The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 37

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 37 Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Subscribe to  @TheAdamFriedlandShow  for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs -- LIVE SHOWS: NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows Feb 16 — Feb 17: Columbus, OH @ Funny Bone Feb 22 — Feb 24: Nashville, TN @ Zanies ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour Jan 19 - Jan 20: Tampa, FL @ Side Splitters #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland

Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedler Show podcast. Masterpiece Theater. Masterpiece Theater. Guys, what does that mean in British masterpiece? Like big dick theater, like huge dick. Yeah. Well, it's the Lord's piece. Yeah.

It's like the King's piece. Ah, the Master's piece. The Master's piece. Yes. like the King's peace. Ah, the Master's peace. The Master's peace. Yes. I have to get breakfast ready. I'll be servicing the Master's peace in the bedroom. Get his bowl of cream and what are they? Bali.

His Bali and his bowly and creed. He's eating peat and mill and I will be servicing his piece in the bedroom The master before I address the master Before I put on his my my latest film. I'm sure you remember his we did master in commander and My next film is it's called the master's piece and it's about a Man on a boat who gets his penis sucked. Is it like in the same universe as Mastering Commander or is it just...

I'm trying to figure out a Russell Crowe. I thought that sounded pretty good. It's a little bit more Australian, I guess in an interview, but the tone is good. The tone is like... He barely sounds Australian. I guess I don't really know what he sounds like in interviews. I just know that he likes to rock. He has a band called The Sharks or something.

They're called The Shots. The Shots. Yeah. Yeah. Nostradia. Shotsing is a sign of respect. Yeah. When you meet a new person you create you

Yeah, it's actually insulting if someone doesn't yeah, it's nice because there's a smell aspect and an audio aspect to it So that's that's how you know it's how you know, it's go time. Guys, it's late night. Slate night. I'm gonna go to Tampa, Florida in the morning. Maybe Tampa, Florida all this weekend, this episode is weekend up tonight. The 19th and the 20th. 19th and 20th.

Tampa, Florida, please come and see me. I'm gonna go with Caleb Pitts on Friday, maybe Saturday, scumbag, Vinnie will be doing a guess at the club was not too enthused about my announcement that scumbag Vinny will be on the show. I got a fun, I got a fun and opener because you and Caleb go out and do stuff and have fun.

Yeah, yeah, we have a good dynamic. My problem is like of a hang. I'm not like, yeah, I'm not fun. Like I would bring Racine with me and Racine get along, but like we're just both retarded people. Right. So like Racine would be like,

you know, like I literally, we would just go to Dick's Sporting Goods or Cabellas. Yeah. Well Caleb, I think a lot of going on the road is going to a mall. I do that. Yeah. I go to malls a lot. Yeah, Caleb and I will go to a mall and I should be like, should I buy Tim's? Yeah, should I go to L I do that. Yeah. I go to malls a lot. Yeah.

Caleb and I will go to a mall and I should, and I'll be like, should I buy tims? Yeah. Should I go to lids? Yeah. I fucking buy tims. And they'll be like, you've got two, girl. Yeah. Girl, you have to.

You know? Yeah. Yeah. You've got to go with a friend. Otherwise, you want to kill yourself. Right. That's the deal. But the thing is, I'm just not, like, I guess my friends outside of, like, the guys I'm friends

with, we don't do anything Yeah You know what you I mean you're not like an activity not really fun like outside my real life. I'm like Oh, there's a train museum We should find another guy like that. That's what my crecine is yeah, but I Imagine if you meet another like personally you in the wild maybe I hate in the wild maybe we can go to like the bakery at Wakemans That's that those are his suggestion. Yeah, yeah, we'll do stuff like that and then yeah, I'd be like yeah, these are pretty good You have a pretty good. Yeah, yeah, these are pretty good. They're like not like real pray leans, but they're good

Caleb and I will will typically go around the city, they will be like, oh, what if, then we'll look on Zillow and we'd be like, what if we left our girlfriend, his wife now, and then became a gay couple and then moved to Raleigh, North Carolina or something. We'll talk a little bit about it, about like, you know, our day to day

as the gay couple, like an acute little house in Raleigh. You guys are all fun in Tampa. Tampa's, that club's out in the middle of nowhere, but it's outside the city, right? E-Bore City, they got wild chickens all over the place. In the club? No, just on the street. There's just fucking roosters all over the place.

Is that real? Yeah. Like the way we have pigeons, they have like fucking chickens. Like, may he co-style? Yeah. That's pretty cool. It's all, it's Cubans down there. So I guess they brought the...

I thought Cubans were Miami. I thought Tampa were good old boys. No, they also went to Tampa. Really? There's a lot of Cubans there. And big cigar industry. Oh my God. That's what he bore, I guess was initially. And I enjoyed a cigar. No, I like pipe tobacco. I will be in Columbus, Ohio at the funny bone on February, the middle got a mall dot dog and then you click on shows.

February, the middle, go to mall.dog, and then you click on shows. Mall.dog, that's my website. Go to shows, and that's my schedule. But Columbus, that's the next one. That's less than a month away. Did funny moms manage to stay on stage for 15 minutes? You got a great set. It was okay. I got to figure out, I'm just gonna,

I'm gonna really open up the possibilities wide. It's like, let's not think about jokes, let's think about how to have a good time for 45 minutes. Yeah, kind of maybe like a multimedia aspect to it. I'm considering that. Yeah. Nick has been pitching me ideas for his new stage act and it sounds like folks, I'm not exaggerating.

An extravagance. I will say. I kind of want to do an extravagant. You should do an extravagant. I will say. I kind of want to do an extravagant. You should do an extravagant. I really hate stand-up comedy, but the idea of being an extravagant. Oh my God. Yeah.

Yeah, we limit ourselves. If I made up, all I have to do is be on stage for an hour. If I made up a different, maybe I could just create a new medium, like a new thing. An extravagant answer. Yeah. And what would itant, isn't it? Yeah. And what would it like in a tale?

Well, I would imagine what I was thinking, and I don't want to ruin it, but I get the dimensions of the showroom beforehand. And I have a giant tube. And then I, so there's 300 people in the audience, and I start back left corner audience, and I whisper the first joke into the year of the woman in the first seat. Hopefully.

And then I go to the next person and it takes me a full hour and by the end I've whispered one joke. The same joke in each person. And then I say thank you. Yeah. That's pretty good. You got a personal experience. Yeah.

It's kind of like how you know, how like, whores on the internet sell like chatting. Yeah. You like beating off on cam, you mean? Maybe I'll just do stand up, but with one of those, like, those, those kind of dildos that vibrate if you send coins inserted into me.

And then at the table, everybody's table will be, you'll have the option of vibrating it. Yeah, right. A dildo in my, that can be fun. And then the my Urethra. So you make more money on top of whatever you make from the, from the ticket sales. Right. Right.

Maybe I'll try that. Yeah. That'll be a fun thing. You can make hundreds. I think it's not a bad idea. Right. Maybe I'll try that. That'd be a fun thing. You can make hundreds. I think it's not a bad idea. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, that's when I think or a Gallagher thing, but sharding instead of smashing fruit. Yeah. I think the splashing part is what's popular about Gallagher. It's not about the watermelon. It could be poo. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I don't, I thought for extravaganz it sounds a little bit more like, I don't know, like you tell a story and you're like,

there's a piano playing, you know, the introduction to a song. And you're like, yeah, last time I performed this was at the Starlight Lounge in Reno, Nevada. And, you know, I met a woman there. And she stole all my money and then you sing, you know, your song. It's kind of like that kind of thing.

Like Tony Bennett. Yeah, kind of a Tony Bennett, yeah. Yeah, and you can make your songs, I don't know, you don't even have to sing your own songs. You can do an evening of covers, you know. I don't know, I think that's kind of a good idea. I don't know. I'm just bifull. I don't know. There think that's kind of a good idea. I don't know.

I'm just people. I don't know. There could be like another aspect to it where it's, people just get to come up and kick you in the balls. No, I never do something like that. I'm never a humiliating myself in such a regard. No, but that's like a... Sharding, the dildo in my ass, I think I could do

the vibrating and sharding. That's not about it today. Yeah, that's not about it. Uh-huh. Did you have fun day to day? I put, you know what I do is I could put, I could do is the show as I could put a dildo in my ass. And I try to shit it out without a turd also coming out.

Uh-huh. And if the turd comes out, I lose in the audience wins. And what do you get their money back or something Double their money double. Yeah That's a pretty good idea yeah, yeah the club doesn't know this is happening, but yeah, that's the plan There has to be a way to exploit them from even more money, you know, beyond their ticket prices. I don't know. Maybe like, you could have them like, you know, like when people do live streaming, you have to say something, if they like tip more, then you have to like do a shout out or something.

So you can just, they can like a I guess do you guys know how that works? What? Is that how that works? livestream? When you did his son's stream recently, he makes money for if he does ad breaks and if you pay the $5, you don't have to watch the ad break. Okay, yeah, what do you mean you pay $5 and you can turn your computer off for five minutes? No, he turns on the outbreak, keeps talking. And if you want to see him keep talking, I guess it's always saying

secret things during the commercial break. Yeah, to his secret friends. And there are 75,000 people watching. And the chat is like the code in the matrix. It's insane. And he's he's a I couldn't really get over what it was that he was doing and that he does every single day of his life. Yeah. And I feel like I didn't want to make him feel bad, but I was like this doesn't seem like a healthy way. Again, he's very wealthy, but I was like,

yeah, he was telling me, I was like, what happens if you have diarrhea or something? And they get mad at him. Yeah, they time him, go to the bathroom and stuff. They have spreadsheets of how long it takes them to piss. Yeah. It's kind of the Stanford prison experiment, but you get millions of dollars for it.

That's what the, by show is, the Stanford prison experiment. That you get millions of dollars for it? That's what the, by show is, the Stanford prison experiment. That's not a bad idea. Yeah, yeah. We can do that. I think the audience is that there's, there's a button on your table, and if you do it, if you press it,

a toy will, a sex to vibrate my ass, and I'll start punching this woman violently. She'll be chained up to a pole in front of me. And when the door starts going, I just start punching violently. Is she just a random audience member? Your assistant club, I imagine, will provide her. Yeah, yeah. One of the way it's set up.

Yeah. And so it's not even on me. Yeah. You know, it's them. Yeah. The club, it's on even on me. Yeah, it's them. Yeah. The club, it's on the audience, right? You were but a vessel.

A vessel. Yeah. A vessel of fist. That was a stand for prison experiment, wasn't it? I think it was just they put kids in a class, psychology class, like, it's funny because it's been referenced so much because you learn what it is.

I forgot what it is. I don't remember what it is. It's just because it's been referenced so much because you learn what it is. I forgot what it is. I don't remember what it is. Yeah. It's just a thing people say. I think they just like say incarcerated a bunch of kids in a class. They're not entoursturing people, right? They start going nuts. Yeah. And then there's a similar example that happened at Harvard. There was a kid who had a nervous breakdown and it was Ted because it's, because it's ski. Oh yeah. All right. Yeah. Were you saying earlier about me, about the way I looked?

I don't remember. This is good or bad? It was really nice. Oh boy, well, it's been a big week in terms of news. Yeah. Huge. I feel like something happened. Somebody went on a knife rampage and let's just go to the... Let's see what New York Posts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Yeah, let's check the, New York Post. That's the teacher beaten unconscious by 270 pounds student over Nintendo Switch. She tells the post that he spat in her face and called her a whore. She looks like a bitch. Yeah, we got good stuff in the New York Post today. I still feel it, she says 270 pound and look, just the alpha blurred. Oh my God. The alpha blurred. He went super saying on that. Yeah.

I grabbed my backpack and my sweatshirt and I got up to leave the class. The energy changed in there. I just wanted to remove myself from Joan continue without supporting us. Wiping the spit from her face. Florida teacher Joan Nadek

Since it was time to Escape her classroom Yes, she was beaten unconscious by student over Nintendo switch He was trying to take her Nintendo switch This 17-year-old Brandon Deepa, standing six foot seven and 270 pounds, pummeled Neidick with more than a dozen kicks and punches. I was beating the fuck out of it. That was the, that was, that would be awesome. King Master Seven.

Can you imagine being in that class? Is it a teenager too? I'd be like, yeah. No. No. I'm like, dude, the blurred lost it. She tried to touch his switch and the blurred lost it. He was trying to play Zelda.

Mm-hmm. Oh my God. Yeah, sounds like she got a breath of the wild. It sounds like the tears of the kingdom ran down on. It sounds like he, uh, he slapped her with the, the, I don't know. She got the Okavina of time. I don't fucking know. Sounds like her face is going to have to be in a Majora's mask until the bone or her ocular bones heal. She's, that's crazy. How does a kid get 270 pounds and 6'7?

I feel like I wouldn't want to go to school with some of that. Yeah, I mean, you should legally not be considered a child. I should get to go to a little kid. I think once your past 6'2, they should just give you the diploma. Yeah, you're done. I mean, because it's like, first of all, in terms of society, being six two does more for you than a high school diploma.

100%. Like, you can have a guy with no fucking high school diploma that's six two versus a guy with just a high school diploma that's five seven going into a job. They're gonna give the six two guy job. 100%. So once you reach that height, you should be done with school. That's so funny.

He popped off on that lady. Yeah. Here we go. Now we get seven paragraphs down, we get to the crucial information. This here. Natek first encountered Deepa in an autistic teen in January of 2022 in a special needs classroom. She provided assistance to the primary teacher ensuring Deepa and his classmates made it to their various destinations throughout the day. He was special needs.

He was special needs. He was autistic. When agitated, he would pelter and other staffers with epithets, usually some variant of the term bitch. Like, what a variant. Biach, the classics. Biotch, just a fucking billion. Biotch. Gains bleep dead.

I don't wanna use the R sort of describing. Well, I hope they let him have this switch in jail. Apparently, they, well, how old is he actually? Are they going to charge her as an adult? Wow, this video is crazy of the beat up. He's just like he's pummeling her and there's like five people on them And they can't stop them and all of them the teachers all have that body What's the closest like a what's the closest you ever came to blows with a teacher? Never. Never.

Yeah. They all hated you. No, teachers actually liked me. You were a nice guy. I just didn't do your work. I just didn't do work. Yeah, it was like teachers actually hated me. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you were like a know-it-all, I guess. No, it was like teachers actually hated me. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're like a know-it-all, I guess. No, I was working with know-it-all. Today's episode is brought to you by a product that knows it all. Yeah. And that product is fume, fume. Cold turkey may be great on sandwiches, but there's a better way to break your bad habits. We're not talking about some weird mind voodoo from your crazy neighbor or Use sarcastic use is you already use this one? There's already a tube in it he is it he did You suck that off No, it was your use it. He used it?

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And you got your switch. And your special needs teacher is just taking away your switch. Now God has given you all of this power. Yeah. And you've decided not to use it up until this point. Yes. This is the thing that broke you. But like very much like Michael Douglas in falling down, this is the final straw. You've just had enough.

You're an intent to switch his not to be taken away from you. Now, you have two options. Yes. Crush the skull of the teacher or flavored air or take a nice drag off your fume, right? How's that taste? You go and do it. And then the teacher says to you, you're not allowed to... Fume in class.

Well, you're not allowed to smoke in class. And you explain, it's not smoking. No, it's completely natural. There's no chemical there. It's completely natural. It's a tube. It's a tube. It's a tube no, it's completely natural. There's no chemical there completely natural. It's a tube It's a tube it's a tube with flavored air and it there's no chemicals There's nothing all I'm doing is breathing and it uses delicious flavors, too. The teacher says I don't care what it is I'm not allowing that what a bitch guess who gets their face just absolutely destroyed

So there's two options for the teachers soshirt. So you got two options. You can either learn what You can learn what fume is Stop giving people a hard time about because it's not there's no chemicals. It's completely natural and it's the only thing standing in between you and 270 pounds 6 foot 7-kid 170 pound six foot seven kids. The kids love switch just trying to and I can relate to that dude. Yeah, because I like it despite the bizarre Career success that we've had in my heart. Yes, I am just a loser. Yeah, and all I want is to sit around playing video games until I die Yeah, I mean, if someone were to take that away from me,

you might snap. Yeah, I'm just known. I don't really have the ability to. Yeah, you just don't have the six foot seven to two. Yeah, they would just take things away from me. I'm like, fine, well, I'll just shit my pants in the classroom. No, guess who's guess who it's guess what's fucking smells bad in here. And before you say we're sending you to the nurses office to get the backup pants, I was already wearing them because I should get my pants in first period. I've shit my pants twice today. So you're gonna have to see my dick the rest of school. So maybe I'm demanding the teachers pants. You're gonna have to see my child penis, which is illegal if I do say so myself. You get it. Instead of bad, fume is good.

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Like that shit down. And it's also like a little bit more of a poll, you can crank that motherfucker down. So that shit down. And it's also like a fidget spinner with a thing. And it's got magnets for fidgeting and giving your fingers a lot to do. Which is helpful. I like this flavor, whatever it is, the one that Ginsburg put in here and used and said that he didn't open it and use it already.

He blamed Ian too. A homosexual and a friend of ours. Guys, the taste. Can you imagine a teacher taking Ian's dildos away from him? Oh my God. In class. But I brought those from who?

Those are mine. I need this to learn. He can't. I can't focus in class. I thought this was America. I thought I was trying to focus in history class and you took my dildos away from me. Ian is currently in special education now.

Yes. That would be a thing Ian would get into. He's like, gosh, I'm super excited. I just signed up for special education. Yeah. Remember they had adult daycare? Imagine they had adults. They had that in special ed.

I don't know what the fuck that is. I don't know what it is. Just send your elderly Chinese like and then they what they play their blocks. I feel like 280 years old and they're just playing them a blocks in there. They fight each other. Yeah. They get in trouble at the end of the day when they get picked up. Guys, it's well way. Yeah, grandma's in time out. She's fuck out of it. She's repeating the fuck out of the teacher. Grandma pissed herself. Grandma's spitefully pissed herself during snack time because she couldn't have a second Oreo.

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Yeah. It's beautiful, it's real wood. Laura, the teacher checked my name, said no switch. Sting, did you beat the fuck out of the teacher? Did I do that? If I can fucking imagine that kid, just fucking hit him with it, did I do that? I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. Blood pouring out of my eyes. He's gonna be charged as an adult. He's gonna have to go to a adult jail. There's a special ed kid. Where in the know? He's like, did I do that? So right now is the best time to start the good habit. Did I? With fume. All orders for the month of January have a buy one, get one off of the course. So you could stock up for that New Year's resolution plus as a listener of this show you get 10% off when you use the code and that's Trifume.com slash T a f s guys you and use my code T a f s for an additional 10% off the bogo course until January 31st to help making starting the good habit that much easier.

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What else is in the post? Let's go through the post. It's hard. We worked all day. What else is in the post? Let's go through the post. It's hard. We worked all day. What else is going on? I'm just reading more of this story. What else? Oh, let's hear more. Let's get back to the story. And he looks like, did I do that? Oh my God, that poor guy. Yeah.

He's gonna have to go to grown up prison for a switch assault. He'll be fine, you're six, seven. Yeah, but he'll manipulate him. He's not very smart. No, he's actually, guess what the subject matter was of the class that he interrupted by playing switch Cyber security no way yeah in high school. It was a cyber security class. He goes to smart high school I guess it's special education, but then they let him out for computers What I guess they I mean, I don't know maybe they have what he's like fucking rain man. Yeah, yeah, and now all right

So that bitch was a I don't know, maybe they have one. He's like fucking Rain Man. Yeah. Yeah. And now, all right. Well, that's... So that bitch was a son. All right. Can you hit on words? It's funny too, because it's like the only reason this is in the post is because he's black. 100%. Yeah, this is just...

Right now the post is black crime and anti-semitism news. Yeah, right. It's the cities aren't safe and you wouldn't believe who is being anti-semitic today. Yeah, no, because somebody says I understand that autism plays a big part in this, but it may require educational personnel physically capable of handling a violent person like this. So the first comment is like, we need to get women out of schools. Like women can't be. How many likes to get?

They're two week, 434. The most comment section is. I tell you this wouldn't have happened if we didn't have weak women. I love it. In the school, you need males, six, eight males should be all the teachers. You need Kimbo slides.

Kimbo slides to Kimbo slides, and then a response here from a guy named Pablo Mu Mu, who says, what plays a big part is having no father around and being raised by boy. Oh my God. By wolves? Yeah, well, uncomfortable as is for many people to acknowledge,

do the proliferation of single parent households. Let me just do control F lead paint. Dude, it's crazy. The post comment section, I just imagine a 97-year-old, like Jewish person that's lived in New York forever, talking about like, they're outside my house. I don't feel safe anymore in this city. Yeah, it's all New York racist. It's New York racist. Yeah, it's a very particular brand. You know, it's something in Cobra Wing.

We're long past a point we're trying to civilize a good number of these people is clearly impossible. And then for some reason they put civilizing quotation marks and bolded it. That means jail. Yeah, when schools had a real discipline ability, this wasn't so much of a problem. Clearly, their woke agenda has backfired bad. What woke agenda led him have switched in class?

Is that the woke agenda? The backfired? He was inspired by the trans movement in his action. It's crazy. It's the same comments for any article in there. It's also to all of these people will turn around and leave another comment on this everybody's like, step on my lawn. I'm going to shoot you in the fucking face.

I will shoot you in the pussy. If you touch my mailbox, I'll come out of my house with a machine gun and kill you. And I'm like, what's gonna happen when somebody cuts this guy off in traffic? I mean, she took his property. Yes, 100% 100%. Yeah, it's so mean of her. her yeah I've seen from Mark S. I feel confident

someone has written a report explaining written a report explaining why punishment of any kind would damage this child's hopes of playing in the NBA Jesus Christ. You got to get that guy in the offensive line though. 6, 7, 2, 8, he's perfect. So yeah, no wonder it's hard for schools to find good teachers and aides. Yeah, it's so funny. They react to things like this, which is in the news because it's an aberration.

Right. It's remarkable. They're like, whoo. This is. Yeah, right. Even the detail, a six foot seven child, that the headline could be, get a load of this six foot seven,

mentally disabled boy And that's what the news what that should have been an art that was the news when I was growing up You actually got an article first about how big he was yeah, maybe he wouldn't have honestly that could be his career He could have been Guinness book all of Guinness book of world's records. I have the world's biggest disabled boy Look how big this boy look how big biggest disabled boy. Look how big this boy. Look how big this disabled boy. Yeah. And then you bring him around the evangelical South. You can say, this is right out of the bit of kiss. That's right.

So you have somewhere in there. Look how big that boy. You've seen the Bible story about the big disabled boy. We all know it. We all know it well. Look how big that boy. You've seen the Bible story about the big disabled boy. We all know it. We all know it well. Yeah. Is he really an autistic teen?

Is there, is that just a euphemism for mentally disturbed? Well, I'm pretty sure a teenager is objectively. That's pretty easy to figure out. I think he is a teen. And autism is a medical diagnosis. So I don't really know if it's a euphemism. I'm gonna look at the post on and see what I see. See what I can find.

Ding Dong Sitch, officer Warren's teens, they can get shot and killed if they participate in the TikTok door knock challenge. See exactly, it's like. Yeah, right, the next thing is, yeah, if one of these teenagers knocked on my door, I'd blow their fucking head off. If you knock on someone, yeah, if you knock on my door, I will shoot you. Right. Oh, this fucking animal doesn't want to switch taken away. Is that my doorbell

I hear? Is that the button outside of my house that's designed for the public depressed? Is someone is someone touching the button I put outside of my house that's designed for the public to press. Is someone touching the button I put outside of my house? The thing that the visitor is used. Yeah. This is a very dangerous game, very dangerous. I'm afraid a homeowner may think someone is trying to burglar right. What burglar would use the door,

like use the, yeah, use the bell. Anyway. Yeah, what do they have to write about anymore? Crystal Hefner says life with Hugh Hefner was no fantasy, having to sleep with an 80 year old. There's a price.

Hew Hefner laughs. What did she say? I don't know. Who's crystal? It was one of the girls next door. I'm sure fucking him at that age was probably horrific. Yeah. So, Kenu, you know sometimes you open a box of raisins

and they're all stuck together. This is one solid math. Imagine fucking, that would be like trying to put those raisins back in the box. Yeah, I guess, I mean, didn't they find out that he like, he like fucked like a bunch of people against their will? And I've already died.

Of course, yeah, of course he was the sex man. Right, imagine that being your life, known for being an into sex. Yeah, and there was a brief period where people were like, oh, it was always like a feminist. Yes, because he let a woman run the company for like a year. Yeah, I think that was what it was.

Yeah. Anyway. It was always kind of a loser thing. I can't imagine if I lived in the 50s even. I would have been like, wow, this guy's awesome. Yeah, half is the man. Yeah. I'd be like, this guy's...

It's like a 12 year old's idea of what's cool. Right. Yeah, and he wears pajamas all day. That was the other thing about him. What a fucking loser. Yeah, Hugh He wears pajamas all day. That was the other thing about him. What a fucking loser. Yeah, Hugh Eiffner's out. What's in is six foot seven blurred, willing to do anything for his Nintendo Switch.

I'm sorry, but there's like a spiritual quality to that that I think is like noble. There's a virtuosity to it. Yeah, fighting back. This is one of the things. A guy like that, 6,000 years ago, would be revered. That story would be something that... It'd be like that is the new chief.

A third of films in literature would be based on the story of the 6 foot 7 blur and taking his toll way back. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. She revealed that she once had a conversation with Hefney. Let me know. Once I go when I'm gone, please only say good things about me. I kept that promise for the last five years after going through a lot of therapy and healing. And now here's great. Here's the comments of people shooting on this lady.

Wait, so his only request was to be kind after he's gone. She took all the benefits and the money. And after four years to make some more money broke her promise, shouldn't she have to return everything she took from him? Oh, people are standing up for the blur. No, no, this is about who you have in his ex-wife. Oh, people are standing up for the blur. No, no, no. This is about who you have in her ex-wife.

Oh, sorry, sorry. Yeah, confused. Oh, for being a gold digger. Yeah. It says gold digger all over here. I love it. Her book should be called prostitute memoir. That's all she was.

I got nothing right now, Dick. I'm like crashing. That's all she was Well come on because we'll go through the post here I feel like really embarrassed right now Like I'm doing a terrible job look at it. Yeah, but you're wearing a costume. It's all matters. No, but it's not good play with the gun Play with the gun you Play with the gun. You'll feel better. I'm telling you. That's where I tell my son at home. A lot of people have no idea of a son. I also have a firearm. Anytime he's having a temper tantrum,

I just, I pop the clip out and I hand him the gun. And when I never let him know, there's a round in the chamber. Yeah. So he thinks he's safe, but he's not. And then after I take the gun away. I say I just let you know and then I fire it into the Like you could have killed yourself or me and that's and that's true That's true whether you're holding the gun or not. Yeah, that's something about life that you'll never I don't think we got to do it. I'm getting congested I think from like

I just can I can I can we just do it before my flight tomorrow? No because I gotta there's I got to meet the contractor to get what time early and then he's picking me up and then we get back and we got all this shit to do. Can I like splash cold water with us or something? No, we're fine. Today's episode is also brought to you by our good friends. They're back 2024. Mybookie.

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one time? We watched that one fight. Yeah. And you had that this an act, Tray, it was awesome. Yeah. We had a great time. I don't like why the fuck don't I do this more often? Yeah. Well, let's do it this year. Okay. But I don't know if we could say superman. Isn't it like we have to say the big game? You know how to say super bowl?

I thought that was the thing like on TV. You had to say, oh, the big game, because it's like a copyrighted term or something. That's not how copyrighted term or something. That's not how copyright works. I don't know. So, let me talk about it. Whether you're a season pro or ready to roll

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because it's probably gonna be the last time. And is this, and the country's gonna end, right? Well, how do they end it? There's gonna be a civil war no matter what. Like between who? It'll be like January 6th times 9-11. But like who's gonna be like Biden? Like yeah, hello.

Who's gonna kill for Biden? Well, I think though, I think what's gonna happen is Trump will win. Yeah. And then the thing that the January 6th guys wanted Congress to do, like invalidate the results, they'll just do that. They'll do that, but without any kind of, you know, the people will protesting, but then

Congress will do the thing where they're like, oh, yeah, actually, no, we're just going to make Biden president anyways. Oh, oh, you're saying that they're going to take it away from them. They're going to take it away from them. And then the January or six type of guys, then they'll, uh, those just start blowing things up. Uh-huh. Uh-uh, right? Doesn't that seem like? I don't know. It sounds dumb, but it's also like, doesn't that seem like what's going to happen? It just seems like Trump's going to win. Yeah, and then there's not gonna be any kind of...

No, it'll be boring. You think he's just gonna be president? Yeah. Oh, right. Well, hopefully the stock market just goes crazy. Yeah. Hopefully it's like people are making a case. Yeah, there's just like, that actually would be sweet.

It's like another Trump president, and we have like a kind of like a cage. Yeah, there's just like, that actually would be sweet. It's like another Trump president, and we have like a kind of like a roaring 20s, and we do all this like permanent economic damage. Yeah. And like the middle class just completely wiped out, and we ascend into like, you know, some kind of... Great gaspies. Yeah, right.

We do great gaspies. We do great gaspies. Yeah. And the flappers give us pussy. Yeah. Yeah. Just women with like very long long pussy. Yeah. Like like like a like goofy years. Yeah. Yeah. That's what yeah. Yeah. There's jazz and people are like. Yeah. It is the 20s. Yeah. It's kind of the 20s. It is the 20s. We're in the 20s. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean Trump like a I call like a war and G Harding Did the G4 what gangster? Yeah, no, yeah

Yeah, what is it? I don't know what we're gonna say about People used to say it was black or hardy. Yeah, like he had a little brother in yeah Wasn't that like a rumor or a line or something? Let me look it up. Look at a picture. Also, Babe Ruth, they said it was Dominican. There are a couple of pictures where he do be lookable. Yeah.

Yeah, DNA shows Warren Harding was not America's first black president. Oh, never mind. What about her? Who was it, Trump? Yeah. There was that was like a popular rumor online. I think. Why did you hurting did have a black kid though? Why do people think he was black? I don't know. I think I saw that various neighborhood headline.

I mean, he doesn't look like a guy. I was like, why did he go and check? Like, the people thought that guy was black. No, yeah, no, no. Yeah, oh, definitely. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's definitely, this busted piece of shit is fucking disgusting, wife.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was a bad president, right? He was supposed to be a really bad woman. He was a prover. Look, he's fucking loser. Look how I listen to his music. Is that the speaker directly in his face? What an idiot.

Yeah. What the f**k is he doing? He did this a lot. That's his thing. Yeah, he just like didn't know how to listen to music. Or maybe that's like a microphone. I don't know. You just talk into a cone if you're the president.

Yeah. Yeah. And then Bay Bruth, yeah, it was the other one. They say he was a Dominican. They're like some pictures of it. I think I saw something where there was like a picture of him like in a fur coat, looking like a pimp. And people like, yeah, he's definitely,

that's why he was so good at ball. Uh-huh. And his face looked a little afro Caribbean, but obviously not. We all know the first black president was Abraham Lincoln, that's why I was such a good guy. I don't know. Wait, is this real? Or is this like a... Is that real?

I kind of look like him. Yeah. I don't know. Wait, is this real or is this like a... Is that real? I kind of look like him. Yeah. Um, anyways, what were you saying? Nothing. Nothing good. I stopped being insecure.

Who cares, dude? I just thought, um, I'm just tired, dude. I'm just, we've been shooting all day. I'm tired. You can't be tired, dude. We've been shooting all day. You can't be tired, that's fine. Yeah, but I just don't want to do it. I just want to be like, we'll get it over with, it won't be done. No, it's not entertaining. It's not entertaining.

I've been entertained laughing at the guy beat of the teacher. Yeah, that was the one good thing. I don't care. I learned a fun story about nerd losing, like being sent over the edge and teacher- I had fun with that. Teacher fucking around and finding out. I wish I'd beat up that. They should auction that Nintendo Switch. For what his name?

It should be in a museum. It should. In the Smithsonian. The Civil Rights Museum. Yeah. They took this away from them. Because I tell you in 50 years, that's the... As roads of parks.

Well, the story is going to be about a hero. Because I mean, this is true. And a lot of people are going to be mad at me for saying this. But there is a criticism of the education system that they don't know how to interact with minority children. That they need a louder environment to learn. I remember reading that in the early days of salon.com.

Yeah. Sounds like that. It was like an article that was like let black boys scream in the classroom. Written by Debra, the Jewish or whatever. Yeah, it's something like that. Yeah, you used to be able to just say whatever. You could just say whatever. 2014 was the best time to be a journalist.

I moved to Brooklyn to be a journalist. Yeah. I'm writing for XO Jane. Well, there was that. That's my big feature for XO Jane. They picked me $2,000 or a article called, I walked around with a piece of baby belt cheese in my pussy for a week. This is what I've learned about. This is what I learned about.

Yeah, about. And here's why we need to talk about toxic masculinity. Yeah. Exactly. Cause men men couldn't stop. Remember that? The wrestling. There was a woman making yogurt in their proceeds. That was like a thing. Yeah. I think it's still a thing. And you could write an article about it. I think my my girlfriend's mom is like one of those moms that's like put yogurt on it. She's one of those like you don't need medicine you just put some yogurt on it. Like in your pussy? I don't know anything. Oh yeah. Oh you just need you need you need the whatever it has the bugs that are in it. Bacteria. Yeah. Like a gut biome. What Nick said to me earlier today about my new look

is that he's never had respect for me and then he saw me like that. A lot of your obnoxious behavior when you have a beard. You're being so nice to me, right? Well, it comes off, it comes off as just like authoritative. Like it's deliberate. I mean, it comes off as just like a tharitative. Like it's deliberate. I mean, it's not. It's just I'm just a, I'm just a white guy.

Yeah, I'm just shit. But when you have a beard, it's forgivable. Like, oh, that he's trying his best. I'm gonna be sad when I take it off. Yeah, you should grow beard. I can't. Well, that's the thing. It's like, guys, first of all, if you like the show,

please support, we got, I don't know, we're, there's a lot to shoot. Yeah. Scramble into get and we don't wanna get your hopes up either because it's not gonna be particularly. No, shut up. It'll be fine. No, no, shut up.

The amount of time it's taking, you don't put it that way. Well, whatever, I don't care either way. It's very involved at the very least. Fuck you, I don no, shut up. It's the amount of time it's taking, you don't put it that way. Well, whatever, I don't care either way. It's very involved at the very least. Fuck you, I don't give a shit. All right, fine, we're having a good time. I had a great day. But the show does require support.

We thought maybe we'd get a little, we thought we'd have a little move on the background, back in with sponsorships, sort of deal, and that we wouldn't have to beg anymore and that we could just get our basis covered so we could make the show. But that seems to be not going to happen. Advertisers are still bracing for a recession or whatever. So there's just no, go patreon.com, tslash.tasfs if you want to sign up. And then I guess if we can get you that like the Michael Jackson where they take your fucking

pubes and they like laserly insert them into your face so you can grow a beard. Is it like hair replacement? It's like hair replacement. We need a different type of follicle because you can't just like... So it's pubic? I would imagine they's pubic? I would imagine they use pubic hair, yeah. Well, if it makes you think I'm a better guy,

then yeah, of course I have. Honestly, the beard is doing... They did do it in Jackass too, of course. What? In the terrorism sketch, it was very funny. What did they do? When they just glued pubes. They glued pubes.

Yeah, I'm saying this is more medically. You remove the follicles and you have them inserted via laser into your face. Yeah, I think I mean, I'll be willing to try out different looks for sure. I think if I want to go into acting, I want to do more stuff like we're doing right now. Like I grew up here and I don't think it makes really changes the way people perceive me. I guess you have to have the mustache that covers your mouth. When I have that, if it's just all hair down here,

I feel like I look friendlier. Really? Yeah. Yeah, people love you. Not really. Without it, I'm like a rat guy. No, it's your husband. I'm like a rat guy. No, you're handsome. I'm like a rat. Without it, you look great. Oh, all right. Yeah. It would be great face, great bonus structure.

It's awesome. Dust up between Biden and New Hampshire Democrats. Let's hear him off the primary ballot. What? Yeah. What was the just up? The status holding its contest earlier than this year's Democrat primary council allows the Kansas mayor about maybe those will be delegates to the next group. I don't know what the fuck that means. Yeah. That means. Yeah. Oh, Hot Mike supposedly catches Biden threatening

to wage war on Texas with F-15 fighter jets. Oh, who is he? I don't know, this is no. Do you have his number? Who? Hot Mike. Oh, Hot Mike. That's very funny.

Oh hot Mike. That's very funny. Chinese mom who live streams her son doing homework gets surprising results. What are the results? Mother in China who live streams her nine year old son's homework sessions on Du Yin said the results of her child's work ethic have been surprising. The results the mother from China's Sichuan promise identified as Zhang, said the livestream allows years to monitor and encourage her son's studies with over 900 people. Jesus Christ. What?

I mean, that sounds like something I'd make up. Like, it's so much. There's so much shit. I'm streaming. Yeah, exactly. Like, what's the biggest TV show in China? Oh, fucking homework. Fucking piano lessons.

Yeah, what's your best? Wait, how big is the viewership? Fucking bad drive shitty driving. Yeah, it's like too lazy to. Yeah, what's in our version of fucking 50 shades of gray? 50 shades of fucking crashing in the car. Fucking math. Fucking math class math class.

Super star. Peter's. Yeah. Uh, uh, Hamilton. What do they got? Fucking math food. Math Hamilton. It's too, yeah, it's too lazy of a, yeah, of a thing.

Wait, so how many people are watching this guy do 900 million? No way. The entire country watches this kid do homework. 900 million people. Wait, just 900. So this seems like a non-story. Why is that in the New York books? It's in Yahoo.

Oh, Yahoo. What's the political? Yahoo news is insane. Donkey Kart loaded with explosives, kills a police officer in critically injures four others in Kenya. And the donkey survived. He did?

Yeah. Ah. Donkey with injuries is seen after an IED blew up in Mandera County, Kenya. We should move to Kenya, dude. It's the night, apparently. Yes, we're settler colonial. We should join up with the Masai, the jumping guys.

What did they do? Flight metrics, just jumping. Those guys, yeah. Those are Kenyans. I'm gonna move to Kenya and sell kites. They have kites there? I don't think so. You're just gonna teach them kites.

Well, you don't need to teach them intuitive. Well, you can get good at kites. You can get the power of the wind. Yeah. I mean, but you can get really good at that. Where's that like that thing that charity people do? They go to like Africa to make schools at a mud. Yeah. That also seems like yeah

Words the guy from address like if you're gonna go to after all is the Jurassic Park if you're gonna go to Africa Make a school make a real school Don't like make a school out of dirt and be like What I did for you make a regular buildings Yeah, it's their culture mud. Yeah. I'm fine. It's their culture. But yeah, I made you a poo poo school. That's what they do here. You're welcome.

You're welcome. I made you, that is probably not even what they do. It's just a bunch of jackass that's going over there making due to buildings. Yes. And then they're like, yeah, thanks. But can we just have a wooden fucking building? Yeah, we just get a regular building. Yeah, I live in a house. They're like, well, that. But can we just have a wooden fucking building? Yeah, I know we just get a regular building.

Yeah, I live in a house. They're like, well, that one's made out of dude. I'm like, yeah, Jimmy Carter came over here and just made everything out of dude. Yeah, it's all Americans are building these poo poo houses. Jimmy Carter's fucking guy. Like, he came over here to play with his own shit. And then he said, actually, it's a school.

Actually, he died, he died right recently. His wife died. Now he's just getting as much puts as possible for how long did he have to wait? He's like 99. That's wild that he's so alive. Imagine if he was just waiting for him to die to get this three presidents after him or dead. Yeah, he was the president in the 70s.

Yeah, that's so long ago. Yeah, yeah. Poor guy. It's gonna be crazy if America survives in like 60 years when our president is like, oh, you got chocolate? I was hiding it. Why?

This is what I need for the show, for the rest of the show. I'm wanting. Just give me a little shot. No, I want it for myself before bed. What do you mean before bed? Like you eat it in bed? Yeah, I have a little piece of chocolate before I go to sleep. Okay, you could have a little piece of that. I like the sound of it opening.

It's like a thing I do. I talk myself in. I have my piece of chocolate. Okay, you could open it. Which everybody, I'm very excited to do it now. So I have my painful dental surgery scheduled for the end of January. Okay, you could open it from the other side when you get into bed and lie to yourself that it's unopened. I'm kind of scared honestly. I hear it's really painful.

Can I just have a piece of chocolate, please? No, we're almost done. Where'd you get it from? We're almost done. We got two more minutes. No way. Yeah. You're lying. I'm not lying. Good for time, God. Look what time it is. Guys, I'm... What's this time?

Look at you have a watch. I put it down. I don't like it. Wow, how tall is Baron Trump? Compare his height with others. So I was like seven, four. Yeah. We got to put him in the NBA.

Whoa. Have we see? This is an old picture. Look how big that boy. That's insane. That's a big one. Yeah. Trump's got to be so proud. Yeah. He's just up there playing Switch. Ready to kill a teacher. Yeah. Baron's going to be the second Switch murder. Have you seen the Sances' shoes? Yeah, that's his whole thing. Trump makes fun of him for wearing high heels. I kind of want him to run for president and be like,

I'm tiny. Yeah. Go for me because I'm tiny. Why don't we change it up? Yeah. You've had these big boys telling you what to do this whole time. Why don't we get a little tiny guy and see, and we'll prove the world wrong

because they all think I'm gonna be a nightmare. Wrong, I'm gonna do nothing. Yeah, lazy. I will do fucking nothing. Lazy, just like the time. I'm opening a nightclub in Central Park. Really. Yeah.

That's a good idea. Niki Tees. For President of the United States to have a one club in New York. Yeah, it's called Niki Tees, but it's T-E-A-S-E. Oh, so you like, don't give a push. It's a strip club, and I'm still here. You hit the new employee, I'm going to go back. I go in the back and then they started a new song and I come out again. That's a whole gimmick. Then you think you can get pussy for the president, but he's just a tease. Yeah, and you're like, it's on the name of the building. Yeah. for the president, but he's just a tease. And you're like, it's on the name of the building.

Yeah. Mr. President. It's me. Me coming out of the birthday cake. It's pretty good. Uh-huh. I think that's pretty good. Yeah.

I think that's pretty good. Uh-huh. I don't know if that would work. You know, 50 stage strategy. I'm doing stuff like sending 10 billion doll hairs to Israel. Oh, that's a good bit. Yeah. Oh my god, you mis. Oh, that's a good bit. Oh my God, you misheard me. That's a good bit. You misheard me.

Doll hairs. Yeah. Yeah. And they're like, thank you. Yeah, we've been waiting for these. Yeah. Actually, we like this more than money. Yeah.

Goss and children suffocated by doll hairs. Just shoving them down there. That's sad. The world is sad. Is it? Yeah. Kind of. This is fun though.

I had a fun day today. Yeah. And I was like, tan and I'm exhausted. I wanna get it into bed. I have to go to tanp in the morning. It sucks. Yeah. What time's your flight? I think at, like 10 or 11.

Get up, stand up. Stand up for your rights. Stand up for your rights. And don't forget my balls. Oh, I'm sorry, we have one more minute. OK, I was wrong. I thought it was, I looked at the clock when Gensberg said we were ready to go.

And then, yeah. and there was another minute He had to use the fume before he brought it to us. Yeah, you admit it Adam Yeah, fucking do it You do look like If you ever seen one of those no one of those guys that like Somehow like went homeless but in his suit, he became homeless at dinner with James Bond. No, he lost his job.

And then he had a house to go back to. He had money in his bank account, but he's like, I guess I'm homeless now. I've been broken. I always thought about those guys. It's a nice blazer. Those guys kind of look nice. They kind of look nice. Uh-huh. They kind of have cool style.

Like in a different context, that would be fashionable clothes. They'd be like a blazer and a beard guy. But instead, they're just lost his job guy. Yeah. Jimmy Walker, that was the mayor that had a nightclub in Central Park, Casino. Like the character from Good Times, in the same name. What year was that?

1930s. He had club in there. He fucking, yeah, he had a casino. He had flappers and shit. He was just hanging out with mobsters. Sounds so sick. Yeah, I think it was the 30s. Jimmy was just hanging out with mobsters. Sounds so sick. Yeah, I think it was the 30s. Jimmy Walker, was that the early 30s? I thought that was the guy from, uh,

you know, from whatever that is. Yeah. From whiskey. Yeah, 26 to 32. Oh my God. Like I was getting this lapper ass fucking scumbag. He's a handsome guy. Yeah. He looks good. He's old Irish Jimmy. Uh huh. Guys, I have to go to sleep.

I have a flight. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for this. I'm sorry. I'm a beard. You know, get excited with the beard and beard is about. I guess that's all say. Nick thank you for being the wind beneath my wings for this last hour. Oh yeah definitely thanks guys and please go to my website and buy tickets

at Columbus, Ohio. You got a friend in Columbus telling to come out. Good night. Tampa.