The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Sean Patton & Ryan Donahue - Episode 61
Episode Date: July 5, 2024The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Sean Patton & Ryan Donahue - Episode 61 Get Tickets to see Sean Patton Live here: https://meseanpatton.com/shows Check out everything Ryan Donahue here: https://...linktr.ee/ryandonahuman Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS Subscribe to @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS -- LIVE SHOWS: NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #seanpatton #ryandonahue
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Oh Welcome to the Adam Friedland show podcast. We got special guests. You guys want to introduce
yourselves. That's Sean Patton. That's not introducing yourself. That's a friend. And
that's Ryan Donahan. Wow. That's kind of your shtick. It's kind of an Abaddon Costello kind of. Yep. Yeah. We pointed each other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was
cute. Yeah. Yeah. So you guys they they they they're coming on the podcast to promote their
new podcast. And then I was like what's it called. They're like I don't know. Yeah we
don't know what it is. I don't have a name yet. Do you have microphones. Yeah. Yeah. No
we got all the stuff we got
Microphones we got a camera we got a Chad
You guys are getting into podcasting this is the right time
Absolutely, we felt now is the time to push all the chips in either you could you like you're early right now It seems that way you guys are early. I just didn't want to be the last human being on earth
Without a podcast. Yeah, I think I'm close. I'm close to it. But for me
I believe in an eye of a storm and I think that's what we're in right now. It's about to pick back up
The eye of what?
Podcasts profit storm. Uh-huh. No, I think this is like podcast
I think this is the wave of the future really and I think like you guys are getting in
It's like you bought Apple stock in 1996, you know as a man who lost ten thousand dollars in Bitcoin
I think I'm doing exactly the right thing. I
Didn't know wait, I would probably would have not have agreed to do a podcast with you if you told me
Everyone did yeah, I know I didn't I factually did not I didn't you didn't would you would you lose money on?
Fucking iced coffee, bro. I have I'm terrible money. I have not in dollars for this shit what this iced coffee
Yeah, yeah, so who's making bad investments when you think about it?
You know yeah, all I'm saying is I feel like we're about five years away from
Podcasts being mandatory by law.
Mm.
You have to have a podcast.
Please.
If you don't have a podcast, are you even a human?
Please, General, General Isimo, Emperor Trump, please make everyone.
Everyone has to have a podcast.
Honestly, if he started one, it would be over.
No one would listen to any other podcasts other than that.
Who General? Trump. If Trump had a podcast, it would be over. No one would listen to any other podcasts other than that who general it
Trump had a podcast it'd be incredible. How is that actually not a
Thing yet. He's he hasn't found out about it yet. He just doesn't he just he thinks it's all it hasn't hit 70 year old
It's just hitting like 50 and 60 and it's gonna go. He's 70. Are they 80? Yeah, they're pushing 80
Oh, they're both it's funny whenever what is time?
Although all like assaults Trump people launch at Biden. It's like, you know, your boys right fucking there, right?
Yeah, like six months from the same shit. I will say he carries it better
Rational thought you he's not doing it like Biden's doing it
Almost what? Oh, I don't like being old, you know
Trump doesn't strike me as young and virile viral is it the road viral viral? He's viral. Yeah viral man is viral
I'm very fine. We can't we can't deny that. Yeah, I agree to viral. No, I mean
It I think I mean
I think I mean
He sounds amazing
I think Biden just sounds old and just sounds old dead
That you know, but but Trump sounds crazy If you like if you sounds like dementia rattled if you close your eyes during that debate
What I would imagine is two
Gentlemen wearing a barrel with suspenders. Yeah, yeah. That are talking.
About who's gonna go first down the waterfall?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Why was that a thing back in the day?
Why not?
It doesn't seem like a good idea.
It was like doing-
You're not gonna survive Niagara Falls.
It was like doing cocaine during the pandemic.
There was no hope.
There was no hope.
There's nothing else to do.
Yeah, it's the dust bowl.
Go down in a barrel. If you come out, if you become president.
Exactly. Yeah, you're a sharecropper. Everything is dust.
I'm gonna go up to Niagara. Get me a barrel. Old Niagara. I'm
gonna go up to old Niagara. Yeah, get me a barrel. And then
what happens? You get pussy after that you get a medal. You
get a lot of pussy
President shakes your hand. I feel like that's it If you go if you survive any like death defying stunt, you're guaranteed at least one round
Really of a hoop skirt lady. Oh, yeah. Yeah a little boat people looking at there's just yeah, there's definitely
I feel like I mean it probably wasn't called a waterfall until the first time a guy fell down it in a barrel
Really was price calling a water a river. Mmm. It was called a dead river
I think where the river does what he was singing about you're doing that thing where we're comedians hanging out
But you're doing your a material
It was called a water
I'm running my special right now come on. This is my special right now. We just hang out normally
I always does he's always doing this he's like I bet you was called a water
It was called a dead river
I said dead water. It was called a dead river dead river
Depressed river goes down. Yeah, yeah, that's kind of guy. That's nice. Can I do yeah doing it right now for the special? It's called a dead river and then a guy went down it in a barrel dead river podcast that could work dead river podcast
It's pretty good. Not bad. Yeah, I'm the podcast. I think we might have the dead river. We'll find out dead river
What about dead woman podcast? Oh, what about yeah?
Yeah, murdering people every part. I think it's literally every podcast
What dead women podcast? Yeah, it's all like and then another woman died. You know, what would be a five
Billion dollar idea for a podcast. Let's hear is as you interview
Death row inmates like the day before they go get zapped or shot or
whatever zapped oh I suppose in the chair yeah I was
pushing like a shot with the lethal oh yeah or gas so scary or fuck what would
you pay if you had to pick a way to die what would you pick way to die not die
like on death row to zap death row lethal injection or apparently what was
the third one gas you think they do gas?
I think they still do that right really maybe not seems hard sensitive. Yeah
Injection fucks up all the time you know that yeah, so does the electric chair apparently
I don't think they do it anymore. Do they do people still ride the lightning I
Mean, dude, I don't know
You ever you ever say ride the lightning around a Metallica fan?
But you're not referring to the album?
What, no?
And they start talking about Metallica albums?
I'm doing my A material right now.
That's a good bit.
Dude, that was in your first special, dude.
You ever say ride the lightning around a Metallica?
No, but I said Metallica's gay once around a Metallica fan.
And what happened?
I found, turns out it was James Hetfield.
Yeah.
Wow.
And he's like, how did you know, dude?
Yeah.
He's like-
Wait a minute.
That's the lead singer.
That's the-
Wow.
Yeah.
He's like, how did you know that it was gay?
You have such cool friends, Adam. Did You just do this thing where you called yourself
Gay, no, it's calm. I don't know. I don't really know it. I was I don't know flip It's weird that they had bands like that words like a telling scary stories for a like people are like this badass
I like to metal. Yeah, yeah to drums and then you go to sleep and there's a good there's a you're gonna get killed
It's a drums and then you go to sleep and there's a good there's a you're gonna get killed. Yeah, it's like baby stuff
It's like a mix of like that's actually Peter Pan. Yeah, exactly. It's like it's nice for babies
Yeah, but it was like but that's happy though
Like chill. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought pirates and yeah that's
You know, yeah, and then they're like go to sleep. We're gonna go fly. There's a crocodile with a bomb
And then smee maybe a little bit in love with Captain Hook a little bit
Maybe a little bit homoerotic all of the Metallica songs are just chill master of puppets. Who doesn't love puppets?
Yeah, what adult is go to a puppet show?
Exactly
Tall it's all it's all lullabies for children
yeah that they that you know take that Kirk Hammett what was it called Kirk
Hammett Kirk Hammett Jason what's it called how do I know Robert no Robert
Trudillo Justin Trudeau no Robert Trudillo Trudillo Trudillo
Newstead no, he's not in the band anymore. Did you ever see some kind of monster? I did it's so good Yeah, it's so good. Yeah when they have therapy a therapy session with Dave Mustaine
Yeah, how he left cries all times. It's amazing. It's like a Metallica documentary. It's a documentary. Yes. Yeah
I think we've probably talking about all this on CumTown.
It's the best podcast of all time.
Maybe you should just call it CumTown.
Really.
CumTown's not a bad name.
The name's available.
Yeah, that's interesting.
I like, I like-
CumTown.
Can we do Seaman Municipality?
No, no, no.
You've got to just steal the IP.
Jesus.
Nick had said publicly before that he doesn't believe in intellectual property, and people
just steal from us constantly
So I think you guys I mean you're our friends at least and I steal from us, you know
What were we saying? Yeah, no some broad monster is amazing
It's a documentary about Metallica. Yeah, especially as us like, you know touring nightclub comedians
We can really relate late kind of rock star lifestyle absolutely sometimes. I get drink tickets at bar shows
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I know when I have to go do an auction at Christie's to get rid of some of my art that was clogging up the place
Yeah, yeah, you know I'm like you know Lars had to do this man
Yeah, afters pissing me off dude, but fuck that people are downloading my act on
They are all your good when I have to hire a new bassist and I offer him a million dollars flat
Just to join the band. I think about
Metallica had to do this too, man
Yeah, when I got in I got a bassist on stage with me now when I get on a bus accident and
One of the guys in the when stov died in that bus accident, which was crazy. That's so I was like
This is just like metallic. Yeah. Yeah, you told him not to sleep on that side. Yeah. Yeah, but I found out he faked his death
Yep. Yeah
Come back as the fat grass. I saw him on I saw him he's huge
It was weird when he faked his death, but then also sold out six shows in Baltimore
Everyone was a terrible time to not be a Metallica fan. I have no idea what's going on I'm having a seizure in the few things we know about Metallica
That's pretty you when you knew quite a lot
Actually, I'm kind of an expert on my time. I said we should we open this podcast just be called the Metallica
Do you remember the Metallica is a good name the Metallica Mars
Lars is like gonna be chill with that for sure what his attitude to
But it's funny when I said naps or I was just reminded you remember lime wire the other day
I want kind of my friend when we were like 15
My friend was like I'm fucking sick of not getting pussy.
And I was like, yeah, we all are, dude.
He's like, I'm fucking sick, I can't stand it.
And so he came back to school the next day
and he was like, I downloaded these lectures
off of LimeWire by this guy.
What was his name?
It was the guy, Nick Mullen.
No, no, no, Nick doesn't do lectures
about how to get pussy, I can assure you that. Oh, the dude, the guy Nick Mullen no no no Nick Nick doesn't do lectures about how to get pussy I can assure you that was that oh the dude the guy that Tom Cruise played the guy
that was Tom Cruise was based on Ross Ross something what's his name I don't I
couldn't remember Jeffrey Ross no I now now I'm pissed off now I have to find it
so he's like he downloaded lectures and he's like yeah this guy tells you how to
get pussy I was like it's not gonna work and I's like, yeah, this guy tells you how to get pussy. I was like, it's not gonna work, bro.
And I was like, and then he literally fucked at school
three days later.
I swear to God.
Really?
Yeah.
Another student?
Yeah.
Or it was like, here's what you do.
Ross Jeffries.
Oh, of course, Ross Jeffries.
And I was like, what do you do?
And he's like, you have to ask a woman like her biggest like trauma and then touch her like arm
And I was like that's yeah, that sounds evil dude. I was like we're 15 that still sounds
He was so correct
And then he's like also you have to run something called patterns
And I was like what are those and he's like you put like it was like subliminal messaging
He's like you put like, like your plant seeds?
Yeah, like, I always thought that women are, blow me up.
And I was like, and I was like, I was like, bro, that's not going to work. Fucked in
the, in the AV room three days later, dated that girl for the next two years and had her
saved in his phone as bitch. She was bitch. Can I. Can I copy your notes from third period shit on my face?
He's the coolest guy is the honestly the greatest guy ever I ever met and the rest of us it took years before we fucked
So this Magnolia fellow he just figured out the late gal brain and then he and he sort of told everyone about it
He yes, it was oh
Ross no, he was like a pickup artist.
He was like an, like guys that would do like lectures
for men.
In cells.
Yeah, but at least those guys were trying to get pussy,
you know?
I suppose it's a thing to aspire to.
I don't like in cell, like, it's mean that people are like,
these are the most dangerous members of society. What, in cells? It cells it's the it's not getting pussy is the worst thing in the world
I would say we're all in down on it by being like not only are you a fucking loser?
But you're Osama bin Laden about it. Everyone's an incel during the day
I don't I just I also just well
I think it's just the guys who actually believe the shit believe
Don't get they don't get pussy. Yeah, but that's that's like they believe there are guys that don't get pussy There are guys that don't yes there are there are guys that don't get what and you and they know they want pussy
But those guys remember being 14 we wanted pussy terrified of it
I was scared and I was like a boob felt more
Boners you get while you're jacking off
They were like angry like vibrating
Anyone what has that changed for that? No. Yeah for sure really yeah as an adult man. I
I'm barely hard at this point
It's not even erotic, me. But are you excited?
For myself?
Yes.
No!
You're just like going through the motions?
I barely juggle.
I feel like this, bro, you can't spell erotic without rod.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah.
Let's absolutely go.
So you guys are just, you're getting 14-year-old style boners.
Why do you think my fucking leg's been like this
the whole time?
Yeah, I'll get a big, I'll get a.
Cause you have an erection.
Yeah.
No, I'm just.
You get soft boners
It's not like it's not like I'm not sure I'm not liking it
I'm not showing up for the prom for myself
I'm like a whatever do you know who am I trying to impress?
Well, it's not I don't think I've ever had a boner. What I don't I have a you don't like sleep with my girlfriend from time to time yes, that's man
Good for you, but what am I she's in the apartment? Yeah? I'm gonna like watch bang bus on in the other room
Just loud slapping. Have you dude is that even still a thing bang bus um I hope so yeah
I'm assuming. This is where folks are having sex on a bus. No. This is another metallic
It's another metallic about I did you think it was real when you were a kid no I thought at first
When they drop the oh you mean oh I've talked about this before did you think they were actual?
I thought I was just a girl on the street Sure, I was like wow. I could say I did yeah, and I was like at first
Yeah, and then at the end it's sad because they drop her off in a nondescript parking lot
And she's like what the hell where are you going? And I was like that's so sad for the girl. I
Was like you but you just paid her money to have sex and then she's like where what I never I never finished the videos
It really made me sad I
Would always get I would always can you drive me to the movies?
What do you mean? There's a third act I was always I was I always came the moment
I follow three act story structure like perfectly if you want to learn how to write a screenplay you got a dang, but you know
Watch it to the end. Yeah. Yeah, that's Stan Slavsky talked about I was like I was I was I was a sense
Yeah, I was a sensitive kid. I cried was a sense. Yeah, I was a sensitive kid
I cried during dumb and dumber when I was a kid nice which part do you remember when they gave the I was a little
My parents rented it for me and that was of the babysitter. They're like you like Jim Carey. He's dumb
No, but it was like when they give the the blind kid the bird and he goes pretty bird pretty bird
You're just balling. I was like, that's so sad, the kid can't see.
I did cry during the water boy
when I had a fever one time.
What a pussy, dude.
I mean, what, you cried during the water boy?
I did, yeah.
Why?
Because of the plight of the mentally disabled.
I blame the fact that I had a fever,
but I do think it's a well done thing,
where his mom comes to the nice football game, you know?
Cathy, no one's going to come to Vap-R-E on this.
I love that you blame it on a fever.
I'm not going to read that because you guys need to practice for your new podcast.
I want to see, take it away.
This is the highlighted stuff.
This is important.
So you only read the highlighted stuff?
There's a cold read.
I want you, both of you guys, maybe you do it once and then you do it once. There's a ketchup stain on it. This is kind of so you only read the highlighted stuff. There's a cold read I want you both you guys maybe you do it once and then you do it once there's a ketchup stain on it
Do it this is kind of like an American Idol
I could be Randy Jackson gotcha and I could tell you who's who's done it better
It's alright. Ahem
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Yeah.
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Carnival style?
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Oh yeah, you're kinda right, it was carnival style.
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No, the highlight, bro.
Just the highlight part?
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Okay, follow that motherfucker
And I actually I don't I don't want to hear Ryan's version ever again actually.
Yeah, you were very good at that.
Ah, can I talk to Sean privately?
I think like...
He's holding you back a little bit.
Listen, listen, listen.
What's he bringing to the table?
What he brings to the table is the equipment.
He's doing this equipment?
He's got the equipment.
He has equipment. He sets it up. He aims the camera. And listen, he's got this equipment. He's got the equipment. He has equipment. Okay, that's it up. He aims a camera and listen
He's got good questions. Well, yeah, I see the quick ask him one of those questions. Well, there's good questions, right?
What's your favorite race? Why are you doing in the Boston thing again? What's my favorite race?
Mexican why?
really nice people I
Grew up with a lot of them. They're awesome
Just jumping right still you know second
greater karaoke
Happy like fun, you know
Look at that that is hot stuff, baby. All right, I can't even think of third place really third third place race
Well, I said the top two not Jewish Jewish
please
Not these not and I'm not touching that I'm not touching that
New Yorkers that's on race
Say that to go go outside and say that how loud oh, you know what the third one is right?
Hey, New York ain't no race. See what happens actually this run again, right and say what how loud oh you know what the third one is right? Hey, New York ain't no race see what happens
Actually, there's run again Ryan say what's the third place? What's third place Ryan? It's the human race I
Was waiting for that?
Dude, this is why okay. Yeah, you know the correct answer. You know what I mean you don't see you Mexican Filipino human race
Correct answer you know what I mean you don't see you know Mexican Filipino human race right?
Hall and a hall it you can't have Hall and Oates without the hall yeah or the oats I'm not sure which is which which one is which I don't know I don't know the difference
I don't think one is like blonde the other one is like a
Little net like a kind of like a Super Mario kind of looking guy kind of a mustache
But I thought I thought I thought
you were jokingly gonna begin to describe me like what I was like a Super
Mario look guy though with a beer oh yeah you guys kind of do do have a little
yeah perhaps a warrior that again you can't say you can't have the hall
without the oats you can't have the hall without the oats And you can't have the eye without the DF.
Yep, yep.
Yep.
Can't have the P without the DA.
Yep.
And you can't have the two in the pink
without the one in the stink.
You can't have the pink without the stink.
You can't have the pink without the stink,
unless you're a duck and it's just one whole, the cloaca.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You can't have a cloaca without the penis that shoots out the
Scorpion get over here. Yeah, and they have several fake vaginas. Do you know that ducks?
What they're inside of their vagina? They have several fake vaginas
Decoy vaginas fucking damn is they don't enjoy the duck. I want to was within them
I want to find the right duck
I'm sick of this wokeness crap the ducks are doing that now. It's ridiculous several vaginas several
They were indoctrined from the egg. That's what the damn one real one dude. No, that's what the Democrats wanted
Yeah, what color is it the duck has a pink and a stink? What color is it?
Wow Auburn that's right also if you ever if
you remember if you ever play a duck hunt Nintendo's duck hunt when you shoot
the duck and it goes like that if you pause as the ducks exploding you see all
yeah everybody you know that map of fake know that That's how do you American sniper Chris Kyle?
The the army found him because he was the best at duck hunt Navy Seal
Yeah, Navy Seal army twos and both if you guys could be in a branch of the military, which one would you be in?
Special forces of what?
Special forces is army just regular just the most okay intense shit and Sean. How are you?
I mean if I could be so you're not saying you're saying like if I had the fortitude like if I was the kind of
Guy that Navy SEAL yeah, I go Navy
I know that is the answer to see it
But I but I couldn't but if I could be if I was like that guy Who was like I had fucking muscles and all that shit, and I want to fucking kill
And I want to bash motherfuckers, and I can hold my breath for like five minutes
Yeah, I do Navy Seal is that like a like I guess pride month just ended
But is that like a gay like a you got an otter a bear a Navy Seal is that one of them I?
Would think that gay men would have sex with the Navy Seal. Yeah. I think yeah, I think so too. I bet gay men. Oh
Yeah, yeah, he went to the Naval Academy. Oh he went to the Naval Academy. Yeah, you know any Navy
Hey went to the Naval Academy
How long did you learn how long did y'all spend training in regards to lint?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, did you study? Did you major in in ease or out ease?
When you graduate do you get pierced yeah, if you're a woman
Okay, yeah
How do you sleep at night with all the evils that America has committed?
Of the Navy wait, do you know that you remember when belly button piercing? Oh fuck we did fuck that up
Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead, but you remember
Let's run it again. Okay. Hey, did you major?
Hey, baby killer. Yeah
Hey you fucking baby killer
Fuck fuck you bush. Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah, you remember when belly button piercings was men when men were doing it
Yes, lash slash hat. Well, are we not doing that anymore? I don't I haven't seen a male with a naval ring in
Are we not doing that anymore? I don't I haven't seen a male with a naval ring in
25 never seen it
Really yeah slash from Guns and Roses had one yeah, and I was like I need a piece of it
Hair metal and
Hair metal yeah, what is that like a metal like Jack's arms, but for hair like they have
Big muscles, but they're fucking wearing spandex and they're doing guitar solos for other dudes. It's like very homoerotic I never got into that I'm more in the sports
Do you wait do you think that you think that was gay? Yeah? No
Come on. No, no no it was like girls like that
Singer of Judas Priest now, what's giving gay about that? He's not see this is why he's not cast
He'll just fucking run with it not gay. He commits
Rob Halford
Who's the guy who's the gay one?
Rob Halford isn't gay no, but there's a there's a man who's a front man of a metal band
Who everyone liked Liberace and was singing about having sex Sandy Kovacs they say
It was Rob Halford, yeah
I'm just acting like I don't think he's gay. That was that that Mark Wahlberg movie shout out, you know
To your lineage there. Mm-hmm
Please the rock star. Oh
Yeah, rock star. Yes. Yes. Yes. I totally forgot about that movie and the band was called steel dragon
Uh-huh, and I think they were based off Judas Priest
Right, but they hadn't found out Rob Halvert
No, they know they kicked him out and he was like it's cuz I'm gay Isn't it and they're like, okay you shag your mate?
I just don't not fucking lock your fucking face man. Mark Mark Wahlberg played the gay guy
No, the guy that he was replacing. Yeah, you know that yeah, I imagine he's not chill with that. He's a very religious man Catholic
Well, I mean for his communion. What do you have to do to beat an Asian guy till he went blind?
I was part of these
Yeah, this is like that was part of the right and that that's part of the Catholic mm-hmm. It's part of communion. Mm-hmm
You know, that's what this church has done
You guys are cat Catholics. I
Patent is that that's an Irishman no Irish Scottish Irish Scottish. Did you go to church?
Not by choice right yeah, but they make you get confirmed
I don't I don't know which feels weird. I know I had a first communion your family was Catholic
That's what I'm asking my parents are not you have first communion because I went to Catholic schools
That's the only good schools in the south. Why would a non Catholic family send you to a Catholic school?
Because the football program football football football program
All the public schools in Louisiana dog shit, so I went to the Catholic. Oh, yeah
That's how they get you. That's how they get you and
Had to wear a uniform
Remember were you guys in high school when you didn't have to wear uniforms
Well, I went to public high school same
But did you have to get you because I went to public high school
But you know enough for my kindergarten eighth grade was all Catholic school
Yeah, I went to public high school because I got kicked out of fucking Catholic high school. Yeah, we're asked to leave
Why not just a bad student? Oh my god. They're like he's bringing us all down
Oh, you didn't look grades wise or you were just a naughty
Bastard fucking little shit really would you do I was sarcastic a lot? Oh, I don't remember
I don't recall ever was the Catholics have disdain for our
Is yeah, and did he go to Catholic as well? I think I don't know mark went to I don't cuz that guy's sarcastic
I mean he wouldn't mark. Yeah
He'd be in Catholic school and they'd be like, let me put my finger in
Be like, let me put my finger. He'd be like cavity. Yeah
hole
cavity
Me in school, they got take a knee young man. I didn't realize someone's my friend said to me recently
He's like, you know that skater comedian. I was like who he's like Mark Norman and I didn't realize he was like the sick skater
He was nice at skating
What
He can't ride a bike he can't ride a bike you talking shit about Norman right now
Why you're saying that if I girls might be listening, dude
So anyway, so you guys so like this is kind of gonna be the vibe of your podcast Ryan's gonna look disinterested
Bored like a woman a little bit gray eyelash
Slowly turning whiter as the day goes on I've been catching grays recently you had I caught a bunch of gray
Yeah, yeah, but you look like fuckin Wolverine right? Yeah, that works though. Yeah, you look like the salt and pepper works
Thanks, bro. Yeah, get the surgery to get the blades. I got that shit really I can't I just that's shit
So healing but I can't really yeah, Logan dude. He was from Louisiana, no? No. No, Gambit. That was Gambit.
Yeah, Logan is the best I think super like Marvel movie made so far.
With the kids. With the kids. What about the very first Spider-Man?
I think it's better. I think it's better than every one of them ever made. This is a good idea for your podcast.
I like the very first Spider-Man. I think it's the best
superhero movie made so far. Mm-hmm. Is Logan. Mm--hmm. You know what? I think it is what Aaron Brockovich?
That's a dope cuz there are superheroes all around us every day
Californians she got those California and water cuz the governor water that and Flint's still don't cook
Motherfucking governor weren't giving it to and there's Flint still don't have that
Where's that? Where's there? Where's the water yet? Do those folks? Yeah, what the hell they still have water should have some
Can we check a sunny if flake got water? Yeah. Yeah who got yeah, why is that?
hilarious if you saw like a smart water at like
Yeah, who got yeah, why is that would be so fucking hilarious if you saw like a smart water ad like smart? Flint brought to you by smart water is Flint waters. I don't even know Michael Moore's from there. Oh
No wonder he's a document my dad
My dad ruined the water
My dad what was the first one he did bowling for Columbine? Yes? Yeah, that was sick. Oh the flick
Twisted one as officials have claimed the use of water filters and replacement of lead water lines has solved the crisis
So I have water
No, I don't I think it's a lie. Yeah, I think Obama said he solved it, but he didn't
Solved in 2020 I'm getting different dates.
They have clean water.
They have clean water?
Shout out to Flint, those welfare queens.
Honestly, I'm very happy to hear that.
I had no idea.
It's been a long time.
That was like the thing they said, it still doesn't have it.
Oh, it does not have it?
Have you been to the...
Have they fixed the Six Flags yet in New Orleans?
No, they'll never fix that shit.
What happened to your Six Flags? Katrina? Trina Nick and I broke a lot of water
Bunch of water Nick and I broke in water. We broke into that six flags
Yeah, you don't have to you'd probably just follow the fucking squatters in there. There's like a legion of squatters
I like a still squatter city in there there. I think I don't think they should fix it
I think they should leave it. It looks all like that
Yeah, it would be a cool place for all homeless people to live just a cool
I mean the graffiti is really funny in that six flags because there's like there was a wall Nick and I saw
Where it was like a guy trying to figure out the swastika and they were like they're like
They're like six drafts and then he finally got it on the last. Yeah. Yeah
Which is like
Geometry and he just couldn't get it right one of them he fucked up and it was the actual original the the Hindu symbol
What is it? What is it? But I thought it's the same or is it reversed? No, I thought it was reversed
Maybe really original thing that I sweat to go. Yeah. Yeah. Wait that so originally that shit was called jazz land. Whoa
Nice Back all the way Yeah, yeah, wait that so originally that shit was called jazz land. Whoa nice
Whoa, go back all the way. That's pretty wild. I thought for a moment. I was like, well here comes a blooper
Yeah, but it was called jazz land and it was just whack
It was just dumb and then six flags came in took it over and we're like we got this
Yeah, and they could train
Yeah, and they Katrina
The ball guy with the suit yeah the ball guy you got me too. Yeah, that makes sense
All those kids around all those kids. I think we all saw that coming. Yeah, we worked at a theme park I mean any dance in the city is kids kids kids kids kids all over you know wait
Have you fuck kids they still they call that me too too They called him the Pied Piper of R&B
Wow the whole time
That's crazy. I
Someone that has to be the hackiest joke ever
But I just put that together in my mind the pie paper that R. Kelly was calling himself the Pied Piper of R&B
He was calling himself that yeah
Jesus Christ. Yeah, it was all there. He wanted
it. I'm sure a million people have to have made that joke but he just don't know me.
Yeah he wanted to have be caught doing it by the time he'd been doing it long enough
for the experience to be old enough to get into a bar. You understand what I'm saying.
Is that from the act as well or that's that's closer
Your favorite You really are you're making my favorite sin of we were talking about it the other day. Oh, thank you
But this guy is an institution. I know I say institution every episode. It's my institution pledge
Yeah
So on a podcast you have to go into the mic yeah
If you would barf right now, I would be so happy barf if you do jackass style. Mm-hmm. That would be cool
No, I saw Steve alive once
He put lemon in his eyes and jumped off a ladder. We're in a weird place me and Sivo right now. Oh, yeah
Yeah, what happened? He came on this show thought Nick and I were bullying him. We kept saying we love you then I did his podcast
then he said that
He was like yeah, like I don't get your thing and I was like, I'm just a bad guy
This yard is not anything indicative of anything you're saying. Oh, you're doing a yawn throw up
Yeah, well I guys in the NFL do that when they're like on the gridiron anything indicative of anything you're saying. Oh, you're doing a yawn throw up. Yeah. Well,
I guys in the NFL do that when they're like on the gridiron. Yeah. You had the throw up.
Yeah. Wait, Steve-o thought you and Nick were bullying him. Yeah. We just have bad personalities.
Yeah. And then I did his podcast and then he asked me what Zionism is in the podcast.
Oh, I saw that clip. Yeah. And he was like, Bob Marley's talking about it.
You thought it was like a reggae thing.
And I was like, if you should on the news.
Actually, as a Jewish person, yes, it is a reggae thing.
The guy who's spent 20 years snorting jellyfish
and getting kicked in the balls.
I think in retrospect, I think that Johnny Knoxville and Jeff Tremaine just sex trafficked
Guys that were doing drugs into hurting their balls. I think that's probably what that's what Jack
I got retrospect. That's what Jack ass is and they walk the earth broken men
You know, but we love them in like yeah, 2000. You got him paid. No, babe in
2006
2006 In like yeah, 2000 you got him paid. No in 2006
sex six
2006 when the jackass to jackass to or jackass three one
I guess who's the best movie of all time one of the added for it
So jackass to kick I think it was to had come out a friend of mine was working as an assistant for Johnny Knoxville
So he got us into like the premiere party at that hotel in Hollywood that's on Hollywood and Roosevelt. Yes. Thank you. Yeah. And in the pool area
and it was like oh and we went and we're fucking bunch of open micers. You know you're about
to throw up. I might buy my bar. Insanely hungover. What did you do. We did. We did.
We recorded some episodes of podcast and we're like we can have a couple beers
So you said welcome to and we said we're just not gonna know what to say
Wait, sorry cut you off about the man. I went out and we drank too much alcohol
afterwards, okay, so the the the premiere that you were at the pool. Oh, yeah, and
and
Johnny you're molested by we man. No, but he that dude was just drenched in fucking women
We meant like I was walking around with a fucking cape of women. Yeah, I was insane that rules
What do you think he does with girls just they they he goes down on them
He just as my four foot tall teacher into their pussy. Yeah, and then he's like born. Yeah, that's his fetish. Yeah
It's a birth fetish
It does a baby baby play
Fucking finally, so that's it. You know that regular penises
Sure, I like where they little people regular because they're there or they just they're a normal-sized penis, which is what 5.1 inches
I think it's about 11 11 and a half inches. It looks that way on a leavened three and a half
It's like this like 11 11 11 and a half. Maybe yeah, right. Maybe like a full foot like seven. Maybe
Maybe like that's 5.1 right there
like what if the the
Proportion of their body that they're that is smaller. It all is made up in the deck. Hmm sometimes so they just have like
Enormous like just straight up just a little dick just your likes massive lucky
If you're like massive
Well, it's like they say that about a
Special needs people that they really I thought it was just strength. I think they also have monsters really
Look, I know I know people who would take that trade-off. Yeah, it's also a woman's dream
I think just a just a guy who can't think with a fat hog
That's whether that's where they're plowing through these fellas. What's in those speeches that that guy was given? That's what that's why Biden
Biden's faking it for pussy
Classic faker
he's actually so wet watching that debate
he's only 70
at least
smashing butts
he's at least 60
he's at least 48
he's at least
no
he is
he's definitely 48
I saw him
I saw him
yeah yeah
he's 48
you know I've been feeling old recently
But I realized I've only been eligible to be president two years kind of a young man kind of a young man
You have a lot of time wait. What's eligibility 35? Why do I keep fucking yawning? I don't know you're tired
No, I'm not what were you guys you guys were doing beer bongs and stuff no. Yeah, no no yeah
We're doing beer bongs. Just two guys doing beer
Yeah, just watching porn beer bongs two guys living room dude just why 35 inch like LED
LCD television And we just made a compilation of just guitar solo every fucking rock song ever porn playing that back-to-back
off of a PlayStation 2
Yeah, yeah, come on I remember I told my dad I was like can we get ps2 he's like no
And I was like it has a DVD player you fucking loser
Yeah, you not want our family to have the DVD player you call them a loser p. No, I didn't say that I would never I respect him more than anything. No. Yeah, it had a DVD player
Yeah, ps2. I don't think DVDs were even out yet. Oh, they were there
Yeah, I had a DVD burner very early to the DVD burner game
So when the Family Guy movie came out I made a mere
55 bucks selling 11 copies of that fucking thing at school
That's cool to girls probably right two girls
They're stupid. No no girls. Don't know they don't know is no it was the original DVD
Yeah, they're like like you can't even see there's no stick. Why does it say CDR on god? They're dumb. They're so
Who what is wrong with you?
Who what is wrong with you?
Questions man blue ray. It's it's the highest fidelity. We have it's bigger than DVD. It's bigger than laser disc. I'll tell you like
There's like a tell me that I believe it yeah, he'll shit if you're a fuck with laser disc no no
I'm not fucking Patrick Bateman
I'm not a businessman in the 80s killing women. To Laserdiscs?
I'm not listening to sports by Huey Lewis in the news.
Chopping up women.
Wait, did you fuck with Laserdiscs?
No.
No.
He's 21 years old.
I'm at least 48.
You're at least 48? At least. in same thing at least 48 is a great title
That's not bad. Yeah
That's like what yeah every episode at least 48 minutes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, and people are actually the soaking podcast cuz we leave it all in
We don't edit nothing out. So yeah, but that's like a Mormon sex to act right?
So they'll think we're Mormons and having sex has nothing to do with me Mormon
Do you know that people will jump on the bed when you're soaking and they so that you're not necessarily thrusting
Sucks, you know apparently the word about this
Well, I've read it's a two-part day because whoever's jumping on the bed
Apparently lubes the hand up holds their erect cock and the jumping action
Rube Goldberg They're erect cock and the jumping action. It's like a rub goldberg
Jump up and down and that creates the masturbation motion. So it's like they're gusting. Oh, they don't even they can't even jerk off Yeah, just do it normal son have sex with the girls. There's gonna be one guy in the group
That's only the jumper for all of these things. I like to just jump in
That's only the jumper for all of these things. I like to just jump in
One guy I bet there's a whole fucking village of them My friend went to the University of Florida back in the day with why with t-bo the same years t-bo years, Timothy Tiva
Yeah, yeah, and yeah, she told me he got like he was abstinent, right?
But she's like he got maybe like a hundred thousand blow jobs
She's abstinent, right? But she's like, he got maybe like 100,000 blowjobs.
A hundred thousand blowjobs?
I don't know if, no one's doing the math, but.
Why is that not a prize on Wheel of Fortune?
Well, it should be like a NCAA football record, from what I understand.
Wait, this was 100,000 blowjobs.
He should be in Canton, Ohio, the football of the world 100,000 BJ's. Yeah
What?
You heard this story
Wow thousand blowjobs. Yeah, the guys at the Naval Academy. We're all talking about it, too. Yeah
During belly button class is that evangelical
like Christian kids would have sex right. What they just had butt sex and stuff. So
they have so they can say virgins. Yeah. That's not like really a thing anymore. I guess you
know people have less sex now. Kids. I don't believe that. Yes true. I don't know. Well
that's so much more porn and listen
No, no people are just the only here. They're lonelier, and we think it's true
No, why because you're having sex with kids that was the insinuation, but if you say it out loud
That's not funny fucking jerk off. What the hell dude how long you been doing this show this thing stinks. I like it though
Thanks for having me. I'm kidding. I don't think I think it smells pretty good. I know it's pretty nice in here
I think it smells nice and good. Let's try my best you think you're doing a hundred thousand blowjobs
I say I don't know if it's a hundred thousand. That's the name of the podcast
Yeah, right there, bro. Yeah, a hundred thousand beach the gunk gunk throat goat one hundred thousand
The official throat good
Yeah, 100, One hundred thousand.
In fact, it's we do the ideas each episode is about a historic blowjob.
And we do a hundred thousand episodes.
When Martha was sucking George's dick.
He was saying last night.
For a day.
General Washington's dick.
For a day.
He was saying last night that he thinks hell might be when you are getting a blowjob and
then you come and then it doesn't stop and it starts to hurt and it just never ends and it's just
Terrible pain for the rest of time. Yeah, what are you thoughts on that? That's that's what I thought
Do you live in a cartoon universe?
Happen I mean it could inhale hell is a cartoon. No he did that as a as oh you said it's inhale
No, yeah, that's what hell is not a thing that happens to you. No, he did that as a as oh you said it's in hell. No. Yeah, that's what hell is not a thing that happens to you
No, yeah, I thought that was like a brag. You're like oh no hell is like
So hard it causes it when I come and it's like four times five times longer than Peter North
Dude, that is a thing that your north young kids would make that loud
I went to high school with a kid who I don't know. Yeah, we should have been
What the hell? Oh, did you ever see that hustler magazine where the blonde lady had a saxophone in her? I never miss a
His mom and then she and like she was like having her friends over and he was like fucking all these porn stars
I'm confused. What what there's a hustler magazine where a woman has a saxophone in a vagina
I did miss this the wait the read the mouth. Yes. Yes, not the whole thing we fainting into it
Apparently and she was all like and everyone was like oh satchmo ever over here. Yeah
Oh my god, look at Kenny G over here. Yeah, and I was like eight years old and he convinced the street band
Yeah, yeah, Claris Clemens.
Hell of a sax player.
Oh, absolutely. Let's talk about our favorite sax players.
Yeah, Yakety Sax, top sax song of all time.
Benny Hill.
Crooked Joe.
He can only play the alto.
Bill Clinton. That's cool. How old are you?
Oh, old enough to know what you're talking about.
Well, I was like... Bill Clinton playing the sax? I was four and I remember I'm like, that guy is cool. How old are you? Oh old enough to know what you're talking about Well, I was like I was like Clinton plan for I was four and I remember I'm like that guy is cool
Yes sunglasses. What do you do? Uh, uh
Heartbreak, he did Elvis
On on our sineo he did a
That really got him more votes than any policy ever. It's good. You just need to be cool to be the president
Yeah, that's why I'm voting for Biden. I think every this is my theory every election
means me
Yeah, me too, dude, yeah
Every election the cooler person is one
Let's test that Hillary Clinton. She's not cool. I think she's very cool. Wait wait Trump
Okay
Look at Trump is like everyone knows has had a boss like Hillary and she's like giving you shit over the weekend
Make you come in on a Saturday taking you stapler all the time the true like having a boss like Trump
You can get away with doing no work for about 11 years was Reagan cooler than Carter yes the Gipper he
was an actor yeah I guess yeah yeah was George W so Clinton was cooler than
George senior obviously W was cooler than he ran against that guy that was on
the tank with the helmet that was too big
Dukakis there was a picture of him like on a tank and he put it to cock
He put a helmet on and if they were like this guy looks like a fucking loser. Yeah, Carrie was less cool than Bush
Also Bush was cooler than then
He also like major league or was not cool gore wasn't cool. I specifically remember Gorman
Obama was cooler than Romney that guy was a fucking loser. He was a nerd. It's the cooler guy
It's a popularity contest you know yeah wait wait wait who'd he run against the first time McCain yeah McCain was kind
He was pretty cool. He called his wife a
Really yeah on the on the straight talk express remember his bus it was called like the
straight talk express and he was like Cindy you're paying in front of the media that's pretty cool
um no I guess Obama was cooler than McCain barely what do you talk about Obama was so yeah, but so was in a POW camp that rules
Yeah, he's a loser. Do you remember Trump? I do like that. I like the people that weren't caught
To Trump is so funny
Trump's way cooler than Hillary Joe in the last election
They had a video where he's like this my Corvette and he's like I like to drive fast
I was like this is gonna make this is gonna win him the election and yeah, yeah
Now Trump is back to being cooler than Joe you think I still think he's like
I don't know Joe was looking pretty cool the other night did I was like I like I was watching that
I was like this guy is a loser cool guys always look a little lost
Really? Yeah. Yeah Joe Joe was doing the like,
I'm just shy.
I've just been cool for four years now.
I'm the mysterious shy kid in club.
Yeah, he's just kinda like here but not here, you know?
That's how you be a cool white.
It's like you're never fully there.
James Dean always hid a little bit of his face.
What do you mean a cool white?
White people are cool.
Nice and body. White people are cool. Listen, buddy.
Listen.
Don't come on.
Who do you think is the coolest Jewish guy to ever live?
Besides you.
Bob Dylan is like my number one.
Bob Dylan is Jewish?
Maybe Karl Marx.
Is Bob Dylan Jewish?
Maybe Sigmund Freud.
Woody Allen.
Pretty cool. Weird Al? Woody Allen. Pretty cool.
Weird Al?
Not Jewish.
Not Jewish? No. No shit.
I thought you said Weird Al. That's what I thought you just said.
Before you said Weird Al.
Bernie Sanders?
I think he's cool.
Would you vote for Bernie if you could?
Larry is cool.
Larry Sanders? Larry David. Yeah
Bernie wasn't cooler than Hillary
To win the no they cheated they didn't see you he was cooler
Yeah, that was that was yep. That was not that was that was not cool. Yeah, and that was not cool
Day, I didn't like that at all. That's the podcast name right there
No, no, you call it a I'm not cool. Yeah
Maybe call you crazy for that one. No, that's not bad. Oh, no, he didn't. Oh, no, he he didn't Oh, no, he didn't. Oh, yes, he did. Oh, yes, he did
That's too long too many words. I like what you said about studying belly buttons in the Naval Academy
We could do something with that. No, that's too specific
It's not communicating any no that's it that feels like a universal
Understand another fucking podcast
Yeah
Another fuck dude names are so fucking stupid. I hate names
Yeah, it's like it were a bit imagine being like 40 and you're like we're the scorpions like this stinks
Just call it the original Kings of Comedy official podcast wait
I like the scorpions the scorpions the scorpions dude. There's a German hair hair metal the scorpions
Yeah, what I was a change
Winds of change that was their song. And Rock You Like
a Hurricane. That was that? That was Scorpions as well? Yeah, that was the first song on Stone Cold
Steve Austin's mixtape that he put out in 1998, which I bought. Really? Yeah. It was just a list
of Stone Cold Steve Austin's favorite songs. And I was eight years old and I was like, this is a
good idea. And then it was All the Scorpions. Oh, he had lady and red on that right
That would have been never seen
Like it did tonight
Never seen it's awesome
I don't know a single word brother. Did he say that a lot brother? No, no, he said um, and that's the bottom line
You know, I checked back in I've like friends that are sober so they have to like get into wrestling so they don't do drugs again
Yeah, like as adult men and I checked back in on smackdown with them
Yeah, the star power is just not there like we had yo we had the rock. Yes
Yeah, stone cold with mankind. These guys are not much
Ex-pocky told you to suck it. He had a sex tape with China. Did he really you had China?
We had China the hottest girl I've ever seen yeah, who triple-h is truly in love with but though would never admit it
No, he's made a trip and you know, but he would never be truly loves China God. He truly loves China
What about you see the sex tape Oh with China next because of steroids her clitoris had grown to
small suck it he sucked it I
Think that's a good place and everyone no we just got started
No, we just we have to go I have to go to fucking get yeah, we got food. I have to get food
Yeah, you look at food. Yeah, I'm doing a fucking picnic in the park with you're doing a picnic in a park. Yeah, it's just beautiful
But I have to go get rotisserie chicken and a picnic basket
Everyone's gonna think I'm fucking yogi yogi bear, right?
Everyone already thinks I say this. Mm-hmm when I when I mentioned I'm like I'm gonna do Friedman's podcast like yogi bear
Yeah, no, you'll you guys got some great quotes. great quotes. Well, yeah all that. Yeah. All right. Thanks a lot guys. Look out for their podcast
The original black guys of black
What's it called? We don't know
Fucking name we're gonna it's gonna happen
Catch and release
We'll start with that catch and release sounds like it doesn't sound too fishy. It sounds like a little bit
We're gonna do child predator
Child predator name stuff without sounding like a child predator official pedophiles of comedy
That's actually I bet you that's available. I bet two of those already. All right guys. Thanks a lot for our guests
No, thank you for our view. Thank you buddy