The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. X017 – TAFS Van Life

Episode Date: September 1, 2022

SECOND PHILLY SHOW ADDED SUNDAY @ HELIUM patreon.com/tafs for premium

Thanks for watching! Oh, ladies and gentlemen, it is the Adam Friedland show podcast. Welcome. The podcast about the Adam Friedland show. Yes. We are super fans of the Adam Friedland show. There's a room here to make sure I don't. Yeah, you're listening to Talking Friedland.

We're tight, yeah. I'm your host, Chris Smalldick. Yeah. Chris, what do you say about the allegations that have surfaced recently? Against who? Against you. Against me? What was I, Gadzooks, what was I accused of this time?

It was a force, complaining that my girlfriend's starfish is stirring sex. Do you remember that? That's what he got canceled for. What is starfish? He's like... He just put your arms and legs apart. Actually, I met that girl that he was dating. She was some very beautiful girl, like a model or something, a streamer.

Where'd you meet her? At the Meltdown Comics, like 10 years ago. And that was probably at the height of Chris Hardwick's... Nerd comedy. Yeah. Yeah. It was when I was living in LA and there was that... I wish there was a better word for it.

Maybe I'll try to coin it right now. And now that it's far enough in the rear view, the whole vibe is encapsulated enough that that weird kind of like earnest... Not just nerd culture, but that nerd culture that's like very highly compact. I guess it is just nerd culture. Because it's like you forget that. It's neo-nerd culture. And nerds have always been like the entitled dickhead.

They always frame themselves as like, you know, this is their whole thing. It's like in high school, they're like, yeah, well, one day I'm going to be a millionaire and you're going to be bagging my groceries. And it's like, well, what's wrong with people to bag groceries, you fucking piece of shit. But what was I even talking about? Revenge of the nerds. A word that you're talking about. You're going to go back to revenge of the nerds.

Like the whole thing with that movie is like, they're supposed to be some kind of underdog. But then that main guy, and this is a trite observation, the main guy rapes a woman. And that's supposed to be seen as like... He does. He's wearing the mask. He's wearing the alien mask. So he tricks a woman and he's got a huge cock, so he gets away with it. He gets away with it.

So that's like the whole thing is like, it's always like seeped in this very seedy, angry type of entitlement that the people that are supposedly oppressing the nerds don't like, you know, like what's worse, calling a kid a fag for playing video games or shooting up your entire fucking school with an Uzi and planting bombs in the cafeteria. I'd say the shooting. The shooting of the school. So basically all of Chris Hardwick's thing, that whole world, the UCB type, the improv guys, what they're saying is that rape is good.

Yeah, women are always pussy. Yeah, because women have committed the crime of fucking a guy who's popular and good at sports. So they deserve to be raped and not only raped but then dying in a school shooting and being blown up in the cafeteria. There hasn't been enough celebration of school shooters as nerds, yeah, as being part of nerd culture. Yeah, it's funny because like Elliot Roger got framed as like, you know, that was the

MRA shooter or whatever, the sense of entitlement. Yeah, that is true. He did kind of explicitly say that. But like, it's not even like, like Dylan and the other guy, Eric, were probably attractive guys. And it's not even that the women weren't fucking them, it's that the women were maybe also had an interest in the people that are more sort of mainstream. Correct.

And so it's they, they hate, they hate society fully. Well, it was Marilyn Manson's music that led them to do that. It was. Yeah. Marilyn Manson, who also didn't he finally get me tooed by his, by his own dick? Hey, he sucked me, he sucked me and I told him not to when he took his ribs out and sucked me. Lock it up there.

Shout ahead. That's how Marilyn Manson talks. He does a little with his dick, his dick's got a like a little wig on his little, he has a little string. Hey, hey, shut it down there. Shout ahead. That's what he calls his cock because it's filled with Chowder. He's a child.

Fuck. God damn it. Come Chowder. I just, I think I just chipped my tooth on the mic. Yeah. I need the wind guard. Trying to reach over here to turn, turn my levels down a little, I'm, I'm, I'm clipping a little up.

So anyways, what was I saying? Chris Hardwick. Yeah. That's what he got. Oh, so what's the word for it? Oh, Starfish. Yeah. I don't know.

I wish I was, I wish I was a smarter guy so that I could coin. Cause you know, I came up with the term misogyno, misogynoir. And that became a real thing. That became a real thing. That was like, it's funny. I think people kind of like memory hole that, that I was actually the first person to say misogynoir and then it like caught on and I just did it as a joke and then that, you know, then it became a thing.

But yeah, what would be a word for that, for that, uh, uh, let's call it darthing, like Darth Vader. Okay. Yeah. They're darthing. Who are the nerds? Yeah. Darthing is when you like, you pretend to be the, maybe that's, maybe that's a horrible

choice. I don't get it. I thought I just picked something from Star Wars. Yeah. Is it the force or something? I have no idea. Perfidy would be a better example. Yeah.

Perfidy is like, is probably the correct word for that. But there was kind of like a tyranny of the nerd and comedy for a while. Yeah. Meltdown, Meltdown comics was like the main, the main independent comedy room in LA. In dark night, when the, when the, the, the, there's that populist, they get everyone out of prison and they set up their own courts and they're highly punitive and killing everybody. For every reason. Yeah.

And that's how the, the nerds work. But, but, you know, and a lot of people will say, but Nick, aren't you a nerd? No. I'm a, I'm a loser. You're a loser. You're not a nerd. Which is not a thing. The difference between that is there's no community with losers.

There's no, there's no, there's no loser, right? It doesn't exist. I'm just a guy that sucks sort of by himself. Yeah. It's not an identity. In a way that you really can't relate to. Yeah. You don't have like a girl that's like, yeah, I'm actually like a total loser.

Yeah. Right. Exactly. Yeah. There's no, yeah. Groups. They're not going to like go to the loser meetup. I'm just, I'm going to play.

I'm going to, I'm going to like, is there an r slash losers? It doesn't matter how much money I make. I will always be a loser. You'll still be a loser. Yeah. I've, we, we're making more money now than you still sleep. Half the nights on a sofa. No, I still go to, I go home.

And the other half of nights on the floor. Yesterday was like the first like quote unquote day off. Yeah. I know. I ate an entire box of cereal and then I've, I found out that they added wave race to the Nintendo switch and audibly in my apartment by myself, I went, ooh, and I heard myself do it. I heard it.

And that is, that's an awful noise. Yeah. To yourself make. Oh God. I went into a 20 year old game that I rented maybe five times from blockbuster. Yeah. Yeah. No, but what he, yeah, he got canceled by, by that girl.

Chloe. He got me too early on. Yeah. And then the me too. Hardwick. Hardwick. Yeah. And I got to remember this before we get too far into this.

It blew chew. Is it the read this week? Because I accidentally fucked up and I did my bookie last week and not blue chew this week. So I'll do, I'll just say my bookie again because technically they bought this week just to keep things. So they got a free, free read last week. Yeah.

So what he got canceled for is he was like sending her, he was like, you need to be, you need to be more, you know, you got to make the pussy pop during fucking. Yeah. So she's just kind of laying down. She was laying down. Which is how that means. Honestly, if he just sent her a text being like, Hey, you know what, like, I just, you know, do with you.

But if like, maybe if you're like, if there's something I could do that maybe like make you more into it or something, you know, then it wouldn't have been as bad. The fact that he used the term star fishing, like he's, he's on some forum. Yeah. Where he knows that where there's like guys are like, they just starfish. It's like a nerd term. Yeah. I would assume.

Like what you have to be. It's not a cool thing to say. What you have to be Googling. That's what it should be called. Her name was Chloe Dykstra. Let's just use, let's, I didn't want to say her name because I didn't want. What's in the news? It's in the news, but I didn't want to.

What's it called? No, let's call it that. Let's call the nerd thing that. Let's just appropriate star. Star fishing. Star fishing. Yeah. Massage a noir fishing.

And then I can piggyback on the success of my, my last, what's it called when you invent a word? Um, I don't know. I think inventing a word. I don't know. That's going to be a word for that. I'll look it up. Taxa Lexa.

Lexagenesis. The Lexagenesis of, of, uh, let's call it that. It's called neologism. Neologism. Yeah. It's a new speech utterance. Oh, okay. Well, let's forget that we're going to call it, uh, Lexagenesis is what it's called.

That's fine. So I'm neologizing. Lexagenesis. I'm going to neologize. Lexagenesis. So my lexagenetical, uh, uh, utterance of massage a noir has now been followed up. You could call it my heat too. Yeah.

Yeah. Is star. Wait, I guess we're just now we're just changing the definition of a word. Yeah. Yeah. Star Wars fishing. Star Wars fishing. Death Star fishing.

Okay. I kind of like Darcy. I think massage a noir has just got a lot more, a lot more magic. It does. Yeah. Black girl magic. Black girl magic. What happened to black girl magic?

Did we find out that it was not real? They got it. They got expelled from Hogwarts. How old were you when you found out black girl magic isn't real? Um, it was like a finding Santa Claus. Mm hmm. You know, it doesn't exist. Mm hmm.

I found out that this whole time my dad was doing black girl magic. Mm hmm. Instead of, uh, all these black girls, I don't know. It was heartbreaking. Mm hmm. But I think, what was I gonna say? I don't fucking know. Yeah.

We're exhausted from the last episode, but we're really happy right now. I think we're happy. No. Yeah. I don't know if I'm happy. I mean, like I, I, do you want us to have a real conversation about it? No. Okay.

Good. The conversation was just kind of a statement because I was slow kind of riffing on something. I just wanted to contextualize the situation right now for the audience, our friends, the audience. Um, but yeah, we're here at the studio in Manhattan, New York. Yeah. I don't know. Happy is not a sustainable thing, especially working on like anything creative, especially

with like videos. The nice part about doing the podcast for the last six years is like when it sucks, you could be like, yeah, it was just a conversation. I didn't care. It didn't matter. Yeah. It didn't matter. When you spend a lot of time making stuff and then it's like not how you wanted it to

be. Yeah. Then, uh, it really makes me want to fucking kill myself. I see what you're saying. Yeah. The winds feel exhilarating, like you're flying and the losses feel devastating. The nice thing about getting older is it starts with your body. Your body gets older before your mind does.

I feel, or it starts getting like older. I don't mean like aging, but like, you know, joints start hurting and stuff like that. But then it's like, now I look like shit all the time. And I feel like shit. It's like there's a limited amount of time. I might as well, I've embarrassed myself so much in my life. Um, in public. Yeah.

In public. Yeah. I might as well just be like, okay, this is the best I can do. And if it's fucking bad, then. Well, it's not, it's the beginning of what you're going to do. Sure. Whatever. Yeah.

I'm not looking to, yeah. We, I, we, it's fine. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah. But, uh, But I know what you mean. It's fun to make shit.

It's a lot of fun to make shit. And then it's also very upsetting. Yeah. It's kind of like, you know what, you know what the creative process is sort of like? Yeah. Is like, you're looking at your own dick through a magnifying glass. And then the mag, you get, you get so excited and you're getting closer and closer. And eventually you don't see the magnifying glass anymore.

And you're like, do I have the biggest dick in the entire world? And then you'd like go to show it to other people. And they're like, what are you talking about? And you're like, no, but wait, where did the magnifying glass go? And it's gone. Yeah. And the magnifying glass is gone. Yes.

And you have to find the next magnifying glass. And that's next week's episode. You have to invent the next magnifying glass. Yeah. Yeah. And then you, it's pulled away. Your dick's not even hard. Yeah, exactly.

You weren't even hard. It's so small. It's small. It doesn't work. It's soft. It's small. It doesn't work. It's unattractive.

It's bad. Look, it looks bad. Even then it's bad looking on top of it. Oh man. Fuck it. I'm just going to spend, I'm going to spend $10,000 on props. Yeah. Yeah.

Is that how much do we spend? No, I don't know. We spend a lot. You did buy a professional grade photo printer. To make the book check it. Which I'll tell you guys, if you want to go to, oh, by the way, I guess this comes out today. We added a show in Philadelphia Sunday night because they were sold out.

So I'll be there Sunday night. I'm going to go home after this and do my best to write a new 30 minutes because I guess Kyla has posted a lot of clips. And so now almost my entire act is online. Yeah. And I'm so excited because I didn't, I had no material before those Austin shows. I'm like, oh, fuck, I got to do, I got to be on stage for an hour. I got to do something.

Right. And you just came up. I just sort of pulled it all out of my ass. You kind of podcasted on stage. I did. And now that kind of, so I got to just start that over again. Yeah. You got to do it again.

So I'm going to try my best. We'll try to have fun this, if you, it's going to be a workshop weekend. Hopefully. I think by the end of the weekend you'll have something new. Hopefully. Yeah. Hopefully. I will be in Seattle, September 23rd, Portland, September 24th, Los Angeles, September 30th,

October 1st. You can get all those tickets at adamfreedland.com slash tour. Also, I'm selling shirts. Three new shirts coming out next week, adamfreedland.com slash shop. Thank you. And then I might, I might, because I'm still sitting on, I still have com.town. And I also own adamfreedland.show and the adamfreedland.show. Nice.

So I might just point, I'll either point those to the shop or to the Patreon. Yeah. Nice. But the, what was I going to say? Oh yeah. The book. The book. I tried to, so I tried to do this.

I tried to like just give it away on Patreon. Yeah. And when I typed in giveaway book, it's like pops up with this warning that it says, it looks like you're trying to do a giveaway. That's actually illegal. What? Yeah. Because I guess technically it's like a form of gambling.

So there's, there's like specific ways in which you can. How do you do it then? It has to be open to everybody because I tried to set it just to like specific tiers. But, but yeah, it's like, it either has to be open to the public. It has to be like a contest. Like I might do a thing where it's like, maybe we'll, I really don't like the idea of, there's a lot of people who sent in unsolicited monologue jokes, which like, hey, cool move. Yeah.

If it were 1943. Yeah. That's how you get a job in comedy. Yeah. That's how you, yeah. That's how Woody Allen got a job in comedy. That's literally what everybody looks at. He said jokes into the radio.

It's wild how the world used to work. Used to be able to just move the New York from a cornfield and go like, top floor of the Empire State Building, please. Yeah. Like I'd like to be the president of Pan American Airlines. And I'm like, well, we'll give you a shot. Yeah. 15 people died in a plane crash at Idlewild Airport last night.

Looks like it's back to Iowa for new CEO, Johnny Dinkledorp. Yeah. What's Pan Am going to do next? I guess wait for the next retard to wander into the office. Well, those guys like saw their, their friends die in their arms in Korea. No, not Korea. These are, these are like, these are, these are lost generation guys. Oh, lost generation.

Yeah. These are all World War one guys. I love those guys. Yeah. They just sat in a trench being like killed by nerve gas. They come home with just, just that war is sucked. That had to have sucked. Dude, like, you know what?

I, you know what I couldn't deal with in World War one? Just the mud. It's so boring. All the mud alone. You get trench foot. Yeah. Yeah. Your shoes suck.

You take even in mud. You're in Belgium. Let's ignore the bullets. Yeah. The razor wire. Yeah. Yeah. The constant shelling and the gas.

And it's got to be so boring. Those fucking trenches. Right. Yeah. Just, just sitting there overdosing on Tenakton or whatever you have to fucking do to survive. I couldn't do it. Oh my God. Yeah.

Yeah. What is it? I don't know if you saw 1917, but I did. Yeah. Shot by. I thought it was pretty good. Our friend, Deacons, who, who did a lot of people. I don't know if people recognize it.

That was him. He's doing the. The cold open. Yeah. I'm going to do the next one as a continuous shot. It's so, it's so funny. It'll be a big. It'll be a tracking shot.

I can't remember where that started. I think it started with Birdman, but there's been this thing recently where they're like, it's all one continuous shot. And it's like, well, it's digitally stitched together. Which means. Yeah. It's a gimmick. Well, it's not a gimmick.

It's just not a continuous shot. No. That's the magnifying glass. There is one. There's that Russian movie or I don't know if it's right. Is it Russian arc? It's like two hours. What's it called?

Russian. Yeah. It's funny to say that we're going to do a continuous shot where it's like, I don't think, I don't think our thing we could get through a single line of dialogue. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Russian arc.

Yeah. You didn't memorize a single line for that thing. No, no. It was impressive. A little peek behind the, behind the curtain. I was just on that phone call. Just repeating Nick, just reading me. Dude, it's so much fun.

It's so much fun to make shit. Yeah. What is the Russian arc? It is so much fun to make shit. And you have a great hour or two right after you've done it and you feel great. I don't even get that. Like when I used to write. No, we were at the restaurant with Alex.

We were feeling good. We were like stoked. We're like, we're making. Wasn't there one more thing to do though? Yeah, we felt like it was a win. No, but that was still in the process of doing it. I don't know. Like I used to have it all the time when I would like write.

Like, you know, when I just made all my money, like doing that, like Nicole stuff is, you know, we'd have days where it's like you do something and it would just click and I'd feel really good about it. And I'd send it off. And the instant, like the instant I would walk around, it'd be like New York in the fall. Yeah. I was 25 and it's like, yeah, living in like, you know, in a squalor. But you know, I mean, like that was the first time in my life where it was like, I'm only

doing the thing. Yeah. Like nothing else. No day job, nothing. It's just the thing. Yeah. And yeah, I'd finish something and I'd go out and like, yeah, New York in the fall. I'd sit with like a book in the park.

Yeah. And I'd really feel like I'm like, I'm doing it, you know, and then then in your head, it's like, no, you're not. You suck. You fucking faggot. You made $100 from a fake article. From a fake article that sucks and it's barely. No, it was very funny.

And then you're like, you feel worse. You feel worse. I mean, it is like drug addiction. Yeah. No, that's really how it feels. Like, you know, there are times where I felt like I wanted to cry for a gay competition. But you want to cry all the time. That's true.

I do want to cry all the time. But it's just, you get like, you get so pit, you get pissed. You get like happy. It's fun. I mean, we're like, it's the, the other thing that's kind of exciting about it is just like, we're just starting, you know, like, we're actually good. We're in our mid thirties. We're just starting shooting stuff though.

We're in our mid thirties. We did. We're gassing ourselves up right now. We shot a one six minute video. Yeah. Making stuff. You know what it's like is it's, uh, yeah. I'm just, I'm talking like I'm in the James Cameron suffering.

We're literally, we're talking like we're fucking inside the actors studio. Yeah. Yeah. It does feel good though. It does. It does feel good. It's truly magical. No.

And that's, it's weird because it gives you kind of a perspective on how like people turn into rapists in the entertainment industry because you turn everything into this romantic process. You're like, no, we're not, I'm not, I'm not, you know, fucking an actress at gunpoint. That's, it's part of my process. Yeah. We're artists or whatever artists. We're, we know that we have, we know these film guys, you know, Belandix raped.

Don't say it. Belandick. Oh my God. Yeah. They were mean to them. They were mean to them. That's our friend. It is our friend.

You shut up. Yeah. You shut up guys. But you shouldn't look to be clear. You should have booked it. You were like, you were like, let's have Belandick on the show. And I did say, I don't know how that would go. I will take ownership for that.

And I will say also that he has a lot of really funny things to talk about, but he did not, we did not get there. So, you know, but that's on us. That's on the, uh, that's on the broadcaster. Meanwhile, I brought my friends on and they carried the whole show. Who, the cars? Yeah. They did great.

Yeah. We had a good time with them. Yeah. Um, sorry, just got a text. Oh, from who? A girl. Not your girlfriend? Not my girlfriend.

A different girl? A different girl. No, something. Are you sure you want to be saying that on the show? Uh, it is a friend of mine's girlfriend who wants to borrow the car. It's actually my, my girlfriend's brother's girlfriend. She wants to borrow my car. It doesn't work.

My car. Which car? The Mercedes? Yeah. It's done. They're the Audi. I'm not, I don't have an Audi. Is the Lamborghini still in the shop?

Lamborghini is still in the shop. Yeah. It's been in the shop for nine months. Those things are so much expensive. So, so much, uh, so much money to maintain. You got to maintain it. Yeah. If you put, you put 75,000 miles on it and you didn't get a single oil change.

I know. It's going to happen. It would be very funny. It's a work of Italian art. To have a Lamborghini and there's just like, like fucking like a big Buford wrapper crammed into the cup holders. Where it's just like you strap things to the top with ratchet straps and stuff. Yeah.

Like a CD case. The doors don't, don't aren't working. Yeah. No, Lamborghini's are pretty fucking ugly if you ask me. A man who could not afford one. But anyway, what were we saying? Um, I don't know. I guess we should, uh, I thought we came in hot on the Chris Hardwick stuff.

No, I'm looking at my YouTube recommended videos. Big iron development of the cult 1848 dragoon revolver. U.S. military rifle since 1776. I found their scam call center. Let's call them. Oh. Who watches the watchman? Oh, I don't know.

Um, why was the cult peacemaker so popular? Which was gun stuff? Why? Yeah. Why do you have so much guns? I don't know. Cause you were looking for a gun? Um, yeah, I guess.

Anyways, let's see what's, uh, let's see what, let's go to filmforum.com. Yeah. Let's see what's playing. This is a, this is a, this is a, uh, now we got the big desktop out. Uh, oh, we got Dr. Strange love tonight. We got the territory. Carnal knowledge. You ever see this?

No. It's all right. It's Mike Nichols. Yeah. Carnal knowledge is part of that. Like, uh, Jack Nicholson run in the early, early seventies. King of Marvin gardens. Five easy pieces.

Oh, it's like that one studio. Last detail. That was, that was a, that was the studio that made BTS studio. BTS. Yeah. They made a, what do you call it? Easy Rider, which sucks. You know, Jack Nicholson is coming out of retirement to do a K-pop movie.

No, he's not. Yeah. He has advanced Alzheimer's. It's tragic. It's really sad. TMZ tragic. Jack Nicholson's advanced Alzheimer's has convinced him he's a K-pop. He just has the fucking two block haircut.

And he's like do do go diggy bug. Making up Korean. I heard a good Hollywood rumor about Mike Nichols. What? Now that we're in Hollywood. What? On the set of catch 22, he, every night he was in a, he would have a triad sexual relationship with the Japanese, with the Japanese mafia.

No, Chinese are the triads. Triads. Yeah. Yeah. It's cold out because each one of us, our dick has three inches. What's the guy's name? Triad stands for the three inches of the dick. The first inch, the penetrator, the second inch, the support, and the third inch, the

base. And to, to three of those form the power of the Chinese. The triangle dick. The Chinese penis. What's his name? Anthony. Sorry. Gay actor.

Gay actor. Anthony. What? Gay actor. Anthony. What's his fucking name? He's, he's the less exciting one in the, in the triad, sexual triad. Now I'm saying a, I'm saying a rumor and I'm forgetting the guy's name.

I want to say Anthony Edwards, but it's not him. Was the film catch 22 good? I've never seen the film catch 22. I read the book. Yeah. Fuck. What's his name? Anthony.

Oh, Anthony Perkins. Okay. So it was Mike Nichols and he was fucking Anthony Perkins. And then the third person in the gay sex triad was none other than Mr. Art Garfunkel. Wow. Yeah. And I heard a rumor that Art Garfunkel used to take his hair and shove it into women's pussies.

That was like bunching up on the top of his head and trying to get all of his hair into women's pussies. That's, he's got a lot of hair that guy. Yeah. Have you seen bad timing? No. The Nicholas Rogue film with Art Garfunkel. He rapes a bitch.

Does he? Yeah. He rapes a bitch with that movie. I guess we should go to Craigslist. What, what were we trying to find? The CRT TV? No. I'm gonna buy that on Amazon.

RVs plus camp. I love spending money on the show. Yeah. I love not making any money from the show. Honestly. Yeah. It should just like. It's kind of very liberating.

We should figure out a budget so that all of the money is spent and we get like, I don't know, enough to cover rent and stuff. The show only gives us five grand each. Yeah. And then, and then the rest of it all just goes to props. Yeah. Expensive. Props and sets.

But penthouse apartments. I'm trying to have sets. Three hours at a penthouse apartment. Damn, bro. I'm trying to have sets for you. You're trying to find an RV right now? I'm on the show. I'm on the show like mobile home kick.

You want a full mobile home? Why don't you just get a sprinter? That's what people do. No, I'm not trying to. You could be like a Gabby Petito van life kind of woman. I kept cracking myself up like a month ago. Going around like this in a van life. You homeless.

Talking about van life. Talking about van life. You homeless in my apartment. Oh, you should get an Airstream. I don't know. Airstreams are gay. They're hipster. No, I want like an actual trailer and get a little place.

Get some land in the Poconos. Oh, because you were talking about having a trailer in the last episode. Yeah. Like a mobile home. Why don't you build a house? That would be fun to build a house. I don't want to learn how to do it. I don't want to build a house.

That seems like way too much work. You can buy a house that has land. This is cool. Camo trailer with shark teeth. No, yeah. It's like a vape. It's got like vape stuff on it. Wait, what is it from?

I don't know. No, it's got like the bit. Oh, that's like a specific thing. Yeah. It's like a vape hoodies. But the camo is made out of puzzle pieces. I think regular camo just looks like that. Doesn't it?

I don't know. It's kind of tight though. It's all puzzle stuff. Yeah. Yeah. No, I need a... I want like a... Let me see if I can find...

Find like a good example of... Why don't you talk for a second while I scroll? Yeah. I'm talking about all these mobile homes you're trying to buy. Yeah, something like this. That's nice. Yeah. In the Florida Keys?

Yeah. Dude, that's what you should do. Yeah. 50 Gs? Yeah. Yeah, you don't even need a fucking mortgage for that. It says perfect for docking. I could have my friends over.

Just doing it in the front lawn. I'm showing them the ad. I'm like, right here, pal. So you can fuck off. You can show the tops of fuck off. You can take his inside of your Dominican friends' dick. It's right here in the listing. So if you have a problem with it, you can give me my fucking $52,000 back plus interest.

I was looking specifically for a beautiful mobile home in front of the water inlet. Perfect for docking. That's what it says. Dude, have you been to the Florida Keys? No, never. It looks kind of cool. We should go. Isn't that where Hemingway lived?

Key West. Yeah, yeah. You had a bunch of cats. Yeah. What's wrong with that Sprinter van? Let me see the inside. Which one? This one?

Yeah, let me see the inside. Sprinter van is, first of all, this is $125,000. No, it's fine. No, it's not. I don't like this. That looks nice, dude. It's all wood. No, the Sprinter van camping is for fucking assholes.

You can go to a music festival? Honestly, it's like Brian Laundry doesn't get enough fucking credit for really putting an end to that bullshit. Yeah, yeah. He really killed that. He killed the vibe. The minute fucking Gabby Petito's life slipped out of her body, so went the way of van life. Yeah.

Van life influences. Honestly, thank God for that. That young girl, an angel, making the ultimate sacrifice so people stop doing this shit. She had to do what she had to do. Yeah, this doesn't, I don't fuck with this at all. I think all the wood and stuff looks nice. Yeah, but it's like you're living in a fucking van. Like, why would you get it?

You're not living in it. You're taking it on the road. Yeah, I mean, no. You can go see America's National Parks. Yeah. You can go kill your girlfriend. See, this is all right. Look, this already has the guts in there.

It's already planned out. This is $20,000 for a school bus. It'll run for fucking ever. That's cool. Honestly, that's really tight. That's how you do it. Should we drive up to Greenwich, Connecticut right now and get that? No, this is what I was actually looking for years ago back before.

Like a John Madden bus. Before somebody put the kibosh on my big plans for the show. But a John Madden bus. Yeah, you were really invested in that. Nick wanted to get a place in like parking in Bushwick that had a DC, like a DC outlet, like to move the show into. Yeah, instead of getting a studio. Or an AC outlet.

And then we have a mobile and we just take the show on the road. Yeah, like John Madden. Yeah. That'd be great. Yeah. We could do it like, yeah, like college game day on ESPN. That would have been great, dude. We would have had a good time.

We would have tried all the different barbecue restaurants in the country. That would have been cool. I know somebody couldn't complain about that. You know, if we'd done that, if we turned it into a barbecue tour. But no. No compromise allowed. Yeah, we, I got, I got a, we got a, an RV for a friend's bachelor party. And it was so fun.

Brought to you by Bluetooth.com. Guys, if you love sex, pull it up. If you like sex, you'll love Bluetooth.com. One of the best websites for sex lovers. Yeah. Here's, look at this guy. He looks great. He looks really happy to not have his dick work.

You know what I like about him? You can't tell if he's a Democrat or a Republican. Yes. Yeah. You put that before. I'm not really sure what you mean. I know. Every time I see that guy, that's what I think. No, because they, it's like every male pharmaceutical ad, that's kind of the vibe. Right.

They have to cast an actor that can, like, that can like kind of speak to everyone. Right. Yeah. That guy's handsome, but he's of us or an age. He's got a little bit of salt and pepper in the beard. Yeah. You know, you don't even know if he's gay or straight. Look at this.

There's hair all over his shirt. Really? Yeah. There's like lint and hair all over his shirt. It looks like it's on my computer screen, but it's actually. Zoom in on him. Yeah. You can't.

You can't. It's set as the background image. Let's go to, we'll go to web inspector real quick. We'll find this image. What is this? All right. What? How'd you do this?

You found the code? Yeah. For this website? Open web inspector. And you can. Really? Yeah. Wow.

You're good at computers, bro. Yeah, dude. There you go. There it is. Open a new window. There we go. Now we can zoom in. Computer enhance.

Computer sexualize. He has one piece of hair on his shirt. There's lint here. There's lint here. This is unacceptable. Well, no, this is what I'm saying. You became an O tour, Nick. Yeah.

Ever since you became an O tour, your standards have gone through the roof. Yeah. His hair should be fixed here. Honestly, it looks bad. Now that I've zoomed in. I don't like the hair on the back of his head. I don't have zoomed. This is a bad choice.

This should have been gray. They should have chosen the gray one. Look, their product just bleeds into this guy. Yeah. And what are you trying to say with that? Yeah. Well, we'll talk to the ad buyers. We'll talk to the ad.

Well, what we're going to do. The website isn't shit. This is more of a pitch for our... We're going to start... Once we get the set gets in here built, we've got the talk show going. We have supplementary video content here and there. We're going to turn this also into a full service. Mad men ass.

Fucking ad agency plus production house. So I'm going to go to Blue Show and be like, I need $20 million to shoot the best advertisement involvement. The best one that's ever been done. Yeah. You're going to want to buy it. Super Bowl ad time. It's going to be an event.

Yeah. It's going to be like a moment. We're getting the evil conneval son to jump the Grand Canyon. And he pulls his dick out halfway through the air. It's hard. And it's hard. He pops the shoe. He goes down the ramp.

And then a plane does a loop around the motorcycle. And then with the sky writing, it says blue shoe.com. And we played during the Super Bowl. Guys, if they got three different options now, blue shoe.com. They have Sildenafil, which is the active ingredient Viagra to Delafil, which is the active ingredient in Seattle's and Vardenafil, which is the active ingredient in Levitra. And what?

There's another one. Stainax. Staxon. Staxon. Staxon. Staxon. Sildenafil, Viagra to Delafil, Cialis for Adenafil.

Levitra and Staxon. That's like if the snow white and the seven doors are all black ladies. Yeah, that's true. Levitra, come here. Oh, Levitra, you're the hungry one, ain't you? Oh, Viagra. No, that's Cialis. That's Cialis.

I'm the one that's correcting people. I'm correcting. All right, so what else, guys? So basically this is what you do. You go to Bluetooth.com. You talk to one of their licensed medical providers. They subscribe you the shit, and you get it sent to your home in discrete packaging.

No visits to the doctor. No visits to the fucking pharmacy. Everything is shipped to you in discrete packaging, and they have plans starting at $20 a month. Here's the deal, guys. You put in promo code CUMTOWNCUMTOWN20, right? What are you putting on their website? Are you hacking them right now?

Oh, damn. Yeah, we're going to do it this way. Okay. Wow, Nick, you're hacking them? We're going to get in trouble, bro. We're not going to get in trouble. Very cool, very cool, very cool. Very cool big guy, Papa.

Nick has changed the copy on the Bluetooth website instead of saying have better sex. It says, no, have gay sex. Anyway, you go to Bluetooth.com. If you put in promo code CUMTOWNCUMTOWN20, you get your first month free. All you have to do is pay $5 for shipping. That's Bluetooth.com, promo code CUMTOWNCUMTOWN20,

whatever the fuck it is. Guys, get your fucking dicks hard. You're going to enjoy it, and your partner is going to enjoy it too. And what are you doing to their website now? We're hacking, dude. You're hacking? We're hacking.

There we go. Have gay sex. Yeah, discover your options to an online provider. Wow. Guys, don't tell them that Nick changed their websites. Anyway, let's get back to the show. How about that? Oh, yeah.

I'll see you want to check out. Let's get back to the show. MyBookie.ag. And use promo code CUMTOWNCUMTOWN20, by the way. I think you just said that. Did you? Yes, I did. Yeah, back to show.

MyBookie.ag. Sorry to do so many reads this time, folks, but we fucked up last week. Yeah, that's our bad. MyBookie.ag, we did the read last week. Check it out. They got some event that they're trying to fucking promote. I forget what it is.

And yeah, we'll have, you know, do that. Man, I really got to take a big fucking shit. I think I'm finally like... Like your system is adjusted to being vegan? Yeah. I still have to go get like blood work done, and then if everything's okay. Because I will say this.

There have been a couple of people... Also, I should say that I'm not off the wagon in case... Yeah, yeah. Hopefully I didn't inspire anyone to be like, I guess I can start drinking again, too. Don't do that. But with the vegan shit, I've been cheating. I started taking fish oil again.

Okay. Yeah. Omega-3? Yeah, I don't really trust the vegan fish oil. From what I've read about the bioavailability of it. It doesn't sound very good. Yeah, and also I've had like a lot of brain fog and stuff, and I just, I'm not like feeling good.

Can you feel better from it? I do. I might just start eating fish all the time. You should be a pescatarian, dude. Yeah. It's just, it's expensive. Fish? Yeah.

Eat fish every... The way I used to eat chicken, I mean, I guess maybe I don't need that much. Maybe I'll do like two pieces of fish a week. Well, you can do cans of tuna. That's you want to avoid. Tunas... I think you want to avoid like the apex predators,

because they have more mercury in them. Is tuna an apex predator? Yeah, dude. Yeah, they're big fucking fish. Really? You don't think it's because they come in the little cans, but I don't know, it's stupid. I know what you mean.

No, no, literally, yeah. The first time I saw a tuna, I was like, what the fuck? I thought it comes in a can. Yeah. Have you ever had the shit the tuna... As a kid, they'd be like, oh, this one's dolphin free.

Yeah. And they were like, how do you accidentally put a dolphin in there? You know, it just gets mixed up. Yeah, if you got like a hamburger, and you're like, and guess what? It doesn't have any rhinos in it.

Have you ever had the tuna in the jar? Tonino? Uh-uh. It's like, it's mad good. They're really expensive. No, a lot of sardines. They sell them at the market by my house. Sardines, shrimp.

They're like seven dollars. Mackerel. Sardine, shrimp, Mackerel. Yeah, yeah. Like anything that you could have, like you could eat the entire thing at once. Yeah. Is apparently pretty good for you.

Yeah, I'll go get blood work done before I introduce anything and see. Because honestly, it's like, I have no idea why I'm vegan. It literally was just, I've been trying to think about that. I try to, at this point, I just see my,

I try to like look at my behavior as another sensory input itself. Yeah. Because I don't feel like I have any agency. I don't know why I do any of the things that I do. So I look at the way I act. Yeah. And, you know, things I say

as just like smells I'm experiencing or things I can hear. Yeah. You know, because it's like, why would I be a vegan? And honestly, I have no idea. And it's because I'm just... I thought you saw a documentary.

I did see a documentary, but the documentary started after. As I was in Chicago, and me and Mike Racine went to Sweet Green like two days in a row. And I was like, damn, I feel good. Why don't I just eat fucking vegetables?

Why don't I change my entire lifestyle? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It seems maybe a little impulsive. When I was like, yeah, I don't really like lift weights anymore. So I don't need like protein. Yeah.

Yeah. But you do need protein though. You do. But you can get a lot of it from like beans and tofu and shit. But I, you know, I have no fucking idea. What else is in the news? What's going on?

Chipotle is... They got a new chicken. Well, they got a... They're... No Spanish allowed anymore at Chipotle. You have to order in English. Yeah. It's kind of weird.

They're trying to move for them. They're trying to clean up their image, I guess. Yeah. I don't like that. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's because, you know, a lot of people are afraid because they had a lot of gangbanger type elements.

Cholitas? I like when people talk about banging, like in reference to them being in gangs. Yeah. I think that's a New York thing. No. I think it's like a SoCal thing, like Mexicans say it.

Maybe I'm wrong. So, what else is up? I forgot. I wanted to talk about something, but I totally forgot about it. It's okay. You can take your time and think about it. I'm safe.

I forget. You forget? You don't want to give it a... Oh, apparently the new Marilyn Monroe movie has an NC17 rating. Why? I don't know. They show her penis.

They show her cock. Full parental. Yeah, apparently. They should do that. They should do that. Like, you know, the gif of Wolverine dropping the towel. Yeah. Yeah.

And he's got that big swinging cock. Yeah. That, but it's Marilyn Monroe over the vent. Yeah. Yeah. And it says next to it, a well-behaved woman rarely makes history. Yeah.

A well-behaved woman is rarely a woman. Women who are actually women rarely make history. Exactly. Yeah. A well-beshaved woman. A well-behaved bitch. Yeah. What else is going on?

What do you got going on in your life, Adam? Nothing much, dude. What are your big weekend plans? I want to, well, I can't say, because maybe it has something to do with the show. So I can't talk about that. But no, I mean, my girlfriend's coming back tomorrow. That's basically it. How about you?

You're going to Philly? I will be in Philly. You're going to Racine? Yeah, Racine's coming down. Do you want to go on Monday? To what? To Southampton? Southampton.

Yeah. Oh, Tim Dillon's house. Yeah. Maybe. I could do that. I'll post his address on the Patreon if you have the $25 tier. We will be sharing Tim Dillon's address for his Hampton's home. I think he has like seven homes, though?

Tim? Yeah. Yeah. 15 homes. We got to get to that level. We have to get to Tim's level. We do. Guys, if you don't mind, we got big plans for the Adam Freeland show.

Yeah. But it really does. The shit does cost a lot of fucking money. Doing anything costs a lot of money. Yes. We didn't really know. I think we've made a lot of claims, publicly, that we thought, oh, we'll just figure that out.

Right. Yeah. You need like a curtain and it's like fucking $10,000. Yeah, yeah. I understand. That's why I guess it's because the whole like, the whole, you know, all production is just built on like some guy with billions of dollars from, you know, he's like his Habsburg family money.

Studios have a ton of money. I want to make the gayest movie of all time. Right. And then this, yeah, it just blows. Yeah. You know, that's what Howard Hughes did. That's what James Cameron does. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know if his money, his movies make a lot of money. They do. But yeah, on the bottom of every plate in Titanic, it's an HMS Titanic or something. I guess the Woody Allen model of making a movie where you shoot the entire thing in a day. Yeah. And then you start making the next movie and you do it for 50 years. Your movie costs $50,000 to make.

Yeah. And you get, you get, you get the most famous actors in the world. Yeah. For nothing because they don't have to ever do more than one take. Yeah. And they do, you know, they have conversations about going to bed with, with a different woman. I'm thinking about going to bed with her.

I think I might go to bed right now. Fucking. Dude, I'm fucking exhausted too. Yeah. And this time it's not because of work. I'm back there just being lazy. That's the other thing. We had one day off.

You take one day off and I'm like, fuck dude. Yes. It was awesome. I was just trying to go play wave race. We've been working seven days a week. Follow that dolphin. Yeah. I don't even know what wave race is.

There's a Nintendo 64 jet ski racing game. That's pretty cool. Yeah. But they also had a stunt mode where you do back flips and stuff. I preferred that. Oh, you like freestyle? Yeah. I like freestyle, dude.

That is your kind of vibe. Yeah. Yeah. You all right? Yeah, I'm fine. I had Chipotle for lunch. You've been going to Chipotle too much. I love it.

I'm kind of worried about it. Why? I don't know, man. It doesn't seem like it's good for you. Look at me, dude. Yeah. You've seen my body. Here we go.

I need the calories. Lindenhurst. Where's that? New Jersey? Yeah. That's weird. They have a mobile home and they're like, I'm going to park it in the fucking middle of New Jersey.

Me and my boys at my friend's bachelor party, we got an RV. Oh, I guess no. Lindenhurst is Long Island. Long Island. And then we drove to Cape Cod. It was a really fucking fun weekend. What was this? It was like two, no, more than that, like three or four summers ago.

You got an RV and went to, why didn't I hear about this? I did. I told you about it. That was, this is the first time I'm hearing about it. We did acid. Look, this one comes with a fat one. And this one has it. She's sleeping there.

Just big bitch living in this fucking van. Yo, can you email them? This is so funny. Can I get that big bitch? This is hilarious to have a bookshelf in the van that you live in. Yes. I'm an intellectual. Wow.

Look, she's got her, her Casio keyboard on the wall. That's cool though. I like that. Being able to just go play music, take your van somewhere and go play music. That's kind of nice. That's a great move. The only reason I'm selling this is because I am transitioning to an apartment. That's a funny way to say that.

The lady? I lived full-time out of this bus for over a year and did two cross-country road trips. I renovated the bus myself, so I'll be able to answer any questions you may have. I was hoping there'd be something funny in here. That's a funny way to, that's a funny way to do a show. Oh, I thought there was going to be something funny in here. Nevermind. Sorry, everyone.

Sorry. We'll find another one. We'll find a better one. Here we go. Winnebago Vista. I bet this is hilarious. This Winnebago has been family-owned for the past five years. Ha, ha, ha.

Yeah, bet it has. Yeah, your second family. She has been professionally maintained and runs great. Oh, she. Yeah, she. So it's a girl? It's a girl. Why?

Did you fuck the van or car truck? Did you fuck it? Yeah, I guess you fucked it. Mr., did you fuck it? Yeah, like a van or like a bus or a boat or something. I just want like, you know what would be really cool? Is a hot air balloon with an RV attached to the bottom. A flying RV.

That's basically what I want. Who would you be in the basket or in the RV? There's like battery operated. There's like electric. I forget the name. They're like EVTOLs. No. Yeah, these things.

This is the future for rich people. These like gyro copters. They're like battery operated. Whoa. Yeah. Like flying cars basically. Whoa. Yeah.

Those are so sick. Yeah, I know. This is awesome. How could we get one? I don't know. But in 20 years, it's like the rich people are just going to get around. Wow. Yeah.

What's cool though is they're battery operated. So like if you like fuck up or there's something wrong with the battery, these turbines, these blades just turn off and they die. And then you like. And then you just, yeah, you eject. You eject and parachute on the fifth avenue as your helicopter kills a bunch of people in Tompkins Park. That's so funny.

Yeah. EVTOL crash worthiness workshop. Oh, here we go. So here's NASA explaining. Anyway, so we got to find something else to talk about for about 10 minutes. We're about 10 more minutes. We got to power through. And you can go.

You're doing a show tonight, huh? Yeah. Go to the New York Post. New York Post. Okay. Yeah. Also, you guys, I will be in Indianapolis. It's so funny.

We have to remember how to podcast. Next week, we already canceled the Sunday show because I need to be back here to work on this. So it's just Friday, Saturday now. But all of the shows might get canceled because I guess that's like, it's kind of a repeat of Buffalo. It's just not, not a particularly hot market. I'm going to say in general, but most likely it's just because of who I am.

Yeah, you're not, you're not famous enough. Split hits the fans. The reactions to Leo's breakup of this 25 year old gal pallor in their hilarious. Let's read some of these hilarious reactions. Is this on Wikipedia or on? It's Twitter. The news now is just like something happening. People on Twitter are saying things that I'm supposed to come up with.

Have you been in one of those articles before? I've been in a couple of them. There was a guy named Rob Fee that used to do like, there was a, that was like a thing that was annoying when I was younger and I was on Twitter as I get tweet stuff. And then somebody would be like, Hey, I included your tweet in my article that I got paid for. Like there's like no copy on it or anything. Yeah. When you copy pasted my tweet.

Yeah. They just would post your tweet and then they'd be like, can you retweet this? It's like, no. Why would I retweet? Who is he? Just like a Buzzfeed guy? He seemed like a nice guy, but yeah. I mean, I just remember he would do that all the time.

You knew, you knew who did that to me? Eve Pizer. What'd she put you in? Cosmo before she, she decided to try and leapfrog her way into the chapos. What happened to her? She just turned into, you know, like some, she was always just a kind of a careerist. So I think she has, has her New York times job now. She's at the New York times though.

Yeah. She did that thing with Barry. Barry Weiss. Yeah. Barry Weiss. Barry Weiss. It's so funny to have like just a daughter and you're like, let's just, she's going to be fat.

Let's just call it Barry. She's going to be a big fat. She's going to be a little, she'll be a giant. A little pale blueberry bitch. Let's go ahead and just call her Barry. Is Barry fat? She's kind of just round. Maybe.

Yeah. Well, you know what I mean? She's like, she's built like Bob Hoskins. She's barrel chested. Yeah. I guess she, I mean, she kind of looks okay there. No, not really. No, that I clicked.

You know, she looks like, she looks like that lady in the van. Yeah. A little bit. Yeah. You know what? I've only seen her face. She is very circular. She has kind of a round face, but I guess.

Yeah. Kind of normal looking person. Yeah. She's putting her feet on Bill Maher's cock in this picture. That's why he looks like that. She's giving him a foot job. Yeah. Wow.

I don't know. This conversation looks hilarious. What's it about? Anti-racism? Yeah. Glenn Laurie and Barry Rice. Yeah. How about Barry Rice?

Yeah. Barry Rice. And she's a Chinese. How about Blueberry Rice? She broke the rules at Wonka's factory. I could picture her very easily. Barry Rice to JNF audience. Has our luck run out as American Jews?

Will Adam has it? I think we're still quite lucky. I don't think our luck has run out. Yeah. Barry Rice wondered if the era of Jewish security in America was a blip on history's radar screen that will soon disappear. She's trying to say that Jews aren't rich anymore? What do they think is going to happen? Do they think that there's going to be like a holocaust?

Like that anyone would be able to make a holocaust? A lot of Jews are like that. They were like, if the holocaust starts today, they'd be like, of course. I've been waiting for it. Yeah, yeah, of course. Oh, today's the day? Yeah, most certainly. Can you say do a couple more of those once again?

Oh, yeah, of course today. Oh, I've been ready. We've been expecting you. I think this is from right after, this article is from right after. Remember that shooting at the synagogue? Oh, yeah. We were in Australia at the time. Yeah, that was fucking annoying.

Because it was like, oh, see? It's like, see what? See what? Yeah, Pittsburgh sucks. That sounds like a Pittsburgh problem. It sounds like a Pittsburgh problem. Yeah, most definitely. Damn, I really want one of these EVTOLs.

Can you imagine me showing up in the office? Landing on the roof? Yeah. Well, they used to have, up until the 1970s, there used to be, actually, the old Pan Am building. What's that, the Met Life building? The Met Life building. Yeah, they used to fly, you could just go there, and it was like $15.

And you could go to JFK on a helicopter from... What? Yeah. For $15? Yeah. You made that up? No, I'm serious. It was the 70s, so you adjust for inflation.

It's like $125. That's amazing. Yeah. That's like what blade costs that much. It's $125 to JFK from the city? It's not a lot at all. You remember when they had them on Uber? Blade, yeah.

Yeah. I want to ride a helicopter in one of those ones. I told you, we're going to do that. I'm going to get my chopper license. That'd be sick, dude. Yeah. They called me, they called me... The chopper.

Bird dog. Shit bird. The chopper, the top of the black guy. Dog bird. That's it. I'm dog bird. Dog bird? Dog bird.

The mole dog bird. And I get a little Huey. I find some Vietnam-era Huey, and I spray paint Charlie Don't Surf on it, and I fly. That's pretty cool. I do runs from here to Ottawa, and I insist on calling it Ottawa. What is that? That's in Long Island? It's what JFK used to be called.

Oh, really? Until JFK got murdered. Oh. I didn't know that. Yeah. That's pretty tight. I already know it from The Simpsons. I hate that airport.

JFK really saw it. It's a fascist airport. It sucks. Yeah. The TSA there is worse for some reason. LaGuardia is real hands-off. LaGuardia, they like encourage shoplifting. Yeah.

They just don't have a subway there. Yeah. That's the only problem. That's the New York airport segment, folks. Well, hopefully you enjoyed the conversation about Chris Hardwick at the beginning. We've got a lot of big stuff planned for the Adam Freedland show. Guys, we have a lot of big stuff. If you want, you have to see.

I'm going to be working on it this weekend while Nick is going. Yeah. You go ahead and check out patreon.com slash T-A-F-S, or I think patreon.com slash the Adam Freedland show, or still patreon.com slash come town to check out what we did this weekend, and we got big things planned. It's just a matter of time. It's just finding the time to get all this shit done. Yeah.

We have something, someone coming in for today to do something. Yeah, we got in the studio. Actually, in fact, we have someone coming today even to do stuff. And then, but yeah, find the time to do this. And then also to go out on the road to do stand-up, because with the money we're spending, we don't have income outside of stand-up anymore. All right. Thanks guys.

Bye.