The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. X07 – TAFS Emergency Meeting

Episode Date: July 21, 2022

We've got a problem with the insurance, and we figure out how to solve it.

Oh my god, that's so disrespectful. Well, you started it early now, didn't you? It's disgusting. That's fucking disgusting. Dude, I got you so good. You're just in my nose. My head folds on so you couldn't. I couldn't hear it.

It was like, you heard it right in my fucking face. We used to have a guy here to witness things like that. That was probably the best thing I've ever done in my entire life. Oh my god, dude, I want to throw up. All right. All right, all right. Just stay calm so we can cut this promo. Okay, just do the promo.

Is it still as bad? Dude, it sucks, man. It's all wet. Shit must happen. I want to throw up. Hold on, you know Mars attacks? You know when the aliens wheeled a gun out to the old ladies head? Yeah.

That's how I got you. It was... No, you can't. Dude, you can sit down. We'll do it. Cut the promo, dude. You gotta do it, too. Has your favorite podcast ended?

It's no more. Your Wednesday's hanging out with your best friends? Yeah. It's over? Well... You had three friends in the world and now you're down to two. And you abused them through Instagram? Unsolicited...

I once solicited Instagram DMs. No, you've been remarkably nice the last couple of weeks. You've been nice now. Because you can't stand, what if I lose the book? What? And the sound effect of the scratch? Well, guess what, motherfuckers? There's a new...

I gotta find another song. I didn't think about this. There's a new podcast. I like this song. And it's called the Adam Friedland Show. It's called the Adam Friedland Show. But the Adam Friedland Show is more than a podcast. We're making a TV show. We're making a TV show, but it'll be more than a TV show.

The problem is, is that we need general liability insurance. And we don't know what that is. And it's costing a lot of money to try and get it. And now, we've paid $20,000 to rent a space. That we can't get the keys to. So what we need you to do is go to patreon.com.com. If you've been stealing the show, maybe now consider that we have overhead. And we're going to be spending a lot of money.

And we're going to... So we need you guys to support. But we're going to... What you give, you're going to get back. In terms of... In expensive things that we buy for the show. Yes, exactly. Cameras, lenses.

Lenses from the Ukraine. Assistance and stuff. When you take into consideration a lot of you think that maybe Adam makes too much money. I'm not making anything. He would be making five times as much if this were on HBO. Yes, true. And we're going to make HBO look like a bunch of H-O-M-O's. Yeah.

With how good this fucking show is. Oh my God, I still smell it, dude. Let's start the show. Not another width. Mark Penis, one. Fuck. Oh, that's my jam. Oh, that's my song.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Adam Friedland show. Welcome. With today's guest, Simon Pegg. Who's...they emailed this... Did we get an email back? I got an email back. What did they say? They said that he's busy filming Mission Impossible.

Shit. For real? Yeah, he said, I'm sorry. That guy's gay. Simon has no time. He has no time. He has no time for the Adam Friedland. He said, when I talked to him, he said, I will almost do it.

He's like, I'd almost do it. That's what he said. I was like, what the fuck does almost mean? Well, folks, we're here today. We were going to do another production meeting rather than an episode, but that kind of got off to a false start. We're dealing with a lot of shit right now in our business. We are dealing with...

Don't say that. No, not bad shit. We're dealing with a lot of, let's say, bureaucracy. Actually, you know what? And red tape. Do what...I'm sorry for interjecting. Don't say that. Because if we can take...

If the Adam Friedland show is going to take a more meta direction, maybe your frustrations that you're experiencing trying to get the ball rolling on, like the studio and stuff for the business, maybe we can explore that. But you, as an artist, struggle with in terms of the nuts and bolts stuff. Well, this is... Yeah, exactly.

Because a lot of art, you think, is just a guy on stage, dressed in a clown costume, hurting his penis for the laughter of the masses. Calling his penis small. Calling his penis small. You know, a lot of that kind of stuff. Asking if anyone... All right, all right.

So then you see the finished product, but what you don't see is you don't see the hundreds of people backstage making it happen. You don't see the insurance... The personal trainer, the nutritionist. The insurance claims adjuster. You know, you don't see... The mentally ill women from dating apps.

You don't see the non-disclosure agreements with... The NDAs. The lawyers responsible for... Actually, the roommate responsible for Googling boilerplate NDA and printing it out. Putting it in the artist's suitcase. Yes. Just in case.

You know. Because you saw that one Chappelle sketched the love contract and you're like, damn, I should be doing that too. Yeah. You know. You don't see all of this. The therapist says they're convincing you that this is a healthy lifestyle. Yeah.

Yeah. Just keep going. Yeah. Yeah. You're on the right track. You're doing well. A guy that you pay $300 once a week. A sliding scale guy who moves the money up the more money you make.

So you can't tell him that you're doing well in your career. Yeah. That guy. So therefore, your therapy is null and void. You don't see that guy. You don't see that. You know. You don't see it because it really, it's a team.

Yeah. And a lot of that is just because you're physically blocking that whole time. All right. I don't know. That's, you have a team. A lot of them are literally behind you holding you up. Right. In a lot of ways.

Right. I'm saying, and somebody was like physically hand in cap or hat. There's two footprints and then there's one footprints. Yeah. That's how good. Yeah. For I look down on the beach and I saw there was two sets of footprints, one very fat set.

Mm-hmm. Like almost like a big foot or something. Yeah. And these are the people that are behind the Amy Schumer live experience. Right. You know. That's who we're talking about. We're talking about Amy Schumer.

And cause we have a little bit, we had a couple issues, but those are cleared up now. We swashed the beef. She's not going to be coming on the pod to squash the beef. Yeah. The beef is officially squashed. Well, I was talking, I was talking to Simon Pegg's people a little bit. You know, unfortunately he's busy with mission. This is the kind of stuff we got to talk about.

His people. They're going to love this. Cause this is my, this is my, this is, you know, producing is an art in and of itself. It's true. Sending emails. That's art, dude. You know, I, I, uh, maybe a lot of the younger listeners, if you're millennials, the young millennial types.

Yeah. You know, 14 year olds, millennials, millennials, millennials, which are, you know, they're young people. Yeah. Young. Age 29 to 47 years old. They're young folks. A lot of them are getting 53 year old.

Millennials are young people. They're young people. Between the ages of 31 and 58. And they're having trouble adulting. And we're adult. Yeah. That's the big thing is because, and it's not our fault. It's because of the recession, the, just because of what, uh, the, uh, late, late capitalists,

the banks and car companies in 2008 and the tech something. And it's, that's why, um, tech guys. Yeah. That's why I, I, I work at a vegan grocery store and, uh, you know, my career is mostly in staying up to date on, on they them stuff on social media. Yeah. Exactly. And, uh, listen guys, you, you, you might be wondering like, and so, you know, yeah.

It's like that. You're, you're struggling. You got student debt. You want it canceled. And we're going to get it canceled. Student debt's going to get canceled. And as soon as that, as soon as that student debt's out of the way, then it's, then we're talking, then that's job time, baby.

Student debts out of the way. You're one, you're one man show. Now career. Your one man show is, is the lights go up, you know. No more talking about opening a bicycle repair shop. Exactly. Now it's time to, now you're going to be the, the manager of. Now you're going to be the boss.

Yeah. You're going to be the boss. Yeah. And you've paid the cost to be the boss. Costs of the boss. So here's the boss. Um, call, call. You pay the cost to be the boss.

You pay the cost to be the boss. Yeah. If you want to be the boss, you got to pay the cost. Listen, that's an expression that. Yeah. So we're, we're, there's some bureaucratic red tape that we're figuring out right now. We've been on the phone talking to some very. Oh, all I was going to say is I was, I was going back and forth.

Oh, yeah. I'm your rep. You're my rep. I'm the producer and also agent superstar. I was talking with Simon Pegg's people. And uh. But you're rep, you're representing me. Yes.

Yeah. And so me and, me and we're both handlers. So we kind of speak a different language. Unfortunately, I was not able to get him on the show and he seems to think that I have a mental disability. Yeah. Um, but I did get the impression based on the email that Simon Pegg thinks Amy Schumer is a fat pig.

Yeah. That's pretty fucked up. But tell me if I'm wrong here because I don't think he would say that he's, I don't, I don't think he didn't say it per se, but he would say, hi, Nick, I don't have any time with Simon at present as he's away with his family and then jump straight back into mission impossible. Sorry, we can't help at this time. Best wishes.

Can't help. Yeah. Like he's helping us. Well, he, we, no, we, we would be helping him. Okay. He said Simon as he's away with his family as he, that's, that's, he's away with his family, which is like, you know, what's the point of mentioning that? I mean, we're all professionals, you could say he's busy or you could say no.

And that's like, that's sort of, yeah, it's sort of a dig at where the single man, what Amy Schumer, who, who's, you know, she's like taking a break to be with her family recently because she's, uh, she, she basically ate herself into a coma at that NFT event. Anyway, so we, so listen, so we've made a lot of strides in this process. And like, basically what you're seeing right now is that this is like before, you know, when Larry Sanders was at meetings with HBO, right? Yeah. When Artie was pitching the show, you're in pre-production right now with your friends

Nick and Adam, all right? And so we're taking you along for the entire process. So, you know, I've seen a lot of people say, stop calling them test episodes, you know, like, stop calling them production meetings. You gotta not look at that stuff. I don't, listen, I don't look at it. It's my job to look at that stuff. People shout it at me on the streets.

It's my job to, you, you just worry about the art and I'll, I'll, I'll, we'll produce, I'll produce this thing and I will be basically like a sponge for all of the negative attitude that comes directed at the show. Cause I guarantee you, no matter how negative the audience may be, I can do more cocaine than they can, that they can criticize. Yeah. And I can feel good about it for 10 minutes. I can do more speedball than they can criticize.

I can feel great about all your criticisms for about eight to 10 minutes. When I, when I have to do more, when I tie all of my power knots together, my power ties together and into form one long tie that I put on in my office and I tie to a doorknob at the far end of the space, the 7,000 square foot space we rented. It's pretty big. Yeah. I tie, I tie the tie at the far end and then I stretch it out all the way to the other end of the room.

Yeah. And then I hit a little speedball and I lean back and get a little, do a little auto erotic asphyxiation. You take a big whiff of a, of a rag covered in poppers. And one day they're going to find me, they're going to say producer superstar, Nick Millian, found dead. I changed my name, Nick Millian. I know I saw that.

Superstar producer. The people. The people are loving that. Yeah. Yeah. Found dead, high on speedball, penis hard, wearing the world's largest tie. Yes. And that's how I'll up all of them because there might be another David Carradine, there's

never going to be another guy that killed himself by accident, high on coke, wearing the world's largest power tie. Just pulling your small shriveled penis that can't go up to the drugs. It would be around my neck. I know. I know. Yeah. I know what you're saying.

Oh, so you, you wouldn't actually be masturbating. It would just be a tie accident. Well, I think that's, that's more, that's the erotic part of strangling. Yeah. I don't know if David Carradine was actually masturbating. I think he was just naked and strangling himself in the closet. Oh, really? I thought, I assumed he was beating off.

Wasn't the guy from inaccess also beat, would beat off? Yeah. He died beating off. Simon Pegg. Simon Pegg. With his family. Yeah. Which is so selfish when you have kids.

To what? To masturbate? To kill yourself. Oh, to kill yourself. Yeah. They have to live with that. Well, they didn't kill themselves. They died accidentally jacking off.

Yeah, it's true. But what about the children? Yeah, it is sad. Because imagine your son finding you dead for masturbating. And he's like, that could have been a little brother. That could have been my brother, my little brother. Instead, you nutted him out. You nutted him.

And then died. Yeah. That's how selfish you are. Anyway, guys. So we have a lot of exciting developments happening right now. And I know it sounds like we're doing a bit. People aren't sure if this is a prolonged bit. Maybe it is.

Maybe we keep you guessing along the way. Is that your plan? That's your grand plan? That's your artistic vision for the show? Listen, it's all your vision. I'm just the vessel baby. No, I'm here to produce, to facilitate. Yeah, but listen.

You know, I'm telling you. You're the Geppetto. As an artist, in your subconscious, you know what you want to be doing. It's my job to extract that, to reify this sort of primary creative ooze that is just in your little peanut head of yours. I mean, if I'm going to be honest with people, what I want to do is I want to do something that's never been done before. I want to go to Mars.

I want to go to Mars. I want to talk to a celebrity about a trip to Hawaii. Yeah. I want to go to the airline, lost their luggage. You know what we should do is we should do a show. We should do a show where we interview celebrities while eating hot wings, but in space. In space. No one's done that.

That's badass. Yeah. And people would see that. They'd say that's new. They'd say that's great. That's new. How did no one think of this? You know, it was there this whole time in front of my face.

But those were the first guys to put it together. It's like a great Jerry Seinfeld bit, you know? We've all thought it, but we've never said it. Right. It's a show where we get a midget version of you, a tiny Adam Friedland midget that interviews midget versions of celebrities, but they're just riding around on a great dane. Oh, that's good.

Yeah. I like that. Like it's a horse. Yeah, yeah. And they call them horses. They have their own great danes that they ride around in like a miniature farm we've set up. Yeah.

Like the puppy bowl. Like they have a field. We have a little farm we've set up inside. They're riding around great danes that we've taught how to do. That's really good. Like Western dressage. That's great. They're doing like dancing.

Yeah. They're horse dancing. It's two little midgets and they're interviewing each other. They should. We, I mean. You know what I think that would be? Incredibly random. That would be so random.

And it's, you know what it's time? It's been 20 years. It's time for so random comedy to come back. We gotta go random. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of younger folks. There's a lot of young 39 year old millennials listening to this.

You're fresh out of college mentally. You gotta spend a couple years finding yourself after college. Just figuring it out. Yeah. Just spend maybe 18 years after college finding yourself and then you're ready to adult. And a lot of those people, they don't, they're like, what's, what's comedy? You know? Like what's.

What's even is comedy? What's my young generation's comedy and we're bringing so random stuff back. Yeah. So if you're, I want you to close your eyes for a second. All right. If you, if you're, if you're new, if you're a young, young person, zoomer even maybe. Years or what? Age four to 36.

I think that's the generation. They're all that age. Yeah. They're young. They're trying to find their own voice. Every zoomer is a 31 year old in kindergarten. Yeah. They've been held back.

Billy Madison. Yeah. I think I'm pretty sure zoomers and millennials have the same age group, but zoomers are the ones that have, yes, that have a learning disability and they're mentally handicapped. Yeah, whereas the millennials are the ones that have prematurely aged themselves with drugs and that's, that's the difference between the two. Yeah. But in their minds, they haven't really come to terms with what they're looking back,

with what's staring back at them in the mirror. Yeah. They're like, I can't possibly. Yeah. I can't, I can't even. So if you're a young person and you're, you're, you're, you want some new comedy. Close your eyes. Close your eyes.

Here we go. Yeah. He's a penguin, but he's, he's got a spork and he's, and he's like, he's like eating a big piece of cheese. Okay. That is truly so random. Yeah. That is random.

He's eating a, it's a little penguin with the, the, and he's like in space. He's only, he's in a UFO and it's a penguin with a big spork, a big block of cheese. How's that for comedy? Yeah. Yeah. No, that's, that's, you know, sometimes people think a joke is a setup, a punch, an attack. It's satirized or something. Sometimes it's just so random.

Sometimes it's just so random. Oh man. That's crazy. Yeah. We should get some, we should have a random comedian on for the, instead of booking regularly stand-up comedians when we get the show going. Yeah. During our, is that important?

It's a New York number. I don't know. Oh, it's Craig Buddha. Oh, should we put him on the pod? Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, do you have the thing? I don't have the thing.

We're missing the little thing here. Just put him on. Yeah. Craig. Hey Adam, how are you? What's up? I'm actually. Can you hear me?

Yeah. I don't know if you feel comfortable with this, but Nick and I are actually recording the podcast right now. You're actually on the podcast. Okay. I just had a question about general liability insurance. Yeah. I have a few brokers I can hook you up with that should be able to get you settled.

Okay. Cool. Cause like they've been like the fucking insurance. Don't use the F word on the show, please. Okay. Yeah. Nick asked me. I have to edit for it.

I have to edit that out. Because they've like, they've said like, even if we're just writing for a podcast, they'd like literally don't want to ensure any media. Oh, well, you know, the office I'm currently occupying, we have a, you know, a production policy because we also do productions, but the office that we rented required general liability in order to rent from them. Exactly. That's that's.

So we just kind of added that to our production policy. So I don't know if you're going to be doing any other productions that need insurance where this can be part of. No, I mean, if, if we could get both like from the same shop, that would be awesome. Like right now we're trying to get general liability just to get the keys. And then. Why don't you hit me up when you guys are done or tomorrow morning we can discuss and I'll get you sorted.

Ask him if he's been with a squirter before he goes. No, no, no, no. Okay. All right. Anyway, Craig, I'll call you after the, I'll call you after we're done recording. All right. Thanks, Craig. All right.

Bye. So those are the kind of phone calls you have to take guys. Yeah. When you're a business. I think you should handle that producer to producer. I know. But like, listen, you, you let me do a little business. I feel good.

I could talk to my dad about that on the phone when I met that guy that he's a white guy. You didn't think he was white. I thought he was a big fat Chinese guy because his last name is Buddha. Well, yeah. I mean, that would make sense. Yeah. I thought he was going to be nude and yeah, big nipples. People rub his belly.

Yeah. I thought he was going to have huge nipples and ear lobes. Why do Chinese people like see that and they're like, that's the man that guy's the man that's God. That's our God. I'll tell you exactly why. Because they are so random. They are random.

There's a lot of people that think Chinese people don't have a sense of humor. No, no. They are the most random people. God has big nipples and big ear lobes and then also what if, what if there was a factory where everyone died and that's that's so comedy. How do I do on that business phone call? What do you think? That was good.

That's exact. We should have made that phone call a while ago because I've been, I've been, I've been calling these insurance companies and lying to them and not even knowing what I needed to lie about or where. And your lies still are not working. I mean, I come off like most is lack because they're like, what do you need the insurance for? I'm like, well, how are you doing?

Yeah. You know, what's the space going to be used for? I'm like, you know, a couple of midgets on some great things, you know, to do some interesting and they're like, yeah, they're like, what's that for? And I'm like, definitely not a TV show. Yeah. Not a, not a random comedy TV. It's science.

It's a science. We're a couple of scientists doing experiments. Speaking of science. Nothing explosive. Just midgets. Great Danes. And the great Danes have been defanged and neutered and the midgets have had all of their bones reinforced.

Yeah. Medically. Well, they're like, they're, they're like they have vibranium, micro-machines. Yeah. Yeah. Structurally reinforced midgets, riding great Danes, but they're strapped in and there's there's, there's basically training wheels attached to the great Danes. So there's no way they can fall over.

It's super safe. We also sprayed them all down with flame retardant chemicals that are non-cancer causing, by the way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we're not filming it. No.

Away. And, and we won't even be there, actually. There's nobody even, even going to be in the space. No. So it might not even, it's sort of a Schrodinger's midget sort of situation, where is he, if you don't look in the room, is he even riding the great Dane or not? And they're like, what do you need insurance for? And I'm like, listen, you fucking cunt, I've been patient with you.

Do you know who the fuck I am? You think I need this? I could just make, I could start my own insurance company right now. I got a million dollars. Yeah. I'll start with... What the fuck? I'll underwrite my own fucking...

How much do you make, bitch? Yeah. Oh, I gotta, I gotta have a bunch of money in the bank. Well, you gotta have a bunch of dick in your fucking mouth if you question me. Anyways. Anyways, so that really hasn't worked. Yeah. That's caused a...

And Nick is not allowed to call all state anymore. All state is not happy with it. They're not happy with you. Which really, I think, you really fucked us over with the potential endorsement deal. With all state? Yeah. I mean, we gotta go sell. We gotta sell big.

We can get that guy... Big contract. We can get the guy from Oz. J.K. Simmons. No, the guy they have in the commercials, the all state commercials. He's like, I'm a mentally retarded podcast producer. Oh, yeah. That guy, Liz Lemon's boyfriend.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Chaos. What's the name? Yeah. Yeah. You could play that guy.

You could be the new chaos. You could be doing that. Yeah. What's the premise of those commercials? Is that he's like something about to go wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm a guy with Down syndrome learning how to cook his own dinner and then it burns down the apartment. Yeah. Thank God you got all state. I'm a pill in a woman's drink. Every single commercial is just... I'm a guy with Down syndrome that got the keys to his mom's car. We should see if we can find out what ad agency that is and submit all of our ideas.

Yeah. Unsolicited. Unsolicited. Send them 6,000 ideas and it's like if you use any of these you owe us money. Yeah. We should go in with... And then we could never... That's a great...

That's a good business idea. We should go in with the hidden cameras, Project Veritas style. Yeah. Every advertising agency, by certified mail, you send them every single possible thing they could come up with for their product before they get a chance to and then they owe you money. And then you sue them for copying. And you sue them for copying.

Yeah. And it would be so embarrassing if they got caught copying. Speaking of copying, you're going to want to copy the URL, dietsmoke.com. Oh, my God. Copy that into your browser. Maybe you want to take over the ad read since you're the star of the show. You're the host. Yeah, guys.

Nobody wants to hear from the producer. They don't trust me. No, people want to hear from both of us. They like... They like Artie. No, they know I'm the guy... They want Larry Sanders but they want Artie too. They know I'm the guy behind the scenes convincing you you're living a healthy life.

Dietsmoke is, save on your first smoke, email the Peep Gummi, Delta ATHC, Blue Raspberry and Watermelon Delta 8 Gummies. And they got... Okay. Here's the other thing. So they got these Delta 9 Gummies now. So these are edibles, they're weed. This will get you fucked up.

They have CBD. So... They come from the same surface. I guess they got vapes now too. That's pretty cool. That's badass. So yeah. So now dietsmoke, it used to be that they were just Delta 8 Gummies.

And also they have way more flavors now too. They got... Yeah. They used to have the Blue Raspberry and the Watermelon. Now they have a Mango and Cherry Lime and Peach and Watermelon. So this is the whole lineup now. So you can get like, you know, depending on how much of an effect you want, you start up a CBD.

Damn bro. You graduate from Delta 8. Do you see what one of the vape strains is? Watermelon OG. They have Pineapple Express. Definitely. Definitely did not get licensing for that. They...

Well, you know, it's named after a real type of weed. Is that true? I don't know. But Seth Rogan follows me on Twitter. And I could... You should ask him. Ask him if he's... I could tattle.

We should do a whole segment where you talk about the celebrities that follow you on Twitter. Seth Rogan, I just found out. Jonah Hill follows you. Jonah, I don't know if... I think he's offline. He follows all of us. Jonah Hill follows you. Martin Screlly.

Martin Lawrence. Martin Lawrence. Martin... You know what's weird? Everybody who's... Bruce. Bruce. And you know what I realized the other day?

Everybody named Martin is famous. Martin Sheen. Martin Sheen. Martin Screlly. Martin Amini. Martin Amini. Martin... Martin Screlly.

The other one we said. Martin Shorten. Martin Lawrence. Basically, I've never met somebody named Martin that isn't famous. Martin O'Malley. Former... Martin O'Malley. Maryland...

Mark... Martin the Martian. Martin the Marvin. Yeah. Martin the Marvin. Martin... So, what is Delta THC? Do you know that?

Delta 8... No. It is the THC that gives cannabis its popular and desired effects and it's technically called Delta... So the one that you're used to is technically called Delta 9 THC, Delta 8 THC is also natural to the cannabis plant because our Delta 8 derives from the hemp plant, it is legal and highly gratifying. So what's Delta 9 THC?

Delta 9 THC is a psychoactive cannabinoid that all cannabis users know and love. And a cannabinoid, it's an active compound in the cannabis plant, similar to how caffeine is an active compound. A cannabinoid is what they call you, if you smoke so much weed, you become retarded. Yeah, yeah. You're... We've got a couple of cannabinoids here. Yeah, yeah.

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So according to the farm bill or some sort of loophole in our laws, you can get high off this shit. And how many gummi should you take? Your first time using it, start with a half. And if it's not your first rodeo, maybe have a whole gummi and then get fucked up and maybe watch Pineapple Express. What else? You have to be 21 years to order.

They can't ship to Alaska, Colorado, Delaware, Idaho, Iowa, Montana or Vermont, but those states are pussies. So guys, if you want to get fucked up and if you want it to be lab tested and if you want it to have its own QR code and if you want all orders to ship the same day, if it's placed before 2pm, you go to fucking diet smoke.com and it takes two to four days, gets to your house and then you fucking put on pineapple express and you get fucked up and you laugh your ass off at their depiction of the Asian Americans in that film, which is potentially one of the last times in comedy that you're allowed to be racist.

You use promo code, come down or come down 20. And if you use promo code, come down or come down 20, not to dead name, not to dead name, you can get a discount from this website. I think it's probably 20% discount and they have new vapes and new flavors and the shit is fucking good. So for new customers only, you get a code, you get free two pack, you get much, you get a bunch of shit, two pack Shakur, two pack Shakur. I would like to think that where he alive, yeah, he would be a guest on the Adam Freeland

show. Well, he is alive. Oh yeah. I heard that. He's getting high. Yeah. I don't know if you saw the new Bozlerman Elvis movie, but if you waited until after the credits, there's a scene where a two pack is at a bar and Elvis walks into the

bar and he's like, she finally made it. Yeah. You know, it's like maybe we should form the best band of all time. Yeah. And it's like, people are going to be, and then if you have to go watch all the, all those movies to stay for the post credits. It's a post credit Easter egg. If you, yeah, and if you don't stay for the post credit Easter egg, then basically you

have nothing to live for as a millennial. Yeah. You should like, it's not even worth their cost of admission. There's only two kinds of millennials. The ones that want student loan forgiveness and the ones that live for post credit Easter eggs. There are only two cards. There's no, and there's no, there's zero overlap between those two.

There's no in between. You're either a guy that fucking does not have debt and some, he's got a house. He bought his own house, managed to buy his own house in a ex-herb of Louisville. Right. And he lives for a Marvel movie post credit Easter eggs. Yeah. And he's. And his wife is not looking so good.

She's looking fine. You think? Yeah. I think she's had better days. She's a flip flop and sweatpants short Latina. Oh, that sounds good. That's actually pretty good. Yeah.

His wife's fine. She's fine. She's got a lot of congestive heart failure and they're 37 years old. Yeah. Yeah. And, and they don't, they don't know COVID is happening. No, the news has not reached them. Yeah.

They haven't heard. They don't know what it is. As long as it doesn't fuck with their annual trip to Disney. Do you think they go to Disney? Oh, they live for that. Yeah. They live for the years. Let's see.

Maybe we should do a Marvel segment. Yeah. What are the new Marvel movies? Last one I saw was Shang-Chi, the Legend of the Ten Rings. I guess Morbius is the latest one. Which was technically the Marvel Chinese universe, not the Marvel cinematic universe. Yeah. The so random Marvel.

That's Shang-Chi. So random. It was Shang-Chi's power. It was the power of randomness. There would be a couple of guys like robbing somebody and be like, hey, why don't you not rob that guy? And they're like, what are you going to do about it? And he's like, what, imagine what, he's like, there's a zombie doctor who lives on the moon.

And they're like, they die laughing. They die laughing. Yeah. What if one man told a joke so funny that it killed another man? That it used Shang-Chi's so random Chinese comedy. Yeah, no, I think the new one is Thor Thunder. Yeah. Love and Thunder.

Is that right? I still can't believe Simon Pegg blew off the Adam Friedland show to be with his fucking family. To do Mission Impossible. To do Mission Impossible. Yeah, it's fucking like, it's so like, yeah, like, just take your career seriously, I guess. I mean, I don't want to give him advice or anything. He has an interest.

He can't help you. It's like, we're helping, we're helping Simon. You know what Simon Pegg looks like? Is if Pitbull were actually white. Really? Yeah, kind of. Imagine Mr. Worldwide is someone from the British Isles. Yeah, you know, he really came up as like a nerd kind of guy.

But he wasn't a nerd. They were office guys. They were office guys. They're not like nerds. No, he wasn't in the office. Yeah. No, I'm saying, but they're like, the whole thing wasn't like they were nerds. They were like, they're supposed to be like a downtrodden kind of.

No, but they like talk about Star Trek and stuff. No, this, the shot of the dead, like these, they don't talk about Star Trek. Do they? No, he was in a show where I think that they were all Trekkies and stuff, or I forget what it was. I don't even know what I'm talking about. But I don't know. I don't know.

Fuck all about this guy's fucking career. I don't know. Pissle. I don't know. Fucking goddamn thing. I tell you. Two days ago, when I sent that email, I was the biggest Simon Pegg fan in the world. And now after this fucking, you've lost a fan, this fucking cocksucker is going to spend

time with his family instead of coming over to my apartment. Look at this. I got a puzzle. You got a big ass TV. I got a big fucking TV. You got surround sound. Instead of being in the Mission Impossible movies, why don't you come over here and we get fucked up?

We'll watch all the Mission Impossible movies. That would be so sick. We'll watch them. We'll watch them. We're going to watch them. We'll be like, what was that like? Yeah. Let me ask you something.

Did you really, did you think, did you know going in that the mission wasn't actually impossible? They couldn't have known. Do you think that? Because that's what, that's what it's called. Tom Cruise in real life, is he strong? Is he fucking strong? Because I know he's cut, but like you ever see him bench, you know what numbers he's

putting on? Yeah. Yeah. What's, what, what are we talking about now? What kind of sneakers are you wearing, bro? That's what they probably thought. They probably thought this. That's what they thought this was.

Yeah. Yeah. Anytime he's in LA, he gets asked to do a podcast and they're probably all like, what kind of sneakers you got on, bro? What kind of, what's your sneaker game doing? Yeah. Yeah. So you do a comedy.

You ever think about releasing like a special or something because the new game now is everybody's doing their own shit, you know? Because I was wondering, is that, is that ever going to reach the Hollywood fucking movie style level? Yeah. We're changing the game right now. Like imagine if, imagine if you and Tom Cruise, you did, you made your own mission impossible and it was on Netflix.

And you could say, you could say the words that they don't let you say. Bro, you could put it on Netflix and you could do your own mission. You could do it. Yeah. Whatever you want. And then you're not answering the fucking nobody. Yeah. It's true.

You're your own boss. Yeah. You take the course. I mean, what even happened? What's happened in the last mission? It's always got to be like a terrorist as a bomb, but this new one, you could do whatever you want. It could be like a fucking, you could go to, you could, it could be in space.

And you could like, you know, you could be, you could have two great Danes and the mission could be perhaps getting like, like a, like midgets or something or like a penguin, like a scary, like a zombie penguin and he's eating a big piece of cheese with a spork. Yeah. It's funny. Bro, can you imagine that? How fucking funny that would be? That would be funny.

And then also he's got the freshest kicks. Yeah. He's got the newest sneakers. He's got Chase. Yeah. He's wearing Chase. All right. Our next guest is a UFC fighter.

I'm going to just make fucking homoerotic homages to his body the whole time. Yeah. Because you kind of big. Yeah. Yeah. That's thanks for the Simon Pegg. Thanks for coming on our comedy podcast where we talk about, we talk about UFC and sneakers. Yeah.

It's called Pull No Punches, right? Yeah. Because that's like what a comedy is like. Yeah. And that's what the ultimate fighting championship is. It's called the two cool guys who take shit from nobody ever, especially not on Wednesdays and Sundays. Oh my God.

The two kings who are cool guys who never do anything but dish it and they can take it but they refuse to. Yeah. They could take it if they wanted to, but they're not going to put up with that because they're alpha. They're alpha types. Exactly. There's actually a new Greek letter that goes even, it's even before alpha.

Yeah. It's zero. As imagine if the alphabet had a zero, it's called two zero king losers, but they choose to lose. Yeah. They're sneakers now and they're millennials, they're still young, a couple of young guys figuring it out. They're 59 year old millennials.

Yeah. Yeah. They're just kids. Yeah. They're just kids from the neighborhood. And we got cut to our sponsor today. It's performance enhancing drugs. They come in the form of airheads, if you remember those.

Yeah. Those were great. They got really sour and then they were sweet. Okay. All right. And we're back. And we're back. The LA podcast really do be like that.

Yeah. I mean, I think it's all podcasts. Yeah. Probably. We don't, we need to learn. There's only three types of podcasts, you know, and I'm excluding everyone already knows about the Tim, there's Tim Dillon, Joe Rogan types, which I would call pure podcasting. Yeah.

You know. Yeah. Anybody that like anybody that could possibly do anything for us, I would call that good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're at the peak of their game. The pinnacle.

Anyone that could help us. Outside of that, you got like true crime or Dungeons and Dragons shit, which for some reason there's somehow, you know, it's funny is like, you know, we had our old show and people will talk about like you guys figured it out, you know, but like, and you know, we did well, but somehow you can just start a Dungeons and Dragons or true crime podcast and people will give you billions of dollars. You make $250,000 a month. A week.

Easy. Yeah. Yeah. I guess it's minute and it's just because of cereal. I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine if you had a true crime D&D podcast.

Oh my God. Where you led people through quests that were actual crimes. There were rapes that happened. The real rapes. The real rapes. Yeah. We solve women's rapes through chance. Yeah.

Yeah. Logic. Yeah. Yeah. And fantasy. Yeah. Yeah. Through sexual fantasy.

That's when people think of, when people think of rape, they think of the sexual fantasies. Oh my God. That was Eugene Carroll coming up with the greatest podcast of all time. You got to get Eugene Carroll. We got to get her on the mic. Yeah. To be a dungeon master in the rape dungeon. Yeah.

I believe it's called. We need Simon Pegg and Eugene Carroll on an episode. Yeah. I consider myself British myself actually. Yeah. In a certain way. It's like, in what way are you British other than on this time. Yeah.

She's like, well I've got a short haircut. I've got, we have the same haircut. They have that in England. You know. I've got a translucent skin. I'm crazy. Yeah. I'm schizophrenic.

Yeah. I love Bergdorf Goodman. Yeah. Shakespeare. That's one of the quotes. That's it. That's what, that's what happened in my brain. Shakespeare.

That I thought I was British. Is that referred to. Before the president. Donald Trump is Shakespearean in the clip. Before the president. It's Donald Trump. 1996. Hail and well met fellow Shakespearean.

Talk of the town. He's saying hi to everybody. And he took me in the Bergdorf Goodman and the thing you have to understand is Bergdorf Goodman is a magical place. Yeah. It's true. Kind of like Jolly Ola's shelf. Yeah.

It's true. Yeah. You know they give you champagne while you shop there? Do they? Yeah. You don't get fucked up. Sounds like she got a little pain sham. Yeah.

Sounds like she committed a pain sham when she falsely accused the president. When she falsely accused the president. Gene Carroll famous liar who lied. She lied on him. She lied on his ass. She lied on his ass folks at blue chew.com Adam you love sex you're gonna love blue chew.com. Are they still going with that.

I don't know. You haven't sent me a copy in months. I'm sorry. It's all right. I'm gonna nap. I'm look now that I'm a new kind of producer. Yeah. You know all these things that I used to be really bad at on purpose that I got it.

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we can get that promo code change to something Adam related should we look up LaVitra is that something you want to talk about. Yeah let's let's see what LaVitra which one did you always go for the sea Alice. I don't know. I don't I don't have any of my house anymore but I think I got sea Alice. I think sea Alice is 36 hours of just rock hard cock hard. So I was like you know Vardena Phil is a generic name of Vardena Phil. Yeah.

Congratulations to Blue Chew for getting a third flavor. Now I kind of want to rewatch was not not hot fuzz the last of that the end of the world or world ending movie. Remember that. Oh was that Simon the world's end. The world's end. I don't think I ever saw it. I don't think I ever saw it.

Yeah. I remember enjoying it. Listen those guys are funny. They are funny. The fat guy. He's funny. Maybe we should see if we get the fat guy on. What's his name.

Nick something. I think he him and Simon Pegg had some kind of falling out or something. Really. Yeah. Maybe Simon Pegg doesn't like guys named Nick. Maybe. Maybe that's what it was. Yeah.

You know you know what he's a fat guy and his name is Nick Frost. You know they should call him as Nick Frost thing. Yeah. We should have him on and ask him that. Does anyone ever ask you that. Has anyone ever called you. What would we say. Simon Pegg.

Elementary school. Do people call you that. They call you Seaman. They call you Seaman. Pig. No. No. We're just asking the hard hitting questions.

Yeah. Hey Nick Frost. Did I ever call you Snickers Frosting. You fat fuck. You fat fucking piece of welcome. Welcome to American podcasting. Yeah. What kind of sneakers you got on a big boy.

Yo you ever watch MMA bro they got to be fresh because that's the thing you probably even though you're a fat fuck you probably get girls up bro because you got confidence. Yeah. And that's what women. That's what it's about. A woman's brain responds to confidence. Yeah. You know what I'm saying.

I'm always telling my my son that. Yeah. I think I think he calls me Eric which yeah because you're working your way up to that. Yeah. He's he's well I never see him. I see him once every two years. Okay. He calls me Eric which is weird because my name is Brian.

Who was Eric like. I don't know. I don't know why he calls him that. I mean it's bad enough he doesn't call me dad but I figured he at least called me my name. I would not put up with that shit bro. Yeah. I think he's disrespecting me.

That's disrespecting me. And that's why I can't get pussy from his mom no more. But if I would have beat the fuck out of him that's why I've been taking Brazilian karate. Yeah. I've been taking Brazilian chai chi to Chiang Chi. Yeah. With a Brazilian guy. I think so.

Yeah. I put on the karate clothes. Yeah. I was walking around. Yeah. There was a guy cleaning up a target. I used to hang out in the dressing room till after I was a target. Yeah.

Okay. Go up and I would I would sexually the only thing that works for me fat mannequins bro. Really. So I got to wait till after I was a target so I can fuck him. Fuck them. And one time I came out of the dressing room a little early. There was a little Mexican guy going around. He was cleaning up.

And I was like bro can you teach me Brazilian karate. Yeah. And now I give him $500 every Thursday. And he's been teaching me karate. You guys just roll around on the floor. Yeah. So I can beat up my son and then fuck his mom because she responds to that. Social respect.

Social respect me. Yeah. Yeah. That's what that's you know and if you're a young guy you listen to this you're a young millennial once again age 51 to 78 years old. Yeah. You know I'm not only telling Nick Frost this who's here right now. And he's in awe.

Yeah. He's because we've cut his mic and also he left but he's in awe because he didn't realize you know and a lot of you guys don't realize this. Women respond to they got primal brains. You know. It's true. Like all the women that are like I just want a good guy. I want like I want someone that respects me someone.

You know what they really want is a guy that's that's capable now I know doing karate. I don't know. Exactly. On a child. And I know a lot of you are strong enough to beat up a kid. If women are responsible if that's what women respond to why can I Google your name right now Brian and there's 15 articles on TMZ about you raping. Yeah.

50 different women. Yeah. But unsubstantiated. Well hold on. That's a matter for the courts. What is true though is I've I've lost count of my number. Yeah. It's in the thousands.

So if 5% of that is rape right but 95% of it is consensual right guess who's getting pussy for real bro. Yeah. You're still getting it. The sneaker doctor. Yeah. The wizard is sneaker. The sneaker mind.

They call that the sneaker mentality. Yeah. And I know that like we're in LA but we have these accents. Yeah. But that's just like you know when we've never even been to New York I've never been to New York. No. But like this is like bro.

I'm from San Francisco. This is the real. You're from San Frangelico. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm from San Francisco. I use the name Tommy B. But you know.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. You're Armenian. Yeah. No.

My parents are like Syrian or Lebanese or something. Some shit like that. Yeah. They did real estate. They did commercial real estate. So I grew up as like a fucking billionaire. Yeah. Yeah.

You know. But yeah. I go by Tommy B. now. I've been buying sneakers since I was 14. Yeah. I'm just doing fucking comedy. I'm doing. I got into comedy age 51 years old.

Yeah. Yeah. And I've been going up at the mic at the store. I'm at the store every night. Every fucking night. You gotta put your face in reps. Yeah. The work.

And I literally mean reps dude. Half the time I go up on stage and I'll bring a set of dumbbells with me. So while I'm you know so that it's you know it's even more work. I wear ankle weights while I do stand up because that's I'm trying to do I'm trying to give 110. I'm trying to work the hardest. Yeah. I might not be the funniest but I'll work your ass.

And I'm wearing six six six sizes six X's over my regular size and I'm covered in lead weights when I go on stage because I want to make sure I'm putting in the work reps you know and I'm like yo who's fucking squirting who's doing that and it's not it's more it's even more harder right right because you know I'm being weighed down by all these ankle weights. Yeah. That's right. I look I've been doing comedy six months but I'm I'm committed to the lifestyle.

I'm doing the podcast. I'm at the podcast going up every night. I got the sneakers. I got committed 50 rapes. I'm I'm in it. I'm in the life. Brazilian. I'm doing Brazilian.

I got a lead on two midgets in a rental space. We're getting great days and creating the greatest TV show of all time. Bro. I'm telling you we got this. Bro it's just L.A. style. It's just L.A. that's just what it's just L.A. style I'm just trying to be I'm just trying to be the king. I'm trying to be.

No and you know it's like in this town there's so many fakes you know I'm saying like everyone you meet in this industry everyone's out to get you stab you in the back fuck you in your ass you know you can't trust anyone in this fucking industry yeah but you know you put your fucking head down yeah you go wait in line yeah Craig Buddha molester me no don't talk about it he's a good guy never mind he's a good guy he's going to help us out with your friend he's going to help us out with his shirts but me Tommy B. let's just say I've had my own experience you don't pull any punches I don't pull any punches yeah whether it's a woman or you're on stage I tell you like you're a hundred pounds in

body weight yeah here on the two losers that weigh six thousand pounds due to ankle weights but they got sneakers and a king's mentality podcast I don't pull in no punches bro you know like but up but up up up up I'm loving it that's my catch phrase really yeah I do that after every joke I go but up up up I'm loving it but then it turns out that I kind of got an illegal issue with it really yeah apparently I'm down there's like a fucking restaurant that already has that no shit yeah that's bullshit bro you gotta bro you could you just you gotta say fuck you to that so I'm change I change it it's but up up up up pizza pizza that's what I do now okay okay I'd like to see them take that away from

you yeah you know I see they got this restaurant little Caesars yeah and me and me and Tommy see we're in there that's another guy does comedy together our combined age is a hundred forty seven years yeah he's funny yeah he's he's a fun he's a funny he's a fucking power house gorilla rapist beast animal dude he's like the like the fucking lightning rod muscle man power ass jail house killer yeah rapist beast bro on stage I'm telling you my god it's like when you watch him do a set it's like a where were you kind of moment you know you know he is just a fucking absolute beast but we were getting we were we were bulking together okay we were doing it we just we did it we just we were doing spots all night

oh spots so humanively you know it's like we've been on stage for maybe 45 minutes yeah for the whole night you know but we got the ankle weights on the whole time so you're bulking we're sweating yeah we got to go get we got a fuel up so we went to went to a little Italian place you know I'm you know me I'm big on authentic Italian uh-huh yeah we went to this place look at the buffalo we went to this place little Caesars okay we were sitting there and I said to him I was like Tommy what about this big Caesars okay and it's fucking it's this bro but this you get two pizzas instead of the one you pay the price for the one they give you two pizzas and he just lost his mind I mean he's like does a really good idea which

by the way that is a perfect Tommy yo you got him Tommy chromosome sounds exactly like that Tommy see yeah they call him to Tommy in parentheses to chromosome Tommy see absolute fucking brain retard on stage they call him the power my lord retard 5000 laser brain monster dick bastard of comedy stage power I heard I heard I heard rich voice was in the back of the room like when you who's rich boss he says New York New York I don't really fuck when it was New York you know fuck nah no no I think I think he was vibing I don't like the New York guys because they're all about like you know yeah just they're like oh I'm just gonna write some jokes it's like bro no you gotta have the whole mentality yeah that's

why it's like I the more time I spend with Tommy see the more I can feel his mentality sort of rubbing off on me yeah you know because I ask him I'm like have you written any new jokes he's like no I just bought more sneakers yeah I got more sneakers I've been I'm trying to I got a couple more black belts yeah I downloaded the signal app yeah so bitches can't I go in the green you go in the green is New York comics so they're scrolling through the notebooks all the LA comics the couple are ankle weights injecting PEDs that's how you that's what sets the absolute killer bastard gorilla rapist from the nerd you know like the nerd guys yeah they're just trying to read jokes right instead of being a mindset mentality gorilla

dude it's just boring the New York there's just so boring yeah and they don't know anything about MMA I think bench pressing and being random mm-hmm yeah that's what I'm getting into yeah and trying to befriend Bobby Lee Bobby Lee's a nice guy he's a good guy he's a good guy really good guy Bobby Lee he's helped a lot of absolute killer absolute just absolute monster retard killer you gotta see him dude he's electric dude Bobby Bobby goes on stage and fucking people are putting guns in the mouths and blowing the fucking brains out because they can't stop they can't stop laughing yeah it's true you know it hurts and that's they put a they put a you know what dad you ever heard of debisels decibels debisels

no I looked it up so Tommy see was telling me about this they got this shit debit smart they got this shit debisels which is like it tell it tells you how fucking loud the shit is okay you know so like you know how like you know you weigh something right like that's how many pounds it is you know like me I'm I'm five four three hundred ninety two pounds okay you know so I have a height prime in your life height that's got a number weight that's got a yeah but sound that has a number two now it's got to use to be volume but that's on the other that's on the that just goes up that's on the knob yeah you know and that depends on the fucking thing but like what if you're outside and you say like what's the

volume and that's what debisels is yes right and they put that in one of Bobby's shows and the number was so fucking high that you know they had to close but they had the it was illegal because people were laughing so hard that they lost the business license they had to call the cops and they had to close the place down separate from that I guess the owner of the club had like raped a couple of female comedians yeah but it was the debisels yeah and they said their owner raped a bunch of female comedians I said damn I had no idea he also did comedy I had no idea the owner of the club was also a comedian I said we got to get this guy some sneakers on the podcast yeah we got to get him on the podcast give

him a chance you know work him out a little we're gonna we ask him we say what's your ratio bro consensual or non-consensual what's your ratio because if you're old if you're over 95% basically in the pussy world you're like a killer you're like a stage monster you're like a like a monster fucking gargoyle monkey face fucking bitch retard jungle piece of ass Bobby Leon stage is a piece of ass he's an absolute piece of ass he's an absolute fucking bombshell on stage bro you see that oh my god he is an absolute sex pot damn just slut cum pig power bastard the debisels were so high my dick got so hard to pop your dick it's like you know a cartoon thermometer and a summer time and a pop that the top pop no

way yeah yeah they get reconstructive surgery they have fixed it yeah they made it bigger maybe I mean it was already pretty big yeah number one rule of comedy you always say that your dick is big you always compliment yourself that you get it because it's not about making the audience laugh it's about making the women in the audience be so bored that they keep drinking and drinking and drinking until you buy the end of the show fuck them you can take them back to your hotel room yeah it's true you know because they don't know where they are if you're doing a full hour yeah you know how many drinks is that yeah yeah do a full hour my personally what I tell the clubs is you know a lot of clubs have a to drink minimum

I tell them we're going 15 drink minimum yeah for women GHB yeah why don't know about GHB I don't know I don't know I don't know bro that's never been proven that's not a little bit too much to me I don't know about that sometimes I go too hard you're just joking you're just joking that's just random it's like it's gonna be it's gonna be a thing where you you know you you know a lot of guys you can't you can't even joke around like that anymore I know it's because like woke you know it's cuz there's woke woke stuff don't even I can't like do you think I'm fucking rapist bro my criminal defense attorney is a fucking black woman that's right that's my public defender in the in the in the you

know that remember the 14 year old and saying I remember and you told me you'd not only consider her to be a lawyer but also a friend yeah yeah exactly yeah you know she jokes around yeah yeah she's like she's got a really good sense of humor yeah yeah especially about all the things you've done you know she's like not again well done question mark you know accused as in am I done doing it the hell no no I'm gonna keep going till they change the laws that's the move the judge is like did you do this I'm like yes my but my I'm pleading this shit ain't wrong yeah and it's not over yeah yeah yes okay so consent missing in this situation but when other women see my guerrilla stage killer ankle weight

mindset they're gonna say this guy takes what he wants then in the future your honor by taking advantage of some people now I'm preventing myself from taking advantage of other people in the future yeah because when this very public sexual assault case goes forward mm-hmm it you know about women right and let us guys in jail oh yeah yeah yeah that's what's gonna happen you put me in there right you're gonna get those letters yeah and so this is this is a play by me everything's always a play right you don't understand cuz you a judge you always making decisions right a guy like me your three steps ahead I'm three I'm five steps ahead yeah that's very like chess your joke your joke is you say your three steps ahead

and then you say fine and I say bro I'm five steps ahead bro I'm five steps ahead I'm bro I'm five steps ahead oh man god yeah I just love comedy and saying you know jokes like that where you had yeah it's called yes and yeah yeah yeah I went to the UCV one time yeah yeah how many comedy shows you see oh no no I was I was doing that class you do how many classes you take there oh well that we had there was a problem with the payments so yeah I was asked to leave well how many classes you take that bro I took like I took like one yeah I was gonna say I took like fucking seven that's good now and also all the sketches I was writing was I was the way that was my big problem cuz you know my manager my agent when I started doing

comedy I got signed immediately you know my sneakers in my advanced age yeah and they said oh this is good this guy's gonna be huge you know this guy's gonna there's like a young rogman even though he's three years older than me yeah and they tried they tried to give me you know writing jobs but I didn't really I didn't know that I don't I'm illiterate yeah apparently I don't know how to read or write you never I never thought about you can't get in a writer's room yeah so you gotta like you gotta like have you seen the movie Billy Madison no I've never seen any comedy movie ever I don't know movie but it's not this guy goes back to school comedy is my lifelong passion that I discovered at 57 years old but I can't name a single

comedian that I don't do a podcast with or that I'm not trying to get on my podcast yeah that I don't know is Bobby Lee said maybe I've never seen a single movie I can't explain how jokes work all I can do is talk about sneakers and add more numbers to another number yeah yeah yeah no and the joke the joke of C.T. the joke is that I know how to count the joke is that I think we're counting is like really demonstrated how many is like reading of numbers you know bro yeah that's like you kind of do know how to read yeah yeah yeah I try I tried you know cuz there's some guys those New York guys they're all like technicians they're like surges they got boys they're like brain surgeons dude I was talking to this New York guy I think

it think it was he I don't remember his name he's Elmo it's Esme Street oh Elmo and he was the New York guy New York I know I'm no powerhouse New York comic real fucking yeah and he was telling me that comedy's got this single rule of threes almost like hold on he said this is one there's one and then there's two and you're telling me after that there's three three yeah and that's just crazy that fucking blew my mind that's incredible that blew my mind that's incredible cuz I only know one or two yeah and that is my fucking one girl tonight or my fucking two and then he said me well when you fuck two girls at the same time what's that called I said it's called a threesome and it was like it was like your whole it was like meeting the Buddha

yeah you know that fact when I met that Buddha yeah actually molested me yeah Greg Buddha molested me shut up dude yeah yeah you just got to get that in that's that's the thing bro is you just got to keep you stay on a bit until you find the way to weedle in the thing you're not supposed to say yeah yeah I wonder if it's okay with Craig though we took that probably not I mean you took the phone call I told him we're on the pocket though I'll call him after we can beep it who are we even making fun of who's alone what is the last 20 minutes who is that supposed to be it's like Shob maybe do you are you familiar with him I don't know I don't really people or he's always getting into dramas is that what's happening what like I always get DMs as they're like where do

you stand on the new Shob drama and I was like I don't know what's I don't I don't listen to podcast man but they're always like like guys that fight and then get into comedy is that what we're doing or Chris dealia is that what we're doing I think it's all of them it's all those guys yeah yeah yeah it's a general impression I have of like all of those podcast based on like me not listening to one minute of it yeah yeah they just pop up and it's like they have sneakers it's all six guys in a sneaker thing yeah yeah and then yeah I guess and if any of those guys that I just named have a problem they come then you can come to New York and they come to New York you can talk to sweater brothers you can talk to the sweater brothers you're

gonna have to get through them to get to me and then you're gonna have to get through Laura. Yeah yeah no those do you have where do you stand on the new Brendan Shob drama what is the new drama I don't know there's no it's always like it's like every every six months I get like a DM from someone about that what are we doing I'm tricking I'm tricking the watch into thinking you're exercising to think I'm well I'm standing up well you got a pack for Chicago and I don't you know I don't pack I fucking put two pairs underwear in a backpack and then I just buy clothes in the town you buy clothes every time you're on the road well I usually because I hit the hotel gym I go on the exercise bike and I sweat so fucking much

that like you need new clothes yeah you throw it out yeah I just throw I wear shit clothes and then I throw them out oh it's kind of a good way to refresh your wardrobe and then you have like a t-shirt of every city you've been in it's kind of like a kitchen magnet kind of yeah I just buy clothes with gas station of the gas Chicago gas yeah Chicago gas and I donate you know donate the old clothes mm-hmm those go to homeless people yeah and then you know what else is what did you want to talk about do you want to try and squash the beef with any of the LA comedians that we just caused the or Craig Buddha perhaps no well I don't know maybe we should be about his name I don't know but I mean he's like a he's like a real professional I honestly

he wouldn't care he's a he's a film producer that we know but no I'm I welcome the beef I welcome the drama okay you know if people are DMing me about these dramas I'm thinking like we need to get it what do you think the latest job drama is I don't know that's a weird name Shaw Shaw what is it sounds fake yeah what ethnicity is that German it's German it maybe is it maybe he's Jewish I don't know sure Charles Schwab are you getting vibes from that no I'm not getting vibes here he's he's one of the fighting guys right they're all fighting they're all Joe Rogan's a fighting guy Joe Rogan started that yeah Bobby Lee's like well Bobby Lee's Korean well it's just like well Joe Rogan was the first fighting guy that went into comedy

just like Aziz was the first like wager to do the Indian guy to do a black voice you know and then they're like now a million Indian guys that's true they do comedy that yeah speaking AAV yeah so if anything like it's a testament to the influence of Rogan yeah you know someone that could potentially be helping us out if he wants are we still angling for that oh hundred what are we angling for we got to go on and talk about monkeypox that's true as yeah we should be the guys that are like this is fake gay people aren't real gay people this is just AIDS they're fucking they would they they lost they had all of the attention because of AIDS gay people love getting attention and then because of Corona then everybody had a disease

so gay people are like well we want the attention we need our own we're being drama queens so they made up monkey pot they made it up for it so first of all how come none of the supposed monkey pox how come you've never seen any of these people I've never seen you're supposed to have like visible symptoms yeah only around the asshole which it's not that's not how monkey pox works they say that it's anal lesions anal lesions that's what I heard that's fine this is kind of like almost like a summer like a southern kind of name anal lesion yeah yeah is that what you're saying yeah like this is my welcome to my plantation chateau de anal lesion chateau de anal lesion yeah that's good chateau de anal lesion

anal lesion anal lesion yeah there you go anal lesion the french anal lesion yeah well I spent I used to spend my summers in the french anal lesion yeah the french anal lesion it's a region of southeastern Louisiana the anal lesion the anal lesions yeah yeah it's like a little blister around your asshole that you get from a monkey from a monkey believe it or not yeah I didn't come from no monkey that's what I say you know you think there's a redneck gay guy that's like I get I don't get this shit from me actually you know what I just remembered that was like one of the first stand up jokes I wrote what make a redneck gay guy finding out where AIDS comes from and he's like hell nah I didn't come from

no damn monkey I got this is punishment from God for being a fag I didn't come from no monkey yeah no one laughed at that they don't like that you were 16 years old yeah they never did well yeah yeah people are looking at their notebooks well I guess do you what do you want to do you want to wrap up then we can wrap up um yeah guys this is uh you know what are our final thoughts oh yeah final thought but this is just a production meeting is a production meeting we're riffing about LA comedy we talked to Craig Buddha you took a call to get the answer on this this and that was a very helpful answer it was a very helpful answer because I've been just dead in the water with this insurance thing I don't

know I don't know what we've been dealing with this week I have no idea how to get general liability insurance I don't know what it is I was just told I need it the day we were supposed to sign the lease yeah and and now I don't I don't know what it is now I don't know how to ask for it and apparently everything I say is wrong yeah so and you've uh you've made a couple people cry I should call him as Tommy C yeah yeah yo Craig it's Tommy C Craig it's time to see yeah I got I got I need a yeah I need a general liability insurance policy I have an idea for a business yeah and it's uh big seizes so it's pizza place but there's even more you get this guy's a killer even more pizza yeah I'm doing a co-headwind thing with Bobby we I'm opening for Bobby me and Bobby

we are co-heading riding we're doing a tour called the eyelids of comedy all right folks thanks a lot