The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Geoffrey Asmus - Episode 82

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Geoffrey Asmus - Episode 82 Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS Subscribe to  @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS -- LIVE SHOWS: ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #geoffreyasmus

Welcome to the Adam Friedland show. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy turkey day. Happy Thanksgiving. Yeah. I was saying it. Happy Thanksgiving everybody. And happy Kwanzaa to all those who celebrate.

When does that start? It's got to, is it, do they have a black calendar? Is it like, does it change every year? Yeah, it's late. Come on. Wow. I wouldn't say it's late, but it starts in 1964. Yeah, it's 1943, right? Yeah, it would be like 1967.

No, it's 1920. It's the Harlem Renaissance right now. It would be the year 52. It wouldn't be 19... It's 1920. It's the Harlem Renaissance. It would be like 50. It would be the year 52. It wouldn't be 19 It's BC still They don't have their Christ. So when was Kanye believe in Christ was Kanye's first album. That's zero for them Zero that's college about an auguration of Barack Obama Zero, so it's the year AD 12. I don't know. I actually went to the African American History Museum in DC I know and you snickered. No, no. He said that I walked around snickering. No, I learned a lot. Yeah.

Yeah. It ends at Obama. Right. Really? They're like nothing's happened. Well, they made the museum during Obama. So then there's just ends there. Kamala's piss. Yeah. And they I've said this before. There were a ton of Cosby stuff There was a ton of Cosby stuff up that they haven't taken really the snickering but they probably still deny that he did it I didn't sneaker. There's nothing to laugh at about what Bill Cosby did He was a doctor. He lived in Brooklyn Heights. Theo was giving him a hard time the Reverend doctor Was he a doctor? What is this death stare you've got going on right now? I know you're a big Cosby fan.

I'm just, I'm kinda out of it. Yeah. There's a threshold after like 3.30 p.m. coffee doesn't do anything and I switch to energy drinks and I didn't do that, I've just pounded coffee. You can't do that to yourself. Let's get you a rockstar dude, we could take it again. I don't know, you know me man, this whole thing's

not conducive to my schedule I wake up at 4 a.m. And then I'm good to go until 11 and then from 11 a.m. Until about 4 p.m. I'm dead Yeah, this is the crash time right? Yeah, right exactly I need I need a big nap and then I'm good to go from you know That's when the most productive I've ever been is when I wake up at 5 I go back to sleep around yeah 11, and then I'd wake up again at 1 He does that one of those whipping rituals like a We just said Adrian Adrian on earlier Oh God ready a for Monterey right? Oh, I thought you meant Adrian I pollute

So she's probably having a big week, Thanksgiving. Yeah. Yeah. That's the national holiday for people like her, that's true. Yeah, for people like her. I didn't want to say anymore. Because of Christopher Columbus. And she's Italian.

Yeah, she's Italian. There we go. A great man. Christopher Columbus and she's a man yeah Chris fucking this Thanksgiving yes eating a lot she loves celebrate being a parade just three turkeys for turkeys I mean the whole prejudice that Columbus experience on behalf of the Native Americans were so prejudiced started cooking early she's like you, when are we having dinner? It's like it's 730 a.m. Like why did it have to be the Italian? Covered us. I understand you're very Italian

But I don't know if we should be having dinner at 9 o'clock in the morning I Love it spaghetti and meatball. I'm gonna get started on the pie. Oh, you're making a pie make started on the pie. Oh, you're making a pie. Make? You're Italian as well, Jeff? No, no, thank God. I was. Pure bread. I was. Pure bread.

You can't say it that way. Pure bread. What is, what is azimuth again? There's like nadir and azimuth. Oh, azimuth is like the highest you are in when you're flying or something. It's something with flight. It's something with flying.

Okay. The azimuth, yeah. Right, and then there's nadir. I remember learning about the moon. That's the lowest, that's the lowest. Yeah, it's like an elliptical thing. Oh, you're saying because my name sounds like azimuth. Right, yeah. I was wondering where the tangent, okay.

No, I was like, what does that mean? I was thinking, what race is that name? And then that popped into my head. I'm like, oh, you must be from space. Yeah. You must be like a- Like people from the moon. Yeah, from the moon.

So your Chinese sounds Indian. What? Madeir sounds like Afghani or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Madeir Patel. He has an ebonics style. How's my dentist? He has an ebonics style stand up special out right now

if you guys wanna check it out. He has a hip hop style. Talking about curry yo y'all ever fuck with curry okay so I was thinking about that the other day I hope Neil Nanda came back as a black that's a nice thing to say he believes in reincarnation he believes in reincarnation back as miss Pat yeah he comes back as like as you know it's sort of a mrs. doubt fire is that the premise of movies reincarnation yeah I think it's a tragedy and then it's a trans woman gets like lynched and then she becomes mrs. doubt fire yeah that'd be a fun Chris Rock movie he's like Chris What happened? Suddenly he just becomes an Indian national. I remember waving to a bus as it was approaching and now here I am. Becomes like a BJP like.

Was that a rude thing to say? I don't know. I mean I think it's hopeful. No I think that's nice. You want him to come back. It'd be mean if you're like I hope he doesn't come back. No that would be both racist and what's that? What race?

I would like to come back as an animal obviously a Bengal tiger or maybe a Siberian Yeah, that would be ideal for me me Python. There's only like 20 others you can fuck though Yeah, you would be I've said it before if you were to die and be reincarnated you would come back as the girl snake character from come like and why girl Cuz I know karate. I think that's what you are is Lucy Lou is that snake. She's one of the best. And I can fight.

I'm a Chinese girl snake. It would be great actually to do that. It could be fun. Yeah and I'd tattle on that. I'd tell Adam to eat that apple. Oh you'd be the downfall of man. Oh wow the introduction of sin. I think the Bible says that they had legs and then God took them away. Took them away, you're doomed to slither. Oh, the snakes had legs before the apple?

Yeah, the serpent had legs. Before he blossomed. He had taken away. To Eve, actually, it was Eve, right? It was the woman's fault. Yeah, he tricked the woman, of course. Of course she listens to a snake. She's like, oh, he's so, he's so hot, he's so thin.

Oh my God, skinny. So nubile. Yeah, god skinny new bile. Yeah. Yeah skinny flexible skinny legend And Adams like come on dude, then they realized they were naked right? Yeah, they didn't know before they just thought that was what life Yes, so they're just would have been like they're in a garden not like looking down at their balls and stuff Yeah, thank God the snake did that we had to be naked Well, that's you know, I mean all that shit's fake. Anyways, dude, I believe in evolution cuz I'm a genius Whoa, you don't believe in God. I'm a critical thinker. We should have a debate. Yeah about yeah about that

Yeah, Richard Dawkins versus me bring him back Yeah, Richard Dawkins versus me bring him back Yeah, he became he became racist right Eugenics yeah, he did he was like he's like we come for monkeys except for black people They're still he said something like that. They're not fully there. Yeah That yeah all your heroes lay you down your base would never Never yeah, I Feel like your base is like gun it was like cool to shit on him when I was starting comedy They were like oh that guy's the one cuz he had that cover where he was like that was it

It was that one thing and then people were like and then he pushed back against PCC. He's still funny I think he's mad funny. Yeah, yeah The British office is so so much extras is better. Extra's is amazing. Extra's is an easy way to watch it. It's not on anything. It's on... I've subscribed to BritBox. Is that the one with the little guy Warwick Davis in it? Oh, I have to pay for that. I have to pay for that for my dad. Imagine you wanted just like a caramel, like a chocolate caramel, right? And the only way to get it was in with like a Whitman sampler, but then every other piece of chocolate was a steaming pile of shit Subscribing to Brit boxes on my Amazon I canceled Brit, but I've done it four times

My dad re-signs up because he has that is on Britain like mrs. Marple and like yeah He has have his poy roe and all that no no no not even that period and gay Sharded is the biggest British. Who sharted? Who hath shart? It's a big bathroom and there's the manager of the bathroom and he's uptight and there's people that aren't flushing and he's like, oh, the queen's coming

and there's still turds everywhere. We gotta clean these turds. Good British humor. I miss her every day, dude. She was fucking awesome. The queen? Yeah. the queen. Yeah, she had those corgis Yeah, they killed the corgis. What's the other guy that had a turn Russell? Brand brand Russell brand. Yeah, he raped a few women. Did he? Oh, yeah I thought you just said the vaccines bad. No, he got accused of a bunch of rapes

He like praised the rosary on stream. Yeah, he's a weird hippie really great rosary with him. Yeah. Yeah, he went deep brand Yeah, also, I thought he was funny too. He was forgetting Yeah, good songs in that movie. Apparently that one guy and get him to to the Greek has a problematic past to which one the black Sean comes No, he's just living a good I don't know I have been saying no did he's the kids on the subway When you touch it, you're like, oh, no, they're like, oh you gay and I'm like no did he? The new no-ho come on, dude. I'm 37. Come on. You invite your friends to a party, no Diddy, no Diddy. Come on, show a little respect.

I don't know. What else is- Is he gonna kill himself, Diddy? Puff? In the jail, do you think he's going to? I don't think so. He probably will. They said he's gonna like, rat on everyone.

That's what Kat Williams was saying. But I don't understand, this is the thing I don't understand about the Diddy thing, is people keep presenting it as if this is grand conspiracy and not like people getting drunk at parties. Yeah, yeah, it's like what are famous people supposed to do. Well, yeah, it's not like people are like, they keep calling it like an Epstein thing

and it's like Epstein was gathering blackmail for the government. For Israel. I think people didn't know that black people were having that much fun. Yeah, I assumed it. I don't think they should have been having so much. I assumed it He does a live stream of his parties in Senior year of high school I I had like I was planning a the biggest party of the year at my friend's parents house and we got them like a

Spa package for the weekend. Oh, then they got to the Catskill. They got they got wise to one from Los Angeles But yeah, I'm not who you see Full-blown German assumption German in me tickets to Burning Man Yeah, so then they got wise to it canceling my dad heard me on the phone I was like we're fucked it was supposed to be the biggest party You know my eyes like you could just have it here And so I was like I was fucked it was supposed to be the biggest party there You know my eyes like you could just have it here And so I was like I was like it was the coolest it was the nicest thing you ever did and he came back I like three and some kids were fucking in his bed

So it was like it was actually in his your dad's bed was my room dad and mom's Yeah, but anyway, but uh They I was like friends with like a lot of the black girls in my class And I was like you know like we're friends at school, but we're never like we never hang out outside of school I was like I'm throwing the biggest lot of the black girls in my class and I was like you know like we're friends at school but we're never like we never hang out outside of school I was like I'm throwing the biggest party of the year you guys need to come and then like for what we thought a party was was like sitting down at a table and just blazing as much and drinking like out of a handle right right and knowing dancing no one said they walked in and they were like they were like where's

what about dancing and we were like that is so you're too high to move I was like that isn't I was like this is a party. It was just your culture I was like that's what you I was like I was like that's incredible. I was like we forgot about dance It was really embarrassing I was like, yeah, I was like, it's a cool party. We're having fun We're like blazing as much and and drinking as much as we're getting crossfaded Nobody I don't know that you're supposed to dance also while you're either I get it. That's really I learned a lot about The Waltz the Waltz. Yeah, one two three one I put a gown on a hoop gown and showed up, they got powder everywhere. They used to...

They bullied... I don't know if it... They also bullied me a bit because I used to do Harlem Shake. Oh no. And they'd like form a circle around me in high school and be like, oh, do the Harlem Shake, Adam. Because you were so good at it. And I thought in my mind I was so good at it.

Yeah. But then in retrospect, I was like, they probably thought it was this guy's loser I can't imagine it was good It would have sucked to have to go to like a Venetian Like those party like with a mask. Yeah, like French dandy parties. I can't other periods in history I can imagine but like the Renaissance you have to wear like a million pounds worth of clothes You dress up like a clown and well the guys are like also wear corsets on and then they take them off and they're fat the only yeah the only thing you can do is go to those fucking stemmer and does line

dancing basically yeah they all have to learn that the dance of the day I would say put me in the best deal let me work on my memoirs a little wooden desk put me in an iron mass yeah man I want the iron mask with the iron mask okay I don't want this fucking makeup shit yeah the bitch in the iron yeah I went to one of those parties the guys were more beautiful than the than the hose uh-huh you know they're wearing gorgeous makeup I've been having a hankering for rewatching the man in the iron mask I want like six months and I just watched the trailer and then I don't put the movie on that was there was an era where is all French like sword movies well that and

Count of Monte Cristo and then there were the musketeers yeah yeah yeah kind of money crystal was sick too it was a revenge yeah it doesn't just like kill everyone in this family yeah they double crossed him yeah yeah it's Keanu Reeves oh and the movie I haven't, it seems like it's John way like the French John wick and what's the deal with the three musketeers? There's four of them I know that's always confused, but they had a new one. I think he'd like joins the squad I think they're like his three friends d'Artagnan's friends. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, but there's four of them. Yes, there are more Athos portos and something else damn you smart Kid you read you you've read like mad books. Yeah, I didn't make a kid. Yeah

Yeah, you did. I didn't read mad niggas read every single my question is There's three niggas are everything I have read a lot of box. Those are good Yeah, those kids were hobos like a white kids that are homeless hobo ass kids They live in a train and it's like seventh heaven But like yeah, it was like when you move the pages quickly that it would turn into the animal in the upper right corner I remember that's all I ever did. I read the book. It was just a flip book in the I read a lot of animals Yeah, yeah, it's funny that that was a whole series cuz every book it was the same as like Oh, I'm a butterfly

Crucial moment you become a different bad guys the yurks. Yeah, it's some little bug So Xana morphs his boxcar chill Yeah, this is use the tree house of mystery or whatever that thing I go in time or what that's more magic school bus to Remember that as a show as a show bro. There are books. There are little books I think the show is first they made a book from the show. Yeah Yeah, they're going the kids the only episode of that show I remember is when Carlos gets sick and so they go if they shrink the bus and they go into him body

Right, which is like such an invasion. Oh Carlos you have leukemia Yeah, Carlos was the wise guy to inside. Yeah, he was Carlos. He was a Pablo Francisco. Yeah. Yeah, he was a little tortilla boy Which y'all learning in fucking class today? Carlos chill out Drive the bus. Yeah, I was yeah I was like I'm fucking sick I'm fucking sick essay never been with a Mexican girl she will fight dude that was my favorite comedy special when I was like that's it that's the episode they go to leave and they're blocked by his father's penis

They're like that's why Carlos has a bad Episode when I was a kid if like something the magic wore off and the bus fully like expanded to its real size while they were in Carlos's car Is on the street miss Frizzle is crazy. Yeah, that's how on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on?

I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on?

I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on? I was like, what's going on, I down school. Yeah, never 13th floor. It's too chaotic. Yeah wayside elementary Yeah, yeah wayside. Yeah upside stories. Yeah, I completely memory hold that one

And then the big one was remember the the it's like someone is missing the teachers missing Oh, no, it's like it's like a picture book and there's like miss something is missing She's like the teacher and the students are bad so you know it's like the next day there's a sub and she's like a witch lady and she's really mean and sad. It's all the mystery. But it was like then it's actually her. Oh she's like pretending.

She's more disguised and they're like oh we miss you. Oh okay. God I'll have to pick that one up. Yeah. I have to go back and read that one. It's good yeah. It's pretty good yeah. Yeah that's good. was she the bad guy

then the witch she was just a mean teacher and then they realize oh it's the nice teacher at the end oh and a little bit of a Jekyll and Hyde is a Texas book I remember they had the Texas flag in the classroom was about execution yeah yeah they're like maybe she got the death penalty I can't believe we let a retired person teach a class Death but you're off with her head They probably let a retard teach because the retards not gonna teach about slavery or anything We went to public school now Catholic school. Oh, you're Catholic Catholic. Yeah, you were you were a little skirts That's that's why you're so well read in the boxcar children

Yeah, Catholic school just a little more since the Strict to Jesuit education we were finger-popping in public school reading and amorous. It was so sick Uniforms do your shelter. Oh, yeah I thought the kids are that those kind of schools were bad or they did but I was a huge nerd They were but I was a loser. I remember my friends that were in private school like 10th grade they were like, yeah, we do coke. They were doing crazy. I was like, how do you get coke? They had they were doing all the pills and everything. Yeah, every their parent pills. Yeah What was the so what's the what was the backstory of the boxcar children?

They're orphaned or something or how did they end up living in a train? Yeah, they were orphans and they had to solve mysteries for money. Maybe. I don't think that was the death hole. You remember Encyclopedia Brown? Oh yeah. That was always the funniest one because it was always like, reveal was always such bullshit.

Yeah. So the clock stopped when he was shot. Oh yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, was shot. Oh yeah, he was like, yeah, Sherlock Holmes kind of. Yeah, he got shot through the stopwatch. Cam Jansen, you remember her? No. She had a photographic memory, and she'd solve mysteries, and then at a crucial moment she'd say click,

and then remember something. Oh, it seems like cheating. Yeah, well it shouldn't be, I'm like, a girl would never. Yeah, I don't like that. And then I like to very casually try to bring up the Baby-Sitters Club as if we've all read it. Yeah. I'm like, would never And then I like very casually try to bring up the babysitter's club as if we've all read it I'm like I remember the babies. I remember the one

Yeah, babysitters club. Yeah, sweet Valley high. Yeah, I did watch a lot of that show that is a great There was a show and books. Yeah, and I didn't even know what the books were I remember the TV show sweet Valley high there the twins right there were hot it was a bad show Yeah,, right? They were hot twins. It was a bad show, yeah, the hot twins. They were hot, and then it was a bad show, but there was something very bright about it. There was this era of television in the late 90s where I was like, this feels like the future or something. So happy, yeah, they were so happy.

Yeah, there was something like that, and then... Because the dot com bubble hadn't burst yet. They were so excited for the future. There was something like, oh, there's something new here. The internet's going to save everything. You know which show I liked? You remember VIP? No.

You didn't have TV. Julian Assange's wife, Pamela Anderson. So sick. That was Julian Assange's wife? Yeah, they were married. That can't be true. Barb Wyer? No, maybe they dated for a while.

That's crazy. Yeah, she's mad smart, too Wow, you didn't know that She was stupid. I'll be honest. I assumed I was wrong. Yeah, that was wrong. She's also not she's funny, too Really? She's one of the she's the only girl the only funny She's mad for Pamela that was a big go-to joke in the 90s that it was like you just you watch babe They watch with the sound off. I think friends was really into that joke. Yeah, sure Yeah, Joey and Chandler would it was implied that they would masturbate together David Hasselhoff. Yeah Come they're like, oh you thought it was to the girls. Yeah. No, I mean you watch Baywatch and it's mostly it's not what you think they try more naked men

It's there's a lot of that. Yeah, I think the first episode starts off and it's like the men's locker room That's like the first thing you see Joey Chandler. Love that. Yeah. Yeah, they're in their lazy Isn't that the whole friends joke is that they're gay? It's kind of like the underlying is people always think a chandler's gay and he's like, oh no, no, no, no No, no, no, no, no me no They think I'm a fan. They should kill all the gays. He's sarcastic. Yeah, if I'm gay kill me. There's some straight guys that could be sarcastic It's very funny to watch that show knowing that Bill Cutt and then Matthew Perry would just like crumple into like a fucking opiate coma Where's my Vicodin? Anyone got one? Was he a Vicodin guy? A huge guy huge Vicodin guy got into like a jet ski accident

Then he had like prescribed Vicodin and then was taking it and then like at one point he cuz you know You don't shit when you're on it. Oh, he just like his colon just exploded And then he was in a coma for like six months. I might pick up his book Where's that episode the one where his colon explodes? Yeah Baggy clothes like when an actress is pregnant Where's that episode the one where his colon explodes? Yeah, they call it from the public Baggy clothes like when an actress is pregnant didn't he like forget like three or four seasons and they have to get they have to get Ross to eat all this shit out of his ass to save Chandler Save Chandler Save Chandler

We were on the bridge me shit eating rocks Rachel got so mad at him about that. He's like look I've had blackface Finally a black character. Yeah, finally a joke on this show. Yeah You think Al Jolson had like groupies You think they're like girls there were girls that were trying to get backstage They're like don't take the face paint off. I mean it's a way to know a former is famous There have to be girls that are trying but it was women in blackface. Yeah, you think they're really can't come back here unless He was sort of like the insane clown posse of his time. It's true. Yeah, if you think about it He's the drag. Yeah

Paint his lips really red. Yeah Think so Red it might be wrong. Yes me. That was the bad part. The whole thing is wrong They might have been wrong if you ask me. That was the bad part. The whole thing was wrong. The whole thing was a bad thing. What did he do? He danced and sang?

Was it funny? Was he a comedian? I think he was getting pops. He was, yeah. He had a couple of reels. He had some good laughs for a minute. He had a couple million view reels. He was the king of crowd work in the 30s.

Another big one was Amos and Andy, which was a radio show. And it was two white guys. They were like, oh boy, go make some gumbo today boy. But the crazy part is they would do blackface. Even though it's audio on. Right, yeah. They're completists.

They're professionals. You gotta respect that. Amos and Andy. They just played two black guys. Right. Really? Yeah. You stay away from Miss Olson now. Mm-hmm touch her Remember what happened to Emmett?

No, come on, dude. Oh that was too fun Anniversary that we had a Anniversary was it today sure no God then I would have actually felt pretty bad. Yeah Yeah, I know wasn't at that, by the way. I know you've said it to me before, but I actually, the Emmett Till thing at the museum was the saddest part of the entire museum. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know, unlike Jeff. I mean, even race aside, it's such a tragic story. So you're anti-Battican too? A little boy being murdered? Anti, no, I'm pro-Battican. It's such a tragic story. So you're anti-batting boy being murdered anti No, I'm probate. It is so sad. Yeah. Yeah, and his mom says he won't open casket cuz she wasn't the world to see Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, that's the saddest part Yeah, I mean no, it's not the saddest part that murders the saddest part, but that also pretty heartbreaking that lady was lying

The girl whistle that's all that didn't even fucking happy did he? She made it up. Yeah, he's this and then that lady like fucking what does she do with the rest of her daughter? Was like my mom she died But then like I think it was the daughter was like my mom always wanted her story to be told and she felt like she Was a victim too. Oh my like shut up bitch Shut the fuck up her too. Yeah, I mean yeah yeah definitely at her funeral. I agree with the husband getting off But the woman should you know clearly influenced him into fighting been like are you gonna be a bitch the rest of your life? Yeah, he was clearly

You know his last rope or whatever God we could I should have brought it up. So you're You know, it was the last rope or whatever. Last rope. Oh, God. Can we cut a... Oh, no. I shouldn't have brought it up. So your anti-discontinuity... Caroline Bryant, that was her name. That was her name. Okay, okay.

I didn't know. Okay, guys. Hopefully. No, but absolute dog. No, God, if she was busted. No, terrible. Oh, no. Yeah, imagine just like...

That's what she wanted to tell us. No, men like me. Other men are attracted to me. No, she was like like like one of the like a Gary Larson drawing Big ward on her nose. Yeah Just a very severe side very severe looking objectively one of the worst people ever Yeah, she looked kind of like Gary Sinise. I think well speaking of Black Friday is coming up in Cyber Monday as well. So

Get rid of speaking of I don't's coming up, and Cyber Monday as well. So, get rid of speaking of. I don't wanna, it's not. I say Gary Sinise, I mean he's new in Hollywood, he introduces himself to people, he goes, I'm Gary Sinise, and they go Gary Zanus? That's why he became Republican. No, he's like, it's Gary Sinise, and he's like, okay, Gary Zanus.

It was an Ellis Island thing, yeah. That's your name, it's fine. I guess Hungarian. And it took him until Apollo 13 before people stopped calling him Gary Zanis. Yeah. Because they couldn't hear what he was saying. Terrible discrimination.

Yeah, that's terrible. Like a lot of people, my grandparent, parent, or other family member are not the most tech savvy, so it seems weird to get them a tech adjacent gift. Why don't you go behind a little division here and get the thing I'm reading the thing. I know but it's behind the actual Today's episode is brought to you by Aura Frames. Maybe you've seen these Okay, but we got a deal with them and I told my aunt about it and she was like can you get me one of these?

They love it old people fucking the holidays are coming up, but I'm telling you of these, they love it. Old people, fucking the holidays are coming up and I'm telling you, any fucking old family member you have, they love, they think this is, first of all, I mean it's like, you know, if you're younger, you're like, well I can just look at a picture on my phone. It's on my phone.

The fact that you can put a digital image into a frame. All of these collages on the frame, oh these are great. They love it. My grandparents loved these. And maybe the client doesn't want to selling it like this, These collages on the frames, oh these are great. They love it. My grandparents loved these. And maybe the client doesn't want to selling it like this, but it's like a thing that I can't really, it's like I understand why the cat likes a cat toy,

and this is like cat, it's like cat toys for, if you have a senior, I think that's a good sell. If you have a senior citizen or like a boomer in your life, get them one of these R frames. And you have nothing really in common with them. You won't have to buy a good gift for another fucking this is a guaranteed slam dunk gift okay so it seems weird to get them a tech adjacent gift but Aura's digital frame is actually perfect that's because yes it's tech but it's gonna be

like a picture of them an iPhone picture of them saying cheese somewhere yeah in this thing in Cabo that one time you took a family trip. Exactly. And then where they're taking the picture is like at the airport, somewhere where there's no identifying. Cause the rest of your vacations were to see your grandparents at their house. They don't know how to take a picture.

And then you went to Mexico one time and your dad let you drive and then you drove into a bush and he said. You had to bribe the Mexican army Yeah, they loved they loved these fucking we went to Mexico and my dad at 13 was like, how about you drive? And I was 13 and I was like, this is so cool. My dad is so cool. And then I drove into a bush she's like He's like rental car. It was like that. It was like

Tony looking at AJ on AOL in the Sopranos where he has this look of fucking disgust at me. I was like, I'm 13, it was your fault. You have to tell the Avis guy, yeah I let my 13 year old kid drive. No, I drove his Expedition into a bush. Yeah, it's a big car. I go to Avis sometimes, they rent a car if Enterprise is out at the airport.

And I'm like, what is this place called, Anis? Avis and Andy? Anis? Anis and Andy? Anis and Andy. Andus? Avis and Andy. And they go, no, it's on the sign. You can see it. And I'm like, I don't know how to fucking read.

What am I, a genius? Seriously, guys, it's so easy to get started. Piece of shit. It's so easy to get started that once you do, the tech is incredible. You can upload photos right from your phone and in just a click, it'll even pair photos together. For me, like two pictures of the same person

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like what the fuck am I buying for you know this is my great aunt I don't even know how we're related I don't understand I shouldn't have an aunt if I'm over 18 yeah I shouldn't even know a cousin. Unless they're rich, you shouldn't have an aunt. I agree. My family's been like, why are you? But this thing's nice, it's sturdy. The problem is, is like, if you want something like this. Your grandpa's gonna air drop like some porn on it.

You either got this brand or like a Chinese thing that's gonna set your house on fire. Yeah, yeah. So, go with this. Wow, there we go. Beautiful. It's aura frames, it's a great gift, guys. Seriously.

And Lord knows the people watching this have. Can't you take it out of the box nicer than that, man? What? You have to take it out of the box in such a violent and disrespectful way. I'm like a Taz mania devil kind of guy. He's destruction. Yeah, yeah, you know me.

Fucking del play by society's rules. Yeah. Yeah, I blast through walls When there's a whole just thinking about I was thinking about the Tasmanian devil the other day and I'm trying to remember what the Context was You don't know what his story was. He's just always angry. He was a mute. He never talked, right? He was angry at the world yeah, the world didn't help him. Yeah, he was supposed to be, yeah. He had some mental illness for sure. Spitting, yeah. He was angry at the world. Yeah.

The world didn't help him. Yeah. He was supposed to be like a feral boy or something, I think. Oh, is that what he was, like a wolf kid? Yeah. Okay. No, I think he was supposed to be like a kind of a- He looks like he's from like, Brushwick, yeah.

Like you do the road a lot, right? Brushwick, I fucked it up. I was gonna say, broke him. Oh, Mr. Genius knows everything except the name of the neighborhood he lives in. Brushwick. Maybe if you hadn't read so many fucking books, you'd know how to get around town, Mr. Genius knows everything except the name of the neighborhood rush wick Maybe if you hadn't read so many fucking books, you know how to get around town Yeah, maybe you could learn how to skateboard with other adults. Yeah, you go to brush wick

Practice all these with 43 year old guys. I Just found out somebody famous slips in Bushwick the other day and I was like that's insane Like how famous like a rich and yeah, right and I can't Justin Bieber kind of something like that and I was like why would you live in Bushwick it's nice no it's not you like not man I never go back you live in Brooklyn you can't lie to us so you know it's got some better very beautiful I live in bedside old yeah, we don't have German people going on graffiti tours through bedside Yeah, German tourists. Yeah, they're trying to make a biggie monument. Yes street like on tourists books They're like the street art in brushwick is you got it

Yeah, that was a big thing was done group on because I was thinking about it the other day I think I have to reschedule Some dental work and I used to just use group on to get all my medicine Yeah, we're going out of thing. Yeah, you go on group on you get a teeth cleaning for like fucking 20 bucks incredible But it's like a student learning or how many teeth you have. Yeah, ten years ago when you would open No, you don't have to go. It's like a real dentist Yeah, you know they just get you in there because then they have a file on you and then okay next time you come back It's a full price fucking million dollars

Yeah, that's where they use like ten years ago You're going group on a number one thing in New York City was like learn how to fucking tag and do graffiti Yeah, like a picture of like a white family like so embarrassed I told you I was in Dumbo once and there was like a bunch of rich white kids at graffiti camp Like it was like summer. Yeah There's like now we got to practice your tag. This should just make them inhale the paint the whole time Ruin their brains forever Graffiti camp I think if my career fails

I will try and do a five pillars of hip hop style camp for rich white kids. Five pillars of hip hop like Islam? You're doing the five pillars? Well, Islam stole it from hip hop. I don't know if you've watched the show Oz, but they established that. The Hajj was stolen from Ja Rule. The Hajj Sameka is, yeah, of course. It's going to a't know. It's going to a freak-off at Diddy's bar The term freak-off is so funny. It's just having sex It's not like having sex just having sex with two people in one night. They're like that's crazy Yeah, suburban moms in Kansas. They're like what is that? Is that what a freak-off is having sex with two people?

Well, they feel like that's it was just like an orgy. It's just an orgy. That's what they call. Yeah, they weren't doing anything Crazy, I don't know what not like it would be fun to go into the freak off and you just have like a Zippo lighter And you're like doing tricks Yeah, you're trying to sell every other rooms in orgy But one of them's just you make the right guy doing boy Yeah, it's basically a dead lot. It's where everyone goes after they come and they need to recharge Yeah, somebody explaining the dark carnival and the ICP. Yeah albums the Joker cards with those You'd be like I'd rather listen to great Milenko

Yeah, there's like a narrative to their first like six albums Yeah, yeah, and each each album is called like a joker card And then each joker card reveals more of the story of the dark carnival Wow, and then they got remember the sixth one came out and that's when it's revealed It's like just it's like fucking like evangelical bullshit. it's just about it was God at the end Jesus Jesus and yeah and it turned out also it's Larry the cable guy Bill Ingvold we're doing those characters yeah like so many ICP fans committed suicide I found this was Jesus at the end that'd be so sad for them yeah they thought they were like

evil badasses. Mm-hmm They voted for Kamala. I think the ICP people I think that's actually true. Is that my wrong? They endured ICP I think they endorsed Kamala. Yeah That's why she lost what he said. It was so confusing for me because I was like dick Cheney. No, that's bad I shouldn't vote for her and then ICP. I'm like, oh, that's good. That's pretty good. Yeah fully She got Mick Foley. She got mankind. She had mankind. He did an ad for her and then ICP I'm like oh that's good that's pretty good yeah fully she got Mick Foley she got mankind she had mankind he did an ad for her oh he's trying to reach out the blue-collar people were you a wrestling guy he was doing no no he does he's still to always still towards I remember that was one of those names who come up on the calendar like 15 years ago and you're like what

he's still doing it yeah and Cole Cabana does it too. I don't know anything about wrestling. I don't know much but. I know Dwayne The Rock Johnson and John Cena. That's the best. Come on, you know more than that. Triple H. Triple H.

Lamarce Hezbollah Houthis. Yeah, yeah. That's what it stands for. Yeah, Sinwar. Who's the guy who killed his wife and then killed himself? Come on, you know. Chris Benoit. Chris Benoit, legend. You know so many wrestlers.

I'm trying to think. Goldberg? Goldberg, yes. Goldberg. Yeah. Gold Dust, the trans one. The gay one. Yeah.

Is that true? Yeah, he was trans. He's like sexually ambiguous. He'd have a hot world, too. He'd blow kisses. Wow. But then he'd be gay when he was fighting a guy. And it was really a sight.

There was a guy named, and as a kid, I was like like this is crazy. There was a guy named Mr. Ass and he would wear a thong and or like you know like you know like yeah what are they called? Breach? Yeah and on the like in the back it would say hey pal check out my ass. The writers just ran out of ideas. Well the whole idea whole point was like he's named as Mr. Ass and he's got a great ass. Yeah, no, I ran into while I was walking my dog Mr. Ass no Brian Parisi. Oh And he he writes for WWE. No, that's his job. Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah Cuz another comic Kenise was writing for it. They fired her after two days Gary. No, can Aries

Yeah, Gary Kenise Gary Kenise. Yeah, it's black alter ego. Wait, can these mofo you said? No, Mobley. Oh, Mobley. You're over like two days and they fired her cuz she's a woman. I didn't know anything about wrestling Yeah It'd be funny if she became, you know like somebody hit her in the back of the head with a chair with her neck and you know at WWE or Somebody piled drive her right and snapped her neck and then she was paralyzed that's why she couldn't write anymore well they have to call her Kines immobile that tracks that was good yeah didn't they just name Vince

McMahon's wife the Secretary of Education I was gonna say I saw a clip of like they're like your new secretary of education it's just like every time like Stephanie or her son slap her like like in the ring and yeah because she used to like get involved in the fights and then she used to just get slapped and then I and then I remember that Stephanie was top shelf. I texted Shane. And I looked at a bunch of patrons. I texted Shane like two weeks ago. I was like, hey dude.

She's one of the most beautiful ladies ever, yeah. I texted Shane like two weeks ago. I was like, hey dude, I know you probably have some kind of connection with the Trump campaign, or the transition team or whatever on this team. Can you please put my name in for secretary of the interior? And I'm like, I need this, you know. And then he didn't respond and I was like,

dude, just following up on this, the window's closing. Just wanted to bump this. And then Shane was like, I can't. He answered so seriously. Which means that he thought about it. He's like, I wish I could. So he really is at the Trump. Yeah, well it's like, why can't you? I don't ask you for fucking anything. Yeah, you haven't asked for a single thing. I've never asked for anything send it right

Hey, this is your first favor. Yeah, exactly Like everything you've done for it. It's not like he wants it. No he has to be easy to fight stadiums They're gonna give stop that fucking job He's like, oh, I'm sorry. I already recommended stop for secretary the first Greek secretary of the interior Yeah, I'm like, come on Get a fucking dub here Can't we get a dub your tag stave gets the parks? Also, he gets all of the national parks on top of they just give him everything right?

What's he even gonna fucking do out there? You have a platform for the interior? What would you do no more Native Americans? Put them in the exterior Something else with them, I don't know yet, but yeah, we're gonna call them Mexicans and kick them out They're a little here 15,000 years ago say these guys are max they've got a little too look at these guys and tell me They're a little here 15,000 years ago. Hey, these guys are Mexican. They've got a little too Look at these guys and tell me they're not Mexicans No, they have the novel. I don't care if they have the paperwork or lack of but it to me Visual inspection this is looking like you know, you guys got a get they went Trump in the election

You know that 65% that can't be true. Yep. No, because it is part of his persons with six because everything's based on identity and they're all part of the casino community. Oh, yeah. He's a casino. Economic. They forget that this guy is like the casino. Can you have got a casino guy? Yeah. Only a pro casino president. Yeah, that's huge. Al Casino. Have you ever seen him in the movie Casino?

It's just a biopic. Oh, I'm playing dice. I'm doing dice. I'm doing dice. This is a guy's pretend he's seen Casino. Yeah. Yeah, with Al Casino. He's just lying. And he's like,'s like nice mama mia that speech the casino casino does ask not will your country can do for you

Casino and I was right now Yeah, their casino royale. I'm James Bond. Yeah, that's good. Oh Sir, you're doing me James Bond. That's a's good. Oh Sir, you're doing James Bond. That's a good Alka strong Greg Have you not fucking you never been to a casino before Greg? No, that's Robert casino. Yeah. Oh, yeah You're doing Robert casino. No, no, no, you know, and then Ben Stiller's like, uh, Israel has right to defend itself. Yeah There's nothing wrong with there's nothing wrong with weird part of that movie. There's nothing wrong with Israel and there's no Nothing wrong with that weird part of that movie too. There's nothing wrong with Israel and there's no Hamas attacked and you have to defend Israel. Yeah, he's like, I don't know bad Lord I don't know Gary father face. Whatever your name is

Welcome to the casino. I was read it. We've all seen the parents Wow, the fucker number two is meet the Falkers is so funny. It's amazing The baby says fuck or something. No, it's where Dustin Hoffman and and strizen play Falkers the father the baby like he teaches a bad word Yeah, he's like training the baby like shit or fuck. Yeah Great. We watch that all the time as kids It's just yeah, so fun like those type of parents that are like overly like- Were they like hippies kind of?

Yeah, but they're like too sexual. Yeah, they're always like- I went to see either, I can't remember if it was Meet the Parents or Meet the Fockers, but I went to see one of them with my grandpa in the movie theater. And there's like an opening shot of Chicago and it's very clearly Chicago. Chicago is so you can easily identify the city. And my grandpa for whatever reason loudly in the theater goes, there's the big apple! And then it says Chicago and then he was just

quietly humiliated for the rest of the movie. He felt terrible? He was like, that movie tricked me. How do you even comfort him after that? I don't need to comfort him. I mean like what are you doing yelling out like you have to let everyone know that's New York? Because he probably, in his head, he was probably like, that looks like a different take on it. Back then they had the two towers too. It's so easy to know New York. Well, he probably thought it was like the Gowanus Inlet or something. And he wanted to let people know, oh, I know New York. That's Gowanus, you know. And so he's like, I got to make sure everybody in this dark movie theater knows that the man vaguely somewhere in the middle of the theater knows a lot about Gowanus. and so he's like I got to make sure everybody in this dark movie theater knows that the man Vaguely somewhere in the middle of the theater knows a lot about go on us And so he yells it out, and then it's like obvious that you can see the fucking Sears tower

I'm good at geo spotting and just yeah, and then he just That movie sucks. Yeah, right. It's terrible. I hated it And that's sort of the tragedy of life you make it all the way to fucking 80 and you're still just doing shit I'm not drunk. You're drunk. You're still just fucking embarrassing I work my ass off to put food on this table sure I've seen casino What happened yeah, you know how many Koreans I scalped yeah scalping curry Like you six feet high you're in the the Coast Guard grandpa

Shut the fuck up. You don't know what it was like Maybe I'll rewatch Gran Torino tonight Wow that's a fun one Maybe I'll rewatch Gran Torino tonight. Wow, that's a fun one. Yeah, do you have humung over in Minnesota? A lot of humung. You ever see that? It'll be Gran Casino. You're cool with them?

They got good food. Oh, what are you Chinese? Meet Chinese people. When I was a kid. I got a cool car. I'm James Bond and I got a cool car. That's spot on. That's a perfect one. If you close your eyes. I'm Al Casino and I fucking a cool car that's spot-on

I'm Al casino and I fucking you know welcome to Detroit Chinese piece of shit I'm racist, but I care about you James Bond I've seen every move. Yeah, we know movies are they mung and granterino Yeah, they are among guy went like crazy when I was a kid and shot a bunch of hunters He was like hunting humans like a couple like an hour in the woods because he was mad They're killing animals. I don't know why he was mad, but he was going around like sniping other Big thing he might have thought they were animal Saving the animals for my secretary. I would put a stop to that I guarantee you that would not be that should be a lot of guns if they if they if they gave me that job

None among you wouldn't even know they'd be gone. They wouldn't be among us anymore. Right exactly Among us part two. Oh All the zombies coming Look out for the zombies And I'm also Chinese and I'm James Yeah, so you're cool with them over What about the the Ethiopian or was a Somali Somali thing in Minneapolis? Yeah, you were cool with that. They got great food Yeah, yeah good stuff were they in your part of town or you? No I lived in the suburbs. Which one? My dad's always afraid of

the Somali people. You're in Golden Valley? Woodbury. No that's where our boy Steve is from Golden Valley. Oh yeah it's just yeah I know where that is same idea. It's such a pleasant name Golden Valley. Yeah it's so boring. I've like talked to his dad a couple times. It's almost like if the town was called a woman's pussy. Yeah nice warm Woman's pussy. Oh, yeah over there in a woman's pussy. Hi Papa John's do you deliver to a woman's pussy? Great I was always open. I want the five five five deal you guys remember that that was a big Medium And I'm Republican the Trump killed me 30 minutes ago fuck yourself It is very funny that Trump killed that guy which guy Herman Cain

because he like didn't stop having the rallies no no he died focus he was voting Trump no he got a cove it at a rally oh yeah he was like anti-mask yeah yeah funny yeah meatloaf die like that too meatloaf was an anti-vax and died of COVID too now I'm processing this yeah you didn't know that we could have had bad out of hell four. It's a tragedy. How would that go, Nick? I'm bad out of hell and you're to blame.

You give love a bad name. That's right. That's good. That's me love. That's me love. Bad out of hell. And you're to blame. I think so, yeah, something like that.

Beautiful. Yeah, that's a good thought. A legend, lawless. That's a good thought. I wish he could have done it. If only he wore a mask. If only he wore a mask. If only he distanced.

We could have had. It's been tough without me, love. You ever been to Paisley Park? I have not, no. I never got into Prince. I'm doing the most obnoxious thing I do. You're doing every Minnesota thing. But I'm saying every fact. I never got just never got into I'm doing the most obnoxious doing every Minnesota I'm saying every fact. I never got that's not really the most you know you listen

Yeah, yeah, that could be what do you mean the conniving lying part? No? It's just shitting your pants in my apartment That's not a chair. That's a medical. That was pretty If someone has cancer you can't be annoyed by it. Yeah, I didn't really special pants He's very proud of to relive this I shit my pants he was very proud of. We have to relive this. I shit my pants in my apartment once. We don't have to relive it. I did. I shit in Nick's apartment. Wow.

Well, if that's the worst thing about me, then I'm a good guy. He shit his pants in my car and in my apartment. No, two is too much. You get one. I threw up in your car. Do you know Ronan Hirschberg? Yes. You know Ronan?

I used to live with Ronan and he would take a bath every day. Wait, wait, so he took a bath. He took a bath every day. No, and then I had to take a shit badly But I was too much of a like a Midwest passive aggressive bitch to yeah knock on the door So I just ended up shitting my pants in our living room because I wouldn't knock on the door to go in there That is the lowest bone in my life. I just wanted to show that you're one of the most passive aggressive things I've ever Yeah, I went well. I guess I'll just shit my pants.

Midwesters just say thank you and don't read it. That's even dumber than a teenager killing themselves. You know what I mean? They're like, oh, you're going to break up with me after dating for two weeks? So I'm going to kill myself. And then I had to go to an open mic half an hour later. That was the saddest part.

First of all, your roommate is a bath guy. Every morning he took a bath for an hour and a half. How could you get Alfred by that? What? You can't get Alfred by that can you imagine how bad that would be a fucking prusia you're like a new to comedy and you've you've been doing it like six months and it's not going anywhere and you're not very good at it you go to an open mic and then a guy

whose pants are filled with shit does better than you with the open mind and you're like I don't should I kill myself? It's humbling it's humbling you gotta shit your pants every couple years Yeah, and the creek brings you down at the Sunday 2 p.m. Mike. Hey, am I out of frame spot? Yeah, okay Being friends or a frames if you know Dollars off or frames check it out promo code ta FS Yeah, you guys in the Midwest their politeness is rude to me Yeah, they're polite till they have to vote away your rights in the voting both then they're voting both I don't know why I keep fucking up words with a bird

About like prairie homo companion. Yeah, he, wow, what's this, like a prairie? I'm so glad we're here together. I love coming to the prairie with you. What's this town? They're from Lake Wobegon? Yeah, Lake Wobegon. Over there in Lake Wobegon, there was one of the biggest gay guys.

You know what I loved? Sucking cock. You know what that's, oh yeah. Nothing gets you through the winter like Sucking cock. You know, that's all, yeah. Nothing gets you through the winter like sucking some cock. Oh yeah, there's nothing better than that. Gotta keep warm in the winter. Yeah.

And it's, you know what I love the most? That we're best friends. You know, we're companions basically. Yeah, like. We hate the Somalis. It's our little secret. We're like, gay guys in the 50s. Yeah, I like that.

We call each other companions. I like the cut a hole in the ice and then I stick my ass up from the hole Just see what happened. Yeah, just see what happened Yeah, I got frostbite on my my cheeks again the Prairie homo Didn't he get canceled too? Yeah, that was one of the funniest. He didn't really do anything. That was good.

It was like I touched a woman's back, kind of weird. Yeah, right. He had Neil deGrasse Tyson sort of cancellation. Oh, was it? A guy took a picture wrong. Is that what it was? Kind of, yeah. Eli Weasel also was another funny one.

The Holocaust guy? Yeah, the guy that wrote the Holocaust book. Yeah, he was hiding in a woman They took a picture and his arm was too low. Oh my I think if you She's on him after he died asleep. Yeah She's this on him after he died. Yeah They're arm going around he was doing the shocker. Yeah, he's doing the suit the Sufi anything to survive with a Sufi Now what the shocker was yeah, it was like fucking Dane Cook at his own. Oh, yeah was this he's like This is the middle finger, but what if you did all the other fingers and it's or it's this it's like this He's like it's double. It's both I wish I was tired arena goes fuck yeah yeah this is

the greatest joke ever do you imagine like we were a tour guys of this river I can't wait to see how like culturally nauseating everything that we've done publicly is in like 20 years sure like. Like when you watch an old Dane Cook special. Well, even more than that, it'll be like an accident. Like what the fuck happened that this is like it'll be. Who let this happen? Oh, I mean, something like, you know, who's the boss? You know, watch Who's the Boss now?

And you're like, shut the fuck up. Yeah. Clip of three guys with a microphone. Yeah. They look like they're like Charles in charge. I look like a fucking complete asshole. I look so stupid And they made a fucking look so dumb They made a set for it These guys are the biggest losers They don't even have a robot co-host

This is definitely not crunchy or whatever the fuck people are saying This is the least crunchy thing I've seen Look at the negative aura on these. Right. Yeah. Actually, realistically, they'll be like... That's a positive aura. I haven't spoken in Chinese for a week.

It's getting shit on my Chinese. It's still in English? Yeah. Oh my God. We're mandated to speak it. No, we're not speaking it. What they No, we're not speaking. This is the future Everyone speaks Chinese. That's why I said them criticize. I said we had because we're owned by China. We all have to we oh you You're mad room. We're still alive in this scenario. I hope so 20 years. We just have to speak Chinese

I got a good 20 years Parkinson's fucking okay. I'm not gonna be enjoying life. You got not gonna be enjoying life. There's a lot of this Yeah, you'll have faded rapid. I'm not gonna be I'm not gonna be enjoying life. You got I'm gonna be enjoying life. There's there's a lot of this Yeah, you'll have faded rapid. I'm not gonna be I'm not gonna be enjoying life Yeah, I'm already gonna be too shaky to write the Chinese characters It's gonna be a second language for you, and it's just gonna be I have the paintbrush Yeah, right the giant paint brush trying to impress them. Yeah, I Was in a podcast with steve and Nick? Yeah. I was in a podcast with Stav and Nick.

What? This is no way to treat a Jewish man. Yeah. Well people won't remember me either. There won't be Jewish people anymore either. They'll be like, can you believe these guys were friends with the former Secretary of Interior and now first female president?

Nick Mullen? No, stop. Oh, I thought you were the first female president. No, he's getting the job of Secretary of the Interior. Gotcha. Could be you, you don't know. And they invent a surgery where they just take your fat, so he's seven feet tall now and thin.

They realize you can just squeeze people. He's donkey. Like a skin graft. We never tried it, but we just put him in a squeezing machine. These Chinese are innovative. Who knew it was that simple? They knew that you could do that. You don't need Wigovia, you can just squeeze. And he's the first seven foot tall female president.

Did you see that Trump at that roast, the Al Smith dinner before the election where he did like 25 minutes? Did he? He's roasting everyone? Yeah, he looked at Chuck Schumer, he's like, Kamala's gonna lose but like don't worry like your body's so woke. It's a woke party It's very I think Nick DePaulo wrote his set. I'm pretty sure that's actually true. Yeah Wow, your body's gotten so woke Chuck. You could still become the first female president and Chuck Schumer's just sitting there This is Chuck Schumer's just sitting there like, oh my god. He's just like, keep sending the weapons. This is Chuck Schumer every time. Yeah. I don't understand why he wears glasses.

Show me, find me a video of Chuck Schumer, well, using his glasses. Every time you see him, he's like, his fucking eyes are never lined up with the glasses ever. Look at his cock, bro. What? The only, he puts it so low, glass. Look at his cock, bro. What the only Just to look at his cock

It makes it look huge Yeah over the glasses probably still they're always just you know, oh, I'm Chuck Schumer and I pretend I know how to read It's like when the person at Chipotle is still wearing a mask was just covered Also, don't do not find the video of that. I would refuse to be fact-checked on that. I've seen one video where he's wearing his glasses too low and I think that's all of it. You're correct. Absolutely. So what's your problem with service workers? He used to wear them up here.

Just when they just cover their mouth. He used to wear them up here and then he went to a family reunion. He paid less. And he saw Amy and he went, oh disgusting. And then he had to put them down. He's like, I almost went blind. I almost saw my cousin. I had to take my glasses down because my pig-ish cousin is blinding.

He doesn't want to look at Amy. Luckily when the earth started shaking, I knew that she was right behind me. He did it at Thanksgiving one year and then now he never put them back on. Right, yeah. Oh no. He saw what she did to the mashed potatoes.

Well, they were on his face and then she started coming into the room and it was like, It was like, it was like the T-Rex. Yeah, the glass of water. Yeah, right. They're all like, don't move. Amy's coming. If you make motion, she'll start yelling at you about Gaza. You're a rapist, Chuck.

Mm-hmm. And she's hungry. Oh, no. We should edit the Wayne Knight taking a shit in Jurassic Park. Oh, and he gets killed in the port-a-potty. We should have just Amy eating him. And it's Amy Schumer with a hamburger in her hand.

Oh, that's Wayne Knight in that movie. Yeah, it is Wayne Knight. I thought it was Amy Schumer. It's Newman. It's Newman take a shit Yeah, I thought Amy Schumer was playing the island itself And the whole movie is about the creatures Dinosaurs on a machine

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha anywhere in Jurassic Park yeah that was a that was a real era that car everyone had that car hmm you had one like a gene yeah my family had the Ford Explorer yeah it was a hand me down from my aunt to my mom then to me and that was my first car yeah yeah I totaled a Ford Explorer oh yeah Firestone tires yeah yeah yeah they wanted they all died right yeah they would explode and flip the car. Yeah Yeah, the Ford Explorer. That would have been cool. Yeah, that would have been a better way to go out. There was an IT guy at my old job who used to say oh, I see you're still using Internet Explorer And I was like this guy has like you gotta use Netscape Navigator. The most miserable life in the world You must make that joke. It makes that joke 50,000 times a day, no one's laughed yet.

Was that at Discovery when you were little? When I was at Discovery, yeah. You were at the Discovery Network? Uh, yeah. Family of Networks, yeah. Wow. Yeah. I survived a terrorism attack.

Really? Yeah, a guy came in with a bomb. To take down Discovery? Yeah, there was like a Korean guy who got really mad about the show the Duggars show Eight because they had 18 kids. Yeah, 18 kids But it was like he was like if you care about if you're like for like conservation You shouldn't be celebrating these freaks which kind of fair point and they had a manifesto I read it and like every manifesto the first half makes sense Well, he was right cuz they were talking about the fishies and the duckies

make sense. Well, he was right because they were talking about the fishies and the duckies. Oh, this is real. He was not a joke. And then he came to the I think like six months before that he was throwing like $50 bills in the air and he's like, I'm giving money to someone that could make a better show than the he was really mad at the Duggars. And then he came in with a bomb and took it didn't explode took like two or three people hostage and then SWAT team headshot so sick in the lobby shot in the lobby yes and then the the the hostages got to go into Oprah then how does SWAT team work it's like so these guys do like they're employed and then they'd have nothing to kill your tenth black guy as

a cop you become a SWAT and then you have nothing to kill your tenth black guy as a cop you become a swat And then you have nothing to do all year until the off chance somebody yeah Just rainbow six for yeah, yeah, they're probably so stoked. Yeah When a Korean guy gets a yeah, and you get to show up in the big ice cream truck That's the best part of that fucking murder That's the best part of that fucking murdered But the Korean guy was kind of a hero because he was anti this child abuse people the Duggars he was ahead of his time He didn't know that and I don't know Bomb into my work and they redid the lobby because they were like we need a new decor because it's gonna remind you

Why did he pull the cord on the the bomb why didn't he do it I think he was wearing like a like he was doing see do like he was a life jacket he literally just a fake no no I think he had like a suicide trigger or something I don't know how they dealt with a coward not to do it I mean you built the bomb he spent hours in his basement would have been blow the bomb got the rest of the week off I came came into work the next day, they had bagels, they were like, you need to eat. It was like the most Jewish response to a trauma. Just make sure you're eating.

We got ping pong in the break room now. Yeah, I got the rest of the week off. I was on the top floor, literally the safest place in the office, full disclosure. I could have taken the whole building down. I escaped. And those lucky bastards Yeah, that were taking hostage guys going over and just act about act. I don't know meet the lady

I also I was that way that's where Oprah showed up at the she showed up the office and I was in an elevator with Her and like my whole life. I was like boy. I was like bill burr about her I was like what are these broads listening to this fat soul about, you know? And I was in an elevator with her for like one minute. You got starstruck. She is magic. She releases spores. She's a magic person.

She's like, she's incredible. Just being around her is exciting. You get like a fungal infection in your nose and it goes into your brain. She's just so great. And they're like, we gotta join the Oprah book club. Kind of, I Kind of, yeah. I felt that way.

My friends. You see what Gale sees in there. My friend's mom, I've probably mentioned this before, took them to church when Obama was president to pray because it was the devil or something. Oh wow. Did you know this? This was a good thing, it went viral on Twitter

a while back, but her real name is Orpa Can't be true. No her name is Orpa and then somehow got changed to Oprah. Man if she were an Orpa She would still be like a public access show Yeah, right exactly. Orpa has been running for 40 years. Yeah, no her birth certificate was born Orpa Winfrey Terrible name. Yeah, Orpa. And Richard Gere's middle name is Tiffany That's just cool. Yeah, that's just awesome. That's the guy who fucks for like eight hours, right? No, you're thinking of staying That's yes thing. Okay, they look which that came out and he's like, well, I'm too embarrassed to make music anymore No one's heard from staying and yeah, he hasn't done I would imagine y'all a y'all a last ten years who doesn't really speaks out against Donald Trump and you know, none of that

Yeah, it's just fucking He's gone. We need him more than ever now. Yeah. Well, I think what happened in Missouri Well, the police is a bad band name. They're not really good He kind of put it out there I'm in the tantric sex and then there was a picture of him at like the beach or something and he's just got this Like a child's penis. It's very small and someone's like that's why you're fucking for eight hours because she didn't come right yeah Yeah, just awful no jagger to small. I think he wanted to present himself as like mr.. Fuck yeah Like my career is ruined

Such a good one. Oh, no sounds exactly like I don't know what he sounds like Fucking such a good one. I don't know sounds exactly like I don't know what he sounds like Everyone's knows I got a tiny Willie now They're gonna call the Army of it they're gonna call the police That's the name of the band and now they're calling the police on me for having a small pay saying my bonus is a small penis. For showing my penis is this small. One, two, three. Um, yes. They were like, turn off the light before you look at my penis.

They were like afraid of the Democrats or something. Turn off the light, I only fuck in the dark. Yeah. And she got a grad degree. And then went to her... You know that song, Mom Who Prayed against My Husband? The song, Walking on the Moon, is actually about fucking Amy Schumer yeah That's what that songs about oh What happens I gotta get me I'm having like a fucking back muscle spasm that's what you give her going after Schumer

I know that's what happens Schumerumer has powers we don't even know. You'll think twice before doing that again. What was this, your friend? Oh yeah, yeah. She graduated, she got like a master's or something. And then she went to her commencement and Bill Clinton was the keynote and she got her diploma from Bill and shook his hand.

Democrat, rest of her life. Just because he shook. He's got the magic. He's so nice Bill and shook his hand. Democrat, rest of her life. Just because he shook. He's got the magic. He's so nice, he shook my hand. He's got the Oprah, I think maybe. He has the magic, yeah. I'm not saying that, it's right. I mean, and a young woman, he's attracted to them,

so he's probably put on the charm with her too. She's a mom, but she said from like shaking a hand, she's been a Democrat. Yeah, it's really like celebrities like that at that level. It's like they do have like shaking a hand. She's been a Democrat. Yeah, it's it's really like celebrities at that level It's like they do have like some magnetic. I met Donnie Wahlberg one time and it's like he's got it, too Yeah, yeah, holy shit It's fucking Donnie Walton No, I mean it Marky Mark in the funky bunch

He wasn't in Marky Mark too It's right there in the name. Oh, you're right. He was in a brother Who's in Donnie duck in the funky the funky bunch was fat Albert the guy with his the beanie over his eyes They all hung out in a garbage place Yeah, Donnie walk like the box Don't it was in baby's kids. That was in Bay Bay's Kids. That's his. Bay Bay's Kids. Yeah. Yeah, no.

What was I saying? I don't know. Yeah, so I survived terrorism. That's heroic. Yeah, what's the most heroic thing you've ever done? Jesus, I don't know. I died as a kid. You did?

I did, my heart stopped for like For how long? Eight minutes. Did you meet St. Peter? I wish, no, I just. You didn't see the Kingdom of Heaven? Just a boring eight minutes. There was no St. Peter? I wish, no, I just, boring. You didn't see the kingdom of heaven? Just a boring eight minutes. There was no gates, nothing?

No, it's so dumb. What'd you drown or something? A car accident, kind of. Kind of? You got fucked up then. Wow, you're a miracle Jeff. I choked on a seatbelt, yeah. Oh, you were eating the seatbelt?

No, the babysitter left me in the car. You were like, ah, car accident, I choked to death on my dad's zipper. Yeah. What? My dad had a big car. What kind of car accident? Come on.

Hey, he backed into a pylon going three miles per hour and I kind of choked to death. Awkward. Don't give head while driving. Don't give head while driving, come on. Wait, so no one was driving? No, I was in a car seat and the babysitter left me in and then somehow I wriggled out

and hung myself on the seat the seat that's not a car It's not I know I didn't want to explain that. Yeah, you're right It's an idea myself. I was trying to kill our job Speaking does not like it does not like insulting cars. He's really like He's probably gonna do it blame the car is nothing to do the car seat belt. It was a seat belt The seat belt was done improperly she came back and then she came I was Just hanging in there CPR. No, I think I got airlifted to a hospital or something. I was like eight months I don't remember. Yeah, they attached on the bottom of the helicopter. Yeah, they swung me

I'm hitting all the buildings as we go by I was saying my neck's been like hurting recently And I saw I came across on Twitter like pictures of people in Iran that have been hanged to death And I did my neck was hurting so much at the time. I'm like damn. That looks like it feels fucking good You're like it's like a foam roller. Yeah, you get this kick out of my neck. It takes all the pressure off Hey me for adultery thought about that if there was some sort of cage I could put my head into and just like a chiropractic yeah Yeah, they put my neck you should Yeah, to put my neck in traction.

Have you seen that video, there's like that kid online, like that guy online, like no, he doesn't have a neck and he goes to a chiropractor and then he's like. They stretch him out like an accordion and he has a neck. Yeah. Is that how it works? Well, it's like when your penis doesn't come,

or your balls don't come down, it was kinda like that with his neck. Yeah. Jesus, neck. Yeah, Jesus Brutal. Yeah. Well, that's what happened. They stretched his necks out and his nuts got sucked back up into his body You can only have one of the other kids or a neck. Yeah Fucking whatever that desk, you know They call him the human whatever the fucking you know, the desk like click click click whatever that fucking thing's called I don't know what the human that fuck fuck You know the desk like click click click whatever that fucking thing is called I don't know what the human that fuck you know the like like CEOs

Oh and those balls go back and forth oh yeah they show it's like this is a duality of man It is the duality man I agree Adam tell them about this growth you found on your anus Um I wouldn't call it so much of a growth as a you know You got a little bump New part of me Remember that thing remember that like Guinness World Record so much of a growth as a you know you got a little new part of me remember that thing remember that like Guinness World Record that Chinese guy that had

a tinier Chinese guy growing out of the yeah that was always a Ripley's believe it or not yeah yeah they never have a Siamese twins where they're different races that'd be great you got a black guy on your shoulder that would be that'd be cool though that'd be fun I think in like a come-dump situation Gary Sianese Gary Sianese Don't call me that. Mm-hmm. I played lieutenant day. Mm-hmm Wait, I got a Chinese guy had a little a little lieutenant Dan Dan noodles. Yeah, that's good Spicy. I remember when I was a kid. I was very confused when they got prostitutes after Vietnam and he lost his legs In my mind I was like, but how does he have sex? Because I did I thought he didn't have a penis also

Oh, he might not yeah, but yeah, no, he was like pulling hose over for his gump was like what is say? Yeah, it's weird that Vietnam produced a lot of amputees, but Iraq and Afghanistan, we got a lot of burn victims. Yeah. You know what I mean? You don't see the amputees in the gutter anymore. Yeah, it's like they kept all the arms and stuff, but it's like guys that... They just have horrible faces. Right, yeah.

They got disfigured faces. Wow. And what caused that? The IEDs? Wasn't it the Persian Gulf? Like there was like fire because they put the oil wells on fire? It's like there was like oil because they've put the oil wells on fire Is that a good movie I can't actually a pretty good movie I saw in theaters and I remember Jarhead it wasn't really I was expecting black Hawk down and it's not that no no it was very little no fighting at all Yeah, it starts up you see his ass, and I'm like this is gonna be awesome little no fighting at all yeah it starts up you see his ass and I'm like this is gonna be awesome and then you don't see it again for the rest of the movie no

they really do you at the top they should have called that movie ass yeah they should have a guy's ass yeah Jim Carrey Rob Schneider is the ass yeah after the hot chick and the animal he was supposed to be the ass Range woke culture and took it away Yeah, I wanted to play that that'd be a fun movie for him a guy that gets a vaccine and turns into a giant ass It's like honey, it's me She got me. He's farting all over. What happens to dr. Fauci now. They gotta execute him We got like they have to Be fine with a couple

Tard and feathered maybe that makes it hard and feather would be fun too. It would be pretty funny to tar 85 year old man In the stocks put them in the stocks Everyone can spit on him and stuff. Yeah, that'd be good. I don't like the feathers. I Don't like it. I don't even remember how he sounds. He's like an old Italian guy. I network with him and hang out with him. So, you know, you're not going to talk shit about him. I won't talk shit about anyone I've ever met. That's a good policy. That's smart. Even if they've done terrible things. We're in show business. We don't want to talk shit about people. You need to relentlessly talk shit to somebody until they smile at you.

I remember like he's actually a really awesome. I remember we made a joke once about Alec Baldwin. My dad called me. He was like, you guys have to be careful. Like you might. What if he was right? What if just be like, what if Alec Baldwin made a bunch of phone calls and he's like, yeah, I'm going to kill these guys.

Yeah, he's like, if we have a cross paths, I'll kill them in my movie. I'm going to shoot them. I've done everything I can to prevent Adam Friedland from having a career. If that is the case I apologize. Baldwin's keeping you down? Yeah she shouldn't have been wearing that. You know she shouldn't have been. I miss that week I had laryngitis and I could do a perfect Alec Baldwin. That was awesome. I had laryngitis and I could do a perfect Alec Baldwin. That was awesome. Dang, you could only do it for the disease. I had laryngitis and I sounded exactly like him. You gotta get it again.

You gotta get it back. I don't know how you did that. I have to pee so bad right now. I'll go lane. Go pee. Alright, well let's end the episode then. Thanks guys. Thank you very much.

Just go to whitecomedian.com. I'm touring endlessly to the world of this. No, be in Atlanta. At the Atlanta fucking either helium or improv I can't remember the punchline. I was just there. I think it's either the improv or the fucking There's a helium there. I can't you're at the helium. I'm at the helium in the bag of a diner yeah in between December's

Six and seven five through seven. I can't remember but so look it up that weekend Yeah, come check it out But I tell you what I have to look forward to a big evening of a man in the iron mask Oh tonight, and they can't do it like like like Louie Anderson said you can't take that away from me and the sort of legend Louie Anderson. Yeah famous gay man famous gay man famous gay man yeah he was we've ever heard Tom Rhodes tell that joke about meeting Louie Anderson it's so funny what'd he say it's about like he's 19 he's new in Hollywood and Louie Anderson's trying to fuck him yeah and

but he's bringing him all around town before taking him to his apartment so he's introducing Tom to like all these people and stuff and Tom just has no awareness he's like there's my friend Tom he's a very to like all these people and stuff and Tom just has no awareness. He's like, there's my friend Tom He's a very funny man. Very funny man. You know, he keeps coming back to this very funny man And then the joke ends. I mean I can't do it credit But yeah, I got it's back at his apartment and then they corners him. He's like you're a very beautiful man Oh no, Louis come on. He had to do it. It's crazy because he couldn't be out in the open because he wanted to work with children.

Anderson. Oh good, like a gay man can't be around children? Because they're always fucking them. He could have kicked them away. It was the 90s. It was like you can be gay at a distance. He's a groom. They thought he was a groomer. I'm going back through, yeah. Yeah. I'm going back through West Wing right now.

You know, to remember a simpler time before the Orange Man, you know? And it's so funny how trivial every issue is. It's like, should gay guys go to the army? Well, like 90% of them are- Those are like the toughest things to forget. 90% of them are the same things we still have issues with. No, I think it's a little bit, it seems a little bit more. No, it's like guns and fucking race stuff.

It's sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, I mean, it's like, yeah, should like school uniforms was one. Yeah, it's not like should we deport 11 million immigrants? Yeah, it's not like should we set up a Gestapo force to round up? Can they wear an Aerosmith t-shirt to elementary school? Yeah I wish it was more 90s stuff it's like should we make the internet illegal? Yeah yeah could porn should porn be legal? Yeah yeah that would be fun. Yeah it's a good show and

it's really healed me quite a bit. Really? Good. Since he came back. Since he came back. He's back. Him. Don't say his name. He's ruining my life. So Shane really can't get you in there? What the fuck, man?

You could have a lower post. It's too late. Postmaster General. Who's interior now? I don't know it some dickhead I actually don't know some fucking guy who sucks and he's not gonna do a good job and aiden Ross or something Yeah, at least it's not Vivek Ramiswamy. What did he give? He's like give him anything He's like government efficient. I'm an Elon have to share some fire everyone

He's gonna fire every odd numbered person or something. He's gonna like go every other on the list and fire Exactly something like that just gonna fire half of you fire yourself you back everyone seems to be mad about the Tulsi Gabbard Appointment, what is she secretary of state? No, she's like with Director of national intelligence. Oh really? Yeah, a girl? Okay. Everyone's mad because they're like,

oh she's a Russian asset. Yeah, yeah. Wasn't she used to be Bernie? She was going to be, yeah. She used to be just like, oh like a... She was like a hot Bernie. I thought she was hot, but then you hear her talk and then she's like...

She's not hot, her voice is not hot. I think it is. She talks like this. I think she's an attractive woman. No, she's like, whatever man. Yeah, but she looks like she's not hot. Her voice is not hot. I think it is She's like whatever man. Yeah, but she looks like she's sound like that. Oh Whatever. I'm from Hawaii and I've worked for I think she's hot. I think be like hooking up with turak dude I mean, I was yeah, right. Is that the dinosaur hunter? Yeah, it's 64. Yeah, I would I mean I'd still fuck any girl, of course Nancy Pelosi No, but I just didn't know it's crazy She's like 96 years old and like every year her titties get even better sagging even can you imagine?

Being like 96 and the doctors are like yeah, you're still She's got like her tits are like out to you know She's like we need to tell Kamala. She needs to slap them around a little more, right? They should have she should have flashed them for the campaign. That would have been huge for Kamala. Yeah, just zero zero percent She gets single put in New York San Francisco 100% You think a single put in New York? Oh my god, San Francisco 100% All right, well thanks for joining us. Yeah, thank you. You're the man. Thanks. Love you pal Go good luck with everything. Thank you. I'm saying it that way. Why good luck with everything. That's I said it

Yeah, good luck. I'm gonna be thinking about that. Like what do I need luck for? You said it? Yeah, you know, I guess you fucking got strangled by a car seat. I think I got lucky to survive. I already got Bullshit way of look death is following you everywhere you go brother death means nothing to me It's like a like final destination final destination. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah finding ways to kill myself Yeah, so we go out here. There's a shadow that lifts a piano I'm finding ways to kill myself. Yeah, so we see you walk out of here. There's a shadow that lifts a piano up on the top of the building.

Choke on a Cheerio or something. You walk outside a truck, like swerved. You're like, there's an explosion behind you. You don't notice it. One of those Uber bikers is going to get me. Those Uber Eats guys, they're going to run into me. I thought you could order a guy to drive you around on his handlebars.

That'd be cool. An Uber bike. They had driverless ubers in San Francisco. Really? Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I thought you said the Weegers.

They used them as drivers. Yeah. No, those are Rickishaws. Rickishaws. Rickishaw Ferguson. To Rickishaw Ferguson. To Rickishaw Ferguson. New York Jits.

Yeah. I'm going to name my son to Rickishaw.