The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast – Episode 8

Episode Date: June 15, 2023

Subscribe for more: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/tafs ┄ GET TICKETS: NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour Nick will be performing June 15th - June 17th @ American Comedy Co. in San Diego, CA Adam will be performing July 14th & July 15th @ Zanies Nashville Comedy Night Club in Nashville, TN

Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast. You know the deal, it's Adam Nick. Maybe say the date. What? Let me say the date. The 14th of June 2023. This is the Adam Friedland Show podcast, big day here at the studio. Can't say why. Yeah, don't, just don't. Just move on, dude. I can't move on, dude. All right, we're doing the podcasting.

I know, I have to look up the reads. You were sitting here watching soccer on your phone while me- I wasn't watching soccer on my phone, actually. I was... It's already 1 p.m. We're starting out hours late. That was my fault. I'm not saying was already one thing, yeah. We're starting hours late. How was my fault? I'm not saying it's your fault,

but don't get on me for looking up to that. We had hours late, we had, you're like, come on, we're doing the pie, we've been, hours late, we went to a corporate event. There's reasons why. I understand there's reasons. It's like, you do this thing where you bait me, I do this thing. You bait me. What? I do this thing.

You bait me into this thing where somebody's at home and you apply that I'm at fault. I never said you're at fault for anything. You think that any statement that I'm on my phone in the attack. I'm on my phone, pulling up the ad. There are plenty of times for your ad messaging. Okay, anyway, guys.

He's pulling up the ad every time in the show. He's my best friend, I love him. Okay, so I'm pulling up the ad copy for the show. Okay, great. And then we could have done that. And then it said, start. You go after me in such a way as to imply that I'm the one daily Italian,

never minding the fact that right before the cameras are starting, I'm working. I'm working. It was a big day. We have this swap, this lens. I know, I know, no. It was a big day. We have to swap this lens. I know, I know, no. It was a big day, guys. We're having a big day.

There's a lot of nervous energy here in the studio. We had a couple of things. We had to go to a corporate vendor earlier. Potentially, it's an offer has been made out to the biggest celebrity, one of the biggest celebrities in America. Now you're crossing, now you're shaking your head. You just, what is it?

Now I'm texting. Why are you texting now? Because I feel like it. We agreed, we weren't going to talk. We're gonna be professionals about it. We're not gonna talk about it. It's all I can think about, it's all I can think about Nick. I can't think about anything else. Yes, you can. It's hard. It's just, it's...

Pretend my heart has been racing. My heart has been racing since that happened. Pretend thinking about it. And it's a good thing, guys, just so you know, don't be worried about Nick and Adam. It's a very good thing that happened potentially. And, and and and my my my stomach has been in my throat pretend that my penis has been in my body continue sorry no go ahead my balls have been their ovaries now they're pretend blood did I know you're about to give me good advice no you give great advice no I don't yes no you don't absolutely not okay so wait were you You know, you're about to give me good advice. No. You give great advice.

No, I don't. Yes, no, you don't. Absolutely not. Okay, so wait, were you chewing on this? Why are the teeth marks on the vape? It's my dog tape. Use it. You chew on them.

Okay, maybe you just don't use someone else's vape. You're disgusting. And then where is it? Give it to me. This is mine. No, this is something like, can't power situation no it's not it's mine I brought to you know it's a power situation yes it is it's all power it's not power yeah you're all always be selling glen Gary Glen Ross that is nothing to do with power that is but yes it is it's all that power. No, it's the salesman the salesman are employed the mark

Salesmen are employees. That's it that movie is about working hard and traditional values. It's a pretty straightforward movie that's about If you work hard in life you will be rewarded for it that movie is about masculinity Yes, it is I why didn't get that from it. Well there are no chicks in it. Right exactly. Exactly what?

Well if it was about masculinity it would be a guy's just getting pussy at constantly. Yeah it doesn't happen once in a movie. It is a good point. See? You do give me, there's no suggests. That's not advice either. It's my advice on what the movie is. My opinion of what Glenn Gary Glenn Ross is. I will try to remove this from my mind.

Go ahead and talk about it. You want to? We don't have to. You've been begging me that you want to talk about this before the show. You're saying you can't think about anything else. I'm just really, it's just, it's just, uh, I fly out 9 a.m. tomorrow, I'll be in San Diego at the American comedy co-tomorrow,

Friday and Saturday. Please come out. Go ahead and check that out so it's gonna be nice. I got cousins out there that haven't seen me since. Me too. My uncle's, uh, I guess, I used to call it like a memorial service. It wasn't a funeral per se, but it'll be nice to see them. Yeah, I'm familiar too. I've seen them since I got right at the start of... Where in San Diego?

Why don't you want to dox them? It's not a dox, it's just hand it to you. Chula Vista. Chula Vista. There's a lot of auto malls. There's like an auto mall there. All of Southern California looks identical to me. They all have outdoor malls.

Yeah. The brief period I went around with them, other show me around San Diego, they're like, so this is like fucking, this looks like anything, you'll probably drop me anywhere in LA. It all looks like- So parts of San Diego that are very unique.

It's like when I do shows in Orange County, people are like, well, this is Orange County. I'm like, how do I fucking, that's how I grew. Everything looked like where the improv is in Irvine. It did all looks identical. That's exactly how I grew. It's a fucking like a pack sun surrounded by palm trees. Brand new sidewalks.

They spend all their money on fucking sidewalks. Everything's new. It's all brand new. My dad came to visit me and he was like being like a snob about how the sidewalks aren They spent all their money on fucking sidewalks. Everything's new. It's all brand new. My dad came to visit me and he was like being like a snob about how the sidewalks aren't uneven. He said, I guess your neighborhood hasn't gentrified yet, but for green. I was like, you're such a fucking loser. No, they made the sidewalks 200 years ago. Yeah. It used to be, you would live in a real city. You would ride on the back of an indentured servant. So you don't really have to worry about the sidewalks.

Yeah. Because they'd carry you. Mm-hmm. Like a mongoloid, like a big mongoloid. There'd be a house boy. No, I don't think they gave them jobs back then. Because they didn't have mongoloids? Yeah, it was a putthrome in jail.

Because until, no, I mean it. Like in the 1800, if you're born in 1890 and you had like the intellectual disability, you got put in jail, and that didn't really change until roughly, it was actually Thomas Edison, because he invented movies, essentially, and then once theaters proliferated, there was jobs for them. Oh, take it to Terran. Yeah, Terran the Thiccus.

Yeah. Yeah. And so, but, was it like a home for the profoundly? Is that, I never said, what does the word profound mean? It's just a good adjective. But it just means what? Like, damn. Wow. Yeah.

My man fucked up. Because it's like, if somebody has a profound thought, you know? Yeah, it's a Eureka. Yeah. My man fucked up. Because it's like if somebody has a profound thought, you know. Yeah, it's a Eureka. Yeah. But I guess if someone's profoundly, like a autistic, I guess it's like the nonverbal, like can't function kind of, not that like, I'm just rude to people kind of, yeah.

They're levels to this, you know. Anyway, I won't mention it. I'll defer to you. You know, I trust you. You've made a lot of good calls that I've pushed back on that I, in retrospect, was like, Nick, you got that one right. We have a play in motion.

What? A play in motion. There's a play in motion, right? And I'm a big, blabber mouth. I'm a giant gossip queen. And I want to tell my friends that listen to the show about it. But Nick is quite correctly telling me to sack up. Be a man.

Not be a man. He's not in that. He just says wait and see. Yeah, but if I was like a... Here's what you're talking about. to my life is life is a chess board Right, and so you're saying rook to e7, you know, what was that castling? I don't know you know Rook the e7. I don't know how to play chess, but let's so you I know that you say you know

You say the number you say rook the e say, you're going to eat seven, right? And now, then you go like this. You hit the clock and then you go like this. And then you see what happens. What you're doing is you go, you're going to eat seven. And then you're now, your next move is to turn around and go, see, here's why I did that. Because if I do that, then he'll move here

and then I can do this. But what you're doing. And then they just hear everything and they go, okay, well, I won't do that. You're thinking about doing. And then they just hear everything and they go, okay, well, I won't do that. You're thinking about the psychology of the, who are we playing against? God.

The world. The world. It's a vampire. We're playing against death. Yeah. Yeah, on the beach. Life is, we should really got to get into the Android Tade stuff. Dude, I watched a ton like a month and a half ago.

I agree with. Life is a chest. 99% Life is a constant game of chess against death itself. That sounds good. And now do you want to be the king or do you want to be a pawn? Mm-hmm. That's the first question.

And if you have to be a pawn, do you want to be one of the white pieces or one of the black ones? I go black every time. Because it moves first. No. Does it? Yeah. Black goes first? I think so. Chess is very progressive. The queen is the most powerful. I think that goes first. They invented chess before they had black people. No, I don't think so. Well in Europe they didn't really. Like the black people they had back in olden times were like uh...

moores well they were like uh... like uh... uh... the gladiators friend if you see that movie yeah yeah did you want to see that did you want yeah did you want to know that did you want to see that yeah all the black guys back then they were like like, kushine and eight feet tall, and they could blow, match. And wise.

Yeah, and dear fans. And wise. And at the perfect moment in the... And the only clothes they wear, they were a bunch of chicken bones on a necklace, and then they would be wearing a single flip flop as a cod piece. Mm-hmm.

And so it wasn't racist back then the world it was still a vampire but it wasn't racist and you know it's not my only point is when they invented chess i think we turn the ac off well too early it's hot here i'm gonna turn it on and then ginsburg

can you let us know how much this deteriorates the audio quality of the podcast if I have the AC on? I'm burning up. I feel like I'm covering it. Yeah, I think that's why there was a little bit of acrimony up top. I saw an acrimony. I can't even open my fucking eyes. Oh no, you were like, oh, I'm checking the reads.

You're such a doofus. That's not an acrimony. What do you mean it's not an acrimony? This is what I mean. You're the most acrimonyist guy ever met. Like accusing me of stuff. That's not an acrimony. What do you mean it's not an acrimony? This is what I mean. You're the most acrimonyist guy I've ever met. Like accusing me of stuff. That is an accusation. Yeah.

Oftentimes you claim that I'm accused of using it. I'm using it to the gym. Hell yes, dude. Just fucking the biggest water bottle. Yeah. Just doing two sets. Yeah, just like, no way. Yeah, just the bar.

Yeah, in the Pilates, in the modern dance class. Yeah, just like, no wait. Yeah, just the bar. Yeah, in the Pilates, in the modern dance class. Yeah, just fucking, go to Barry's bootcamp. It is pretty bad ass. Yeah. We were trying to get to Guinness World Records on the show. I have that lotion thing. Mr. Joe, he was working on that for us. I think we,

how's it sound, Ginsburg? He'll roll it off, he says. We got a real pro in the edit. Yeah, in the control room. We love our boy Adam Ginsburg. So I still haven't played the new Zelda. I don't know if that's happening anytime soon. And I am not sure that I'm particularly happy about that. Yeah. What's the new one, the desolation of Smaled? Tears of the kingdom. It's good.

You know why? Because they've made queens too powerful. Well, that's what you learn from chess, is that the most powerful is the quaint. Yeah, what's the like the posture? Should we just get cigars? That seems way. Look, a lot of ways to tape. I'll tell you, you know my emotional state.

I got to do with, I'm being, I, I, every, you have to do a special. My heart is not in stand up. I don't, you know, I look, I'll just be honest. Okay, yeah, yeah, we've discussed. And maybe some of that is like cowardice or whatever. Being a baby. Yeah, being a baby, fine. All of that being the biggest baby I remember.

But I guess it's like, you know, you've, it feels like trying to chase something, you know, it feels like being behind the eight ball. I'd rather just do something different because that way you can't really fail. If you do something- I understand that you can. What?

You can do something different. Well, that's what I mean. But my point is, I see this as a given interrupt so much. I have a very simple point to make. And then even setting it up. You're just telling you that you're getting... You're still doing it. I mean, encouraging you.

You're still doing it. You can't receive encouragement from a friend without thinking that it's an attack. You can't listen to more than three words in a sentence. You just don't understand people. You don't. You can't listen to four words. You in a sentence. You just don't understand people. You don't. You can't listen to four words. You got to make the four words at time.

You don't understand people. You make the... I love you. You made it to four words at time before... And then I get caught up. Can I speak more about your count? Tell me a little bit more about your count. I get caught up just trying to get through the initial state.

So I encourage you to say that you're capable. You said that you're capable of doing something different and that you're, you know, you're, I was encouraging you and then you assume that that is an attack on you. It's bizarre. No, not even close. You know why?

Because you think that we're at the chess board right now. I want to, I want to tell a story about that. Don't tell the story. This is how, I'll be like, I have a story about going to the Ferrari dealership, right? And I'll say, I don't know, I'm like, oh, I want to tell the story. And I'll say, so is that McDonald's the other day?

And then you'll be like, will McDonald's? No. You'll be like, why would you go to McDonald's when you go to Burger King? You're saying, what are you up to now? I'm like, I'm only saying I went to McDonald's so that I can say I to the four-hour tuition and then you'll get you'll fucking drag it out you're like you hate mcdonalds

you hate your old set that's not you want to talk you that's not the correct about how you hate that is not the correct enough it's exactly the correct analogy is that it happens all the time the correct analogy is to say um... that you're that you're incapable of something and then then I tell you as your friend, you could do that. The only point of view. You could, you are powerful.

You were talented enough. The only point. And you're like, how dare you at all. The only point of view. Oh my heavens. The only point of bringing that up was to make the point that I would have no problem doing Andrew Tate stuff.

And we should turn this show into an Andrew Tate thing. You don't even let me get anywhere close to that territory where I'm making an analogy because I only because you objected to me saying you can do it. That's not what happened. That's what I said. That's not what happened. I said do you understand maybe it wasn't to time nor the place for you to interrupt. You understand like communications by like two different people. It's not about just you talking to someone. It's not about just you talking to someone. It's not about just you talking to someone

and you having to say the thing you have to say. You understand that it's exchange of ideas. Communication is also built on sentences. You understand that it's an exchange of ideas. What information is being exchanged? I didn't even get to relay the idea. You were giving a preamble and you presented a fact. And I said, I countered that fact by saying, yeah, of course you could. You said, I can't. And then I said, I counter that fact when I say,

yeah, of course you could. You said, I can't, and then I said, of course you could. I can't, first of all, I'm doing the thing. Sorry to know, so I don't need to. So great. I mean, whether it's good or bad, it doesn't matter. The point is, is that in doing this special, it does feel like, and whether it's rational or not,

that I'm doing something because I think that I'm supposed to for the benefit of my career, which I don't like doing. In the same way that I don't like having to print business cards, or fucking do any of these things, because it feels, I'll tell you what, it feels desperate to me. There feels like there's some kind of desperation,

and I'd like to avoid that feeling. So chasing something that seems like, in search of some kind of mainstream success, now you can say, fine, all these things, that the source of that is like my own cowardice or whatever, fine, or I'm being a baby or I'm being afraid. Fine. That's something that self-doubted everyone else

that experiences it. Fine, experience it. Yes, fine. So you need. Fine, that's fine. Fine, fine. It can be fine. So, you need to find. That's fine. It's fine. Whatever the reasoning for it is, but if the end result is that I still feel like, or again,

whether it's rash or not, or that it should feel that way or not, it leaves me feeling desperate, trying, even doing stand-up itself, because it's like I'm trying to, like, it feels like, oh, I gotta do this thing, because frankly, you can make money right now, you know? Or, like, this is like a thing that you have to do, because this is like the right career, making a living. It's making a living, and, you know,

I mean, regardless of that's kind of money, many make you still feel exactly, sure. And it's, but, in, in, all right, the point is, engaging in, like in a more mainstream thing that I wouldn't feel bad about because I'm fascinated by it is actively trying to do like an intro date. If we could do,

like just some bullshit advice show and all of the advice is garbage and it's just chess analogies. I would have that, in doing it sincerely. You know, well, I guess maybe I'm not. I know. There's no way. That's the reason. I guess. Yeah. Is engaging with it in that way. All right. So how do I lower my respect for a potential stand-up comedy special to the level where I can just engage with it ironically. I think I don't care. I mean, I'll do it anyway. I mean, you'll do it and it'll be awesome.

I'm all that. Whether it is or isn't it. You're like an incredibly talented stand-up. I just, I've only had to have been doing it most of your life. I was only trying to make this distinction that's obviously not clear about what you're expressing itself out. And I think the easiest way to grapple with this, I would do TED talks for your special? No, for something for the show. Just doing stuff like that.

Even honestly getting business cards, I would order 100,000 business cards. You use business cards anymore? I know, but now that years ago, I tell you, when I was like, when you're the Bowser, when I was like 20, 21 years old and I was a comedian, and I was like, I was just, I was a feature act and I didn't know how to get to the next level.

The next level was like constantly, like sort of like disappearing, becoming more elusive, and then you have people being like, well, you need headshots and business cards. And a website. And you, you, you know being like, well, you need headshots and business cards. And a website. And you, they're all set of webs. You know, God damn well, that is not gonna do anything. You know, it's not gonna do a fucking thing.

They have business cards and a website. But you do it and it's like, and headshots, it's, yeah, it's like. You have those guys that are at OpenMigor is that have a hundred different professional heads. And most of them don't want to do it. They don't want to, they won't do anything. I think that they think that it is doing something.

Yeah. I'm more in your mindset where I'm like, oh, that stresses me out. It does. It stresses you out because it makes you feel desperate, it makes you feel like, yeah, it's just cool. Like, you know, like you're scared. A different type of, of, of scared. Beyond that, but it's also just like, and I experienced like you're scared. A different type of scare. But it's also just like,

and I experienced what you're expressing is like it's being told to do something. You know? I don't think it stems from like a problem with authority really, because there is no authority. Nobody's like telling me you have to do it. No, but I think that if this is like a standard

or something, the decision to do it, it is when you think about it, it makes it more humiliating. The decision to do it is mostly based on like, fucking like the market and like, you know, the economy, what makes sense? You put a special out, maybe we'll get you

some more ticket sales, you know? And it's like, I hate that. I hate thinking about like, oh, if I hate feeling like I'm scrambling. I think, I would think about it in the sense that you're, you started when you were 17 years old. This is half your life. You should put a special out.

You've dedicated so much of your life to this. And I haven't, I honestly really. I mean, it's, what if you haven't? What if you haven't? But like this, you've been doing this for half your life. All things, all things to you, I said this. All right. With the money, it's for the record I was cut off.

A money is no, just for the right. Money was not a question. Right. What would I be doing? Would I be touring? Probably not. You know? I would.

But I would be here and I would just be working on this full time. Yeah. I love working on this. This is way more fun. This is, all that time I spent with so that, I mean, not so that, but like. I feel the same way as that. We're finally in a position now where you do like you can do what you want and then like trying to get there you think it's like you know they're talking about

like making it or something you're like getting to that point where it's like okay now you can and like you expect to feel some kind of like like relief where you've like passed through some threshold and now you can operate in this territory, being able to do what you want. But the reality is, unless you have like endless money, then it's like, okay, now once you're there, you have to like fight to not be sucked out of it. I think that like everyone projects things that they want, like goals and stuff and the second you get it,

it's just, it's never gonna, there's no making it, there's no, like, finally being fulfilled. I think it's just like, like, if you wanted to be on SNL or something, like your whole life, right? Yeah. And then you finally got it. Within three days, it would just be your,

you'd have to go to one. I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm, I just, I just, I just feel your job. Yeah. It wouldn't be like, this is the thing that I can do. But this isn't like a job. This doesn't feel like a job. This doesn't feel like a fucking key, dude.

I know. We're very lucky. I know, but it's not like you get the luck and then it's just, we're so fortunate. Then you have to like, find the maintain the saying, we are, which is, I know it's just whining, but we, but we literally are, dude. And it keeps, it keeps getting better.

The show's gonna get better. If any of you are like a billionaire, and you could give us $100 million, so we could just not worry about money and we could just do this show all the time. That would be starting just a gift. Yeah, a gift of $100 million. Not alone.

Yeah. And none of them will go to the purse for the show. Yeah. Well, I know that. We'll take a quick salary of probably what? 750,000 a year for each of the plus phones. No, you get a big publisher's clearing house check, right? Yeah.

It would arrive at the studio. Mm-hmm. It would say, you're a secret admirer. 100 million. What do you say? 500 million? 100 million. Let's go 500 million.

Let's say 500 million. We get $500 million within 20 minutes. You would complain about the amount of taxes you have to pay on a gift. No, I wouldn't. Yes, you would. First of all, I've never been like, oh fuck, it's not even a real 500 million. No, because then-

No, now we're broke again. I would not. Yes, you would. Yes, you would. I know you. Why would I do that? I've never done that. Yes, you would. Yes, you would. I know you. Why would I do that? I've never done that. Yes, I would, because you see the negative in everything.

No, you know, that's such an unfair yes, you characterize. No, I don't. Right into the show. If you think Nick would see the negative in everything. Whatever. No, you're slandering me. Yeah, come on, whatever.

I don't see the negative in things. Yes, you too. You have to be honest about stuff. I don't think that when I say Adam, Adam you too. You have to be honest about stuff. I don't think that. When I say Adam, maybe realist, the same as being a pessimist. Maybe we don't need to spend $5,000 on Ubers in months when the show already.

And I said yes. So that's not me being negative. I didn't say that was being negative. So what is negative? You created a hypothetical situation and said I would say something. I'm the one that present in this I said I said this would be a perfect solution Is if we had five hundred million dollars that would be ideal and then you're telling me that I'm I would say I'm just saying if you aspire to something and then it becomes the reality that it comes normal. That's what I'm saying

The the problem. I don't think that I'm probably is aspiring and saying that's what I'm saying. The problem, I don't think that amount of it. The problem is, is aspiring and saying, that's what it's going to take. Instead of just like the process itself. No, that's a separate thing. That was the point I was saying. You're talking about the emotional process of creating something, realizing it. That is separate from what I'm talking about.

I'm strictly talking in material terms, where it's like, you know, like, yeah, if we, if, like, look, we have the benefit of doing everything independently, so we don't have to answer it anyway, right? We know a bunch. That's like the great freedom that you have. If you work in the entertainment industry,

somebody else is writing the checks, but it's also going through their legal department and their producer. There's a lot of practices. Yeah, hold that shit. And also, you know, it's calm cast or vicar. What I'm saying is there's a third option, which is how things work during the Renaissance,

where somebody with a billion dollars gives it. The dmedicis. Yes, that's what we need. A patron. We don't need a patron, you own. Those are, we need an Italian guy. There are patrons, but we do need an Italian guy. Yeah. And so that's our energy. We need a powerful Ven. There are pages, but we do need an Italian guy. Yeah.

And so that's our Android team. We need a powerful Venetian shipping family. That's our Android Tate advice for today. You got to make sure you find your own Medici family. That is really badass. We drink it all up. Yeah. Does that make that probably feels good?

Drink it out of a giant drug. Yeah. Yeah, anytime I feel like a cartoon character, I feel better. Yeah. You like it when things are not the size that they're supposed to be? Well, they don't have consequences. Yeah, you can get hit in the head with a hammer and you don't die. Yeah.

You run into a wall that's painted like a road. Yeah. You become a pancake. You just pop right back up. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. What an hour are you feeling?

Yeah, I was a lot of nervous energy today, but good. But good in general. Two good things coming up. What is it, too? Oh, yeah, they're... Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I guess I kind of grouped everything in the same category.

Yeah, I don't feel... I feel momentum. That's all I care about. It's feeling a sense of momentum. If I feel a stasis, then I get stressed. Yeah. But if I can... I mean, even if I'm convincing myself that there's momentum, then I feel stable. Yeah. Yeah, I just want to be here working on this. I mean, even if I'm convincing myself that there's momentum, then I feel stable.

Yeah. Yeah, I just want to be here working on this. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I don't really want to do it. Other than go to the gym. We can get a squat rack in the utility room. OK.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe we'll work out together once a day. OK. Don't take pics. No, I won't. Thanks. Yeah, no problem. Did you delete that picture of me?

Which one? You know the one. No, I have to keep that. Because you disrespect me, I don't know. And I've not shown it to anyone. You have shown it to people in company. And while you're there. While I was there.

You haven't texted. No. It's all up. You haven't texted. No. It's not. No one has ever seen that picture outside of... You know, like when you're like falling asleep and you think of that one thing, then you bolt away, you know? Sometimes that picture. Well, there's a way to change that.

Get my body big. Yeah. I want to get my body big. That's the way to change that. Get my body big. Yeah. I want to get my body big. That's the next step. Yeah. This would, Andrew Tate would say. What does he say? I don't know.

He says a lot of shit. I just don't understand how he's still making videos in prison. Yeah, I don't get if he's in or out. He's in prison for doing Epstein stuff, but they still let him tweak the extravagant. Yeah. And he's like, every day is a mountain that you have to kill.

We can make that up so easy. Yeah. That shit is easy. Mm-hmm. But what it is is that we're communicating with guys that don't get pussy how they should be a man. I think that's the... Now, you go a different direction.

You have to tell people it's okay to bitch and mow and constantly. That's a much better way to live your life. Just complain always about everything. Yeah, I agree. And then you're, you know, still as a couple of water. But no one's gonna listen to me if I'm doing Android Tate, if I don't know Muslims. You have to be a guy that's jacked, that's constantly like,

I don't want to go to the gym. Yeah. And not doing the like, but I have to, cause that's what motivation is. Just being like, going to gym, fucking sucks. It sucks. I hate being jacked. I didn't wanna wake up today, I was gonna say.

Yeah. Yeah, we need to normalize whining. Yeah, being a baby. Fucking, yeah. I don't give a fuck. I feel much better just fucking just bitch. Yeah, I'm the biggest baby in the world. I love that dude. I love constantly just fucking complaining.. You know I'm the biggest baby in the world. I love that dude.

I love constantly just fucking complaining. We dress like babies. I went to the grocery store. They have 500 types of cheese, but not the sweetest cheese bread that I wanted. And I didn't realize I wanted it until I looked at the cheese. What is that? I was like, I can't fucking believe this.

I'm like, I don't know, and I'm gonna get a candy bar to make myself feel better. And I did deserve it. I did deserve it. Yeah. It was like a homeless person outside. Or like, I'm like, oh, I guess my problems aren't that bad. Now I'll give him a dollar and then I'll say,

but now it's time to complain about the fucking cheese. Yeah. You gave him the knife. I am willing to bond that right. I'm not gonna complain to them. But in my head I can go back to being like, I didn't even get my fucking cheese. Bro, you're not even gonna believe this. Yeah, which is going on top.

Yeah, no, I wouldn't do that. Yeah. Do you ever do this thing? I was on the train today and that guy that was like asking for money, walked by. I didn't have any money, so I didn't give it to him. And then a lady was like, oh, here you go, sir. She gave him money. And then in my head, I'm looking at her.

I'm like, well, you think you're fucking better than me? Mm-hmm. Do you do that? Do you get, like, do you feel like, oh, this part of this motherfucker thinks they're better than I am? Uh, about a charity. Well, because I didn't. Yeah, so, you know, they're thinking,

they're looking, they're like, we'll look at this piece of shit. You know what I do that? It's not the same thing, but if I get bad service at a restaurant, it's almost be a dick to me. I'll tip like 30, everybody does. 30% or more.

Yeah, I'll make them feel bad. I'll make them feel bad. Yeah. See how they like% or more. Yeah, I'll make them feel bad make them feel bad Yeah, see how they like this massive tip. Yeah. Yeah for doing your bad job. Yeah. Yeah No, if I get like a cab driver that's that's spiteful You get a cab driver clear doesn't want to go to Brooklyn and then Then they also they're like oh, I don't I don't know how to get I don't know how to get there And they won't put it in their phone It's like okay, why not I get there? I can tell you.

And then they intentionally misturns and like, you know, do that. They go the wrong way. You're gonna tell them like, left here, left here, left here and they'll blow it. And they're like, oh, I didn't hear you or whatever. I'll still tip them 30%. But then entire ride, I'm thinking,

I hope I just violently shit my pants all over this corner. See how it looks? I hope I just, I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sick. I'm sick and I shit myself all over this corner. See how he likes it. I hope I just, I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sick. I'm sick and I shit myself all over the car. Yeah. Never happens. Yeah.

It always happens when you don't want it to. Hence, shooting your pants, I guess. That's a very, it's a metaphor for life. Mm-hmm. When you want to shoot your pants to Alpha, a man whose life has been ruined by big tech. Yeah. Yeah, there's too much anti-wining stuff going on now. Oh, totally.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's too. A lot of it is coded as like injustice. What is that? There's a lot of stuff that's just basic whining that's like now in the domain of activism or injustice. Yeah, that's the thing is like, which it puts this like it gives whining a bad name. Well, not only does it give whining a bad name, I don't think it's as cathartic as just straight up whining.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Because then it's like, oh, now I gotta do all this fucking activism. Where you could just be like, excuse me, where's the cheese for disabled people? Yeah. Yeah, it's actually cowardly to not just be a baby and to just wanna be a baby and then say that it's because you believe in justice. Yeah, no, I feel like the anti-baby behavior

from a lot of people, because people find it to be disgusting. They're like, oh, you're just bitching and moaning. And like, you know, oh, it could be worse, or, you know, I don't know all this, like regular people don't bitch and moan, they're just like grateful for what they have or whatever. I feel like a lot of people like that

would like to bitch and moan, but they're like, for some reason, they think you're not allowed to. Yeah, because they're probably their parents told them. And they're jealous. They're like, I would love to just fucking cry and boy. I would love to just fucking just bitch and walk. I love this new perspective on life. We got to write a book about this, like a self-help book. You're a fucking baby loser and it's time for everyone to hear about it. Yeah.

And no one respects that. But they should. Respect is overrated. I don't care about respect at all. It's all about making sure you're comfortable at the expense of everyone else. Yeah, I loved it. I remember there was a woman took a picture of one of those kiosks that make Donald's.

Oh, wait, real quick. Oh yeah. Today is brought to you. I'm in Lisbon, sorry for the lack of communication. Oh. I guess Joey's in Lisbon. Oh, it's nice there, apparently. Yeah, except for that earthquake.

Yeah. What? This is the way I was like, yeah. Oh, you laughing at the way you reacted? I just was like a stupid thing to... Ginsburg, was it Fawni? The way he said... It was shut up.

Oh, okay, I missed it. I was looking at my phone. Ginsburg, was that Fawni? Good guy. He's a good guy.? Good guy, he's a good guy. No, he's a good guy. He's a great guy. Works hard. Folks, summer is coming.

Okay. Are you ready to unveil your beach bod? Not yet. Not yet. You gotta get Jack first. So your body may look like shit, but your pubes don't have to. Because man scaped. Man scaped. Man scaped.

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And so now he's using it at home. He's got a big bush. Yeah, so we don't. No longer, though. Which means that's a testament to Ginsburg. You like that shit? He says it's incredible. He says it's incredible.

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You can even trim an arrow pointing to the Promised Land I assume that's your genitalia. Yeah, so when you do that on your lower back, I don't have enough hair. Oh, okay. I just have a tattoo of an arrow. Yeah. And it says the promised land.

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for that area except for give you a better penis. I guess if you trim around the base it looks a little bit better, so they can give you a better penis. Now, like to tape the pubes to the top after. What do you mean? Like a two pay.

Oh, like a two pay. Yeah, so you use like a clear tape. I'm done with the penis stuff on this show. I'm yeah, and like overt sexuality. Oh, I hate it. Yeah. I really hate that shit. But that's what these guys like.

They probably like different. They don't know what they like yet. We gotta show them. Well fine, we're gonna get them on board with whining.. They probably like different. They don't know what they like yet. We gotta show them. Well fine, we're gonna get them on board with whining. I think they like that. Yeah. I think they like that. The complaining is awesome.

The complaining is cool. Don't let these rich fucks take complaining away from you and whining and fetching and moaning. Why are they allowed to be not us? Yeah. We the people. Just fucking do it. Just be a bitch. It's constantly complaining. Why is it, why are they allowed to, but on us? Yeah. People. We the people. Just fucking do it.

Just be a bit. It's constantly complaining. Just be a, like, just saying, do you know who my father is? You know? Not even that type of complain. I mean, like, the real, like, oh, great, it's fucking raining.

Mm-hmm. And saying that to people while they're all, where you're, everybody's outside. Mm-hmm. Everybody's being rained on. Mm-hmm. Just my fucking luck. It's outside. Everybody's being rained on. Just my fucking luck, it's rain. This always happens to me. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Just in a crowd of people. I can't believe this is happening to me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just in the towers, morning of September 11th. Oh great. 9-11.

Just my luck. People are screaming calling their family. I knew this would happen. I better not find out so much. My lunch in the break room. Yeah. Terry, this is all your fault. Yeah. Who's Terry? You know another lady at the office. Terry Shava. Yeah. Terry Shava. Mm-hmm. And she's like, she doesn't say anything, because she's Terry Shive. Yeah. So, shame, she wasn't in the building. Well, sort of, two birds, one stone situation. Yeah, I guess.

All right. I wasn't knowing it. Yeah. I was not, notting it. Mm-hmm. It would have been great if Terry Shiveau died in 9-11. Let's look up Terry Shiveau. What do you mean? What's going on with you?

Nothing. I'm eager to accomplish what we want to accomplish the rest of today. Yeah. And I'm eager for this weekend and next week. This is crazy. When you search Terry Shivow, what comes up is Terry Shivow insurance broker. That's, it's good. I like that. We should remember her as how she lives.

We should remember her at the end like that. Oh, her real name was Schindler. Who's you know that? Why she changed it? I think she got married. To a guy with a very similar setting last name? Yeah, Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- Terri- That was her, her name at birth. Yeah. Well, if I was a doctor and I'd be like, okay, time to take a look at Schindler's list. Yeah.

That would have been funny. Yeah, you're in a coma. Yeah. Guys, you see how I'm about to do my Schindler's list joke. Guys, you gotta get in here. Yeah. Nurse, get in here. It's weird that they call it a vegetative safe.

Yeah. Like, I was like vegetals. Yeah that they call it a vegetative safe. Yeah. Like, I was like vegetales. Yeah, they should call them dead meat. Mm-hmm, that's what they are. Right? Like, if you see somebody fucking on dead. I know, but... Yeah, why vegetative?

Like, uh... It doesn't make sense. Any good shit on Terry? She was in a motorcycle accident? Is that what happened? No, she had a heart attack. I remember correctly from being a bulimic. Really? Let's have.

Poor Terry. Those were my first stand-up jokes. What was it? Because she had a heart attack from being bulimic and she wound up. And it was when the feeding tube was taken out. Oh, that's what she would have wanted. No, well, I said, at least she died doing what she loved,

starving herself for attention. And then we get a big goose sag at the open mics. We're like, oh, yeah. You'd be a kid. Because people didn't know about the bulimia thing. Yeah, it's like a fact That's not widely known It's like it satisfies you but like yeah, you know concept of an audience Yeah, that's funny. Those are the best jokes. Yeah, just the ones to entertain oneself

Yeah, their husband wanted to kill her or something, and her family didn't. Yeah, he wanted to remove her feeding tube and then he was a fight between the husband and the family. And the husband won, right? Public opinion and activism, yeah. Did he get... he just, uh... I mean, he would be a dick if he divorced her in the vegetative state. You know what I mean? Yeah.

People wouldn't take too kindly that. Oh, wait. No, it was the husband versus Congress. Was it what the state of Florida? And then, no, I think it was in Pennsylvania. I thought it was in Florida. It's crazy that the story always shocked me that it was such a big deal because it's like, isn't this, how is this situation different

than every other person? The nature. Every other person in a coma. Well, she wasn't in a coma. She was just, she was like, like, wasn't she? Or was she in a coma? I think she was, she was like completely, like, yeah. But they said like, oh, her eyes are like,

you could tell she's there. And then the doctors are like, no, she has no brain activity. Yeah. Yeah. 14 appeals. Let me just say, yeah. So, a woman in an irreversible, persistent,

vegetative state was in me. I don't think it's a coma. Post-coma, unresponsiveness. So she came out of a coma, but she was vegetative. In patients with severe brain damage or in a state of partial arousal, rather than true awareness. So she's a guy with like a hard on a half-tub.

He's just being so hard. And you're like, well, yeah. You see that eggplant there? And they call that a vegetative state. Yeah, that's why they call that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. That's weird.

They shouldn't call it a rousal. You see somebody off fuck that? I'd be like, that's a horny vegetable, right? Yeah, it's still horny. That's a big ol' horny piece of broccoli. Who stepped it? that was during Clinton? Terry Shiveham. Bush.

It was during Bush. Yeah, Clinton the Bush, 98th, 2005. Clinton was Ellie on. Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember that Bill Clinton's life? We're gonna try to save Terry, because I'm gonna go in there and I'm gonna eat her pussy.

I heard she's partially around. I was gonna try and get her to suck my dick. Terry is a beautiful woman. Terry can suck my dick. Well, it didn't work. I'm sorry folks. Guys, she seems to be an advantageous state. Can you imagine if that's what he was in Peshport?

I think it would be Case Closed. Yeah, that would be a lot of funnier. I think it would be Case Closed. Yeah. Yeah, I remember at the time, like everyone was like, it's his private life and stuff. But as an adult, I didn't really, I kind of dawned on me eventually,

that the girl was 19. Who? Monica. Oh, well, she asked, that's she was like 23. Oh, was she younger than that? Or was she older than that? Let's see. Monica Lewinsky.

She was really young. And I was legal, but. Yeah, she's only 49 now. Yeah, she's, you know, then that was what, 98? 30 years ago, she would have been... 19. 19. So that would be 1993.

Yeah. He was sticking the cigars up on 19 year old girls' pussy. He's stuck in her pussy? I think so. That was like the I thought he farted on her tits and then spit into her ass. I think he was smoking a cigar and then he farted into her mouth.

And so they didn't really hook up. And then he should probably just turn around. I thought he was doing what he's doing sectional thing. He was wearing a clown costume. He was smoking a cigar and he kept farting into her pussy. That's just, and then she was creeping it into the phone that he used to launch the nukes.

Is that just irresponsible? Yeah, it's not professional. Norrad. What the fuck? Is this a woman's pussy or is it? Norrad command. God, that's it. Sure, I think it's a...

Sure, I think it's a queep. I think what does this mean? I think it's a 19 year old queep. Mr. President, it kind of sounds like a fart. God damn it, Michael. That's somebody farted into that woman's pussy and then she queaked it out. I'm sorry, there's nothing in the book for that.

Here's the sections on Farts and here's the sections on Queave. What do we do? I think we have to nuke Israel. That's the code for nuke Israel. My bad. I did not mean to nuke Israel. I did not mean to fort into the city. I solely farted into her pussy

and she made the decision to quif the fart back into the norad phone. I could not stop her because I was wearing giant clown shoes and I had an exploding cigar hanging out on my foreskin. See, that guy has a joke there. That guy was a real prankster. I was literally walking in on that?

Him just with the big clown shoes on. His pants pulled down, just farting in the reverse. Oh, did I do that? What the hell, Bill? Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill!

We don't make a Donald Trump find out. He farted into a pussy. Everybody knows it. Everybody knows people are saying it. It's disgusting. You all saw the video. We saw it. Yeah, scandal.

1997. 1997, she's 49 now. Yeah, just look at that. That's a woman. That's not 19. That's style. Can you fart in my pussy? Mr. Prousin, can you fart in my pussy?

No, we're probably gonna go. Oh, Kong. We want her on the show. We want her on the talk show. Oh, here comes clown bill. This is a sad time. We're doing a sad time. Can you fart in my pants?

He's like, you're dick and then you can fart in my pants. See? And I cleave it out my ear. And then can I cleave out my ear? The norad phone. It's a red phone. Just shoving it. I guess so.

Put this in there. Just jamming the nori. I think that's it. This is here. I want you to, I'm going to finger you until you squirt on this oil painting of Thomas Jefferson. Yes, some disrespectful to the office to wear a clown costume like that. I can't believe that guy. Ken star really fumbled the back on that one. He's just got, he's on one side of the oval office.

He's got like a tiny bicycle. He puts his penis over the head. The bar is in, he rides it into her pussy. Okay, here I come. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh- You know, I think it's disgusting, but you can't. It is funny. It is pretty funny. It's a good bit, but the president should be acting that way. Yeah.

Monica. Yeah, in 1997, Lewinsky started secretly recording her conversations between her and Dylclinton. We gotta get those tapes. Wait, I didn't think it was like that. I thought Linda Trip recorded talking to the phone. Lewinsky, Lewinsky told coworker, Linda Trip about a relationship

with Clinton. Trip became secretly recording her tele, oh, between her and Lewinsky. I thought, yeah, Trip was recording Monica. Yeah. The president heard it my hands. It made for thee. Lewinsky submitted an affidavit in the Paula Jones case.

In January, 1998 denying any physical relationship with Clinton. And she, in terms of persuading trip to lie under oath in that case. Yeah, but Linda was not about that. Linda was trying to play her hate. Yeah. She kind of looks like a clown. Linda trip? Yeah. She's one of the worst looking people hate. Yeah. She kind of looks like a clown. Linda Trip. Yeah.

She's one of the worst looking people ever. Yeah. This is so funny. This is the photo they use of her Wikipedia. That's true. Yeah. Yeah, who would have played Chris Farley play her on SNL? I don't remember, actually.

That was like, I was too young for, like, I was a little... He must have been dead by then. He died in 96. He's probably dead. Yeah. I don't remember actually. That was like, I was too young. Like I was like, I was like, I was like, I was dead by then. He died in 96. He's probably dead. Yeah. He died in 97, I think. Yeah.

Ooh, I just somehow burped up dumplings from like three days ago. That's wrong with your body. I don't know. You didn't digest it yet? I don't think so. You look a bear in hypernation or something? Yeah.

Um, yeah. What would we say? I don't think so. You look a bear in hypernation or something? Yeah. Yeah. What were we saying? I don't know. I don't know. Probably something cool. Wait, so how old was she in 97? Well, if in 93 she was what? 19.

That's when it was happening? No, we were doing the math. She's 49 now. So in 93 she was 19. 23. And it was happening? No, we were doing the math. She's 49 now. So in 93, she was 19. 23. And happened in 97. 23. She was 23. Yeah, I don't think a 19-year-old could be a white person. All right, so I was wrong. I... Well, no, they let young... March 1999, Barbara Walters interviewed Lewinsky on 2020. Now, the president fought it in your pussy as well. Did the president fought? Later, Monica showed me the way in which Bill fought it into a pussy.

They were just like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. They're like, yeah, she's explained. Yeah, it's like so. Later, Monica showed me just exactly how the president fought it directly in her pussy. And he was wearing a clown costume, verbal walters. And he was. But what exactly could a clown be wearing where he could remove his pants and fought directly

into a woman's pussy is what many skeptics are asking. Because clowns often wear a jumpsuit. But we went through the White House records and then just stock images of documents. And it turns out Bill Clinton purchased both the top and bottom to a clown suit with taxpayer money and then a book from the clown store called How to Far To The Woman's Proceed. Oh, dress as a clown. Oh my god. Yeah. I think I mean, that's enough evidence for me.

Yeah, Miss Magazine published a series of articles by writer Susan Jane Gilman, the sexologist Susie Bright. And author of the sexologist. I don't know. That's the thing that like old women used to be able to do, like Dr. Ruth. Yeah, like an old-nass, you'll be like, I know everything about fucking. I have the fart in a pussy. What's the name of that?

The female orgasm. Yeah. It's crazy when you fart in the pussy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the other detail I remember is that he came on her dress and she had to go to the dry cleaner.

Wow, Dr. Ruth is still alive. She is? Yeah. How old is that, lady? Oh, wow. she was in the Holocaust. Did you know that? No. And it says that on here. And then she devoted her life to fucking stuff. That's a good lady. Yeah. You know that they live a long-ass time to the survivors, which kind of makes sense because they got through that shit. Yeah, I mean, you know, which kind of makes sense is because they got through that shit. Yeah, I mean, you know, like,

crass, but like, weeds out there. Yeah, the wheat. Yeah, right. If they like could like survive that, then they're like, yeah, a lot of them like, got over 90, 100. Yeah. Dr. Ruth was in the Holocaust. She was says, that's insane.

Her father was taken away to Dakukkow a week after Kristlnok. Yeah, during Kristlnok, Nazi's destroyed her father's Dildo shop. Oh, so it was a family business. It was a family business, so her dad in Germany sold Dildos and wood in. Like glass, I mean sold Dildos and what in like a glass. I mean, yeah glass Dildos He's a glass like a maker. Yeah, glass myth. Yeah, we used to have trades back in the day. Yeah, that's great. She's 95 years old. I'm trying to find out what like her actual degree is here. That's only one on the phone at the time. Sorry, I was looking it up to. No, I'm looking it up. Don't worry.

Yeah, she received a doctor of education degree. So she's a teacher. Oh, sex therapist. Working on a sex therapist. Can you be going to sex therapy? Yeah, I can't imagine it. That's like, like, oh, I have to go see a shitting therapist. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I can make sure that I'm enjoying shitting as much as possible. Yeah, the joy of shitting. Yeah. Does it do couples go to a sex therapist?

I don't know what they do. It's just like a nasty aunt. I feel like couples therapy. They should just call that hospice care. Couples therapy? It's just, yeah. It's like, listen, never worked. No, never.

Never. In fact, I've been doing it. You know it's worse? You know it's worse. You get a tattoo. I've known so many people to get the person's name tattooed. The way to say it was less than a month. Yeah.

Like literally I know like five or six people who've done that less than a month is over. Yeah. That's, it's a good telltale sign. Yeah. I would never get a tattooed. Yeah. Now buying your girlfriend FUNCO POP,

that'll last forever. That'll keep her around. Yeah, I got you a princess lay at Funko pop. I passed by the Spencer's Gifts and I thought of you. And guess what I got for later? Clown costume from Spirit Hall of Weat. Miss cigar and oh my god. Yeah, beer ball.

The one has beer funnel tubes. She's like, what's this for? It's for farting. It's like so I can fart into your pussy. You keep it out your ass. Yeah And then he's like on in the bed. Okay, you got the tube in your pussy He's got it on his ass and he's like, oh my god. I'm so sorry She's like, what is it? And it's like pull the the tube out, pull the tube out. She's like, what? He's like, I sharded by accident. Oh. Yeah, that'll happen.

It's always when you don't want it to happen. Yeah. Oh, I accidentally sharded in the tube. She's easy with a clown outfit in the funnel like coming home from work. And she's text her girls. She's like, oh my god, he's gonna do it tonight. Yeah, the kids are with grandma. We're, I guess she's getting their pussy fucking farted in by a clown.

Finally he's gonna do it. I feel like the president. I feel like the queen. I feel like the I feel like the president. Let's buy the princess. We're gonna roleplay. It's time to be Bill Clinton. You're gonna be Monica. I'm gonna be clown Bill Clinton. Then We're gonna roleplay. Try and be Bill Clinton. You're gonna be Monica. I'm gonna be clown Bill Clinton. And you're gonna be Monica. Monica, horrific yeast infection, Lewinsky. Come on, dude. She was just 14.

No, after your pussy gets shattered, sharded in. Allegedly. Mm-hmm. It's ever been proven. I'm gonna be a good name for James Bond villain. Pussy sharder? Pussy shard. Wow.

Pussy sharder. No, it's for like a bad girl. It's like the first girl he fucks that turns on him. Pussy shard. Oh, what's your name? How do you know? My name is Yeast Infection. My name is Yeastie Infection. Oh.

It smells like an Auntie Yanzin here. What the hell? What the hell is that? What the fuck is that smell? Oh, sour at all. Ah, she's been spending time with the President. That's she. James, we have a terrible case. The president is shatting. The president of the United States is actually

under a shot into the pussy of an international of spectres grand art. Oh, no. And now to get revenge, she's going to cancel him. Yeah. On Twitter. Yeah. Premature ejaculations. Yeah, on Twitter. Yeah. Prima sure of Jacket Lations.

Um... Shit, one at a time. Wait, Clinton busted early? No, I'm reading about Dr. Bruton, what she does. Oh, what did she say about Prima sure for the guys there? I don't know, man. What did she say? Oh, fucking, I don't know! Do you What did she say? Oh, fucking, I don't know.

Do you look on? You on you? Yeah. You know what I do to stop myself from prematurely ejaculating? What? I imagine my girlfriend naked. Yeah.

I don't really like that term premature ejaculation. No, look at that. She and girls be proud. I like that maturely ejaculation. No, look at that. She and girls be proud of her like they maturely ejaculate. Oh, you don't think it's immature? Oh, yes. Who parted me in you? And I finished. Yeah, it should be immaturely.

Yeah. Excuse me. Pardon me. Yeah, excuse me. Pardon me about him. Excuse me. It's pardon me, Madam. And the vaping is... It's good to have.

God. Wait, let's finish up what we have to do today. What? Well, all the stuff we have to do. Should we have to do the test footage? Yeah, let's do it. Gizmer, are we good? Yeah, we're good.

All right, bye. Okay, thanks, guys. Thanks, guys. See Nick and San Diego this weekend. San Diego. It'll be a hoot.