The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. P11 – Brandon Wardell & Jamel Johnson

Episode Date: March 25, 2023

Adam is at GOODNIGHTS POP-UP CLUB in Raleigh, NC THIS WEEKEND Nick is at BREA IMPROV in Brea, CA THIS WEEKEND /// Stream The Brandon Jamel Show at Patreon.com/TheBrandonJamelShow and YouTube.com/@TheBrandonJamelShow + wherever you get your podcasts. Brandon Wardell LAUGHS COMEDY CLUB in Seattle, WA THIS WEEKEND & HELIUM COMEDY CLUB in Portland, OR 5/2-5/3

Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show, the podcast. We got a double XL edition today. Oh, boy. We got the host of the new Brandon Jamele show. Come on. Our oldest friends, two of our oldest friends in comedy, Brandon and Jamele. I'll clap for that.

I'll clap for that. The hottest new podcast on Patreon, Brandon and Jamele. Patreon.com slash Brandon and Jamele. Feels good. Is that the, is there an, and? Wait, hold on. Is it just the Brandon Jamele show? Is it just called that?

Yeah. Let's just go with it. I thought you were just continuing on the old podcast. No, I mean, it is. I suggested, yeah, but still, too. And then he was like, nah. Why don't you just call it? Yeah, but still.

I mean, it's still, but yeah. Old, old IP. Just saying, nah, but it's illegal thing. Nah, but it's not, but you're good. She called Adam Friedland Show, too. Yeah. I could call these things. Yeah, honestly, you should call it come town.

Just call it come town. I give you permission. Come Village. Honestly, you should just call it come town. Same branding will give you the IP. Y'all cool with that? You can. I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, just call it come town. You can trick everyone. We'll discuss it internally, but that's slow. Just change the name to come town. Yeah, just change the name to come town. People would be so excited, and then they get so mad when they heard this brand name. I don't think they will.

I think a lot of them will be like, they sound different. Why do these guys don't come? They sound different than they used to. Time to fucking threaten Adam. Time to find out the pictures of my guns to Adam, because the podcast makes a different sound than it used to. It would end with death threats for you. Yeah, don't worry.

Anything bad that happens, the shit rolls back to me. Can we throw up your address in the lower third? Yeah, we will. It's going up there. It's 29 Cunt Rose Avenue, apartment 5, Brooklyn, New York. Oh, what's happening? Oh, is it like, I just got it right? Yeah, I'm just holding it.

It should be right in the middle of your chest. Yeah, well, I'm just clipping to your t-shirt, like the middle of your t-shirt. So Dave, you said we do have a read this week? We do, yeah. I know you have a nice. Did Joey send any copy? That should work.

All right, I'm going to put the mic on Mitsurugi. Oh, Mitsurugi. He speaks for me. All right, there we go. So boys, how you doing? Welcome to New York, guys. Miss you. Love it.

Love you. Love you, too. Wish we could chill more, but Nick and I have some important, you know. A Marty. You don't have to say it on the show. I mean, it's all good. Me and Brandon.

Martin Scorsese. Me and Brandon got stuff, too. We got to go to NYU after this. Ooh. Brandon signed us up for some light classes. I do laps around Washington Square Park until somebody right behind us. Oh, Jonah Hill style.

He knows. Jonah Hill vibes. I'm just selling paintings on the other side. You're selling panties at NYU. Panties, paintings, paintings of panties. Panties and panties. Thank you. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I'm surprised Brandon's allowed back at the campus. Trying to get like Jonah Hill. You said it first. What? No, doing something else. Saw closer to him with his surfboard. That's it. Trying to get like Jonah Hill.

Years ago. That's very funny. Trying to get like Jonah Hill. Yeah, and he tagged Jonah Hill. Yeah. Brandon was taking shots. He thought the war was active. No, you know, we're making the rounds.

We got our sister podcast, The Stavies World, and Brandon Jamels. Stavies World. Check out Stavies World, too. Guys, be fucked. OK, to come town. Brandon Ward Allen. Yeah, you guys call yourselves that.

We're just, you know. It's Stavies World. We should call it Stavies Land. You know, like there's Disney World and Disney Land. Yeah, one's in Florida, one's in California. Yeah. Stavies Dominion. You know Stavies World's in Florida.

He goes to Florida. It's crazy he's flying down there every week. We're a territory of Stavies World. You're like a Roy Rogers franchise. I was saying, we should be. Stavies World Express. We should have franchised come town. We should have allowed people to fucking start their own.

Any group of three white people. Yeah, they have to give us $100,000. Yeah, that's it. Right, you pay us a $30,000 franchise. We'll put your shit on the RSS. You gotta find some location. Yeah, you get all the fucking, yeah, exactly. It goes into RSS, but it's like geolocked.

So you can be the come town of Central Florida. Anybody lives there, you only get those episodes to the RSS. No, I mean, we could do wide distribution. You just have to be ready for the boom. Because here comes the boom, you know. Here comes the boom. Ready or not. That's the movie.

The Kevin James MMA movie, here comes the boom. Have you seen it? Joe Rogan is the man. Adam's movie corner, very good movie, you guys have seen it. You love here comes the boom. I love here comes the boom. I love the Paul Blart franchise. I'm a big fan of Kevin James.

I'm a big fan of the Kevin James, Adam Sandler comedy duo. How about Paul Blart, a mall top? And he's just getting his dick sucked in the same way. He's just riding around, and he's riding around getting his dick sucked while riding the same way. There's a woman. And he's apologizing to families. Sorry.

I'm sorry. Just getting my dick sucked here. Sorry. That's the whole movie. How you doing, ma'am? Sorry, just getting my dick sucked. I'm just saying that's just trying to be casual. Yeah.

Little kid drops a pretzel. I can see it. Yeah, he's a pretzel time. They're like, yeah, you said the pretzel bites. I'm sorry, are you getting your dick sucked right now? Yelts he has charged. Yelts he has charged. Yelts he has charged.

Big fan. Yeah, he's going to be on the show. Oh, yeah. Kevin James coming on the show. Kevin James coming. He's riding his segue on the show. Yeah. Damn it.

You know, bring the Paul Blart. They should have that in the American History Museum as the Paul Blart segue. They should. Wait, what was it a moment ago? The premise of, I now pronounce you, Chuck and Larry, why do they have to pretend to be gay?

Because he needed health. Because he needed health care. Yeah, health care, OK. There's a little kid. There's a little kid. It wasn't to, he honked on Jessica Biel's, he's like pretending to be gay, and he like honks on. Yeah, Adam Sandler goes on a rural stage.

There's a movie called Three to Tango. And then she takes her clothes off. Have you seen Three to Tango? No. I think it's like Dylan McDermott or Dermott Moroney. It's one of those. One of the same guys. One of the Dermott's.

Dermott and Greg. Yeah, they're dating a bitch, and they go out of town. So they ask Matthew Perry to keep an eye on their girl or something, because they're dating one girl or one other guy. Because they think he's gay or something? Yeah, OK. And then he's like, what? You think I'm gay?

And then he uses being gay to get pussy. I just found out about that short-lived John Goodman sitcom, Normal Ohio. I've never heard of it. I wish we could just pull up the trailer right now, but it's him being like a regular guy. And then it's like. Dave's texting you, Adam.

You have to fix your mic. It's right here. Well, you keep doing that, and then you let it fall back over the wrong way. So make sure it's face on the side of your face. I had to put it on homies' head. Dave, is this better? Thank you.

Oh, yeah, this John Goodman sitcom, Normal Ohio, it's like. Yeah, yeah. Dave is like a normal guy with one little twist, and then it shows him walking into a room and being like, hey, guys. And John Goodman's gay. That's the twist. The twist is that he's gay.

And it's John Goodman. That's the entire twist. John Goodman's gay. One season. One season on Fox. Well, I'm trying to suck your dick, friend. Well, I'm just trying to suck your dick, friend. Honestly, you're making me want to watch that pretty much.

How's it going to be running like that? No, I'm running it if it's on tube. Jamel's a big 2B guy. Oh, I'm trying to suck your dick, friend. Wait, you 2B. Adam, if that's not right, we've got to fig. Come on. We're still doing our job here.

I'm going to look it up. No, don't look it up. We all know what John Goodman sounds like. You're saying he's not. You can't tell me I don't sound like John Goodman, then you don't know what he sounds like. I can't place it, dude. I don't know.

All right. What does he, Roseanne? What does he tell Roseanne? What's his catchphrase from that show? Uh, I don't think he has a catchphrase. Yeah, damn it, Roseanne. Damn it, Roseanne. He doesn't have a catchphrase on Roseanne.

Yeah, come over here and suck my dick, Darcy. You're thinking of Tim the toolman, Taylor. Oh, yeah. All right, all right, all right. Yeah, he should have been married to Roseanne. He should have, yeah. That should have been a fun crossover. He's cheating on Jill, Roseanne.

Yeah. She's so funny. Where the hell have you been, Tim? Getting the worst pussy of all time. Ah. R, r, r, r, r, r, r, r, r, r, r, r, r, r, r. Fucking, he's fucking Roseanne's sister. Jackie?

Yeah. Jackie, yeah. I love Jackie. Yeah, she was great. She was a mess. She was a mess. She was the only real character on the show. She was the best character on the show by far.

Yeah, and everyone was mean to her. They'd be like, Jackie? Who was Jackie? Jackie's the mom from Lady Bird. Yeah, she's like the lesbian sister. She was just a fucking train wreck. She was like, she was a boyfriend on the show, and he's just beating the shit out of her.

You remember that? Yeah, yeah, she was in an abusive relationship. And then Dan has to go beat the guy up. And everyone tells her that she's ugly, too. That was a big joke, because no one would fuck you, Jackie. Yeah. Yeah, she's just a skinny woman. Everyone else is fat.

Yeah, I would love to just a subplot where Tim, the Toolman Taylor, has made millions of dollars off Tooltime. It's just secretly fucking and spoiling Roseanne. Just taking her out for just $1,500 dinner. It's buying her jewelry. She's like, well, Dan can't see the jewelry. Or he's going to know I'm fucking the guy from the Toolman. I love when the shows crossover.

There's nothing quite like it. And Jonathan Taylor Thomas finds out, because he's the smart one. Yeah, he is the smart one. So he gets the credit card statement, and she's like, dad? Like, dad, what are you doing with Roseanne? Yeah. Also from ABC. Herco showed up to the foolhouse.

The foolhouse house. Yeah, he fucked all of them. Acting weird. He fucked up all of them. Fucked all of them. He fucked Kimmy Gimbler. He fucked. Yeah.

He got fucked. He fucked DJ. What's up? He fucked DJ Kimmy Gimbler. He fucked Danny Tanner. Yeah. He fucked. Michelle's in the hospital getting asshole surgery.

Did I do that? Is it Mandela or like, was a lot of Bob Saget's material like, oh yeah, I fucked Kimmy Gimbler? Yeah, no, it was. It was. It was, right? It was a lot of it. In fact, what always bothered me is like when the,

what is it called, the fucking aristocrats came out. Oh, yeah. There's this whole section on Bob Saget, where they say, oh, Bob Saget, he's actually filthy. People know him as Danny Tanner, but he's like a filthy cunt. Yeah, actually, he works with this guy. And all these comics that know him, it'd be like, you know, like, they have like Sandra Bernhardt.

She's like, one time I came home and there was a box of tampons in the floor that Bob Saget had sent tampons to my house or something. I don't know. That's dirty. The story's about him. That's real dirty. Dirty.

But what I want to know, I remember being a teenager, that movie came out. And I was like, well, was Bob Saget dirty before Full House? Or is he doing this because he doesn't want to be the Full House guy? Yeah. Like, he's like, created this idea of him being like, actually, he was like a filthy comic,

or is it just a reaction to Full House? Or a reaction to American's funny and some video? Either way, I cannot. There's no evidence of him being a dirty comic before Full House. There might be now, but at least when I looked into it as a teenager, I couldn't never figure that out. Wow.

So that's the Mandela thing. So I always thought, yeah, that maybe it was like, yeah, they kind of retconned him as being this dirty comic before Full House. But maybe he wasn't after. It's a Mary Canaanite. I don't know. I mean, I guess we'll never know.

Thanks, Pfizer. So. Yeah. You get the vaccine, you forget. There's foul play. Yeah. Absolutely. Fou-chee play.

Fou-chee. Fou-chee play. Yeah, there you go. Absolutely, it was foul play. Where's that fool at? He's still watching baseball? Are we watching baseball? Well, Fou-chee.

I know I remember about him was that he liked baseball. Oh, I heard that he liked studying the AIDS crisis. He plays basketball every day. For real? Yeah. In the men's locker rooms. Cross that fool over. Does he play every day?

I'm going into the bathroom drinking. I'm squeezing out the towels into a cup and drinking it. To study how AIDS is screened. He's creating new vaccine. I'm just, this is just me trying to do guys this whole podcast. Let me try and. It's been trying to do guys podcast. No, this is a good foul.

I mean, Nick's got the best impressions of anybody I know. No, that's not true. No, that's not true. I'm not getting impressions at all. That's not your place to say. You got like 30. You got like 30. What about that guy that was from Mad TV?

I just scatter shot. What's that? I see. What was the guy from Mad TV? Frank Caliendo. Frank Caliendo. Yeah. That's a man of a million.

The best contemporary economy. It's either Evan or Mateo. He's got a great home. I don't know if they still live together, but those motherfuckers, I would imagine, they just sit in that apartment doing guys all day long. Those of them are fucking dialed in on every one of them. Evan's amazing.

Mateo's like insane. Really? Yeah. If you ever heard, Mateo doesn't like often do impressions. He doesn't like incorporate. But when he does, it's like. Frank Caliendo did do Charles Barkley, I remember, and really committed.

Yeah. He did brown fit. Jimmy style. Yeah. Oh, and Kimmel did Carmelone. Yeah. All of the Jimmy's I am. Do you think as a black American,

do you think that the Carmelone impression was funny enough to justify the black face? Honestly, yeah. But that's only because Carmelone also was fucking kids. If Carmelone wasn't fucking kids. If he wasn't fucking kids independent, I'd be like, no. I like that. Because he was.

That's very solomonic of you. I'll give y'all that. That's very like. I'll let y'all have Carmelone. There's, I like that. So that's not going to do you say? Like King Solomon splitting the baby. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, there was only one on record. Scaramucci. Scaramucci. Is that James Bond guy? The Golden Gun guy, right? It's not a mooch show. No, Scaramucci is the guy who works for. Scaramonga.

Scaramonga. Yeah, yeah. How many 13-year-olds did Carmelone put? Just one. Only the one. But then the kid, he had the kid, the third child had the kid. Had a kid? He never, he never said it was his kid.

And then that kid made the NFL. And was still like, please, please say I'm your son. Tell me something. He worked his way up to the fucking NFL. Is the XFL back? The XFL is back, but it's not like. They're trying to make it like legit. They don't like it.

Originally, it was Vince McMahon. Yeah. Is it still that? No. No. It's the Rock. Vince is not involved. No, no.

It reminds me of when they tried to bring Serge back, and it just wasn't good. It's not quite cracking the same. Yeah, because Serge went away, and then they came out with Vault. And Vault was crazy good. And I remember thinking, but I remember Serge being, but Serge was the first one. Debater. And Vault was better.

And then they came out with the new Serge, and now it's like, well, where the fuck did Vault go? Yeah, you're an American soda enthusiast before this. We were talking about Japanese soda guys. I was saying, yeah, being a Japanese. We're a bunch of losers. Being a guy that's into Japanese soda, that's beyond. Like you watch so much anime, you got to drink. You got to fucking get diabetes from Japan.

Like, wow, wow. I think the worst kind of guy to be is Japanese soda guy. But I don't drink soda regularly. I've tried it. I remember the hit. Yeah, you've tried it. I've tried soda. Yeah, I've tried soda.

Squirt. I've tried. I've tried soda. I've tried pot. Squirt's come back now. And it's weird because it's like, I feel like. I wonder why it's coming back. I press it.

I wonder why it's coming back. Well, I was saying the other day. The popularity of certain crowd work comedians. Yeah. Well, I was saying it's weird that we used to just call kids squirt. Hey, what's up, Squirt? Yeah. Yeah.

Damn, I forgot about the squirt. Yeah, what's up with the last? Yeah, you just call kids squirt. What's going on, Squirt? Well, Squirt was a bust. It was not literally. It was not a little bust. A little nut-nut.

What's up, my little? There's another thing we used to call kids. My little spooge. Another thing we used to call kids that was like kind of fucked up. I decided to squirt. I was trying to remember. There was two of them. Two of them, Squirt, it's twerps.

Like Trooper, Tiger, Squirt, Squirt. Sexy. Tykes, little tykes. Yeah, Nutter, Buster. None of that. Buster. What's up, Buster? Buster and Squirt.

Buster and Squirt. Buster and Squirt of the two. How you doing, Buster Brown? Oh, yeah, we're having a Buster Brown. Buster Brown was big time. That guy was around in DC. Buster Douglas. Buster Douglas.

Still alive by us soon. Yeah, what happened to Busters? That was nice having Ernie. If you guys haven't checked out, we have Ernie Hudson on the talk show this week. It was really fun. Did you ask him? It was good. He's really holding it down for Ernie's.

The only Ernie? You don't really care about Ernie's. I always wanted my name to be Ernie. Yeah, Nick's known to plume. Yeah, in fact, there's been multiple times where I've just gone around introducing myself to people. What was the name? Ernie.

Ernie what? Ernie what? What was the last name? You had, I remember one time. Oh, I've used different lab. I've used my own last name. Yeah. In DC, there was some show.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, I was hosting. Yeah, I was like, bring me up as Ernie James. Yeah. I can't believe I'm Ernie James for a while. There was like a good month where you were Ernie James. Yeah, in fact, Sean and Patton didn't realize I was two different guys. I remember that now.

Yeah. He was like telling you about Ernie. He was like, oh, have you seen this Ernie James? No, he was like, he's like, that's you? He was like, I was like, who the fuck is this guy? Who's Ernie? Yeah, Ernie's a great name. Ernie's very neutral.

Ernie can never get in trouble for anything. You can't dislike an Ernie. You see, there goes to be a TMZ headline, Ernie, accused of rape. You can't put him on death row. A guy named Ernie. That's why that guy literally got away with it. The fucking guy who plays Elmo got away with raping people because the character he plays is named Elmo.

No one knows his real name. But who's going to get mad at an Elmo? Damn, that's what it was for. I don't think he raped people. I think it was a false. That's why, look, you want to know why? Nick rounds up. Nick always rounds up on it.

He was raping. Oh, wait. Was he? He raped a little boy or something, but. No, I think it was just a game. You think about it. If Adolf Hitler had been named like, like, like Danny, you know. Danny, Hitler, you can't get mad at him.

Oh, Danny. Yeah, Danny Snickers. Danny Snickers. If Adolf Hitler's name was Danny Snickers. Then 1,000 years third right. 100%. Everyone's just, everyone's France, everyone's like, come on, bro. No, Chamberlain would have been.

This guy. Everybody would have been fucking Snickers. Danny Snickers. They'd be like, yeah, we're not going to have a war. This guy. We're not going to have a war with a guy named Danny Snickers. Danny, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, Danny. And if he had, instead of the Charlie Chaplin, he just had a little, like, wispy blonde mustache. Uh-huh. Yeah, he's just a cool guy. No, not a cool guy. Just like a fucking, like a, just sort of a snake, like a backdoor guy. You know? Yeah.

Like a transparent stash. Like a Matt Dillon type. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Like a Matt Dillon type of guy. I don't think, I don't think, you know, like who would believe they're like, yeah, Danny Snickers is putting people in camp.

Is everybody else still having the same names or is he changing as well? Everybody else has the same names. Yeah. Yeah, everybody's, Herman Gurring, 18, he's Snickers, not in the show. He's Danny Snickers. Like, you know what? He's a good boss. Yeah.

He's coming to the office. He's going like this to everyone. Yeah. They're like, bringing coffees in. Casual Friday. He's pretty cool. Yeah. A guy named Danny Snickers wearing sweatpants.

Yeah. Yeah. He's hard during a meeting. He's like, oh, forgot to go at 12 o'clock on this one. I don't have no problem. Danny Snickers pulling out the. Not a fan of the juice. Not a fan of the juice.

No. No fan of the juice that Danny Snickers. But you know what? He's pretty chill otherwise. He's a good hang. He's a pretty good hang otherwise. He doesn't really like me, but I kind of like him. He stings still a lot.

The rapper. Yeah. Or not the rapper. The rapper. The singer or the wrestler? The singer. The tantric sex. The tantric sex.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's still doing his thing. Well, he hasn't met it yet. Well, he hasn't. What is it?

You never hear about staying anymore. That's when he'll pass. Yeah. One month. That's when he can be free. Yeah. Yeah. He's going to just do it.

It'll be like a geyser. That's all it takes? Yeah. That song is hilarious. It's like the laziest song of all time. Fucking desert roads, yeah, but a boat. It does sound like a guy who's never, like a guy who's never thought writing a song about what he thinks fucking is like, this is what it would be like.

It's the I've tried part of songs. I've tried. Desert rain, yeah. I dream of rain. Yes, sir. Yes, I do. Desert roads. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. You youtube. No. No. No.

No. My god. You youtube. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No, it's George. And then he snickers. Hold up on him. This guy! I don't know. John Lennon being murdered. I don't know.

Some guy, like, yeah, he was stabbed mad times and then he lived. Not a robbery. Kind of a high-decker. Bit of a high-decker. High-decker was stabbed 50 times. High-decker was stabbed, and then he tells. He, like, he went into Akbar.

It was like, there's a whole story. He, like, yeah, he ran into a bar, yeah. He got, Akbar was his, like, place of refuge. What was Akbar called before he was Akbar? I don't know. It's right there on Fountain and, uh... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it.

Famous. Cause that was, that was right, it's right across the stream from the last blockbuster I ever saw. Damn. That's definitely... That blockbuster's gone now. I mean, it's been gone for 10 years. Yeah.

Didn't Akbar have a different name? I don't know. I don't know. I only knew, I only knew it was the Akbar. Yeah. No, the high-decker stabbing story was crazy. Was it just someone targeting him or just a crazy guy?

It was like a crazy guy, like a crazy... Just a crazy guy with an eye. Yeah. Crazy neighbor. Yeah. That sounds like a good sitcom. Oh, crazy neighbor. The crazy neighbor.

Oh, okay. I mean, they just do this. Daddy Snickers! Yeah, okay. It's just, it's family matters with Brandon as Erkel. No, yeah, George got in really into world music. How about family bladders? And just, like, fucking, uh...

Are they pissing at one toilet? Well, no, Carl was like, Steve, let me drink your piss. Okay. Yeah. Carl says he's upset because he thinks everybody's pissed. He thinks Carl's happy. He ain't lying.

Yeah, yeah. He's gotta get his fill. Steve, I'd love to hang out with you, but I'm pissing at my father's. Yeah, yeah. Okay, see you tomorrow, Laura. Steve. Not while I'm drinking my pee-pee, Steve.

Steve, Laura, just drank a big gulp. He was, he's on Reginald Thel Johnson's in some commercial. He's in, like, a commercial. It's a Geico, yeah. Yeah. He's in that Geico Brit. I thought he was dead.

Uncle Phil's dead. It's wild, too, because you look at him, and it's like, man. You can't confuse. Yeah, I'd be fucking... He's got, he's just never gonna try another look. Yeah, no. Reginald.

Why would he? Yeah. His entire life is, well, got a little mustache and the same haircut. Yeah, could you, sorry. For $89. Yeah. For $89 years, he's a cop in both of the famous roles.

Yeah, he's a cop in Die Hard. Yeah. And Die Hard's in Chicago, right? L.A. Oh, okay. L.A. Oh. Don't talk shit about L.A., brother, he's L.A.

Richard Belzer just died. He played the same character in every show. Yeah, and Detective Munch Pussy. I seen y'all with the Helmetside DVDs. I might have borrowed those. Yes, yes, yes. Hell yeah. I knew you would like those.

Thank you, dude. I found those on the street, correct? I found a different box set on the street and then I purchased that one because it came in a filing cabinet. Oh. That little fucking drawer they put in that place. Because I found them on the street.

Homicide's a great shop. But I think- The best. I only have a half. We're talking about a homicide life on the street box set that comes in a filing cabinet. It comes in a filing cabinet. Yeah.

Oh yeah, I mean, Jamel- In the Loan Order. Jamel is up to date on all of the procedure rules. Did you ask Ernie about Loan Order? What's going on, Adam? Who's calling you, Maya? Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. Damn, she just stays calling at the wrong time. She called during the show last week. She loves calling at the wrong time. Hey, I wonder if something's wrong. Hey. All right, we're back. Did she get you?

What are the big thing? What are the directors where? Well, I want- Ascot, open with the Ascot. In the paint. In the paint. On the code. The 1920s fucking Hepburn pants.

Yeah, wide on this part. Oh yeah, like golf. Make it look like you've got big ass thighs. Yeah. You look like Falkhorn Leghorn with the pants. Yeah, kind of like a pilot. Yeah, like a red baron kind of pilot. I could see it.

Damn, I've been at a red baron pizza since- That's exactly- Since probably I was- That's literally where my mind went to, red baron. God damn. They're really good. So much better than Tostino's. It's the best, put, make your own bullshit pizza

in your shitty- I like Bobolies. Oh, the Bobolies with the- You get, you gotta, you know, you feel like a chef. You're in control. Your parents go to the movies. They leave you with the Bobolies. You get the at home disc.

What do you do? The Bobolies, you have to put the sauce on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put the sauce, you put the cheese there. Like, you've never done that. It's like, oh, look at me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, look at me, my parents, I went out to Ferdinand.

Red baron pizza, there was one, when I lived in Austin, I was coming home, I was making red baron pizza. There was one that was just all salt. It was like a salt flavor pizza. Oh. And yeah, I drink a six pack and eat a red baron pizza.

God damn. Yeah, now I go hit an open mic. Hell yeah. Hey, yo. Oh, this is pre-open mic. That's called pre-workout. Then be back at work, 6 a.m. Hell yeah.

Yeah. So much better than that. So if you're a young comedian, wondering how you look at me, you look up to me. You look up to me, you look up to me as a guy. I got the whole world wrapped around my finger. I got my own, I'm the executive producer on a TV show.

How'd I get here? Is you gotta move to Austin. You should definitely do that. You should just move to a place. Hey, stay tuned. And then, yeah, red baron pizza, and then do open mics. And make sure you stay drunk.

Yeah, just stay drunk. And alienate everybody. Pick fights with people. That's how you know. That's not a 60. Alien, that counts as the 50. Can we talk about that guy that? Why do they call it alienating?

It's like, oh, he alienated all of his friends by being like a racist pedophile. Go off, go off. Aliens are cool. Yeah, yeah, there we go. I see that guy. I'm not like, oh, this guy probably has a UFO. This guy's probably capable of interacting.

He can travel. He can travel, yeah. They should call it being a faggot. Yes, yes. It is so much more accurate. He's just kidding. Oh, I was with it. Oh, geez.

There's Jenny Snickers over here. I'm on a raffle. Jenny Snickers over here. Call it alienating. I love observational. If I found out one of my friends was an alien, I'd be like, buddy, let's go to space. Let's go on a fantastic voyage into space.

Oh. Yeah. Whatever you're saying, Brandon, what are you saying? Oh, that guy that you were in the comments, and there was some guy that was like. Oh, I don't want to give him shine. Yeah. But we were just talking about guys who drink a lot.

Oh, yeah, a lot of people say that they drink to listen to the show. Yeah. And that seems insane to me. Yeah. Yeah, that they're like, if I'm drinking, if I'm listening to anything. Yeah, that's right.

I'm listening to Frank Sinatra. I see, yeah. Yeah. Classed up. Yeah. That's the best. Listen to Frank Sinatra when doing the shittiest cooking of all time.

I love that, dude. I love it when two glasses of wine, put it on Frank Sinatra, and then just fucking up. Just getting it completely fucking up. I don't even measure anything. I'm eating raw chicken. I'm like, yeah, I wanted it rare. I've wanted it.

Fucking man, all right. I made rare. Let me get a premium rare fried chicken. Figure it out. The breading is fucking three inches thick. When I was 17, I was rolling the apple over the plate. I'm like, yeah, I'm cooking. Love it.

How lucky can one guy be? I suck you and you suck me. I suck you and you suck me. Frank Sinatra. Frank Siddhartha. Siddhartha. Siddhartha. Yeah.

When I was 17, I was getting a pussy, but then when I was 21, I still do not get any pussy. This is such a good thing. It's a clipping and blowing out. Why do I still not get any pussy? I still don't get the pussy. That's life. If it sucks, you come back again, and it still is bad.

You have to come back. And there's no pussy again. What is that? Dave, did you text me that? Oh, here we go. Is it a Frank Siddoku or are you trying to get Frank Siddhartha? March Madness? Frank Siddhartha.

I mean, it does better, yeah. There are songs about puzzles that go with it. OK, now you do a Frank Siddoku the way it is. 21, I try to use the numbers 1 through 9 and put them in a grid. Oh, OK. Yeah, I like that. I like Nick's Madness.

How about Frank Sinbad? Sinbad, sure. Talk to me. He's like, yeah, yeah. In the 70s, you used to be a little bit of our car. What was Sinbad's act? I remember I watched Sinbad's Mad Funny. I used to watch Sinbad when I was a kid,

but I can't remember a single joke. He's so good. But he's one of those comics for all of the premises in Bunche. He's so funny. We got Sinbad a Hollywood handbook with Sinbad. Fucking amazing episode, yeah. I love that one. He says a bunch of stuff.

He's like Derek Ains, where it's like. It doesn't connect? Well, it doesn't make any sense. Yeah, yeah, but he's crushing. Yeah, Derek Ains is funny, but you watch him, and it's like, what? That's not true. You're like laughing at it.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's like, you know how when you're on an airplane, they start flying upside down for no reason? Yeah, yeah. And then for some reason, you're like, yep. You do like an amazing physical act out. This is the funniest shit I've ever seen. Right, but then you're like, what?

Is that true? Yeah, no. I remember he has a whole string. One of those specials, talking about the 70s, how things were different in the 70s. That was his whole thing. And then everything was on the bell bottom. Every list, yeah, it's just not true.

The big one is that, yeah, he used to be able to get hit by a car and get it back out. Yeah, I don't know. That is funny, though. Cars were way more dangerous, by the way. Yeah, yeah, they weighed like literally five tons. Right, they were just like boats, with like 10,000 pound boats.

Right, yeah, no, you'd like get into a fender bender in a parking lot, and then they wouldn't be able to identify the bot. No one's wearing seat belts. Yeah, right. The car would just glass your fucking brain. Anyways, Adam, once you open your phone, this episode is brought to you by My Bookie.

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So do not promote the percentage 50% instead of highlight the up to 1,000 prospect. Yes, so that's for the NCAA March Madness. We got a lot of stuff. And we're going state this year. We're going state. We're going Virginia state. It's their year.

State. Let's go Titans. Let's go Titans. Let's go Brandon. Let's go Brandon. If you really about it, yeah. Let's go Brandon. Was he went diary on his favorite hat?

I guess. I put my pants on. I'll tell you about the hat. It said Cole Miner's wife. That was a movie. And I bought, no, it was a hat. I was not there for when you shoot your pants. I bought that in West Virginia.

You stayed, maybe? In coal mining country. We went with my ex-girlfriend. You were there. I was there for part of it, but I was not there when he shoot his pants. No, that was in the car ride home. I was like, please open the window, please.

You were like looking around the apartment. I got sick from a hearties. Sub-leasing. You were like, oh, maybe I was about to drop out and move out, and you were like, oh, yeah, maybe I was serious. I think that would be like, oh, I think he was fucking around. It's such a horrible idea.

Your roommate was so fucking funny, dude. Cole, thank you. That guy just being like, if I can get the Xbox set. I took the room without windows because I was going to invest in a next gen concert. So Brandon has the parking spot and the window. And I got the Xbox 360. I thought it was so funny, just being away from your

parents. And then that's great. That's it, yeah. World is your oyster. You're the most depressing apartment complex in my fucking life in Richmond, Virginia. And then you have to do homework still. He was plums, man.

He was excited. He was so happy. Yeah. Cole Hickey, I think, hates me. Why? Because he's stuck with the fucking move now. I say full name. Who's mad, me?

I'm not taking shots. No, no, no, I like that. I'm rocking with Cole Hickey. We love Cole Hickey. Yeah, no, he's not. We love Cole Hickey. Cole Hickey is the man. I remember just wanting to bleed off his energy about

how he's fighting. But yeah, his gamer to his core, but I dropped out and then I was like, don't worry, I'll find somebody to sublease the apartment. And then there was this like youth pastor that moved in. Oh, a molester. Yeah, that's the part we don't have to talk about. We got a molester as an adult man.

He got an adult molestered. 20. I guess you get braces. I guess that's the move. Yeah, I remember when Brandon tried to go to college. Did I get braces? Yeah. Yeah.

It's really cool. I might have to go see a gum surgeon. That might complete the look. What happened? Why do you have to see your gum? I don't know. One of my teeth, it's just the gums have been receding for like a decade and now it's like just all the way down to

like fucking. Sonny, I got one too. You have to get like the bones. Yeah, I've got a gum problem. We all need to get veneers. Yeah. Like the rappers. Big veneers.

Big old joints. Yeah. We got to go, they have dental tourism. You can go to Venezuela, get your dick so I can get new teeth. Get big chompers. Like Rick Ross. Rick Ross. Huge chompers.

Yeah. They should call it dental Zoella down there. I'm hearing about this. Yeah. They do in Columbia too. We get tit job soup. We get multiple surgeries. We get Brazilian butt lifts.

We about to get BBLs. Yeah. We're doing BBLs for the show. We were, we had to like set the time codes and you were like, we got to cut the BBL stuff. Why? I said that. Or was that, you wanted to clip it?

Yeah. It was Pedro Pascal guy. He's been in the news. He's on that show Narcos. Okay. Yeah. I'm asking, is that correct information? I think he is.

I think he's on Mandalorian. Mandalorian and The Last of Us. Narcos. And Narcos. Is Narcos still on TV? I don't think so. I think it's, they rebooted it with like a new cast, a different story. Yeah.

Like they did Narcos Mexico. Okay. So he's on other stuff. It's not that Narcos is on TV. No. No, he's huge, this guy. Yeah. But isn't he gay?

That's why he's in the news. Is he gay? Yeah. I don't know. No, I think he's just a handsome actor that people like. Well, I think he posted a picture of a rainbow flag and he was like, guess what? I'm gay. Guess what this means?

Yeah. I don't know. He switched. He got to hearing on his right ear. He posted that. And he's not even in the cover page of the New York Times. Guess what? That's my understanding of the news.

Do you guys know what this is? Every where there's a Pedro Pascal who's from Narcos. It is gay. That's what I thought. I don't know. I mean, I, you know me, I have no media literacy. That's the other thing people are saying now is media literacy. Was that like being like, like treating watching TV as reading?

Who knows? It's the latest dump. It's the latest thing to say if you're a moron that wants to sound like a fucking graduate degree. If you watch The Last of Us, it means you're literate. Yeah. Well, someone that knows how to read. You have to, you have to deconstruct what's late capital, the deligism from the, if that's,

oh, this part of the show is late capitalism. That's media literacy. Yeah. This is part of the song. Your media literacy show I'm watching. Like I watch Barney and I put the part where he says, everybody do your share. I know that that's, that's actually, it seems like communism, but it's actually, it's not. It's not.

It's capitalism. It's capitalism? Yeah. Yeah. Why? Because everybody do your share rather than everybody receive your share. It's not an equal distribution of. Wow.

I don't know if Barney was that deep. Yeah. Well, that's because you're not media literate. You're not doing a deep read of Barney like I am. Jamel loves Barney. I mean, have you all ever seen that dude's Instagram? He's a little freak. Barney?

He's like, he's like teaching like tantric sex classes and shit. No, he's not. Yeah, yeah. No, he's not. No, yes he is. Yeah. He's like not busting. He's on the whole thing, dawg.

He's not busting. Yeah. He's hanging out with the avian award. Yeah. He posted a picture of an art life. Barney posted a picture of a rainbow flag in his account. It was bad news for the hoes. I believe everything Nick said.

Everything. There are a lot of people who also believe everything Nick said. And it's made the world a worse place. Yeah. Well, the thing is, I don't really lie, but I do make shit up constantly. Yeah, yeah. Which is different. No, it's different.

Lying is like fucking like, oh, I didn't fuck that girl. Yeah. That's why. Being like, oh, you know Henry Ford, his dick was 19 inches. That's making stuff up. Yeah. That's good. Yeah.

I thought it made me a lie. Yeah. It's a thin orange line. Do you see these classes and then to those classes, the dick writing classes? Where you tape a pencil to your dick. No. Your dick on your dick. What are these seminars?

They're these seminars when they like. Oh, dick writing. Yeah. You send your girls to these seminars. Oh, yo. It's like a show called dick writing. It's like a Lamaze class writer. Oh my God.

Dick writer. Yeah. Dick writer. And it's just like Nicholas Cage's dick writer. That guy is fucking awesome. I don't care if he raped. That guy's awesome. He's just showing up in front of Andrew Callihan's house on a motorcycle.

He's not gonna fucking stand up. His head on fire. He's like, Andrew Callihan didn't do anything wrong. He's the greatest journalist of our generation. Andrew Callihan's like, I just want to say mad leftist thank you to Nicholas Cage for dick writing. AKA dick writer. Something like that.

Dude, this is. I know that guy's your friend. I know, you know. I know he's your best friend. Oh, yeah. Right? He's my best friend. I'm sending my girlfriend to this.

Look. It's like a seminar where you teach your girl. Whoa. And then you're just supposed to just sit there. Yeah, with other guys while you're a girl. You know what that is? It's like capital. That's media literally.

What's the, like, how do you graduate the class? Everyone, if you want to see what it is, it's, yeah. It's called, yeah, riding for rookie's date night. And you go with your girl and she just practices bopping up and down. Oh, yeah. It's like a Lamaze class for dick writing. You get a green belt at the end? You get, yeah.

You get it. You get your square belt. Yeah, I don't know what's next. We got to get Cole Hickey on. Brandon, that guy's dead. That guy's killed himself. That guy's killed himself. I love Cole.

I love Cole Hickey. When was the last time you talked to him? It's been years. We could do it. We're on a discord. Brandon's high school friends, like the casting that you did on your friends from high school was incredible. It was like.

Oh, actually, this is a good opportunity. From central casting? Yes. That one time that you, back when you lived in a place that was like a DIY venue. But it wasn't even there. They were having a rave at a warehouse. People forget about punk rock, Adam, Sub-A, 1432 R Street, Subterranean A. There he goes, yeah.

He was, he was living. That was the address. Yeah, because I was like buying, I was buying weed from your. My ex-girlfriend. Yeah. And driving. She was a criminal. Yeah.

Um, but. She was a criminal arrestor. Yeah, no, that was, yeah. What was that? Jamel was bouncing. They had a warehouse party and Jamel was the bouncer for it. And my techno warehouse. Warehouse party.

That sounds dangerous. Yeah. And he brought his two friends. He's just too like, like little boy. Raleigh County Ham 832 Rave. And they, yeah. He showed up in the rain and says, it starts at eight. Brandon gets there alone.

And it's like antsy warehouse. You and your two boys. And then I think they turned to each other like, if other people walk in, they're going to think it's a real lame party. Yeah. It was setting a bad precedent cause people would walk in. We're ruining a party. It's just like three, like 19 year old virgins.

Yeah. And, uh, yeah. No, it was, it was a bad look. No. The cops showed up and I was the only one who was about to get arrested. Oh yeah. Cause you're the only black person. Yeah.

I'm the only black guy there. So they're like, we gotta arrest him. They're like, there's children. Yeah. They don't pin me on the hood cause I caught them all. All right, let's do this one with Johnson. I said the N word to this black cop and he tried to suplex me. I'm like, there's children inside.

Yeah. Arrest the niggas, man. No, we were actually arresting Brandon. We weren't like literally, we were scaring the host. It was bad. And I'm doing security. I'm feeling responsible for you two fucking children. It was very cute when you guys did that though.

I really loved it. It was very uncomfortable in this director's chair. No, that's, I love, I love those, I love those guys. Alex Hillard, I talked to him recently. I got to get back in touch with Cole Hickey. How's your boy? How's your boy? Brian, Brian, your boy.

Brian, your boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. I remember all your boys. You know what I'm doing, man? We can do like a basketball wild friend. Who is it? Can you drive to wild Facebook?

David. No. No. We got it. We can't say that one. You said it. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Sorry. I'm the one saying these things. Yo, he's the fucking worst. You're the only one saying this, which is what I was supposed to say. Yeah. Oh my goodness. It was you. Facebook albums of just like female bodybuilders.

Wow, she is so beautiful. She's beautiful. Yeah. She is beautiful. Yeah, he was a beast. Yeah. Matthew Gilbert was a beast. Which one was that?

I think I showed you Matthew Gilbert. He posted that. That name sounds familiar. I think you would show this one. Yeah, I showed you Matthew Gilbert. That's what I think I was talking about. Blake had the best guy. Blake had the best guy he went to high school with that he was still Facebook friends with.

He was like, I was buying swords and shotguns. Yeah. But like a red, like a sword redneck. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah. He's a good dozen. Yeah. I've definitely been to a party.

His name was like Gilbert Wormley. He's fucking hilarious. Oh man. But he had a Facebook post one time that Blake told me that was like, best part about going on a vacation, coming back with more swords than he left with. I've been to multiple parties in Virginia where a dude was like, hey, y'all want to see a demo? Yeah. That's like a lot to do.

Yeah. The funniest was that guy in LA that had the sword and he was like, you know, anybody breaks in and then literally that night the guy broke in and he just hid in the room. That's the funniest story of all time. Yeah. Because imagine, you can have that bravado thinking you're never going to get checked on that. You're never living in an apartment behind the gate and the front desk, like, and then

you can say, yeah, if anybody breaks into the apartment, I got my fucking katana. And then in front of that same audience, there's a break in in your apartment. And he waited for the guy to leave before he came out of his room with the katana. Imagine getting checked like that. Like within the... Imagine how much the universe has to hate you. Imagine how much the universe has to hate you. So I came to LA to record the podcast with Nick.

Yeah. I was recording a motion show and we stayed with my friend Danny and from college. And I was on the couch. So I was on the floor. Danny's the one that's like kind of... No, no, that's the other Danny. I'm talking about the Danny... This is the other Danny.

And he'd moved to LA and he went on like a trip. He had like a fake job and he was like, yeah, we do business in China. He comes back from China with the katana, which is Japanese also. It's not even Chinese. He's like, yeah, you know, samurai, like Chinese style. You see how I'm coming? I got to head out. There's another 12 minutes on the show.

What do you mean? I got to head out. Where do you have to go? I got stuff I got to do before we have this thing. We can take it from here. I'll see you. Yeah, you guys are good. It's 12 minutes.

Can I get a chair? Yeah, sure. Well, no, because the cameras are already there. But we don't know who's in charge. All right. See you guys. No, my butt. Let it go.

My butt is sore from this camera. Bye, Nick. Have a nice time. Thanks for the sauna. Get a steam, man. Get a steam. Come on. Dude, the fucking fame has changed.

What time is it right now? 4.12. Oh, we good? Oh, yeah. All right. Okay, anyway, so yeah, we're staying in the apartment, then I wake up at like 4 a.m. I see this guy sitting on the chair. He had like a sofa and then a chair.

He's just like looking at Tinder and swiping right, right, right, right, right. Right. And then I like turn to him and I know my friend had worked the next day. I was like, are you Danny's friend? And he's like, I don't follow him. And then I was like, what, like, and then I checked the time and then stop just burst out laughing. And I was like, wait, do you know Danny?

And he's like, he's like, I'm sorry, I'm just not a chair challenge. And I realized that we just left the door open and some drunk guy came back from a club, like, because this building was like above like a fucking, what do you call it? What's the supermarket? The really expensive one in L.A. Airwan? Airwan, yeah. Okay.

Above Airwan by the Grove. Oh, yeah. That's it. Get out of here. And then, so yeah, this clever guy was like, you know, Prada loafers and stuff is just sitting there on fucking Tinder and swiping right. And so I was like, bro, you need to go and stop starts laughing, like die of laughing. I was like, get the fuck out of here.

And it's like, you fuck your dude, you fuck yourself, dude, like leaves and I lock the door and Danny busts out of his room, the second door closes, busts out of his room with the Katani is like, dude, I was about to fucking slice that guy in two. I was like, you were clearly waiting for the door that you had to queue. He had to queue. He like came out with it, dude, it was, it killed me. That was the funniest shit ever, man. What's your guys' favorite alternative weapons?

I don't like weapons, dude. I like psychological warfare and that's what I've always engaged in my entire life. You know, you trick people with words. The intellectual dojo. Oh, yeah. Sun-Zoo. Yeah, yeah. Art of War.

What'd it do? Yeah, Sun-Zoo, what'd it do? How'd it do? Yeah, yeah. Chest boxing. Yeah. Brand was chasing me around with a fucking scythe last night. Why?

It's just crazy. It's just around. It's just staying. Brand was chasing you around. He was chasing me around. I was just like, check this out. Brand is trying to get into a web plan. It was like Jeffrey Dahmer, dawg.

No, I was just playing with his gay style. It was gay styles. I'm fucking running around this building. The top pulled up and he was like, this is my boyfriend. He's my boyfriend and they're like, you two fellas have fun. That's the saddest thing in the world. That Vietnamese boy escaped and then he ran to the police and Jeffrey Dahmer's like, I'm just gay with this guy.

They're like, all right, go back with your boyfriend, Shirley, Nancy. All right, Nancy, you two have fun. He gets chopped up. I'm going to save them. So what kind of plays do you guys have for the Brand and Jamel show? Let's see what we have on deck. We're getting some branding. We're doing some promotional stuff.

You're doing a podcast tour here in New York. We're doing a podcast tour right now. We're doing a massive press run. You guys are going on gas digital. We're doing that. We're doing wait, wait. Don't tell me. Oh, okay.

You're playing both sides. We're doing this American. Yeah. This American spice. You know what I'm saying? This American spice. It's about K2. Yeah, yeah.

I'm trying to make my lungs bleed. What happened to fake weed? They made it bleed. That was the end of it. Yeah. People stopped smoking. Spring road spray on Popery. Dude, that shit was fucked up.

It was a good time. Was that a fake news? Was that a fake news? No. Was that like a scare thing? No, dudes and whippers were smoking K2. No. Virginia is like, that was a big fake weed.

It was a lot of kids would be like, oh, I'm going to the military. I can't smoke real weed. Yeah. We're smoking like. I have to go to the war. I have to go to the war. So I got to start the war early. Yeah.

No, like no bushes. I'm trying to get PTSD before I leave. So I'm ready. Well, maybe I try to get out of duty, active duty. Maybe they need that for a job. K2 psychosis? Yeah. You know a little something about duty.

They never smoke with your poo poo ass? They never smoke with poo poo. You smoke poo poo? Yeah. Were people smoking poo poo in your high school? Smoking poo poo. Oh, poo poo poo, yeah. People were smoking poo poo.

Oh, Jankam. Jankam. That was fake. Jankam was a big, that was a big like. Crocodile. Elementary urban legend. Do you remember that? Yeah.

The other great urban legend was like, they're always like parent scare tactic articles. Yeah. Rainbow parties. Oh, where it would be like, oh, everybody just different colors of lipstick. Your kids are having rainbow parties. Yeah. Girls have different, yeah, they make rings around your neck, but it's not even sucking your dick.

Yeah. That's just giving it out. Oh god. Little kid. Uh-huh. You're not even getting sucked. Yeah. You're just getting rings of a girl kissing on it.

The real act out is crazy there. I remember thinking at the time. We missed it on the video. Yeah, I think we missed it on the B cam. Let's get it, let's get it on my camera. Yeah. Uh-huh. Just a one.

And then that's it, like a stamp. Yeah, whatever. But yeah, no, there was that. And then there was the rubber band thing where if you tore a rubber band, then a girl had to fuck you. Oh. It was the rule. It was the law.

Since you had to happen at one private school. Yeah. One private school. And the thing is like, we were really doing drugs other than weed. There were some kids senior that started, that did meth. Some of like the white trash girls did meth. Cause you was in Vegas, bro. Cause you was in Vegas.

But yeah, there was like one kid in my, in my school that was doing anything harder than pot. And his name was Kyle Sackett. Damn job I'm doing. Yeah. What was he doing? First class. He was shooting a bell.

He said that. You should have fucking feds, dude. I know. He's like the game. I don't know. He's the cop. You're basically giving rappers a dress away. I want to bleep one name from earlier.

Who? Oh yeah. I know which one. Yeah. The retarded guy you made fun of. Let's bleep that. Who? Yeah.

Bleep that too. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. Neuro. Neuro divergent. Divergent guy. Yeah.

That was posting. Posting out Facebook albums of female bodybuilding. Exactly. So yeah. No. What was I going to say? I forget. No.

We were saying something before that. It's lost to me as well. Oh. Kids were doing meth. Some girls were doing meth. But then at the private school, all those kids were doing coke. Doing blow. Yeah.

Yeah. And doing mad pills and stuff. The rich kids were the ones that were like, oh yeah, I do heroin and stuff. Crazy. Where do you get that? Where do you get that? I left it from you, dad. I thought we were kids.

I remember, I found out two kids had sex the summer between sixth and seventh grade. And I went home. I remember their full names. You cried, right? Both of them, still. You cried. I came home and I cried. What are their names?

Say it into your brain. Their first names are Elden and Alicia. I still remember that. The last name is where it gets interesting. I will say it happens. But I went home and I cried. And I was like, I thought we were just kids. I thought we've lost our innocence.

It's over son. You knew it was over. It is. So pathetic. I just wanted pubes, dude. I wasn't ready for the game. I just had a sprinkling of pubes. Yeah.

I don't know if I should. I think I, dad, no pubes till like, I feel like I don't even have pubes anymore. 19 or 20. Yeah. Now you have some of the most pubes in the biz. I'm, I, I'm known in comedy as having those things. Top 10 pubes? Yeah.

It's me. Vulture's Pugelist? Fortune and Fumester. Okay. I don't know. That was the first comedian I cared about. That's a good one. I mean, that's not a bad guess.

Fortune and Fumester. That's not a bad guess. I'm rocking with it. Yeah. Yeah. We're the original Bush, Bush boys of comedy. Bush twins? Yeah.

Bush twins of comedy. Yeah. Bush twins. Yeah. Maybe we do like a blue collar style comedy tour about you might have a big bush. If you open your pants and it looks like an afro, you might have a big bush. Sarah used to do that bit, right? Oh yeah.

Bush bit? Your bush looks like Lady Kravitz. I don't remember that one. Earlier when we were talking about comics doing a premise that doesn't actually make sense. Yeah. I was thinking about our old friend who does a very, he does, he was doing a very good Chappelle impression.

But the way he would set it up is he would be like, yeah, I started comedy in D.C. And I remember the host of this open mic looked like Dave Chappelle and I thought he was going to go up there and be like, man, D.C. is different, man. Well, yeah. And I was like, wait, so you thought that this guy was going to go up and do Dave Chappelle's What? It was that the host had the same voices. Set ups by any means necessary.

What? The guy Alex Starr used to do that with, he had three impressions. Obama, Denzel, and Michael J. Fox. And every bit was just those three examples. Yeah, you remember that. And then the Michael J. Fox one was just like, why are you doing that? Did you hear they got, they're getting Obama to play the Batman in the new Batman. And he's like, let me be clear.

Gotham City needs a dark knight. It needs a hero. And then he's like, and I just read the news they got Denzel Washington to play the new Batman. And then, and then he did Michael J. Fox. And then he's like, and Batman comes in and he's got a right shoe on the left foot and the left shoe on the right foot. Because I think he has part because he has Parkinson's.

Yeah. Oh, no. I don't know for sure. But it's just like, and then I remember Michael Fudy went up after about a show and he's like, it doesn't mean that he's nice. He's up in New York. I love, I love Fudy so much. Who's star?

Yeah. Really? Yeah. Well, y'all weren't there with me when he got, um, when Rob Gordon fucking power tossed him. There was a, after Nick and I left DC, all of the comics were just fighting with each other on Facebook saying, you're not welcome at my room anymore. I was like, literally just reading. Wait, on what?

On Facebook. Well, who were they? Matt? Alex Star. There was like, there was all this beef of like local comedians. There was mid-level beef. Don't come to my room anymore. In a lot of places.

You're not welcome. People calling each other out, tagging them, which is what the internet is supposed to be about. It's not about group beef. It's not about late capitalism. It's not about yelling at someone you don't know. It's about telling people in your actual life that you don't want to know them anymore and they're fake.

I think that's what the internet is about. It's about calling out people in your real life and doing it in front of all of your other friends and people being like, oh, they're embarrassing themselves right now. It's about, you know, now the world is like, oh, I'm mad at fucking, I don't know, Maddie Healy, if we're going on the ad of free pleasure or whatever. But that's not what the internet is meant for, guys. Anyway. Um, Dave, what's the runtime we're at?

104. Okay. Uh, that, that'll do her guys. That'll do her. Uh, thank you for watching the Adam Freeland show, the podcast. Go and subscribe. The brand. The brand and gemel show.

Brand and gemel show on Patreon. Go and subscribe to, uh, the Adam Freeland show on Patreon. Also, Washington, DC. While we're talking about DC, 9 30 club. June 2nd. You're going to do the 9 30 club. June 2nd. It will be this weekend at in Raleigh, North Carolina at Good Nights Comedy.

And then in two weeks, the beginning of April, I will be in Salt Lake City at, uh, the fucking, what's it called, the Italians. What's it called? Goodfellas. What's it called? Good. Good Nights. No.

Good Nights is North Carolina. What's it called? Good mobsters. It means Seattle. Why is guys, why is guys? Sorry. Seattle. This weekend.

Laugh. Helium. Go plug that. Helium in Portland in May. If you're in North Carolina, I will see you Raleigh, North Carolina this weekend. Thanks for listening guys. Oh, bye. All right.

All right.