The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 15

Episode Date: August 11, 2023

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 15 Featuring Jordan Jensen & Rick Glassman Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/tafs/  Subscribe to @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs  -- LIVE SHOWS:  NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows Sep 15 — Sep 16: Boston, MA @ The Wilbur ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour Aug 24 - Aug 26: Washington, DC @ The Comedy Loft of DC

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not talk about other people's business. No, no, it's kind of like... We don't talk about other people's business. You're right. It's a talk show, it's like a talk show, like an anecdote thing, like where you say, oh, I was in Hawaii. Oh, speaking of, you were in Hawaii recently. I know how anecdotes work. One of my bad sisters in anecdote,

and Lauren, excuse me. She's an anti-dote. Yeah. What does she, she's the antidote for getting hard. Okay, that's it. Yeah. You said that to get me, and you got me. Don't get used to it.

What do you mean, that's not offensive for me. Hello, and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast. Nick is out. He's with families, but we're sending him as our thoughts. We love Nick. And to replace Nick, we couldn't have just our thoughts. We love Nick. And to replace Nick, we couldn't have just one person. That's how much of a Titan he is, so we got two. We got a fan favorite, Jordan Jensen over here.

Hello. And a Fanny Pack, Rick Glassfoot. Oh, here he is. And another, you all right? Yeah, I was just like, you're like, you just taller glasses, you. So you're a smaller glasses, you at least I had a fun pun. But taller is better.

What fun pun, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you,

what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you more nutrients in the, what do we call it? No, it's genetics. Is it, is it, is it, is a womb or womb?

I never know when to use which. It's the, it's the womb. He would have maybe grown into the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the and drinking heavily. What'd be drinking heavily? Mother. No, she wasn't. She was a California mom. I breastfed until I was 16 years old. California mom. Yes, she had breastfeeding per secco. How about you, Medicare, California mom? No, my mom had...

Kombucha? No, she had one nipple milk, one nipple chicken soup. That's how Jewish she was. You know, oh, sorry. Guys, it's my show. She had one nipple milk, one nipple chicken soup. That's how Jewish she was. You know, oh, sorry. Guys, it's my show, so I thought that was good. Did you like chicken soup?

Oh, yeah. I mean, it was coming out of it today. So do all of us. It's because you guys always think you're sick. Like, look at the myths on that. So Rick, right towards me, we'll do. So Rick, you're a problem on the court? Oh, I thought a balloon

was just let loose. I mean no no I'm not a problem on the court. You're a wing slasher. He's a little wing he said I don't know what that means but he said he's small forward. Small forward. Small forward. Small forward. Small forward. We're playing with you know peers and like where 6-3 is tall and you're 6-3.'re six three. I could place, I could place six, six, two, six, three. So in a, in a comedian pickup game, you're probably a power for it at that moment. No. Hey, how do you like to play on? You're really good.

I was like, who's garden me and who I'm garden I could be, but I like to slash to the hoop. You like to slash. You like to garden kale. You like to garden kale or guard Kevin McCale. I just am trying to do the puns and you can't have infect my brain when I hang out. What do you think? I mean, look at you as someone who was very infected. Is that why you keep coughing on me?

You're not, don't start being a puns. Well, it's hard. It comes off on me. You know what, you are. You're like, oh, my cousin come dumped on me last weekend. You're a true, true teller. So did you, you get dirty? Jordan, did you ride your motorcycle here today?

Yeah. And when you ride a motorcycle, do you ride side saddle like a lady or? You can't ride side saddle. Or a slut style. You can't ride side saddle when you're by yourself, can you? Slattle.

Well, I think a lady, she is a, the one that you sometimes want me to come dumpster? No, I think a, you know, like lady who is supposed to ride a side saddle. I broke my knuckle the other day. I punched my motorcycle, punched it right down. Was angry, I was on the tongue. So punched the machine?

Was on the side and I went, fuck you. And then I went to throw my phone and instead of throwing the phone, I went better idea and punched the motorcycle. Oh my God. Lost my temper. And now there's a big dent in my can. You're so bad at. Thank you so much.

Oh my God. I did drop my motorcycle on me the other day at the seller, just slowly, because my kickstand wasn't down. A man ran over, picked it off me, and then I ran over to the fat black and Sam Morill, and Derek Gaines were like, ah, and I was like, why didn't you help me, friends? And they're like, yeah, you had it.

And I was like, I was pinned under it for a couple of minutes there. And I was like, yeah, I got it. Wow. Yeah, comedy hanging out with friends all day. Wait, it's the best. So good. Wait, so you live in Los Angeles?

What are you doing in town? Visiting my girlfriend. Oh, nice. Good job. Okay, great. Next subject. So it's great to have you back. Good to be back. And favorite.

What do you, what have you been up to recently? I've been doing the pod with Ian, being Ian with Jordan. How's that going? It's going good. I saw Ian recently. It was very nice. He's the best. And you have a podcast yourself.

Let's go take your shoes off. And then take your bads off. Okay. And then sitting up then sitting on this casting couch. Yeah. And then sit on this bed. And you want to be in Hollywood? Yeah, get it. Yeah, get it.

Do that with your fingers more. Yeah. Does anyone have a POV style podcast? No, they do in pornography where you don't see the fella? That's very scary. I want that feeling. It's very voyeuristic. But I want that feeling. I like it. It's very voyeuristic.

But I can never show people how pretty it is driving over the bridge, because I can't stop on the bridge. And I'll never know what it's like to be a mother, but I do understand empathy. So you could still paint a picture, right? Tell us what it's like. I mean, your job is as a storyteller.

Tell us how beautiful it is. Well, if I had the camera, it would be easier to do that, don't you think? Well, if I had a calculator, I wouldn't, you know. But you'll never know what it's like to be a mother when if I put on glasses while I was... And I still won't know what it's like. Shoveing a baby out, it will yield you, you get it.

You put those glasses on the baby coming out. When you ever... You got yourself... That's what I mean. You might be a redneck. I'm not a mother yet, but I was almost a mother the other day. I had to take Plan B. Guess who helped me through that? He paid $40 for the free.

No, but he talked to me up to up. He talked. Which ironically, you know. You know, I think he'd be it? No, I took the Plan B and then the next day, new friend, brand new friend calls me, says, just checking in. How's that plan be taken? And I said, thank you for asking.

I've been barfing. Because he busted inside? Not him, but a different guy. Oh, really? Oh, okay. Oh, nice. Thanks. Oh, that's a gentleman.

I've since gotten the nickname plan. Well, we're, I think that I haven't figured out the dynamic yet for us, not to talk over each other. It's tough with three, and I don't know you yet. It is tough with three. Just talk over. We're kind of, we're kind of relaxing into it. Yeah, should we restart? No Yeah, okay

Should do this thing again now we still don't know this talking. I think we've been doing it. I'm cut No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Adam cut. No, no, no, Adam, don't do it. Leave it on. Now keep on going. No, you guys do the fucking show. She's a going. Adam's got. Adam's got. Anyway, should we take her? Should we show you? I'm sure you're on a show.

Jordan, so how's the podcast been? It's been going really good. Today we had a, I'm sorry. Talk to me about your podcast. You just fell asleep while I was telling you about it. Because that's a boring question. You want an exciting question? I do.

You ask that. Show me what an exciting. Tell me something that you were ashamed of that you haven't told anybody in the past year. I pooped in a toilet. It wouldn't go down. So I took it out with a plastic bag and I threw it out the window. Really?

Where were you? You covered my shots, sweetheart. Where were you? I was at my ex-boyfriend's house. At the time you was a boyfriend? Yes. I was meeting his parents for the first time, and I pooped, and it was one of these issues, and I was running out of...

The log was this way, and it wouldn't flush down the hole. It was a magic, you've never had that, the magic won't go down. Wait, you say... It was a big log that it wouldn't go down the hole. I know, it wasn't that big. But wait a minute, it was at the wrong angle. So if you were willing to take it out to put it in a bag, why not just take it out and fit it in the hole?

No, it's a very good question. It's a very good question. That's crazy. That's like you're scared of the spider instead of picking it up and letting it outside. You pick it up, you don't know to do it and you put it in your mouth. Oh, very, very good question. It's a very good question. There's a possibility. Wait, has this not been going? Do you want to sit in the middle?

Yeah. Um, we are adjusting to a new, a new dynamic and you know, we can let people see how it gets there, right? Yeah. I don't like to be manipulative you're good see instance here I'm not insincere in do people think I'm a dick no he's it's French it means you're in the center and since then I'm drinking beer yeah I thought this would like you know I'm nervous around these so hands.

He's so handsome. And tall. You're also very handsome. Thank you. My friend the other day, guess who? Lesbian? Yes. I made, I'm, I'm really getting in with the community.

She said you were hot. I went to the cubby hole. Is that what that lesbian's called in vagina? No, it is the last lesbian bar in New York City. No, it's in New York City. Is Ginger's close? Yes. Oh, shit.

We don't want them in outer woods. They just have gay night. Cubby hole is where I picked up a stalker woman who was obsessed with me. If you could believe it. All right, hello. Hello, and what's up with you? Are you the girl that picked up the shit and threw out the window instead of putting it down the hole? I really did. I'm sorry, you asked believe it. All right, hello it. Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland show. I'm out of Freedland.

I said, Mike is out this week. He is dealing with some family stuff and Nick, you are in our thoughts and prayers. So we have two good stacking nicely. I put on Nick's jacket so I can feel more like, could you do me a favor, when you blow that, I'm not making a joke of this, would you blow it? Would you blow it not this way?

Thank you. Sure. He's real about it. He makes his girlfriend blow it out the window, like she's a dog. I make her. You force her by hand. Is it like a power blow?

I see. Dog. I ain't set strong boundaries. I don't force people to. You know what? Strong boundaries. That's what they said about what's his name? The actor.

Like my boundaries are you're not a lot of beyond Instagram. Yeah, my boundaries are you have to be with me. My boundaries are, yeah, you have to be my girlfriend. But Rick is very good at boundaries. I have learned boundaries. You know what I do with Ian? I get up and he goes, oh, I can't decide. And I go boundaries and he goes, yep, and he sits back down onto the couch. Yeah, because he's like, she's about to meet you. No, just because I'm learning

boundaries. And he's and I was like, a woman's about to accuse. Is that what it feels like? Yeah, you're right. If you say boundaries, it's like, I'm not touching. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, Jordan, you rode your motorcycle here today. Yeah, did you ride side saddle or first time and i'd like style thanks that's bad i don't know what's going on here with with your style and what balls are in the air the first whatever many minutes is that staying in because

because if it's not in i have to redo the fanny pack that is okay it's not in so we can redo the fanny i know no it isn't and, no, it is in, and I'm not gonna do it twice. You, when you came in today, and I appreciate this, you encouraged us to do more of a deconstruction of the podcast, the video podcast format, and I think it was a good note. Well, don't do it too much, because that's kind of my brand on the Take You Shoes of Podcast.

Do you do your thing, very fun, Dick Cavitt, talk show, cameras? This is just podcast. It's just so we can do it. Take it, it'sitt talk show cameras? This is just podcasts. It's just so we can do like, take it and set. Yeah, and like my thing is more like, we also do a lot of editing, but it's more deconstructive and like funny.

No, we don't edit this. This is, we just have to sell ads on this. So wait a minute, all these camera switches that you're doing when I'm going like this, and it's not there, you're not gonna look over and post and make it, we just missed it, right? We just missed it.

You guys just like A-Tem's life switching, there it is. Are you live switching in there, Adam? Yeah. You can see, you're on when it's a red light. It's on me now. That's fun that you said on me. Make it on me, make it on me.

Wow. Oh, that's a wide. That's what I'm doing. Make it on me. Oh, wow. Let's make his life a nightmare. Let's go back to the shower. Yeah, it's a two shot.

You know, I learned as an actor, and I always watch when playback where I can or where standings are coming in so you know the shot because knowing your shot doesn't only offer making sure you have confidence in where you are and what it's supposed to be. It also allows you to be in a place where are we tight? Because if we're tight and say that, thank you. Sorry. Say that you just lost a lot of money. You're going me for a sec?

Say you just lost a lot of money. Say that to me. And if we're tight, let me show you how I would react to that. Oh, it's not, let's say you lost a lot of money. You're like, Adam, I'd like you to say. Right. So, okay, we'll say why. Adam, tell me that you're sad

because you lost a lot of money in a little further away shot. I'm sad because I lost a lot of money in a little further away shot. I'm sad because I lost a lot of money. That sucks, man, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't think that's good acting. You're wrong, stop for one second, go closer. I'll show you good acting. But let me do, let me do it before you show me good acting.

Okay, do you think? Now show me, let me show you tight. Now say it again. Rick, I'm pretty sad because I just lost a lot of money. I'm sorry. Okay, that's not good acting and I'll show you good acting. Okay. I want to try next.

Reverse. Now you tell me. I know how it works. Okay. Go on, Rick. His camera. Let me show you a good acting. Okay, show me a good acting of that.

Can I try next? Yes, you can try next. But now I'm trying to show him good acting. So to him. Yeah, I know, I'm just not gonna move. No, I was trying to direct him to Adam. Adam to him. And you action from off camera.

So Adam, tell us when you're set. Yeah. Sorry, I'm just in a bad mood. Why? I just lost so much money. So you, okay, as an actor, you have to know where the camera is and I'm three steps ahead of you, but people can an actor, you have to know where the camera is and- I'm three-sick. I'm so happy to hear you, bud. People can't see. Look in your back pocket. Your magician? My back pocket?

It's a wall. There you go. That's my wall. wall There you go. That's my wall No, something you might not understand is when somebody plays a game Where they say they're upset because they don't have any money make sure to read all the numbers on all the I held I held I held you held no I was aware that I had But the the point the point of this is you to you How could you tell the point is this is- Dude, a dude.

How could you tell? The point is I'm not so sad anymore. That's my business debit. And I could see business is good. What does this cost you a month? This is such a cool setup. Yeah. The space itself, not the personnel.

The space? Yeah. Wait, you guys can we stop for one second? You forgot to take your plan B I just I just lost a lot of money She got both of us. No, she didn't I was actually got both of us. I'm why I come back to show that she got the car The cameras

I saw in your the camera. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in.

Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in.

Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to get in. Don't try to try to get in. Can't say that anymore. No, I'll tell you what it is. It's the two of us's meeting each other in the wild,

but we're doing. It's crazy. It's coastal. It's coastal people. We're like two dogs sniffing each other's asses at the dog park. We're like feeling each other out. And then we're deciding which one is gonna home

together one. Can I tell you something? I feel like we are going to your coastal versions of each other. I could be in New York from the Midwest. I'm from Las Vegas. You can't be New York. Oh, really?

Why don't you tell that to my fists, bitch. That is New York. They do be saying that. They do be saying that. Are you a little sorry? Hey sweetheart, where are your tits running down my pants? I could be L.A. I could be L.A.

You seem L.A. to me, though. Okay. Can I try? Sure. I can be LA. You see me? LA to me, then. Okay, can I try? Sure. I got fingered. I was fingered at Kachela. That was pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was pretty LA. I got fingered by Mr. Beast at Kachela. Is the thing that's pretty good? They do be saying that, no? I don't know, I don't, I really, I don't meet many people. I can't just podcast in LA. I feel like saying that now. I don't know. I don't really, I don't meet many people. I kind of just podcast in an LA. I feel like LA is this.

You don't hang out with anyone. If not for not podcasting. You only hang out with your girlfriend. Or people I podcast with. Jordan, you go ahead. Sorry, it's just this two men and sometimes you have to make space for the women. All right, anyway, what do you think,

go ahead, sir. What do you think about that whole? Let's hear what this whole has to say. I just think LA is constantly telling a lie to a fault, and New York is constantly telling a truth to his father. There are differences. There are differences between New York and what? Interesting, take.

You know what I've noticed? I would rather be in New York when someone tells it to me straight, but at least I know it's authentic than being LA and someone's real nice to me, but behind my back they say, I got a little fucking cock. News flash for you. Nobody cares because the coasts are exactly the same. They're fucking the top 1% blue fascist cum dumpsters, not in touch with what real Americans are doing. Real Americans aren't worried about what kind of hidden plans I should get or what real real Americans care about what type of beer you drink. No it's trans. They don't have it. They don't have it.

It's trans. But like real Americans don't want that. But you know what? I'm drinking it for the trans. I don't think that's real. I think it's those loud Americans that say that real Americans don't want. The silent majority is what you're talking about. No, I'm talking about the loud the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the No, they hate me too much to even think about him. Why do they watch you then? Is it like in Howard Stern or the people that watch hate watch even more? Yeah, I'm like the Beatles juice of the Adam Friedland show. You don't like Beetle juice? No, but I am like of the Adam Friedland show universe.

Beetle juice as Howard Stern character. I'm like a Beetle juice green. Oh, well you thought I was talking about Michael Keaton's No, we're talking about on WULE. She doesn't know anything. I don't know. I think you know things. Check your back pocket.

There's nothing in it. Check it again. Still nothing. Sorry. You're really good at yes-ending. Really? Yeah, she did improv. No, I didn't.

Yeah. They did not. She took down the UCB with accusations, actually. Against me. I'm not crazy. That's a trip. Yeah, just kicked in. Are you? Yeah.

I've been having a blast this whole time. Yeah. My my I would do is the water wasn't an ice block. This does feel like a cruel joke. It's kind of like once the water comes down, that's when we know we're getting into the groove of the pot. Sorry about that. What have you guys been doing here? It's kind of like once the water comes down, that's when we know we're getting into the groove of the pot. I'm sorry about that. What have you guys been doing here?

You guys have been having Neil deGrasse Tyson and Bill Nye and stuff? I mean, Bill Nye. Well, that's a mistake. Why not? It's amazing. I want one scientist and move on, new thing. Well, then should I leave?

He's a scientist. This is the podcast. We don't care. It's just a... Are you a fan of 300? The movie 300? No, it's gay. Because you just delivered it the same way he says this is sparked podcast. We don't care. It's just, it's just, it's just, the movie 300. No, it's gay. Cause you just delivered it the same way he says,

this is sparta. This is sparta. Yeah. Like him, like a breath. Like if you were, if you were a era. This is sparta. This is sparta.

Did it hurt when you got your ear pierced? Did it hurt when you fell from fucking heaven and I fell in love with you? It was. Did it hurt when you fell from fucking heaven? I fell in love with you. Hey, false love really. Did it hurt when you got your ear pierced? Did it hurt when it was two punches? My fist to your... Two hits. My fist on your face and then your face on the ground.

The face on the ground. Sorry, I fucked that up. That's a good yes and. Why I just wanted to know if it hurt when he got his ear pierced. When he pierced it was a... They said I was the bravest boy there ever. How old are you when you got your ear pierced? I was an adult man.

I old. I got my ear pierced the day that I quit my last job because the Patreon of Compton was doing well enough for me to just live off-compton. Are you embarrassed right now? Yeah, it's... Because I don't know, I'm just live off comedy. Are you embarrassed right now? Yeah, it's because I don't, I'm really asking you. You seem literally embarrassed right now. Because when I got my ear pierced, I got laughed at by my friends. Is it on the gay side?

No, it's not on the gay ear. Okay, I'm just checking. Why would I have it on the gay ear? I walk around Chelsea, she's getting touched. I walk around Chelsea. That's not how it works first of all. Gay people just don't look at what kind of... Yes, they do. No's not how it works, first of all. Kate people just don't look at what's going to be.

Yes, they do. No. They touch without asking. But they don't just look at your ear and go like, oh, it's on the right ear, I'm going to touch your butt. That's not how it works. You're straight guys. Touch girls.

Not all straight guys. Not all gay guys or gay women touch other people. No, straight guys touch me. I said touch girls. Oh, gosh. Not, not, not lumbermen. Straight guys, touch me. I said touch girls. Oh, gosh. Yeah, touch girls. I'm a lady. I'm not, not lumberman. Still in the football when my dad recently,

they all pigs in? Yeah. Your dad looks a lot like you. I know it's the other way around. Can I say a picture of your dad? I just wanna know if our, who's dad is hotter? My dad. Yeah.

Yeah, it's his sonny. He's a smoke. Yeah. And your dad's fucking gross. So the football. Yes, his dad has an accent. You wanna guess what it is? See if he can guess it.

Yes. Well, tell me where he's from first. Cheetah. Cheating, Cheetah, Africa, South African, South African. He's a South African. Fuck, what was that? I swear to God, I didn't tell him.

No, he knew. Yeah, I heard your name, people comment on my podcast all the time. He said Cheetah, which brought him to South Africa. How the fuck did he do that? And you, I see him. Because he went Africa and then he knew. He's the biggest fan in the world, he already knew. There's no way.

There's no way. Did you already know? He can't lie, he's autistic. Yeah, he lies all the time. They don't do. Oh, I got a sleep. My father would be so much prouder of me as a comedian if I did that kind of stuff. This?

No. I lie when I go to sleep. Like me, that's what that's the kind of stuff he likes. You don't have such a different life though. I have to sleep. You sleep, you sleep standing? No, I have to do it. What do you have vampire?

It's not about my sleep. No, it's about this and that. It's not about my sleep. No, it's about this. It's not about my sleep. Yeah, it's kind of a Jewish style, no? That was a vampire. I was pregnant. Transylvanian accent, to me, it was always soundin' bushbelly.

Well, it's Eastern European. Well, it's not like Jewish to me. And I think it was coded anti-Semitism. I think it is. Because they want people to think that we're vampiric and that we run the bank. Vampiric, Because you're pale. You can't go on the sun.

Good big word vampiric. Vampiric sounds like some, like, like one of the names of one of the bad guys in legally blonde who went to the, you know, the prep schools. Is he one of the vampirics? Oh. Retrieu. I really don't think he knew you dad was South African.

So, you're freaking, you didn't know my dad was South African. No. He went Cheetah and then he went to Africa and then he was like he's not black. I was about cheating. Cheating and he went cheetah. But that's not real. That's not how things work. That's how I watched this man work. Tell us the truth. He had to know. Every time you know your flaws, bang your knee up until you say. Then you get to twings. I mean what is it?

That's the best of you as sheeding. You said cheating, you said cheating. When have you heard me lie? He lies. He does the insincere thing. He does the same thing that you and God damn. I have just met you guys. I just met you.

I don't do what you do. Yes. I do my own thing. You all say things that are insincere and it takes the kids to get to the other room. I'm secure. I'm not insecure. I'm not insecure.

I'm not insecure. Because when I say to you, that over it, we gave you the right to vote. Yes. That's not my brand. I don't do that kind of stuff. You said she wasn't a girl just though. I said she was a lady.

What does that mean? You're applying that she's nasty. No, what I was doing now, that was me. I was offering the audience an opportunity to drive with me left. And then when they look in the rear view mirror, they say, glassman turned right. That's why they call me right glassman.

Do they? Yeah, it's really. Where are these balloons coming from? They're not balloons, they're fruit flies because there's a trash somewhere that we haven't found. Well then, it doesn't think that the fruit flies are balloons. He thinks they're balloons. He's talking about by laugh, sounds like a balloon.

Oh, you have that. Okay, now, sorry, I was confused. Adam's used to it because he makes me laugh so much. When the movie, when the movie with, Samuel, little Jackson, unbreakable. Yeah, yeah Yeah, and me all Jackson was in the wheelchair We were like that's one of my podcasts and we're sorry going up really I got a big bump from that

Yeah, yeah, when that movie came out. Yeah, and then when I came then we're gonna came back out on blue right I got another bump You gotta speak a new bump house plan C What's plan C? When you you ever pregnancy fetish? No, I've never been pregnant You got a huge- Speaking of bump, how's Plan C? What's Plan C? When you- You have a pregnancy fetish? No, I've never been pregnant. I thought you have a breeding fetish.

You told me last time I talked to you. No, I don't have a breeding fetish. I have a breathing fetish. What is that? You like people who breathe everyone does. So you'll fuck anything? I like people who breathe heavily close to my face. Really? Mm-hmm. I like people who breathe heavily close to my face. Really?

I told you this, in confidence. That, on what? You like that nerd style breathing? Yes. You like the wheelchair kid in Malcolm in the middle, style for you breathing? I like in Doug Stinky. No, the wheelchair kid who's like-

Stinky and hernalt. In Malcolm in the middle? Yes. Who's like- I try and Malcolm in the middle. Yes, who's like I try and keep it away from kids because it gets a little my artistic cousin had to be stopped from watching Asian Midget porn by his bro He's like probably 25

Switches when it was me and his dad as a bro About you were having a nice conversation about her freak cousin. Okay. And he got his son looking up midget Asian porn like obsessively. Yeah. And he was talking to me about it. But if that's what you mean? Why can't it just be Asian or midget?

Why does that have to be Asian midget? Is he a pedophile? What's wrong with this kid? But why can he just like what he likes? I think he drew the line. I think I think my uncle drew the line because he saw it going into pedophilia The pedophilia where if you will I think that's kind of harsh to dwarfs to assume that people that like that I didn't say dwarfs. I said little I said midgets and I said Asian midget. No doors and dwarfs How is dwarf's okay?

I mean, I agree with you. I mean, I agree with you. It's okay, it's little people. No, I think Dorf is a lot. Dorf is the scientific term and it's still used. That's like being like a pro. Yeah, but so is the R word, we would sign it,

but it's not still used anymore. The R word wasn't signed anymore, but it's not used anymore. But what? Dorf is still used. Richard Ent. It's a word. Dorf is still used.

Like, play with hardest. Yes, which can't say anymore these days. Not at all. Oh my god. I got dragged for saying I liked Down syndrome people. DRAGED. Are you allowed to say dragged? I can say dragged because I am. You're a man dressed as a diva?

A man dressed as a woman dressed as a diva. Doing a lip sync to Donna Summer? I don't know who Donna's the first. Have you ever? No, I can't. You better get on to the go-in if you want to find your way better. Get on the go-in if you want to find your way and we go. Big time, the rhythm's up.

Big time, the rhythm goes. Big time, the rhythm plays when the rhythm always goes. Do you like Gloria Gainer? I don't know who that is. I will survive. No, no, no, no. Sure, yeah, that's a good stuff. From the replacements.

I like, I love that movie. I like, I love that movie. I thought that was called up to the league. You made that up. It was a lie. No. What does it mean when you get called up to the league. You made that up. It was a lie. No. What is the meme when you get called up to the league? I had a 10 day count director with the calves.

Your D1? Where'd you play? Ken State. What happened? Why did you stop- You were there when it was good. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then Your life was ball. All I did was play ball lift weights and occasionally, fucks the fuck, see I fuck chicks. Yeah.

No comedy. No, fuck that. The only thing that was funny was how quick I made these girls come. Really? Yeah. Every girl you fucked is premature ejaculator? No, but a lot of them.

Could you block the other way? So, all right, I was just, I was just, I was, I'm grossed. just, grossed. I'm grossed. Yeah, you seem like a sad dragon when you do that. It's not cool, it's not cool to do it. It sucks.

You stopped? I think that's a cool looking machine. Show the camera that you're cool machine. I think that's really good for kids. No, he took mine. And I used to alpha for me to ask for a bet. You cut that. Gens, time stamp.

Okay, is that real? Yeah, because we didn't know the new guest. Okay, we're just gonna... I thought you were cutting out that you referred to somebody as to alpha. No. He's too alpha. He hates when I said that about him. I alphaed him the entire time. You weren't watching the interview?

Oh, I mean, the interview that you had us watch, warm enough before coming in. I mean, the interview that you had us watch, Warming Up before coming in. Shot off, I mean, that's mean. What? That's... I was excited about it to show my friends, and he was hating it. He was like, pause, they left the room, they came in. Well, I mean, after the first eight minutes.

You have burned the fart to be fair. I did leave the room to fart. That was before we started. And? I'll never show you anything again that I'm excited about, and I'll wear a show my friends. That's what my mom does. Yeah. You know what? You know what? You. Then I'm excited about it. I want to show my friends. That's what my mom does.

Yeah, with where it's. You know what? You know what? You're new bush. No, if you're feeling the hurt instead of trying to find a way to have the conversation about how you're feeling to feel better, you're like, fuck it. I don't care. I don't want to show you anything ever again.

And mom does that. I remember. What did you call that? Chachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachachach Today's video is passing the dress. The Nibbielinif? Today's video is sponsored by SeatGeek with over 28 million downloads. SeatGeek is the number one-readed ticketing app. There are more than 70,000 events every single day on SeatGeek, including concerts, sports, festivals, and more. What's the next concert you're going to? Lilith Fair? the Indigo girls. Oh, maybe, maybe, maybe a scar with Ian, maybe the punishing band that plays at the seller every Monday and makes all of us listen to it. The punishing band. Yes,

it's like a BDSM kind of style. You just play a lot of folk really loud in a small space and we're all subjected to hearing it and that's the only music I've heard for the last year. Artists like Drake, the 1975, the Jonas Brothers and Beyonce are on tour and you don't want to miss that. It's funny they put 19, 19, 19. Oh,eks. I've used it to oh I just saw LCD sound system up with through seat geeks. I realized bad bad recently We got a couple of them right here. You think they're a bad band. I realized only recently bad band What did you see? What did you hear? What do you know? I watched that documentary about the? Yes, that air that meet me in the bathroom in the bathroom. I realized the only good band was the strokes

What a good Jordan. We got a couple of seat geeks right here. Okay, they put all the tickets, but if you want to go to LCD sound system, you should use seat geek. Yeah, I'm not saying no one should go see them, but enough not for me. The strokes are good. They put all the tickets across the web in one place to make sure that you're getting a good deal. And they rank the deal. So they have like, this is a 9.9. So you know if you're like getting a good deal, this is a 6.3. You know, so it's honestly, it's helpful.

Each ticket is rated, like I just said, on the scale of one to 10. So you look. Well, it's really out of one to 100 if they're doing decimal places. No, it's not, because that's... 9.8 and 10.3 is just one out of 100. That's a decimal. But it's out of 100 units.

But if I said I had 9.5 apples, that doesn't mean I had 95 apples. No, but if you go, but you're saying 9.5 you're using as a tangible number of units as opposed to just. Okay, you've taken up with them. No. Every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee and Seeky is the only site that lets you return your tickets. Up to 10 versus out of. Yeah. Up to 10, but you're right that it's out of 100 numbers.

Oh, it stopped flirting. Um, you return your tickets ahead of the event with swaps. And now, I came through for you guys. You can use my code Taffs for $20 off- They won't believe you. At SeatGeek. I came through for you guys. Because I didn't believe you.

You sound like you're in it. I was just nice to see. If I had this up on another tab, I was at SeatGeeks and I'm listening to this, I think I would close it. And I would open up. Why? Because you're allergic to getting $20 off. Go on.

And now I came through for you guys. Oh, I came through for you guys, okay? So you can use promo code, my code, Taffs for $20 off tickets at CQ. So long. From good. We don't, we have to like, we don't have to say as many jokes. It's for good.

That's $20 off your first pay. It's very small. Oh, here. That's $20 off your first purchase with the promo code taps. Make sure you click the link in the description and download the app. And then Adam, we need an on screen overlay. That says code taps for $20 off your first seek geek order. So you use the code taps, $20 off, it's a great fucking deal. Do the thing where you try and say everything I'm gonna say as I'm saying it. Can you do it, please?

Oh, they do that. We remember that SNL sketch where they're making up songs. Yeah, that was fun. You're pretty good at it. He also can freestyle. Are you a rapper? You have bars?

Adam's girlfriend has huged it. Yeah, but you can hoop and you have bars? Yeah, well, you guys have a freestyle, don't you? Bring us out of bar, are you 30 minutes? Over here? I know your waters are free styles. You can't beckon the camera to you. By day, I have to because they don't do it post.

But yes, he even been talking to me and when I asked a question, he flickered between the cameras to say yes. It's brilliant. No way. Is that true? Yes or no? The camera loves you. Ha ha ha ha.

Whoa. I've been having fun over here. We're having fun. We're having fun. We miss some stuff. Wow. So, yeah, what was it? So you can freestyle?

This is going to sound super corny. I do freestyle sometimes, but it's not like a skill that I could just do. It's whenever I have something to say, it's able to come out of me that way. You need to have something to say. That's why he's a part of the art. That's why he's a part of the art.

That's why he's a part of his art. Yeah, you know, if you have nothing to say, then you can't rap. Yeah, you know what I say? If you don't have to say, I would say that is a rap. Oh, serious, because it's like it's over. Yeah, you know what I say, if you don't think, I would say that is a rap. No, I'm serious because it's like it's over. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a rap. Yeah, yeah. My dad would be so proud of me if that was the, because I was doing fun. You mean your pap? No, my father's not. Because we don't fuck around when we say no, Kat. But we hesitate for a moment,

we could put on our hat because the draps don't meet the taps unless we push each other back. Never stop underestimating a situation where you speak. You live inside your own line. Draps. Yeah, what a draps. You think it's a word? Yeah, draps.

Well, dapping someone is here and draping is deviated like this. A double dapp? Or it doesn't have to be dapp. It could be just a drap. Drap. Drap. No cat. Her space.

Drap, he made a trap. I didn't make a trap. I didn't make a trap. Drap? Yeah. To trap somebody, you give them draps. Look at me, are you lying? It's just a sequence trap.

Okay. Yeah, and there's also no such thing as halfway crooks. I learned that from 8 mile. I didn't know it before eight mile. I think it's a mob deep. No, but I learned about eight mile, because three, no, six, eight, oh, play crooks. And everyone knew it.

And I'm like, what is that from? That's not a crooks. Yeah, it's from the infamous. It's great. One puck, two puck, three puck, none. He's puck, your puck, their puck, none. Or what was it? One, oh, five puck, four puck, three puck, one.

What is this for? Your puck, he's puck, no puck. None. Was that ground? Green eggs and ham. No, no, that's the end of eight mile. I am white, I am a fucking bum. I do live in trailer with my mom.

Yeah, he said British stuff. He goes British? Yeah, yeah, mom. Yeah, poetic license sometimes allows for that. Like, draps. Like, yeah, mom. Yeah, poetic license sometimes allows for that, like, draps. Like, yeah, but that's, but mom is the accurate usage. Drap. Drap.

I've heard mom before I had her draps. Yeah, you will. I will now. I'll say it. It's a make up. I'll say it now. I actually wrap in the upcoming episode of the Adam Friedland show with our celebrity guest.

Are you good at it? I'm incredible. Really? Yes. All right. Maybe a good two should work together on a wrap, ready? I would like it to be about Haribo gummy bears specifically go.

These walls are nice and thick, psyched a too ply. I eat these things like I eat red bars and this is made from yellow five. Has bros no bro, you dapp trap. Nothing on the back rhythm unless you clap that ass. Chin scratch, lip grab, titty bounce. Drap. Attack.

That's a drag. grad, titty bounce. Draft attack. That's a drag. Uh-huh. Cause if you ain't got there, it's an old-play crook. Yeah. You still haven't said anything about the gummy bears, you fuck. Well, I did talk to about like, I'm a dying yellow fives.

I don't know why you don't eat those. We're siphon, we're siphon. So can I siphon? Absolutely, yeah. I didn't know we were really doing that. What's a siphon? Absolutely, yeah, yeah. I didn't know we were really doing that. What's the siph? You wouldn't get it. The siph is where you go around,

you're at freestyle club, you're in freestyle club, you're in 10th grade. Yeah. You're with all the kids in freestyle club. That's gonna be so annoying. That's gonna be so annoying. I'm sorry. Terrible so.

Yeah, I was in, I was just, okay, don't eat some water. Let me see, I was freezing, I'm an incredible route, but I freeze up around other people as some people that simply go, problem. Okay. You sound like Will Ferrell in the step brothers,

you know, when he's like his voice of an angel, he's like, I can't. Yeah, but I freeze, and he's just making fun of that kind of person, and you're like, really? And I really am, well, I'm really, really, you're saying that as a thing. Okay. Let me see no

Okay, now want me to do you and do like an 808 yeah, do it do it. I know things No, I don't know the 476. No, it's a 476. Do it No, I like that. I know you were doing fresh and clean just now no do fresh and clean for me No No, do freshen clean for me. No, it's too tough. It was the first one. No, I don't think that's freshen clean. Okay, Acapella Midwest style, no sound, no music. Acapella means with ice cream.

Gotcha. And let me tell you about my mom, McCreeb. She always cooking it up. We play video games, and she, I froze up again. I'm sorry. It's a nerve-racking thing to do. I do understand. That's why I was saying, like,

I really only do it about something. Let me tell you about my mom, McCreeb. We only do it. She always, she always, well, because it's the hook. It's the hook. So you had this already? So you can do the hook a lot.

Yeah, I'm starting on the hook. It's like dancing queen by Ava. You know they started on the chorus. Yeah, that's it. Do they start with that? Yeah, it's starting on the hook. It's like dancing queen by Ava. You know they started on the chorus. Yeah, I don't know. Do they start with that? Yeah, it's the only song that starts with the chorus. It's the only song I think that starts with the chorus ever,

of all time ever. Really? Yeah, they start with a new candace. What about, hey now, you're an old star. That's not Ava. You're right, that's not. I didn't know anything. Smash roof.

And he doesn't start with that. He starts with... One fist hits smash your mouth and one smash is the ground. Have you ever, has your mom ever brought a new lady friend home that looks like the, that's the guy from smash mouth? No, because she goes for comes, but my mom is the guy from smash mouth. Your mom's like a guy for your style? Yeah, she is. Banana this way. Really? Does she drive convertibles?

She drives the winters. She drives the tractors. Does your mom... I can't say the convertible. Wait, wait, wait, wait, good question. Yeah. Does your mom ever go downtown? Do a little, do a little munchy?

And then go, that's a rock star bite. Like Fieri. I think what he's asking is, is your mom ever... Never connected two to them together. Like diners driving the dives. He's like, that's a rock star bite. Yeah, yeah, she does that.

Cut to the video of my mom doing that that everybody knows about. What's format? Dude, hanging out, having fun? No, because we don't have headphones and there's like little quick things that I do too many of them. I know that.

Oh, you're that silatistic? You try. I swear you don't have a headphones on. You walk in a little street. No, fair enough. You try, I swear you don't have a headphones on, you're walking on the street. No, fairytale. Just that we can't hear each other well enough and like, they're- Are you autistic because you don't have the autistic butt?

He said he was. I know, it's a spectrum, it's a spectrum. I don't wanna have to have autistic conversations on podcasts all the time. Well, I mean, I even do that. Oh, is that, you don want to be the identity thing? But this is what Adam does. If you tell him that you're something, he assesses about it.

Like, your friend needs to let me ask. He didn't ask if I was because I farted. Okay, I said, no, no, no, no, listen, listen, listen, listen, there's a compliment, there's a compliment. But prior the episode, you said, do I fart in this room or in the room next door? And I was like, yeah, I'm going next door. But then I looked at Jordan, I said, easy, artistic, because the way I think I would do it,

to me means like you were a- You both have to be- You were transparent to a fault, right? The new transparent, is that a mom that becomes a dad? It's an Amazon original series, Jeffrey Tambor, becomes a lady. Who got me to for for for transparenting to. Right. Yeah.

And what the way I my my fart policy. What's in that box? Is that well, you haven't been watching the Adam Friedland show then. I have not. What's that? Did you show earlier episodes before we filmed? Yeah, maybe your friends should support you. Anyway, so the way... But what is in that box? My fart policy is you fart and you pretend as if you didn't and then

when someone smells it, you lie, right? But then expect the same from other people. No, no, so when you said it that way, I was like, that's very courteous, in fact, but that would not be a natural response from me. And then I asked, oh, perhaps he is on the autism spectrum. I have friends and family and we fart and it's very casual and it's fine and it's funny. And then there's some people like, what the fuck?

I was just seeing what kind of house this is. What if I said, please fart? Who said, if you, like, what do you mean? I would be like, please? Well, if you were to, who would do that? What kind of freak? If you said I have to fart, I would say, okay. Some people were like, oh, go over there.

No one wants to smell a fart, do they? I don't care, but if you had to fart, no, I wouldn't say go fart over there. Is that true? Yeah, no, he's lying. That's a, that's a bold case lie. If. But if you had to fart, now I wouldn't say go fart over there. Is that true? Yeah. No, he's lying. That's a, that's a bold case lie. I think you would make it. If I said I'm about to fart, unless you were like some sort of like BDSM like basement

of, of, of, of German like sex club, BDSM, BGSC. What is that, man? Big, gaping fart. What? What's BGSC? Big German sex club. Yeah. Oh, sick. Um, if you were like, unless you're that kind of person, you're like, you're like, you're Gaping Farts. What? It was BGSC. Big German sex club.

Yeah. Oh, sick. If you were like, unless you're that kind of person, where you're like, oh, I like, then he does it, shi-za in my face. Like, anyone other than that would be like, no, I don't want to smell a phone. On my podcast, we far into the microphone. Rick said that precedent, actually.

No, actually, there's stovos that don't come down for seven years. Well, on our podcast. Oh. On our podcast. Sorry. What was my thing? I must have taken it from him.

I didn't like it when he did it, actually. Have you ever heard a fart into a microphone that's being amplified? Have you ever farted? Could you just answer my question? You do the same thing with the earrings? Yes, that's my question. Yes, yes.

And you don't think that's funny? Nice. Gearing it in a microphone comes in. Here's what's funny, right? Okay. I'm excited to learn. Have you ever farted into your cell phone while Shazam is on and found a new U2 song

that you've never heard before? I like that joke. Yeah. What? I like that joke. That was bad. I liked it. Yeah. That was a bad effort. And then you find a new YouTube song. Great. Say it again. You know what? Next time next. Next. What? When we're going to do his forced upon us. Yeah. Yeah. We all got it on our on our phones. Yeah. We connected on our phones. People were fucking fans, Jumbob Lonely Island, they did a fun spoof of that in Rockstar.

That move is very funny. Very funny. We both like Lonely Island in Sanvers. You never see Rockstar. He's never seen any. Oh, it's brilliant. Andy Sanvers. What do you do all day?

How do you guys do so much stuff all day? Were you taken so much information? What do you do? Motorcycle mechanics? Yes. Yes. I can drive a motorcycle. You guys can't do that. Do you do? Motorcycle mechanics? Yes. Yes. I can drive a motorcycle. You guys can't do that.

Do you fix car cycle? I would never drive a motorcycle. Do you fix bikes and stuff? I have. I don't want you on that thing. It's too dangerous. It's too dangerous. No, I don't like the thought of you.

It'll be a quick death when I go. They say that quick. What does that mean It'll be a quick death when I go. They say that quick. What is that, oh, that's bad ass Jordan. Well, I won't be able to do it. Cool, I'll be a quick death. Or it'll be a fucking painful urine a body cast. It's too dangerous, what's the point? The point is you can get everywhere in Brooklyn.

What kind of guys, oh, I don't know. It's the cost of the u's, it's too much. Get a bicycle. Or use the fucking electrified city bikes. That's the same as a motorcycle. No, it's not the same. You can't go fucking got 1,000 miles an hour and kill yourself, fall off a bridge.

Oh, the bridge is. The bridge is terrifying. Yeah, the bridges are scary. You can fly over the guardrail. I worry about that with the wind. Sometimes there's quite a bit of wind. So I don't want that for you. It's so fun though.

And we're back, sorry. Wow. How does he do it? You are kind of magic. Well, you might say I'm a cheetah, but then again. He knew South Africa. He knew South Africa. There's no way.

I didn't know he had a shell. So it's back? No. And we halfway through? No, we're not halfway through, He knew South Africa. There's no way. Be honest with me. I didn't know he had a show. Switch back. No. And we halfway through? No, we're not halfway through, but why were we switching back? We thought we would switch back in halfway. The halfway was the ad.

Well, we've crossed that bridge, brother. Okay. We can switch back. I'm having a big dick. No, I was being rude because I don't know. I have to like piss on things and be a dog or something around another dog. Yeah, everyone needs to have a check. On my own show.

On my own show. You're on your brand-on-a-home stage. In my own a-home stage. Do you have a pill in that ring? No, it's a horse. What do you mean a pill? It looked like it was one of those things you could turn it and have a, like, something in it.

Ooh, little bump. Is that like a, like a, things where you could turn it and have a, like something in it. Ooh, little bump. Is that like a, like a, like a raiver style? I used to go to Raves, did you? Oh, you sound like the opposite of that kind of guy. I didn't do any drugs. Really? You just wanted to do a nightmare. Yeah.

So you were just watching, I love you. I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, was that a pun on purpose? Yes. What? A nightmare, because a mare is a horse and like going out at night. No, of course it was that a pun and purpose? Yes. What? A nightmare, because a mare is a horse, and like going out at night.

No, of course it wasn't a pun on purpose. I forgot you're a ring. You're supposed to say yay or nay. Right hand. My dad would be so proud of me. Your dad would love me. I'll tell you something. But you can make your dad.

You would love you more than me. Because I have to do this, I have to do this smut for money. Why don't you try to do a clean episode? Where's the smut? We're have to do this smut for money. Why don't you try to do a clean episode? Where's the smut? Wait, we're trying to stop doing smut. Really? We did smut for seven years. What if, what if a rabbi was Chinese?

We'd do this crap all the time. Go on. Wait, I mean, you can't do it. What if a rabbi is Chinese? It was very funny. You were stupid. The Asian Jew bit was very, it was maybe one of my favorites. We've ever done.

I don't like when people talk about other races or sexualities. I only talk about that. Can we just all talk about just being whatever it is that we are and not talk about other things? Yes, let's talk about being white. It is the best. I don't even identify as...

What's your favorite part of being white? I don't know what it's like to not be. And all I do know is that like, that's such a, what is it called when it's like your benefit? Like it's such a benefit. What do people say? Oh, it's like about white privilege. It's a privilege.

You know what I think, one of the biggest. Adam cut that? Do you know what I'm just kidding? I got it. What I think one of the biggest privileges about what we get to do is this right here. Like we get to- Right, people have never podcasted before.

No, that's specifically- And you know why that is. Donald Trump. I'm being serious. What do you mean? We get to do this. Anyone does. Everyone does this.

No, but I won't, no. I don't mean we white people. Oh, I thought we were talking about whites. Oh, I'm talking about it. No, but I won't, no. I don't mean we white people. Oh, I thought we were talking about whites. Oh, I'm sorry. No, I was talking about privilege. Oh, for our job. What a luxury. Hey, they're down.

Keep looking. If you look a little further. There you go. There you go. Oh, yeah, it's your, I see it. Thank you. Couldn't find the firm in it. I lost them.

That's bad ass. You made it, you made it look at her, tits. Hey, you ever hear of this joke? Hey, how do you get Jordan Jensen to look at her tits? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what equipment. I'll buy a new one, dude. No, you won't. No, you won't. I'm fucking made of money, dude.

No, you won't. Let's have a good podcast with this you and me. Don't destroy this act. This is what people want to see. Just you and me. It would be way better if the one. Come on, lay down, relax. I'll lay down.

Just laugh it off. Lay down. Way better if the one. I pretend that we're on one of these things where you do. So what's your favorite thing about pussy? Neither of you know about pussy. I know a lot about that. You give your girlfriend back massages

and she wishes you wouldn't. What? You give your girlfriend back massages and she wishes that you wouldn't. It's the opposite. She? No, she's always like my back hurts. Can you please give me a massage?

I'm sometimes I don't want to touch her. She's just making this up right now. I heard her say it. She's constantly making me fucking making this up right now. I heard her say it. She's constantly making me fucking give her back a hug. I heard you say it. I heard her say it. Well, it's on the ceiling. My girlfriend did not say that.

Yes, you were on the phone. You're a lying fucking piece of shit. And I, and you were talking to me and I heard her go, stop! And you were like, I'm trying to give you a back massage and she went, get off me. That's 100% true. I never lie.

Not like these two boys, lie and sex or shit. You're gonna put that on the internet. You're gonna put that on the internet. I already have said it. You're gonna put that on the internet. And guess what? Guess what? I was on a phone call with my friend Jordan, who's a woman.

That's me. I'm friends with him. Wait, I can talk about her and other Jordan. Her. And she asked for a back massage, which was quite rude in fact, because I was talking to my friend. She asked, but then you gave everyone in the morning,

she said, stop. Do you think it's an half-assing it? Do you think it's an infrowning? I was half-assing it. And I was doing like, when you don't really want to speak out. If you aren't dating her. So you're doing kind of this.

Why don't you boys ever want to really squeeze? I want to have headphones on the shot. Because it's a lot of, because they're all, because it's a lot of with some of these they're all because her because she's a her front talk show we don't want headphones but her show like this headphones I really think would help us out the front is heavy so her back is always hurting so that she's always asking huge to huge

take both your baseball caps right here come right here huge natural over here. Huge. Natural. It does suck though for backhirts. Her backhirts though. My backhirts and I ain't got no tits. I got tits flatter than my own ass. Congratulations.

It's disgusting. Maybe we'll throw up. Add and laugh in the back at that. I want you to get that wind. Makes me want to throw up. Anyway, what was that? Adam come look at my, come look at my flat tip. You know what?

I want to look at my flat tip. one can make you throw up without your consent. That's true. She also said, are there weed in here? No, it's a, do you want to leave Andy? No. Because I have some Kiba chocolates.

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Kiba. Kiba Convictions. Koketvets.com slash Tisso to save up to 30% off your order. Hot the f-. It's all I use. On my show. On my show. Wait, do you know that Eleanor Roosevelt was also Cussins with Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Franklin Delano? For Husband. Is that true? You know what I mean? You know what the baby is? You know what it's true? Because when I had sex with my step-mother, he was googling famous people who've had sex with relatives and she came up.

Do you like Game of Thrones? Yeah, I've jerked off to that scene a million times. Do girls jerk off? Yep. I don't think they do. I don't think it's called during the night. I just got a centipi-rader in the mail, I forget what it's called,

but thank you so much, whatever it's called. Okay. You know what her maiden name was? Who's? Elinor's called. Okay, you know what her maiden name was? Who's? Jensen. Eleanor. Oh. No, Roosevelt. She didn't have to change her name and marriage.

Get the fuck out of here. Mm-hmm. Wow. There's a different time though. Still the time. Do you want to say please? How's the time? Yes please.

Can you tip put, get back, can you, Jordan, we know you're strong enough to lift that. You've done construction. Not anymore. What did you do for constructions? I used to. She, You've done construction. That means, why? Why did you do for construction? I used to. She was a carpet muncher.

That's what they call it in the tree. Listen, I'm not gay. I know. You guys are both gay. Oh, can I tell you what I am? I already told this on the last podcast. So that's a bad gross thing that God doesn't like. No, we're Jewish.

We're Jewish. You're just trying to be shocked. Yeah, because she goes to the seller and then she's in this with everyone's oh, oh, I went there. Anyway, do you do voices? No, terrible voices. Okay, Jordan, I told this on the last podcast, but I don't care because you're you're I'm sure you'll show it to us before we leave.

This is bad gummy. I'll watch your fucking take your shoes off podcast or whatever the fuck that is. Well you could but when you do you might think that I am phenomenal. He's so cute. Anyway so I went to the cubby hole right walk in. We were on a double day with lesbians and and I'm like, with Robbie and her girlfriend. The Bachelor at. Bachelor at. My favorite Bachelor at.

Yeah. And she's got a hard case of the border lines. What does that mean? No, no, cut that to my friend of mine. What does that mean? It means, she, no, it's stupid. You know what, I apologize for the autistic thing. Because now every girl has borderline personality every guys autistic

it's it this the it's where did it started three years ago you know i don't think i'll start or i don't know stochistic because they do show less obvious and less known traits but i this trope that autism is a man's thing is really if you blow the other way to grading to uh... the awareness in the tools that are gatekeeping a lot of fee mass.

Okay, enough of that, talk about that too. Do you think people from Alaska say they're from the Upper West side? Do you think people from Maine say they're from the Upper East side? Do you think people from Florida say so they're from the lower east side? Do you think he's in the big San Diego? He's doing states, California. There's no lower west side in New York City. But you didn't do lower west side than New York City.

No, west side is east of the country. Do you think people from San Diego say they're from the West Village? Nice. Okay. I thought this is what your dad doesn't like. He doesn't like this, this Dreck. Sorry. This like this gross.

Dreck is fine, but Drap isn't. Dreck is Yiddish. That's a word. It's because he said to you it's Dreck. I think your dad loves your library. He said he loves the talk show. He loves it, it's Drek. I think your dad loves him a lot. He said, no, he loves the talk show. He loves it. He's very proud.

Yeah, but this is a money grab for you. Actually, I think you would like this. Like a fucking, that was pretty close to you. And you didn't really say anything. I ain't no harm. It was the other way and also like, I got, this isn't my space. I kind of set what it is you guys are gonna do what you do.

But when you blow it this way, I know that you didn't remember, so I'm reminding you, that's her best attempt. Does that make sense? I don't care. So, so what do you care about? We love each other.

We actually love each other. You don't have to kiss. No, I can't get up, you're up that high. Oh yeah. You can pick up. You can pick up this guy. It's very strong.

It's strong hands. Look how big his hands. I would know about the hands. Can you pump all? Can you have you ever done this? Did that Jordan poster? I have a picture of it. How does it feel?

Have you yammed? It feels like another Wednesday. Have you yammed on his hem footer? Oh yeah. Have you yammed on people? You've yammed on people. Have you yammed on people? What?

Have you yammed on people? Have you yammed on people? Have you yammed on people? Have you yammed on people? Have you yammed on people? Have you yammed on people? Have you yammed on. You've yammed on people. What, you've yammed? You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people.

You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people.

You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed on people. You've yammed We bet it's way better. We bet it's your healthier. But I think Yams actually have more sugar content than a sweet potato. I would die.

You know, if people just saw your stand up, they might think you're a regular potato, but once they get to know you, I think they would realize that you kind of are a little bit more of a sweet potato. When I mean by that is more expensive than not as good, we'll be right back. And we're back.

So while we were gone for the break, Jordan pooped her pants. Now question, when you poop your pants, do you like to throw your garbage away or do you take the poop out, hold it, carry it home, and then throw it out a window? You asked me. She poops in her hand and she throws it at people.

Like a boon. She pooped in a toilet and she, I heard when I was faking, like I left the show, I heard. You're disgusting, Jordan. I'm not But we love you and he busted inside and put and paid for the plan B this guy. No No, we just a lot of guys Don't realize how much

When a person woman or anybody's two weeks of this type of calendar It really affects their body. And some more than others. It fucked you up, it fucked you up. Yeah, but you would go through a hard time. It was rough. Yeah. I bled the calamari things for like two weeks.

She also ate a lot of calamari and the stuff she didn't finish, she put back up her gun. Yeah. Really? Italian style. It is Italian, a way mumbo, Italian. Okay, I think we're gonna wrap things up.

Do you wanna wrap it up by we do a few minutes of just complete sincerity? Yeah, actually let's drop the act. Okay. Jordan, you first. Who's the hardest? Who's the hardest? Who's the hardest?

Who's the hardest? Who's the hardest? Who's the hardest? Who's the hardest? Who's the hardest? Who's the hardest? Who's the hardest? Who's the hardest? Who's the hardest? Who's a joke, it's not sincerity. Let's do sincerity. She likes nonsense.

Well, if we're gonna be sincere, then let's not put people in positions where they might be uncomfortable. Yeah, that's good joke, where you said be sincere and then I made Jordan uncomfortable. But yes, let's actually be sincere. I see it's explaining to me, George. Well, no, yeah, I had to explain it to you.

I had to explain it to you, because you pushed back on an all-veased... Okay, let's be sincere. Okay, sincere, I'm hungry. Okay to you because you pushed back on an all-view is okay let's be sincere since here I'm hungry okay since you know we said sincere I'm gonna I'm gonna look it into my camera that's not even a dude I'll tell you something I've ever seen her act she's like finishes the joke she goes I'm hungry that's like your cash fr, I'm hungry. That's like your catchphrase. I'm a, I'm a hungry. Momma hungry.

Is that gonna be your first album? It's not like that. I don't say it like that. It's like, that's your NGRY. I don't say it like that. I have some catchphrases. We have some cashews because I'm hungry. We have some snacks.

I think my sweat have gotten out. Yeah, but we might have to thaw them out. Hey, here's some cashews. Enjoying the room. I have a- I have a- I have a- I feel like it's been an analogy for this episode. We've thawed out a lot of icing this.

Okay, sincerity. Go- You go ahead first. Uh, Jordan told me that she was going to be doing this at 6 and how was, uh, maybe going to come into the city. She's like, do you want to just come on by? I said, yeah, because like I said, I get a lot of comments on my podcast saying, oh, Jordan Friedland, if you were funny or stuff like that. Adam Friedland is my... Adam. If you look at the mugs, actually, it's my dad. Adam. Whatever your name is. People would be like, I'm like a better version of you and I'm like,

I kind of want to see who this guy is. This isn't sincere. Forgot what we were doing. Ask me again. On my own show. Ask me again. Ask me again. No, you had your chance. Jordan, next.

Sincere. I was being serious. You did this? I have to go to Austin, Texas this weekend. Good. And, but my boy, Santino, is at the mother's house. Yes. He's in the mafia.

That's right. There's no such thing. He's a ginger Santino. Have you ever seen that? It's a stage name. Yeah. Or is it? His name is real name is a...

Is it recopulating, you know? You could just say a name. Louis, the only ginger. I'll talk, you know, you can be. Don't I? Anyway, I'm going to Austin and I'm worried he's going to pull on my tickets. And my plugging are in my being sincere.

Oh, he's playing the same place. He's playing the place near. Well, all the fans that are watching this right now are going to go see George. But that already came out. Come on. Today, this comes out today. Yeah.

Oh God bless you. Austin, Texas, Creek and the Cave. I'll be sincere. How do I be sincere? Okay, you're also bad at this. Yeah, I'm so bad at this. I'll be the Gotham City doing comedy juice on Tuesday. Oh yeah, you will.

Great. How many of your guys? Check it out. I'm gonna love you. I will be in Washington, DC, the 24 great Check it out. I'm gonna love you. I will be in Washington DC the 24th to the That's where I'm staying Yes, ice cream sandwiches. No, but for the Mike's it's gonna be a lot Yeah, I want to do this way since Washington DC Nick and I for as part of the New York comedy festival will be at town hall

for the, as part of the New York comedy festival will be at town hall in November something. Also, next episode of the Adam Friedland Show is gonna be a big one. Is that the one that you made us watch before we came on? Is that one of the ones you made us watch? What did you say? Is that one of the ones you made us watch before the podcast?

Yes, fucking. What did you just say? By the way, you didn't show us a bit. We watched like 25 minutes. But what did you say that episode is gonna be a what? A banger. That's how he said, I'll tell you what you said after you cut. What did I say that episode's gonna be a what? A banger. That's not what you said. I'll tell you what you said after you cut.

What did I say? He said, I'm saying the n words. No, I'll tell you after. What do you think? It'll give it away if I tell you what you said. Well, they already heard it. No, we're cutting with a guest. Continued.

We're cutting with a guest. Where you say who? He went, it's gonna be a big one. A big one. Okay, that's your clue. It's gonna be a big one. It's gonna be my Okay, that's your clue, it's gonna be a big one. It's gonna be my sieve, okay? There you go.

Thanks for watching, guys, really, I appreciate this. I think this was probably the best episode of any podcast of all time. I think so too. I'm pretty sure. I think maybe this is like a podcast. I think this is... You know what I heard the other day?

What? Do you turn these things off? Do you know how you turn these off? You know what I heard the other day? What do you call three white men in a room? Podcasts. A podcast! Wow!

That's insane! That's really good.