in wilderness?

Dude, it sucks. It's like... I think it's like people now say it's pretty abusive and shouldn't exist. Yeah, they like... They made us like just... It was like too like bad of conditions to make us actually go anywhere. So we marched up and down this road in the desert for like eight hours a day. And that was it for like two months.

Yeah. And then they made us like... We had diarrhea lines. Is that book holes about... I went the holes. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, except we didn't...

You know, it's weird. I like... I don't recall ever reading that book, but I know everything that happens in it. And it wasn't because I saw the movie. It was with Shia LaBeouf. Yeah. I remember when the movie came out. But I don't...

I knew the whole book, but I don't remember reading it. I guess maybe it was... I did. Osmosis? Somebody just explained it to you? I guess. I don't remember reading it either. I just know they went Doug Holes, right?

They went Doug Holes with all the details of what happens. But they're bad boys. I don't remember, too. He's like eating applesauce or something at one point. Yeah. When I ran away... I snuck its way into my head. I ran away...

I don't remember reading... I remember reading Hatchet for sure. I read that several times. What the fuck is Hatchet? I don't know what I'm talking about. Every boy reads it. Hatchet's great. Maybe that's why you had all these fucking problems as a kid.

You should have read Hatchet. Hatchet? Yeah. This is why you were dysfunctional. I read The Giver. No, The Giver's bullshit. The Giver sucked. Hatchet's amazing.

Yeah. Although, I remember getting horny for Fiona and reading The Giver when I was a kid. I don't remember they being going at all. Pussy starts working. I remember in The Dyer of Anne Frank when she started talking about having a period. Yeah. It would have been to go back to Nazi Amsterdam and fuck Anne Frank. No, but I remember it's just like...

In the secret... Just standing there? Oh, hey, what's up? No, I mean like in fucking 1944. Oh, back then. Yeah. That was so funny when Justin Bieber wrote in the book like... She would have been a believer.

She would have been a believer. She would have been, no. Statistically. I mean, not to get into the statistics of that stuff, but like... She absolutely would. Wait, what? Tell us about running away. Where'd you go?

I went... I was on a home visit. A home visit after a year. What is a home visit? They like sent me home and I was supposed to throw away like all my like misfit CDs and shit. And... Why? Because they were like...

The whole thing was like destroying your image or whatever. They wanted to stop being a punk? Yeah. And instead I just like ran away. You know there was one kid that would go home and just throw away a bunch of Garfield comic? Yeah, yeah. It was just like an emotional problem. Your image?

Yeah. There was one kid that was really into anime and they made her go throw away her anime. Whoa. She had a water bottle. Oh, I thought the chair broke. You didn't break the chair. But I ran away and I lived in a house called The Hole. It was like...

I was... I did live in a punk house. It's a punk house in San Francisco called The Hole that I lived in. And you were like 12? It's 14. And you had a wife and stuff? I did lose my virginity. You got pussy?

Yeah. From a bald woman. So much cooler than what I was looking for. From a bald woman? This is a bald woman. A bald woman. A bald woman. You meant a homeless man.

Yeah. So I did... I actually ran away to LA because they had police or whatever knocking on my friend's doors. The first night I get there, it's fucking midnight. A horrible vibe. Never been to LA before. And I just have a duffel bag. And I was like, oh, I don't know what to do.

So I sit there and start asking for money. And this guy comes up to me and he's like, hey man, I was a runaway too. Do you want to stay on my couch? And I was like, yeah, sure, this guy will never molest me. And... It's right under there. Sorry. Go ahead.

So this homeless man is... Well, he's not homeless. He has a home. I'm homeless. And he's like, you can say on my couch and I get there and he immediately just goes like right on my fucking grog. I had that happen. I was...

They got that when he was drunk. I was drunk, really? And I couldn't find my car. I was trying to drive home and some guy... I'm like, I got like disoriented. I couldn't figure... I'm like, where the fuck am I? And this fucking guy in a Prius pose over here is like, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I just can't find my car. So I get in his car and he's like, I'll drive him, we'll find your car, get in.

And I'm like, man, yeah, I'm like, I just moved here. I got no idea what I'm doing. Yeah, yeah. The worst thing to say. That's the same thing, yeah. And I'm like, what the fuck? I was so confused. Yeah, no.

And I'm like, let me have the fucking car. You know, I was like, I'll kill you. That's what I did. I'll kill you? Yeah, I was like, I'll kill you. He's like, I don't believe you. I'm like, why is it the door? I don't believe you.

He's like, it's fine. And then he lets me out. And I looked through the window. I'm like, wait, I don't know where I am. He's like, I don't care. I don't like the way you're talking to me. I'm like, ah, fuck. Like you were being rude?

Yeah. I was drunk. So I was like, I'm sorry. I'm in my head. I'm like, is that my fault? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, I ended up, I'm like, then I was like completely lost. I just fucking, I just kept walking in the wrong direction till the sun came up.

You find the car ever? No, I fucking, I made it to like a gas station. I'm like, do you know how to get the fucking Melrose and Fairfax, I think that's where my friend lived. And they were like, yeah, it's fucking miles back that way. And I'm like, well, this is what I just walked that way. They're like, you got to take a bus. And some guys are like, you all right?

You're in like rough shape. Yeah. And I'm like, no, I'm just drunk. I walked all night. I don't know. People don't like it when you walk there. Yeah. And yes, some guy just gave me bus money.

Well, I robbed this guy. I took out a knife and I was like, you got to go to the bathroom. And then I robbed, I took all of his money he had on the counter, which was like hit his wallet and like some change there. That's robbed. That's robbed. I guess that's robbed. And then I slept in dog poo.

I like went in alleyway and laid down. To stay warm? No, no, I didn't know it was there. It was soft. It was a lot. Yeah. I woke up in the morning covered in dog shit. No, that's funny.

Yeah. And you're like, you're like, this is better than. I was like, I love that. This is great. Wow. God, I can't wait to become a writer for fucking you. You were, were you trying to do like, you were trying to be like, um, like Jack Kerouac or?

No, I thought I didn't want to go back to school. You were like, I hate school. No, I was like a crazy. It was like a cult. It was like part of, it was like from this thing. Going to private school. No, no, it was like a, it was, it wasn't a public school, but it was like a, like a bad kid's school in Montana.

Yeah. And so I didn't want to go back there because it was like. Really? Montana seems beautiful. Well, they wouldn't let us leave. Apparently it's bad there. No, it's sick. Montana is sick.

No, no, they're really mean to the kids at those things. Oh yeah. The school sucks, but like, they wouldn't let us leave the school. I mean, if I could, Montana looked beautiful. It was only three miles in Montana. It was like next to Idaho. Dude, this guy, I guess. Well, speaking of which, Adam, uh, Adam Friedler chose sponsored by, uh, Express VPN.

So good. It's a new sponsor. Where we at, Dave? Even the tally light working on camera. It doesn't work on this one, right? Or this one. All right. Oh, I should have read this first.

Personal experience, first person endorsement using I statements are required. Okay. Uh, time by time you search for something online, you wouldn't want others knowing about it. Adam, why don't you just, why don't you take, take a look at this. Adam Friedler shows brought to you by Express VPN, which is a VPN. Which is a VPN service. Let's stay on me for a second. All right.

Express VPN is a VPN service that sponsors the Adam Friedler show. And I know you're thinking, what the hell is VPN? No idea. It stands for virtual private network. I would have met, I think. Probably. Why would you want a private network? It's, uh, to hide what you're doing on the internet.

As you know, uh, there's a lot of things you can do online that are perfectly legal, but that you wouldn't want other people to know about, such as, uh, harassing the host of a talk show or his family. Yeah. Um, you know, so you might want to use a VPN for that and express VPN. I want you to tell them a little bit about it. And after this, we'll, we'll, we'll say a couple of phone addresses. Yeah.

You can try, you can go to express VPN, sign up for their service. I've done this personally and then, uh, use like Skype or something. Yeah. Yeah. You can call with like voice modulation to, uh, uh, uh, Las Vegas number. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm going to read the comment. Go ahead. Yeah. I hope. To the camera. I hope it doesn't. Okay.

Say it directly to them. I know most of you are probably thinking, why don't you just use incognito mode? That's what I used to do when I watched porn on the family computer. I love, does this still have the guy with the, yeah. I love that. The war detective. Yeah. It's time to jack off.

You got like literally in a duster. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me tell you something. Incognito mode does not hide your activity. It doesn't matter what mode you use or how many times you clear your browsing history. Your internet service provider can still see every single website that you visited.

And that's why even when I'm at home, but I have to read from the paper. Hold it. What do you do? That's why even when I'm at, uh, that's why. Is that framed up right now or no? Good. That's why even when I'm at home, I never go online without using ExpressVPN. It doesn't matter what your internet service provider is.

ISPs in the US can legally sell your information to ad companies or to scary men. ExpressVPN is an app that reroutes your internet connection through their secure servers so that your ISP can't see the sites that you visit. ExpressVPN also keeps all of your information secure by encrypting 100% of your data with the most powerful encryption available. Don't you know about this stuff from like researching header files or something? I don't want to interrupt your ad. Okay.

Anyway, most of the time I don't even... We're not interrupting. It's fine. That's not real. What? Isn't that real? They can see it. VPN?

The government can see it. Oh, really? I think if you do something highly illegal, yes. Yeah. But I don't think that ExpressVPN wants to advertise their services being something you use if you're trying to do something. Like look up how to make a bomb. Yeah, yeah.

I think it's that you don't want... This is just for porno's. It's basically what it's for is like, let's say you're married. Yeah. And your wife introduces you to her coworker. Mm-hmm. Right? And you want to jack off to the coworker, but you share a computer with the wife.

You use ExpressVPN. Yes. And then you print out her LinkedIn page. Oh, yeah. And then you hide it in the nightstand next to the bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you close ExpressVPN. The wife, she's like, oh, what was Michael up to on the computer?

Looking at Garfield again. Yeah. Just looking at Garfield. Meanwhile, you're jacking off to this woman's credentials. Mm-hmm. I hear VPNs to make it seem like the statistics we get for Truinon, we have a lot of listeners in like third world countries. So I'll listen to thousands of hours.

So do we actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We actually have a lot too. Like what kind? Mali. Mali? Mali. In Africa?

That's a country? It's a country. Don't they speak French there? My friend's so sweaty. Papa Mali? Oh, blow on me, blow on me. Oh, right now? It's a fun country.

Yeah. Wait, so they're into Truinon? Do you talk about Mali? You talk about Mali type of stuff? We talk about Mali type of stuff. Yeah. Like what? EM.

French people suck. Yeah. French people suck. Yeah, I don't like. It's kind of a play. People moved on to like not liking Italian people, which is retarded. I love Italian people. Yeah.

French people are abhorrent. Yeah. I find that. And I would imagine if you live in Mali, you probably hate them. You despise them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just send like weird Russian prisoners over there together. I knew a guy in the French Foreign Legion.

Yeah, why didn't you do that? This guy was fucked. He was an orphan, joined the Marines, got in some trouble, shot a gun at somebody. Who? In America. Like his friend. Oh, okay. What are you going to do?

It's like a pneumonia. He joins the French Foreign Legion after he gets out of prison. It sucks. He's like, it's not fun. It's not advertised as something being fucked. He thought he would get to like kill people or something. I mean, you do. Don't they?

You're like their dispatch consulate. They are. Yeah, to Africa. Yeah. But no, they kept, he was just in France the entire time. Yeah. And then he deserted. And then that's when I met him.

And then he did die. He killed himself? He did kill himself. Yeah. Oh, shit. Well, wait. All right, Peter, then. Anyway, protect your online activity today.

Express VPN. Maybe he wouldn't have killed himself. Yeah. He probably wouldn't have. Because he would have had such a good time Googling just, you know, stuff that you wanted, stuff that's completely legal, that you might want to keep. That you just don't want your internet service provider to know. I mean, listen.

Anyway, it's the, and he would probably have felt better using the number one rated VPN by Business Insider. You know, it's probably good for, I don't know, the throttling thing, if you use Plex. Yeah. Or whatever. I don't know, you torrent stuff, probably Express VPN. It's probably good for that. Yeah.

That's probably good for that. Well, you know, you can get in trouble for torrenting, I think, in some places, right? You can. It used to be, but I don't think they, they don't bother anymore. Like I think maybe Comcast will send you a letter being like, hey, we noticed you stole Mr. Robot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't, I don't think I've been torrented anything in fucking seven years.

Yeah, it's not worth it. No, really, they figured it out during COVID. I was torrenting with like Spotify cured downloading. Absolutely. Because I don't want to have to wait. Yeah. You know what I mean? It is a kind of a good argument for capitalism.

Yeah. Just find a way to make it like convenient with like a price point to make sense. Exactly. Nobody wants to steal anything. You can't, you know, you don't have to wait 10 hours listening to Fila Kuti anymore. Right. Yeah. They always rent stuff.

But let's say you, let's say you don't want people finding out. Let's say. That you, you know, you're really in the Garfield. Yeah. I would hate that. You're at home. You want to rent Garfield. It'd be so embarrassing.

Oh my God. And you're worried somebody's going to get your online, your information. Your information. Using a Fire Up Express VPN. They're going to sell that. And then you watch all the goddamn baby movies you want. It's crazy. Nobody has any idea you're wearing a diaper.

You're looking up diapers. Monsters in. You're posting on the diaper, adult baby diaper forums. That's the kind of stuff that ExpressVPN is perfect for. I would hate it if Comcast knew that I was. You want to hit the small penis problem subreddit? You better get on ExpressVPN beforehand. That was the best day.

Yeah. Have you seen that video? I'm sure you have. Let's, let's finish. Oh yeah, yeah. ExpressVPN.com slash Tafts guys. And you can get an extra three months free on a one year package. That's ExpressVPN.com slash Tafts.

ExpressVPN.com slash Tafts to learn more. Done. What are you using for? I don't know. It's a new client. I use it for everything. What's the nastiest thing you look at, Adam? I don't really use it.

I mean, I don't, I don't even really look at porn that much anymore. You don't? No. Not that much. What's that mean? It's like, I don't know. I live with my girlfriend. Like, I don't know.

She's home. She's home. I'm going to go like. But she was gone more than you would. Yeah. She's been out of town this week. I've had a nice time. How many times you looked at porn this week?

Probably three, three times. Three times? Mm-hmm. What's your refractory? What's refractory? You know. For like reloading? Yeah.

Oh, I'm, I can shoot heavy 15 to 20 minutes later. 15 to 20 minutes. Yeah. Ropes. Peter North. If I jack off, I probably, I can't get a horny for like three days. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't really use the internet for anything. Me either. Yeah. I like, I use Wikipedia a lot. I don't even use Wikipedia. I make AI art and sell it. Do you?

Yeah. Are you making AI art now? No. Oh, okay. I don't know. That's never done that one time. People are like worried about this AI stuff. And I was thinking, I don't give a fuck at all because like, if like, first of all, I cannot

wait until copyrighters are out of work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good job in the world. Yeah. This buddy deserves to be replaced by a robot. It's fucking like, people are working marketing and do copywriting. Yeah. Yeah.

And they should, that's, they're the silent. You don't really remember. They're getting paid. Because they know. Oh, they get fucking made. They get mad. I sat on a plane one time. There was a woman in like the business, or not, whatever the class where it's like.

The nicest woman? Yeah. The woman where it's like, you don't like, you're not coming off the plane paralyzed. Yeah. Whatever the one right in front. Like the even more space. Yeah. Yeah.

I think that is business class. Maybe, whatever. There was a lady, and I saw her on her laptop, it's just this like fucking business bitch one time. And she's just writing the same sentence with like different variations over and over again. She's like, that's her job. She's like in marketing.

That's what she copyrights? Yeah. She just copyrights. It's like, be the most you empowered to be. Wow. Be your empowered, you empowered is. Well, because that's like one of the big side hustles now. It's like, if you like sign up for like.

I think this was, I think this was her main job. Yeah. Like somebody that gets paid, like you said, probably like 350,000 to be like Maybelline, it's makeup, but different. Yeah. Here's my sentence. I came up with the second a robot can do that. They can't.

My girlfriend's dad was like packaging for like products, like a company will come and he'll like redesign it. And they pay neighbors. If they're like, they want to change the name of a brand. And he used fucking chat GPT for that. He did. And he got a list from a Namer and they, they get paid like $30,000 for like a hundred names and they're all fake.

They're like of Eventra or something, you know, like they're all like fake names. Come up with those. Yeah. Yeah. And then he used chat GPT for it. And he was like, it was discernibly better. Yeah. Like way better.

Yeah. This is why we're in, we're in good shape at the Adam Friedland show because the robot will never be able to replace this guy. No. I mean the movements. Because here's the thing. The fluidity of it, the absurdity of his body to start with. That's right.

But then also too. Thank you, Nick. You're never, there's no chat GPT. You can prompt. You're like, you know, like, let's, like tell us about something. There's not a single one of these AIs that's just going to respond with a picture of itself staring at its phone or vaping and paying attention to you. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. The, the lack of interest and charisma that Adam has is entirely natural. A lot of charisma. And eventually. That's, I wouldn't. Okay. Now you're.

I, I agreed. Oh my God. I'm Mr. Charisma. I mean, people just. You think you're Mr. Charisma? I walk into a party and people just turn to the door and they're like, this guy, like. Nick can replace you with a gecko. No.

That's not true at all. People would love that. That's not true at all. In the chair? Adam, Adam literally is the only person that can host this show. Nobody understands. I know what I'm doing. Listen.

He has a vision and I know he's saying it for a goof that is because I'm such a tragically untalented, awful. I think it is kind of tragic. I think your mic's pointing in the wrong direction too now, so your levels are probably bad. Oh yeah. Well Dave, Dave, Dave should be listening. Yeah, you can fix it if you, if you'd like.

Um, yeah, no, you can't replace this guy. You don't think you can? No. With a woman? No, certainly not with a woman. With a woman. Yeah. He's better at being a woman than any woman are.

That is true. It's like Val Kilmerclaw where he's like talking about how he knows how to be, because he's an actor, like he knows how to be a fighter pilot better than a fighter pilot. Yeah. Adam, I agree. You're kind of like the median human, like you could be anybody. I stand for nothing. You understand?

Yeah. Yeah, you understand. I'm a chameleon. Yeah. I can't. I hope they become famous. Oh my God. I hope so too.

You think you'd get me too? No. I've never had enough confidence. Yeah. To rape. To rape. I never had the courage. No.

I was not very sexually experienced until later in life, like during the college gray zone era. You go to college? Yeah. But I wasn't like getting it in. I was afraid of girls and afraid of having sex. I'm still kind of, I'm afraid of having sex. I mean, yeah, I just don't know what's in there.

In the cum? Just in a vagina. Or just in a, you're entering in, I don't know, there's a lot of shit in there. It's revolting. It's revolting. It always made me think of like, remember those old Intel commercials? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Where you're on the chip. Yeah, they're going into the chip. Yeah. I mean, it's like, what if I enter them and like... And you're looking into a VCR as a kid? Yeah, I did. Way better than looking at them.

The closest you can get to just staring directly into a pussy or flipping open a VCR or opening like an integer 64, putting your fingers in there, blowing in it. That works though. But the VCR has got wild shit going on. Yeah. Because of the drum. There's the drum. There's all these other things.

You stick your cock in one of those? And a VCR? Yeah. I would. It plays your dreams if you do that. Does it? Yeah. That'd be cool.

That's what video drum is about. It's like the Navi connecting to the tree. Yeah, exactly. I just saw it yesterday. Yeah. You wanted to talk about this. Yeah. I didn't want to talk about it.

Tell me about Avatar. Tell me a plot of Avatar 2. You said it was fire. You said... I said I really enjoyed it. I was alone. My girlfriend's out of town. I went for it.

Afternoon matinee, I got those hand rolls at the... A dago. Yeah. What theater you see that? I saw it at the draft house. Draft house. They got the decal market down there. There are these hand rolls in the decal market that are the best...

It's the best... The name of the place is called Dago, which is very funny, but it's right next to... It's an Italian style. The one near... Near... Our neighborhood? Yeah, the one like that with the target and the... Yeah.

There's a... Yeah. There's a... There's a... There's a... There's a... There's a... There's a...

There's a... There's a... There's a... There's a... There's a... There's a... There's a... I get a buyer's Paypal lady.

That sounds like what the dago wants to do. It's true. They are sexually assaulting creatures. They are. They are... The funniest things I've ever seen... I... I can't remember the direct quote now, but it was in Little Italy when I was living in

Chinatown. And you know, they had the Italian guys that was staying outside. And they're like, you look like you're fucking hungry. Go man. Yeah, yeah. And the barkers. And a woman walked by. And this...

This Italian guy, he says the... He's like, oh you look so beautiful, baby. What I would do to you is before like the cat holler back cat calling stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah So he says something to her there's pretty forward and then he turns to his co-worker and starts saying something in Italian And it's like how much worse could that be? Yeah? Oh my god I used to work in like San Francisco is like a little Italy North Beach Yeah, it's like whether there's like ten Italian restaurants there and there's Italian flags on the poles and I worked at a flower fake It was like owned by these gypsies, but they were just like Salvadorian

Uh-huh, but they kept up the lie with me. They told me they were gypsies. Yeah, and I Worked next this Italian restaurant with one of those guys and he sold me coke Mm-hmm, and he would like he said we'd send me like 17 dollar bags of coke Which I would inject into my hands in the flower shop and just like work and you would shoot cocaine into your hand How do you get it? How do you get it into a small gauge? Oh, you just say what you do like math or whatever I don't know shake it up Yes, but that like but that like rots your doesn't yeah. Oh, yeah, I like hurt my body Why don't you just snort the cocaine because it's way great

It's when you start shooting things you can't go back like there's no going back, but you're not doing every not now Oh, no, you can go back, but yeah I hate cocaine. I don't like it. It makes me Shit, it just helps you drink more beer. Yeah, and I don't yeah, it made me but also always give me that I've only done good coke once. I've done coke one million times. I don't think there is real cocaine I did good cocaine once I got I understood what it was all about But anyways, I would buy it from this guy and he would started telling me these like Lies like yeah, I'm in the mafia actually

Oh, you're in you're in the facility. You'd be like yeah, I'm in like Costa Nostra. I'm like you're you're You sell 17 dollar bags of coke and you're in the Sicilian mafia. I think the mafia is real. I think the CIA made it up Uh, no mafia is real in Italy, but it's a protection racket. Well, no, it's still Nostra is like not doing the whole thing is made up. I think all the movies are written by the State Department Oh, you think it's all fake. I think it's all fake. It's just trying to make Italians look cool Well, it's because the mafia is just unfettered raw capital. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so like it's the perfect thing You create a fake subculture. That's just basically Libertarians. Yeah. Yeah, they are bait. Well, it's like they're libertarians, but they also just tax you

Yeah, they're taxed. They're like, yeah It's like they go up to people may say you have to pay me every month. Yeah Yeah, otherwise, I'll kill you or like but the thing is now It's you know, I mean also to these people say all of the CIA worked with them off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah It's like I don't think I think they just made it up. They're just completely Well, they kind of kick started back like in World War two. They're like, we're going back We're going Adelaide because there was organized crime prior to that. Yeah, it was just people doing crime It was just violent people. Mm-hmm. You know, mm-hmm

And then it became a business of some sort. Well, business that also like kills the president and hates Fidel Castro They did they did hate well, they just wanted casinos. Yeah, you know, that's I think Fidel Should have come to an agreement be like you can have because he has a great. Yeah, I love to gamble Mm-hmm. It's like you're doing a cigar thing. You got the chest out and you know, imagine doing that out of casino Yeah, yeah, you would look real pimp insane. Jay Bovar would never left Yeah, I died in Bolivia, but uh, yeah, this guy was just like I'm in the Mafia And it would tell me all these insane lies And I would just have to sit there and listen to him because I was like dude

I love that so much couple pathological iris are the best people Correct. They're the best. Yeah, and as you know, it's weird about pathological iris is I've the in the couple I've met in my life, and I mean like there's people that lie like Adam I said yeah, yeah, yeah, there's people that like just like fat fantastical Santa right. Yeah. Yes, right that kind of stuff They're at least the ones I've met. They're not like they're never like they don't fuck you over. No, they don't do anything They they there's nothing stood to gain from the I Nefarious

Like that's so cool. Yeah, I know. Yeah, there's just it's really cool Yeah, most stories people tell you it's like yeah, man, like Like it's the train I was on like was stuck in the like between Brooklyn Manhattan for an hour Yeah, like I don't care. I have the opposite problem. I just told the most boring dog shit stories to people I don't even know why I'm telling this. He's gonna talk. I just don't know how conversation work. Yeah. Yeah So yeah, I love a liar. Like I I actually know yeah 100% Yeah, I've had people tell me some fuck cuz then you end up repeating those stories forever And then the story becomes true because it's something a liar told. Yeah, so you can fucking you it's still a story

Yeah, yeah, basically like they're like mythical creatures that they're like leprechauns I knew I knew present you with this thing where then you can go be like yeah So this guy said that he knew Buzz Aldrin and balls Aldrin actually took him to the moon Yeah, they were drinking all I don't was telling Jean before the last episode that he was that he was close friends with Roberta Flack He's like I was great friends with Roberta Flack I uh, I stayed at this hotel in Mississippi once that was owned by a guy named rat and he like I I What don't you like it when things are nice and not messy

be with a rat and Guy with Nazis You're in your thirties now. Yeah. Yeah, you got it. You like nice things now. You gotta have a nice bed now You got a bed's not mattress. I got a good mattress I finally got a mattress. You didn't have one. No, you slept on the floor on a mat like it Yeah, yeah, literally Yeah, yeah, you just like I know I got my way and I got Simmons Beauty rest How's the back?

Initially because I've been so used to the floor. Yeah that I fucking I couldn't walk you saw me like I was in there I like it fuck it fucked my back after a week. You're fine. Yeah, no, I just now I slept on the floor only in like in Syria. I just slept on the floor. I got back and I couldn't sleep in a bed Yeah, it's like it's I can't do it. It's good for your hips sink and then it fucking like it's restored like the Curvature of my spot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was like whoop just straight back. It's probably good for you. Maybe it's not No, I feel better. Yeah, yeah, but no, I yeah, I But I like know a lot of shitty people still I Just don't you know, I'm not I'm not a dirty guy. You're a guy. You're saying you knew a guy named rat

Yeah, he just told me all you know I like I you know, I mean I Turner used to hang out here. Yeah, like every music is like in Clark's that's cool Which is where Robert Johnson sold his soul famously to the devil the devil in order to play guitar better Which is fucking retarded. Mm-hmm. Cuz you can just Practice that you know, I mean, no, you said not that good practice playing guitar Mm-hmm and back then it's like you can just say you're the best guitar player and like There's not that many records out. You know, like people just like I get where we deep south or something It's in Clark's down, Mississippi, Mississippi. Yeah

And rat told me like I was like the one person I met who told me the most insane lies have ever been told by them And they packed your parents Got it while he was telling you a story several years later. You can follow it up with him I just looked him up and he was dead. Oh, yeah, that's his Facebook. You looked up rat, Mississippi But there's a sonic now where Robert Johnson sold the soul The sonic like a sonic bird. Oh, oh, oh, yeah Sucks awful Okay, mid people like people that grew up in Ohio. Fuck it. You know, it is people that went to college in Ohio

Yeah, they're all love Sonic. They're like, oh White castle my castle's ass and nobody ever liked the white castle was just a fucking hero and kuma Well, tell me that when I was young I was like, dude, where do you fucking go to the east coast like white? It's gross. I got out here. It sucks little guys. The the buns are ready. There's a the Jews out here are different It's like wet. Oh, you're right. Why is it wet? It's wet in New York. New York's wet. Yeah, it is a little bombing It's wet, but no, you know, nothing in and out burgers sucks Yeah, that's okay. First of all, none of your none of the chain burger restaurants are good You can just get a burger at a restaurant that'll taste better

Literally and especially in Texas. Texas has all of these fucking like just burger places. Don't get yeah, and they're amazing Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, really good. Yeah, I never had a McDonald's cheeseburger. It's McDonald's is a good restaurant I would get nuggets as a child. Dude. I'm which I think is like not a good means like You're like you're that's like a little we card. What was that way? And I've never it's a great I remember one time going to McDonald's with my mom We ordered a happy meal and they fucked up. We're paid for it And then I don't know if somehow they like fucked up. We got a 20-piece chicken

Incredible, and I remember my mom my mom looking at me and just being like, let's just leave And then we've left and I had I ate 20 chicken McNuggets in one sitting while watching Beverly Hills 902 Yeah, I remember there was something now. You know, they only sell them at 20 beats now. Really? Yeah, they don't do six I think it's just literally only point. This is the old-school kind to before this like white meat shit when it was just a sponge Yeah, it was pink slime. Yeah, he's good. The pink slime. You shouldn't they shouldn't try to make that health very good I mean, yeah, they should certainly shouldn't be and this is a California thing where they put the fucking calorie counts on every menu I know it's bad for me. Yeah, okay. Yeah, no McDonald's you need it What am I gonna like get under order the salad here? No, it's retard

I'm not it's very funny that McDonald's even attempted salads. Do they still have that they do I have this gray salads Yeah, yeah, just I'm gonna be honest getting a salad anywhere, but a dedicated salad place. You're really playing with fire Yeah, it's just gonna be disgusting. It's gonna be some olives on some like one chopped up fucking piece of hard lettuce Yeah, it's disgusting. I'm out of fucking the best is the pancakes the McDonald's pancake Yeah, you get those for your son that you're raising Yeah That is that is a that is a single parent the pancakes breakfast at McDonald's is quick my parents never did that Oh, no, but I said McDonald's is like makes me feel like a when I get it now

I'm like you you're a good boy and you deserve the yeah Yeah, but it used to be it used to be dog shit Before before the McGriddles that's the I can't eat McGriddles. Why it makes my face feel sticky All right, it's the serial after wrap this up We're gonna have to wrap this up. I can't believe this you can't eat McGriddles You can't eat it because you're a militant vegan. No, you're vegan. I am vegan. How long you've been doing that? I Don't know. I think maybe since a while I think yeah, I must you know, I'm doing now

Just read me may may is when it's just read me just read me. Oh like conservatives guys though. Yeah, I'm gonna go I'm going on that. I got a friend who's on the conservative diet. Is it working for them? You know, I found this veganism actually helps with the gym because like You have to eat enough carbs and then it's like I feel like I used to have the opposite problems I focus so much on getting like the right protein Yeah, that I'm so full from that that I wouldn't get enough carbs and now because all the vegan protein just has a shit ton of Carbohydrates in it. It's like much easier. Carbs are energy, bro. Yeah. Yeah. Are they? Yeah, I never really knew what a carbohydrate was I don't know. I don't even get what protein I found out recently. You're supposed to eat a ton of protein. I

Had no idea. I don't think you actually have to you don't have to no. Oh, then I give up then Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you're like only if you're like trying to gain muscle I don't know. That's the little that shit the sale for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's if you buy a gun You don't need to get muscles. Yeah Mm-hmm. Well, the benefit of having muscles is it's not like to protect yourself. It's that if you put on muscle mass Then you don't have to worry about getting fat The muscles burn and then you can eat as much as you want. Really? Yeah If you put on if you put on fucking like 10 pounds are they're both fat guys. Yeah

But the more like you want to avoid being skinny fat because that's like the least healthy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, you want to get you get fat as shit eating fucking 2,500 calories a day Is that a lot because your be your body's amazing. You don't have any muscle mass on and so you're just dying. Yeah Yeah, I mean if you want to look like a TV writer, sure. Yeah. Yeah, go that route. Yeah. Yeah, that is the TV writer Definitely, it's crazy. Just a guy in a sweater. Yeah into Harvard Why do they go there because I never met a TV when I lived in LA. I met people who wrote for TV That's horrible. It seems what do you mean? It just seems like a bad like I would it's just where you go from there You know, you just write more television. Just write more TV. Do you write a lot of shows?

There's a lot but like is it just seems not seem happy. Yeah, they're not happy And that seems to be an important but it's not that they're not happy in the position that they're in there Just not happy. Yeah, they're just yeah, people who just you know, they're not performers Yeah, they're comedy writers. So that seems weird. Mm-hmm. I guess it is weird But I mean I they're they're happy in their own. I mean, they're people So they get to go to the Emmys sometimes. They do. Yeah Always thought it was funny that they have to wear a little suit. You have to wear a little suit to those award shows It's like now you go away with someone like, you know, yeah

It would be funny to go to the Emmys as a TV writer and try to be like just a hit You're wearing a fucking like harness like you're trying to redefine mask. Oh guys a caveman. Yeah. Yeah, like it's like a little fur thing around here big bone with me The South Park guys went on acid Yeah, they cross-dressed. They cross-dressed. That's pretty cool. That was crazy back then. Yeah, unless they did that recently No, they did that like the year after J. Lo Oh, we're gonna talk about Ian Finance real quick the the social media wrap-up for the episode Ian Finance. We're going viral Are you explaining this to me? Yeah, I told you on the phone, right? You told me on the phone about this The Adam Freelich show stands by Ian Finance. What did he say?

I don't know. He just posted a clip like every comedian has to now. Yeah, I shouldn't do that And that's but I don't I don't there's been people hating on Ian and I can't I didn't understand it I don't understand anything. He said communism or something. He said read a book He goes, yeah He doesn't know anything The fact that it makes people upset. He's adorable. There is a little principle skinner outfit What why would you get mad at that? I don't know because it's because it's twitter And so now everyone on twitter is a communist

Which is like do any of these people stop and isn't that that's read the word they're saying out loud Like do you not understand how fucking like gay you sound? I'm not even thinking about communism. It's like, well, it's who cares man. Yeah, it's not like you Like that's really a lot of people on twitter have deluded themselves into thinking they have some kind of dangerous position by being Yeah, by quoting like rage against the machine lyrics on fucking I think it's awesome. It's 12 year old It's awesome when people are stupid. I love it. My friend my friend told me almost everywhere right now is a fucking Including me my friend from high school told me he couldn't send his kids to public school Because they make them trans now, and I'm like, that's awesome. I know someone that thinks that kind of thing

Yeah, but you're a rock Have you had co-workers before? I had a co-worker at my last job who brought me into the locker room. We had like a locker room where we Well, you could say that you say oh, well, it's just children. It's just children. They're like, we have to change the world Yeah, it's like and I like then it's not you look at it. It's like a 40 year old man You should be on the internet at that age anyways, but you know, he's like these wildfires. Well, what are you gonna do? You need it more as you get older. It's kind of like I'm fucking uh, I'm paraphrasing, but um Why am I blanking here the comic that overdosed she was on tough crowd

Did you Greg Giroldo? Yes, god damn it. Yeah, sorry, but you know his his bit about like Uh Substance abuse in your 40s. Yeah, he's like that's when you really needed. Yeah, you know, you're like you really want to I blew it much as I as a teenager. I thought I wanted to die. You really don't until you're fucking, you know I mean oxy cotton when I was 19 Right. Yeah, I mean oxy cotton now, but that's that's really you say oh you shouldn't be on the internet in your 40s But that's that's unique. Yeah. Yeah, that's what face like facebook is like it was a site Like they were probably panicking in facebook because you know the trajectory of my space

Yeah, so facebook's blowing up and even up to zuckerberg. They had to been like, how can we not let that happen? That's what I buy on instagram. They were like, what do kids want? What do kids want? What do kids want? Yeah, yeah, yeah And then this magical thing happens where old people discover facebook and they're on there Just saying Barack Obama got his dick sucked while smoking crap, okay And it's like they let them alone and they're just like going it just loves it. Yeah, it's like perfect My dad's on facebook. Yeah, he's using it. Yeah talking. I mean, he's not saying that but like he's talking to his old friends on there And shit. Yeah, those people spend money on that's who the internet should be for outside should be for children Yeah, well remember it used to be about like publicly fighting with a friend of yours for being like

Fake like fake. Yeah, that's what it should be for. It should be about like people in your real life Not about like oh ian finance who I heard on a podcast once has the wrong opinion about communism I mean once now that i'm like off twitter like when you get a you understand what it is from the outside It is a deeply lame saying same. I I don't I deleted mine. I use the true and I want sometimes but like I've never looked at it seeing the amount of people when elon took the website over that it's like Heads up everyone the website shutting down tomorrow morning. Yeah, yeah Fucking like this site changed my life dude. What kill yourself But the thing is it probably did I my thing is I think it does change people's lives

And it just like makes it appreciably worse There's nobody who has ever gone on to social media and like had a better outcome No, like there's nothing if you just spent that time doing anything else your career if you're doing other shit That can be augmented by social media I mean we have to post things we have to post things for our careers Yeah, but if you don't have to do that if you're online and you're not making money from it Like you should figure find another thing Yeah, my thing is it's like, you know, like if you hold what is objectively an unpopular political position

You can't get mad if someone let it points that out. You know what I mean? Can we do the fuck some comic is like You know Communism or whatever it sucks. It's like well everyone else, you know in your life Except like the fringe haircut people you hang out with or like your co-workers in the vintage store Yeah, also thinks that every person you pass by on the train thinks that too. It's like And it's cool. It's it's like if you talk to like a fucking Italian guy who's telling you you're in the he's in the mafia It's way better than like talking to these guys

I love every human being on planet earth because they all have the most retarding shit to say that's the best Exactly. I asked my friend. He's like, I don't want to send my kids to public school because they make them trans And I was like that's so fun. That's so fun. And he's like, what do you mean? I was like, you think that that's crazy I didn't think that Okay, I yeah, you're you're 20 minutes late for your dinner. You're you're male. I'm yeah, I'm supposed to have a dinner with a guy Yeah, David the guy. That's crazy. My girlfriend. You should try to fuck around with guys Dude, it would be so pathetic It would be so pathetic. Just as a resend. Just be like, hey, what's up? This is Lloyd.

Lloyd. Yeah, we're like, it's like just a guy in overalls with a pinhead. How old are you? 35. Having a situation show? That's a word I just learned. And what's a situation comedy? I think it's just where you're hooking up with somebody. They call that a situation. They call that that now and like the cut Whatever dude. Um Listen, so this is not this is this is it's not my world. I'm just looking at it, right? But if you started hooking up with just like a guy I think that would be a good rebrand for you. You're sensitive. I think I got a no, but they they're the they what do you mean? They're having sex for sport. Yeah

My refractory period. Oh, I can only handle girls. Yeah, like they don't they don't really want to do it No, and I like that I like that they just you know, I don't know They're it's just nice to be around girls. You should get a boyfriend What I'll ask my you shouldn't have a boyfriend. I don't know if you can get we don't have to like fuck them that much So you guys could just like get to like the like lesbians don't have sex Well, they can't physically just add them coming home without being like I'm trying something new for the show Yeah, hey like this is Lloyd. Yeah

um He's cool, you know, I'll see you later. It's a fucking seven feet seven foot three pinhead On to the giant guy Big overall mentally just giant just retarded just mentally Um, yeah, probably probably one that everyone respects. You think you'd be like the you'd be like the top of the alpha At the back. Yeah, I imagine him as like krang and in the management manager. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just be on place on the guy's dick with his little gooey body Just being like a baby

Like a kept man like I could see you being like that's sort of like Do you know what catamide is? I would do for like a woman that is way more successful than me Yeah, I'd be a house husband like that guy Doug who's uh come out Kamala's uh that guy. Yeah I'm like that guy that guy's got the right idea. Yeah. He gets to just stay in a nice house and stuff Yeah, bike president. He doesn't have to see her that much because she has to go places. Yeah Everyone doesn't really like it that much. So he's like I support you. Yeah, you're nice. I like you. I still like you Do you think they fight? Yeah, she's probably so mean to him. We got to go. All right guys. Thanks. Thanks. Bye