The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 20 Presents: The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 01

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 20 Presents: The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 01 ----- Subscribe to @jordanjensenlolstop, Bein' Ian with Jordan Podcast and catch her new special on September 19th! Subscribe to @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs LIVE SHOWS: JORDAN JENSEN: https://www.jordanjensencomedy.com/upcoming-shows Sep 21 - 23: Grand Rapids, MI Dr. Grins Comedy Club: https://www.grinstix.com/events/78226 NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows Sep 15 — Sep 16: Boston, MA @ The Wilbur ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour NEW YORK COMEDY FESTIVAL: https://nycomedyfestival.com/lineup/nick-mullen-adam-friedland-live/ Nov 8: New York, NY @ Town Hall

Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show, week of 9-11, September 11th. I'm sure there's a lot of funny stuff to say about that. Adam is way in Greece and so replacing him as the host of the Adam Friedland show will be Jordan Jensen this week. Where she gets some, these cameras should have some way to do like, we could do like fireworks. On the cameras? Yeah, with the switchers, you can hit the button on there and be like, wow, or whatever. Like a noise? Like, bow, bow.

Yeah, you can add the noise, you can add, I also want to lower like the you know when you when somebody's saying something their name kind of comes up again I was off that on the news when there's something when there's somebody talking and they're like well You know the the situation is is more complex than it appears you know at the outset and then their name kind of comes up like Steve dickhead. Yeah, analyst for the Washington Post, Kyron, that's what they call it. Aynallist. Yeah. Aynallist. I've always wanted to, I don't know how you would do it, but you get like a heavy set, Chinese lady,

and your interviewer for something. Where hard to find. Find that, yeah, exactly. Find the heavy set Chinese lady that does anything. Yeah. And then you set up a news program, and your interviewer and ask her to talk about whatever, whatever the thing is, you shoot the interview, and afterwards you add the thing that just while she's

talking, it just pops up and we'll give her a name and it's, it's, her first name will be MU and her last name will be CAO. CAO. Yeah, so it's like, uh, movie. Oh my God. Oh my God. Author, you know, whatever, whatever thing it does. And then, and once you get mad,

you'd be like, I thought that was your name. Yeah. I had no idea that she's like, it's Anna. I think it's Anna. I thought it was Moo Cal. I know. I'm terribly sorry. With all this new equipment, it's, you know, with all this new equipment,

it's, you know, there's a lot of... Why Chinese? Oh, Chinese, you could do Himalayan. You could find a big fat Himalayan lady. Yeah, certainly. I just, well, it's because Mou Cow is, that looks like Chinese. I just don't don't think it exists. It looks like Anglo-Sized Chinese.

But we're moving away from stuff like that on the Adam Friedland. What are we moving towards? I don't know. I don't really, I destroyed my personality for six years of podcasting. So I don't, it's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy.

It's like I used to have things to talk about, and now it's always like, uh, you were prompted. Yeah, I was like, who's, who's, who's the stinkiest type of people? I don't have real thoughts anymore. Have you asked chat GPD any of these questions? I think the chat GPD phase is over. I want deep into it to try and find racial things. I think comedians, you're like me. I mean comedians get into things way too late and then they get excited about them.

Yeah. It's like, they're in like cultural jail for some reason. Oh, are they really? Well comedians. Oh, yeah, totally. And then they get out and they're like, oh my God, if you heard about AOL and stuff, yeah.

Yeah. You know, yeah, Chachi, PC. Well, I knew about Chachi, PC and I've been using it to like, because everything I write to my managers to pitch for things is like a manic 4am Like really and nothing of the puncture and I give it to judge you be t and I write oh Make this a normal person. Yeah, yeah, and then they do but then I started being like which race is the smartest? Yeah, which race is the fastest it won't tell you it won't tell you yeah, nothing. So it's basically useless Really useless as a writing tool. Yes. It's the only thing I want. Yeah, nothing. So it's basically useless. Completely useless. As a writing tool.

Yes, it's the only thing I want. I want the truth. No, I'm way behind on everything. I still now go around and I tell people, like enthusiastically, about electric toothbrushes. Yeah, do you like them? I think I'm back out on them. I got one, even though right now I got a toothache

on this side and a giant fucking canker sore on my tongue on the other side. You could probably do Japanese voice service to the show and get away with it with us. Yeah, I don't know. The whole thing, just all fields, kind of weird and weird. Yeah, you have a Jeff Bridges thing going on.

In how are high water, he does that for some reason. I don't know why he does that. No, he does it in old dog too. Yeah, what is this? Yes, I don't know. Yeah, maybe that's the only way to do it. Yeah, it takes you to action. I don't know why he does it.

It is like there's a little bit of code that he's currently chewing in here. It was a little crude. Yeah, no, it's like doing this. Oh yeah. If you just bite the tip of your tongue, but with an under bite, it's what he's doing. Yeah, ooh yeah, I don't know why he does it.

And you're right, it is very distracting. Anytime I think about that movie, I'm like, what the fuck was he doing with his mouth? Yeah. Yeah, maybe that was something that, like, you know, they gave him this script and he's sitting in Malibu wearing, like, linen shorts and then seven scarves. Yeah.

And he's like, he's meeting with the director and he's like, I was thinking my character maybe has a tiny little... Yeah, he was abducted by aliens. And they put a... Little grain of sand here is gonna hold on to it. Well, they put a tooth that records all of his thoughts. No, he does it in the Big Lebowski, he does it. Shins it up into space.

And I was thinking maybe that's part of the movie. And they're like... He's like, what? They're like, uh... Maybe, he's like, what? They're like, I may, maybe. He's like, let me tell you this. That's part of the movie we were around doing it. And then they've been, they're like, okay, sure. That's part of the movie and how in high water

he has an alien receiver to. You think it's especially worse? I know I just want to. And you shut up on satin etalk. Well, I hope the aliens don't read my thoughts too much today. And they're like, you're killing a Jeff. In old dog, they have the young actor who plays him. They obviously were like, you and your hand, it's really rough.

Yeah. Ruh, ruh, ruh. There's a little revolving thing. It's like going around and it's like a goat. Yeah, it looks always, well, it's what, you look like when you're like fishing out of cankers. Yeah. Well, we're a fucking day. Yeah. Yeah, it was always well it's what you look like when you're like fishing out of cankers. Yeah, we're a fucking yeah. Yeah. Great movie though. Hell or Highwater. Her roots mad at him now. Taylor Sheridan. Why? I don't know if

everyone's mad at him, but he, do you know who that is? No. He's the guy that wrote Hell or Highwater. He may have directed it. I don't know. He also wrote Sicario. Yeah. And he wrote that show. It's created that show Yellowstone. Yeah. And then he's been watching a lot of it. Yeah.

So he created and he writes every episode. And Tulsa. He must have made Tulsa. Do you make Tulsa? I don't know. I think 1886. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1912. 1912, over the year.

I just made this point recently. I'd say avoid numbers, because it sounds racist, no matter what. Oh, 100%. Any collection of numbers is racist. Jewish. Yeah, so, well, I don't know about Jewish, but... I feel like it's whenever I hear numbers, I'm like Nazis. Oh, yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Right, I thought you were saying it sounds Jewish to you. No, it'm like Nazis. Oh, yeah, exactly. Right. I thought you were saying it sounds Jewish to you. No, it sounds like death to Jews. Maybe if there's a dollar sign difference. Right, right. Maybe it was 18.8. 20. Yeah.

Maybe it was that, then. Yeah. I don't know if I'm allowed to make those jokes while Adam's not here. I don't feel like it doesn't have a... How are you not supposed to make those jokes? I don't know, man. Like I said, I'm trying to clean up my act. I'm middle-aged now, but you disagree with. You're not middle-aged. 45 is middle-aged. Don't show me that. I mean, I'm not middle-aged.

I just did Ashley Gavin's podcast. She got canceled for telling somebody in the audience to kill themselves. I heard about that. You should have her on. There was a lot of people who were like, Ashley Gavin's podcast, she got canceled for telling somebody in the audience to kill themselves. Or heard about that. You should have her on.

It was. Which why? Is she gonna say the N word? Well, that's the thing is that she has the woken constituent anymore. And I was having, I kept wanting to say the N word and I couldn't not stop. I probably said the most horrendous things

on that podcast because she, her entire group of watchers are the most woke people. So I mean, I was like, I was like, I don't think that black people should date white people. And she'd be like, I'm telling you about my traumatic event that just happened in my life. You should have her out. Telling that person to kill themselves? Yeah, but that's like a...

My favorite response to a Hechler is... I get paid no matter what. So I go ahead and ruin the show. I'll just get off and... I had a Hechler is, I get paid no matter what, so I'll go ahead and ruin the show. I'll just get off and have a more accurate attack. He had a trans girlfriend with him, and he was like, you pay so shit. I was like, this is what I said. I said, I was thinking about porn, and I was like, it's funny that you guys watch so many men come.

Like a lot, way more than I've ever seen in my life, which is a little gay. It's okay, but it's a little gay. And he flipped out and was like, so what if it's gay? I was like, it's not gay. I just think it's funny. What is it, you guys?

Huh? Who are you? What's your own gay? But even that movement. When his friend dies in the music, where is it? Where is it? Where is it?

Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?

Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?

Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? I'll get him myself. He's a damn headshot. And then, Jebber. I'm like, what is he doing? I'm like, what is he doing? I'm like, what is he doing? I'm like, what is he doing? I'm like, what is he doing?

I'm like, what is he doing? I'm like, what is he doing? I'm like, what is he doing? I'm like, what is he doing? I'm like, what is he doing? I'm like, what is he doing?. Sometimes when he talks, he's doing that. Yeah. Any romantic scene he's ever been in, he's like, woohoo. Dude, I'm so retarded. I'm just typing in, guy dies. He's saying, how long are I going to order? Just like everyone dies in the movie.

I'm like, what's a guy dies? Of course, first result. Because the internet is made for guys like me. I want to see Jeff for just crying. No, I don't need three fucking minutes in. Let me see. I just want to see. Just one?

Just two of them. They got the swarves on this old boy's out of his mind. So, I slip up this candy and tumble. So, I'm going to go. That's it. That's it. I've heard distinctly remember if it's more of what? It's very dramatic. Okay, whatever.

Fuck me then. I shouldn't have looked it up. Too, it's plenty to Of him hovering over you I've had sex with my name whimpered like that. That's awful. It's really bad I left immediately our members specifically And I was like I called an Uber from the bad It was like still inside me and I was like,

I have to go, oh it's here. Bad. He was also a liquor, a face liquor across the face. Crazy. You ever face-licked? No, this is all insane to me. That's why I don't fuck, have her. It sounds disgusting to me.

And I'm not approved. It is crazy. I'm not approved. I just don't, the whole process. It seems like when you, when you accidentally put too much jelly on a PB and J. Yeah. I like too much jelly. I don't know.

Sometimes I, there's too much jelly and I'm like, this is disgusting. I feel that way about cream fused, but jelly you really can load it up. I'm eating a dog's menstrual cycle. No, this is what this tastes like to me. I think it's the first person's mental cycle too. Okay, so today's episode, God damn it. I'm not supposed to be doing that. Today's episode, let me go do. Today's episode of the Adam Friedland Show podcast is brought to you by

FU. FU. No, FU is pronounced FU. No, it's not FU. It's FU. Show Podcast is brought to you by FUME. FUME. No, FUME is pronounced... FUME. No, it's not FUME. It's FUME. We got a lot of trouble a couple weeks ago because... It has an mascot above it, what's an mascot? It's an... It has a little... It's like a little sweater. It has an... It has an Oomlaut. Oomlaut. FUME. It's FUME.

Yeah. Well an Oomlaut I guess is not pronounced. If an Oomlaut had an Oomum out, it's fum. Yeah, well an um out I guess is not pronounced. If an um out had an um out it would be um out. Oh but um out doesn't have an um out. According to that, actually I think it's, they put the um out on there and that's not, I don't know, maybe a Norwegian person could give us, maybe if there's a Viking listening they could give us some advices.

But fum, sorry, fume is pronounced fume. It's this, it's this. You can just look. It's a video podcast, here there it is. Gaysburg, what do you think about getting just ditching these vintage lenses and getting stuff with just like servo zooms and we can do camera controls from in there.

Hey, you want to change a little bit of the show? Yeah, I mean, just fuck the show. That would save, you know, we'd save $1,500 in interview. Why? Well, because we wouldn't have to hire camera operators. Oh. Tell me the funnest I've had out there and the funnest GoPro for you to show. camera operators. Well, what we are doing, this is a fun update. Ginsburg broke the second camera. Ginsburg. Okay, so we had to replace it with, we were using, sorry. Today's episode is brought to you by FUME.

And FUME is pronounced FUME. The intro, cold turkey may be great on sandwiches. That's actually not true. It's disgusting. But there's a better way to break your bad habits. We're not talking about some weird mind voodoo from your crazy neighbor, or use your own sarcastic example. And that, I don't understand what that note means.

But honestly, I don't, yeah, cold turkey, I think, does work in some situations. I think it's actually the best way. Certainly, there's certain situations where it's absolutely warranted like child pornography, for example. Yes, 100%. I don't think that's something you should wean yourself off of. Yeah. I don't think your kids know. I don't think maybe you should have just the pictures.

I'm still looking at the same amount, but the pictures are getting small. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm reducing the crop size. I'm just looking at kids left, maybe. We're scaling them down. So I'm still looking at the same volume of. But I'm turning the lights down in my house. I have them locked up. The lower amplitudes. Now I have a telescope that every day I have an

electron telescope that I look at 800 pictures of missing and exploited children through. That's not the way you want to do it with that. You just quit. You just stop. But with this you you could but there's a lot of stuff there's something and we have to allude to it there's a certain hand the mouth habit that a lot of people have right that's what that's where everyone's mind goes immediately when you use those words but according to the laws of I guess Norway or whatever, whatever Nazi country uses the Umbra. Yes. You have to refer to this as a device for building better habits, I guess.

And I'll just show you what it is because that's the easiest way to take a look at this thing. Jordan, you can try this out. Keep in mind, Adam is at his mouth on this. Oh. I'll get sick immediately. I'm sick already just being in a room. He's been...

Boters of Andrew, I fall over the mouth. It's just thick. Yeah, what it is, it's this little metal tube, it's got some half-tube, it feels nice in your hands. Yeah, that's a good way. This is a good feeling too. It's almost a... That's part of the...

It just... That's part of the design. Really? Because it addresses both an oral and finger fixation. No, it opens and closes. It does, but it's designed with that kind of click to it. They specifically said that because we pointed that out. Nothing's in there.

Nothing's in there. Yeah, well, I don't know. Maybe it's... You put these things in there. Put it in there. Which one is this? I don't know, they gave us a... Says one of his booger.

Couple of these flavors, we only tried it. I didn't like fruit. Maple. Yeah, I want one that's like, yeah. Maple pepper? Yeah, I was looking for more of like a woodland kind of. How could you get more woodland than maple pepper? Cause that was what was in there.

You know what, I'm gonna try the raspberry lemon cause that's a different. Anyways, you take this fume thing you pull it out it's like a little you know like in this 007 is fucking you put this fucking shit in here. I mean it's quite obvious you fucking asshole You'd come down here once a week What's all this shit get a life I'm working Why isn't he ever he's just nice who am the cue who's cute? Cue's the guy down in the lab that makes all the shit. James Bond comes down there and is like, what the fuck is his garbage? He's all over. And he's like, my job, we mean what is this?

You come down here once. Honestly, you come down here once. Just bust my balls, so then we'll go. He doesn't have any windows. Go fuck like a 12 year old. He pays them up. Yeah, you piece of shit. You missage him, he's piece of shit.

One day the world's gonna catch up to you, James Bond. And I'm me. And I will in a roundabout way become the hero, the no pussy getting guy, the coward. Who is, who plays you? Who is he who? Who is he who? Who is he who is he who is he who is he?

Who is he who is he who is he? Who is he who is he who is he? Who is he who is he who is he? Who is he who is he who is he? Who is he who is he who is he? Who is he who is he who is he? Who is he who is he who is he? Who is he who is he who is he? Who is he who is he who is he? Who is he who is he who is he? Who the Dead Guys? Is that a real thing?

Maybe, yeah. Like Redhead. That sounds right. Anyways, Fume, as designed by James Bond's Q, look, it's got this little spring in here. It's kind of nice. You ever put, you ever load a magazine? You ever shoot a gun?

I'm scared of guns that I'm gonna turn it on, man, please. Kind of has that same kind of feeling to it. Remember when you were trying to shoot your gun into our mouths and we knew it was loaded but it was still hard to do? Where is that thing? I had no problem doing it. I disassembled it.

The trigger got loose and then I wanted to just replace the spring and then Dave moved the parts. It's always somebody else doing something. Well, it's not me, is it? I fully admit when I fuck up, there's a lot of things I've broken around here. But not the camera. Not the camera, certainly wasn't me. I was busy acting.

Yeah, anyway, so, yeah. Let me try a few, yeah, so what the point of this, so it is like a fidget spinner, this clicky thing, but it also changes that hole, but makes it tighter. So you get a tighter pull, because when we first opened this thing and it was wide open, and you pull on it, and it's like, oh, that's fucking weird. And I guess that's for people that like,

just sucking air directly into their own. Which is weird, I don't know who that might be. I mean, maybe if you're like French or something, I guess. But yeah, you choke it down and then it has like some drag to it. And then you can. But there's nothing harmful in it. There's nothing addicted to it. No, there's nothing in it.

It's just for the oral fixation. Uh, yeah. It's just flavor. It's just flavor. Nothing. It's just flavored air. Yeah, do it. It's just flavored air. Yeah, do it. But there's no it's nothing. Yeah, it's just flavored. It just adds flavor to the air

Like if I was chewing a piece of gum and also breathing. Yeah, mint in my mouth breathing If you chewed up a piece of gum and put it in a tube and then Breathe through everything. There's nothing coming out. It feels silly to even exhale in a regular way. Yeah. Well, it's a good product that I would not suggest otherwise. I, this is really satisfying. We got fucking James Bond over here.

It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's You don't have any ways. You get it. Instead of bad, fume is good. Instead of electronics, it's completely natural. Instead of vapor, it uses flavored air. And instead of harmful chemicals, it uses all natural, delicious flavors.

You're just watching James Bond me like, it's pretty disrespectful to this guy. Yeah, he's an asshole across the board. That's why the Sean Connery wants it the best because Sean Connery's also kind of an idiot. Yeah. So he's like, that era is more like it's like this guy only has his job because he's tall. It's not only he's smarter. Is he tall? Yeah, he's like six four. I thought he only had his job because he was wherever.

People like that about him. They had the Scottish accent. And a speech impediment. Yeah. That's just, that's just with Scottish people, so I'm like, you don't think, I mean, you take a strong corner. He listen to some of the Scottish people, I mean.

Every word he says, every syllable is within our. Yes. Yes, he is. Oh my God. Everybody do shotguns. Okay, but your face transforms micro in microways into a different person. This will be acting yes. Can you do it quickly? Can you do it quickly? Go back to Jeff Bridges. Quickly? Can you do it quickly? Go back to Jeff Bridges. I think Jeff Bridges can move into,

what's his name? What's the other guy? Oh, Robert's in here. Yeah. You don't know, it is quite different. It's pretty different, you know, I don't know. Anyways, talk personally how you weren't sure what to expect.

I feel like I already did that. You expected smoke you didn't get any. What's that? You can't say anything. It's that. Can't say the word smoke. I don't really know what I was expecting to be quite honest with you. I just trusted you that it was what it was.

And it's... Did they describe it as an air flavor? Yeah, I got to reset this setting here. I like a tough pull. Yeah, it's a flavor air. Yeah, it's nice. So anyways, look, and this is what's important. Stopping something is we all put off because it's hard,

but switching the fume is easy, enjoyable, and even fun. Few misurved over six mil, oh, sorry, a hundred thousand customers and has thousands of success stories, and there's no reason that can't be you. That's a little confusing. That makes it sound like you could have a hundred thousand customers and thousands of success.

There's no reason it can't be you. Which let's make it clear, you can't do that success. There's no reason it can't be. Which let's make it clear, you can't do that. You also can't become one of those devices. Exactly. If you're a person, you can use this to stop bad habits that you might or switch to a new habit that's all natural and might help you.

Or at the very least, you got something to do this with. Certainly while waiting in the reception area to yourologist. People are really just out and waiting to find out. I think you're a Chinese urologist once, and it was a room full of elderly Chinese people holding their piss. You're like a tea ceremony, like a little piss tea ceremony. Really? They were just holding their little hot cups.

I could pee in a hot cup the other day for and stuff it full of pregnancy tests, because my friend was on Coke, pissed he's ceremony. Really? They were just holding the little hot cups. Yeah, just holding the... Yeah, just holding the... I could pee in a hot cup the other day for stuff at full of pregnancy tests, because my friend was on Coke and I said I was dizzy and she was like, you're pregnant, pee in this cup. Nurse, still a lot of Coke. Really? Yeah, they're party girls, little sluts.

I'm on Coke free. Anyways, join FUME in accelerating humanity's breakup from destructive habits by picking up the journey pack today, which you see here scattered across the floor. You get one of these and a handful of flavors. And yeah, I don't know. Oh, cleaning kit.

That comes in there also. But anyways, yeah, I like it. See how are you going to exhale on that regular? You see, you did just breathe out a bit. Try just doing it and now just going back to waking life without... No, I didn't breathe out anything. I mean...

But you did, you did by, you did on, by habit. Huh? I think the way to do it, pull it and then just like, start talking to me. Don't breathe out weird. Oh, you know what, that is the way to do it. That is the way to do it. Because when you exhale, you feel silly.

When you go like this. But that's part of, actually, yeah, that, okay. Yeah, I didn't, wow, that's exactly how to do it. Yeah, that feels a lot better. You know what, actually, it would be really good because I think a lot of, for this in particular, I think a lot of like, you know, the fidget lot of like you know the fidget spinner. Yeah half the appeal They think it's like people with like some kind of fixation

I think it's mostly just people that like being annoying. Yeah totally so if this had like like you could breathe in And then like really annoying whistle like Like just but you know,, that would be perfect. Maybe there's a way I could modify this to add like, you know, like a whistle or something. Blow in it. If you make that hole tight enough in a whistle. Listen a little dot-call. I had one of those. Those are cool.

Yeah, so anyways, join FUME and picking up the journey pack today, head to trifumem.com. That's tryfum.com and use code TAS to save 10% off when you get the journey pack today. That's tryfum.com and use code TAS to save an additional 10% off your order today. Trifumem.com slash T-A-F-S and use code T-A-F-S. And these are all things not to say, I think.

It does feel nice. Yeah. Bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, yep, okay, think I nailed it all. Okay, great. A little magnet pull. Ooh. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, I just, the more, I mean, I guess my entire adult life is just I've had this fantasy of just working in like some kind of a... No, like a nature preserve. Yeah. Where, you know, they bring field trips and then you're like, yeah, look, see these plants.

You know everything about the plants and you take them out of the woods and then you make them play capture the flag in the woods. Yeah, it can do that. So yeah, but then it's also about the flora and fauna. And then we have like, you know, like, there's wildlife, like injured wildlife that lesbians take care of. Yeah. I'm on speaking terms with the wildlife. And I'm gonna be like, oh, yeah.

And the lesbians. And well, yeah. But it's sort of like, it's sort of like, they each have names like, that's David and it's like, it records like, it's like a wicker man sort of situation between men though.

Have you seen the original wicker man? No. It is midsummer. Midsummer just ripped that entire movie off. Oh really? Yeah, crazy. But you could do that. You could have kids.

There's a thing called, you could nature camp that I went to growing up where it was like a ropes course, animals. You know, you can eat this, can't eat that. Really good, you could do that. A zipline. Zipline, we ziplined. I was ziplined.

I was ziplined, it goes through the bird's cages. Yeah. So you can take them. You can pet them real quick, but only for a second. Because it makes the bird's uncomfortable. Yeah, it makes the birds uncomfortable. I figured, I don't think that. Happy medium is just two seconds of a child

swinging through at 60 miles per hour and through the kid. That's fine. Yeah. But it prolonged, you know. It's not a zoo. Yeah, right, exactly. A petting zoo. I think you could make that happen.

I think you could also just have kids in a big backyard and make them go through. I don't actually want to do any of that shit. I don't even clean my apartment. Yeah, but that's different. Oh yeah, I don't know. There's a lot of things I could do. Sometimes I've got,

cause I've had like a decent amount of success. And I have a lot of things that were like, one point in my life, even six years ago, where like, oh man, if I could have that, like, you know, which is just like a nice TV in PlayStation 5, and like a squat rack in my apartment. Squat rack would be good, I think. I have that.

I have a squat rack in my apartment. That's what I want. And then during COVID I was using it. And now that's just, I think, destroying the building. I don't know what. Like you're pushing. That's just a weight of it. All right. Oh, because it has all the weights that you can add to it.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's probably about, I kind of overestimate how strong I would get during COVID. So there's about 4,200 pounds of weight. Oh my God. What?

Oh. No, I'm looking kidding. I don fucking kidding. I don't know. What would that be, a car? Yeah, I mean more than a car, yeah. I'm just like a car and a half. Yeah. If I thought I was, yeah.

Yeah. I thought I wanted to be more. So nice, as well. I think I was able to squat about 3,000 pounds raw. The depth. Well, I just didn't know if it was the end of the day. I think I'm gonna be able to squat about 3,000 pounds raw. The depth. Well, I just didn't know how to cut it. I'm just thinking of the whole thing. All the weights together. Yeah, yeah, I'll probably be able to.

I'm going to be able to lift a lot of weight by the end of this. We're going to be inside, man, I heard these pieces of shit kids walking today and they were talking about, they're like, I can't believe we ever trusted Johnson and Johnson to give us the vaccine. I don't even buy their products anymore and I was so mad. Well, zoomers aren't using band-aids. Who? Zoomers. Who's a zoomer? Like the generation after us. Z? Gen Z. Gen Z. Yeah, zoomers. Why don't they use band-aids? I don't know. It's like a zoomer thing. Oh, because they're white, band-aids are white, and they're... Maybe you'd have something to do with that.

I guess you would have wanted to ask his son. Next time you ask him why he hasn't done the show, why all these zoomers aren't using band-aids, but that's a whole zoomer thing. It's like a TikTok trend. It's like... They're just bleeding. Yeah, exactly.

They're like, the show off, they do TikTok videos, they're like, the first frame, got cut, second frame, band-aids, third frame, I don't think so. And then it's just them like in school with blood all over their fucking like paper words. What?

Yeah. Oh, they're homeworks. They're on blood because they don't use bands. It's like cool to not use band-aids, I guess. I mean, growing up it was cool to not use band, I remember that. Yeah. No, they had cool band-aids.

That like school. Oh yeah, when you're really little, but little but remember being older you had to be using a skull band they're like a Batman bandaid I think I was I said give me the give me the fucking paper cut of the office bandaid I went to fucking know the first aid kit from CVS the white bandaid regular remember the nice rubber band aids that were like a little puffy they weren't rubber but they were like they weren't there was like the fabric ones. Oh, the pattern is one. Yeah, the pattern ones were nice. I don't know, honestly, I'm taking back

and I don't remember band-aids ever working very well at all. I guess I just got a lot of paper cuts, so they're always doing the tip of my finger and they just fall off. I remember being in the pool, like making the decision, being like, I am a bad person, you know, and letting it go.

Yeah, right, just leaving it. And just like, this is the kind of person I am. Yeah. I remember being in a pool when I was a kid and somebody, it was like an outdoor neighborhood pool and a child had shit in the pool. Yeah. And it must have been one of the dog days of summer because there was like, I mean, this pool

couldn't have been more packed and there were so many people around the pool. While the lifeguard just had that like long pole. Shit, that's right. Yeah, that big, like that giant, and that one, and a eight-two hole, just like. With a net? With your hand, there's got to, you know, I'm a child,

so in my mind there's 7,000 people here. Yeah. Well, this guy's like, and you can imagine having to watch this guy fish your turn that's ruined the summer I think that would make my summer. I shit in the lake once and if I thought it would sink No, why would it float it? I saw it every I remember so jackass and they were jerking off those

CQ cumbers and I was like those are at the bottom so shit will go to the bottom and I shit I had to shit so bad. This one you were an adult Like 13 all right, all right. And my dad was banging this woman in a tent. And I really needed to shit, but I had to get him in order to shit. So then I shit in the, I don't know. So then I shit in the lake and it floated right up

by my head. It was shocked. I must have been like eight, not 13. Yeah. But Jackass was that one we were eight. Um, maybe not you, you're really, really. Yeah, I was 27 in Jackass, you know. Speaking of Jackasses, if you like online sports betting,

you should check out mybookie.ag or other sponsor, long time sponsors, this is a old friend of ours, mybookie.ag. Never done wrong by us here at the Adam Friedland Show, but we have done wrong by them, mybookie.ag. Never done wrong by us here at the Adam Friedland Shub. We have done wrong by them. We'd like to apologize. We started readway too short a couple weeks ago. Oh really?

Yeah, I didn't have the copy. I felt terrible about it. Were they upset with you? Some all about building relationships with people that I've spoken to over email three times. I don't do the ads I leave and I hear Ian downstairs being like, hey, are you a little man? Who needs help being a big man?

He loves it. He doesn't even tell me. He doesn't even say, do you want to do the ads with me? Yeah. I go upstairs and I hear him downstairs, clapping his little bare feet together with Joy. Right. He puts on big Mickey Mouse glove.

Yeah. Oh my God. It's steams.com. Oh my God. Wow. Oh. As a better youth, the man perfection in my booking delivers. dot com oh my god way out As a better youth-man perfection in my bookie delivers and a Phil college football and a brand new cashout system Give you options to bet and win all season long

First two legs of your parlay hit cash out early and use the funds on another bet or let it ride for the chance at a bigger payday Join the my bookie family for an entire season filled with odds, boost, free bets, and super contest. All right, now this is the important thing, because this is new. This season MyBookie has a NSA, no strings attached cash bonus, that lets you deposit and withdraw quick. Use promo code TASFS on a deposit of $50 and more,

and you can receive up to 200 and cash instantly to your my bookie account. Bet your deposit amount once and you're ready to cash out at any time. Again, that's promo code TAS to claim your cash deposit bonus. You can bet anything at any time anywhere, only with my bookie. So that means, put in 50 bucks, they give you 200 as long as you bet that initial 50 bucks, you can take the 200 out. I don't know what you're saying at all. Somebody was saying numbers. Just Stefano was using numbers to tell me how I had to tell my agents about getting deals and it was

crazy health quickly. I lost them and then I realized I was losing Chris to Stefano and I was like, I think I might be retarded. It's rough. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Ask me something about numbers. Well it's funny because comedians make no money for so long. No money. And then the business now is this thing where you go for making no money for 20 years and then suddenly you can make a million dollars in a year doing stand-up like off one internet success. And then what do people do? just buy like like light wash tight jeans Free torn jeans

Like working out in a way that just sort of makes you like just red. You're not even bigger. Yeah, just only working out the neck Yeah, not me you go to equinox no you could yeah a long time ago. So go to Equinox? No. You quit. Yeah, a long time ago. So what do you do now? And I didn't even want to go to Equinox. Adam tricked me into signing up for it.

I know I almost got tricked today. They call you. If you even sniff the Equinox page, they call you. Well, real quick. Sorry. You should bet your deposit money once you're ready to cash out any time. Again, that's promo code TAFS to claim your cash deposit bonus. You can bet anything anytime anywhere, only with my bookie.

That's only with my bookie. They got a cool stuff you can bet on there. I want to say, I would see if, are we going to get more information on Larry's in Claire soon? Who's Larry's in Claire? I'm sorry. It's funny. He was like the first kind of like Fox,

where like conservative media was like, let's just run any story, any accusation. It doesn't matter. And that's what's funny is because they kind of started it and then like me too happened, they're like, what happened to a court of law? And it's like a year ago you were put on the TV that Barack Obama got his dick sucked

by a limousine for a crack. Yeah. What do you mean what happened to a guy that we don't need to air things out in the court about that? Yeah. Like, okay. So we're supposed to believe 50 actresses that said that Harvey Weinstein raped them without the police being involved.

Yeah, but meanwhile there's a kid who's also Brad with a bat. Yeah, Hillary Clinton took a dump in an eight-year-old's pussy. And we have a schizophrenic man. I met a McDonald's on to elaborate the accusation. But yeah, Larry Sinclair was the first guy who's back in, I think it was 2008. He was like, yeah, I sucked the Barack Obama's dick in a limousine. Wait, he's found somebody who did.

No, Larson Claire claims that he blew Barack Obama in a limousine. Just a guy? Oh, this is the guy recently. Well, this all happened in 2008. And then he was recently on Tucker Carlson's show. And I don't know why i'll bomb up blown does not make a more of my favorite of obama blue him no no he said he's

sucked obama's day that's fine and uh... wall obama was on high on cocaine but the funniest part of the story to me always was that it was in a limousine because it's like so okay, where was Obama going to prom? Yeah. I was in a limousine. Yeah, and also nobody's, it can get hard on coke. It's just, we all know that.

Well, you can if you're the senator for Illinois, I guess. Yeah. Bluechea.com. Yeah. I mean, that's the way it tests. I mean, if Barack Obama really wants to prove his innocence in the Larry Sinclair case, he needs to probably be right. Exactly.

We'll do Coke. We'll give him Coke publicly and pull his pants down and tickle his balls with a feather. And if he develops an erection. Bring it on. Man-ish. Well, guess who's reopening the Benghazi fucking... You notice that those muscle builder ladies

all are in blackface? Well, the spray tanning, you mean, but it gets dark. Yeah, yeah. Now they get super dark for the contest. But that's okay. Oh, because it shows their definition. It's black. They look black. They do.

I thought they were all black. No, no, no, they look golden to me. I was happy when I found out some white girls could get that big. I was like, whoa. Yeah, they're're all on steroids. Yeah, I saw an old lady on the train on the tram at the airport and she was had like the hair pulled back and it was like she had like three strands left.

She was like 60 and just jacked. And everybody was staring at her to the point where I was like, leave it alone. The heat is in whatever she was. They was crazy. They were saying they like an old jack just fake boobs under just a thin, raw hide flesh.

Like you could just puncture it with your nail and some wizard marble would fall out. It just sounds identical. You're just describing a successful Canadian. It's the same. It's like, wow. I hear you're doing theaters. I actually got the look.

I did go to LA recently and it felt insane. It felt insane not having plastic surgery. I felt like I was, yeah. Which is just go, just go for like a just a general trip. I was doing the, we'd run that new joke show in LA every other month and then at the store and then I was doing then I was trying to get all these new bits, so I did the headline, the improv.

Oh, also real quick, I will be at the Wilbur Theater on Saturday. I think Friday's sold out, Saturday I will be there. Then I gotta find, it's got the advance today, I guess there's no opener book, so I gotta book that. Where is it? Boston. When is it? This. What is it?

This weekend. Is it what day? Friday and Saturday. Bok. One show each. You can do it if you want. It took off Saturday, but I have four shows on Friday. Where?

Here. Oh yeah. Boston. You should get that guy. Who's that little wormie guy? Dan. Dan, come on. Saint Germain. No. Boston, you should get that guy. Who's that little wormie guy? Dan? Dan, come on. St. Germain?

No. He's like really funny, really funny. He's got like glasses. He's kind of, you would love him. Yeah. Dan Bulger? I don't know what you're gonna say. I mean, I don't hang out.

Like, I gotta get back. This is the last weekend. I'll do these shows and then I'm off the road indefinitely until I can write new hour. I just got to say with Stephen and edit this fucking special. Stephen's finally seeing the footage. You want to do new jokes at the seller? You should do that. It's the most fun. Is that the the same show I'm doing tomorrow? No, that's our show at the stand, but the seller has a new joke show on Mondays. Yeah. It's really nice. Yeah, I got to start ramping that back up. There's there's other stuff. Just do drift show on Mondays. It's really nice. Yeah, I gotta start ramping that back up.

There's other stuff. Just do your come on, everybody. Yeah, I get, I mean, stand up, it's not really not a priority right now. It's like, we have four interviews recorded, now five as of yesterday for the show, and then there's all this other stuff we have to shoot that's like, has been tricky with strike considerations

as far as I can, some people goes. like, it has been tricky with strike considerations as far as I can, some people goes. And then, yeah, just like, you know, being on the road basically nonstop until last month. And then- I should take time off. I didn't even think about doing that. I have half hour coming out. Well, the 19th.

Problem was, is like they had me, but going to return markets. Like I've been in Orange County twice in the 19th. The problem was, is they had me go into return markets. I've been in Orange County twice in the last year. Is it good? Yeah, the first time, but I mean, it's like, people aren't gonna come out to watch me do the same material. So it's like, I don't wanna just like. Oh, you wanna wait, and then yeah.

Yeah, you wait, because if people come out and see you twice, and they see you do like, relatively the same act, then if you come out a third time, they're gonna be like, always just gonna do that, shitting you come out a third time, they're going to be like, always just going to do that shitting. Yeah. So it's like, I just need to get off. But yeah, they haven't been going back to Portland.

I mean, really, I didn't want to do a special for a long time because it's like, this is just an hour I'm doing on stage. There's nothing unique about it. But it's like, solely is a motivating factor to write a new hour. It's like, that's like good enough of a reason to do it. It is fun to get rid of all that shit. I mean, I thought when I was recording it,

I was like, I'm not ever gonna wanna let go of this stuff. It's my favorite. And now I'm like, I never wanted to let go of this stuff. Oh, no, I hated old material. I hated doing it at the weekend. I did this. I was already tired of it. I should have done it a year ago.

I mean, it's only gotten worse. Yeah. It hasn't gotten better. It wasn't new stuff, topical stuff? Mix and match of like, it was basically just what I put together when I started touring again because the podcast was end day. Yeah.

And then I tried to trim out as much of the topical stuff as possible and like make it as ever green as I possibly could. Because when I started touring in March of last year, it was like the Oscars. Oh, yes. Slap thing and like January 6th stuff. And like you can't put that in a special. People are putting COVID shit in their specials.

It's crazy. Yeah, I mean, I did, I had to mention that a little bit. What'd you say? Well, I don't know, I really want to go. Like vaccine stuff or like COVID? Yeah, sort of. Yeah. I guess just the angle being like there was no,

there's no kind of like a space culturally to just be somebody that was too lazy to get the vaccine. It was such a divisive thing that you either were like, oh fuck no! You know, you can't just be like, I still want to go to Walreens. Yeah, that's a good political take. There were people who were doing it. I mean, I just saw a special that came out recently and it was like all about the, they were like talking about what it was like to be at home and stuff. And I was like, I never, I never want to hear about this again. Yeah, people don't want to hear about it. Yeah. That's half the reason that it's special is not to talk about this again. Yeah, people don't want to hear about it. Yeah. That's half the reason that the specials

is on and not to talk about it anymore. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah. Anyways, we'll see. It'll come out, Stephen's editing it. I'll get my eyes on it over the next month. And either it'll, I mean, who knows? I don't really give a fuck.

I'm trying to do a scary hour next where I talk about when you're growing up and you're afraid you're gonna be a kidfucker and stuff like that. I'm trying to do an scary hour next where I talk about when you're growing up and you're afraid you're going to be a kid-fucker and stuff like that. I'm trying to do an hour that's not like shocker, but right now I'm like, I had sex with a Muslim. You know what I mean? And I'm doing a Muslim impression. Yeah, yeah.

And then I'm trying to do an hour next. It's like shocking because it's the mental tears. You know what I mean? But this one was very like, I think I did a lot of stuff about Down syndrome trends, let it all the trans stuff on the table. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing, it's like comedy, you talk about culture or bullshit,

which used to be fine because it wasn't everywhere. Yeah. It's like there was the news and then there was comedy and then everything else, like any other art form, those ideas could be expressed, but through some degree of sublimation or interpretation, and now just every piece of media is like, it's fucking bad to have bad opinions.

You know, it's like, all right, and then I don't wanna hear it. Like I don't wanna, like I just, not that I did, it's again, it's not even I disagree with anything. Well, I went to Austin and every comic was doing this thing where they get up on stage and't wanna, like, I just, not that I did, it's again, it's like, not even I disagree with anything. Well, I went to Austin and every comic was doing this thing where they get up on stage and they'd be like, I wish that I could, I was a woman so I could beat the shit out of gay people.

It was like so, edge-lord-y, the whole of Austin was like, I was like, I'll say the N word right now. It was bad, like, and then people would like die laughing, or they would be like, Jeff Bridges. It wasn't Jeff Bridges. I was just a woman, beat up gay people. I swear to God, that was a direct quote. That's a direct quote.

I wish I was a woman so I could beat the shit out of gay people. That was, and people were like, ah! It's really, I think under the impression that that's not a crime. It's just, it's like, do they think that the police will be like, can't help you pal, it's a woman.

Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, like, 1800. Well, you said a woman hit you, did you? Yeah, yeah. A woman shot you in the face for being a fag. Yeah. I can't help you there, buddy. There's nothing in the legal books here.

I'm afraid, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of chimpanzees allowed to commit a hate crime. As long as he's got that gorilla costume on, there's nothing we can do to prosecute. Now, we've got three quarters of brain which makes it legally an amoeba. She allowed to kill you. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what the whole thing, it's like Tony Hinchcliffe Rogan style humor. And it's like, like the whole comedy mothership is like, it's like a laser tag place that's being run by toddlers. It's crazy. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I would like to just do like just the bullshit

fucking like the type of comedy you start doing when you start doing comedy, which is just like really banal observational stuff. Yeah, really fun, but people don't. I tried to do a joke yesterday about how I was like, when you go to the doctor, you get surgery and the anesthesiologist comes in, and he's like, hi, and he's not dressed in scrubs at all.

He's just like a guy named Derek, and he's just a billionaire, and he's like, I'm gonna give you a tiny thing, and then leave and take all your money. But then you go to the dentist, and they're like, we're gonna put you under in the dent, and you're like, bringing the guy. He's Derek.

Yeah, right, and he's like, it's just me. You know what I mean? I'm also the lawyer. I'm a character from five seconds ago. I'm both a shitty prosecutor and a dentist. Yeah. Yeah. And people just like, as soon as you stay, say if I what I said last night that worked as

I said I went on a date with an anesthesiologist and then people would listen, but if I just was like, what's with these hands? It's Steve, yeah, you know, people were just like observation. No, yeah. You know what? I always like that. I'm going to forget his name. Yeah.

Remember the Ryan, like, oh, Flan, oh, Flanity, Ryan, I, oh, like, I'm gonna forget his name. Yeah. Remember Ryan O'Flanerty? Ryan is LA Comic. He was part of that dead Kevin sketch group. Ryan, fuck, God damn it. I don't know anybody's name. Yeah, I forget people's. Do you know what's crazy? You know how fucking bad my brain's gotten?

I couldn't remember Michael Cain's name for like 30 minutes, but I could remember his birth name, which is Maurice Mickelwhite. And I had to Google, that's crazy. I had to Google what is Maurice Mickelwhite's name? But sometimes that happens to me with like words. Like I'm like, I'm like, is meat?

Do you say I'm going to meet this? I meet or I met. You know what I mean? Like sometimes it's that simple where it's like, is meat? Do you say I'm going to meet this? I meet or I met. You know what I mean? Like sometimes it's that simple where it's like- Yeah, roll retardation. Ryan O'Flanagan is an LA comic. But I mean, I would just see him at Mike's in LA, but he's like a very funny joke writer

and then it's all just like clever. Observations about things around you? Yeah, observations and stuff. I'm not gonna do as best. What about the community that sounds like this? You've seen him leather jacket, had cancer. He's like, you're ever, his cadence is like, have you been? Oh, you're the ever-cancer.

It is like that. Have you been? You've had cancer once and hopefully not again. That's his cadence. That is what he sounds like. You know that guy Eric? Something? Oh, Eric, what's his name?

Eric Cancer. Eric Cancer. My name is Eric Cancer. There it is. That's what he sounds like. Eric Cancer Berg. Yes. Now I used to know him because he would put,

when I first moved to New York, I was friends with him and I would do a show at Cobra, Global with time. Yeah. But then he got cancer and I saw him at a bar and he looked like he was gonna die. Everybody got ready for him today. Yeah, we did that. And then he just got like hot.

Big charity show and then yeah, he went to the gym four times. I think beat cancer somehow. Yeah, I remember that. He was like, I saw him and he looked like fucking Uncle Pastor. He was like, he's like, he's probably the king of, he looked like fucking Uncle faster He's like trying to keep him off He's like him really late and he's like just drinking in the basement of the creek in the cave

Which I'm like there's no way this place is making your cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah But it did it cured it. No, this is a big trend Diarrhea and radon. I don't know what you like to get out of here Have you done the one in the and he went to blink and fucking did like, did incline sit-ups on Instagram one time. He went to Hot Topic and blink back and forth. Yeah, he's like, turns out I didn't have cancer at all. It's just, it turns out I didn't have cancer at all.

It was just open mics. So we're going into me. Yeah, well he's like a one-liner comic. Yeah, yeah. But he has good observation. I guess it's like, it's like a one-liner comic. Yeah. But he has good observation. I guess it's like, I'm sorry to describe what Flanagan did, but like every single joke, I would watch him and be like, I wish I could do a comic like that.

Really? Yeah. Trying to think of somebody like that. There are people who you're like, you see the world in a way that has zero filter of yourself. You know what I mean? They'll see something and be like, that doesn't make any sense here.

Right, and it's things that make perfect sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like people that have like, like true comedian brain. I guess Kurt's like that. Kurt is like that. Yeah, one of my favorite Kurt's stories is, and then people are gonna fact check me on this.

I'm not sure, but, I don't know, it was on race wars one time, and there was a conversation. I don't know how it got there, but it was about like lobsters. And whether or not lobsters feel pain, and there's like a famous David Foster Wallace essay about going to Maine for the lobster fest. And this like, you know, it belabers this metaphysical question about what pain is and whether the lobsters feel it because, you know, they say, oh, they scream, but it's actually just air being released from the thing.

And it's like, is it just like, we understand what pain is and we know that if we were the lobster, this would cause pain. So it's not good to inflict anything that we would perceive as pain because it damages us. And then I'm not sure it's ever addressed in the essay by this fucking snooty, you know, like, intellect to grow. But current one time was just like, he's like, of course, I just feel pain. All I do is pinch for a living. You're not going to tell me something that pinch is for a living,

doesn't know what pain is. You're right. For a living. Yeah, right. That's how they make their things. Yeah, it's so it's job is to pinch things. Yeah. They're thinking, I mean,

because it's like that's not, the pinchers that crack open, hermit crab shells or something that Kurt would see a lobster and think that the lobster is like, well, I'm just here to pick up. I just wanted to make people have microscopic amounts of pain. Yeah, just pinch people on the beach. I just want to lightly kick people.

Right, they're going to babies sand bucket. That's what's in his mind. This is a cartoon lobster pinching, thanks. But yeah, the fact that there was that like essay and then it doesn't really address that. But I guess I just sort of like, you know, what I always like to my current and ways mind works is.

His half hour, he recorded the same thing that I did. I'm sure it's like amazing. It's so good. His whole thing about Ukraine and more of curing, solving COVID. Yeah. He's like, there's one part where he yells. He's like, you see somebody wearing a mask

and you're like, we're not doing that anymore. And it just lets loose. It's so good. He's really good. But when we were in the green room, he would be right here telling me like an insane conspiracy about Ukraine, about the government, about all these things. And somebody would come in and be like, hey, just making sure you guys need makeup. And he would like just ice them out, never stop looking at me. And then when I was down, he'd be like, anyway, when I was down, he'd be like, anyway, when I was like, he'd be climbing up into my ear drum being like,

and he'd just feel like the Ukrainian more is only a weight of it. And he could not. There was no turning it off at any point. They'd be like, hey, you're going on in three minutes and he'd be like, and potent. It was good. Yeah, he gets fired up.

I mean, I haven't seen him, you know, me and him used to be pretty good friends, but after he moved that way, I just never got to. It's crazy that he lives in LA. I talked him like once a year, yeah. Well, that seems to me, the move is like, people move to LA when their career in New York is done one way or the other.

Either you've maxed out when you can do in New York or the bottom fell out. Yeah. And he had that, you know, I mean, Amy through a motor of the fucking bus on Charlie Rose. What happened? Well, you know, it was like, was that 2014, 2015 was when all of this culture war stuff started infecting comedy, I guess.

And Kurt would just get into arguments on Facebook. And then he started picking fights with, there's actually Sadie Doyle originally Sadie Doyle Went to a Sam Moral show and Sam Moral was like, you know, who's Sadie Doyle? But she brought for like Tiger Beats or something. I don't know. She's like online Online like, you know like a feminist writer, I guess, with like distinctly liberal politics. And she, yeah, I guess went to a Sam Moral show and wrote something about Sam Moral

and like took his jokes out of context to like paint them in the worst light possible. And it's like relaying stuff as if they weren't jokes. Yeah. like relaying stuff as if they weren't jokes. And like comics hadn't really dealt with that yet. Like this is like for one of the first instances of people going after comedians on the internet for things that they say and do. So certainly for somebody like Kurt,

who's like spent so much time in the world of comedy or whatever, it's like around that same time is the first time they had Lindy West on that W. Kamal Bell show and they had heard debate like Jim Norton. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, and then- This is when they started making comedians into journalists type people.

They started making them into- Well, not really. It's like they got into this weird like thing where it was like, it was like it was such as a bizarre showing because Jim's like just sort of presenting the point that seems to make sense in a comedians mind and then Lindy's just sitting with the same array of you know like complaints that anyways point is Sadie Doyle wrote this thing about Sam Moral and then

Kurt started telling Pee he's like posting online that he is Sadie Doyle that he made up the character Sadie Doyle or whatever, and she's not real. Yeah. And then I guess that had some kind of backlash and then Sadie was very angry about that. So she was on the war path against her. That's crazy to be angry about it. I have no idea.

I mean, you know. Did he make a fake account with a face? I don't know how far he went. I mean, this is also, this is almost 10 years ago now so it's like kind of like pressing my memory. But that's where it started with him and them, and then he would get into it with Lindy online. And at one point, I think the final straw for him, because he was like, you know, the

same thing as Ari, it's like just don't apologize. And then he's like, well, I don't really do anything, you know, it's like, I'm allowed to argue with people. And it never really like blew up into anything. It was just like this argument on Facebook. And then, yeah, the real thing was, when Aaron Glazer, the Aaron Glazer accusations, was it UCB?

Yeah. That whole thing, because the way that started with the air and glazer thing was like, that was a Facebook post, it was like, hey everyone, I heard that UCB, somebody at UCB told me that air and glazer is a rapist. Yeah. And even I was like, what do you mean somebody, like blew up this whole thing,

it's like there's not even an accusation here. This is a rumor about somebody. I mean, this is, there needs to be more information. Wasn't the person like, hey, the victim doesn't wanna say anything, so I'll say it, he's a rapist. It was in another level further than that. Oh, really, it was like my body's body's, but it's said. The victim said something to somebody at UCB,

and then there was a screenshot of a message from a person at UCB who was also anonymous. And then that was like relayed to, I mean, there was all these levels to it. Yeah. Where it wasn't just like, there's no, like, it's not clear what you're even canceling or just like the association with this idea

that some kind of like sex crime was committed. My friend went into an Apple store where he was working. Yeah. And was like, I walked in and he was working there. So I immediately walked out and I'll never go to Apple again. And I'm like, I think it's punishment. And I mean, he's working at an Apple store. He's not doing comedy.

Dad, do you think that was a diversity hire for them? Because Apple's like, look, we kind of really tapped out with like, I wanted to do an Apple star one time. And because they were like the first company that were like, we want our fucking store to look like an advertisement for, you know, like a regional bank. Yeah, yeah. Like it's just fucking, every got, we got Chinese guy,

we got wheelchair, we got the UN, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I went into one one time and there was like a white lady there, just a regular white lady. And I was like, oh, that's interesting. I'm like, did I just fucking do the AT&T? I'm out. And then I look over and she's like, oh my God. This is a lovely.

That's too good. But yeah, I mean, you think that they were like, look, we got everything. I like how about- I thought they figured out that if they hire a lot of Indian and Chinese people, they're just going to do a better job. I think that's how about there's one black guy in there and he's like, stock man.

We get we get not only a white guy, but one that's been multiple ag rape accusations. This is a diverse. Oh, yeah, maybe. Yeah, but anyway, so that happened and then Kirk would like, really get into it like you'd be mad that, you know, get into it with people on Facebook. He's like, you can't just fucking cancel somebody

making that same argument. It's like, maybe a step further saying, oh, there's a guy, there's a guy, like either tell the police or shut up, which, you know, I don't really agree with, but, yeah. You know, like just four levels of hearsay is where the thing started. And then that was it. You know, just like four levels of hearsay is like,

is where the thing started. And then that was it, that did it. That blew up, an article got written about them that finally got some traction, and then Amy Schumer had to go on Charlie Rose that week for whatever reason there was people calling. Because the headlines were Amy Schumer's writer for inside Amy Schumer, defense rapist,

it's like stuff like that. And so Amy goes on Charlie Rose and Charlie Rose is like, what's deal with you and Dawson rape culture on your show? And she's like, well, she's like, curts my friend and I love them, but he needs to shut up. Like she's big, yeah, basically this fucking,

she's like, I also wanna make it clear that Kurt is not a writer on the show. Oh really? Yeah, it's like, yeah, basically just fucking, she's like, I also wanna make it clear that Kurt is not a writer on the show. Oh really? Yeah, it's like, you know, after two, he defended her, cause, you know, the compound media guys, like the sort of, they would always go after her for stealing jokes.

In Kurt would like very aggressively defend, you know, Amy for not being a joke thief. So that was gonna fuck that up. Is she a joke thief? I don't think so. I don't think people actually- I don't think anybody is a joke thief. Yeah, it's not. I've seen so many people be like,

that's my joke and I'm like, I just said, what, who came up to me? Oh yeah, I have a joke where I'm like, especially with the internet now, the internet proved that it's like, that's, nothing has ever been anything more than like our own thing. Are they raw feedboss dose? Every joke he puts on the internet? Internet proved that it's like that's nothing has ever been anything more than like our own. Or the Raffi Bostos.

Every joke he puts on the internet, this is crazy. Like a million Info-Jacks. And here's how it checks out. I'm from comedy that used to like, if you're like make up a fake comedian. Yeah. Or all the Raffi Bostos. He's new, he's not new-ish, but he's a Brazil famous guy

who moved here. And this guy, it's actually hilarious. I made him show me the other day. He'll post a clip of him being like, how come when you say he, you know, he, she, or I dance you dance, but he dances. Is he dancing more than me? Like, and he puts these like adorable little like, I don't understand English clips up and then just like every immigrant influencer rips it off like verbatim and gets like a billion views. That's awesome. It's really funny. I'd like to see more Indian people, TikTok, stealing N-word heavy material from black comedians posting it on TikTok. I saw somebody who's in blackface in another country, they did a whole, and he was just pretending to be Kendrick and saying the N word over and over.

Pretty good. That's really good stuff. It's really hard for me to align with the black thing. So how can I like stand up comedy ever again when I can go online and I can find people in Singapore doing a secret, does it find me? Contributing music karaoke. Yeah.

I mean, that's nothing, nothing has made me laugh harder in the last six months, in the last six months, more than the fucking the Asian guy doing. Have you seen this? What did he do? Remember that toddler that would just smoke ripsigs? I go back to that guy every time I eat.

I'm a turner, karaoke, Asian guy. You see, the problem is there's so many of them. Maybe lock them, bars, and turn them. Nice. It's such a good video. Anyways, I'm not going to be able to find it. Because it's on TikTok. I don't have TikTok.

Well folks, that'll do it. You want to unplug anything? Just subscribe to my YouTube because my half hour is coming out on the 19th. Awesome. Yeah, guys, Saturday, I'll be in Boston. Otherwise, hopefully, Ginsburg, do we have an episode for Monday?

Maybe. Maybe. Do we have an episode for Monday? Maybe. Okay, maybe I'll see you Monday and otherwise see you next week folks. Thanks. Good night. Whoa! Oh, you haven't seen that before. I haven't seen it. Let's go down. Yeah.

Maybe lock them doors and turn them high. Starrer. Listen. Stop bothering me. I'm trying to work. Bob, it's me, your inner voice. We need to talk about all those collection calls you're getting. But I don't know how to make them go away. I sure you do. You can contact Farber debt solutions.

Who? Farber debt solutions. They? Farber debt solutions. They'll immediately put a stop to those collection calls, late fees, and interest payments. They can do that? Bob. They've helped over 100,000 Canadians just like you get out of debt. Just visit FarberDeadSolutions.com and book a free consultation. Oh, where's my phone?

I'm going to miss you, Bob. With Sirius XM, it's never been easier to tune into the entertainment you love anywhere you go. Subscribe today and get the first four months free on the SXM app. Here unbelievable moments plus newsmaking interviews, smart and silly comedy, and unscripted points of view, all with the A-List host celebrities, experts, and legendary personalities you want to hear. Visit SiriusXM.ca for offer details. SiriusXM, everything you want to hear lives here.