The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Retro Style Podcast – Episode 3

Episode Date: April 27, 2023

/// ***ADAM WILL BE AT HELIUM COMEDY CLUB in Portland THIS WEEKEND*** ***NICK WILL BE AT PITTSBURGH IMPROV in Pittsburgh, PA 5/12-5/13***

Thanks for, uh, it's the Adam, whoo, it's the Adam Fuckland show, it's the Adam Fuckland show. Welcome, welcome to the Fuck Nation, Fuck Nation, how you doing? Pretty good, it's a big day for me, it's going to be a painful day for me, but why? Sports. Oh, sports? You're going to the next game? No, I'm going, I'm going to...

The old Knicks. I'm going to go watch the Knickerbockers. The soccer team in London that I... What is bocking? Bocking? Yeah. It sounds, it sounds like an old, it sounds like jelking, like an old form of bocking yourself off or something.

Yeah, back in the 1800s, they were like, oh, that girl's just a real Knickerbocker. Yeah. I didn't say it, I didn't say it, they did. Knickerbockers are pants. I thought it was the hospital from the show. The Knick. Yeah, the team was named, I thought that hospital was real. You thought it was a real thing?

I thought the whole show was real. That show's so good. We're like the only two people that watched that show and that actively evangelized that show. It's an amazing show. It's so good. It's really, I might re-watch it. I like that he was doing sniz the whole time.

Yeah. I like that it was only one season. Yeah. I like it. It's two seasons. I thought it was just one. Two? Two?

Yeah. I thought you said you loved the show. I watched it like literally, it's seven years ago maybe? You're welcome to... It was just a segment of Adam's lies. The Knick. You liked it because it's called the Knick. Right.

I thought it was for me. Yeah. Yeah. That would be cool. Yeah. I was like, oh, this is all going to be about me. And then I watched it and it was. Yeah.

I've always done this. That's how I felt when I watched Black Adam. I'm in bedside doing all kinds of crazy surgeries all day long. Yeah. They were shooting it. If you remember, when I first moved to New York, I was staying at Eric's that week. And they were shooting around the corner at that school and that's what they had. That was the exterior of the hospital.

Also the girl, the girl in the Knick. Is that the Brooklyn school for boys? Yeah. Sounds ominous. Yeah. If it was 1880 and my parents were like, we're sending you here, I'd be like, please just send me to work in a factory. You know that nothing good happens there.

Triangle shirt waste, please. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Please. Let me get burned to death by the monopoly, man. I think Triangle shirt waste factory, was that it only chicks were working there? Yeah.

That's why it's so cool. Yeah. They couldn't handle being factory boys. They're like, oh, I'm on fire. Do you remember when we were factory boys for a couple of weeks? A day. I think it was a seasonal employment situation. Yeah.

No, it was a week. It was a week. We worked on that David Uhrman project. Yeah. At that fabrication studio. The jewels. The jewels. Yeah.

We were doing window displays for jewelry. Yeah. I'm glad I wore the sunglasses. I'm knocked on my ass today. Why? Because I hate people. Well. The cat pissed all over the bed.

You got more cats now? Yeah. Cat pissed? You're like Mark Maron. Yeah. What do you mean? I hate it when people say that. Because it's gay to have cats.

And I take that back. It's not. I don't mind being gay. I just don't want to be Mark Maron. It's not gay. I wouldn't. I don't want to talk that way. I don't want to be me.

I want to be my own guy. But cats is just, come on. I want to be like an anime character. Is that a cat thing? No. But they're their own guys. Well, you want to be kind of more like... Nobody ever accuses an anime character being a different anime character.

Yeah, they do all the time. No. No one's like... No one goes to Luigi and you're like, you're just fucking doing it. This is just Mario. I don't think that's anime. You're just fucking ripped off Mario. I think there's a guy who just broke his keyboard because you called Luigi your anime.

No one accuses Mario of Luigi of ripping off Mario. Do you remember that line in Akira? I've never seen Akira. Where he's like, you're being just like Ash Ketchum right now. Did you say that? I've never seen Akira. You haven't seen it? No.

I've never seen it. It's badass. I've never seen an anime that is good or I liked. Neither of us. We're babies. We're cartoons. Yeah. Akira's cool.

Yeah? Yeah. What's it about? It's the one anime that everyone sees. Mm-hmm. It's, I don't know, some guy like, you know, then they go Super Saiyan and they're fighting, he's got a motorcycle. I think I have an ear infection also.

Why? I'm swimming. My ear hurts. Really? Yeah. What are your plans for the summer, Nick? I'll go to the ear doctor and get my ear checked out. Nice.

Now I can't hear out of it. Why do you always have, you always have ailments. Yeah. That's life. When, when I moved here, it felt okay and then I stuck my finger in there. Now it hurts. Yeah. If you pierced your eardrum.

No, I just stuck my finger in there, but it's so itchy. Is it true that boxing one's ears means that you like cup, you take two cups and you smack it. Yeah. And both your eardrums explode. Yeah. And then they're deaf. That's what knicker boxing is.

That's what they used to do in the 1800s. Yeah. That was a job you could have, it was going around, that was like the number one New York past on. It was going around deafening people. I wish I went to school in the time when, if you were, if you were acting naughty, they made you wear the hat, the dunce cap. We should bring that back, but it should be a goofy hat from Disney World.

Yeah. Then those bad boys will really learn. Now you want to act out in class? Well, now you're a fucking goofy, the dog. Now you're a goofy. Now you're, I think I might, I think I might have like an infection or something. In your ear? Yeah.

I'm feeling like feverish now and dizzy. I might, I might throw up. Let me feel your cap. I think it might be a little warm. Yeah. All right. Rectal. Rectal.

Well, that's how you get the most accurate temperature. All right. Can you just read? I don't want to pull my ass. Your ass is literally, your crack is, you literally have plumbers crack right now. I mean, we're taking this too far. You can mistake your finger. I have to respond to that.

What do you mean you won't respond? Your Apple Watch is talking now? Yeah. Stay out of this. This is our thing. It always listens in at the most embarrassing moment. So embarrassing that Apple Watch heard us talking about, I was like, that I was going to put, I was going to figure it out.

He gets sent to a guy at Apple and he's like, oh, they're not going to believe this. A couple of nights ago, Stephen, Stephen and I were very drunk and he said, I think I have a tumor. He's like, can you check it out? And then he like pulled his pants down and he made me feel his ass cheek. And I was like, I don't know. Maybe you should. I like was like poking around his ass.

He's like, not there. Not there. And I'm like, literally like, like grabbing his ass and then I was like, oh, I guess I feel it. And he's like, so what do you think? I was like, I don't know. Go to a doctor. And literally know what I was thinking.

Is it for real or is it just tricking and touching his ass? Either way, it's fine by me. Dave, can you do me a favor and bring me the Q-tips? Thank you. Dave, can you give me a glass of water too? Two glasses of water and all of the Q-tips. So interesting development. Can you give me, Dave, can you give me my special pills?

You got pills? Yeah. Quailoots. Are you getting any Quailoots? No. You can't find them anymore. Oh, they stop making? I've always wanted to, because they sound cool in movies.

In the 1970s, everyone was on the Ludes in movies. That was like a big joke. They'd be like, what do you, like in Woody Allen movies, they'd be like, what do you like Ludes? Yeah. But they stopped making them, and apparently in South Africa they still have them. I should have found Ludes when I was there visiting my grandmother. Yeah.

I feel like I need to get back in bed. Really? Ludes filled with cat piss. So what are you going to do? I don't know. You're going to go back to the couch after your whole thing of actually getting in bed for the first time you're an adult? No, I got two sets of sheets.

It'll be fine. And the mattress protector. Oh my God. Dave, you're fabulous. That's insane to me. I don't care. She probably doesn't want us discussing it on the show, but I'm going to say it anyways. You know, Dasha bought a $17,000 mattress?

The Hastings? She bought some $17,000 mattress. Drake has one of those. Drake has the half a million dollar one. Well, she told me she bought it, and then it's also like, it's like a full-size bed. It's not a queen? No. She got like a twin bed, a $17,000 twin mattress, and then she told me she doesn't use a mattress

protector. Really? Yeah. I'm like, you're insane. So, she just smokes crack on a raw $17,000 mattress? Yeah. Oh, there you go. See, there's stuff coming out of there.

Dave, can we get close on the stuff coming out of my ear? What? It's white. Yeah. Isn't it supposed to be yellow? I think it's white if you have an infection. Really? Yeah.

Dave? White blood cells. Dave? Can you get one of those old school doctors that comes to you to arrive by the end of this episode? With the purse? Yeah, with the purse? For Nick?

The shiny thing on his head? Yeah, with the metal thing on his head? Yeah, get the guy from the Nick. This really hurts. Don't do it, dude. It's apparently not good. Why? Q-tipping?

I mean, it feels good, but then you push it more in. You know, it used to be my spa day. I was going to Urgent Care and asking them to put stools off in her in my ears. They'll just do that? Yeah. They'll fucking... Wow. They'll...

Because my ears... I guess I get ear allergies. I don't really get congested, but my ears fill up with wax. You can go and they lay on your side and they fill your ear with warm water and sometimes like a dish soap or something and stools off in her, and then they just sit in there for like 15 minutes in the dark, and then they come back out, and then they flush it out, and they use tweezers and something, and they'll pull like a fucking big tube of wax out of your ear.

Like a nugget. Like a big gold nugget. Right. And then I eat it. It's good for you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I'd like to eat it, please.

It's kind of like an alpha male. Did you text us? Huh? Dave? No, no, no. DM? Yeah, yeah. It's not Dave.

I thought Dave was going to say, Adam, your penis is out or something. I keep my penis tucked for the show, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Tucker Peniston. Tucker Peniston. That's the thing is like... I've probably said it before, but that's why he's probably so anti-trans because his name is Tucker.

Yeah. No, I asked, I did Lewis's show yesterday. The Real Last Podcast? Yeah. Did he name you Real Last Guy of the Week? No. No, I think I did pretty bad. I don't think I can riff anymore.

It's weird being on a show like that, which I haven't done in a while, where there's like a pressure to like, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Because we've done this thing, which is just so lazy and on drugs, that I... We're not on drugs. I don't know why people think we're on drugs. No, they're really going to think we're on drugs. Because we're defending it? Yeah.

We're... I'm not on drugs! Yeah, yeah. No, that's how you know someone's... I'm on a 24-hour Clariton D, though. The one you have to sign your name for, because you can make meth out of it. Walter White, so. You see a Jewish girl with big tits, you're like, there's a pair of Clariton double D's

over there. I like that. I like that. Yeah. See, now you're back. That was a riff. I guess. That was a good riff.

Oh, man, I could feel it. Yeah. There's a huge chunk in there. Let's see, Dave, does this pick up? If I put this in my ear, can you hear this? It's the ocean. Yeah. Gross.

Can you hear that? Yeah. Disgusting. Yeah. Okay, remember who signs your checks, okay? Show a little respect. Did you just lick your wax? I'm eating it.

No, you do it for real. I thought that was a bit. No. You don't have to demean yourself for the audience like that by eating. I mean, I guess it's like an Andrew Tate thing. Oh, it is. It's like a raw liver. Well, it's like eating your own boogers and wax.

Your boogers? Yeah. That's the new alpha thing? Is it eating boogers? Well, yeah. That's why girls are like, that's gross because it's irresistible to them. Oh, because it's like the pheromones or some shit. Oh, my God.

Yeah, there's a huge chunk in there. Nick, come here. Come on, man. I'm sorry. I got a big day for me today. It's going to be a really sad day. I'm watching the sports thing at three. Go ahead, eat it.

Try it. I'm not going to do this. Just try it. I just turned 36. Just try it. I'm telling me it's not good. Just do it. Just eat it.

No, don't put it. Just eat it, please. Please. Would you please just eat it, please? My ear really hurts. Will it make you feel better? Yes. I mean, it's not that much.

Yeah, just eat it. Nick, it's really fucking disgusting. Oh, look. We're not going to turn this into a whole thing. Either you can eat the ear wax or not. We can move on. It's fine. I'm not going to demand anything of you.

I'm not going to guilt trip you either. I feel like you already are. No, it's fine. It all feels like it's spreading. What is? Now you're picking your nose. But it's ear wax in there. It's not boogers.

It's fine. You get ear wax in your nose? It's the same tube. I'll do it if you want me to. I would like it if you ate the ear wax. Thank you. It would mean literally third grade. I'm literally getting paid a dollar to eat in the cafeteria.

It would mean a lot to me if you ate the ear wax. Please. You mean that? Please. Thank you. So you're going to the next game? I didn't eat it. That was a trick.

What am I doing with my life? I thought it was a serious talk show. This is the Retro Style podcast. Yeah, I know. It feels better. It feels a lot better. It takes all the pressure off. We just have a nice, easy podcast.

Talk about a plan. Easy podcast and then pour our souls into this. By the way, folks, we have a couple things. This weekend I'm going to be in Portland, Oregon, eating boogers and ear wax. A helium comedy club. Read my dates too. Thursday the, what is it? Let me see.

Thursday the... Twenty-six. Twenty-seventh tomorrow. Thursday the 27th till the 29th. I'll be at Helium Comedy Club. And also I will be, fuck. I was fucking this up. In San Jose, May 18th, 19th and 20th in Austin, Texas, June 1st, 2nd and 3rd.

And then Nick, we're going to go Moll.dog. Moll.dog slash live-dash shows. That's a really easy URL to remember. It is. Moll.dog, live shows. Nick will be May 12th through 13th at the Pittsburgh Improv Great Club. 19th in Charleston, South Kackalaka. And that's the big tour.

The arena. The Coliseum. You're playing arenas. Big J. O. Crescent. Well, I'm just coming with basically. You're like the roadie. Yeah, we're doing a blue collar comedy tour sort of thing. Oh, nice.

We all do sets. Then afterwards we go to Victoria's Secret in the mall. Really? Yeah. And then Larry the Cable Guy buys a fart machine at Spencer's and goes around pranking people who have no reaction to the fart machine whatsoever. Have you ever seen that? It's so funny.

Just him being like, oh, that thing. Look, imagine. I really want to watch it. He's going around and he's like pretending to fart. And people are just like, they have like 10 people and none of them react. And anyway, none of them are like gross. They're just staring at him. We'll watch videos later.

Dude, when you searched Larry the Cable Guy Fart, there was so much content on the internet. Yeah. From his album, the Jacksonville Fart Contest. Yeah. 1997. But I tell you what, I would trade it all to be that guy. I ain't done that. I ain't done that.

I'm just asking if it would be. I ain't done that. I'm just asking that. Sorry, Larry. It would be a Marmaduke art twat. Dude, his album is called Salutations and Flatulations. That's awesome. That's a really good name.

Salutations and ratuations. Walking farts? A lot of people have done that. I'm sorry, Larry. I'm sorry, Dan. Larry the Cable Guy Health Inspector Fart Scene. Larry the Cable Guy Salutations and Flatulations. How about Jared the Subway guy?

I graduated from the academy. I really want to get out in the field and prop- Jared the Subway guy. You ever fart so hard your back cracks? Oh, man, I got to get out of here good. Lord Jesus and Dale Earnhardt, Jr. I am a dad gone ticking time bomb. I can't see what's going on.

That was an entire scene of a movie. Larry the Cable Guy Health Inspector. How about Jared the Subway guy? He's like, you ever eat a sandwich? Yeah. You ever have a sandwich before? Yeah. You ever have some money sandwiches that you plug in your pants and get bigger?

Get her child. Get her underage. Get her sweet onion chicken or terrochie. Get her $5.00. Get her vegetable light. Jared the Subway guy. That's really good. My ear just keeps hurting more and more.

How are we going to get your mind off it? I thought if I ate your... No, it's all right. We'll just keep doing this. I'll go to urgent care after I get my ear spa treatment done. Oh, my God. It'll be amazing. You know what you should do?

You should bring her up. I really shouldn't have stuck my finger in there. I knew this would happen. I told you. But you didn't tell me before I did it. Oh, it's so itchy. What will be good is if you go to urgent care and they're doing the... Continue.

I'm listening. I have the other ear. I can hear you. Okay. Yeah, you bring your own cucumbers. To go to urgent care? Yeah, you put them over your eyes while they're flushing your ears out. Oh, okay.

I thought you meant like an entire cucumber. Like it's a day at the spa. Yeah. I thought you meant an entire cucumber. You do it. No, you put on like a cream face mask. You put the earwax on a cucumber and then... No, that's disgusting.

They pull it out of my ear. I'm like, do you have any rosemary and olive oil triscuits? No one would eat cucumber. What do you mean no one would eat cucumber? I mean an earwax. Why? Because it's nasty to do that. Yeah.

I can't believe I did that. So, chat GPT is in the news. It's really blowing up. Yeah, so people think that 50% of jobs are going to be eliminated because of this. I don't buy it. I don't think... I think people are going to reject this thing. I think people are going to rise up and they're going to reject this thing.

I think they're going to say no more. People are going to say we've had enough. Yeah. And they're going to say we had enough. We've had enough and they're going to say no more. Yeah. No more. That's the bottom line.

I actually have a confession to make. Yeah. I know I talk about my girlfriend a lot on the show but I've been dating chat GPT. Yeah. Isn't chat GPT a guy? No, it's a chick. Oh, is it? It's like Siri?

Well, recently I found out last night she was cheating on me. What's the deal with Richard Millhouse Nixon? Simpsons. Right. That's always seemed weird to me. Yeah. Was this guy... If you told me that there was never a president and they made him up for the Simpsons.

I believe it. Sorry. It does hurt a lot. So recently I found out that... She's cheating on you. She's cheating on me. With who? With a black guy named Chad GPT.

With Ask Jeeves. With Ask Jeeves, a British interloper. British interloper. Yeah. Ask Jeeves was the original Chad GPT guy. Yeah. Yeah. A British guy who would answer all of your questions.

Only Jeeves. Yeah. This podcast has become body horror. It's like David Cronenberg podcast. My head feels like it's swelling right now. I just kind of want to get back to the Mario and Luigi thing. That was my big... So, what was it that...

No one accuses Luigi of copying Mario. Well, they have the same outfit, just a different color. I know, but no one ever points that out. They have the first letter on their name on their hat. Nobody's like, this guy's just ripping off Mario. Well, I would assume that they're brothers. Okay. Wario.

What? Wario. Cousin. They're not cousins. How do you know? There's just... There's the only other guys that live in that town of mushroom people. Are there other guys in that...

In that world? No. The women are all normal people. Hot chicks. Yeah. Princesses. The men are all... Yeah, but the women are all like cheating and then acting like accusing Bowser of kidnapping

and raping them, but clearly just getting piped down by Bowser. I was like, why didn't you recall the police? And she's like, I don't want to cause any trouble. They would make me... My entire sexual history would become a matter of public record. Yeah. Oh, is that what you heard on Murder, she wrote? Yeah.

That's not the way the real world works. Clearly, she was just going to Bowser's fucking spooky castle. Yeah. And just getting absolutely rammed out. Yeah. When was the last time you had string cheese? This weekend. Really?

Yeah. And I hadn't had it in a couple years. Have you ever seen somebody, and no one's ever talked about this on a podcast before, bite the whole thing? It pissed me off. It's infuriating. Yeah. It's really fucked up.

It's disgusting. You gotta eat it like earwax. Pull off this. But you know what? I don't buy that. I think it's for attention. What? Like the kind of people that say, oh, actually opening the banana from the top.

Oh, look at me, everyone. Me, everyone. I'm the cheese bastard. Yeah, yeah. I don't play by your fucking rule. I'm the joker. I just eat cheese. What was that you said about bananas?

It's like people that open a banana from the top. You know the people that are like actually the right way to open a banana is from the bottom? No. How can you even do that? I don't know. The apes do it, apparently. No, they don't.

If you watch the apes, and nobody fact-checked me on this. But the first time I saw a monkey eat a banana, I was so excited. I'm like, oh, we're watching history in the making. They don't peel it. They just fucking squeeze it like a toothpaste tube. And then they just lick where the banana has come out of the tube. They really are stupid. Yeah.

Yeah. Dude, I don't like to be racist to other people, but I'm racist to pretty much every animal. Yeah. Not all of them. Some of them are cool. No. We are the sickest ones. Yeah.

We're so sick. And this is going to be an extremely racist thing to say. No. Dude, I am... People talk about racism towards other people in your race, but what about... Do you think? The human race. So, well, you know how octopus is...

What other race is good? Octopus is of their own type of intelligence. Right. That's what they say. But they're down there being nasty, not having bones. No. They're just collecting stuff. Fucking...

Oh, what's that? A Funko Pop? Yeah. Yeah. They just love getting things and bringing it to their beak. But yeah, their whole body is a brain. The whole thing is... There's no, I guess, central nervous system.

But they are smart. They can, like, climb on boats and go into where they keep the crabs. Yeah, they're super intelligent. They have feelings and stuff, they say. But we don't understand it. Their intelligence evolves so separately from ours that it's like a different kind of intelligence. Mm-hmm. Now, the racist part.

No. Okay. My... I know this guy's French. Yeah. And... One of the dumbest animals a lot. No, but he's human race.

I bang with him. Oh, really? Because he's human. Oh, okay. Yeah. My new thing is that I'm a human supremacist. Why are they all burning down Paris right now? Because they have to, like, work one more hour a week or so.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They raise... They love protests there. Yeah. Yeah. When I was there, they were having the... Yeah. How about...

Why didn't you protest the Nazis? Yeah, they... That's the one time. Oh, well... That's the one time they didn't. And this time, Paris isn't burning. Yeah. Maybe this...

It's the one time they weren't, like, Liberté fraternité. Right. And finally, people gayer than us. Finally, they are gayer people in France. Just... Nazis coming through. We've... We won.

They thought they won. We won the world. The one concession where we will give up all the land and not be the gayest people in Europe. The gayest... But he... He, like... I guess his parents have, like, a vacation house, like, by the... Whatever, Mediterranean or something.

And he invited some of... Some other folks there, and he's like... He was telling them this story, like, he's like, every morning, I go out with a harpoon and I hunt octopus. And then we have fresh octopus for dinner. And so they're like, we're on a boat, and he, like, dove. He, like, had a harpoon. He just comes back and there's an octopus wrapped around his head.

He's like, help me! The octopus has gotten me! He shot at me. Apparently, he shot at me. The octopus is having his way with my skull. Apparently, he shot the octopus. And then he, like, resurfaces out of the water. And he's like, guys, I am a liar.

I have never done this before. I am a liar. He's, like, crying. And then he has this, like... He just rides away on a unicycle. So, like, because of, like, their brain is, like, all over something, it takes forever to kill them. So he has this, like, octopus on a harpoon.

And then, like, he's like, these four lads... Where the hell are my Funko Pops? Yeah. Apparently, they were just like... This French bastard hit me away from... He had to, like, beat the octopus against a rock because it, like, wouldn't die. And they were like, this is the...

It was like, like, they committed murder. It was, like, the most brutal thing they'd ever done. But, like, at that point, they wanted to take it out of the tree. Well, that's how I felt when I came in here, and there's baby mice attached to a fucking glue trap. And I text you about it, and you're like, just throw it in the garbage. Yeah, he's an asshole.

I mean, not that... There's no comparison. All right, let's reopen the mouse issue. Oh, well, I'm not that mean. The Holocaust. You were gonna go Holocaust. Yes. Yeah, okay.

Okay. Nice move. Even the Nazis were like, let's figure out the most efficient and fastest way to do this. Yeah. Okay. Let's just put glue traps down in Poland. Yeah, because you can't...

Oh, God! Oh, my God. The bank's only gonna be open for another two hours. Shut up. Okay. This is very funny. This is horrible. Somebody help.

This is horrible. I'm ripping my skin off. This is horrible. Oh, my God. Oh, God. It's so funny. And then his wife's like, Mort, just let go of your wallet.

I've always thought about who the free... The joke being, he would be free at least. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was stuck. I'm trapped. Mort, just... Your entire body is free. Mort, just let go of the wallet.

No! It's very funny. It's anti-Semitic. I've always thought about who the first guy was to die in the Holocaust. Like the guy that was waiting in line for the train and just be like, hey, how long is this? Yeah. Well, that's how I feel.

I probably brought it up before, but remember how when the vaccines came out? Yeah. And they had the vaccine cards, and then people started faking the vaccine cards. There were like two or three people that got arrested for using fake vaccine cards, and they had to have thought they were like,

we're all in this together. I'm the first martyr, but they can't stop thousands of us. Like the, I'm Spartacus, and then no one else sees us. And then no one else sees that. Yeah, and they're just the only morons that fucking made it out of crayon.

Exactly. You know, like the, yeah. Here's my vaccine card. Fuck you. You gotta feel like the dumbest motherfucker in the world. Yeah. Those cards had to have been so sloppy. Yeah, really bad.

They had to have been really bad. Misspelled. Misspelled his own name. Yeah. It just says Dr. Fauci on the top. prescription from Dr. Fauci, one vaccine for the fake virus. And they're handing that over at the airport.

One ticket to Disneyland. One ticket to Guantanamo. More like it, huh? Yeah. What happened to Gitmo? They still got boys down there? Yeah. They're still dressing them up like witches

and making wear the dunce cap. I think that was at Abu Ghirab. Abu Ghirab. Abu Ghirab. Root of them to name it. Give it. I think we talked about this on the show before. Who cares?

Well, not Root. It's just very funny to open up a CIA black site torture prison and then be like, let's call this the Ronald Reagan CIA. They're like, well, it's disrespect for the local culture. We're going to keep the name. Yeah. Don't want to erase anybody's culture.

Come on. When we're in here. Torturing. Fucking putting a car battery on someone's ass. I remember as early, like, because, you know, we were kids when those pictures came out. But I remember there was a girl soldier that had like a cigarette in her mouth and she was, like,

pointing at a guy's dick. Yeah. What's her name? And I was like, oh, I didn't know. Lindy West. Yeah. I didn't know girls were mean also. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, they're probably the worst. Yeah. I didn't know girl soldiers also do the torture. Now I have to pee also. How far are we into this crap? We're like 11 minutes in, dude. We're good.

We're good. We're good. We're doing fine. I can hold it for another. You don't need to respond to Ian. There's no way it's urgent. Hey, dude, just thinking about you. Yeah.

He said, dude, I'm literally on the train crying and remembering when you called me Chuck E. Cheese Man. Literally, that's always it. You'll never get an urgent text from Ian. It's kind of nice. That was a nice text. Yeah. It was funny when I said that.

Yeah. Yeah. Ian lives in a perpetual state of emergency. Yeah. So. What do you think his brain is like? Every time, the whole text of it too, I am like, just having a cheese wheel wish you were here with me.

Is his brain like? I'm having a couple of baby bells and I thought it would be great if you could peel the wax off one of them. His brain is probably like a toon town from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Yeah. But then there's like.

As opposed to toon town from what? Star Wars? Adam? As opposed to. No, that's actually called the cantina. As opposed to a different. On shot first. As opposed to a different toon town.

Was that supposed to be like a racist pun? What, toon town? Yeah. 100%. Yeah. Well, the movie. Where the blacks live. Well, the Chinese.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit is this China town? Yeah. It's a new war. Yeah. We've discussed those like great lines. But it is China town. It is. The plot of the movie is China town.

Yeah. Yeah. You hear they're rebooting it. But they're making Jessica Rabbit less sexy. Oh, really? No. Lizzo is playing Jessica Rabbit. She's just completely naked.

The entire movie. She never has anything. And all the cartoons are like. She's wearing crocs. Hummin' it. Hummin' it. And then the rest. It's a helmet with a tiny dress.

It's painted on the front. Lizzo looks stunning in the new Roger Rabbit movie. Lizzo stuns. Stuns. As Jessica Rabbit. Come on, Roger. I love that movie. So good.

I recently rewatched the Wallace and Gromit. At least the first two. You love Wallace and Gromit. I love Wallace and Gromit. It's so funny. Yeah, it is. It's really fucking funny. You like it because he's such a loser?

Is that right? Well, it's funny. It is funny. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of really funny stuff in there. Yeah. Like when Gromit's sitting down.

Let's recap. Wallace and Gromit. When Gromit is sitting down. He's reading a newspaper. Or maybe he's going to the mail. I think it's the one where it's his birthday. And he's going to the mail. And then a buzzer goes off.

Like ant, ant, ant. You know, a light on the wall. Right? It's to imply that Wallace is ready for breakfast. And then it cuts to Wallace in bed. And you know, there's a buzzer going off. So you would think that he hit a button that made the buzzer go off. But then when you see Wallace in bed and he's just pressing the button.

Like he's keeping the tempo of the, so he's just annoying. He's annoying. He's annoying. It would already be annoying if he just hit a service button and a buzzer went off. But then he's fucking pressing it over. That just makes me fucking hell. You like it that the dog has the power? The dog doesn't really have the power.

The line is he goes, it's your turn for breakfast today, Gromit. Because they're poor. Implying that they take turns fucking pulling a lever that puts his clothes on for him. And seats him at the, you know, the breakfast table. Yeah, that was very funny. Yeah. That was good. Yeah, he's just the laziest guy in the world.

Where'd you get that lucky strike hat? Somebody brought it to a show. And also I'm devastated. But I was at the Milwaukee Improv this weekend. It was a lot of fun. Very nice people. Very nice people in Milwaukee. When I was in Milwaukee, I remember the crowd was really nice.

Yeah, very nice people. And some guy brought me a coal miner's wife hat, which I had that you shit on. I didn't shit. I vomited on it. You threw up all over and I lost that hat. And he heard that and he brought me the hat. And I was like, oh my God, that's so sweet. Thank you.

And then I went into the office to settle up with the manager and I left it on there. I fucking forgot it on there. Like a coffee table. So I lost that hat. I lost my hat last weekend. I was on the road too. I lost my Yankee fitted. Yeah.

Somebody brought me this. I got to get a freshie. You got this lucky strike bucket hat. Sick dude. Sigs. Yeah. Nice size. I wear literally any clothes anybody brings me out wear.

Yeah. Yeah. If I don't forget them at the club. That Bart Simpson, the black Bart sir they have. Yeah. Some girl in Chicago just brought that to the show. Yeah. I remember seeing you wear it for the first time.

I'm like, that's peculiar that Nick. Yeah. It's one of four of five shirts I own. I think you have four shirts. Yeah. Four shirts. Yeah. The Gion Famous Foods.

Yeah. Which I'm wearing right now. It's torn. It's torn. It's full of holes. You have that. I have this one. You have a comedy knockout.

To cut another free item. Another free shirt. From a true TV show that you wrote on. People used to make fun of me at work for wearing the shirt. Really? They're like you're wearing the band t-shirt to the concert. Yeah. I'm wearing the band t-shirt.

But it's like, yeah. I'm wearing the free clothes. I'm eating all the fucking goddamn candy in the break room. I'm doing zero work. It's like, look, you guys don't hire black people here. So I'm going to be a black guy at the show. All right. If somebody has to be.

I don't know if that's true. I think it's an attempt at making a muck point. That's the best. Is that form of. Oh yeah. No. The funniest character. That's the best.

The best character of all is somebody that's trying to do the right thing and they end up making everything worse. Dole's all. What's that? Dole's all. Yes. She is, it was the perfect role and she wasn't trying to troll. She was also like, she was working for the NAACP.

She was trying to like help people. Yeah. I mean, honestly, it's like the ultimate move for her. If, you know, if you know, she can't sell the calendars anymore and the hair braiding business dries up is to get some, to do 60 minutes interview. Actually, I'm Chinese. Actually. She transitions.

I thought I was black, but it turns out I'm Chinese. That's the move. Yeah. Or Italian. Honestly, that would be the best. She probably is. Just her on 60 minutes. She's got an accordion, a little monkey on her shoulder.

She's like, I figured out who I was the whole time. I'm so sorry to the blacks. Yeah. I was confused. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we've said it before, but the best thing about that troll, the best troll is something that pisses off both sides.

I'm reusing the joke, but I called a lady, Rachel Dolizania on Twitter one time because it was an Italian lady. That's good. Yeah. Describing herself as POC. That's good. Yeah. Dolizania.

Rachel Dolizania. That's pretty good. And she was very mad. And she had mutual friends. I heard about it. Yeah. Through mutual friends. She used to be really, like, used to really be good at driving women insane.

Now I'm good at nothing. No, no. That's too many ear infections. When that was your focus. Too many ear infections. When you were going at fucking, not that Sadie, with the Dr. Evil meme. Oh, I didn't think it was going to be that big of a deal. That was one of the funniest things of all time.

Just a picture of Dr. Evil and said, right. Right. Just like 24 hours. Just continuously posting and talking to people. Right. Right. Yeah. Dude, that is, you know, it's nice to look back and just be like, those were good days.

Yeah. What are you having for lunch after this? What are you thinking? I don't know. Brian's going to come by and then we're going to go watch RSL. That's fun. How's Brian doing? He's good.

He just got back from Europe. He's going to come by here. Oh, good. You'll see him. Yeah. Well, I might have to run over to Urgent Care pretty quick. Oh, Brian and I can go with you. All right.

He can DJ. You guys can carry me in. Dude, he told me the fuck. And they're like, what's wrong with them? His ear hurts. He told me the funniest thing when I was like, because he's DJs. Yeah. So I was like, yeah, I feel like sometimes you go to a club, like the Saturday late show,

you know, it gets unruly. And then you're like, am I just like an activity? Like, are they choosing between this and mini golf? And I'm telling myself it's art. Yes. Am I just like entertaining drunk people? Yes. And then he goes, well, he's like, well, I'm playing the soundtrack for drug overdoses

and sexual assault. So, yeah, I guess it's probably not as bad as that's not a very high bar to set though. He's being community placing comedian higher than DJ, which is quite what I'm saying is like, oh, at the end of the day, are we just entertaining drunk people? He's like, well, what he's doing, there's even worse stuff. I mean, I guess no one's getting finger popped at it. Yeah. I got to figure out.

On a Saturday late show. It really takes effort to go find something fun to do during the day after, especially if you do Friday, Saturday shows. Because Friday, you travel in and like, I don't know about you, but I spend the entire day thinking about it. I'm not necessarily worried about the show, but thinking about it. I don't want to do this. I hope it goes well.

And then you're out late Friday and then you wake up, what, fucking 11 a.m. Saturday? Yeah. And it's like, okay, well, I have to start worrying about the show in two hours to go find something to do. Yeah. And then you walk around some random city. And then, yeah, very something. Honestly, I had my weekend nearly ruined in Milwaukee because I went to a restaurant.

I don't know, I'm just guessing what's about that. Well, there was a 45 minute wait. What? You're more Jewish than I am. You're literally more Jewish than I am. That's the most hurtful thing you've ever said. I wasn't trying to hurt you. And to do it on the show.

You get mad at customer service. You hate waiting. I don't get mad at customer service. I just say, well, I'll take my business. The Keurig machine. The Keurig machine. I have not spoken to customer service. The Keurig machine that we bought for $40 at Costco.

You've made Dave go through a two month customer return policy with the corporate headquarters of Keurig. Only one of us remembers the price. How much was it? You. You just said it. I guessed $40. How much?

200 bucks. It wasn't 200 bucks. A Keurig? For a Keurig, it's not even good coffee. Yeah, a Keurig is really the Dyson of coffee makers. It's crap. Yeah. No, Dyson is like tech.

Dyson sucks, dude. I got the V10 Dyson years ago because I was like, I'm going to get really into cleaning. Was that the stick? It's the stick. The stick is nice. They immediately, this thing was a piece of shit. Really? Yeah.

The fucking bin just breaks right away. So it doesn't stay on. You take it off. The whole thing falls into the fucking garbage. Then the grommet on the... I've had it five years, so it's out of warranty. The grommet on the back of the thing, that ripped off. So I had to replace the canister and the actual vacuum. Just get it at Costco and then return it, dude.

Yeah. Get it at Costco. Now I know. But what I found out was, you can just go to Dyson's website and the actual vacuum body, it was like 70 bucks, and then the canister was like, I paid $100 for the canister and the vacuum body. I think, I didn't have to price it out, but you could just go order replacement parts from Dyson and save like $200 on the actual vacuum.

On what, the retail? You can build it yourself just buying replacement parts. And it's not even building. It's just putting two things together. Yeah. You can put the screws in. It's easy. I was shocked.

And welcome back to Nick's Deal Quarter. You're obsessed with the Holocaust, much like we are. That's it? That's all you got? No. I'm building a case. That I saved money on a vacuum. You've saved money on a vacuum.

And I'm obsessed with the Holocaust. Yeah. We're obsessed with the Holocaust, too. I don't have fucking allergies. Yes, you do. You have ear allergies right now. Yes, but not. You didn't take a Claritin D like I did.

Claritin, how about a Claritin double? Oh, right. Yeah, nice. This has been a fun one for me. I don't know about the audience. I'm having fun. I'm having a good one. Yeah.

The audience loves it. I can imagine right now. Yeah. Yeah. Why do they spend all this money on a chat? The audience loves everything that we do. That's my perception of things. Is that they think, wow, you really hit it out of the park with this one again, guys.

Yeah. In my mind, that's every comment. Dude, the comments are so nice. They are nice. The comments, they really keep us going. Uh-huh. Yeah. We love them.

Definitely love the feedback. The feedback is keep it coming. Yeah. The only bad feedback around here is when the microphone gets too close to the speaker. That's the only kind of bad feedback we got. That's nice. Yeah. At the Adam Friedman show.

Yeah. I got four boxes of peanut butter puffins off the internet. I love. That's my favorite cereal. It's everyone's favorite cereal. Okay. Don't try to personalize that. As you go to a grocery store, it's always sold out.

Yeah. So I love it too. Yeah. We all love it. Okay. Everyone loves it. Don't turn this into a Christopher Nolan Batman thing. What?

Remember that? Yeah, I remember that. In 2010, people would be like, I actually really love the Christopher Nolan Batman. Yeah. The Dark Knight is actually a great film. Oh, really? You like that? Yeah.

That's, wow. That's, I've never heard anyone say that they like that movie before. So you're being what? Like a hipster right now? I'm not being a hipster. You are being a hipster. No, they're being hipsters. You're being a hipster.

No. No, no, no, no. It's like me saying I love Christmas and you're being like, everyone loves Christmas. Everyone loves Christmas. You can't say you love Christmas. Everyone loves Christmas. Yeah, Christmas is a great thing that everyone loves. No, it would be like saying Die Hard is my favorite Christmas movie.

Yeah, that was the one. Yeah. Sir, this is a Wendy's. Sir, this is a Wendy's. Yeah. I'm going to get back on. You've got to take your Twitter back from Kyla. I'm going to get really into Sir, this is a Wendy's.

You've got to be doing ad replies. Yeah. You've got to really bring back. I'm going to open the account Wendy's dog and then I'm just going to bark in people's mentions whenever they say something. Woof, woof. Where you would say. I think people speculated that the racism dog.

Was me. No, was that, do you remember there was that like leftist account that was like, I'm queer or something and it turned out that they were trying to get like nudes from like underage girls or something. Bernie Sanders? No, not, come on, don't. I'd love, I'd really love to see a pussy. Bernie Sanders in hot water this week after DM's leak.

Really so funny. Yeah, he sent self-facing videos. He has to be the least romantic guy on earth. Yeah. Yeah. I can't imagine him like trying to like lay some, spit some game. A picture of him in winter sitting and he's wearing two eight year olds on his hands instead of mittens.

Yeah. His hands are in their hands. Yeah, in them. Yeah. I call these Vermont mittens. You got a mittens? We have a Vermont. There's me while I'm done.

Made in the USA Union. Talks like Yogi Berra. Yogi Berra? Yeah. We should go to Yankees games this season. No, I think I was just good at saying things. Yogi Berra? Yeah.

What were his sayings? I don't know, they used to be like books of him. He said he would say all this stuff. Let's see if they were actually good. The famous one is nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded. I thought please take my wife. Take my wife please.

No, that's Benny Johnson. Benny Johnson. Yeah. Okay. Yogi Berra. And he was the catcher? He was the mascot for the New York Jews. Back when that was the name of the team.

Did you catch the Jews game today? He was a bear covered in glue traps. Let's see. A brainy quote. If you don't know where you're going, you might wind up someplace else. That's kind of like what jokes used to be. Yeah, very dry. That's not bad, I guess.

Now we do wet jokes on the Adam Freedling show. Yeah, we do fucking. This is some wet ass comedy. Ripping jokes. In theory, there's no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is. That's just schizophrenic. That's just, that doesn't make any sense.

Yeah. This guy just existed before they had fucking antipsychotics. It ain't the heat, it's the humility. Yeah. So, he meant to say humidity. The famous is the Oscar Gamble. They don't think it'd be like it is, but it do. Remember that one?

Say it again? The Oscar Gamble, they don't think it'd be like it is, but it do. What did it do? They don't think it, damn, now I'm getting really dizzy. You're going to be all right, dude. I'll be fine, I know. I just need to get my ears lubed. Maybe I'm a robot, dude.

You're not, dude. You're an organic vessel that's falling apart. I hate that. Baseball isn't 90% mental, the other half is physical. That's funny because it's more than 100%. Yeah. When you come to a fork in the road, take it. Sweet, dude.

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six. That's kind of funny. That's like a fat guy, fat guy. When I worked at both Domino's and Papa John's, I loved cutting the pizza. You loved it. Yeah. Did you try to get them as even as possible?

Yes. Yeah. And you get real fast at it. How close did you get? Almost perfect every time. Almost perfect every time. Yeah, it is really sad. As shitty as that job is, it's really satisfying when you make a perfect pizza.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is required for it to be perfect? No bubbles. It's even, even crust. It looks good. Yeah.

Yeah. How does that, you get the dough? I told you that story about the manager, that guy who burned down his apartment complex because he fell asleep playing PlayStation last night. I think you did. Yeah. And then called me and the only other driver three hours after he was supposed to open to let us know that he saved his PlayStation.

But that guy, really funny, a fat, fat skateboard shoe guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would wear his pants and tuck his shirt in, but then the pants would sag them. Dickies? Dickies? I think like these, like whatever. But you know, especially if you work inside at a pizza restaurant, I think like a lot of the guys, nobody, you just have your clothes for work.

So they're just disgusting. You know, washing like once a week, but they're covered in sauce. Same shirt every day. Yeah, starting at the beginning of the day. Yeah. And so yeah, this guy was always just like kind of disgusting. But you watch that guy toss out a piece of dough and it was like, I mean, it was like watching fucking ballet.

Yeah. It was insane. Wait, so you could spin? Can you spin? I can spin it, but you know, just briefly. This guy, I swear to God, I don't know, I still don't understand the physics of it. He was talking, he's like, oh yeah, we're going to need you to come in and then he spins the pizza, right, and it's spinning.

And then as it's spinning, he takes his finger away and like doggy paddles one edge. And then like comes back. Yeah, it comes back to the center. Yeah. And but while talking to me about some other unrelated thing, he spins it, he would do like a little twirl. He would like twirl under the pizza also. He was very graceful.

When he only in the context of making pizza, he had these moments of like just pure beauty. He's done his 10,000 hours. Well, literally everything is art, I guess. You can find transcendence in anything. We live in a beautiful world. Yeah. We do live in a beautiful world. You just need to know where to go.

You just need to look. He was very humans of New York. Yeah. Yeah. You remember that? Yeah. Yeah. That was the biggest thing in the world for a while.

They loved it. Just a guy going up to retarded people being like, so, well, you're retarded and you live in New York. And they're like, yep, my parents left me on the steps of a church. No one wants me. Now I eat rats out of the garbage can outside of McDonald's. And then post to Instagram. And they say, you are beautiful.

Yeah. People would comment. Yeah, right. You are beautiful. You're not a freak that we're gawking at. Please do come to Mumbai, sweetie girl. Yeah. Please let me kiss your homeless body.

Let me kiss you. Please, sweetie girl. Let me have so much sex with your body. Everyone's a target, right? Yeah, yeah. Everyone's a fucking target. I'll tell you, the target was not a target. More is a target in San Francisco.

You, for the last monologue, Nick, maybe sit there for 40 minutes while he was trying to figure out a joke about how all the items in the San Francisco target are under lock and a key. Yeah. And we got nothing on that one. Well, I see it. Lock and key, Hobbs and Shaw. Is that a San Francisco reference?

No, but lock and key, Hobbs and Shaw. Fast and Furious. Sherlock and Watson. Mm-hmm. That's maybe it's under Sherlock and key and key. Rosolian Isles. I have to say, if you really wanted black people to stop stealing those items instead of lock and key, you should be putting it under key and peel.

Mm-hmm. And then they'll respect it. That's pretty good. Yeah, you know. I don't think that's not bad. Lock and lock and... Pop and lock? Pop and lock.

Why are they putting it under lock and key and not pop and lock? Yeah. If it was dancing. What if it was dancing? Try to steal a razor that's dancing all over the place. Our brains are decaying rapidly. Yeah, I think this ear infection has gone to my fucking brain. Let's go to the fucking doctor right now.

No, we still got Dave. We still have what? Another four and a half hours? Yeah, five. Five hours? Five hours. Five minutes? Five minutes.

You know what, guys? No, no, no. No, you got to go to the doctor. I will, but there's one more topic we have to discuss. What if you pass out on this next five minutes? I'm not going to pass out. Trust me, dude. You don't seem like you're doing well.

I'm fine. Trust me. Trust me. We got another, the biggest story this week is coming to you live from yahoo.com. YahooNews.com, latest news and headlines. Three TSA agents hurt after unprovoked attack. The agency said three officers injured in an unprovoked and brazen physical attack by a passenger during a security screening at Phoenix's airport. Phoenix was one of the worst airports in the country.

Is it? Yeah, I'd say so. Salt Lake City, terrible airport. Three trans TSAs were hurt Tuesday in an unprovoked attack by a passenger at a security checkpoint. I saw an unprovoked brave physical attack in an unprovoked attack by a passenger at Phoenix's airport. Nineteen year old woman was arrested in a book about that incident. Three trans TSAs were injured in an unprovoked attack by a passenger at Phoenix's airport. Oh, there's no details.

Okay. So some lady beat them up. Damn. What's the big story? I'm just reading Yogi Berra's quotes. There's some really good ones. Oh, this one's good. It's like deja vu all over again.

Woman sneaks into Columbia University's surf and turf event, reflects on the institution's hypocrisy and treatment of low-income students. I wish I had Cooney, I wish Cooney, Cooney had Columbia money. So she didn't even go there? Yeah, she snuck in. Did she get surf and turf? What is the spread like? Do they talk about it? But started off as a harmless ruse, soon turned into an eye-opening look into the hypocrisy of this whole place.

Yo, you know, I had an idea, Nick. Damn, look at all that fucking shrimp. Damn. No, you missed. Look at that. Wow. That is a good spread. That's amazing.

That is a great spread. Dude, we should go to Columbia. We gotta go to Columbia. Just for the shrimp. You know what I was thinking, a lot of late night shows have a band? You know what we should have? A gun. Yes, but instead of a band, we should have a spin art.

A guy with a chef's hat, prime rib carving station. Yeah, or just a Benihana chef. We'll be back in a moment with Melissa Joan Hart. Go wide. Yeah, if we had a hibachi. Yeah, just a guy tossing shrimp all over the fucking room. That would be great. That would be awesome.

Throw it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. When I was a kid, I thought that was the coolest thing. Is there a Benihana in New York? Do you want to go to that? There probably is. In Queens, Queens has everything.

Yeah. We're going to look it up. Peans. Peans. They said Queens. I said sign me up. And then they said Peans. And I said even better.

Dude, West 56th Street. Dude, there's a Benihana's. They got their place Benihana. I've been there and he had a bad day and fucking threw the shrimp in my ass. Yeah. I bet he had a bad day fucking threw the shrimp in my ass. That's good. Larry would say that.

Yeah. I love Larry the Cable Guy puns. Because when you barely pronounce it, it's like how Eminem rhymes. You just turn anything into a pun. Don't bring Eminem into this thing. Why? Because he's operating on a higher... He's not like Larry the Cable Guy.

Marshall the Black Guy? Marshall the... Yeah. The Black Guy. Yeah. We have Eminem coming on the show. We should retract that. Yeah.

I don't want to take shots at celebrities anymore. Yeah. Except for Alec Baldwin. We're not taking shots. We said that Alec Baldwin did premeditated murder in the last episode. By the way, folks, subscribe to our YouTube channel, youtube.com slash taffs. T-A-F-S. And we have a new episode with Andrew Ray from Binging with Babish.

That's... People are calling... People are calling good. I'm going to take these home with me. Why? Because I'm worried someone's going to steal them. I know. They do come off easy.

Yeah. No, but these aren't. I'm just not strong enough. Can they go to the doctor? Hello, boys. Dude, what if? Yeah. Welcome to Delta Airlines.

If you see... Welcome to Delta Airlines. Please don't speak Arabic in the bathroom. Wow. This is a non-smoking flight. Hello, nurse. You ever been with a chick with pointies like that? Like this.

Oh, my God. I can't even pay attention. Eyes up here, right? Yeah. Oh, your tits fell. I don't know. Anyway, Nick, go to the doctor. I'll go to the doctor.

Don't worry about me. Don't worry about me, playboyer. Guys, it's been another great episode. I'm in Portland this weekend. Nicholas is going to the doctor. Thanks for joining us. I'm going to Pittsburgh Improv. Pittsburgh Improv.

Please come to Portland this weekend. If you don't live in Portland, get a flight and buy a ticket to the show. Maybe buy an extra ticket. I'm a sleepy boy today. No, we had a fun one. No, definitely. I had fun. Thanks a lot, guys.

I always have fun on the Adam Freeland show. Me too, brother. Retro style podcast. And Dave.