The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. X011 – TAFS Video Test 2

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

IRVINE CA IRVINE IMPROV IM THERE AUG 18-21 GET TICKETS NOW We're in the little room today trying to figure out how the green screen works and powering through until adam feels comfortable on camera. Patreon.com/cumtown for the video.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Adam Friedland show video episode on Patreon video episode number one test episode video test to this time I don't know when the camera is a whole new world ladies and gentlemen welcome you can say it now you're on ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Adam Friedland show I'm your host Adam Friedland the date what is it August third and I'm your producer and you're my producer Nicholas millions guys it's the Adam Friedland show ladies and gentlemen and we're live here from the Matrix no folks it's CGI computer generated imagery a trick of the camera it's fake but let me ask you this is it any more fake than the absolute clown world that we're living in now because we must be living in a fake

circus at world if Donald Trump is walking free Donald Trump the mastermind behind the greatest and deadliest attack on American democracy the grand plot to destroy America the rape of the capital the racist insurrection of all insurrections a crime so grave and broad it makes the Holocaust look like a like I don't okay it makes the Holocaust look like common shoplifting it's not what what's the problem I don't know about that copy okay um if you haven't been paying sorry is it any so just so we're clear well and again we gotta we gotta we gotta start I know yeah and it's it's it's obviously it's my fault I'm the one that's writing it wrong but but just so I know because I'm not you know we we just need to tell you it's not it's not a

complaint but you know if like I could get oh well I think uh where is it I got it I got it all right one more it's not a complaint but if you know you could give me if you could air this feedback you know because we finish recording and then you'd leave and I'm I stay here and I clean everything up and no I mean if you had notes for the next time you know like hey don't talk about the Holocaust it seems like we were talking about the Holocaust I know but at this I'm saying in that mm-hmm we're saying that the Holocaust is bad yeah but I feel like we should move on from the Holocaust not as culturally but as a reference point for the show if you wanted to say because look it's your show it's your voice mm-hmm you want to express how bad

the January 6th is is it worse or better than the Holocaust well you said it makes the Holocaust look like common shoplifting so that actually diminishes the but that's how bad January 6th is yeah but I don't think it's worse than okay let's keep going with okay I'm sorry all right you don't have to apologize I don't want to know from now on I'm gonna say the Holocaust was the greatest crime the greatest thing that's ever happened is that what you want not the greatest thing that's ever happened the quite quite the worst thing it's like the it's like the sliced bread of crimes is that what we're going for it's the great in terms of crimes it's the greatest thing sure okay yeah but it's not the greatest thing in general it's the worst thing it's the world war

one of crimes basically I don't know about that why okay let's keep let's keep home I'm saying if you think about all wars world war one probably the worst yeah so the Holocaust is the world war one of okay I see in the way of crime I don't know about this shirt also but you picked it out that was your shirt well I just I don't know I was excited in the store but I didn't realize it was a notorious b.i.g. shirt yeah it's different picture we have clearance for that we might have to get the editor yeah okay white all right let's um okay we'll change it we'll change all of these to Ruth Bader Ginsburg do we have clearance for that yeah of course okay she's public domain once somebody dies their public domain he's dead too well you get into a weird territory in terms of

owning a black person you might want to rethink that's a good idea yeah that's true all right especially if you're gonna lecture me about I'm not like Holocaust is if I don't if I'm not like you know like I know I've heard of people that have you know I just went to the museum so it affects me as much as it does a Jewish person I don't want to okay I just want to work I went I walked through the museum I had a I had the emotions that you can access as far as the Holocaust is concerned yes I may be just some Irish fucking faggot or whatever but I wouldn't say that but yeah I've I've been to the Holocaust Museum yeah and I had an emotional connection there in the gift shop they sell like little passports of the victims you like that part I did I thought

that was cool to have it's like you're uh Jason Bourne you can like open it up you have like a passport I thought it was really cool yeah you could do that you could show a Holocaust person actually at the border yeah I died in the Holocaust actually my name is yeah my name is Daniel Finkelbaum I was born in 1919 my name is Masha Rosenblum yeah exactly and my father was upset that I was leaving the secret annex to go learn how to read uh-huh at the library against his wishes yeah exactly and that's now I've killed all of us by trying to learn yeah yeah it was all hurtful yeah um okay so do you want should we go back to the monologue don't worry because we we must be living in a fake circus world of Donald Trump is walking free yeah Donald Trump the mastermind

behind the greatest and deadliest attack on American democracy a grand plot to destroy America the rape of the Capitol the racist insurrection of all insurrections a crime so grave and broad it makes the holocaust look like common shoplifting okay let's just move on from that I mean it's just it's a test this isn't the actual show yeah we don't have the set yet but um but you can't see where I am so yeah okay so I'm just guys where we haven't bought a teleprompter we bought we bought two we tried with the iPad but okay then he couldn't see it from this side of the room and we if you notice we're in the smaller room because it's the one with the green screen right we're in the break this is the second room where we film remotes sketches anyway okay we don't we don't

have we will see um okay so I'll go from the last Holocaust yeah um maybe you try the line just I'm not gonna be pushy but try one more time to see if okay I thought that would be the big Donald Trump the mastermind behind the greatest attack this line is sort of the Holocaust of the monologue because it's the best part okay all right I I'm not gonna take that bait but okay well just we'll just continue okay all right all right okay all right hmm okay uh Donald Trump the mastermind behind the greatest and deadliest attack on American democracy the grand plot to destroy the American capital the rape of the capital the racist insurrection of all insurrections a crime so grave and broad it makes the holocaust look like common shoplifting

I don't know that's about okay okay no okay now if you haven't been paying attention to the January 6 hearings I don't blame you they're hard to stomach it probably makes me feel as revolted as Stormy Daniels did when she saw Donald Trump's penis which she refuses to say is small for some reason but we all know it is in fact she doesn't even have to say it I know my penis is bigger than Donald Trump's it's pretty good I'm gonna do a lot of this kind of stuff you should feel yourself yeah I gotta start feeling yeah gonna use the camera okay um sorry one's okay I'm not saying it's big but it's definitely bigger

than his this is more your speed yeah penis stuff penis stuff we'll make a note less holocaust more penis centered left besides the the antisemitic line the hearings wrapped up last week with this like committee taking a break on the issue for the summer because I guess something hasn't something as important as democracy can't wait until beach season is over that's fun that's fun we're gonna have to pad the after yeah we shouldn't have pissed off that Tucker guy I think yeah well he was calling you said you want a more center left this is about as good as it gets we're gonna find our

we're gonna find our voice don't worry this is a test they know okay okay and the latest development is a bombshell folks and then we'll have like a yeah yeah well that note's going to the editor he'll throw all that okay cool um alex jones has accidentally sent all of his text message and emails to opposing counsel and now they're being requested by the committee which can only mean one thing alex jones is about to go to prison for life and that could not make me any happier here which brings us to today's theme folks spite spite spite put spool you want to spite is it really that bad to be spiteful I'm not out here trying to be a good person after all I'm a progressive woman minded and sexually conscious rape hating liberal I love gay people

I love trans people I'm not supposed to have room in my heart wait room in my heart oh for spite yeah yeah I'm not it just says I'm not supposed to have room in my heart maybe there was a Freudian slip I don't think you have room in your go ahead keep going yeah yeah um but often I find myself fantasizing about getting revenge on people I've never even met some things I'll never put some things I'll just make some things I'll just make them up whole oh okay sorry this is a clumsy I'm sorry for that clumsy read go ahead yeah I mean sorry if you don't want to do it we can I don't know okay we're already at we're already at 12 minutes for the monologue but we don't have a guess this time so I feel like it's uh we gotta pad things out with the monologue we're gonna have

to pad we're gonna have to pad Dan really carried the show on Sunday I think we all got at patreon.com slash come town for now okay if you want to check that out we had a lot of fun also uh coming up two weeks I will be at Irvine California at Irvine improv I'll be there we are trying to move these tickets I'm either having micro scene or Brandon Mordell open I forgot that's fun I forgot who I requested but please come on out folks you want to check that out the Irvine improv in Irvine California tickets are on sale now you can check my website you can check their website uh you can check my social media I'll be posting about it on social media that's a place you can find it um okay tell your friends

all right Irvine improv Irvine California it's about 45 minutes away from Los Angeles it's in the Orange County yeah if you're in Los Angeles you want to come to a comedy show drive on down 45 minutes outside of rush out easy as it shows or what seven eight o'clock that's driving down there you're you're getting the tail end to rush out at most yeah you're gonna leave it free yeah maybe you'll be a little bit pissed off from driving but you'll have you've driven and you're gonna laugh it's over now you're ready to laugh and when you're driving home rush hours over you've forgotten all about it yeah so it's the hot the Irvine improv in Irvine California August within the window of the 17th through the 22nd okay I can't remember the exact dates yeah go ahead and just

to be safe block off that whole period yeah if you're a Los Angelino you have access to a large network of your Latino family or your underground midnight club car racing friends yeah tell them about it I want the vibe of the show to be like the beginning of Fast and the Furious when it's it's girl they're hot girl right yeah I want a Korean girl with like a tiny hat turned sideways in a wife beater yeah and she's hot she calling everyone the n-word yeah you know like that I know she says it yeah she not only says it she embodies it she's the she's the kind of person that they made that word for okay yeah yeah all right at the Irvine improv all right Irvine California check it out all right let me back to the monologue some oh shit it looked okay some things I'll just make

up whole cloth I think there was an extra word in that sentence that's why it was probably I mean I just wrote it you just wrote it yeah I'll think of a man you know how long it took to get this fucking thing up on a long time folks yeah okay never mind these goddamn cameras yeah I know there's been a lot of money and then lenses from Ukraine don't seem to be that good yeah this one's kind of fucked up that one's fucked up yeah we're gonna have to fix that for the next one folks anyway I'll think of a man driving a big truck with dark clouds of smoke pouring from his chrome towers and I'll imagine myself getting into an altercation with him finding myself surprisingly agile in combat removing his pants and exposing his small penis and balls to an audience of my vegan LGBT

and Indian wigger friends my therapist says this is a spiteful mentality and that it's bad but honestly it makes me happy and if it makes me happy and results in me voting correctly what's the harm in it so today on the atom free lunch show we discussed spite what is it oh sorry spite what okay fuck man can we can we just retake this can we retake the whole thing no why because I've fucked up the monologue again do you really want to do the whole thing over again I mean I just I can't keep the fuck up the monologue every fucking episode do you seriously want to redo it I don't know what do you think I think it's fine you think it's fine yeah all right okay if you want I mean you can hate the monologue but it's just embarrassing that I like people think that I can't read

trust me they want to see the learning process they want to see you okay you know I'll tell you I got a trick after this yeah I got a trick that we're gonna figure out how to make this work what's that so just power through finish the monologue up and then we'll get you we'll get you going again and then we'll take another shot of the monologue okay all right write it on the fly okay yeah all right cool so today so today on the atom free land show we discussed spite what is it good for absolutely nothing absolutely nothing oh there was an ellipse no it's absolutely dot dot dot nothing I think there the ellipse is after the nothing oh yeah it is absolutely nothing that's the way we ended the last one the theme of the last one was war yeah

and then I said what is it good for war absolutely nothing nothing a question mark so today on the atom free land show the theme is spite what is it good for absolutely nothing yeah like that there you go okay so you know you're you're upset about no well I just it's my bad no it's all right the writing wasn't there that's fine but it's not about the writing dude it's just it's embarrassing to fumble through these monologues and this is something we want to institute on the new the new show do you want to start writing the monologues I mean I can I can yeah we can write you know I can write them I can send them to you you can punch them up yeah I thought yeah I didn't know you I thought you didn't want to be doing anything other than just on camera stuff no I mean

there's a collaborative experience okay yeah I want to yeah definitely yeah if you want to write the monologues yeah well okay I want to collaborate I want to collab yeah I think it's a collab I think it's one of the Indian holidays so most of the you know the room is out for the next I know I know you know I mean they rented an elephant so they're gonna be they're gonna be busy yeah but they'll be back to work yeah they'll be back to work but to get you more comfortable we need to just this needs to feel natural to you so why don't you why don't you give us a little bit of your stand up I don't want to do I don't want to do stand up right now I don't want to do stand up right now for an empty room and you are just one man's look at no I don't want to do

that I think that's I don't it's embarrassing I think it's not only I don't I don't want to do not only what the audience want I don't want to do that right now it's what you want no it's not what I want right now I'm trying to point to your heart but I don't want to it's right here stop it that's where it is it's not what I want to do right now no I just I want to do what the show is you know so this is an exercise dude yeah it's it's honestly we're not going to burn any material I know you're on the road a lot you're working on new stuff we're not going to do anything on the roads in February well you're going you're going out and you're gonna do you're gonna want to be the best comic you know that's a different scene you're gonna release the best the best youtube special

anyone's ever seen I thought we were gonna get two points let's say nine million views and everyone's gonna love it so don't worry about the new material let's do some of the older stuff here's this is what I need to practice folks I need to get better at fake laughter not that I'll be laughing fakely but I've seen your act so I'm familiar with the jokes that's the only reason I wouldn't be laughing but I need to practice fake laughter because that is my job as a producer I shouldn't be letting you sit here and you struggle through this monologue because I know I'd seen it all it was really a struggle so I need that that's that's just I hadn't read through your hands look kind of swollen have you been using heroin no for years why swollen oh I don't know

why'd you point out my hands you know that I have an insecurity I don't know they look at like etymatic maybe what do you mean etymatic like ed ed edematous what does that mean like there's an edema like you have an edema and you're they look like they're filled with fluid oh I have not been using heroin thank you okay I've just unless you've been giving it to me in those pills no I think it's only from from from using intravenous drugs for years no pills just keep you sharp I don't shoot I don't shoot up okay all right I'm just asking let's shoot let's do some of your why don't you how about this we'll figure a bit out for you we'll write you a new hour right now okay and then and then don't even think about it in terms of monologue or top of the show you're just doing

stand-up okay so what's something that's happened this week in your life that you want to kind of sign filled out um I've been uh been getting into washing my hands with cold water yeah how's that is that good I don't know it's maybe a little condescending but it seems condescending you're going like this too yeah how do I don't know how to fake laugh that's good we got that's good yeah yeah yeah okay cold water yeah cold water come on yeah come on my whole life I've been washing my hands with hot water it feels like you're cleaning better sure but uh in this heat uh I read that now I'm bringing my hands again it's all it's the opposites what is it I was washing my hands when it's cold out I'm washing my hands with warm water when it's hot out I'm

washing with cold cold water what the hell is it yeah opposite day yeah how's that that's good right yeah don't you feel more comfortable now all right not really no no this is next bit what's the next one get some buttons open just I'm just I'm opening it no it's open it's open um what's the next thing that's going on in your life so what's the premise with the cold the the kitchen sink the washing your hands um well the premise is yeah it's that now that it's hot outside yeah I prefer washing my hands with cold water sure yeah and when it's cold outside it feels better washing your hands with hot water right and there's a sign you don't have to open up I got it don't worry about it I'm doing my job okay so what what is the premise what is the actual

joke is that that you're just washing your hands with cold water and that's relatable to people well yeah it's relatable with this heat I think because it's hot out yeah it feels like I don't know about the whole shirt even it feels like is like you know you don't why the fuck the why are we washing our hands I guess we should mind the curse words why the hell are we washing our hands with fucking hot water in the goddamn summer yeah what is it what are you gonna do it's dead a winner you're eating fucking ice cream that's that's that's yeah that's what I was getting at let me ask you this how the fuck the eskimos wash their hands well with just cold water what do you drop the whole thing how about like they got to be the dirtiest mother fuckers on earth

exactly do you think they're boiling a pot of water every time they take a shit fuck no they're wiping with a dead fish and going right back in the the ice hut what do they call it a glue yeah why is that the one word we know of eskimo we just found out what the house is they don't got names for any other shit what are they should the fucking the whatever the john smith of the arctic showed up to the eskimos and he's like hey I guess we'll do a diplomatic thing for five minutes what do you call that thing well you glue all right cool well give us your women did they would did we steal their women for sure look at that fucking that hot blubber pussy because you know they got the hottest pussies probably eskimos yeah they got it that's gotta

be five that's probably where they wash their hands well it's that and then that they all fuck the same women and yeah say that that makes them brothers and then you you eviscerate a fucking sea lion in the middle of your igloo and then you before you eat you wash your hands and your wife's hot pussy and your hot pussy and then your friend or antibacterial pussy and then your friend sleeps with her yeah and then they're like now we're brothers now we're brothers yeah how do they know in eskimo world the difference between regular brother and guy that fucked the same hot pussy to eskimo um imagine you're on stage you have this in front of an audience you're on tour you're in that's adam freeland show tour this isn't kind of yeah 2023 all right yeah someone on stage yeah

they're like yeah how do they know how do the eskimos know and you're a professional comedian you have to answer the question i guess um siblings would have the same parents that's true but that's not that's just like sort of an accurate answer rather than being like a joke thing yeah um how you could say something like how do you know how do you know when to stop fucking jacking off because your body produces no cum sir oh you have to go back at them yeah you imagine these like a crowd work yeah because that's the big thing now is these crowd work videos yeah they're gonna get you we're gonna get you some cool shoes bring you some cool shoes to wear we're gonna get you cool shoes and we'll get

you a tiktok you're gonna be a guy with cool shoes that does crowd work yeah that's a good that's a good idea yeah i think that would sell it's going to do well dude you got a lot of these guys a lot of these assholes doing crowd work you don't have you don't have a lot of them wearing women's that's the thing you want to make it a comedy now you got to have a lot of these comments they're like what kicks what kicks you wearing you gotta wear a lot of them are like a bra I'm wearing women's you need a baggy shirt tight ass fucking pants cool shoes yeah and then you just do with rips with a lot of rips on them yeah I tell you there's nothing spiteful about that there's nothing there's nothing spiteful then then spending $200 on dumb shoes to spend $200

yeah that's from the show make fun of tiktok comedy but yeah whatever I kept your seat yeah I kept the receipt I'll be returning the receipt keepers yeah so I guess it's not that spiteful if you keep the receipts yeah no it's not we're just bringing different looks to the audience right now yeah it's kind of like you know I'm on you're over here right normally when we've been doing the six years we're like huddled yeah it's kind of a weird uh-huh dynamic if I seem awkward right now I'm kind of getting used to it well there's gonna be video everybody say if you want to video you're gonna have to go to patreon.com for this slash hometown for this one and that's not because we're being dickheads in terms of like what's free and what's not free even though you

will get the audio of this for free it's because I we got a fucking strike against us immediately on YouTube on YouTube the first Adam Friedland show episode we put on there it got like content striked for something yeah well you were saying that the virus but then other people take it they just reupload it and they don't have an issue so somebody like at YouTube I guess has a problem with Adam Friedland but until I like until I know what's going on with YouTube because once you get three strikes you're fucking done so I don't want to get a second one before we can even get this thing off the ground so for now we start a new channel start off yeah clean slate zero strikes right for now you want the video to this you're gonna have to do well it's gonna have to be on

it's gonna have to be on patreon but when we have the setup we reveal the actual show this is a camera test yeah then we will be we will be uh switching over to YouTube yeah to a free model yeah well we'll make sure to put the go bananas logo just the stage up here for this whole thing really and then we'll call this the Adam Friedland crowd work hour live from Cincinnati yeah this is gonna be a spiteful crowd work show but this time of the role reversal we're now the audience is doing crowd working the audience has the tight pants and the cool shoes yeah comedian destroyed comedian destroyed by guy wearing really cool clothes by a man wearing bike shorts and women's shoes where'd you get all this shit huh where'd you get the nice clothes you certainly didn't

buy them where I bought my clothes I bought them at an H&M where'd you get that at a dumpster outside of the Salvation Army no about people throw stuff out this is the biggie smalls line this guy looks like a finance guy in a computer programmer fucking they went they went to San Francisco together and they said give me the let's just let's just have a baby dude this guy's like a mash up between uh everyone was off at me oh yeah come on guys come on what are you don't laugh at him you're paying to see me are you here with your girlfriend no my girlfriend's at home this guy's here alone are you kidding me I mean here you can't do your own traveling to do comedy your own comedy show alone I wouldn't bring my girlfriend I mean like this isn't really what

our relationship is about yeah she just we just live together and share our lives outside of this together very much so so what's going on what's uh the movie review corner this is Adam's movie review I just saw um I just saw nope oh did you did you for real I saw no what uh how was it tell me about it tell me about no because I don't understand what the movie's about it's bad I saw get out and so now I think every movie that comes out is like it's ghostbusters but about how fucking black people can't get a damn job is that the premise engage with me tell me no no I don't think yeah I think he has a job it's about black cowboys it's black cowboys they live in inland inland one of the cowboys is george floyd or something it's always there's always uh no no I think it was more of a metaphor

about uh technology there's a metaphor about technology the black technology so it's like black people there's just black headsets black very well you know what I mean no I think okay listen yeah um no yeah okay so the the film is promised that there's a guy that him and his father run a horse business have any of the any of their favorite technologies like lasted the test of time the catalogue elder auto well I was going to say eight tracks mm-hmm bluetooth headsets blackberry extinct extinct I mean I guess they're all gone it's not like they were like I love Steve Jobs like they weren't you know they weren't full on with the apple bluetooth technology has been just incorporated into white technology yeah but I mean this you know I guess the air pods are

the air pods are just bluetooth headsets or white people right and so we're like bows head you know whatever yeah but nobody walks around with a set of bows fucking circle moral headphones on taking a phone call I have really yeah that's insane you just look like an air traffic controller yeah just walk my dog take a phone call yeah I'm listening to music at a phone call yeah like that I saw a guy would take the like a older black gentleman with the the like the mcdonald's drive through the headset yeah Janet Jackson yeah the fucking like the Logitech you know like yeah playing free computer games ever quest to you know a headset walking around having a conversation playing modern warfare yeah and it's like who the fuck is he talking to it's got to be just

another guy with one of those headsets hundred percent yeah yeah he's probably piped into it he probably figured out a way to like dial into his drive through job and he's like bro I don't even got to show up at the mcdonald's anymore he's just taking orders yeah taking orders that's a small yeah that's smart man please move on down to window number two and he can just go about his life yeah that makes sense to me yeah um yeah no so nope is about these this this guy and his father uh they run a horse they like they run an animal thing for Hollywood so they're like horse trainers and they bring horses in for production yeah and then uh his father dies mysteriously uh there's like a key that like uh there were a bunch of like whatever a bunch of shit falls to the ground

and kills his father so where is it coming from and then uh what they realize is like over this valley that they live in central like inland california let's let's I mean you don't have to redo it but yeah at a certain point we're gonna have Jordan Peele is gonna come on the show yeah oh well then I like that movie yeah and uh you need to set we're gonna play a clip from the movie and you're gonna have to set it up let's can we get Adam surrounded by Steven if can we get Adam surrounded by black people for this section I don't know about that we're gonna have Jordan Peele on the show so you need to imagine this is his audience it's not his audio everyone likes get out at Steven can we get black and white people surrounding Adam all types of people yeah

Chinese just get a fucking get a kind of a united nations kind of yeah yeah general assembly kind of sure get a fucking apple commercial put it on behind them the point is is that we're gonna have Jordan Peele on he's sitting we're on sitting we're sitting over here somewhere yeah but I'm gonna be in a chair he's got a beanbag chair or something yeah and I I what I want is you're gonna set it up like Charlie Rhodes you know imagine you're Charlie Rhodes and you're trying to get people hyped okay about and maybe I'll do maybe I'll do the voice maybe I'm maybe I feel now my I gotta be Charlie do you have to be Charlie you have to be Jordan Peele okay I'll be Jordan Peele yo yeah Jordan Peele thank you for joining me today ain't no damn problem playboy film maker

sketch comedian who's on first one season one season member of the show mad tv Jordan Peele joins King Peele much better show by the way very good show yeah very good show yeah yeah um Jordan Peele is releasing the new film nope which is in theaters all over the country uh Jordan the film speaks to a lot of our uh modern condition much like all the pictures sure is that is that not correct yes but I think you forgot what the purpose of this exercise that I had to toss to you had no you have to set up the movie in a way where you're actually excited to talk about it kind of like uh not like a sort of a lackadaisical way just describing the movie to me your friend Nick who doesn't give a fuck what the movie is about in my personal life I can just go look it up or I can

go see the movie if I want okay I'll do it for the sake of the audience yeah remember we're in show business now what do you want a couple get a couple more of these buttons open okay you know do we need the do we need the do you need the bump of what drugs yeah I don't mind drugs it's embarrassing if you if you need it it's not the 1980s no this is this will be funny this kind of vibe okay but we still have an audio this is primarily an audio format folks I know you're at home pulling your damn hair out saying just tell us what nope is about I know it's not going to be funny but tell us what it's about so we can move on to the next failed bit yeah and and we can we can feel better about burning ourselves out trying to figure out how the cameras work and how

to get the then go shopping yeah yeah well you know I had to go shopping okay my next guest is Jordan Peel who joins me he's just released his skirt let's go ahead and we're gonna cut right to the and I'm not doing Charlie Rose I'm Charlie Rose is producer yeah my brother Colonel other Charlie the milk man curly curly rose it's Charlie and curly curly rose it's curly cuh llie curly curly this is my brother color and I get pussy and he gets the pussy don't mistake me for some non pussy getting okay you know why they call us rose because ain't you can't press the pedals hard enough yeah trying to drive the pussy town where we live yeah that's right I don't know the gas pedal there's two pedals the gas that takes you to pussy town that's where we live the brakes

that stops right that stops the car right where you at your house at the non pussy but the pet the rose pedals that's the gas that's how you get the pussy the pussy city by this point population population every bitch you've ever met and every bitch I've had her I've had her she's been mine for an evening sometimes in the afternoon sometimes breakfast yeah that's right what's the earliest you ever fucked a woman 4 15 a.m at the Greyhound bus depot in Austin Texas I guess again homeless woman outside technically 12 oh one right after midnight I've had sex that doesn't count that's still not time but it's the earliest you know okay whatever yeah that's regardless um I'm thinking about getting

a manicure after this I feel like women don't let me put my hands in their bodies anymore because of how dirty my fingers are yeah you should and I don't know how to clean them you could get a nail clipper I'm just gonna start using nail polish now that that's okay I'm doing that instead of washing my fucking hands every time I'm trying to clean them up in some Eskimo bitch yeah that's right she's saying you got to wash your hands before putting your hands in my pussy and I said well what the fuck do you think I'm trying to use a gutted halibut you know yeah give me that whale blubber give me some blood I gotta get in there I need to get in there thank you for just repeating the exact same exact same line yeah why don't we do this why you can sit right here on my knee

and just be a ventriloquist I'm not gonna sit on your line okay all right maybe one of these days okay anyway so yeah oh my next guest is Jordan Peele who was releasing his third picture Jordan Peele recently out of prison after doing 20 years from murder I don't know if that's the same guy maybe that's just a look he has I don't know he's a pretty normal guy spent 15 years on death row falsely accused of murdering two little two little white girls a dead man walking dead man walking falsely accused of murdering two white girls let me ask you this your next movie is perhaps going to be star trek but it's like a green mile element yes oh I'm Jordan Peele sure now you're Jordan Rose what's going on I'm Charlie I'm I'm Cully Rose you're Jordan Rose

this shirt's just and I'm Charlie Peele okay so I'm Charlie Rose but I'm a black filmmaker and I'm Curly Peele you're Curly Peele and I'm your brother and we're brothers but in the Eskimo sense we got the last name Rose is because we fucked so many women yeah we've had them we stole their flowers yeah the virgins they call me Andy from Toy Story why is that because every bitch they have my name tattooed on the bottom of my foot my name is Cully but all the way I make them guess oh it's Cully but I'm I'm I'm pitching lines to you it's Cully I got you I got you I got you they say they say my name's Cully but they call me Andy from Toy Story that's correct because every bitch I've had they'll make them tattooed my I've had them all they all it's a they all have

Buzz Lightyear written on the bottom they all got Buzz Lightyear written on the bottom go ahead what were we talking about I don't know I mean I hope Stephen can do something with this yeah it's on you now Stephen Stephen we're dying Stephen you got to save the Adam Freeland show okay do you think it'd be cooler if I no only I can wear that headphones cool because I got a hat I got a cool hat that I'm wearing this yeah I can't really hear you maybe we got to figure out some kind of we should get a little secret service things that your things I was thinking that right before we started yeah with a with a wire a little pigtail wire yeah yeah be so cool we'll wear them around New York City and we can be in the same room together it'll be just you and me

and I'll say go for Nick yeah yeah yeah yeah and then I'll say um what what do you say go for Nick yeah I say Adam's Adam's too uh switching switching switching switching go for Adam go for Adam um okay so what were you talking about so yeah um Jordan peels movie nope yeah Jordan and remember the theme of the show is spite I'm doing like a visual thing so you gotta be you gotta be spiteful in your actions okay um do we have any ads or no no ads this week come on keep it going show business you're on stage you're performing right now the cameras are supposed to put more pressure on you I know I had to do a tough love that but you gotta you gotta you gotta you gotta you gotta bring it together here okay all right all right who the fuck is this calling me pick it up I can't

okay the watch you never you don't take phone calls on your watch no it's fucked up I got water in there or something I was taking a an epsom salt bath and I think I fucked up the microphone why just take the bath it's good for my legs it's good for your legs yeah you know what else is good for your legs I cycle these boots these boots are made for fucking that's what I'm gonna do that's what I tell women they say why are you wearing gay clothes yeah are you a gay man I said come here I'll prove I'll show you who's gay and then I don't get hard I'm like this is because you you're actually you're busted now give me your take your shoes off I'm writing my fucking name on I'm writing Andy on the bottom of your foot not buzz like they call me you know they used to call

me Sid from Toy Story because I cut women up rearrange your body parts really I make a I made it I'm making a perfect woman in my house what what's the what's the feet the feet are from ancient foot-bonded Chinese Chinese tiny yeah yeah how small well they they were kept in their bonsai feet they kept them in thimbles from when they were in embryo they use chopsticks to insert a thimble into the mother's pussy wow and they encapsulate the feet in the first trimester wow so when the baby comes out it's got a little thimble feet wow and they just they stay on there really for the for until the woman is ready to be fucked at age 12 feet come off delivered to the husband bubble wrap yeah yeah um oh that's interesting yeah okay they call me wikipedia

rose what kind of legs huh what kind of legs chopsticks chopsticks yeah chopsticks embryo feet yeah and then there's just a big sloppy Mississippi torso Mississippi torso no what kind of but but not even not even so flat chested but fat that it just looks like another stomach roll right fat but but like not even with nipples in the front yeah no flat ass no thank you thank you last what kind of pussy ask him over just a body looking like a cartoon pile of dog shit just like a like you know like a baby like a baby stack of teething rings uh-huh uh-huh that's what the body looks like yeah that's interesting um okay now what kind of head like a like the brave little toaster but as a as a girl but the whole head of the the whole brave little toasters ahead

but she's got like a bow on there or something to show that it's a girl no no no it's but it's highly reflective so you can look into your own eyes while you fuck her like the brave little toaster yeah is that what happens and then after you come yeah being toast is ready guess right guess who's having a nice grilled cheese sandwich that's right me andy from toy store you can't really make a grilled cheese in a toaster you can when it's a fucking ask him a woman when it's a when you put the cheese in her pussy when it's that woman and you got your cheese in there oh you put the cheese in her toaster comes out you felt the cheese in her pussy you you put the bread that comes out of her brain uh-huh and then you stomp on her fucking smart you stomp on her

pussy and then the guess who's got a grilled cheese sandwich um i guess saying on the theme of spite um do you think it's capable or you're you're capable or anyone's really capable of forgiving and forgetting forgiving who the the person that you're feeling spiteful towards no it's his job to apologize first but like what if you did something wrong i didn't do anything wrong i'm just going to continue to take shots by silly wardrobe all right all right i'm going to continue to take very subtle but specific let's let's use this uh the example of the holocaust for instance right yeah so um people say never forget right but is it possible to forgive forgive yeah hitler yeah or the country germany it's so do you forgive hitler

i mean he's not really around so i don't have a chance to forgive what you're saying no because like sometimes now when these like the nazi hunters are like we found another one and it's like a fucking 105-year-old guy it's like bro chill he's a corpse yeah chill you're still mad about the holocaust i don't know about that i mean i think you have to you can't forget right yeah so that that's that's what i was driving at right so if you if you can forgive what you're sometimes you don't necessarily have to forget you're some guy and maybe if you forget it's a bad thing they clean the bathrooms at auschwitz like you got out you you know you're living your life now this mother if you have an iphone you shouldn't be going to jail for doing the holocaust you know what i mean

what if he was the joseph mengel of holocaust janitors they got all of those guys what if he's the worst every time they find one of these guys what if he's the holocaust of janitors what if he's the mengel of janitors yeah yeah you think that had any people with down syndrome that worked in the holocaust no they put them in the camps dude i think that's a myth they put mentally retarded people in the camps i don't i don't believe that i don't like they put homosexuals gypsies jews political dissidents all of the ones except like i can't imagine like even nazis when they're like they're like oh get in the train and a guy being like okay here we go you know like and then not being like okay this is too far this is wrong yeah right because how is that

you're like political and you're blaming that guy for the fucking post-world war one economy that you think it's his fault that's why that's not what it was all about that's why germany is is fucking having trouble no it was because he oh what he ate too many cookies no it's like eugenics right it's about eugenics it's about cleansing the cleansing the fatherland how about just all imperfect non-areas how about just look we're gonna kill all the ethnically unclean people but ladies i know you're not gonna do it but don't fuck that guy and have a kid with him i don't think that it doesn't make right and it is kind of the same logic it's the same logic of that sketch that you wrote about the guy who sees his infant come out as a mentally handicapped and

then thinks that that man that his wife has been cheating right yeah so if you if you put a mentally handicapped person in the camp you're not cleansing people from having that recessive of gene or whatever that causes mental retardation yeah yeah yeah right exactly i see what you're saying yeah so you think that the nazis would have never put no i think those guys didn't even know world war two is happening i think they were just they were put in like the the the theater next to the one from englora's bastards and they put on fucking cars too and they just sat in there and they're like oh fifth time but when they hide they're having fun yeah but then the fun and then how the shorts and yeah or they were doing janitorial services at alshwitz yeah at alshwitz

i think that they had the prisoners doing that yeah yeah that's gotta suck to be the alshwitz guys gotta clean the toilets yeah but you can like maybe an extra food ration or something you're i think that's like a a means of trustee yeah of collaborating a little bit yeah if you know what i mean yeah are you getting looser you feel better on camera i mean i'm just standing here the whole time is not what the show is going to be yeah it is no it's not where i'm going to stand here i'm going to do the monologue that i've read before yeah you know i'm going to say it professionally i'm glad they hear that you want to you want to write the monologue i don't want to write the monologue i want to collab on the monologue you know okay well i mean i've asked

you for weeks on end it's like you know if you have there's topics or something you want to talk about we can agree on a show's topic and then we can like write something in the same room yeah just give it i'm familiar with what the copy let me know how you know so that you airdrop it's me on my phone i have to read it off the notes app let me know how you well look i tell you friday verizon is going to be here they're gonna have internet yeah i'll get the printer in here we'll be able to print it out i'll get i'll bring i got a monitor we'll get a tv yeah we'll set we'll get the whole tv is every wall we blew cribs we gotta wait until the payout this month blew through all the money on wardrobe yeah cameras i know so yeah we get the printer you can have the monologue

next month lighting set lighting set month after that crew to operate all this shit so that you know we can actually do this show and hopefully the timeline will be a little bit compressed timeline will be compressed i well i don't think it'll be three months i think it's gonna be i'm gonna have to go out of town i'll be in irvine california yeah i'll tell you what folks if you're desperate for the show to get back on track where me and adam can just work on creative stuff i can hire the right people and just focus on producing the show go to patreon.com slash come down for now and sign up for five dollars i also got a poll i got a poll of the people at the higher tiers you get your name in the credits yes i got to pull those lists and send them over to steve

executive producers i got to send them over to steven so you can do we get a lot of conversion over that i have no idea i haven't even checked and then half of them we can't include because their name is like hank like hank or jeremy you know yeah or some stupid joke from the old like yeah or steve or suck stick off or yeah steven franklin mint employee also i'm a by the way that's one of the guys yeah john jake of jingles schmitt yeah adam's adam's boyfriend john jake jingles schmitt what did you just say his name was yeah yeah yeah that's my name too yeah can you imagine that would be a weird name can you imagine this is a new standout you're sitting that's that's funny yeah do you imagine if you met a guy named john jake of

heimer schmitt and you were like what's your name and then the guy's like i'm sorry is your name john jake of heimer schmitt because my name is also john jake of heimer schmitt we're i guess we're just a couple of heimer schmitts or are you over the philadelphia uh heimer schmitts yeah yeah oh yeah very interesting my uh what is that is that german or african you know it's actually neither at ellis island they uh my grandfather's being incredibly annoying yeah and they made him that yeah my grandfather's name is bob thomas yeah it wasn't even a hard foreign style name to do france because he kept trying to cut the line yeah and he got shithead changed to schmitt but the courts wouldn't let him change the rest of the name every judge the dmv the dmv

i'm sorry i don't know if we can we can accept this this this but what is it called like a poll of what is it called the legal process to change your name i don't know like your petition yeah petition the poll the i don't know the poll of the register you're you're unfortunately going to have to remain his friends jingle face shithead schmitt schmitt yeah yeah well we'll change the last one to do your ellis island insolence anytime i think about ellis island i imagine just like a big like open prison but then with all the little shops from the statin island ferry yeah like a placing at a pan and yeah like a fucking yeah a pan quotidian all the french uh the french sandwich place who yeah are you tired no you're sleepy no it's already five o'clock we've been

here since noon so no we've been here earlier than that yeah we got in this morning did we yeah i met you at bnation what do you want to do you want to get dinner after this i can get dinner after this let's get let's just for the fans and i know you're tired i'm not tired we can keep going we're sleeping i mean it's just weird that you're sitting right now you're wearing women's shoes i'm standing up right now on a mark right now in front of the screen screen you know i assume that the structure of the show is that i get to live a monologue audience that's why we need we need uh we need camera operators so that you can sit down and it won't you know you're not going to be because these are set up everything's locked i know so we're gonna have to maybe we can pause

i don't know how to pause we don't like we're hoping these things record last time the video keep running it well we got new cameras for this episode yeah but you know how it goes yeah are the red lights still on yeah they're both on oh okay well what about what do you know what do you say what do you know mm-hmm yeah so i mean here's is there any way with the green screen we can make it look like i'm jacking off uh captain Picard onto his face no okay i mean we don't know yet we don't know what it's gonna look like hey everybody we're live on star trek okay are you a big fan of star trek you like star trek i wouldn't say big fan there i mean the guys that are big fans are big fans you know yeah

but i'm familiar absolutely you're a big fan no i don't know yeah you are no no i'm not yeah you are what am i a big fan of star star trek no i'm a big fan of space star trek happens to be a part of space the final white space yeah because it it reminds me of the possibilities yeah it's true you know yeah all right what's going on why are you so sleepy i'm just yelling man well what are you sleepy about i'm not sleeping about this show tell us about the movie nope let's let's try to get let's just get through no all right all right let's get and then and then you can go home and take a nap i don't want to go home and take a nap i just it was a natural here i'll go flex we don't have any see we have three folding chairs right now we don't have anywhere to sit i'll go my girlfriend's mom is

offering us a sofa couch that we can sit that we can use i'll go out right now and i'll get a fucking a little like doggie bed or something you can take a nap i don't want to sleep on it i'll rush this over i'll down i gotta get this down to steven you can start cleaning this up salvage what we can get a salvage yeah yeah it needs to be salvaged i mean like who that's gonna take some editing yeah we'll cut this down to 12 minutes yeah we'll do a 12 minute episode yeah we'll get something our first our first 12 minute episode yeah and then you know you can take your nap and then we don't have to worry about it so tell us about the movie nope maybe i'll maybe i'll maybe i'll maybe i'll swing the bat here we can get something out of this nope okay so nope is a leslie nope

that's kind of the opposite right so karen white lady kind of a karen white lady white lady that's the boss that's right how about leslie nope but it's no pe she's like i ain't coming to work today isn't that what it's spelled like no it's knop i never read her name oh yeah okay yeah so that's that'd be funny yeah yeah well it's not about her it's not that's why i went to go see it of course was because i thought it was the parks and recreation movie that we've been promised for so long but it's not um it's it's yeah so it's about black cowboys that raise horses to be in hollywood pictures so it's sort of like a down low broke back mountain now there's no home there's no homosexuality there's no actually i don't think there's any romance in it why wasn't

why wasn't down low mountain happened down low mountain back mountain down low yellow down yellow down low yeah yeah that that could be good yeah down low down low mountain down low mountain down low winds but the mountains aren't low mountains are high okay but you understand the premise of i understand yeah maybe it could be like black broke back it could be down low valley mm-hmm yeah so but white people are broke back steakhouse that's good it's no rules just guy just no rules except one big guy just big guy that's pretty good yeah out back mountain out back gay australian guys yeah okay that's a restaurant yeah okay out out break out break mountain out break mountain and it's monkeypox and it's well it's yeah it's gay guys gay guys in the bag it's a monkey

broke back mountain they should call it outbreak mountain that's right yeah yeah um damn i need to lasso up my t-cells because they're all wandering off the fucking the range what's that one anyway okay uh yeah so it's this is this guy and his father they run a horse farm mm for hollywood they're both black cowboys yeah and his father dies tragically and he basically through lack of his own charisma and a horse getting spooked um loses his like contacts in hollywood and he's forced basically to just start selling off his horses to a local like old west simulated town yeah okay um also in the beginning of the movie they have but again can you can you pitch the movie again as if you're talking to an audience yeah

and you're trying to sell the movie like you know like fucking like charlie rose does or yeah or uh you know what you got going on your phone there no nothing nothing yeah no this will cut this no we won't what do you mean what do you mean we'll cut it okay i'll tell you folks nope is a what okay good to it yeah folks nope is a movie by director jordan peel about gay black cowboys from australia who have created a a simulated town in the mountains where gay sex is seen as straight sex yes and it's called outbreak outbreak steakhouse and it's called who ate all the damn pussy not me correct in parentheses not me yeah directed by jordan peel ladies and gentlemen jordan peel he's like thank you charlie thank you thank you thank you charlie

that's actually not what the movie's about well pardon me mr black man no i don't think charlie rose would say that yeah no he'd be like oh i'm sorry oh did you come here just directly from the prison yeah yeah are you from here from prison is where you're from no is like i've never been a prison actually i'm a sketch comedian turned horror can we get you know who you know who i play pool with every sunday after church the warden maybe he'd like to maybe he'd like to violate you all i don't know i don't know what you're talking about because i've never been a prison yeah i'm an actor and a filmmaker sure but charlie rose doesn't know that yeah well he should know that he should do his research before he has a damn guest on sorry is that good yeah that's pretty good yeah

that's how tucker laughs does yeah he does he does laugh like that yeah that's pretty funny yeah anyway is that how a normal person laughs from nancy polosi's husband you can do it yeah that's pretty funny what happened with him he got like a du i i think he just does insider trading every week now he got a du i also did he i saw that on shawn hannity how old is sometimes you if you watch tucker long enough you start watching shawn hannity well it comes on after yeah and shawn hannity after tucker it's like it's like having tucker's like having like a you know like a disgusting meal that tasted good yeah you know it's like like getting like

country fried steak or something just something egregious yeah really like oh man i can't believe i did this nasty that was nasty yeah it sounded good in my head yeah yeah like gnocchi like something really rich yeah just fucking gnocchi is nasty i've never had good gnocchi and shawn hannity comes on and it's like and here's dessert and it's like a fucking snack well cookie yeah or something that just sucks dick something that's like no yeah no place being called dessert right every time tucker ends and that little fucking that little fat little worm chode man is like thanks tucker yeah tonight donald trump and he's just still sucking trumps dick yeah every but i thought fox news is pivoting away from trump not shawn hannity not hannity and not like i've i've seen trumps body

it's a perfect body his penis is huge he's like in love with them yeah yeah yeah yeah um yeah and then tucker goes hard he's like yeah these vaccines don't fucking work they're killing you they're killing your children yeah and then they go to shawn hannity and they have tampons in the mens room well nancy polosi's husband ran a stop sign i can't do that yeah let's bring on let's bring on the ceo of fizer to say why that's bad does he do that yeah he's like tucker's the only anti-vaccine guy oh hannity's provax yeah hannity's just hannity just loves donald trump that's his only like political position is that he's in love with donald trump yeah and he hates he's in love with donald trump the way the fucking the guy in beauty and the beast loves gaston like that little fucking

no one they sound the same too the same voice gaston's boyfriend no one fights like donald trump no one dances like donald trump no one rubs my little head like donald trump yes yeah that's hannity yeah um yeah no what were we talking about i i was talking about shot hannity oh yeah oh no you're still we must stand so basically what it is is that there's an alien above them and the alien will only kill you if you look at the alien and it's a heavy-handed metaphor for if you look how looking at your screens is killing you that's what i've decided the movie is about i'm not sure if that's what it really is about but it seems like that's what he's trying to say yeah and by the end of it i was like that's that's pretty that's a lame ass movie that's awesome thanks yeah

yeah he is that's the oh no i was trying to be authentic yeah genuine no i mean you think it's awesome that's awesome man that's pretty good is that how do people laugh my laugh sounds terrible people don't like it i'm like yeah that's pretty good well we gotta we gotta one of us is gonna have to laugh on the show it's your job to say the jokes my job to laugh so i gotta learn i'm gonna have to practice laughing yeah so uh

maybe that'll be this weekend at patreon.com slash come town this is probably the last one i have time to do before i hit the road what are you going well i mean before i'll be kind of well no i'll be in town i forgot we moved to schedule to monday's and wednesday's i'll be in irvine california yes but i gotta buy those plane tickets i also gotta sell the tickets to the fucking show but you're there in two weeks i am there in two weeks yeah so we got two weeks it's a huge room it is a huge room and if you don't sell the tickets it's like that's like the end with the improvs yeah so if the tickets don't move it's like well there goes comedy there goes doing stand-up well you're producing the show it's doing very well that's fine dude honestly it's like that would

sort of be kind of like a blessing in disguise because then i could focus on this 100 which i tell you this is the only thing making me happen anymore look at me you look great wearing bike shorts and women's do you think i would have done this for come town no way never no way yeah no way that was it was sapping or a slog an absolute slog live puts look we can have a live force we can have we can have a shit episode of this and i'm still fully on board i tell you it needs to pop this is you know what i like about this show is this show makes me laugh harder than come town but not as much and i think that's good the shoes thing was very funny it paid off i laughed really hard no way now we can do physical comedy yeah that's

sure maybe next time i'll have a dildo strapped in my head maybe i'll just be trans yeah maybe i'll just be a trans woman yeah that's a good idea but i'll stick to it so knowing you know i'll just i'll walk right up the line so everyone knows that i'm lying but they can't say anything yeah because i'll sell it that much yeah just in case yeah you know what i mean that's pretty good yeah i like that i probably shouldn't have said that part yeah yeah but i will we can cut that we can cut that well no you know i'll just say like well that was part of my process yeah that was part of what that's how i don't tell don't tell me how to all right folks thanks and then roll credits and maybe we'll maybe we'll get to the music going for the credits

so we have a freedom track that's written by and then produced by that's where your name is you can have your name here see these all these names from by right now your name could be right here you sign up a picture on dot com all right thanks guys