The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - RICHARD KIND Talks Coen Brothers, Death, And George Clooney

Episode Date: October 15, 2025

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Since I did serious man, I get offered every Jewish role. Isn't that just so offensive? It's not that offensive. I don't blame them. So we're not going to do that next pitch that I have for you. It's not a Jewish serf order. It's about the first Jew who died in the Holocaust. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, like, it's like, come on, it's one Jew. No, he's like in line. He's like in life for the trade. The first Jew, the hundred I think it's a good idea. Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show. I'm Adam Friedland. As always, I got a shout out our members here on YouTube.com.

If you would like to join the Friedland Family Foundation and get bonus content, your name and the credits, discounts on merch, and access to episodes before everyone else, you can do so by hitting the join button at the top of the page or by clicking the link in the description below. Also, if you prefer to support us through Patreon, we have a link in our description to our Patreon. My guest this week is beloved character actor Richard Kind. Of course, he's known for his roles in projects such as A Serious Man, Sharknato, too.

The list goes on and on. He's the kind of actor where every time he appears on the screen, he just makes you smile. You feel like you've run into an old friend or something. Kind of like when you see, what's her name? What's the redhead from Boogie Nights? Julianne Moore. Kind of like when you see Julianne Moore's taste. Now, during the research process, I try to find some commonality between me and the guest,

and I'll be honest with you guys, this one had me stumped. Like what could I possibly have in common? With character actor Richard Kind. As many of you know, I'm an outsider in the traditional media complex. People have described me as a punk rocker or a disruptor. I don't know what that means. But Richard Kynne could not be further from my world. He's a Hollywood mainstay.

He's entrenched in the establishment, the studio system, and he's been there for decades. He's bedded some of the most beautiful women in Hollywood famously, and I prefer to keep my sexuality a secret, kind of like Pedro Pascal. I enjoy spending my time with my staff here at the Adam Friedland show. Meanwhile, Richard is someone who rubs shoulders with an A-listers, His best friend is George Clooney, and his second best friend is George Clooney's wife.

But despite the circumstances, this was one of the most intriguing and inspiring conversations in my life. Two strangers from two different worlds who, through the power of dialogue, find that we're all just human. We live in divided times. Most Americans prefer binging on streaming services instead of helping a neighbor who's being beaten to death. So after the end credits theme song plays in this episode, and you're sitting there in your living room, go out of your house. Go up to a stranger. Any stranger, don't be afraid, no matter who it is. And say hello.

I think you're going to like what happens next. So with that, my interview with Richard Kahn, guys. Enjoy it. He's Jewish also. He's also Jewish. You're so. So right. Yeah.

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Ladies and gentlemen, legendary Hollywood actor, Richard Kahn, everyone. I was 15 minutes late. Sit down, sit down, everybody, sit out. The band sounds great. Oh, my gosh. No, we pipe them in. We have cool in the gang, actually. Is that true?

Live via satellite. Nice. Yeah, yeah. They play a different song. It's incredibly expensive. Thank you for coming. My pleasure to be here. I acknowledge I was 15 minutes late.

But why? My dog ate some shit. Oh, that's the worst. I just heard last night I'm walking on the street. Yeah. And two beautiful dogs and lovely, lovely woman. I wouldn't call them that. What?

The woman was not a dog The two dogs were dogs But the woman was describing one of the dogs ate a towel And they sit at home together And she has a camera and she watches the dogs During the day while she's at work They don't play with each other

And their brother and sister Oh my God Isn't that sort of fascinating? You want to hear something beautiful? Go ahead Okay, my dog She's a real piece of crap I got her off the streets Great, no, the best

I rescued her She's a pit bull She's from Bedford Stuyveson. Now I have to like you. Yeah, I'm a good guy. I'm a really good guy. Her name's Isis, which was difficult. I call her icy because I can't be at the dog parking.

I can't be like I'm training with Isis. You know, like, okay, of course. So, ISIS, I, first of all, ISIS has been shitting all night in the house. It's like I have a newborn or something. She's sick. She's sick right now. So, yeah, I haven't gotten any sleep.

And, you know, she's a big fan, too. She would break her heart if she knew. What's her favorite thing I've done? Go ahead. Okay, I'm kidding. Her favorite thing. Talk about the dog. We've got to hurry.

In general, it's smelling piss is her favorite thing. But, yeah, she can't get enough of it, actually. I wish I liked anything that much. So what's the diagnosis? So, I don't know. They just gave her some antibiotics or something, and I'm feeding her right. Okay, let me ask a couple of questions. How long ago did you find her?

I found her now, I think, 10 years ago. Okay. Okay. So, so she was a depressed woman. Okay. She, uh, and some guy was like, I was just breeding her at my, at my, uh, at my, uh, at my grandmother's house. She has nowhere to live. And her, like, nipples were distended because she was a breeder dog for like fight dogs, right? Ah, ah, miserable. She was depressed. And she was like, and she was sad. And when I got her, and then she got a big, huge street fight when I, when, like, within a week of me getting her, and I, I'd never had a dog before. And I, listen, I'm like, the definition.

of a gentrifier like I'm like a like a Jewish guy with like with it's like 150 pounds wet with like a murder machine on like on a leash and so she gets in this terrible fight with this other pit bull and then with another this this bagger Vance shows up this ghost and he said you want to get the dogs to stop fighting he's like you got to put a stick up they ass and then so I put it I was putting a stick up my dog's out hold on hold on wait wait are you serious a stick up the ass a stick up the ass well it'll get anyone to stop fighting really I understand but there's there's a an expression, put a stick up their ass, and then there's the reality of sticking a stick

up their ass. I literally, I couldn't find a stick, so I ended up putting, full disclosure, I ended up put, I'm no kink-y guy, but I put my finger, and then she released immediately. Anyway, so a terrible dog, but she's been, she loves, okay, we're walking, we're walking down the street, we see a boy dog, this is like a year ago. a doppelgagger, exactly, looks exactly like her. And I said, oh my God, they can be twins. My dog starts jumping up, spinning, jumping up, spinning, jumping up, spinning, jumping up, spinning.

The boy dog's like, bored, he doesn't care. I say, oh, yeah, you know, like she's a Brooklyn dog. I got her on, like, you know, on green between, like, Malcolm X and I forgot the other cross street. And he said, oh, this dog's from that same block. I said, how old is he? How old is he? and they said he's nine

and I said she's 10 and so in my I think she met her son that's crazy I started weeping but there's so many I'm going to go back to another part of the story is the amount of legal damage

that could have been thrust upon you much less physical damage much less physical damage to you physical damage to somebody else with a dog like that like you say it's a killing machine It's the, it was, she was still in survival mode. I mean, I heard a story about somebody walking their dog in the Hamptons,

and the dog attacked the other dog, killed it. Yeah, yeah. That's classic Hamptons for you. Isn't it, don't it? I mean, they're just ruthless. Maybe, the Hamptons is ruthless. Maybe in West Hamptons, you know. They bring Laws feet down with them.

I don't even consider that, the Hamptons. I call it worst Hampton. Okay, we're sorry, our audience is penniless and alone, so. I don't know if that's a good place to start well stick a finger up there I'll stick a finger up the ass of all your audience yeah I was it's funny because there is that legendary story starts talking speaking of crapping in animals there's the legendary you were roommates with mr. George Clooney was I'm sure you're asked about this all the time all the time let's not ask about it now okay so I'm gonna start I'll stop

I'm gonna tell you a couple of things took a shit on your dog that's great yeah I will tell you, I get asked, my joke is that under special skills on my resume, I have a friend of George Clooney. People, more people ask about George than they ask about me. I didn't mean to. I know you don't mean to. And we didn't talk, this is how, let me just say this is how improvised and fresh this is. We didn't even pre-interview. So he doesn't know, don't ask a lot about George because, I'm going to tell you why.

It's because he gets asked about by me a lot, number one. Number two, I talk and I talk and I talk and I talk. And I might say something that may be interpreted as negative about George. And you know what? Just recently I was misquoted in New Yorker magazine. And in the notes, they had like an interview, a fact-checking thing. I cleared it up. And still it was printed incorrectly.

I read that. You said that George Clooney was trying to invade. Taiwan didn't you yeah yeah see this is why I don't like to talk about it with your they misunderstand why would you say that people misunderstand that's a huge global that's a globe I know it was a wrong decision wife said the UN I mean it's just it was horrible yeah okay and and anything will say could be taken by the New York Post and in turn so so I don't like to talk about George and yet as stories go on yeah I always bring them up but I'm not gonna I try not to you you also said that

George Clooney said that on January 6th, they should have finished the job? Why are you going there? I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I was late today. My dog's been shitting all night. What do you want to know about me? I first became aware of you during Spin City.

That was like when I was a kid. And yet I had a life before that. But that's okay. No, no, no. No, but that's how old you are. But I understand from my research, you grew up in Philly. And you and I were at a very similar crossroads in our lives. We both were going to go to law school, and then we pursued our fabulous artistic pursuit.

Yeah, well, I'd say it, and this is, I mean, anybody who's seen an interview with me, I always say this. My dad's best friend said try acting. Roy Cohn. What? Roy Cohn. He was the lawyer for the McCarthy hearings. Well, George, it was George's lawyer and then told me to, you know, hook on to Roy Cohn. So my dad's best friend said, try acting because when you're 40, you're going to resent your wife and kids for having left your dream behind. So I tried it and I was, I actually wasn't any good, but I got away with it and I enjoyed it. And then, okay, I'm going to tell you something that I think is sort of interesting and it hit me is that when you're around 27, 28, 29 and you're an actor, all of a sudden at that age,

you want a house, you want kids, you want money, you want the trappings that you knew your parents had. And so you say enough of this acting, and you'll either go into law, or you become a producer, a director, or a writer, or whatever it is, or an agent, and you make a lot more money. When I was 27 or 28, I went to Second City.

And I was hired, and I worked every night. So I was an actor every night for four and a half years. So I didn't even have time to say, And I was making a live, not a good living, but I was making a living. And then all of a sudden, I'm 33 years old, and Jesus, what am I going to do with my life? And I kept being an actor. I think my qualification was if I can make money for rent and everything from just comedy. Like if I didn't need another job, then I was a comedian.

I used to say I didn't want to have kids until I could afford to send them to camp. Really? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So that's, we have our bar. and I did. I made rent.

I could make rent all the time. Did you go to camp growing up? Hell yeah. Me too. Yeah, what camp? Where? In upstate New York, obviously, a Jewish. Well, I went to Camp Sonopi in New London, New Hampshire.

Did you, were there girls at yours? No. Oh, really? No, were the girls at yours? Oh, yeah, yeah. Friskus at camp? Third base, yeah. Okay.

I then went to tennis camp and didn't get laid, but, you know, went this far yeah I was pretty close yeah I got pretty close I wasn't doing and she was a good tennis player she was too I don't know really I don't she was funny though she was pretty smart why I don't know she probably you know what you're right because I don't get pretty girls I get smart girls I don't I you get you've dated some of the most beautiful women I I was very lucky my wife it was no longer my wife but it's beautiful yeah I've been very lucky I I I've been very lucky I I it's why I don't date why I don't have as many girlfriends as I would have liked in my life

because my bar is high especially with what's on my resume my problem was I was I would watch Seinfeld growing up and I would see George everybody I would see George with these 11s and I'd be like it's it's a lie it's on TV obviously he and then I moved to New York and it's this is the land of this is the place where beautiful smart you know what they do but us but us guys somehow we so we do Because they've seen enough, because they've watched Annie Hall, they think it's acceptable. To be with a freaking, just, be, yeah, thank you. Thank you, Mr. Costanza and Mr. Allen. You're right.

It's very true. It's kind of true. Yeah, it's kind of true. I'm never leaving. I can't. Do you like L.A.? What do you think? What kind of action could I get going over there?

In Texas, do you think I could meet a woman? In Texas? No, I was born in L.A., in fact. Were you? Yeah. If I were a betting man, I would have said you were not. I was, well, I looked like I'm... Ju-Joo, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, from Brooklyn. My parents are from South Africa.

Cape Town. No kidding. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to South Africa. I'm taking my kids on a safari. Oh, you are? Where are you going? Boutzwana.

Botswana. Oh, my God. You're going on the good one. I know. You're going on the good one. Oh, my God. It's awesome. Can I come?

sure okay we can go see my grandma oh yeah we we need somebody to throw out she's just got a hit a little lawyer oh your grandmother still lives in in south Africa yeah yeah yeah she's never leaving yeah why understand all the grandmas all the grandma's stayed all my parents generation of Jews left during during a part side and then the grandmas are like I'm not going anywhere I of course not well that's not how they talk but yeah yeah okay does you have an accent of course yeah but but not a Jewish accent. Yeah, yeah. You know what I realized? Can you do an impression of her? Adam, you've got a lot of problems. Okay. No, that's not what any Jewish

grandmother sounds like. I haven't seen you in four years. Here the things that are wrong with you. So, we're competitors in this space. And what, what do you? I know, you work for the, you work for the other guys. You work for the, for the Red Sox. What? You're the announcer for a Malady's talk show. Yeah, but he doesn't have a podcast. This is not a podcast. This is a, this is one Oh, I see, I see, I see, I see what you're saying. Oh, this is a talk show. I thought it was a podcast when I came in here and you weren't here when you were late. In the style of Dick Cabot.

This is Dick Cabot, who I loved, and I don't blame you. I don't blame you. I know Dick Cabot. I know he's alive. He's not just alive. He's a nice man. How old is he? He's like 90s.

Okay. Yeah. He's old. Why would you point fingers at age? He's an old man. I think it's great to live longer. I don't want to die ever. I don't either, and yet, the other night I'm coming up in my apartment, and it's 2.30

in the morning, and I opened the... What's your dress? And I opened the door to the elevator, and there's a man standing there who lives on my floor, very old man, very old, and wizened and everything. And I go, John, what's the matter? He goes, I'm waiting for my wife. I mean, he's this. He's a little man. And I go, John, do you want to go back to bed?

And he goes, yes. And I put him, I take my arm around him, and I walk him in, and I walk him to his apartment, and I go, I'm going, I walk him down. I mean, it takes 10 minutes, because he's shuffling, and I walk him down, and I don't want to scare his wife, who has no idea that he's roaming the halls, waiting for her. I go, Louisa, Louisa, and we get to that. to the bed, Louise, I'm doing it softly, and then she just wakes up.

And a woman, and she goes, oh, and just hopped out of bed. I took his bathrobe off, helped him into bed. He's got a urine stain the size of my fist, and the saddest thing. So, I want to live forever. I want to see my kids grow up. I want to see every good movie that's coming out. I want to see what's going to happen to this country. I love living.

Oh, my God. Truly, the guy who says, I will sleep when I'm dead. I came home at 2.30. My wife left me because I have so much energy. I can't stop. I don't want to be, John. I really thought that story was going to have a punchline. Hey, I'm not all about funny.

You can have Anthony Weiner on here, and you wasn't that funny? I wasn't that funny? No. You might have been. It was like two Jews having an argument. I could talk. I'm not funny, funny, funny, funny all the time. Do you want funny, funny, funny, funny? No, no, no, no.

Do you want funny, funny, funny today? No, listen. No, Adam. I had to look at the copy cup to see. I had to remember his name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can be funny if you want. No, you don't have to be.

But I can be yourself. I mean, that story was beautiful. It's not beautiful. It's really sad, actually. It was disgusting kind of. It was in response to I want to live forever. Yeah. Because you saw some disgusting.

Are we going to use any punctuation in our talking like a period and now you talk and then you talk and then you talk a period and then I talk? No. No. We're just going to talk over each other. And then you're going to say something that I think is important, and I'm going to say, what did you say, so that I could respond. Are we getting along? You're my best friend.

Okay. Go ahead. Do you get any points on Casimegos? Let's talk about something else. Okay. So you famously said, George Clooney once said that the Uyghur concentration camps should be bigger? Why didn't you say that? You're my favorite friend ever.

You're my favorite friend ever. Why would George really say that? One of my favorite roles are yours, and it's a film that fucked me up for like three months. I went into a depression, and you almost steal the entire movie. Maybe do steal the entire movie. Is a serious man. Oh, serious man's great. Yeah.

Oh, it's a great movie, great. Your performance is brutal. Well, that's so nice. of you. You say you don't watch any of your stuff? That one I saw. You have to watch that one. That one I saw. Yeah, I was going to say. Yeah, I like you. I adore that movie. The Cone brothers I hear

love that movie. I get lucky. I get I just okay, Adam, you and I are both actors and look what we look like. I'm not the most telegenic guy in the world. I look all right.

And that stuff that I get to do, it just confounds me how I call myself the smuckers of acting with a face like this I better be good but I wasn't good for a long time I pulled one over and then I got good and the Cone brothers the writing is great Joel as a director and and even Ethan who says he's not a director but they both directed they both talked to you about it I knew who this guy was how do they do it together they write it together and they write it together and I've often said is it like Bernie Taupin and Elton John one does the

you just can't no no no no they write it together and they they edit together and I think because I think because Joel this is just my I've never said this I think just because Joel is a bit larger of a personality but not that much bigger he does the directing for the actors but you talk to Ethan too. Yeah. And Ethan was a philosophy major. Yeah. And that makes sense to me.

And they, when they work, they know what they want. I just remember the only, not disagreement, but I remember the prop guy coming up and saying, do you want, you remember I had this sebaceous cyst. And so I had a washcloth in the back. You never saw the cyst, but you saw the washcloth. And he says, do you want a white washcloth or do you want floral? And one said floral and one said white.

And then I don't even know what we came on. It was neither here nor there. Did that escalate? It did. Really? Yeah. They're like, Mom liked me better. We had to call in some security.

It was awful. They came to, almost fist. They actually did Greco-Roman wrestling. Really? Yeah, they did not box. They got down on the floor. And they, you know, with the whole thing, and they go, and, you know, we'll, and then they wrestled. And that's how they, they saw them.

And you were like standing there, you're like, guys. Guys, guys, come out, it's just a movie. Tap me in. Come on. I don't know. Who the hell knows how it. I mean, that, that performance is just. That's really nice.

There's something about that movie that just lingers with you when it's over. I think, I know. I called my dad. I said, I saw this movie at Serious, man. And my dad said, he's like, I've been depressed since. I saw it. I said, I've been depressed too. I think it's, I know this sounds crazy. I think it's a great date movie, and I'll tell you why.

Is the person you're seeing with, that you're dating, are they a thinker? How do they think? What do they think about death? Is it funny to them, or was it sad? There's so many things. What is the afterlife? All of that stuff. So I think it's a pretty good, and it can generate discussion.

You know, if you run out of discussion, you can talk about something. It's not just a Marvel movie. Yeah, my move back in the day, I have a fiancé now, but I used to take the chick to Claude Lansman's show. We're having fun, guys! And say, who's the bad guy? So, I'm a little bit on the fence about this one. Did they deserve it? What?

I'm going to see, I'm on the fence. I want to see who wins at the end. Who are you going with? I want to, okay, you're trained at the second city. I mean, this is an opportunity for me as a younger gentleman. This is free education for me, sitting with you and interrupting you. That's the stupidest thing you could possibly say. What do you mean in education?

Okay, you want me to pay? I'll pay. I'll pay. No, I'm just a guy. Okay, so would you be keen on like doing a little, like a scene with me? An improvised scene or a written scene? We could do either. You could choose.

Let me tell you something about my improvisation. I'm not as good as everybody thinks. I was never as good as anybody thinks. I'm a good reactor. I can listen and react, but I don't react always funny. That's what I did with John, with your competition. I would call him a friend and a colleague, but yeah. No, he's your competition.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And he's a darn sight better. What? You know Mandel? Yeah, I love him. I loved everybody. There are so many, some of the stand-ups who were on the writing staff.

These minds, they're so great. I just loved being on that show, and I hated it. Okay, let's talk about that. This is interesting. Is the camera on me? Right, okay, go to three. I was told I was really good on the show I don't understand it

I didn't know what I was doing I felt so ungrounded and insecure and all I did was enjoy myself and try the best thing I did on that show was keep my mouth shut because I so often like you can see how often I talk

and I want to ask you questions and on the panel I wanted to talk and find out and stuff like that and I didn't I said this is John's show He's funnier than I am He's more intelligent than I am And so I kept my mouth shut And I let John do some of the questions

And when I saw just an inkling of him Searching for what next to talk about or trying to I would come in And I'd have like six questions that I'd want to ask these people Even before we started And so I would listen to the conversation And then I would ask a question I usually asked one question per segment of a person And that's what I did

And then as far as being funny on the show, they gave me written word. And these writers were great. They were just great. Give it up for the writer staff of a John Mullaney show. It is. But it's true. They were great. I hope that they hire me when they start doing other stuff.

Well, if you need a gig. I do. If you need a gig. I'm in New York anyway, so you live here. By the way, I was at the second game of the Yankees. No, the first game of the Yankees. Heartbreaker, heartbreaker. I know. Yeah, but now, two them around. I'm a Dodger fan, actually. Is that true? Yeah, yeah. Why are you wearing that?

Because with the rise of anti-Semitism, like, I'm trying to, I'm doing more of a Dominican. I'm doing more of a Puerto Rican Dominican thing. I'm kind of hiding in plain sight. I don't want people to know. You are an actor, you're, you're a keen, you have a keen eye for the world around you, right? No. Okay. You've been studying me since you came in here. I've been studying you. Okay. What have you found out? What have you found out? We'll see where things go after. But why? Wait, what's your assessment? You? Yeah. You're the best. No. Seriously, what's your assessment? What do you think about me? You think I'm a keen observer. You're exactly what I expected you to be. Okay, and I am so not a keen observer. I can't tell whether somebody's gay or not. I can't tell whether they're wearing a wig or a toupee. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I I'm not here. I'm not here. So you say, so you say.

I've been called that my whole life, sir. This is the truth. Okay, yeah. Okay. And that's what acting is all about is the truth. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not.

Adam, I'm going to tell you what the most important thing in any scene is. No, this is not me being funny. This is the truth. I'm going to ask you right now, what is the most important thing in any scene? important thing in any scene, any scene. Doing your goddamn job. Nope. The objective.

Nope. The camera. Nope. Best boy. The other person. Yes. Yes. That's what's most important. I was going to say that.

What can you get, what do you want, and how can the other person give it to you? Because if you're alone, you don't need anybody else. you need something and the other person's in the scene. In an interview, no, there's no drama. You're a chameleon. You played Winston Churchill. You're so wrong. I'm not a chameleon.

You played Malcolm X. You played Winston Churchill. Okay. Enough about me. You're right. I want to see the magic trick. That is Richard Kyle. Guys, football's back.

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and nicotine is an addictive chemical. Back to the show. Okay, so what, should we do the script? Okay, do the script. You have a whole staff here, and nobody says, saying anything but I do need my glasses I'm going to read there you go all right do you want to do a the person from Hulu from is here how am I doing is this okay am I representing oh shut up with the economics and the and the and the

corporation and trying to sell sell sell sell sell how about just two people talking just be alive just living So we're working on this project called The Audacity of Hope. That's nice title, I like that. It's the Barack Obama biopic. So this is a scene from his youth. So would you like to play the role of Apua Rothstein? He's kind of the bad guy?

And I'll play the role of Obama. Okay, I am really reading this, the cold. So I may ask for another take. How about now? We have a lot of pages. We've got five pages. Listen, dude. It's going to go as long as you want.

There's a lot of stage directions. Okay, I will not be doing an accent. I'm not doing an accent either. I'm doing Obama. Are you ready? Yeah, yeah. I didn't think you'd show Obama. Here I am, Apua.

You're going down. I wouldn't be too sure. Say, didn't your surfboard mysteriously disappear the other day? Malik Obama walks up. Barack Obama puts his arm around him. Not so fast, Rothstein. He's got a board. Malik Obama hands Barack an all-black surfboard.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it looks great. How'd you got that old hunk of junk? Obama. Malik, where did you get this? You didn't build that. Malik, this is a ceremonial surfboard passed out from our great-great-grandfather,

the brave chief of our family's village. It's entirely made out of African wood. It's from his Kenyan side. It's a magic surfboard. Hey, man. Obama, hey, man, thanks. Okay, now now it's, let me be clear. If I win today, the youth center stays open.

But if you win, you and your greedy family can tear it down and build your synagog. How about we up the stakes, huh? If I win, I get the youth center and your little girlfriend, Michelle. Come on, Rossine. She's a human being. Can you play Michelle also? I can speak for myself, Barack. I'll do it.

Then we have ourselves a deal. Let's see you on the water, okay? Okay. Oh, golly. So now we're on the... There's a horrible scene. Wait, so this is, no, this is a, I don't know if you've read Obama's biography, because he was in a surf competition, a big wave surf competition to save the youth center as a kid. No kidding.

Yeah, yeah. So now, so now we're on the water. Okay, there's a 150-foot wave coming, right? Yeah. And you will be playing the role of George, okay? All right, now hold on. Is it a two-person scene? It's a two-person scene.

And whenever you do your line, do not mention who you are. Just be who you are. Oh, this is great. Okay. Okay. You ready? Yeah. Hey, Obama.

Oh, great. It's the angel of death. Am I dead? No, son. I'm George Washington, the first president of these great United States of America. It's pretty good. Who lose here? What do you think of this?

Great. Okay. So, George Washington, what are you doing here? I saw you from heaven. Looks like they'd use a little advice. I suppose I could, George, Washington. If I surf this wave, it would be the largest in recorded human history. And if I wipe out, I will surely pass away. And Apua Rossin is going to fuck my girlfriend

and turn the community center into some kind of Jewish church. All right, listen, son. You know that picture of me crossing the Delaware River? Yeah, why? You ever notice what I'm doing with my feet? No, I've been too busy smoking crack cocaine with gay prostitutes and the Chum gang. It's in the book. It's in the book. Son, I was the president of the United States.

You think I don't know what it's like to smoke crack with gay prostitutes to grow up? We did all that shit except for Miller Filmwork. Fucking pussy. Anyway, in the picture, I'm sitting on the front of the boat with my ten toes hanging off it. I will call it Hanging Ten. Hanging Ten. That's right, Hanging Ten. Why don't you give it a try?

Can't do it, George. I just can't do it. Listen, Obama, sometimes. Sometimes. You've got to have hope. The audacity of hope. Pretty good. Okay, so Obama serves the big wave. We really are overgoing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so then... Yeah, but I have all the lines. Here's the last scene. Okay, why don't I play Obama and you have... No, no, the last scene you're going to be playing, because George comes back, there goes to George. So, so imagine this is kind of like an homage to Star Wars, so they're all getting the medals and stuff like that.

But then the ghosts are in the back, right? Okay, so I couldn't have done this without our great-grandfather's magical African surfboard. Then Malik says, what? I just bought that piece of shit at Home Depot. Obama, the real magic was inside of you this whole time, okay? Yeah. And then I walk away. I see the ghost of George Washington.

Hello, George. Hey, Obama. Listen, I just have one more thing to say. I lied earlier. What? Yeah, I wasn't watching you from hell. heaven, I was watching you from hell. And watching you do that surfing made me realize something. I'd like to apologize for slavery. I don't want to do it. It was wrong. But I got bullied into it,

all of my friends, you know, so I hope you can forgive me. That means a lot, George, and I do forgive you. Goodbye, Obama. As Obama says this George Washington's soul is finally allowed to enter the kingdom of heaven. Bye, George. Bye, Obama. And that's a... This is, this is fair. This is fair. Fantastic. And we got a lot more where that comes from. That's going to be edited out easily. And there's a hell of a lot more where that comes from. Are you continuing or is that just one scene?

Will you write the whole screenplay? I'm thinking maybe you hit up... Hulu's here. Maybe we hit up the guys over... You make decisions. We hit up the guys at Casamigos. And then we hit up maybe... What are you thinking?

Spielberg? I mean, he did link him. I have a question. Like, um, I've asked other character actors this before. There's like, have you seen Paris, Texas? Ages and ages ago. So Harry Dean Stan was this like legendary character actor and it was, it was his one starring vehicle and it was like legendary. Like, do you, do you aspire for your own Paris, Texas one day?

Is that, is that something that you have in your mind? Or are you like, I'm a team player, I like, uh, I like being on the squad? It's a really good question. Thank you. Whenever I do a play, I always do the leading role because the economic consequences are not as great in a play. If you do a movie or a TV show, you know, people have to run to see you because you're, you know, and I can't generate that.

But in a play, like, you know, I do it plays at Bay Street Theater out in Sag Harbor, maybe they'll come see the guy who's on television. Richard Kine and they know me out there and they like me and there's you know so I'll always do a leading role do I ever wish for that I've had it a few times actually but they're not in big movies because big movies they can't afford to have me big movies cost a lot of money here's what I'll tell you about George Clooney when George Clooney says yes to a movie an industry opens You've got hotels and dry cleaners and restaurants and a lot of people working. You have big sets.

A lot of people are working. Plus, when it comes out, stocks for the company that made the movie will rise and fall. So a lot of people are impacted financially. When I do the lead in a movie, it's $500,000 movie. It's $800,000 if you're lucky. And I get to do, and I don't get paid much, and I get paid much, and I get to. to be the star and nobody sees it nobody well we can get the nobody nobody nobody sees it I did I did a movie what it's really what if you just switch your root like

George books ocean oh shorty oh show up Adam shut the fuck up I thought I'm giving you honest stuff here I'm thinking this is gold I'm giving you and I in fact I'm going out to Montauk to do a movie you are from October 21st till November 25th and I am the lead in a movie what's the picture what is it I know it's called blueberry cafe uh-huh and you'll never see it I will I'm hawking it already I don't know if it's going to be any good I don't know where you'll get to see it who knows if it'll get distributed hopefully on Hulu we're thinking right Hulu come on blueberry cafe I'm selling this thing and

it hasn't even been made I don't know what is wrong with you people I don't understand Hulu anymore I don't Ever since Disney. I'm not going to get into it. Yeah, yeah, I agree. I'm not going to get it. I happen to like it. I love the good folks at Disney.

They've always given me work. Yeah. Okay. What if it said like on the, like, you know, billboard. Yeah. Hollywood Boulevard. Big billboard. Blueberry Cafe.

Cafe. Richard Kond. Full frontal nudity for the very first time. That'll keep them away. Yeah. Dear God, don't make me. How much are they paying me to go see this? And then there's a polka one that says, and you won't be disappointed.

Okay. Are you enjoying this? I'm having such a good time. I'm glad. I'm having such a good time. I'm glad. So you've been a, you mentioned Pixar. You've been a voice.

I did not mention Pixar. You said Disney. You're right. I did mention Disney. Thank God I got out of that one. Go ahead. For a while, when I was working with them, they weren't Disney. Yeah.

They were just Pixar. Yeah. And then when Disney got involved, they were great. They continued to be great. Because their leadership is great. Yeah. They're great. The man named Pete Doctor, who's a good friend of mine.

That's not his name. Pete Doctor. Except it's D-O-C-T-E-R. Oh, okay. They're now friends of mine, his wonderful wife, Amanda, who I love Pete, And then all of a sudden, Amanda came. I love Amanda. What she looked like?

She's from Minnesota, Midwestern, beautiful woman. Nice. Nice. Very beautiful woman. Minnesota, nice. And their daughter Ellie, who Riley is who Riley is based on, inside out. Is a very dear friend of mine. And she runs, or helps to run, a place that you should go to.

Have you been to the National Comedy Institute? I've practically built that. Adam? Yeah, no, I'd never have. Where is it? Always got to be funny. Where is it? Always a little snarky little answer.

I'm insecure. I'm insecure. I have a lot of problems. I'm going to help you. I have a lot of problems. I'm going to help you. There is a place up in Jamestown, New York. It's the National Comedy Institute.

You think that I'm lying, it is like the Baseball Hall of Fame. It's like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. This is sort of the Comedy Hall of Fame. There's a lot of people you know who have put money into it. They now have an exhibit, a Carl Riner exhibit, that I spent two days watching old clips. The best. The best. They have all of Joan Rivers' jokes.

The best. They have a George Carlin's daughter. The best. I'm sorry. Was instrumental and a prior's daughter, instrumental in giving stuff. The place has so many things. Do you know what they have there? Alan Brady's desk.

Do you know who Alan Brady is? Yeah, of course. Of course. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they have all this, this stuff. It's a great place. For those of you who like this particular show, make a trek up to the Comedy Museum. You'll go in for a day.

You'll want to stay three or four. It's just fantastic. Do they have like a field of dreams? Do they have like a club? Like a... You know what I mean? Can I be honest? Yeah.

They have a room based on Caroline's comedy club. Oh, R-I-P. What? It's gone. Oh, yeah. I thought we were talking about Caroline. Oh, Caroline's a friend. Do you want to know how I know Caroline?

Caroline's all right. You want to know how I want to, you want to know how Caroline's? This is a very interesting story. It doesn't have an ending. Is it a joke? No. No, okay. You could tell any kind of story.

Okay. In my early, early days, I was a singing waiter out in the Hamptons. Okay, so that's how I made my rent money. So I'm out in the Hamptons, and in West Hampton, West Hampton and... The provinces. So in West Hampton, and there was a club called Taraz. And Caroline Hirsch used to come with Neil Hirsch, who was in Time Magazine as in that day, this is 40 years ago, one of the youngest millionaires. He was the top 100 millionaires in America under 30.

Neil Hirsch. Caroline Hirsch was married to him They used to come in They used to order Don Perignon Whenever anybody ordered Dom Perignon You were going to get a decent tip He used to tip $100 He was beloved

That was good $100, 40 years ago As a tip You could have done better than that Okay So we were a singing waiter Okay, I was a singing waiter And Caroline loved us

And she loved the singing waders What was your big song? There was nothing like a dame was yours a little bar we got sunlight on the sand we got moonlight on the sea we got mangoes and bananas you can pick right off a tree we got volleyball and baseball and a lot of fancy games what ain't we got we ain't got dames

there's a lot of things in life and beautiful but brother there was one okay okay anyway and I used to do that and I used to do oh I'm the king of the swingers oh the jungle VIP I reached the top and I had to stop and that's what's bothering me. There are people who know where that's from. I know where that's from.

You know where it's from? Where? It's from Pink Floyd the Wall. No, it's Disney. Oh, I'm the king of the swingers. Oh, the jungle VIP. I reached the top and had to stop, and that's what's bothering me.

So I did that. So he did these songs. You are so bored. You're looking at your notes. What are we going to talk about that? Let me finish the story. It's an interesting story. So they used to come in.

Caroline loved the singing waiters. So what did she do? On 28th Street, she opened, or 26th Street, she opened a restaurant. Caroline's had singing waiters, okay? And we would perform. People would perform. I didn't work there, but I would come by,

and we would sing Tuesday through Sunday. So what does she do on Mondays? So she says, you know what? On Mondays, I'll have stand-up comedians come. So on Mondays, we're stand-up comedy night. Well, Mondays became very popular. So Mondays became Tuesday, became Wednesday, Thursday, and seven days a week.

Singing wait is gone. She had a comedy club, and that's how Caroline's got started. Have you ever done stand-up? Never. Never. No. You'd be good. No.

Can I write for you? If somebody wrote for me and I could really do good, in a heartbeat, I'd be really good. But I'm not that witty. Would I be able to handle hecklers or stuff like that? No one's going to heckle you're. you're a beloved you always get heckled but I I'm not that good to write for myself but I yes I'm pretty good I got you at second you know that for

Obama script was we could do this and we can write you a tight five and two minutes yeah it wouldn't even take I need I may need help on something because I'm I host a lot of charity events so I need help but I did write two jokes there are pretty funny let's hear it okay you're gonna like this I of course wait Can I intro you? Yeah. Okay. I'm going to say to, you've got to walk on the stage.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm going to tell the job. Ladies and gentlemen, coming up next to the stage, you're really going to like this. This guy is, he's new to comedy, but I think he's going straight to the top. Richard, Duh, entertainer, everybody. Yeah. Thank you. So my wife, my wife was raised Episcopalian.

And then she married me and converted to anti-Semitism. Oh, that's good. It's a pretty good joke. That's good. I got to tell you, I feel, I'm not, I feel very bad right now. I'm not very sad. I'll start from the beginning. My grandmother once told my family that she would rather die than go into an old age home.

Okay. And today, we shot her. It's an okay joke. Yeah. It's an okay. Okay, so you see, maybe I died. You shot your grandma. That's what I did.

I thought that was... Maybe you didn't like that joke as much. It reminded me of the old guy. But it worked at Second City. When I used to have to introduce scenes, I used to do that joke. I just was reminded of that old guy in the elevator and with the piss and I don't want to get old. The Adam Freedland Show, everybody. You famously said you'll do anything, right?

Anything. Anything. I'll act as yeah I love that too because like there's I pretty much do anything there's there's such a there's such a like a bullshit thing

like when you're a working actor you're on planes all the time you're you're going to set for a week you know there are things that are longer production for a day for a day for a day you're all over the show all over but there is like this like

I think bullshit that that cuts through right where you're like I'll fucking do anything I don't go I will tell you the stuff that I won't do. Since I did Serious Man, I get offered every Jewish role. Every Jewish role. Isn't that just so offensive?

It's not that offensive. I don't blame them. Richard. But I won't do... Why would they even cast you like? But I won't... If the role wears its Judaism on its sleeve, like playing a rabbi or speaking Yiddish, stuff like that, I say no. If it has hints of it, like let's say a brash producer,

would you go, oh, my God, what a Jew or something like that? That doesn't matter. But if it wears its Judaism on its sleeve, I will turn it down. Come on, dude. Continue, continue. Come on, dude. Okay, so we're not going to do that next pitch that I have for you. He's a Jewish surfboarder?

No. It's a rabbi in Talit. It's a story. It's not very inspirational. It's about the first Jew who died in the Holocaust. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, it's like, come on, it's one Jew.

No, he's like in line for the train. He's like, how long is this going to take? And then the other Jews are like, can you just take him first? The first Jew is the line. The first Jew to die in the Holocaust. The first Jew. It's not a very long movie. Kind of the Holocaust story.

No, that's hilarious. I mean, so what's the big deal? Are they really, it's, I mean, how dangerous could they be? Show some gum shit, Hulu. Back a project. Actually. The first shoe, the hot of the dog. I think it's a good idea.

We can stretch that up 90 minutes, 95 minutes. Oh, my God. They call him the world's most Jewish, man. Okay. Actually, here's a, have you ever read that? article about the two oh god I talk about you too much you do I talk all too much you know my therapist I realized I was gonna a Jew no good he said I can't I could never stick with a therapist he said you bring up being Jewish all the time right

I'm like you do you do he's like yeah and it's always in the negative yeah but I was like but a Jewish therapist would have been like of course it's terrible no no you bring it up you bring it up because it's funny because you can mind a lot of jokes from being Jewish. I do. This is going to be Jew, but whatever. What are you going to do? You're sitting and watching the protocols of the Elders of Zion show right now.

Look at the two of us. You're watching the? This is the meeting. We're going to call this episode The Meeting. There were two Jews left in Afghanistan that refused to leave during the Taliban, right? This is a true story. And they didn't want to fucking go. They were just too stubborn, and they hated each other.

They despised each other. There were two left, and they fucking hated each other, and then the Taliban arrested them, and they were in jail. Together. And they hated each other so much, and they were so annoying that the Taliban literally let them go. Oh, God, that's so funny. The Taliban literally released them from the prison.

And I'm like, that's just a... I think that's a movie. That's a fucking movie. That's a movie. I can tell you that I'm not not because you're here just not because you're here that would be an interesting story it would be an interesting story it would be an interesting story it would be an interesting story

and the hook being the the Taliban but this has nothing to do with what we're talking about but Raymond Chandler and Billy Wilder yeah had the right double indemnity the screenplay yeah and they put them in a cabin together They hated each other. Hated each other. Really?

Hated each other. No, was it Raymond Chish, because I get them confused. I think it might be. Was it Chandler or was it the other one who wrote? The other Pulp Detective. Yeah, who wrote... Well, it's an adaptation of a Chandler book, right? Yeah, but who wrote the Maltese Falcon, who wrote...

One is sort of a higher-class guy. Hammett. Dashal Hammett. But I don't think it was Hammett. It was Raymond Chandler. It was Chandler and Wilder were together, and they hated each other, hated each other. But look what comes out of hate, double indemnity. This episode, in fact.

In fact, there's three hates going on. There's two people self-hated. We hate ourselves, yes. And then there's your name. Where were you, like, around nine months before April, 1987? Did you? Oh. Was that your birthday?

Did I fuck your mom? I mean, it made me. I fucked your mom. This could be like my dog, as a through line. This is going to be a beautiful through line and perfect ending for the episode. And I think this might be the only time I've ended an episode properly. What's your mom's name? Joanne?

It was, my late mother. I'm not trying to bring it to... What? Your grandmother's living. Isn't that a fucking... Can I fuck your grandma? Isn't that a disgrace? I'm being Botswana.

I could fuck your grandmother I you let me fuck your grandmother please like my dog and the way she talks you guys she doesn't talk like a Jew she doesn't talk like a Jew she talks with I know I could fuck that she's she's she's she's I mean she just got a hip so perfect apparently she was so she won't just lie there like a locks apparently so it's really move because she's got it titanium got titanium hip if anyone's got it on sweetheart my grandmother esther both my grandmothers were named esther but this one was the one with the moves let me tell you i mean i could speak ill of the dead i really didn't want to fuck joanne again i will say you were enough but i'd like to fuck esther

this could be either esther this is like the well the other one in fact that's the name of my autobiography either esther the other esther was such a psycho that after she drove her husband to an early grave. He slept with a man's watch on the opposite bedside table to make people think she was getting late. She was a psychopath. Anyway, um, what time is it? Let's, I'll talk to you later. And you know, I gotta go. Richard Kynne, everybody. That was awesome. That was just like natural. You're the man. You're the best. Thank you. No.