The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Lev Fer - Episode 53

Episode Date: May 11, 2024

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Lev Fer - Episode  53 Follow Lev https://www.instagram.com/levfer Merch: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/tafs Subscribe to  @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/tafs/ -- LIVE SHOWS: NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows May 16 — May 18: Philadelphia, PA @ Helium Comedy Club (New Late Show Added!) Jun 7 — Jun 8: Spokane, WA @ Spokane Comedy Club Jul 26 — Jul 27: Ft. Worth, TX @ Hyena's Comedy Nightclub ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #levfer #comedypodcast #comedyspecial

I'm not sure. Good afternoon, evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast. It is May 10th, which is a little late is May 10th. Is that a special day? I think it's when Mexicans stop being hung over from May 5th, Miss Inco to Mayo Is that a drinking holiday for them or is that just is it I feel like that just got co-opted by I think that's every day Yeah, I mean you think the train home It's just Mexican guys getting hammered after construction gigs when you when

Everyone takes a train over just you know, like whenever I like yesterday on the train I see like these Hispanic bros just passing out like holding fucking beer cans Everybody talks out about how awful the train is. Yeah, I Don't really experience that because I feel like I take the train and normal commuter hours Yeah, you don't see any of that and all the people that complain they're like off the trains filled with homeless people Jacking off and there's shit everywhere. Yeah, it's like well, you're riding the train at jacking off and shitting everywhere hours Yeah, it's like maybe if you weren't a fucking degenerate and you were at home with your family at 3 a.m. Well, if I get on the train at 10 o'clock,

there's people openly shooting heroin at my stop now. 10 a.m.? 10 p.m. Oh, okay. But somebody told me, they go, that's how you know it's a safer stop. What do you mean? Like, cause safe now means the police aren't there

They said on who you're talking to safe means police are nowhere to be found if you call them. They wouldn't show up You think that's safe is that's how some people some people see the police is the no I I hate it I I had this thought like I my fear is one of these junkies just gonna stab me with a fucking heroin needle But then I realized they'd never waste heroin like that Well, they don't really need to waste the heroin to stab you with the needle But also on top of that you probably wouldn't even know If I got stabbed with a needle you say saying I'm so fat. I wouldn't know no they're hypodermic needles So you wouldn't like you probably wouldn't even realize I Would feel I would definitely feel that.

That's why it's like, I feel like people are assassinated constantly. I don't think heart attacks are even real. I think it's just somebody's... I feel like we've both had heart attacks in our lives. I know, but I think that was done to me by Stavros. I think Stavros... What cost is? He shot me. He didn't have a heart attack. That's what I'm saying

Why would I have a heart problem, but not him? Yeah, it's it was part of I said something He didn't like about Greece and fucking big Greece Big Greece tried to show me down cocaine verse mayonnaise fight. You guys are having cocaine verse We should have instead of the Adam Friedland show that should have been the post- are having of cocaine verse we should have instead of the Adam Friedland show that should have been the post-com town shows cocaine verse mayonnaise by the way to the stop is just at home eating mayonnaise that he got that size from fucking mayonnaise just mayonnaise off a spatula out of the

jar just stress eating he's like he's like that's that's my kryptonite It's fucking jars of mayonnaise. I By the way fucking invasion of Rafa begins and Adam Friedland nowhere to be seen nowhere to be seen but also welcome Lev for fair to the show and it's this is crazy because I Fair to the show and it's this is crazy because I Have like a barren stain bears thing with you because I we met I don't know what ten years ago or something Yeah, and I could have sworn for six months that you had a different name Did you think it was like a different name on show something as dumb as your regular name? Well like RIV Rop

Maybe I was confusing you with Lil Rel. I think I was. Very alike. Now that I thought about, well, it's the same amount of letters and blackness. Yeah, I just did my head. I would do that. This is why I don't think I'm racist.

My head will just sometimes, I don't want to remember things and it'll do it with people where I'm like I was the same This is the same person. I like you're like I'm not racist and then people like, you know, let me like Ralph or yeah little rel Yeah, well, no, I remember I moved to Austin and there was there was two female comedians I was multiple female comedians, but Ruby Collins and Carrie Lendo, okay, were both white women with brown hair. Okay. For seven months I was just like those. That's the same person. Yeah. And I knew that couldn't be true. Like I had heard both names, but even at 20 years old, 19 or whatever, it was like, these are interchangeable. I mean, is there any chance they're both still doing comedy? I think Ruby, no.

See, yeah. So I don't learn a female comics name until she's on Netflix. They were both funny. It's just Austin had a culture of, it's a lazy town. Yeah. You know, Austin was sort of spoiled. I would say back then. Yeah it was shocking. Like if you had done comedy literally anywhere else and you went to Austin it's like people with like five ten minutes that have like two TV credits

like half the scene. Right. You know they just get things. Austin would send somebody to. I did. I did new faces. Yeah. And it was just because I was the Austin guy that year. It's not like I was a good comic. I was was they kind of gave me a wink and a nod this year Austin gave you no JFL The city of Austin gave you do you mean they gave you a we know like I did the fun either booked or you're not That's I did the audition the first round of this isn't like you're on shore leave in the 1940s fucking Yeah, I did the audition maybe I can get a date with this.

The Booker lady was totally into me. Who's booking it now? They have like a fucking panel of people who really know comedy. Yeah, because it used to just be Jeff Singer. Yeah, and then he did his funniest bit of all time. Oh yeah. Yelling the N-word at a bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pretty great. But I did the n-word at a bar. Yeah. Yeah, yeah pretty great But I did the audition had a hot set the lady who was like watching came up to the next day and was like My boyfriend was talking about you all night And she you were his favorite and obviously we'd love to have you for the next round and when you get to Montreal do All this shit. She was giving me all that and then I was like, oh shit This might this might be the year and then I was I was talking to Schultz about it at the fucking cellar I was like yeah I'm like trying to you know get this JFL thing literally ten hours later they're like this is bankrupt yeah it's also it's worthless yeah it doesn't do anything I know yeah but you still want like if that's

completely gone you never got that fucking validator no if I could go back and give comics advice ten yeah if could step out of a time machine They say like what can I do to get you know, like a TV spot? I would just say buy Bitcoin Just buy Just that's it. That's in here Ruby. There's no other that's the best advice you could give Yeah, anybody but probably still now funny how that's always been a thing where if you're an idiot and you look at Bitcoin,

you're like, ah, I should have bought it. But that'll continue for the rest of your life. It's gonna be worth, a single Bitcoin's gonna be worth 80 billion dollars. When I'm like 50 and I'm gonna be like, ah, fuck. I had a friend in high school who, he was like the nerdy kid he invested all of his time and money into building computers that could mine like Bitcoin essentially

and when none of us nobody knew what the fuck that was we were all just like even 4chan kids we didn't know he's probably like owns a fucking island somewhere right now just being a pedophile I guess what I would like to see is how many people have actually cashed out yeah you know You know what I mean? I never, I've never, I'm always living in debt. I'll never have the... There's also just like the, the, the, like, there's gotta be multiple people that are living awful, just terrible middle-class lives. Yeah. That have a USB drive somewhere, fucking somewhere, that is is just like they're just they haven't slept in ten years every time it goes up they breathe a sigh of relief

when it crashes but then every time it goes up they're just like fucking vomiting it's just something that they had like back in college yeah they graduate I thought you're gonna say that have like a USB drive that's like lost somewhere that's what I mean. It's lost somewhere Yeah, I don't know. I don't mean they have a USB drive filled with child pornography. Yeah, she's like he's like, where is it? He's like she's like I flushed it. They were gonna find it. Yeah. Yeah exactly We needed that USB instead of a girlfriend. It's just you It's because you're absent minded and disorganized and then this very like basic thing is the reason

Your life sucks dick this you know you had a fucking get out of jail free card And you just misplaced it you're speaking directly to me right now. Oh, do you played poker till 8 in the morning? Yeah online just losing money fine I was just talking to Pete about that because it was supposed to be were scrambling to get the we have to get the Episode out this week. Yeah, Jordan Jensen. I was actually sort of go to yeah, I said hey, can you do the podcast? Microscenes going to Europe. Okay, which I don't know why he just doesn't say Italy. We're supposed to pretend he's going somewhere else Fake date. Oh, I'm going to Europe. No you're going to go overdose on fucking pasta. You're going to have too much fish somewhere.

It's like a MF Doom set like fake. He's got like fake micro scenes out there. He's going to hear that and get mad. He's probably not going to Europe or Italy. You think it's easy to talk about autism in London? Let's put it this way. If micro scene posts anything trying to demonstrate that he's anywhere

but Italy, it's all lies. He's doing it just to make me look like a liar. But I know Mike. Usually I have Jordan come by and then Jordan agreed to do it and then texted me very early this morning that she miscalculated her time. She has to fly somewhere. Oh, okay. Not Italy. But she had to fly somewhere, so she could... You sent her to tail Microsene. So I asked you at 7 a.m. and then you tell me, yes, I'm still up from the night before.

I can come do it now at 7 a.m. or I can sleep and we can do it later. Yeah. To which I said, please go sleep. And I said three alarms. I'm like, because I always miss podcasts. I miss like Shane's pod twice. I'll just be sleeping till 6 p.m. and I'll answer the text eight hours later and be like, you still doing it? But I was talking with Pete about this. Why are you going to, he said this is a regular, sorry Pete for doxing you by the way. I don't think it matters, I don't think people,

I think we're post-interest level in the show being like, oh a name, let's research everything about that person, let's fucking get their social security number so we know more about the lore of who Pete is, and you know, what kind of mayonnaise is Pete like? It's not, we're not at that level anymore, but the Why do you do that? Why do you go to bed at 8 a.m.? I don't know I I just I seems like it's a stupid comedian thing It's what I stop. It seems like it's a very stupid like wow you know I got my spots all night like yeah an ER doctor

That's how I justify it, but it's don't you're let what time? What is the latest spot you could possibly have I got a 115 tonight. So go to bed at 215 That's crazy by the time I get home. It'll be like 230 or 3. No It'll be at least you live don't you live in in Midtown? Yeah, you live in Midtown So you live fucking a 10-minute walk from the comedy. You think I'm walking it. So, even a 5 minute cab. You're off stage at 1.15. It's a 12 minute limo drive.

You're off stage at 1.30. Go home, brush your teeth, and go to sleep. First of all, I don't brush my teeth before bed. Then go to bed even earlier. That was a trick. That was a trick to get you to admit that you could be in bed even earlier. No, but by the time you unwindwind ways. I mean you use wire from the Your mandu wipes to remove your use your body wipes you get home you take a quick body

Wipe shower you can fall asleep an hour after a set Yeah, that's psychotic to me. Yeah, I can fall asleep whenever I want I need to like I need to smoke a cigarette. I need to fucking relax what I can't do is stay asleep Yeah, yeah, well my the my least favorite feeling I've slept in between shows on the road Really you sometimes cuz I'll go say hi to people. There's not a lot of time. Yeah, I've had some I've had some nights where it's like I'm wired That's I'm fucking but I hate when you go to sleep at night and you wake up like in the middle of the night And it's still dark out. I fucking hate that feeling it makes me feel like I'm like completely alone in the world

What do you mean like you go to bed you wake up? You know you wake up to piss or something It's still pitch black outside. Yeah, I don't know why that just like gives my brain like an awful feeling I hate it, so you mean if you go to bed at like 2? At 2 a.m. Yeah, and you wake up at 3 a.m. And it's dark out or like 4 or 5 that'll keep me up. I Think I'm scared of the dark. Oh really? I think that might be what that's interesting because my entire life Nothing has been more depressing to me than seeing the Sun come up and I haven't gone to bed yet Oh, I love it. It's comforting to me. I see the Sun come up and I haven't gone to bed yet. Oh, I love it. It's comforting to me. I see the sun come up and I'm like, ah, fuck it.

No, that really, that makes me feel like a piece of just an absolute shit. And when I see the sun come up, I'm like, thank God no nuns are prowling around my bedroom at night. No, I say I- I've been watching the nun movies. Oh, those are good. Yeah, they're pretty good. Yeah, yeah, I just, I can't tell if I rewatched

The Conjuring or I saw it for the first time There it's a banger of a movie. Yeah, it's good banger. They're like all they're all Burger King They're all like just fucking fun. That's I mean, I'm not gonna go after you That's insane No, but just like take on Burger King, Nick? That's insane. You don't like Burger King? No, but just like having, what is it called, like, Synthesia, where you like, people can like hear colors? Yeah. To be so fat, you watch The Conjuring and you're like, oh, this is like Burger King. I'm making a fucking example.

I'm saying it's like comforting, it's garbage, but it's- Yeah, but it doesn't like, like- I'm not saying I hear lettuce. As opposed to The Exorcist, which is McDonald's like comforting. It's garbage, but it doesn't like Like you're not saying I hear lettuce as opposed to the exorcist which is McDonald's obviously Well, I know but I mean it's just that's insane that's an insane Fat to be I guess I'm just saying it's like junk food that's comforting. It's like easy, you know. Look, I've already destroyed one friendship by going by going too hard.

I love that. Everybody can live their life however they choose. I love that story. You told me and you did like a duo set at the stand one night. And I remember this was like right after the pan. That was so funny. Yeah, there was pictures of that show. And you're like, I look so fat. And I was like, I look like Brack's dad.

I'm just like, I'm like a miniature person. But I remember it hadn't hit me like how fat I'd gotten from the pandemic. Like I hadn't really I hadn't accepted it. And then I was looking at the photos like, like somebody's camera is fucked up. Like there's no way this is like what I was literally genuinely asking. Is this really what I look like to the world? And you were like, you got a real kick out of it. You're like yes, and Bonnie was like no you're not that fat. It's okay What's a picture?

This I bet your fucking cameras are gonna make me look fat here, too. Yeah, actually these are surprisingly like What's that? Yeah, they're slimming and they're also like, they make you feel kind of like proportional, I don't know. Cause I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I take pictures with people. Even people, even people I think I'm the same size as. I like take pictures of, like I'll talk to them

and we're seeing eye to eye and then I take a picture and it's like, what am I, like, it doesn't even look like a child or a short person it looks like somebody outlined me with like the lasso tool and then just like crop you in yeah that's like you in the rock this weird like they had to edit like like a billboard or something like flat stanley billboard went out and they're like oh fuck we forgot to add the doctor. How tall are you? I'm five.

Is this public knowledge or what? Well, because here's the problem I have. Because I am short, right? So I don't care. Yeah. Like I don't give a fuck what my height is. I'm not like measuring myself at home. The only reference I have to what height I am is when I go get a physical,

which now has been close to a decade. They measure you and they tell you what height you am. Yeah is in when I go get a physical which now has been close to a decade Yeah, they measure you and they tell you what height you are. Yeah, if I stand up completely straight. I am over. I'm 5'8 That's not that bad. It's not that bad I also walk around slouching all the time and I'm never fucking yeah, you know, so you're 5 8 and a quarter well The problem is because I as you said if I say I'm 5 8 you get a bunch of people men in between Is because I as you say if I say I'm five eight you get a bunch of people men in between Five seven and five ten they get very angry. Yeah, because they did that is like a war zone height

Territory no, I mean it they all just like shoe size a nine and a half or ten depending on the Okay. Yeah, and then I got small hands too. We just are we just doing a physical Put your hand up to mine. Well I guess your hands are kinda small. But yeah, I mean I have like a, I feel like I have like a maybe I just dysmorphia. I don't think it's dysmorphia because people tell me I have dysmorphia. But then I'm also fat. So I'm like what do I? I don't think you're fat but I love that you're slowly creeping over. I don't know. You're gonna like snap and like do a discipline thing I've been I've been fatter than this. Yeah, I

Think it was when I was 27. I got I told I told you I got up to 195 Yeah, so it's 20 pounds heavier. It's about 25 pounds heavier than I am. I've never been that light in my adult life 195 like if I could get down to 250, it'd be like a dream. That'd be amazing. Yeah. Well, dear God, please don't ever let that happen to me. I remember. For the love, dear sweet Lord Jesus, please allow me to remain a tiny cartoon guy. Nick is the worst person to do stand up in front of when you're fat because you'll just see him like on the side of the stage like in the wings. Look how fat he is. I remember like once I got a kick. I was at the stand the other night

Zach Amico having to sit down for a four minute set. They bring a special chair on stage. It's called a wheelchair., it's not even a wheelchair. Can you imagine him in a wheelchair? Just an immediate blowout. What's that? What's the John Travolta movie? Blowout. What's the premise of it?

I haven't seen that one. You haven't seen it. Anyways, real quick. Today's episode is brought to you by Lucy. Lucy. Lucy. Okay, let me get the stuff from the, from right behind you, I'm gonna grab it real quick.

Have you heard of Lucy? No. Okay, it's Lucy is a product they make, they got three products, there's a gum, there's pouches, there's nicotine. Nice. Yeah, flavored nicotine pouches. They're tobacco free.

And then what makes them different is they get a product called breakers. And breakers are the pouches, but then they've got like a little like crushable kind of ball or something in there. So you can break it with your teeth and then it releases more. Like a camel crush. Basically. Ball or something in there so you can break it with your teeth, and then it really sick a more rush Basically, I don't know they don't say they do not have anything in the copy that says don't say camel crush but that's the most it's basically yeah the the the the the the like what do you call it fuck tobacco pouch version of a Like blue paint and like I'll just go I'll look behind the last time

we did this it looked as if somebody had removed all of them from the studio so I don't know if we still have them but give me one second Well, I wish I had checked beforehand, but no. This is how good Lucy is they've all been taken from our studio by You know who Who is he's brought home probably to impress his cool friends Yeah, he's probably like look what I have look at all my cool tobacco product or not nicotine products I have in my house. Okay, so they got pouches breakers or gums You can choose your strength.

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or more. And you can save yourself from the weekly gas station stop and sign up for a monthly subscription. That's the cool thing about this is it's like Netflix, right? It's like Netflix. It's like next, next flex. It's like next to you. Look, man, I'm not unlike you. This is I'm winding down. This is, this is late in the day for me. I'm not unlike you this is I'm winding down this is late in the day for me I woke up early for this I think about all like my this stupid workout I have to do because my phone's bullying me and I'm really good I gotta I gotta turn things around man you should sue Lucy I don't have much time left to get I think about it all the time I brought it up on another show but I did a

podcast with Lewis once and he was like what my age is now I'm 35 I'll be 36 and Lewis said I feel like I have one hot left in me and he was in the process of losing a bunch of weight yeah and I was like fuck I hope I don't ever get to that point where I just I'm like I can only not be a fat piece of shit one last time but I feel like single now he's got a fucking get it back in gear I know I was there I was there after his I don't know I feel bad kind of throwing him under the bus but because he is newly it was like he just his relationship just ended yeah well they've been now now I'm the one fucking. But just asking that woman

about the tacos like nine fucking times. Hot female comic and he kept looking over tacos and he's just like so what is you got the tacos was like three of them. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, definitely. And so what so are they different or? You got all the same that's fucking right. I'm not less interested. She's like yeah, there's three tacos Here's what a piece of shit Louis is no other table for her to sit at because there's a guy worse than Louis There's a guy. There's an open mic version of Louis at the other table He's like oh tacos Just can't escape it. Here's what a fucking piece of shit he is that plays the game. He walks up to a female comic.

Sorry, real quick. So we got the pouches. Sorry, but I just gotta get through this. The pouches, the capsule contains liquid flavors, saturates the pouches, roars and roars, break it with your teeth, get it saturated, and boom. Look, these are great. They work well. It helps you concentrate. They're the best nicotine pouches uh... that their customers have found. I've had experience with them. They also sent me very nice merch which i don't know if that's for sale to the general public but i love my lucy crew neck that i wear uh... and they also sent me a nice note that recognized uh...

uh... my appreciation for the achievements of nicotine. No, my interest in Robert Caro's LBJ biographies. And they sent me a note with LBJ's helicopter on it. But there's never been a bigger reason to not support a company than that sentence you just said. What, because of me? Because they took notice of something I like? I don't care, dude. I'm in a big lawsuit with Lucy.

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So, and here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Yep, that's it. That's good on that for that one. Anyway, so Lewis walks up to this,

Get his ass. Young female comic and you just see the wheels, the gears spinning and he goes like, yo, I'm sorry for disrespecting your art. I just never knew you were see like the wheels, the gears spinning and he goes like, yo I'm like sorry look out for like disrespecting your art. Like I just never knew you were so good at this. Like right like what fucking three year comic is that gonna fall for that hook, light and sinker? He just fucking hits DeRosa's playbook on all of them.

That is down bad. That's down bad. We gotta get, we gotta. She's about to be on Skankfest. Oh really? I'm sure yeah but that's not really I mean yeah you know anyone can get on Skankfest yeah can't they I think you got to get it like approved by a panel of smoke enough

like you have to hit the giant bong is a bong contest Kratom receipts yeah yeah you say you doratom, right? I do. I don't know what the fuck Kratom is or does. That's kind of a secret. I've been keeping that a secret. No, it's not really a secret. I do sometimes, I'll take a handful of them before shows. And what does it do? It's just like a mile It's like the world's shittiest like fucking percocet basically It takes the edge off a little bit in a way that like and I had to quit drinking again I stopped drinking for like nine years and then I started again Really when I started like because I it's funny. I think about it and it's like oh, I've technically been doing stand-up for close to 20 years

Yeah, but I mean the last decade I was barely doing it and you know like since because come town was ending I didn't know what the fuck else to do. It's like I thought I can go get a job I was like, oh, I guess I'll just Try to extract as much money as I can out of this dying audience the The idea of you getting like a normal job is the funniest. Yeah, well I was like... With this backlog of... With this catalog that you have. I think you can now.

I think we're post... Now that like... I don't think... After... I think like the Israel thing kind of put a stop to... Yeah. Like it's... Now that's done.

Yeah. Right? It's like now... You think it was Israel that took like PC out? I don't know if it took PC out, but things are in such a contradiction now. It's the thing that has broken sort of like where the lines fall and all this culture war stuff because I thought it would last forever. We hope it happened like COVID kind of like broke my mind where I'm like, oh, I just got to not participate

in any of this stuff because you had Trump in office and then the vaccines were coming out. And he's like, they're great. I love them. I want to have sex with them. And fucking, you know, I mean, this is, I don't even roll this story out. Everybody's familiar with it.

You have like Democrats and fucking. And the other ones. People on Twitter that are like the big Lib accounts being like, I'm not taking that fucking vaccine. And then as soon as Biden's in office, it's like, well, if you don't take the vaccine, you're a fascist or whatever. And you didn't get back. Right. Yeah. But I mean, I was it's no, I didn't. There's a lot of things I don't do. Brush my teeth either. So the the the thing with with with that, it's like it says nothing to do with the vaccine. It was just very much that it's like it and this has nothing to do with the vaccine it was just very much that it's like okay so now chips seem to just be falling wherever they may yeah

and like but now with this one it's not i mean you kind of see them trying to do it but it's like it's this polarizing issue and now it feels like it's breaking up there's like a realigning Like it's breaking up. There's like a realigning. Yeah happening where Yeah, I don't think I don't think I don't think we're gonna cancel and I'm not very good at like a Thinking but to be definitely articulating whatever thought I have is yeah, but yeah I don't think I don't think there's gonna be the wherewithal for I don't cuz it's like What have I done fucking Indian accents you know like nobody who's gonna fucking like whip up a shit storm to get me fired from yeah whatever job I don't even know I don't know I just the idea

of you working at a Staples I would while your man I wouldn't try to get a job for one of these fucking or do startups still exist I'd like look I know I'll be like look I know everything about Podcasting hire me as a consultant and then I would just take their money. I would continue grifting Yeah, just not from a beloved audience anymore. I'd figure out a way to do it from investors but You know, yeah I would take I would take create I take you know a couple of creatives because the thing is it's nice about Is it does take the edge off before going on stage? but in a way where it's not like it doesn't like slow me down and

Like Drinking does like if I would get drunk before show. I'm like I just do shitty or you think you do better I hate drinking before us up. Yeah, yeah, cuz like it's it's very hard not to see The and maybe it's because I like spent a long time like just as a feature act or something But it's very hard not to see the entire process of stand-up as something that's kind of like confrontational Yeah, you know and cuz like the reality is for the Majority of people they paid money because they want to go laugh at star right right and you want them to laugh and you want everyone to have

a good time. Yeah, and like you know it's like but Just to get in that mindset of like okay. Well if you can really Appreciate that then there should not be any pressure right you know what I mean like there shouldn't be like anything to like worry about Oh, you mean for you like a performer yeah, yeah for me, but it is always like oh well these people want to Want to see you fail, and you know I just hate like dude I you know that's like if I've had a couple drinks And I'm like talking to somebody in the crowd or something like that I just feel the fucking gears going so slow and like like where I would have a line sober I just want I'll just be like yeah anyway

and I'll just blame them and be like you're fucking boring it's like I'm just a hammered guy on stage yeah I hate that yeah I can't do I can't do crowd work at all no no I feel like don't you put out clips Kyla might I might be recorded and then but I have to like just check out all that shit. Yeah. Yeah, I fucking I hate all that shit Yeah, also I will be at I think it's sold out now There's not an opportunity to add shows, but I will be at helium in Philadelphia next week There's tickets left for the I think there's like like maybe about 10 tickets left for the Thursday night late show. And then, yeah, so come after that, that'll be fun. That's a fun...

Fun club to do. I don't know, I just hate getting in the weeds with stand-up stuff. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Yeah. Watching good movies lately? Huh? You seen any good movies?

The Conjuring. Everything comes back to The Conjuring. Yeah, and then good movies lately, huh you see any good movies the conjuring Everything comes back to the god. Yeah, and then I watched something else we watched a Civil War. I watched that I haven't seen that yeah, did you like it? I did yeah, and then I I I Feel like I successfully avoided a lot of the it seems to be I feel like that movie without having really looked into much of the What's it called? Like discourse. Yeah, it seems like something like that is like a movie called Civil War Right now is doomed from the start. Yeah. Yeah, you know like you're gonna get just people online that are like Well, you better not get it wrong

You know like you better you better think the Civil War looks exactly like it does in my head as someone whose entire value, personal self-worth is tied up in this idea that I spend all day long diagnosing societal problems on Twitter and then I have no real actual, I can't do anything else. What are the two sides of the movie? It's like Texas and California have teamed up against the United States But it's not really clear and it's like that's not really the point of the movie to make any kind of like yeah clear Political point it's just like it's supposed to be how it feels as an artist to be in a World where there is it feels like there's a civil war. There's all this contention

there's these two sides and you're simply just a like a voyeur and Like what does that feel like and how do you represent that with images and that's all the movie is it's I feel like it reminded me a lot of Like I feel like if it if John Carpenter had directed it and scored it. Yeah, nobody would be complaining about it Yeah, it feels a lot like escape from New York. I just watched he did the thing right he did Yeah, I just watched that for the first time. It was fucking great. I hate sci-fi I've been putting off all those and I just watched That and what's the an alien for the first time? Oh the one yeah yeah that's a good movie good movies alien too I did not

like but they got another one coming out oh really I think right Pete is that right yeah it's coming out this summer is it about the migrants it's uh they yeah see I like those and that's the other thing there's been like there's been like a Because I liked Prometheus and coming to yeah, yeah, they were fun. I enjoyed the backstory kind of like this this whole thing I love the idea that like oh, there's a fucking weird Muscleman race that made the alien Aaron Burke Yeah, they were like fucking bodybuilders and made the alien and people Yeah, and we have the shared kind of DNA. That's cool. I think about all the movies. I've seen it. I'm like oh

Shit, dude. That's what it did to me. I got a big laughter in Prometheus I was like 13 were watching the movie theater and my friend had this really hot sister Yeah, you know that scene where this the fucking alien just goes down the dude's throat like it just like yeah It means we like deep throats this alien. I was like, that's how I have your sister tonight. Yeah, huge pop That's now that awesome the entire theater laughing Yeah, no I think that would movie like and I don't know, I don't know, when did Prometheus come out? Was it, Pete, do you know if it was Prometheus or Covenant that people shit on the most? It was Prometheus, right?

No, it was Covenant, it was Covenant. Covenant was after Prometheus. Whichever one they shit on, I feel like it's just because it came out at the time of, like, so it was like Interstellar and Gravity and there was all these sci-fi movies that came there was like this obsession with like realism and technical accuracy and like 2013 to 2014 yeah and there was so that was one of those movies that people are like how could he take his helmet off and it's like it's a movie Yeah, shut the fuck up You saying that the theater yeah Just enjoy the movie for the fucking story the side

Yeah, and then there was all this stuff that came out that I thought suck dick like a rival that movie fucking stunk I heard somebody talking about this movie the other day isn't it aliens pull up on Long Island But it's the aliens show up and they have to figure out what the aliens language. Yeah in the whole movie it's like they got these like Consultants that were like actual linguistics professors, and they're like their language is time. Yeah It's you as a podcast. Yeah, they're like isn't there language time? Like you know and then people there's all these articles that are like you know we checked it out That's actually how the professors think about it

That's what that would be real if that happened, but then the movie ends And it's like this gay love story that's fucking at the end It's like fucking Jeremy Renner turns to Amy Adams And he's like you know the fucking sickest part about this wasn't meeting the aliens It was actually uh, it was meeting you Now she's gonna get the last line in the mood. It's just fucking oh my god some dumb shit Anyway, I hate it's like we figured out their language and our love language Jeremy Yeah, and then interstellar the same but really quick. I would love

What it would actually look like if aliens pulled up to Long Island. Yeah, how the people there would react They would be beaten with Local Home Depot drag drag behind the Harley Davidson just a trail of slime they're Jews No, they got plenty of those there long. I was such a weird place Yeah, it's like Jews and Italians and and like they come together like a Billy Joel and like being bikers and And then they love trad they love Sandy Hook. They love 9-eleven. Yeah. Yeah You said interstellar. Yeah interstellar, which I don't think is a bad movie

but that is also like everyone was like sucking its dick because they got some fucking like but that is also like everyone was like sucking its dick because they got some fucking like Professor from like USC or something is like like a cosmologist Is that the word cosmetologist? Yeah, he went to cosmetos cosmetic school and and he did everyone's makeup No, but like Yeah, interstellar. They're like fucking they're like, oh, yeah, that's exactly what a black hole would look like I'm like well Yeah, but it's like you're actually watching precious. I could ask a fourth grader Hey, I'm without even telling you what a black hole is draw it and it would look exactly like that Yeah, because it's a hole that's black. Yeah, it's right there in the fucking name

And everyone was like oh my god because a couple years after that there's this like shitty blurry picture of a Black hole like what you would think they're like it looks just like the movie Christopher Nolan nailed it Who would you hate these like science II hate that shit dude because it's not the point of a movie my girlfriend And it was I remember I feel like people had complained about, like people got it all nitpicky in like the 90s about like, cause there's a difference between plot holes and technical inaccuracies. Yeah, yeah.

You know? And like people get obsessed with plot holes and then they air it into, traversing into the domain of technical inaccuracies. And technical inaccuracies are supposed to just be the suspension of disbelief because we're trying to get to the story Yeah, it doesn't yeah, it doesn't like Matt I don't care if none of like first of all major plot hole in interstellar

they're like there's a bug that's eating plants and so you have to Create a wormhole and fucking space to go to another dimension To move all of you man. No I'm sure the plant science would be easier to figure out You know, I don't like that's reverse engineering and I know they have an answer for that like you can go online They're like dummy if you look the astrophysicist who wrote a goddamn fucking Encyclopedia of like how this movie is supposed to make sense Explains the scientist who is me too to 96 explained it all I didn't know that he raped but yeah sure

Yeah, my girlfriend's like I think her favorite movie is interstellar Yeah, and every like when she watches it she like has a full-on breakdown like sobbing profusely like it's because Matthew McConaughey is like just like you can put him in anything yeah you can put him in anything and it's gonna be like he's crying because he's hot he's hot he's just he's a good actor and he's like very good even though there's like he's very much doing Matthew McConaughey being sentimental but it's like it works. Honestly I'm just thinking of it I get a little emotional. Yeah it works every time. No but the scene where he's like watching tapes from his kids and saying goodbye, my girlfriend

was in the bedroom crying so loudly like having a full up I like had to come in and turn the movie off. It's like it's like 2 p.m. and you're like I'm trying to fucking sleep! I've got to be up at work! I've got to be up for work at 5pm! Which work doesn't start until 11.30pm. And then I finish two hours later, but then I have to go to fucking McDonald's. I felt like a little bit of a personal Barb there. They deliver now, Nick. It's just funny that... That seems like it should be illegal. McDonald's delivery? I remember you asked me, you were like, Lev, you need to lose weight.

Like, let's go through your day. What do you do? I wake up, I call the deli downstairs, and I have to have them deliver my usual lunch. Oh, real quick. Today's episode is also brought to you by Ridge Wall our friends at Ridge wallet Looking to looking for the perfect Father's Day gift that's coming up I know everyone's thinking about Mother's Day, but Father's Day just around the corner. So we're doing a big push Ridge wallet They got a lot of stuff. I don't have it with me, but move the Ridge Ridge

Ridge backpack I have I use the Ridge backpack they sent to me. I've had it for years I don't think there's nothing you need to bring We don't have any we don't have anything current from them they send us up. I've been using their wallet for years I feel weird showing oh yeah, there's the backpack Be funny if it was just like a huge wallet. Yeah, that would be cool. That would be cool. I would love to... Oh, don't steal that. Anybody listening, you gotta make that, dude. You gotta make a big Velcro...

Just two plates with a big rubber band. Yeah, like a Quicksilver style wallet. I know people like their stuff. Yeah, no, they're great. And they got luggage now. Wow. Which, I have shitty luggage I've been wanting to replace but the problem is I built out a closet in my apartment specifically to fit my carry-on Yeah, and now if I got something that isn't to those exact dimensions. I'd feel like a real fucking asshole

so I maybe I'll try it out and then gift it to my dad for For for Father's Day. He can put all of his trinkets and stuff in the luggage. He's a trinket guy. I wish. But that's the thing that's annoying. Old people aren't trinket people anymore. Maybe they are.

Maybe I just don't have any more trinket people in my life. His parents, my grandparents, awesome. They had just their whole, this was just nothing but trinkets. They had fake stuff. I loved that when I was whole this was nothing but trinkets. Yeah, fake stuff I loved that when I was a kid Nazi flags Nazi flags No stuff that looked like it would be something but it's not yeah, you know what I mean? Like I'm trying to think like a cash register, but it's just made out of tin And it's not it's like a box. It's like a lunchbox. It looks like a cash register. That kind of stuff's fun

Why do you even have this? Interrogating yeah, why do you even what the fuck, why is that in your house? You know, shouldn't this place just be filled with medicine? Should old people medicine? That's what I keep it in. Yeah. Yeah, Ridge Wallet, they got a lot, the wallets are great, they got a lot of everyday carry stuff, I know that that's like a subculture These guys that they're like check out my fucking knives and my keys There's not a smaller dickhead community in the world than the everyday carry On the description they're all leaving out and my tiny cock Well, you think like you would think there would be more guns on there. Yeah, but there's actually there's often not a lot of guns

It's like fucking my my Barnes and Noble card my fucking my timepiece My I should go on there just a blade to sharpen the Barnes and Noble cards. I do carry a lot of weird shit on me I've got I'm a trinket guy. I've got little rocks and really yeah. Yeah. What do you have on you right now? Nothing I have I keep it. I'm keeping it a light today, but I do have I have a green rock I carry around you carry a fucking rock. you literally carry a kryptonite. Yeah Who are you worried about? Rock I got apparently this year Chinese is bad

Chinese zodiacs bad year. Yeah, so you're supposed to carry green rocks I carry it somebody sent me red underwear, and I I don't I don't like the way it feels on my penis So I don't wear it, but I carry it with me. I don't know why I pictured full lace. Yeah, I'm wearing a thong. I'm wearing a red thong right now. I'm wearing a red thong and I have a jean in my... So that the god of China likes me.

So the Chinese god... Nick, we're going to send you the red thong. That's got to be a crazy... A crazy god. The Chinese God Nick we're going to send you the red thong that's got to be a crazy a crazy God The Chinese God yeah Yeah, I think about it. I have no idea what they're like theistic religions are like aren't they like kind of atheists II I think most of them are like a Buddhist or every Asian religion I've ever read about is like something basically similar to Buddhism.

Yeah. Where it's like, you know, it's like, oh, the river and the mountain. It's like fucking, like, yeah, but isn't there a guy who lives in the sky? They're like, no. No. No, it's just... He live over there. Yeah.

Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what they say. Yeah. He don't live in the sky jackass. Yeah, right. He... Oh, that's a what they say Yeah, you don't live in the sky check and yeah, right. Hey That's a cool. That's a cool version of

Chinese guy you're doing like you're doing like like 90s Chinatown guy Yeah, watch salesman. Yeah fake watch. So yeah. Yeah. Hey asshole. Why don't you come over here? I always love that when I was in Chinatown because it's a very unique It's a very it's it's New York Chinese guy. Yeah, which a lot of people don't know There's a mean there's a good example of it in the English dub of the movie black mask You ever see that the Jet Li movie? No, damn. I don't know how I missed that I've seen like all the Jet Li's Romeo must die. That's a classic Yeah, the one the one the one is where it kind of that was the end for jetly

Yeah, yeah, cuz that was when he started when he started speaking English you you were like, oh this guy's weird You did like him person like when he was speaking Chinese. I couldn't tell yeah, I saw him speaking English even Chinese Yeah, he's Chinese. Is he? yeah, what did you think he is? Italian Yeah, yeah, he's gonna hang out with gently yeah, what a legend gently Yeah, wait wait, well, how do we get to this the jelly thing we're just talking about I don't know some other movie Black mask Black mask

Black mask is cool. I had a thing on this. I don't remember where we were though. Yeah Yeah, yeah black mask is cool cuz like the villain in the movie is some like Chinese John Lennon Really yeah, he's like a Chinese guy with like fucking long hair and like cool sunglasses I like the the Japs and Koreans are great at making a cool protagonist in a movie Yeah, like I feel like Korean kids dress cool as fuck. They are cool Yeah, cool people even though they have that weird that fucking like they have lesbian haircuts all yeah Yeah, they got lesbian haircuts and black outfits. Yeah I gotta get a haircut and I googled less cool lesbian hair

Because I thought about it, I wear these dumb pants now and I feel like my personal style is going in sort of like a Missy Elliot direction. I always say. And I think, I mean it would be very funny to just start like just fucking culturally appropriating like hip hop lesbian stuff. You know, like just as me.

Like I just look, I'm me but then I'm like, yo. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Just walking into like comedy clubs and playing music, like this shit doesn't bang in the club. Just whatever, every, like I'll just follow Sam Jay around and every time, whatever the next day, if it's Monday, I observe Tuesday, I'm wearing the same clothes she had. Just immediate 24 hour turnaround. I'm dressed exactly the same and Like and then just just do it all the time until it becomes a problem. I always say yours like what are you talking about?

Literally, what are you talking about? Those are those are my shoes. I'll lie about it the way Adam does What are you? What are you even talking about? And then you present him with photographic evidence. And then he goes, it's one outfit. This is very personal. You show him photographs of, you're like, no, it's a pattern of behavior. There's 15 outfits. And he's like, what are you even doing right now? I'm like, okay, but hold on, you said it wasn't true. So I guess that's where it started. That was the original point.

Why do you push people away, Nick? Me? I don't push anybody away. I don't think there's a single person I've ever pushed away. Yeah. Yeah. I think other people have bad behavior. I myself have bad behavior. Yeah.

You know? I always say your aesthetic is like cool pedophile. You said, but what does that fucking mean? I think other people have bad behavior. I myself have bad behavior. Yeah, you know I Always say your aesthetic is like cool pedophile you said but what does that fucking mean? What does that mean who who's the cool? You're like, but who's it? What is the reference in your head? Because that would have to mean like did were you I don't have to buy somebody that looks like this It was cool by somebody that looks like this, who is cool. You don't say that and people are like, oh yeah, no he's just like the cool.

I said it the other night and people laughed. Because you said the word pedophile and it's a comedy club. Because people are, because they're just fucking apes down there and they're programmed to just, you say like, what does this guy do for a living, fuck kids and people are kids and be like ha ha because comedy is dog Bag of tricks

It should be put out of its misery, I don't know that's sort of a mixed metaphor I you look like the kind of you know like if those YouTube pedophile hunts like when they pull up on you I feel like you wouldn't come off looking that bad. You mean like to catch a predator Yeah, you'd have like a whole Pokemon collection with you. Yeah, like it'd be kind of like well, brother I always have a bag of condoms and spray remakes on me You got nothing there like the comments would be like not for nothing if he wasn't there to meet a kid of this guy I don't know why any of them just don't like as soon as they hand them the chat be like Why don't you explain this be like? oh, I'm sorry. I can't read

Like is that a problem you can read it to me, but no I don't I don't have I've never learned how to read Yeah, how did you get here tonight? I don't know I Don't know I got no idea, but I know one thing pal. I've never used a computer in my life No idea, but I know one thing pal. I've never used a computer in my life And I've never had sex either in fact, I only kind of jack off to the idea of fucking grandma's so So yeah, sounds like you got nothing on me, mr. Chris Hansen I Would try to fuck Chris Hansen I would try that would do the uno Just try to really charm them once you're in the chair. I'd be like more like Chris handsome

I'm like look. I knew this is the only way I could meet you I sent all those pictures of my spread asshole. Yeah, Chris. I knew of course I knew what this was and Yes, I'll have a seat on your cock. What? If that's an option, it's like why don't you take a seat? He's like why don't we grab lunch? Yeah, listen I came I came here Chris to pitch you on a show idea It's me and you and we're dating It's a reality show. It's called met. It's called It's called a pedophile fiance

assume presume presume presumed innocent in a court of law Listen can I just go home? Can I just fucking go home now, please? That shows good The best is always like on that show I was like I don't know if it was the entire time or the later seasons When they were like our decoy comes out to meet him in the kitchen. It like I don't know if that's necessary yeah I don't think you need a decoy child you know it's also what does that do to me because the decoy is

always 24 years old right if I'm sitting at home and I'm like oh this girl's kind of hot and then what then I have to feel bad about that Because then what? And then what? What if that that poor girl who was the deed the 24 year old decoy on? On to catch a predator. Yeah, how is she gonna have a normal relationship now in her life? Yeah, when she you know gets involved with somebody and they're like, what do you do? And she's like, I'm a pretend child the pedophiles want to fuck on TV. She's like hand me that pigtail wig So men that are attracted me they're attracted me because they want to fuck children. Yeah, and you're like, yeah

What was nice meeting you? I don't think that would deter a single man Wouldn't it's just Lewis like wow, that's awesome. So it's to call to catch a predator. What's that about? It's about Lewis. Like, wow, that's awesome. So it's called to catch a predator. What's that about? It's about predators or some. Wow. That's cool. So you got a hat. What's that? What is that? Like a baseball hat? It's a new podcast on gas. Yeah. Wow. That's so funny. Hey, you want to do skanks? You want to do like your decoy? We could do like the decoy show at skanks. Anyways, you want to come to Jamaica with me? You're gonna go on drink Damn all my shit's dropped. What is falling out of you? What is that fucking it's because my tape recorder my big cool big bird pants aren't very good at holding stuff in the pockets

I put this on I get this problem too, but this isn't news been my whole life You ever put your like dick away before you're done pissing No, I it happens all the time like the piss that's left in my dick doesn't come out Yeah, yeah until I put my dick in my pants No, yeah, and I continue to piss like you know when you hold a straw like you do that move Yeah, I guess that's kind of how it works I put my dick away, and then it like lets the rest of the dick piss go It's just a prankster. I guess so I piss myself all the time

Yeah, like literally fucking all the time and it's been a problem my entire life I always say adult I I am a and with these pants in particular like today and I get mad I'm like fucking shaking. I'm like make sure there's no jerking off to get no more piss in there And then like every fucking time I don't know what it is with these pants But yeah, I get out and it's just covered in piss and it like clings to this and there's droplets and it's touching my legs and I'm just fucking just soaking wet and It's disgusting Yeah, that's not cool pedophile at all just a guy covered in piss and North face pants There are cool pants, but yeah, they're cool pants. That's why I got them in yellow. No

one knows. No one knows. I'm just out here just pissing myself. Did you get a brown pair? Yeah. Why don't you shit myself? Actually I do. I feel like I'm, do you ever like not change your underwear that's like a light color? I a light color I know like two days go by and you're like so what I'm just shitting myself I'm just shitting my pants. I know a guy who's about 500 pounds he I'm in He gets home takes his underwear off after a day just hangs them to dry and then it would just wear them the next day that's the most disgusting thing i've ever heard in my life imagine how much sweat and skid marking goes into a 500 pounds man's fucking boxers and then re-wearing those

leaves them to dry leaves them to air dry like his own like like on his neighbor's window his own film photography in his crime scene apartment. It's a red room. Yeah, just a serial killer's dark room. I swear to God. My latest victim just hanging out with his shitted up underwear. That's what he's doing. Is that not insane? That's disgusting. That is psych, god damn.

So it's gotta be Zakimenko, right? I mean who else could it be? It's gotta be him. What is this? A psychic show? No, I mean, who else? You can't say I know a 500 pound man that hangs up his underwear like a trophy. Who else could it be? It could be plenty of other Nuts one of my buddies from college no No, it is Zach, but he did it is he said this on a podcast. I did with him I thought that was insane didn't even tell you you're just repeating someone else's podcast. No I was with him on the pod He said that I think about that once a day every time I throw my boxers into the hamper

I'm like yeah, I got a friend who's actually a gay conservative guy who, he told me a story about, I don't know, I don't actually, I can't quote him. I'm not fast enough because it's after 5 p.m. and my brain is shut off. It's very funny that we're meeting at the opposite frequencies of our day. Mm-hmm. I feel like this is- Well, no, I'm normal. Yeah.

I have a normal day normal people are away you're up at 7 a.m. sleeping in your studio I was up at 6 a.m. and I had the I came in I had some work I had to get done yeah which I did I took care of and I finished it I thought it was gonna take me hours just been walking around the studio pissing himself since 6 o'clock I did I woke up I finished my work by 9 o 5 I thought it was gonna take me until about one But yeah, I got it done relatively short order. Yeah, I was in the zone. What can I say? And then yeah, I pissed myself and then I went to Dunkin Donuts nice. I walked to Macy's

Would you do there? Nothing. I just walk around Macy's. I like the elevator there If you guys this is I know this is a New York podcast and this bothers people hearing about New York all the time But the Macy's here has an old-timey wooden escalator. I've heard about this which I thought was from I'm like Oh, this must be like the first escalator ever made. Yeah, but no they just like made it It's like a regular they just made a regular escalator like fancy fancy Yeah, so it's not like an old-timey wooden. Oh what the fuck yeah and my retarded brain I thought like everything was made out of wood like we all used to live in a big cuckoo clock And they didn't have metal Escalators yeah, I'm like in the elevators were wooden and there was a big water wheel that moved them up and down

I'm just fantasizing about that, but that's not the case. So you walk all the way over to the mall just to ride their shitty elevator? The Macy's, yeah, just go see the escalator. I'm simple. This is like an A24 film. In what way? Just a guy who goes and visits his friend the elevator.

I didn't put it that way. That's how you worded it. I go visit him. I didn't say it was my friend. That's how it sounds. I had nothing to do. I had time to kill. You said, oh, I'll be back awake at 4 PM.

Yeah. You're like, that's three escalator trips. You said, I'll set an alarm for 4 PM. I'll set an alarm for 4 PM. I went to bed at 9. Yeah. I'm fucking here. No.

I have everything. This is like the master. I'm everything you want to be. Is that your perception of things? Of your Joaquin Phoenix. Yeah. That's a good movie. That's a great movie. The whole ending is imagined

It's like because they trying to make you think some but what you actually thinking ain't even be what you think You think my inner monologue is cat will you basically that's that's what that statement is The ending is actually no because it's imagined The ending and what about the ending of The Master? Not this time. We made it up. No, it's because... Ever see the movie The Master?

That's just like season 20 of Beyond Belief. And what about the movie The Master? The Massa. They don't even do... They don't even do the little like vignettes anymore. They just describe movies. And then Jonathan Frakes tells you it's not real. And what about the one with Joaquin Phoenix and Philip Seymour Hoffman? Not this time.

We made it up. We made that one up. We got you. You ever watch that show? No. Beyond Belief, Fact or Fiction? Never heard of it. Oh. Never heard of it. It's a masterpiece. Can I tell you what the

master ending now. Sure. He doesn't actually go and visit Philip Seymour Hoffman. He it's a like a dream. But you know this. No no no it's because he's in the movie theater at the end by himself and just in in the frame where he falls asleep, right then a kid is holding a phone for him. He's giving a call from Philipsy Weirhoff. But the implication there being that's when he fell asleep, the rest is him dreaming that he goes and sees this guy again. But he doesn't actually ever go see him.

Wow. Who's the fucking fat idiot now? I mean. Pete. you're still fat. It's not like knowing that about the master makes you not fat. I don't know. We'll let the audience decide. You could say who's the idiot now. The fat part remains regardless of yeah I think people are blown away at home. Yeah, probably I guess I just don't really care that final scene's great Yeah, it's a great movie. I remembered where we met each other We're working at a way they work that the passenger pigeon service in Paris during the fucking some gay war Yeah, we were gay. I

during the fucking some gay war. Yeah we were gay. I remembered how we were gay with each other. We used to suck each other off with the passenger service. Well he's just angrily confused. Yeah. He's in what Joker 2 is coming out. Do you like the first one. I enjoyed the first one in the theater. Yeah. And then I don't know if I actually rewatched it, but just Remembering it at home a year later. I was like, I don't know That I would enjoy a rewatch You hated it and I watched it in the theater and I don't know why I was just I very much was in this Paranoia that the theater was gonna get shot up That's it was like my anxiety was...

Yeah, that's dumb. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so I'm back to fat dumb idiot? No. I remember going to see the... It was like right after the Aurora, Colorado shooting. Yeah.

Going to see Batman with my girlfriend at the time. And she's like, oh, I'm like scared. She's like clinging to me. It's like, first of all, nothing's gonna happen. You're like, don't worry, I took my meds. Yeah, well, it's like, yeah, exactly. If the theater gets shot, it's like, then we're just going to die.

I don't know. Like, well, I can't do anything. You're just in Joker makeup saying that to me. I can't do anything if a guy comes in punching people. You're just going to have to get punched in the face. I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. She's like, well, can you?

No, I can't. I'm sorry. I don't have. to tell you. She's like, well, can you? No, I can't. I'm sorry. I don't have, but what do you think? You really think, oh, there's been a second Joker. A second Joker has hit the theaters. It's actually a great point. You can't, you're not going to really stop anything violent in a fucking theater. But theaters

have that stigma of a shooting might happen. Them and schools. No. But theaters have that stigma of a shooting might happen. Them in schools. Yeah. Yeah. Which I feel grateful that we grew up in a time where it didn't feel like school shootings were very popular. Like I was never worried about that as a kid. I wasn't worried about it either. But school shootings have been a thing since then. Yeah. But like I it felt like they really caught on. You know like it now. I think these kids they're doing like they're putting like iron domes in classrooms now. Have you seen this shit? They're not putting the iron dome in classrooms. Israel is sending

iron domes into... So what? There's a missile that kills a student. What are you talking about? No, they have these... It folds into the wall and then basically a teacher unfolds it and it becomes a room within a room. And it's like a steel she puts all the kids in there and then she lights on fire and you know they're like they have like these little like shelters in rooms now how crazy that iron dome thing is crazy yeah I knew a gal who gave some do we all have that no one's just shooting missiles at the other country well Israel the US uses it as like a testing site for like our tech so like they'll send the Iron Dome there and be like well they're going to get a lot of use out of it. We can analyze

the data will know how effective it is for us. They're like a beta tester for us. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Well new kids real folks. I mean try it. Let's see how well the Iron Dome works. Do you think we got the tech to fucking defend a nuke? I kind of feel like we do. Do we? I think so. I think the U.S. Because they say the NSA is like 20 years ahead of modern tech, right? Yeah, but that's the NSA.

That's not like missile technology. But just imagine the fuck it. I think all the UFOs and all the shit that's happening like I think that's All just hyper advanced. I think it's both the United States and Russia have missiles now like warheads now. What are they called Mervs? It's a Jewish guy. Yeah Like multi it's like multiple reentry Vehicle or something but basically like because ballistic missile they call my dick they go up in a space You know and then they come down so fucking fast. You can't like

They're hard to shoot down, but even if you could shoot them down the new ones now They'll just like send a bunch of different warheads over like a huge area I think they could shoot those down pretty easy now Yeah They either see now they have like scopes for rifles to shoot down drones because drones are so popular in war Yeah, it's like an aimbot it like fucking auto locks and helps you like just very easily shoot shit out of mid-air They have like literal fucking hacks I think it's a matter of like if you have enough missiles any systems gonna be overwhelmed

Yeah, like that's what happened when Iran, like they killed that guy in Syria, or they killed those IRGC guys, and then a couple weeks ago, and then Iran responded. And they sent a bunch of drones and missiles over, and then it was like, oh, nothing got through. And it's like, well, nothing got through, had like two four different countries trying to intercept everything, right?

But then stuff did get through like they did hit like, you know, yeah like an Air Force base And it's like if you know even Iran like in that small example as you can imagine You know, I feel like you're launching, you know every fucking nuke that they have it. Yeah, yeah Apparently the nuclear sub is like the biggest That's the that's like the real winning game piece because it's like apparently impossible to find a fucking submarine underwater. Yeah It's like so hard. Yes, cuz how vast the ocean is right? but I I'm willing to bet that we have the tech to like I Would love to believe that the u.s is, with all the trillions of dollars

we spent on fucking defense, we could prevent a nuke from hitting. Yeah, but everything kind of switched to deterrence at some point, so the reality of nuclear war between the United States and Russia is probably not gonna happen. It'll likely be India and Pakistan, I think. Wow.

And then, you know, what that would smell like. I was literally I was trying to not make that sound. Yeah I know you can't help yourself. I mean. Can you imagine if their smell got in the waterways? Dude if it was in the atmosphere? If it was in the fucking atmosphere no I'm sorry are you though that's good stuff yeah I mean it is funny I wish it didn't make me laugh so much that's the funniest shit in the world yeah is that yeah yeah yeah I like getting in people I love doing this I love just pontificate just

sitting here being like yeah well here's here's what Israel should do Cuz you can that's like the best part about being an American is just being like aggressively Well, I can't just saying shit. Yeah, just fucking and now they're trying to take that away from us I don't know the Jews Don't know the Jews A pack they're passing all kinds of laws now saying that if you pontificate That you ever feel like you're going to jail Do you like because why like this is such a bullshit like job slash art form?

Right, but not everyone can do it like why should everyone can do this everyone can but they won't people won't watch it won't Yeah, you know because they're cowards. That's I will say this if you don't have a podcast you're a coward Yeah, no, I mean wait, what are you afraid of oh people might think I'm dumb yeah get over yourself pal I don't think is that I think they're worried about getting fired from their jobs. No, it won't happen That's that's the best part. That's the best part now is because we're post cancellation people all no one's actually gotten like Everyone's a millionaire now all the comedy not the guy who said the n-word at his office That's not podcasting that's saying the N-word at your office. That's why they can't do it. I'm not advocating for that. Don't say the N-word at your office.

If you don't say the N-word at your office, you're a coward. Right, yeah. No, I mean, but I'm saying that's why those guys can't do this. They can't come on and call Indian people smelly or whatever, because they're worried about losing their jobs. No, that's not true. What do you mean? They're cowards, dude. They're fucking cowards. I think if you don't have a podcast, you should have to go. Mandatory six months in Gaza.

That's a fucking... That's a law I want passed. Is that if you are too much of a fucking coward to have a podcast and shoot from the hip on these contentious issues such as Israel and Palestine and whether or not interstellar is gay You should fucking have to go live in Gaza under Sharia law by the way Yeah, which I know nothing about the word I heard you don't think it's weird that all these like new liberals are like very Hyper defensive of a religion that hates them now when you say new liberals. Yeah, does that mean trans means? I don't read yeah When you say new liberals because the word liberals now isn't loaded enough, we'll add the word new

to it to imply they're even gay or something. I'm trying to get... I don't know, like whatever. These people are... That is actually it. They're even more... Yeah, if you thought they were trans before, wait until you see these anti-Israel protests. Yeah. Because these are the most trans people we've seen yet. And if you sent them to Gaza, they would be that's what I love it when conservatives do that They're like, yeah, send these kids over there. They'll get killed in a minute, which I think is good by the way rules Which by the way, my only problem was Sharia law is that is brown people doing it instead of me That's what I would and all the things that I hear about them doing that sounds fucking awesome

I don't think conservatives want that though. I don't think they I Don't think they there they want that's the whole premise of like send them to Gaza is like you just want Violence enacted on these people which you can just call the police that seems to be the answer is the cops will show up And beat all these kids up, so you already have it here. I Don't know I feel like man you see this very differently. Well, how do you see what? Well, I for one I don't think I think I'm a little more trusting of police maybe naively but for two I also think when people I think there are idiots that say like set them there so they'll get killed I think that's also like a wrong sentiment. I think in general

It's like they're saying like you're backing a place that wouldn't be accepting of you whereas like yeah, but that's also like a wrong sentiment. I think in general it's like they're saying like you're backing a place that wouldn't be accepting of you. Whereas like... Yeah, but that's that like necessarily assumes that like advocating for like, you know, speaking up against something you find immoral is a transaction, right? Like if I don't like like black people could hate me, they do. Like, if I don't, like, black people could hate me. They do. Black people hate me.

I'm not gonna stand here and be like, well, we should bring slavery back, right? If slavery was still going on, I'd say, that's wrong, we shouldn't do that. It wouldn't matter if black people were like, no, that guy looks like a cool pedophile, and we wanna beat him up. It's like, it's still this thing is wrong on principle.

So it doesn't matter. That's why I have no problem with people protesting. Like, you think something is wrong, you have the right to. Yeah, but it doesn't matter. I have no problem with people protesting. Like you think something is wrong. You have the right. Yeah. But it doesn't indicate any kind of like hypocrisy or contradiction that a gay person would protest in favor of Palestine. No, just because it doesn't matter what they're doing. Like you can say, oh, well, I don't disagree with you. I'm just saying. But there is a nuance there too. That doesn't mean that a genocide should be happening. Yes. As a Jew, I can't go home and do the G word. That is the nuance. That's the nuance. The nuance isn't like, well, looks kind of like there's sort of a contradiction here. No, the nuance is that you don't need those people

to be LGBTQ advocates, you know, to not want to see people like, you know, blown up or children. Yeah, I have no problem with people who are like, I mean, everybody should not want the loss of life on any side. Like that's obviously a perfect world. This is also boring. This is supposed to be a comedy podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we'll find... But I will say those people deserve it. Which ones? Whichever you decide. I don't know. I'd like to get back to it's just maybe a little too

much stand-up talk for my taste and too much... So I think we'll agree. Nuk Israel and then that's sort of where we kind of we agree on you know the first I'll say this to wrap this topic up but when I I love new kids I'm claiming that that used to be a belong to everybody but I'm not seeing anyone say nuke Israel and all these protests it's all of this fucking from the river to the sea stuff you don't like the subtlety well it's just like nuke Israel hits so much it's that's like the one of the best aren't you just doing the same thing that you're accusing them of doing now? What do you mean?

Like aren't you saying, like shouldn't we be against all death on all sides? Well, I don't seriously mean nuke Israel. Well, I don't know. That's not a serious statement. I took that hook line. It's antagonistic and funny, and that's what I like about it. I don't know. I took that at face value. Yeah, right. I feel like that's what I like about it. I don't know I took that at face value. Yeah right. I feel like that's where people are at. Hold on now Nick. Isn't there a...

Isn't there... Wouldn't you say that that's a bit hypocritical to say... You want to nuke Israel. You said it so deadpan even through all of it I was like maybe maybe I don't think you actually think we should nuke Israel? You said it so deadpan even through all of it. I was like, maybe, maybe I don't think you actually think we should nuke Israel, but I'm like, this guy might really hate Israel that much. Yeah, I have a reserve affect. I piss myself. I'm a tiny guy. There's a lot of things about me that you should understand by me. Everything is deadpan. I don't think, in my mind, I don't think I'm deadpan at all.

Like, I see, like through my eyes, what I'm seeing is like fucking Roger Rabbit. I think I'm like fucking like wow I should do Israel. That's how I am. I don't think you come off that way. I of course I don't I know I see Recordings of myself I see how much of like just a weird kind of robotic guy Yeah, and it's not trust me. That's not my intention and I apologize I've imagined myself to be more like a Robin Williams type. So when I say nuke Israel, I'm doing it in the way the genie would. We should nuke Israel!

Yes, the genie doing his blackface voice. Like, oh man, man, come over here, let's all nuke Israel. But you're actually like autistically deadpan staring and getting like angry at your voice. It's kind of a different affect, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Did you hear Cat Williams' pansexual joke? No. He goes, nowadays you can like pots and pans and use a pansexual. That's a real bit from the act. At one point in the new special, he literally pulls down a PowerPoint projector and he starts playing that video of that blind kid playing football.

You remember that old video? He's like a 10-year- old kid on a football team. No, he's fully blind. It's like a old, really old viral video and he just watches the video on a stage in a theater and he's like, you could be blind and play football player. That's awesome. I like cat Williams. I like cat Williams too, but I mean, you got to see the special. It's like a parody of a standup. Yeah. Do you not not like how I was I think he's great. He's a legend I feel like he's but even if it stinks. I feel like he deserves at least one just to do that Yeah, why not yeah, all right? Fuck it. I think it's pretty horrific

So the camera say this is Lev This is Lev here, and I have a message to all the comedy clubs in New York City nuke Israel You gotta let this go just say just say just see what happened Just see what they got to have one guy I'll be on West Side comedy clubs have to have one guy. That's the Nuke Israel guy. That's Racine. Oh, he's already in? He already got in? Racine is single handedly taking on the Hamas issue. Yeah. But there's still a book in him? I don't think so. Yeah, well that's what I mean. You've got to have one guy. Like all of the comedy clubs need to have at least one guy, preferably a straight white man.

Just so we get the message out. That is just not even like who goes way too far. Yeah. Like it's not even like just blatantly anti-Semitic, nuke Israel. There needs to be one guy like that. And if we're seeing it, it could be you, it could be me. Maybe I'll do it. Maybe I'll do it.

Then I'll do it. You should do it. Then I'll do it, I'll be the guy. You look what I'm being. I'll be the comedy seller this week selling my nuke Israel shirts. Now, keep this in mind, I'm the only one that's allowed to do this. I'm playing that role, I get to be the guy.

You look what, I'm being Roger Rabbit. Yeah, yeah. You look what? I'm being anti-Semitic Roger Rabbit. There's gotta at least be one Don't you think there should be one? You know, it's funny. I was talking to one when I don't mean like just booking a Muslim comic That's gonna be like damn. I love rap. I mean like fucking one guy This just a hardcore Nazi that I think there are I think there are clubs that would defend

People's like rights to have this yeah I mean I feel like just one guy the seller pod they had that guy on who got banned from the creek for doing swastikas on his body they had him on like he was like it's doing swastikas he put his body did the act that was a human swastika now he put a tape like actual swastikas to his chest he's like a shirt off so he's like when you say actual swastikas though, you say that as if it's not just a shape What I'm just telling you he fucking put a swastika on his body and then he did he took his shirt off and then he got banned from the creek and then It would be funny if that scene in American History X where he takes his shirt off instead of just the one swastika tattoo

He was like covered in them like the Riddler Riddle me this curb. Yeah Yeah, so no I think I Think I'm like kind of like a dickhead people. I think people think I'm a conservative ish Yeah, who gives a fuck? Yeah, who cares what anybody thinks I agree. Yeah Well, I guess that thank you for joining us My stuff I feel like I pissed you over these That's what I mean is people can people have the wrong read on me. Yeah, it's fucking like it was actually the first ten minutes

Yeah, and it's nothing that it's like I always thought it was a thing with like people reading the old show wrong where it's like You know like we would get into you know, like fake arguments or what? You know, I don't know. It's just like a disposition. It was like the three stooges basically Yeah, but now it's like all the time. And then I meet people at shows that are like, oh, I thought you were going to be mean to me. I'm like, why would I be mean to you? But I say it like that, I'm like, why would I be mean to you? And I think it's just, it's literally just, I've done too much interacting over the phone or it's like a screen thing. So you get used to just not really emoting or

using your face as much. I will say this before I knew you I kind of thought you were like an intimidating guy and then when I met you I I think you are a real sweetheart of a person. Well I don't know if I'm a real sweetheart. I think you are. Oh okay. Well I will be volunteering down at the Islamic education center. I'm not saying you're like a charitable person. They banned all the UN schools, so somebody's got to teach these kids. Somebody's got to tell these kids the truth. Can I just tell you one recede story real quick?

Oh yeah. He goes, like right when the Israel thing was fresh and he was going hard on Twitter, I remember he was at the stand having dinner and I walked in and was like, hey man, how are you? And I was like, you're going off on fucking Twitter? And I was like I use the stand having dinner and I walked I was like hey man how are you and I was going off on fucking Twitter and I was like I don't want to bring it up and start a fight or whatever though and he's like he's like no no I could talk about it like I'll be reasonable as we're like having a conversation like a friend of his comes over with a book on propaganda and he goes hey Mike here's that book you asked me for and he plops it down on him he's like literally has like a book like propaganda

and Israel like he's like no I can be fair and talk about this right now and then he's got like fucking media coming in in the middle of the discussion. So that was a funny he had like a personal assistant is bringing yeah literally like a fuck it. A guy he works with just brought him a fucking propaganda was it. It just been just a propaganda and huge caps Like a cartoon I swear to God there's a good propaganda and ask him about it. It's just a propaganda. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's those funny But I guess not yeah, well now I feel now I feel like fucking Racine snuck up and took that spot away from me Cuz there is always room for one. I mean it.

Why don't you do that though? You're kind of like an outside of the system guy. Why don't you just, if you have this vision, why don't you do it? I'm more of like an ideas guy. That's what I mean. You should buy Bitcoin. I'm not going to do it. But you should. It would be a good idea. I never take my own advice. That's my problem I got a lot of advice I got a lot of good ideas, but I never take my own advice So if you're a young comic I say go fucking to hardcore swastika neck tattoo And then just go down to the cellar and be like look do you have is there anybody that looks like this that works here?

And they're gonna say like well I guess he's right. I guess we don't even have one. Why don't you come audition at the Seller? Why don't you come audition there? Ah, because I bomb. Because I'm a shitty comic. This is a bad comic. If you push past this fear, Dick, it's a great place. Well I'd certainly I have to piss and not in my pants this time so we're gonna wrap this up. Thank you. Well, I'd certainly, I have to piss and not in my pants this time. So we're gonna wrap this up. Thank you, Lev, you got anything you wanna plug? Yeah, I got Edmonton in Vancouver this month, doing weekends there at the House of Comedies,

and a few more dates, Yonkers Comedy Club in June, at the Seller in the Stand, a bunch in New York. Please follow me on Instagram for the love of God, L-E-V-F-E-R on Instagram. Well, I had a lot of fun, thanks for coming. I love you, buddy, thanks for having me, man. I appreciate you. Yep, definitely, I'll see you around.