The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. X0X – Matthew Broussard

Episode Date: September 15, 2022

Adam had to take a chill pill tonight, get ready for a nice easy hour of meandering conversation about places and going to the head doctor cause ya got too much money.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. You are listening to the Adam Friedland show, a very, I'd say, unspecial episode. We're kind of in a time crunch here. We've been working all day long and Adam has made himself sick, sick of me. He's tired. He's got to go home and hang with his girlfriend. So what I did, because he wanted to do the episode tomorrow, I said, fuck it. Let's keep the advertisers happy. I'm going to go over to the stand. And the first comedian I see, I'm going to say, I'll give you 500 bucks to come do the Adam Friedland show. And I ran into Matthew Bressard. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Matthew Bressard to the Adam Friedland show. So you have, you have no idea what this is. I've listened to Comtown.

Oh, okay. Yeah, it's a very, very good podcast. Oh, thanks. Are you familiar with it? Comtown is, hold on. Just, I might, I might have to, I'm going to switch my mic here. So why don't you, you can continue saying that Comtown's good for like 30 seconds while I'm... Comtown is good. Comtown is great. I listen to Comtown every day. Yeah, maybe like more like personal. I wear Comtown condoms.

Like something, yeah. No, keep going. I like it. It's just, it's free in a way I dream of being. It's funny. It's, it's, it's what people forgot comedy is, it's just, ugh, the word irreverent makes my dick shrivel. But, you know, when it's actually real, it's great. That's just, yeah, I'm a big fan to all you guys. And, you know, y'all talk shit on me once on one episode. Did we?

Yeah, it was nice though. Is this working? Is everyone working? No, this sounds like it's worse than the other one. Hello? Hello? God damn it. I think all my cables are fucked up here. We talked shit on you on an episode? Yeah. Who said that? I was going up against Zach and Mika on Rose Battle.

Oh, okay. But it was, you just said you wanted me to lose and that's fair. I said I also want Zach to win. Well, yeah, because Zach's got nothing in his life. Zach's got nothing in his life. Zach's, besides the horror movie podcast. You're the 80s bully guy. Yeah, yeah.

And you're actually good at comedy. You know, it's funny because I remember you moved to Austin. We were both just background. We're both Austin guys. And you moved to, I'm just going to have to make this work because this thing is fucked up. This is like way quiet. I don't know what the fuck's going on with all my cables. I was gone.

Adam did a huge episode without me, which, you know, my ego aside. Great. Smash hit. Everybody loves it. It's very funny. Oh no. It's like he's doing a Beyonce thing. Yeah.

Proven he doesn't need the Destiny's Children. Yeah. That's basically what it is. But I knew he'd be fucking, he'd like, look at this. So it's like the fucking, the back of a pretzel time. Yeah. It looks like an underwear drawer. Yeah.

Those are really, of thongs. Yeah. It made a mess of the wire. So all the mics are broken now, I guess. But anyways, yeah, no. Sound quality doesn't matter. People don't care about sound quality. They do.

You'd be surprised. And then also with the old show, I would be like, fuck the quality. I don't really care. But with this, I'm trying to, I'm all about like, like absolution and negation. And I don't know what either of those words mean, but I don't know what they mean either. Yeah. The old show, I would, you know, it's like low effort, fucking everything.

High reward. The more, yeah, the more it sucks, the better. And with this, it's like, you know, balls of the wall go, make sure it sounds good. Yeah. Make sure, you know, I get my like fucking, my like neurological issues sorted before I hit fucking record, but You got good issues? I don't know.

OCD? You could be OCD. Yeah. Not at all. People, it's funny. People have ever suggested that. And it's like, I have like shit on my pants. What do you mean?

I'm like, I've been wearing the same clothes for like a fucking week. What do you mean? My OCD. You get a lot done though. Cause I remember I saw you biking one time and you had like, you were fixing your car and like shipping t-shirts. I was like, that's a, that's a man. It's a real man.

It's a business. It's somebody that just stays busy instead of thinking about things. But the Austin. Yes. Austin. Austin sort of after me and everyone would be, and Austin's like kind of a, that the whole, everyone was always like, the vibe, but what I hated about Austin is like, they

were just like, once you did comedy for a year there, you got brought into this, like into the scene. And then it was like, they had just had the shitty attitude to anyone that was new. Like Really toxic. Yeah. It's like that whole thing that's happened in the last 10 years where the real bullies are the nerds.

Yeah. No, it's funny because I remember everyone would be like, Matthew Bressard, fuck this guy. And I was like, all right, I guess fuck this guy. Whatever. Yeah. He's my friend saying it. Yeah.

And then it was like, oh no, you're actually like a good comic. So. I appreciate that. But yeah, no, I watched them do it to a couple of people. Yeah. They just don't like, yeah, they, they love like low effort comedy. They love, at that time there was like, they had their 10 minutes that only worked inside the perimeter.

They couldn't perform at bar shows and, and like, Right. Well, they, yeah. They're suburban and rural areas. Yeah. The Austin scene was kind of set up for like, at the time, cause I like, you know, like people would get their contest set ready. Yeah.

And then they would spend the entire year thinking about the funniest person in Austin contest. And it's like, don't you want to be like a good comic? Yeah. Should you be thinking about like writing more than 10 minutes of material and not trying to like hang out with the Comedy Central people. Yeah. One time in April and then you're just depressed for the rest of the year because you didn't

get fucking. The semifinals. Yeah. Yeah. Live at Gotham or fucking, cause they used to really hands shit to people in Austin. They really did. And as a Houston comic, we were very angry about that. Yeah.

Well, it was funny cause I remember moving to Austin and I would go to, I remember, you know, thinking like, cause the Austin had his reputation as being a great comedy scene or whatever. And I just kind of stayed in Austin. I remember the first time I went to Dallas, I was blown away at how fucking good the comedians in Dallas were. I mean, it was unreal. Like Paul Varghese, fucking Mark Agee, Arian, Arian, Arian Pure, what was his name?

Arian Arian. Arian, Arian Pure. Yeah. Destiny Bar, Tone Bell. Right. Nick Guerra. Yeah. I remember the really strong comics came out of there cause they knew like the bar shows.

They go to places where it's kind of harder to do comedy, whereas the Austin comics were kind of coddled. Well, they would write jokes. They would write jokes where as in Austin and people would start with like, you know, like, this is what I, this is what I want to sound like. And then I'll figure out joke, the basics later. Yeah. You know, so yeah, I remember, and yeah, not only were all the Dallas comics very funny,

they were all jacked. All of them were like, yeah, they were all just mad. I remember going to one show and it's like, is everyone on this show a fucking firefighter? I don't understand why they're all just massive guys. Just party people. Yeah. There's another thing about Austin that someone pointed out to me later was that there was an alt scene and there was the club and the club booked the best alt comics.

So there was no divide between alt and club. Yeah. So there was that real, that was their core click. Yeah. They got to like cast you aside. Yeah. Like go in their little Facebook groups and be like, we're, we're nixing this person. Yeah.

Like the alt and club are good because they check each other. Yeah. Because whenever you hang around doing comedy for a while, you get someone, some loser tag along your group you like, but you're not normal, we'll admit publicly they're a bad comic and that's when the other group comes in. I think it was just, it's, it's, it's like a, like a group, I mean, Austin suffered from getting that attack because, you know, people want to go, it used to be Austin was a cool place.

Yeah. It really was. Like 15 years ago. So, you know, they, people want the comedy central want to go hang out there, the fucking bookers for JFL wanted to go hang out there and that's why Austin comics got booked for these things. It's not because they're better comics. It's just because the spotlight happened.

Yeah. It's because it's a cooler place to hang out than fucking Dallas. Yeah. You know, so comedy central is not going there. You spend much time in Houston. Uh, no, honestly, I don't think I've ever performed in Houston. It's a great fucking city. I'll be there.

It's ugly. I'll be there. I'll be there in like three weeks. How are you doing? Houston improv. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's fucking, it's an awesome to the best food.

It's diverse. It's got NASA, the world's biggest medical district and, uh, uh, one of the has, yeah, oh, oh, and all the oil companies. So you have like really educated people. I never, I never understood that they should, they launched the spaceships from Florida, but then Houston is like the commission control center. Yeah. I don't know.

That's what they do. I mean, that's what Cape Canaverals in Florida. Well, you know why they do that. Right. They go to Houston. We have a problem. Yeah. You know why they launched from Florida?

No. It's because of the rotational velocity. Okay. If they could do it out of Kenya, it'd be the best place. Initially you acted like you didn't even know that they were doing it in Florida and then you have the exact reason why. I know why they do it in Florida. I have no idea why Houston's posted up at all.

I know. Yeah. It's not like there's like many good schools around there. It's got to be, I guarantee you it's some like fucking bureaucratic federal government bullshit. Yeah. Or some oil baron. Yeah.

Houston like had some bid with NASA and then they had to fucking build the mission control center there or something. Yeah. But that would fuck me up as a kid is because they would go, Houston, we have a problem and you know, they launched it in Florida. I'm like, well, who the fuck is Houston? I thought that was a guy. Yeah.

I didn't understand that it was like, oh, it's in a different. Also no way it's Houston. It's probably like Katie or Humble. I doubt the like NASA's. Yeah. I don't know where they're going. We're getting real deep into Texas stuff here. Fuck yeah.

Let's switch to Tennessee. Yeah. Let's mix it up so people don't get too lost. I remember, I remember being, I was, when I was a call center guy, I had a fucking, I think, you know, they talked to these fucking retards that live, they have dial up that live outside of Houston to help them with their dial up, I guess it was a call center. It was like a, you know, technical support for, for, for, for like free dial up companies. Yeah.

For the place to be in the back of like guns and ammo, there'd be a fucking CD round that we get you on the internet. Jesus. We're how my, I hear my mom call those people sometimes and it just feels so bad for the other person. Yeah. Yeah. It is the worst job in the world.

I honestly, I could not drink enough. I could, I'm going to be black out drunk and I'll be like, I can't stand being at work. Do they like, do they berate you? Does I got, I like, I could probably, I could probably, the, how drunk I got, I could probably get raped violently by a group of people and obviously later it would cause massive amounts of trauma. But in the moment I'll be like, whatever, I'm being fucking raped, you know, who cares? But that job?

No. I'm like, fucking looking at the clock. I'm like, maybe I was just fucking clock out now. Maybe I just, I couldn't handle it. It sucked, Dick. But the, uh, Did you do a trunk? What?

Could you do it? Did you do it? Yeah. Well, I worked from home. So, yeah, I started back before that was a thing. Yeah. No, they, they, you work for a while. You graduate to it.

And then, yeah, I would just start drinking like 10 a.m. Jesus. And, um, it was when I lived with Chris Cubis. In Austin. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah.

I was from like, uh, yeah, like, yeah, outside Houston. And there was a guy I was talking to one time and he's like, well, you know, I'm in Conroe. Where are you at? Conroe. And I'm like, I'm in Austin. And he's like, Austin, well, I feel bad for you and they act like it's, yeah, I posted a video about Austin. Like, I'm just, yeah, I'm just like in a trans bathroom.

Right. They're like, Austin's a liberal, shithole, fucking welfare state. It's not Texas. Yeah. Now, now it's the Bay. Now it sucks for different reasons. Very different reasons. It sucked.

It sucked in a lot of different ways. Well, you know, it's, it's funny that those guys ended up being right about Austin. That it was, that it turned, but now what Austin is now is what they always like, we're like, oh, that's what Austin, it's, it's a bunch of me's. It's a bunch of dudes who look like me, a bunch of tech bros. They actually did take, they should have kept me out. You know what it's, it's, it's rich Texas women with like their dad's oil face going to Equinox.

Yeah. Just like women that look like Jeb Bush. Yeah. You know, that's always because I went to a private school in Atlanta and my parents always like told me whenever I was like feeling like I didn't fit in, they're like, you have to understand these families have generational wealth. So it's, it's, it's the richest guy marrying the prettiest girl and then their kids are rich and pretty and then their kids will find the either, either the richest guy or the

prettiest girl and they're just genetically better than you. It's, it's, it's a, it's a kennel club that you can't compete with, but every now and then you're right. You'd see that old or whatever plantation Baron face on a young woman and always bleach blonde hair. Is that better? That no, this thing is dead. I fucking killed the board.

Um, yes. And while they get inbred like Habsburgs or whatever. Yeah. So then they really start to look fucked up at a certain point. Yeah, they always talk about like poor people being inbred, rich people do it too. Yeah. Cause they want to keep it in line. Well rich, rich women from generational wealth, they get that fucking like that, that thin

lipped kind of William F. Buckley mouth. Oh yeah. Like a bird. Yeah. Yeah. It looks like a bird more like, you know, like a little dinosaur or something like a proto fucking bird. Yeah.

Yeah. Back when they were all flightless. Also it's kind of unfair that we put in breeding just on white people. I have this theory that white people are just so uptight about race that we're afraid to assume. I figured out what the problem was. Oh, you found it? Yeah.

I had a, I had like the decibel cut on this one. Just in time for my racist theory. Let's hear it. The racist theory about why rich people do what? No. Why white people in, in breeding is such a, oh, that's what white people do. I'm like, I think every race does that. I think white people are just afraid to ask people of another race if they're related.

Yeah. You know, or like, I don't want to assume their brother and sister because that'd be racist. Yeah. And then they just get away with incest. Yeah. It's two. It's like, how do they not, how do they know, you know, because they all look so similar? You know what I mean?

Are you, do you have inbreeding in your family? I don't think so. I do. I would imagine that I have inbreeding in my family. I don't even know. Like probably. I mean, it's like my grandparents were second cousins. I learned at my grandma's funeral.

Really? Reunion. Yeah. That's crazy. And my dad's, well, those were the Jews. Those were like Jews from Lithuania who came over in the 20s to get away from the, you know, why is it only the Lithuanian Jews that escaped? It seems like every Jew is either, they're like either Lithuanian or Russian or like

some kind of dog shit desert thing. Yeah. It'd be like, you guys, all the other like, you guys, like I'm Jewish. It's like, no, you're a cab driver. I don't, you know, the, oh, the Sephardic. Yeah. Right. Oh yeah.

Well, they never guys persecuted. They just stayed in the desert. Yeah. Like the Jews split up a bunch of dues, went to Europe or caught the caucus mountains and then they mostly bred with white people. So as long as the mother was Jewish, they stayed Jewish. It's so funny because if you weren't Jewish and you were saying all of these things, people would be like, this is the most racist.

This is one of those like Richard Spencer guys. Oh yeah. Yeah. Cause you look like a fascist. I look very racist. Yeah. I look like an old money racist. Yeah.

Yeah. Like the one who like organizes a rally but doesn't show up, they, oh yeah, Jews. So Jews inbred a lot because their population bottlenecks so much and then Cajuns, which is my dad's side, apparently like 300 Cajuns originally, the Cajuns were the French Canadians who were expelled from Acadia. So your dad's like a Cajun Jewish guy. He's not Jewish. Oh.

He's just straight trash Cajun. Oh. But he was like autistic and really good at chemistry. I was imagining like a Hasidic Jewish guy and then it's like, how did, then how is his son like the fuck it, like Gregory Marmelard? You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't get that reference, but.

He's a bad guy from what about Jefferson Darcy that were Marmelard is Marmelard fucking revenge of the nerds or animal house? Oh, I get, I know the rest. Yeah. Oh yeah. I know I can picture him. Yeah. Why the fuck can I remember that?

So this is what I mean by neurological problems. Yeah. How the fuck can I remember the name Gregory Marmelard and I can't, I can't remember whether it's animal house or revenge of the nerds. I remember all of the lyrics to all of the theme songs from cartoons growing up. It's animal house. Yeah. Greg Marmelard is the bad guy in animal house.

Oh yeah. Yeah. He was like a surfer. I think I went on a Wikipedia binge on him. He was like a surfer who dropped out of college. Yeah. Now I look French, so I just got all my dad's French jeans, but the, so the Cajuns got kicked out of Louisiana, got kicked out of Acadia and they all moved down to Louisiana and apparently

there were like 300 of them originally and now they've spawned hundreds of thousands. So like there is, if you go up my family tree, you see broussards in every direction. So that is like, that is inbreeding. They're very inbred. Yeah. They're sort of a source. Not very healthy, not very educated. And then Beyonce is a descendant of the broussard.

There was like one broussard who like read the rebellion, Joseph Broussard. Yeah. He's like our hero and then like his great, great, great, great granddaughter is Beyonce. So that's not a fun story about why she's, yeah. So it's technically illegal for you to fuck Beyonce. Because of. Because it's incest. Oh yes.

Yeah. That's the only thing holding me back. Yeah. Yeah. So whenever bad people like, you know, would you fuck Beyonce? You're like, well, yeah, obviously, we've talked about it related. Yeah. That's okay.

My kids would come out beautiful. Yeah. And do you think she's hot? Would you fuck Beyonce? Yes. But I'm not like, I'm not like jaw dropped over her. You would think that your brain would be like, oh gross, no, because she's black. No.

Because you're racist. Yeah. No. Because you're related. No, because she's half white. It's okay. Yeah. Or whatever part white.

Now, do you think you're on the black side or the white side? What's that? Do you think you're on the black side or the white side of Beyonce's history with a black like if you go, if you go to the slave owner side, right, exactly, go tell a black person I'm actually related to Beyonce. It's not fun. Yeah. And I do a bit on stage about how there's no famous Cajuns and I'm except for like Ellen

DeGeneres. I'm so afraid someone's going to shout Beyonce or like, yeah, that's a yeah. I remember reading a black girl one time and like she's black, this goes dark. And her last name was like DeGeneres Batista or something. And it was like, it's wild to imagine like just like it's just a fucking wop slave owning family at some point in the back. Yeah. They're like, dude, I did the fucking spaghetti wrong.

Yeah. How do you fuck? How do you fuck up a ragu? You know what I mean? And it's like, because you know, they're right. I ought to. The reason Italians are racist now is because they never got that. None of them.

He doesn't use a whip. He whips off his Gucci belt and uses that instead. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That's that's why they've maintained. I don't think any Italians actually owned. There were Jewish slave owners.

I looked this up. I did a show in Georgia. You gotta tell me, pal. Yeah. I didn't know. Oh, really? I didn't know. I did a show in Georgia one time and it was like a really Republican country club cloud,

a crowd on the coast and political ideologies were up for clash. Right. The show went fine anyway. I talked about the South being anti-Semitic and some guy comes over there was like Benjamin Greenberg. I don't know if you know that. I'm making that Benjamin Greenberg. Oh, I would love it.

But he had an actual name of a Jewish slave. No, he had. He had a name of the first Jewish senator who was on the side of the Confederacy. Yeah. I'm like, hey, we're not proud of him. I'm going to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and pretend that he was just preparing for jeopardy, but they had never watched the show. Yeah.

I had no idea. I had no idea. What kind of cards? Yeah. Racist Jews are 400 Katie. I come to dinner in a minute. I'm memorizing all the Jews slave owners so I can win jeopardy and finally buy us a slave of our own.

That's funny, man. The I didn't show a park show during the pandemic. Hey, thanks. Yeah, it's great. It's great. Um, I did a park show during the pandemic and I was like closing out this park show was going like decently. Well, for a park show, yeah, and I did excited with a Shakespeare in the park fags for coronavirus.

They finally, finally, they're like, oh, this is going to come back. Yeah. I'm finally going to be the next Robin Williams or ever the fuck did that? It's my time to shine people like famous people. It sounds like started off at Shakespeare in the park. I think. Yeah. But about during the pandemic, like Alec Baldwin was like, let me do it.

That was the pandemic. A bunch of people like lowered like movie stars started doing TV shows, theater comics started doing clubs. So maybe they got edged out. Yeah. Yeah. Tom Cruise had a job at journeys. He got bumped all the way down there. Fuck.

Tough guy with his size, four shoes, um, did this park show. I had done like 10 minutes and I was like, uh, so I'm Jewish and he Jews in the audience and a couple of people raised their hand. I go, you're Jewish, you're Jewish, you're Jewish, you're Jewish, cool. And the last girl was black and I'm like, it's Brooklyn, I'm not going to make anything out of it. And she was, and then as I start the joke, she goes, bet you didn't expect a black girl to be Jewish.

I was like, oh, cool. Which side? She was on both sides. She was Ethiopian. Ethiopian Jew. I'm like, oh, cool. That's great. Yeah.

Uh, and I tried to start my set. She was like, you know, you're very racist. I was like, I didn't talk about race. She was like, white people can't be Jews. The only white people that are Jews were actually a group of, of white Caucasians. She's like a, a Hebrew, Israel. Yeah. And she was spouting this whole thing about meanwhile, I guarantee you the most racist

white guy in the room was like preach, preach fucking church sister. The horseshoe spectrum is real, go all the way to one extreme. They all sound alike. Right. And the funny part, she didn't even look like you cannot find a single like Nazi. There is not a single far right guy in the world who has anything but absolute love in his heart for the black Israelites. There's not a single one that's like, fuck these guys.

They all love them. You know, David Duke is. Yeah. So the guy before him with that role, Benjamin Greenspan. Yeah. That's right. Is that a Jew? Yeah.

Whatever. No, I guess he can't be. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're calling back. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

He, he said about the, the black Israelites like, oh yeah, they're the black version of us. Yeah. Yeah, basically. It's so great. My brother doesn't. He saw them on a corner one time. It was like, oh, like other Jews.

And he started talking to him. It was like, oh, this is a weird corruption of like eugenic racial purity. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's odd. Yeah. I respect them because they're trolls. Yeah.

That's, that's all they are. I got to do, I got to do a little ad read real here real quick here. Today's episode is brought to you by my bookie, my bookie dot a G. And so they can't, are you a NFL guy? Sure. Are you? No. Oh, damn.

I was going to ask you. I don't give a fuck about anything anymore. So I don't like. College ball for me. Yeah. The campaign. Well, I guess you can bet on that. So if, yeah, if there's, if there's big, what are you betting on?

You bet. I'll bet on Alabama just for safety. Okay. Well, you can bet on Alabama, my bookie dot a G. And so here's the copy. I'll just read the copy. Sorry, Joey. If Adam were here, he'd put a little more, a little more ass bone into this. While the chargers slash chiefs prepare for a battle of the AFC West on Thursday night,

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It's only week two of the NFL season, which means there's still plenty of time to get in on the action. Don't miss out. Begin your winning season today, exclusively at my bookie. So yeah, what are you betting on? I'm betting on Alabama, all the way. Now is that based on your personal, like emotional connection to Alabama or do you think they're a better team to win?

I just think they're the best team because it's all they do down there is win. Yeah. It's football. Yeah. You know, SEC, that's their, they breed for it. They select for it. But Alabama isn't the only school in the South. No, but it's like they have nothing else going.

Like Georgia has like technology and film and Florida has tourism and Alabama. They got, well, they have NASA. Yeah. No, I remember stopping at a gas station in Alabama. It could have been Mississippi, but I'm pretty sure it was Alabama and I've spent very limited time in Alabama. And I was in there and it was like, is this, is this the English language that people are speaking?

Yeah. Which is worse, Mississippi or Alabama? I think they're both kind of on par. They're the same shape. They're just like, well, it's like New Hampshire and Vermont. Yeah. Wow. It's like they're the fuck, they just wait.

They're like, ah, there's two things. Yeah. I haven't done comedy. There's only six states I haven't done comedy in and those are the last two. Vermont. Those are two of them. No, Mississippi and Alabama I haven't performed in. Oh, okay.

I performed in Mississippi. I actually had a great time in Mississippi. Yeah. I figure the cities in those places are really cool. Like some of the coolest cities you ever go to are like blue little bubbles in red states because they feel like they have to like make up for everything going around them. It's not West Virginia. I don't know.

I think a lot of them suck actually. Like I heard, what is it, Mobile? Is that the big city? Mobile. Yeah. Huntsville Mobile. I was told that is a absolute shit hole. Biloxi.

Oh yeah. Sucks. Dick apparently. That's true. My family's from Alabama. So half my mom's side. It's a shame because Biloxi is a great name. Yeah, it is.

They have fun names down there. All the Native Americans they wiped out. They have stuff after them. They have a more fun name because Jersey's got a lot of Native American. Jersey's some of the names in that fucking state are absolutely retarded. Like what? Like Mawa or Rauway or Hu-Hu-Kun. Hu-Hu-Kun?

Hu-Hu-Kun? Isn't there one? There's a Jersey town. It's like Hu-Hu-Kun. It's like Ho-Ho-Kun. Well, they're like a mix in New Jersey. It's like either like Westminster Shire or like Macamawoc. Because the Midwest has a lot of Native Americans named cities and they were very white.

Waukesha. That was Waukesha when I went there one time. Hu-Hu-Kun, I think is, I think, oh god damn it, New Jersey. Let me do, it's like Ho-Hok, New Jersey. Wait, is Ho-Boken? Ho-Boken's probably also. Connecticut's Native American. Ho-Ho-Kus?

Yeah. Ho-Ho-Kus? Ho-Ho-Kus? Is that? Oh, yeah, because a lot of the Ocus, Sococus. Yeah, but it's spelled H-O-H-O-K-U-S. That's really dumb. Yeah, Ho-Ho-Kus.

Ho-Ho-Kus. Yeah, but Sococus, that's another dumb one. Those are like really, what they consider a city in the Northeast is so much smaller. Yeah. What they consider a city in the South, like Mobile is like, you know, you just drive through little towns in New Jersey, there's so many little ones in Alabama. What's the worst state? The worst state in the world?

In America. Hard to say. I mean, I know Florida gets a lot of shit, but Florida has a lot of good things, yeah. Yeah, Florida's got a lot of good stuff. And a big problem with Florida is that they have like some open blotter, police blotter thing. That's where Florida Man comes from. It's not that they have more crime, it's just that they're allowed to publish anything,

supposedly. Oh. Yeah. Damn, you got a lot of Florida facts. Yeah, my, that's like weird shit. I feel like a compulsive liar because I have like claims to so many states, my brother went to Florida, my aunt and uncle. But I know a lot of people that live in a lot of states and I'm not like, yeah, it's

actually the, because it's closer to the equator, the title wins, like I don't know that kind of shit about. Oh yeah. Well, I have like no social skills in my brain, so I have a lot of room for unimportant facts, so it's nice. Right. So what were you saying? What do you think the worst state is?

West Virginia seems up there. No. See, I disagree with you there. Okay. West Virginia is top five. West Virginia is... People are... The people are nice, but yeah, as a place, it's very poor, but it's a beautiful state.

There's like a lot of good music comes out of there, like a lot of bluegrass in like country that write about West Virginia. Sure. Yeah. Okay, then I put Alabama, Mississippi. Probably the most famous, and I've told this anecdote on the show a billion times, but the John Denver song, not really, particularly, it's probably the most famous, like cultural touchstone, as far as related to West Virginia.

Take me home? Yes. Country roads. Wait, was West Virginia the one that like sat out of the Civil War? That's why they... I think they were just... It was just a part of Virginia during the Civil War. There was no West Virginia.

Oh, I thought the Civil War created West Virginia or something like that. Maybe something like that. Which is true, because I would imagine West Virginia is now more racist than Virginia. Is it... I don't think it's more racist. Look at the most racist states. Yeah. It's just very poor.

But no, I adore West Virginia. I think. Yeah, Mississippi, Alabama, though. Worst ones. The worst states, you think? I think so. They rank pretty low. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I'll defend. How much time have you spent in West Virginia? Oh, I just drove through. I'm fascinated by it. I really want to go there. Yeah, it's really pretty. I think I went to Wheeling, and it was just like just so poor, like there were like empty

buildings on the river park. Yeah, it's very sad. I mean, like the level of poverty there. I mean, West Virginia has towns where, you know, I mean, it's like, you know, people talk about Flint, but there's plenty of places in West Virginia where they just don't have... You can't drink the water. They just don't have it. Really?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, a ballad of Billy the Kid. That's a Billy Joel song from a town known as Wheeling, West Virginia, is the opening lyrics. He writes a lot, but he kind of just shits on places. Yeah. He does that. He shits on women and places, and he just gets a pass for it.

And then the people there love it. I mean, like, you know, Allentown, famously. Yeah, when you're not shut down. Yeah, he's like, fuck Allentown. This place sucks, dick, and no one has a fucking job, and everyone wants to kill themselves. He used to be cool. Maybe back during the fucking... During World War II, when the only other thing going on was a fucking holocaust, but

other than that, this place sucks. And then he plays that song in Allentown, and they're like, yeah, fuck us. You know, fuck this fucking town. Just acknowledge us, please. Yeah. And it's weird, because only a couple, you know, like, artists get to do that. And it's weird because Billy Joel is largely seen as sort of like... I feel he's like...

A good guy. Yeah, very earnest, very like, you know, kind of like accessible, feel good kind of music. And yeah, he just shits on places and people. He's very cynical about people. When you're not from a big town, though, you're just happy. Because I grew up... I spent 10 years in Corpus Christi. And I was just happy to hear the name, even if people were shitting on it.

And I'm like, hey, people acknowledge our existence. That's kind of a... That place could be better. Yeah. So you're from Corpus Christi, just like your entire childhood, you know? Ages three to 13. And then Georgia. Oh, weird.

Yeah, I didn't know that. Corpus is... That's like a weird place to be from. It's a weird place to be from. Yeah. A lot of people don't make it out. It's like just cozy. It's just enough of...

They think they're a city until you leave. I didn't know... It's barely a fucking... I thought it was supposed to be a beach town, and it's barely... It's the ugliest. It's on the bay, and the bay is all like gulf oil. The water is dark green as the color of the wall. And it doesn't seem to progress.

It has one airport that flies to Houston and Dallas. That's it. And it's 300,000 people. They got... Selena was born... Selena? They got a two-story... Selena wasn't born there.

She was killed there. They got a two-story water burger. Oh, yeah. That's a big thing. That's near the statue of Selena. They also have... Oh, no, he's not even important. I just did a show there, and they had an Outback Steakhouse.

Yeah, we were really excited when we got a Cracker Barrel. That was a big fucking deal. Yeah. Now, I remember going... I remember at that Outback Steakhouse, getting the Bloomin' Onion, and then also the Bloomin' Onion, the Bloomin' Burger. What is that? What's that have, like, Bloomin' Onion on it?

They put the Bloomin' Onion on a burger, basically. You're a healthy guy. At the time, I mean, I was... Those were... Those were... Those were... Those were... Those were...

Those were... Those were... Those were... Those were... Those were... I was like, hosting for Lucas Milandes, and then fucking Bryson was featuring. And, yeah, I kind of just went along for the ride. And then I had to sleep in the floor of the hotel room after getting trashed all night

at the show. I don't even remember the show. Yeah, those were gay times. I don't know if it was Corpus who- It might've been you, values- No, no. Great. that soured your picture of Corpus?

No, well, maybe. I mean, it was like, you know, I've gotten drunk anywhere, but yeah, it's like, it's like, you know, we get to, you know, you like, in your head, you're like, yeah, I'm a comic and I'm on the road. And then you're like, this is a, this is the shittiest bar show. Yeah.

Like, you know, I mean, even though I wouldn't do this if it was in the town I lived in. I did that in Houston, we would go on runs. I had never got to do them, but they did the Valley. They would do like the border, like run along the border and do shows there. And that was hell of shows. I did Paris, Texas once.

Great movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So my girlfriend's parents got married, I think. To that movie? To that movie. They got married.

I don't know the movie, Paris, Texas. It's weird that people don't get married two things, you know, they fuck two things, but nobody marries two things. Yeah, they always said, you know, with gay marriage, like we're worried people are gonna start marrying their horses. I was like, that'd be kind of cool.

Yeah. Yeah. And you could listen to this dependent. Do you think that, do you think we're headed that way? Do you think people will marry their horses? I don't know, man. It's gotten like that whole, I support gay marriage, I support all those things, but it's crazy

how much it's escalated since the, I guess my biggest fear is like people being able to identify as more than one person. I'm not saying like non-binary, what I don't give a fuck about that, but like someone's gonna be like, I get to count myself twice on this voter form or something. Like I'm afraid we're gonna,

cause the fundamental notion is the idea of the individual. Everyone of us is one person. That's the only thing we can really count. You can't, your soul can't be two things. But what if like someone was just like, no, I call myself two people and I'm gonna be married to myself cause we're two different people.

And your fear in that is that it'll fuck up the census. Yeah, I like math. I really like math and I hate when people do stuff that fucks with math. That might be more fascist than just being like, yeah, blacks or a lesser race. Yeah, I will do a lot of horrible things in the name of good day.

You know also who liked math is the people that built the adding machines that counted up all the Jews during the Holocaust who were probably, those are worse people. Yeah, but it was probably, they probably got Jews to do it against other Jews, which made them even worse. They weren't just Germans who love their job.

They were Jews. You can always find a backstabber in any group. Yeah, I bet there were. I wonder if there were Jews that played ball in the Holocaust and they were like, well, we'll get you a sweet deal out of this. Oh, I thought you meant like, was there a basketball team at Auschwitz? No, I fucking.

Yeah, that's what it, when you said that, I forgot that played ball is an expression. Oh, played ball. Oh yeah, like when, yeah, like crooked politician. Yeah, I was imagining like a really shitty movie about like a, like an upstart kind of. They're like, yeah, we may be in the death camp, but that doesn't mean we can't be the best damn.

The Auschwitz Bobcats. Yeah, yeah, just like slap shot, but with Holocaust basketball. They're like, look, we're all gonna fucking die. We might as well be the most violent basketball team. Oh yeah. In Poland. Yeah, yeah.

You ever see that movie, Slap Shot? No. Great movie. God, I don't know any of your references today. Well, the Holocaust was, there was six million Jews. But that didn't happen, right? It's disputed? I mean, I think it happened personally.

Personally? Yeah, personally, I believe, I believe in the Holocaust, but I also still believe in Santa. So, you know. So the Holocaust is as real as Santa. Yeah, yeah. Famous, famous last words. What, why, what happens?

Do you die after you say that? If you say that three times, the Holocaust happens again. Interesting. So it's like a candy man. What's a candy man? Or is it Bloody Mary? What was the blood? Do you remember Bloody Mary?

No, what was Bloody Mary? I don't know. Candy man, was you say three times? Yeah. We said it twice, so we shouldn't say it again. Yeah. Yeah, I think it was a Bloody Mary. Girls would be like, if you say Bloody Mary in the bathroom

three times, the lights go out and the mirror fills the blood. It's like, shut up, you dumb bitch. That's not what happens. Well, those dumb superstitions. It's like astrology. And women stay believing that shit. You think they'd stop, but they continue with that throughout their whole lives.

Are you superstitious? No. No? I do one thing. I judge people who are superstitious, but I say rabbit, rabbit. I don't even believe in actual provable causality. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I'm the same way. I can't be like, oh, if I carry this, yeah. If I carry this lucky totem, something will happen. I don't even believe it. I'd be like, oh, if I drink and drive, something bad will happen. Even though it's demonstrably true that something bad will eventually happen.

You're more likely. But to me, no. No. So how could I be superstitious? I believe that, like, I think I can smoke cigarettes for 20 years. And if I quit now, then it's like, well, you only get cancer if you smoke until you get cancer.

I told you about these. What is that, zinc? Zin. It's nicotine, non-tobacco nicotine pouches. So it's like snooze, but there's no tobacco. And it's very addictive. I don't recommend getting started. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life.

I just bought these at a gas station one day. And I've tried to quit three times now. And they don't know. They don't know if it's bad for you. Right now, there's no proof that it is bad for you. But I also understand that those industries will spend a lot of money to hide that information. So I am the guinea pig.

I am the experiment. Well, that's the vaping stuff. They didn't think the internet was going to be bad for people. Now that's like. Maybe the worst one. Looking at social media now, have you seen the stuff that got released with the whistleblower? What, with the Google whistleblower?

The guy that just is like fucking Willy Wonka and the kid that he turned into a blueberry? What's that? That fucking guy? The guy that was, no, no, the fucking, the guy that was like, oh, Google made an AI that's real. And everyone was like talking about it seriously for a week, and then a picture of the guy came out,

and everyone just stopped talking about it. Oh, yeah, that was bullshit. I'm not worried about AI, because even if AI gets really smart, it doesn't have motivation. Yeah, well, so what were you talking about? So Instagram. Someone at Instagram released internal documents. Maybe it was Facebook.

They knew the addictiveness of it. They knew that they only make money off of clicks and views. There's no quality control. So if you make things as upsetting as possible, people can't log off. And if they get angry enough, they leave comments. And if they leave comments, they see more ads. They knew all of this, and they acted off of it,

which is not surprising. But just to see them explicitly say this in their internal memos, you're like, oh, you're as bad as the cigarette companies. You're as bad as, I also think junk food companies will, hopefully, one day, look at them as being as evil as tobacco was, as the global warming denying oil companies are. You think they will look at the social media

or the internet as a whole? Social media more, because YouTube can be good. You can find good shit on YouTube. But that is social media. Yeah, OK. Sorry, what would be the bad internet that's not social media? I almost forgot. Today's episode is also brought to us

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No, is it fun? No, we'll say this. It's not fun, but it works. What is it supposed to do? It's like a, I don't know, it's some weird jungle drug that fucking poachers chew. But then some fucking, I'm assuming, a tech guy figured out that you could import it.

And so now there's all these Kratom companies, and they dry it out, they give it to you. It's like a powder. It's like a dirt, basically. Does it make you trip? Does it make you energetic? Does it make you chill? And I don't know if you're supposed to say this,

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as it was in 10. I already read that part. They got a yellow one. That's the white man dah. White man dah. That sounds kind of honest. Sounds like a city in New Jersey. Well, yes.

Yes. Now it's my turn to say that's very funny instead of laughing. Yeah, white man dah. But it sounds like an Asian guy being like, white man die. Oh, yeah, it sounds like a character that a white man die. Yeah, yeah, right. We get them in trouble now. They got the red Bali, and they've got the green Malay.

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They also come with capsules and like these little tabs that are just the powder pressed into like a Smarties, basically. Well, Nick, you sold me. Yeah, and they, they're fucking the capsules. Those are, you know, those are a little more convenient if you don't like the taste necessarily. That's the way to go.

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Qualified Vendor. I have no idea what that is, either American Cratom Association, but it meets their standards. So if these were, if it was a collection of people so dedicated to whatever this fucking shit is, that they formed a kennel club, basically. And they sit around taste testing it. Yeah.

Then, then you know, then you know it's a, they got high standards, so. What was the shit we smoked in college because weed wasn't legal? I don't know. I didn't go to college and smoked some of it. You didn't? No, yeah.

Oh. What, do you mean Schwag or K2? Maybe it was K2, it's not weed, but it was legal and it was not weed legal for a long time. It's just gonna bring us. Yeah, I was gonna bring this up. When I moved to Texas, it was the only thing that I had never seen it until I moved down there,

but I was blown away. You can get an ounce of like shitty weed for like $60 in Texas, which had been a thing I had never seen. So maybe, is that what you're talking about? Are you talking about something that's not. It's talking about Salvia. Oh, okay, yeah.

Which you could buy at gas stations and it was highly unregulated. Could you buy Salvia at gas stations? I thought it was. You could buy it, it was more legal. I've actually never done Salvia, but I was under the impression it was like, you know, it was you take a hit and then you hold it

and then you're gone. You like lose consciousness. It's like way more intense than weed. Yeah, but very short, I think. Yeah. What's the one that you smoke and you get high for a minute and it's like super trippy? DMT.

Yeah, that's fun. Do you still, do you avoid drugs now? Yeah, all of that, like really hallucinatory or psychoactive shit. Like really, I have no interest in doing any of that. You just not, you don't have fun with it? No, really, the only, since I quit drinking 10 years ago, the only thing I would do is cocaine

and then I kind of went off the rails last year. And then as of February, I haven't done any cocaine, but last year I was doing it like fucking every other day. It's expensive. I was just around, dude. I think cumulatively in 2021, I probably spent like $500 on cocaine. That's not much.

Yeah, it was just fucking constantly around. Jesus. Yeah, it was all over the city, dude. Like everyone, you know. It's making a comeback. Yeah, I mean, especially, it seemed like when people found out there was fentanyl in it, that people started doing it more.

Yeah, it's scary, dude. Yeah. It was funny cause I go in and I've made this point, but going into the pandemic, like, you know, if you're like, you're like, I felt like, look, you shut the economy down and take people out of work. They're going to be home. Like drug deaths are going to go out.

And it's not my like, I had before, you know, like people predicted that yeah, drug deaths are going to fucking go up. And you imagine drug deaths going up and you think like, yeah, the guy that lost his job at Walmart, doing, you know, fucking heroin out in the woods. And he's making $500 a week doing nothing. Yeah.

And then I look around like me and all of my friends are just now fucking just drug addicts. Yeah. There's all these warnings about like, oh, there's fentanyl in the Coke. There's, there was a comedians. I remember there was a, like, remember some girl, like three comics out in LA, they died from like fentanyl.

And then I think I was like- Including the Blowfish's house. Yeah, I think I went out and did drugs at night. It's like, as you just don't, like I didn't even think about it, but. I don't fuck with cocaine. I have gotten more substance dependent, like in the last year or two.

The pandemic was very weird. And it's like, I don't, and I think a lot of the problem is that like, nobody really made any kind of like good like pandemic art. Nobody's really done anything that really addresses like, on an emotional level, this sort of shared trauma of the last two years. And because it was this global thing

that everyone was subjected to, everyone. No one was exempted from COVID. It was really horrible. It's like, and that's, it's kind of like, you know, certainly in the scope of modernity, like unparalleled, there's, you know, we haven't had like a global fucking plague like that, you know, so highly condensed,

regardless of like the, you know, like fatality rate of COVID or whatever. COVID was this global kind of shared trauma that affected everyone's life. And there's, because it affects everyone, there's no way to really think about like, what is the impact of that on me? Yeah. Or as an individual,

because, you know, it's like a, you know, it's like a fish in water. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, you don't notice. I mean, it took a toll on me. I think that was why, part of why I started doing nicotine, I started doing more acid. Though I don't think acid's a terrible thing.

Therapy became really popular. A lot of little things have changed that I forgot. Like therapy is like super popular now. It's the, mm. I just went to see a therapist yesterday. For a sign? Yeah. Really? I mean, here and there, I've gone,

I've gone to a therapist for the quote unquote, the first time, like maybe two or three times in my life. But I think I'm going to try and like, just stick with it this time. Mainly because it's like, I'm so busy these days that I have to like, outsource my introspection. I feel like I don't,

I really do not have the time to sit around thinking about how I feel anymore. I do think happiness is based a lot around just being too distracted to analyze yourself too. I think it's self analysis. Overanalysis is one thing, but my problem is that I'll like, I think, I don't know if I've said it,

but I'll like, you know, I just did, I did Heal Him in Philly. And that's like, that's my favorite club. When I was like, in my early 20s going there, that was like such a big deal to go. You know, I loved it. I had a great time. And like now I've like gotten back in to stand up.

But now I can like sell out and have my own audience. Like go to Heal Him in Philly and sell out all the shows. And it's great to be back. And like, and those shows were good, but the exception of like, I feel like, you know, the Late Show Sunday, I wasn't really hidden, but the rest of it, it was like fun. And it's like, you know,

I should be able to be like, be like grateful and happy or whatever, and I'm not. And then your head is like, well, is it this? Am I like dissatisfied with this? Like what is it? And the fact that I can't like pinpoint why I'm not able to enjoy this thing is like indicative of like,

I don't, I really don't have a grasp on what I'm feeling at all. And in the last like two years, it's like, I've just let, you know, just one thing after another kind of pile up in my personal life. And I just fucking like, okay, you know, yeah, drugs or work or like, I'll just, you know, like just consume media or something.

I've distracted myself too much. And so yes, there's like, certainly you can spend too much time like fucking overanalyzing yourself for nasal gazing to the extent that you like exacerbate fucking depression, but I really don't think that's my problem. Okay, yeah, that's my problem.

I'm not busy enough. And I typically seem to, when I'm stressed or overworking, at least I'm not like depressive and being like, well, why can't you appreciate things? So maybe I need to get. And you gotta be careful too. If you do like, you know, creative work or whatever, and you try to, cause I have friends that, you know,

clearly they're depressed. Like my friend like came and helped like, you know, like work on this stuff. And I don't know if he's depressed or not, but like you can tell when somebody's like stressed in their life and like, you know, some people turn to drugs or alcohol, or some people just like bury themselves in work.

And that can be like even more nefarious because it's like, you can tell yourself like, I'm making money. I'm being productive or whatever. And it's like, okay, well, yeah, but you're like just not addressing your mental health. You're sleeping like four days a week. You're causing problems in your interpersonal life

because it's like, well, you can just say it's work. It's just sort of like noble pursuit. But even when like doing creative work, there's another poisonous aspect of it. It's like, if you, if I'm like fucking like, okay, the show, the Adam Friedland show, I'm gonna put everything I can into this instead of like thinking about things and go 100%.

I can work. I can work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, and throw everything into it. But the second it's done, like each iteration of it or whatever, and I watch it back and it's like, whatever feeling of escape working on the thing gave me. I'm not seeing it.

It's not as funny as I want it to be. It's not like, it's just a thing. It's just another thing. Then that like fucking kicks my legs out from under me even way, way more than like, you know, if like within where I started. Cause then it's like, oh, why, you know, it's like, this is fake too.

I might as well fucking, you know, go get fucked up or whatever. But these are the reasons why I do think I need to, like, you know, I just, at this point, I just have to like be like talking to somebody kind of regularly. Well, it sounds like you're a toxic mix of both because my girlfriend is like you,

she works too hard and then she's tired and stressed and the only way to cope with that is by working even harder until she just spins out and crashes. Yeah, that's how I do that, yeah. And well, she's, she's a creative too. She does comedy with us on her day job, but like what you do is a mix of both

because that's what I do is, you know, the stand-up is my primary thing and you can work and work and work on stand-up and it's still not good enough. Like for most jobs and tasks, if you put in the proper work, you have a product that is complete or near complete. With creative work, you can put a year into something

like, oh, this is complete dog shit. I hate this. There's no completion. Well, that's, that's what I mean. And it's, it'll always be that unless you're a shitty comic. It'll always be that. And then, but that's why with any creative work,

regardless of what you do, you have to be very careful, like making it like this is, this is gonna be the thing that has to make me happy or is a distraction from these negative feelings I have because even if you do, if you were happy in your personal life, you're never gonna be fully satisfied with your work. No.

So you're operating in a very dangerous place if you're fucking depressed and you're like, okay, I'll just throw myself at my, at my stand-up. Yeah. Because the stand-up's never gonna be good enough. Never. So yeah, then you'll, yeah, like, you know, I mean, I'll just repeat myself at this point.

And then you go on Instagram and you see people who are way better than you'll ever be with more success and more money and then you really hate what you're doing. Yeah. Yeah, that shit's, it's a terrible cycle. I've never done, I've never really done therapy. Yeah.

Which I'm a big softy, I really should. I really should, but. Yeah, I just, I need to, I need to do something. I mean, it's like fucking, because at a certain point it's fucking irresponsible. I mean, it's like, you know, like, I have the resources. I can go do, like, I don't want to be a fucking, like, burden to the people in my life or whatever

because it's like my head's fucked up. What do you do to the people in your life? Nothing, it's just you bum people out. Yeah, that's what I do. I'm just, I just call and complain. Yeah. Even when things are, when good things happen, I'll still be like, and I'm really annoyed

about this aspect of it. Yeah. It takes people I love to be like, shut the fuck up. Yeah. You're bragging, and that's your complaint? Yeah, yeah, right, exactly. Yeah. No, it's like, you know, you should be able to like,

you know, like, well, you should, I don't know, maybe. It's like, you know, like, okay, well, you're an adult, put your fucking problems aside, but you know, if like, if you can't do that, and then it's coming out anyways, then it's like, you know, yeah, maybe I should, maybe I should go find some kind of a resolution. Do you wish you had a job that you could just do

and not care about? Like, I wish I had a job. No. I wish I could be an engineer sometimes or something. No, what I wish is that I could have some kind of consistent appreciation for what I do have, which is like, I am grateful for it, but often like, gratefulness is like,

sort of this like, exercise, and it doesn't like, it should come naturally. It's like, you shouldn't force yourself to, like, you shouldn't have to do like a count your blessing sort of thing. I should be over the fucking moon that I'm in the position that I'm in. And it's mostly the fact that I'm like not,

that makes me feel like, well, what's wrong? Like, what the fuck is wrong that I can't, you know, and that's what I want to figure out. Cause it's not, it's not just simple like, you know, the necessary dissatisfaction you have with your work to continue, to make you continue working. It's not that. It's like, there's, there's just, it's just, yeah,

like other, there's something else. There's something else that, that, you know, it just makes it like, you know, like why, like why am I still, why are there still days where I'm like, yeah, I should just kill myself. You know what I mean? It's like, it shouldn't be like that. Yeah, and, and there's the, I, the more success I like,

I look at success, I'm like, am I less happy the more successful I am? Yeah. This is a really alarming thing. I don't think there's any relationship for me. I mean, it's like, it's, I think it's just, you know, there's like, there's other, you're always gonna just be a person. Yeah.

And you're gonna have natural cycles of disappointment. Yeah, sure. But your own like, you know, personal life and stuff, you know, it's like, I don't think, I don't think I would be any happier if I had a quote unquote, like just job I could go to. Yeah.

I'd probably be way worse. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I wonder what that would look like. I got, I got into comedy so young that I don't, I don't know how that would feel. I got into comedy young too, but I mean, it didn't work out for a very long fucking time. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it stand up was never the thing for me. You know what I mean? It was, it's like, I'm very passionate about it, but either I lack like charisma or whatever. I mean, I could, I could write jokes, but there was just something that didn't, I wasn't, I don't have whatever thing makes you, you know, able to be like just to stand up.

And then I got here and I started to work writing and stuff and then eventually, you know, the podcast. Oh yeah, we worked together on a show you were writing. Did we? Comedy knockout? Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, you were writing for that for a little while. Yeah, I didn't write.

I feel like you were making more money off your podcast and off that job. Oh yeah, that was just, that was actually a very fun job. Yeah, J.P. McDade. Yeah, that job was, I mean, it was so low stakes. And I didn't, I didn't, it's like, I actually contributed almost in the fucking nothing.

Yeah. I would just show up and hang out and then you would prep comics. So then I would go down like half the people in the writer's room, I don't think were comics. So it's like those of us that were. That's so weird to write jokes and not do stand up to me. Cause like, I would not know how to write jokes

if I were not on stage testing everything to see if it was funny. It's weird because like, I've met several comedians that have this like mindset that like, oh, comics are better writers. And then you get in a writer's room with people that are, like are just those like. Machines.

Well, they like the Ivy League comedy writer guys. Oh, lampoon dudes. Yeah, maybe not necessarily the lampoon, but definitely the Ivy League guys that want to be comedy writers. And they're very normal people. And then you see the work they produce and you're like, oh, that, this is why you're here.

Like they're just, they're just, they're just better at it. I mean, to the, the absurdity of like, you know, thinking like, well, I'm a very good comedy writer. I could be a good stand up. This, the way that's not true. It's often not true that just because somebody's a good stand up, they know how to go right

for a fucking TV show. I wrote for one show and I was, I wrote for the roast of Alec Baldwin. I didn't get a single joke on. Yeah. I had someone I was proud of, but it was, it was an awful process. And you were a writer, a staff writer on the show,

or you wrote for one of the people on? I wrote for the show, staff writer for the show. One week of whatever guild work. Yeah. And we just sat in the room, just typing silently. We didn't work together really. They would just say, right jokes all day about whoever, either 16 people or whatever, you know,

combinatorically this joke, this person joke about this person, by this person, this person. They didn't give us much assignments at first. And every day at 10 AM, we would just read through all of the jokes we had all submitted out loud and see what got a laugh. And it was not a very fun process. Yeah.

When I worked on Moshe's show and like I was there with, they, they, they, I remember they like would assign me, they would have me, and then Jess Dweck go write like a monologue. And then I would go like, you know, we go off separately. And I would just like write something. So it would look like I did something for an hour. Right.

I'm like, I don't. Just type words. I'm like, I literally have no idea how I got this job. Like I don't, I don't know how to just sit here and write. Dude, how the fuck? I know, I can bounce with someone. Here's the thing, I can sit around and be funny. Yeah.

I haven't done it in the last hour, but I can, I can do that, you know, but like to sit down and then Jess would come back. She was like the polar opposite where she just, she's Jess is very talented. It's extremely fucking good writer. She seems to stand up. I don't know if she does stand up.

She just, she just seems like just, just off, just completely, you know, like it's like, like, are you enjoying any moment? Oh, just mechanical militaristic. Yeah, kind of. But then, you know, you'd see her, right? I mean, she's just very fucking tight. Like, you know, they're just jokes.

Like, so we'd be turned it in and it would almost be like, you know, unlike the Simpsons with the fucking like, Lisa's friend who's like, dad is rich and like, she's like really smart. And they're like, okay, Michelle, time to play the anagram game. The fucking, the, the, the, the Alleghenous joke. Genuine class.

Genuine class. And then Jeremy. Jeremy's iron. Yeah. I mean, that's how I felt. She's turning in genuine class and I'm struggling to relay a Simpsons joke that I've seen a billion times. Yeah. Yeah. That's writing jokes is like writing jokes

just for the sake of writing jokes is like the most miserable. You just hate your, you instantly start hating yourself. You're like, let's just try to think of something funny. And you're, this voice in your head is just like, you suck. Yeah. The world's not fun. You got a heart out at nine. So I want to thank you for being here. Thank you.

Apologize to the fans of the show that had to sit there just my meandering talk about mental problems and West Virginia. But Matthew Broussard, you saved the show. Thanks for coming by. Hey, thanks for having me. Thanks for $500. You got anything you want to plug?

Yeah. I'm going to be in Texas, San Antonio, Austin and Dallas in October. Tickets at broussard.live. Very good. I will be at Indianapolis this Friday and Saturday at Helium Indy. Buy those tickets next week. I'm at Zany's Nashville. And then I think after that, the improv in Houston.

And as always, if you want to check it out, Adam worked very hard on it. He went above and beyond and produced a very special episode of the Adam Friedland Show that you can check out. He did it this weekend on patreon.com slash T-A-F-S for the Adam Friedland Show. It's patreon.com slash T-A-F-S. Thank you, guys.

Have a good night.