The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. X09 – TAFS Final Test Episode

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

We're almost there folks

Motherfucker! Motherfucker check, check, check, Motherfucker check. Y'all ready for this? I got my gun, and I walked, and I'm loaded. Check. Check. Check. Check.

Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.

Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.

Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.

Check. Check. Check check. Check Check. Check Check. Check check check, check. Check check check. Check check check check.

Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Adam Friedland. What's on his motherfucking mind? Let's find out. Adam Friedland show. Ladies and gentlemen, the date, July 27, 2022, and Joe Biden has

tested negative for COVID-19 after only being sick for five days. Did you, how much of the song did you want? Just that, yeah. Just that part. Yeah. I think that was like a celebratory or present persevered, right? He overcame. Okay. Yeah. So let's, let's go back to the thing and then I'll just, I'll get a cat scratch fever playing. Okay. His cat scratch fever. I thought, you know, he's present getting over Corona, cat scratch fever, Chinese people eating cats. I see it. I see the logic. Yeah. Yeah. I got you. It's kind of like a Corona themed song. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I never put that together, but it's true. Why isn't that the whole, didn't Ted Doogen come out? The news really called it. Yeah.

Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, the Adam Friedland show monologue. All right. Sorry. Top of the show. Go ahead. Adam Friedland show. Ladies and gentlemen, July 27th, 2022, and Joe Biden has tested negative. All these and all these shows for COVID-19 after being only sick for five days. Just a quick reminder, the former guy, he spent, are you ready for this drumfrole please? He spent that same amount of time in the fucking hospital, like a goddamn coward pussy, a regular polydog bitch boy. How does that feel corn top pony dog? What's Paul? Remember when he called that guy pony dog? Oh, yeah. Sorry. What's up? What's up pony dog? Sorry. Listen, fat, you pony dog, bastard,

brat, fuck fat. Was that the listen fat guy? Listen, fat. The pushup contest guy. Yeah. I'll do a book. I'll do a book report right now for pushup. We'll have a book report off. What is a pony dog? Listen, pony. There's different animals back when he was growing up. Oh no. It's literally a dog that's so big that a child could ride on it like a pony. Oh, that's what it is. Jill's a big fan of pony dogs. When I used to go on vacation for years, I'd be out making deals in China and Jill would be home with the pony dog, getting piped down. Damn. Getting piped down by the pony dog. We got a German shepherd now and they don't make pony dogs anymore. They don't make them anymore. Joe ran through all of them. Yeah, they had to fuck guys

instead of these loving dogs. They all drown in Jill's pussy. All right. So while Biden spent five days at his desk dutifully signing any paper that was placed in front of him and doing his best to make his eyes track towards whatever camera he was supposed to be smiling at, Donald Trump's bout with COVID saw him airlifted by helicopter to Walter Reed hospital. Of course, Trump is so goddamn fat that by the time they even got there, the helicopter was short of breath. Even the helicopter was short of breath, folks. Because he's fat. Sorry. Okay. We'll get the problem. You hit the intro song button. That thing does not stop. Well, is it still playing right now? It's still playing. So I'm going to need the beat. What are you going to need? For the next

sentence that you wrote in my top of the show. What did I write in there? Sometimes I put stuff in there just to get loose. Okay. Stuff you might not want to, you know, I put Ted Nugent on. When I write this stuff, I put Ted Nugent on and I, you know, I go vibe. Yeah. Okay. All right. All right, let's go. Yeah, let's go. Brass tax, brass tax. Now, Trump is so goddamn fat by the time they got him there, even the helicopter was short of breath. Now we're right. We don't say on this show anymore. We don't say we don't say we don't say as an homage to Mr. George. It's Carlin. Oh man, he's turning in his classic bit. The seven words you can't shove up my cock. Bitch. And caca. Yeah. I know that bit is pretty good. Yeah.

Anyways, now we're having fun here laughing at the orange. Nick, go ahead. Now we're having fun here laughing at the orange in chief. It's important to remember that COVID is not a joke. While Trump's probably one of the most uniquely unhealthy individuals on the planet, both physically and mentally, he's not dissimilar from a lot of America. What we're saying here folks is that a lot of Americans, they got shitty bodies like Donald Trump. We can laugh at a statue in Union Square of him and his tiny penis, you know, but the reality is a lot of a lot of you, a lot of your loved ones, they got the same exact body type as Donald Trump. The same kind of medical issues. That's right.

So when over 97% of Americans are obese. Yes. And that's a sad truth. And if you factor out Hispanic, non-white Hispanic, we're still dealing with 70 to 72%. And so I haven't looked it up. So when people say COVID, you know, not, you know, it's, it's just a cold. It's not just a cold because most of us are, we look like Donald Trump, you know, correct. So and maybe I'm sorry, maybe that was clear already. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, that's what the because I don't want to make it seem. I don't want to say, I don't want to make it seem like Americans are like Donald Trump, who's a bad guy. Not as a guy, but as a fat piece of fat piece of shit. Yes. Most Americans are fat piece of shit, but hard of gold. There's Donald Trump. Fat piece of salt to the earth.

Worse than me for some reason. Yes. Even though in my personal life, I'm you're having, you're allergic to something to your cat. Oh, yeah. Well, this won't be after this week. Folks. Yeah. That's, uh, this is probably the last episode that we will be recording in Nick's apartment. Yeah. Because big news yesterday, pick up the keys tonight. We say, we signed the lease. We have, Lisa signed. We have a completely empty studio in Chelsea. Well, don't tell them too much. I'm not going to tell you. Stay, stay excited. Folks. Perhaps a special release this weekend. Correct. At patreon.com slash come soon to be some type of Adam Friedland show. We got, we got big plans for this next episode coming out on

Patreon and you guys are definitely going to want to sign up. Yeah. So anyways, back to the top of the show. While COVID is still very serious, the president's quick recovery proves that it doesn't have to be so long as your quadruple vaccinated and there's a plan in place to have you die by other means next month. The CIA, the CIA. Yeah. If a 79 year old could beat this thing with the right medicine, then most of us can. Granted, Joe Biden is one tough, smart bastard. It's easy to overlook his hard scrabble, scrabble and upbringing, spending the entire winter slathered in oil, crawling to school on all fours with nothing but a leather body suit to suit to keep him warm. But when you see him now as an old man, you almost forget that this guy is tough as nails.

It would be foolish to think his undeniable resolve did not play a role in his quick recovery, which brings us to our topic for today's show. Perseverance. Perseverance. That might be a new word to some of y'all, but I want you to pay attention because that might be the most important word in the English language. Perseverance isn't talent, it's not strength, it's not intelligence. The only way to measure it is with results. You can weigh it, you can't take it, you can't weigh it, you can't take an IQ test. So let's break it down. P, persistence, E, energy. Let's go with each one of these and you're going to say something about them. So folks, perseverance, because here's what I need

to stress here. Perseverance, you know, that's something anybody can access. Whether you're, whether you're, you could be the tallest guy on the team, you could be the fastest guy on the team. None of that matters for dick-ass shit. If you don't have perseverance. If you're not willing to persevere. Correct. You know, who made it out of the Holocaust? Not the least annoying Jewish guy, but the guy who persevere. Yeah, okay. Who made it out of the camps? You know. I don't know. Yeah. I can't imagine what they went through. What a bust. Who was making it out of it? Who was making it out of a basketball camp? Oh, basketball camps. Yeah, okay. Not the, not the most annoying Jewish guy in basketball. Okay. Oh, okay. All right. All right. Yeah. Okay. So, so perseverance is,

that's, that's what, that's what Joe Biden sort of embodies. And, and it's something you can, you can embrace in your personal life if you want to be like Joe Biden. So we're going to break it down for you all real quick. What is perseverance, Adam? Well, perseverance, perseverance isn't just a word, but. P-E-R-S-E-V-E-R-E-R-A-N-C. N-C-E. Yeah. But there's an easy way to remember what it stands for. Let's start with P. Persistence. Persistence is basically means the same thing as perseverance, but you might be familiar with the word persistence. It's another P. Yeah. Because that represents, it's the same. It's kind of the same. Yeah. E, energy. You got to have a lot of energy. You got to have a lot of energy. When you're out there, you give 110% energy. That's right.

R, rebounds. You better be getting those rebounds. Right. If he's missing, yeah. You got to, you got to box out. You got to get boards. And every, in every game, there are six times more rebounds than there are buckets. And so if you're, if you're, you got to be thinking about, I'm going to be the guy that gets, that helps, that perseveres and helps because I'm a fucking loser. Right. And I'll never be able to actually score. Score the basket. I'm never going to get any pussy, but I can, when a girl gets beaten up by her boyfriend. I can be there. I can be there. To grab the board. And maybe after she leaves, I'll masturbate. And I'll tell our friend, our mutual friend, that we had sex, that we had sex. S, sweat. Sweat. If you're not sweating,

if you're not sweating, you're not persevering. You're not sweating. You're not persevering. Yeah. No perspiration, no perseveration. Perseveration. Perseveration. Yeah. And that's how you know. If you're out on that court, you know, the court of basketball, the court of life, family court, you should be sweating in family court. Right. Otherwise you're not trying. As, as your ex-wife is lying on your ass. She's got the hard drive, a copy of the hard drive. The entire courtroom is seeing pictures of you smoking crack cocaine with your, your daughter. Correct. You should be sweating and not, not out of fear, but knowing that no matter what, you're going to see your daughter again and you're going to hang out with her and her friends.

And you're going to give the, it's going to be just like it was in the old days. Giving her friends massages, fucking being the cool dad, being the cool dad, the cool dad that has a TikTok account and can teach these girls about their bodies. Right. He learned the name. E energy. You've got to have energy. Yeah. If you're not showing energy, if you're not faking it until you're making it, you're not persevering. Right. And we, I know that energy was the last E, but energy is so important that it deserves a second E. E equals MC squared. You know who said that? Stephen Hawking. That's true. And you want to talk about perseverance? There's a guy who persevered. Yeah. He spent his entire life

mentally retarded. Yes. And still was the smartest guy. Was still the smartest guy of all time. And that's what we're talking about. That's right. Put all these on a playlist. No, it's cool. This, this still works. R, regret. You shouldn't have any of them. R stands for regret. So it stands for regret, but it's not regret. You should remember. You should always remember to never regret. Yeah. It's the anti-R kind of talk. A aspiration. You should always aspire. Aspire. You should always aspire to inspire.

When you're out there on the court, you want all these and all these those to make sure to see what you're doing. And they're going to say, I'm going to hustle too. That's right. That's what, that's what puts the I in team. That's right. T, T, I'm time. T, I am. And nuance. Nuance. Yeah. That's a word that neither Nick and I fully could articulate what it means, but I think we both know. Everything in life requires nuance. Yeah. Nuance. Which is like a little challenge or something. Yeah. Yourself. You've got to challenge yourself.

You've got to challenge yourself. If you want to persevere. And E, let's bring it back to energy. Energy. You've got to have energy out there. We're facing an energy crisis. That's right. And that's, that's, you know, people are saying, what's happening with the fucking oil prices? What are we going to do when Putin's price, the Putin price hike makes it so. Look, I'm, I'm struggling, folks. I'm trying to raise a family of three and I'm going to Walmart and I'm fucking dead broke. I can't, I can't get on an entitlement program because all of that, you know,

none of that is a long process. Thanks forever. I don't know how to do it. It's going, it's going to the welfare queens. All those, all those gay guys taking class. And I don't know how to figure it out. You know, correct. I don't know how to get fucking health insurance. And now I can't feed my kids. And who am I mad at? Am I mad at Joe Biden? No, I'm mad at Vladimir Putin and the Putin price hike because I know the true, the real reason that my kid has a vitamin D deficiency is because of Vladimir Putin. Who was gay with President Donald Trump? They were gay with each other. They were gay.

And the energy that you need to have is Joe Biden. I think they get it. Joe Biden's got the right kind of energy. I think they get it. Anyways, the point is Joe Biden has perseverance, bringing Griner has perseverance. That's right. And she's currently being sexually jailed. She's being jailed. By, by Donald Putin himself. That's correct. Today on the Adam Friedland show, we're going to show you how to persevere. What? I just like the music.

Oh, yeah. The Adam Friedland monologue. Uh-huh. So guys, let's get to the news, right? Um, we pulled a couple headlines. We don't have jokes written for them. We're going to riff them out live. Classic stuff. I'm sorry. I'm looking at this just now. I thought you wrote jokes for these. You just wrote. No, I pulled the headlines. I thought we were going to write the jokes when I got here,

but you said you wanted to start recording. No, I thought, yeah, I see. I thought you had written your own jokes this time. No, no, no. I told you I pulled the headlines. I texted you that. I said we can, we can either write them before we can riff them out. Okay. So there's, I'm looking at these now. There's no, not a single, these are just no, I mean, we can, you know, that's fine. We'll do it live. Uh, okay. You want to get started? Yes. I guess so. Um,

let's see. Do we have anything to read, by the way? No, we don't. Okay. So yeah, you want to pick one of these headlines here? Sure. You want to hold on one second. You want to time out real quick? Ladies and gentlemen, it's Wednesday July 27th at 6.34 p.m. This is the Adam Freedman show. Good evening. Tonight's guest, Michael Jordan. His airness, Michael Jordan.

Tonight's guest, Michael Jordan. Elton John. Lawrence and Arabian. Tanny Faye Baker. That's Elvangelist. Uh, Gordon Ramsey. Gore Vidal. Gore, Gordon Vidal Ramsey.

Al Gore Vidal. Al, uh, Al Gore. Yeah, sure. Al Gore Vidal. Welcome, folks. Uh, this is, uh, this is, we're doing something that we used to never do on the old show, which is, uh, trying again. Yeah. We came in, we came in kind of slow on the last one. Yeah. And Nick and I made the, made the decision that we are professionals and that taffs as we call it.

Did we call it that or we just call it the Adam Freedman show? Maybe it's on social media. It's, it's abbreviated as the taffs. The Adam Freedman show is about trying and professionalism. I've been saying, I don't really, I don't really think I have said taffs until just, I kind of hate taffs. Okay. I know it's my own fault for naming the show. Well, you were the one that made the abbreviation, uh, but that's a official policy from now on.

We do not call this taffs. No, no taffs. We're not calling it a taffs. No taffs. Okay. So, but we've committed to this. The, the, the, we did, we were halfway through the last, this episode already and it was deleted. This show is about professionalism. Professionalism. And listen, sometimes you show up on game day.

Okay. It's about professionalism. You got a little bit of a hangover from the night before. It's about professionalism as in Leon, the professional. Exactly. And that this is a show about a, a guy with a sexy child. Yeah. A guy with a sexualized child killing people.

Yeah. Um, yes, exactly. It is a lot like Leon, the professional. From, from Luke, Brett, Brett, uh, Breaston. Breast and Plants. Breaston, Breastoff. Yeah.

Natalie Portman famously did not have breasts yet in that film. Yeah. Not that I was looking. Um, it was just in the news. She was on puberty blockers. She was on puberty blockers. She hadn't decided her gender yet. She was on puberty blockers.

That's a big thing going on right now. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, it's true, yeah, big debate in the world is whether or not children should have access to puberty blockers. And, uh, I, I wish, uh, you know, they should give puberty blockers to as bullies. They should. They should identify bullies and forcibly give them

puberty blockers. Yeah. Because a lot of them hit puberty early and they're judging, you know, all the lilies that haven't, you know, gotten there yet. Yeah. I feel like if you're a bully, if you're a kid and you're a bully, guess what?

No pubes for you, asshole. You're going to see, we're going to permanently stunk the growth of your penis for the rest of your life. Yes. You're going to be like a Pat from SNL. You're going to exist somewhere within both genders. It's kind of kind of like that guy we saw after Caroline's. What?

Trans person. No, that, uh, the, me at 60 years old, I don't think it was a trans person. I think it was just a Jewish man who hit a certain age where he just, he evaporated into some sort of gray space between the, both genders. We had a little purse with him. He had like, he had the kind of purse, but he, it was like a,

the kind of purse that you give to like a child in the 40s, like a toy purse. It was a purse. Yeah. It was a purse to play grown up with. Yeah. It was a purse where you could have like one of those little lady guns, you know, that a woman of the night would need to take out for protection.

Lady guns. That's, we should make guns illegal, but keep the lady guns. Keep the lady guns. The little directors. If you want to shoot up your school, you're going to look like a prostitute. Yeah. You're going to look, then that's, let's see gang members try to look tough with a little pink.

Exactly. 22. Go ahead and make my day essay. Then we don't have to worry about it. I always said, you know, you really want to get rid of the gang problem, forget the guns, get rid of bandanas. Why are those legal? Right.

That's exactly, you got to take it. You got to strike it at the root. Think about how much more damaged bandanas do. Mm hmm. That's right. You know. Yeah, that exactly. And if, if they didn't have bandanas, then they couldn't have anonymous sex with

bikers also. Yeah. Right. I mean, instead of puberty blockers, it's puberty, Barack Obama's. Mm hmm. Right. And you just become Barack Obama. Yeah.

Yeah. And, and you're, you're like, let me be clear. Your penis is like, I don't know. I'm growing. I'm going to get heart. I'm going to come to my pants at night time. That's a fake thing. Right.

I've never had a nocturnal mission. Yeah. I think it's a lie. Yeah. They made it sound real with the official name, nocturnal mission. Have you ever blacked out? What do you mean? Like drinking all the time?

Oh, I've never once blacked out. I have drank. I've, I've had, I've consumed a lot of alcohol in my day and I've never actually had a full blackout. No, I would black out multiple times a week. Was, were you also like on Xanax or something? No, it's, I would never buy. I used to get way drunk, like incapacitated.

Yes. And I'd have pretty much full memory of everything. And then I remember like I started blacking out and then it got progressively worse. Like where I was just blacking out like all the time. Really? And I wouldn't have to get that drunk before I would wake up the next morning. I have no recollection. So you just got better at drinking or worse?

Yeah, I guess. Yeah, you put the time in to get to the blackout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe my drinking is not. That kind of bumps me out. I wish I didn't think about that. Really? I don't know.

I'm sorry. No, no, it's my fault. It's weird that you can't black that out. You have the memory, you shouldn't have the memory of blacking out. Yeah. You know what I mean? Exactly. It's just whatever happened.

Yeah, right. No one should tell you. Yeah. Yeah, there should be a conspiracy of silence. I guess. Yeah, something like that. Anyway, guys, welcome to the show. Welcome to the show.

Big news if you're following the pre-production process. Yesterday, Nick and I officially signed on our studio in Chelsea. Yes. And I said the neighborhood and you asked me last time not to say the neighborhood. No, it's all right. I just don't want to, you know. Although I think we said on Jim and Sam yesterday. I wanted to do this one there tonight.

But yes, it takes forever for that air conditioning to cool that place down. There's that problem and then there's the other problem of the Russian super storing all the furniture from the businesses that closed down in that building. He's slowly selling them off on Craigslist and our office is the store room for all that stuff. I think he said he cleared it all out. No, he said we never got confirmation that it's been cleared up. We got to go there after this and make sure. I have to go to my friend's birthday.

Okay. Well, I'm going to go over there and if it's not cleared out, it's smashing time. You can smash and stuff. The things are going to get broken. Right. Because we were told 24 hours. Yeah. You get that shit out of there. Yeah. We have to redefine the late night talk genre.

Okay. Do not waste our time. Yeah. We got a lot of, we got a lot of shit on our plate. But no, we are very excited. And if you guys go to patreon.com slash come town this weekend, this episode right here. Damn, I wish he didn't tell me that either. Now I'm mad. I thought it was, that stuff was moved out. No, that's why we couldn't go today.

We were like waiting for four hours for him, for confirmation that the office was cleared. Whatever. If you go to patreon.com slash come town, you sign up soon to be patreon.com slash something related to the Adam Freeland show. This weekend's episode will be the first of all of our episodes recorded in the studio and we have some special stuff planned for it. And this episode is officially the last one I think that will ever be recorded in Nick's apartment where I am allergic to cats.

So that's good news. Very exciting news. Are you stoked about it, Nick? Yeah. Yeah, I am. I'm now mad about this fucking guy not clearing the space out. Because they also, they lied about the utilities. Yeah. They lied about cleaning the space. They lied about internet too.

Yeah. Well, we definitely won't be renewing that lease now. Yeah. Anyways, whatever. This is not a negativity show. I'm not going to be. Right. I'm not going to be negative about it. I just saw now, yeah, that you sent that text from this fucking cocksucker.

Um, yeah. This fucking asshole with his loud shoes. Fuck you. Why is he wearing fucking like? Yeah, his shoes were loud. Yeah, he's wearing like Jester shoes. Yeah, what the fuck is his problem? Like I hate our super already.

We haven't even moved it. Yeah, like 1500s. And did you catch how he was like talking shit on the management company already? Yeah, he was. He's like, don't leasen them. You'll leasen me. Yeah, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to tell the management company he sent that and cause a problem.

Yeah. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take him up to the top of the mountain of a mountain. I'm going to go to a mock execution. I'm going to tell the management company like, yeah, we met the super. He seemed nice, but he was like, he really doesn't seem to like you guys at all. Yeah. We're going to, he's going to lose his job.

Checkmate. We're going to lose his job. But I mean, the two of them are, he's not clearing out the fucking space. No, he's running a fucking used Ikea furniture showroom out of our office. That we have a lease on now. They also lied about the utilities. Right. They said electric was included.

That's now another sunk cost. So please go to patreon.com come town because the overhead that we are accumulating is getting higher and higher. Yeah. And tomorrow when we meet with the people that are building out the space for us, it will get even higher. So guys, we appreciate all of your support and it's been a great month. There's been a lot of support, fomenting and we feel it.

We feel the love and we're excited about the show. Should we, should we go to top of the show? Top of the show. Do we want to do it because this is what we did last time. We did the top of the show and you didn't like it. And then I thought the top of the show was fine. I thought the the pre-monologue stuff was fine. Okay.

Yeah. And then we had that great music queues that I thought would really work. But you know, we don't have to. And also we could do it again. How do you feel about it? Listen, we're partners in this baby. Yeah. We're fucking you're my you're my you're my husband.

Yeah. I mean, I guess it's my it was my my responsibility to get on this fucking this Russian dickhead that doesn't want to clear the space out. No, it wasn't your responsibility. I've been I've been handling that today. You pick up the slack with other things. Yeah. I mean, I haven't handled it because he hasn't done it.

This is this is our this is our new relationship. No, Nick. Yeah. We are we are colleagues. Titans of industry. Okay. Yeah. Then we'll do the top of the show.

Top of the show. Top of the show. Folks, if you're just joining the Adam Friedland show with the start of the show, trying to do a top of the show thing where it's not really the monologue. But, you know, we're we find like a theme and we've yet to figure out how to make that theme traverse the entire episode. Yes. But hopefully this time we have it.

Maybe it won't. But who cares? Probably not as long as it's funny. I'll be I'll be completely honest with you folks. We made a decision, a joint decision that just decided to try this one again. I feel like probably won't be much better, if not worse. I feel like the energy is better. I feel like the vibes are better.

Are they what the people can really now I'm thinking about being a blackout drunk and how much I want to get drunk. And then well, I didn't mean I didn't mean to piss you off. And also I just got a text from my girlfriend that she has to come pick up my keys in 25 minutes. Just so you're why she has to pick up your keys because she does not have her key. Why doesn't she have her keys? I don't know.

She got them at home. Shut. No. Now you're pissing me off. Listen. Here's what the audience. I'm just looking out for you. The audience wants their friends.

Nick and Adam to be having fun. What? You want me to put a tailer? I I guess I'm a follower around. I she got upset last time I did. I got a guy. He's an ex cop. Is it?

Yeah. He's on the force. Labardo. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Have you have you got him? Labardo jeans.

Have you? Have you ever met him? Um I have met him but you never told me he was a dick. Yeah. He's a former cop. Now he's a dick. Sergeant jeans. Yeah.

Sergeant jeans. Yeah. He got kicked off the force because some crooked cops killed his boyfriend. Really? Yeah. Oh so he was a straight shooter. Well he was gay. But yeah.

He was gay as a cop. But that's because he was undercover. Was and his boyfriend wasn't a cop or was it on the force? His boyfriend was a milk delivery milkman. They still have that. If you're gay yeah. If you're gay. They don't hire straight people anymore because they would fuck everyone's wife.

Yeah. But you can still get gay milk brought to your house. That's true. Yeah. It's crazy how those guys are just they're just living in a different society. Yeah. It's like yeah. An alternative lifestyle.

Well I would not be surprised if in the next five to ten years white gays recreate the 1950s within their own. The kind of gays that hate trans women. You know like Cuba how they have all the old cars. Yeah. Because of the embargo. Gays are going to do that. Yeah.

They're going to do kind of a fedora version of gays. It's going to be there'll be like certain neighborhoods where it's just the 1950s. And it's all gays giving and bringing each other milk. Yeah. And other kind of gays. Yeah. And undercover cops. And undercover cops.

So anyway so Lombardo. Lombardo jeans. He was he was shoved off the force and you and you have you how many times have you employed him. Six or seven times. Really. About to hire him again to do a number on my girlfriend. Well I haven't consented. Oh no not my number.

And number two on this this super. This super. Yeah. Yeah. He holds his move his famous move is holding folks down. And you know a little Nicky where he does the spit thing. How could I forget. Yeah.

So he could do that with feces out of it. You know. Because he has that kind of rectal control. Wow. And he'll hold folks down and they'll just help have a turd go in and out of their mouth. And he's like tell me where the girl is. Wow. And they're like make it stop.

Yeah. And I swear to God I don't know. Make it stop. But that's a kind of that's kind of hardcore guy. The Renzo jeans is. He's like you don't know who you're fucking with. Yeah. This goes all the way to the top.

Wow. All right. Well that's good to know. If I if I need him to track my girlfriend I will let you know. I guarantee you there's a video on Pornhub of some somebody doing that. Some we some probably redogging. Yeah. German guy that knows it can just prairie dog with like.

Yeah. Just the outrageous levels of skill and control. Yeah. That has to be a very specific fetish. He's doing it the Vivaldi. Yeah exactly. It's just going the four seasons. We're playing.

Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. The guy is so happy. He found his thing and he's just living his truth. Well I sent you and Steven and Alex that video that guy shoving the glass jar up his ass and then it breaks and it breaks and that's a classic Internet video. Yes.

And I was I just assumed that guy died. You know because if you have a big piece of glass go into your fucking rectum or your large I imagine there's like a yeah you could bleed out. Yeah bleed out but you're getting shit. There's maybe an ordinary. Yeah I don't understand. I don't like I mean there's a massive amount of blood coming out of. But he lived.

He's not only he lived he did an interview about it. Charlie Rose. Yeah he did. Yeah. Now when you sat down on the glass you've done this many times before. Yes I have. I don't know why he's also so. So yes I guess tonight is also Charlie Rose.

Yes. In a weird tone of events. Kind of like there's a multiverse. I've discovered a man. Yes. Not me. Another man named Charlie Rose. Correct.

Who is very similar to me but instead of being a television host he shoves Mason Jaws into his asshole. Correct. For sexual pleasure. Thanks for joining us Charlie Rose. Thank you so much for having me. Yes. A lot of people imagine that I did die.

Perhaps because the the anus. Tell us a little bit about the history of shoving a jaw up your ass. Well it's a long you know story tradition. Perhaps it started when you were a milkman and you and your friends were milkmen that could be a sort of a call back or yes or if we as we as we do this sketch where you just choose the same character. I don't know to say why I did that and why I have to stick to it. It's okay.

We could have ran it again you know. All right all right. We've done enough running back tonight. This is kind of the duel in Charlie's kind of a devil went down to Georgia. What we're going to do is this is going to be a learning experience. OK. Let's try this out because eventually at some point you're going to have to take over the sketches and characters.

So fuck it. This time we'll say yes it's Charlie Rose interviewing. Big question mark and your answer is a nervous Charlie Rose. I'm not particularly nervous but perhaps you know you're sort of a quick read on my performance. A moment of panic. No it's not responding to who is Charlie Rose interviewing with the same but just a worse impression of the television interview journalist Charlie Rose. But so we'll say for just for the sake of getting through because we already deleted

one episode and we got to be there. We can still you know maybe it's not deleted. Oh it's gone. OK. Good. You're kind of a little kind of in a little hissy fit situation. Hissy fit. No you're like well fine.

I'll be honest with you. I didn't delete it. I just wanted the pressure to be on you to make sure you know I was trying to gauge. I'm feeling good right now. My background is in basketball and sexually assaulting women. Yes. So I'm what you call a clutch. Yes.

Clutch player. You know the last two minutes of the fourth quarter you become a different animal. Last two minutes of the French quarter perhaps. Oh well that's why it's called that because that's the name of my novel. The last two minutes of the French quarter. A lot of people don't know I wrote a book. Oh really. Yeah.

OK. Well it's about the milkman of New Orleans to answer your question district milkman to answer your question about that's where it was invented by the way. I don't know if you didn't you knew that as New Orleans was the first place a gay man started bringing milk to each other. Yes. Well there's two aspects of this. There's there's a there's a negative stereotype that milkmen have had to to overcome which is

that that they fuck people's wives. Right. Sure. You're right. Sure. So like there's a joke that you know that the baby looks like the milkman. Right. When in reality we're all homosexuals.

You know now. No we have been for ages and maybe our front before there was an acceptance of homosexual lifestyle was that we fucked women. Womanizers. Yeah. But in reality we are homosexual men that were kind of a white uniform and then kind of a was it like a Navy style hat. Yeah.

Is it or maybe like a like an Air Force. Well it was a clan outfit. Originally it was gay racists. Yeah. Yeah. It was exactly. Originally we were the gay KKK the gay K the gay gay gay. It was spelled M I L K K K.

Back in the day. Yeah. So I know you with that. So in reality we are not womanizing the distributors of milk. Right. Um we the second thing that people don't understand about milk delivery man. I hope you don't mind if I respond to this text message on my phone. I'm trying to get pussy later.

Oh OK. You go ahead. Oh continue your story. I'm just I'm I want you to hear this. I am hearing it. I am OK. But while we're doing you want to deal with that Charlie Rose show I'm also just to make sure they try to get some push because the distinction needs to be made clear to the studio

audience that you are gay Charlie Rose. Oh so you're trying to perform your virility and masculinity. Exactly. To make me seem like more of a faggot. That's the number one. In reality I've been introduced to the audience as a man who puts a jaw up my ass. So if there's any question that I am the gay Charlie Rose I think that's been answered. I have to ask you this before we go to break.

Oh you go ahead. Would you do you call it wearing a jaw in your ass. In fact we do. Yeah as you consider the garment or type of clothes. Would you consider it to be clothes. Yes. And I have been wearing rosary. Maybe.

Yes. Yes. Is it considered in the gay community. Is it considered the type of underwear. Correct. That is the garment. Yes. You know our asses become so slack.

Yeah. From the the act of homosexual sodomy. The more you say the more it makes sense to me because I remember being a boy and in those early North Carolina. North Carolina. Summer mornings. There was nothing I love more than a fresh hot glass of milk straight from the milk man himself.

Yes. Well I have news for you. I never understood why it was so hot. I thought it was because it was hot outside. Well. But it was because the milk itself had been shoved up his ears. That is correct. And the milk where it comes from it does not actually come from a cow.

Oh it's from the man's penis. It's from a prostate being pressed. It's much like in the movie Euro trip. If you remember. What you're saying to me is that the milk is actually ejaculate from a gay man's penis. That is correct. Yeah. Well and the process and it's called pressing the man's prostate.

It is referred to as milking. Well that is both charming and hilarious. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. I'm trying to I'm trying to explore my characters. Yeah. Yeah.

Thank you. Maybe you want to try a different character. Well maybe this could be give up. Look I'm Charlie Rose and they brought me into the Adam Friedland show to teach you how to how to host the show. I appreciate that. And I'm here now. So I'm back to Adam. Now you're Adam.

You're telling me to give up. And look on my show. I mean you were really encouraging throughout that. You know and I thought I thought I got a couple ones out. I don't know. I did in your any moment. You can go right back to milkman Charlie Rose. No you told me that I should try another one.

I said maybe you would like to. Oh OK. You got to stay loose. You got to stay as loose as you can get. Maybe Jeff Goldblum. Maybe it's Jeff Goldblum and he's he's in it's independence day three. And this time it's an independent black woman's day independent independent woman's day independent black woman's day. Woman's yeah yeah and he's got a T and an S at the end.

Yeah maybe you know you could do something along that line. I mean I feel like that's why don't you do it. Let's see you Goldblum. No anything you want just just go just host the show you know. I thought we were doing that milkman thing. OK we'll go back. I mean no no but it's kind of the vibes off now you know. Why is the vibe off.

Because you told me that maybe I could try a new character. I was trying to encourage you. Maybe feel like I was doing a bad job. I was not. I thought we were doing a fine job and you want to delete the episode. No no maybe it may be because. Now I have to retire and be in Charlie Rose. Now I have to imagine myself on a porch somewhere.

Remember all that stuff I said about the porch. The monkeys that were in Japan. It's not OK. Oh you want to get to the news. Well no not honestly not. No I don't think it's worth it. It's not worth it. No.

Do you unless you want to. No. You want to redo this again. We dropped the top of the show. I think this one's going fine. OK then. Well let's get to. Do you not think it's going fine or do you think it's going fine.

It's going. No as Nick. As Nick because I feel like you're doing the character right now. I can't tell. He is mad about the landlord. Are you. He's in the other room and he's upset about the landlord. So your identity has devolved or dissolved.

I'm just Charlie Rose. You're just Charlie Rose now. From here on out to the rest of the night I'm Charlie Rose. And it's because you're mad. I'm mad. And after this I'm going to try to watch all the Marvel movies and forget about being lied to and I can't wait. I literally cannot wait to casually slip in the conversation

with the management company that the super called him incompetent. That's snitching. I don't care. I'm a snitch now. You're a snitch. I'm now I'm going to start snitching. I'm always looking. Everybody they say buy high sell low and that's bullshit.

Right. You buy when other people are selling and you sell when other people are buying. That's how you get ahead of the market. That is beating the market. Yes. People saying you lost all your money. Well what is the market trying to look at all this trying to make money.

Right. So I'm trying to lose money and what does that get you. Nothing. But at least I don't feel like a goddamn fucking pushover queer. Right. I see what you're saying. I don't I frankly don't say that it's pussy. I don't see what I'm saying.

You may see what I'm saying. But I don't. I'm just trying to. No matter what don't occur. No one's allowed to do anything to me ever. Don't touch me. Don't look at. I don't want to be encouraged.

Oh my God. I'm worried about my friend. Thank you. He's disappeared. I'm fine. You know what this is like is like we see these. And one of the outlet plates is broken. I don't know.

I saw that bothered you yesterday. That made me mad. Because I thought they were going to fix that. Yeah. Now I'm going to pay the office. They didn't paint it. No I'm going to go in there. I'm going to go to Home Depot.

I'm going to fix that outlet plate. And I'm going to build them as an improvement to the fucking union. You're going to. Exactly. You're going to take five bucks off the rent. I'm taking five. I'm taking more than five goddamn bucks off.

I'm going to charge him for every. I'm going to keep. I'm going to put a pet on every screw. I'm going to put a fucking pet on and charge him by the foot. By the step. By the step. I said oh oh I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you.

My steps cost twenty five dollars. Twenty five dollars. I got a I got a I got a smooth gate. Well I. You know like we live in New York City and like we see people who like clearly one day something broke. And like what I'm worried about is that.

The stress we're under in pre-production. Getting the show up over the ground. Having a retake after we did 25 minutes. Sure. I'm worried that it may have broken you and you just may be Charlie Rose now forever. Possibly. But I'll tell you doing a garbage podcast

producing a really shitty episode is Charlie Rose. Makes me feel a lot goddamn better than doing this myself. I guess that is one way to protect yourself. It is. I understand that. And now my doctor might refer to that as a personality disorder. Or kind of a maybe a manic break. Yeah.

Yeah. But I think she's just a. A bitch. Well I wasn't going to say that but. But you were thinking it. Maybe somebody familiar to you if you know what I'm saying. Oh that kind of a doctor. Yeah that kind of a doctor.

Kind of a. OK. Yeah. All right I see that. As your girlfriend coming on. Not yet. Not yet. Well she'd be wearing a shirt.

God damn hope so. Oh yeah. I was going to come down in a kimono with your penis. I love that he's wearing a kimono. Oh you're back. Oh I got you. Yeah. Oh I missed you man.

Have you ever seen the film The Last Samurai. I just recently watched The Last Samurai. Oh did I forget my underpants. Oh excuse me. Oh I'm sorry. It seems I've unsheathed my katana. In the direction of a of a geisha. You've got like a tiny ponytail on the top of your head.

Yeah. Well. Let's talk about what we wanted this episode to be about. Yeah we wanted it to be about perseverance but I'll tell you what since that we didn't do the top of the show we're just going to we're going to staple these two together. You think. Yeah.

Why. Why not. I don't know. We're taking it seriously now. We're professionals. Do you think this is this is much different than. I think this is not particularly. On fire.

But I will say it's definitely better than. The first take. OK. All right. I don't know. Do you agree or disagree. I have no opinion at this point.

I'm like I'm literally I'm blinded by rage that this guy responded while your lease doesn't start till Monday. Yeah it's it's it's it's fucked it's fucked up. Yeah. No we were told we were going to get keys and access and it would be cleared out. Yeah. Yeah.

Should we say his name. No it's all right. No we're not. I don't know his last name anyway. Yeah. If this is going to be a thing where they like you know. I have a feeling that our building will be incredibly negligent as landlords but hopefully that means we can

do some fucked up shit and not get in trouble for it. You know like play Russian roulette. Yeah. Yeah. You know that would be cool. I mean I did want to bring a gun into that space. Book like a book a live episode where we take 150 tours from Times Square that we've barked to be a studio

audience. So you don't want to leave that top of the bridge superbandoning abandon. No no we can leave it. Yeah I think the top of the show is fine. What do you want me to cut. Just all the monologue. Listen I'm not the fucking boss here dude.

We're the we're a team. It's your show. It's I'm just a consultant brought in. No but you had the vision baby. I'm just I'm a guy. I'm just a fucking guy. You know you have the vision for that. OK I mean listen I think I do think top of the show

was good. Yeah I do think that that could be salvaged and that could be added to this. I do think I do think that that could work. OK. All right. And if you want to paste it together that's fine. Cutting and pasting that's going to be my evening

cutting and pasting. Yeah. Cutting and pasting while watching the Marvel movies and thinking I really do have to I have to get rid of my anger problems. Yeah you because none of this. It really doesn't matter. You get that shit out of there.

No no no I mean this fucking. No the guy not clearing the office is annoying but it's not a big deal. Yeah if it's not up but I do the thing in my head where I'm like I'm already imagining it not being out by Monday and then me destroying everything. Literally smashing those fucking filing cabinets to pieces and putting them in the fucking garbage.

Saying yeah no it's all right I told you. Yeah. We asked you to have it cleared out. So yeah I mean what how do you deal with that. I don't know you smash the fucking you destroy the everything in there. I don't know. You take a fucking baseball bat and you destroy

everything in there. I don't know. They lied about the electricity. They did. I mean that will be a matter of another four hundred dollars per month. Yeah tops. I know.

If and that's if we're blasting AC all day. Yeah. Like what is your home electric bill. Yeah. It's not that they made some like weird distinction with the Internet. They're like well yeah it has like the regular Internet in the building.

But if you want fiber optic. Yeah like if you want fiber optic. It's already he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. He doesn't know what the Internet is. If you want Levi jeans if you want iPad mini. Well I'll tell you what I do hope that man gets some sort of malignancy.

You know maybe hopefully. You're wishing cancer upon this guy. Yeah. That was slow. He's had 24 hours to clear the space out. I'm saying. You know me. You do have a real like.

I'm a Christian man myself. You do have like sometimes a real like. Like brain from pinky in the brain perspective on society. What does that mean. Well like. That I'm trying to take over the world. Well it's just like you're you're frustrated

with these peons. You know. Yeah I wouldn't describe him as a peon. We pay rent to the guy. We don't pay to him. He's an employee. But he's part of his system. He's part of his part of the fucked up.

I'm probably going to storm the castle. And I had I had my I had my claymore to the to the throat of the court chester. You wouldn't say hey he's just some retard that works here. Right. I'd say doing what entertaining the king. Who has who has brought scourge upon my family.

Exactly. Right. Say no. No nay. I don't say nay. We'll get our own retard. We'll get our retard from outside the. I think that they're like.

I think here's how I see this playing out. You ran him out to the to the management company. He loses his job and then through some sort of like. Pissed off thing. You're like you somehow like get the job of. Of the super. You don't have enough time for the show. Yeah.

You're barely being paid for it anyway. Yeah. I have to run down real quick. You have to run down. All right. I'm good. OK. I'm good too.

Yeah. I kind of want to take this one again. You want to take it again. Just restart the whole thing. And I'll leave out that stuff about. The super. Yeah. Yeah.

Why. I don't know. Because I feel like a tattletale I guess but. You haven't tattled to his bosses. I'm not yet. But. What you are but you don't want the public to find out that you're a tattletale.

Exactly. Is that what you're saying. So. If anything you're not trying to protect anyone. You're but yourself. Oh right. Yeah. Yeah.

OK. Well in a way I'm self-tattling. So. By saying that I'm going to tattle to the public. I'm tattling on myself to them. So if we re-recorded. You tattled on your own ass. But let me put it this way.

If I re-recorded. And I leave that out. I've eliminated. One unit of tattling. So yes I'm still tattling on the superintendent. But I'm also. No longer tattling on myself. So I'm less of a tattletale.

You called him a superintendent. He is a superintendent. Oh I guess that's what super is short for. Yeah. I would thought I thought that that meant he's like in charge of the schools. No it's the same word. It's the same word but it's a totally different thing.

Commandant superintendent. Grand Puba. What is that a Muslim thing. I think it's like a Sultan kind of thing. I don't know. Grant wasn't there a grand Puba of Palestine that like. The grand Mufti of Palestine who met with the Nazis. Yeah that guy was that was probably the most goaded in the sauce.

Now you're using those type of terms. That was probably the most goaded in the sauce. That's what I think. You know I'll say the anti Semitism I don't like it but the fact that I've corrupted your brain enough to talk that way. Yeah. Does make me feel good. I feel about that.

What is that the state of Wisconsin. No it's a holster. Oh for a gun. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Oh yeah but don't. Okay.

I told I told I told Mike we're seeing my new look is I'm I'm I'm you know I got those like beige bird dog pants. Yeah. I'm going to just start going like tactical gear like I got the knife like the but the like low gun holster by the knee. That's bad. Yeah. And Mike was like yeah like you're just going to a Dave Smith show.

I'm like yes. Funny guy. Funny guy. Yeah. Anyways folks. So if if you're just joining us we cut the monologue segment. Do you want to leave the top of the show in. Yes or no.

I think we can cut around the top of the show. You want to leave that in. There's a moment where we kind of lose energy that drops off. We could probably cut that out. Okay. Well then tell you what we're going to sit here. It's your show. It's your name on my show.

You're the fucking producer dude. If anything I'm but a vessel. And vessel for what. For for your love. Yeah. So like a like a jar of milk basically that kind of vessel. Kind of like a jar of milk. Yeah.

Oh now you're Charlie. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm the gay Charlie. No. That's fine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I my brain just went to you did the Charlie Rose.

I just started to you know and it wasn't the right instinct. It was kind of embarrassing comedic instinct is to hear something and then copy and then. Well I would say like a mimic it. Do it worse. Like yes and like like. Well that you see that's a positive reading of it. What I would what I would say is I I see something and then I.

And when you try to recreate it and do something. Exactly. I'm kind of like like the kid that. How about a guy. He's on the train. He sees the sign that's like see something say something. Yeah. And then he's like he's like oh and he like kind of turns his head

and he's like a fat Chinese lady. Mexican Mexican woman. Yeah. Beats pill black kid rapping rap rapping kid smelly smelly black guy. What the hell you call me. Yeah. No I had to say something. The sign the sign.

Yeah. How about that. That's funny. Yeah that's funny. You see something say something. Police are forced to escort drag queen to safety after protesters storm story our event at library for three to eleven year olds. This is this is one of the headlines you had in the monologue.

Yeah. I thought we could riff on that. Yeah. So that's pretty I guess. Yeah. Maybe we'll riff on it rather than seeing those monologue jokes. What do we riff on it. So what's your take on this.

Here's my personal thinking. Mm hmm. I don't buy in the whole like trans people are grooming children. No it's ridiculous. But if I was a trans person. Yeah. And I was trying to get a job at a school. Let's say.

And someone was like why are you a pedophile. I'd be like absolutely not. And I would tear up my resume and not apply to that job. All right. Any indication like if somebody if somebody was like why are you like why are you eating Tate's cookies. Are you a pedophile. I'd be like well I guess I can't eat Tate's cookies anymore.

Right. It's bad for the team. You're saying. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. That's why I tip 30 to 80 percent every time I'm at a restaurant.

Yeah. Because of the pedophile Jewish guys. Because of the pedophile Jewish guys. You're trying to offset. It's an Epstein change to everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You think he was a good tipper. Um I think probably. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean everyone wanted to hang with him. You know.

Because he had he really had to offset it. He really had to offset all the bad stuff. Yeah. Yeah. He was kind of a good dresser too. Yeah. I'm not afraid to say it. I like this swag.

My guess and I'm surprised he was never on Charlie Rose. That is unfortunate. You would think that there is somewhere in there at Jeffrey Epstein would have been on Charlie Rose. In a in a different world. Yeah. Yeah. We are a graduate.

Jeff ran. Philanthropist secured a straighter turn philanthropist. Jeffrey Epstein. This gentleman of the Ivy League. Yeah. Yeah. Author of the book egg shaped penis egg shaped mind. Ladies and gentlemen Jeffrey Epstein.

Yes. Thank you for. Thank you for having me. No he didn't talk about that. Yes he did. Pink. Thank you for having me. Oh boy.

Thank you for having me. I mean baby. I mean baby too. I'm learning. I speak baby. Yeah. That's how he ingratiated himself. Yeah.

I like that egg shaped penis egg shaped mind. Well that's like that's how books are named. So so yeah yeah it's always like that kind of thing. Now you have sex slaves. Yes that's that is correct. This is yes of course it is correct. You can I feel you should interpret Jeffrey Epstein. We're trying to get you want me to do an anti-semitic stereotype.

We're kind of lucky that the studio is fucked up with a bunch of stuff I need to destroy now. Yeah because you're going to be pissed after this. Now I'm not going to be pissed after this but we need probably a little bit more time in the audio sphere to inject more of that Adam Friedland flavor into the show. Right. You know. And what flavor is that. Something a little bit.

Like matzo. Imagine we're doing this right now but we're on stage. Mm hmm. And your instinct to sort of be the center of attention is maintained here while we're sitting in these chairs. Yeah but the thing that's different about our show is that it's as if already was on stage with Larry Sanders that the producer is a fundamental element of the product. That's fine but don't let me.

But it's not it's not it's not some ego grooming. You know what's going on. What is your girlfriend still harassing you. No she's not. No I got an email. What was the email. You want me to read it to you. Well I'm just curious.

It was a chase credit card offer. Oh a chase credit card. Oh yeah. Yeah. OK. Police are forced to escort drag queen to safety. Mm hmm. You have to protest a storm story out of it.

But now what the fuck is story out. I don't know. I think it's when it's kids go to a library and three or 11 year olds for whatever reason they just have a drag queen reading Clifford the big red dog. Yeah. I think my perspective on it is that it's good for children to be exposed to that. Why. And if anything when I have a son wouldn't they just be exposed to it circumstantially.

Why does that. Why does it need to be in the context of reading a story book. Why can't it just be someone in line at McDonald's in front of them. Because that's not what a drag queen is. The drag queen is a performer. A drag queen isn't a trans person. Well what do they do just. They do lip syncing of like Madonna or Janet Jackson.

But here let me let me also make a separate argument. Yeah. Is that drag is dog shit. It's really bad. It's fucking boring. Have you been to a show. Yes. It stinks.

It's boring. With the I saw an ex girlfriend in Portland once. The only drag show. The only thing drag has going for it is that it's subversive. Right. If you turn it into a thing they do at the library for infants. It kind of loses the sauce. It is dog shit.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like going to see a fucking mom. Right. Right. It's actually worse than a mom. It needs to be dangerous still. Exactly.

Yeah. Imagine if Paris is burning none of those people were it wasn't Harlem. None of these people were poor. Exactly. It was some fucking loser with a. It was Randy Rainbow. Yeah. Who didn't finish an education degree.

Right. Right. And now they're trying to read fucking kai you to to mentally disabled you know preschool. I think they were just kids. But yeah. Yeah. OK. I see your take.

But in my opinion I think it's important to expose kids to all different types of things. I would love it if Charlie Rose went off like that. Drag should be dangerous. This should be subversive. It should be a product of an underground homosexual. Would you not agree that drag shows are fucking gay and not in the cool not in the cool way. No they're very boring. Yeah.

And as I when I went I went with my. We're getting to the point now with let me tell you this what Dairy Queen is more subversive than Drag Queen. That sounded like a good line. I don't know. Sounded like a good. Yeah. I don't know if it means me. Well because ice cream is bad for you.

There's a war on fatness. There's a war on fat. Michelle Obama. Exactly. A bunch of soft serve ice cream. That's you know who's soft serve is the gays at the fucking drag queen show. They're serving soft. Oh they serve.

Yeah. But they do it softly. Well up with the soft. Because yeah the pussies aren't hard like they used to be. Yeah exactly. They got soft cunts now because they're too busy trying to do fucking Elmo. Exactly. You're not Elmo mother fucker you're Charles Barkley.

Yeah that's a good point Charlie. I see what you're saying. For me I think that it is. What's with these guys wanting to do baby shit. Right. Yeah it's it is it is. You're supposed to be fucked up on Ketamine and nightclub not watching Barney. It's supposed to be five forty five a.m.

Yeah you and all the fellas are on fire and you've been doing methamphetamines all night. No kids around. Some of the most important gay sex in history. You're not reading good night move only happened after bedtime. It's true. It's true. Yeah the gay lifestyle should exist. After 8 p.m.

Nobody got AIDS at noon. Nobody in Greenwich Village and nobody's getting AIDS during snack time at fucking at PS 11. Right. Yeah. It was happening at nightclub. So I see what you're saying. You're saying that like when you remove the subversive elements of. It's yeah I'll tell you what it is.

I'll tell you what it is. Right. It's not that these trans people are grooming kids. It's that kids are grooming trans people. Oh OK. The kids are infant to the eyes and eyes and the trans people. They're making them learn how to read. They're turning them into fucking babies.

Mm hmm. They're babies now. They're babies. They're goddamn babies. No you're Australian. I don't want to ruin. I don't want my fucking trans people are supposed to be scary. Yeah.

Supposed to be like dangerous animals. I spent my entire life working with stingrays. Yeah it's true. And I would say trans people I'd respect them because I knew they were dangerous like stingrays. Dangerous animals. Right. Yeah yeah. You'd wrestle them.

You're the crocodile guy I know. Yeah you'd wrestle them to the ground. You'd wrestle them. Yeah. But fucking I fight fight them. Now they're just a knuckle fighting. Right. Now they're just fucking they're doing Gullah Gullah Island.

What the fuck is this. I think you've convinced me for me what I was trying to say is that when I have a kid I want to expose them to different types of people and that I will learn the time honored art form of drag as a father just to you know expand their horizons. Yeah. And I don't want to do it. You know I don't want to learn how to lip sync to Madonna's holiday. Well I want to take my kid to the library and have them be read books by like a

the homeless guy. Yeah like a big fat Puerto Rican guy that uses the N word. Yeah that is what they should also hang out with those kind of people. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Because what is I mean I guess what I'm thinking like what is the point is the show is to like ingratiate children to drag queens.

Yeah I think it's versa. It's yeah I think it's it's it's I mean if we're being honest it's performative whatever you know it's that like this is good right. And then it's kind of probably baiting the J.K. Rowling's of the world right. So it's in like response to this inane public debate that's occurring right. So it's like I think she should write a new whole new series of books. Yeah you know what this time do Harry Potter again. But he's just just blatantly transphobic.

Just do it like if she wrote a whole fucking new series it's even better than Harry Potter. And it's not that wizard bullshit. No way no way for people to misinterpret it as being like a wizard. No Harry's actually guy and because she's like an East London tough guy kind of a guy richie. He was a bank robber bank robber if he's a fixer and it's Ari and he's fixer. And he he I said he hates him. I'm guy and I ain't trying. There's nothing more that he hates than the trans.

The Bask. Oh the Bask. These Bask Baskers move in and open they open the Tesco up so he goes in. He does a hate crime. He does an hate crime. He does an hate crime on him. And he's you know he's locked up a couple of council boys and I say what are you in for. So I bash him skulls in good. And there's a whole undertone knife crime.

He sees undertone a class because even though the Baskers you know the mozzies but they're white. Yeah. I think I call them Baskards. Yeah. But the difference is I don't think they're Muslim. Whatever who gives a fuck. The rich even though even though the what's a funny word for immigrants. Emo's even though the Emo's yeah too many goddamn Emo's.

So many Emo's. Yeah. Oh you ready to get out of here. No. No I'm just checking. Is this 120 on this run or on both. No. Yeah.

That's the total. We got to hit that's total. OK. An hour will be one thirty five on that clock. OK. I mean I think we can keep going. And I think we could also stitch stitch. Yeah.

Like you said before. Like Lelone stitch. Yeah. Like that pasta. Yeah. That bleed in Boston. Why did that movie. You hate it.

I hate it. Why. That blue mother fucker. I don't know. He's blue. Yeah. You can make our spice. I don't want him around my daughter.

And he's in the Samoa. Yeah. So that's the fact that's the fucking that's the kind of that's the kind of messed up. You know liberal thinking that they're trying to that's it going to tell you that if aliens right came to the world. World. Yeah. They're where they would choose to go.

Is there some fucking volcano hot. Just to meet with a couple of emos in the hot. Well they're not emos. Instead of being with the queen. The queen. Yeah. Yeah. As if aliens.

God bless her. Aliens wouldn't take a look at the world and see Webster Civilization. Civilization. Civilization. And they would fucking say I want to meet the Eiffel Tower. Right. I want to meet the queen. Yeah.

Which one of these these people or these species is going to most Jews. Yeah. Yeah. He's he's trying he's going here to meet people with coconuts on their breasts. So what a bunch of tiki torches in a covered in mosquito bites getting fat off coconut oil. Yeah. That's who the aliens want to meet. No I don't think that yeah that that doesn't make any sense.

Oh what the aliens are going to learn how to surf. No. No. I don't think so. They're going to go to England and learn how to how to wear a top hat. What forks to use. They're going to learn the forks. They're going to learn forks.

Yeah. And it's just like it's just like the trans people reading Clifford. I think it's the same thing. Yeah. I think we could create. That's the key to show business. If you're you're not going to be funny and you're going to put zero it's you're going to have two bummer.

This is not funny. I think it's fine. You can always do a silly accent. Yeah. People love silly accents. They love characters. And in the in the old days on on Comtown. Yeah.

Maybe it would have been a little more. Why why a little bit of a stitch. Yeah. Why here. Why should we take shots. At the Chinese. Well this one. We're going after the real targets.

The British Charlie Rose trans people. People with power. Yeah. We're punching up. We're punching up. And just to make it clear all the trans people we've made fun of today. Over six feet tall. And writers of all of the stuff you're hearing right now.

They get. Yeah. This is the entire writers room is a bunch of 12 year old trans is. Yeah. Trans is there. Yeah. Well that's what they is the plural is it. Yeah.

Yeah. They is trans is trans ease. Trans ease. Trans ease on sorry. What if. Hey my name is trendy. Trendy. It's trendy.

Well if he was trans ease and sorry and the characters name is trendy. That would be good. And that's the kind of stuff I really think about. You know. Yeah. Yeah. And he was like what if it's their Russell brand that was Russell trans. What if that yeah.

Yeah. What if it was ruffle brand and there's no D on it. And he gets a lot of fiber fiber. And so he's always got diarrhea while he's doing the show. And he said that's my guest today is Nick Bryant. That's a brilliant point you've just made. You have to excuse me because I've got diarrhea again. Yeah.

Because I've had too many brand muffins. Welcome to the Russell brand show. Russell brand. Yeah. Russell. And he's he's always got to run off to the Lou. Yeah. Yeah.

That's maybe something we could do on the show once we got the studio. We got Nick Bryant coming in. We'll tell him he's doing the Russell brand show. Yeah. You get him fired up about a topic. What is he right about child sex rings. He basically. Do I have to read the book.

I'm going to read the book. I thought you already read it. I read the Bill DeCamp book. He has another one. Nick Bryant wrote a different book about the same scandal. With more info or something. It's different. I don't know.

I talked to his agent. And yeah. I guess he's doing a whole media tour. He's doing Chappell and Trunon. And we got to figure out how to make the Adam Friedland show smarter than Chappell. I think it already is. I think Felix. Felix.

Shakespeare. Oh he said it is. Yeah. Yeah. He's pissed. Is he. I heard Matt killed himself. Yeah.

No. He didn't kill himself. But he attempted. Yeah. He's like T.A.F.S. Got too smart. The ceiling joist snaps. Shut up.

That's our friend. That's our friend. Yeah. How. How do you think if Matt Christman killed himself how do you think he would do it. From a rant. I would imagine he died. He died ranting.

I imagine a cheese overdose. No. Does he like to because he's from Wisconsin. Yeah. Yeah. Just like the classic cheese. The cheese dispenser at Fudd Rockers. Yeah.

I don't know. I wonder. I think he's Hollywood now. I think he's like he's doing transcendental meditation. He's going to the celebrity center. The Scientology Celebrity Center. He's really changed everything. Yeah.

I haven't talked to him in a while. I text with him sometimes. I'm always like how's my friend. To be honest with you a lot of those guys they stopped talking to me because I would only speak to them in a British accent. Yeah. That's annoying. Well I was kind of insecure that they would think I was stupid.

So you were like my dad does that. I spent years trying to convince them that I was a British guy. But you know I mean I had known them for maybe a year and a half before I started doing it. So they were like what are you doing Nick. Like are you OK. I was like yeah no it's you that doesn't remember. Right. You didn't even choose the smart version of the British accent.

You're doing like cockney scum. Yeah. I think so that was probably a bad decision. Probably. What's the smart is this the smart one. Oh yes of course. Oh yes. It's the smart version.

What if what if from now on I'm just a little British just bitchy queer. Like a little Lord Fauntler Roy. What did have you read that. No but you have you seen the pictures. The pictures of what. My dad as an insult used to call me that. And I I didn't know if he made it up or not. And I recently Google imaged what he was calling me a book.

Little bit font font LaRoy. Fuck LaRoy. Look at this. That's what my dad was calling me. Oh that is funny. That is pretty funny. It's a crucial burn. That's what that's what Donald Trump looked like as a boy.

Yeah of course. He was dressed like this. We're if you're wondering at home it's a picture of a boy. So I'll tell you what folks we started the show. And we told you the theme of the show is perseverance. Yes. And I go back to it. Pay attention to what we did is we struggled.

You know we could we came in on this one hot. But we couldn't make it work. Listen we're tired guys. We're signing leases. We're getting insurance. We're doing a full media blitz. We're doing morning radio. But I'll tell you what.

We got to the end of it and we got Russell Brand out of it. No we got Randy. We got Russell Brand. Randy was huge. Russell Brand will be one of the best bits of all time. Remember forever. Russell Brand if he pooed himself. And and how we got that is by persevere.

Yeah. The same way that Joe Biden beat COVID. We. In five days. We pushed through tonight. We pushed this one out of our until we yeah. We basically prairie dog this episode in and out until we got. And so you may think like wow this was a bad one.

We got to stop saying that. We did it bad on purpose to make a point. To make a point about perseverance. Because I know look and that's now you get to hear it and your mind should be blown. If the process is working correctly your mind should be blown. And the most important takeaway because the Adam Freeland show

is going to be different. There's going to be a lot more direct lessons. Is that moral. You guys got to persevere. Because a lot of you guys you know you're not Adam. You're not the one of the most talented people in Hollywood. You don't have an ability to to. But I'm just a guy too.

I'm like them. I know well sometimes you're just a guy. 99% of the time you're firing on all cylinders. You smash it. The episode's amazing. But some days it's just not there. And what do you do. Do you give up.

Make up some excuse. Sorry. Got coronavirus. No episode this week. No. No we did it during Corona. You persevere. You persevere and you stick it out.

And hopefully you know when you see when you guys hear this. And you know you're struggling to to go to to get up. Go to your job. Your dead end job. If you're lucky enough to have one. If you're lucky enough to have one. You're struggling to go work for minimum wage. Your dead end job.

Where you can barely buy groceries. Because of inflation and all this other shit. You can take a look and you say well you know what. Fucking Adam somehow figured out. Had to record an hour long podcast. For a hundred and seven thousand dollars. Almost eight. And if he can do that.

Yeah. Then by God I could push a broom and feel good about myself. While doing it. Yeah. And and that's. That's perseverance. Yes that is. And that's the moral of the episode.

And so. I know you may. And we just to recap. You got to stick it out guys. You got tough things out. We'll be back on Sunday. With the Adam Friedland show premium. Live in studio.

We'll see. Hopefully. I think so. Yeah. I swear to God. Because if this fucking cocksucker is going to. I know it's. In studio.

Well your list does not start on Monday. Yeah. All right. Well then you're wasting my fucking time. Exactly. Because you told me one thing. If that was how it was going to be. Then fucking tell me up front.

Yeah. I'm not coming in and out of the city. Hauling shit back and forth. Waiting for you to clear this fucking space out. I'm a. I'm a goddamn producer. Right. I don't have time for this.

You got to go full. You got to go full Harvey on him. Yeah. You have to eat his pussy. Yeah. Yeah. You have to get him to go to a hotel room with you and eat his pussy.

I'm going to tell on him dude. I'm going to straight up. Don't tell on him. Just fucking tattle. No we have to like. I'm entering my snitch error. No I'm going to. I'm going to pull it out.

It's this season of the snitch. I'm going to call him boss a lot. And my friend and I'm going to act like we're friends that he's really going to drop the ball one time. And then we're going to snitch. They've already dropped the ball. All right. All right. As far as I'm concerned.

All right. Bye. But yeah. No one in the show is allowed to tell or know that I snitch. So if you're listening and you found that out. It's our secret. And don't tell anyone.