The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 18

Episode Date: August 31, 2023

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 18 Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/tafs/ Subscribe to @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs -- LIVE SHOWS: NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows Sep 15 — Sep 16: Boston, MA @ The Wilbur ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland

Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast after dark we got a late one tonight. We worked a long day yesterday. I think you guys are going to like it. Yeah it works from was that probably 4pm until 9pm. Not me. I had to come to the studio and get all the equipment. Yeah, and to go prep things at the location. What time did you come to the studio?

I got here at 10.45. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Cameras. And cameras. You set up cameras? You're looking into them right now. No, that's not true.

I can't control them. I can't control it. These aren't running. No, you have been spying on me. You have been spying on me. That's spying. No, I knew you've been spying on me. Surveillance. Oh my God.

Fucking... Okay. Well, I just found out something new. New dynamic. I have... I can't wait to see you repeat your... Are you reading a book right now? I'm not.

Nicks hiding his Kindle. I don't have a Kindle. Like it's a picture of his boy. I'm looking at my penis. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's doing it late. It's not it's doing it late. It's in class with the book. You're reading a Nicholas Barks book. It's just math. Algebra two and you're just looking at your penis. I hope the teacher doesn't notice.

I'm reading my penis. What the hell is this thing? We used to do it late all the time. I kind of miss it. It is very funny that they do health class. Because it's like what fifth grade and you go see you do sixth grade with my first kindergarten first grade, second grade, third grade, fourth grade. And then fifth grade and then they have a class where we're like, hey, that's your penis by the way. And then you're like, okay, that's what I found out about. I didn't know.

I mean, the last five years, this whole time, I'm like, what the fuck? What the hell is this? I didn't know what I was supposed to do with it. Yeah. Same reading to Kindle, because... Stop reading. Well, I'd decant through up all over my copy of Means of Ascent. And so now you got it down.

I ordered another copy on Amazon. And then I wanted to read it now. I have the Kindle. I must never use the Kindle. So here's when the Kindle comes out. I'm on a plane, I'm flying somewhere, I pull it out. I'm like, maybe I'll read a book. And then the only thing on there is like a PDF of like the recipes that come with a Vitamix.

And then I'm like, or shit, I've already read. And I'm like, okay, green smoothie, you know, and then, you know, I try to connect to the Wi-Fi, but you can't because there's like a, oh, tell us how cool Delta is before we let you fucking... You don't just lie and say you're cool? No, you know, there's like a... I know, I know. Doesn't work on the Kindle, you could. Oh, it doesn't work.

So, I doubt it, but... Also, we didn't work from four years ago. I wouldn't be sitting here with a book, you know. Look, the guys, this is a blue collar pond. Don't tell them. They want to see us hard at work. There is nobody that works harder in this world than podcasts listeners. Yes.

They're basically like the guys that, the guys that work, these are hard hat guys. Yeah. It's, let's be clear. The podcasters are the laziest people in the world who anybody could do their job. They just, you know, like, they just didn't get the band together. They're too late.

They're like handy cat people, right? And that's why you can't be too mad at them because it's like looking at a guy in a wheelchair and being like, you know, hey, come on, why don't you? Why don't you go run a mile? Exactly. And, you know, so I why don't you run a mile? Exactly. And, you know, so I just don't want to, I don't want to ever use, say, we're working hard or something and in salt.

We know who we are. Yeah, in salt, the guy at the bottom of a mineshaft with headphones in an Oculus that he's watching the Adam Friedland show. Yeah. Well, he's feeling around for the canary to see if he's going to die. If it's a girl or a boy. He's reaching around. I'll say, you know, that was the canary in the coal mine.

Yeah. It's a gender reveal. Oh, for the mine. Yeah. It would be really gay if you were in a pit of a guy. Yeah, that would be so embarrassing. Yeah, bad news, boys. It's Chris Cooper.

We got another gay one. It's going to be a hard winner in West Virginia. No, I don't know. I don't remember how long we worked. But it is funny to say we worked hard yesterday, hence the late podcast today, implying that we had to sleep from, because we did wrap it nine.

We were exhausted too. I was fine when home and I worked out. No, I was cleaning the kitchen. I watched sex in the city with my girlfriend. Yeah, yeah. I do gay shit with my girlfriend. We've been having gay sex recently. Brexit the city. Brexit sex recently. Yeah. Brexit the city.

Brexit the city. Yeah. And it's Boris Johnson. What about something like that? Yeah, anything. We're not allowed to. I'm offering all these. We're not allowed to.

We're in more hair. Yeah, look at my hair. Look at my hair. I look. We're leaving Europe. I've got it. I've invented a new type of hair cut. Yeah.

In many ways, sex in the city is a lot like Brexit because it's getting out of a toxic relationship. I would kind of like to delete this last five minutes of this and restart this episode because we should try to. We've been having a lot of trouble on YouTube with Cussing. Yeah, because it's like I said, the podcast listeners Hardest work of folks in the world. This is a free episode, but I understand like You know, we're wasting your time so and we like you know, we're taking half the walk. Yeah, and we yeah, you know, you're forced to so I feel reluctant to say if you enjoy the show, please go to patreon.com slash T a F. S and support it But don't do it with that face I'm about to laugh If you're in the show, please go to patreon.com slash T-A-F-S and support it.

But don't do it with that face. I'm about to laugh face. If you enjoy the show, yes. You're going to figure out why when we release our next episode. There's a lot of money that we're spending on. Ideally, well, we didn't spend any money yesterday. There's a high concept, high production. Don't tell them that we're in a case of beer. Don't tell them that we didn't spend money yesterday.

Tell them we spent $30,000 yesterday. Right. And I had to park the car and garage. All the money was $1,000. All the money was hiring lawyers to fight the Social Security Administration. Oh my God. It's old people.

Every day I get a new letter that's they get scarier and scarier. Really? I was old people. Yeah, because they're older. I don't know. Every day I get a new letter that's, they get scarier and scarier. Really? They're going to send you to get more. No, I think it's resolved now. Oh, nice. The thing is, if you have a business, no, this is a separate issue. If you have a business, like there's these agencies, it'll be like, hey, here's a $50,000

fine. And you're like, for what? And it's like all this shit, and then you send it to the CPA or the bookkeeper, and they're like, oh yeah, they just, they just, the Charles said, he's like, yeah, they just do this. They'll just, like I got dinged for unemployment insurance for myself, for my own, just an LLC

that I've had for years is just a catch-all for, you know, when I do stand-up, no employees or anything. But they're like, oh, well, you didn't have unemployment insurance. In case I've fired myself. You fired yourself? Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? But they'll just say, oh, yep, oh, no, you fucked that up. You could get hurt doing crowd work.

Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. You have to pay workers comp to yourself. Anyways, but yeah, that I think is resolved. Good. But I don't really care. This stuff like three weeks ago, it was really, it would buy like a little princess in the peace situation.

Now that the specials out of the way, that's done, that's recorded. Yeah, you're a cool customer now. Yeah, and now it's really just doing thing. I don't care if it sucks. We'll get stable and see what happens. Even if the footage gets all lost, I don't fun care. Yeah, I did the thing.

Well, I got the film crew to film my feature set and maybe there will be a full Adam Friedland special shot in the same style as your special. That's gonna be released One day before your special mm-hmm, and it's gonna be called Adam Friedland full special Well anyone anyone who does this after me is gay the double-crosser I got some bad news for you. What happened this week. I recorded a duet with Katie Lang You know I'm the You know I'm the biggest fan.

Checkmate. You know I'm the biggest fan. Checkmate. She looks so much like Elon Musk to my penis. Back to my penis. And she looks like, anyway, no, I do a point. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

and saying all that and wanting to redo the beginning of the episode is we need to, I guess we like because the YouTube account, we just use the old YouTube account. And in my 20s, look, I was, I was a crazy guy, you know. And so I didn't really understand YouTube. And I was like, oh, I guess I should get into YouTube. Maybe I'll make a video violating all of every single one of the community guidelines. And then check all the wrong

boxes when you do the monetization thing. So all of our shit has to go through this process and the approvals and it delays us releasing episodes and they refuse on it. They refuse to, if we do. Yeah, and Hassan doesn't want to give us his man on the inside of YouTube. So if Hassan posts anything, say, Adam and Nick need you to connect, please flood his, yeah, flood him, go on Twitch. He definitely has a guy at YouTube that is like, yes, right, this way, sir. Well, I like to do. I like to meet this guy. So we don't have to get our fucking talk show episodes. We started now. Sorry, fucking no.

No, no, no. So this is now a Midwestern Christian, Christian podcast. Yeah. Okay. Oh, you're gonna believe. Oh, yeah, but I said all that stuff about my penis and the canaries and gender root. I look, I don't really talk about. What is there to talk about other than your penis, canaries, gender reveals. I have no idea. And it doesn't, it's not like it gets better. Just that Mitch McConnell video, I watch it. Yeah. Yeah, it's like people are like, oh, something's seriously wrong. It's like, I do that all the time. I do it all the time.

Yeah. That's me every time I go to Starbucks. Well, I found out, I do want a Grande or a Venti. My entire life, the sizes they've been explaining to me. And I'll just freeze. Cause you're nervous? Because I don't know what they're talking about. And you crap your pants?

Well, I try to figure, I'm trying to answer your question, then I'm like, what am I, where am I? Do you touch your temples and go, like Professor Axe? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway.

Oh, not too exxcused Mitch McConnell. I don't know I don't know we I don't understand. What is that why he's like he's like you can't stop me I'm starting in Congress no matter what you know, it's like wouldn't you want to? You're 81 years old Yeah, go to go to fucking Hewester's you don't have to like stop living your life Just stop being in Congress get into you probably has a bunch of money They all make money on the side. I think his wife is a real battle act the Chinese lady Can't say that's all right. Yeah

So speaking of which his wife is a real samurai, so she makes all the money, but we do have to take a break real quick and discuss a new sponsor that we have. We're very excited about this. We're trying to move away from the begging. Look at us two vapes this week. We have a new sponsor this week. Don't, and we got to cut that. We're gonna put the vapes down for the sponsor and not talk about vaping.

Not even saying the word. So starting now, okay, but hold on, please read the do not say list on page two before recording. This is like one of those fucking school and stuff. Then school where it's like read all the instructions before you finish, add two to five. And then you get to the last one.

It's like, only do step one. There's one dickhead who already has done this work. Finished. Yeah. That's a lazy, like the teacher's like, I'm gonna be, I'm doing nothing today. Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm Yeah, I'm gonna prank you. Yeah, we're watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit

and we're doing the fucking last item on the instruction sheet. Today's episode is brought to you by FOOM. Note, FOOM is pronounced FOOM. Okay, okay. This is FOOM. He's known, FOOM is pronounced FOOM food that is F you with an Oom loud and the M so it's sort of a German or kind of German style of German style

company showing the box Adam is the box we got the box here and we're gonna have to figure out a way to, oh God. Oh, no way. Okay, okay, so we gotta be real careful with this do not say, we had a call about the do not say. Yes, so this, what this is, look, cold turkey may be great on sandwiches, but there's a better way to break your bad habits. Uh-huh.

And we're not talking about some weird mind voodoo from your crazy neighbor or use your own shark. You're a crazy neighbor? Like, cramers style? Yeah. Yeah, they just come in my apartment. Yeah, you just come. Yeah.

We're not talking about some weird mind voodoo from your crazy neighbor or use your own sarcastic example. So I guess here's a bitch. He's sarcastic. I bitch. Yeah. Oh, that seems like a great way to break a bad habit is smashing your own ankles with a fucking hammer.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That was sarcastic. We're talking about our sponsor, Fum, pronounced Fum. Fum. Uh, and they look at the problem in a different way. It's so funny the way they have this, the way they pronounce.

They, they, because Fum, everybody knows what an Um Lout is and how to fucking pronounce it. It's a, it's a long U. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then, but they say pronounced, it's pronounced F-U-M-E, which that, that would be, if you saw F-U-M-E, you'd be able to say, what does that, Fume? And then you would say pronounced F-U-M-L-M.

The name already is- It has the pronunciation. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but you're a smart guy. A lot of people don't know. Well, whether you're a smart guy or you're an imbusel, Fum is right for you. Because we're talking about our sponsor Fum and they look at the problem in a different way. Not everything in a bad habit is wrong. So instead of drastic, uncomfortable change, why not just remove the bad from your habit? Uncomfortable change. Why not just remove the bad from your habit?

Now, Fum is an innovative Award-nominated device that does just that now this this is different because there's a bunch of words we can't say So I think the back of the box kind of tells a story. Oh, yeah, okay, we can share. Yeah, it's the world's first Defusive device. There's no way that we can't read the back of the box. No, so this is a diffusive device. Yes, right and That's different than anything you might be familiar with unless you're already familiar with food It's set out to create better habits. So this is a habit Reinforcement device got a little box there. It reinforces the habit, but it takes out the bad part. It takes out the bad part.

So instead of electronics, food is completely natural. So there's no electronics in this thing. If you can see it here, it looks like a little pepper mill. Sounds like it, too. Oh. Yeah, I do not get peppered out. Did you want extra, we didn't finish making it a copter out.

Michelin star restaurant. Do you want, I hate that an Italian restaurant. They're like, oh, it's not done. It's showboating. Well, it's like, did put it on in the fucking back. What? I hate that, but I like when they make it. I was not finished.

I like when they make the guacamole at the table. That's not Italian. I know, it's Mexican. You know what else is an Italian? Bad habits. Bad habits. Fum. Yes.

Fum is completely natural. Instead of vapor, there's no vapor in this. It comes from plants. Well, it uses flavored air. Okay, and I don't know if... Let's crack one. Yeah, it uses flavored air. Okay, and I don't know if... Let's crack one. Yeah, it uses all natural delicious flavors. Now they explain to me what is in here,

and I don't know for... It says 100% pure plants. Okay, Nick, that's empty. So you gotta, there's, there's so many. These are the cool, like James Bond. Oh, yes, this is awesome You're mind if I put this in your pushy real quick. Come on, dude. We're not Some James Bond would say

Ah, yes, can I know her name is pussy. He doesn't ask her to put things in her miss miss is anal sex you mind if I Mrs. Anelchecks, do you mind if I... Ah, it's the villain's decision. Okay, fuck me in my ass. Nick, I'm gonna read a flavor suit. Tell me what. Mrs. fuck me in my ass. You were the one that said I'm candy-custing and stuff. You already blew it.

Anyways, let's see. Okay, so sparkling grapefruit, orange vanilla. I'm gonna get grapefruit. I want the grapefruit. Okay, so this is like a seltzer. This is like a pump lemon-moose seltzer. Okay. So this is like a seltzer. This is like a pumplum-moose seltzer. Yes. So I'm going to open the core pouch.

Now it says on the back, you replace your core every two to three days. So it has a chart where it says you get full flavor. This is the most important part, right? So it's not vapor, right? This is not, and we're not allowed to say... Multiple cores. Look, you're not an idiot. You know what this is for, and it doesn't have, it's just fucking like a, like a wheel.

Here's the core. I have a couple more cores left, so it zips back up, and like a ziplock pouch kind of thing. I kind of just like smelling it. How's it smell? I don't know, but I think I might use it like this. Fabulous. Yeah.

I'm getting a little of my fingers. It's nice to see you again, Mr. Albaughn. Yeah. Which one was that? Now I'm the bad guy. The bad guy. Would you like some pepper on your popper, Dan? Okay, so let's crack that.

All right, let's try. Hold on, I think I'm doing this wrong here. There we go. Oh, that's try. Hold on, I think I'm doing this wrong here. There we go. Oh, that's cool. You gotta, come on man. I forgot. Oh, so when you rotate it, look, it's got a little, it's got like a little James Bond camera.

Oh, it's mechanical. Well, yeah, it's mechanical. There's no electronics enough. There's no electronics, you don't have to charge it. How's the air taste? It tastes like the flavor. Can I try? I guess it's like, when you inhale something,

do you inhale it directly or do you pull it in your mouth and then breathe in? I do a little cloud and then a suck, like a wrapper. Yeah, so this is, I guess maybe you choke it down. Yeah, you gotta choke it down. And then, what do you mean choke it down? Like a hole. You gotta make the hole smaller

so you get more like pull on it. You know what I mean? Oh, I taste the air. Yeah, you taste the air. It's just flavored air. Yep. And yeah, so it doesn't heat up. There's no chemicals, all natural, delicious flavors. Let's get the other one going.

I don't know. I don't know. Let's sparkling grapefruit. Let's do something that's new. Let's do a maple pepper. Pepper and move away from fruits. I knew a girl named Maple Pepper. No, you did.

You get it. Instead of bad for you. Let's also not drop the product on the floor, I guess. They're rolled off the table. Yeah, I know, but look what you've done here. I'm sorry. Look what you've done. Let's try maple pepper.

You know that this is the kind of shit that gets us in trouble. Is you do stuff like this and then they're like, oh, he's dropping it all over the floor. You know, in a... The saying it's a popped down? You know, there's a song. Oh, look, here, I'm an idiot.

Your food comes with an adjustable air flow dial and is designed with movable parts, so that's exactly how it works. So that's where you're supposed to do. Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me. I just like the flavor of the air.

Give it to me. God damn. What? Just give it to me. But the advertiser's gonna see this, let's not argue, they want it. All right, fine. Whatever, anyways.

Yeah, so that's what that is. It's an adjustable airflow dial. Cause I had a wide open, I thought you had a wide open, and that's like, you can't, like, yeah, you can't, unless you're like somebody that's like, yeah, bring it right into the, like a satchmo, like a cigar type.

Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah that was a lot better tastes like Christmas. You know or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa. Or Kwanzaa. It tastes like any one of the hot adds to Christian content we need. Yeah right exactly. So this uh maple pepper it reminds me of a song. Yeah. Maple Pepper, Maple Pepper. Your phone comes with an adjustable air flow dial or a seven-to-7th ring. Removeable parts and magnets for fidgeting. Giving your fingers a lot of maple pepper.

Which is helpful for these three-stress millions. Or an anxiety while breaking your habits. So it's also designed for fidgeting. I guess there's a tactile thing. A kin to a fidget spinner. Which if you're one of those types of guys, tactile guys, it's great for you. Maybe it's our own way.

Typical. I'm air raid sirens. So the tactile thing I don't need, but I do have an oral kind of fixation. So they got all that me too, brother. They got the different types of fixations covered. Yeah, sure. I'm sorry. So stopping is something we all put off because it's hard, the different types of fixations covered. Yeah, sure. Sorry.

So stopping is something we all put off because it's hard, but switching to FOOM is easy, enjoyable, and even fun. FOOM has served over 100,000 customers and has thousands of success stories, and there's no reason that can't be you. Join FOOM in accelerating humanity's breakup from destructive habits by picking up the journey pack, which I guess this is the one we have here that Adam so rudely threw all over the floor.

Is there more in this box? Oh, there's a picture. You're part of the family now. Oh, this is weird. So for an orphan, this guy, you sound the right looks exactly like Bobby. What is it? What is it? And it comes with this picture of exactly the guy you'd expect to be in the box of a product released in 2023. Mr. Startup is, we got a picture of Mr. Startup.

Mr. Startup. He's gonna be the advertiser. This could be. Look, guys, we got a QR box. It comes with the click. For watching on YouTube. Hopefully on a television. Take your phone and QR that.

You got a cleaning kit, which is just a pipe cleaner and a micro, it looks like a little micro fiber cloths. That's great. That's great. I guess you got to clean it because you probably drool into the thing at some point. Yeah. Like a trumpet.

Spit valve under trumpet. Yeah. That's a very disgusting element of the brass section. Yeah, wind in. Yeah. Yeah. So they have to release their saliva. Yeah. I mean, if that were me, I and... Yeah, they just... So they have to release their saliva. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, if that were me, I'd be like, okay, well, do I still have to wear a fucking tuxedo to these shows? Yeah. If I'm gonna be just speeding all over. It's spitting. It's all over the floor. Also, you have to like wet your read, right,

before you play. Yeah, if you do over that. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, anyways, okay, so here we go. Join Foom in accelerating humanities break up with destructive habits by picking up the journey pack today. Have to try FOOM and use code TAFS to save 10% off when you get the journey pack today.

That's trifOOM.com and you just TAFS to save an additional 10% off your reward of today. And I tell you, I'm gonna stick with this, I'm gonna try it because I don't think I'm doing enough To reverse the damage done to myself. Oh, okay by just taking saunas and eating beets once a week So we'll try this all right, okay, and then It's a diffusive device. Make sure that I have not said any of the stuff. Okay, yeah, I didn't say any of this.

Okay, yeah, again, that is trifume.com. That's tryfum.com and use code Tafs to save 10% off when you get the journey pack today. You can see it in front of here folks. It's awesome. Yeah. You get multiple cores of multiple flavors. Dude, I love doing this.

I like the wood. The wood is nice. The wood is nice. Honestly, maybe I am becoming a tactile guy. No. I need to bite something. You need to bite. Yeah.

Now I need to bite something. You need a bite, yeah. Try to try that pepper maple. It's heavy. Yeah, it's got a half good equipment. Yeah, yeah. Let's see you make like a profound point and then hit your fume. Yeah, it's got a half good equipment. Yeah, yeah. Let's see you make like a profound point and then hit your fume. Yeah.

And then why not I'm taking about it. It's like, I feel like a, you know what slap jack is? No, it's like a little leather spoon with a lead weight at the end. You do this in the private detective area that just knock people out. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna say this thing. Oh, okay. I'm gonna be like, move it just knocked people out. Okay. Yeah. I'd say you'd be this thing.

Oh, okay. I'm gonna be like, move it, shout ahead. I'm gonna give somebody that. It's a droggart tour in turn for Massachusetts. I don't know, a chowder head. What is it? Boston, the hell is chowder head? Like a mass hole.

Yeah, I don't know. Anyways, yeah, there you go. Dude, I love this. I really hope we got gotta clean up our act and I don't know what my aspirations in life are, but I've said it multiple times. The only person I would even consider a hero is Mario Lopez.

Yeah. Just both of us. That's both of us. That guy nailed it. Yeah. Incredible life. Yeah. Great body. But Bully on a TV show for five years.

When he was bully. He was the cool guy. Yeah, I'd say that's kind of a joke and a cool guy. It's bully. Why? Because he got pussy and screeched and I think you're letting us in on a little bit of aspect of what's up there. Oh really? Yeah, because he was so handsome and

no, he wasn't bullying screech. He was friends with Screech even though he was a jock All right Anyways, you go to a hotel turn on the TV who do you see Moria Lopez? What's he doing you going to kiss that guys? I could not be more excited about the Super Mario Brothers movie. This whole life is just doing reads. His name, huh? It's also his name. All right, stop messing with that thing.

I love it. Okay, we're done. And we'll get a clean break from that and get back into the show They should have sent us to I know so I could have mine. Yeah, put a little electrical tape on it Yeah, with your duct tape wallet and your fucking jack Skellington Let's see picture of that guy I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know.

I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know.

I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know.

I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I'm sure he listens. I'm sure they will be listening. They're gonna love this. I was gonna throw it on the ground.

Truth is out there, Scully. Yeah. Well, what were we saying? Yeah, we're talking about Mitch McConnell. Oh, so also, yeah, I'm sure he's rich. This is what I'm saying. You're 81 years old. Get the fuck out of politics and just be a race car driver. Oh, so also, yeah, I'm sure he's rich. This is what I'm saying. Go ahead. You're 81 years old.

Get the fuck out of politics and just be a race car driver. All of the race car drivers should be fucking 81 years old. They weigh less. Their bones are nothing. Yeah. You know, like they fucking... Is it like that with race car drivers? Where it's like a jockey rules.

Where they want a little guy. Slightly. Who been with like a little guy? Let's put you put the edge that you put you put you take you take and I know nothing about the sport you take two F1 drivers one of them is five foot three and ninety eight pounds the other one five foot three and four hundred and seventy five pounds I guarantee you the lighter guys winning really yeah you imagine how funny that would look? Just jammed into...

Just an open wheel car just spilling out of the side. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Like, I saw the Mitch McConnell thing and I know that I have been having some lapses cerebral lapses and in public no less, but you're a ghastly in your apartment. I just found out at a ghastly. Yeah People thought I was a smack man. I was smacking. I was on the horse. That is very funny to accidentally Auschwitz yourself Well, it was an accident, it was a neglectful landlord who I appreciate not raising the rent that much this year.

But yeah, I found out, and so now I'm gonna be myself again. Now that I found out I had a gas leak and I got a new oven and stove. Famously wide. I could be a genius. Wide awake atom. No, now look at me right now. The Adam, we all remember.

Look at me right now. Why'd a wake Adam? Maybe I've had a gas leak for years. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Everyone's like, oh, this guy needs a... He really broke my heart this week. What was that?

I was eating hot fire cheetos. Okay. And I thought, I'm gonna crush these motherfuckers up and fucking mix it into the dust from craft macaroni and cheese and make craft macaroni and cheese with tuna fish and hot fire cheetos. Uh-huh.

And like you are divorced and continue for your kids. You're two or a weekend? Yeah, it's your divorce. I saw this on TikTok. You're divorced and somehow in jail. I got this at the kids. Your kids are having the weekend in jail. You have a visitation in jail.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. No, but I thought about it. Oh my God, man, that would be amazing. Yes. And then I went to the store, I already exist. As a flavor, that is a already product, hot fire Cheetos,

craft mac and cheese. Not for us and peas, not ever. For vegetables. Yeah, we being for vegetables. Yeah, you're having crap. You put a little frozen peas for green. No, I don't play those games. That's a poor scat, Dad.

Having a musician while he's incarcerated is so funny. Yeah. That is great. That's a sketch, dude. We have to write that. Yeah. Oh, do we? Yeah.

What do you mean by we? Awesome for the show. What do you mean? All right. In your office? We have the same office. No, your home office. Your home office is very funny.

That is, it's very... I like to keep something private. It's very, it's very cute that you, we're like, why do you need to get your apartment with a home office? I didn't do it for the home office. I like the apartment, but I do have a desk. I need to sleep on the home office.

I need to use it every 12 months when I do chapo. Fill the sneakers, people have said. No, I've gotten rid of a lot of sneakers, okay? Every comedian when he first makes money from anything just buys a lot of baby stuff. The cheapest laser printer you can find, and it's never been used. It's a brother, and I use it constantly.

I use it a lot. Printing out insurance cards for your car. No, they send those in the mail, actually, Geico. All right, yeah. I would recommend going paperless. Okay, well, I have the app and I can show the police, but yes, it is the garbage room of the apartment. We like to keep everything else tidy

and then when we don't have a use for something, it goes into that room. Yeah. And I do have a poster that Nick so kindly gifted me that I proudly display in that office that says it's cool to be Jewish. But somebody sent that to me. Well, the Indian gave it to me, or Indian.

Uh, he was the first person to be. Indiginous first person to be. What happened to that thing I got you that it was like the mansion with the helicopter and the Lamborghini and stuff? You didn't get me that. Oh, I found it on the street and it brought in your apartment. Oh, that thing?

Yeah. I think it was lost in the last move. It smelled like peat. What happened to the can go had I got you? It's in my apartment. All right. The red can go? I'll wear it to the can go hat I got you? It's in my apartment. All right. The red can go? Yeah.

I'll wear it on the next show. I promise. It's worth it. You make this whole... I got you, Presence. But you make this whole to do. Anytime you get a gift for somebody, you have to give this speech about how I was never given a gift

my entire life. It's true. I had to learn gifts. And now... It's so annoying. No, having someone don't be this friendly. True, I had to learn gifts. And now it's so annoying. No, having someone don't be this lovely. But that's not the other bad thing I do.

Well, my point of the speech about this, is having to learn gifts as an adult, right? But you put all this weight into the effort you put into gifts and like how much you know, and gift giving or whatever. And so yes, you got me the Dutch oven. It's a great gift. I use it right here really.

I use it as a slow cooker actually. Yeah, okay. I'm very useful. I make fajita chicken. I put seven pounds of chicken in it. Right, we just some spices. Just let that bad boy cook for six hours. You open the pot, so it falls apart.

Perfect. You're welcome. That's chicken for at least a day. You have seven pounds of chicken. As yeah. I thought you were on a diet. Yeah, well, you know what I mean? If you only eat chicken.

It's okay. Yeah. You don't have like anything? Water? No, just the hot fire Cheetos, Mac, and cheese, know, okay. Yeah. You don't have like anything? Water? No, just the hot fire Cheetos, Mac and cheese and the chicken. Yeah. Anyways.

No, I was saying the one gift you gave me, it was actually heartfelt and not just a thing, a target that you saw and brought to my apartment. This is a good... You're about to be a backhand to compliment. Let's hear it. That's not a backhand to compliment, but you gave me the original. Cause that's a really nice thing be a backhand to compliment. That's not a backhand to compliment. But you gave me the...

Because that's a really nice thing. It makes me feel good. You gave me the original Kim Jong-un horseback. That's for you. And then you took it back. Sammy has a connect... Oh, right. So you scanned it.

So Sammy has it? No, no. So yeah. And that painting itself is a very special place in my heart because you and Stavros when I started painting were a little bit maybe not so supportive of my visual art. That is insane. And then, that is an insane event. And the first thing I said to you is like, your talent for likeness, which is something that is very hard for people to get out.

Not mimicry, but, you know, likeness. Yes. It's not like you're doing caricatures or whatever, but likeness is, I mean, it's a, that's hard. I don't wanna bring it down to the picture. That's hard. There's only other aspects of rendering.

Yeah, stuff that other people, you can learn. But likeness is something. I can't do hands. You could learn. Hands are hard. You could learn that. I feel like there's certain to capture the, like what the essence of something is in the features.

What I was about to say. Anyways, is that, is that, I thought that maybe I thought that my boys thought it was a little bit a little whatever not maybe I thought my boys didn't thought I was a little gay the paintings but I was like with my family we were going through a tough time at the you know that's that was what I was doing. We are literally, there's, but I would be surprised. That was the last painting. I'm gonna be surprised.

That was the last painting I did. It's one of the coal miners that listens to this show and has a catalog of everything we've ever said can check. I doubt we ever criticized the painting. I think on this YouTube channel, I think you could probably find it because we were doing the video. Anyway, it doesn't matter.

That was the last one I'll be embossed in at the Wilbur Theater September. Please come out. I think I'm gonna be in Seattle too. But more importantly, Boston September 14th and 15th at the Wilbur Theater. Please come out to those shows. Okay, so that was the last one I did. I was spending my time at my mom was sick. I was spending my time doing that. That was the last one I did. And then you said, you commented when I posted on Instagram

and you said, fantastic. And it made me very happy. I was always supportive. I think that was the best one I did. And we need to get it back to you because I feel quite bad. No, because I said something. Now to give it back to you because I feel quite bad. No, because I said something. Now to give it back to you.

No, you gave, no. You've done art yourself. No, I hope, Sammy's enjoying it. I hope it's, no. He doesn't have it. He had it, so we can scan it for the shirt. Beautiful sitting on the bed. Oh my God.

His scanner covered in dust. It's in New Haven, Connecticut. I just need to get it back. Yeah, great place for it to be. Why, because of the Italian? I don't know, I don't know anything about New Haven. So we've got a lot of Italians, does it? They have Abites.

Hey, new Haven. New Haven, new Haven. Old school, new Haven. Old school, new Haven. What was I gonna say? I'm glad I got to the bottom of this ghastly thing because I have been feeling particularly stupid recently. Mm-hmm.

And I think that maybe there was just something that was making me stupid. Yeah, I think a little bit of natural gas might be good for you actually. Really? Well, it's natural gas. Yeah. So it probably was in the, that's methane. We have to get Neil to grass Tyson in here. I don't want to talk to him ever again. Yeah. He's he's funny. He's an asshole. He's not an asshole. He's just thoroughly like a type of nerd that he's a mean nerd

If you're a nerd be nice No, and I don't mean to say he's an asshole. I think he's the finest man I've ever met. No, if you're a nerd be nice He has that vibe of you know in the Simpsons when when Martin's like oh Homer. There's that bird He liked to argue with That's like oh well if he's in mr. No with. That's like, that's like, oh well, if you need to miss your note at all. Yeah, yeah, that's, but everyone loves that. It's the worst kind of person you could be.

You learn in school, you don't wanna be that guy. But somehow he's found a lane where he celebrated for it. I don't know, I think it's like. Chris Cuomo engaging with him is like, it's like the same, look, I got it, like a cat, you see a cat. Yes. And most of the time you want to pet it,

but sometimes you want to pet it backwards. You know what I mean? Sometimes you're like, that's just, let's give him a little hard time. That's the first time we chill, that's what you did. Yeah, let's give him my old cat. Let's just, let did. Yeah, let's give my old cat. Let's just let's give him let's get a little riled up Nick was drinking Carlo Rossi out of a jug you pet and he was abusing my cat. You pet him normal Maybe 10 15 and he was saying I thought you were a bag would I first bet you but you're actually not a bad guy

You've had the cat normal. Yes, right, 15 times, then you give it one just back. Abusing an amp. No. And then the cat goes, what the hell? What? What the hell was that? What the hell was that? And then you go back to normal. And then the cat's like, okay, I guess, it was a mistake. Let me give him just one more.

Or you just, you pet them and then you let your hand linger near the tail area for a second. And they're like, oh god damn. Like, you're gonna pet me again or else, pal. You know what, it's like being at the top of a roller coaster and then they freeze it for that like five seconds. It's like maybe they're not gonna drop us. I mean, that's how you really unlock a cat's personality.

You gotta, they like having a hard time. They like getting a little bit of a hard time. Yeah, because they're going to eat you after you die in your apartment. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that's what Neil deGrasse Tyson is to me. It's like a cat that you can pet backwards. No, I just think he's like a guy that went to college 40 years ago. Yeah. Everyone thinks it's the smartest man in the world. years ago, everyone thinks it's the smartest man in the world. No, I, yeah, he came in here. And I shouldn't disparage anyone.

He has a big cat vibe. He's like a big cat. He's just, he's panther, if you want. He's like heathcliff. He came in here. He might as well have a big tail. He's like Hobbs. Knocking shit over there.

Is this coffee? Knocking. He's a big, he's tall, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. Sonderous, guy. He's tall. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's not a must. Do we have another thing we have to talk about? Uh, yeah, but we got another five minutes.

Do we have time? Oh, I got it. All right. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. Well, keep it.

I'll back off. Yeah, probably. I'm not a fucker. No, I don't have a problem. I'm the world's toughest guy with the world's smallest mouth. You go wrong, fucker. No, okay. Oh, boy.

Yeah, this late night shit. I kind of like it. It's easier to podcast, I guess. Yeah, who's bullshit? You just say bullshit. Yeah, I know. I'm having a beer. When we do it in the morning, it's like, Oh, time for work. Ride the train in.

Night time. Gas leak is still affecting my- Yeah. When we started the old podcast, I feel like I have a new lease on life with this gas leak. We used to do the old podcast night, remember that? Seven people.

So fun. Seven PM. Simpsons time. You know what we were talking about before the podcast? Pussy. Just two guys at 8.30 pm talking about pussy. Talking about pussy. That's just what guys do.

You know? The guy's on. The guy's on. Stay tuned. Don't stop saying stuff like that. Don't say tuned. Don't say tuned. Don't say tuned.

Yeah. Did they ever say that on looney tunes? Stay tuned. Yeah. Um, did they ever say that on loony tunes? Stay tuned? Yeah. Ah, fuck. I wish I had thought of that fucking in 1939. I wish I thought of loony tunes. If I come up with loony tunes.

You know what you hear like a sign felt bit? Mm-hmm. And you're like, this is perfect. Mm-hmm. Why did I think of this? That's what I think about text Avery. And, uh, you know, cartoon and foghorn leghorn.

Oh my God. A Southern chicken. Yeah. I was right in front of me this whole time. And LBJ style rooster. Yeah. About a big kind of like a knocking things over kind of guy. Yeah.

Maybe Roy's. Yeah. Maybe his factory farm maybe Roy's. Yeah. Maybe he's factory farm. He's not jacked. He just looks like a Roy. He is kind of jacked. He's not. You don't think so?

It's kind of one of those, like, doesn't do leg day kind of guys. Here we go. He's like all, he's all chest and shoulders. Yeah, here we go. Adam talking about cartoon characters. He doesn't know anything about it. Is if he knows them and likes them.

Come on, dude. Here we go again. One more. I know about cartoons, you know. You're not the only guy who's always fat. Yeah, he's a big, fat, rooster. He's a fat guy. Yeah.

No, I thought he was jacked. No. I thought he was like a... It's kind of a fat guy. Yeah. No, I thought he was jacked. No. I thought he was like a... It's kind of a feminine also. He's kind of has a, like a woman's body. Yeah. He's kind of like a bitch. He's like Donald Trump.

He's like a bowling pit. He's all ass and thawed. Yeah. He's sort of a Donald Trump style rooster. Do people eat roosters or bowls? We should be. Why do we only eat the girls? Um, I don't know, because the meat's probably more tender.

What? Uh-huh. It doesn't seem fair. We let the guys fuck all the girls and then we eat them. Bowl meat. Let me Google that real quick with Safe Search or Rooster. Rooster. Bull meat. Let me Google that real quick with safe search or rooster I love after dark. Yeah

Yeah, do people eat bowl meat? Bowl meat versus cow meat meat the three main differences explain Published by Timothy Woods because I'm a fan of the carnivore lifestyle or often get asked about differences between various types of it No, you don't People aren't like oh, I better ask my carnivore or carnivore lifestyle friend Yeah, but it gives his life meaning that he thinks it's his thing that everyone respects. Going up, my name was Timothy, and that was rough. So, no, I eat nothing but fucking bull meat. It was rough to be named Timothy.

Yeah. Oh, here comes Timothy. Hey, Timothy. Oh, hey, Timothy. I accidentally brought salad to school in Third Greg, because I thought it would make me look like an adult, but everyone called me gay. Gay.

Oh, here comes old Timothy. Yeah, there comes salad boy Timothy. Bull meat and cow are in a day's texture with bull meat having a game of your flavor and tougher texture due to higher muscle content. Bull meat is leaner than cow meat, making it potentially healthier, but harder to cook without drying out. And store by beef usually comes from cows or steers, not bowls due to bowl's stronger flavor. Uh...

Ocks, springer, a cow, close to giving birth, feeder. An animal being fattened for slaughter at a young age. Doggies, motherless calves. Anyways. It's okay, so I would assume I'm not a smart guy. Today's episode is also brought to you by my bookie. We're gonna get back to this because I'm confused. Mybookie.ag, Adam, take it away. Okay, mybookie.ag, you could take it away. Okay. Mybooky.ag.

You could do a lot of stuff. You could bet on this. Yeah. I feel great. I feel great. Guys, we are less than two weeks away. But I'm not for that. I'm not for that.

I'm not for that. I'm not for that. I'm not for that. I'm not for that. I'm not for that. I'm not for that. I'm not for that. I'm not for that.

I'm not for that. I'm not for that. I'm not for that. I'm not for that. I'm not for that. I'm not for that. I'm not for that. What a big thing. What a awesome song. It's the sickest song of all time. I want to walk down the aisle to it. Yeah. At my wedding. That's the kind of music spit vowels are made for. Yes.

They just take them off. They're just blowing. It's just fucking just tobacco spit coming out of the saxophones on that one. Guys, we have the US open going on right now. We have football season less than a week and a half away. We got baseball season in full swing. We got a lot of shit. You can go to mybookie.com for the sports book, for live betting.

They adjust the odds in the middle of a game. Let's say you put your threw down some money on a smart money play, you realized in the middle of the first quarter, you're a fucking idiot. You confuse them because all of those people are the same to you. I'm talking about athletes, okay? Is that in the copy?

I don't have the copy. Oh, okay, sorry. Do we have a copy? No. Okay, so what you can do is they adjust the odds in the middle of the game. You have bad acne at some point. Yes, I told you I was on Acutane.

Why? I don't know, I've just never noticed you. I have scores from Acne. I have no idea. This score is not from an Acne, it's from something... It's a score. But I guess I have cyst have sister, I had sister, acne, I was on Acutane.

Yeah, look like seal. Not that bad. From the, I don't know. You else was on Acutane, Nick? Is it light in here at different? No. You know what else was on Acutane? Dillon Klebold, okay.

And I didn't shoot up my school, okay? Fellow Doom fan. So just say thanks Adam for not being a terrorist. Yeah. Okay, you can bet on games. They have live betting where they adjust the odds in the middle of the game. So let's say you threw down money on a bad bet. You can make it up in a little bit of a lot of the announces.

Live betting hosted by Hassan Piker. Hassan Piker at mybookieag. What does AG stand for? It stands for Hassan Piker in the Turkish letters. But guess what? It's a not only sports. They have a casino. They have casino games. Games like April Fury in the Chamber of Scarrobes.

And I know what you're thinking. Casino, the 1995 Martin Scorsese movie. No. No. It's actually a online hosted by a son, Pike. Yes, yes. And then they have a live casino where you can get a sexy chick.

You can be fun as a jive casino. Where it's like a kind of a 1970s Harlem style. MGM. Across 110th Street. Okay, yeah, live casino. So you can have a real person dealing your cards. I don't know if you're allowed to talk back to them, but maybe it fits the sexy girl.

Maybe if you're winning, maybe the dealer will love you. Also, you could bet on racing. So they have casino games, live betting, sportsbook, and racing. Guys, go to mybooky.ag, put in promo code DAPS! And you will get some sort of bonus with your initial deposit. And it is a favorable bonus, guys. It's free money.

It's free fucking money. Okay. So they'll match your deposit up to $1 million. A million dollars. Where's the smooth? One million, yeah, do million. $1 million. Where's the smooth? $1 million. Yeah, do it. Do it again.

$1 million. $1 million. $1 million. $1 million. $1 million. $1 million. $1 million. I recently rewatched the first one.

I maybe was just in a stout jet, but I kind of forced myself to like it. You know what happened? Blazing saddles. I watched halfway through, I'm like, I'm for slapping right now. Yeah. Now I did for slapping my way through Austin Powers. It was just like, it's 1998. I remember that.

It's 1998. It's 1998. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. Yeah. My love is good. My parents are married.

My parents are married. I'm not. I'm not. Nice to meet you. I'm not. I'm not a nice girl. It's not too long to get it. Pretty sparse. Pretty sparse. Okay, so go to mybook.ag, promo code Taffes. They'll match your deposit.

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all we have to talk about... I don't know, you didn't send me copy. All it says is NFL. NFL. What else do we got? You're really excited about the Jess? I watched two episodes of Hard Knocks. I'm in. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a raider's fan. Yeah, that's it. What were you saying? Well, this fume is good. Yeah. Fume, sorry. This fume is good. Anyways, okay, go on.

How does it work on a farm? They're only killing the girls and getting their milk, right? And then there's one guy and he gets to fuck everyone. So what happened to the rest of the bulls? If he fucks everyone, right? Half of the babies have to be guys. Are they in fantasizing? They turn them into steers.

What does the steer do? Steers a castrated male. So what does he do? Well, it just, he goes along, rise. He's like fall corn leg horn. He's like, he's like, uh, so they eat the steers. Yes, yeah, they're steer meat.

So they eat bowls. A steer doesn't have a dick. A steer is castrated. So he's like, ah, ah, you can eat me. It never eat bowls. A stear doesn't have a dick. A stear is castrated. So it's like, oh, you never eat me. It never gets pubes. He doesn't get pubes. He's like the Vienna boys choir. I remember finding a forum for guys that had a castration fetish years ago. Yeah. And they would get the tool that they actually use in a forum to castrate bowls and they'd meet up with each other in hotel rooms and chop each other's balls off. It was like a bris.

Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, like a yeah. It's called like a bizzardo or a bizzardo. A birdizo is a name brand of a company that makes a castration of ice and it employs a large clamp designed to break the blood vessels leading to the testicles. So it's like a this kind of action? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Once the testicles lost the testicular necrosis occurs and the testicles shrinks off and eventually deteriorate completely.

When the devices use the operator crushes the spermatic cords one at a time, leaving a space in between in order to prevent an interruption of blood flow to the scrotum. Humans. There's two sections. Animals and humans. Birdizos have also been used by some human males as a means of self-castration. So it lessens the risk of infection as no skin is broken, it is considered unsafe for humans as the birdizo

was not originally designed for human use and causes blunt force trauma to the strumatic cords, which are thickly wrapped in nerve fibers. Wait, so they smushed them? They don't rip them off? Yeah, they just crushed the blood vessels. Oh my God. Oh, and they sell it on Amazon.

Castration Plier, but it is a style. Anyways, guys, thanks for listening. Please come to Boston, the second show for whatever reason. I don't think, I think in the last month of promoting the show, six tickets have been sold, which is about a half a ticket sold per podcast. I've mentioned it.

And if you want, you can get your balls cut off at amazon.com. Yes. And yeah, that's gonna do it for tonight, folks. Thanks for joining us. Thanks a lot, folks. Good night. Good night. Good night.

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