The Adventure Zone - Ep. 19. Petals to the Metal - Chapter Two

Episode Date: July 16, 2015

Our heroes attempt to reconcile with Trent the Treant; a task made difficult by the fact that one of them just cut him in half. After that, buckle up y'all, because it's ELEVATOR TIME. YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH ELEVATORS. Merle befriends a crowbar. Taako does a rope trick. Magnus holds on for dear lives. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously on the Adventure Zone, there's a grand relic one of our seekers have found in the city of Goldcliffe, and it is in the possession of a master criminal known as the Raven. And you are just gobsmacked by the largest building in town, which is this 20-story tall golden tower, emblazoned with the words Goldcliff Trust. This building is actually slowly being swallowed up by these gigantic thorny vines. us to go in and get her? Can I tell you something? That would be terrific. Let me ask you this. Follow-up. Hit me. Do you think we're high enough level to do that? I don't know. How high levels are it? It is a tree aunt, and his name is Trent. That's not a listener. I just thought it would be a

fun joke. And as it turned out, you are right. I chop it in half. It topples backwards into the booths in the back of the room, and he screams at you very loud with with sap. pouring out of his mouth. But I chopped him in half. And he did take some damage for that. Yeah, I should hope so. If you don't like this episode, you can make like a tree and leaf. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.

It's been a really rough week. It's the Adventure Zone. So when last we left off, I just killed the tree ant with a single blow. No. Trent, Tom said McLean half. Bunyan-esque, they called it. Trent the tree-in. Then he ate a flap jacked.

Size of a house. The tree did? Or Magnus? They both did. They showed it. Yeah, they had. And we kissed in the middle. It's a lot to eat.

They worked it out. A lot of kissing plants, this adventure arc. I'm kind of surprised. I mean, it had to happen eventually, right? Okay. Is it my turn yet? No, it's Trent the tree ants' turn. I mean, I get two attacks.

Okay, we'll say, yeah, it is still your turn. You've just chopped him over, and he, uh, he lets you know, hey, I'm, I'm, still here. It's still me, Trent, and I'm still alive. Now, let me ask you this. I have a special skill called disarming strike. Can I do that and take his arms? Probably not, right? I don't even know what disarming strike means. I don't think it means disarm. Well, it means that when I hit, I use one of my special dice, the reaction dice, to disarm them. But I guess since he doesn't have weapons, he's basically just doing melee, right? Yeah, he's a tree.

Okay. Well, then I'm just going to attack him with the battle. He's actually got a gun. He's got a... And thus guns are introduced into our universe. He's got an A.K. He's got it, and he's... I shout out of his...

I'm a serial plane. Oh, he's got a gun, but nobody can hear me. And I'm watching this. Are you still in that plane? What to say? All right. I'm rolling to attack him. I'm going to do...

I'm going to do... I'm going to do... one-handed so that I've got my shield out. Because I don't want to get a hit for 14 points of damage. You use your move to get to that found, but you can still access his like butt from where you just cut him. I want to chop his butt again. Okay.

I rolled a 16 plus 7, so that's 13, or sorry, 23. Yeah. Plus 7, geezer, creaser. Yeah, dude. That's my attack box now. Yeah. People will be rolling some high numbers now. Yeah, you hit him.

Monday 8, 4 plus 6, so I hit him for 10. Yeah, he did not like that. Is that it for you? I mean, I could action surgeon hit him again, but I think that might be greedy, so I'll wait. Okay. Okay, so now Trent the Triant rears up on his two broad branches to sort of lift himself up and get a good look at the face of the person who just attacked us. him. And he is going to whip at you with his smaller, spikier branch arm. And he rolls a 21 versus A6. Yep. So I have Perry, when hit, use reaction dice plus S dice to reduce damage by D8 plus dexterity modifier.

There's a lot of shit. I don't... What are S-dice? Maybe it's pronounced... S-dice. So basically, I have three reactions I can do before a short rest. So you roll a D-8. Yeah.

Okay. So it was four plus my dexterity modifier, which is two, so I reduce the amount of damage I take by six. Okay. Did I say how much damage he's hooked yet? No, not yet. Okay. He's going to add six to it.

Oh, that dick. No, that's not true. It was 14, so minus 6 is 8. Uh-huh. You take eight poison damage. Oh, no. And we're back out to the top of the order. Taco, you are in the ethereal plane.

Okay, come back. Can you move in the ethereal plane and then come back? Yeah, I mean, I can get... I'm pretty cool. I'm cool where I'm at. What happens is when I come back... I mean, I can move in the ethereal plane. I automatically come back at the beginning of my turn.

When I come back, I can come back to an unoccupied space within 10 feet of where I left. Me, that's good, fuck my spell. So how far was I from, how far am I from he who was Trent? You're still about 30 feet away from him, back at the, like, front door. That's fine by me. Okay. I'm going to cast scorchurchy. Ray on Trent.

Are you scorching Ray? He wants to know. You know, it's funny, dad's never listened to my brother, my brother, me before. He's just a big Jimmy Ray fan. Yeah, sure. Aren't we all? So, let me tell you the story here. I'm going to create three rays of fire and hurl them at targets within range.

I can do one target or several, obviously. I'm just doing the one target. I'm assuming that the whole of Trent is now not connected the stump, right? The stump's just like, is no longer part of the Trent. Yeah, it's like if you're fighting, if you're fighting Magnus and you cut his foot off, you wouldn't attack his foot. No, that's true.

I don't know. Correct. If he was cutting his foot off, I wouldn't do that. So I'm making a range spell attack for each of the three rays. And then on hit, the target takes 2D6 fire damage. This will be unpleasant. I hope it works. First one is a two plus...

That's going to miss. I mean, it's going to miss. There's no reason to do that. That math. Next one is a 20. Yeah, that's a hit. That's a hit. My spell casting modifier,

is that what we're just talking with the proficiency bonus plus my... Intellect. Intellect, okay. Plus if you have... Plus your umbrella is plus one now. So seven, I think. Okay.

I don't know what your intellect is, actually. So that's 16. So there's 26 and 16. The 26 hits, the 16 just misses. Oh, jeesh. Okay. Five and six, 11. Okay.

Wait, did you hit him twice? Or each one does... Each one does 2D6. Oh, damn. Yeah. So you do 11 damage. You actually did 22 damage. Oh, fire.

Because he is vulnerable to that shit. Nice. And then I wink out of existence. Cool. How long does that blink go until you fail the role? It goes for a minute. Okay, well, you're trying to combat is six seconds, so... Yeah, right, so that's...

I was thinking we probably wouldn't use it all up, but yeah, if we go 10 rounds, just remind me that I can't do it anymore, I need to use it again. Okay. Where did you go? I'm in the ethereal plane. Is there anything you can steal on the ethereal plane? Oh, I can't interact with anything over here. Well, good.

Next in the order are the vines. What? The vines in front of the fountain have... been drenched in some of the sap that came out of Trent's whole situation and have begun to animate and two of them raise up into the air almost like

snakes that have been charmed and they rear back and they strike at Merle what? Oh yeah right okay one of them critically misses and the other rolls at 24. All right.

What do I roll? Nothing. Is your AC higher than 24? Because if so, your character's broken and we need to restart. No, I got 18. Okay. You take 11 points of damage and you are restrained. I know you're wondering, what does that mean?

Tell me, Griffin. It means that you've learned how to control you. yourself and keep yourself from lashing out at others. This appendix leaves much to be desired. You're restrained. A restrained creature's speed becomes zero and it can't benefit from any bonus to its speed. Attack rolls against the creature have advantage and the creature's attack rolls have disadvantaged. The creature has disadvantage on dexterity saving throws. So you're all tied up in these, in these vines.

Okay. So I can't do anything. At the end of your turn, you can make a dexterity saving throw. trying to beat a 10. But no, for this turn, you're all tied up. You can do stuff. You just can't move. Okay. And if you're attacked, then the attack has advantage.

And if you attack anything, the attack has disadvantage. Okay. How would he attack something if he can't move? I don't know. With his God magic. That's quite a disadvantage. Okay. All right.

But before I do anything like that, let me hit you with something else. No. I talk to plants. We've already established that early. Yeah. Can I just look at Trent and ask him why? Can I just ask him why? I'm furiously flipping through the book trying to find a way.

You can, I mean, you have two channel divinities. So, at level six, you got a second channel divinity. You can bust that one off again. I think it would be good for the podcast if you would use this spell slot to talk to Trent. To talk to Trent. No, for the podcast, you should talk to Trent. We need to hear from Trent. We need to take it with Trent at this point.

I am going to use my other channel divinity, and I am going to... My butt! Trent! My butt! What's funny is this is not the character of Trent. Griffin just sat on a porcupine. My butt. I was just born.

And then my butt came off. How did you do this? I'll kill you all. Trent? I just got born. I'm a baby and you cut my butt off. You cut my whole body off my butt. I have a power to heal you.

I have plant. No, listen. Listen, no, you listen. I don't have a butt anymore because you're rolling with some genuine dicks. I'm not with them. I'm not with them. You entered into the room with them and you healed one of them. him, but. I saw them attack you

and I came in here and I said, can't we just talk to Trent? I just want to talk. I don't know who these guys are. I have plant growth. I can heal you. What is plant growth? That's where I make a... Listen, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh,

I know it hurts. It's a boo-boo. And he hurt your butt. And he's a bad, bad man. He is. The worst man. He's a worst man. He's a worst man. I hate it. And here, I can do plant. growth and make your butt feel good. Oh God, I worded that wrong. Well, from what I've heard, it's actually

something you're very much into. Here, you can read this extreme teen Bible. I can't read. I'm in plants and I'm like 30 minutes old. No, no. Listen, Taco can read it to you and I can use plant growth. No, shh, and make you all better. That was a fart. I have to do those out of my mouth now. Thanks to your friend. That's okay. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's a real horror show in here. Holy shit. That's the worst. No, no, no, it's not the worst.

I'm so glad I want the inferior plane for that. I really, I like it. Oh, I guess Magnus will have to read the Bible to you, and I'll heal you. This whole time, Magnus is just saying, I don't understand any of this. I just hear, like, tree sounds coming out of Merle. Merle is just talking like, yeah, you can't comprehend any of this. Trent says Are you going to reattach me

My old bud or when I go A new one I will try to do that But if I do We have to stop this silly little conflict And be buds And you can really be a bud See what I did there

It was a plant thing I couldn't hear it I'm in the serial plane Yeah Okay And you're speaking tree Yeah You just rewind yourself

I don't want to get Listen I'm going to get Kind of existential now But I was born Like a minute ago Yeah And I was put here to stop people

From going upstairs And I think I can Here's the thing And it's the only problem I'm sad about my butt Well I'm angry about my butt Sadness is part of it And there'll be lots of time

For sadness later But right now it's mainly just anger. And here's the thing is that I think I can, I think I'm winning this fight and that I might be able to beat you guys. And the bad lady is the one that sent you down this path. Nobody else told sick do you on your three best buds to come? The bad lady grew me up out of the ground out of nothing.

Listen, I want a butt very badly. And I'll tell you what. If you give me my butt back, I'll only kill your friends. Hmm. You mean you'll let me? let me go. Yeah. Now, really think about it. I am. Oh, believe me, I'm really thinking. I mean, I'm really thinking about it. You know, anybody

that would hurt trees, they suck. Yeah. They suck. No friend of mine. What's he saying? Are we going to get out of this one? Let's just do it. Drop him. Will you please freaking chop him? Do what you're going to do. It's not my turn.

Triff him. I mean, the ethereal play. This is like I'm watching this on Netflix. You can give whoever you want. I'm going to keep talking to him. chop his. I actually understand common English. Okay, I attack him. I was French. I was talking in French. Oh, I don't understand French then. Sorry, go ahead. What's the same. Dad thinks plant and French

sounds the same. They did sound exactly a line. Okay, I am, uh, I'm attacking him now. Is it your turn? I go after Merle, I guess. Can I keep talking to him to distract him? Yeah, you can talk to him as men his chops him apart. I'm going to chop his butt again. And I think he's a bad, bad man. I think Magnus should get advantage. Yeah, he has distracted. Magnus, you have advantage on your attacks. Yeah.

Okay, well, that's a 16. Pay no attention to that man with a great big axe. He's a bad dude. Yeah, so my first attack, I rolled a 23. It hits. It hits. That's a D8 plus six. So that's eight damage.

Okay. And now I'm going to attack again. Okay. I assume I don't have a surprise advantage now, though. No, he is well aware. Well, I rolled a 25. Wow. Well, it's hard to miss when you have a plus seven, and I hit him for seven.

Okay. And I turn and go, Magnus! What did you do? But you said... Magnus. But you... Oh. Trent.

Trent goes, Trinco's, Trin goes, ah, oh, okay, okay, okay, guys, all right, guys, I'll think,

I'm thinking about it now. Now I'm giving it some serious consideration. Just the whole backing off, letting bygones be bygones thing. Please,

please don't, I have kids, I don't, I was just bored. You know this. I'm a baby, though. You wouldn't hurt a baby,

would you? Wah, Mama, mama, blah, please. Pass me my binky. Is he dead yet? Change my dipe, type, please.

My binkie now. So, like, is he dead? He's not dead, but he's asking, he's asking for you to let him go. We can't understand that. I understood it. What do you, well, you're in the ethereal plane. You wouldn't understand it anyway. Yeah, that's true.

Who's turning, sir? It's, uh, it's, uh, it's, uh, it's, uh, it's, it's, turn he spent his turn pleading and crawling his way towards the front door leaving a ghastly trail of sap behind him okay oh man am i back yet uh yeah taco it's up to you so okay so just born huh yeah i raised my hand and i cast scorching ray and i say welcome to earth Yeah 24 Yeah

15 No Okay so 5 2 1 5 2 1 5215 13 13 26

26 Yeah because it's double because it's fire Oh yeah One of the beams cuts a line up the wall behind him and just goes right through his big arm, which falls to the ground with a thunk.

And the other ray just hits him right square in the chest. And he collapses to the ground and sort of disintegrates. And as he does, the two vines that were restraining Merle, release him. Oh, Trent. I guess he solved your baby Trent puzzle, huh? You guys would have. I have no idea what Merle is so sad about. Yeah, well, you get great.

Merle, come on. I know, I know. It's just, I don't know, he was so young. He hit me, like, real hard. I know, but you're a douchebag, and he's just so young. I mean, fair. I miss him, too. It was a him?

That's fine. Is there any good gold or anything? You find Trent's wallet on a Wallet. He had a wallet chain going into a small bird's hole. I keep staring at Taco the entire time. He does not have a wallet on him. He's a tree, but you could... He does have pockets, and we find his subway stamp club card.

I go right, it has no stamps. He was born 30 minutes ago. Can I go over to the booths then? I've moved on with my life. Okay, yeah, there's a pretty clear gap into the booths where Trent fell. so you can sort of climb over some of the rubble and access those booths. There are some registers back here that have been picked over, picked clean. They're all open and empty.

But underneath one of the booths, the far booth, underneath sort of tucked away is a small black iron lockbox. Cool. It's locked. It's locked. It's locked, right? I figured it was locked. What's the size of it? Large, small.

A shoebox size. We should have some rogues. We need a rogue. Can we have another brother? Hey, dad. Hey, dad? Daddy. Hey, dad.

I've been wanting to talk to you about this for a long time. How about a brother or sister that can play D&D with us? Now, listen, it is going to take him a while to learn the ropes. You can adopt? Can you adopt Will Eaton? Actually, you do have a fourth brother. What? Why are you telling us this?

Can we end? You've never asked before. Can we end the call and talk about this? It seems like a bad venue for that. No, you open the can of worms. This is what the donors paid for. Let's talk about it. His name is John Snow.

Mm-hmm. He has a job in the armed forces. Oh, I love him. He did that in pharma. You know what I go to do now. That's snow. A lekey boom, boom, boom, down. And he's kind of, he's kind of stationed.

to far away, but you know, he's always asking me if he has any brothers, and I didn't acknowledge, because he's a real bastard. So I haven't really said anything before, but maybe we can get him on the phone after the show. Hey, dad, just...

Real quick. How proud of yourself were you for that joke? Pretty proud. I've been saying it since episode two. And a second question, follow-up question, Dad, did you get my informer by Snow joke? No way.

No. I like he bum-boom down. Now he gets it. Why did you licking my boom boom down? And I'm dead. Hey everyone, this is Griffin McElroy, your dungeon master, your best friend, your life colleague. Thank you all so much for listening to The Adventure Zone episode 19, the second part of our newest story arc. It's good to have you here.

I hope you're having a good Thursday. Thank you all so much for listening to and sharing the show. Again, if you tweet about the show using the Zonecast hashtag, you might end up as a character in the show like Captain Captain Bain from this last episode. We'll be introducing a few more characters during this story arc. So get those tweets in now, and you might end up as one of them. Also, if you can, please share the show with any friends you might have that you think would be into this nerdy-ass shit. We don't pay to market the show at all. We rely entirely on word of mouth.

And you all have been so, so great to us so far. but if you could help us get out there just a little bit more by sharing the show with your friends leaving a review on iTunes that really helps too we sure would appreciate it. I have two personal messages here. You can get a personal message on the show by going to maximum fun.org slash jumbotron and telling them that you want to purchase a spot on the Adventure Zone. This first one is for Maxine Frank and it's from Beth and Jordan. Beth and Jordan say to Maxine, happy birthday to the greatest sister video game consultant. weird porn connoisseur and voice twin. Hope you have a great dirty 30 birthday,

and I hope this message from your favorite macaroys brightens your day, like Taco the Wizard brightens our lives. They asked for this around July 4th, which is her birthday, and what a great birthday to have. You get drunk, you eat hot dogs, you watch ID4, and then you get drunk again, but this time for your birthday. I think that sounds like the best day ever. Maxine, I hope it was real special.

Here's our second message. It's for Julia and it's from Tom. Tom says to Julia, happy one year anniversary, my love. You mean the world to me and I love you so much. I can't wait for what the next year will bring with you. Here's to a lifetime of wonderful memories. There is nothing to make fun of in that message, nothing to goof about. It's just so sweet that I started to get a little bit faint. So I'm going to drink some of this goji berry juice and reconcernationation. I'm back. Congratulations to Julia and Tom. It sounds like you both found some love in a hopeless place. Or maybe a hopeful place. I don't know where you live. Congratulations, though, for real. If you're enjoying the Adventure Zone, you may want to check out some of the other shows on the Maximum Fun Network. There's lots of really great, really free programming on there like Destination DIY, Judge John Hodgman, stop podcasting yourself, throwing shade, and so, so, so, so many others. We all do other shows on the network, too, like Sawbones, Justin's medical history show that he does with his wife, Sydney, Bunker Buddies, a show that Travis does with his buddy Andy, and the three McElroy sons do my brother and my brother and me, our OG podcast product.

There's a lot of stuff on there, and it's all for free, so go check it all out at maximum fun.org. That's it for the commercial part of this episode. I don't have anything left to say, except that I sure do appreciate you. I'm excited to keep doing this story arc. It's going to go some places that I'm pretty excited about. And yeah, thank you all so much for listening. This podcast has been such a great experience, and it's sort of gone beyond our wildest expectations.

So thank you all so much, and enjoy the rest of the episode. Next one's going up on, let me do the math. July 30th? Is there a July 30th? Yes, there is. July is not one of those months that Peter's out at 28. next episode's going to be up in July 30th I am a demo

We pocket the lockbox Because none of us know how to open it Uh You know this sucks Is there a spell? It seems like there should be like Lock opening spells I mean you just doesn't it seem like there should be I don't have it

You could throw it really hard at the floor I just kind of hammer on it with my fist for a while I've never seen listen oh it turns out Steven's a rogue the goldfish takes the lock We've been playing D&D for like seven months now And I've never heard the three of you give up on something as quickly as you gave up on that lockbox A lockbox is locked up I guess I guess we'll never know We're thinking ahead too much

You might not be alive to open up that lockbox you could die in the next encounter Okay I open it I think my way through it Telekinetically open the box No no he uses his wits yeah Actually he uses his forehead That's right should there should there should Should be like a... Can he use a dexterity check?

To get... Okay, yes. Use a dexterity check. I rolled four plus two. So six. Okay. With your dexterity check, you throw the box into the air and try to dodge it as it falls. And with a six, you failed.

Okay, let me try strength check. Okay. It's an 11 plus 4. 15. Okay, you lift that box up and you lift it really high and you lifted it really fast. Okay. Let me try. Constitution.

Super, super big muscles. Okay. That's 16 plus 2. 18. Okay. You and the box both drink poison. And you survive, but the box has died. That means it's open, right?

Yes, with that, the box pops open. It has 900 gold pieces. Yeah! I did it. Way to persevere. We can't take these. This is... Nope, totally can.

No, I keep staring at Taco. I don't blink. No. Insurance will cover this. It's fine. It's a bank. This is a victimless crime. We're not looting.

FDIC will cover this. We're literally stopping a bank robbery. I keep staring at Taco. Just because you find money in a bank. Doesn't mean that you could just take it with you. I put the money in the bag for safekeeping. Great. I grab some chairs.

Like, I grab furniture. Why are we looting? This isn't a dungeon. People do business here. Put that back. Listen, the government's going to pay. pay this back. Nobody's going to do anything. You're going to get arrested. You'll go to jet. We're literally talking the chief of police. He's outside. Yeah. And he would

want to, listen, he would do this if he were here. The corruption and the militia. Magnus, I think he's right. Nope. Of course I'm right. Let's put the chairs back. And let's, let's, you and I spend all of our energy looking for a door from the booths so we can continue on our quest like good adventurers. No, I know where we're going and I've been down this road, Pocket Spa or whatever. whatever the fuck he's got now. You don't know I have that. Oh my God, did you buy the pocket spa so you can have a secret handheld place to

put your stolen loot? I, you don't know, you don't know me. Yeah, we're in your spa. We were in the spa last week. What, uh, yeah, you've been in it. You guys have, but Griffin has it. Come on, Madagnes. You guys can split it 50-50 if you want.

I swear to God, first thing I do when I get outside is I rat you out. I'm writing it. Oh, my God. God damn character sheet, so I never forget to rat you two out. Listen, listen, I'm just taking it so the Raven doesn't take it. We can maybe use it to negotiate with her and then return it to Captain, Captain Bain, when we get out. So you're keeping it for safekeeping and then convenient forgetting. Yes.

Got it. Well, I can, that's morally gray. I can roll with that. Okay, we're going to head to the left. So you're saying you're going to get back to the, to Moonbase Alpha, and you're going to go, What's in my bag? Why is it so? Oh shit, guys, we forgot.

You can't plan on it just as to happen. This is starting to sound a little premeditated. No, it's not. Okay. Alongside this lockbox, you also find... A note that says this money is for whoever finds it. Do not steal for kid medicine. It says...

You find an odd looking square key. Steal it. With the gold, oh, it's gone. Whoop, poof. With the Goldcliff Trust insignia on it. Oh, man. Was that the key to the law? No.

Okay, good. Okay, we head towards the door on the left that we saw earlier with the tracks and stuff. There are two doors on the left, and I will describe them right now. One of them has a sign over it that says stairs. And the other one does not. It's like, I'm there. The other one does not have a sign on it that says it is a much sturdier metal door with a part in it And there is a small panel to the left of this metal door

With a button on it and a slot I take the key that we got and I try it in that slot You put it in and the button lights up I walk away I press the button Adventure over. You press the button, you hear a bing bong. That's right, motherfuckers.

Another elevator. Does everyone get that I have an elevator fetish at this point? It's just like, what's not to like about them? And the door opens up. This is a, it opens up to reveal a glass elevator. A woncavator, if you will. Well, if you will. But we won't because it's not that.

It's just a glass elevator with a glass bottom glass walls. The top of the elevator car is a sturdier metal with some lights built into it. And the exterior of the elevator shaft is also glass. So you can sort of look out over the city of Goldcliffe, or you would if the building had not been sort of surrounded by these vines. So there's little shafts of light poking in. but otherwise it's mostly just sort of vines that you can see through the through the elevator now if I remember from the last episode Griffin you said it was a 20 story building is that correct that's right and uh you've been two weeks how do you

remember that's right and shit down that's all in my dome piece y'all um and there are in fact 20 buttons on the panel on the interior of the elevator uh they go from one to 19 and then the, at the very top of the row of buttons is the letter V. You guys are going to have to do this because I can only reach the tenth floor. I hit all the buttons.

Okay, so you're going in the elevator? You know, I'm going to take the stairs. What? But what? We'll race. Yeah, that'll be fun. Okay, I'll see you on the second floor. A mini game.

Okay. Now, everyone call in your votes. Press one, if you won't Magnus to get there first. Press two if you want Taco to get there first. Press three if you want Merle to take a nap. Okay. So you, Taco, you are taking the stairs.

Yeah. You're racing up. Maybe it's like a calorie conscious decision? Yeah, I'm trying to slim down loose the LBs. I might be back on TV someday. I never know. So I got to slim down. Okay. So you

deliver that touching heartfelt monologue. to Merlin Magnus as the elevator door shuts and you start your long trek up these stairs. When was he on TV before? We're going, we're going, he had a cooking show. That was in, oh, that was in the bonus episode. Maybe you didn't listen to it because you don't support. I don't get a chance to hear any of them.

Sure. Subscribe to this. Also, you've got a Zoom, and I don't think those two podcasts. Wait, we're just going to, we're going to the second floor is what we agreed on, right? Yes. Okay, so I just go up one flat stairs. Okay, you go up one flight of stairs to the second floor and the elevator door opens and there they are and you're on the second floor and that was boy, that was boring. We did it. Listen, guys, I think we should go to the one mark V so I'm going to hop in there with you. Make room for your boy.

But what if... Make a home... What does something on all the floors? Look, look, we got to make sure. I'll go up the stairs. Okay, you check every floor. We're going to head up to the vault. That's fine. Every floor, you guys go up in the elevator since I'm the smallest and, you know, the shortest legs and the longest time. And the funniest if you fall down the stairs.

That would be good. I make noises. Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing. All right. Right. But that's not your armor. Oh, I give them the stone of far speech. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, good thinking. All right. And I got my inside earring on, too, you know. So what is that? You're going to, what is that? He just looks really good. I could put the scuttle buddy in with you guys. Actually, Dad, I've been looking for the right time to tell you this.

What? Your scuttle buddy was on the train that got destroyed. Shit. No, he did for you to get the... Not if it's destroyed. You can't use it once and throw it in a volcano and go, here comes number two and three. This is going to be one of those moments where, like, two episodes from now is like, you hear a slight scuttling out of the... No, this is one of those moments where you learn to take care of your shit.

Where you learn to be cautious with your possessions. I hug Stephen even closer. Well, thank you once again. Thank you, Griffin, for teaching me an important lesson. Yeah. The son has become the father. Now you're going to think, before you leave your Legos lying out, I know. What are you going to do?

New Dad, could you push the narrative forward up, please? Yeah, so, Merle, you hop out of the elevator at the second floor and begin your trek up the stairs. and Taco and Magnus, the door shuts to the elevator, and your elevator adventure begins. You're moving up, getting a satisfying thing with each floor that passes. It would be satisfying if you have an elevator fetish, which I know not everybody has. And at floor number 11, or should I say, between floors 11 and 12 is somebody clipping their nails.

No. What? No. I don't know what that was. Did it sound like somebody throwing a chain dice bag up in the air and catching it? Yes. Okay, that might have been me. Between floor 11 and 12, the elevator suddenly stops.

And then a few seconds later, the lights above you blink off. Cool, cool. And the vines outside of the exterior glass wall of this elevator shaft begin. to move. They begin to move in a circular pattern around the building almost like they're constricting. And they shatter through the exterior glass wall of this elevator shaft

and begin to sort of close around the glass walls of the elevator car. And below, you see a flurry of activity as you see vines have broken in through the first floor and are almost like filling up the elevator shaft like water. They're just growing wildly. It looks like a pit of snakes is just sort of being poured into this shaft. And that is the situation for you.

Merle. Still walking up the stairs. Merle. What? So you started on 4-2. Why don't you make a Constitution throw? And we'll see how, how, how quickly you're going to be able to scale these steps.

All right. 20. You rolled 20. Actually, plus two constitution. That's 22. All right. You're super sturdy. You are moving up these stairs in a sprightly manner.

Gonna fly now. You're skipping every two steps. You're just sort of, yeah, you're zooming up them. You've made it to the sixth floor and you're yelling things at every step apparently just having a great. time and you are basically unacosted. Just having a good old time. Love the stairs.

Switching the action back to Taco and Magnus, you are in a heap of trouble. So we're between floors. It's not something where we can get out. Is there like one of those roof access panels like you see in movies? There is a panel above leading up to the top of the elevator car. It's can it Okay Uh

Magnus Can you knock the The panel up? Yeah probably Can you use like I don't know Phantom Fist or your hands? Can I reach it

You know? Yeah Oh yeah I'm gonna fan-fist it It's about at the end of your Wingspan Okay I want to fist it Yeah please don't say fist it

Okay Okay You phantom fist it and the hatch just pops right off and goes flying into the air, it's just a hatch, you can lift it up with your hands. Why are you fancy fissing everything?

I'm lots to destroy. And you hear the panel go, oh, shit! None of us speak panel. How far up are we? I mean, like how far is there up above us? I guess we got like,

what, 100 feet? Yeah, thereabouts. Okay, I want to lift, I want to lift Taco out the panel. No, unnecessary, my man. And I cast. You guys ready for this? I'm so ready.

Rope trick! Ha ha ha ha ha ha. So here's what rope trick does. I take my rope that I have. And he laughs those the vines. No, it's up to 60 feet long. And on the other end of the rope, it ties to something in another dimension. And we can crawl up the rope.

It goes to its full height of 60 feet, and we can crawl up the rope into another dimension. Are you ready to go into another dimension with me? So you're going to climb. So ready. You're going to climb up 60 feet of rope? Well, we're going to start because that way we won't die. And we're going to start going until we can find a way to get out, an egress, if you

will. Okay. I feel confident we're going to find one. Explain this to me one more time. You have created a whole 60 feet above you. There is a whole 60 feet above. us that a rope is now extending into. Okay.

So we're going to start climbing. All right, go for it. Is there a climbing check? I don't have a character sheet in front of myself. I assume that's strength, agility, acrobatics? Athletics. Athletics, maybe? Yeah, I think climbing is athletics.

Does the rope retract and bring you up? I'm just trying to figure out... No, you still have to climb it. Yeah, athletics is strength. No, we already knew that. So, athletics is difficult situations you encounter while climbing, jumping, or swimming. You're making athletics check. Yeah.

While climbing or swimming, each foot of movement costs one extra foot. Well, we were not in combat, though. Well, I think that the only thing it says about, I mean, I'm reading under the section special types of movement, climbing, swimming, and crawling. No, I'm just going to give this a difficulty rating, and then you guys make the check, and then if it passes the difficulty rating, then you do it. Okay. Okay, we'll say you have to beat, uh, 10 is like medium and 15 is hard. We'll split the difference because 60 feet is a long way to climb. We don't have to climb the entire thing.

That's not what I'm, what I'm thinking. Let me, uh... We need to get out to the 11th floor and open those doors. That's it. That's all we, that... Or we have, uh, or we need to have, I'm talking, I'm talking, we need to talk in character. So here's what I'm thinking. If we can climb up.

a foot, just, you know, to the next level. Maybe, uh, maybe then Merle, Merle, do you read me? 10-4, good buddy. Oh, okay. People listen. Come home back, rocking chair. People listen to this, so that seems... Cab over Pete with a roof on and the Jimmy Holland Hall.

Oh, golly. Okay, well, we're going to die. How's your sonic experience, everyone? Pleasurable. Glad to have this directly in your earbuds. Trying to add some special effects to the show. Make sure to tell your friends to rate and subscribe. What did you want there, good buddy? Come on.

This is our first podcast ever. This is golden. You're hating. So listen, Merle, meet us on the 11th floor. As fast as your stupid little legs can carry you. Roger that. Okay, great. And once you get up there, try to figure out a way to get the doors open.

Okay, dokey. Excellent. Rop trick. All right, you cast rope trick. Do you get to choose the dimension that it ties? off into? It actually... Hold on one second, let me tell you.

Listen, you've been spending a lot of time in other dimensions. Aren't you worried about sperm count? No, I'm in... It rises in the air. At the end of the rope, an invisible entrance opens to an extra-dimensional space that lasts until the spill ends.

So it's a space you create. It's just like a cubby hole. Yeah. So it's just... And we can actually crawl into that and hide and chill. But that seems like we're not going to climb 60 feet. That seems crazy.

So who are we? You know? Right. Okay. So a rope out of thin air falls in through the hatch in the elevator. And you look up and sure enough, there is a just sort of black hole 60 feet above you around floor 17 or so. And yeah, it has lowered itself into your elevator car. So we start climbing for 412 or 11.

Yeah. Well, you're between 11 and 12, so you'd be climbing towards 12. Yeah, climbing towards 12. Okay. Let's take a break. Hop back to Merle. Meryl, you'll make another Constitution saving throw. See how quick you're moving up.

11 plus 3, right? And that's 14. Okay. You're a little bit more winded now. You're not moving quite as fast. Got it. You've made it to floor number 9. Oh, come on.

All right. Well, can't I, do I get a term? or we're not in combat, are we? No, we're not in combat. I'm just doing a sort of 24-esque split screen. Back to Merle and back to Magnus and Taco. The rope's in your car and the ball is in your court. Okay, I start climbing up towards floor 12.

I'm making athletics check. 4 plus 0, 4. You don't do very good. No, I try. Just like fall in all. I'm flashing back to gym class over here, gang. Let me try. That is a 13 plus 7, a 20.

Okay. Yeah, you go up on the rope and you move up. Just the few feet up to the 12th floor. You think maybe if you just stood on top of the car, you might have had access to the 12th floor door. But then we went up got no rope trick. That is true. Rope trick is pretty great.

I reach down and grab Taco's arm. Okay, you reach down and grab Taco's arm. And as you do, the vines that have entered in through the exterior wall of the building, grab onto the elevator and pull on it so hard. And it collapses and falls. And Taco just sort of moves through the hatch as the elevator falls around him. And all of a sudden, you are supporting Taco's full weight. And I'm going to need you to make a strength check.

That is 15 plus 1.5. 4.19. Okay, you are holding on to Taco with one hand on the rope, one hand on Taco, at the 12th floor door. And we're going to move back to Merle, Merle, make a Constitution throw. May I just say good, vivid storytelling? Yes, thank you. Nothing makes a story better than someone's saying in the middle of it that it's good. Good's a war.

Call me, call me Ishmael. This book is going to kick ass. Jay Gatsby collapsed the elevator As God is my witness This has been a fucking dope-ass movie Attention Movie Studios This is the start of a beautiful friendship And the end of a fucking kick-ass

Flit 16 wise ass 16 Thanks moviegoers hope you liked it For Casanova It's me a famous guy Bye I am your father. Can you believe that shit or what?

Do you see that coming? Fuck. 16. Okay, you have made it up to the 12th floor. And as you kick open the stair access, there are some vines. What? There are some vines. I didn't know if you're talking to me or to...

Open what door? The elevator door. Why are you yelled to the door when we can talk through the stone of black? It doesn't sound any better. Open the door. As you reach the 12th floor and kick open the steer access and enter in, this floor has just started to be overtaken by these vines. They're coming in actually through the other side of the building, then the elevator shaft is on and just sort of swarming into the room from the windows, filling it up really, really, really quickly. It's almost like a tidal wave of vines has started to pour into this floor,

and they are moving at you very, very, very quickly. All right. I use my crowbar. Do you actually have that? Yes, there's a crowbar on the adventurers kit. Okay. Probar. Yes, he's got a crowbar.

I call him Chris. Chris the crowbar. I put it into the elevator doors, and I pry the doors open. Okay. You pry the doors up. But I do it at the last possible second so I can be a vivid storyteller. Can we actually, can Dad name the crowbar after a listener? Do you have a listener name handy that we could just use real quick? Open up Twitter. Let's just go with the top name. The last person that tweeted about the Zonecast. Okay. I take Emmanuel the Crowbar and I jam him into the doors of the elevator and with all of my mighty dwarven might. I pry open the elevator doors

Immanuel straining in my hands Does Emmanuel have a face like the flute in HR Puppet stuff? Yeah, it's just like he's going Hey, be careful what you're using me for And I pry open the doors at the very last second At the very last second Okay, no wait The doors open to the elevator

And a wave of vines crashes into you from behind knocking you forward into the elevator shaft and the doors slam behind you. Five minutes before. You didn't get there five minutes before. So you have fallen into the elevator shaft. Make a reflex saving through to see if you can grab onto your party. At the last 30 seconds.

To make a dexterity saving throw. My dexterity. Oh, geez. 12 plus zero. Okay, 12. Yeah, that's enough for you to grab onto tacos. Oh, shit. As you fall into the elevator shaft and the doors slam behind.

you and Emmanuel the crowbar goes plummeting to its viny death at the bottom of the elevator shaft. Even you realize that crowbars are made out of metal. Like it doesn't fall and die. Well, actually, you hear him go, I'm going to die as he falls. And so the three of you are now hanging. So this scene was really great. This looks like the Goonies. It is very Goonies-esque. Magnus, you want to make one more strength throw now that you're holding up the weight of two people. Okay, that's an 11. plus 15 15

Yeah, that's enough You are still holding onto this rope That is tied in a dimension That none of you know about Could either one of you grab the rope now, please? Well, they're below it You've got it sort of by the edge of it

And well, what the fuck am I supposed to do now? I don't know Find out next time on the Adventure Zone You like that shit? That's audience retention Maximumfun.org Comedy and Culture, artist-owned. Listener supported.

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