The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. ZZZ – Late Night Hustle

Episode Date: September 29, 2022

patreon.com/tafs for more info. goodnight folks been a long one.

Oh That's what it says in the lease so why are you gonna tell the building because you can watch them come in they're not coming they're not generating we're not making the mice yeah anyways I don't know if I want to leave that part in why so you're gonna I'm gonna get mice advice oh you're gonna get so much I get the fuck all this fucking advice from people which I'm gonna clarify the cable issue I've resolved so please don't fucking email me yeah do they email you he did it on his own oh yeah no thanks to any of you why does your email out there my email is out there I just got an email from a guy who's like never mind you're a spawn

of Satan and then that was it that was only yeah well people get annoyed from a random or a man you dated a random oh wow I'm like the classic like fucking gd guy that's like I could fucking do that and what brain surgery I got this shit you know and then you know but like so there's a lot of things I'll just be like yeah this is easy I'll do it myself and then I'd burn the house down but that's also the people I've attracted as an audience so they're like he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing I'm gonna tell him what to do and then I'm like okay what do you what do I do and then they're like googling and then they're like well maybe this and it's like so you're you're the same guy as me you're just two days behind me in the I'll figure it out myself don't

say that don't say that okay I you're giving them hope this is no yes you are this is what I had to tell you a guy that I met in Rhode Island very tall skinny weird dude black he's nice talking about you slender man made me he was like got this close to me two inches from my face and was like tell me how tall Adam is and I was like um oh no he said tell me all how tall Nick is and I was like this song he was like okay then how then how tall is Adam Adam is this big and like went way shorter and I was like no no I'm totally and then I mean he made me talk about it with him for like he was like fully convinced and then at one point he was like on the podcast you said that you used to work a nine to five and you get tired out and now you do an hour of comedy and you get tired

out and then he in with like one smooth motion whipped his shoe off slammed it on the table in front of me so hard and was like take a walk in my n-word shoes what yeah this whole thing it was crazy he was nuts I mean I still fucked him I saw oh yeah it was a black are you kidding me that's sick you gotta do it that's great yeah there's a lot of freaks out there there are a lot of sickos I've only met nice fans he was he was cool they're all nice they're all really and I don't think it's like maybe it's just that every club you work the manager will say like oh the people that came out through your show they were like very courteous and nice you know as opposed to I guess if you have joe coys audience is famously you know they're all racist bikers

joe coys famous racist biker audience the biggest comedian in America I have a lot of women who are who are convinced that they can turn me that's that's happened oh like leszies that's cool like it's a nightmare women are terrifying when they're drunk and coming on to you they'll just touch all of your body parts at once somehow they're like it's like a it's like claustrophobic she'll be like oh my god I love your what's a smart shirt and you're like you want to take it off me like just take it you can have it go away so you take your shirt off for these lesbians well they're grabby do you guys deal with that I mean this yeah lesbians are constantly grabbing me it's not they're bisexual women no they're like this theory that all my

sexual women are ugly and they're just taking whatever they can get you know I mean is this an Ian bit no no oh that's not his that's not his I think he is just gay that's my theory on Ian yeah I want him to be this new york comedian gay yeah yeah where they just have sex with trans women yeah and then before they even had a name whatever just used to be you know like somebody that went to europe to get surgery yeah I just don't go to Europe to go to Thailand or South America wherever yeah because I feel like his back he'll date men he'll date trans women and then but the women that he dates are so feminine that they're almost not a woman you know what I mean like they're just a doll and the idea of like period sex to him he's like fuck no when he didn't pull

sushi he does all right yeah yeah totally he does okay yeah yeah well he's got nothing to lose exactly he can just go out and fuck a guy if a woman rejects him he'll be like fine I'll just go get aids right it's like yeah you're girl how your girlfriend's excuse you pardon me I have to go to the bathroom I have to make a little trip to the bathroom to deal with this rejection well it's like how your girlfriend's gay friend just grabs her tits in front of you right it's like oh my god sweetie your tits look incredible and they like palms it but that's Ian's strategy in general yeah I why do you think people are like he can't be that gay because the women he dates are like these Barbie dolls and I'm like no that's because he's gay and repulsed by women that he has to date

he's also very confident one of the funniest nights of my life I was hanging out me and Stav and I don't know there's a couple other comics we all went out to dinner I think Evan Williams was there maybe and we all went to some diner near the old stand and Ian starts talking about how he's a handsome guy and me and Stav are like on a scale of one to ten where do you put yourself he's like I don't know like eight nine or something yeah he's very confident and we're like Ian you're one of the ugliest people I've I've ever seen in my life you look like the entire band Toto went into the machine from the fly and like that's what came out no I get it I was looking at him today in the pocket I was like I can see it he has there is a I mean it's he's like a brother at this point

it's a little gross but I can see the he's got a stockiness he has the barrel chested thing that's good you know what I mean I don't know I wouldn't fuck you but I do think it's the confidence if you didn't have confidence but that's how all milk comics are yeah very confident unfuckable except for the confidence oh yeah I mean really carries them through interesting so you think old guys are milk comedians are unfuckable yeah pretty much I agree I was watching micro scenes old late night he used to be a hot guy he's a really hot guy yeah he looks like Wario now yeah he's gone more Italian something's going on he keeps texting me be like you want to go to go to the gym and I'm like no I'm not ever going to do that with you that's the last thing I ever

wanted to do I hear me and him are on the road together all the time we'll hit that hotel gym yeah it's just like what are we even fucking doing here we got more exercise in the elevator like on the way to the hotel gym isn't it weird that he's just out in the world right now like existing like the guy you know what I mean like he just wakes up every day and is like I'm going to be this guy again yeah wait did Ian kill that podcast that we did he buried the episode of being Ian did he with the because the kid was walking I haven't seen it released I think he should I think it was incredibly bad it must be in the patreon I have no idea that was the one he called a dystopian nightmare oh damn well because Racine the whole time Racine brought his baby don't

do that you're like your baby doesn't speak english yet dude that's one of the best Ian quotes of all time dystopian the episode is bad he texts Adam and he goes uh I'm sorry for the dystopian nightmare I guess he heard the words dystopian nightmare he's like I'm just gonna say this he thought it was like a philip k dick no that's the other thing comedians do is they'll all get they'll all at the same time get hooked on some expression that none of them none of them then none of them will check yeah they'll just uh I made this point before but they there was a while where a bunch of comics kept saying uh oh that's a real sophie's choice oh yeah totally totally they're just describing it to sit any decision mm-hmm yeah like almond milk or oat milk that's a real

sophie's choice I'm trying to think of this like guys thing that's happening now inside baseball was the thing they were all saying yeah matter matter was the word that would be like you don't like louis would always say like because you don't matter or something like that and people started using that all the time yeah I just want to matter yeah what's another one twice last night I heard people talking about black people in commercials on stage yeah I've been doing that you've been talking about that well about how that was the only impact of George Floyd is that there's more black people in the state farm guy it's like yeah it's like we're hiding them from the police it's like Tyrone and Wang are trying to find the right banking solutions for their family yeah

totally that's kind of the only thing that's changed I know I was talking to my mom about that she was just in town I was talking about just changed the lives of like a few actors and that was it that's all that happened but the punchline is and I'll just burn this bit because it's not very good but the punchline is and if George saw that he would have been so happy you know he probably would have been he strikes me as the kind of guy that would be pleased by by a lot of stuff that would see black people in McDonald's car show and be like let's go I'm sure the first time George Floyd saw like a big mouth Billy Bass he was like this is great yeah yeah yeah totally yeah he seems like a guy that would be wowed by that after he died I went on X videos and his porn

was like oh right I forgot about it it was all over the front page and it's like rest in power George say his name George Floyd yeah yeah a lot of free advertising the porn hub got like free so funny to fuck a dude and be like say his name they're like what say who your name no say George Floyd you know there was a guy at the like at the marketing team at fucking porn hub when their numbers were going up after the George Floyd thing that was like guys we got to use this we got to figure out a way to to let people know we have the George Floyd pornography well I don't want to spend like Eric no wait I'm sorry is there actually George yeah yeah no there is no like during the interview part of the beginning they're like what's your name he's like yeah

Floyd the landlord yeah because that was the thing the conservators who go after him for Sean Hannity was like and he's a slut he died of fentanyl and he's a whore yeah um but I don't want to speak ill of the dead but uh he did if I remember correctly have a difficult time maintaining uh interaction yeah what's all that fucking fentanyl and this is all that it was all that maybe we should put his dick in a chokehold yeah put a little triangle lock on his cock you know some maybe if maybe if Derek had been there to help out kneel yeah hey Derek kneel on this wow how do you think he's doing in jail Derek oh he's de bella de bold I just yeah imagine it just a room with him and subway Jared playing settlers of Catan trying to keep to themselves

Chavine is wearing a hoop hoop dress he looks like a little bow peep and his his boyfriend is the head of the muslim brotherhood have you guys been to jail no oh god I really don't want to just think about that sounds terrible there's still time it's weird to think about that that you could just go to jail you don't want to go I've been to jail and I was how long you're like three years no no no like 36 hours I think about the same months I was like no no no no no 36 hours that's so long yeah I was thinking about how when they went you have to call to get out but the phone tells the person you're calling like they oh this is a call from bank correctional if it's yeah yeah yeah yeah it's cool when guys do freestyles on mixtape oh yeah yeah yeah leave

that in but I seem about fucked up that is like it's not a right to a call you don't you're not giving me a normal phone you're I'm not I'm marked on immediately by a robot you know what I mean well you want to lie to the person be like yo I'm just chilling I'm not I would like the first say this is publishers clearing house yeah you should say please save me please save me right now I would fucking cry I would be crying the entire time I would be such a bitch I did cry as soon as my mom picked up the phone she was laughing hysterically and I was crying also like imagine getting six months that would be so long to be in jail and that's a light friend that would go to jail all the time for long stretches like 18 months yeah and he would get out and then play

like catch up on like culture and and so like you know it would just be like just way too late he'd be like have you seen Dan in real life you remember what Jamel was saying about his friend no his friend got out of jail and at the bottom of like porn videos it's like share this on Facebook Twitter Instagram and so he'd be like sharing porn at like 11 a.m. on a Tuesday on Facebook right because he didn't know how to use Facebook yeah I didn't know what it was for and Jamel was like you can't be doing that like it's very funny Hampton told me a funny story is a retarded French Canadian cousin who got on Facebook and was just posting pornography oh her boob is so good and they're like Claude Pierre no he's retarded and French and they left it up they just took

one of my videos down for white trash porn post porn yeah you you're on porn hub no on Facebook oh Facebook it's all owned by the same people oh white trash as a slur I called somebody white trash but I also said I was white you can't say that and can I really yeah you can't they took it down white trash they didn't even like you know do the thing where they're like this is a little bad they took it fully off the internet yeah it's wild now how I mean I'm not gonna get into like a censorship thing but you really just they've really just turned the internet into China it's crazy well we were on TikTok and then it's like you're like oh you can't say shit on TikTok because it's China we're and now Instagram it does the same shit I mean you have to like bleep out

swear words instead of you post videos it's crazy yeah I mean it's at a certain point like when the smoke clears if it does ever like in 10 years when people look back the absurdity of not being able to go online and say like I don't think the vaccines work yeah it's crazy you just can't say that they what's really weird is they left up my video where a cat called Hasidic Jews literally harassing that's not funny they didn't take it down it's so it might not be funny but it is it is so funny very fun it's so and they left up the they left that got reported by a million Hasid's but then the one the white trash one took went down in minutes that weird during the early days when Nick was living in China town you did one of the funniest things I've ever seen

what you get a cat called like an old Chinese man who's like wearing the pajamas and you were like god damn I like it when they're dressed up as the recycling bags that they're picking through that's my favorite yeah I miss living in China time because yeah there's some of them are real fun yeah some of those guys are just like making they're like fuck it I'm still in China dude yeah I'm gonna just act Chinese most of them it's winning the poo backpack and booty shorts 63 years old it's crazy when you hear some of them speaking they're full on New York accent so yeah well there is that China there is that blind accent some of them have a Chinese New York accent yeah so they're like yeah who wants to go to the fucking restaurant later yeah totally totally the guys that run make

the the China town buses people go play mahjong under the fucking dry cleaner they always have like jade gold necklaces those guys those guys are fucking awesome like the waker Chinese guys they're the best yeah oh yeah the big ass aviators and fishing vests yeah that's far yeah I love those guys so Jordan you just recently started fucking Chinese guys you want to talk about that I'm trying to get better at interviewing so I don't want the public to know about that so if we could you know we can cut that thank you so much I've never fucked a Chinese man I've also never I don't think I've ever had sex with a black man really I don't think I have not even that guy in Rhode Island the one that was smelling you the one who slammed his shoe or the table no maybe I have I think that guy sounds

like a real Don Juan DeMarco I should I probably should just so that I know you shouldn't fuck that vagrant that's no no no no but you know I should branch out a little bit I only fuck people like look like me really they're related to me yeah oh my god interesting yeah I'm also into incest porn maybe that's why you're in the yeah you're into Ian now because like you said you led with he's like you don't look like you so it's probably just that yeah but there's this the disheveled aspect to the same or my girl in my roommate it was we look very similar I haven't fucked him but I will you will it'll happen wow we'll send it we'll send the girl over to let him know okay good yeah what are you gonna do you're gonna get like stuck under a table somebody

oh Jeff Asma said he turned on his hinge off so it could was only black woman I thought that was interesting I mean turned you can yeah you can specify right isn't that crazy that seems weird I know it's really because the dating apps are the most like fucking like you know I don't hate on that what I mean specifying raise preference is preference I wonder if it's so many people spend their whole lives not knowing what they want if you figured it out mm roberts and nero knows exactly I bet it's gay though I bet it's like you can't make it so it's white only you know what I mean I bet it's like you can only have it be but you can't if you're a white man you said it to Asian only that's that's almost as bad as yeah I guess that's almost worse I think you can do it only Asian

women white guy that's like I'm gonna look and see if you can do it let me see to set it to Asian guys yeah I'm gonna try and set it to Asian guys only anytime I see an Asian guy your phone just starts overheating why go ahead let's see settings Adrian ethnicity holy shit wow I don't know you can set it to southeast Asian Pacific Islander Middle Eastern they gotta make India they gotta be it's own goddamn continent I'm tired of this fucking this like oh what do you mean a you know what I mean oh that we're Asian we're also Asian it's like the continent shit who cares continents don't have culture it's just like that continent is way too big yeah yeah Siberia that's too much yeah it's a product is too much it's a product of Eurocentrism that your

Indians are considered Asian to begin right it's like oh well this British is like well it's lunch time I don't think we're done naming the continents I don't think we need to do anymore today you got the the heart of darkness Africa yeah and then you have Asia I don't know why I'm doing Australian it's late because I think I started off doing Australian's more fun I'm such a copy you can do such a copy that I did Australian now it's as a comedian is everyone can do a British accent but if you're trying to be funny Australian comes out because it's like you're like what's a stupid version of like a British accent I was just talking I had an audience member in the front row just now who's Australian and every question I asked him he go not bad every time and I became

where do you file it with Ray what are you doing here in New York not bad no not bad not bad in it it's crazy I think I become rageful around Australians I just find them to be yeah they're disgusting they don't have any they don't contribute anything my parents my parents almost moved there instead of America yeah an Australian accent makes you sound I just assume you're an idiot if you have an Australian accent where is if you have a British accent you'd like I'm like oh this guy's probably an author yeah you know it's probably William Shakespeare my old roommate Joe he played rugby and he had all these rugby friends and one of his friends was this British guy and I hung out with him I mean we were drinking or whatever but I hung out with him like a handful of times

and it took until like the fifth time I'm like to realize he's retarded this guy's like a mental fucking invalid yeah yeah totally he's like beyond you know I was like what'd you do today he's like uh I don't what to die you me you know yeah column is Irish and I am everything anytime he says a word that's like more than one syllable I'm like good job big boy I think I've showed people there's a clip of him doing stand-up from like 15 years ago or something a long time ago and he's he like had to learn the English language yeah he just he just doesn't like you go look at older shit he's just uh unintelligible yeah but it's not like he's saying words it's like even in I were even in you know whatever yeah Gaelic Gaelic no it's just like yeah it's just

like yeah yeah and then I'll be like he speaks strangles yeah yeah that's part of the problem too is he's learning English from people right yeah yeah he's learning Philly I mean there's one joke where he uses the word velocity and the entire audience erupts just because they're like holy we never could get velocity velocity velocity velocity velocity like that velocity they laugh at no you're still Australian velocity my velocity no bad not bad we're laughing about a British moron what what do you mean your characterization was also so good what do you mean you're like a guy richy character because if you think about it that's when you know British guys about to say

the dumbest fucking shit if you think about it really if you think about really really I'm British I'm Chinese and I'm from the low East side New York City if I think I think about you know what we're doing here we're sitting around playing mahjong under a laundromat all day long we might as well be back in fucking China you think they ever think that you think that you think they do in it in it I got my I got my meat you hear about this George Floyd fella he was nicking quiz at the at the drug store the cop was gone why do we have no British people here why do we only have Australians everywhere what in New York City yeah we don't know there used to be that well it was because the visa program

because they support us in Iraq real quick I'll just say the words my bookie my bookie dot ag if you want to bet on shit and then we'll come back to it but go to my book dot ag promo code come down or come down 20 there was a British comedian named Tom something who's a nice guy when I moved here and I don't know if he's around anymore but I remember he had a joke that made me laugh and I don't know if he ever did it more than once I just saw him do it in an open mic but he's like he's like talking about his complaint about his wife being like being like my body's saying that I have to have a baby you know and he's like well why are you listening to your fucking body he's like my body's telling me to fuck a 14 yeah that's good but it's I mean

it's never that devil never do well with an audience yeah that's blue well I'm gonna make comedians laugh but looking at a grown man saying he wants to fuck a 14 year old on stage it's a bit no you can it can be done it can be done remember and Louie did the whole not maybe Louie did it but not British Tom did the whole what used his power did the whole uh SNL thing about like obviously fucking kids is better but we don't do it I mean it's oh yeah he did it for the monologue right it was really good it was very maybe his finest work well he took a gamble like you can at my bookie guys we got a big sport season in a fellow season is back the NBA is coming back you can go there you can bet you don't have to download an app it's all online you can use bitcoin

they have casino table games you can bet on races you can bet on Indian you know football and you pick winners all the time so why not get paid for them at my bookie bet single game spreads money lines or parlay multiple did you sports betting no do these words mean anything to you no single game spreads money lines or parlay multiple together parlay is a combination of different bets to increase the odds so if you get all of the bets I know what a spread is but what's what's a money what's a money line money line is just to pick the winner outright oh okay yeah so that's the simplest one yeah interesting but you get the lowest odds for that well they got low contest entry fees and over half a million to be won make it so you don't have to be a pro gambler to have

fun I tried to bet on a baseball game in Boston recently you couldn't do it is it illegal I think you just have to do no they have gambling there no uh embossed have a win now in Boston I went with Caleb when I was there in February it was a baseball game awful sport horrible baseball oh my god it's nice to go to as they have ever seen really oh it's nice to go to fun to have fun hang but you know that's what makes it fun outside to drink beer I mean you wouldn't go to a baseball game by yourself and sit there with your fingers I saw I saw people doing that those men have a mental disorder yeah I think they do they're writing things down a book we went to brother they're keeping score yeah what is it we went remember we went to that Yankees game yeah the

autistic black guy this autistic black guy on the bus back yes we saw an autistic black guy and the guy who opens me goes that's that's that's that's employable man that's the most employable man since ever so I was wearing a shirt and this guy's like the or the or the orals June 1st through 3rd they don't play they're not playing they're not playing the orals and told you that's not a series against your orals until June 1st through the third you know you had like seven backpacks and watching like stop doesn't stop doesn't have patience for regular people but watching him try to interact with this fucking you know being like that that's okay okay buddy that was a fun day oh yeah Phil got us those tickets through Sony anyway guys my bookie dot a g is getting started

is easy just visit my bookie dot a g and use promo code come down or come down 20 or ta fs or the ad in freeland show or whatever it is whatever figure it out on your first deposit a bonus a double deposit bonus as promo code what I just said to get your first deposit matched dollar for dollar all the way up to a thousand bucks my bookie is a proven sports book that makes it simple to bet and win so make this your winning season exclusively at my bookie that'll have to do I'm too tired to inject how long have you guys been here been here today yeah um I was on the phone with my accountant all morning and so I got here on noon have you recorded a bunch of episodes no no I've just been doing like this shit and then slowly putting this all up but I got uh

just that pipe what's that pipe for uh hanging lighting okay okay okay yeah lighting is all all the I mean we have to get like lighting lighting guys in the DP in here but they're they have like a specific way all like this lighting equipment and shit it was invented by like illiterate people a hundred years ago so like these stands and stuff that was all you know just some guy that came up with it but that's the equipment that everything uses so you know there's this strut channel up there and the strut you can do cool stuff with strut channel like you can put a little trolleys in there and move stuff around and you can clamp whatever a strut channel oh yeah I've hung these for like fixtures in art galleries yeah but yeah

you can come in and pull them out for film production that need that pipe so that gets clamped dude we went to the tonight show we went to whatever that but what is it 30 rock no it's actually Adam Friedland show the Adam I know it looks a lot like their ceiling it was packed every single square inch had a different light on it like a different it's going to be like that here it was chaos it was really cool what it was one of our buddies stood up and cheered for Mike and like busted his head hard on one of the lights that's what I want to do that's what I want to do well into my roommate I want to get like just you got it he deserved it or no he crushed yeah he did great but it's so weird going into those places because it's like because Fallon's drunk

yeah for sure I mean he literally came up to me and went nice to see you again and I was like no way buddy damn nice that's alcoholism yeah he looked he felt way more kindred than anybody else there was like a bizarre people with dementia do that my grandma does that I see her I'm like hey she's like yeah sure I love that yeah I yeah my grandma was an absolute cruel mean woman and then she got Alzheimer's and she became so nice it was incredible yeah that's she's like have you eaten you look incredible that's all I want she's like it's great to see you my grandma's been like drunk forever so like you know like I think somebody normal will get Alzheimer's and they're like I used to run a business and now I have a diaper and they're furious it's like did you see that

movie the father uh-uh I actually hated it was that Anthony Hopkins Anthony Hopkins movie I didn't watch it I thought it was like I mean I guess it is probably an accurate portrayal of like bad Alzheimer's but it's just like kind of a heartless movie yeah it'd be like watching a movie called like the burn victim oh for like two hours what's that documentary about that country music guy who's like starting Alzheimer's Glen Glen Campbell Glen Campbell yeah it's like follows him around as it's as he's he's getting dementia but what's crazy is he's like he doesn't you know he's like introducing his daughter on stage yeah he can't remember a fucking name and then uh and then they put a guitar in his hands and he's just going crush like that's still there don't you guys have

that though with people now I'll have that where somebody I know so well woke up to me and I'm like surely your name isn't you know I don't know anyone caterpillar I don't know did you live in Nashville yeah I see they told me that when I don't I didn't realize you lived there for a year it's the worst place I've ever been dude it sucked actually for Portland's worse I decided really worse East Nashville is where I lived which is like where all the musicians and it's like the hipster part which is fun but if you go anywhere near the city dude I went down that's why I moved Santa's pub that Broadway it was like walking through like it was like I like I had been in it was like probably what ground zero was like a 9-11 yeah walking around there's just fucking

like you know the the emotional equivalent of ashes filled with chemicals did you see the the bombing site no I didn't go there was a I walked past it with the Racine but the bombing happened right outside of a dicks last resort restaurant which is very fun I'm walking down the street I'm standing next to a souvenir shop and like a shitty barbecue restaurant and then one of a million like live ass fucking music you know yeah we just like Mustang Sally blaring and you know whatever bullshit and this guy with a fucking backpack on I'm waiting across the street and he comes up and he's like here we go again and I'm like I guess and he's like yeah the party never stops just fucking stop just stop god imagining you there is so good I wish I was there yeah no I

don't know if I said it on the show but the again it's an hour after that you know they got those like pedal trolleys yes I know the pedal trolleys with the fat girls on them yes there was a crew of fat women in front of me with the dumb you know Looney Tunes cowboy clothes on yeah they're walking down the street the pedal trolley goes by and it's just fat boomers on the pedal trolley and the these women they're just wooing at everything you know just like me and so they woo the pedal the pedal trolley and this fucking this like 50 year old guy in gas station sunglasses and like the you know the goatee 90s goatee looks over he's like we from Florida we know how to do this shit and then there's this maybe there's a brief moment in his face where it's like am I just

like you know it's fine because you're in Nashville where everyone's yeah everyone's this fucking embarrassing it's crazy I mean I moved from there but I mean the comedy scene is like too small but also it's like it has all my best friends in that place so it's hard to move but it got to a point where it was like anytime we went out it was like we were going to some honky tonk thing where all the women would dress up as prairie wives and all the men would become malades and like slick their hair back with like whatever that shit is called Dapper Dan you know what I mean Paul made yeah and it was so gay it was so cringe every time we left our neighborhood that I was like I don't know how you guys are all and people would come up and be like can I have

this dance and you're like how are we the civil war is over right what are we doing here no that's how you're free to woman but then it's also too it's like Jordan come on you're a soft ASMR voice is it Jordan they're just being no it's brutal they're just trying to find love and they love bandanas how they get the most worn bandana ever where do you get those there's no like like like through line with the culture there because they're like you know they're like ma'am yeah I hope you're having a nice afternoon and then they're standing in front of like a Patagonia yeah they're an app developer wearing suspenders they were when I was there they said post COVID it just got flooded with LA Chicago and New York people that's which in Nashville oh yeah those aren't LA Chicago and

New York people because LA Chicago and New York people live in LA Chicago or New York no people that work remotely and don't want to pay state tax and then those people suck they're people that leave here because they're like New York is do do ask New York doesn't have enough souvenir shops and fucking you know dumb clothes for me to put on isn't Jack Jack White I was about to say the worst part of Nashville is Jack White I will I he listens to this podcast you fucked him that my friend that you met the other day Jack White no not Jack White Harry I feel but he and all my buddies have worked for Jack White and it's like he is like the cringiest doofus have you heard Seven Nation or me is badass listen I loved my treasure for him moved there oh one time I worked at a

taco shop and he came up to the window and we're like we're closed sorry and he just stood in front of the window I mean just like waiting and one of us had to go out and be like I mean we really can't we're not gonna like fire up the end the ovens and he like stormed off he's he's he and he also is like I don't know has a monopoly on it so much shit in Nashville that it's it's so strange and didn't he like shit all over Detroit but then like he's from there yeah but didn't he move and he was like fuck Detroit and then he like went back and like I wouldn't know if I was from Detroit I would never turn my back Detroit's a cool thing I would turn my yeah just because you turn your back really and I'm finally I'm finally I'm finally I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm finally a Chicago guy

no way whoa no way whoa I've been a bunch but like the last time I went I was no really you don't mind musical comedy and people just the cat in the hat stepping on stage and being like here's my well maybe I didn't see any of that so maybe it was just fat New York it's just New York for fat people that would be good but I'm being a bitch right now I would love it to be fat New York that's ideal I would love that but this is like I feel like Chicago has the gayest comedy I've ever seen in my I mean they used to have good comics you know I mean it was like a huge scene totally but the alt the alt doesn't have it should be segregated how it is in New York it's very segregated I guess I Union Hall I don't I mean I know the guys that would like I just know fucking

Kyle and Dan the guys at Lincoln launch wait so you're talking about segregation and comedy so you don't think black people and white people should be doing shows together I've been saying this since the 80s they run the light they run the light but they're doing well it is they're almost is they're crushing harder than you no no there is like a no but I do the alt comedy thing in Chicago where you can be doing have all these like traditional stand-ups and then all of a sudden somebody comes up with a guitar and it's just it's awful honestly I'm a big comedy music apologist are you really yeah it's funny yeah you're you're like a nice guy if you write a funny song it's funny also is there even that much musical comedy anymore I feel like like 10 15

years ago that was that shit was fucking everywhere when I was a kid I liked Stephen Stephen what just happened what did you just do I have indigestion he's like I really like Stephen Lynch I mean I haven't been back to Chicago for a while maybe I also was roofing there when I lived there there for three months and I was in roofing was roofing no I just had I had a couple days where I just fucking I just went for it's pretty it's pretty yeah I went for a run there and I remember being like I'm on the beach now I'm in the residential now I'm in the city I wanted to walk to the bar from thief the bar that he owns where he takes phone calls yeah and then I couldn't my phone died so I couldn't make it that far but I can't stop thinking about the guy at the

bar that you're talking about the other night with the sports thing it's so funny oh he was like did you see that and he was like yeah totally what what guy I don't even know if I just say it on the show but me and Stephen like oh yeah you told me yeah yeah by chance you know meet whatever it's just the idea of a person just like a liar just like a self just like yeah I just his explanation made sense but it was just it was so funny in the moment yeah we like I told Stephen to meet me at we're like gonna go hang out so I told him to meet me at Peter McManus on Seventh Avenue because it's over here and Stephen thought I said Peter McAnus and that I was like just making fun of Irish bars in general that's funny so it's like 20 minutes go by I'm like are

you coming or not he's like to where you know it's like Peter McManus he's like oh I thought you said Peter McAnus no that's a Steve no that's a Steven so we meet there where he's late and he's like doing a bit too many times we meet there and I like it's like a somebody owned like the Broncos or the Seahawks his name to McManus yeah Brendan McManus the kicker yes and so Stephen sees that and he's like do you fucking see that dude and then he looks over at this guy next to us he's like did you see that this guy's by himself drinking and he's like yes totally and then Stephen's like what did it what's his name and he's like I didn't catch it dude he is I was like that's that's an insane thing he is the absolute best guy to go to a bar with yeah ever yeah that day

where I'm where we went to international bar in the middle of the day and we met that fucking Union plumber in that cop Stephen was just like fucking on peak form yeah he's incredible I love that guy have you met Stephen our friend Stephen he's our best friend yeah he's a good dude he looks like Sean Penn he looks exactly like Sean Penn he and also the guy from uh what do you call it that rush Getty Lee yeah he looks like Getty Lee and Sean Penn mixed an ugly guy and a hot guy bring him in here does he edit for you guys yeah he does yeah he does the thing where he thinks of a bit and then he says it 20 times and the bit is always like let me ask you something what if I started sucking guys dick yeah he's like what do you know I mean it really if I downloaded the the grinder have

yeah and I started having gay sex yeah I'm so I've been thinking about downloading grinder if I did that would that be weird let me run this by you I'm sucking a dick I already did it he's so funny but can I take it back when we were editing that that episode of the show there was a there was a black on it and he kept turning to me and being like Adam is it just me or does he sound exactly like a black that's good and you just said it 15 times I was like we have to keep editing dude I get it I get it let's keep going yeah no he'll say things that are funny and there will just be like annoying like I'll do something that's just like kind of annoying and you don't think it's funny at the moment and then you'll think about it later and you're like that's the

funny I forget what it was but we went to I went to like you know just a bar and and Stephen had been there for hours or like he got off work and loves drinking it just gets drunk he's drunk all the time so I go to the bar and he's there and I walk up to him and he does this like oh yeah I forget I wish I could remember but he just like has this like slack you know like affect and he's like oh give me some brother does this like thank like this the most annoying like fucking trying to be cool you know like boomer that thinks he's black sort of thing and then Adam walks out maybe like 30 seconds later and seems like watch this watch this okay he goes up to Adam and does it the exact same way he's like oh give me some I've said this on the and I was like what are you doing

and then the next day I just couldn't stop laughing about it yeah watch this watch this and then man it's all with the line was though and he was too drunk to remember I can't remember what it was but it was something like give me some brother yeah and it was just which is something that you wouldn't remark on yeah if you walked in but he knows what he's doing he's like yeah just the idea of like a late 30s white guy like 38 38 year old white guy drunk like thinking he's a cool black guy so he's the best he was my neighbor in bedside and literally like he was like mayor of the block like literally every like everyone like that stood outside drinking would be like oh here come Steven yeah oh there he is oh there's Steven where you at Steven and we'll be like dapping people up and

pointing at them and uh like really good to see it we were I was like gold teeth we were like outside one day and some guy pushing a baby stroller wearing a mask outside comes up and he's like excuse me um are you an actor and Steven's like uh I've acted in some stuff he's like I actually just uh watched a short with you last night and then we realized it was like it was a fucking super bad it was uh Michael Sarah it was Michael Sarah and then uh and he was like yeah I thought you were really funny in it and then he like left for his baby to do this like demeaning impression of Michael it's not demeaning it's a hypo as Michael Sarah is the one who was saying yeah Michael Sarah said it's like LeBron is like are you a basketball player real quick I should mention

bluetooth and we'll get back against your dick card Jordan likes it one guys take it I don't like it that's she likes it's too sharp it's too sharp too pokey yeah um yeah bluetooth.com promo code come town you don't have to go to the doctor and tell a doctor that your dick doesn't work you did that or Nick me yeah that's a guy thing yeah a girl I can do it anyway so like Sarah Michael Michael Sarah walks off and then like uh there's uh there's this lady on his blog I forgot a dina or I forgot her name and she has like this pin on her jacket blacks for Trump and and he's like yo you're not gonna believe this but like Michael Sarah just like ask me if I'm an actor and she's like I don't know who daddy is and he's like uh do you know Scott Pilgrim

oh my god and she's like oh my boyfriend love him holy shit he sounds like he should do stand-up if he's running bad bits over and over and over he's too funny he's more yeah he's more fun is like he's a he's a guy that's like a funny guy to hang out with yeah stand up would make him less funny yeah exactly stand-up comedy is for the most part not it's like bridging the gap between guys like that and then just fucking retard I bet it'd be good at it if you keep burying uh there's no reason to be good at it yeah yeah there is no reason to be good at it yeah it's fun to do on stage where you keep just keep pushing I went with an audience I just kept trying to convince them my name was scam likely for the holes and I wouldn't they didn't like it at all and I just kept being like I've

been trying to get all holes of you guys for a really long time scam likely is like probably the name of like half the men in Nashville yeah totally how you doing my name scam my name scam likely did that at the world famous comedy seller yeah you did yeah I did do you know who the who books it or yeah could I send a taper yeah yeah send a tape to me and I'll send it over I would love to go there have a bite of the pizza not finish it put put in garbage bluetooth.com is yeah I don't want you to talk about it for a second it's a place where guys not me but guys that have erectile dysfunction can order medication to make their penis is hard but they don't call it erectile dysfunction anymore that's for boomers who take Viagra what do they say if you're a millennial

or potentially the zoomers might even be on dick pills now they are what's coming after zoomers they are um I don't know um fucking babies my girlfriend's brother is 25 and he hit me up it was like do you have any chews and I was like what your 25 do you even have fucking pubes dude why are you taking blue chews no I don't 25 years old not I think you know what it is I'm the guy next you know what I think it is I don't want to be too 5g truther it's these damn cell phones in your pocket no it's neuroses no it microwaves your uh your jones no I think it's yeah it's just uh I don't think people used to fuck as much as people do now no that's not true people stop fucking I don't know no it's true I know I think they would just do make it count when they did it

I've taken blue chews and it's like I guess I need this but then it's also like do I even want to fuck right now and it's like no not really yeah in particular you know people are less horny yeah that's why we have these mass shooters these days oh maybe it's the SSRIs they don't feel like they're part of a community they're not going out to get pussy blue chew.com though yeah if you do like sex you'll love blue chew.com that's their classic line uh they got to dolla fill uh fucking syldenaphyl vardenaphyl that's they added vardenaphyl yeah that's levitra levitra yeah and staxon what's that hard time taking pills up to 40 percent of Americans agree I guess maybe they have another option no nope this just likes you at NIH um this just tells you how to take pills

oh no it's because blue chews chewable uh it's a candy it's a candy they taste like smarties 100% US licensed it's kind of a blueberry flavor prescription consultation uh professional ED focused medical support no waiting rooms no appointments 30 slash 45 milligrams so denaphyl six or nine milligrams to dolla fill or eight milligrams vardenaphyl chewable tablets um they got three plans the active the busy the popular and the pro and I have the pro plan the active one is is six times a month busy is 10 times a month popular is 17 times a month and pro is 34 times a month so that's more than the days yeah in the month and you can get you can get 45 milligrams you think the guys who came quicker also the guys who can't get hard

huh guys who used to come quick you think they now can't get hard uh I don't know if that's related well I think maybe they can't get hard guys last longer no well the getting hard really fast it just seems like the guys that I used to fuck who would come really quick are the same type of guys that I fuck that yeah the troves of men that I fuck can't get hard yeah it's the same they're Jewish it's mostly Jewish what do you mean they can't get hard the ones who would come quick can't get hard yeah there's like you might want to mind that talk on this show there's a little there's a little neuroses first of all first of all we are disgusting horny lascivious monster yes this is true that actually is also true we don't have the fact that Harvey Weinstein's his genitals

were burned off and he was still trying to get not only it's trying to get pussy but raping yeah I mean that's like you got to be that you got to be spiritually were burned off yeah he was he would eat puss he he'd be like come to my house he had what happened to his genitals he got some kind of Stephen explained it to me actually he was getting too many experimental shots yeah he he graduated to like just like the like injectable Viagra or whatever wow and it melted his dick off he got some infection that yeah it's a type of gangrene you can get little I wonder if that's what the whole thing was behind Planet Terror where you know what I mean where Bruce where Bruce Wilson's dick melts off the zombie I've never seen it I don't like scary movies oh it's a great great

movie called Die not so hard and that's very good that's really and I'm retired so so uh Jordan you recently started fucking Chinese men I did yes yeah we all right let's get into it mainland China or Taiwan mainlining Chinese and where do you stand on the the Hong Kong issue the long dong issue I'm in on it nice bro thank you classic she's a real pro that's very Hong Kong yeah what's going on in Hong Kong now yeah what is going on in Hong Kong what's going in with that well who's burning these hajibs what's going on Iran oh but they're doing they're burning jobs yeah what what do you mean the women are burning them in protest you guys don't know anything about this all I know right this week is the Nord Stream 2 pipeline no I don't

follow the girl news and the uh yeah I only read economic news yeah I don't either my mom was talking about me my mom recorded podcast today she accidentally said the n-word for something there's some mom's well there's some word that has it in it that means like needling I forget what the word was it niggardly well that means cheap no no yeah niggardly is like stingy yeah stingy no there's a politician who got in trouble for there was a professor that got in trouble for saying and I remember it was like 50 it was before the world it wasn't cheap it was meddling it was like niggling yeah maybe I think it was that and then and we like pause me what did you say and she went I think I just said the n-word yeah if your mom's funny yeah she's very funny yeah yeah all

the stuff I know about her is very funny well every word is like some guy just said it at one point yeah yeah so some guy was like yeah I got this fucking niggling thing in my knee yeah yeah and somebody was like oh is that a word and he's like yeah and he's like did you were you just mean like the n-word he's like no it's different yeah it's like he's got like a cousin at the dictionary and he's like bro I need more I need a solid yeah yeah I got fucked up at work the next edition hey cousin webster I need some help here reneg I thought that was it was one of them but it's not let's renegotiate oh I never thought that no no other word like it somebody's screaming jigger when I was on stage the other night why well I was in Florida and

there's people were 150 thousand years old and they were shithouse at one point I said to that guy I was like what's going on with you dude I was like what did they let Biden in here and the crowd erupted in a way that like shocked me because of how dead they have been in New York fuck him fuck him be the same as me basically in New York or Key West yeah that's so sick what's it like down there it's a great place the worst audiences but great really yeah yeah rules jimmy buffett vibes Tommy it's like you want to kill yourself and there's an iguana yeah also hanging himself that's what it's like that's what they say in Key West you want to kill yourself or just wait five minutes yeah so we're pretty close to death down here adam are you gonna be a florida guy I want

to move to Miami so bad yeah yeah I love it I'm never gonna leave this my favorite city in America by far really yeah why it's great what about it I like that it's built it's a Catholic and Jewish city much like Montreal yeah that sounds great when I'm sold if I'm planning a vacation okay that shouldn't have been the first what do I like about this place well it's Catholic and Jewish what's wrong with that it's just a bizarre it's it is yeah that's just that's where are you Catholic no you're not uh oh you might be my only non-catholic or Jewish friend really yeah no and it's not on purpose we weren't allowed to have Christmas trees you're that yeah I am no but like you're fam like you're like the old oh yeah yeah yeah they're Italian yeah of course of why is your

family not allowed to have Christmas trees because they were like militant my dad was like a hippie in my mom's legend but that doesn't mean you're not cat I'm yes yes you're okay so what I'm saying is and it's not on purpose all the people I'm friends with are either catholic or jude as opposed to what Lutheran yeah proper proper american yeah like the anglosaxon yeah proper american yeah Mormons I mean most of this country is prod Protestant I grew up with a ton of Mormons did you really yeah I keep laughing to myself but a joke I tried where my mom wanted to be Mormon or she she wanted to be Amish really and I think it's because you're racist lesbian mother multiple wives so she was like more man more like more woman thank you what is with their like commitment

to having the worst facial hair in the world Mormons no the Amish oh they just don't shave do you know zippers yeah but they just go the full you could have a if they had the mustache it wouldn't be that weird but they're patchy they're they're basically british people no german they're dutch yeah they're german yeah dutch german pennsylvania you've never seen it yeah dutch and think oh yes you have yeah the british love technology they would never do something like the Amish yeah we're anglophiles and zinus on the show no british will never reach equilibrium with the world around them the british yeah what does that mean well you wouldn't have a community of british people that are like oh we're good we're not gonna you know take up any more resources or

those are our cousins man what do you mean the british okay well i'll lay off them sorry yeah give him a break i will i'll give the british a break they've had a hard year i know i miss her she was beautiful but this other guy's gonna die parol probably immediately i don't know who becomes who becomes king harry no the no the other one william william but i'm all in on charles dude let's go chuck let's go no i don't care my my dad is like low-key a royalist i don't understand the royalists i don't understand what what is he like born when he was born i think he run out of tv shows when he was born i think it was still part of the british empire in south africa it is cool that england has a king again though you know yeah thank god what we had god our national nightmare is over

well no it's like you know this all of this progressive stuff tracks when you got like that the head of state like in the country that basically their culture was exported to the rest of the world they might not be a superpower anymore but now that they have a king it's everything is a cultural basis it's so funny that maybe yeah go ahead yeah maybe now now things become more reactionary more or traditional women aren't allowed to work the boys are back in town literally yeah that might happen let's go charles yeah no it's so funny that those guys on that shitty island those pasty like weird guys literally owned everything it is they own the entire world but a lot of the stuff they owned was like mostly empty india well australia most people australia they they

own the entire what how did they take it yeah how did they do that boats boats no but but maybe did like did india have they mastered and commanded it well that was after the napoleonic wars and then they didn't do anything like britain weren't they just sick at boats they well yeah it was kind of the british navy that i get from watching from the first 30 seconds of master and commander so fire dude yeah who crossed the rubicon was that napoleon no that's Hannibal jeep jeep oh maybe Hannibal was that right i don't even know no no caesar and then what happened caesar did that and then what what's in between i'm so stupid me too i've tried to write about this woman makes me feel really smart yeah you probably don't know just the fact that i'm here you don't know she's

just the proximity you're just in bed with a chinese guy like fingering his chest being like so tell me about math like where you got a one or two oh fingering his chest just made me want to faint just a year into where it's just i don't know you put you put fingering his chest and then and then they got this other shit called long division you draw a little l shape you put a big number on the heaf you fuck with the smaller one yeah it's pretty complicated but to me it's like fucking you're going into cholo they taught they got a similar that's the east coast cholo is new york chinese guy that's so good you keep doing it okay pretty nice weather we have lately huh pretty cool weather finally fall in new york city okay when fall comes around you and i'm ready

for wearing the same bubble vest i've been wearing all fucking year long i'm playing mahjong and at a laundromat they also love fishing stuff they love like tackle vest yeah how do you have to like chinese like twang in the back how do you keep that because i've lived with them i've lived with those guys for years nick with nick was thinking about converting for a while yeah they all dress like uh they all dress like john malkovich and empire of the sun that's their look okay oh my god you have the like chinese going up and down what is tide yeah my number one my number one guy is john malkovich you can find the sun you will see that's a good fucking movie dude i just watched rush hour again rush hour is a great incredible christian bail christian

bail a little boy in that incredible christian bills in that movie yeah it's him is like a he's like 12 or he's handsome really he's a handsome child um yeah why can't all movies just be rush hour just two guys of different races trying to figure something out when he's like chinese people always keep their cool and chris choker's like i've seen you all during godzilla y'all be tripping what is this that's john malkovich and empire of the sun that's how does chinese oh no that's like korean no no no no korean is like has like an 80s synth thing i like the korean guys sometimes they just hang out together smoking cigarettes they're awesome they love bogies they love busting six yeah they're so good in in my college like outside the library was just 24 hours a day korean

dudes smoking six yeah there's always some neon light behind them or something some like fog machine near them with like a cool scooter they always look really cool you know what the best thing that ever came out of um of the old podcast you know like i said i got a lot of advice um but what's that but there was a movie i saw one time as a kid that had one scene in it i'd never been able to find the movie again but it was like seared into my memory it's this this like it's it's like a south african movie and a kid gets like put in some kind of like camp and then he gets pissed on or whatever by other people and i'm feeling like fuck yeah fucking me up as a kid and then i was like i couldn't remember the movie what someone found somebody found in the senate

and me you know the power of one oh yeah that was about like racism right yeah yeah the best thing that came out of the old podcast for me during covet i went home because my mom was dying and i would do we did video podcast and i would do in my dad's office there was a picture of his father's older brother who died in the second world war like it's like military photo and and nix like who's that fucking gay you know whatever i was like that's probably the only hero that's ever been in my family tree but he was like shot down by the nazis over creed and um and i was like some guy looked up his records like it was all family legend and we didn't really know what the story was some guy that was listening to the pod looked up his records and like

for the first time my dad's entire life my dad was named after him it's my father's name state namesake max uh freeland but we saw where he was stationed we saw when he was shot down we don't condone this why it was nice it's lovely oh my god that's like a lovely thing for my entire family my dad was like he was like isn't that incredible he's like adams adams podcast like literally phones ringing and somebody somebody's like hey faggot hey you're gay dude your son's gay your son's gay but you're like hello you're fag you're even gay or then you're gay no i don't like that i mean that's great but i hate somebody was like was your father jack jensen and i was like yeah and he was like oh so he died and at this time on this day in this way and it was

just like a fan is that the acoustic shoe black acoustic guitar guy jack jensen no jack jack johnson jack johnson yeah yeah sorry my dad is uh dav matthews that's cool oh i can see that yeah i really love dav matthews oh your dad has a british accent my dad's from south south africa oh he's south africa but he code switches does it really when he's like once people take him seriously he does like a fake posh british accent and it literally like is like nails on a chalkboard it drives me insane really he's like my good sir oh wow like it completely changes his accent i'm like you're at the bank right now you don't have to be doing this right now from he thinks that from south africa he thinks that people in america what's going to happen at the bank they're like here's some more

month yeah yeah like i didn't realize you were british but that's not him code switching code switching is like switching your voice i mean i know i know but he has a fake he has a fake posh accent that he affects sometimes and it looks he was doing it at my birthday party do you remember yeah i like heard him like start popping off in his like uh you know etonian british thing and i was like i hate this so much and all my friends are like you're you're the fucking man dude he was like getting wasted with all the all the fellas yeah that's the worst when your dad becomes like a caricature we had a party my dad got way too high and people were just like your dad rules and i'm like he's having a panic attack no it was actually like that night was like one of the most lovely

nights yeah it's good all my friends were being so nice to him that's great somebody's gonna be mean to the senior citizen no no one in this country understands him and yeah it was like the first time i saw people like just being like you're the man and it was like it broke my heart to even like think about it i had to like he came to the to the club he came to the bar after i like set up a hang at the apartment and i was like we'll go to the bar later you'll go back to the hotel and he came through the the bar and he was like drinking with the boys just grabbing hands yeah that's great it's a beautiful story yeah it's really lovely did he code switch the whole time or did you drive the late the late jack night also said suck my dick to him which was very funny i got his last

word and my dad started laughing it was like that's good that's good that's quite good i was thinking about the jack night thing and how everybody was getting mad because people were making these posts and they're like he wasn't even friends with him he wasn't even friends with him and i was like that is the most evidence that i have that human beings are inherently evil the fact that people post things and we're like that's my fucking corpse that's my dead guy you know what i mean i do the same thing someone dies and people post their last text messages with them oh yeah brandon wordell did that with a mac miller he was like he's like love you dog i mean it's touching i guess i did that with anthony bourdain i posted i'd be never communicated but he followed me

he followed you on twitter yeah and so i posted that i was like you'll none of you will ever know what this feels like that's he's done following he'll never follow anyone else again so if you weren't in the club yeah sorry yeah guess who's guess who's never gonna be followed by anthony bourdain you but i was until twitter deleted my account the day the day he died did you ate a day huh did you ate a day i think i did it immediately that's totally i don't care i was telling you about that comic who died where i kept i didn't know who it was but i kept saying his name over and over in my house oh right i couldn't stop like we've got a funny name i would just my roommate would walk in i'd be like oh raga of meta then they'd be like what and i'd be like i'm hungry

and then he died and i was like if i was like did i i did it really i i did i feel bad but you remember those four comics died of fentanyl in l.a yeah and then people were like four four comics have died and i was like where they were they were that popping like they were and then i was like oh god i'm like i'm an asshole who'd you say that to my parents so that's me they were like i heard four of your friends died you didn't regret it enough not to repeat it yeah to say it on the show thinking that it would pop here can you cut that can you please okay sure it's the adam preload show what's the time step yeah one way sure no come on nick hey no problem all right i'll say it again they were not popping enough yeah to have news stories i mean you're

not right look here's here's here's here's my role is that i say adam's completely right they weren't popping fuck them i'm glad they're dead yeah now i've provided cover for them thank you nice good job edit anything no i people already hate me i said it to my girlfriend's parents and i felt terrible afterwards what did they just go quiet they didn't say anything yeah that's a horrible thing to say to those to big natural's parents yeah her parents didn't like me they did like you no you said they were worried about me they were worried about you well because it was post covid you were like oh yeah i'm like you had muscles you had muscles and like uh like a 22 inch waist and a fucking beard like a zizi top beard there's no reason you're like you're describing all the

reasons to not be worried about and then you were like yeah i don't fucking wear a mask and they're like they're like live their house they're like live new york parents were like oh he said your friend is interesting yeah i was like i was just trying to fuck around with them i was like yeah i don't think this shit's real anyways dude there's a guy wearing a mask at the show at friends and lovers i was just that and i was like what are you doing he's like what are you doing and i was like what do you mean he's like i'm wearing one because nobody else is and i was like forever somebody says somebody's pulled the mass people aside and you're like you know this is going to be remembered how racism no i didn't have funny mom is your you're basically a guy in 1957 being

like get on your side of the diner yeah yeah you know it's over i did it at funny moms and it backfired so bad would you do a funny mom some guy was wearing like an n95 in the front row i was like i was like you're at the racism podcast live comedy show wearing an n95 in the front row and he was like i'm immuno compromised and he was like no he's like my mom is is dying of cancer right now i was like oh sorry well you should have been like oh well my mom's already dead yeah my mom already died of brain cancer yeah and she was beautiful did you say that did you throw back at him yeah yeah you gotta do it yeah i was like stop bragging this guy didn't have an excuse he was just like i'm not getting into this with you right now that you said while i was on stage and i was

like all right you don't have to i'm gonna get into it and just lay it into him yeah i mean some people just made it there i feel bad about saying that about the dead people i honestly i feel i kind of feel like bad for them because it's like like i mean i guess i'm certain some people are like immuno compromised and they need the mask or whatever but if you're just like a regular guy i mean there's no way you haven't gotten covid already and you know it's just he said he hadn't gotten it and that's why he's still wearing the mask well maybe that's pussy but and also everyone who's died from it is a coward regardless yeah regardless of like what side i also feel bad about saying that about covid or lockdowns or any of the shit it's like everybody had to deal with it for

two years you were subjected to the reaction to covid yeah you know either you were locked inside worried about the virus or you're locked inside thinking your rights were being taken away or whatever it is nake went full prison you were doing hands-in push-ups you converted to islam we all went full prism during the covid oh my god i was in the park every day jump roping no i ignored it oh you got in jump rope i gotta jump roping is the best you do the cross yeah i learned the cross it's awesome when you learn how to do skips in the cross you don't look like a fucking dumbass jump rope yeah it took a while is it good for your core it's good for everything yeah it's good for everything how do i think my posture you stand up straight i can't i don't say people with shitty

posture be like i think i need to go to a chiropractor it's like no you're just lazy yeah you're just not standing up straight you need like a stronger stomach no you need and you get that by standing up straight just you just every time you look at your phone you have to like hold it up so that you're because if you do this i put a thing on my phone that says up straight that reminds me i always hold my phone i do this thing i always say like oh it's a text it's a text from uh john hill it's actually very important to everybody you don't even face it's actually yeah it's actually a hollywood celebrity it's uh michael sarah yeah no i i uh to help my posture every uh every night for like two hours i'll fasten a noose to the ceiling and then i'll every day i'd let a little

bit more weight off the stool in an effort to strengthen my my neck in the event that i've ever captured and they try to execute me by hanging i'll have developed the next strength that it'll have it'll have no effect a lynching so i'll play dead until the posse leaves and then cut myself loose yeah and then you know go off to go off to rape in another town out here in the wild west you'd have to be tightening your neck so you just be hanging there like i think he's dead that's good that would be pretty cool yeah to be able to train yourself to do that yeah to wim hoff to wim and also hoff i love wim hoff his shit is wim hoff it's all it's such bullshit it's like so obviously he's a grifter yeah i mean cold showers are nice like you do get like a like you're into it yeah i mean

i am a cold shower guy but like the breathing shit you just like create like you just panic yeah you just get yourself high off like the way a child would you're playing like the knockout game yeah the choking game or whatever and then there's all these people that have died doing it because they'll like hyperventilate in the bathtub and then pass out really drown yeah and uh but then you watch his videos and it's like man this guy just loves life honestly he's not a grifter he's he's no he's like a self-help guy yeah but he's a self-help guy he's selling sure well he's not selling shit i don't know yeah he does like seminars where people do his stupid hawka dance i guess but is that so much worse than stand-up comedy no it's much better yeah you make people feel better yeah

i don't know i like him we love it in our house we walk in and we're like are you are you wim are you hoff are you wim and also hoff were we wim and hoff would you fuck wim hoff yeah yeah i'll fuck anything are you with me you'll fuck anything yeah except for asians and black people yeah what are you talking about i thought you recently sort of fucking asian people i don't fuck anybody you know who has really good posture like gay guys under 40 that's because they always have a look of shock like this so their heads always back they always have incredible posture yeah gay guys like old gay guys always have like my kind of posture that's like that's like you ever see old black women on the train and their eyebrows are always up in a look of just shock so no matter what happens

they already have their face like that's some bullshit you know what i'm talking about like this up i've i've stared at women on the train and i'm like what what are you possibly so appalled at already yeah and then something happens and they're already up and i'm like you're just prepared yeah but gay men are like that too they just always have this look of like what are you you know what i mean like a it's like a like they're already offended the positive you know what always what i didn't understand is when and it's gone now it doesn't exist anymore when people had the wired apple headphones remember the ones like the air pods with the wire yeah two days ago yeah yeah a couple years ago yeah what do you mean every gay guy would take phone calls on those fucking ipad

our ipods or whatever the fucking the earbuds and they would they would with one hand hold them hold the microphone part and with the other hand their gate would change and the other hand would start swinging wildly you know and they've all did it every single one of them be like so we're meeting eric at lunch at three and they all they all had the same exact they would all hold it the same way and it's like that's there's gotta be it's like that's where i get into like this is a this is all just a simulation yeah yeah there's too many just well i was on the train and i saw three people one homeless basically homeless like all different types of people all reading sci-fi novels and i was like this is crazy i haven't seen a book on the train in years dude yeah i there's all this

that doesn't sound not only that night it was crazy you were this close to each other it wasn't even on the whole train it was my side of the train it was three dudes the rest of that story was steven at the bar like you know the rest of the story all the other coincidence who that guy turned out to be then the other guy we talked to afterwards and like you know i don't know it was like we have a group chat that's me and steven and some other guys and our friend alex asks like what what music do i ask for going on stage you know because i was going to ashville i never you know i just let the dj pick and then i just was like maybe i'll go maybe i'll do mexican radio do you know that song i love that song i was just listening to it when i pulled up here are you

kidding me yeah it's right here well this is what i'm talking about i don't like this because i said i said maybe i'll do mexican radio and i have not heard that song like on the radio or anywhere other than me just choosing to listen to it myself throughout my life here and there wait is this the same one by walla voodoo yeah yes yeah i literally was just i listen to it okay a lot well so it's right there anyways i said that and like you know i haven't heard and then on the lift back to the airport it's just on the fucking radio and it's like a recorded and i asked the lift driver i'm like this is just terrestrial radio it's like yeah it's like bob fm or something and i sent it to the steven he's like yeah i haven't heard that song in 25 years but then again i'm not listening to

radio maybe maybe fucking mexican radio is on the radio constantly but i don't think so yeah the cab driver he didn't know the song yeah i've shown it to people because i really like it and nobody knows what it is the album's great it come come on everybody your show that there's like a trance yeah i don't know it's trance electronic music that i went to go see in montreal and i always start listening to it around a time where i'm like oh trance music yeah i just said there was a trance yeah we know about that we know about her yeah and i think she fucked my friend really really was a man it's a man nice um no but a man very similar to ian actually interesting just what i mean about coincidences could you if i described ian i don't like this

coincidence you would never be like oh there's got to be two guys like that no but my buddy peter very similar actually and i think he fucked that lady interesting whatever to me over the years anyway she's great yeah whoever yeah she used to be cold to me but yeah well as you know it's a shit job yeah probably especially bartending for our fans i had an altercation with that same the same yeah i haven't been back since yeah honestly she's a bitch that was fucking wild yeah yeah just just insane she was hiding in a corner and i walked in and she goes excuse me can i see your id and i was like you are literally stuffed into a corner like basically hiding under a coat look you became a security person because you're fucking like insecure about being this little

like fucking just like like pug of a lesbian no one knows so no you're never gonna you know like you're never gonna like like nobody's gonna be like oh i'm afraid of this person you know what i mean lady security guard for the audience try to check nix id and he's like i'm here all the time no that's not what happened again i didn't see her i didn't think they had a fucking door person so i went in by the door she's not by the door she hides and then so i went in the showroom she comes out and she's hitting me yeah i turn around i'm like push me also yeah i was like what's up and she's like she's like didn't you hear me calling you and i'm like no maybe you should be like i didn't say this but it's like literally no i didn't hear you so you're bad at your job

you know and i was like i didn't realize that a door person i'm sorry but i'm yeah i'm like i run the show i'm like here all the time and then she's like well you got to pay more better time like okay i'm sorry and then i turn around and i like we get ready to the show and then like five seconds after that she hits me again even harder she's like did you hear what i just said and i'm like i'm like okay well what like what needs to happen here do you need me to see my id and i like pull my id out she's like okay first of all you need to calm down because like you know you don't want me to get angry because then we're gonna have a problem i'm like and then what's the problem gonna be you're gonna kick me out what do you want to do and then she's

like yeah get out and i was like okay and then i fucking just walked and i told the i don't know the the guy that the tape like the box office guy i was like yeah well they're bouncing me so i'm leaving i got a taxi driver i get i get into a taxi the other day at the airport and he's like where are you going and i was like you should just hand me your phone now because you're not gonna know where it is and he was like where is it and i was like it's flatbush and he was like where is that and i was like it's brooklyn and he was like what street and i was like rugby and he was like where's that and i was like dude give me your phone and i put it in and then i fall asleep in the cab and i wake up to him smacking the back of the seat like just hitting it and i was like

what dude and he was like we have to take it's telling me now to take this exit and it was telling me to take this exit and i was like i don't know man i'm not a fucking taxi driver and he's like i know you're not a taxi driver but it's telling me to take this exit and i got so mad i was like i didn't move my house and then you fucked him no i didn't fuck that guy that one got away yeah but i have been i have been like openly being like a woman at the movie theater the other day was like those are our seats and she was half an hour late and i was like hey you came in here half an hour late you can sit in our seats yeah and she was like okay and my friend was like what's wrong with you and i was like i what do you want me to you're in new yorker now you have to

i remember louis getting i wish i could remember what movie it was it was so absurd but he got into a fight with somebody at the what is it like the amc in kip's bay or something louis yeah and it was like i forget what it was so funny because the movie it was like so not worth it whatever the movie was and it was bullshit too he's like this bitch or girlfriend or like yeah this bitch and her girlfriend or like laughing or something like he's like mad for mad for some louis reason i wish i had i wish i had like a little like a little coffee table book of things louis has gotten mad at and caused a problem over the best of all of them was when he fucking he called up no not quitting equinox is pretty fucking funny that's very funny but the very best is when he

called up there was a bill to bear that was in like like fucking like palisades mall or something and he took he went there to take james there to like go get a bear or something and it was closed it was out of business so he calls up a different bill to bear to yell at them about the other one being fucking closed and it's like there's nothing there's nothing they can do about that there's just employees of like a fucking as a guy that yeah pointless and then he'll relate these stories as if it's like you know you're being like yeah you did the right thing yeah there yeah you you can't do the pointless you have to say it so that it'll change there i know there's a lot of people mad at me they're like well that's what you did with the security guard no i wasn't yeah you did

and i gave it i said if you want to kick me out you can and i left i did a fake apology what do you mean i said he's really sorry yeah that's the other thing too they had the venue asked me they were like it would really mean a lot to us if that doesn't make any sense i don't understand it's a hired security guard it's a hire i don't understand that i think they maybe they had other problems with the security company and that's why that lady's there it's because i think no i think she was asked not to come back well she's there she's there that's not yeah screaming at me freaking out it's after midnight right now oh my god i have an early flight i have to go i have to fly to la the morning oh yeah we're good on time here so was this we had fun yeah yeah we had good night good

you