The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Sean Patton & Ryan Donahue - Episode 61

Episode Date: July 5, 2024

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Sean Patton & Ryan Donahue - Episode 61 Get Tickets to see Sean Patton Live here: https://meseanpatton.com/shows Check out everything Ryan Donahue here: https://linktr.ee/ryandonahuman Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS Subscribe to  @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS -- LIVE SHOWS: NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #seanpatton #ryandonahue

Oh Welcome to the Adam Friedland show podcast. We got special guests. You guys want to introduce yourselves. That's Sean Patton. That's not introducing yourself. That's a friend. And that's Ryan Donahan. Wow. That's kind of your shtick. It's kind of an Abaddon Costello kind of. Yep. Yeah. We pointed each other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was cute. Yeah. Yeah. So you guys they they they they're coming on the podcast to promote their new podcast. And then I was like what's it called. They're like I don't know. Yeah we don't know what it is. I don't have a name yet. Do you have microphones. Yeah. Yeah. No we got all the stuff we got Microphones we got a camera we got a Chad

You guys are getting into podcasting this is the right time Absolutely, we felt now is the time to push all the chips in either you could you like you're early right now It seems that way you guys are early. I just didn't want to be the last human being on earth Without a podcast. Yeah, I think I'm close. I'm close to it. But for me I believe in an eye of a storm and I think that's what we're in right now. It's about to pick back up The eye of what? Podcasts profit storm. Uh-huh. No, I think this is like podcast I think this is the wave of the future really and I think like you guys are getting in It's like you bought Apple stock in 1996, you know as a man who lost ten thousand dollars in Bitcoin

I think I'm doing exactly the right thing. I Didn't know wait, I would probably would have not have agreed to do a podcast with you if you told me Everyone did yeah, I know I didn't I factually did not I didn't you didn't would you would you lose money on? Fucking iced coffee, bro. I have I'm terrible money. I have not in dollars for this shit what this iced coffee Yeah, yeah, so who's making bad investments when you think about it? You know yeah, all I'm saying is I feel like we're about five years away from Podcasts being mandatory by law. Mm.

You have to have a podcast. Please. If you don't have a podcast, are you even a human? Please, General, General Isimo, Emperor Trump, please make everyone. Everyone has to have a podcast. Honestly, if he started one, it would be over. No one would listen to any other podcasts other than that. Who General? Trump. If Trump had a podcast, it would be over. No one would listen to any other podcasts other than that who general it

Trump had a podcast it'd be incredible. How is that actually not a Thing yet. He's he hasn't found out about it yet. He just doesn't he just he thinks it's all it hasn't hit 70 year old It's just hitting like 50 and 60 and it's gonna go. He's 70. Are they 80? Yeah, they're pushing 80 Oh, they're both it's funny whenever what is time? Although all like assaults Trump people launch at Biden. It's like, you know, your boys right fucking there, right? Yeah, like six months from the same shit. I will say he carries it better Rational thought you he's not doing it like Biden's doing it Almost what? Oh, I don't like being old, you know

Trump doesn't strike me as young and virile viral is it the road viral viral? He's viral. Yeah viral man is viral I'm very fine. We can't we can't deny that. Yeah, I agree to viral. No, I mean It I think I mean I think I mean He sounds amazing I think Biden just sounds old and just sounds old dead That you know, but but Trump sounds crazy If you like if you sounds like dementia rattled if you close your eyes during that debate What I would imagine is two

Gentlemen wearing a barrel with suspenders. Yeah, yeah. That are talking. About who's gonna go first down the waterfall? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Why was that a thing back in the day? Why not? It doesn't seem like a good idea.

It was like doing- You're not gonna survive Niagara Falls. It was like doing cocaine during the pandemic. There was no hope. There was no hope. There's nothing else to do. Yeah, it's the dust bowl. Go down in a barrel. If you come out, if you become president.

Exactly. Yeah, you're a sharecropper. Everything is dust. I'm gonna go up to Niagara. Get me a barrel. Old Niagara. I'm gonna go up to old Niagara. Yeah, get me a barrel. And then what happens? You get pussy after that you get a medal. You get a lot of pussy President shakes your hand. I feel like that's it If you go if you survive any like death defying stunt, you're guaranteed at least one round Really of a hoop skirt lady. Oh, yeah. Yeah a little boat people looking at there's just yeah, there's definitely I feel like I mean it probably wasn't called a waterfall until the first time a guy fell down it in a barrel

Really was price calling a water a river. Mmm. It was called a dead river I think where the river does what he was singing about you're doing that thing where we're comedians hanging out But you're doing your a material It was called a water I'm running my special right now come on. This is my special right now. We just hang out normally I always does he's always doing this he's like I bet you was called a water It was called a dead river I said dead water. It was called a dead river dead river

Depressed river goes down. Yeah, yeah, that's kind of guy. That's nice. Can I do yeah doing it right now for the special? It's called a dead river and then a guy went down it in a barrel dead river podcast that could work dead river podcast It's pretty good. Not bad. Yeah, I'm the podcast. I think we might have the dead river. We'll find out dead river What about dead woman podcast? Oh, what about yeah? Yeah, murdering people every part. I think it's literally every podcast What dead women podcast? Yeah, it's all like and then another woman died. You know, what would be a five Billion dollar idea for a podcast. Let's hear is as you interview Death row inmates like the day before they go get zapped or shot or whatever zapped oh I suppose in the chair yeah I was

pushing like a shot with the lethal oh yeah or gas so scary or fuck what would you pay if you had to pick a way to die what would you pick way to die not die like on death row to zap death row lethal injection or apparently what was the third one gas you think they do gas? I think they still do that right really maybe not seems hard sensitive. Yeah Injection fucks up all the time you know that yeah, so does the electric chair apparently I don't think they do it anymore. Do they do people still ride the lightning I Mean, dude, I don't know

You ever you ever say ride the lightning around a Metallica fan? But you're not referring to the album? What, no? And they start talking about Metallica albums? I'm doing my A material right now. That's a good bit. Dude, that was in your first special, dude. You ever say ride the lightning around a Metallica?

No, but I said Metallica's gay once around a Metallica fan. And what happened? I found, turns out it was James Hetfield. Yeah. Wow. And he's like, how did you know, dude? Yeah. He's like-

Wait a minute. That's the lead singer. That's the- Wow. Yeah. He's like, how did you know that it was gay? You have such cool friends, Adam. Did You just do this thing where you called yourself Gay, no, it's calm. I don't know. I don't really know it. I was I don't know flip It's weird that they had bands like that words like a telling scary stories for a like people are like this badass

I like to metal. Yeah, yeah to drums and then you go to sleep and there's a good there's a you're gonna get killed It's a drums and then you go to sleep and there's a good there's a you're gonna get killed. Yeah, it's like baby stuff It's like a mix of like that's actually Peter Pan. Yeah, exactly. It's like it's nice for babies Yeah, but it was like but that's happy though Like chill. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought pirates and yeah that's You know, yeah, and then they're like go to sleep. We're gonna go fly. There's a crocodile with a bomb And then smee maybe a little bit in love with Captain Hook a little bit Maybe a little bit homoerotic all of the Metallica songs are just chill master of puppets. Who doesn't love puppets?

Yeah, what adult is go to a puppet show? Exactly Tall it's all it's all lullabies for children yeah that they that you know take that Kirk Hammett what was it called Kirk Hammett Kirk Hammett Jason what's it called how do I know Robert no Robert Trudillo Justin Trudeau no Robert Trudillo Trudillo Trudillo Newstead no, he's not in the band anymore. Did you ever see some kind of monster? I did it's so good Yeah, it's so good. Yeah when they have therapy a therapy session with Dave Mustaine Yeah, how he left cries all times. It's amazing. It's like a Metallica documentary. It's a documentary. Yes. Yeah

I think we've probably talking about all this on CumTown. It's the best podcast of all time. Maybe you should just call it CumTown. Really. CumTown's not a bad name. The name's available. Yeah, that's interesting. I like, I like-

CumTown. Can we do Seaman Municipality? No, no, no. You've got to just steal the IP. Jesus. Nick had said publicly before that he doesn't believe in intellectual property, and people just steal from us constantly So I think you guys I mean you're our friends at least and I steal from us, you know

What were we saying? Yeah, no some broad monster is amazing It's a documentary about Metallica. Yeah, especially as us like, you know touring nightclub comedians We can really relate late kind of rock star lifestyle absolutely sometimes. I get drink tickets at bar shows Yeah, yeah, yeah I know when I have to go do an auction at Christie's to get rid of some of my art that was clogging up the place Yeah, yeah, you know I'm like you know Lars had to do this man Yeah, afters pissing me off dude, but fuck that people are downloading my act on They are all your good when I have to hire a new bassist and I offer him a million dollars flat

Just to join the band. I think about Metallica had to do this too, man Yeah, when I got in I got a bassist on stage with me now when I get on a bus accident and One of the guys in the when stov died in that bus accident, which was crazy. That's so I was like This is just like metallic. Yeah. Yeah, you told him not to sleep on that side. Yeah. Yeah, but I found out he faked his death Yep. Yeah Come back as the fat grass. I saw him on I saw him he's huge It was weird when he faked his death, but then also sold out six shows in Baltimore

Everyone was a terrible time to not be a Metallica fan. I have no idea what's going on I'm having a seizure in the few things we know about Metallica That's pretty you when you knew quite a lot Actually, I'm kind of an expert on my time. I said we should we open this podcast just be called the Metallica Do you remember the Metallica is a good name the Metallica Mars Lars is like gonna be chill with that for sure what his attitude to But it's funny when I said naps or I was just reminded you remember lime wire the other day I want kind of my friend when we were like 15 My friend was like I'm fucking sick of not getting pussy.

And I was like, yeah, we all are, dude. He's like, I'm fucking sick, I can't stand it. And so he came back to school the next day and he was like, I downloaded these lectures off of LimeWire by this guy. What was his name? It was the guy, Nick Mullen. No, no, no, Nick doesn't do lectures

about how to get pussy, I can assure you that. Oh, the dude, the guy Nick Mullen no no no Nick Nick doesn't do lectures about how to get pussy I can assure you that was that oh the dude the guy that Tom Cruise played the guy that was Tom Cruise was based on Ross Ross something what's his name I don't I couldn't remember Jeffrey Ross no I now now I'm pissed off now I have to find it so he's like he downloaded lectures and he's like yeah this guy tells you how to get pussy I was like it's not gonna work and I's like, yeah, this guy tells you how to get pussy. I was like, it's not gonna work, bro. And I was like, and then he literally fucked at school three days later. I swear to God.

Really? Yeah. Another student? Yeah. Or it was like, here's what you do. Ross Jeffries. Oh, of course, Ross Jeffries. And I was like, what do you do?

And he's like, you have to ask a woman like her biggest like trauma and then touch her like arm And I was like that's yeah, that sounds evil dude. I was like we're 15 that still sounds He was so correct And then he's like also you have to run something called patterns And I was like what are those and he's like you put like it was like subliminal messaging He's like you put like, like your plant seeds? Yeah, like, I always thought that women are, blow me up. And I was like, and I was like, I was like, bro, that's not going to work. Fucked in

the, in the AV room three days later, dated that girl for the next two years and had her saved in his phone as bitch. She was bitch. Can I. Can I copy your notes from third period shit on my face? He's the coolest guy is the honestly the greatest guy ever I ever met and the rest of us it took years before we fucked So this Magnolia fellow he just figured out the late gal brain and then he and he sort of told everyone about it He yes, it was oh Ross no, he was like a pickup artist. He was like an, like guys that would do like lectures for men.

In cells. Yeah, but at least those guys were trying to get pussy, you know? I suppose it's a thing to aspire to. I don't like in cell, like, it's mean that people are like, these are the most dangerous members of society. What, in cells? It cells it's the it's not getting pussy is the worst thing in the world I would say we're all in down on it by being like not only are you a fucking loser? But you're Osama bin Laden about it. Everyone's an incel during the day

I don't I just I also just well I think it's just the guys who actually believe the shit believe Don't get they don't get pussy. Yeah, but that's that's like they believe there are guys that don't get pussy There are guys that don't yes there are there are guys that don't get what and you and they know they want pussy But those guys remember being 14 we wanted pussy terrified of it I was scared and I was like a boob felt more Boners you get while you're jacking off They were like angry like vibrating Anyone what has that changed for that? No. Yeah for sure really yeah as an adult man. I

I'm barely hard at this point It's not even erotic, me. But are you excited? For myself? Yes. No! You're just like going through the motions? I barely juggle. I feel like this, bro, you can't spell erotic without rod.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Let's absolutely go. So you guys are just, you're getting 14-year-old style boners. Why do you think my fucking leg's been like this the whole time? Yeah, I'll get a big, I'll get a. Cause you have an erection.

Yeah. No, I'm just. You get soft boners It's not like it's not like I'm not sure I'm not liking it I'm not showing up for the prom for myself I'm like a whatever do you know who am I trying to impress? Well, it's not I don't think I've ever had a boner. What I don't I have a you don't like sleep with my girlfriend from time to time yes, that's man Good for you, but what am I she's in the apartment? Yeah? I'm gonna like watch bang bus on in the other room

Just loud slapping. Have you dude is that even still a thing bang bus um I hope so yeah I'm assuming. This is where folks are having sex on a bus. No. This is another metallic It's another metallic about I did you think it was real when you were a kid no I thought at first When they drop the oh you mean oh I've talked about this before did you think they were actual? I thought I was just a girl on the street Sure, I was like wow. I could say I did yeah, and I was like at first Yeah, and then at the end it's sad because they drop her off in a nondescript parking lot And she's like what the hell where are you going? And I was like that's so sad for the girl. I Was like you but you just paid her money to have sex and then she's like where what I never I never finished the videos

It really made me sad I Would always get I would always can you drive me to the movies? What do you mean? There's a third act I was always I was I always came the moment I follow three act story structure like perfectly if you want to learn how to write a screenplay you got a dang, but you know Watch it to the end. Yeah. Yeah, that's Stan Slavsky talked about I was like I was I was I was a sense Yeah, I was a sensitive kid. I cried was a sense. Yeah, I was a sensitive kid I cried during dumb and dumber when I was a kid nice which part do you remember when they gave the I was a little My parents rented it for me and that was of the babysitter. They're like you like Jim Carey. He's dumb

No, but it was like when they give the the blind kid the bird and he goes pretty bird pretty bird You're just balling. I was like, that's so sad, the kid can't see. I did cry during the water boy when I had a fever one time. What a pussy, dude. I mean, what, you cried during the water boy? I did, yeah. Why?

Because of the plight of the mentally disabled. I blame the fact that I had a fever, but I do think it's a well done thing, where his mom comes to the nice football game, you know? Cathy, no one's going to come to Vap-R-E on this. I love that you blame it on a fever. I'm not going to read that because you guys need to practice for your new podcast. I want to see, take it away.

This is the highlighted stuff. This is important. So you only read the highlighted stuff? There's a cold read. I want you, both of you guys, maybe you do it once and then you do it once. There's a ketchup stain on it. This is kind of so you only read the highlighted stuff. There's a cold read I want you both you guys maybe you do it once and then you do it once there's a ketchup stain on it Do it this is kind of like an American Idol I could be Randy Jackson gotcha and I could tell you who's who's done it better It's alright. Ahem

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And I actually I don't I don't want to hear Ryan's version ever again actually. Yeah, you were very good at that. Ah, can I talk to Sean privately? I think like... He's holding you back a little bit. Listen, listen, listen. What's he bringing to the table? What he brings to the table is the equipment.

He's doing this equipment? He's got the equipment. He has equipment. He sets it up. He aims the camera. And listen, he's got this equipment. He's got the equipment. He has equipment. Okay, that's it up. He aims a camera and listen He's got good questions. Well, yeah, I see the quick ask him one of those questions. Well, there's good questions, right? What's your favorite race? Why are you doing in the Boston thing again? What's my favorite race? Mexican why? really nice people I Grew up with a lot of them. They're awesome

Just jumping right still you know second greater karaoke Happy like fun, you know Look at that that is hot stuff, baby. All right, I can't even think of third place really third third place race Well, I said the top two not Jewish Jewish please Not these not and I'm not touching that I'm not touching that New Yorkers that's on race

Say that to go go outside and say that how loud oh, you know what the third one is right? Hey, New York ain't no race. See what happens actually this run again, right and say what how loud oh you know what the third one is right? Hey, New York ain't no race see what happens Actually, there's run again Ryan say what's the third place? What's third place Ryan? It's the human race I Was waiting for that? Dude, this is why okay. Yeah, you know the correct answer. You know what I mean you don't see you Mexican Filipino human race Correct answer you know what I mean you don't see you know Mexican Filipino human race right? Hall and a hall it you can't have Hall and Oates without the hall yeah or the oats I'm not sure which is which which one is which I don't know I don't know the difference I don't think one is like blonde the other one is like a

Little net like a kind of like a Super Mario kind of looking guy kind of a mustache But I thought I thought I thought you were jokingly gonna begin to describe me like what I was like a Super Mario look guy though with a beer oh yeah you guys kind of do do have a little yeah perhaps a warrior that again you can't say you can't have the hall without the oats you can't have the hall without the oats And you can't have the eye without the DF. Yep, yep. Yep.

Can't have the P without the DA. Yep. And you can't have the two in the pink without the one in the stink. You can't have the pink without the stink. You can't have the pink without the stink, unless you're a duck and it's just one whole, the cloaca. Yeah.

Yeah. You can't have a cloaca without the penis that shoots out the Scorpion get over here. Yeah, and they have several fake vaginas. Do you know that ducks? What they're inside of their vagina? They have several fake vaginas Decoy vaginas fucking damn is they don't enjoy the duck. I want to was within them I want to find the right duck I'm sick of this wokeness crap the ducks are doing that now. It's ridiculous several vaginas several They were indoctrined from the egg. That's what the damn one real one dude. No, that's what the Democrats wanted

Yeah, what color is it the duck has a pink and a stink? What color is it? Wow Auburn that's right also if you ever if you remember if you ever play a duck hunt Nintendo's duck hunt when you shoot the duck and it goes like that if you pause as the ducks exploding you see all yeah everybody you know that map of fake know that That's how do you American sniper Chris Kyle? The the army found him because he was the best at duck hunt Navy Seal Yeah, Navy Seal army twos and both if you guys could be in a branch of the military, which one would you be in? Special forces of what?

Special forces is army just regular just the most okay intense shit and Sean. How are you? I mean if I could be so you're not saying you're saying like if I had the fortitude like if I was the kind of Guy that Navy SEAL yeah, I go Navy I know that is the answer to see it But I but I couldn't but if I could be if I was like that guy Who was like I had fucking muscles and all that shit, and I want to fucking kill And I want to bash motherfuckers, and I can hold my breath for like five minutes Yeah, I do Navy Seal is that like a like I guess pride month just ended But is that like a gay like a you got an otter a bear a Navy Seal is that one of them I?

Would think that gay men would have sex with the Navy Seal. Yeah. I think yeah, I think so too. I bet gay men. Oh Yeah, yeah, he went to the Naval Academy. Oh he went to the Naval Academy. Yeah, you know any Navy Hey went to the Naval Academy How long did you learn how long did y'all spend training in regards to lint? Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, did you study? Did you major in in ease or out ease? When you graduate do you get pierced yeah, if you're a woman Okay, yeah

How do you sleep at night with all the evils that America has committed? Of the Navy wait, do you know that you remember when belly button piercing? Oh fuck we did fuck that up Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead, but you remember Let's run it again. Okay. Hey, did you major? Hey, baby killer. Yeah Hey you fucking baby killer Fuck fuck you bush. Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah, you remember when belly button piercings was men when men were doing it Yes, lash slash hat. Well, are we not doing that anymore? I don't I haven't seen a male with a naval ring in

Are we not doing that anymore? I don't I haven't seen a male with a naval ring in 25 never seen it Really yeah slash from Guns and Roses had one yeah, and I was like I need a piece of it Hair metal and Hair metal yeah, what is that like a metal like Jack's arms, but for hair like they have Big muscles, but they're fucking wearing spandex and they're doing guitar solos for other dudes. It's like very homoerotic I never got into that I'm more in the sports Do you wait do you think that you think that was gay? Yeah? No Come on. No, no no it was like girls like that

Singer of Judas Priest now, what's giving gay about that? He's not see this is why he's not cast He'll just fucking run with it not gay. He commits Rob Halford Who's the guy who's the gay one? Rob Halford isn't gay no, but there's a there's a man who's a front man of a metal band Who everyone liked Liberace and was singing about having sex Sandy Kovacs they say It was Rob Halford, yeah I'm just acting like I don't think he's gay. That was that that Mark Wahlberg movie shout out, you know

To your lineage there. Mm-hmm Please the rock star. Oh Yeah, rock star. Yes. Yes. Yes. I totally forgot about that movie and the band was called steel dragon Uh-huh, and I think they were based off Judas Priest Right, but they hadn't found out Rob Halvert No, they know they kicked him out and he was like it's cuz I'm gay Isn't it and they're like, okay you shag your mate? I just don't not fucking lock your fucking face man. Mark Mark Wahlberg played the gay guy No, the guy that he was replacing. Yeah, you know that yeah, I imagine he's not chill with that. He's a very religious man Catholic

Well, I mean for his communion. What do you have to do to beat an Asian guy till he went blind? I was part of these Yeah, this is like that was part of the right and that that's part of the Catholic mm-hmm. It's part of communion. Mm-hmm You know, that's what this church has done You guys are cat Catholics. I Patent is that that's an Irishman no Irish Scottish Irish Scottish. Did you go to church? Not by choice right yeah, but they make you get confirmed I don't I don't know which feels weird. I know I had a first communion your family was Catholic

That's what I'm asking my parents are not you have first communion because I went to Catholic schools That's the only good schools in the south. Why would a non Catholic family send you to a Catholic school? Because the football program football football football program All the public schools in Louisiana dog shit, so I went to the Catholic. Oh, yeah That's how they get you. That's how they get you and Had to wear a uniform Remember were you guys in high school when you didn't have to wear uniforms Well, I went to public high school same

But did you have to get you because I went to public high school But you know enough for my kindergarten eighth grade was all Catholic school Yeah, I went to public high school because I got kicked out of fucking Catholic high school. Yeah, we're asked to leave Why not just a bad student? Oh my god. They're like he's bringing us all down Oh, you didn't look grades wise or you were just a naughty Bastard fucking little shit really would you do I was sarcastic a lot? Oh, I don't remember I don't recall ever was the Catholics have disdain for our Is yeah, and did he go to Catholic as well? I think I don't know mark went to I don't cuz that guy's sarcastic

I mean he wouldn't mark. Yeah He'd be in Catholic school and they'd be like, let me put my finger in Be like, let me put my finger. He'd be like cavity. Yeah hole cavity Me in school, they got take a knee young man. I didn't realize someone's my friend said to me recently He's like, you know that skater comedian. I was like who he's like Mark Norman and I didn't realize he was like the sick skater He was nice at skating

What He can't ride a bike he can't ride a bike you talking shit about Norman right now Why you're saying that if I girls might be listening, dude So anyway, so you guys so like this is kind of gonna be the vibe of your podcast Ryan's gonna look disinterested Bored like a woman a little bit gray eyelash Slowly turning whiter as the day goes on I've been catching grays recently you had I caught a bunch of gray Yeah, yeah, but you look like fuckin Wolverine right? Yeah, that works though. Yeah, you look like the salt and pepper works Thanks, bro. Yeah, get the surgery to get the blades. I got that shit really I can't I just that's shit

So healing but I can't really yeah, Logan dude. He was from Louisiana, no? No. No, Gambit. That was Gambit. Yeah, Logan is the best I think super like Marvel movie made so far. With the kids. With the kids. What about the very first Spider-Man? I think it's better. I think it's better than every one of them ever made. This is a good idea for your podcast. I like the very first Spider-Man. I think it's the best superhero movie made so far. Mm-hmm. Is Logan. Mm--hmm. You know what? I think it is what Aaron Brockovich? That's a dope cuz there are superheroes all around us every day Californians she got those California and water cuz the governor water that and Flint's still don't cook

Motherfucking governor weren't giving it to and there's Flint still don't have that Where's that? Where's there? Where's the water yet? Do those folks? Yeah, what the hell they still have water should have some Can we check a sunny if flake got water? Yeah. Yeah who got yeah, why is that? hilarious if you saw like a smart water at like Yeah, who got yeah, why is that would be so fucking hilarious if you saw like a smart water ad like smart? Flint brought to you by smart water is Flint waters. I don't even know Michael Moore's from there. Oh No wonder he's a document my dad My dad ruined the water My dad what was the first one he did bowling for Columbine? Yes? Yeah, that was sick. Oh the flick

Twisted one as officials have claimed the use of water filters and replacement of lead water lines has solved the crisis So I have water No, I don't I think it's a lie. Yeah, I think Obama said he solved it, but he didn't Solved in 2020 I'm getting different dates. They have clean water. They have clean water? Shout out to Flint, those welfare queens. Honestly, I'm very happy to hear that.

I had no idea. It's been a long time. That was like the thing they said, it still doesn't have it. Oh, it does not have it? Have you been to the... Have they fixed the Six Flags yet in New Orleans? No, they'll never fix that shit. What happened to your Six Flags? Katrina? Trina Nick and I broke a lot of water

Bunch of water Nick and I broke in water. We broke into that six flags Yeah, you don't have to you'd probably just follow the fucking squatters in there. There's like a legion of squatters I like a still squatter city in there there. I think I don't think they should fix it I think they should leave it. It looks all like that Yeah, it would be a cool place for all homeless people to live just a cool I mean the graffiti is really funny in that six flags because there's like there was a wall Nick and I saw Where it was like a guy trying to figure out the swastika and they were like they're like They're like six drafts and then he finally got it on the last. Yeah. Yeah

Which is like Geometry and he just couldn't get it right one of them he fucked up and it was the actual original the the Hindu symbol What is it? What is it? But I thought it's the same or is it reversed? No, I thought it was reversed Maybe really original thing that I sweat to go. Yeah. Yeah. Wait that so originally that shit was called jazz land. Whoa Nice Back all the way Yeah, yeah, wait that so originally that shit was called jazz land. Whoa nice Whoa, go back all the way. That's pretty wild. I thought for a moment. I was like, well here comes a blooper Yeah, but it was called jazz land and it was just whack It was just dumb and then six flags came in took it over and we're like we got this

Yeah, and they could train Yeah, and they Katrina The ball guy with the suit yeah the ball guy you got me too. Yeah, that makes sense All those kids around all those kids. I think we all saw that coming. Yeah, we worked at a theme park I mean any dance in the city is kids kids kids kids kids all over you know wait Have you fuck kids they still they call that me too too They called him the Pied Piper of R&B Wow the whole time That's crazy. I Someone that has to be the hackiest joke ever

But I just put that together in my mind the pie paper that R. Kelly was calling himself the Pied Piper of R&B He was calling himself that yeah Jesus Christ. Yeah, it was all there. He wanted it. I'm sure a million people have to have made that joke but he just don't know me. Yeah he wanted to have be caught doing it by the time he'd been doing it long enough for the experience to be old enough to get into a bar. You understand what I'm saying. Is that from the act as well or that's that's closer Your favorite You really are you're making my favorite sin of we were talking about it the other day. Oh, thank you

But this guy is an institution. I know I say institution every episode. It's my institution pledge Yeah So on a podcast you have to go into the mic yeah If you would barf right now, I would be so happy barf if you do jackass style. Mm-hmm. That would be cool No, I saw Steve alive once He put lemon in his eyes and jumped off a ladder. We're in a weird place me and Sivo right now. Oh, yeah Yeah, what happened? He came on this show thought Nick and I were bullying him. We kept saying we love you then I did his podcast then he said that

He was like yeah, like I don't get your thing and I was like, I'm just a bad guy This yard is not anything indicative of anything you're saying. Oh, you're doing a yawn throw up Yeah, well I guys in the NFL do that when they're like on the gridiron anything indicative of anything you're saying. Oh, you're doing a yawn throw up. Yeah. Well, I guys in the NFL do that when they're like on the gridiron. Yeah. You had the throw up. Yeah. Wait, Steve-o thought you and Nick were bullying him. Yeah. We just have bad personalities. Yeah. And then I did his podcast and then he asked me what Zionism is in the podcast. Oh, I saw that clip. Yeah. And he was like, Bob Marley's talking about it. You thought it was like a reggae thing.

And I was like, if you should on the news. Actually, as a Jewish person, yes, it is a reggae thing. The guy who's spent 20 years snorting jellyfish and getting kicked in the balls. I think in retrospect, I think that Johnny Knoxville and Jeff Tremaine just sex trafficked Guys that were doing drugs into hurting their balls. I think that's probably what that's what Jack I got retrospect. That's what Jack ass is and they walk the earth broken men You know, but we love them in like yeah, 2000. You got him paid. No, babe in

2006 2006 In like yeah, 2000 you got him paid. No in 2006 sex six 2006 when the jackass to jackass to or jackass three one I guess who's the best movie of all time one of the added for it So jackass to kick I think it was to had come out a friend of mine was working as an assistant for Johnny Knoxville So he got us into like the premiere party at that hotel in Hollywood that's on Hollywood and Roosevelt. Yes. Thank you. Yeah. And in the pool area and it was like oh and we went and we're fucking bunch of open micers. You know you're about

to throw up. I might buy my bar. Insanely hungover. What did you do. We did. We did. We recorded some episodes of podcast and we're like we can have a couple beers So you said welcome to and we said we're just not gonna know what to say Wait, sorry cut you off about the man. I went out and we drank too much alcohol afterwards, okay, so the the the premiere that you were at the pool. Oh, yeah, and and Johnny you're molested by we man. No, but he that dude was just drenched in fucking women We meant like I was walking around with a fucking cape of women. Yeah, I was insane that rules

What do you think he does with girls just they they he goes down on them He just as my four foot tall teacher into their pussy. Yeah, and then he's like born. Yeah, that's his fetish. Yeah It's a birth fetish It does a baby baby play Fucking finally, so that's it. You know that regular penises Sure, I like where they little people regular because they're there or they just they're a normal-sized penis, which is what 5.1 inches I think it's about 11 11 and a half inches. It looks that way on a leavened three and a half It's like this like 11 11 11 and a half. Maybe yeah, right. Maybe like a full foot like seven. Maybe

Maybe like that's 5.1 right there like what if the the Proportion of their body that they're that is smaller. It all is made up in the deck. Hmm sometimes so they just have like Enormous like just straight up just a little dick just your likes massive lucky If you're like massive Well, it's like they say that about a Special needs people that they really I thought it was just strength. I think they also have monsters really Look, I know I know people who would take that trade-off. Yeah, it's also a woman's dream

I think just a just a guy who can't think with a fat hog That's whether that's where they're plowing through these fellas. What's in those speeches that that guy was given? That's what that's why Biden Biden's faking it for pussy Classic faker he's actually so wet watching that debate he's only 70 at least smashing butts

he's at least 60 he's at least 48 he's at least no he is he's definitely 48 I saw him I saw him

yeah yeah he's 48 you know I've been feeling old recently But I realized I've only been eligible to be president two years kind of a young man kind of a young man You have a lot of time wait. What's eligibility 35? Why do I keep fucking yawning? I don't know you're tired No, I'm not what were you guys you guys were doing beer bongs and stuff no. Yeah, no no yeah We're doing beer bongs. Just two guys doing beer Yeah, just watching porn beer bongs two guys living room dude just why 35 inch like LED

LCD television And we just made a compilation of just guitar solo every fucking rock song ever porn playing that back-to-back off of a PlayStation 2 Yeah, yeah, come on I remember I told my dad I was like can we get ps2 he's like no And I was like it has a DVD player you fucking loser Yeah, you not want our family to have the DVD player you call them a loser p. No, I didn't say that I would never I respect him more than anything. No. Yeah, it had a DVD player Yeah, ps2. I don't think DVDs were even out yet. Oh, they were there Yeah, I had a DVD burner very early to the DVD burner game So when the Family Guy movie came out I made a mere

55 bucks selling 11 copies of that fucking thing at school That's cool to girls probably right two girls They're stupid. No no girls. Don't know they don't know is no it was the original DVD Yeah, they're like like you can't even see there's no stick. Why does it say CDR on god? They're dumb. They're so Who what is wrong with you? Who what is wrong with you? Questions man blue ray. It's it's the highest fidelity. We have it's bigger than DVD. It's bigger than laser disc. I'll tell you like There's like a tell me that I believe it yeah, he'll shit if you're a fuck with laser disc no no

I'm not fucking Patrick Bateman I'm not a businessman in the 80s killing women. To Laserdiscs? I'm not listening to sports by Huey Lewis in the news. Chopping up women. Wait, did you fuck with Laserdiscs? No. No. He's 21 years old.

I'm at least 48. You're at least 48? At least. in same thing at least 48 is a great title That's not bad. Yeah That's like what yeah every episode at least 48 minutes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, and people are actually the soaking podcast cuz we leave it all in We don't edit nothing out. So yeah, but that's like a Mormon sex to act right? So they'll think we're Mormons and having sex has nothing to do with me Mormon Do you know that people will jump on the bed when you're soaking and they so that you're not necessarily thrusting Sucks, you know apparently the word about this

Well, I've read it's a two-part day because whoever's jumping on the bed Apparently lubes the hand up holds their erect cock and the jumping action Rube Goldberg They're erect cock and the jumping action. It's like a rub goldberg Jump up and down and that creates the masturbation motion. So it's like they're gusting. Oh, they don't even they can't even jerk off Yeah, just do it normal son have sex with the girls. There's gonna be one guy in the group That's only the jumper for all of these things. I like to just jump in That's only the jumper for all of these things. I like to just jump in One guy I bet there's a whole fucking village of them My friend went to the University of Florida back in the day with why with t-bo the same years t-bo years, Timothy Tiva Yeah, yeah, and yeah, she told me he got like he was abstinent, right?

But she's like he got maybe like a hundred thousand blow jobs She's abstinent, right? But she's like, he got maybe like 100,000 blowjobs. A hundred thousand blowjobs? I don't know if, no one's doing the math, but. Why is that not a prize on Wheel of Fortune? Well, it should be like a NCAA football record, from what I understand. Wait, this was 100,000 blowjobs. He should be in Canton, Ohio, the football of the world 100,000 BJ's. Yeah

What? You heard this story Wow thousand blowjobs. Yeah, the guys at the Naval Academy. We're all talking about it, too. Yeah During belly button class is that evangelical like Christian kids would have sex right. What they just had butt sex and stuff. So they have so they can say virgins. Yeah. That's not like really a thing anymore. I guess you know people have less sex now. Kids. I don't believe that. Yes true. I don't know. Well that's so much more porn and listen

No, no people are just the only here. They're lonelier, and we think it's true No, why because you're having sex with kids that was the insinuation, but if you say it out loud That's not funny fucking jerk off. What the hell dude how long you been doing this show this thing stinks. I like it though Thanks for having me. I'm kidding. I don't think I think it smells pretty good. I know it's pretty nice in here I think it smells nice and good. Let's try my best you think you're doing a hundred thousand blowjobs I say I don't know if it's a hundred thousand. That's the name of the podcast Yeah, right there, bro. Yeah, a hundred thousand beach the gunk gunk throat goat one hundred thousand The official throat good

Yeah, 100, One hundred thousand. In fact, it's we do the ideas each episode is about a historic blowjob. And we do a hundred thousand episodes. When Martha was sucking George's dick. He was saying last night. For a day. General Washington's dick. For a day.

He was saying last night that he thinks hell might be when you are getting a blowjob and then you come and then it doesn't stop and it starts to hurt and it just never ends and it's just Terrible pain for the rest of time. Yeah, what are you thoughts on that? That's that's what I thought Do you live in a cartoon universe? Happen I mean it could inhale hell is a cartoon. No he did that as a as oh you said it's inhale No, yeah, that's what hell is not a thing that happens to you. No, he did that as a as oh you said it's in hell. No. Yeah, that's what hell is not a thing that happens to you No, yeah, I thought that was like a brag. You're like oh no hell is like So hard it causes it when I come and it's like four times five times longer than Peter North

Dude, that is a thing that your north young kids would make that loud I went to high school with a kid who I don't know. Yeah, we should have been What the hell? Oh, did you ever see that hustler magazine where the blonde lady had a saxophone in her? I never miss a His mom and then she and like she was like having her friends over and he was like fucking all these porn stars I'm confused. What what there's a hustler magazine where a woman has a saxophone in a vagina I did miss this the wait the read the mouth. Yes. Yes, not the whole thing we fainting into it Apparently and she was all like and everyone was like oh satchmo ever over here. Yeah Oh my god, look at Kenny G over here. Yeah, and I was like eight years old and he convinced the street band

Yeah, yeah, Claris Clemens. Hell of a sax player. Oh, absolutely. Let's talk about our favorite sax players. Yeah, Yakety Sax, top sax song of all time. Benny Hill. Crooked Joe. He can only play the alto. Bill Clinton. That's cool. How old are you?

Oh, old enough to know what you're talking about. Well, I was like... Bill Clinton playing the sax? I was four and I remember I'm like, that guy is cool. How old are you? Oh old enough to know what you're talking about Well, I was like I was like Clinton plan for I was four and I remember I'm like that guy is cool Yes sunglasses. What do you do? Uh, uh Heartbreak, he did Elvis On on our sineo he did a That really got him more votes than any policy ever. It's good. You just need to be cool to be the president Yeah, that's why I'm voting for Biden. I think every this is my theory every election means me

Yeah, me too, dude, yeah Every election the cooler person is one Let's test that Hillary Clinton. She's not cool. I think she's very cool. Wait wait Trump Okay Look at Trump is like everyone knows has had a boss like Hillary and she's like giving you shit over the weekend Make you come in on a Saturday taking you stapler all the time the true like having a boss like Trump You can get away with doing no work for about 11 years was Reagan cooler than Carter yes the Gipper he was an actor yeah I guess yeah yeah was George W so Clinton was cooler than

George senior obviously W was cooler than he ran against that guy that was on the tank with the helmet that was too big Dukakis there was a picture of him like on a tank and he put it to cock He put a helmet on and if they were like this guy looks like a fucking loser. Yeah, Carrie was less cool than Bush Also Bush was cooler than then He also like major league or was not cool gore wasn't cool. I specifically remember Gorman Obama was cooler than Romney that guy was a fucking loser. He was a nerd. It's the cooler guy It's a popularity contest you know yeah wait wait wait who'd he run against the first time McCain yeah McCain was kind

He was pretty cool. He called his wife a Really yeah on the on the straight talk express remember his bus it was called like the straight talk express and he was like Cindy you're paying in front of the media that's pretty cool um no I guess Obama was cooler than McCain barely what do you talk about Obama was so yeah, but so was in a POW camp that rules Yeah, he's a loser. Do you remember Trump? I do like that. I like the people that weren't caught To Trump is so funny Trump's way cooler than Hillary Joe in the last election They had a video where he's like this my Corvette and he's like I like to drive fast

I was like this is gonna make this is gonna win him the election and yeah, yeah Now Trump is back to being cooler than Joe you think I still think he's like I don't know Joe was looking pretty cool the other night did I was like I like I was watching that I was like this guy is a loser cool guys always look a little lost Really? Yeah. Yeah Joe Joe was doing the like, I'm just shy. I've just been cool for four years now. I'm the mysterious shy kid in club.

Yeah, he's just kinda like here but not here, you know? That's how you be a cool white. It's like you're never fully there. James Dean always hid a little bit of his face. What do you mean a cool white? White people are cool. Nice and body. White people are cool. Listen, buddy. Listen.

Don't come on. Who do you think is the coolest Jewish guy to ever live? Besides you. Bob Dylan is like my number one. Bob Dylan is Jewish? Maybe Karl Marx. Is Bob Dylan Jewish? Maybe Sigmund Freud.

Woody Allen. Pretty cool. Weird Al? Woody Allen. Pretty cool. Weird Al? Not Jewish. Not Jewish? No. No shit. I thought you said Weird Al. That's what I thought you just said. Before you said Weird Al. Bernie Sanders?

I think he's cool. Would you vote for Bernie if you could? Larry is cool. Larry Sanders? Larry David. Yeah Bernie wasn't cooler than Hillary To win the no they cheated they didn't see you he was cooler Yeah, that was that was yep. That was not that was that was not cool. Yeah, and that was not cool Day, I didn't like that at all. That's the podcast name right there

No, no, you call it a I'm not cool. Yeah Maybe call you crazy for that one. No, that's not bad. Oh, no, he didn't. Oh, no, he he didn't Oh, no, he didn't. Oh, yes, he did. Oh, yes, he did That's too long too many words. I like what you said about studying belly buttons in the Naval Academy We could do something with that. No, that's too specific It's not communicating any no that's it that feels like a universal Understand another fucking podcast Yeah Another fuck dude names are so fucking stupid. I hate names

Yeah, it's like it were a bit imagine being like 40 and you're like we're the scorpions like this stinks Just call it the original Kings of Comedy official podcast wait I like the scorpions the scorpions the scorpions dude. There's a German hair hair metal the scorpions Yeah, what I was a change Winds of change that was their song. And Rock You Like a Hurricane. That was that? That was Scorpions as well? Yeah, that was the first song on Stone Cold Steve Austin's mixtape that he put out in 1998, which I bought. Really? Yeah. It was just a list of Stone Cold Steve Austin's favorite songs. And I was eight years old and I was like, this is a

good idea. And then it was All the Scorpions. Oh, he had lady and red on that right That would have been never seen Like it did tonight Never seen it's awesome I don't know a single word brother. Did he say that a lot brother? No, no, he said um, and that's the bottom line You know, I checked back in I've like friends that are sober so they have to like get into wrestling so they don't do drugs again Yeah, like as adult men and I checked back in on smackdown with them Yeah, the star power is just not there like we had yo we had the rock. Yes

Yeah, stone cold with mankind. These guys are not much Ex-pocky told you to suck it. He had a sex tape with China. Did he really you had China? We had China the hottest girl I've ever seen yeah, who triple-h is truly in love with but though would never admit it No, he's made a trip and you know, but he would never be truly loves China God. He truly loves China What about you see the sex tape Oh with China next because of steroids her clitoris had grown to small suck it he sucked it I Think that's a good place and everyone no we just got started No, we just we have to go I have to go to fucking get yeah, we got food. I have to get food

Yeah, you look at food. Yeah, I'm doing a fucking picnic in the park with you're doing a picnic in a park. Yeah, it's just beautiful But I have to go get rotisserie chicken and a picnic basket Everyone's gonna think I'm fucking yogi yogi bear, right? Everyone already thinks I say this. Mm-hmm when I when I mentioned I'm like I'm gonna do Friedman's podcast like yogi bear Yeah, no, you'll you guys got some great quotes. great quotes. Well, yeah all that. Yeah. All right. Thanks a lot guys. Look out for their podcast The original black guys of black What's it called? We don't know Fucking name we're gonna it's gonna happen

Catch and release We'll start with that catch and release sounds like it doesn't sound too fishy. It sounds like a little bit We're gonna do child predator Child predator name stuff without sounding like a child predator official pedophiles of comedy That's actually I bet you that's available. I bet two of those already. All right guys. Thanks a lot for our guests No, thank you for our view. Thank you buddy