The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Ari Shaffir - Episode 90

Episode Date: January 25, 2025

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Ari Shaffir - Episode 90 X: https://x.com/adam_talkshow Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/adamfriedlandshow.bsky.social Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Subscribe to  @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS -- LIVE SHOWS: ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #arishaffir

Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland show podcast. Special guest this week. Ari Shafir and Mullen and Mullen. Yeah. Oh yeah. Do we want to we want to address this is my this is my final episode. This is my final episode. What is going on with this podcast. Well I mean we've been trying to last time I was here you weren't here. We've been trying to stop podcasting for about forty seven years now. Yeah. No I'm doing it. I'm just going to. You're stopping. I'm hitting the road. Yeah. And by that I mean going home like in a Jack Kerouac way. Yeah. You're just done with it. But he hits the road. Yeah. wait wait wait wait. There's road. It's called hitting the road. The truth is this is that the the talk show We're going to be in the next two months converting it to a new model where it's gonna be a once-a-week show

So the the original objective instead of once every six months So when someone's not in London, someone else is fucking not angry. Yeah, yeah, exactly. What, no. Who's in London, was that an expression? Was I in London? Yeah, I think last time I was here. No, no, I was, no, I was taking my father to the hospital.

I remember I saw you at the sand, you were like, how was London? And I was like, I was taking my father to the hospital. His dad had diarrhea. My dad had diarrhea. His dad is pretty severe. I had to take my dad to a specialist in Scottsdalestate. Yeah, well, it's pretty severe explosive Which is actually it's a psychological diagnosis

Yeah, it's a lot of people don't know that it's it's a mental. It's like asthma. It's they're making it up the body Yeah, yeah, the doctor said psychosomatics. That's unbelievable. Yes, bro Yeah, it's a walk in the Best Buy and it'll be like a galaxy note tablet 50% off and just you know, you know, for an aisle three really escalated after October seven. It's well, it's deal related. Yeah, actually speaking my dad, New Jersey, he has deals. He has a bone to pick with you. New Jersey. What is that? It's where all the rich Syrian Jews live. Oh, I thought it was like a show real thing Do you know it was a show like a reality show like can you believe this? I waited 20 minutes for my soup to come. I just got I got 45 double a batteries for $11 Hosted by Guy Fieri. I was visiting my dad damn. That's a fucking that's a rockstar deal you got

Shit when are we eating shit hold on a second guy? Why am I here? Where's the food? Where's the food? Yeah, I was visiting my dad in Vegas once. There was like a geriatric at the supermarket just holding up the line for like 20 minutes because he had an expired coupon. I've always wanted to see a really old guy who's also fat. I'm like check out Ben and Geriatric. That's pretty good. He's been waiting for you.

I can't wait any longer. I haven't seen it. If you're a big fat guy you die at 47. Rest in peace, Burke Chrysler. This coming out in one year? Even waiting for you. I can't wait For Christ sure this coming out in one year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, it's coming out. Yeah, perhaps never Well, I wonder do you think Bert will die soon? Yeah, okay. I don't know Hopefully I'm gonna body type doesn't see 60 is gonna be like Reagan's funeral where they drive them through Washington And yeah, it'll be two comics. There's like Navy TGI Fridays around the valley Yeah, it would be like the inauguration but sad yeah Yeah, all the same people will be there millions of people lining up to see his body

Yeah, open the inauguration are crazy. It's like yeah, we got everybody here We got fucking Joe Rogan and Jake Paul Paul and Joe Rogan what the yeah why is Theo at the oh bro yeah you know what president was because he told the chairman of the board? Why are all these people there? It shouldn't just be dignitaries? Who the fuck are these people? It should be an African guy dressed like Lieutenant Worf. I was a dignitary and my buddies wedding, I married him off to a squirrel.

It should be a black guy wearing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lieutenant Worf. Lieutenant Worf. Congratulations, Mr. President. Thank you, Worf. Congratulations, Mr. President. Thank you, Worf. Thank you, Worf. I'll never forget that you believed in me.

They said no Klingon could be black. He's black. Well, they have a black one. They make him in black. What was I going to say? Oh, yeah. We had the line was being held up by this geriatric and he had an expired coupon and he said, this document represents a promise

from your firm to the consumer. And like he would not leave the line. Yeah, it represents a promise that if you get here before December 27th, 2024, we will give you this. Wait, who said that? That was on the show? show. Yeah, they always go straight to like legalese. Yeah Yeah, try to fix their social problem I have been in court plenty of times as a defendant for sexual assault of a brother. That's a lawyer I have a brother-in-law. That's a lawyer

It's the family business because they wouldn't honor a coupon. Where was this? This was at a Asking Robin supermarket by my dog.. You got it down to a dollar It's funny cuz I'm paying it it was a family neighborhood, but now all the parents are still there So now it's an old person neighborhood. It's a weird weird thing to see. Yeah, it's like most of Brooklyn Yeah, I suppose to be cool and then it's fucking guys with tattoos pushing strollers like homosexuals I've been saying those are young parents. Yeah. He's saying it's like a family neighborhood where the kids go often.

Then they're all living, then the kids are in Brooklyn with the strollers. Yeah, yeah, the kids are all exploring, exploring assholes and genders. Complaining about coupons. Yeah. It's really crazy. Yeah, it has a dad's problem with me.

Oh yeah, he's got beef, dude. He saw you on it. Well, he calls me anytime he hears a comedian with a Jewish name. So he's like, do you know Ari Shafir? I got the Ari Shafir phone call. He heard you on a podcast. That's great that he listens to podcasts,

is able to use the computer and stuff. No, well it's TV. How old is he? 73. That's great that he's able to figure it out. Well it seems like you're a little bit, like you're saying it in a gracious way, but I can see behind your eyes.

You're like a little bit like another troll coming. So happy for your dad to be able to. He's like there's a comedian Ari Shafia. Do you know him? And I was like, yeah, I know Ari's a good guy. And my dad goes, he's like, yes, I saw him on a podcast. It was like a, it's like, like a academic podcast kind of thing.

Oh really? I forget the name. We can call him the squash this whole beef right now. Let's squash it or let's start it up a little more academic podcast. Could you have been on this? Geometrics or something or Trigonometry what is it? It sounds like math. I don't listen to when it's Lewis's podcast where he misspelled I'm going on trigonometry. All this creativity could go towards some of the best scripts in history. I'm the third most on trigonometry.

I love that he started a second Real Ass podcast. He just changed the name. No, there's still Real Ass podcast. There's still Real Ass? But then there's also Are you sure I think it's just Zach gain too much weight for it to be real ass anymore. It's not I mean I like New phase where he's just dressing like an optical illusion are too mean to it like he's at the point now where it's like I don't feel comfortable even making fun of he's a man with a code I guess but when I go when I go into that studio and like he's in that he's there's a waiting couch

Yeah, he's in there and it's a chair. It's a stool He's all the way cuz he's like, you know, he's like hey good to see you Yeah, you know, it's like where is your like your ass begins off the seat and it goes all the way to the back. I like people like we should talk to him like he knows I this boy talking to Zach is like talking to someone who's working on the Fukushima plant behind that door. Right. You okay like no yeah right. I'm just riding this out. She is glowing green. Yeah, I like that. You ever watch that show Chernobyl? nah, it's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, it's real good. There's a scene where they have to get these like miners

he's like Russian strip miners to go in and burrow under the You know the plant and they either like shut the water off or they do something but they tell them they're like look if you go in here, you're going to die you're gonna get radiation sickness and look, if you go in here, you're going to die. You're gonna get radiation sickness. And so the miners are like, they make the, like the head one is Scottish. Everyone has a British accent, but he's like, he's like, fuck it, I'll do it.

I'll do it. You can't stop me from doing it. I'm a miner, you know? So, and then for, I can't remember why, but they have to do it completely naked. So they go in and they get the fucking, they shut the water off and there's this scene of them walking out of the mines, you know, in the right stuff

when they're headed towards, like they're done with the training. It's like this, and they're completely new. Like this guy, yeah, and he's got like a chode, and like you can see his penis, and he's just walking up, and he's like, we did it. And it's awesome. You're like, fuck yeah, dude.

Why would Jeff get naked? I think it's like, cause it was so hot down there. I think it's something like that. I've been in the summertime. Yeah. I wear less clothes, but. So what's his issue? He said, you don't say that about Kobe

right. He has a family of all that. I thought it was going to be a pro. No, it's it's old reliable. It's old reliable. It's old faithful. Yeah. Once again, well tell your dad he's not coming back. Doesn't quit living with no Kobe for the rest of his life. Listen,, if you get shot for that, it'll be like, that'll be like the black world's version of the United health care scene. What was the worst? What's the worst threat you received for that? And I'll say this as like Kobe, he was a very incredibly special, uh, person.

Are you his body's barely cold. His body's super cold and breaking down already. Okay, Ari. I watched an air disasters episode on the helicopter crash. Really, what did they say? Why'd it crash? I think the pilot was like, he got into a situation where there was no visibility

and he couldn't really gauge what was going on. Yeah, he said not to take off and Kobe made them take off. No, no, that's not what happened. It's like he... You're making fun of the daughter. No, Kobe killed his daughter by taking off and the pilot was like, do not, we cannot do this. The pilot just didn't wanna let Kobe down,

I think is what it was. So he flew when he shouldn't have. He was such a good guy. Yeah. Wait, yeah, but... I'm sure the story said it that way. What's the worst threat you receive for... And his former helicopter pilot, they interviewed him on the Air Disaster Show and he's

clearly deaf or something. He's like, go be with a man. There's no way that he would ever put a I have here in the rear right it was like don't interview Put a statement on the screen Somebody has read by yeah Yeah, he's like coming never told me to hurry up and then we just like like smash cut to him and he's sitting there and Komi's like, hurry the fuck up! And this guy's like, what that? What was that? You gotta fly faster. Thanks, man.

Thanks, Komi. People took pictures of guns? What? Did they send things to your house? Thanks, Kobe. People took pictures of guns. What? Did they send things to your house? Also, important to know. They told me they were going to break up this podcast. Important to know.

They succeeded. The Kobe helicopter pilot, neither of them were trans Navy SEALs. Oh. Yeah. I was under the impression that they both were. Because I've never seen. You think LA helicopter, you think that guy. Well, because I really, I can only think LA helicopter you think that guy well because I really I think

three Helicopter pilots it's the trans they're guys yeah, and now the two I know about from Kobe But in my mind I didn't realize until watching air disasters I thought every helicopter pilot was a trans Navy SEAL yeah, because I can't that's the only one I that's the only one I've ever seen who knew yeah, did you see that the trans? It's like if I see somebody with a beanie that has cat ears on it, I'm like, oh, that's a trans person.

Yeah. You know? Because so far it's 100% hit rate. And the same was true for helicopter pilots until I saw the air today. Yeah. I like the post-binary, that's a new one. Yeah.

Where it's just like, we're just doing every where it's clown core, full clown core. I've been told comedians are supposed to move on from this from gender, but it's like full clown or talk about it anymore. Yeah. I was not trans just the, the, the past gender at all. They do clown core with the freckles dots. Is that a gender? No, it's nothing. It's like, it's another dress up. It just sounds like a nerd.

No they're cool. They're cool. They're cool. Yeah. Yeah they wouldn't quit on a podcast. I feel like I. What are you saying? What's that?

You're saying I'm worse than a trans person? First of all that's insulting to both of us. That's insulting to them. To both of us. Yeah both of you. You said trans people are barely above you, the scum of the earth. Who else is on your shit list, Ari?

You're gonna get us in Seth Simons. I'm saying it? I thought he said it. You're gonna get us in Seth Simons' latest newsletter. It's not even Simmons. Which is dutifully. Bill Simmons. Bill Simmons.

Sent to my email. He's his son, Seth. I read every one of his newsletters. Bill Simmons? No, no, no. Seth. Seth Simons. Somebody signed me up for it and I get all of them. What's he on about these days? I read every one of his newsletters. Bill Simmons? No, no, no. Seth. Seth.

Somebody signed me up for it and I get all of them. What's he on about these days? They're pretty good. I don't know. I mean it's like. His form is good. His function is awesome. Everyone he's gone after and continues to go after is now worth like hundreds of millions

of dollars. So it's like I really can't find it to be like how could he say that about Shane? It's a cosign. I was using one of his reviews of me as in my bio Because a quote was like what is you want to see someone pull their pants down for that for up for like a braying audience Go see all I'm like yeah great. What's getting mean like a cheering in a donkey like fashion So he says that you're crushing effect. Yeah. Yeah with your penis. Yeah No, he'll he'll like he'll like quote podcasts and stuff and even Transcribed it just makes it funnier. Yeah, it's so funny up. Yeah, when you see the transcript and I'm sitting there laughing

Funny up. Yeah, I mean you see the transcript and I'm sitting there laughing Hey tell your father's hate to my face if he's not such a coward come on do you like go through his son? He's a good man. He has psychological diarrhea Psycho he's got diarrhea. He's got psycho runs Guys we want to talk to you right now about Lucy a% pure nicotine always tobacco free Lucy breakers are nicotine pouches with an extra surprise much like Gushers much like diarrhea. Yeah, I thought I go diarrhea It's the Lucy is the nicotine gum with diarrhea Not the flavor of course, but the experience.

Haven't you wanted to eat a piece of gum and have diarrhea in your mouth? The Willy Wonka. The worst Willy Wonka. I've been dreaming of that my entire life. The director's cut. That's Harry Potter, right? Where they have a jelly bean that's every flavor. There's like a crab one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's one that's diarrhea. Vomit. Yeah. Um, each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken into, uh, broken to open an extra release, extra flavor. Kind of like the spies using World War II when they got caught. Yeah, like a cyanide tablet. Tooth to fake to yourself.

What's your favorite Lucy flavor, Nick? Apple martini. The James Bond. Which I just watched. I rewatched the first 15 minutes of GoldenEye the other day. Oh, that's a great. With the plane? Well, I wanted to just see the guy jump off the dam.

Yeah, that's cool. I was like, that's awesome. Yeah, that's cool. I was sitting. I was walking. I was like, what if I could do something like that? And I was what was what am I thinking of I'm like that guy jumping off killing him So I and I put I put it on and I watch you're thinking of killing yourself and it reminds you I'm bungee jumping. Oh damn. Yeah, I was like that. I wanted to feel that

Sense of freedom I guess bungee jumping off dam, swan diving off a dam. And I'm like what am I, oh right, the beginning of Goldeneye. And then I watched up until the, when they blow up the fucking. Damn? No, the Severnaya missile. The silo.

No, not the silo, where they blow up the fucking, the satellite. Is that where he dies? Where he comes back to do something to free the kid or whatever and then he's gotta like stop the lawn? No, you're thinking of fucking kindergarten cop. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. Goldeneye is James Bond. Which James Bond did he go back? The one that's in the closet, real good looking guy, but then he goes back to like, oh, he's gonna like blow it up, and then the missile comes at him. Which one is in the closet, Sean Connery?

No, no, no, more recent one. Daniel Craig. Daniel Craig, yeah. He's a gay guy? Yeah. How do you know? Cause I've met gays before. Really? Yeah. He acts gay about that? He's gay, he's just a gay, but anyway, who cares?

I know what you're saying, I don't care. I think what he's throwing at you, he was dressed by a gay for those movies. Yeah, I heard a lot of gay guys dress other men magazine has ever been in our interview. It's a homosexual man It's like they have them now. They're everywhere really yeah one Yeah up until Daniel Craig the suits were all just off the rack. Yeah, yeah, it was a Josie Bank. Yeah They were will be dying one he died but he died one. He died. Yeah, at the end.

It was Tom Ford. At the end of the last one. Yeah, what was it? Oh, you seen a Royale? Ain't Got No Damn Time for that. Yeah, Ain't No Goddamn Time to die. Ain't Got No Damn Time for that. Ain't Got No Motherfucking Time.

Tyler Perry should do a 007. That would be sick. Set in Atlanta. The diary of an Ain't Got no motherfucking time lady. Uh, when do you throw in your Lucy Nick? Huh? When do you throw it in? Whenever I you know, whenever you would have whenever otherwise I would want a cigarette or vape whenever you get that craving Nick likes to level up his nicotine routine with Lucy. So you can go to Lucy.co slash tafs and use promo code tafs.

Lucy dot what? Co. Colorado? Yeah, like Colorado, like the postal code for Colorado. And you get 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy if you change your mind. Again, that's Lucy.co and use code cafs to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age-verified warning this product contains nicotine nicotine

is an addictive chemical that's fast I'm gonna get fast at that I'm gonna have to for my future career you ever give one of those patches to like a child to see the flavor ones? No, no, no, no. I don't do, I try to stay away from tricking children. I think that that's not something that we should be doing. You ever get too many of those and give it to homeless people?

No. I do it with the- I don't trick homeless people. It's not tricking. Giving. Giving? Yeah. Okay.

Hey, we got all these Zen pouches or whatever. I give homeless people matches and directions to James Woods' house. I was like, I don't have any money. I have this box of matches and this is where James Woods lives. It's amazing they can start up that fire. I've been camping and it's difficult

with like some starter logs. It's so funny to imagine. It's like, yeah, I was homeless people That big-ass fire as a bunch of homeless people with flamethrowers going around Sneaking around Flamethrower throw that together What are they being homeless people so like in like they're fucking barrels that they warm up with yeah I think they meant like the guys that warm their hands, you know donkey Kong to down the road

Warm their hands. They're wearing a barrel, you know, then that's not arson. That's just there a fire to be warm. Yeah Wait, what was that thing about going over the Hanukkah arson? Niagara falls in a barrel. Yeah, that was a thing I remember what was that? What was that all about? Did you bring that? I brought it up recently It was the first like I think I was thinking about it But I remember reading about it as a kid as a kid they didn't tell you about that scary to me And I remember the kid yeah exactly. I don't want to do that Yeah, but yeah, yeah you go over Niagara Falls in a barrel everyone tried to do it almost everybody died

Yeah, it was like a popular thing to do everyone tried to do it. Almost everybody died. Yeah. Oh, it was like a popular thing to do. Like that guy. Yeah, it's not that, it's not that, it's like how much of a. You seen that video of the guy

jumping off the Eiffel Tower in his parachute suit? Oh. Oh, like a squirrel suit? It's from like 1880 and he's got like a, and he's like showing the flaps and then you see him and it's like tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, you know, and he's like waving to everybody and then he hesitates for a second and he jumps off

and he's just immediately like, chomp. Yeah, right, just like, and then like and then dust comes up never try it over water everyone just sort of leaves and it's funny because I've seen that video and you think it's like you know it's crazy that we have all these things and like people had to die for us to get like like to just get a microphone there's probably 30 guys it's like, and let's try this. You know, like it killed them, right? And so you're saying like, man, this guy came up

with this idea, like that wasn't it. Obviously it's a thing that expands, but to be like this could work and he tries it and he dies and then they're like, okay, let's keep refining this process. But the truth is actually that they had already invented parachutes, that they existed, they figured out, they deploy and that's how they work.

And this guy was like, yeah, but what if it was like a cool coat? So it was- What if it was clothes? It was an idiot. It was just like, it wasn't an inventor, it was an idiot. Imagine getting the rights to get up to the Eiffel Tower and be like, hey guys, I'm going to test something. If you did that now, they'd be like, get down.

Well, it's funny because it's funny because it's almost in a way that the complexities of patent law and how difficult it is to patent something and in these days be an adventurer is probably saving a lot of lives. Because if you just had to call up the patent office and be like, well, here's my nickel and my quarter and I invented the bubble bee suit for a man, you know

And it didn't have to work Well, and then they try out their bumblebee suit and it kills everyone. Yeah Regardless, yeah, well, there's a guy that's like I had an idea What if I could fly and I had a needle that came out of my ass, you know and great. It's yours Yeah, and they're like, okay, and he goes to a lawyer and they're like, well, it's going to be $70,000. And he's like, well, I have no money. How about that? And they're like, maybe you should try janitor instead of inventor. And it's,

it's like protecting people in a way. I I'm hoping that like Elon with the deregulation just like that they're going to be just some slapstick slapstick, just, I got two, my friend worked at that just complete accidents. I got two good ones. Really? One was the guy who did the segue. Everyone else just showed the blueprints. He's like, no, no, I'm bringing it in.

Yeah. And made it really ride at the patent office. They're like, it just showed that it doesn't infringe on any of the patents. The best one was- And he rolled himself off the cliff. He killed himself. Yeah, yeah.

Famously. Same thing, he probably thought he's like, no, it's a flying machine. It's pretty cool to just ride around on, and he's like, no, it'll fly. I made a new parachute. You know, everybody shits on that guy who's doing daily penis surgeries

and drinking his son's cum to stay young. The billionaire Brian Johnson. Yeah, that guy. Yeah. And it's weird because it's like. He looks like an Asian woman. He looks weird. It's working.

He looks fucking weird. I don't know if it's working or not. It probably isn't, but like he's just doing what, like, what's going on here? What's happening? I think it's nothing. Nothing? It seems like more than nothing. on here what's happening nothing it seems like more than nothing it seems like this is why you're leaving the podcast this kind of unprofessionalism no he ran off and it that's not why I'm leaving the party let's not sure let's not oh and so you called for Pete before taking care of it yourself? Pete! Pete! My throaty hurts! Here is the

best inventions. Okay. The number one. This is the only one. I shouldn't just pluralize it. A method of inducing birth through use of centrifugal force. That's awesome. Yeah. So it's like you hold your wife's hands and just spin around. Okay. So it's connected. One of those stirrup things. The middle is where the head is. It spins so the head stays in place. Everything else spins. There's a net at the end of your legs. So you just spin, spin, spin until the baby just goes shhh, boom.

Yeah, but what about the umbilical cord? It doesn't go that far. The net's right there. Yeah. Listen, it's not about whether it works or not. Are you eventually dragging the baby along the net? Yes, the baby's in the net So you probably have to have some under two because when you slow down it would then fall I wonder if they've used it one time that is hilarious

That is so funny. It's a solid one. That is a circus ass way to be born There's a ringling brother do it in could also do it in like a fast elevator or the Tower of Terror. Yeah, Tower of Terror. Just make a bitch sit upside down. Welcome to the Twilight Zone. Oh my god, I'm so sorry everybody. I'm so sorry. I had my baby, I'm so sorry everybody. I'm so sorry. I had my baby, I'm sorry. Don't continue with the ride. I'm so yeah, I messed up the tower, I know y'all waited in line for probably seven hours. Yeah, a new feature at Disney.

You got a new special out? Yeah. I wanted to mention in the, you know, before the plug section. Well before you can no longer do plugs. What are you gonna do with your time? Yeah, it's called America sweet All right, it's on Netflix What do you mean? I have been leaving alone for so I want to get back to it. Yeah, what are you gonna do? No time. Well, I went to the doctor the other day. I gotta go to the doctor again stress level

I don't know. We'll figure it out Yeah, yeah, I don't know sort of take care of myself. Yeah, I don't know, sort of take care of myself for a little bit and then make some other plan. I'll probably just end up podcasting again. Yeah, it's, we'll see. But not here. Some different thing. Yeah, yeah.

You're gonna write more? If I get back into podcasting, I wanna have one of those themed podcasts that are now out of vogue. That's what I got, travel podcasts. But 10 years ago, that was, you had to have had to have a scene the socialist women of wrestling or something. Yeah Well, I think I might just might just be doing small household repairs I had to fix the motor in my automatic litter box the other day and I'm like I could just I'm good at this

So you're gonna do it in a podcast form not like a like a video form no yeah, it'll be a podcast You have to you have to listen to all 800 episodes in the off chance that I covered how to fix the The you know the screen on your mr. Coffee This is audio only like and then you take this thing and try like to go this way with that. Yeah Yeah, this part that's supposed to be the part that looks like he just fucks up and he whispers the n-word under his breath Doing stuff like that. I'm like damn what a process open feels then it's got all these little gears Yeah, spring. I pulled all the gears off. I got a little toothbrush. I cleaned them all He's retiring

Fucking Florida to die. How do you do it in Florida? You die here? In bedside, yeah. Oh. Yeah, well so your special American sweetheart. Yeah, yeah, it's about learning to ignore your dad. It's too sad for me

to talk about this stuff. What? Why are you still mad at my dad, dude? I'm not, I moved on. He's not even your dad. I'm saying he's great. I have every right to be mad at him, and we're cool now. I love that you guys connect. I love that you can overlook his stupidity

and his butt-hurt-ness and still see him as a human. Yeah, I mean, he says some terrible things about you on Reddit, I'm not repeating them. Your dad's on Reddit. He's on the Protect Our Parks Reddit. He's on the r slash Chronic Diarrhea Reddit being like, J 712. And then he just had Palestine was never a real country.

The subway was a bad idea. Fighter in the kid read it. He's like talking in that language. And then he's back over on the dying of diarrhea. Read it like, I love this community. This community has changed my life. Brendan is a fucking idiot. People get tired of saying the same shit over and over again. No, no. They're just

podcasting. You ever get... It's like the it's narcissists. No, not them. I meant Reddit. The Reddit people. It's the entire internet. They're reacting to us saying the same things over and over again. Right, right. Can you imagine it? Like we're online because we make money from it. But there are thousands, there are millions of people who for zero dollars just yell at the President of the United States all day. I'm thinking he's reading it.

For no money. Yeah. Just like clocking in. Is that Family Guy episode where Brian gets into that like in like 2018? He's like a Trump reply guy. And he's like, G-O, hashtag G-O-P-U. He's getting like zero retweets. No.

Just into a void. Yeah, into a void. For no one, screaming at a void. Just mad at the president of the United States. Go take a walk outside, it's crazy. It's so fun to see somebody riled up and you're like, oh, I don't care, I'm doing at the president of the United States. Go take a walk outside. It's crazy. It's so fun to see somebody riled up and you're like, oh, I don't care.

I'm doing this thing. Like, how could you not know about the Columbia statisticians that f***ed two women? Like, I don't know. I don't know. I'm not in that world. Is that real? There was like a guy in college who was at Columbia.

Somebody came in all steamy. Was talking to Michelle Wolf. Somebody comes in all steamy like, did you hear about this guy at Columbia? And he went back to work. We're like, I'm just trying to catch up with my friend. The Netflix documentary about it called Not Just a Number. Michelle wolf somebody comes in all steam like you hear about this guy Columbia and he went back to work like The Netflix documentary about it called not just a number Yeah, I mean I would rather get yelled at I guess by a person in real life. I guess it never happens. I've never gotten, I mean I'm yelled at by strangers

but not just because of how I look like me. Yeah, but not because of like, not because the podcast is late, you know. Just because I'm like a bitch ass white boy. I mean, I can't do anything about it. You have beautiful eyes. Thank you, so do you. Thanks.

I think it's just he cleaned his glasses finally. No. They're a fucking mess right now. Look at them. Actually, I think they didn't take the fucking film off. There's no film. There's no film. There's no film.

There's like a holographic dirt. You're thinking of a new Chinese branded iPad. Not glasses. It's out of the box iPads. I'll look into it. You're thinking of a new Chinese branded iPad I'll look into it. No, it's usually attached to a sticker. This is a Is that what the yeah, it's like a polarized Then don't order that next time Why is it embarrassing because the people see and they're like, why do you have the logo for your glasses? I got disappointed. I chewed off a part of my other glasses

and I went to the store and I was like, oh yeah, this fell off, it's under warranty. Yeah, we don't make those glasses anymore. Really? And I was like, so I can't ever get these replaced? Yeah. And they're like, no, we only have stupid looking glasses now.

Ugh. And I was like, but I need smart looking glasses. Yeah. Okay, all right, cool. Out time. Guys, I wanna talk to you about the perfect jeans. Ari, what are the perfect? White.

I could be wearing them right now. Six foot two. I think I'm wearing them right now. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Scandinavian. Yeah. Scando, that's a derogatory term for them guys. I was a pair of these jeans What you looking at scan though

Which Vento de cuckoo Hell out of here scan don't st Take a Stroopwafel with you! Take your fucking suspenders and your goddamn... Why do you need suspenders? Your shorts are already too goddamn high. They're called Liederhosen. It's a type of pants that prevents us from doing the Holocaust. We're changing our government!

Take them off! Okay, but you're not going to like it. I Learn in German guys What oh I got sent a pair of these jeans and guys guess what they were perfect. Why'd you have to guess what on that? I'm literally wearing them right now. You weren't perfect. Yeah. Yeah, you want to talk about how perfect they look like Levi's to me. They're not. What makes them perfect are. Let's give a personal endorsement because it says I'm supposed to wear them and stand up and I'm not doing it. Number one. Here's what makes these perfect. The name of them. Yeah. That's as far as it goes. You're supposed to say guess what. Guess what. I'm standing up. Guess what. I just sat down thank you like a true pitchman yeah you

didn't really give him a chance to guess though everyone homes look come on yeah that's not enough time there was a guy heard guess what he goes you're gay have to do too fast and then the guy he like looks over to squish mollis and he I got him guys. I got the bug dude. It's gonna be the rest of my life. I do have incredibly big balls and they push out to save space for those. They have, they have. What do you mean they push out? What do you mean push out? Not so tight in the ball. Long. Yeah. A lot of times if you get like ball space,

then you're getting way baggy. You want something that's like normal in the waist. So there's a taper but the balls. But then a little bit of ball space. Yeah. Why does it have to be connected? I don't get it. Guess what?

What? That's what makes them perfect. I only buy jeans when I'm like in really good shape. Yeah. And then I immediately get in bad shape. And then I just have useless jeans all the time I only buy clothes before I got like a two-week window where I'm like I'm gonna get some jean boys back the sweatpants I'm feeling me. Yeah, right guys

Speaking of what Ari just mentioned about his testicles the perfect gene has saved over 700,000 pairs of nuts for their owners. Oh really from stiff Denim they put them on the troops. Not so blown off. I move. Yeah, I We called a kaboom And their owners Yeah, they've saved them from stiff unforgiving denim and that number is going up every day These jeans are ready to help you crush 2025 They've got serious stretch for every phase of your fitness journey

You work out in these guys if you don't love these jeans nickel quit the podcast I help you crush 2025. They've got serious stretch for every phase of your fitness journey. You work out in these guys. If you don't love these jeans, nickel quit the podcast. You better. Since this is my final day, should I charter a stretch limousine home after? Yeah, no, we should get a blade. Do you know what you're not? How about a 10 gun salute? Not we, I think I should get a stretch limousine with a nice little 10 inch TV in the back. I'm going to wait 10 inch CRT TV and I can watch Home Alone too. I think you just ask the driver's name as you roll out the window every time. Yeah. Just get that. What's your last name? It is Bungalowka. Guys, that's an awesome name. That's a cool name.

You can start 2025 off right with zero wardrobe stress the perfect gene has six fits from waist 26 to 50 So those aren't them are they? No, these are you have them sitting in the yacht and that's why my balls are Let me it's it's a little right now. Why do you run into the office? Why don't you go get your pants Adam good? Japan's my pan commits to the house again my pants. You want to just keep going with the... Okay. Adam's gonna go put his pants on that he got from Perfect Jeans. His Jew jeans right now. His yeah. With a second command to the Coens. His his Levi jeans. Yeah yeah. His Levi jeans. Yeah Chaim Levi. Can you hand me his vape

please? Thank you. What's what's it what's the uh. So that's'm Levy. Can you hand me his vape, please? Thank you. What's the? So that's, you got, when did you record this special? April. April? And when did you, and Jew was the one right before that? Jew was a couple years before. Couple years, oh man, see in my mind,

Jew came out eight months ago, and now you already have another one. No, I was, wow. That's what I mean, that's why I have to leave, is because this is, I'm just, I would rather, if I'm gonna waste my life, I would rather do it fixing small motors and tinkering. I think it was time for you to quit anyway.

Yeah, probably. Your heart hasn't been in it for a while. No, it hasn't. Comptown was a good show. Comptown was a good show. This was a good spite show for a while. It was all right, yeah. And then the anger fades and you're like,

why am I still doing this? Exactly. Yeah, like, what am I still? Exactly? Exactly. Yeah, like what am I still? Exactly. There was a time when I was really mad at Bobby Lee and then every time I tried to embarrass him, every conversation he was in, I tried to like get in there like, but he's stupid, right?

You guys listen to this dumb fucking idiot. And then at some point I remember not having the energy to do that. Right. He was in a conversation and I was like, ugh, but my friends were there. He's just a small Korean man. It's like, what are you doing?

Yeah. It's like getting mad at a Kia Yeah, how long are you gonna do a podcast with a retard? Can you imagine being cut off by a hondi and being like oh this fuck? This is probably This is probably some rich asshole. No. Yeah, right. It's just it's some Yeah on their Korean way to fucking go to their Korean job Can't believe you made it put on the jeans They were nice enough to send yeah, they were nice enough. They're good jeans. Yeah, are those actually perfect? Yeah, they are

Okay, they do they you they sponsor your podcast they had in a long time ago then they haven't for quite some time Yeah, I'm just working on the law. They're probably one of those companies. It's smart that understands. You only need to buy one read Yeah, and then like they'll just keep wearing some of these companies They're like, I don't know we've been paying these guys for ten years and no one's buying it's like yeah It's the same 15 people. Yeah, listen to this show. Honestly, it's just comedians. Just send them one pair of jeans I'll just wear them almost every comic. Yeah, some guy brought me some guy brought me shorts You look like Nanette dude It's not bad mm-hmm can I see can I see the tag

Fuck your khakis that's aggressive, and it looks like an eye test chart. Yeah. That would be a cool movie, right? Like an optometrist that is a killer. Oh. Somebody gets their eyes checked, and then they're like, now read the last line. And they're squinting.

The guy's squinting, and then the last line says, I killed your wife. And he's like, wait a minute. And then he knocks the thing, and the opthamist just shoots him. Everybody slowly sees a pin coming out of him. And then it says, the end. But he's like, the charm of it. Yeah, like blood comes out of the end.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it, run it. Guys. Fashion project. Yeah. Guys. It's not gonna go to direct. Yeah, I'm gonna walk around,

I'm gonna go pretend like I'm doing Habitat for Humanity in LA. Mm-hmm, and I'm gonna find Steven Spielberg and I'm like I'm here to rebuild your home also the optometrist That's the kind of script you throw into a movie window. Yeah, right. It's a post-it note with just what I said This is I know I know this formatting issues here, but this is the screen just as the optometrist you can read it Yeah, right, and then it says the end is a killer He's a killer optometrist and the eye chart at the bottom. It says I killed your wife I Not only do they have perfect jeans they know they've got perfect t-shirts and the perfect tee is just enough stretch put that on To hot I don't think they sent it did they?

Well, then take this shirt take the shirt off You shouldn't be wearing anything but the jeans including your glasses and your your engagement ring Take your engagement ring. Take your engagement ring off. What are you engaged to Reddit? No, I don't. Let's see it. She doesn't let me on the computer off, off, off. And then Pete, your body's a wonderland. Let's edit in some mid nineties Fox wooing noises for the rest of the episode

Can you also glasses to put a side by side of him next to someone with regular size nipples? Uh-huh I've got really small nipples. Yeah Also, a lot of Ashkenazi Jews have a chest king cavity. Oh, do you have one? I don't think so. My friend Tommy had one and we made him we sold milk and cereal from the right from the like Cafeteria camp, but we'd make him eat it out of his chest. Grrdy. Yeah, he'd do anything for money that guy Story tracks anyways back to the room. Anyway, so uh, oh, yeah This is for you buddy This for you Tommy. This is a going away present money for you. No, it's not. It was just the going away. Present is going away. The journey is the reward. The journey

away is really the reward. Guys, they've got the perfect tea to hide your beer belly while accentuating your arms and chest for that flawless look. It's soft as, but I really look pretty sped up right now. What pretty flawless right now I don't feel comfortable not wearing a shirt. Do it. Did your back goes in like a Yeah, are you kind of fucking chest you do that go back again? No, no, but go but that's not bad. Yeah, that looks tough We should get some like I look tough some spoons and forks for you to curl. Yeah Yeah, Pete. Can you get me some spoons and forks for me to curl? Can you get him a Joe Rogan shaped cowbell? Can you take a picture of my body and send it to Joe? Sure. Absolutely.

Absolutely. Can you call Joe? Can you FaceTime Joe right now? Yeah, he's blaming now. It'll help. Just do is he believing? Yeah, he's been throwing up his new fad diet. He's barfing out. Yeah, he's done. Did the only meat for a while. Yeah, but he's like, go in the champs and get it all. Yeah, yeah was like, go to the champs. Go to bulimia. But he goes, you gotta do kale and stuff. You can't just do ice cream. You gotta go like... That would be hilarious.

If he was confidently saying, I'm Bart, and there's pictures of him at the inauguration with the president, and there's just vomit all over his shirt. His tuxedo. He's just throwing up while taking the picture. He's just constantly... Yeah, the picture. He's just constantly. Excuse me, it's been an hour. Yeah, constantly just a slow leak of oatmeal. Bulimia breath. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I can totally see himself in that. No, the nutrients going through your cheeks and you lose the needless calories. There's a, you know how those raw food guys. He has a guy on the show that's telling about it. He's like, in Afghanistan we would have to barf

to cover our smell That's how I got into it because the local Afghans they can smell you you're upwind But if you cover yourself in diarrhea and barf they wouldn't be able to tell where the troops were And that's why we have to kill every migrant Guys that took a dark turn That's what they say on that thing. That's what already says on that on that on that program on the right wing don't have to kill radical right wing span sees It's funny they're doing all these deportations you think there's like somewhere in like Ecuador, Mexico

There's somebody that's like seeing a guy come off a plane. He's like well well Yeah, look who came crawling back. It wasn't my choice. We told you you wouldn't make it. I told you you could never make it in America. Yeah. What are all these people coming back? Like I'm not even from here. I'm going to get on kill Tony. There's a lot of immigrants get out, kill Tony, getting deported right back. Yeah. You should just have him come out of a cage

Exit back into the traffic by coyote Don't Okay guys It's time to finally stop crushing your balls in uncomfortable jeans by going to the perfect gene dot NYC best city on the earth Our listeners get 15% off your first order plus free shipping free returns and free exchanges when you use the code TAFS 1-5 that's 15 Checkout that's 15% off for new customers of the perfect gene dot NYC with promo code TAFS

1-5 after your purchase. They'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them that we sent you. So fuck your khakis. Also, before I depart, a final thank you to the good folks at Ridge Wallet who sent me a very nice care package for Christmas. To going away or just so they didn't know?

Just so they haven't sponsored the show forever, but they just send me stuff anyways, cause they're nice. That's how easy it is to get a read on this shit. Yeah. Just send a free thing. Yeah. They sent me the luggage set. What?

Yeah. They have luggage. The luggage is really nice, although it did get dinged up pretty bad by the fucking baggage. Don't say that. It's not the Ridges fault, it's these fucking assholes at JFK.

Yeah, it's these fucking Native Americans who work the lodge there. They're all Comanche over there. Yeah. I'm pretty sure they're Italian. What? But anyways, yeah, they sent me a nice, and they have Ridge branded cookies.

Your new backpack was cool. They sent me a backpack, I got the new backpack also. And it matches his water bottle. He's nice. There's no promo code at Ridge Wallet. Yeah They sent me a backpack. I got the new backpack and it matches his water bottle He's a promo code. There's a pocket. Yeah, there's a pocket. It's just a good perfectly fits my Kindle. Oh It's got a Kindle and a laptop out and like I'm doing my survivalist stuff. I can Tell you I can check in on the canterbury Here's what the plan is guys We have three episodes of the talk show that are unreleased and we're gonna for

They're four but one is we haven't edited yet. We're gonna chair are these chairs gonna be on there The chairs are one guest I booked that I requested when we had a talent poker Was Tom Fontana. Did you request Tom Fontana? I requested okay? I'll release that episode then if you want I haven't watched it. He's only here for like here for an hour And I feel not only he only had like 28 minutes. Yeah, I feel I was mostly And I think let's get the interview over with so that he could sign my DVD box set of homicide life, which I'm bringing that yeah He created all a great show he's a creator of Oz yeah, oh Oz was also good. Yeah. Yeah

So wait the prison movie that it was a TV show show. Yeah. And also life in the street homes. I left in the street. Yeah. What a, what a CV. What, what a resume just in case. Whoa, it's a file cabinet. It's a file. Just in case the episode never comes out. I want to show you guys. No, no, look at it come out. Over the last two and a half years, what I got out of this experience was I got my DVD box set of Homicide Life on the Street. Just in time for no DVD player.

We have one back there, and I have one at home. And I got Tom Fontana to come to the show, and I told him how much I love the show, and he signed it, and it's in gold markers, so you can't read it, but it says, Nick, all good things, Tom Fontana. He meant that too. 2023.

It's a show about criminals getting away with it. Wait, that was signed in 2023? Let me see. No it wasn't. How's that possible? It's 25 now. Oh yeah, it makes sense. Sorry.

Super Bowl commercials for season one premier. Okay. I thought Barry Levinson created it. So I think he produced it but I think it's Tom Fontana created it. You used the Barry Levinson. I thought Barry Levinson created it. So I think he produced it, but I think it's Tom Fontana created it. Maryland native, Barry Levinson, one of our greats. And it was, I think David Chase's book would. Jim Henson.

And if David Chase's book inspired it, but then Tom Fontana created it. I don't know, but I had, you know, it'd be very fun. It would be very funny. Oh yeah. It would be very funny. It would be very. Stop.

It would be very funny if, okay, nevermind. Yeah, we're friends. He's saying Maryland heroes. Maryland greats. Oh yeah, yeah, you can say Stav's name. I will then. We're good with Stav. Wait, you don't think he's great? Do you have beef with Stav?

I've had beef with Stav. Really? Yeah. Korean barbecue? Yeah, he takes me all around him. Yeah, yeah. He's like, let's get the beef to yeah, okay, so so he messed up the numbers so yeah Guys so those four episodes will be released as the lost episodes After which the show is going to be converting the talk show will be converting to a once-a-week format And ideally we could all pull this off in the next two months. Thank you. It's a format

For this is my five That's the bonus that one goes in the back, yeah And then we gotta like Yeah, get the card. So the bonus one goes there the back. Yeah. And then we gotta like. Yeah, get the cards. So the bonus one goes there. Yeah. Seven, six. Wow, great.

Three, oh wait, three. Three. And that's four. Yeah, okay, perfect. But are the DVDs in that order? Yeah, we got those too. So you were saying or whatever And if you guys have never seen homicide

Just watch the bop gun episode. What's the bop gun one? It's the one with Robin Williams or Robin Williams guest stars get turned around on the train. No Robin Williams guest stars. He gets turned around on the train? No. What's that? What, he gets turned around on the train? He gets bopped off. They play, the husband, it's a Midwestern family

that comes and visits the city and a couple of teenagers go to rob them and the wife stands up to them and they kill the wife by accident. And so it's like them doing the investigation at the same time as Robin Williams is in the hotel with his kids and he's like reeling because his wife was just murdered

and he has to go identify the body and stuff and yeah, and he keeps doing that stuff. Who vacations in Baltimore? Yeah, I don't know. I think that was probably the first mistake. Did you see, what was it? Was it, was it? Yeah, go ahead.

SUV or, it wasn't one of those? It was SUV. Yeah, but one of them, he got turned around on the subway and it was Robin, was it Robin Williams or was it the original guy they wanted for it You know when the subway trades you get fall and then it spins you so like your body's it's over It's fun. Your legs are still be what do you say? Sorry, how one of these types of shows?

Yeah, a character fell into the subway or got pushed your body spawned So you're still alive, but like we're gonna have to move. As soon as we move the train, you're gonna spill out. And so then it was like he had to call his wife. I thought it was Robin Williams played that. I think you're thinking of the movie Signs, when the woman's pinned against the tree. And once they let her out, it's like, it's gonna go. No, no, no, I'm thinking of myself.

With the death of Anton Yelchin. That's where they stole it from. He's like, I'll see you guys later, I'm gonna go check the mail. It's really sad how the guy died. I know, and he was a great actor. He's like, I'll see you guys later, I'm gonna go check the mail. It's really sad how that guy died. I know, and he was a great actor. He was a good actor. That guy had a bright future ahead of him.

Yeah. You ever see Green Room? Green Room? Yeah. Great movie. Yeah, it's a movie? That's who. With the Neo Nazis, the punk band of the Neo Nazis.

You should've gotten, what's his, Jeremy Saulnier, is that how you pronounce his name? Timothy Solomon. Which guy is that? Jeremy said the guy that directed Green Room and North Carolina guys. Blue Ruin. Yeah.

They're really good, those guys. Yeah, if you could have had him. Yeah, him and Macon Blair is the other one. If I could have him what? He stars in both of them. What's that? If I could have him what? Do the show.

I mean, so yeah. So basically over the next two months, we're gonna be banking like a bank. I'm listening. Sorry. Oh, yes a bank Wait, by the way, we're keeping track of what you say about Israel It's kind of over that's why I'm getting out now do you get out now before the revenge starts exactly got like eight Hamas left for you. Oh, yeah, what are you gonna take away from me? No, what's gonna happen is I'm what are you gonna take away my small motors?

What's gonna be happening is Nick is gonna be getting to work on on an attic for us I only recently found out that the Anne Frank secret annex was like a whole other fucking building He's an attic for us. Oh nice. Build one. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh nice. I only recently found out that the Anne Frank secret annex was like a whole other fucking building. Yeah, it was like a brownstone. Yeah, it was like a mansion. It was great. It was so much space, head room.

Well, I was a kid, I learned about it. I thought it was like a secret room. Yeah, yeah. Like they were living in like, there was like clock gears and stuff and steam. Wasn't it behind like a file cabinet or something? It was behind a file cabinet, but then it goes to like a whole other building So it's like a cool house, and it's like a bookshelf

It's like with the Nazis weren't even really trying to find people you notice where one building ends another start What's up here? I don't know cuz you got to imagine if that's you if you're just like Trying to get through this bullshit war and your uncle gets a job going around Finding juice right? I I would be like you got any juice here. All right, then can you sign this? Yeah, exactly the way I checked IDs. Yeah, right Classic is top. Yeah. Yeah, I wish quiz knows existed already Fucking quiz knows right now. They're eating a bar of chocolate and a beat. Yeah This war sucks. It's more fucking sucks. Let's just

Get some of these true bubbles Do you know which shows so what you can interview one person a week? So the episodes will be like beginning talks are like hard-hitting interviews getting to know somebody Have you seen the episode? Have you seen the interviews? You haven't watched it. You know people are saying Good things, okay, what is it though? Is it like a fuck around or is it like long-form interviews? Yeah Yeah, so it's like what we've been doing But the narrative aspect of the show because that was Nick Nick would do the introduction sections and so that that's obviously

That's not gonna go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, maybe AI it. Yeah, sure. Yeah, we could AI it Mission, you know, you know, you know, whatever you want. Yeah, I'm excited to watch homicide fucking dude You're like fully retiring you and Tim Dylan should do something together. I keep saying it I'll say it once a year You guys just work on something together. You're like, you're like, I'm just gonna retire. You're being like a mom right now. Oh Cool. Is that like a mom before I moved to New York? My mom was like just really are the perfect She's like just just go to just find where Jerry Seinfeld, knock on his door, say I'm a young Jewish comedian. And I was like, mom, I was like.

Is that how your mom talked? No, I just did a stare. And it worked. She's just go to Jerry Seinfeld's house, maybe I do. I love how he has a house in New York. Yeah, like, yeah, he's got a guy from Up. Yeah. Just a house in a city.

Yeah. And Adam's the fat Korean boy. He's like, go away! Just go to Tim Dillon's house. Just go away, I don't want you here at my house. Do everything he tells you to do. Don't worry about the part that you forgot after the rag went on your face.

Who are you doing, is that Julia Childs? My mom. Oh yeah, it sounds like Julia Childs. Julia Childs, you're doing. Oh, today we're going. It's pretty close. It's the same thing. Yeah, like that. Oh yeah, it sounds like Julia Childs. Julia Childs, you're doing. Oh, today we're right. It's pretty close. It's the same thing. Yeah, like that.

Oh. She lost to Queen Elizabeth. I don't know what her voice sounded like. Oh, like that. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Cause she had cum in her throat. Yeah, she was the England's Rose, they say. Yeah.

The throat gum. What's the new interview show gonna be called? The Adam Friedland Show. And we're gonna be releasing those four episodes in the meantime. To get it going. And then in March, we will, in March, April, we're gonna be converting to a once a week format

and relaunching the show. I'm happy for you, buddy. For me? Yeah. Why? But I'm not involved in any of that. No, I'm saying for you to fucking take off. Oh yeah. Why? Does this sound bad? I was worried about it. No, as you were saying that, I'm not involved in any of that. No, I'm saying for you to fucking take off. Oh, yeah Why I was worried as you were saying that I was like, oh my god, I've heard people vote stuff so many times

I've done it so many you were listening to the words right it tunes you out and then I'm realizing like oh I've done that Too and then I'm like this guy who's not gonna have to deal with that shit anymore All right, I'm like I was worried because I mean All right, I'm like I'm happy I was worried because I really don't I have nothing all I'm lost up But yesterday when that litter box started whining and screaming what they do the air lights. Yeah the air lights are going off This is what this is what I mean. It's gonna not have work. It's like he's going into the weekend of his life Oh, he that's not right and then I pulled that I pulled that fucking thing apart And I said it god damn it. I can fix this thing you fixed it and I fixed it

Yeah, cuz your minds not here. It's there. Yeah. Yeah, there's a litter box fucking perfect for me it I can fix this thing you fixed it and I fixed it yeah, cuz your minds not here It's there. Yeah, yeah Fucking perfect for me. I can do perfect. Yeah Cuz all right, we're gonna go to the office I might try to draw something like Garfield That's my plan like a new Garfield cuz I can draw as good as Jim Davis, and it's like I just need an idea I mean cats been taken or that's been taking dog, but there's a lot of that all there it Because his owner is gonna be weird Don't have ferrets. Yeah

Oh, so it won't relate to it as so it would have to be something like a talking automatic litter box something that everybody has Broken dishes and John Arbuckle has to fix it Cartoon Yeah, right Or how about you know, it's like a musical but from Odie's perspective. Oh That's pretty good. Yeah, and it's called wicked. Yeah Is a black lady painted like a dog So they just made the witch a black black chick. Oh great. Oh green right? She's amazing I watched it. She was really good in that in the way good. Yeah

Yeah, how could it be a good movie? It's a musical. It's fun. I like musicals. We like musicals here. It's fun, and I called it Pete. I said, because everybody, we watch it, and it looks like the backgrounds look flat or miscolored or something. They're painting them.

Well, it's because they shot it for 3D, and I said, I know this is because this is supposed to be 3D. Came out on Apple TV in 3D. Oh really? In 3D? What, do you put glasses on? Yeah

My TV came with the glasses and now they don't make TVs that have like the fucking the 3d anymore So I don't know Wow, maybe I shoot it for not 3d to you gotta think most people watch well they did I mean then the theater they didn't Have it in 3d. Yeahd yeah yeah I think you format yeah did you go to see the regal eyes I I rented it what's the X thing I keep hearing about so you get like like I've never done it I saw I saw 2049 or whatever the blade runner blade runner yeah I saw that blow and smoke at you Well, it was like you know how it rains a lot in that movie

So you just get missed on you the whole time. I was kind of wet. I saw that movie Yeah, I saw it in the 4d. Yeah with Jonah Re-watch that I'm gonna go home. Yeah, I want to see that god. You have so much time. I'm gonna go for a walk I started walking also It's just and I think I might start running too you won't I could but right now you're in the twilight of your retirement Where you everything's possible, you're not gonna yeah, but everything's possible. Uh-huh. So just I'm pretty good at riding the exercise bike. I got a training plan and I'd stay consistent with it. Yeah. Yeah Got a training plan and I'd stay consistent with it. Yeah. Yeah wise I'm the watch keeps telling me my cardio health is low, but I've gotten it now to it's almost above average I've gone up

I've gone up. You got a two average. You're fine. Yeah, that's six weeks sleeping Snoopy as your motivation to get going Yeah, I love Snoopy. I love checking the watch seeing what he's up to just chillin. He's always no he's up to just chilling is always no he's always doing look that's pretty cool yeah my mom's in there what do we got we've got kickoff I mean you're not gonna miss this piece of paper I have to do I'll never have to do it and I don't know how to read it. I'll never have to read again. I want to re-watch Wild at Heart. Is it the Bruce Willis one? I haven't thought about what David Lynch movie to watch since his...

Demise? Pete, did you just say bad movie? Shut the fuck up. That's interesting. I think he killed himself to keep from getting out about Diddy's parties. Yeah, it's all connected. Nicolas Cage?

He doesn't yell too much. I thought he was very funny. Willem Dafoe's so scary in that movie. Is that why he's a vampire? No, you're thinking of Embrace of a Vampire, Kiss of a Vampire? No, Vampire's Kiss. Vampire's Kiss. Yeah, yeah.

Like low budget with Nicholas Cage. That hits him going full cage. And kind of just alone in a hotel room for a while. He's just like, yeah, it's some of the most cage you can get in a movie for your buck. Guys, after all the holiday spending, the start of the new year can feel like a hangover for your credit, but you can get things back on track for 2025 and start building your credit today with kickoff, the number one credit building app in the app store. Their plans start at just $5 a month and there's no credit check and no hidden

fees and no interest. Guys, um, Ari, what are your current credit goals And what do you think your audience can achieve with better credit? I would like my tenants to be able to fucking pass their first inspection, you know be able to get them easier What are you expecting? Do you have a building though? Yeah a few and some of them comes in where seven seven single-digit seven like seven or nine or below and it's like What the fuck you talking about? High level people are GTFO. When we were popping with CumTown, I thought about buying an apartment complex in Lagos.

And renaming it? Like in Ghana or Nigeria or something. That's cool. Because I thought, how funny would it be if people found out that I'm a landlord in Africa? Yeah, it's the worst kind. Yeah. The worst kind.

Yeah, right, yeah. No, I made sure there was a ping pong table in there. And I'm like what it's an investment. And you named it like Israel. You named it Jewish village. Seaman village. There's a new spell. I'm like what? Jewish village. Why are you upset? If your credit is under 600 you could see a jump of 28 coins. The bathroom screamed at her. I had to fix it. The bathroom started screeching at her. What do you mean, the litter box? Yeah, yeah.

That was the issue? Well, the motor was like, I guess what happened is, like, dust from the litter probably got in and contaminated the lubricant, so the gears weren't lashing properly. You can fix that. You can fix that. I did.

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can have an impact on your credit. Individual results may vary. And we'll cut that part where I said the N-word, sort of. Yeah. So why don't you read the last part? I said the N-word right in the middle of those. I think I got it clean in the second time. Oh, we got it clean.

Yeah, I got it clean, yeah. I was just kidding, I didn't say the N-word. Yeah, what you're hearing is a- I didn ripple in time over the last eight years. I have never said to slur Yeah, this guy's not racist yeah, this guy no, it's a different guy I mean you would imagine a guy named uncle Ben is probably pretty racist. They named him after the black rice guy. He showed up at the Super Bowl party, no one invited him, he's there. He's calling everybody an animal on the TV. Why there's so many blacks on the Jets. I'm not racist. I called the Filipino guy that too. No, I just mean it's athleticism. There's something animalistic about it. Like a baboon. Uncle Ben, please.

You're Tony's a queer now? I've only had two beers. He seems fine to me, guys. I'm OK to drive home. I only had two beers. Ben really contained himself this time, huh? All right, Ben. See you later, buddy. Watch out! It'd be very funny to do that in court. Just try it with no powers.

You would ignore the obvious. You would ignore the obvious. To masturbate to the video of Princess Leia. I didn't expose myself to those children. That has to have happened. A nerd that got arrested for child pedophilia. Straight to the jury. He would ignore that. I could knock him out of the court. That's got a hat that has to have happened

The child 400 pounds Sorry, I figured I tried whenever the judge goes to do the gavel he's like Don't do that I'm not gonna fucking tell you again don't make the lightsaber noise when I swing my hammer he tries to go super saiyan right before the the bail stress is a that would be a black nerd yeah but it would be a black nerd yeah to try to go drag like a master race yeah if you want to see more of this riffing find out where Nick gets his oatmeal from and meet him in the bodega check out cumtown is on

You can go. Yeah, you can check out come down. It's still online. It's still on it's everywhere Yeah, I'll take down all my old episodes of my old podcast Why cuz you got an SNL in trouble who's gonna get in trouble? I don't know. It's what know till it happens Barack Obama I don't think people get it. I can't stamp Chinese people Used to say terrible things someone's married now. I'm sure we talked about hookers or some shit really well I don't even know what the lines are Who I don't know it had to be somebody specific. No, I'm just saying like what's the name of the merry-go-round? There's an episode. There's an episode from ten years ago where you said on January 23rd 2025 Bert Kreischel will die.

I said it on every episode, I just timed it out. So eventually one will be right. I started with 2024, so 10 years in, I got told. What would be the reaction? People would just be like, whoa. Duncan would do that at the end of every set in LA for like two months He goes, thanks everybody. By the way this week there will be a major earthquake

Yeah, bye. And then like every like seven months it happened, and you know people like what the fuck that guy called it That's pretty cool. Yeah It's creative that guy Yeah, I wonder what would happen if Bert died. There would be like tribute posts of like a, I would rebrand his Ernie Chrysler. And I would go around talking about, oh, my best friend died. Well, the machine, he's gone.

I hope he just goes. I hope he doesn't become like one of those side talkers. With the bad guy from Breaking Bad? Just Bert ding, ding they have to bring him a monster energy with vodka To bring my medicine vodka, yeah, yeah, he has like a fitted a fitted like volcom helmet Yeah, take his medicine through like He's still podcasting. Yeah.

He's still podcasting. He's learned the buttons for like, he hits his buttons like, ah! Cigar is like in a hospital room with him. Oh man. Yeah. It's so funny, you see, you're in comedy long enough just to see people's bodies really just develop in

Very funny ways. Yeah, Bert was always fat, but now it's a new level I love the dance turned into like a Civil War general. Who's Dan Dan Soder? Oh His body knows he went gray and he got rid of the beard, but he had a beard for look like Robert E Lee Yeah, I did. He look like I've seen too many men lose their legs place it but yeah grant. Yeah, yeah, I Just finished grant. He does look like a statue that would get taken down eventually Why is this even still up? What are we even celebrating? I can't believe they took down all the Confederate statues But they left Bob's big boy up. Yeah, that seems after what he did Yeah, I don't really know the context but seeing that

Exactly. He can't like that has not like that's the that's the sheriff from Mississippi burning I just kicked some blacks out of the yeah. Yeah, we don't lock them in our town don't worry boys watts only today that statue is fine yeah it's true so big too it's a big big boy yeah I wonder if you know we know anyone that'll go stash I went to I brought Louis to a Bob's big boy we're in Texas no and somewhere in the mid in blue I guess rust belt do you think the statue was his dead dad? We drove to Detroit Yeah, he was like dad Dad

Stop sign dad no straight cat Dad that's the rental car I'm so happy. Doggy. No. No. Doggy. Doggy. Doggy. That's the Bangladeshi man at the Red Roof Inn. No, we were driving back from Detroit and we stopped at a Bob's Big Boy. He had never been. He had never been.

And then he pointed that out. He's like, I've never been to a place like this. A place like this. A place like this. A place like this. Yeah. And I'm like welcome dude Bob's big boy cracker barrels next yeah, and then po boys if you want to scale it I want to I want to call out Lewis actually I did this story wars

He's he won his own talk show and he said he's like on a like a ten week streak. He's crushing it He's definitely cheating at his own talk. Yeah, he's crushing it. Is he judging it? No, he's a contestant on the talk show. He just knows how to play a lot better. It's when Ben Stein's money but it's when Lewis wins every week. Ken Jennings hosts Jeopardy. Does he say the answer? No, he doesn't play with them though. Lewis is playing along. Yeah, but he won before he got to be the host. Yeah, but he won Jeopardy. I'm just calling bullshit. I think Lewis knows what all the answers are. I think you're jealous of Lewis. I'm just calling bullshit. I think Lewis knows what all the what all the answers are I think you're jealous of Louis. I'm jealous. I got second place. I won you won. Yeah, okay So so you law you're the loser. I got a second

It's a this is basically like are you smarter than a fifth grader and you've and I'm not it basically is That's about right You're like then the fifth grader wins. Yeah. They can't win. It's their show. They're not the host of the show. That's all I'm saying. I just felt like there was a corruption happening under- You came in second to Lewis.

Don't say it that way. When you put it that way, yes. Second to Lewis. Second to Lewis. That's what Jared Leto's band, right? No, no. It's the spin-off of Better Than Ezra. Okay. Yeah. Yeah second to Lewis. That's 48 minutes to home according to my Google Maps It's a yeah, he is original band name. I

The guy that wrote 48 hours directed the Street Fighter movie. No, really? Yeah, I finally got a shot. Yeah You know Kylie Minogue is in that movie. No, really? You know, she's a billion. She's a billion years old She's just like she was around when I was like in high school. She's been around for a long time Yeah, she's been around since like the 80s. Then she like relaunches a sex symbol I'm like wait the one from like my childhood. She makes great music. Yeah, gay guys love her Yeah, she means a lot to gay guys that's honestly you should become a gay icon Nick yeah that's really with your time I don't want to be an icon of any kind no but gay icon is like the best career

the only I can I want to hear about are the ones on my my windows 98 desktop I could see you looking at your window and like being annoyed at people walking by for a while. It's a bad guy. Going through a phase like that. No. No, I get along with people. No, no.

Just like passerbys. He helps people fix their cars. He's kind of a... Yeah. He's a good citizen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a good member of his community. I was waiting for the train to come here today and there was people all waiting for the train.

See that guy's just like Keanu Reeves Normal guy. Yeah Well, it's us. It's like cost like $50 take a look here. It's insane. Yeah, it's a lot with the congestion pricing He lives in Philadelphia. I took one today. It was 30, huh? Anyway, wait, you're waiting for the train Yeah, and it's just well, whatever. Well, I want to hear this nice story. He's shitting his hand. He rubbed it in someone's face No, just I saw all the people going to work and stuff and I'm like all these people living their lives so long suckers No, don't put it that way if the feng shui in here is crazy so much wasted space and he's like I need a Start on that it's a start on that sets are supposed So much wasted space and he's like I need a dog. Don't get me. Don't start on that. It's a start on that. Sets are supposed to have wasted space but not way back there. Supposed to make it look like it's far.

Not what are you there. Oh you're a production designer. Oh there. Yeah. Don't worry dude. That space is for Mr. Hashimoto and the tool. Yeah. Yeah. Haven't you met our file cabinet mr. Hashimoto He's suicidal because he's been I see it now. He's a Japanese work worker businessman Yeah, he's like I had two days the day I killed myself Yeah, but now he hangs out with us. He's not bad. Yeah, you should come in here. Just come to the door and then go Nope smile and turn around why are you putting it this way? All right. I'm really sad right now. This is a sad thing. You're starting a new chapter in your life.

It's not a new chapter. I'm continuing on with the talk show. This is when you go to one set of foot. You're saying this Ari after the show, after the show, no, it was always one set. He was always carrying me. Yeah. Okay. Um, after this we're going to go to the office. Yeah. I'm going to show you the Jay to kiss episode of the of the talk show interview. Jay to kiss. Yeah. You're clearly you're not paying attention to the news. Is it out yet? It's been out. Here's this actually a fun story. You're going to say as a throw away joke. I said that I was friends with Jadakiss on the show. And then Jadakiss's actual friend reached out

and was like, I can get Jadakiss for the show. And then we actually got Jadakiss. It was like a joke that Nick as our Dracula character was best friends with Jadakiss. Wow, and you got him. And then got Jadakiss for real. Yeah, some magic things happened. I have, I guess one question.

When you watched the show, you would have known. You were too busy watching. No, I had long COVID, I have bad memory. Here's my one question. Wait, so you're a liar too? Who's Jadakiss? Judakiss? No, Jadakiss, he's a rapper.

No, you're thinking of like Kanye West. No, there's more. Jadakiss. Usher. J-duh, muah. You're thinking of like Kanye West. No, there's more J to kiss Usher J. Duh. Well kiss you broke, you know J to kiss I'll kiss you you bitch ass beep. No, give me a song. I would know I mean that's like we gonna make is one of the best We gonna be alright. No, that's Kendrick Lamar. Yeah.

Did he, was he on that one? Parents Just Don't Understand. I know that one. That's not him. I know, but it's a song that you know. I do know that one. You said, give me a song that you know. We Gonna Be Alright is not bad.

The Disrap. Mambo Number Five, that's a song you know. The Disrap on Kanye, I know that one. You know the Blue Dabadi song? Dabadi. That's the song. You know, yeah, it's rap on Kanye. I know that one You know the Drake I mean Lou Dabba D song that's a good one. Give me one from J to kiss You know the one TPS the pre is the new money. My a no my no my a Give me one from the J he was in this group the locks He was a he he did the- Does he paint his face all like white and black?

Like a cat? No, no, no, he's a black guy. That's regular kiss. Yeah, yeah, that's kiss. Yeah, yeah. He likes Trump. He was in this group, The Locks, and then- The Locks?

The Locks, and then, yeah, he was a- About John Locke from the show Lost? It's about John Locke, the philosopher, yeah, actually. And then, and he was a- I know from The Honey- I'm going to watch Lost. It's about John Locke the philosopher. Yeah, actually. And then and he was I know from the honey lost. I've never watched that. Oh, you've never seen lost. You should see the Walking Dead. I've never watched it with lost. It's not worth it. It gets bad. The first two seasons are actually go game of Thrones. It's another that the game. It's another one where it's like, don't even get it. The endings are so bad. You're like, it's not worth it. I've been watching the game of Thrones. I wonder what the thing is that's gonna be like game it's gonna trigger you like taking your corners back there's gonna be like a

like an event where you remember and you have to like get get the squad back to you would have to be that the president it has a very thick African accent yeah yeah that would have to be it I can make that happen no you can't I can work the rest of my life to make that happen what What did Jada kiss have to say? Yeah, we had Neil deGrasse Tyson really we had Chris Cuomo did Neil deGrasse Tyson talk about what went on those ditty parties No, he said he went to the freak-offs. Yeah, he did. Yeah. Yeah, he came in here and he confidently stated I've never had sex That's a great like like, just right away. Yeah.

Nope. None of that. Yeah, we had Chris Cuomo from CNN. Nice. You know that guy? Yeah. Who's a talented have you had on? What do you mean?

We have a lot of talented people. Jadakiss is probably the only one. Jadakiss, probably, yeah. Who else? The rest of them are just sort of figures. We had a, apparently, I think you may have had a. Paul Schrader was talented. Paul Schrader, the guy who wrote.

Silver Spoons? Taxi Driver? He's the guy that directed Street Fighter. Oh. Blue Collar, Street Fighter. Yeah, not bad. You know the movie Taxi Driver? Martin Scorsese, he wrote that.

I believe he did. did no Robert De Niro wrote it did he yeah he ripped that out I just remembered they said roll and then he rolled yeah he's like what if I was like a taxi driver they're like good just go with that okay well we're not in I think this is one nearby. He's like get it. He's like get a cab. I got an idea That was really great for a while get him he's a New Yorker De Niro Robert De Niro Yeah, I just want to say one of the lives you have an in Donald Trump your crap fuck ass You're a nice night, you know, I love these old like tough guy actors now just like Threatening someone online like why don't you come to my sandwich spot? I'll show you Yeah, it was funny when he disrespected Trump and like guys on Staten Island were like like burning pictures of De Niro

Wow, yeah pictures. They're like I had a lot of respect for you. They have them in their home Why would they have respect for burning my Lego sculpture Robert De Niro Wow yeah pictures they're like I had a lot of respect for you they have them in their home why would they have respect for my Lego sculpture Robert De Niro like all the other homos yeah yeah 100% homosexual dad was getting De Niro yeah my father when I when I found that I found that out somehow around the same time that the war mode guys found out about it and I didn't watch the clip but just I forget I told I told Shane I was like, yeah, apparently Robert De Niro and then he told Shane told me he's like Oh, yeah, the the war like Billy. He's like Billy found that out Yeah, and then I had the mental image of those guys finding out Robert De Niro's dad was gay Which is like the funniest thing I can imagine the queer Oh

So I don't even need to watch the clip, just knowing that they have that information. It's like, yeah, it's like seeing like a body being thrown to wooze pigs. Yeah, like oh. This piece of information being devoured. Yeah, just, what's that? All right. Yeah. Damn, So are you sad at all?

No, I mean, you know, I guess some some sentimentality is due but yeah the last three years a lot of fun and we did stuff and Yeah, you know I had a had a great time But the reality is, it does need to be a once a week thing. We have to, yeah. And so there's not really a,

I don't really know what I could contribute to that if it's just interviews. So I gotta go figure out my own thing. Yeah, move on to another stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the objective is just, I mean, from the jump was that we would make something resembling a television show once a week on the internet. That's right

I remember that and I will be carrying on with that mission until until I it kills me Yeah, yes nice get one of those zero interest loans we get. I mean do you have? How many do you have that was one of the funniest things? This guy was like saying it as if it's matter of fact That was one of the funniest things ever. This guy was like saying it as if it's a matter of fact. I thought he was joking. Nick Rocheford, what are you talking about? One time I was like with Tommy Pope

and like I think Shane was there and Rocheford's like, I'll tell you the fucking problem with you Jews. He was like wasted. He's like, all of you give each other zero interest loans. That's why you're so rich. And I was like, I was like. Yeah, he said it yesterday.

He was like, how many are you? I'll say that. How many zero interest loans do you have? I'm like I was like yeah, he said yesterday How many are you'll say that how many zero interest loans you have? I was like what what do you what I was like we would give our mothers like predatory loans like we would we would we would exploit family members and He's like in there. I think Tommy's like what are you guys talking about? I'm like he thinks that Jews are like Tommy Pope. Yes, I just get zero Zero interest loans and everyone like around the room looks and they're like, yeah, of course you, the rule is you can't

charge a Jew interest. The rule is now you must give them money. They're like, yeah, yeah, we, yeah, of course we all know about the zero interest. What rule? There's a Talmudic rule that if you loan money to a Jew you can't charge him interest. Oh yeah. But that's but it doesn't mean you get America. Everyone obviously I can't judge those guys who get to the Instagram accounts of the anti Jew ones go. That's what I heard. Yeah. OK. I saw written on it was so funny. They're all like he said like such a given. I don't know. In a way where it's like like as they were like Adam, come on. Yeah, it's like, we all know.

How many do you have? Of course you have a few, right? I'm like, zero interest loans? Hampton, I don't know if he wants this story told, but Hampton told me one time his dad threatened to have him sent to jail for not doing his homework. That's great. Yeah, and it was either that or like,

I guess his dad also had like, you know, what like geodes are Yeah, and I guess there was I don't know. This is his story to tell us. It's not really that bad but it was his His dad made him like clean the basement and so like he cleaned the basement for his dad and I guess his dad had Some sort of rare mineral that just looked like dust Yeah, dad's screamed at him. Oh yeah, chick with ease. Until he pissed himself.

He told me that story. I was like, yeah, it sounds like that's pretty awful. Yeah. Yeah. Well Nick, I'm fucking stoked for you, man. Thanks, man. Did you know Nick made a short film for the show? Oh yeah?

Yeah. It's like amazing. It's called Schindler's List. Oh, really? But it's a difference. It's one of the Nazi Schindlers. Oh. And he's like, who's going on my naughty list? I thought he was like, I'm going on a run for who sandwiches?

I know you like Turkey Club, what do you want? It's a passing of time, it's interesting. It feels like, even though it's the right thing to do for sure, it still feels like it since it's changing It's like a moment of a touch of sadness. You feel that way? Yeah I get that when I change apartments and that's why I'm saying that's why I don't move Are you gonna do that thing like that at the end of a show where you like look back into the room? And you like turn the light off. Oh, I will not be getting my keys

And I'm gonna come here and continue to use the computer. It's just going to come here to vape and go home. You can come. I come here at like six a.m. and he comes to write here. Yeah. Anyway, well go watch my special America. Sweetheart is on Netflix right now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm on tour. The farewell tour. I'm doing what you're doing. I'm going to leave the comedy for like a year. That's the way to do it. I mean, the reality is, is like, I don't, in general, I just don't think that like, it's because of, like we got, put it, I mean, I don't think I can operate as a like, content creator. You know what I mean?

Where I say, I can't, like, I just don't work that way, and I feel like it's, I used to be able to just sit and do nothing for a long time, and then when I had something where I'm like, I wanna do this, then I could do it, you know, and I just I just Yeah, get back to it where you like that your mind get bored enough to like think of an idea Now I want to instead of now for Stephen King said that is that For creative people boredom is like a very good place to be

Paraphrasing something. Um, yeah, and then for even for my sake he down. I was he spooked himself Yeah, finish yeah, and it's like what if the old man in the town was actually a ghost What if the old man was actually a ghost clown ghost We might be here right now. What if the old man was actually a ghost? A clown ghost. He's a clown ghost from a million years ago. Wasn't he like hammered when he wrote those books? Yeah, one or two.

I think he like didn't remember writing some of them. Which one? Cujo is the one he was blacked out for. The one that got me the most was Cujo. Anyway, so guys. It's about an asshole. A plain asshole. It's about a Mexican asshole.

That was the original. Yes, it is bittersweet. We are going to be changing the model for the talk show. You gotta stop with the we. Just Ari, come on, just have a little bit of the heart. I am. No, you and I will. No, that's. In the rest of the Jewish media.

All right, that's right. All right, welcome aboard. Welcome aboard. Kanye, you were right, buddy. I've know the rest of the Jewish media. All right Welcome aboard Kanye. You were right buddy. I've seen it from the inside Are you said came to Ari Ari's gonna be working here for $27,000 a year Board, I'll find just don't Gaza me, you know, yeah Y'all can do whatever you want. Don't gossip and don't Gaza One thing I want to do is like a motorized like screen drops down and put a put a projector there So if you wanted to do like let's you know, you have a guest on you roll the tape Yeah, and you and you would just you could play it back. Yeah, right. Yeah something like that

And they put their arm like over this, you know, so like yeah I thought that would be a fun addition. But for the most part, everything's locked in here. I did take the time. I finally fixed all the chairs, because the chairs had different issues, but now we have four working chairs, and then at some point, if you want to, you would probably need to do a different setup

for four chairs on the stage, which would require more lights and figuring out how to frame that. That's a pretty big light. There's a clip right now in the back of Cabs with the nerd from Friends, whatever his name is, a swimmer, and he's doing an interview with the morning, Kelly Ripa and her fucking gay husband. And they're like, we got a clip for you.

And you can tell he's so not into it. And he's like, oh. And then they go to this clip. It's an old clip of Friends. What happened to Kelly Fustuka? Did she get deported? Yeah, she got deported. Yeah this clip. It's an old clip of friends. What happened to Kelly Fustuka? Did she get deported? Yeah, she got deported. Yeah, I thought about her the other day I was like what happened to that loud Australian? Yeah, she got deported. Yeah, yeah

She's off doing all the blow in Australia. Yeah, doing one gram for $87,000 yeah, I was thinking about there was a, there was a comic in Austin named Joe Schaeffer who went to Australia and then visited and he came back and he was like, dude, Australia was awesome. And then he went back and he was just living there. Then I saw him four years later and I'm like, oh, you're back?

He's like, yeah. And I guess he just never, he just was an illegal immigrant there and never did any of the paperwork and they finally caught him and kicked him out of the country. Wow. And sent him back to Texas, so. All right.

I think he wound up back there. Back in Australia. Yeah, cause I think he found success there as a comic. Cause he was, I think he only did, he only did like mics in Austin for maybe like a year or something. He opened for Nan Net. Yeah, I guess. Nan Net. Yeah, I guess.

Yeah. Anyway guys, Get your process checked. Get your process checked, take care of yourself. Spey and neuter your cats and dogs. Take care of each other. Fix your cat's litter box and find out how by checking out my new podcast, Small Repairs.

It's an audio only. Yeah, and none of the items we're fixing this week. Just going to have to wait and see. Could be Garfield alarm clock, could be automated litter box. Nick, we'll see you in two weeks back on the podcast. I don't think so. After? Yeah. Alright. Thanks a lot guys. Happy trail. Love you, pal.