The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. XYX – Surprise Ending

Episode Date: September 8, 2022

Hello, is this the podcast? Just phoning in again. Working hard folks. Stay tuned for THE ADAM FRIEDLAND SHOW on patreon.com/tafs

** when everything is in order ** ** well the entire January is over, but it will ends early in October if we show the whole stock performance out loud this sitting thing too.l ** wooooeee! ** Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland show. What's up? Why? Damn, I'm out of breath. Why?

I don't know. All I did was go to the bathroom. You're out of breath from pissing? Yeah. You're a young man, Nick. Something's wrong. You've got to stop thinking of yourself as a senior citizen. It probably is.

Everything's always in your head. Yeah. Anyways, so... Yes. It is Monday, or Wednesday. September 6th. Fall is here. It's fall in New York City. Right. Summer is over.

And coronavirus is almost finally... We're finally ready to just go back to living in hell. Right. We're on the home stretch, folks. And it's about to just be a shittier life that we all live, except now we're all... We all have neurological damage from either the virus itself or the quote-unquote... Everybody's fucked. And they still haven't resocked PS5. They did.

You can get them anywhere. We saw it at Best Buy and we saw it at PC Richards. But I saw it at both places. But those were empty boxes, though. No, they weren't. They're just sitting there. Oh, they are? Oh, so no one... Everyone's over it?

No, I think that we happen to go to PC Richards and it's Best Buy on a day where they just happen to have them in stock. And because I saw it at both places, I'm like, well, now you can get it anywhere. I don't want it anymore. But no, I think it's still hard to get. What else is in the news? How are you? You're good? I'm all right. I moved into the office. I probably haven't been drinking enough water today.

Here, I got water at the store. Oh, wow, thank you. Smart water. Wait, can I ask you a question on Mike? Because maybe this will keep you honest? Yeah. Because I've asked you this multiple times at this point. Can we please get a water cooler for the office?

No. No, that's the building's responsibility. Come on, man. I guess, yeah. We don't even know where the mini-fridge is supposed to go yet. It has to go into the office. We'll move it in right now. I don't think it would look good in here. Why do you care about the aesthetic of it?

Because it's a limited amount of space in the office. This is the chill zone. We have the fucking mini-fridge in the chill zone, in the office. The project, folks. Nick's drinking water. The project is going well. I'm very excited about next Monday's episode, which should be a real step forward. I'm excited, too.

I wish I didn't feel like fucking dog shit all the time. Yeah, come on, bro. I got my psych to recommend to a therapist. Yeah, why isn't that the same thing anymore? Well, the psych cost $400 a fucking hour. I mean, the therapist cost what? $200. But the psych you have to go to to get the pills.

Right. But in the Sopranos, she gives him the pills. I can't keep living my life like this. You find a good one? I went to Philly. I had a great time. Yeah. The entire time, I'm like, what does this suck? Everyone was so nice.

The shows were good. It was good to be back in Philly doing that club. You love Philly. I mean, I should have had a good time, but something like it just doesn't, I don't. And then in my head, I'm like, well, then it must be the thing. And not that like, you know, I just don't. Because brass tacks.

Something bad will happen, something small. And then I just don't. A minor inconvenience. And the big stuff, I blow past that too. And then you're like, yeah. Don't blow past the big stuff. Everything's going fine. I'm like sleeping on the couch. You don't blow past the big stuff.

Yeah. I watched Alien twice yesterday. You don't like inconveniences or complications. Yeah. You were shouting at the photo printer to get the I'm gay book jacket perfect. That's not true. Don't, don't disparage. Don't make it seem like. I'm not disparaging you.

You're a perfectionist, right? We do a lot of, we talk a lot of, there's a lot of jokes around the show. Who does what and what's being delegated. But do not take art department away from me. As if that is not the only thing. No, you've treated this, whatever this is. As if like, like, like James Cameron treated.

No, I just wanted the silverware in the Titanic. I just want to do art department stuff. At the end of all of this. I'll just, I'll get, I'll have a nice job. Making fake hands. Also, you always say crap like this. Like you're going back to GameStop or something. You're literally a famous, beloved comedian.

I never said anything about going back to GameStop. That's not going to happen. You've said that multiple times. First of all, I only worked at GameStop for about a month. You were seasonal. I know. I just real quick make a little extra money. Get the 25% stored discount. That's true.

Make fun of that guy who shit his pants. In a year where it was important to do that, 2008, which, you know what? The games were good in 2008. You know what I got to do? Fuck therapy. I'm going to go, I'm going to go pick up Last of Us and play that. Because I heard it's great.

But I thought that a large contributing factor to your, to what frustrates you is that the games are no longer good. Well, I think that one's supposed to be good. First of all, that game is almost 10 years old now. But I'm telling you, when Red Dead Redemption 2 came out, I was about to fucking kill myself, dude. It saved your life.

Literally, yes. Not only the game itself, but then growing a beard like Arthur for two years afterwards. That game carried me. Dude, I was losing my mind. Through the Trump years, you know me. The second that man was elected, I was...

I had to fucking power through story mode because I was in a failing relationship. I was told that she was going to leave me if I kept playing my video game. That's probably the worst thing Dasha ever did to you is make you rush through Red Dead Redemption 2. The worst thing she did was she said, give me the controller and then she...

What is she going to do with it? Fucking get... And then she made Arthur punch my horse and it broke my heart. What is she going to do? Make the controller even drier with her pussy? Friend of the show. Friend of the show.

Try it out. Use her pussy like a blow dryer to get all the hands... It was so funny. I was literally losing my mind trying to power through story mode because I was like, I have to finish. And she was like, I can't be less attracted to you. She was like, this is disgusting.

Oh shit, what is this? I might have to take this. Is it a scam likely? No, it's not. Hello? We got a phone call, folks. We got a live one. What is this scam? Damn, drinking just this bottle of water I already feel maybe 10% better.

I love that, Nick. Listen, dude, you get by with a little help from your friends. You drink my entire water? I thought you were handing me a water to drink. I got a water because I was thirsty. No, I thought you were giving me a water to drink. What's Last of Us?

It's a first person shooter? Yeah, I don't know. It's some fucking... It's the end of the world. Is there any better indication that video games are just... People talk about our video games art. The best ones are geared towards

people that have severe fucking depression. It's not just a fantasy. It's a fantasy in which you don't exist in this world. Everyone's dead. Everyone's dead. It's just you. It doesn't matter.

You're barely hanging on. But for some reason, it's cool. That's it. That's all. Well, that's what happened to me when I played Red Dead Redemption 2. The first one was already pretty grim, but they're like, yeah, it's not enough that you're a cowboy in the Wild West.

You got to be dying. You got to have tuberculosis also. I would check my phone and think it was like 10.45 p.m. and it would literally be like... Yeah, it would literally be like 5.30 a.m. Yeah, you just like completely... you're not in the world. But I want...

that world was so great. It felt so nice. Yeah. I was at the coffee shop. I'm not going to say the name so the freaks don't ruin it for me and get me kicked out. But I was at the coffee shop. Don't even risk it. You've already been down this road.

I overheard this girl... this lady telling another lady about her video game that she's making. And she's like, so? It's a dystopian future. Girls make video games, though. She said, yeah, she's like... Yeah, what's it called? Bitch Mario?

It's called Super Bitch. She's like, it's a dystopian future and a trans girl. It's like realizing that her parents are abusing her. And she has to figure out a way. I mean realizing that... Yeah, that's the video. Wait a minute.

I've been sucking a dick this whole time. What do you mean, realizing it? Yeah. She knows the terms of her gender and also breaks away from her abusive family while dealing with the

society crumbling. And that was a... You know, and I... I didn't say anything, of course. What are you reading on your phone? I'm looking at the reads for this week. Oh, shit. I forgot that we have ads. Yes, ma'am.

Guys, I showed Nick the first five minutes of this episode and guess what? I think he liked it. It made me feel really good. Yeah, you did a good job. Thanks, man. It made me feel really good. Why? Why do you want my approval?

We've been working together for a fucking decade. Shouldn't you want my approval? No, I just want to be happy. You don't care. I just want to know. If you show me something and I'm laughing, it doesn't feel good at all. Look, we are middle-aged men

that have been involved in the arts for our entire lives. If at this point you're not just running on your own goddamn fumes, you're lost. I covet our creative furniture. I have. I really do. I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks.

I want to make shit that I think is good. And it probably could be the worst shit in the world. I don't care. There's a weird... It might sometimes and it'll hit your fucking... It'll just...

You're like... It's sort of the antidote to whatever is going on in your head. Yeah, you're whatever. Yeah, whatever you call it. You're fucking pineal gland or whatever. Listen, dude. All I'm saying is this, okay?

We are... Right now we have the ability to do anything we want. That's pretty cool. Because for years we discussed wanting this. And we have it right now. So you shouldn't...

You shouldn't be like... I hate life. I hate... We're so lucky, bro. First of all, don't get it twisted. I'm not like some 17-year-old fucking... You literally are.

I'm not like I hate life more. Why don't... Why am I not enjoying things? And then it's more just frustration. Well, you're never gonna... You're not... That's part of the creative process. You're gonna feel good for 10 minutes

and then you're gonna hate it. But that's fine. Make another thing. Food should taste good. I shouldn't feel like I shouldn't wake up feeling fucking exhausted. Maybe that's the virus, dude. I shouldn't feel fucking tired all the time. But anyways...

Yeah, I guess I'll... I'll kill myself. The Elvis movie is in theaters. Did you finish it? No, we just... We already talked about it. But I tell you what. I did let myself yesterday

just fucking be a couch queen and just sit there and hit up stars on core. Perfect day of doing nothing. Sorry.

It's just... It's so difficult to read here. The... Reads for this week. Okay. You got them? Yeah, we got them. We got them. Yeah. Is there anything you wanted to discuss?

No. I don't even know what's going on in the world. Yeah. I was editing for 14 hours yesterday and we're still not done. It's fun. Yeah. It's really cool. When he sits there and he does all that editing

you understand why Stephen's a drug addict. I really thought he was our friend that liked opioids. I didn't think... When he's editing it looks like an Asian kid playing piano. Can you believe that it's nine year old and it looks like an Asian kid

working in a playing card factory. He's so good. He does it so quickly. The shortcuts. Yeah. It's really... I got one of those keyboard overlays for editing. That does not speed anything up. Well, you just have to learn the shortcuts

on the keyboard. When I sit there looking at a keyboard I've never seen. Now there's just a million buttons. The swag in editing is that it's gay to use the mouse. Yeah. It's cool to use only keyboard. Like only shortcuts.

The swag. The swag of it. Yeah. That's cool. I'm going to start saying it's lit. Yeah, it is lit. And pause. You say pause after someone says something gay. How about swerve? Remember that? Yeah, I remember swerve.

Swerve was the thing people would say when we were a young guy, when we were 22. I think swerve is maybe still going on. Is swerve like you're drunk and you're driving? Uh, yeah. Swerve and the fucking group of kids. Group of zoomer kids coming up with new language

that I don't approve of. Oh, damn. Yeah, I'm going to drink another big thing of water and maybe have a little diarrhea later. From water? Yeah, I guess. Water and fucking beans. Is it even bean?

Subbing vegan. No, I didn't. What made you think I stopped? You tweeted that you're subbing vegan. Everything I say publicly is a joke. I'm not even vegan. I actually feel fine. I haven't been depressed in forever. I'm a fucking millionaire with a great life.

But you don't tell these people that. Yeah. We shouldn't, we should tell them less. Yeah. We really expose our assholes to the world too much. We really show our whole anus. It would be cool to have a little half moon anus. Yeah.

Like that Brooks and Dunn song, half moon anus. And I got an asshole like a fingernail moon. I got a fingernail moon asshole. What does he sound like again? Which is the singer, Brooks or Dunn? They're both the singers. Oh, they are.

Yeah. Ronnie Brooks or Ronnie Dunn? Ronnie Dunn, yeah. Ronnie Dunn sucked my penis. That's your guy right there. Imagine saying that to him and then he has to kill himself. He invites you up on stage. He's like, that's a step too far brother.

He invites you up on stage and you're more like Ronnie Dunn sucked my penis. He's like, well, that's it for me folks. Folks has been a good run. It's time for me to kill myself. It's time for me to kill myself. When my asshole is out of my pants

and everyone can see it's a fingernail moon shape. Yeah. You know, something like that. Podcasting is so good. What, you don't like it anymore? You just want to be a filmmaker? Yeah, I want to be an auteur now.

Yeah, I mean, me too, honestly. After you get a taste of it, it's so exciting. You're like, this is bullshit. This is retarded. I mean, I wasted six years of my life. Dude, and honestly, I had a fun weekend.

And it's like, I'm already tired of this fucking hour. I'm not going to record it. I'm just like slowly plugging more shit into it because it's all topical bullshit and half of it doesn't hit anyways. And then mostly, you go out on the road to say hi to people

because that's nice. You do this. All this internet-based shit, it turns you into a fucking psycho because you don't have any connection. All that exists is being on the other side of a parasocial relationship where it's like

you had no connection. It's just like somebody that knows way too much about you. It's so gay that we're talking about you as a therapist from your psychiatrist. I mean, they're like, I'm happy that Nick's finally taking those steps.

I don't know. They're not thinking that at all. They're like, he's lying. He's lying to sound cool. Well, whatever, either way. Who cares? I mean, like... No, you go out on the road and it immediately like... Because even the fucking freaks that come out that want to talk to you about like...

When you said, you know, 99.99% of them. But even the freaks in person, it's like, oh, this is just a... It's just a guy. This is just a weird guy. He's trying his best, just like me. Except, he worked out for me

and it didn't for him. Let's shit this out of pocket on the internet. It's fine. He's not going to shoot anyone. And even if he does, some people shoot people. That's just the thing that happens. That's fucking the most shooty guy of all time, Steven Paddock.

No one would deny that he seems like the little we know about him. One picture of him with his Filipino girlfriend and you're like, I would have a drink with him. I would fucking... He seemed chill. You know that guy was...

He knew how to fly helicopters. Yeah, he was tight. I mean, if he's anything like his brother, he was cool. I'm sure they were kind of similar. That guy killed more people than anyone. He killed the most people. And if he came to a show, I would be like, wow, this middle-aged guy came.

That's cool. I'd be like, awesome. Thanks for coming to Philly. Hopefully you and your immigrant wife had a good time. Oh, man. Dude, I need to get another water. I'm parched.

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When the sun goes down. Dude, I got it. On my brown ass. I got to take you to this place where I went right after we did the episode with Shane. Where'd you go? I picked up my girlfriend, she was like with her friends in fucking Sunset Park

at this like bar called a football in or football tavern or some soccer tavern. I was looking for like pipes for the lighting grid. And I asked Jordan Jensen if there was like a hardware, because you can't buy anything in fucking Manhattan. You gotta go to Gowanus if you want any kind of building material. I'm like, is there anywhere?

And she's like, there's a hardware store. And she told me that I just Googled hardware and Google Maps and it brought up a gay bar off. She said it was called Amsterdam Hardware. And I think I put that in there. It's gay bar called Hardware came up. She was trolling. And then I thought, I'm gonna make my family

come here for my birthday. That's just for the one joke of you thinking that it's a fucking construction based bar. No, no, not at all. I don't know why I didn't think of that in the past. So I'll just make my just find the bar that doesn't sound like a gay bar or like a restaurant or something.

And then make my extended family come have lunch with me at a bar with Tom from Finland stuff all over the walls. That's pretty good. The joke being that they would be very out of place. Yeah, fish out of water. Fish out of water. Anyway, I picked her up at that bar

and it was just filled with Chinese degenerate gamblers. And they were just like watching horse races on television. And there was like a main bookie guy who was taking all the bets. And then just like old timers that had been there forever. And there was one guy, right? This like Italian guy who was there.

And he's like, yeah, I grew up in fucking New York. And he's like, you know, I grew up with John Gotti. And he's like, I was sick, all those fucking whops. So I found this place. And he's like, I've been coming here for the last 16 years just to get away. And I was like, oh, this neighborhood? And he's like, no, this neighborhood's fucking disgusting.

Cause it's like a Brooklyn's Chinatown. And he's like, yeah, like the funniest thing he said was, he said, yeah, like I remember when transvesticles first came to New York. Transvestites, he means? Yeah, he called it transvesticles. You remember fucking, do you remember Sean Patton's bit about old guys in neighborhood bars in New York?

Yeah, a guy that's been there for 150 years. Yeah. Yeah, it's a great bar. Yeah, I've been in this neighborhood 137 years. I remember when they invented the Yankees. Yeah, no, that's the line. No, it's cause it's like, he's like, yeah, 38 street. But back before the dirty Irish came up.

The dirty Irish came up from under it. Now we're just doing Sean Patton's material. It's fine, we don't have anything else. Yeah, the dirty Irish came up from under 38 street. And the fire department back then, they didn't have water. So everything, the whole block, everything used to be on fucking fire. And the fire department was a dirty Irish,

they'd come up and they'd throw fucking potatoes at the, no, it's something like the hide that you'd throw potatoes at the dirty Irish. And he's like, and that's how baseball started. That's how they saw the Yankees. They throw fucking, that's how the baseball started. They throw potatoes at him and they go, get the fuck out of here.

They bat it away. That's so funny. Best comedian in the world. I mean, he's in another, like he's the only guy. He's the only guy that's making art. Exactly. Yeah, with that form. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

He's like the last actual, like creative, good stand-up comedian. Otherwise it's dead. No, but he might be the only one ever. Like, yeah, I don't know. I think, yeah, Sean's, yeah, there's no, there's people that were very good at comedy. Very fucking good at stand-up comedy.

But Sean's the only person I've ever seen where I'm like, this guy is doing something completely different that transcends just fucking humor. I'm just remembering, I can't say it on the show. What? What he said in helium, at helium. Yeah, that was amazing. That was one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

That was an amazing night. He took his dick out. When my dick comes out, and I show my asshole, I got a finger moon asshole. Go on. No, I'm not going to say it. Yeah, he didn't really take his dick out. He more just pulled.

He pulled his ass up. He put his ass directly in your face. Yes, it was very funny. And his 40-year-old balls were hanging down to his knees. He's the best, man. If you're listening to the show, go see him if he comes to your town. Sean Patton, our favorite comedian.

Yeah, what else, dude? You watched movies yesterday? Yeah. You finally had an off day. Yeah. Well, I mean, I kind of just, I'm happy. Yeah, let's see. What did I watch here?

Let's run through it. Definitely Alien, that came on. The Hours, Two Meals for Sister Sarah, that came on. It was a good day of movie watching. I don't want to watch something else. I'm already forgetting. Damn. Yeah, that's how you know it's depression.

Yeah. I can't even remember what movies I watched. You slept on the couch? Yeah. Yeah, it's refreshing. And I got this muscle knot in my back, too. I can't figure out if it's a muscle knot or my kidneys are hurting.

It's probably a knot. It's definitely a knot, because when I jam my thumb in there, it feels better. For your kidneys, it would feel worse, right? I don't know about anatomy or medicine or science. Yeah, it sucks, dude. People say it, but maybe I am just a fucking whiny baby. But once you get into your 30s, it's

does it just feel like fucking shit all the time, always? Yeah, I don't think about it. Yeah. I'm not so thoughtful about life. I think I'll just drop dead suddenly at a certain point. That would be nice, huh? Yeah, but I'm just not going to think about it. Yeah, I'm not worried.

I'm not like, is something wrong with me? I'm just like in physical discomfort. It's the Irish in you. No, I don't think it is. It's the Jewish associate in New York. It's my fault. Yeah, it's all these New York Jews. And I'm such an empathetic person that I can't help.

I can't help, but I can't help but adopt. This is really, it's my body. It's like, look, you need to ingratiate yourself to Adam and make himself, make him feel comfortable. No, I'm the one that's supposed to feel like I'm dying. Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, what? We all dying?

Yeah. And that's me being like, can I get you anything? Can I get you a coffee, maybe? Where are you going? You're getting your coffee. When the sun goes down on my household. How about that? How about that?

I'm excited to do these pickups after this fucking podcast is over. Pickups, dude. The language. I'm learning the slang. I'm learning the slang. What is it called? Lexicon or jargon?

What do you call it? Jargon, I guess, yeah. And when my dick gets hard, I'm for another guy. Damn, that Freedom Tower was a real fucking, that was a real miss. Like in terms of how it looks? No one cares about that building. I mean, it's the tallest one.

I know, but nobody's coming either. Nobody's like, I got to go see the Freedom Tower. My dad was hyped on it when he came to New York. Literally no one wants to see that fucking building. My dad was hyped on it. I'm at a chain for discrediting my theory about the Chinese. What was it? About the fucking the fortune cookies.

Oh, yeah. Well, he had anecdotal evidence. Yeah, I got him last week. I think he's lying. You think he's trying to shit on you? I think he has his own fortune cookies at home. He has his own agenda. He's gaslighting you.

Do you think anyone's so fat that they've just purchased their own fortune cookies for at home? Yeah, as a snack. Yeah, to have like Trader Chang. Was it called again? Trader Zhang's or something. Trader Chang. I think it's just Trader Chang's.

Yeah, I think it is. That's awesome. It's so funny they did that. And they only stopped a couple of years ago. Yeah, yeah. Hilarious. Yeah. Trader Joe's was doing blackface until a couple of years ago.

And then they kept the white ones, right? They still got like Trader fucking. Geodos. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. Very funny.

Dude, I just want to finish this episode. I like literally don't care about podcasting anymore. It's bad form. I mean, listen, folks, if you're listening right now, if you're still listening, here's what's going on with me and Nick, OK? We are, I would say, four weeks out from what we want to do. So we are buying time.

We're not even that far out, dude. Now that I got this. It might be three weeks. Three weeks even. I don't think that's accurate. We got the key. The next week is my man. The key components comes tomorrow.

After we get my man in here. We have my man next week. And the shit tomorrow. Yeah. Well, I don't know. No, then we have the sound off in the comments. And by that, I mean, text Adam, your opinion. No, yeah.

And I mean, they have. You can find this. You can Google. It's pretty easy. And we are getting, the set will be built. But should we, and this is, we got to figure this out, whether, because I personally, my instinct is to not show any of the actual set in piecemeal.

Like I want the fucking thing. It has to be a reveal. Perfect. Done. Done, done, done, done, done. Then that requires not only getting the set in here, but getting a DP in here and lighting it properly, making sure everything looks fucking right.

It's wardrobe. That's on point. Fucking like every. We have that. Well, close. I mean, I want it fucking perfect. Yeah. So we'll do that.

You're right. Maybe three weeks out. Yeah, three to four weeks. Right now, what we're doing is this is a bridge. We're like trading. A bridge to Terabithia. Yeah. We're trading water and we're making like video content

where we're just fucking around and having fun and learning a lot about how to make shit. Yeah. And honestly, it's pretty fucking fun. I don't know if I told this story on the podcast. Did I say tell this? I was in the fucking hotel in Irvine. No.

And this fucking fat guy with his like maybe prostitute girlfriend who knows this fat old. It's not a girlfriend. Well, this fat old. Girlfriend for now. This fat older fucking like, you know, like necklace guy, you know. Yeah.

He comes down to the pool. I was reading by the pool and he's fucking hitting the like the, there's like a bartender. Like you got to just serve drinks. I guess he's not really much of a bartender who is in middle aged Indian man. And he's hitting them with the fucking Spanglish to like, hey, much as grass, yes, you know.

Yes, very good job. And he's fucking just like sprinkling in. That's amazing. Oh, no, no moss today. No moss. No moss work. You're not living moss today. And then this guy, like he, you know, he just he gets,

he goes, and this guy's living life. You know, I got my prostitute girlfriend. I'm speaking, I'm showing off my Spanish to an Indian man. And then he jumps in the pool and just belly flops. And then fucking these, it's a breaststroke. The loudest swimming I've ever heard in my life. In three feet of water, just slapping, just slapping, splashing water over, but barely moving.

Yeah, that guy was awesome. Dude. Yeah. Yeah, so we're, we're three weeks out from not having to do this anymore. The podcast? I mean, unfortunately, we have to do the podcast. But it'll be different enough where it's not this.

The more, the more it is a shame because it's like, and we'll see how that affects business going forward. But yeah, I really don't want to do a fucking podcast anymore. I want to have a talk show. I want to be good. I want to like. Yeah, that's what we're going to do. The idea of sitting around having a fucking man,

they're in conversation. And then like, I mean, if I ever have to do a Chinese guy voice again in my life, I'm going to kill myself. I just don't, I just don't. I'm done with podcasting. Yeah. I'm ready for ready for bigger big.

Yes. We're maintaining a schedule, but there is kind of a light at the end of the tunnel of which both of us are quite excited about. Yeah. And like, I don't want to oversell it, but it's going to be good. What is that expression of light at the end of the tunnel?

I think you think you're in the darkness, and then you notice that you're going to actually. Yeah, but whoever gets lost in a fucking tunnel. I don't know, a train. Yeah, but you're in it. I've never in my life gone through a tunnel and been like, oh, no, is this forever? Right, exactly.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know who came up with that. Some fucking idiot, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. It's cool. I feel like we're kind of on the precipice of something new in our lives, no homo.

And I feel quite good about it. This is going to be, and I know not to ruin it, but we're doing Degrassi the next generation. Yes, yes. We have reconstructed the entire school. We've edited ourselves into Degrassi the next generation by building all of the sets from the show. And Nick has been a psycho about it.

It's the same. We've sourced the same lockers, the same lunch tables. We've actually reshot the entire first season, but I can't get the accent right, so that would all went into the garbage. I deleted the files. I deleted the files. Everyone was begging me, please, we can salvage it.

He got mad that my Canadian wasn't good enough. It was me, I couldn't get that. Were you talking about Sarah? Were you talking about Sarah? What are you talking about, Sarah? OK, yeah, sure. I'll say sorry to your pussy for reaping you. Yeah, I'm sorry I reaped you at the party.

And we went to the party together, and I reaped you and your pussy. And I'm sorry, but maybe your pussy shouldn't have been so sarksy to me and here in Canada. In Canada. She has such a sarksy pussy to look at. Dude, I was like laughing the other day. I don't know if it's OK to read.

When my son goes down on my penis, what's up? We ever read? Yes, sir. All right, what is it? Well, I'll tell you, T minus 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. All right, let's see here. Bluetooth.com. Oh my god.

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Yes, I totally agree. All plans include, I'm trying to do this as long as possible. Yeah, let's make it funny, too. Because that's what we really made a name for ourselves by making the ads so funny and fun. Yeah, that's the best part of the whole show. People couldn't skip them. They would say, I got to hear more about these dick pills

that I've heard about for years. And that's the thing that's nice about, actually, there's nothing really nice about it. I think about it. Bluetooth works, folks. It works. Bluetooth isn't some dumb gimmick like fake weed or underwear that somehow makes it so you don't

have to wipe your ass. Offshore, online gambling. Yeah, well, let's not say that, because they also have weed. But how about this? What if Bluetooth made a type of underwear that the underwear gets your dick hard rather than a pill? Maybe they should get on that. Listen.

Well, the underwear could have a pussy in it. All the plans include digital physician consult, Rx-only chewable tablets, monthly refills, and medical support. You mean prescription. Prescription? Why is Rx prescription? Well, because it's back in the day,

retarded people, they don't know how to read. So they'll be like, oh, that must be the prescription place. Yeah, that makes sense. I have no idea. Yeah, let's do something. Why is it? Maybe I'll do research while you. Maybe we could talk about that.

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You get, you know, maybe you posse up at the sheriff once a week, but outside of that, you just fucking, you murder people. It's still cattle. And then the rancher's got to give you cash. You have ultimate freedom. You speak Cherokee. You've taught yourself Cherokee to get pussy, OK?

And then you're in the T.P. You're about to fuck the chief's daughter, fully consensual. The chief, you smoked weed with them. You and the chief are out of your fucking mind on ayahuasca. Right? And your dick doesn't get hard. And you got to say, damn, this is the pinnacle of human. You know, it doesn't really get better as a guy,

but there's no blue chew back then. I would rather be a guy now, today, just living in a prison. No pussy whatsoever to even speak of. But I can take a pill, and my dick still works. I would rather be that than a fucking, you know, a cowboy. Yeah. That makes sense to me. OK.

All right. You know, I was trying for something. I got it. Yeah, I know, it was good. Yeah. All right, so yeah, put in that fucking promo code. What is it? Come down or come down to 20.

And guys, if you're listening to the show, and you're like, what the fuck is this? What has happened to the show? It's bad now. You're going to have to just check out the talk show. Because we're three weeks out. The sooner we can just have a talk show, or we don't have to do this fucking gay ass shit.

This is for children. This is for baby. This is for children and culture war guys. We're done with that. We are sick and fucking tired of it. I'm not a culture war guy. I'm trying to go to lunch with everybody. Every kind of person.

I don't care. You want to scream at me about fucking Trump or Biden, whatever. I'm celebrating a diversity of opinions in my life. That sounds great. Hey, this meatball sub, is that vegan? Yes. And then the waitress looks at me and she says, no, sorry.

And then I go, oh, damn, is there a way to make it vegan? And then she goes, I mean, we could take the meatballs out of it. It's just sauce. Yeah, and I'm like, sorry, that was just my, that's like a joke I do. And then no one laughs. And then she's like, oh.

And I'm like, do you want to hang out? And then she goes, no. And then I'm like, OK, fair enough. And then I get up and I leave the restaurant. And that's what an adult, that's me now. No more of this podcast stuff. No more, I want to kill myself, game stop stuff. I go to lunch with people of all different political stripes.

And then I strike out. I strike out trying to just find the, you know, I don't even, I just, I want stability. And it would be nice to have somebody to be nice to. Or learn that, practice being nice on someone. Learn being nice at 33 years old. Learn saying, learn saying, how was your day and not saying it in a way where I go, OK,

how was your fucking day? Yeah. And then, and then I said it. And then audibly sign this. I fucking said it. You bitch at me constantly. Here I am. As soon as you come in, I say, how's your day?

And now you're still fucking mad. So, so I guess, yep, yes, no matter what I fucking do. Listen, old Nick and Adam are growing up. And you guys are going to grow up too. You're going to follow us on this fucking journey. No, I told you, I can't go to any of your family events, any of them, every single time I'm busy. Also, guys, on Monday, on patreon.com slash T-A-F-S,

we're going to have a new episode. I went to Thanksgiving at your family's house six years ago. So you can't say, I've never fucking, I don't do anything. And we had a great time. Did it, was it not a good time? That's right. So then what the fuck, it's got to be every fucking year. Right.

I did it once. I did it one time. Yeah. And you told me your family hates me anyway. Yeah. And I'm not fixing that. Yeah. Your family's fucked up, not me.

Yeah. It sounds like they're fucking abusive. It sounds like they're abusing you and you should stop talking. It sounds like you should never leave the apartment. Sounds like you should quit your job. Hey, guys, you're listening to the Cool Boyfriend podcast. How to be a boyfriend podcast. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I'm just kidding. I haven't been able to feel anything forever. You think that? Yeah. And then the older you get, it's like, you're like, I'm just waiting for the right person. But then there's a million right people.

And you're like, yeah, whatever I was feeling in the past was just some sort of deranged attachment predicated upon, unresolved trauma. And you're like, did I ever love anybody? Or was it just they made me feel bad in some way? And I was trying to make it up for it by being like, well, they must be special because they make me feel like shit. And then once you feel good about yourself, you're like,

oh, I just want to maybe work with retarded kids or monkeys or something and then have a nephew. I don't know. I have no idea. Yeah. I have no idea. The closest I'll get to a family is bringing Microscene on the road and paying him extra to feature

so that he can feed his son. That's as close as I'll ever. Through our Italian friend. Yeah, that I'll ever get. Yeah, I guess so. I think things are going to be OK. And as I was saying before, on Monday, on patreon.com slash T-A-F-S, we have something pretty good that we've

been cooking up, which is something that was shot last weekend. And we've learned. I haven't cooked. I don't want to put my name on it. I did absolutely nothing. This is Adam's attempt at being an artist, at deciding at 35 years old to start being an artist, which

is a real gamble, folks. That's the best part about the Adam Freeland show is we can just do that and then never do something like that again or the next week, the premise could be that you're a cop. Yeah, there's no through line. There's no continuity. No, there's nothing at all. Yeah, we really don't.

You can do whatever you want. There's nobody to be like, this doesn't make sense. This is fucking, you know. And it used to be, it's like, well, as long as it's funny. And now, I'm thinking, fuck that, too. It's like, how about just as long as we continue making money, we spend, you try to hit it on the dot, spend all the money. And the show, it's just a matter of figuring out

how to spend all the money every week. How do you feel about that? That sounds good, dude. How do you feel about fingernail moon asshole? Ronnie Dunn's half moon asshole. Yeah. That'd be cool. Imagine.

Well, it's like the best middle-aged black-eyed name that I can't believe I didn't think of until recently. Lonnie. Lonnie? Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah, how you doing? My name is Lonnie Grovewood.

You don't see a lot of Lonnie's anymore. I'm the finance manager here at Dickhead Honda, you know? Yeah. Lonnie is a great name. Well, folks, what's going on with Taiwan? That's what everybody wants to know. Let's discuss. Taiwan.

Tai. Fuck. Layers downstairs. I want to tell her to come up. She can't get in. I'll go get her. Here, I'll just pause this. I'll go get her.

All right. And we're back now. And we'll be talking about Charlotte Ruse. What was that, for fat women? Yeah. No, that was for slutty girls. Oh, OK. So, guys, two guests just showed up.

You want to introduce yourselves? Hey, yeah. Let's practice you. Sorry. All right. Yeah, that's a great treat. Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show. I'm your host, Adam Friedland.

Your director for Monday's episode. Maybe use like a normal, your normal voice. All right, welcome to the Adam Friedland Show. It's your host, Adam Friedland. Our director for Monday's episode. Director of stage? No, not stage, ever. Screen and...

Sorry, let me take it back. Maybe try the Charlie Rose voice and then do it again. Our guests today, two guests just... No, let's go, not silly Charlie Rose, but just regular Charlie Rose. And then try to nail that. And then do like, you know, your Charlie Rose. His level of enthusiasm. And intelligence.

Yeah, hold on one second. And wearing a bathrobe in the Hampton story of Charlie Rose. Yeah, a suit, but a suit design. It looks like a suit, but it's a bathrobe. It's a bathrobe. The Charlie Rose bathrobe. Yeah, the wee wee underneath. They left that part of the story out.

He was accused of raping that woman. And they made it seem like he was just wearing a regular bathrobe, but it was like a tuxedo bathrobe. It's a Trump Lloyd. Okay, let me try the Charlie thing. Try Charlie Rose to get hit Eugene real quick. Our guest today was the director of such films as Wobble Palace from 2018 and Spree most recently from 2020.

Wobble Palace, of course, starring our guest and a woman that I was once engaged to. Our guest is Eugene Kotlarenko. Yeah, great. Thanks for having me. It's been honestly, it was honestly my dream as a little kid, watching PBS, 10, 8, 10 p.m., 11 p.m., be on Charlie Rose. That's the best part about Charlie Rose.

And it says, it says you. The great filmmaker. Charlie Rose getting me, too, is that it was someone from PBS, which is two for them. Yeah. Well, it's like when they, when they caught. Big Bird. Elma.

No, Elma. The guy who played Elma. That big black guy that plays Elma. No, but it was a false accusation. He was innocent. He was innocent. He was innocent. Yeah.

It was a gay me to you. And he was innocent. I understand. Okay. I see you falsely. It says you. It's a gay black guy. Eugene, it says you are here.

Hold on. Leia, can you talk? Let me make sure. Oh, well, yeah. She sounds good. She sounds good. Don't sign with swimming guys. Yeah.

Oh, and other guests. I just wanted to make sure that our gay me to is a real guy. Our other guest who also worked on this upcoming episode, the Monday episode of the Adam Friedland show, you camera ops. What's your title? Yeah. Right.

D.P. D.P. Co-producer. Co-producer. D.P. You book people. You're a producer. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Vibe Curator. Yeah. For the Monday, the upcoming Monday episode. And we, of course, the upcoming pickups for the end of the Monday episode that we are about to shoot. Leia Jospe.

Yeah. Is that any pronounce it? Jospe? Josepe. Yes. That's correct. No, it's a, I say Jospe, but it's like. Jose with a P.

Josepe. Yeah. My name is that. Yeah. I'm Latino. Oh, nice dude. Diversity and women. Yeah.

Women. Now Latinx. Now you, you gain, you gain, it says here on IMDB, you were born in Odessa, Ukraine. Right. Yeah. The war and everything. With the war and everything.

And all of the fans, all of the fans for supporting Ukraine and the struggle. Do you give a shit about that? The war? Well, I went back for the first time last year. I was born there and then we left refugee to this country. Like that. You got a refugee and a latinx woman.

That's pretty cool. There was a refugee from. Nice balls. Oh, from Odessa. That ain't latinx. I'm not Latino. Um, so then I went back for the first time last year. Odessa is kind of a Latinx name.

Yeah. Oh, right. Hot. I could. Yeah. I mean, okay. How often do you think people do that? Like the Anya Taylor joy sort of like just roll with it.

No one challenges it. She's supposed to be Latina. Yeah. She, I think she's heard like she's from every royal house. Yeah. All the Habsburgs. Yeah. The Western Hamas.

Right. She's Latina in the same way that fucking like some like English retard nephew married some dumb bitch. Like owned Spain. Yeah. So yeah, she's Latina. Yeah. Yeah, I care because I met people and they're like fighting and like hiding and like running

away. And it's also sad, like, you know, kind of a beautiful city again, bombed and shit and people. I don't like them. People are dying. Oh, the city of Kiev you're talking about. Yeah. But they're bombing Odessa.

Sorry. That was just for the right. You're going to keep doing. Oh, sorry. Sorry. I just wanted you. And of course the correct pronunciation is key. You're going to make Adam intro himself the whole time.

That's kind of sad. No, I introduce him at the top of the show. That's my job. But when he brings guests on. I don't want them doing the Charlie Rose thing forever. Yeah. But just Charlie Rose is the best at it. You start with Charlie Rose and we find Adam somewhere in there.

Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Beautiful. That's producing. Is that your best impression? Like a Southern guy? No, I'm not good at any impressions.

You're a good Nick at impressions. I do a Nick impression. I do a Nick impression. I can approximate. But some people are impressionists where it's like I can get 90% there with a lot of them. But unless you get that fucking unless you have like some thing where you click over and it says the guy, it doesn't have that magic that like some impressions have, you know, like everybody can do Trump.

Everybody can do Barack Obama. Right. But then sometimes you can. I learned this watching drag race actually. They do a lot of impressions. Yeah. There's like a whole. Well, the whole it's all impressions.

Yeah. When they do this like game, they do it. And some of them are just fall so flat. It's awful. They're usually otherwise pretty funny. So I like that when what's his name? Norm McDonald used to do Bob Dole. And then he said something about that interview that I thought was good.

He's like the best impressions are going to come from you when you love the person you're making fun of. You actually have to like get them and love them. And then you can do a really fucking good impression. Yeah. You have to be inside that. I don't know. It sounds like bullshit.

Sounds like bullshit. Yeah. I think it's just because we have to watch. I watched this footage you did of this like Chinese guy, you know. And I think it's such a good job on this precept of being this Chinese guy. Yeah. I was like, oh, he must really love Chinese guys. He must have like this like passion for Chinese guys.

I could keep it myself. Keep my nose clean. Sure. Well, these Chinese guys, you'd probably not keep your nose clean if you know what I mean. I don't think Chinese people care. No. I didn't say that Chinese people would care about any kind of racism.

You know what I mean? Like a Chinese Chinese guy. Like a real Chinese person? Right. Yeah. No, they don't care. No, not at all. They literally don't even care that you're on the sidewalk.

Yeah. Like get out of the way. Yeah. They communicate less about your podcast or anything. Right. Yeah, exactly. Real Chinese people. Yeah.

That's who I like is real Chinese. Me too. Me too. I like that. When Chinese people get mad at me, I'm like, yeah, but what are the real Chinese people think? Do you think patrons, do you think you have from like China mainland? Zero.

Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. But how many listeners? You might have thousands of listeners. I don't think you can get this show in China. I don't think that their internet's kind of locked down. Right.

Yeah. Right. My friend made a movie that no one saw. He put it up on YouTube. No one saw it for like 10 years. Then one day he looked at the video, it had 5 million views. In China? No.

Because there's this one section like 43 minutes in where he's like simulating like eating a girl's pussy in just like a normal movie. Awesome. And some Indonesian guy found it and they can't get like porn Indonesia. Oh, yeah. They get this video. And like literally every single guy in Indonesia has seen this like 10 seconds. It's like the 12 second clip.

Yeah. On YouTube they would have like, like how to do a breast exam. Exactly. And then like all the comments are like, oh my God, please, please kiss me baby. They're like just fucking guys. Yeah. Yeah. They're losing their minds.

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. So are we going to get to work? What do you mean? Oh, back to you. You want to end the show? I thought we had a good reporter.

No, this is way better than the episode has been thus far. We did 50 minutes of perhaps one of the worst episodes we've ever done. Do you have guests? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I got on the elevator in here, there were these two guys that honestly looked like pathetic, bizarro, you guys. And then I was like, oh man, like their guests are getting really pathetic looking.

Like they're like getting just mirror people. You know, they said couples look alike. People look like they're dogs. Yeah. They're just getting guests that look like pathetic versions of them. Yeah. But these are just other guys who work in the building, I guess. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Maybe we should get them. We should get them. Yeah. Well, it's a good sign because the more this show does not function without guests, the closer it gets to being a talk show. So yeah, thanks for joining us. If you have anything you want to plug, perhaps?

I want to plug the new episode of the Adam Friedland show. It's going to be a good one, guys. I'm excited. I'm excited for what people think. Nick, I'd love to hear your contributions. He watched the rough cut of the first five minutes. Yeah, I only saw the first six. It's good.

I had fun. I guess I'll have to wait until the... The gags, really? He told me he shot 250 minutes. Yeah, we shot 250 minutes. And then he was like, do you want to come help edit it? I was like, no chance. No fucking way.

And Adam's such a good editor. I just want to say Adam's such a good editor. I do J-cuts. Classic. Yeah, yeah. And part of the thing is... What's a J-cut? That's like a circumcision?

That's good. That's good. That's good. Hey, I thought you were off the road. I thought you were still on the road. You know, you got to stay sharp. Yeah. All right.

Guys, thanks for coming on the show. I know it's a dream come true for both of you. Yes. All right, I'll be in Indianapolis September 16th through the 19th at Helium Comedy Club. I will absolutely cancel the shows if the tickets don't fucking start moving soon. So if you're anywhere within six hours of Indianapolis... You got to come. You got to go.

September 18th is my birthday. They should go for my birthday. They should go for my birthday. Go for my birthday. What did Adam call you? Joseph? Joseph. I don't even know.

Josep. Josep. And guys, Portland, Seattle, Los Angeles, end of this month, go to AdamFelan.com slash tour for tickets. Thanks so much to our guests and to my co-host, Nick Mullen. Wow. Thanks for having me back on. Thanks for involving me.

Your top picture on IMDb is you and Vish. Me or Leah? No, you. Oh, yep. That was one of the great moments in my life, looking good. I don't have an IMDb picture. You look good in this pic. Thanks.

Vish looks better, though, sadly. He's a handsome guy. Vish is a very photogenic guy. Yeah. Super. I like his look. As an actor. All right, folks.

Thanks a lot. Bye. Bye. All right, folks, thanks for having me back on.