The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Adrienne Iapalucci - Episode 81

Episode Date: November 22, 2024

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Adrienne Iapalucci - Episode 81 Watch Adrienne's New Special, 'Dark Queen': https://www.netflix.com/title/81900915 Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS Subscribe to  @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS -- LIVE SHOWS: ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #darkqueen #adrienneIapalucci

The Democrats are just not offering anything to people. And Trump is hilarious. I mean, Adrian, vote for him. I mean, I made a lot of fake votes. Yeah, fake names, so I could vote for him a couple times. Oh, like you had different identities. Ooh, this microphone smells terrible. Yeah, I think I got switched.

I'm not gonna give you the whoever was, who was the last guest on the show? Oh, stinky McPoop. No, oh my God. Get another mic. Oh, sorry. What did you do with that? Who was the last guest on the show?

Was it Micra-C? Oh my God. I'm not even, this is not a bit that I'm smell. I don't want to. My girlfriend does that all the time. She's like, this is the worst smell in the world. Smell this. And I'm like, I'm not. I don't want to.

But you have to know why. She said it's the worst in the world. She wants you to share in it. No, she knows. She also heard no. Her looks like it's in my hands. Did I put my hands? Did I put my hands in something? Shit.

It's probably you, dude. It's not. Oh, you know who used that? Who? What's his name? Mr. Patel. I'll be right back. I'm just gonna get a wipe or something.

Just get another mic, dude. Maybe it's a remnant from what's obvious to fart Oh my god, he had eaten cod There's no way this bad and then Joe also smelled it he's like no this smells it smelled so bad it's so funny it was like a red Pete ladies and gentlemen Pete okay are we rocking okay welcome to the Adam Friedland show special guest myself with the hand sanitizer fumes I like it it smells good yeah it's making me dizzy maybe you're pregnant dude maybe your sense of smell is what are you doing trying to take shots and and just be a mr. big time if I like it, it smells good. Yeah, it's making me dizzy. Maybe you're pregnant, dude. Maybe your sense of smell is a little extra. What are you doing trying to take shots

and just be Mr. Big Time? If you got pregnant, I would support you. I would take you to the boss. At the real baby shower. I would support you through that pregnancy. Adriana Appalucci, everyone. You're promoting your new special on Netflix. Give it up for her.

Yes, I'm promoting my new special on Netflix. I hear it's blowing up. I don't know if that's true, but thank you. Let's pretend. Does Netflix give you like the numbers? No. I kind of don't want them. What if they're like, it's 12?

But then you don't know anybody else's numbers. You don't know it. I would be like fucking 12. 12. It's amazing. It's better than 11. And it's Barack Obama. Give me the names, yeah.

Yeah, Lance Bass. Give me their home address. I want to go thank them personally. Yeah. What if a chick watched my special? It's Barack Obama and then Lance Bass 11 times. He's a star, that guy. And he keeps turning it off after five minutes.

Insane. Didn't he try to go to space after he said he was gay? I hope he went to space. I hope he went to space. Do you remember the series finale of Family Matters? No. OK. Tell me about it, though.

I want wanna know. Steve Urkel and Laura get engaged, she finally gets the pussy. She finally clasps Steve. Wow, I didn't know that they get, I love that. I love you Laura. It would've been weird if he just was sexually harassing her the whole show and then actually got her.

And then he just raped her. The show would've been. The show would've been. He's like, I finally got her. Yeah, and Carl's like, I'm a cop. He's like, I'm a cop. I couldn't even protect my own daughter. Right, I mean, nobody thinks he could protect anyone.

Yeah. Didn't he get fucked by Puffy? Puffy, that's what they say. That Carl Winslow was violently F'd by Puffy. Oh, I thought it was. Puff Diddy. I thought they made love. No, apparently, it was like loud, and then someone walked in the room

They're like is that Carl Winslow from Family Matters, and he goes go home Steve. That's very good No, then did he turn to the door he said cold nodding all over his face He's like did I do that? He said it's a go home Steve just come dripping out of his mustache He said nothing feels better than making a beep Do something for money? That's what he said to the guy What do you think the beep was then Wow, yeah, which one which n I Don't know if it was probably soft probably hard are yeah I don't know if it was probably soft. Probably hard R.

Yeah. Okay. Carl Winslow. No, no, it was Diddy saying it about Winslow. Yeah. Yeah. Like he said, he was like a plantation owner. Diddy doesn't understand fiction.

So he thought Carl Winslow was real. Yeah. He's like, you should have protected your daughter. He's like, who the hell is Reginald LaVirginia? What's his real name? Reginald. Val Johnson. Val Johnson.

Val Johnson. Reginald Val Johnson. Yeah, he has like a fake European last name. Like a French last name. Yeah. I kind of love that. Yeah, it sounds like very, very much like a. So the series finale, it's a two part episode.

They get engaged and then a man from like the military shows up, I think not even at Steve's house, he goes to the Winslow's house looking for Steve. Do you ever see Steve's house? I think you're just. You do, yeah. You do. Yeah and then looking for Steve and he says we need to send a black nerd into space.

And so Steve goes into space and then the spaceship like falls out of orbit. Wait, are you just making, this doesn't sound real. I'm 100% serious. The serious finale of Family Matters, And so Steve goes into space and then the spaceship like falls out of orbit. Wait, are you just making... This doesn't sound real. I'm 100% serious. The serious finale of Family Matters, Steve gets lost in space. And then it ends... It sounds like something that would happen on Out. It ends with him on TV, you know, they have the live stream from the spaceship and he's like,

I love you, Laura! As he drifts off into space. So she never marries him. I think he gets a clap cheek him I know but he has a There's a two-part episode and then and then he comes back from he does yeah, and then they have sex yeah Beautiful that's the second and it was real to is yes. It wasn't really it was penetrative Yeah, I love that on us family sitcoms who is a groundbreaking that is groundbreaking Check this out. I can't believe I haven't seen this I met Urkel the real Urkel one one time at MSG when Chappelle was performing. Did you tell him about cool Adam and how that sort of no I was to our strong I was star-struck like Stefan like you had your one thing. I've realized from like doing the show

I'm like, I'm pretty I don't get like nervous around people I've only been nervous in the last five years around two people and one was when I saw dice at the stand I was like, it's him. I was like, oh my god, like butterflies. You were sweating bullets when Jadakiss was here Yeah, I mean it was great he was like That's three. I wish Jadakiss was here. Yeah, I mean, it was great. He was like. It's a drink.

What a big, so Dice, Jadakiss, and Urkel, those are your three. Yeah, all three black guys that I respected growing up. Okay, good. The three black, the three black guys. The three blacks. The three blacks of the apocalypse. It would be awesome if Dice did like an outdoor show.

He returns to form. He's like doing, you know, he does some big outdoor arena and people are like, Dice is back, and then it starts raining, and like, you know, the paint comes off, and he, like, he starts revealing that he's a black man. Underneath. He's a black guy.

And then people are like, oh my God. He's doing a white chick. Race. Yeah, what is, what even is race? What is race? It's a social construct, I guess. I guess Dolezal did nothing wrong. And that's what stops Trumpism,

is realizing that Andrew Dice Clay was actually Steve Urkel. Well everyone thought Dice was Italian and he's not. He's Jewish. Right, so it's like kind of the same thing. That's where he crossed the line for me. It wasn't the sexism, but it was the oil face that he was doing.

It was not right, no offense. Oh no, I don't care. What part of the boot you from? No idea. Really? Yeah, I'm not super Italian. I just have like a very Italian last name. So does my girlfriend, she has the last name, but it's only from her dad's dad,

but the rest is 75% Irish something, Jewish something. Right, so I'm also Hungarian. Hungarian, Viktor Orban. For my mother's mother, yeah. Really? Does she make goulash for you? No, I'm more Italian than Hungarian. Oh, she made gravy for you?

She made gravy, yeah. Oh, nice. My mom actually used to make goulash growing up. It was great. I've never had it. It's good. You should go to Little Poland in the East Village. Second Ave, yeah. I don't think I'm going to do that, but why? Why?

I don't feel like I'm in the era for trying new stuff. You don't want to go on a double day with me and Nick and get some goulash. It's lunch. That's not really trying new things. I like having no culture. I'm just a New Yorker. I'm not Italian or Hungarian. So what do you just eat like fucking pepperidge farm products all day long? I don't like culture. You've cut off all I've got no culture. We're obsessed with culture. Me and they yeah Nice, what do you feel is most? Isolated hamburger is real fried chicken, but I use kente cloth is to wipe my face. Yeah, that's how I

cultural I Have a kinte napkin. What are you? I don't know, Irish? Yeah, I mean, yes, but just like the broad, I'm just a white man. I would say that I identify more as a white man. How do you feel like it is to be a white man right now? Oh my God, it's always fine.

We just won. It's fine. And I'm not saying that in a self-flagellating way. I'm a white male millionaire It's like I'm fine. I'll probably be fine being white. I think you're only gonna do better Yeah, for you. I think it's like if you're doing fine now it's gonna and you want us to do fine, and I don't mean as white I mean as a White man under five foot eight because when things are not going good for that group. That's not me.

Wait, are you under five eight? Yes, I'm five foot two. You appear taller. Yeah, I know, it's a trick that I play. It's a trick. Well, it's working. You've tricked me. He's wearing an elevator.

It only works on Hungarians. Yeah. It's a dumb race. They're very susceptible to magic. Yeah, yeah. I also love magic. You've seen the illusionist, right? So you know that Hungarian prince,

he's like, I need to know how the magic is done. That's because it drives them insane. Yeah, yeah. I love it. Because they think it's real. I thought you were at least 5'10", 5'11". No, no, no. No, no, no.

You're much shorter. I say 5'3", but it's like 4'11". Yeah. Wow. He's Shakira's height. So deceptive. Yeah, but I tell you, white guys under five foot eight are not doing well, it's, you know, that's where you get Hitler.

I don't know if there was a time. Hitler, Putin, MLK. Hitler was doing great though. How tall was MLK? He's five foot seven. No. Look it up. Don't say that about him.

Look it up, dude. You can't say that. MLK was also pretty short. No, see, it's not right to say. Martin Luther King Jr., hence the junior, was five foot seven. Oh, his dad was six three? His dad was also pretty short. It's not right to say. Martin Luther King Jr., hence the Jr., was five foot seven. Oh, his dad was six three? His dad was a normal size. Junior Jr. was five eight.

Uh-huh. Right on the Junior, Junior. It's like saying Lil, right? No, he was not five seven. You know how there's Sylvester the cat and then Sylvester Jr.? Yeah, that's kind of there. If you see them side by side Martin Luther King

Senior and Martin Luther King jr. It's very much Sylvester and Sylvester jr. Pete is that Five seven I feel like we shouldn't say it. Why shouldn't you say it? Because he's still a king He's a tiny king. I don't know if you should say he's 5'7". But I did. He did great things. He did and I agreed. The Civil Rights Act.

I mean like. Yeah, then if you're short and you could do something like that, that's even more impressive. The fact that Hitler was so tiny and still had all this power is pretty. So you're impressed by it. You're impressed.

I mean I'm very impressed by all of that. I went to Alcatraz. I did COBS last weekend and I went to Alcatraz. I've been there too. It's, I, that was the most, I enjoyed it so much. It's really bad there. I like when they let you go in the cell and close it. And the cells are all for tiny guys.

Yeah. There's, I'm looking at it, I'm like, if you're 6'2", you would die in here, immediately. You wouldn't die, you'd just be sitting a lot. Yeah. It wouldn't be great for your, your legs. So you're impressed by Hitler? I mean, take away the bad stuff.

Come on, you don't have to be such free speech comedy right now. Listen, I think. This isn't that kind of show. I'm just being honest. We're not in Austin, Texas. The fact that he could garner all that attention and get people to do what he want is pretty impressive.

He was a real showboat. He was a real drama queen. Listen, you're trying to get me to say, hey, Hitler, I'm just not get me to say hey Hitler I'm just not gonna do it. Like I'm just not gonna do it so don't even waste your time. So you think MLK was short Hitler was a powerful man. You think he put up numbers that's what you're saying. He put up numbers three pointers every day. You agree with the six million but you're impressed by it. I agree he killed all those people. Why wouldn't anti-Semites say that it wasn't real? Why wouldn't they say like, that's awesome,

it was so many, right? Why is it denial? They should be like, you know, he should have finished the job. But nobody really talks about Stalin and he killed way more people. He didn't kill him. But when people talk about,

they go, oh, nobody talks about Stalin or Mao. Hitler is always the person that they reference as the, they do, but Hitler is the guy People talk about Stalin. Didn't kill him. But when people talk about... I know people say that. They go, oh, well nobody talks about Stalin or Mao. Hitler is always the person that they reference as the... People constantly talk about Stalin or Mao. They do, but Hitler is the guy that you think of when you think of someone that's terrible. Yeah. That's the guy you use. Because it's easier to understand.

It's like, okay, so Stalin killed 20 million people. What kind of people? You're like, oh, well they're like, Leone's Cossacks, and you're like, there's too many letters in whatever that race is. Yeah, I don't even know what that is. caussics and you're like there's too many letters and whatever Yeah, I don't even know what that is. I don't like Jews. It's four letters. That ain't wise to me. I just want Stalin to get his flowers. That's it. You can kind of see yourself doing it. That's I think the main thing with him. Is you're like, I kind of, well I couldn't be that bad. You know what I mean?

Oh, he really blacked out on that one. And he fucking went. He popped all the way off. He crawled all the way off. And so it's more, it's like when you watch a video of a drunk person having a meltdown in public, you're like, oh, that could have been me. You know what I mean? And so that's what resonates with people when they see Hitler,

because there's something about him that makes them disgusted with themselves. Whereas I have no idea, Stalin killed 20 million people and it's like. Give Stalin his flowers. He could have killed 20 million aliens. He sent them. They still count.

He sent them to go fight in the war and they all died. And it won the war. I'm out. You're not gonna get me to hate Stalin either. I don't, I love the man. He's a great man. Also small. Have you seen Young Stalin? Look up a picture of Young Stalin.

Oh I have a joke about how hot he is. He's delicious. The hottest guy I've the man. He's a great man. Also small. Have you seen Young Stalin? Look up a picture of Young Stalin. Oh, I have a joke about how hot he is. He's delicious. The hottest guy I've ever seen. He looks like Nick. Stalin is better looking than you. We don't look good. I don't know.

Young Stalin looks like Nick and Young Trotsky looks like me. I just have a mustache and he has glasses. I don't think you guys look either of them. Look it up, dude. People have made memes about it. You know how tall Stalin was? I know he was also short.

Five, four. Disgusting. Damn. But I would have still had sex with him. And he had a fucked up leg also. I've made memes about it. I know he's also short five four Disgusting I would have still had sex. Yeah, and he had a like a leg Yeah Carried him around after you Get like a club club foot to amazing. You're not gonna get me to hate Stalin, you know He went to you guys to try to get me to hate all these I'm not trying to get you I'm giving you information. I'm not trying to be short. I knew all of them Stalin either. You guys are trying to get me to hate all these men I love. I'm not trying to get you, I'm giving you information. I'm not trying to do anything. I knew he short, I knew all of them are short.

Oddly enough, Mao, six, five. Really? Yeah. Not attracted to him at all. Yeah, come on. The man was a, he was undeniable. He was like a big burly. I want a short dictator.

Yeah. Five, five, Nick, you're lying on his ass. I'm not lying on his ass. Why that's what happens It's an extra inch from the prosthetic We had to wear, you know, come on. I'm a tanky. You know that dude Okay, be saying a five four is a five five is a five four. All right, you're trying that's revisionist, bro. All right Anyway, I want wanna talk to you guys about something called cornbread. Why? Jiffy cornbread, 75 cents, it'll feed a family.

Jiffy cornbread is the best. It is. When I lived, do you know who Chris Kubas is? No. He's an awesome comedian, but I lived with him, and he was like, yeah, it's 75 cents, you can eat for fucking three days. And I'm like, this is like what Civil War soldiers

would have to do. I don't know. I mean, we ate that as kids, so yeah. But as it, that's it. Cornbread, nothing else. No, but you could eat it. Cornbread tastes delicious. It does, but that's your only meal for three days in a row

is a tin of cornbread. That's what she's saying. That's in her poor ass family, not us. All right. Right. We were eating at Lunchables. My favorite thing her poor ass family, not us. All right. Right. We were eating Lunchables. My favorite thing about Nick is like when I think of you, I just think of you living with those Asians.

That was a long time ago. I know, but I still love that idea of you just being in a closet. You know what's funny is people would talk about that that had like an intervention. And people acted like it was this absurd thing, which was bizarre to me for two reasons. One, because it's like, well yeah,

it's because, okay, so there's, I think she said something to the effect of, she was like, hey, do you wanna have lunch and meat? And I was like, oh, maybe this is about putting a show on in the green. She's like, you can't be living like that. You know? And I was like, why?

And she's like, well, that's not how humans live. And that's the fucking- That's how they're living now. I'm like, there's a billion Chinese people living like that down there. But what was funny, there was a female comedian named, I think her name was Amy Jans. Had something like that.

She did open mics, she'd do shows. I don't know if she continued doing comedy or not. But one day I was leaving my building and I ran into her, and I'm like, do you also live with a Chinese family? And she was in even more, I mean, she was in like a box basically. She was like their pet. And like nobody, nobody, they would see her around,

nobody said anything about it. Nobody wants to help women though. You gotta be honest. Well the Chinese do, obviously. Don't they kill all the women in China or they're stopped doing it? They stopped doing it. Now they've created, now they have like population collapse

because they're no pussy for Chinese. Because they all wanted sons. Right. Yeah. Well apparently. Which was good for the economy. Obviously made a lot of sense, they can make stuff now. Right.

But now they, you know, no pussy for Chinese. Apparently after the war broke out in Ukraine, there was just a run on mail order brides from Ukraine and in China. Oh. A lot of them are over there. That actually is great timing. Cause they were like, they're considered to be the most beautiful and the most resistant

to feminism. That's in China at least. Right, but I like the timing of that. Yeah, maybe they were behind, maybe like Vlad, do us a solid, invade the hottest girl country for us. And we'll have them here in China now. We'll go in. Yeah, okay guys, cornbread is actually not that,

you think of the food, but it's actually perhaps also a natural and healthier way to experience carefree relaxation. Cornbread's THC gummies offer a balanced sense of happiness and relaxation. America's first USDA organic THC edible proudly grown in Kentucky one to one THC CBD ratio perfect for talking taking the edge off what without making you feel anxious and paranoid

with like another cannabis edible Pete you had one last night it was delicious Pete had one and he had the heat do they taste like cornbread Awesome that's incredible 10 milligrams of the THC per gummy for those and it's Pete you said that was just the right dose He said he dosed last night. It was perfect 10 milligrams is normal, right? There's a store next to my apartment that sells 10 is edible. I went in. I'm like, what's the lowest dosage? And the lady was like, these ones are like a thousand. Yeah, it seems pretty high.

Yeah, too much. I was like, is that real? And she goes, well, this one's 50. I'm like, that's a huge difference. I mean, she's just seeing if you knew the difference. 50 is a huge between numbers. Maybe. Yeah.

Yeah. What if I was like, yeah, 50 sounds bigger huge number. Between numbers? Maybe, yeah. Yeah. What if I was like, yeah, 50 sounds bigger than 1,000? It sounds like she didn't know, though. I don't think legally you're allowed to sell weed to somebody who has that problem. You mean, if a guy with Down syndrome went into a bar and he was like, yeah, long day at work.

I don't know numbers. Yeah, serve me up. I think they would be like, you have to leave. I think we would go to jail if we served. Yeah. Can you not serve people with Down work. I don't know, Nurbers. Yeah, serve me up. I think they would be like, you have to leave. I think we would go to jail if we served you. Can you not serve people with Down syndrome? I wouldn't. If I was a bartender, I'm like, I'm not going to risk it. I would.

Why not? Well, I don't know. I don't read the Constitution. Let me check your ID. And then when he pulls out a blockbuster card, you say, I'm sorry, sir, this is not. That guy's my favorite person in the bar. He's staying all night. Yeah.

Not me. Not me. All Chinese rail workers. That's what I want person in the bar. He's staying all night. Yeah. Not me. Not me, all Chinese rail workers. That's what I want, my saloon. Wow. Yeah. You hate Down syndrome. Well, I would say Chinese rail worker is adjacent. Yeah, come on.

I don't know if that's true. I would say the Down syndrome people are doing a very racist impression of Chinese rail workers. And I don't like that. It's not right. We're letting them get away with it. These folks built the trains. That is true.

Yeah, they like trains. All right, cornbread uses no harsh solvents like petrochemicals or industrial acids, unlike most hemp THC products. So there's no synthetic ingredients. The farm bill, it's compliant with the farm bill and legal for adults of over 21 years. What the hell is the farm bill?

The farm bill, I don't know. That's gotta be, just the name makes me think it's 6,000 pages long. Yeah, I'm not reading that shit. And in there, there's like appropriations for building gas chambers for Israel. Yeah, yeah, there's like another 25 billion to the God's award to the gods about farms

yeah description for these gummies what's that the farm bill the farm bill and the fact that Israel's right to defend itself is also in this I don't know why they would put that in the copy but listen I'm gonna read whatever the sponsor is gonna say you got to do that If you're looking for a healthier way to enjoy a carefree moment, you have to give Cornbread Hemp a try. They've created the first ever USDA organic THC gummies that are 100% legal as a special offer for our listeners. You can get 30% off your first order.

Just visit cornbreadhemp.com slash TAFS and use promo code tafs at checkout. Again, that's cornbreadhemp.com slash tafs and use code tafs for 30% off your first order. Cheers to a happier. I should also make it clear. I just went into that store to inquire about these things. I don't actually take any kind of. Yeah, you're not goof head. I don't take any of these. I I'm trying to buy a $15,000 gun. And it's like this insane process.

What kind of gun is $15,000? This big hunting rifle that I think would be a nice family heirloom. Is that the one you sent me? Yeah, and you said I'm charging the show for this? No, I wanna blow all my money and then if I have- You can't even have a gun in the US. If I have a family, I'm like,

this is all I'm leaving you is this $15,000 gun. It's the entire, yeah, and you have to share it. I love the idea of you giving a gun and giving it to your family. Yeah. That you don't even have yet. It's the entire, yeah, and you have to share it. I love the idea of you giving a gun and giving it to your family. That you don't even have yet. It's just this nice, you know. I know I was a distant father and I know there are eight of you,

but you have to split the gun. It's this giant hunting rifle. It's $15,000. I want it. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, to get a gun in New York, it's insane. You have to like, you know, you get no drug use for like two years.

You can't have any felonies. It's like, this seems unconstitutional. If you want a gun, I'll get you a gun. A $15,000 hunting rifle? I'll get you a $15,000 hunting rifle. You have that, what kind of money Netflix putting up? Let's talk numbers. She has a 3D printer.

Let's talk numbers. Five million. They give you five milli for that? Five mil. No shit. I'm not supposed to say it. You're not supposed to say it. I'm pretty proud of it.

So what'd you do the first day you had the money? Did they actually give you five mil? They gave me five million dollars. That's fucking awesome They could but they did not yeah Just like I'm not gonna just like I'm not gonna buy you it's not Joe boy I didn't say buy me the rifle you said acquire it. I'm gonna have to do something for it Yeah, well listen you got to do what you got to do But I'm not gonna tell you what if you're just would be funny if you were just trying to be cool,

and I'm like, sure, let's set it up, and then I give you the money and you end up having to spend like $100,000 to get this rifle. This rifle. And you're like, I just don't wanna look like a fraud. And then you go to prison for like a, what are they called, straw purchases?

And what's that? Yeah, I don't know, straw purchases. Straw purchases, if you buy a gun in another state, you're like, oh, it's for me, and then you send it to your cousin in New York. Oh, okay. Well, I'll get you a gun probably in Pennsylvania. You're gonna have to come to Pennsylvania to get it.

That's a straw purchase. That's what I'm gonna actually do. Yeah, so that's your premeditated plan. But do you have- Yeah, I didn't know it was a straw purchase when I thought about it. Are you a citizen of PA or? Am I a citizen of Pennsylvania?

Yeah, you have to have a commonwealth. No, but I feel like it's not gonna be hard it is I'm gonna get a fake ID okay all right none of this is gonna be legit all right yeah I will not be I will not be doing any of this when the inevitable investigation comes this is crazy what you're not gonna take my gift what you're like one of those ideas that ideas that you don't know they would just come to my house and take the gun I go to prison for ten years You're like a rapper who describes their crimes in detail and then gets arrested for that exact crime and then they use it Did you see this? You know this guy why in W? Mellie? Did you see the black nerd? They got arrested for printing his own guns

His name is Dexter. It's that bad. Yeah. It's a middle-aged black guy named Dexter who was in Bushwick just 3D printing guns and posting them online. He's like, look at these assault rifles I made. Do they work? Yeah. Yeah.

And they kicked down his door, fucking arrested him. He just got sentenced to 10 years. He should have just shot them to show that they were effective. No, he was like very peaceful. He's a nerd. He's like a computer programmer. Yeah. And he just likes making guns

That's what the lawyers had to and it really didn't work Yeah, it didn't go the lawyer went in look at this day We went in the trial and he kept fucking like talking about the Second Amendment, which is not like I can't do that Well, yeah, not in a state court. It doesn't mean anything especially in a city where it's highly illegal Yeah, yeah, I mean even our like replicas If we took those out on the street, we'd get arrested. Yeah I don't even know if you're allowed to have them here to be honest Now you're doing the rapper thing. They sent them to now you're sure if this is illegal. They have a no

I'm gonna get both of you a gun. What's the most illegal thing you've done? Do you have a gun? I don't have a gun. Okay. well. I can, I would use it. I drive in New York City. I would kill everyone. Yeah. At the seller? Not at the seller, I would be on the highway just shooting everyone.

Oh, like the BQE? No, more like the cross-bronx. I did cross-bronx. I did Comedy Zone in Charlotte. But I would do it like that, like a rapper. I did Comedy Zone in Charlotte like two months ago and they're pretty tight with security. They have a cop there and stuff. Well, didn't somebody bring a gun they pointed out to me

They're like yeah That's where the bullet and they showed me on the stage where the bullet hit the fucking stage I mean it is pretty cool. Yeah, if you if it's not that night Yeah, it was a guy going to kill Craig Robinson, but instead like I should get it was I know he went to kill Sean Wayne's Okay, and but it's come on yeah Like, I forget who else. It was, no, he went to kill Sean Waynes. Oh, okay. And, but instead. Whoa, come on.

Yeah. Or maybe he was trying to kill David Alan Greer, but Bill Cosby was there. He was just somebody black. He didn't care who it was. It was a black comic. It was flawless to be there. And there was a different black comic.

I dated David Alan Greer. Really? You did. Yeah. Interesting. Hence the need for a gun, I guess. A couple of years, yeah. You were living in color. That's what they say.

Once you go black, you get it better get a firearm Yes, I had a fire before yeah, he sold it to me David. I'll agree or sold you a gun He bequeathed it in his death interesting. Yeah, yeah the love of his life $15,000 The dream would be a gun that goes from like here to behind Adam's head if I'm holding it Right and it's got the Gaston and where it's like a big bell or yeah, yeah horn Yeah, and I walk around with a pith helmet and I go this is my constitutional right. Do you want to go on Safari Nick? Is that where you kill the animal? No, you just go look you kill your friends Oh, then I have to go see my grandma, but it's gonna be so sad seeing a 93 year old.

We should just go on safari while we're there. Your grandmother's 93? Yeah, she lives in Cape Town. Oh, 93. Don't you feel like she should be dead? We're recording. I know, I want her to hear this. No, I don't think she should.

She's wasting everyone's money. Maybe she'll live forever'll maybe there'll be a hunting accident on Safari with Grandma Now we're talking now. We're talking. She's one of the greatest ladies of it It would be funny if you actually shot your 93 year old grandma on the head with like a like a chart Yeah, that big she says something so mean Did she I was trying to shoot an elephant and I accidentally took off the top half of my grandma's body. It's not fun. She's a great woman.

But when we were there... There's a guy driving the golf cart and he's just like, oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. I can't believe, oh my goodness. Do you think he would pick her body up? Oh my goodness. I can't believe what has happened. Or do you just leave her on the floor? She was a divorced woman, she started a business,

she raised a family. Who's the business? She's an art gallery. How to be a whore. Come on. Yeah. How to be a whore is not a business, Adrian. It is if you're smart.

It was a show on Bravo. It is if you're smart. I'm calling a show not a business. Yeah. How to be, what is it? How to be a whore? She's just going around in a motorized wheelchair with her legs open. You just see her pussy.

That's not how you be a whore. Well, 93. You can't give it away. She's a brilliant woman, sharp as a tack. She hates my girlfriend though, which is very funny. But yeah, last time we went there And she was like, you spent the day with her. Does she know how to be a whore? She was acting like it was like, she was competing for like with another lady for me. I get that. She was jealous.

And then I took her out on a date. Like a grandmother or your girlfriend? My grandmother. Like on a lunch date. Like, I was like, I'm going to go to a restaurant. I'm going to go to a restaurant. I'm going to go to a restaurant. I'm going to go to a restaurant.

I'm going to go to a restaurant. I'm going to go to a restaurant. I'm going to go to a restaurant. I'm going to go to a restaurant. I'm going to go to a restaurant. I'm going to go to a restaurant. I'm going to go to a restaurant. I'm going to go to a restaurant took her out on a date like a grandmother or your girlfriend my grandmother like on a lunch date And it was cool. We walked in the restaurant like everyone there was like oh It's you and like one of the guys was like this is my girlfriend. This is the guy this guy named

Blessing from and he was like yeah, my name is blessing. I'm from Zimbabwe. He's like, this is the coolest lady in the world. I was like, oh, granny, like, you're so popular. He's like, this is my girlfriend. I was like, are you fucking with my girl? She's 90 years disgusting. I love that. Anyway, but yeah, so she said to me, she's like, telling me, is your girlfriend physically active?

And I was like, what do you mean physically active? She's like, I was like, well, yeah, she's like, we grew up like she's, she was an athlete growing up. She's like, goes to the, well yeah, she's like, grew up like she's, she was an athlete growing up, she goes to the gym, she's very, you know. And then she goes, I think she'll have weight issues later on in life. She might. And I was like, Granny, come on.

That's so mean. She just wants you to know that she might be fat. Dude, she's, it's really, it's so funny that she was just like, like acting like she had to compete with some other bitch for the most perfect boy. Is your grandmother in shape? Is she cheap? In shape.

Oh, and she's 93. I mean, no, she just, she's for her age. I mean, no, my, I can't, no, my fans, they don't listen. They're not listening to podcasts. They're not listening. She has, she doesn't like, she had to build herself into, like, she wasn't naturally, she wasn't naturally an attractive woman.

Right. And so like, like. I see why she's insecure though. She didn't like, she didn't like my mother and now my girlfriend because they're like, kind of were just naturally attractive she she has like a kind of she hates women I think we were there a couple years ago during me too and my dad and my sister were getting an argument my dad was like those women knew what they were doing going to a

going to a hotel room with Harvey Weinstein and my sister was like you fucking bastard you don't know what and then she's like can I speak my grandma and he's like yes let's listen to a lady who's old she's been a lady for a long time and she's like I've never felt sexism a day in my life and we're like what we're like really she's like basically she said because she's so incredible and brilliant that she's transcended her, basically her disability of being a woman. But she had a show called How to Be a Whore.

No, it wasn't. And also you just said she was ugly, so of course she's not gonna have any sexism. I didn't say she was ugly. You said she was disgusting. Also, that in and of itself is a form of sexism. I didn't say she was ugly. I've never felt any sexism.

Meanwhile, her grandson's calling her busted on it. Yeah, of course. I'm not saying she's busted, she's but she's not she looks like Marilus She looks exactly like Meryl Streep She looks 1000% like Meryl Streep and it's bizarre She looks she looks at Meryl Streep anyway, but yeah, she said I've never had a problem with any type of person No matter male female. There's only one type of person. I don't like and I thought she was gonna say Yeah, and she goes, she said, she said, queeny gay men.

Those are my favorite people. That's when she said she was her least favorite kind of person. Those are my favorite. Well, I don't know, it was a bizarre answer. My dad was like, yes, listen to her. She knows what it's like to be a woman. I think he was trying to win the B2 argument with my sister.

It was like, it was a hellish car ride Oh, I sound like it, but I had no part of the part of it. So I was gonna just silent the whole time I was kind of just like this is a good one. That's a good fight This would be a good story for Adrienne on the podcast. I love that time. I Had a friend whose grandmother just died. She was 97. Ooh And he said the family was pretty upset by it. Yeah, that's pathetic. How, how?

Pathetic. She should have been dead like 20 years ago. Anytime someone acts sad that their grandparents dead, I'm not gonna be like, I'm so sorry. The worst part is, they're supposed to die. With old people like that, you imagine living that long and it's like, they can tell you about what life was like in the 20s, right?

If they could speak. Well, then you ask them about it and it's bullshit. I mean, it's just just like I used to buy milk You're like okay. What was Hitler like? Great I had a toy that was a rock you know it's like all right Why are you here? You're not gonna talk shit on it? Wasting everyone no one's gonna talk shit on Hitler a lot of people do He's got a lot of haters out there.

I've never met any of them. I'm like your grandmother. You should meet some. There's some of the greatest people. I was watching audio and video recordings of Teddy Roosevelt from like the 1910s. I just read the first book of his biography. The Morris one.

They're boring. No, no, I thought, I got the gist. I didn't want to go to book two, but I he's amazing Why nothing happens got so much done in his life? You do get that sense of like oh he didn't have a phone but then it's like I didn't think he'd done He did he wrote like five books before he was 30, but then the books are just like basically He just wrote down what he read on Wikipedia you know we went to the library copy down this definitive naval history of the war of 1812 and it was taught at Annapolis

until very recently but then you you read it and it's bullshit it's like this is just facts collected from other places a history okay but those days where do you get that information he's's cheating on this guy. He wrote it. He's cheating on this guy. Let's get back to the original Besides the book itself is highly overrated the the Morris one. Yes. Did you read it? Yes? I read the first one and I said I didn't want to read it I said I got there it's boring and the 90% of it is like That he was and then he shot a buffalo. And then he shot a different type of animal. And his body was lame? I think that's what doctors used to say about,

like someone, a child with a, that was, you know, a weakling. Sure. And his dad said, listen, your body's lame. Like, you have to. But your mind isn't. No, you have to fucking make yourself a man. Like, you have to build yourself up.

And so he would just like, just go on expeditions for like three months alone into the jungle. Yeah, he'd go to the gym all the time. His dad just didn't want to hang out with him. He'd go to the gym all the time and he was like that kid. But he'd swim like 20 miles. His dad just didn't want him in the house. He was like that kid from Gummo.

He'd go out. He was like that kid from Gummo with the spoons in the basement. Right, that's how Teddy Roosevelt was. He was a great man. Well then he got older and he went to school and then he had to box or compete with other boys and he just got like flummoxed.

I don't think that's true. It's in the book that you read. Maybe you guys read different books. His record wasn't flummoxed. He didn't lose every match. He did, he realized that at like 140 pounds and like 5'9", all of the time he spent building all this muscle over that summer amounted to nothing.

You're acting like he went to Harvard and everyone just beat his ass. Everyone beat his ass. No, that's not true. Yeah. That's not true. No, he was always- I think he got beat up a lot.

He was always like tough and kind of a show-buff. Because most of the things he say I disagree with. He's better looking, he's handsome. I think you're better looking than him, honestly. Shut up, stop it, I wasn't fishing for compliments. My point is that- This is one of the most handsome guys I've ever. He's better looking, he's handsome. I think you're better looking than him, honestly. Shut up, stop it. I wasn't fishing for compliments. This is one of the most handsome guys I've ever. My point is that he's gonna sit here

and say the book was great. His body was great. His book was great. Tiny penis, tiny penis. He's gonna say the book was great and then say, oh, I didn't actually like it. And I said, why do you even do that? No, I didn't read the second and third

because I wanted to move on to something else but I will say this like he he also like I think that he just got so much shit done that I was impressed also he's the first president to invite a black person for dinner at the White House that's in the book yeah Is that a pro or a con? Come on, dude. We're not in Austin, Texas right now doing free speech. Okay, I'm just making sure. Hitler's a con.

That's a pro. Booker T. Washington came for dinner. I think it was Booker T. Washington. What do they serve? Please don't say it. Cone bread. Cone bread. Cone bread.

Cone bread. Cone bread. Cone bread. Cone bread. Cone bread. Cone bread. Cone bread's delicious. Yeah, it was one of the, I Cornbread's delicious. Yeah, it was one of the Teddy Roosevelt's favorite food. I would say Teddy Roosevelt sucks. Come on, dude. He sucks. Why does he suck? He just sucks. The guy sucks. Why does he suck? Cuz he likes black people? No, cuz he's like, yeah That's what he's saying is racist. Obsessive guy. He got shot and finished a speech. So did Donald Trump. Right.

No, he had to go. He didn't go. No, they took him off stage. He wanted to stay. No, he wanted to stay. No, he said, free, what is it? Fight, fight. Yeah, yeah.

He said, let me stay. Teddy got shot, but he had a, the speech was so long and boring that the bullet, it like was in his jacket pocket and it dulled the bullet's impact and then he finished his speech. That's so sad for everyone there what do you mean sad it was probably good speech no me it would be great to see a president die right in front of you it would be so sick it was crazy that we kind of forgot

about it one day later because everyone everyone dislikes Trump. But dislikes Trump, we would talk about it. It's more so that it's like nothing's surprising. Nothing's real anymore? Yeah, nothing's real. Yeah. And plus, we know that it was a fit. Are you upset now? Yeah, I think Teddy Roosevelt sucks.

I don't know why. I can challenge them. You look like him. No, I don't. You're doing a Teddy Roosevelt look right now. You look at Robin Williams night. I have glasses. You're doing Night of the Museum, Robin Williams, Teddy Roosevelt. No, you just don't know. In fact, you're doing a Teddy Roosevelt look right now. Look at Robin Williams night You're doing night at the museum Robin Williams Teddy Roosevelt No, you just act you're doing an impression of an impression. You just don't even know what people look like

I know people look like you're like, oh this guy looks like Stalin This guy looks like Stalin and you do a little bit Stalin not Teddy. Yeah, Stalin. Look it up I know young Stalin looks like he's from Georgia. I have him up in my job Oh, George a boy from Savannah raised on cornbread. Yeah I'm a kill 20 million Million Bill yeah Yeah, I always wondered about John Berntal's teeth in that movie fury who the fuck is that he's an actor he was the

16th president of the United States. I didn't learn about that. Who's your favorite president? You didn't listen to the podcast with Shane and Louie? No, I don't listen to any podcasts. I didn't even know what this was gonna be like. JFK was your favorite? Wait, wait, do you think as a girl,

do you think he was a piece of ass? Because when I look at him, I'm like, he's mid, that's a mid guy. He's okay, I think Clinton was probably better looking. JFK was definitely an angles guy, because you see some pictures of him, and he's stately and handsome. Everyone's like, he's a fucking guy.

And then the other ones, it's like his fucking eyes are all fucked up, and he's like, because he was very sickly. He had like a bunch of medical problems. Like what? He couldn't stop fucking? He had some kind of, I think it was Addison's disease is what they diagnosed.

Sounds like a fake, the real thing. Well they used to have that. It sounds like Lena Dunham suffering from her Addison's. I don't know, but he had a bunch of intestinal problems and he fucked his back up. Like they kept doing surgeries on his back and making it worse. Was he hooked on Oxycontin?

His like this completely degenerated. He was on speed, I think. Like in World War. Like Doctor Feelgood. In World War II, he was like a PT boat captain. So he's like sitting in this fucking chair, bouncing up and down. He completely destroyed his back. And yeah, he almost died like four times.

But he would hit it. Do you think that he was like bad in bed because of that? No, no, he would hit it reverse cowgirl because of the back. Oh, okay. Apparently. I think that's actually true. Yeah.

Or at least I saw that. He would do a reverse booyah. That was in that movie. A reverse booyah. Yeah. Like he would get down on all fours and then pull his. Do you know about the booyah? Yeah.

No, it's the booyah. We've discussed it at great length previously. I know. Sorry for the audience. I don't want to bore people. Adrian, you deserve to know. Yeah, please tell me. We're classy guys, We're talking about art

there was a poor as a poor you like 20 years ago on the internet of some black guy putting his nuts and some white lady's Ass and then they pull the nuts in her ass pops them out and goes booyah. Yeah How did he get them in there? I don't know, but you just see it's they Clip is so funny nuts out see it's they just a clip is so funny nuts out I know but I go boo yeah it's gonna be good again it's like abracadabra yeah and then and then about six or seven years ago on the internet some gay man pioneered the self boo yah where he has slow motion videos of him showing his ass to the camera and his nuts are stuck in his ass.

And then he leans forward and they pop out and swing, but it's in slow motion. So it's like. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. And it's. White guys can't let black guys have anything. What do you mean? We're not.

How do you know that? How do you know that? That gay guy's white? He is white probably. He is white. You just said a white guy, didn't you? But a self boo yah. That's a completely different thing.

That's the story of America. He's not doing that again. First of all, that's not white people taking something. That is cultural sharing and collaboration. It's innovation, yeah. It's right. That's what makes our country great. It's literally, it's jazz music.

It makes our country great. No, that's not Men's Sia. great. No, that's not men. See ya know to say that that's Stealing you're actually like this men. See ya know that guy's trying to advance You say are you one of these people that thinks Elvis stole everything? Yes, absolutely No, no Elvis put Elvis made his own spin on exactly like he was basically and never without acknowledgement I want to talk to you guys about PrizePix. About what? PrizePix, an app that I downloaded immediately

when the advertiser told me to and I didn't frustrate the client whatsoever by ignoring texts and emails for five days. I'm gonna do it right now. Guys, PrizePix is the best place to get real money. Look how good Adam's hair looks in the light too, by the way. The backlight. How nice is it?

Very shiny. Yeah, thank you. Look great, head of hair. You can the light too, by the way. The backlight, how nice is it? Very shiny. Yeah, thank you. Look great, head of hair. You can't see yourself, but you look great also. Yeah, you look phenomenal right now. Oh wow, this is great. Yeah, you're looking great. I actually think you're better looking now.

Why? I don't know. But you should see how much better his skin looks on the camera than it used to. I mean, that's crazy. I saw a still. I looked like I was dying. A still from the show from six months ago. Dermatitis, it used to. I mean, that's crazy. I saw a still from the show from six months ago.

I have a dermatitis, it's called. Prize picks is the best place to get real money sports action. Get real money sports action. Okay, fine. It's a clunky sentence. With over 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winnings, Prize picks has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. You just, you just pick more or less on the least, uh, at on at least two players for a shot to win up to a hundred times your cash. So you run your game all season long on prize picks guys. Um, so here's the deal. You can win up to a hundred times your, your money on prize picks with as little as four correct picks

Prize picks is the best way to get an action on sports in over 30 states including, California, Florida, Georgia and Texas Prize picks is the only real money daily fantasy platform with an injury insurance plan so that So if the guy gets hurt, you know like lose your money It's funny like when you're betting or like playing fantasy sports and a guy gets injured You're like fuck you bet you pussy. Yeah people act that way about sports not me. I'm mature and I These are human beings but so they have an injury insurance policy so that your lineup stay in Even if one of your players gets injured If your player leaves in the first half and doesn't return prize picks keeps your lineup live

So sign up today and get $50 instantly when you play $5. You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus. It's guaranteed folks, PrizePix offers weekly promotions that can lead to a big payout. Like Taco Tuesday, each Tuesday PrizePix discounts select player projections up to 25% to provide even more value for your lineups So just think Justin Jefferson will get more than eighty three point five yards next week Slap it on the over Lamar Jackson will pass for more than one point five TDs slap it on the over guys Prize picks is the best way to win real money this football season. Which players are going to go off Nick

Who's gonna go off the players? Yep, and that's what I said the player the players are gonna go off which ones aren't Nick the haters the haters the haters the player haters the haters that's download the app today Use the code TAFS to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 line at PrizePix Run Your Game. It's highly encouraged to voice the following PrizePix tagline, but I just read it. PrizePix Run Your Game. Nick, did you say it? PrizePix Run Your Game. That picks run your game. Can you say it Nick, can you say it? Prize picks run your game. That's a good one, can you try it again? Prize picks run your game.

If you wanna do good reads you gotta do a Steven Dorff impression. Prize picks run your game. That sounded good. Thank you, all right. All right, now we're back to the show. Wow, how's everyone doing? We're talking about Stephen Dorff.

Yeah, Stephen Dorff. Have you seen the film Blade? No. Oh, you gotta check it out. I'm gonna check it out. You gotta check it out. I'm probably not gonna check it out. It's about what if a black guy was a vampire,

but also a human being. And he bites people and then he goes, booyah. And he goes booyah. Booyah. Booyah is the funniest. That is a really funny catchphrase. Yeah, right, especially for- Especially the sexual culture. Especially for a black vampire.

Yeah, yeah, booyah. Booyah. Booyah. Booyah. Yeah, yeah. Candyman should have said booyah. Oh yeah, totally. That would have worked.

We could rework that. We could do AI. Helen, booyah. Come, come booyah with me. Helen. Great movie. So you're getting a lot of heat on this special. I'm sure that the Hollywood's calling.

They are. Okay, I'm hearing a leading lady. Leading lady in a vampire movie. In a vampire. She's in Titanic too. Yeah. She's playing the boat. I'm hearing leading lady leading lady in a vampire movie in a titanic to yeah explain the boat I'm the boat. Yeah, she's the boat and Titanic to anyone goes down on the leading lady What? Okay, I'm sorry is that mean he's saying it's mean he's whispering at me It's funny

I kind of the ocean Wow, sorry we're in Austin, Texas right now we're doing free speech. Yeah. No, no Yeah, she's playing the boat. Yeah What's that let me see who does a better Tony Hitchcliffe, yeah What why why you come on my show do open mic is that no he was like Yeah, you guys are pretty racist well Hans no Tony did racism first, okay, I confused Hans Kim and Tony did the racism first We are doing a parody of racism in this attack. Oh, it's too many black people. Is that Tony or Hans? Yeah

It's a too many black people outside Which one is it Tony or Hans? Remember the other day in the shower? You just do like a Chinese guy Hearing about Black Lives Matter. Oh no, a Japanese guy. A Japanese guy. Oh yeah, yeah.

A Japanese guy that finds out about Black Lives Matter. And he just laughs. No, he's like, ah, Black Lives Matter, you're dorsaire. Oh, you're dorsaire. That's the whole thing. That's it. Oh, Black Lives Matter. Ah, Black Lives Matter, you're dorsaire. That's the whole thing. Oh, black lives matter. Oh, black lives matter. You're not sure.

That's the entire joke, man. Oh, you're not sure. I guess you're more mature than... Yeah, I don't know. I just think that black lives do matter, you know? I think all...yeah. I was...no. No, no. It seems like you guys don't... I think family matters.

Family does not matter. I think family matters. I think family does not family guys I think family matters family family does not matter now, but you got what about your four kids? They don't matter to me. Where are they right? Who knows really they don't matter Really there's somewhere you forgot them. They're forgotten. I think you forgot like a scarf or a hat I remember until you brought them up remember how disappointed How long as a kid when you found out that you couldn't drive on the rings of Saturn? That it's just rocks?

I think that was just you. I remember being very disappointed to find out that it's just an illusion, that it's not a road. Because of Rainbow Road, Super Mario Kart. Yeah, but I had fantasies one day maybe but they could live on the rings of Saturn. And they're like, no, it's just dust. It's an illusion, it's not real. It's an illusion It's not real. Yeah

I was like well fuck What was the biggest disappointment in your life? I think being here Change your time of your life right now maker. I mean I was until you brought up maker look real Let's change the lights. Well, oh you're against or for? I'm very for it. Well you had that website that was, you ran through that guy in India that got 50. Right.

Yeah. It got 50 billion dollars but it was, said it was for George but. I kept it all. So five million dollars from Netflix, what are we doing? Let's like. Well I wanna invest in your show

but I wanna make some changes. What do you wanna change? I want you guys to look like you care. What are we doing? Let's like well, I want to invest in your show, but I want to make some changes What do you want to change? I want you guys to look like you care What your outfits your outfits are his your outfit? I look fucking awesome. I look like Jeff Ross right now, dude I'm a 56 year old man dressing like a toddler. We should go We should go leather. Do you guys want to be in business with me or not? Okay, if you do you think we should go leather Not leather, but just like maybe something that matches. Well he's white hoodie on black hoodie. It's kind of like a cow, spot, spy, or a spy. It's kind of like a white hat, black hat.

I want you guys to coordinate. I thought about once we got the new lights, I was so excited about this setup, because it took two years to get a gaffer in here to do the lights the way they were supposed to. Two years? Two years, yeah. Why would it take so long?

Because there was always other shit going on and it was a fight about, like, he'd say the lights aren't important and then I said, look, just trust me on this. Listen, when I take over, whatever I say goes, you can't say anything. We do need a woman's kind of touch. Because the truth be told, I mean, we did have to get the background to light up and be the right color. It's like we had to buy 15 new lights. Yeah.

I'm going to probably change that when I come in. What is your plan? You're gonna see, it's gonna be a surprise. Don't offend these lights. Look how cool this looks. It's like a real TV studio. Yeah, yeah. The audience can't see it.

It does look cool, that's true. When I come in here, there's gonna be a strobe light. Yeah, we have a strobe. All of these can be set to strobe. You can pick any one of them and they can strobe. Pete, can you strobe this? Not hooked up to DMX. We need, it's everything's just controlled everything's just control. Do we have different looks or just one look right? That's one look. Yeah. Yeah, I want different locks. It's not necessary

You have like a kind of a 24 style look at a certain point. I want you guys also in bowling shirts Well, we got the light that I like that Wearing a suit to the show, but I only have one suit and I don't look good in it anymore So what happened that you don't look at it anymore? I kind of I was vegan for a year and I started drinking again. So I think I transitioned Yeah, he went bowling pin. He was a V and then he went bowling pin Well, I want you guys guys body has gone through so many transformations. Yeah, incredible I'm like Christian Bale instead of but like imagine if he didn't act he was just a guy with bad hygiene he doesn't

brush his teeth. And a mood disorder. Wow Christian Bale. Imagine if he was just a guy who keeps changing his facial hair. He was like a receptionist somewhere like Christian Bale loses a hundred pounds. You do look a little bit like Christian Bale I see that. Everybody's saying I look like everybody. I see it, I see it. I know. Can I just look like Jeff Ross? That's what I want. Your outfit does, yes.

Thank you, good. You wanna get a grill? No, no, no, no. Bowling shirts. It would be really dope if Trump added Rose Master General to like the cabinet or something. You know, with all these wacky pigs. Yeah.

You got Jeff Ross. Do you think we're just wacky pigs or pigs? Pigs. Pigs. You should make Jeff Ross the ambassador to China and he can just go over there and be like, this guy looks like this guy. This guy looks like this guy and this guy had a baby. They're like, oh, he's right.

Oh, he's so good at saying what two guys are right. Oh, he went there. Yeah, right. He You went there. Yeah. You really went there. Yeah. Man, yeah. So you voted for Trump or no? I voted for him six times.

I got yelled at. For voting for Trump. No, into Kamala. She yelled at me. Oh. She peeped and then I erased it. Yeah, I don't think she got the black vote. I think she overwhelmingly got it. It's just that there was less of them.

I don't think she got a lot. I think there's a lot of black people voting for Trump. Latinos, which is funny. Trump ran from blaming Latinos and the Democrats lost and then blamed Latinos. Everyone just wants to blame Latinos. It's Mexicans' fault. I can't even believe it because like Democrats have the respect to call them Latinx and that they didn't.

What's the difference between Latinx and Latinos? It's like gay Mexican. Oh the X makes you gay. X gon' give it to you. Queer. Isn't that DMX though? The Latinx ones they have like metal skeletons and claws kind of. Oh. They're kind of a cyberpunk version. They sound kind of cool actually. I think so too. Some of them have laser eyes when they touch. That's helpful.

One of them's handicapped, but he can control things with his mind. Yeah, yeah. He's sort of the leader of the Latinx. It's similar to Professor X, but there was a lawsuit and they claim it's not. Yeah. One of them is named Beast, and he looks just like Beast from X-Men but it's actually someone's

wife. It's like that meme with Peter Griffin. It's like everyone knows someone who looked like this. It's like him with a Mexican girl's haircut. Oh, it's a good meme. You should check it out. Nick sent it to me one day, and I was taking a poop, and I literally started screaming laughing.

There's one named Magneto, he's covered in drywall screws. It just stuck to his body. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It would be cool seeing Magneto, his name's Magneto, and he's wearing like a Looney Tunes denim jacket. It would be cool seeing Magneto, his name's Magneto, he's wearing a Looney Tunes denim jacket. He's wearing a Pooh Bear pants on.

Lowrider. Sorry. It's okay. Are you mad at us right now? Hey Magneto. No, no, I love you guys. Hey Magneto. Magneto. I'm just taking in what I'm signing us right now? Hey Magneto. No, no, I love you guys. Hey Magneto. Magneto. Magneto.

I'm just taking in what I'm signing up for. Oh Magneto. Home Depot. Home Depot. Home Depot Magneto. Home Depot. That's what you're supposed to say. Home Depot.

I have to go see Home Depot Magneto. He's a very mad at me. You do pretty good at Hispanic. I hope he does not use a metal on me. He's so mad. Magneto is so mad. I hope he does not use a metal on me. He's so scary. I hope he does not use a metal on me. He found out he could throw metals in the Holocaust. That's very scary. And also I think the actor is gay.

Is true? No. That's kind of the subtext of X-Men that Hitler was kind of right because he was trying to kill Magneto. I don't know about that. Well, Magneto is a bad guy. It is kind of confusing for me. Now look what's happening. It is confusing for me.

This boy was already in the jail. Yeah, we had him. We captured Magneto a hundred years ago. We almost got him. Hitler went back in time to stop Magneto. Oh Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See again, you're using Hitler not Stalin Because Hitler because Magneto was in Auschwitz Stalin didn't do that back to the initial point Who did Stalin kill everyone name one they died in war and he had no great Terris Drake Terrace. Yeah from Degrassi. No

Drake Terrace. Drake Terrace? Yeah. From Degrassi? No. Oh. Who's Drake Terrace? You never heard of him? The hotline bling? No, the guy that invented um... That's like a name a con man comes up with. Drake Terrace.

He's trying to get like $200 out of a laundromat. Yeah, is that a Chase bank? Ah, yes. My name is Drake Terrace. This guy was killed and now you're just making fun of him. I dropped off my suit here a week ago. How did you die? You lost it.

It's Drake Terrace. Check again. Well that was a $5,000 suit. Drake Terrace. Drake Terrace is a great name. I will accept $25 in cash for this malfeasance. Thank you very much. And I won't be doing my business here any longer.

Baby, it's time to hit the scratch offs. It's pay dirt. 25 bucks from the laundromat. Drake Terrace strikes again. Drake Terrace is a great name. Yeah. It's it's pay dirt 25 bucks from the laundromat Drake terrorist strikes again. This is a great name. Yeah I'm not what am I jealous of it's a great name This dead guy from Russia. He's not from Russia. I thought you said sawing killed my fake I have the best fake name in the world better Drake terrorist. What is it? Orlando Bloom? Not as good. It's I think Orlando Bloom might be the best fake name.

It's crazy, it's for a white guy too. Orlando? Orlando Bloom? Yeah, that's my name. You kinda look like him too. He does. That's what I mean, I'm just a white guy. I look like all of them.

You look like a lot of whites. Teddy Roosevelt, Stalin, just a white guy. I look like all of them. You look like a lot of whites. Teddy Roosevelt, Stalin, fucking MLK Junior. Yeah. Junior, Junior. Orlando Bloom. Yeah, Kobe Bryant. And then the black version would be Jacksonville Flower.

I'm the black Orlando Bloom Jacksonville flower. I'm Tampa Flores. I told Dan Soder, it was a couple years ago, Dan's from Aurora, Colorado. That's the town he's from. I saw a headline out of Aurora, Colorado. Tragedy. And it was about a murder.

These two guys murdered somebody and the headline was Aurora Cousins Indicted on Murder. It was two black guys, but they only had a picture of one of the black guys. So I thought it was a black guy named Aurora Cousins. That's actually a good name. Yeah. Yeah. And it took me a while to figure it out.

It's like the two were, I'm like, what do you mean the two? There's Aurora Cousins and who's the other guy? I like that. Yeah. A little tidbit. Why do they only have one guy though? Who's the other guy? Like that yeah Little tidbit. Why do they only have one guy though the picture of only one guy? Because they were like yeah, these guys look the other guy looks like into their cousins. Yeah practically twins I Saw these on Instagram there are these two guys who look like twins I saw these on Instagram, there are these two guys who look like twins,

but both of their parents were identical twins who got married to each other, and they're technically cousins, but they looked exactly the same because both their parents, yeah, it was one guy identical twin married a girl identical twin, and then his brother married her sister,

and then they were born like a week apart, but they look exactly like the same guy. I Mean that makes sense. It kind of makes sense, right? Yeah, it's like that's not I don't understand why that's news even it's not news It's like I'm real Instagram is the news. Yeah, it is a news to me. That's where I get mine. Yeah, do they have kids the two guys The scientists are working on it. Oh wait. I thought you said it was a guy that married his girl cousin. No, no, no, two sets of twins, two guys, two girls, both had kids.

One guy, one girl, one guy, one girl. Yeah, and then their kids just looked exactly the same. When I was at Cobb's this weekend, at one of the shows, there was two guys that came up to me and they were twins, you know, and I was like, oh, that's interesting, you're twins, ha ha. And then like ten minutes later another There were two sets of twins at the show

And then suppose that called clustering. Yeah, yeah, Meg a super close. What is it called? Where was the school? The school you said you did a college gig right? No, I did cops Oh, I think I said San Francisco and your brain probably turned that into college because you have college liberals. You don't like those Yeah, yeah, I am a college liberal. You don't like those. Yeah. Yeah I am a college liberal. I'm still in college. Where are you going? San Francisco Phoenix SFU Phoenix online. Are you you're a sorority too? No, I'm not necessarily I can't I can't do it. You can't sober

Really? There's a big expectation of drinking. I know so that's why I can't get into it again, you know Really, but why don't you join like the nerd one? I? Mean I guess I could yeah, but don't they still drink Yeah, but there's less pressure on them, you know They're gonna celebrate you could just be like I'm good in the back. Okay instead of like forcing you to drink Yeah, they'll be like we celebrate that difference in you. There's just one where all the leftovers go. Gotcha, okay. There's a film called The House Bunny with Anna Faris.

I learned all about it there because she gets kicked out of the Playboy Mansion then goes to a college because she has nowhere to live and then joins the nerd girl sorority. I mean, I'm gonna look at all this stuff when I go there. It's a great film, it's a happy Madison. Okay, yeah, I'm gonna check it out. Yeah, go ahead and check it out.

And to all the viewers, check that out. Should I get into online college? But then I'm trying to- Do you wanna go to college with me? I wanna do online college and I wanna try and get like an animal house going in the chat room. Where I'm like, guys, let's play pranks on the professor, dude.

I'm gonna DM them child porn. And I'm like, guys, it's college. They'll think that's hilarious, actually. Yeah, guys, it's fucking college. We should do it. Let's play pranks. The dean is always busting our balls. Yeah, I know. Let, it's college. I think that's hilarious Yeah, let's send his account stuff and play pranks let's order five Dude it's animal house on at Phoenix University. Let's go to the girls and do a panty raid let's hack into the girls computer and jack off to them They don't know their cameras are on Like Animal House like pork Phoenix on a cat

For what hunting women It's just like a 65 year old man like you know like a guy that just learned English like an immigrant Oh, yeah, it's a cool squad. Yeah, the Indian guy on online college. I online college actually calling him booger yeah that's your nickname brother booger don't you fuck call me that yeah I don't want to be poor girl why I why I finally watch revenge of the nerds booger is the one that is cool he has leather jacket he's actually cool he has Elvis aesthetic mm-hmm I love the king mm-hmm anyway so um so we could check out your special once again on Netflix yeah it's called the Dark Queen yep five million dollars five million dollars what's the inspiration for that name um Ari kind of gave it to me because I just

kind of talked about dark topics I guess or my approach to life. I like wearing black a little aria shaffir bon-mont. Yeah He shaved half his head. It looks kind of cool. Well, it's gone now now It's just all right one length his head and his face. So oh interesting, but for a while. Yeah, he was just half Half oh, yeah just half. Half, oh yeah, half, half. Half shaved, half undone, yeah, yeah. And now it's just all one length. He's a great guy.

Shout out to Ari Shafir. Ari Shafir is great. One of the best in the biz. Shout out to Adrian. Thank you. One of the best in the biz. Shout out to Louie, Louie directed it. Shout out to Louie CK, one of the best in the biz. You guys are the best in the biz too.

No. No. You're not, but I just wanted you to feel good. No, we feel terrible. You're saying I made you feel good lying to me? Yeah, what are you? But it wasn't a lie. What are you, what are you giving us? I was wanted you to feel good. No, we feel terrible. You're good lying to me. Yeah What are you? What are you? You said Louie and then you said us and then we would have participation Friends with Louie, by the way, so I don't even have to fuck. She's friends with anyways great great pod We don't have any friends and everyone hates us everyone

I was gonna revamp the show for you guys the least popular guys in the world and everyone hates us Anyway guys, thanks for joining us today. It's been a great podcast. Thank you, Adrian I was gonna revamp the show for you guys. We're the least popular guys in the world and everyone hates us. Anyway guys, thanks for joining us today. It's been a great podcast. Thank you, Adrian. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me. And let's keep it going for Pete. Let's keep it going for Pete.

For bringing me the replacement microphone and the lights, they look amazing. Let's give it up for the set. You gave me the Pete game in this water. You gotta see yourself on these fucking, on the monitor. You are going to look incredible. You're gonna say I've never been, I finally found my light here.

I can't wait. I am, is that Megan Fong's? No, it's me. All right, thanks a lot guys, bye.