The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 43

Episode Date: March 1, 2024

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 43 Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Subscribe to   @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs LIVE SHOWS: NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows Mar 21 — Mar 23: Raleigh, NC @ Goodnights Comedy Club Apr 11 — Apr 13: Portland, OR @ Helium Comedy Club Apr 18 — Apr 20: Tampa, FL @ Side Splitters May 16 — May 18: Philadelphia, PA @ Helium Comedy Club ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour Mar 8 - Mar 9: Boston, MA @ Laugh Boston Mar 15 - Mar 16: Detroit, MI @ The Detroit House of Comedy #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland

Welcome to the Adam Friedland show. It is the week of Thursday, February 26th. My colleague is being loud right now. I'm at work. Adam is on the phone. Is it like the turn signal? With Valk's wagon. What time? What time, he's asking. Stopwatch, start start and we're off

We're off for a big one Actually, you know what? Let me let me call you in like an hour. This is like it's we're gonna do to car talk We got a discussion this guy's like a real this guy who does making noises a real jokester around the office Who are you on the phone with the service department? I'll call you You on the phone with thanks service department? I'll call you. You're on the phone with? Thanks a lot. Okay, I appreciate it. Yeah, yeah, if we send it to the body shop, I'm just knocking out my car for another seven years, so.

This is ridiculous. All right, thanks, man. All right, bye. All right, see you, bye. Who's this? Now my sister's calling. Who's this? That was a Vol a bolt or a Volvo

Hi, so I'm doing the problem Wait, are you is everything okay? Okay, I'm gonna get that thing for from for her birthday by the way the one you said We're doing a thing right now I'm actually on the podcast and Nick's doing a thing where he's started the podcast while I'm like taking important phone calls from my family. Yeah, I did that. Do you want to say hi to Nick? I definitely did that before. Yeah, I was like, Oh, he's always going to call. Why don't we start doing the podcast? She was supposed to say hi. She can call me personally. She doesn't have he said you can call him personally

And he said you don't write you don't call He wants your attention all the time he's like it's kind of pathetic But Alright enjoy it. I gotta go back Sorry guys, you know life welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast. I like your look right now. Yeah. Yeah, you look like very, like you're in a symphony orchestra. Oh, I was going through like a Brookstone guy who hangs out at Brookstone pretending to work there. Is Brookstone still a company? No. No. Sharper image.

Sharper image. Going to Sharper image and pretending, yeah, I buy this kind of stuff. Yeah, I'm actually at the genius bar here. I'm sorry, do you have a hair dryer that's made out of lasers? Sorry. I'm looking for barbecue equipment that also tells you what time it is. That is, but I got one of those sensors for my dad and it just did not work for like the internal meat temperature.

A meat temperature for? That's like an app. Yeah. Well, you mean like 20 years ago? No, like not too long ago. Sharper image in Brookstone it was like. Literally just did not work. Those stores just existed for poor people to go into and be like dude

If I was rich, but then no rich people are actually buying any of that shit. Yeah, I don't need an indoor hammock. Yeah, exactly Yeah, it's aspirational. It's aspirational. Yeah But and also For kids at the mall to go in the massage chairs, right massage chairs. Yeah, yeah But then everything in there was like a massage item. Yeah. See Nick and I grew up in mall culture, we were kind of mall rats growing up. So I used to take a bitch on a date to it. They still have balls dude, I was just in Columbus and they got that big one there, yeah. The Columbus mall? The

Eastern Town Center. Was it fun? fun I guess I should have that's kind of the one thing I do consistently on the road is go to the mall yeah there's nothing else to do there's nothing else to do yeah Rose Montzeny's is like not in Chicago none of the club the airport none of the outlet mall and I bought Tim's it was pretty fun yeah yeah I did ask about Timbs. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I will be at Charlie Goodnights in Raleigh, North Carolina. My return to Charlie Goodnights.

I think it's just Goodnights. I remember one, yeah, they changed it. Used to be Charlie Goodnights. It's the new venue now. Last year, those were fun shows. That was like the first, that was my first weekend. I think I did Laugh Boston and then that was just a bunch of drunk Boston guys. I'm Laugh Boston next weekend, guys, the eighth, I believe, and ninth.

That was the first, well, I guess the first weekend I did was your creek in the cave, and I hadn't done stand-up in like four years. And then that was fun. And then I had to do Laugh Boston, and then that was— No, you did in Chicago. Well, that was just doing a 20-minute spot. I thought you went back after that. No, never mind.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is what comics do. This is kind of the conversations we have, you know, behind the scenes. It's... It is bizarre the state of the industry now. Let's get a state of the industry address from the president. There's probably... Oh, you're mocking me? No, no, no. You said the state of the industry address from the president. There's probably, oh you're mocking me? No, no, no.

You said state of the industry. It was like an attempt at a race. What other words? It was an attempt at a race. What other words would you use to describe it? It was not condescending. What other words? Oh, let's get a statement from the president.

No, state of the... This is the one time in our 15 years of friendship that I've looked at like more of a lesbian than you. And now you think you can fucking come to my window. Now you can do your misogyny of me. When it's like. I wasn't trying to be an ass. Now you know how fucking.

That's not my style of comedy. Now you know how tempting it is to be in it. That's not my style of comedy. You're like why are you mean to me and condescending? And it's because you look like that. Now you know how tempting it is to be in it. That's not my style of comedy. You're like, why are you mean to me in condescending? And it's because you look like that. Because you look like this all the time. When I put that beard on, you were like, it's ridiculous. All the things that make you annoying when you don't have the beard, when you had the

fake beard on, you're like, yeah, of course this guy's lazy. He's trying his best. Of course this guy's a bum. He's a good guy. He's just relaxing. I would have a beer with him. Yeah, not even a beer. It's just like, leave him the fuck alone.

Yeah, I put on a fake beard and Nick said, you know, normally... It wasn't just me. I think you're... Hunter said it also, like, because I brought it up and then everyone was like, that's what it is. Yeah, but everyone, because everyone is cafeteria style around the old bar. No, no, no, no. Everyone's like, good one, Nick. You get that, go get him.

It wasn't even a get him sort of thing. It was like... It's kind of an Archie style. No. It's a little bit of Archie Riverdale. You're in the cafeteria. No. You're a bitch that...

No. You know what it actually probably was? It's not even like the look thing. It's because you had a fake beard on. You couldn't talk as much. I had to remember Yeah, you had to shut up. I had to shut the fuck up. No, yeah, that's how that's how that's how it do be but it really was funny I there's like I had when I I think I couldn't speak for like a fucking week

And it was like a nice week with my girlfriend. It's like yeah, cuz I couldn't say anything that would be misinterpreted You know what I wish is that she couldn't speak right or my wife, And it's like, yeah, because I couldn't say anything. It would be misinterpreted. You know what I wish is that she couldn't speak. My wife, you know? Oh, yeah. I guess she does talk a lot. I guess your wife doesn't shut the fuck up. She's always saying shit, dude.

I'm back. Anyway, Boston next weekend, following weekend, Detroit, the 15th or whatever, the next weekend. Also I want to say we had Dan Soder on the premium episode. If you don't subscribe, go to patreon.com. Dan was supposed to come on for this regular episode, but because of the timing and some other things that were going on this week. We couldn't have him on the regular one, so we had him on this week. We could, yeah, we could, but so I do.

We couldn't have him on the regular one, so we had him on the premium. So I'd like to mention that Dan is releasing his new special on YouTube. On the road, check it out. He's one of the best. YouTube at sign Dan Soder. Yeah, we love Dan.

Why do I sound so old talking about this stuff? I was, I'm not, YouTube was new when I was like a kid. Like I grew up with, well, then grow up with YouTube. We were the beta testers. Yeah, but it's not like, I'm not YouTube was new mm-hmm when I was like a kid like I grew up with well Then grow up with we were the beta testers. Yeah, but it's not like I'm taught I talk great I talk about I talk about the internet now like an old person I know but I'll be like a www dot TTP right why does it sound bad? Why is it the backslash? I don't sound like I'm in the matrix I feel like I used to sound like I was a part of the Matrix.

You used to be the architect Ergo. No, I was like the sunglasses and you fucking like welcome, let's listen to Rob Zombie in the club. Now you're the old lady. I was thinking about that the other day, that fucking, this song, Dragula, is he, what is he talking about? What is the song? Which one is it?

Dragula? How's it going? The Rob Zombie is like, about what is the song which one is a drag you love how's it problems like dimes and bitches and burns and I slam in the back of my drag you love you put on a dress and get fucked in your ass oh drag you look yeah I never realized it sounds so badass I never listen no I think it's about like it's supposed to be about crossdressing yeah I mean I've joked before that all of his songs are about like it's a fucking car that's cool I mean, I've joked before that all of his songs are about like it's a fucking car that's

cool. I mean, so I think it's dragula. It's a spooky, spooky scare. A dragula is supposed to be a car. And so is a super beast. I think that's also a car. I think it's a type of beast. It's always a car from hell.

No, I mean, basically, I think. It's too big a song. It's for babies. Metallica is like that too. Enter Sandman is just about having scary dreams. I don't think it's about, it's for babies. That's kind of stuff isn't for babies, it's for people that are sincere and aren't like,

you know, it's not. Snob, dickheads, Jews. Yeah, hipsters, hipsters is the term. Remember in the West Memphis three. Hipsters is the term. Remember in the West Memphis 3 documentary where the moms like, I listen to this song Nothing Else Matters Every Day to like remind me of like, that I miss my baby and he's locked up and it's like so emotional. Is there a problem with that you have?

No, it was like a really beautiful moment. Oh, okay. Yeah. And it is a nice song, Nothing Else Matters. One of the first songs people learn on guitar I like that song, but what's the thing that does matter in the song getting pussy getting pussy. Yeah, I Just thought about getting pussy. I got happy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you do you look like like Musical genius falling on hard times. Yeah, you look like a musical genius

falling on hard times. Yeah. You look like a- Like what, it was Jamie Foxx movies? Which there was only one of, but it feels like there was a million. It's like violin radio. But didn't it?

Didn't he make that? In all 9-11? I don't remember. There was an asterisk where he was like- Jamie Foxx lives in a shopping cart. Yeah, but 9-11 didn't do it too. Liam Neeson is like, the boy needs to play his violin. Is Liam Neeson is like, the boy needs a place, I'll in.

Is Liam Neeson his best friend? I don't remember, dude. It's like that is all one genre of like, anti-racist, actually it's not even, movies are kind of racist, because it's like, there's never, I haven't seen any of them, but radio's like that. No one's racist to radio in the movie. But

the movie's supposed to make you feel like, uh, see, we weren't that bad. It makes us feel good. I guess, kind of, you know? Green Book is another. Yeah. Yeah. That Green Book guy's son does something. The guy from Green... Who's doing Oli fans? No, he's like on the Sopranos or something.

Really? Yeah, I'm trying. I love that show, the Sopranos. the guy from only fans no he's like on the sopranos or something really yeah I love that show the sprain green book movie I love that show the sprain you guys got to check it out also want to plug with sopranos you have HBO Max starting Vigo Mortensen one of the best names my her shawly Ali Marshal lala Don Shirley an Italian American about yeah Frank Tony lip Val Vos Vaginalania Tony lip. Yeah, he's just on yeah. That's a good one. Oh, he does. He's on this. He's on the sprints. He plays Carmine The guy that I don't carmine or a little carmine

Carmine or little Carmine? Carmine, the old one. That's who wrote Green Book? That is the character from, in his real life, the actor who plays Carmine on the Sopranos was the guy that drove that black guy around. Oh, wow. Movies based on his real life. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Little Carmine is one of the funniest television characters of all time Like that all the malapropisms how he like tries to sound smart and all the guys think he's like an intellectual But like he's just using the wrong words constantly I don't do that I Don't know you put him in this one. Oh, yeah no, you do that. You do that all the time. But not like big words. It's always like, it's always jargon. You know, it's always like something having to do. Like you're trying to demonstrate like...

Like inside baseballs. Yeah, in the same way that people say inside baseball, you do that same. I mean, in the process... Like when Ian said, uh, dystopian... I mean, you did it the other day, right there. We have a new person working the switcher now. Thank you. I don't know if we'll,

shouldn't disclose your personal information. So you won't say, but everybody please welcome our, if you've been enjoying the switching the last couple episodes. And thank you. We have a thank you to, we'll keep you insulated from these animals, but But yeah, you're yeah totally welcome very

Very and then you know it's like you come in we're all trying to figure out what I said more efficient process And you just fucking come in just diapered up just diaper energy What was my malapropism? My you got you or you can set up hot keys. Sincerely you said. Or you can set up just fucking just for the camera switching you set up one two and three as hot keys. As hot keys. I used it correctly. You used to attribute a gayness to everything I said. No, but it's just it could not be less very funny the other day. It cannot be less relevant information. So I was like it'd be like if people in communication with our editor I'm not

complaining right now it's very funny you said this I was like in communication with our editor about the new episode that's coming it should be out within the week I promise actually this time okay so and Nick said that every time I try to update him it sounded like I was gossiping. You do though you got you like No you just attached that you didn't think that I was like hey we need the X Y and Z or he's having a problem with this you know you come to me I heard you come to me you're like I think Bobby's having a mental breakdown this. You're like, you know, I was like, I heard. You come to me, you're like, I think Bobby's having a mental breakdown. No, I said, I think,

I don't even respond. I don't even respond to him. I just take the phone out and I call Bobby on speakerphone, you go, no, no, what are you doing? Why? And then I say, hey, Bobby, so what's going on? It wasn't about the first scene.

Because it's just you relate to it. No, because you kept talking about the first scene. You loved it. I wasn't talking about it. I was done a week ago. No, you said, so he wants to leave the first scene. And I said,'t love talking about the first scene. I said it wasn't I wasn't talking about I was done a week ago I know you said so he wants to leave the first scene. I said it's not about the first scene It's not about the first scene. I think we're just like he's been working like great You just call all you have to do is call you come to me. You're like you're like guess what?

You just you are that way guess what? I don't Yeah, I don't talk like that. Guess what? Yeah. I don't talk like that. I think the only reason you're friends with Ian is because he's doing something scandalous, 24-7. No. I think you have a parasitic relationship with Ian Fydant.

No. It's the opposite of what we're... Huh? I think if I was some musical genius living on the streets, Ian wouldn't look twice at me. Why do they dress like this? Like this? Yeah, like music people.

Like if you're in the symphony, you have to look like you just look stupid. They make some look worse. They dress nice, I think. Yeah, but they're not dressed nice. They're a nice colored shirt. I know. They look like, yeah yeah they look like a bum going to a wedding. Well they're a bum after they have the mental breakdown. Mm-hmm. You know Shine, Jeffrey Wright, Rush. That's another crazy music guy movie. Mm-hmm.

Shine. You want to say it again? Shine. Two more Two more times. Shine, Jeffrey Rush. Shine. Now it's funny. Shal-ling. Yeah, shal-ling. There you go. I'm going to start calling, uh, saying fo-ling again about girls. Yeah. And noise.

Yeah. Yeah. Noise needs to come back. Noise. Yeah. All right, noise. Uh-huh. Yeah.

So. All right. Yeah. Someone is, someone's threatening your life. No, no, no, no, Come on Nick Nick we got to play the long call on this. Let me run point. Okay. All right. Can I ask you a question, right? Mm-hmm. You You can't go all guns a blazing on in a situation like this. This is this is the one thing I excel at, okay? I am an ordinary person if not Unimpressive human being when it comes to most things, but there's one thing that I excel at and that is this type of scenario. Because you're ready, they're already on the ropes.

And what you do is you don't bulldoze, you're not a bull in a china shop. You bug them out dude. You persist. You bug style. You have to. You're finding your crevices It's not even a bug thing. What it is is the bug bastard. It is an Anasazi I guess I mean if a spider is a bug

I'll accept that a non see the spider and an anansi. Yeah, and not see a non see the spider Anasazi, but an Nancy the spider wasn't like... He was an African style spider. I know, he was African, so he wasn't like... Was he like sneaky and stuff and backhanded? That's not what he would do. I don't know what the... I don't remember.

I remember as a kid, like having a problem with the non-sidist spider because it's like, it's actually kind of fucked up that they teach white kids about a non-sidist. Because it's sort of, everyone hates spiders. And then this one's like, he's African and then you can be like, oh well this one's actually good. You know what I mean? If you're predisposed to maybe being racist. And you would assume a third grader is.

Yes. You think that it's a name to human beings to get it. I don't think it's a good idea to tell kids, to go to a group of white kids and say, I know you think spiders are pretty bad and scary, but this one's from Africa. Go off. Yeah, he's actually a pretty good guy. So you were in second grade and you were like, this, this. I'm not saying it being racist or the Nazi.

I'm saying that it to be like, well, this one's. Was he a good guy? This is what spiders would be like if they still lived in Africa. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? It kind of comes off that way. I thought it was a, I thought what they were teaching us was that fables come from Africa. Obviously, I get it.

You got to back me up here on this. I think it's true. I think he's a god damn, I don't want a noncy living in my neighborhood. I love the noncy. It made me wish as a kid. I was like, I wish I could get out with real spiders like this. And they weren't just, they didn't just scare me. But the other spider from when you're a kid is giving messages to a pig. Charlotte Web?

Yeah, but it's a fucking bitch. What's that do for boys? It's a girl thing. I'm not interested in girls. I'm not. I don't care about a girl spider. They did the same thing with James and the giant peach. In fact, that's half the reason why I didn't like spiders.

It's because in my mind, they were French women trying to bite me while I'm asleep. He just leaves a fucking kid alone. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Let him have his big peach and go to New York. He made it. He did. He made it, good for him.

Yeah, good for him. And his aunts get their comeuppance. He had bad aunts, is that what he looked? Well today officially begins the March countdown, March Madness for Kung Fu Panda 4. Oh, you're hyped on this one. I am. Friend of the show, Jack Black? I might bring trying to smoke weed out of retirement to go see Kung Fu Panda 4.

I tried it the other day again. Did you? Yeah. I thought it was great. My girlfriend said, shut, you're talking too much. Yeah, probably. I'll probably be bad at it. I'll probably do it like a 12 year old.

Our old pal Michael Foodie had a theory on weed that you have to do two months on, two months off, and when you go back on your peak riff, that the first week you're just getting Andre Steakhouse's, that's not all. You did Andre Steakhouse. You hit resin. I did, Amber would leave it. You hit resin like a hobo.

Yeah, Amber would leave her pipe out. And then you came up with a pipe out, and it had nothing to do in the morning, and I was like, fuck it, let me try it. Yeah. Let me see how it feels. Should we do weed? What's that?

I mean cannabis culture is like that could be a new audience that we attract. Kind of 420 guys. I think that my theory is this, I think to have this show have any kind of, cause like look, we don't, we don't, we wanted to move on from podcasting. We did podcasting for six years.

Some high points that I think are very funny, very good. I had a lot to do. But things have to come to an end. And then somehow with this, it was like, oh, we'll do a talk show. We'll shoot stuff. But it's actually impossible. It's not impossible. Well, it's not impossible, but you can't do it every week.

You can't do two talk show episodes a week. We could do one a month. We could do one a month. We could do one a month but we'd have to serve you. We will do, I'll say this publicly, we will do one a month after this next episode. Okay. But then it's just going to be a monologue in the interview. We can't shoot on this. We can discuss this later.

Okay. It's not possible to do a bunch of location shooting and get those. Yes, it's not possible to do... To have a... Tarkovsky. Not even Tarkovsky. It's not possible to even do... Just to do something that isn't a sketch in this office where you go, the show's failing

and I'm trying to make it good. So what do we have for the new sketch? Yeah, it can't just be that... What if it is? What if we turn it, it's the same every single time and it's kind of just like. I will kill, I'll kill you myself. If that continues, I'll kill you.

This is full disclosure of the audience. The introduction to the new episode has driven us to the point of insanity. No one cares anymore. No, no, no, they actually, they will care about it. At this point, they'll see it and they'll like it. No one is like, wow, I can't wait for the next episode. They think we're liars.

People think it ended years. People think we're pathetic. And now they don't. A few people that have interests. They're on drugs. The few people that have interests, they just see a bunch of these, these weird podcasts. And we somehow wound up, we somehow wound up, we could have just continued doing the old show with the same name, even just as bad as this,

and it wouldn't have cost us close to half a million dollars now, close to, this is the amount of money we've spent. We accidentally spent $7,000 a couple weeks ago just on accident. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It was an accident. It was. It's just enough. Enough. But hey, that money that went to that money, that look, if anything, that's the nice part is all the money has gone to our friends who need the money probably more than us because they got kids. They're genius musicians. Right, yeah, yeah. And they're black. What was I saying?

Oh, we have to podcast, at least for the time being. While we stem the tide of the slow bleed out of them. Don't worry, dude, don't worry. I got this, okay? Okay, all right. Nicholas, when you're on the beach. My point is, we're walking when you're on the beach... Hey, my point is... And we're walking side by side on the beach. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh. Shhh Everyone at the time the communities go you have to have a podcast and it's got to have a theme and I said that sounds gay

Mm-hmm. I don't want to have to have a theme. Oh, who's checking in on a theme? It's like why don't we just sit down and say things because that seems to be what they all turn into anyways Okay, it's people sitting down and saying so we need a theme now. No one's doing themes anymore queer socialist WWE I say we do a deep dive on subreddits and each episode is about a specific subreddit. Honestly that's not, that's a great idea. That's what I mean. It's also, that's all, they block, I can't see Twitter anymore. When we did the tiny people, you found the tiny penis one. I know, just do more of that, but like do, I'm obsessed with the psychology of individual subreddit. Alright, let's go to one right now. I don't

know, I'll wait until I find a new one and then I'll prepare. And then that'll be my new passion in life. I think we should make fun of one right now. Yeah. Well, you can find one. I wanted to talk about the other drama. But also, today's episode is brought to you by a company called Factor. I know what you're thinking. Factor, what the hell is this? Math class? Bill O'Reilly show?

Yeah. The only two plus two I'm trying to do is a two year old plus. I got this in trouble with the other sponsors. I'm not going to say that. Factor is our, yeah, is what? I said you just did. What? Nothing, nothing. Keep going.

Factor is a sponsor. I'm actually excited about this one. They already sent us this stuff. Luckily they sent some. What factor is, what's the fucking, what do you call it? Oh, it's right here. Pre-prepared chef to craft it and dietician to prove the meals to, that's too wordy. It's fucking meal prep. It's one of these companies where they send you the food, it's already made, you just throw it in the fridge, you pop them out in the microwave and then it works with whatever kind of calorie

tracking. And you hit all your macros. I'm 35 now. I have a woman's bone structure. When I was younger, I was able to lift weights and put on a level of muscle that could approximate a male physique, I'd say. But now my joints are fucked up, which I feel is unfair. I don't think if you're tiny you should ever have joint

problems. It's like my lower back hurts all the time. I'm like, from doing what? You should be at job. Barely reaching the cookie jar? Well, it could be taxing. I don't understand why my knees hurt. I weigh nine pounds. Yeah, tall people should fuck. Right, exactly. They deserve it. Whenever they're like, oh, my back. I'm like, good. Fuck you. Fuck you in your back. Go to the wheelchair. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Yeah. Be in a wheelchair. I know. It's fucking so weird. If you're one of these tall 5'10 guys, it's fucking annoying. If you're one of these giant 5'11. Did I have SI joint pain? What's SI? Sackrow iliac joint.

It's not even a joint. That sounds like a woman made up. Yeah, it's where your tail is. It sounds like Alina Dunham said she's got that. Yeah, it's literally your back walls is what it is. You hate your back walls? No, I didn't. That's what I mean.

You have penetrated the back walls. No one has even blown out my back, yet it hurts. The migrants have penetrated the fat walls. It's very hard for me to get back into working out now because I'm like, for what? It has to be now for balance and core. It has to be like maintaining things as I get older. Fashion muscles are ridiculous. The whole idea of aging gracefully.

And it's like, oh, you work out to maintain what you have and to take care of your body. I'm like, no, I just want to just give me drugs. You know what I mean? Like a lesion, like a rich person and everything you're healthy. Yeah, sort of. Like Neil Blum comes. I'm trying to be responsible enough that like, you know, I can maybe not end up.

Like the goal, you want enough money that you at least have a house that you're not going to get kicked out of. But then I'm like, look, one bedroom. I don't even need a fucking mattress. Once I know the house is there and the government's not going to take it away from me, I will do heroin in that room. And it'll be yours.

Anyways, let's start over. Today's episode is brought to you by a company called Factor. And Factor's delicious, ready to eat meals. My point is this. Okay, go ahead. Is that getting back into, and I was very excited when this came through, because the only way I could possibly get back into working out now, I can't do the fucking just eating boiled chicken anymore. It's disgusting.

I can't do it. And I'm not gonna learn how to cook. I refuse. It's nice to cook. No, it's that first of all, I've been to your house. You're like, we're cooking. And then your girlfriend does everything. And you spill wine all over your apron.

I actually spilled. You're Larry David apron. I spilled the potatoes. You're like, look at the, yeah. It was disgusting. I threw them out. You're like, look at the, yeah. It was disgusting. I threw them out. You invited a server for Lakers and then you fucking... I invited him over for Hanukkah to share my culture.

And he spills the potatoes into the garbage disposal and he goes, it's fine, I'll wash them, I'll wash them. And then he digs out, he digs out mashed potatoes from the sink trap. And then fucking tries to serve that as a meal. He tries to- It wasn't that nasty. It was that disgusting. It was the most heinous thing I've ever witnessed.

Is fucking like sink trap mashed potatoes? I didn't, okay, I didn't, but I didn't. The point is that those went in the trash. And then he's gonna be like, yeah, cooking is a lot of fun. You're terrible at it. It's awful. Not bad at cooking.

I don't know. Anytime I've tried to cook anything, it just tastes like I followed a recipe. It tastes like the individual ingredients. I can taste the amounts. I can taste the essay that was written. This is the other thing. I don't know what happened in this building, but we came into this place.

That's next door. That's next door, but now I hear, like you can hear people like, you can hear a phone vibrating, somebody else moved in upstairs. There's no way we can do, you can't do an interview in here anymore. Everything's gonna pick up. I can hear this guy talking to his fucking mom on the phone. What's her vibe? What's her... I don't know, I mean I hear his mom on the phone. What's her vibe? I don't know.

I mean, I hear his side of the phone. He's such a bitch, dude. He has a mom. Anyways. Factor. Factor is a, it's, you know, so it's meal delivery and they send them to you and then I don't want to plug, I don't know, plug a different product that has a similar name to theirs.

It's not the same service, by the way. It's the meal tracking side of things. But yeah, you can just fucking scan them. It plugs them in and hits your macros for the day. They have different options. Especially for busy people like Nick and myself. Or just people that don't. My body's fucking terrible and I just like.

You're a handsome retractor. You should, it makes it easier. It's like. Relatively in shape. Okay, look, I got it, take the picture of the thing, log it, try to hit what I need for the day according to an app. And then, yeah, maybe get back into working out.

It's just, I just want to sit in the fucking sauna. I think my bone, I think I maybe have my bones way up hound. My entire skeleton is- That is girl style. That's lady style. I think I have osteoporosis. That's like male breast cancer. My bones are shrinking. I think I'm all cartilage at this point.

Really? You're a jellyfish. I'm like a shark. A shark. I don't sleep. Yeah, a this point really your jellyfish. I'm like a shark. Yeah, yeah, and I don't sleep Yeah, shark that's shark vibe. Yeah. Yeah, is that you know? It's funny when you find those things in the beach and somebody's like, oh, that's the sharks purse and you're like they're gay Who says that you remember to find that on the beach? No one's ever said that to me a sharks purse sharks purse. Yeah, it's like the little like the thing It looks like a purse.

Who told you that? I don't know. Your boy? An adult. Your boy? I'm going to look it up right now. Your adult boy? This is what I hate, man.

It's like you just... A sharks purse? Anything I say. I'm like, this would be a fun riff. That's not a normal thing. That's not a normal thing. That's not real. They have a sand dollar.

That's not real. A sand dollars. No, that's no one's heard. No one knows sand dollars. Actually, no one's heard that ever, Adam. I'm sorry for contradicting you. Shark's purse. What is it? Looks like a mask for COVID. What is it?

No, no! I'm not contradicting you. I am your biggest fan. Every time, dude. I'm your biggest fan. I'm not that thing. No! What, when?

No! How about When? No! How about Shine? Shine. Let's do my style, come on. Noise. Shine. Noise. Dude, I'm gonna bring back saying noise.

Noise. Shorn. Shorn. They call them Mermaids purses. Oh, no. And it's an egg case. It's a shark egg case. Cat sharks.

So you went to shark beaches. You went to like... No, New Jersey beaches have these fucking things. Oh, I grew up doing West Coast beaches. Oh, okay. Kind of locals only, more so. I tell you, I love the Atlantic. I love the Atlantic Ocean.

I like it too. It's pretty nice. Yeah, it's dark. It's emo. It's sort of the Jack Skellington of oceans. Pacific's mean. The Pacific's like pissed off. It's like a hot girl who's being a con to people. Who's Pacific?

You're going to the beach? No, the Pacific is a psycho. The Atlantic's just more depressed. We gotta get through this. Factor! Factor is a meal delivery. Factors, delicious, ready to eat meals make eating better everyday easy. Whether tomorrow takes...

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Did it with those bags, right? Well, it's in the, we have a fridge but we don't have a microwave. So you'd have to eat them cold if you wanted to try one on the shelf. We could get a microwave. Uh, oh, fuck. What's up? Uh, it's got a really weird headache. microwave. Oh, fuck. What's up? It's got a really weird headache. I'm okay.

You're right. Yeah, I know, the migraine. So the promo code. Anyways, yeah, I don't want it. We get a microwave, I guess. I'm sorry, dude. No, it's all right. You know when you just, you know, no, it's-

Like a flat headache. Yeah, yeah, it's like just stabbing pain. It's another girl No, it's alright. You know when you just you know, no, it's like a flash yeah Yeah, yeah, it's like just stabbing pain other girls in menopause. Yeah, I'm losing my bones My boy bones are being you're having a wrap wrap doh mybiliosis I'm not you know so much about doctors dude. I don't know anything Anyways, yeah, these were nice too because I couldn't really eat the I don't have the turkey chili Anyways, yeah, these were nice too, because I couldn't really eat, I don't know, I had the turkey chili, well my mouth was fucked up. The Factor one. The Factor's turkey chili?

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TAFS at factormeals.com. And what's the discount? 50% off. What? 50% off. That's a huge discount. Yeah. That's massive, guys.

So guys, Nick has used the product. He's a, guys. Yeah. So, guys, Nick has used the product. He's a fan of the product. Oh, we have some here. There's a personal endorsement. So go ahead, click in that URL, put in our promo code. Maybe we'll get a microwave. Maybe we can do that after this. I put all this on because I thought I needed to for something that's not today.

My recital. my dance recital. Yeah, Nick is kind of like when an adult goes and gets a white belt. Like Nick, you're in a music school with just four-year-old Asian kids. Yeah. Yeah, you're doing Suzuki method. I'm doing school, like school of rock, but instead of rock, it's orchestra. It's school, it's regular school. You're just going to that little bit of trees.

Yeah, you've seen the movie School of Rock. It's sort of like that, except it's just school. I think that's a good idea for a movie. Just like, let's talk, okay, here's my pitch. You have a guy like a Philip Seymour Hoffman style, like that talented at acting, right? He has a tragedy in his life, right? Wife, three kids, they all die, right?

He has a mental break. He accidentally acts at them too hard and they fucking overdose on his acting. I mean, we'll figure that out, right? He has a mental break, wakes up in his childhood bedroom because he's moved back home, right? He has a mental break, wakes up in his childhood bedroom because he's moved back home, right? And then he just gets up,

his mom still has it set up the same way from him growing up, and he just grabs his backpack and he walks to elementary school. It's like, and then the whole town feels so bad for him that they don't have the heart to tell him that he's not an elementary schooler. It's kind of like Lars and the real girl,

where they're like, yeah, that's a real bitch, actually, because everyone's like, that guy's such a loser. We can't tell him it's not real bitch. Uh. I think this is a good movie. Mm-hmm. And you could play the Philip Seymour Hoffman style guy. I just want to go back to school.

Yeah. It's called Back to School 3. Just let me go back to school! Just like that? Yeah, and he thinks he's a little kid. I'm small. It's not Billy Madison because it's a- How did you do the nose smiling?

He was a great breathe actor. I'm nose, I'm nose. Him and Gamma Alphina were both the best two breathing at breathe actor guys. Yeah. Like when Tony would eat, he'd eat like a half fistful of the Babagool. So good.

We're not an ax, am I right? Yeah. It is fun. If anyone is watching this and knows how to act, we should, this show would be fucking amazing. If this podcast we had just a mentally ill 70 year old woman that's like, I have spent my life in the theater.

Teaching us Misoner. Fucking just whatever that, whatever that herbs. Not the Parkinson's one, but like, you know, Parkinson's light that old people get. Where you just kind of. The Yips. Is that what that's called? I think it's if you're scared Is that what that's called the yips now? I don't know isn't that that's kind of like a world war two?

Like a What's Parkinson's light? Huh? Nothing, you know how like maybe they just have Parkinson's and they were should add in my life I have met old people that were shaking and like I feel like Parkinson's is such a big deal when you find out somebody that gets it that I would see those old people shaking and I'm like well if it was Parkinson's they'd be like fuck I'm freaking out about it maybe they just had Parkinson's and they were just chill about it they were chill about it so yeah my mom was pretty chill when she first had it you but she had other

stuff going on too. Later on. She had Parkinson's for eight years before the brain cancer. Eight years? Yeah, like eight years. No, I remember when- She was doing yoga. I remember when your mom was diagnosed. She was diagnosed right after I moved to New York to 2014.

Yeah. So she had it, and she passed away in 2020. So I guess six years. Yeah, but the diagnosis of the cancer was two years prior to her passing. So that's what four years? What are you checking the facts on? Because you said eight years and it doesn't add up. Six, seven years. No, four years. I just don't understand why you would lie about something so close to you. She was diagnosed 2013 and 2014 and she passed away 2020.

What you said is that she... I said eight and it's probably six or seven. She was diagnosed 2013 and 2014 and she passed away in 2020. What you said is that she had Parkinson's for eight years prior to the other. You're keeping me honest and I appreciate it because I am a... I'm just... She's watching. She's watching. She's always watching. And she's like, you're lying.

You're my favorite. You're lying again right now. You're my favorite. I can see you lying. Everyone in heaven is laughing at her. No, not laughing at her, laughing at me. We want you to know you're in heaven not because you were a good person, but because your son is such a piece of shit. He was the best person I've ever met.

Because your son is such a piece of shit. She was the best person I've ever met. Because your son is such a piece of shit. She was a lovely woman. She would have loved you. She was a lovely woman. She would have loved you. We don't. She was really loved you. We don't.

She was really funny too. You earned it on that alone. The reason I called it Funny Moms is because she was the funniest person I've ever met. Now it's kind of, it seems like a very 2009 hipster name for a show. What, Funny Moms? Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was. No, it's my LLC also.

Yeah, well we got a new, we started a new, you guys have been pleased to know that, this is the kind of stuff that people really want. This is what they want. On the financial side of all this, no longer is this project funneled through my LLC, me and Adam are now officially business partners that, We're gonna die together. 50-50 ownership of everything.

We can't quit each other. We got a stock split. We're crazy in love. I don't know. What does that even mean? What? What does that even mean? Crazy in love?

You know what's crazy? I haven't thought about killing myself, I think, in like seven years now. No, that's not true. But it's been like maybe seven weeks. No, I honestly haven't. Truly, like you, no, that's not true. No, I been like maybe seven weeks. No, I honestly haven't. Truly, like you, no, that's not true. No, I haven't dude, I'm telling you. I'm telling you right now.

No, I've been angry or upset, but I haven't like, you know, when you're younger you're like, It's very nice that you don't say, I want to kill myself. Well, I don't, I haven't. I literally haven't. And then it's like, maybe that's all happiness is. Just not wanting to kill yourself. Not wanting to kill yourself. I think that's fair. Yeah. That's really all of it.

I think that's fair. People think it's like what being a Chinese guy on top of a mountain. No. Yeah. Floating while meditating. No. That's not even possible. It's just not wanting to kill yourself.

Yeah. That's all it's going to be. That Chinese guy is a fucking liar. He has a loser. And then often they kill themselves dude. That's the thing. Like that's why I never understood. The Rage Against the Machine guy.

The Rage Against the Machine guy. They show you that and they're like, wow, he did this. The US soldier did that this week for Palestine. But he's a US soldier. The Rage Against the Machine guy. The Rage Against the Machine guy burning himself to death over some Chinese bullshit. I thought it was the Vietnam War. You know what I mean.

The point is, is that this guy doing that,'s like okay. Well good for you good for you I think you did that but doesn't that mean Buddhism's bullshit? Yeah. Yeah, like even if Buddhism work Wouldn't you wouldn't you just be able to be like, you know what let them do whatever their fuck whatever fucking things happening I thought case or a maybe it is like a Metallica and nothing else matters kind of thing. Maybe that's what Buddhism is right? Isn't it that nothing matters? Kind of I guess. I don't really know much about Buddhism. It seems like the whole thing is a cove. It seems like what Buddhism is was a million years ago there was a prince an Indian prince yeah who had everything you could ever want, but he started going bald, right?

And he's like, fuck, that's embarrassing. And he's like, I'm going to shave my head. And he did it, and people are like, you know, he's like, how does it look? And then people in this court were like, oh, yeah, it looks awesome. He's like, what, it looks fucking bad? And they're like, yeah, it looks bad. And he's like, you know what, just fucking, I, you know what, who cares about anything?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I don't need any of this fucking shit. In fact, that's a religion. So now I'm getting, everybody- In fact, it makes me a better guy than you. That's all, I don't give a fuck about shit. We're all gonna be bald. Let's all shave our heads and wear pajamas.

And now it's a new religion. So I'm actually, I don't fucking care dude And then a bunch of Chinese people were like, oh, yeah Makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Well now I don't have to you know, because it sucks being Chinese So I guess I'll just be bald. Yeah. Yeah, and now every country that does it now Richard Gears doing it He's just got a bunch of mice in his ass and he's fucking Sitting around his mansion. Yeah, yeah, actually this is my religion. And he's just sitting there quietly and all your hair is like, from the wheel.

From the wheel inside his ass. Yeah, he's got a whole amusement park for them. Just translucent tubes. Just imagine Richard Gears, his colonoscopy, it's just the tubes and fucking... He has to pay his assistant to clean out these tanks. Yeah, the pet go? Yeah.

He's like, can you do me a favor? Can you pick up... Pick up some bedding? And when you come back, I'm gonna be on the inversion board. Just go ahead and I'm going to deep meditative trance. Just go ahead and insert that. Yeah, it's actually really spiritual that I do this with my ass.

It makes me a better God than you. We haven't heard from that guy in a while, Richard Gere. Actually he's in the, I know, never mind. Oh, he's in Israel? No, he's in a new movie that Paul Trader's making. Oh. Yeah. The ass hamster? Mm-hmm.

The hamster fucker by Paul Trader. Yeah, and you think he's just a normal hamster fucker, but it turns out he's maga. Mm-hmm. And he's trying to escape his maga path. Oh, yeah, so it's just a normal hamster fucker, but it turns out he's maga. And he's trying to escape his maga path. Oh, so it's relevant. So it's relevant. It's a commentary on society.

That's what he always does. That's what the goat always does. The crowd work comedian. He's making a bunch of money off TikTok, but the reality is he's got a bunch of gerbils in his ass. Yeah. And it's a secret. Sort of about. I guess. We love him. Yeah, we do.

He's a legend. We love him. We love him a lot. That's all we'll say about that. So Kate Middleton hasn't been seen in six months. Is that true? She's been murdered? I think she's like, yeah. She was one of the bachelorettes? For the England, for William. She's the white one. I finally watched an episode of the Bachelor last night. I'm not saying this to be, because I'm past the point in my life where I'm like, this sucks because it's people like it. You know?

You're not trying to be a snob. I'm not trying to be a snob. But you didn't enjoy it. And I say I've watched, I mean, when I say that, I mean, I sat down and watched it. I've seen The Bachelor casually throughout my life. It's been around for 20 years. I'm watching this season. And it's the same conversations over and over and over again

for 20 years, which a lot of people say, isn't that just what you do? And I'm like, yes begrudgingly, because we got trapped. We got trapped. We got trapped. Yeah. I would probably be happier managing a GameStop fucking being like, dude, 25% store discount. Yeah.

And I'm addicted to pills. It doesn't get much better than that, pal. It's been a little while since I... For a guy like me, it doesn't get much better than that. I have every single Zelda title at my house. Every single Zelda title. In my efficiency apartment. And I am so alone.

Yeah. Actually, it'd be terrible. The best. I would just be priced out of Austin. I would have to be. I would be living in like the Serengeti of Texas. Just commuting five and a half hours. Yeah.

You'd be like in a place with the fucking the, one of those balls. I would just be bitter, I would hate Joe Rogan. Yeah. I'd be like, these guys. They ruin the scene. Yeah, we had the best comedians. Yeah, Austin was good before these LA guys

came in and ruined our scene. Right, I'm living five hours away. I'm in Oklahoma. I just get, Tornado tries to come by, but I'm too fat at that point that it'd be sucked up. It's like, do we even have an obesity crisis or do we have a tornado problem? And on a subconscious level, the species knows the answer. I need to survive. Heavier. Let's go heavier than the... because it is right there through that... They're making a new one

You know that twister. Yeah, no, and what it's a black lady. Yes. Yeah, look out y'all here. I come Yeah, it's my name is here. I Who's pot we got we got Monique as a tornado now I believe is money because woke though cancel culture has to take tornadoes away from conservative America. They woke everything. That was their thing. All we got here is NASCAR and tornadoes,

and now you gotta fucking sit home. They gave tornadoes to black ladies. They're giving, they're saying the fat black ladies. What do we have left? We got nothing. We just have sexual stuff. That's the last thing they left to the men. Dude, this started with, they killed Dale Earnhardt,

and then they saw us weak, and they fucking have just spent the last thing they left to the men. This started with, they killed Dale Earnhardt, and then they saw us weak, and they fucking have just spent the last 20 years, but no more, the South will rise again. I guess what, they're confusing our weakness for kindness. Our Southern weakness. Yeah, and we're not kind. There's, yeah. We're bitches.

We're actually fucking weak. And we're just weak, but we're also cunts. I'll tell you what we're gonna do, is we're gonna put arsenic in the eggnog. We're gonna show you but we're also cunts. I'll tell you what we're going to do is we're going to put arsenic in the eggnog. We're going to show you, now it's time for our volley in the war on Happy Holidays. Enjoy your holiday eggnog. What is that for? We're going to call it that.

To kill Christians? No, to kill people that just want eggnog. We're going to have Happy Holidays eggnog. I never had it. So it's no longer Christmas-style eggnog. Now it's for everybody. But guess what? It's got poison in it. So it's no longer Christmas-style eggnog. Now it's for everybody. But guess what? It's got poison in it.

So enjoy that. You want to buy the non-controversial eggnog? Yeah, yeah. Now it's time to die. Yeah, you're gonna die. Yeah. If you woke it. And that'll be the real rapture.

Uh-huh. This roll. We have Christmas eggnog. And anybody that drinks that is fine. Yeah. Anybody that chooses the happy holidays eggnog. You know, that's what happened to Jews during the plague because it was passed around during from swine.

So people thought they were wizards. What? The plague in Europe was spreading through swine. No, it spread through rats. So how did Jews not get it? They did. Well, there just wasn't that many Jews. Zero percent fatality rate.

For Jewish people? I think they also watched it. Didn't RFK say that about COVID? What did he say at that dinner? He said something like that that Jews, no Jews ever. Jews invented COVID. They invented Calvin. Yeah.

What's going on with that guy? I get it's like, somebody thought it was funny to sign me up for fucking emails for every, I mean I don't even, obviously. That's funny, that is very funny. I get every newsletter, ever. I love the around election time when they just sound like they're just like, please give me pussy. Like in the title, in the subject line of every email. They say please give me pussy.

It's that, it is that tone. Like please, please, like Donald Trump is about to molest us. Please, please, please, Adam. Please, this is Barack Obama. Please protect me. I really didn't go anywhere. Yeah, no, the RFK ones are like, you know, these bastards wanna fucking,

they're trying to do everything they can to keep fucking RFK down. And it's like, it's not that serious, dude. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares about the fucking, that's the worst part about, like, does anybody actually care about who's president? As much as the people doing it.

Uh, you know what I mean? Yeah. No. You know? And nerds. No, not even, they don't even care. Losers do. Podcasts ruined literally everything.

Yeah, people don't have clothes. You can get paid to care about things. And it was like, Gen X had it figured out. Don't you care about anything. Nirvana. All we needed, Gen X, if we had Gen X, but people were fucking maybe a little bit more, that would have been a perfect society.

And we were getting close. Yeah. You know, that's what the 90s was. Yeah, Woodstock 94. Yes. Woodstock 99. Rap rock. Rap rock.

That is close. That's close to what a perfect society would be. It was close. But there was a lot of sexual assault at 99. It was there though? There was mud lot of sexual assault at 99. It was there, though? There was mud, yeah. Mud? I remember it.

People got mud in there. It rained a lot. People nutted in the mud? People nutted in the mud. That was one of the, that was on top acts that year, nutted in the mud. BC Bulls got mad about it. Yo, we're rap rock group, nutted in the mud.

Nutted in the mud. Yeah, and then it's like, yeah, it's a mixed race. Rap rock group. All right. Yeah, our song, the clown it's like, yeah, it's a mixed race. Rap rock group. Alright. Yeah, our song, the clowns have come, our clowns at the club, that's the number one song. The clowns at the club, yeah. Don't you dare disrespect my tiny car. I'll step out of it.

And we could go to war, he's a tiny clown mafia. That's pretty good. Mr. Clown Rap Mafia. That's pretty good. It's crazy that of all of the subgenres of rap rock, the one that's had the most Clown Mafia. That's pretty good. Mr. Clown Rap Mafia. That's pretty good. It's crazy that of all of the subgenres of rap rock, the one that's had the most longevity is the Clown branded one. That is, ICP still going strong.

Yeah. They still have- Housapane, nothing. Nothing. But Clown Rap Rock. Housapane had to pick up guitars. They became Everlasting. Yeah, right.

Yeah. Yeah. Uncle Cracker is literally just that. Yeah had to pick up guitars? They became ever less. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. Uncle Cracker is literally just that. Yeah, to pick up a guitar. Now he's just literally some Cracker uncle. Mm-hmm. So sad what they've done to him. It used to be.

He used to rhyme. Mm-hmm. He used to spit. No, Kid Rock is, Kid Rock is, no, Kid Rock picked up the guitar. Yeah. No, they found out he can sing and then he has to do that instead. Just let white men rap. Have you seen Modesty Ahu's back on the news?

The workers at venues are boycotting him. What do you do? He's pro-Israel. So he's on his most recent tour. Why? He is? Yeah, he is. That's shocking. Why? He is? Yeah, he is. That's shocking. Why?

I mean he stinks. He stinks. I told you, I've said this story before, but my mom, and it was like she was being so nice. She like came into my room, I was like doing homework or something. She's like, Adam, you like Ray Gay. I know you like Bob Marley. Did you even like Ray Gay?

I like Bob Marley when I was in middle school. Yeah, that's really... Okay, so she's like you like did you even like reggae? I like Bob Marley. Oh, okay Yeah, that's okay. So she's like that's because you're like you're like learning how to like do weed with how doing it before you I remember fantasizing about when I'm gonna start doing right. Yeah, that's that's like age 12 Me and my cousin listen to dark side of the moon. Yeah, and we were like I can't wait to get you remember You see half did you see half baked before or after? Before, totally before. You see it before and you're like, dude, as soon as I get pubes. That looks like the coolest thing ever. As soon as I have one pube,

I wanna make sure I don't fuck that up. If I start weed now, I might not ever grow my penis. My, well, it's gonna stay small. It might be bad luck. But at least I can't be bald. My mom had a little... I can't give you. My mom had- I can't give people-

You can't have a small day that can be shaving your pubes also. So I check this out. A baby. What if it's- What if I'm a baby? Yep. Got an extra half inch baby. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, shit. My mom, like, she had, like, the CD and the, like, jewel case. And she was like, Adam, you like reggae, right? I was like, yeah, what a- what- why? And she and she's like well there's a rabbi that does reggae. You see even a rabbi? He was Orthodox at the time and she's like you know. Does that mean you're a rabbi? If you're Orthodox they're all rabbis?

Kind of yeah if you're a Chaucer they're all technically kind of rabbis yeah because they're all. But Orthodox isn't Hasidic. Orthodox, Hasidic is part of... It's boring. Hasidic is part of Orthodoxy. But then they're modern Orthodox people, like they also shave, but they wear yarmulkes. Yeah, they just wear the jacket. They wear the like the...

It's kind of more Blues Brothers style. Road to Perdition. Road to Perdition. Yeah, style. Road to Perdition, style. Yeah. Kind's road to perdition. Road to perdition. Yeah, style. Yeah. Kind of road to perdition. So the regular Hasidic, that's 1880s and then the modern Orthodox is 1940s.