The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Maddie Wiener - Episode 79

Episode Date: November 8, 2024

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Maddie Wiener - Episode 79 See Adam in Syracuse: https://syracuse.funnybone.com/event/adam-friedland/funny-bone-comedy-club/ Check out Maddie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDKmyxNVODo See Nick in SF: https://www.cobbscomedy.com//Search?q=mullen Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS Subscribe to  @TheAdamFriedlandShow  for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS -- LIVE SHOWS: ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #maddiewiener

And the show is started. I don't have enough slack. A whole episode like that. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Adam Friedland Show. I still don't have slack. I need some slack. Alright. We're good.

We're going, right? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Adam Friedland Show. Welcome to our new lighting setup. We finished the studio. It's been three years. I think it looks beautiful. It looks good. We're going right ladies and gentlemen. Welcome the Adam Friedland show. Welcome to our new lighting setup. We finished the studio It's been three years. I think it looks beautiful. It looks good. Turn your hat around or take it. I forgot there's no You got to take your hat off But I'm an orthodox you know, we lit it for us. Look how great his hair looks No, I know we do not have a hair light. Yeah. Oh you have like that little back

And hold the microphone down further so everyone can see where do you want don't cover your face? Okay. Hello. Yeah. Hi Welcome to the Adam Friedland show our studio is gorgeous. We did it because it's a new day in America. We move on I Know a lot of you are hurting right now. It's a new day. What what do you mean? It's a new day. Well every day is a new day in America. Technically, did something happen? So you're a woman. The first episode since since what? Since the new day. Yeah. Well, you know, you spent the last two days crying, obviously. I am in a little bit of a... Devastated, posting videos of yourself crying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this why you had me on?

What the hell is this? We're actually, Nick and I are actually hurting too. So I know. Yeah. The hairs from your head was coming out of my zipper. How my head? No, don't say it like that. This is definitely not a pubic hair.

It's way too long. No, shut up. That's no, my hair is much longer than that. I see, I can do it side by side. Don't make accusations like that. No, that's disgusting. This is a pubic, I'll kill myself. Grow up.

Is that your hair? It's from the side of his. It's a pubic hair from this bald. It's from the side of your head. Shut the fuck up. It would have hurt if I pulled it out that way. How is it in your zipper? It's attached to the end of my zipper.

Short curly hair from your, I don't have pubes. And they're orange anyways. You're bald on there? I'm mixed. You're like a 1990s chick. I'm mixed you're like a you're like a 1990s chick a mixed race Yeah, they're ginger and soft. Oh really this is the drapes do not match. All right add that to the spreadsheet fans Okay, so yeah, I mean like I was saying a lot of girls I understand you guys are having a tough time for us

We wanted to see a guy be the first lady and we're never gonna get it. Yeah. You know? You think this is it? It's not fair to us. We want to have a guy first lady one of these days. Did you write in Jill Stein? No, I actually, I fucked up really bad. I didn't know there wasn't same day voter registration. You missed the election. Yeah. You can just say you didn't.

It doesn't matter. You don't care. I should spin it like it was a protest vote. In New York, say it doesn't matter. Yeah. Yeah, that was like, thank God. Spin it like you didn't want to vote for Gaza. Why don't you York City, it doesn't matter. Yeah, that was like, thank God. Spin it like you didn't want to vote for Gaza. Why don't you just say it again? It was funny, in 2016...

I couldn't bring myself... Because of the genocide. In 2016, there was like a handful of people during the primary that were all gung-ho about Bernie Sanders. And then they didn't vote for him in the primary. And they were like, they fucking took me, they knew I was voting for Bernie and they took me off the it's like no you just never registered to vote you've never voted before you just didn't know what the process was yeah you thought it was posting and then you go to some place and they just let you vote in the

primary does it work there's not same-day registration for primaries though is there? No, North Dakota is I think the only state where there's no voter registration. You just show up with your ID. But then how do you have party registration? I have no idea. Well, it may be like, what does registration do? Well, it's because the primaries are like, that's for the party. So it's like, they don't they have like, what is it? Is the word jurisdiction over that? You need to be a member of a party to vote in the primary. I think of your register as an independent You can't remember the media so I have to remain open primaries as a podcast

Imagine is that determined by law who has open primaries or who gives a fuck? I don't fucking care God, we don't have to worry about it might be the last 12. Yeah Anymore the boys are back in town Congratulations, Nick. You've been worked tirelessly for this Congratulations to the to the free speech Austin comedy scene They really they made this happen and I blame them personally like whoops He's like, whoops. So what did he have a whole special where he's like, it's on you guys for listening

to anything I said. He's like, here's who you should vote for. Cause I mean, it's like, like in his mind, he was probably like, I'm going to vote for Donald Trump, right? And then now it's like, Oh, maybe that maybe I made him win. You know what I mean? And regardless of like, yeah, that could be a good thing, but even having that kind of power you're probably because now it's like if Trump bombs

Hawaii for some reason he gets a bad Hawaiian pizza from Domino's and he's like we got to kill all of them Like if you're Joe Rogan, you got to be like I did that Now it's all on him. His fingerprints are all over all of this. Yeah. If they liquidate the civil service and do project 25, whatever that is, he'd have to go down there and restart the Samoan race. It is Rogan. Because he's the closest I think. Yeah. Yeah. He has to teach them their language again. Uh huh. Yeah. He has to be like, listen, we're all a poco be his and like is Locos only and Rogan is gonna be the one that has to restart that, you know But you're yours. You're abroad. How you've what do you?

Yeah, I'm feeling I mean I got I'm getting my new IUD re-upped so I think I'll be the T the T to 2000 yeah, kind of a quick what kind of technology they got going on these days. I have a morena one So it's like? The T2000. Yeah. What kind of technology do they got going on these days? I have a Moreno one so it's like hormones. Moreno? Yeah. It's like a Latinx style? Yeah. Yeah, cool.

But it's like a hormone one so it like, it's like, the way I understand it is it's like when you just, you know people are like- Probably the worst one for you. No, no, no. We know about it. We know about this. It's probably not. It's the thing that everyone's like avoid food with this in it. The other one's just like a plug. Yeah, but it's supposed to hurt really bad. So this

one doesn't hurt. It's crazy. Like don't get a period. So you just get like cancer. Yeah. Like fuck up your hormones. You get breast cancer, but it doesn't matter. You don't have kids so you can die younger. Sure. No responsibilities. It's so awesome being a guy. It's so sick. We don't have to think about any of this stuff. We'd have kids at 75 years old. That's pretty sick. Yeah. It is really mean to the girls that they, that they, this happened. But I mean, to some extent it would be cool to get like an IAD, like an intra anus device. Yeah. I could regulate my feces easily. I don't need it for any of the birth control stuff. A gay guy that thinks he can get pregnant? No, not even a gay guy. Somebody that just doesn't want to have like today it's just diarrhea all day long and tomorrow

it's you're constipated. Yeah. If there's a little wire or something I could put in there. I like a little diversity. I could control it with my phone. You're like Nick you need to change your diet. Is, is there a plug I could write it. Is there a plug? Yeah I guess I don't know what did they won our hot takes about this whole election thing? I mean Nick Nick told me months ago. It's the same takes that I had in 2016 Yep, so just go back and when I was fired up. Calm town, yeah. I'm too excited about these lights.

What does it look like on the monitor, Pete? It looks amazing. It looks good, dude. I think this is a good indication for the fans. This is what I wanted it to be the entire time, but I finally got in my way. We have individual lights for each panel of the flats. They really do look beautiful

I didn't know there was so much space in between they added made no more space stage For the grid look where the grid was here I yeah extending it out and I moved the stage forward to where I wanted it in it from the beginning cinema. Yeah. Yeah and You're the first guest I'm honored. Yeah, and And you're the first guest I'm honored yeah, and So it like it really it should be an honor, you know, it is an honor You haven't said thank you yet, but it should be thank you very much. Okay, you're what I mean Thank you very much. No, I was no need to say thank you

Yeah, I mean I guess it's like yeah, this is 2016 all over again I think like if you elect Trump once it you could be like played off like an accident But this time is like oh, it's we are on it is on purpose Yeah, that is the thing that's weird that you're like Oh, it felt like this weird kind of like fringe group was bubbling up and like took power But then when you win the popular vote, you're like, oh, this is kind of like just the country Well, if you win the popular vote that should like disqualify you from holding public office. Why like most Americans are like you're awesome. It's like that's not a good sign. Well, my thesis is, is the

cooler person wins every time, right? Since Jimmy Carter, I think the cooler person has won every election. Biden Trump, though, because he was doubt he wasn't cool because of because of COVID. Everyone was like this guy's a loser now But pretty much every single time is the cooler guy who wins Obama's cooler than Mitt Romney. He was cooler than McCain terrible pilot crashes goes to JFK jr. JFK jr. Ran for what has there ever been and this is because I don't know people who have a personal Airplane that aren't famous. Yeah, if it seems they you have a 50% chance of dying John Denver

It's literally I mean, it's like every single one of them is I'm getting a plane and then they die Yeah, the funniest of all of them was that the guy that was the private investigator for the dude in in like looking into the Franklin credit scandal researching government pedophiles and he got a hot tip in Chicago he tells the investigator who's like on the Nebraska state you know legislator yeah those him I'm gonna fly my plane with my son up to Chicago to get this evidence and then it's like I'm gonna fly my single engine why of course yeah right you know like wow that's what planes oh man I had a neighbor that like had a like our next door neighbor was like hey I have like a little plane if you want to come up with me sometime I was like 13 my My parents were like,

no, those things crash all the time. Yeah. And then looking back, I'm like also him because that guy was a pedophile. Yeah. Gonna molest me. It's international waters up there. Yeah. Yeah. It's vertical international waters. Yeah. Technically. There's something about the interstellar. Like you age differently when you're that far off the earth. So if you do the math, it's legal kind of thing. Is that true? I think it is. You say up in the air? No, actually I think it's the opposite. I think if you... No, if you're in orbit, like, no, if you're in orbit for like five years,

and you come back, you're like three seconds younger than you would have been. Oh man. Yeah. So it doesn't. Yeah. When I was in the plane it doesn't matter when I'm in when I turned 40 I'm going up to that damn plane. I don't know. I'm going to be a young bitch forever. I can't I can't stand this aging process. I mean I don't know guys. The thing about the accident thing is the first time around I pitched it in my mind until Tuesday as Anthony wiener got caught for a fourth time sending his penis out that happened again. No, no last time around quietly during the election

He could have really gotten away with it this time Yeah, but then like Komi wrote that letter and then it kind of I was like, okay It was a total accident this guy sent his penis and then now Trump's the president but this time around I'm like oh no the Democrats are just they're losers I mean there's no other excuse this time you can't blame a man's penis if if if it concluded with tone kill Tony losing it for Trump I think that narratively that would have felt like a full circle moment it almost more so than not wanting Trump to be president I wanted to happen funny too because you know the results came in as a Trump's the winner and then Tony was probably like Yeah, I did have a good set

I didn't bomb fucking bomb. That's probably a genuine fuck you guys I Wanted Tony to Tony having thrown the election would have been so funny though It would have been amazing that like kids in 50 years having to like read a history book and like learn about well They're not Tony Hinchcliffe No, yeah, no way I feel like people are gonna remember Trump like people like no one's done this since Grover, Cleveland You know like one two, huh? And in a hundred years people are gonna be like, you know like one and in a hundred years people are gonna be like you know who is Donald Trump again is that is that Garfield yeah yeah the cat

was it Grover oh he was that guy that he that he had to yeah I think I was aggivess yeah before the big war before it before you know it this turned into Chinese Israel you know and before before, before it became Chinese. Even, even Barack Obama will be remembered like, you know, first black president, people remember him like, like they remember Scott Joplin, you know what I mean? They're like, oh yeah, he could hear that piano song. Yeah. We'll have a president that's like a robot by then. You know what I mean? Like a guy in a Gundam suit that can just kill whoever he wants.

I don't know. I'd say all the human presidents are probably gonna seem pretty lame by comparison. Yeah, there's gonna be like a like a sick like yeah like a fortune teller. That big spider from Wild Wild West. Big spider from Wild Wild West. That's a big podcast reference. I don't know if you started podcasting yet. I have but it clearly not enough You got to talk about the big spider Wait, I'm so behind. Can if there's a big

I'm not gonna do your work. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'll do the work trumps in office and it's time to roll Look into it because you can probably get five or six episodes out of that spider. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to like bring it down to a serious note, but, and make the election about me, but as a Jewish person, you might understand this, like I am scared right now that they will take white away from us.

Like, and, and it is, I was talking to a friend the other day, it would be really unfortunate to lose white in my forties. It would be like, to not be able to be like, you know. That's a tough, it's like having to learn how to walk again. Yeah, just automatically become an unc or an old head. But like, you know. Yeah, you're gonna need a lot of work to get there.

I was watching, I was watching debate coverage. It was Fox and then they had like a group of like voters in the studio. They bring these people in, they sit there and they're like, you know, how'd you vote? And the first guy they go to, he was like, I've been a Democrat my whole life. But because of Israel, I had to vote for Donald Trump because, you know, he's going to do what's right for Israel or whatever. It's like the first guy they talked to. Trump wins the election. And that's not the only guy like that, by the way, you know, there's like a bunch of people on

social media. Some of them are billionaires. They're like, you know, I'm a Democrat, but you know Israel's more important We got a vote for Donald Trump. Yeah, we'll throw everything else out for Israel And then Donald Trump wins that immediately people are blaming the Arabs that sat out the election. Yeah, it's like oh, it's like it's their fault Not the guys had voted for Donald Trump. It's Arab people. Yeah. In Flint. Yeah. In Dearborn. Yeah. Which he won all of the states I think. I don't think he won 50 states. Yeah. It wasn't like a hundred guys who got told at their mosque maybe sit this one out. Yeah. That's wild too because what is his stance on Israel as opposed to calm like he's Pitched to Jews was awesome. He said if you're Jewish and you don't vote for me, you're gonna die

When the war like first started there was some like video of Joe Biden being like It's important that we have Israel because without Israel no Jew is safe anywhere in the world yeah but it's like what about your country look that's such a weird threat to be like you guys are fucked and I'm not gonna be we're not gonna be able to control it yeah we got a sure oh yeah guys we want to talk about Lucy today do you know what Lucy is? I do not know it's a hundred percent pure nicotine always tobacco free Lucy breakers or nicotine pouches with an extra surprise Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken up to release an extra flavor and hydration So set yourself up with a subscription have Lucy delivered straight to your door. What's your flavor your flavor Nick?

I don't know the Apple one. I Like the apple martini colada one. Yeah What strength do you use? 20% I use a ladies strength personally And when you throw in your Lucy Nick As soon as I wake up. Yeah me too. I Do a double decker right to the top two on the other side kind of a chipmunk style guys so kind of a chipmunk style. Yeah where

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so guys Lucy co Slash ta FS get 20% off your first order at Lucy All right, so what else is going on the news? Pretty much bottle that up. I don't know dude. I'm I kind of been like tapped out since because I since I don't know since he won I was like Instagram is just like it's kind of just like the worst poetry I've ever seen in my life no and I can't really anymore on there no slut behavior. Yeah. What's real bummer. What's wrong with these whores? There's who's had

Yeah, I remember that during during BLM it was like that too Like people people were all like sharing the resources instead of being sluts on the internet for a week Yeah, they were like these are the resources and then like an hour later. They'd be like it turns out We got the resources wrong. Yeah, it's a website set up by an Indian guy He has 50 million dollars now That belonged to George. We're gonna get it back You think they're gonna get that all fired up again BLM. Well, you know just being mad about something No people have to be I don't think you knew BLM again. It would have to be a different issue

yeah, we should get pussy hats and see like See if that that comes back or not. I don't think there's gonna be a women's march I don't think I don't think there's gonna be shit that happens. Well, it's hard cuz it's like what do you protest like what? It's like everyone's upset, but there's not really like a demand you can make you can't be like don't let him be the president It's like, it's happening. Well, we could on January 6th, we could do January 6th. Yeah. Run it back. It'd be funny if she was like, we gotta do January 6th. Uh, cause this is a fake result. And then they ended up killing the vice president who was the one who's certifies the election. She and she just got, cause that's damn, she has to like, she has to certify her own death. That's what you're basically

They were like we're gonna kill Pence to stop if it's doing now Yeah, he gets so much pussy just getting fucking sucked off. I don't know I think I think pants took a shot at the king and he missed And that's what he best not have but he did What are you gonna do? They should do January 6 the girls. I mean they last time around they got pretty close to getting away with it Getting away with January 6. Well do yeah going in there and doing it one of them You know, I mean if you get if you take a dump on they one lady died

Yeah, I know not her she didn't do it. But the rest of them, they got in there. There was a grandma. I didn't think they were gonna get in, and then they did. I think they just didn't have a plan once they got in there. Well, they forgot about the babies in the dungeons. It was very much like October 7th, where they got over the wall, and they were like,

well, we didn't even think we'd get this far. Yeah, they're like, it worked? Yeah, and so I guess we'll take selfies. Yeah, they did like selfie stick. They were like, it worked. Yeah. And so I guess selfies. Yeah. Yeah. They did like selfie stick. They're like they did like pranks. They didn't jackass. But in this time they're like, no, we're actually going to kill everyone. And it would be funny if they were like, now you can see what a competent leader does. January six. this is January six. Like pull it off. We should have January six every time. Was that every time? Every time. It's a tradition unlike any other. Yeah. They would do that in like Spain probably like a running of the bull. They would dress up in their Spanish clothes. Yeah. It would all go into the Capitol with swords. Somehow it would involve blackface. Yeah. Yeah. And a turban. A lot of a lot of jingling

happening. Yeah. You know, clack clack clack clack whatever the fuck those are called. Yeah. No. Would be funny if we let if the girls did it and then just the fellow fellows got to watch on TV. Be like if my girlfriend was there. Yeah. If I was like babe. So you want tie later or like I just, just let me know. Should I go to the store? The outfits per bed, babe, the government's that way. You stupid idiot. They also told us it would take like weeks before you would know the result of the election. It was five minutes. minutes. Yeah, well, it wasn't even close. You can't even be like it was stolen,

because it's like, dude. But the final count's only gonna, there's probably only gonna be what, like a one or two million difference? On the, in the popular? Yeah, in there. I don't know. Is that a lot? Is it even? It's probably,

it doesn't sound like a lot. Yeah. How many people vote? It's like 80 million? No, it's like one, it was like 120 to 130 for a long time Then the last time it was like a hundred and fifty five million and then this time back to 130 Yeah, it's usually like whatever reason four years ago. There was like a bunch more people that voted. I Wait, what do you mean? I don't know. I'm just saying you're just saying the numbers. Yeah. Yeah. There was just one year where there was like we were

fired up for Joe. Yeah, probably. He was Joe Biden's charisma. Yeah. You mean? I don't know. He did that video where he was like, I love my Corvette. People are like, Oh, a bunch of dead people voted for Joe Biden. And it's like, well, if anyone should be, yeah, it's you know, it's his wheelhouse demographic represented. Yeah, right. His boys. Right. Yeah, they were alive. They would vote for it. You know what I mean? Most dead people. Yeah. If you're 180 years old, you would vote for that guy. If you would be like, which one of these makes the most sense to me.

Yeah, I went to elementary school with him. I read did you know that Joe Biden was born closer to the end of Lincoln's administration than the beginning of his own? Jesus Christ. Isn't that crazy? What year was he born? 1910. Oh!

What year was he born? 1910 That's really embarrassing that I didn't do the math on that and I was just like well 1910 that's a long time ago It's a hard time for women right now. You know? There's nothing that's- It's the hormones in my IUD. I can't do math anymore. You're great at math.

You're not. You're 114 years old. What? 114 years old. I'm actually going to kill myself. No, you're not. For what? Kamala?

Well, Jimmy Carter. I'm going to do an Aaron Bush. Jimmy Carter was born in 1924. Was he? Yeah. And he's alive. He's alive. I mean barely He's really hanging on. Yeah that video them like bringing him to vote He really yeah, they're like he finally got to do it. He got to vote for Kamala Harris, and he's like

Never looked like that video remember that Nazi they found in Queens. Yeah. Yeah, it was like they deported Yeah, like this is the best deportation Trump's ever done Yeah, it was a Nazi. Oh not like a neo-nazi like a guy I got in the camp the Holocaust working there. Yeah Queen yeah hiding Yeah, he was a corpse basically like 900 years to bring him they arrested him But it was like the cops walking next to a gurney and they put him in like an ambulance. Yeah Let's go

We got one I Wonder why you went to Queens instead of Brazil Yes, it was a really bad place to hide maybe he went to South America first and then Moved to Queens as a South American guy But I don't know it's kind of nice the Nazis got to go to Brazil. It sounds nice Argentina. Yeah, yeah And they got to it. How do they blend? How did German people blend in there? Amongst Latinx people I don't know. I love cheating Bisexuality I believe in ghosts

My up wellita is haunting me. Yeah Just a run-of-the-mill Latin yeah My last name is Bunchen. So they deported him from Queens back to Germany? Yeah, back to Nazi Germany. Go back to Germany. Go back to where you came from. Germany's got to be feeling pretty stupid right now though. About what?

The Holocaust? Well, no. I think that was moronic of them. They didn't get to do it and now it's like, you know, if you believe that Trump is Hitler or whatever. It's like, yeah, the move is you make your country strong first With neoliberalism. Yeah, and then only after that you are like now we're Nazis Yeah, instead they were like we're Nazis first and then we're gonna try and take over the world. Yeah, and then the world said no Yeah, they took over like post world war countries the crappy place you know a Czechoslovakia Poland yeah

like anyone could invade Poland I would call them shithole countries yeah shithole country I'll call them real shit so you had family that died in that uh Nick doesn't believe in it. You know that? For real? Death? No. I believe that we transcend. It doesn't help that it's on the History Channel and they're doing ghosts and shit and the Holocaust on the same channel. It does make you be like, oh, so all of whatever that is. Yeah, the aliens and Holocaust channel. Yeah.

That's a tough one for us. I think that's a good point. Yeah, yeah. But I don't think I had family that, I had family that like left Eastern Europe for like pogroms and stuff, but I think they got out before the actual. Cowards.

Yeah. Jane Fonda's type. Did you have family that died in it? Is Jane Fonda still alive. Did you have a family that died on it? Is Jane Fonda still alive? Hopefully. Did she say anything during trial? I feel like if anybody, you would be hearing from Jane Fonda a lot. I don't know. She probably was taking care of monkeys or something. Is that who that is? Jane Goodall?

Oh, that's Jane Goodall. Yeah. Jane Fonda. Jane Fonda was like famously during Vietnam. She's like like our soldiers deserve to die. I hope they die over there Yeah, yeah, yeah, she took it like way Like not just the war is bad, but I hope I hope they get killed by Vietnamese people. Yeah Yeah, yeah, and she went to Canada, right? Did she yeah, so she could talk shit from up there Like Canada, Canada's about to go to war with India. I hope that happens. It has to happen. Yeah. Trump's got to make that happen for us. It would be great if there was world peace except for

Canada and India. Yeah, he saves the world. He saves the world other than one. Yeah, yeah. It's the world's funniest war. The fun. That's how it'll be in the history books the funny war Sits on the sidelines and laughs laughing at him. Yeah laughing Pakistan's watching it too. Mm-hmm. They just slide in are they still gonna bomb each other that's happening Pakistan's helping Iran now gonna bomb each other that's not happening Pakistan is helping Iran now it's because Trump's president do we have to like not know where countries are and like what's going on anymore I hope so yeah yeah if we like go full

isolationist then we just don't like need to think about anything mm-hmm other than it just does you know it's almost like a solipsistic like yeah I don't have to watch a Wong Kar-wai movie again. I don't have to like yeah fuck off Do you think do you think that's what he'll do it's a like pull out of I don't know Yeah In retrospect I just Now it's like it would have felt so I'm not not that I would have done it

But I would have felt good to vote it for him just in like the way that I feels like I'll say this you're doing suck it like it probably feels like so the day of the McDonald's thing I would have the McDonald's yeah yeah I got a vote for yeah yeah of course I have to vote for McDonald's Nick This is the most American thing there is. Nick said that the libs were like, fry experts say he did the fries wrong. I was like, okay, it's over. The boy won. When the libs are doing that kind of thing, and then they're just not going to stop.

I never watch MSNBC, but I put it on after he won. It's like oh well now this is gonna be funny and they're just gonna they're gonna take it. They're doubling down. Yeah I know but it's like there's no like can't this at least be I mean here's at least until from now until he takes office you don't need to focus nothing can happen there's no election there's no reason to focus on trauma like maybe you briefly mentioned like what he's planning on doing as far as cabinet appointments go Yeah, but there's things happening in the world. You shouldn't turn into MSNBC and they're talking about absolutely nothing but

Donald Trump 24-7. Yeah, you know what I mean? I mean, it's it's amazing. That's not the only news Kamala probably had 50,000 advisors and media experts and PR people and like math people and computer people and he had fucking RFK Musk and his like weird family who he doesn't like and he kicked he beat their asses and his like weird family who he doesn't like and he kicked he beat their asses He just did it like he had no he did it on his own. It was funny watching sean hannity the night of the election. It was like It was only like fucking Maybe 8 45 9 o'clock

And he's on his phone. I'm pretty sure he was drunk and he's like i'm hearing now. I'm just getting stuff They're gonna call north carolina soon then georgia and he's gonna I'm hearing now. I'm just getting stuff. They're gonna call North Carolina soon then Georgia, and he's gonna win, Pennsylvania Also, he's like I'll I'll I'll bet my reputation what reputation? Sterling reputation and then he just left and then he left the studio He's gone for the rest of the night. He's like it's a rap Trump one and he's died. Yeah, I just took off Trump won, and he just took off. Yeah. Damn. And they're probably mad at him because it's like they need people to watch.

You know what I mean? You could see like other like news sites doing that being like, well, technically she could still blah blah blah. Oh, you just still need people to hear. Yeah. You think they're going to let Tucker back? Huh? Now that Mr. T's back in

I think you would have to prove that the Dominion voting machines were up to something before they'd let Tucker back Also, he probably he's got so much money. I mean, it's like he's super rich Yeah, it wouldn't look good for him to go back to Fox News. Well, I don't know I feel like this is an opportunity for us. I don't know if you know this got his denim podcast that he does Yeah, yeah, he's like he's a Tucker's cabin. Yeah, Tucker's denim Denim podcast. Yeah, it is very funny to be covered in denim and be like, you know, there's serious things going on in the world It's like like what drinking maple syrup. Yeah, you look like that dress like the bra Are we supposed to believe you're not Tucker Carlson or this is your like casual like you take off to

Susan get on from the news yeah and then you it's just Oshkosh from here on out baby what is this look Jim Burry yeah yeah no he's he's you know Swanson like the the like Hungry Man dinners and like Sure. Yeah, like microwave dinners. That's it. That's Tucker. That's his family. What? Yeah up in a giant microwave. Yeah Big Mike, he's big microwave. Yeah big microwave. He's from SF. He's a deadhead who came from big microwave Dude, that's not trying to tell us that he's a gene guy come on and then he's like on kill Tony being like fucking truth to power yeah and you're like you're from a microwave family fucking San Francisco liberal don't get it twisted he was also there's this post on reddit on like so

it's like they were like it looks like Tucker Carlson shooting his new show with like anamorphic cinema lenses there's nothing wrong with that like it looks like Tucker Carlson's shooting his new show with like anamorphic Cinema lenses there's nothing wrong with that like it's Tucker Carlson doing like some like a 24 like adding in the rain like why yeah, it was our idea first It's cool. What's wrong with that? You're gonna come to my house and nevermind Anyway, well, I just could you tell the girls like that We didn't do it just so we don't I got yelled at by my sister. Are they gonna get mad at us again? I've been getting yelled at by women They're so pissed at me. I didn't do Trump. Okay for the record to all the women. I didn't do Trump

Okay, and I'm sorry But I will leave the new America from the center-left and this will be the center-left Tucker and we we have every intention of doing that That's why we have the new lights. Okay So that's all I can do as a member of the media and a journalist. I did see a tweet someone was calling for that They said we need like a bunch of like the you know Why she because she relied on celebrities and stuff like that it's like I don't know who Aiden Ross is like we need the lib version of that and that's what the show could be we're we are the liberal Rogan we're cool young 22 year old guys right I did

see someone I saw posters like that too people like oh should Kamala have gone on Rogan and they were like well the problem is the left needs a Rogan that like talks to those same kind of like yes That's really just Hassan is like the only no no it's not it's not he's not like what they want is like Yeah, like a like a neoliberal like they just weren't like yeah It could be me it could be me and we got the new lights So if Kamala's what they want is a podcast version of the Pete Buttigieg dance. That's like what they're calling for. Because they think that that would win. They're like, oh, well, we need to convince people.

We need to convince people that our hollow and lame attempts at being cool are actually cool. Yeah. So it's like... To cover up the fact that we offer nothing. Well, it's crazy because it's this thing where it's like we need to do this because this appeals to people and then they're so Far off the mark that it's like our false our missed attempt that we shouldn't even have gone for in the first place Now we need to turn that into we need to trick people into thinking it's cool rather than just abandoning it completely Yeah, you know what I mean?

Maybe offering someone something to vote for you. Like you'll get health care maybe or you know, like kind of having a campaign based on, you know, a tangible kind of like transactional exchange. No, no. You think people want paint a crosswalk rainbow? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I do. anything can't take cloth Pelosi. Yes. That was the moment that dude I thought that was gonna get black people on board the rest of American history. It was they didn't think that was cool That was one of the funniest things that's ever happened Bernie Sanders got reelected He's gonna be I think 97 years old at the end. I think we got to run him four years time Yeah, I think it's still we still have a chance God

Vermont we do up there you just eat ice cream Ben and Jerry's blaze. Yeah What else I like Tiva's fish? Yeah, jam band blaze Ben and Jerry's. It's pretty much it. Yeah it's weird that that I think Bernie is Maybe I think he underperformed Kamala in Vermont. I

Think that was the one place where yeah, are you for real? I think it may be true Maybe I'm not making that up. I bet. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah. And that's the kind of cutting edge political analysis. These people watch the show for. Are you are you guys actually scared at all for jump? Are you kind of just like it's going to be for you? Whatever. No, we're millionaires. Literally, no matter what happens, we're fine. I'm scared. millionaires That's hard they could take white away from the Jews. Yeah. Yeah, and then I'm gonna have to invent an entirely new type of hip-hop

In my 50s They're gonna have to school these these young these youngins What it was like back in the day? They're not gonna respect me because I was white So stressful Pete Guys I say first impressions are important. What about lasting impressions? That's where Blu Chu comes in. Blu Chu helps men give longer lasting

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I mean, we could be John wick lockbox. I'll tell you this. It's definitely people that if they have a gun, it should be locked up. You know what I mean? Look, Heather, it is your answer for people who are into nicotine can't get hard and have a gun Yeah, been in the can't get a hard business for a while Blue choose an online service that delivers the same active in the ingredients as Viagra Cialis and la vitra But at a fraction of the cost and in a chewable form the process is simple you sign up at blue chew calm

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the future of this country so please come see me at the Funny Bone in Syracuse. I believe it's in a mall. Have you been there? Oh, I'll be a Cobbs in San Francisco next weekend. I guess I should plug that classic San Francisco. Yeah, it's a fun club. Yeah, not looking forward to flying across country again. I hate that.

It's been a lot of that the last two months. Yeah it is like it takes it out of you you know and these people especially when they don't have radio on the plane. Yeah it's the perfect plane movie. Yeah yeah usually he does three radio viewing. I sit there on the plane and I put on radio and then I put the earbuds in and then I I sit there on the plane and I put on radio and then I put the earbuds in and then I Laugh like Max Cady with a cigar. Yeah, I sit there and I blow in cigarette cigar smoke everywhere. They're like sir. You can't do Nick Nolte's like, um, excuse me We're trying to watch radio also Me and my family New lighting setup crazy what's crazy what happens he laughs so hard his glasses fell off

You should get you should get some that's you know what that's what we need well We'll do what they ask we got to get you some like Jake Tapper glasses Like what what is that like like fun lesbian on glasses like red like red? Tangles yeah, like the office siren trend. What is that? You should do office siren. We don't know about trends. It's like a it's like a girl thing of people are dressing like, you dress like you work in an office, but like slutty and cool. It's like, you know, very like lower east side, like people are in like gray vests and glasses.

I mean, it started with this. It's a 52 year old woman. She's got short hair. She's wearing low top converse all stars. Right? Yeah, sexy. Her glasses. So what, so girls are dressing like Dwight now?

Cause it's a slutty thing. Yeah, it's a little Dwight. It's not as yellow. That sounds like a cool trend. What other trends are happening with girls right now? I mean, not this. So I'm not a great, but there's a lot of like a like the Lower East Side you know yeah this is sort of like the David tell he just

looks like the Grand Theft Auto 3 guy yeah he saw that he was like yeah that's awesome that's my look now, I'm gonna lock it in But this is also a look of like a politician like going to the Midwest and being like I didn't go to Yale Like I need this disgusting fried thing at the Iowa State Fair or whatever they have to do. Yeah, I'm pulling out my dad You know was a carpenter for a summer. So my dad definitely didn't invent fentanyl Yeah, my dad isn't the CEO of the Iraq. What a wild ride for Tim Walls too, by the way. Yeah.

Now they just because it was such a short campaign. They're like, look, he's the VP nomination off one clip of him saying the word weird. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. We like the way he says the word weird. Did he run for re-election as governor?

In Minneapolis? In Minnesota? In Minnesota? Yeah. I have no idea. I miss him already. Can you hold office and be... Yes.

Yes, okay. You can do that. Thank God he'll still be up there, taking care of business. Going to Indigo Girls' concerts. Going to Ind Indigo Girls concerts with the Chinese national. Yeah. Yeah in the night With the underage Chinese national yeah, it is funny because it's like there was like that was like the opposition research on him is that he took some Gay 15 year old Chinese boy to an Indigo Girls concert in like 1997. Because you know, before they were like, look, you got to tell us everything. And he's probably

like, I killed a guy one time by accident, you know, like all of these things. And then like conservatives found out he went to an Indigo Girls concert. And then they're like, why didn't you tell us about that? And he's's like I didn't realize that was one of the things You went to Lilith fair. Yeah, I didn't realize yeah, you weren't allowed to go to it Lang cassette car at one point at one point. I didn't realize that I can't listen to come to my window. Yeah, he's like, Oh my God, I'm sorry. It's so funny. Sorry, I'm a look at that guy

that he went to indigo girls. Yeah, right. Oh man. Yeah, we're hurting right now. America, I'm hurting. It's gonna be okay, though. It was Stephen A. Smith on the show. I think the best part of the last six months in all politics was David Duke endorsing Jill Stein. Did he? Yeah, he did.

He's Jewish. And then she was like, she's like, I do not accept this endorsement. Wait, who is that again? David Duke's like, he's the head of the KKK, right? Oh, he endorsed Jill Stein. He endorsed Jill Stein, but Richard Spencer also endorsed Kamala Harris. So I think the white nationalists were like, this would be pretty funny. Well, I think, I think Destiny convinced Richard Spencer to be Lib. Oh, it's not racist no more. Interesting. Yeah, they did like a debate on No Jumper. What a wild career that guy had. Spencer? No, interesting. Yeah, they did like a debate on no jumper What a wild career that guy had Spencer no destiny destiny fascinating

Well, you got yeah, he gets like famous for playing like Minecraft or something He's like the best guy fucking Minecraft now. He yells at people to and then yeah, he would do like stream videos Have a right to go. Oh, that shouldn't be a law and then people are like why he's like right because videos have a right to have a stake. Well, that shouldn't be a law. And then people are like, why? And he's like, because. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And he just talked fast.

And people are like, this might be the smartest man in the entire world. It is the live version of I Can Only Learn About Politics with a hydraulic press video next to it. Like, I can listen to someone if they're playing Fortnite at the same time. They're playing baby games. The whole YouTube world is bizarre,

because the things that rise to the top, because the whole debate world on bizarre because the things that like rise to the top because that the whole like debate world Yeah on YouTube is really big and it seems like it'd be very stupid. You know what I mean? It's one of the dumbest in concept things that I can imagine like people debating like that'll never happen, right? Yeah, someone watching Barney and then listening to you know a neoliberal political analysis also destiny I think was like His girlfriend was like cheating on him and like people make fun of him about that

And then he wrote an article that was like why it's good to get cheated on by your You get really good at making point rationalize with himself Yeah, it's true. Yeah. That's why it's so good because he's constantly torn, his mind telling him, you're a fuck, kill yourself. And he's like, well, I won't.

And then it's this argument. Here's why, I won't kill myself. Exactly. And if that's what, you know, if that's going on in your head all the time, what the hell is Israel, Palestine? That's easy to solve. That's true. Yeah.

When the devil is inside of you. Mm-hmm Yeah, it's just slipknot 24 7. Did you see that video Shapiro debating like 25 libs, dude? Yeah, I love that one. Yeah, that's good. That is the few debates are huge now I wish I can get into that space, but unfortunately I'm just one of the dumbest people Nick you could do it. No, I couldn't I could I'm telling you right now I'm not gonna finish this podcast. I'm gonna have to leave in a minute We could go I mean I have to go to Syracuse tomorrow in the morning No, I'm like I was I was working all day and I made myself a little too. I'm a little too wired

Maybe I've had too much coffee, but I'm just very physically uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah me too. I kind of Okay, okay. Oh, all right. Well come out to San Francisco. I kind of... Okay. Okay. Oh, all right. Well, come out to San Francisco. I'll be a Cobb's next weekend. Syracuse tomorrow. Okay. Well, thanks for joining. That was the quickest hour I think I've ever... Yeah, breezed by. Yeah. Yeah. Do we normally do like an hour and a half? Yeah. That's why. Hold on a second. I forgot... It's muscle memory, Nick. No, no, no, no, no, it's like I forgot Like was I like I got tired of pie. Well, have we just been going too long? We've been doing yeah This was incredibly easy. I was expecting this to go on. I thought we were a third done. I was breeze

This is oh I could do this every week. Yeah, we call it This is, Oh, I could do this every week. Yeah. We call it for a career. You do this for a job easily. No problem. Thanks for listening. Everyone. It's a new day in America. We love you. Bye. What an awful product. Great.