The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 16

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 16 Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/tafs/  Subscribe to @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs  -- LIVE SHOWS:  NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows Sep 15 — Sep 16: Boston, MA @ The Wilbur ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour Aug 24 - Aug 26: Washington, DC @ The Comedy Loft of DC #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland

Hey and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast. Podcast regular episode. We just did the premium this morning. What's it? The gym, hit the sauna. Feeling relaxed, feeling good. A lot of stuff to be anxious about, but I tell you that sauna really cleans it all out. I think there's a little mouse eating the food you left out.

Oh, there it is. I can there's a little mouse eating the food you left out. Oh, there is. I can hear it. Can you see it? Can't see it. It's kind of dark out. We got our own little ratatouille here. Well, there's no food in there.

That's why it's on the floor. It's just a box that had food in it. Those two food boxes, those are just not the... Well, those are on top of a table. Gotcha, gotcha. So the bag is garbage. There's also food behind you left out on the ground. I put that in the garbage bag.

The, the, the bread you left out. Right there was a breakfast bar and I ate it. And then I put it in the garbage bag. Yeah, the breakfast bar, I, you know who'd love that? In alcohol. In alcoholic. Sorry. I, um,

so what's up for your feeling bad? You feel like you're getting sick again? I think I'm getting sick. Yeah, I think I was feeling started feeling bad in the last episode. And then you went to the gym and I fell asleep on the couch and I just thought, what was the last time you thought you were getting sick?

Oh, like two weeks ago. Six, six days ago. Six days ago. And the time before that was probably why I like, so I found like three days before that. Three days before that. Yeah. I don't know what it could be.

Yeah. Certainly not allergies, that's seasons over. No, no it's not allergies, I just can't stop, I just couldn't stop falling asleep. Yeah. I don't know what it was. Yeah. I hope it's not the virus. Yeah.

It'll take some vitamin C. The virus used, that shall, yeah, that shall not be named. It's funny mom's tonight tonight i want to be there it would be fun if they had another i think this time china should make a virus in a lab and release it and then when people are like you know that this is bullshit and they actually get killed no no no they should make a china now is if i were china

this is the best time in the world to make a virus in a lab and release it No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Yeah, it's sort of like that movie double jeopardy. China in a lot of ways is like Ashley Judd. Yeah. Yeah, it's sort of the Ashley Judd of Nations. Exactly. Beautiful. The she-fuck Tommy Lee Jones. Beautiful, but you can't tell how old she had to go ahead. What were you saying?

Nothing. Does she fuck Tommy Jones? I in the movie. I don't know. Beautiful, you can't tell how old she is. That's right. Communist characteristics. Sure.

Big old cans, country music, legend, family. We're just naming things about Ashtagyab. And Chinese characteristics. Communism with Chinese characteristics. Yeah, what does that mean? Communism but like a bowing, don't know what is that mean. Karate vibes more of a karate vibe. Yeah. Yeah. No I woke up and I feel I don't even know what day it is right now and I'm really I haven't been sick in a couple months and now I feel terrible. Yeah, yeah

Yeah, I would like to go to funny moments next I'm but we got you know, we're kind of big opener We got a big day. We're we're in New York City. We're in New York fucking city There's a lot to be grateful for I'm feeling grateful You walk back from the gym feeling grateful After the sauna mainly after. After the sauna. Yeah, yeah. Were you grateful for that? I don't know. That was the thing I struggled with when I was younger.

It's like gratitude. You get worried about stuff. It's one of the best ways to deal with anxiety or worry is the practice gratefulness. And then, maybe it's the way it's phrased or the wording, or I'm gonna take this thing off because it's uncomfortable. Maybe it's like breathe those things.

Yeah, they don't, the words, and I think it's shrunk too. I don't know. How does it, it's a synthetic material, no? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I got fat or who knows? Maybe your muscles got bigger. Oh, thanks. Looks like someone spilled soy sauce all over it

Oh gosh Was that Rick Glassman the Rick Glassman spill soy sauce on my face? I think he did who is Rick Glassman? I don't know he does puns Well, I can't on the show. He can't with Jordan last week. He famous. He's I think he's quite famous Yeah, he's famous. He was kind of being a little bit a little bit a combative. Combative. Yeah, I don't really know anything about him, but I know.

On our show. Based on our damn show. Based on my thought, he was like, that sounds big. Well, it sounds like a book guy, like a guy that writes books about gratitude. I just read Being Gratitude by Rick Glass. By Rick Glass. Yeah, but you know, the people say, you practice gratitude and I don't know,

I would always struggle with it because what that would turn into is I'd be anxious about something or worried. And then you say, practice gratitude. And then what that turns into in my head is like, you think, oh, well, it could be worse. There's other people that have a much worse situation. So then I'm still anxious about the initial thing, and now I feel like a piece of shit cry baby on top.

Yeah, now you're an asshole. So right now, I'm an asshole on top. So you're scared and asshole. Yeah, right. So that doesn't really fucking help. Yeah. But now, I guess, now that I'm older, I get it. It's like, you to find it in little things

because it should be, that's like a universality, right? Practice and gratitude. It's not specifically tailored to somebody who's actually very lucky, which I feel like I am. You know, it's like practicing gratitude should apply to everybody as a way out. So you think about it and say, all right, well, okay, well, how would I quote unquote practice gratitude?

If I was somebody in one of these terrible situations and then it's like, you know, I mean Made a little sandwich and it's like, God, isn't this nice? I can what do you have on it? Chicken breast and some stir fry. That's nice. Yeah. What, you put stir fry noodles? Just the stir fry toppings. Oh, the toppings. Because it's like you get all kinds of vegetables. Yeah. So I went over trade shows about that. A little quick sandwich.

It's like, you know, I can put my sandwich together. Isn't this nice? That is nice. Isn't it nice? Yeah, yeah. And that's the kind of stuff. It's not like, oh, you know, things are going well. And it is a little bit rude about this whole like,

oh, it could be worse kind of thing. So you're supposed to be a homeless guy, but there's a guy that's a little bit more homeless than you. Yeah. It's comparing yourself to like the drags of humanity. And being like, not me, brother. Right. You know, it is, it's actually being more of an asshole.

You know? Yeah. And being, oh, I'm so grateful for everything I have. Mm-hmm. Because I'm, and I'm glad I need these fucking bombs out there. Yeah. To feel good about myself.

Yeah. You know? These poor bombs. Right. But yeah, there's always, there's always small things, you know? The sandwich sounds good. Sandwich? That's not, you know.

It's a nice day, it's summertime. Dude, I just walked outside to see if I could wake up. And this is really, this is like it, I felt like I was like, like one of those heroin guys you see, like waking up from a heroin thing. And I was like walking around like a zombie and then I got to go and just love the show. And I'm like, around like a zombie and then the guy goes, I love the show.

And I'm like, God, he's gonna see me like that. But to be fair, you look like that on the show also. Well, I'm like, oh, this guy caught me in a private... I look like one of those heroin guys. Yeah, say so. Oh, come on, man. I don't look like one of these guys caught me in a private moment where I'm slouching and, you know.

Okay, I'm slouching my posture's bad, but like I was also just like squinting at the sun. That shirt is somehow too big for you and you're wearing it like a morbidly obese person. I don't understand that combination. It's not iron. It's not iron. But it's not iron.

Wearing your boyfriend's clothes. Well, well, I didn't sleep in mine last night. Yeah. It's not like wearing your boyfriend's clothes Well, I didn't sleep in mind last night. Yeah, yeah Oh Yeah, so again Well, I'm glad you're feeling good. Yeah, do you think they're like real quick? I'd like to plug Boston. I'll be the Wilbur theater we had it a second show at some point in September I can't remember when that is exactly but it's coming up, I'll be at the Wilbur Theater, we had it a second show. At some point in September, I can't remember when that is exactly, but it's coming up. I think it's the like 19th of September or something.

Something like that. And assuming I don't have some sort of brain aneurysm or something happening to me right now, I will be at the 24th to the 26th. You're just, you're being lazy. See how I'm- I'm not being lazy. What is this crap?'re just, you're being lazy. See how I'm- I'm not being lazy. What is this crap?

I think you're just being lazy. No, it's not normal to wake up and feel like how I felt and then just completely- Well, there's inertia to it. You don't do anything. No, that's not true. I do lots of things. I go places and drive places.

I go to stores. Yeah. No, I went to Best Buy go to stores. Yeah. I went to Best Buy the other day. Yeah. Tell me I don't do anything. Where are you going on vacation? You said that's coming up. What did you make a decision?

I think I'm going with my girlfriend. No, I think she wants to go somewhere else though. Where are you going? You told me you were buying the thing. Greece? Oh, Greece. So, Italy. It's different.

In what way? Tell me you're buying the thing. Greece? Oh, Greece. So, Italy. It's different. In what way? Greece is like, it's blue and white. It's just blue and white, Italy. No, Greece is like, they were like, yeah, before, like the Romans. They just Italy copied? I don't know, dude.

Yeah, no, I just wanted to do nothing somewhere. And you're accusing me of doing nothing already Somebody got accusing you. I'm trying to help you figure out why you're so tired. You're sitting there I am so tired guys. I'm waking up you're where you have a brain aneurism I'm telling you know you don't have a don't have anything I don't think I have a brain aneurism August 24th of the 26th Washington DC That's all I'm assuming that I don't have some sort of terminal illness. You're not, you don't have to. I will be watching DC next week. You're not practicing gratefulness. You should take a nap.

I'm usually grateful. You just took a nap. We've worked one hour today. You took a nap. I know. And you should say, how nice is it that I get to take this nap and be tired? Yeah. It's homeless guys. they have to nap outside. Yeah. And they don't even really, they're not getting quality sleep.

They're not getting quality sleep out there. They're not getting eight hours. Yeah. You think they wake up like, ah. Ugh. Ugh. Mm. Sleepin' under the stars.

Mm. Yeah. Maybe you should hit the sauna. Maybe you should go take a nap in the sauna. And tie. Sweat to death. Yeah. Oh, maybe you should hit the sauna. Maybe you should go take a nap in the sauna. And tie. Sweat to death. Yeah. I think you can die in a sauna.

Yeah. If you're in there too long or something? Probably. Yeah. What's that called? Hyperthermia. Hyperthermia. Yeah.

Is that like dying in a desert or something? Mm-hmm. Overheating. Overheating. Which is a big problem now because the climate change. Yeah. A lot of people dying of heat stroke. You know, heat kills more people than any other type of weather.

Really? Yeah. I would have thought snow after the Jeremy Renner thing. Yeah, I would have thought that. Yeah. I bet he feels stupid. He's trying to make us worried about the snow. He's like, yeah, I got nothing to worry about.

It's snow. It's a hot day. And then blammo runs himself over with his, his bulldozer. Have you seen him go, going back out in public? So it's the, the incident. Does he have a cane? He's like stoically with a cane. That's cool. And like he, not elegant, unhappy look on his face,

but like dignified. Like I won't be defined by my, by my, by my snow equipment injury. Yeah, he met the Grim Reaper. And he said not today. He said not today, sister. Not today Satan. Yeah.

I am not the one. He's in a black lady style. I really should do this show with those sunglasses on more. These lights are too bright sometimes. Yeah. Maybe I should get sunglasses too. We should have a blue's brother is kind of blind. Yeah, blind style. Hitting each other's sticks.

Yeah. Yeah. It is while I saw a blind person on the street the other day and it's wild that that is, that's the tech. They've not updated the technology. That is the tech on it. Is a stick you probe around with.

Why they should have come up with something better. I guess it was their nap. The stick is no longer pointy. They have the stick and then they have the black kid who's part dolphin. Yeah. Just that one kiss. I think we already talked about this,

aren't we? I think we talked about it on the street, but I don't think we talked about it on the show. Yeah, yeah, because deaf people got a lot of shit now. Yeah, there's cock, lear, implant. Yeah, and then everything sounds like machine noises. Yeah, like a like a tinny version of reality. Is that what it sounds like? I think it doesn't sound great. Yeah. Have you seen that movie about the drummer, the Indian drummer? Drum-Line?

No. Not Drum-Line. Other drummer-Line. Indian drummer. The sound of Stink-Line. The sound of metal or something? There's... Does it sound like that?

Yeah. Yeah, St a line. Like Pig Ben. Yeah. I was about to bet that he'd get Pig Ben. He was so poor that he had bugs all over him. That was stuck. Wow, your family's poor.

Yeah. You're covered in bugs? I guess that's just like, that was like, how you're like Africans? I saw that good world wasn't like the 1930s or the peanuts comes right. Yeah. It's like, yeah, if you were poor, you're basically living in like,

you have to be able to ages. Yeah. That's like literally the thing that they put in the commercials about African kids. About like, oh, this kid has bugs on his face I just remember the help him does like info commercials when I was a kid remember the guy look like Michael McDonnell The Christian guy my the Christian children My McDonald walk around a job. I'm waking up you'd walk around a junkyard need like

Like there'd be like an old fucking sannio microwave He'd moved to the side and pick up just like, some brown girl didn't even know she was in a commercial. He'd be like, cup of coffee? You can own this child. We're a cup of coffee. Yeah, I can get you a kid.

That's gotta be weird too. You're living in, what country was that even supposed to be? I think it was South America. I remember the little girl was South America. But he had one in Africa too. They had looked South American, but he was in like a junkyard. It looked like they set from the movie Street Trash. I bet she was. That's a fucking Hollywood creation.

That's Kubrick doing the movie. Yeah, I mean, I got into fly to a Guatemalan junkyard. Oh my God. They were in Burbank. He's like, I got to be a church. I got church. I'm playing with all my brothers' band. I got to take it to the streets tomorrow. Yeah, I'm taking it to the streets.

I don't have time. Yeah. Yeah, Michael McDonald would do those commercials. That was a weird move for him. Well, I don't think it was him. I think it was like the professor from Jurassic Park. That's who I always thought it was. Yeah.

Yeah. They got it. I can use these children for experiments. Yeah, it's the same guy. That's who I always thought it was. Yeah. Yeah. They got it. I can use these children for experiments. Yeah, it's the same guy. That's the same guy. Yeah. This is Jurassic Park. Yeah. Who's that guy?

Richard Edinburgh. Is it? Yeah. It is Richard Edinburgh. Yeah. So cool. Yeah. So we made Planet Earth and Jurassic Park and then he was like, yeah, there's David Addenborough

and Richard Addenborough. Oh, that's his brother. Yeah, I think one of them's the narrator and the other one's the Jurassic Park guy. David's way better. Yeah. What the hell was the, like, it's crazy that that guy thought that,

they could mean such a ridiculous premise for a movie. To make him theme park. Yeah, theme park in the, like some island in the middle, like who can go there? Yeah. You know, who can even go there? It's impossible. Yeah.

And then you got a fat guy working there. How did he even get to that island? Newman. How did Newman get that job? I've got a new idea. You know where I'm gonna go as a 400 pound man to the jungle. To work at a new idea. You know where I'm gonna go as a 400 pound man to the jungle. To work at a dinosaur plant.

Right, to be sucked to death by mosquitoes. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think so. Maybe it doesn't make any sense. It really makes, that movie is, I'm saying fake as hell. Yeah. And then Jeff Goldblum's there just because you have to put him in. And then when it's his role, he was just cool.

He's like, oh, they're bringing me here because I'm, I have sunglasses. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe the dinosaurs would like to have sex. Maybe I could fuck the dinosaur. Maybe. Hi. Hi, yes, yeah.

Yeah. Yes, yes, the. Yes, yes. The velociraptors, they are a very sexy species. Yeah. What was his role? Just I think something smart, right? He knew a lot about dinosaurs, but he wasn't like in the girl kind of way. Yeah. Like that lady. And then he had an adopted black daughter that was

not like Sam Neal. An Olympic Olympus gymnast. He did? Yeah. And the second one I think. I don't remember Jurassic World. Yeah. They've made like 12 of them shits now Dan. I want to go and watch Jurassic Park You wrote that theme song John Williams Michael McDonald Michael McDonald's Miss the T-Rex He God how did I not see it? If we could just have the Donald Sosback. Yeah, we ended up scrapping the Michael Donald team song for Jurassic Park. The suit was making Jeff Goldblum too horny. If we could have the Donald Sosback.

Yeah, that's pretty good for a cup of coffee a day You can sponsor a child Just singing And I love you. Just fucking just a confused cookie jar girl. I have to go. I can't find it for the life of me. I've tried to look for it a million times.

But in high school, my friend, no, my friend Leo and I used to have a video of you, of Bono on stage, singing to a child in the face. And the kid is so fucking confused. If anyone could find it and stage singing to it, to singing to a child in the fifth, and the kid is so fucking confused. If anyone could find it and send it to me, it would use to be our favorite video. It would be your own PR pants. Is the music video for the Rod Stewart song,

forever young? Where's the little mini Rod Stewart? It's what's a little boy. I don't know, I would imagine. But he's got Spikey here. It's got to be his real life son, because make sure you're on Adam's camera while he's picking his nose. Thank you.

It's got to be his real life son because it's the intimacy between Rod Stewart and this little red headed boy. I always thought it was fucking Jerry McWiret, kid. Jonathan Liffnicki. Yeah. I think he was only in Jerry McGuire and then he quit acting. Really?

Yeah, and then he was like, he got into P90X in his 20s and then there was like a, what's the word? A spate of articles that was like, check out fucking Mr. McGuire. Check out the human head is 10 pounds, kid. Yeah, he's, he's an abs.

Yeah, right his abs. Woo! Oh, pounds. Yeah, he's he's a yeah, right is a whoo I look at yeah, wow. They're the 10 pounds kid. Yeah. That was a good movie. Jeremy Boyer. I do want to watch Jurassic Park again now. I want to learn the monologue about I'm looking for my wife.

For the one. Jurassic Park. I want to learn the monologue about I'm looking for my wife. The one? Jurassic Park? No, from J.M. Why are you? Huh. What's it called? Did you fuck my wife or what's it? I thought did you fuck my wife?

What are you talking about? There's a monologue from J.M. Why? Show me the money. No, show me the money is on the phone. That's on the phone, yeah. No, there's like a thing. What's the premise of the movie?

He's a sports agent and he's like burned out at work. So he stays up all night riding a letter to the industry that's like, here's what's wrong with being a sports agent. We don't have enough heart. We don't care. No, he's a sports agent and he's an agent for a bunch of players. One of whom is going to be the number one draft pick in the NFL quarterback.

You know he has a bunch of players and then there's Baddige and Jay Moore and then there's kind of some sort of power grab where Jay Moore kind of signs up all his agents, all his players and he gets forced out of the company. Yeah and he has one one guy stays with him. I always Tidman I always think that I remember that movie and then I run through the plot in my head And I'm actually just remembering the plot that you want a man Okay, no, I was just remembering the plots of Javanna. No, it's all right. I got blueberries all over my pants. Okay, so he has one guy that stays with him

who's a wide receiver for the Arizona Cardinals, right? But he still thinks he's got that number one draft pick. And he's like leaving the company and then he says, like, I'm fucking out of here. These people are all fucked up. Who's with me? You know what I'm saying? And that, yeah, Renee.

You buy the NFL, you get the money together at the NFL, and you change the game of football, where the quarterback throws it, but then the receiver's job is to bring the ball back to the quarterback through the defense. Like a dog? Yes. Wide retriever, right?

You do that, change the game to that. Touch touchdown as if you get the ball back to the quarterback. Yeah. Then you can make the field smaller, a quarter of the length. And then you use the additional stadium space to AI, use FRAI. Thank you. For servers. Yes, computers. Computers. And then NFL suddenly goes from being a barely profitable business

you're making millions you can make millions of dollars million overnight next week I'm doing bars a little more. That's a good idea patent pendingent pending. Patent pending. I like that. I like that. I like that. Yeah. I think that, I think some of the, some of the chapeau,

some of the chapeau check, some of those boys were saying, I was being annoying. You were being annoying? Yeah. You did steal my bit. What bit? We've come to accept that. I steal your bit probably every time I do chapeau.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't know anything. That's all right. That's the Adam bit. What was the bit? That is the Adam bit. What was the bit? About how they say everybody can just claim

that autism now. And so a lot of people are. That's not your bit. Yes it is. You said what I've said word for word, identically, which is what I said. No, I don't like that. Some people are just rude and have a hobby.

Yeah, but then I was talking about gaslighting and bpd another thing you don't talk about that did yes i do that when did you say that you said on stage uh... i don't ever said on stage but i've made that it's something you said off-hand autism actually i have said on stage because uh... uh... i would reference having autism on stage and then i do we do it at the standard say I've never been diagnosed with autism But I've been accused of it. Yeah, you certainly have yeah, I've been accused of it But everybody says they have autism. It's great because it's just a blank thing

Some people just rude and have a hobby But you know that guys autistic you said that word for word and then also I've also made the point that they just put every woman on Lexipro now and they all have I think these are just general observations about the world that all guys are being called autistic. You've made the exact same point I haven't used the exact words, but I don't know about that. Okay. All right.

Fine. I'm sick of that. You're right. You don't steal. And that started with what? With in-sale thing. They're not getting what I say. They're Not getting pussy's the worst in the world. Now we have to make them feel awesome.

So, it doesn't matter where it started. I mean, yeah, but that's not how things work. I am sick of fucking autistic. I'm sick of everything being called autistic. Yeah. That, it wasn't your point either. Oh yeah, you're just rude. I think maybe you've said.

But the rest of that rent. And Lexa Pro, what is that? That's an anti-depressant. that's on BPD. Yeah, sure. Shot up Nick. Mm-hmm. Shot up Nick. Sure. Sure. Nice and mustache.

Yeah, I think I'm a little mustache again. I think mustache for the special. Have you gotten your outfit ready? No, I was gonna just go get a turtle neck and some big jeans. That's good. I like that work. I'm just gonna just go get a turtle neck and some big jeans. That's good. I like that work. I like that work.

Turtle like a big jeans. Like Jinco? No, not that big. No. Just like... You're gonna just keep jobs. Yeah. Yeah.

And new battles? No, I was thinking like Doc Martins. Well, yeah. Grunge. Yeah. Yeah, take your back to the early mind. Taking, okay. Yeah. Grunge. Yeah. Yeah, take it back to the early 90s. Taking it to the streets. Yeah.

Taking it to the streets. Yeah. That's the name of the special. I asked you earlier today what the name of the special was. Yeah. Taking it to the streets. To the streets. I keep forgetting.

Yeah. And then I just don't have a punch line for any joke. I'll be like, I, yeah. Yeah. We're taking it to the streets. Yeah. You keep saying it. You live punchlines.

Mm-hmm. I keep forgetting probably the best song about Alzheimer's. Which is what? I keep forgetting, but I'm a McDonald. Oh, yeah. The best song about having Alzheimer's disease. Is that what it's about? Yeah, I keep forgetting.

Where I put my car keys I keep forgetting my son's face and name Keep forgetting my birthday I keep forgetting I'm in this hospital I thought I was 30 years old. Yeah. I was just at work. I remember they used to. As a middle manager at GM. Now my bones feel brittle and weak.

I think my grandmother, they used to get her. She used to just walk out of memory care. They just get her on the street. I used to go get her. They're like, yeah, we got her again today. Oh my God, damn it. Yeah, so sad. Don't walk around not knowing where they are.

It's gonna be sad when you have that. I think I have it right now. And you can't remember other people's bits. Oh my God, am I, what am I gonna do? They're like, oh, I gotta tell you. That wasn't a bit, you're just rude. All right, whatever. You're the, that's not a bit.

Okay. Every guy's fucking autistic these days, okay. I'm sick of it. Okay, dokey. I like, people need to learn how to cry. Okay, dokey. I believe I can cry. That's gonna be the name of my special when I come out.

I believe I can cry. Yeah. My R. Kelly. What's the R stand for? Do you have that? Robert. Robert. Yeah.

Does it? Doesn't really? Robert Kelly. R. Kelly is Robert Kelly. Bob's just crazy. That's crazy. Yeah. He tried to, he tried to come out as,

I just thought he was first coming out and he went by Bobby Kelly. That's crazy. Yeah. He tried to, he tried to come out as, I just said he was first coming on. He went by Bobby Kelly and they were like, you can't fucking do that. There's Bobby Kelly. There's a tight by Bobby Kelly. He goes by Robert Kelly and then he tried it. Sorry. He tried to go by Robert Kelly and then Bobby Kelly. Bobby Kelly was too big. Bobby Kelly's friends call him Bobby Kelly, but I think it doesn't professionally. He goes by Robert Kelly. I think maybe yes. Yeah. So our Kelly couldn't do it. Is he still in trouble? He's one of those guys that's like, I feel like if you got, if you got canceled, Bobby Kelly is a big trouble. No, our Kelly. I feel like if you got canceled before all the cancellations

you'll find because it just kind of persists. Yeah. Like Chris Brown is fine. And he was smart enough to bite Rihanna before any of this stuff. Before was illegal. He got all his bites in before. He did.

Yeah. He got all his bites out of his system. Yeah. He is in jail. Yeah. I said this a couple of weeks ago and I kind of put you to remember it, but I did hear a recording of some prisoner be like, sing for my girl.

Sing for my girl. And he gets on the phone, he starts singing. And he's like, what song you want to hear? Who's this? Arkelli. Oh, is he in jail? He's in jail, yeah. For what?

For, I think, kidnapping women and holding them as sex women. I thought he just peed. The pee was, pee was what came out first. But then there was the underage and then there was the imprisonment. I thought these famous singers were getting in trouble for dog crimes. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Justin Bieber ate someone's shoes. Justin Bieber and Hot Water after eating a bunch of period blood off his mom's underwear. Yeah, he eats the front of them. Yeah. Yeah, he had to stop.

What's wrong? Hard attack no no good no more no harder than I don't like this looks like Well, that's where the there's like a bubble or something You know Bert Is that how you burp? Yeah Yeah, you burp the clown you burp? Yeah. Yeah. You burp like that? The clowns burp. That's not good. The clowns.

I think it would be the various specials. Yeah, how about a Mexican clown that sneaks across the border? When he gets across the border, he pulls a little dog out of his ass filled with heroin. Oh, okay. Like a balloon animal. Yeah. In their he's like, look, he's like,

he's like, Rio Perro. Yeah. He's like, what's the little, he's like, sito, sito. He's like,

Perrocito. Perro cito? Perro cito? Perro cito? Yeah. Isse perro cito? Yeah. Eh, con Ijaroeno, Ijaroeno, some like something like that, yeah? Yeah.

And then, the cartel, they're like... They're like, that's funny. Yeah. What's going on with the cartel these days? This border thing is crazy. What is it popping off again? Yeah, but they're like putting like fucking booze with razor wire and the water so that like...

That's really mean. I mean, that's insane. There's a kids going there. Like if Mexico is that fucking bad, just let them in the country. You know what I mean? They're doing all the crap we eat forever. Before ever it was like,

I can understand being like, oh, you know, I don't want them here. Like I got not that that's my opinion, but I can understand being like that. If your perception is that there's just no, they're coming here to take jobs. You know what I mean? But nobody's getting sliced open by fucking razor wire

for a job, you know what I mean? So like how could you, like it's gotta be something else. I don't know what the fuck's going on. It's gotta be pretty bad. It's gotta be bad. The vibe has to be pretty all. It's gotta be pretty bad down there. Yeah.

But they're putting booze with razor wire? Yeah. So it's just like a fucking... It's like a trench warfare. It's like a war war war war war. They're making a bell drum in World War I. Which is crazy because that's so much worse than a wall, which everyone was mad at Donald Trump for saying

we're gonna put a wall up. So Biden's putting just like... Putting barbed wire in the rivers to slice people open. a mad at Donald Trump for saying we're gonna put a wall up. So Biden's putting just like putting barbed wire in the rivers to like slice people open. That's terrible. Yeah, it's bad. That's terrible.

Yeah. I don't, yeah. They should all team up with that clown guy and just use this tiny car. I, the thing is, it's in the border crossing being like, it's just me. It's just me.

Bum bum bum bum. There's nothing in my ass. What's on your mind? Um, it's fucking fighting through. I don't know. If I didn't meet your girlfriend? No. Did you buy the tickets for Greece? No, we haven't bought them yet.

You texted me, maybe it seemed like it was an urgent thing. We're not, we have to figure out one other thing out with the dates. But we'll do it today, probably. Yeah. But we're gonna do it. I just bought all these fucking night to fly, you know, our guys out to shoot this thing this week.

I'm gonna be there, brother. I know. And it's like, if I had that credit card, maybe it have possibly have gotten status for it, but I don't know how the fuck he gets status. It should be a thing you can get it by flying one airline. And it's like, I don't think that's possible

with American Airlines. I flew to Delta. Yeah. And I put my damn Delta card on it. Yeah. Yeah, I chose American rather than Delta, which I think was a mistake. American is a mistake. Well, I guess for the, I looked at it and the international stuff,

which is like, when I, if I ever cashed in any of that shit, it's better with American. Is it? Supposedly. They have more partner, I think I read. But you never leave the country on the point sky. Well, I'm saving them a lot. I have enough chase rewards that I could go somewhere. I want to accumulate rewards that I could go somewhere I want to accumulate enough. Where would you go? I don't know it would be to kill myself I can pay if I you know suicide for us to pay no I mean to pick a cliche Shake cool. He said yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would go to Joe Biden's house And just not a suicide America not a suicide bombing so you're not allowed to investigate me off this claim.

Yeah, let's hear it. But I was, it's a bit. He's doing a bit. I'm doing a bit. And it's not illegal to go into the president's home and put a hose in your own ass and breathe in the fart. Yeah, the fumes until you die. Because then it's, you know, everybody thinks self-imulation,

that's the ultimate way to make a point. No, it's average. So you've lost. Choking a death on the far. If you've heard yourself the death on the front lawn of the White House would be a story for a week. If there was a man that did diarrhea in his own lungs, that would be you'd be the next,

you'd be every rage against machine album. Yeah, you would. Yeah, the hose guy. The hose guy. Yeah. People would, the hose guy. The hose guy. Yeah. People would be making hose guy t-shirts. Yeah. There'd be a fucking hose guy mini series.

Mm-hmm. There'd be a fucking hose guy, true crime, American crime story, OJ style. Yeah. I've been watching a investigation discovery. Yeah. The last couple days. Well, they have that show, like I didn't know I was pregnant until I was Taking a shit one day on a baby film the toilet. No, that's like TLC

That's the Asian discovery is like and then they found Jessica's body Fucked to death behind the McDonald's then they hire re-actors, right? Well, yeah, then they always do an interview with the Fattest cop you've ever seen he's like one of most disturbing cases I've ever seen in my 785 years in law enforcement. Yeah. I still think about it often. It was terrible, but she was sexually fucked at death. The Jessica case. Yeah.

Where's Jessica? What is that name? That name is just like, she's bad shit's gonna happen in your life. Why Jessica? Yeah. No, there's been Jessica said about a good time. I feel like if you're Jessica,

you either get murdered or you become an Olympic gymnast. Those are the only thing. Which I guess they have, they've had a bad time. Yeah, that's apparently Larry Nasser, did you get killed and stabbed? Yeah, it's stabbed. But you beat it?

I guess. I was saying recently, it's weird that that's, it seems a little late. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like that. It's like when Kissinger dies and then like socialists on Twitter

are going to be like, fuck yeah. Yeah. You know, it's like, no, he's already, he's already done genocide. Yeah, right. You know. Yeah, well, I mean, it's like no, he's already done genocide. Yeah, right. You know, you know, you know, why me really the lead in the sense that he's been in prison for a while.

Oh, it was late for him to get stabbed. Yeah, it's something you got stabbed. Well, he's probably paying off people for protection. Yeah, the subway Jared got, he got the business almost immediately, I think. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, people just don't know.

Yeah. Larry Nasser is like a, I mean, that guy did numbers. Yeah. You know, you know about this guy, Kermit Gawsnill, the abortion guy, the abortion guy in Philly? Yeah.

That guy was truly like, that was, What did he do again? He was like, he just was like a killing woman. He was just, you know, post-term, post-term infant aside. They said it was like disgusting when they went in there. There's a pleasant all over the floor. So he's like really, he was really just dealing with,

for having a messy office. He was DIY. Yeah. He was incredibly DIY. Punk rock. He was punk rock. He was very bush dealing with, we're having a messy office. He was DIY. He was incredibly DIY. Punk rock, he was punk rock, he was very bushwick. Getting the van. Yeah, that guy was a real monster. If anyone wants to read the worst,

most disturbing Wikipedia, that badges up there. Is he in jail? I don't know what happened to Kermit, Osnoh. Kermit, if your name is Kermit, you're going to do like a string of horrific torture type crimes. What other Kermits are there? There's the frog. But I feel like, yeah, a guy named Kermit eventually will always just uh... do some horrific things it's funny that there is probably after current the frog known was named karmad anymore

and that that that probably holds more truth in the name a doll there are probably in the in the fifties or a couple parents like it's so what i love the name. It's a nice name. It starts with A, he's always gonna be called first in class. You can call him Dolf. Yeah.

Brrr. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, but Kermit, no, that was out. Garfield, too. True. Nobody's name Garfield is. Used to be. He used to be named the eight-off Garfield.

I was thinking the other day, what happened to all the travisers? Yeah. Yeah. They still travisers. I don't know any. I think I know a couple of travisers. There were a lot of fucking travisers in the high school.

Yeah. I think there's a West Coast name. Yeah, that and Zach. Zach? I know some Zachs. Yeah. I think it's a West Coast name. Yeah, that and Zach. Zach? I know some Zachs. Yeah. Well, they're not dead. Well, it's like, they all died off.

There's another name that I remembered, whereas I couldn't name one anymore. We've had this conversation, but it's the odds that you're fat if your name is Chris. Chris. Girl, Chris are guy fat if your name is Chris. Chris or... Girl, Chris are guy, Chris. It's your, there's a good chance. You have like an 80% chance of being a big fat guy

if your name's Chris. What is that? I don't know. You think maybe it's the beginning of Christmas. Yeah. Santa Claus. Yeah, they're like, oh, I gotta eat a lot of chocolate. I gotta eat a lot of chocolate. Yeah. I gotta eat a lot of chocolate. I gotta eat a lot of chocolate.

Yeah. I gotta eat a lot of plates of cookies. But the majority of Chris's I've known in my life have been fat guys. Really? Yeah. I'm not thinking of Chris's that I don't know. There's what Chris O'Connor, he's not fat. No, he's not.

He's not. But that's, you know, an exception. He's the only one. Yeah, I'm trying to think of non-fat Chris's. I can't even think of one besides Chris's honor. Chris Cuomo. Chris Cuomo's a fucking piece of, but that's why he's a marble.

That's why he works out all the time. His name is Chris. Because he doesn't want to be like one of those Chris's. Yeah, he knows that. I'm not going down without a fight. Yeah. CNN could take me. He's very defensive. But I'm not going down without a fight yeah see an end could take me he's very defensive not gonna be a Chris Italian stuff but he should be more defensive about the Chris about the Christ of the very fat yeah I mean the Chris Tucker Chris Christie are there other Chris's in politics

and Chris Christie's like the fattest politicians since taft it wasn't there a female Chris in the Midwest we're not talking about female I know and Chris Christie's like the fattest politicians since taft. It wasn't there a female Chris in the Midwest. We're not talking about female. I know. Christie Nome. She's one of those like, it's somehow like, after Trump got elected, we ushered in all these crossfit women.

Yeah. You know, well now that they're just in government. The gun, the, the, the, the vaccine gun lady does like, like pull up stuff. Yeah, the Fred Philanston lady. Yeah, she looks like shit. Yeah, she looks terrible.

She's gross. Is she still in Congress? Taylor Green? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She still is? Yeah, every week she's like, we're impeaching Joe, but we're sending Joe Biden to jail.

She's like, it's a hands in paper is written in crayons. Can she read? Oh, no. She just yelled? Yeah. It's crazy. You could just be on, like, you could just

have angry enough Facebook posts, and it will result in you being on in the government. I should try that, dude. It's easy, yeah. It's easy. And then if once you get into Congress, you get kicked out then you just do speaking tours and you get fucking work for the fucking private sector Yeah, which is private sex are as you come in and that's when you fuck make it's like doing stand up But it's it's better because it's 10 o'clock in the morning at Golden Sachs

Easy and you don't have to be funny. No, you don't have to be a little bit You know you can't even bomb. Yeah just fucking you know you just you're like look guys Wall Street is fucking awesome yeah and they're like yes you guys are cool these wildfires in Hawaii let's see wildfires on stockboard that's what I'd like to see I'd like to see fucking the S&P burning it up. And then you did the last 30 minutes is just what you remember of the movie, the Iron McGuire.

Yeah. That's the way to go. How about it? It's moved on to the second LBJ book now. What does he do in this one now? This one? The second one now. The second one is, didn't you read the second one?

No, I read the first one. No, it's on the record. Here, guys, you can look it up on this show. Adam Claimt read the second one. No, I asked you. I said, I was in the power. I asked you and you said, no, I read the second one. I read the path to power.

Okay. And what happens to that? Path to power? Yeah. They have to get a fellowship together. Let's go to Moore Door just for the day of the week. Easy. Next.

I think this is another one of Adam's book lies. Okay, I'll tell you another, I'll tell you another fact about it. Adam's book lies. But you're another, okay, you wanna hear another fact? The book of the liar. He was a teacher. Yeah, that's one fact you can look up.

That's why I said I was reading the first book and you're like, oh, I read the second one. Isn't the first book, that's the one where he's a teacher. Path to power. Yeah, because you didn't read it. You told me you read the second one. I have passed the power in my house. You have a bunch of books that you have now

and read in your house. That is the absolute nature. Yeah, everybody knows. Yeah, yeah. Those were books before. Those were books before the show. We all heard that John... They look really nice.

John Waters said it the best. I know. I heard that thing in his stays in your head. If you want to rape a girl. Yeah. This is the exact quote by John. You got to buy books. If you want to trick somebody in your house.

It's on a tote bag. I got it. This ran. A gay guy said it. If you want to trick people into having sex with you, fill your house with the carousel series you haven't read. But girls really do be one of them from a Robert carousel. But see, it's so funny, because it's so stupid. It makes sense that a gay guy said it,

because like, it sounds good. Like, women all, women all like anything, you could go, your house could be filled with Funko pops. And like if a woman has decided to fuck somebody, they'll be like, oh cool, he's in the Funko pops. Right. You know, that's actually cool. Yeah, women all fuck guys with micro-punises.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll, they'll, women all fuck anyone. Yeah, they're never in the cuss. It's not like they do things in spite of, they elevate all of the spiteful aspects to the level of like, oh, actually these things are... What they'll do is they'll fuck a guy with a micro penis, and then they'll tell everyone that the guy has a micro.

And they'll have a podcast about it. And then actually a podcast about it. And it's called, Kevin Saunderson has a micro penis. Yeah, right. Yeah, the new bitch podcast. Right. And then they'll get like a 150 million dollars. Yeah, Spotify.

Spotify'll give them $200 billion for this slutty. It just lists men's like, yeah. Yeah. Meanwhile, we got to work our ass. We got to fucking put on hard hats. We got to, we built this. Yeah, have you seen that thing? You didn't build this.

Have you seen that thing on Twitter where it's like the guys playing the diarrhea and then somebody would be like, women can't do this job. And it's just so that guy, I don't even know what that job is. I don't know, there's pipes and they're covered in dye or they're covered in shit.

Oh, like plumber? No, it's like some kind of endot, I think it's like the hose under the elephant enclosure at the zoo, or it's the guys that pump the feces out of boner room or something, but they're like, oh, women can't do this job. Yeah. And that's like a frog that Andrew Tate

is retweeting that and be like, yeah, give me the fucking diarrhea, you dumb bitch. Yeah. Did you see, did you ever see, I don't know, is he in jail too? What's he doing? I think he's like on parole or probation. He's in like, Dracula's castle. Yeah.

Romania and bruise. What's that like? I just imagine my head, it's just fucking all satin and fucking stained glass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's just fucking all satin and fucking stained glass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it sounds awesome. Yeah. It's metal.

It's just sitting on a bunch of throw pillows somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, would you like some dirty tea? It's like a Sebastian. Would you like it? Would you like a special type of tea that's just we didn't figure out how tea bags work?

So we put it in. So the dirt is in it. The dirt. Yeah, dirt tea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dirt. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty cool. That's what I imagine.

Yeah. That guy really talks weird. And I'm sure we've said this too, but all the bad guys. That's the fuck kind of access. All these guys musk in him. Well, musk him, Andy, you know. Yeah, just have him just talk regularly. Right. It makes sense.

And it's weird that you don't see that analysis, like sincerely ever, is that like, oh, all of these guys, they're not like, of course, they're anti-suitual. They've had to go through their entire lives. They're located identity. Right. They can't open their mouths without, they can't relate to people. Because people are going to be like, why the fuck are you talking like that? We're from fucking Australia. Yeah, and it's not, it the fuck are you talking like that? Where are you from fucking Australia?

Yeah, and it's not, it's not kind of accent is that bro? What's a blitz? I guess Andrew Tate spent time in like, your England as a kid. Yeah. So he talks with American accent, but he's like, yeah, it's utterly disgusting what's going on with feminism.

Yeah. You know, top of the morning. All for the women. It's not even, there's no accent. He just pronounces the words. He like omits like fucking consonants the way that enable those people. Oh, it does, like, eat.

Yeah, right, yeah, exactly. Yeah. But otherwise he sounds like a guy. You know, I'm us too, weird accent. Andy, no, weird accent. And it's like in any other world, they would have just been will-keyed. They would have been in the swords.

Yeah. But then they just found guys to be like, I get I mean, it's got to be fucking alienating, dude. If you talk to anybody, you're like just basic human interactions. And then you have the internet where you can't where people can't hear them. And they can now vent these things and they're taken seriously because they're silly voice. Jordan Peterson, same thing, silly voice, RFK juniors, silly voice. You know, it's like it affects people. I think more than anything. And I feel like

that's unexamined. Yeah, you know who had a cool voice? Emo Phillips. Emo Phillips. Weird voice. If Emo Phillips was like, women's place is in the kitchen. I'm gonna be like, yeah, I can understand. They're bad buys damn books. I can understand why he'd buy that damn book. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I think that guy that Gorka that used to work for Trump, I think I had an amazing voice. Yeah. And ever no one took that guy seriously. But he has right-wing radio voice. Yes. That's the other way you can go. Your voice can be so good.

Those guys do have an amazing voice. Yes. Then you just, like, Rush Limbaugh sounded awesome. He sounds awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Hunter Biden, drug addict, and fucking degenerate. Is he still cooking up?

These people are destroying America. Yeah, he died from like Thailand or something. Oh. Yeah, exactly like that. Well, he got addicted to fucking backpills. Yeah, backpills. Yeah. Yeah.

He was the goat. Yeah. He truly, I miss had a great voice too. Yeah. He was in full conservative. Yeah, so if you're imagining your boy growing up and you're in school and you're like, who's ready for lunch time?

My dad, he's like, what are you rushing in, Bob? And you're like, I guess I am. My dad used to listen to him sometimes when we were like in the car. I must be a... I must suck your penis. And when I was a kid, I used to talk about my channel.

I'm like, you're a penis. I remember what he said about my kid. I must, I must suck it. Forget it. What did he say about my kid? He used to talk about my pain like your penis. I remember what you said about McCain I must I must forget it. What do you say about McCain? You used to go that's my boy Mm-hmm. Yeah, I always remember that. Yeah. Yeah, strong John McCain. That's my boy Is Dick Cheney still love I think I love him dude He dressed like dark wing duck now. Yeah, yeah, that's his vibe. Yeah, that's why Glenn Beck is, Glenn Beck is somehow still has relevancy.

And he's just, remember he's like, he had that brand shift to being like, steampunk Hillary Clinton, right? And he got circle glasses. Who the fuck is listening to Glenn Beck? I know. You see, online or whatever. That's why I worry about the show and all this stuff.

And it's like, No, the fans are really. If Glenn Beck can still, They'd never go. Yeah, yeah. I was trying to get, So they can turn bad. I was trying to get guts to be there.

Yeah, guts to be over. You were trying to get guffled for here? Yeah, yeah. He said no. Well, it's funny. I had no idea. Like, you know, they don't, that said non-union shows.

So they only have three writers and they've continued to be on during the writer's strike. But Joe DeVito and Joe Mackey both write for the show. So they only have three riders and they've continued to be on during the rider's strike, but Joe Davido and Joe Mackey both right for the show They do yeah, man, I don't know who the third guy is. I don't know if they might just be gutfield Yeah, so yeah, I asked Joe Davido, but I did not hear back Fuck yeah, well, we got it. We got a lot of good ones coming up, guys. Yeah. Just so you know.

We just got this B-shooter. We got to just shoot the interest. Shoot this other stuff. We have a lot of fun. Hopefully after this weekend, the schedule is clear. We'll be able to do it. No more scrambling. It'll be fun.

No more panicking that, oh, William, we have 12 hours to shoot this thing and make sure it works. Yeah. And then you have to be able to play into fucking Wilkes Barra PA. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. To do the Hitler live. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

It is very funny that you said that out there on stadium shows. What? You feel like you do feel, I mean, I didn't like, since saying, that's insane. It's like, you should not be a, no human being should be able to address that many people. And were there black people there? I don't think so.

No. It's like 10,000 white people. I think so. Like 13,000 white people. No, it is, that is a weird feeling. Yeah. It's wrong. It's wrong.

It's wrong. As much as the internet feels wrong, addressing a stadium feels way worse. Yeah. You know, they didn't do that. That's what Trump was doing. They built the Coliseum, right? Right. In ancient Rome.

And then like, Caesar could have been like, oh, this is where I'm gonna do my hate speech. But he was like, no, we're just gonna make slaves kill each other. We're making Christians go to the... That's not as bad as speech. Yeah. You know what I mean? Speeches are kind of bad. They're bad. People shouldn't give speeches.

Yeah. I don't even know why Trump... Tell me one good speech. All the shit Trump catches, like the audacity and idiocy of him to call his things rallies. Yeah. Don't call it a rally. Cut like a Trump powwow or something. Yeah. Pick a different name. Yeah.

You can't call it a fucking rally. Crossburn it. Yeah. Well, that one's probably bad too. Yeah. Yeah. Call it a barnstorm. A barnstorm doesn't sound good. Yeah. No, barnstorms find. You think so? Yeah. I like't sound good. Yeah. No, barnstorms find. You think so? Yeah. I like fireside chat. Yeah.

That sounds nice. From the disabled president. Yeah, for the, with, present wheels. Yeah. Yeah. I think I was cool. You fucked his cousin. Did he?

Yeah, she looked like shit. I didn't know that. He did the new deal. Yeah. Oh, Roosevelt? Yeah. I didn't know that. He did the new deal. Yeah. Oh, Roosevelt. Yeah, I didn't know. Yeah, her maiden name was Roosevelt. Yeah. Wasn't that all the rich people back then?

Eleanor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you can even fuck the cousin. He's featured a prominently in the first LBJ book. What? What you would know if you would actually write it. Yeah.

Yeah. The new deal. Yeah. Yeah. The New Deal. Yeah. Yeah. Franklin Delano. Delano. Delano. Yeah.

The dumb name. Yeah. You know, they weren't like, I was, I know this from the Teddy book, but like their family in the 1800s weren't fully accepted by like New York High Society because Roosevelt, Roosevelt was a two-dutch sounding. Oh really? Yeah. Oh yeah. Roosevelt. But weren't the other names like kind of... But I thought that New York was Dutch. I found Vanderbilt is kind of... Yeah, but he was new money.

Oh and the Vanderbilt was also. Yeah. But it's still like a story. The Commodore. That's the best nickname ever. A story, that's like sort of a name. Is that one of the people or that's just what they call the Aster? Waldoar, that's what I'm taking. Maybe Aster.

Aster, Jacob Aster. Yeah, Aster. And that's not right. Those, the Aster's were the, those were New York high society. Yeah, the Asters make sure again on his camp for picking the mind. I wait for the red to the 52.

I wait for the I know, but he can wait for the red to leave. At against work. No, Adam. You don't have to actually we're going to want it implied like sex and pre-code Hollywood. The nose like sex and pre-code. Let's get out. I'm waking up a little bit now. Let's get on. Let's get on. You know what I'm waking up a little bit now. Let's get on with this.

You know what I'm waking up a little bit. You know what I needed? I need a little nappy nappy. You know what I'm not ashamed to say. And I picked my nose, but the red light was not on. Let's get out of the red light to go away. Let's get Adam's nose picking camera going for all of the nose picks. I figured that would wake you up a bit.

I'm always on your side, don't forget that. It may not seem like it, but I'm sort of like the ghost of Christmas future. I know you're on my side. Yeah. You gave me the best advice to show. You buy Bitcoin. No.

You told me to stop being a fucking asshole. Yeah. And I thought you were being mean to me? No. No, you're like just be nice to people and like make them like to have a nice time with you. It's surprising how long away that goes. You can just be nice to people.

And that's what I learned for the interviews. You just have to be nice to people. I was trying to do crowd work, be like, what do you do for a fucking living? Oh, you're gay and stuff. Because that's what I thought you have to do crowd work, be like, what do you do for a fucking living? Oh, you're gay and stuff. Because that's what I thought you have to do nowadays in this damn comedy climate. I found out you just have to make people feel good

to be around you. Yeah, and most people are fine. It's very rare that I have a bad interaction with like, anyone? Yeah, unless a customer service. Just do their damn job. I don't have bad interactions with customer service. I think that's a myth.

It's blown out of proportion over that one issue with the post office because they would not deliver my 125 pound weight vest. Oh, I have a question. And I had to go down to the truck to get it myself, which I had no problem doing. But they would come by and leave the note. I'm like, look, I know you got it on the truck,

just let me get it off the fucking truck. And the guy says, you're not allowed to take pictures of the truck, it's federal property. And that's where it's like, okay, well, that's not true. So now we're talking about the facts of the world. Yeah. And that I cannot, that will not stand with me. That I will not stand by while you engage in some chilling effect

the limit people's ability to photograph federal property. Right. stand by while you engage in some chilling effect, the limit people's ability to photograph that were property. That's our right. We paid for that. You know what I mean? I please have my wait vest. Yes. Well they said.

Yeah, he gave it to me. He's like, fine, but I'm not taking it up to stairs. I'm like, I didn't ask you to. I'll do it. Now you're making a new argument for no other reason other than your mad that somebody would order this. Instead of finding any kind of compromise, I offer to meet you in the middle.

Literally, if somebody put it on the truck with the dolly and then you just drive to my house, it'll take it off the day of the truck. You don't have to take it off the truck. Just ring the doorbell and I'll come get it. And I have to go down and fucking get it. I'm like, look, I know what's on the truck. It says it right here. It's on the truck.

It's like fine, but I'm not taking it up. I'm like, you don't have to. You don't have to. That's where this started. You don't have to just let me get it off the truck. Yeah. That's not unreasonable. I was not in the wrong. No, I don't think you were. Yeah. And you met a friend that day. You in the wrong. No, I don't think you were. Yeah.

And you met a friend that day, you made a friend. Well, hopefully. Hopefully. Hopefully. You know, it's not about making a friend. It's about triumphant over these small conflicts. And through that, we discovered the human spirit. Yeah. The triumph of the will. Yeah. Like I recently found out, I have free conda, Ben and Jerry's mark down on my phone. And I went there and said, would you tell me? It apparently is not been a thing for about a decade. And I went there dressed as a mentally disabled person because I figured that would give me a little more cash A. And I thought, I'll cut the line. We were like, oh, yeah.

And they told me, we stopped doing that, and I said, but I'm retarded. And they said, no, you're just wearing a shirt with goofy on it, and then in Sharpie, you wrote, I'm retarded over a picture of goofy. Yeah, what? Minsley had a person wear that shirt. I'm like, you're gonna tell me I know what this is. I can't, like it's written backwards.

You did it in a mirror. I'm like, okay, well, can I have the ice cream? And what is it, no? They said no. And do they call the police or is it? No, I kind of just left defeated. But I saw there was a homeless man outside with a pit bull asking for money and

That it's just very lightly stepped on the dogs foot to make it squeal It's a triumph and yeah, I woke the homeless guy up and he was all upset and I said I felt a little bit better about myself Yeah, the small victories. It's the small. That's kind of how you started the show off. Yeah, yeah, that's gratitude That is yeah, it's gratitude of the show off. Yeah, yeah, that's gratitude. That is, yeah, it is gratitude. Yeah, stepping on an abusing an animal. Oh, yeah, right. Well, it's a pit bull, you know, if it was a, it's already abused. Yeah, if it was a polyranian, I wouldn't do it. Yeah, if it was a show dog. We bred these dogs to hurt, to, for pain. Yeah, it's their job kind of. Yeah. Know what? The $2,000 surgery? I had to get my dog.

Oh. You know, you hurt your full-difficult. I'll get him now after the surgery. No, I'm not doing that. Oh, I thought you were. I don't believe in that. What? You don't believe in transgoing away?

In the gender identities? For, I'm not going to impose it on my dog. Okay. A dog can decide for herself. Yeah. It's just going away. I didn't get the surgery. I'm by itself. Yeah, it's just going over by itself.

Yeah, veterinarians are kind of a scammer. They're scammers. Yeah. It's very low stage guy. It's like making it sound like. You know what makes me think that veterinarians are a scam? Because a doctor has to go to school for what? Fucking six, seven years.

Well, eight years. Eight years. You're a medical school for eight years. And a residency. And a residency to do medicine on one type of animal. And a vet, yeah, you know, every animal. A vet's like what, three weeks of right night school. They can do a horse in a fly.

No, literally. They have, like, there'll be somebody like they can do a horse in a fly. No, literally, they have, but you're doing a golden retriever's testicles and then somebody comes in with a parrot and you're like, oh, we gotta do a beak transplant and you're like, I don't understand. How do you know all of them? Right, it doesn't, it's, you're lying.

It is, it is. It's a lie. They're just seeing what happens. They know how to do stitches and then they fucking just do it and cross their fingers. They're mechanics. You have to see the way they prepare a bird for surgery. No.

They knock it out and then they like tape its wings. They look really stupid. I love them, dude. I love my cause. You got to get one. I don't know. When I was in college, I was reading it. I was like, you always do.

You always go and engage in fantasy. We've been lucky that we've pursued the thing that we wanted to do and had enough success that we can actually do it. I've been a lot of gratitude. And, you know, I know if I had, I would have some job, whatever it is. And I'd be like, oh, fucking hate. And I'd spend all day long, yeah, I'd hate it,

but I'd spend all day long being like, what if I could have been a comedian? And I'd imagine that, you know, why could you get started now? And, you know, maybe I would do an open mic or something. Sure. You know, you, you, but if you have the thing, you still engage in fantasies and it's like,

I'll often think like, just how sick it would be to, to like work at like some kind of like nature preserve and just do field trips. Yeah. And just like, be like, check this fucking guy out. Talk to kids. Talk to kids. Yeah.

Yeah. That'd be cool. His beak's that big because he has to get the juices out there. Talk to kids. Talk to kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be cool. His beak said big because he has to get the juices out of the cum quad. And wild cum quads. A lot of people don't know this about two cans. But a big problem with two cans in captivity is they get diabetes because in the wild they eat fruits. And the owners get the two cans and they're like,

well, I'll feed it fruits because that's what it eats in the wild. But wild fruits aren't like cultivated fruits. Like cultivated fruits have way more sugar in them. Like natural fruits are disgusting. Like the original banana, when we finally weren't sweet at all, you know, they'd breed them, you know. It was like a plantain. Yeah, so people get a two-can, they feed it, they're like, oh, it wants strawberries,

you know, and then it gets fucking diabetes and Risks schools, they're from the supermarket the tongues will fall out. Will they yeah, I lose this because they're tongue so big It loses circulation. It's fucking falls out. Then they die. It's very sad Those are beautiful animals. Yeah, rapers two cans. Yeah, yeah. When I was in Costa Rica, I saw a bunch I also saw a bunch of McCaw's that were all like populating in one place and it was like the loudest thing I've ever heard of my entire life. It was like loud, it was like a truck. They were everywhere in Burst, they've already flew.

I think they're enrolled. They're like in Kucy, New Year's time. Yeah. They're in pants. Yeah. A cookout, a McCaw cookout. Yeah, yeah, at the park. Yeah. Yeah, I remember it like, yeah, Mexican families,

when I was growing up with love, they just have the biggest birthdays and will always be at the park. Yeah, that was just so fun. And John Goldson show, they had, they had like a, they were doing like a, an episode on pollution and like, noise pollution. He starts off getting his ears cleaned. Oh, yeah, so yeah.

And then he goes, and then there's a, he interviews the ladies like, yeah, my downstairs neighbor is there having a birthday party for a kid for a one year old at two o'clock in the morning. I'm like, okay. Yeah, I know. And then he knew exactly. It's a burning man couple.

And I was like, well, color me fucking racist. Yeah. Yeah. I did not see that one coming. Yeah, well, color me fucking racist. Yeah. I didn't know. I didn't know. I see that one coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really thought it would be that. Yeah.

I saw that exact answer. You said, you said, I was gonna tell you about that because he gets the ear wax taken out. Yeah. And that was exactly where you were complaining about a couple of months ago. Yeah, and that was, I tell you, I watched the amount of ear wax that came out of his ear.

I can't hold, you had a lot more. I got a candle that came out of my ear that he couldn't hold that, would came out of my ear. Yeah. The amount of wax that came out of his ear. That's why you keep it? I did it myself.

You did it yourself. Yeah, you gotta be careful. Do you own a rupture of your ear? No, they make a thing now, because like, I used to go to CVS and they would always have like, you're, I'm doing okay, you're talking to yourself kids.

Throughout my entire life, anytime I've gone to CVS and gotten one of the removed your own ear wax kits, it ends up with a trip to urging them. You know, almost every single time, it's just fucking a jam, the plastic. I can't fucking a young deaf. I'm like, it's fucking this like there's like fluidly getting out of my ear.

It's my ears. I'm like, there's ringing happening. I'm like, can you fix what CVS did to me? And but now they've got a thing finally. The last one I bought, last time I was at CVS, the last time I went to get my ears clean, it was like a little screw, it was like a screw, it was like a drill, like a plastic drill that you twist in. And so it has like a stop so it can't hit the eardrum.

Yeah, it was like a spiral that's supposed to like dig it out and that did nothing. It just kind of like, blocked around the ear wax. But now they have a thing, it's like a syringe. And on the tip of the syringe, it's like a spear with three channels on it. So the water comes out and hits the back of your eardrum

and then it pushes the wax through the channels in the back of your eardrum, then it pushes the wax through the channels in the syringe, so it just pushes it out. How much do you get? All of it. I mean, it's cleared out. It was like a VW Beetle. I mean, it was like fucking, yeah, it was like a like a like a marble, but the marbles are variable size in trying to think. It's like a slimmer pog. A slightly less than a golf ball, I'd say, in totality. That's fucked up. Yeah, it wasn't this shape, but in terms of volume.

Yeah, but yeah, a little bit of a hydrogen peroxide. To loosen it up. Yeah. Wait 10 minutes, fucking, and then it's fucking, yeah. Yeah, it's just like squeezes as I, it's like toothpaste. Oh my gosh. Yeah, it's disgusting. Unreal.

Yeah. Like peanut butter. Look like peanut butter. Oh. Do you eat it? No. No. You're the one that picks your nose and does

weird stuff like that. I pick one of those because I don't. I have a big nose. No, no, you're the one that picks your nose and does weird stuff like that I have a big nose Why is it like my girlfriend my girlfriend tiny little nose She's not picking her nose. That's not an excuse when you get your nose stuff that more I have a big nose That doesn't I can make I'm more congested. No, that doesn't it doesn't make sense No, it doesn't know that doesn't that'll be something like oh, I don't know, more congested. No, that doesn't, it doesn't make sense. No, that doesn't, that doesn't, that'll be something like, oh, I have a big ass, so I have to scoop feces out of my ass and my hand.

It doesn't make any sense. It's just below your nose. If you're making the argument that you have more boogers because your nose is bigger, I think I have more boogers. Just below your nose. I do blow up it, then I'm still booger. I'm just a booger-y guy dude. Yeah.

I look. I'm a snotty booger guy. I pick my nose. We all put our nose in. I do it enough. You know they just study. They say. Lotter-it-way.

Yeah. In a way that's... I do like this. No, you do it all day long. All day long. How many times do you think? We've been sitting here for an hour and five minutes? And in that time frame, you've done it five times.

That's once every 20 minutes you're picking your nose. And I do this. I scratch. I do scratch too. But I'm not digging in there. You're digging. A lot of real estate, dude. Yeah. A lot of real estate, dude. Yeah. A lot of real estate.

All right, I don't think that's the issue. I don't think that's the issue. All right, should we wrap things up? You know, I mean, you okay, yeah, we can wrap things up. Look, do what you want. Do whatever you want. I just say, I know this about you. Everyone thinks this is gross.

I don't think you want to be known as a booger eater. I don't eat them. I pick them You think I'm gonna put them in my pocket. You think I'm gonna fall for that You think I don't know what happens when no one else is around Well, oh that because the cameras not the cameras just what I I know Who told I Just what I know who told I Think I told you yeah, well, I don't eat my boogers. I don't eat my boogers It's fine if you do it's fine if you don't as long as you can find gratitude. Yeah, at least you always have that

All right brothers and sisters. Thanks again for Joining us this week if you like the show, please support us patreon.com slash T.A.F.S Next week in Washington DC, Washington DC September, I think 19th I will be at the Wilbur Theater in Boston Please come out and then yeah, I mean Denver's already sold for this weekend But they're doing a special and then I guess Stephen's going out of town But he'll be back mid October or mid or beginning of October. Yeah.

And then he's going to Greece as well. Yeah, and then he's thinking maybe like a three week turnaround on the edit. And then yeah, just figure out a time to drop it and then hopefully hopefully people see it and I can continue touring next year. It's going gonna be amazing. In a way where You know it kind of makes sense. We can figure out a better balance with the show in touring where It's time to work on this and then maybe just you know one weekend a month or however it works out guys Therefore episodes for interviews where you go. Mm-hmm stay tuned and a lot more guests than we're talking to right now.

So we have a lot in the works. Thanks a lot, guys. Thanks guys. Love you. Bye. See you. Thank you.