The Adventure Zone - Ep. 1.5: Here There Be Gerblins - Chapter One (Super Cut)

Episode Date: December 3, 2014

In this, the pilot episode of The Adventure Zone, the McElroys create the characters with which they'll build a new -- and hopefuly very, very lucrative -- fantasy fiction franchise. Join in the campaign as Justin (Taako), Travis (Magnus) and Clint (Merle), led by Dungeon Master Griffin, take their first steps into the unknown. If you enjoy this episode, be sure to listen to the FULL first episode! Also, be sure share with friends! Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Strap on your fantasy seat belts and brace your asses for the adventures out. So, well, let's talk about the classes we're playing, because we're only playing with three people, which is tiny, it's pitiful. We're going to get just demolished. Yeah, you're going to get wrecked. I'll be dungeon mastering, which I've never done. I actually did it once for a pickup game. What am I telling to Nirvana?

Three people, it's tiny. Sure. But you guys will be facing the horrors that I throw at you, and you'll be playing... I think we're keeping a pretty traditional, yeah? Yep. We got a... Travis, you're going to be a fighter. I'm playing a human fighter named Magnus Burnsides.

I love that. Magnus Burnsides? Correct. Is he... I mean, Magnus, is that... Is that Greco-Roman in nature? Is he real historical fantasy? What's the deal?

Yes, Magnus Burnside is a real person that I base this on. Okay. I'm playing a wizard. Okay. His name is spelled T-A-A-A-K-O. So like take-o. So like take it. Well, I mean, that it's two-A.

Is your wizard named? Are you naming your goddamn wizard taco? It's a family name. It's not pronounced. Is it short for something? Taco Bell. He's actually taco. He's actually taco the lesser.

My father, Taco the Great Tago Supreme. Please. Please, can it be Tacoble? I live in a cabana. I guess it's okay, Justin, because, like, in the, in the infinite world of fantasy I'm about to craft for you, maybe tacos don't exist already. And it's just in the traditional sense. Oh, my God. The taco is not realized.

My goal for this adventure is to invent the taco. It's sure. Roll for salsa. You might, you might need to roll for salsa. I don't know you can take any number of checks. It can take a peppers check, a sauce check, a consistency check. A zesty check? A freshness check?

A soft or hard shell check. I love it. I'm going to be so deep in game. Your name's not even going to be ridiculous. What is a taco? Roll for zestiness. Roll for going and thinking outside the bun. Daddy, what are you?

You're a cleric, right? I'm a dwarf cleric named Merle High Church. Merle? And that's M-E-R-L-E. See, that's a goddamn name. Yeah. I'm sorry, Magnus Burns thought.

Magnus is a great name. I'm saying all three, I'm saying we're batting a thousand here. With three great names. Justin, what was your race? Including Taco. Uh, white. Why does it matter?

No, it does actually matter. For their statistical implications. High elf. I'm a high elf. Okay. Terrific. Do you have a last name, Taco? Supreme?

The wizard. No. I'll give you taco. It's actually... Taco again, but spelled differently. Taco, TAC. I do have a last name, but it's a secret that will only be revealed later in the adventure. That's power.

I love it. So, Merle, Taco, and Magnus. Uh-huh. I have a special skill called rustic hospitality, which means... It means I make really great gravy. Come on a cute. Come on in, Sugar. Come on.

Come on. And the rustic hospitality means that because I come from the ranks of common folk, you fit among them with ease. You can find a place to hide, rest, or recuperate among other commoners, unless you have shown yourself to be a danger to them. They shield you from the law or anyone else searching for you, though they are unwilling to risk their lives for you. So poor people love Magnus is what you're saying.

That's correct. He is the... He's the... He's the Larry the cable guy. of our team. He's the Cheetos of people. Listen, I reach out to real America. Yeah, yeah. And real America loves Magnus. They don't get taco.

Real Fayrune or forgotten ruins or wherever the hell we are. You know, like the real down-home Fayrune. Yeah, yeah. A couple other special things. My flaw is that the tyrant that I stopped will stop at nothing to see my end. Oh, shit. I believe in fairness. No one is above the law. Yeah, yeah. And if someone is in trouble, I will stop at nothing to help them. And thinking is for other people, I'm all about action.

Okay, you're lawful, I'm assuming? Lawful good. Lawful good. Okay, sounds good. I got tacos, wizard. Yeah. And I got spellcasting abilities. You didn't even, I mean, that was redundant to, I assume that your wizard was capable of.

I have a book that I can look at to get to just relax a little bit and just get back in my zone. What is the book? What? Is it the secret? No, it's a book that I carry around with me. It's the seven habits of highly effective people. Fantastic. It's a book.

It's a family. Tintagto needs a minute. It's a record of my life's work so far, the seven habits of highly effective elves. And I carried around with me. And it helps me. Can I ask one or two of the habits? I imagine looking at trees is one of them. Yeah. Long hair.

Manage one. Your flaxen do... Okay. Hackie sack. Don't forget Hackie. Is that flavor or does that have... Does that have a mechanical context? It does have a mechanical effect.

I can rest once per day and recover expended spell slots. Okay. So I also can see in the dark... Oh, you have dark vision? Yeah. I can see in the dark, just like it's bright light. I can only see shades of gray though Oh wow 50 of them

Ain't that the way Shades I could have an advantage of saving throws against being charmed And magic can't put me to sleep Except oh that's what a curse You can't use your own sleeping spell on yourself I think of those goodiesies Maybe you're taking a trip tomorrow and you're nervous

Actually elves don't sleep Griffin you should know that They meditate deeply Fantastic Yeah and I got a shelter of the fateful So I'm a servant of Umek. Nope. Not all.

I command the respect of those who share my faith, and I can perform the rights of Omec, and you and your companions, that's you guys, can expect to receive free healing and care at a temple shrine or other established presence of Omec's faith. Your divine patron is called Ogma, not Omec. He's like an actual guy. He's the god of knowledge. Well, he's not an actual guy, Griffin. How deep in are you, buddy?

I'm pretty made up for the game. I'm pretty deep in. But you're a wizard. I was confused by this at first because you're a wizard, which you typically don't think of them as especially devout people, but this is a god of wizardly shit.

Merle is a hildwarf. Neutral good. He used to be a soldier. He was a mercenary soldier. Okay. But the life was just too hard on him. Comes from a big family, all with names like

Nundro Rock Seeker, Kundran and Tharden. He was not asked to go along with the dwarves in any of the Hobbit movies, and he's kind of pissed about that. Cleric, his domain is affiliated with Mart Hamor Dwin, the dwarf god of wanderers, travelers, and outcasts. Dad, the interesting stuff is on the front of the page. Oh, sorry.

Let's see. He's a lot of fun of parties. He's a good dancer. that smile that just makes you want to talk about yourself. What is his party skill? How hard does he party? He parties like it's 1999.

Roll two. He has 1,99 party points. What is a party point? What do we even need to play? Where is a party point? Dad already won Dungeons and Dragons with his pre-rolled broken character. Then I think we're

I think we're more or less good to go. I guess as just sort of an overview of how Dungeons and Dragons works, because, Dad, you're literally starting from scratch here. You can see all over your sheet you have different modifiers, different numbers, different stats. The basic mechanic of Dungeons and Dragons is you say what you want to do. If it's something like, I'm going to attack that person, that's pretty easy. You just roll your 20-sided die,

and then you add a relevant modifier to it, and if it beats their armor, you hit them. That's sort of the basic idea of Dungeons of Dragons. If you want to get more creative with it, then there are rules in place that will help me sort of interpret your action and make it something that happens in the game. But almost always it's going to be roll a D20, you add a modifier to it,

and then if it beats a target, then you can do it. And you did it, and I'm proud of you. Griffin, one other question. There's a little box with this, is this equipment? Is that the stuff that I have right now?

Yeah, you have those things. Okay. Did you not like your equipment? Do you need to go shopping? No, it's all fine. There's nothing about clothes in here, but I figure all I have them. No, you're actually...

No, it says a set of common clothes at the bottom. No, sorry. I'm taking that away from you now. A dragon comes and bites all your clothes off. Wait, I like where this game is going. And then what happens? Hi, my, hello, my name is Taco, and this is my dick.

Can I come in your town? I can save it. I can save it from goblins and stuff. I also, I forgot to mention that I rolled for a trinket when creating my character. Oh, boy. And so I have a knife that belonged to a relative. Like a butter knife? It's like a pocket knife.

It's like a Swiss Army knife. It's got a toothpick in it. Is it like a plus eight knife that you're not actually... The only description is it says when you make your character, you can roll once on the trinkets table to gain a trinket. A simple item lightly touched by mystery. No. It's not lightly touched by killer magic, though.

No, I don't think, no, I don't think that my thing has any magic in it. Well, thanks for stopping the phone of the podcast to let us know that you have a shitty knife. It's going to come back into play. I think as we build the story and the character, my tiny knife will come back. I'm just saying. I'm going to force him to sell it to pawn his peepum's knife to buy me out of jail. If a fucking skeleton rips your arms off, you're not going to be like, but then a dragon comes out of my knife. It was there the whole time, and he loves me.

That's not how... He throws my arms back on. So our story actually starts with the three of you. And you guys can establish, if you want, how Magnus and Taco and Merle know each other. Craig's List. Craig's List. Which is actually a list that a gnome named Craig puts up on a tree every day. At a tavern, perhaps.

Want to make friends? Join my vest. But over here. Look for a young stud. A young triad. Fantastic. Do you triads down to clown? So you find each other on Craigslist.

Maybe you've been doing some odd jobs around. So the three of you have done a few jobs together, probably. Over drinks one night with Merle's cousin, whose name is shit. His name is Gundren Rock Seeker, who I assumed is just named that so you know from the start here that we are now playing Dungeons and Drive. His name is Steve Smith. His name, these names are out of control. I may eventually shed the booklet I'm going out of, which I'm really hoping you guys didn't read because I bought all of you starter kids. And you could have just cheated and read ahead in this adventure.

Gungeon Rock Seeker comes to you guys in a bar. Maybe you've had a few drinks. Maybe not. I don't want to make assumptions. Maybe you're all straight edge. Maybe you don't like to. Magnus has had about six ciders. Six.

But he can, no, he can hold his own. I mean, it's pretty weak as ciders go, like 3.2. We know that Merle possesses nearly 2,000 party points. Uh-huh. So he's, I imagine he's been crushing it. He's the Andrew WK of D&D. You're right. Oversider, he talks to you guys about an exciting opportunity.

He seems pretty straight-laced. Um, he seems like he's not giving you no bullshit. Um, and he promises in a low dwarven grumble, uh, which I'm not going to do that... Do it or I walk. Griffin, it's not fun if you don't do the voice. He says, uh, I'm gonna do a voice, Griffith. There you go. Uh, he, uh, he says that in a... No, that's just, that's how he sounds.

You were interpreting these low grunts. Uh, basically, sling blade. Britch rod taters. I'm glad we're going to go looking for rocks. You interpret from his Slingblade-esque grunts that he has to offer you what he calls the last job you'll ever need to take. He basically wants to audition you to see if you are capable of handling. So is this like two contrasting monologues? Yeah, he wants one that shows excitement, one that shows impotent rage.

No, he wants a... And a two-minute song. He was thinking more along the lines of slaying, protecting, guidance, adventuring, essentially. Excellent. So he has asked the three of you to escort a supply wagon from the town of Neverwinter, where the three of you are currently held up, to the town of Fandolin. It's about a two, three-day ride on a wagon. Is he expecting trouble?

No. Not really. Well, he's going to get it. Well, you don't know. He's giving us the job. He's giving you a job right now. Listen up. Listen up, Merle.

He has asked you basically to transport a wagon full of goods, maybe if you have his personal effects, from Neverwinter to Fandolin. And it sounds like a pretty easy job, but you never know. Can I ask a question? Yeah, please. Is this entire adventure dictated through exposition or playing now? No, no, no, we're going to get.

This is, this is. stage setting. Is this a game? Is Dungeon Dragons listening to you do exposition? No, not for the most part. Okay. I got to this is me planting this seed. I've actually already planted the seed and now I have to cover it in soil and nurture it for a bit. And then

I'm just going to blow on it and that's it. I do know, Justin, for my limited amount, what always makes D&D better is questioning how long it's taking. Yeah. Is he along with us? So Gundren is actually going up ahead of you guys. With a fighter escort.

named Sildar Hallwinter, whom you've never met. He was not actually at the tavern last night. He was not at the wine mixer for you guys. And his name one more time? Sildar Hallwinter. Yeah. It sounds disgusting.

I'm just going to call him silly. Very blue jeans. I can call it. That's what I'm saying. This is our game. We can do whatever we want. I can start calling these creeps. Very blue jeans.

and you're good okay did i bring the ingredients to create what people of our own who refer to you as a taco there's a problem there's no cultured milk at this point in the world you're gonna have a hard time with uh with a sour cream all right once you can crack that fucking riddle man i'll give it to you i will shower you with riches as the taco bag mate cast lactose intolerant because you have this oxen lead wagon. You're going to establish where you guys are on this wagon? Maybe one of you is keeping a lookout from the rear. Maybe one of you is riding on top like Teen Wolf. I'm in the back with the goods. Okay. And I'm driving. Are you getting high in your

supplier? You may be eating an apple. Maybe eat an apple you shouldn't be eaten? Not yet. Okay. All right. Travis, you're driving the oxen? Yes. You said. With my vehicle proficiency. I'm driving quite well. I don't know how to interpret vehicle proficiency. Everyone is very impressed. You're not going to hit a fucking ramp with your... Listen, if we got to get away from Boss Hogg. I'm the guy you wanted to front of the wagon. He does.

Merle, where are you... What are you doing? I am probably studying my cant trips. Okay. Just preparing. You mean... Just say masturbating day. I keep in thought...

Don't come in, Mom. I'm studying my can't trip. Because something about this whole thing... stinks to me. I've never liked Gondren and I think there's something up. I guess, I guess like, why can't he do both? Why can't he masturbate and also cast a ethereal light? I don't see a role for that. Yeah. Roll to masturbate. Yeah. So as you're traveling, uh, a few, say about 30, 40 miles out from Fandolin, um, I want you all to make a perception check. Your proficiency bonus plays a hand.

in a lot of roles. I've got a total. Yeah. And, Merle. Wow. Six. And what did you get, Travis?

20 says 23. 23. Okay. You see the shit out of everything. Travis, you see about 200 feet up lying in the road two figures that with your incredible perception check, you can actually tell with your. eagle eyes that they are two dead horses lying in the middle of the road.

Seems fine. Seems strange at all. As the driver of the wagon, you can, I guess, decide. Yeah, I'm going to stop the wagon. Okay. Bring it to a stop. And I motion silently to get the attention of Merrill and Taco and kind of pull them up towards the front of the wagon.

Okay. You have a few moments there where you warn them that shit has gone south. I'll use that same perception check. You notice a few figures, crouching. in a part of a shaded wood. Do they seem to have noticed us? Like, are we in bright sunlight? They have actually noticed you,

and two of them are charging your wagon as you speak. So, because you notice them, they did not get a surprise round on you, which would have been very, very bad. But I do need all of you to roll an issue. Yay. And I will roll for the gorblins here that are storming you. I'm going to start you out with gorblins

because it seems like comfortable to hear You guys are familiar with the concept of a goblin. So it's my first time ever doing this. Oh, they rolled a critical miss. So they are going to go last, I assume. How many are there? There are three. Two of them are rushing the group.

One is pretty heavily obscured by the brush. Probably about 40 feet out. Sort of between you and the horses laying in the middle of the road. So, yeah, the goblins are getting they got pretty close before this fight started. They moved, before anybody moves or takes any actions, we will start at the top of the order, which is Dad, Merle. Are we definitely sure that these are bad guys?

They have weapons drawn and are rushing at your cart. Would it spend like a turn if Dad was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, Kima Sabis. You cool? Hey, you cool? Most of the time, just kind of general rule of thumb, when your DM tells you to roll for initiative, you're in combat. Okay. You're in combat, but, but you can, as a free action, you can speak.

So you could cast light or Sacred Flame or Thumbaturgy. Sacred Flame is really your combat cantrip, if you wanted to do that. It's not a buff. Or you could get, no, it is a debuff in a sense that you set their asses on fire. All right. That is, yeah. Or you could run up to them and smash them with your warhammer. And we're still above them, right?

because we're on the cart. They're on the ground. Travis, you are sort of in the saddle driving the cart. All three of you are sort of towards the front of the cart where Magnus summoned you up to to warn you, hey, dead horses. So you are all basically towards the front of the cart and can easily hop down.

It's not especially high up. They have to beat a 13 or else they're going to be set on fire. Okay. A 10 plus 2 is 12. So. Griffith, it says in the sports, bell description here, the target has to succeed on a dexterity saving throw? Right. That is what they're attempting to do.

All right. All right. Got it. They rolled a 12. So they barely miss it. So you roll 1D8. You roll the eight side to die, and that will establish how much damage they take. Okay. Is this? Yeah. Is it? It's the one that doesn't have any numbers higher than eight. I rolled a six. That is pretty. That's very, very good. So you attack You launched some fire

onto the goblin closest to the wagon And with that He looks like Upon Death's door And the other goblin that you can see The one that's not in the brush somewhere Just sort of stops in his tracks

And it's like, oh, shit And that is where he's at Next in order is Justin Blast that one in the brush I'm gonna How far away is the one in the brush, Griffin? The one out in the brush is about 40 feet out Okay, now question, yeah, do I see the one of the brush?

You actually do not. Travis is the one who spotted him. Oh, okay. You can search for the, you notice for the general direction. If you try to cast a spell at him right now, you'd have disadvantage. Because you don't exactly know where he is. If you want to do a perception check, it would take up your turn, but you could get a pretty

good idea of where this person is. No, I'm going to blast the one that Merle hit. Okay. With a ray of frost. A popular, popular skill. Thank you. Break off a ray of frost for me? What's it do? It's a frigid beam of blue, white light streaks towards a creature within range. You make a range spell attack against the target. Gotcha. So that's a 24. Holy shit, yeah, you blast that thing.

And you were attacking the one that Merle just hit? Or the one Merle hasn't? The one Merle just hit, yes. Hey, at least you put him out. He was on fire. Okay. You got to roll your damage now, which is... It's a D8.

D8. Six. You don't add anything to that. It's just, right? Okay. You freeze him instantly. You flash freeze him, and he sort of topples to the ground and shatter. Yeah.

It's our first kill. Yeah. So why am I so horny? I'm broken inside. That's the horrible thing. If you had talked to them, you would have realized that they're part of a hug committee. They were running forward to hug you to give you a hug. I'm going to jump off the cart and try to kind of, so I can swing my battle axe double-handed if I haven't drawn my shield yet off my back.

Okay, but keep in mind that your armor is going to be lower as a result of that. Yes, I have to do that. But for right now, I'm going to jump off the cart and try to come down on top of him swinging my battle axe two-handed. Okay. What does that mean? Which I assume grants me advantage. If you do a leaping strike from the wagon

down onto the dome piece of this gourdlin is what you're telling me. That's what I'm trying to do. The gorgblen is probably about 15 to 20 feet away from you. He's not right next to the wagon. Well, Magnus has a vertical leap of 18 feet. I'm going to make you... I'll let you do it, but you have to make a very low athletics check.

If you're just jumping, that's athletics. Terrific. A plus five athletics. All right. We'll say you need to be a good. Yeah, that'll do. That'll do, pig. Great.

So you are allowed to make this stupid attack that you're making. So doing the battle axe two-handed means my damage is 1d10 instead of 1D. But you have to actually roll the attack. Yes. Okay. I realize that. And you have advantage so you can roll 2D20. Great. So I rolled a 20 right there, so I'll roll again.

You rolled a crit? No. It was a 15 plus 5, and then a 9. So a 20 was my house. Okay, yeah, that'll do it. And I'm going to roll 1D10. Is that this one? Yeah. So that's 10 plus 3, 13. You rolled max damage. Yes.

You cut the thing in half, long ways. You cut the thing in half, the nave to the chops. in like the direction that if you had your choice, you would least like to be cut in half, how it said. You have the least survivable having that could possibly be conceived. So the other goblin that's out in the brush pops up almost like, yeah, guys, get them. Oh, no, no, God, no. He sees, he says, wait, I thought there were only two garblins out there.

Why are there three over there? Oh, Jesus, Jerry, no. He just had a kid. He is horrified. And draws a, what does he draw? Draws a short bow and takes an arrow out of his quiver and seems to fidget with it for a bit. And then you see him light the arrow on fire and launch it in the direction of, we'll say Magnus, since you are actually. Actually, who's still on the wagon? Both of them are still on the wagon.

I fell off the wagon. Let's say he launches it at Taco. So he makes a range attack. He rolls a 5 plus 5, which is... Oh, sorry, plus 4. 5 plus 4 is 9, which I assume is not going to do it. Doesn't do it. So, Justin, that would be against your armor class.

That would be against your armor class. What is your AC, juice? 12. Yeah. So when I didn't cut it, it sort of twangs into the side of the canvas of the wagon instead. Oh, no. Is it setting our canvas on fire? It has actually begun to set the canvas on fire. And it almost seems like he's satisfied with that result.

And as you guys are distracted by the flames, he turns around and starts to hoof it. His speed is 30 feet. So he gets a pretty good distance into the brush. I'm going to leave the fire up to somebody else and throw my hand axe. You need to, you're going to move in the direction of... Can I move before I throw? Yeah, yeah, sure. You can sweat your room up.

You can move however you want. You can move 10 feet and do an attack. I have a maximum of 25 feet. Okay. So from the wagon, you get about how. have to sense to where he is. You are throwing your hand axe into some brush. So he's going to have a partial cover,

which basically means his AC is going to be improved. His armor class is already pretty decent, so you need to roll real well. What am I rolling? So on your paper, in the little thing in the middle there, there should be a hand axe thing, and it'll tell you what your mod is. So roll a D20.

Roll a D20. you're going to add Okay 14 and I add 4 so that's 18 18 He would have had 17 with that cover So yes you just barely You throw it into the woods you can

Exactly see you see like Branches wrestling And you throw your axe in that direction And you hear Ah And so you know you probably connected And got some Got some meat in there

So roll 1D6 Plus 2 And that's your damage Yeah Okay It's a six plus two is eight. After you hear that, you don't hear anything ever again from that guy.

The horses are covered in, well, not covered. They have a few, obviously, mortal holes in them. Arrow holes, you recognize them as. But somebody's taking the arrows back from a very prudent, they are dead. They are dead. They are dead. They're not asleep.

Oh, by the way, can I grab that short bow from that dude so I can actually have a range weapon? You can? It's not great. So, yeah, you got these two horses. They are dead as shit. There are a few empty bags and containers lying around. Are they cold? The horses? They are actually a little bit warm.

This was not a... Okay. This did not happen last night as soon as they left. You assume maybe they made camp after leaving the tower. This may have happened within a matter of hours. And in fact, why don't you guys make an investigation check if you want? I rolled it two. I can't find my own buck.

Wow. You're like, look at these big dead dogs. I could see it from far away, and then I knew nothing about it. 17. 17 investigation? Okay. Merle. What do I add to it, Justin?

The investigation number next to investigation. Okay, so I rolled an 11. Okay. Merle and Magnus, you are sort of clueless. You notice the horses. Horses? Justin, among the containers, you notice an empty map container. Maybe a tube that a roll of parchment could be secured inside,

what you might ship a poster in, but fantasy-like. Which you actually recognized from the tavern last night as something that Gundren did have on him. To the mouth of a cave that a source. sort of natural stream is flowing out of. Pretty wide stream, not especially deep. It's the most goddamn beautiful thing you've ever seen. Oh, that's nice.

It is, all of you get 20 points of inspiration. Just from seeing it, you are deeply inspired. No, you don't get that. Oh, crap. It's the mouth of a cave. Along sort of the stream, you can sort of see into the cave a little ways, and you can see basically, the cave is comprised of, a path along the right side of the mouth of the cave that leads in alongside of the stream.

But, Dad, you can cast light for free, since it's a cantrip, onto maybe a nice stick that you found on the ground, and give that to a fighter who can't see Super Great in the under-earth. Is, Travis, your weapon one-handed or two-handed? It is either. It is versatile. Okay, so I could give you a torch and you'd still be able to use your weapon. You could also just cast light on my axe. That might look bitching. All right. Let's go with the bitching effect of casting light on your axe.

Okay. Travis now has this. Do I roll? No, that's fine. Oh, no. You're not attacking his axe. Take this, you bastard. I hate you axe.

Not too far into the cavern. You feel the path branched. off to the right. I guess you see it because you have this beautiful light axe. And in fact, as you sort of get within distance of that entrance that the light of your axe from your, the light from your bitching axe pours into it, you hear wrestling in there. You hear the sound of metals sort of clinking together, almost like a chain being moved, lifted off the ground. Listen, like a chase of Marley.

Magnus believes the thinking is for other people and I tend towards action so I'm going down that chain hallway I like that I am actually going to give you a point of inspiration for that So I head down the hallway towards the chains Okay Did the two of you follow him or are you more just like

Taco chills Taco just kind of chance that maybe Still Dar and Gundren are chained up down there Oh listen that Okay I guess I follow them Okay well I am chilling there's no them to follow Tacos on team hangout Well, I only go by 25 feet.

Like, I'm not going to get too far away. Well, no, we're not in combat, so you, there's no order. Okay, well, I don't want to get too far away from them. So, listen, I'm foolhardy, but I'm not stupid. Yeah, you're not good. So I'm going to go down the hall, you know, the 60 feet that they can still see me and I can still see back. Okay. You space yourself out a little bit, and you just sort of turn the corner into this cavern and sort of wave your axe around,

hoping to cast some light on the things that you see in there. Uh, inside you see, uh, uh, uh, decent-sized cavern, um, and, uh, coming out of them are these big metal rods, uh, connected to chains, connected to wolves, um, three wolves. Kill the light, kill the light, kill the light. They're not like, um, growling. They're not, uh, they don't seem especially violent right now. Um, I actually have, um, animal handling skill pretty good. Of course you do. I do. My full pure own nature.

I'm a farmer. Carpenter. What's your animal handling? What is your animal handling? Plus three. Okay. So is mine. Okay.

Well, fuck you. Every father wants to hear that from his son. You're not his father right now, are you? You're his adventuring companion. Oh, that's right. I'm going to cautiously but confidently approach the wolves. If anything is more important What you're dealing with wolves

You've got to be confident Because they can smell that off I don't want to appear weak Because the predator prey behavior is going to kick in Okay Listen I know about animals With every passing step That you draw closer to them

They seem more agitated A couple of them are snarling at you now So there's some wolves down there Doesn't seem like it's worth it Let's keep going Excellent Well I trust your judgment Okay

I'm into that. I'm into that. I'm into that. Yeah, sure. All right. So you can continue down the cave. It's getting very dark. Basically, the natural light that was coming in from the mouth of the cave was providing quite a bit. So you can see until now, basically, and now you need your light axe, your mag light to really get around.

Merle and Taco, I almost forgot your name, impossibly. You are, you don't need it. You can see basically just find out here. Merle, you actually see up ahead the outline of a overhead bridge and overpass that is suspended in the air. It's connected to two entrances on the second story level. It looks like it's connecting two passageways higher up in the cave, a second story of this cave. You also see the outline of a figure sitting on top of the bridge. I'll call out to him.

Hello, friend. You're using common, I'm assuming, to do that? No, elvish. Oh, Elvis. Just in case there's some underground elves. You hear a questioning ground, like, huh? And then... I try to get in...

No, shh-shh! Shut the fuck up? I try getting goblin. You try to get a goblin. You don't know goblins, so you... You kind of yell. Yes, I do. It's one of my languages.

Is it really? I know a common Elvis draconic, dwarfish, and goblin. Okay, what do you yell? Hello, friend. Who's there? Hailing Wilmette. I, you don't sound like anybody I know. We're just exploring.

We've taken a wrong turn. You certainly have. I would actually heartily recommend you turn around. This is not a great place for tourism. Where we found ourselves. He does not know how to handle that situation. Come a little bit closer. Show yourself to me.

Come closer? Come closer to the overpass. This is a good time if you've got any illusion magic. I will warn you, we're very dangerous, though we mean you no harm. I would not suggest launching an attack on us. How dangerous are you? How dangerous we're talking? Level one.

Go ask the goblin cut in half how dangerous we are. You cut a goblin in half? Yeah, but he was cool like you. Excellent. Well played. I was just trying to establish a rapport. Now, to be fair, to be fair, Merle doesn't speak goblin and neither do I.

Okay. Oh, that's right. He doesn't understand. Blab, blab, blab, blab. Do you have gold? Sorry? In you? Bold.

Sorry. Where are we? you're in our you're in our hideout you were making me extremely uncomfortable i don't know who you are what you're doing uh we sometimes take new recruits but like i i've seen you is certainly part of the interview process my name is taco a friend of ours was taken and his horses were killed were searching for our friend yeah we did that hey guys someone's here guys it's the guys from the horse thing use major Use Mayton, push him off.

I need the three of you. Wait, how close am I, Griffin? You are, you managed to get about 20 feet in there. But as he yells, he readies his weapons. So go ahead and roll initiative. Okay. So you have this one goblin on the overpass, and after his word of warning,

nobody's really rushed to his aid, either by the two entrances, the overpass connects, or from the depths of the cave that you're facing. You do hear, in the distance, down the length of the cave, an extremely loud racket. You hear voices saying something. Taco you can understand, as one of them says,

two voices talking. You hear one say, really? And the other says, you heard them. And then you hear banging, almost like somebody's hitting something against something else. You can't exactly, unless you see it, you can't really tell what the noise is. But you hear a pretty terrible sound coming from down there. And top of the order is Magnus.

So I am going to hole up in that. They're coming from behind us. They are coming from, nobody's coming. You can't really determine the voices you heard are actually coming from them in front of you. Behind the overpass, the overpass is in front of you. Behind that is deeper. Okay, great. I'm going to post up and move to in front of that entrance, the overpass, so I'm going to ready an action.

Where are you moving? Underneath the bridge? I'm moving to the opening, wherever it is that the voices are coming from. I want to be ready for whoever's coming. Okay, so you sort of position yourself in front of, you move under the underpass to the other side, waiting for whatever's coming down. Yeah, and I'm going to ready an attack action. For what? If some...

The first person to come down that hallway. You're just going to melee attack him. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to cast shield of faith. Okay. Around, uh, Magnus. Okay.

Can you explain what that does? Shield of faith. Uh, shimmering field appears and surrounds a creature of your choice within range, granting it a plus two bonus to AC for the duration. Okay. Baller. Um... No.

And are you going to move or do anything else? I guess that's your action. That was my action. Okay, so Travis, you have plus two to AC? Yeah. And Dad, I think you just expanded one of your spell slots. Yeah. Okay.

Cool. Then the order moves to the goblin on the overpass. He sees you put a magic, beautiful shield around this already heavily shielded fighter in the front. So he sort of turns his attention off of Magnus. He's pretty sure he can't penetrate all that. And he's actually going to aim at Merle with a short bow. And he rolls a... Ooh, Jesus. A 21 versus AC.

What's your armor class? 18. 18. So 21 beats your 18, so he hits you. Four. Okay. Four plus two. So six piercing damage. Okay. I'm going to cast Ray of Frost on that fool.

The goblin on the bridge. The overpass goblin. Okay. Ooh, 24. 24, that is a hit. We got eight damage. Nice. Eight damage.

He takes all of that. It sort of knocks him back a little bit, but he maintains his footing on the overpass. He looks like he's about to get. kick it. He looks real bad. So that is the end of the round. From the back of the hallway that Travis just ran up very valiantly to

defend, you hear almost like something has just fallen over. And then immediately after that, you hear the telltale sound of rushing water. Great. I'm going to head back to where my buddies is.

And then I'm going to shoot the little goblin with my short bow. Okay. Unless there's something else I can do. No. You're just going to sort of stand there. Yeah. 23. 23. That is a hit. Okay, great. And then D6 plus three, five.

You hit him square in the chest, and he says, wow, you guys weren't kidding. And then he falls off the bridge, um, limply into the street. Does there seem to be any way to get up to the overpass level? I mean, you can climb. Oh, then let's climb. Well, you are already hackeded. I know, I know.

I will climb. I will climb. What do I need to do? You will make a... I want to try to climb up to the overpass. Okay. To climb, you make an athletics check to basically scale up the wall. You're not climbing that high, and there is like a rocky, craggy surface.

So it's not an especially difficult check. check actually to get up there. The bridge is relatively rickety. It's a goblin construction, so it's not amazing. But it looks like it'll hold your weight. Okay. So I roll a 20-sided die? You roll a 20-sided die, and you add your athletics.

All right. I rolled a three, so my athletics is four. That makes it seven. That is not sufficient. You start to climb up the rocks. They're a little bit wet from the morning. moisture in here. You slip off. You don't take any damage, uh, because you're probably only a few feet up and you're not a very tall person. So I mean, that is a significant distance, but you do

land on your ass. And you're embarrassed. You take 10 embarrassment points. And I, and I, I, I peed a little. Okay. You peed a little bit. Um, you might be advanced in years. Maybe you pee a little bit every time you take any damage. Uh, I will attempt the same climb that felled my friend, Murr. Okay. I have no athletics. Here we go. 14. What did you roll?

14. 14. 14. That'll do it. You, uh, you, uh, look at it. A lucky, first time is, first time is luck, huh? You scurry up the, uh, up the rocks and, uh, you, you manage to climb on top of this bridge. If you feel it sway and shake a little bit underneath you as you get up there, but, uh, it holds fast.

Suddenly, a horrifying wave of wall. water. A wall of water comes hurtling down the cave and basically blasts into our heroes that are on the ground level. First, it hits Magnus, and then shortly thereafter collides with Merle, who is still on his ass. It starts to sweep you away. However, you both are sort of close to the craggy cave wall. So you can make a dexterity saving throw to try and not get flushed by this wall of water that's rushing at you. I got a 13. You got 13 total? Merle? Yeah. I got a 16.

Okay. So both of you managed to grab onto the wall just as this wave of water hits you and tries to pull you away unsuccessfully. There was a lot of water, though. So you are sort of having to fight against the stream holding onto these rocks. So I need you both to also make a strength-saving throw to make sure that you can hold onto this rock. The whole time, Taka, you're just sort of watching this charade take place for your safe perch. You're not laughing, but you are amused to see how it goes. I got 13.

I got it. I got seven. Both of you get flushed in a torrent of water. You weren't really, like, hit by the wave of force that this thing brought with it at first, but you are dragged down the cave back into sort of the first antechamber. So you both take three damage. I'm down to two. And that is the end of combat.

I'm fine. Don't worry about me. You okay, Taco! I'm fine. Don't worry about Taco. But that was the end. That was the end. You were out of combat.

That's the end. You actually hear Taco from down the cavern and Goblin. You are prying to hear this Taco. The other two are sort of too far away. And also they don't speak Goblin, so they wouldn't hear it. But you hear, do we get them? Answering Goblin, Tago. No.

No, no, yes. Tell me yes. Sorry, let me try again. Yes. Which one is it? Make up your mind. No, we definitely got them. Oh, thank God.

Should we come down there or is it is it cool? Is it? No, I got. Do their drowned bodies look kind of cool? Tell them it's, Tell there's water everywhere. I got too horny from the killing and I, I'm joking. Oh, Jesus, not again.

We're actually going to stay up here. Thanks, though. Don't come in here. It's private. You hear them shuffle off. You hear the sound of footsteps. moving away from you. And you think that using your clever ruse,

you have scared them off. Yes, ruse.