The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Retro Style Podcast – Episode 7

Episode Date: May 11, 2023

/// ***NICK WILL BE AT PITTSBURGH IMPROV in Pittsburgh, PA THIS FRIDAY & SATURDAY*** ***ADAM WILL BE AT SAN JOSE IMPROV in San Jose, CA 5/18-5/20*** mull.dog/live-shows adamfriedland.com/tour

Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show, the podcast, it's the Wednesday episode Free to the Public. I'm joined now by Nick Mullen. How are you? I'm all right. What's going on these days? We have a lot of news to go through. I'm thinking about a different time in your life in this country, in this borough even, in this city. I think I'm thinking of the same time. It was a time before the election of he who shall not be named. I call him the N-word Donald Trump. I realized after the fact that I should make it clear who I was talking about. I forgot that it would be bad if you could get yourself in hot water. But to me, I've never used the N-word in my life and I never would. I can't understand. You

said you call him the N-word. Oh, the terrible N-word. But a type of person that ceased to exist and just became, for lack of a better word, a political activist. I was thinking about, remember the people that were, they're like, my whole thing is I live in the 1800s, so me and my fat girlfriend, we have a phone with a crank on it. Typewriter kind of people. What happened to all that shit? Where? You just have that in your apartment? Now you have it in your apartment? Yeah. You got the MacBook back, you're tweeting all day long. 2006 Williamsburg vibes. Yeah. And then there's a closet somewhere with shoes you whittled yourself. Yeah, flapper kind of shit. Out of pressure-treated wood from

Home Depot. What happened to those people? I don't know. I think they moved upstate. Well, two, one of them fired the other one and the other one became, he started a podcast and started the other half of the politics era of hipsterdom that eventually- You're talking about Call Her Daddy? Yes. Gavin McInnis. Yeah, I watched a documentary on the plane that they made about that era of New York called Meet Me in the Bathroom. It was about the Strokes LCD sound system, all that. And I realized while I watched it that the only good band was the Strokes. I listened to LCD sound system and I think

they should call this HIV sound system. Yeah, it's pretty bad. It's bad. It's bad. They were telling the story, so he's like a nerd. He also seems like he takes himself too seriously. He takes himself so seriously and then he takes ecstasy at like 45 years old. And he's like, now I understand the rhythms of dance. And he makes this song, I forget what the name of the fucking song is, and he shows it to the other guy from his label and the other guy from the label says, if you release this song, I will quit. And it's like all the lyrics are like, you know, it's just like hipster. It's like, I like the earlier album

or something. And he's like saying it just completely unironically. The other guy says, if you release this, I'm done. And they have a Chinese lady also. They added the Chinese lady after that guy quit. Yeah. The Chinese lady seems cool. Yeah, she seems cool. We should get her on the show. We should get her. We need a female guest. So Chinese lady, LCD sound system, please come on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Chinese ladies. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome. What was this? Oh, am I losing my edge? Was the name of the song? Yeah. And it's about

how like am I not hip? Did I shit in my pants? Did I shit in my pants with a better song? My pants are filled with shit. Yeah. And I'm I've shitted my pants. But yeah, so then I'm not cool anymore. Yeah. Yeah, because it's it's almost that was a more honest era. It kind of because all those people are the same. They didn't die. That era was all white. Yes. It was it was shockingly all white, except for Chinese lady, plus Chinese lady. And then that one man, you can almost say that this is a bold TV on the radio with only black people, including the audience. You don't have a Chinese lady to LCD sound system. Uh huh. Does Donald Trump get elected? I think no. I know. There is a butterfly effect. Everybody

thinks it's you know, Obama gets elected. They Fox News Astro turfs the tea party. Stokes all this racism. Then you have this monster that's unleashed. Yeah. In the form of Trump ism. Yeah. I think no. You had Chinese lady to LCD sound system. And then some guy in Tennessee is like, that's it. That's the fucking line for me. Yeah, this is where I draw the line. Yeah. Yeah. Now you've crossed it. Now my truck is going to have to be a pollution. What's your name like Esther Wang or something? Some I thought it was Captain Janeway. Esther Wang. Should I get a spray? It better be Esther Wang. It's going to be bad if it's not. It's going to be really bad. Esther, I like that. It's like Easter. Well, we said she's our

favorite one in the band. Makes me think it's chocolate. Like she lays chocolate eggs, perhaps. Do you think she does? Do you think she lays eggs made out of chocolate? I don't think Nancy Wang. Nancy Wang. Close. Nancy. Esther and Nancy kind of like grandma kind of names. Yeah. Okay. Like Nancy. I think I dodged that bullet there. Yeah. I think I dodged it. It was close. Nancy drew the only other famous Nancy. Yeah, it's true. And Nancy Reagan. And Nancy Reagan. Well, they should call her Nancy Wang. Yeah. Nancy Reagan's name. Interesting. If she were alive today, she would be top 0.01% only fans. Only fans. Yeah. Yeah. You could do that. You could do that with AI. Get ahead. Yeah. You could get sucked. Yeah. In fact, I think the way out of this

AI thing is we got to go back to that monocle typewriter. Well, you create a website that's, you know, just a show and it's a sitcom. All AI generated art where Michael Eisner is just being gang raped for hours and hours and hours. Friend of the show. And then you use AI to generate his voice and all these things. And then if he gets mad, you're like, no, this is the future of entertainment. Right. It's all written by robots. The robots, you can't sue me. The robot saved you from the humiliation of... I use ChatGPT. And this is what they said. The input data set, I gave it a text document that says Michael Eisner being raped. Because that's the only thing I had on hand that wasn't copyrighted. Yeah, you didn't have your bag with you. And then I said to ChatGPT,

make me a TV show. And this is what it produced. So I don't know really who's accountable here. And who was gang raping? All the Disney characters. All the Disney characters. Yeah. Slightly modified. Slightly modified. Yeah. So it's a brand new idea generated by AI. So it's not a... So it's a mouse. It's not Mickey Mouse, obviously. Yeah, he's got blue pants. His name is Jufy Pluto and he's a mouse. Yeah. And his penis is Felix the cat. Okay. Yeah. And it's implied under the blue shorts. Yeah. No, it's out. It's out. Well, during the sexual assault. He's always doing this. Oh, like the clock. The clock. Which is not Felix the cat, by the way. What is that clock? It's a separate brand that was created, I guess, in the 30s. The Kit-Kat Clock. Yeah. And it just looks like Felix. And it's

Tails. That guy probably made a nice chunk of change. They're still in business. They are. Yeah. The Kit-Kat Clock. The Kit-Kat Clock. You think we get Michael Eisner on the show? Not after that. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our guest, the Jewish guy from the Disney Corporation. I have a name. Yeah. Borsari. I blanked. I panicked and I blanked. You panicked. We really dodged a bullet on that Nancy Wang, but we're back in hot water. What else is named Nancy? Nancy Pelosi. Nancy Grace. Nancy Grace. I guess there's a lot of Nancy. The babies. Nancy Wang from LCD. Oh, that's where it started. Yeah. That's where it started. Yeah. It's a bad band. Yeah. The strokes were the cool ones. The rest of them were really bad. Yeah. But they were having fun those kids

back in 2004, right before the vice offices opened. Yeah. The Strokes, that would be a good name for Ronald Reagan's band. Yeah. Did he have strokes? Is this all of a sudden? As a kid, did you think it was called old timers? Did you hear that? Yeah, of course. Yeah. I thought it was funny. He's got old timers. Yeah. He's whittling wood on a porch. Yeah. He's got old timers. He's on a rocking chair. Yeah. Yeah. I've been recently interested in buying a rocking chair. Yeah. Yeah, they're nice. I mean, these are rocking chairs, but I like, you know, I like something carved out of some wood. Yeah. Did you go to any of these protests over the weekend? Processing the Mario movie? No. Come on. If you're going to do a joke, you can do a better poll than that.

Processing the arrest of Donald Trump? No. He didn't get arrested. He lost a civil case. I mean, he got arrested a week ago, but the E. Gene Carroll thing. I guess he owes her $5 million now. What's she going to spend that on? Jelly beans? She's going to go to Bergdorf Goodman's. Yeah. It would be very good. Get into a little bit of trouble. Yeah. It would be funny if she immediately just went to Bergdorf Goodman's. And went on a shopping spree. I'm back. I'm back. Yeah. Yeah, I got all, I bought myself all the wonderful hatch. Yeah. You got, I mean, this is Bergdorf Goodman. You go in and the hatch, you know, who'd be great as a podcast. You know, they, you know, they're very bucey. They kind of talk the same. Yeah. They played that interview for

sure during that trial. For sure. Was it televised? I wish. Yeah. You probably have core TV on that cable package you pay for. Yeah, I probably do have core TV. Where do they put? It's cool that drawing the courtroom is still a job that you can do. Sketching. Yeah. It's cool. You got to be fast with that. Yeah. We were having, we were having difficulty. Did you see how I saw how fast your Marge was? Fast Marge. That'd be funny if you got a job for a day. Yeah. As a sketch. A sketch sketch. As a courtroom artist. Yeah. Just draw everyone fat. Yeah. Drawing everyone fat. Yeah. There are hundreds of pounds. Drawing their tits out. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. I'll say that's what I saw. That's what I saw. I'm an artist. I'm interpreting what I see. I'm

representing. That's probably a job that I can replace. This courtroom fucking cartoonist. Yes. Well, you got fucking Jim Davis in the courtroom for some reason. Why? It's because you can't take pictures. Why is that a job? It makes as much sense to have a guy there guessing people's weights. It makes no sense. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like a tradition or something maybe. Yeah, probably. I mean, it's the same reason that judges wear robes and all that. There's no reason for them to wear a robe. And wigs. Yeah. In the UK. Yeah. They do that in Hong Kong too. Yeah. And I think Canada maybe, no? In the Commonwealth, they do it. Yeah. Yeah. So, Coronation, what are, you know, what are we thinking about this? King Charles. How do we feel about that? It's

nice to have a king again. It feels good. It feels good. Yeah. I think we should have, there should be a shogun and it should be a black woman. Yeah. The king of England should, or the monarch of England should be a black woman dressed like shredder. Yeah. From the Ninja Turtles. Yeah. With the long sword. Yeah. That'd be cool. Yeah. Shredder. What would your name be? Donna Tello. You got it. My name is Donna Tello. You've reached a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. How may I assist you? How may I take your call? You've reached a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles customer service line. Yeah. This is Donna Tello. Yeah. You know what would be nice is seeing a Latina-age Mutant Ninja Turtles. Let me transfer you to my associate, a gay Puerto Rican man

named Michelangelo. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Michelangelo, you always eat in your desk. We'll take care of you, baby. Don't worry. Oh, you always have snacks in your desk. Yeah. Yeah. You think he's a snacks guy? Yeah. He has like those, those, those pretzels that are covered in yogurt. Yeah. The diet, Nestle flips. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. He's trying to lose weight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can't do the chocolate anymore. I need yogurt covered pretzels. Yeah. Those are good. They are good. They're good. Dips or whatever they're called. Yeah. Yeah. Bring those back. Yeah. Until they're here. As a snack, I always thought it would be good as you take a pizzeria pretzel combo, wrap it in bacon, then, you know, deep fry it and then put it like covered in chocolate. And it's

called, I already have cancer. I don't care anymore. It's called stage four snack time. Okay. Yeah. What, who else works there? There's Mickey Mouse, and he's got Felix, the cat is his penis. Leo Nardo, and he's a. Oh, Leo. Yeah. He's a computer guy. He's the computers guy. Yeah. Or Leo Nardo, and he just has testicular cancer. So he's got giant balls. That's good. Yeah. And then there's, I love that. Would you have seen that picture in the Guinness World Records that Indian guy just sits on his balls because they're too big? I've seen those. He's got the swollen balls. That guy's awesome. That should be the King of England. That guy's just constantly. I feel like that guy, because if you look at the timeline, he was around at the

same time as Gandhi. I'm sure. That's what got India its independence. Yeah. It wasn't Gandhi's protest. Some British guy saw that and was like, Oh, good Lord. Look at his bollocks. Look at his balls. Those are tremendous bollocks. What's wrong about these? Fascinating. Look at this specimen. Oh man. It's crazy too. If that guy had been born just like 60 years earlier, he would have just been kidnapped and put in a museum. He'd be at the Natural History Museum, just in jail. Yeah. In a zoo, basically. Yeah. I'm sorry. You're going to jail at the Natural History Museum because your balls are too big. Did we talk about that on the show, but there was actually a human at the zoo in New York City? That's one of those things. That guy had the saddest life. Yeah.

It's the Whatchamacallit or whatever. It wasn't the Whatchamacallit. What is it? That was the PT Barnum guy. Yeah. There was a different guy who was sold into slavery released. It's just like the saddest life I could imagine. That's one of those podcast guy tidbits. Yeah. Yeah. Similar to the spider thing from Wild Wild West. Yes. You can be a guy that looks like me. You're going to have a podcast. Did you know this? Yeah. And then 12-year-olds are like, Wow, this guy's a genius. This is the smartest guy in the world. He knows about a thing from a Ken Burns document. He has Wikipedia. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Some people hate Wikipedia. I love it. You give money at Wikipedia? Never. I do. No. Why? Why would I do that? It's a fucking serves a massive

social service. It's knowledge for the world. About everything. Okay. Well, then a nerd can give the money. Call me a nerd. Not me. Call me a nerd. Yeah. I'd give the money if they didn't lock articles. The whole premise is anyone. Everything. Really? Anything controversial they lock. The whole premise is it's an encyclopedia that anyone could add it. The fellow we had on the show yesterday was a couple times in the episode came up that he hates Wikipedia. Yeah. People deface his Wikipedia. We see eye to eye there. I suppose we do. Yeah. Wait, I have cigs. That's cool. I don't even know I had cigs. You smoke in Marlboro Lights these days? Yeah. Kind of like I'm your new stepmom. Yeah. Yeah, that kind of thing. Welcome to cigarettes. Welcome to cigarettes. Welcome to

cigarettes. It's stepmom, Tom. Welcome to cigarettes. I'm your new stepmom. Yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah. What's your take on it? On the coronation. Sorry, guys. It's a little. What's my take? It's 3pm. So I'm ready for bed. Yeah. Nick's kind of on a retirement home schedule. He gets up at 3.30 p.m. or a.m. I wake up pretty fucking early. You're on the Wahlberg. You're on the Wahlberg schedule. Yeah. Wakes up, prays. I wake up. I clean up the cat vomit on the couch. It's disrespectful. What makes them throw up? She throws up on the couch. Yeah. Because she eats too much. I thought you feed a little bit. Yeah. Well, she's old now. So I just let the she wants food. I'll give it to her. Ice is not thrown up. Yeah. Ice is a good girl. Dave just said that Adam's dog threw up. Why

didn't you tell me that? But Dave loves that. Dave loves cleaning. Yeah. He was like, oh boy, a mess. Yeah. He's got a holster with 409 in it. Yeah. Putting a little spit shine into it. It's a tiny little bottle of 409. That's Dave's noise. Yeah. Like the dog whisperer. Yeah. Oh yeah, Cesar. Yeah. We got to get him on. Cesar Gonzales. Cesar whatever is last name. Cesar Salad. Cesar Salad. I'm Cesar Salad. My name is Cesar Salad. I fight dogs. Yeah. My name is Cesar Cruton Salad. This dog is, is being bad. He's being too bad. Yeah. It's too bad. This dog is such a naughty boy. This dog is a naughty boy. What are your thoughts on the coronation? I think fuck the royals. Feed the poor. That's what I say. Yeah. We should cook King Charles and give him to

the. You can stick your coronation up your ass. Yeah. They're absolute nonsense. I would love, I would love to steal his clothes and just give them to a homeless person. His fucking gold thing that they put on him is sick. Yeah. It is sick. I didn't see it. He looked like a pimp. I saw a picture of it. I didn't watch any of the coronation. I didn't watch it. I also didn't see the Super Mario Brothers movie. I've been too busy. The gold rope. Yeah. Let's see it. Dave, do we have reads today? Okay. Okay. All right. Okay. Episode over. Look at this. That's, he looks like the Bishop magic Don Juan. No, he looks fucking stupid. No, I think it's. No, he looks like a fucking moron. I think the royals look the best in the 1700s. When was that? This

thing? The neck. No, no, that's the 1500s. Yeah. The 1700s is like a like a King George. Yeah. The King George was, I thought World War One. That was the stuttering. That was George the six. Yeah. They have more than one, I guess. That's why they have numbers. Yeah. I think I was a real idiot. It's right. It's King George, right? From the Revolutionary War. Sorry, the War of American Independence. Yeah. I guess you can't call it the Revolutionary War. Why? I don't know. I've been so into chat, GPT. I can't use my own mind anymore. I know I got into it late. Yeah. But I was like, just preempting. All right, let's just look up. No, I did a good one. Because people are saying that, oh, we can't replace writers, which is crazy. I told chat, GPT. I said, write an episode of the

Twilight Zone where only one man in the world has ever farted. And he's the only person with memory of it. And as a result, society treats him as a king for being able to talk out of another part of his body, right? So the episode title is The Farting King. Okay, that's a great name. First off. Fade in a quiet room daytime, a middle-aged man named Joe sits in a chair looking thoughtful. Suddenly, he lets out a loud fart, right? And then we cut to the exterior. It's the city street's daytime. People are gathered in the streets looking around in confusion. No one knows what's happening. Cut to interior, a newsroom day, a news anchor sits at the desk looking serious, live on TV. Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our regular scheduled programming to bring you breaking news. It

appears that a mysterious sound has been heard all around the world and we still don't know what it is. Cut to a large room day, Joe stands in front of a group of people who are looking at him in awe. Joe proudly, yes, it was me who made the sound. I farted. The crowd gas and murmurs in amazement. Joe realizes that he's suddenly become a king, revered and worshipped for his ability to fart. Okay. And then now it's we're in his palace. Joe sits on a throne surrounded by servants and attendants. He wears a crown and a cape and people bow before him. Joe to the crowd, I am the farting king. Bow before me for I am the only person in the world to make this sound. The crowd cheers and applauds and Joe revels in his newfound power, farting. Okay. And then we cut to a quiet room.

Joe sits alone looking thoughtful. He realizes that he's become a prisoner of his own fame, trapped in a world where he's worshipped for something as simple as farting. And then he says quietly to himself, what kind of world is this where people worship me for something as simple as this? What has become of humanity? And then we're back on the streets. People are still gathered in the streets looking around confused. And then we're back in the quiet room. And Joe stands up, takes a deep breath and lets out another fart. And then we fade out. And the farting king is a quirky and thought provoking episode of Twilight Zone that challenges our assumption of, you know, that fame goes on like that. But that sounds like a perfect episode of this Twilight Zone. Yeah, I

think the writer's strike is going to fail. I think the writer's strike is going to fail. I really don't know what it could be missing. They really push their hand. And I think we're going to just, we're going to do this. I think we're going to do this from now on. Yeah, yeah, the farting king. Yeah. Chat GPT. And you know, the show is going to wind up doing, we're going to get to this point where we're just typing something to chat GP at some point. Okay, let's get one. Let's see where we are. It was funny to plug in an Adam Runes episode, everything episode. Let's read that out. Let's read that out. Okay, so Adam Richmond, or what's his name? Adam Duritz? Adam Duritz. Adam Wang, I think. Adam Nancy Wang. Adam Nancy Wang. He, you know, has become a spokesperson

for the writer's strike for the Writer's Guild of America. And this chat GPT is busy. Yeah, I just tried. Netflix is using it right now. Yeah, literally. Yeah, they've crashed the servers. Yeah, it's a black woman monster truck driver and she's doing her own thing. Good for her. Yeah, coming this fall. That sounds like a TV show we can write on chat GPT. It's the color monster truck. The color of monster. The color Gravedigger. The color. The color Bigfoot on Netflix. Yeah, she's a black woman, but she's also a monster truck. Yeah. You can call her a Gravedigger, but don't call her. Don't call her what? Racial slur. Okay. It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it. Was it Adam? No. Well, chat GPT is busy. So I guess we don't really have a show. Yeah, what are we going to talk

about this week? Honestly, George Santos. It would be like, you know, I mean, it'd be devastating for the entertainment industry, at least in terms of people's jobs. And there would be no, like even just what's the word for like a false exterior pretense of there being any art in, you know, television. Yeah, yeah. If they replaced everything with AI. Because the art was really good. Yeah, some of it. Some sparrows is great. Yeah. But if everything ends up as AI, and people just watch it. We just have robots delivering just crap. Yeah, us just feeding it to us. That's fine. That's a show, I guess. I will say that it's bad, probably, but on a personal gripe level, television writers tend to be some of the most annoying people on Twitter and online. And yeah,

well, that was like the concession you used to have to make with being like, like at least theoretically being like pro labor, right? Yeah, you think working class people should be protected, they deserve health care, they deserve a living wage. And then those people are often like, you know, like rednecks that coastal elites despise. Yeah, races. Right. Exactly. But with these things, it's sort of the opposite. These are the coastal elites. That's, well, they're not even coastal elites, but you know, it's that that WGA strike based things sort of. This is perfect. Yeah. We mentioned this on the premium episode, which you can get at patreon.com slash TAFS. Oh, also, this weekend, I'll be doing, I'll be reading chat GPT at the Pittsburgh

Improv. Please come out if you're in Pittsburgh, Friday, Saturday, Pittsburgh Improv. And then May 19th and 20th, May 19th, I'll be in Charleston, South Carolina, and like the Charleston Coliseum. The next day after that, I'll be in Hershey, Pennsylvania at the, I don't know, at the park, I guess, or something, some big fucking arena thing that I'm doing with. And that's very same weekend I will be at the San Jose Improv. I'll read them. Go ahead. Adam, 19th and 20th will be at San Jose. 18th, 19th, 20th. Yeah. 18th through the 20th, Adam will be at the San Jose Improv in San Jose, California. And then June 1st through the 3rd. And June 1st through the 3rd. Austin, Texas. Austin, Texas, Adam will be. Correct. In Austin, Texas. And then June 8th through the 10th,

Irvine, California, the OC. You're going to get a pair of boots when you're in Austin? Don't you know it, dude? I'm going to get fucking, we can call you Jesse Friedland. I'm going to get some fucking Rogan branded boots. Adam, the sunburn kid. Yes. Austin, June 1st through the 3rd. Are you on that weekend? Are you on the road that weekend? The 1st through the 3rd? I'm not going that far out. You're being a little greedy with this problem. Well, I'm just saying this. June 1st through the 3rd on Austin. In Austin, Texas, Nick will be coming with me. And I'm looking into this camera. Joseph Rogan, we will be at your studio. I've been mega-dosing Vitamin C. Okay, well, just put Joe Rogan, Joe Rogan, we're coming to your work. And you can put a microphone in

front of us. Two microphones, one for each of us. And you can prepare to get your ass blown. Yeah, we'll argue with you about the vaccines. Yeah. I'm going to come in with needles in my shoulders. Yeah. Go ahead, Vitamin C. How's that going? I think it worked. I had a cold and I've never done this before. Yeah. I've read about it. I never did it. I just took like 10 to 15 grams of Vitamin C a day. You just did it in a cup. Emergency. No, not emergency. I mean, I got the capsules. Oh, the capsules. But two days, cold's gone. Really? Flipside is just really bad nausea and like just shitting yourself, basically. Lose stools. Lose stools. Yeah. Apparently, it's big in the heroin detox community. Vitamin C. According to Reddit. Yeah. Yeah. So

you just, you, you, you stopped doing the horse, you started doing a little OJ. Yeah. Yeah. It would be cool if that's, if that is the only medicine we need is Vitamin C. For anything. Yeah, I guess there's some guy in the 50s or something who came up with the idea who said that other mammals, their bodies just make Vitamin C. Like a goat makes like 12 grams of Vitamin C a day. And it's like liver or something. And we lost that in some evolutionary thing. I guess to develop fucking, I don't know, the ability to talk or something. The trade off is we don't make our own Vitamin C anymore. Yeah. So if you just supplement it at the level, it would be if you know, I don't know. I mean, none of this shit fucking works. It was probably just a two day

cold. Yeah. It was also probably a guy that worked for the orange farmers lobby. Yeah. Big juice. Big juice. Yeah. Yeah. The Florida Orange Growers Association. Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to go down to Florida. What are you going to do in Florida? Just that's the only place you could be free, man. In what way? Anymore. What way? I don't know. You know, the Sanis really is a fucking retard. He sucks. Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. That guy blew it so quickly. Yeah. I never really got his ass. I never liked it, but he was, you know, he used the vaccine thing and the COVID stuff to trick people into thinking he wasn't just a shit head cop, which he is. And now he's just fucking mad at Disney all the time. Yeah. It's pretty lame. It's embarrassing. Yeah. I really, I can't stay in Mickey

Mouse. Yeah. Mickey Mouse is being mean to me. What a baby. Yeah. Grow up, dude. Why is it because they're nice to gay people? Yeah. Yeah, that's the whole reason. Grow up. It's like even if you're like a homophobe. Like I can't even imagine like, let's say you really like an actual like you hate gay people. You think it's a fucking abomb. You hate them. You fucking hate them. Do you really like you don't want them in your neighborhood? You want Disney, you want your child to go to Disneyland and see Goofy being like, get these fucking faggots out of here. That's what you want. You want a homophobic Disney world. No. No. Right. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah. And all the bad guys in Disney movies are gay guys anyway. Yeah. They already are homophobic. Yeah. Children are kind of gay.

Yeah. Children are gay. They play. They're gay. Yeah. Children are already gay. Yeah. That's what's nice about kids. Right. They're happy. Right. Maybe don't show them a dildo. I agree with that. Yeah. Don't wave a dildo at a four year old. Yeah. Don't teach them kink. Yeah. Yeah. Don't talk. Don't have a conversation with your kids about kink. Yeah. What was that? What was that? When you're a kid. Yeah. Everybody's a kid. Maybe you're older. Everybody had gay teachers and you didn't know what made, you don't know what it was. They were just nice people. But you're like, oh, Mr. Roberts is so much fun. He has a song he sings. Yeah. Every class and he dances around the room with a ribbon. He's actually working hard at his job. Yeah. Like your other teachers. Right. Exactly. He's just

like an alcoholic fat woman. Yeah. Yeah. You know. With a mustache. Yeah. A woman that just like trying to do math. Drank too much in college. Yeah. Exactly. And then it has to be. Yeah. The gay guy's great. But then he does that and then he leaves work and presumably immediately takes a bunch of ecstasy and goes to a nightclub where he descends into, you know, just some sort of depraved paradise of he goes into a blackout room. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just hands and penis and it's an ass. Literally until 15 minutes before his next shift starts. He's he takes a quick shower. His throes of just, yeah, just homosexual ecstasy getting railed out by 25 to 50 terms. And then he comes back and he does his damn job. He comes back and he's like, A-B-C.

And he's a great guy. He's the best teacher. And he's literally the best teacher you had. Yeah. And he's not complaining about getting paid more because he owns all of the real estate in San Francisco. Yeah. Exactly. He's independently wealthy. He just wants to teach kids. Yeah. By making because of the goodness of generations of black families homeless. By moving into the sketchy neighborhood. Yeah. Moving into the sketchy neighborhood. Yeah. Defending himself by having visible open wounds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that guy. Yeah. He's a great guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. Yeah. He's just nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. That's

who you wanted, Disney. You know, just put the nightclub inside Magic Mountain. That should be what the magic mountain is. There's a fuck. There's like a little chain dot. There's a hall. A dark hallway. And there's just sounds of bass and like disco ball lights coming out of it. And it says employees only. Going to Disneyland is so gay. It's gay to go to Disneyland. To be excited about Disney as an adult. Yeah. It's gay. Right. You can't have one, but not the other. And they're mad at it. Yeah. They're mad. Right. It's gay. You know what, he's acting like a, like a. He feels left out. He's being shrill. Yeah. Yeah. He just feels left out. Yeah. Yeah. He does feel left out. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's a lot of like, I feel,

you know, that used to be the whole thing is that there'd be conservative policy. I guess this Santos guy is kind of like that. George Santos. Yeah. He just got indicted. For what? Or he turned himself in for being trans? No. For like stealing money. No. Taxpayer funds. Yeah. A bunch of shit. I think. Yeah. Yeah. I think he's in, I think that boy in big trouble. What did he steal? I just got a New York Times alert for today. Yeah. Dave, can you turn your phone off during the episode, sir? Nick, your phone's ringing. So my phone. Oh, it is my phone. Who's calling you, man? Our friend. Who? Oh, the friend of ours. Yeah. Oh, that must be my laptop. It must be my alarm. So glad I got this brother printer fixed.

The brother. The brother's printer. That's such a funny name for a printer company. Fraudulently collecting unemployment benefits while earning $120,000 salary. So he was getting, he was on unemployment while he was serving in the house of representatives. That's awesome. This guy rules. Yeah, he rules. Yeah. Yeah, you got $25,000 in unemployment benefits. Yeah, he seems like a bad boy. You know what's cool? 13 count. Winona Ryder with shoplifting. Yeah, that's awesome. She was doing it to research a role? No, she's just a girl. Women love stealing. We have an indictment. We have all, we have the information that the

government wants to come after me on and I'm going to comply. I've been complying throughout this entire process. I have no desire not to comply at this point. They've been gracious in there. Now I'm going to have to go and fight to defend myself. The reality is, is sorry, it's a witch hunt because it makes no sense that in four months, four months, five months, I'm indicted. You have Joe Biden's entire family receiving deposits from nine, nine family members receiving money from... Look at this guy behind him. He's a nodding guy. He's cool. Yeah, this guy's fucked. Yeah. Yeah. I'm interesting to see what happens in... Dude, this guy is, he's so funny looking.

Who's going to run against Joe Biden? As the Republican? Yeah. Donald Trump. You think even with all this? I don't know. I think that the Eugene Carroll thing's pretty bad. You think they got him? Here's the thing. Here's, you know what's crazy and this is going to be incorrect and not based on anything, but it's not sexually assaulting Eugene Carroll that hurts him with his base. It's losing the case itself. They don't like the loser. Yeah, they don't. It's that he has to pay $5 million. It could have come out that he raped her at gunpoint, but if he got away with it, then it would be like, I told you he didn't do it. No, I think they think that, you know, it's a witch hunt after our boy. Yeah, you think that?

How much does he have to pay for $5 million? $5 million. That's Trump. Trump change. Yeah, you think so? Yeah. I wonder how much money he has. They love that guy. Doesn't he not have real money? That's what they say. The Democrats, that was one of the lines of attack was that he wasn't actually rich. Yeah, isn't he not though? Isn't he like MC Hammer, where he's just got like a name and he's got that he's got castles and stuff. Does he? He has big buildings. Yeah, but they just have his name on him. He's rich in the way that Mickey Mouse is rich. You think so? Yeah. What do you mean? The Disney corporation? Yeah, Disney does, but not Mickey Mouse himself. Oh, you're saying Mickey Mouse himself. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. I mean,

what about Mar-a-Lago? Mar-a-Lago? He's got a big old thing in. I'm sure he has money. Yeah. And I'm sure he made money off of being the president. Yeah, probably. I'm sure he I'm sure he. What do you think of these accusations that Obama's running a shadow government through Joe Biden? You think so? I don't know. I'm asking you. I don't think it's I don't think it's true because sorry, I'm getting a call. I don't think it's true because because the Obama people tried to call and say, I love you, don't leave Afghanistan. His guys tried to call and they were like, don't we got to stay in Afghanistan. You know, it'd be a cool move right before the election if Joe Biden decides to reinvade Afghanistan.

That'd be sick. We're going to Afghanistan. Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah. Yeah. I've decided that it's the breast thing to do. I like when his eyes get wide because they're so tiny and then they get bigger, but it's just like Yeah, he does have he's a squinty guy. Well, they removed all his eyelid skin to like for the facelift. Yeah, they cut all his skin off the back of his head. Yeah. I love his like hair where it just sort of there's just that like little like duckabill. Yeah. Like anytime he gets a haircut, he's like, no, leave, leave just the shitty part. Yeah. Yeah.

That is funny because he got some serious plugs. Even 30 years ago, he looked like fucking Peter Boyle. He's bald as shit. Yeah. When he was a young congressman, like up and like when they were like this guy's up and coming. I feel like I don't see anything. I don't hear him say anything. There's no new Biden clips. Yeah. He's not since the Dropkick Murphy. So it's the last big one. That was the last funny thing he did. He's not doing enough funny stuff. Yeah. We got to get him we got to get him out on the road a little bit. We should ask chat GPT fun things for Joe Biden to say. Let's get off. Let's get off the phone. I'm looking what the last Biden appearance was. Okay. He's a here answer. A cancer that eats away at a citizen's faith in democracy diminishes good

year. The instinct for innovation and creativity. Is that new? Yeah. Already tight national budgets crowding out important national investments. It wastes the talent of entire generations. He looks like 10 years younger. Yeah. Is this old investments and jobs. Yeah. There's a Ukraine flag behind him. It's got to be new. What's going on. That's the Romanian. That's he's. What. Maybe this is an old video. Oh yeah. This is a 20. Yeah. All right. Never mind. Sorry guys. Yeah. That's a that's eight years ago. What's this Romanian thing you took money from Dracula. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's like I thought I thought I thought it was a black fan. I don't know. I feel

I'm kind of on his side with this one. Why. Well I was saying he took money from a corrupt Romanian businessman. Yeah. And it's like name one Romanian businessman. Dracula. That's it. Yeah. It's literally it. Dracula. If you do business in Romania and you're not taking money from Dracula and then you are that's that's on you. No that's as good as it gets. Yeah. Yeah. And what a million dollars. What do you do. Right. I don't know. I mean like he probably thought it was it was a black fella. Probably thought it was Count Chocula. I thought it was Count Chocula. Something like that. I thought it was the British. Yeah. Perhaps. Something like that. I rewatched The Master

last night. Great flick. You know I probably haven't watched it all the way through since the theater. I feel like that's probably my favorite Paul Thomas ever since. It's so good. And rewatching it again. It's like it's near perfect. The scene where she gives him a hand job. Oh yeah. Great. Well it's the best part is when he comes and he's just like oh god. Yeah. I hope in my older age I become a scream come guy. Yeah. If you already know the answers why are you asking the question pig fuck. Dude he is just the greatest actor of all time. Yeah. There's no other way. No that movie's that movie's great. It's perfect. Yeah. Yeah. No I was thinking about doing you

know what tonight maybe a double feature of before the devil knows you're dead and owning Mahoney. You ever see those? I haven't seen owning Mahoney. Owning Mahoney is great. It's Sidney Lumet is before the devil knows you're dead right. I think he might be right. Yeah. I think it's his last movie. Both of those I haven't seen also since they came out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But definitely good. Owning Mahoney is great. He plays this like I think it's like a banker in Toronto. Yeah. That like you know is like a Bernie Madoff type. He would like take out credit lines for customers without them knowing and then go gamble the money and then come back and like you know like zero out the load and then keep the gambling winnings. But he like had a bad

streak and we just go to the next account and just like fucking just increasing all the gambling that he would just pass from one customer to the next. And he has to keep betting bigger and bigger. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude that's awesome. Yeah. But it's Philip Seymour Hoffman so people are like what's up with these accounts and he's like they're fine. I don't know. I'll look into it. Yeah. No it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. That's a really good. Philip Seymour Hoffman. No one says PSH. It doesn't sound right. That would be a good restaurant. PSH Changs. Philip Seymour Hoffman. He's fucking lettuce wraps. It's fucking mongolian beef. It's fucking mongolian beef. It's good.

It's good. It's good. Yeah. It's really good. It's good. Have you seen you know what his best performance is? Mission Impossible 3? He plays the bad guy. Is it 3 or 4? He plays the bad guy and he's fucking terrifying in it. Yeah. Yeah. He's like torturing him. I should do a movie called Mission Possible and it's Tom Cruise and he just kills homeless people. Yeah. Yeah. They're being rude. Yeah. And then the movie ends after five minutes. Yeah. Your mission, if you should choose to accept it, is just murder. Another man at the end of his rope. And he's like, that sounds possible. That sounds possible. That sounds possible to me. Sounds not too difficult. Yeah. I watched Team America World Police

before bad last night. Yeah. It really holds up. Yeah. It's so good. When the guy just says why he doesn't like actors, it's because he was raped by the magical Mr. Mestofles. Yeah. No, that's the reason. From the cast. Rumpal Teaser held me down and I was raped by magical Mr. Mestofles. From that day on, I never trusted actors again. Yeah. No, that's the fucking hilarious. That's really... That and then describing is like brother being taken into the blue, like the fucking... The gorilla pit. Yeah. The gorilla pit. Yeah. It was a precursor to Harambe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My act... The gorilla should do anything to get to those blueberries. My acting killed him. Yeah. He was the athlete. I was the little show boy.

Yeah. Another movie that's near perfection. It's really good. Yeah. I'm getting back into movies. I love movies, man. You know, when you get like really... I think I'm like just horrifically depressed at the moment. Why? I don't know. You know, it's just up and down. Yeah. But you're like the kind of unmotivated depressed kind of thing. Kind of a sit-on-the-couch-watcher movie kind of depressed. Yeah. But I mean, there's times when you're depressed and you can't, like, media doesn't work on you. Yeah. You know, where you just like you just like are thinking about how unhappy you are. Yeah. In your head. The other kind where you just want to escape into things. That's nice. Because they're honestly the best periods. Yeah.

Read, watch movies, and they mean something. Yeah. And then you put the book down, you're like, oh, fuck. Yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm gonna kill myself. Yeah. Yeah. That's better that way. It is better that way. You get more done. When things work. Yeah. Damn. Just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Did you? Yeah. What was it? Acidic? Smug ol' beef. Smug ol' beef. It's good. Smug ol' beef. Smug ol' beef. It's good. That's good. He does do that. Yeah. But Mark Ruffalo and Foxcatcher, too. He does that a lot. Does he? Is that movie good? I never saw it. It is good. The wrestling movie? Yeah, it's good. It's just, it's... What's it about? There's a millionaire that's obsessed with wrestling? Yeah. Well,

it's based on a true story, but... And he kills a guy? Yeah. So John DuPont was the heir to the DuPont of one of the heirs, I guess. And he was like really into sports. But he was sort of like a weird guy. I guess when he was about 30 years old, he was, he had an accident on a horse, sort of a horse through him. Sort of a Christopher Reeve situation, but in reverse, where... The horse got paralyzed? No. His balls got ripped off on a fence. And so he just, he was like... So he wasn't able to think anymore because he was functionally a woman. And so he didn't, you know, he was like, he was just like weird from that. And then he also had schizophrenia. But he, like, had aspirations of hosts like the US Olympic weightlifting or wrestling team

at his house, like his estate in Pennsylvania. And then I guess he did, but he hired this guy initially Mark Schultz and then Dave Schultz to coach the team. And then Dave Schultz was living on his property with his family. And like, he just kind of went crazy and shot him. But I think the family blamed his, like, head of security. He hired this guy that was like a security guy that was like fucking like everybody's out to get you or whatever. And like kind of like fed into his paranoia leading up to that in a year prior to it. And then, you know, I mean, I don't really know all the details, but you watch it and it works narrative wise and functionally as a movie. But, you know, it's like kind of like, okay, well, you had to like, you had to create a lot of this

like drama to make it work as a movie because in real life, it's just a story about a guy that... Went crazy and shot somebody. Yeah. But his Channing Tatum is the wrestling guy? One of them. And then Mark Ruffalo plays the brother, the one that was like a murdered. And then the thing that's interesting about the movie is, and I mean, I think I've made this point on the show before, but it came out in like 2014. And I feel like there was this weird era where it was like, because, you know, people like change their bodies for roles. Yeah. They would go for this like realism and performances that relied on, like they put prosthetics on. Steve Carell. Steve Carell. And it's like kind of not really necessary. You know, it's like

almost like distracting. You don't know what the guy looks like. Yeah. No one does. Yeah. And it's like too, it's like too real rather than leaving it up to the actor to interpret it. They all still do a great job. I mean, but yeah, like Mark Ruffalo is like walking around and he's got like this like weird, like kind of like wrestler's posture the whole time. Yeah. And it's just sort of distracting. Yeah. He's like doing this thing with this. He does that a lot in his movies. Yeah, but he does it. And I think it's based on just one picture of the real guy. He's like, oh, that's his face. That's his face forever. Yeah. They should have had Philip Seymour Hoffman play everyone in the movie. Yeah, that would have been better. Yeah. Was he alive at that point?

He was. Well, that might have been in the year he died. Yeah. That was, what, 2014? I think, maybe. Yeah. Real tragedy. So sad. Yeah. So sad. Yeah. The greatest actor. Easily. Top five, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, he's so scary and Mission Impossible. Yeah. He's like torturing Ethan Hunt. Yeah. And he's like, he's like really chilled and like, yeah, that's his thing is where he's like really relaxed. Maybe you could tell he's teetering. He's simmering. Yeah. He's teetering on the edge and like, let's it out. Yeah. Oh my God. Unreal. Yeah. I miss him every day. I miss him every day. What are his best performances? That movie nights? Literally, literally all of them. Every movie. There's nothing he's in. I don't think

he's ever done a bad job. Yeah. Ever. Yeah. Even Pauly. Along came Pauly was one of the funniest performances of all time. Yeah. It's really fun. When he like hurts himself like basketball. Yeah. He's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, definitely. Yeah. Iceman. Yeah. Make your reign. Yeah. So funny. The basketball scene is amazing. Anyway. Oh my God. What? My phone's being blown up by our friend. Yeah. He just called me too. Yeah. Our friend on the other side of the country. Yeah, I guess so. That we work with? Yes. Oh, he called both of us. Yes. I wonder if there's a problem. Our two friends. Our two friends. Our two friends are working. Yes. Oh no. What do we do? I don't know. Do they say,

do they make a scene? Do they tell him he's urgent? Should we call them? Not on the show. Not on the show. I mean, how much more show do we have? I don't know. Dave, how much more show do we have? Around 56 minutes. Yeah. See, things like this are probably fine, but I get the text. Urgent. Yeah. I'm like, this is, it's got to be there. What's urgent? I don't know. But it can't be good. Doesn't sound good. It doesn't sound good at all. Makes me worried. I'm worried. So we're going to be sitting here for four minutes? Four minutes and maybe we'll talk a little bit more. Philip Seymour Hoffman. Thank you for joining us here. If you're just tuning in. This is a retrospective on the life and work of Philip Seymour Hoffman. Where was he born? Upstate in New York, I think.

Probably. He's from Syracuse or something. That sounds about right. Yeah. Where are they calling? Where the fuck are they calling? Where the fuck are they calling? Where are they calling? Where the fuck are you calling during the show? Why are they calling us? Oh god, are we fired? Huh? No, nothing. We'll be fine. We'll be fine. Yeah. We got a lot going. Okay, let's. It's about my, it's Michael Eisner heard that somehow. This whole place is bugged. Dude, I, I've been telling you the people at the top are. You got to stop this I've been telling you thing. I know you don't like that. Because you, you haven't been. But they all work with the Mossad and the Mossad bug you. They, they are homes or cars. You would think that they would use instead

of a hearing device, a smelling device. Yeah. Yeah. Like just a little, is that a nose? Yeah. No, no, no, it's not a nose. Yes, we've been smelling you. We've smelled you. We smell you for hours. We have, we have tips of your smells. We have tips of your smells. Yeah. We want you to wear a nose. Yeah. But like guys spying on, on Hamas and he's got a nose, a little wire going up into a mason jar. We have this smell. We have, we have been smelling you. We have secured this smell. We, the terrorists, we smell them. It smells terrible. We sniffed it out. And the nose hooks up to a shitty app that doesn't work. Yeah. We find it from the high tech application where we, we have the terrorists smell. It's called a nose, a zoom,

zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom nose. Number one Israeli app, zoom, zoom nose. We got, we got a $5 billion angel investment around one from Silicon Valley. This has application for security. He will do this. Oh yeah, he'd do this. He's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. I've said it before, but it's really a bummer that he won't in the Trump movie play Steve Bannon. Oh yeah, this. Yeah, this. He would have been the best Steve Bannon in the Trump movie. Yeah. I can't wait for it. Can we write that on AI? What? Steve Bannon's Trump movie? The Trump administration movie. Will Philip Seymour Hoffman? Philip Seymour Hoffman, Shane Gillis. All right. We got to return this phone call. Yeah. All right. I forgot. Sorry guys. Sorry guys. It's business. By, by anxiety.

Business. Bye. Are we cut?