The Adventure Zone - Ep. 27. Petals to the Metal - Chapter 10

Episode Date: November 19, 2015

This is it. Our heroes are in a dead heat with The Raven, the finish line in sight. Who will emerge victorious? Who will end up with the mighty Gaia Sash? More importantly, is there any prize money for this thing? Taako does some sunbathing. Magnus gets shredded. Merle executes the weirdest brag ever. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously on the Adventure Zone, you're getting kind of close to the finish line. That's a one. Oh, you see, Gero, shit. Talks a big game. Yeah. Geryl's pulled under the tires of the car. Thank you for believing. A bright red beam cuts a path through the top of the shark tank.

You hear Marvie yell, damn you guys. You bring the axe down on him, and then he falls to the ground dead. And then his bubble deploys, and he just very slowly. You just, you just, you're like, eh. I'm going to cast in large on the motorcycle. Okay. It is going very fast now. I'm going to hit that red, big red-ass button because I think it's going to give us nitro-injected funny fuel.

Can our heroes reach out and take a bite of that sweet checkered flag? It's the final lap of the Adventure Zone. The two big chrome rams horns on the front of this. of Hurley's muscle car battle wagon, sort of rotate 90 degrees, and are now like sticking out directly away from the car, almost like two big curly wings off the side of the car. And they start to rattle and shake. And Magnus, from where you're standing on top of the car, you can hear the big row of these big tailpipes on the back of the car.

those are also starting to shake. And suddenly a deafening blast of blue flame just shoots out of the tailpipes and those two Rams horns simultaneously, basically just turning the entire battle wagon into this great, fiery blue arrow that suddenly gains a pretty tremendous amount of speed. Magnus, like the G-force of you being like, pushed backwards. If you were not strapped in to those safety rails on top of the car, you would be just toast right now, because this thing's kicking up a lot of fire. And taco from where you are,

I imagine this is probably a pretty terrifying sight. It's like somebody's just shot a car missile in your direction. And it gives you a pretty, pretty tremendous boost of speed. And it lasts for about 10 seconds before the tanks run dry, but that is all the time that Hurley needed to position herself basically neck and neck with Sloan's sleek, floating canoe with these two wings coming off of it. That's her battle wagon. And Taco, you're actually pretty much neck and neck with them too in your great big motorcycle. Hell yeah. Easy rider, baby. And the three of you are our nearing the finish line, you can see it a few hundred meters in the distance. You see these two big black pylons at the end of the racetrack.

And what's the press kind of situation and paparazzi at the finish line? There's actually a lot of activity going on around these two big black pylons. The only sort of familiar sight you see are the Goldcliff Militia battlewagons that you saw when you first rolled up in the town and shit was going south at that bank. you see a few of those and you see a bunch of people standing around

and you can make them out better and better because you're getting closer to them very, very quickly and don't forget that finish line you got that finish line and then you got a not a lot of distance until the cliff

you're also pretty close That seems poorly planned to me Well it's like a game of checking You know It's like... Oh, I see. Yeah you're also getting, you're pretty close to Gold Cliff itself, because this is basically on the

outskirts of the, of the city. You can hear Hurley and Sloan under their masks, you can hear them just like straight up laughing. Like, they are having a very, very good time in this race. Good for them. And they're sort of, they're trading paint a little bit. I'm just going to fix this for everybody. Nobody needs to worry, okay? Real quick. So timeout, just like, O, O, C, me asking, Justin and dad this question. Griffin, too, I guess if you want to chime in, you can be a part of the show. Aside from beat Sloan to stop her from using whatever the sash was and she's bad. The guy a sash. What? The guy of sash. The sash that gives you power over all nature. Were we ever told like this is why you have to beat her or anything? Is it just like if we win the race?

I thought the goal was to keep Sloan from winning the race, not necessarily that we had to win. Yeah, Hurley suggested during your training montage that just like proving to Sloan that she could be beaten, that her, the power that this sash has given her is fallible in some way would be enough to convince her to get rid of it. Okay. So we're going to save her soul. Kind of, yeah. Okay. We good? Yeah.

Go for it, Taco. Okay. The problem with that plan, though, is that she's actually pulling ahead of you guys a little bit. she is she is it's unclear what she's doing uh to to get this extra boost of speed but she's starting to inch ahead of you guys um is she within jumping distance just out of curiosity uh she is within jumping distance yeah isn't everything within your jumping distance trap well listen taco talk first so jocelyn do what you want okay uh i uh put away my wand i put away my umbersch I throw the emergency brake on the bike

and just as I do that I pull out the wand of switcheroo and I pointed it. Holy shit you remembered. And fire it. Okay. You fire the wand of switcheroo. Is there any sort of resistance

on the wand of switcher? I think they get a constitution of 17. Okay. I rolled a two. I don't know what kind of constitution I would add to that, but that's not going to do it. Okay. Suddenly,

Taco, you are in this winged canoe that is floating off the ground. And she is on this motorcycle, and she starts to lose her balance a little bit, and starts to actually drop to the back of the pack. And again, the break. Oh, and the break.

Oh, yeah. And the... Yeah, I didn't want her catching up. The motorcycle's emergency break was on. So that disrupted her. even more and she is yeah she takes a real she takes a tumble

she also takes a real hard look at her life her decisions yeah and thinks about what got out of that place and that was enough you on this sleek battle wagon are fired through the air like an arrow I jump on the canoe

I want to win to you okay you also jump onto the canoe I floor it In the vehicle because I want to beat him I cast Gus to win To blow him back onto his So only I win Okay just as you see him start to move forward

Do you use your magic fan to do so? I use my magic fan You just bust out all those items I shoot the harpoon into the canoe I use my last level three spell slot He cast fireball on the harpoon to melt it So he can't attach to it I shake my fist

I ram the canoe. Okay. The two of you, the two wagons are now just trading blows in a jovial manner. Nothing jovial about this. How about if I remind us all that we're all together in this? By yelling out, we're a team. No way. So let me win.

Okay. So I cross the finish line while they're talking about it. Woo! Somebody give me some milk to drink like in the shows. Okay. You, uh, yeah, Taco, you crossed the finish line in, in this, uh, this battle wagon, as you do, like a metric ton of confetti comes shooting out of the top of those two pylons. Magnus yells, breaks!

And the, oh yeah, that's not a bad idea. Yeah, I break. You can't really find the break in this battle wagon. You're not really a cut. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, you find a lever quickly and yank on it and come to a stop before you go off the edge. The horns from the pylons actually play like a little jovial victory song. The crowd around you is roaring with applause.

And yeah, you're really close to those wagons now, those militia battle wagons. You see Captain Bain there, and he's applauding. He looks actually like really very genuinely proud. I don't know how he knows your identities under those masks, but he does. It gives you a wink. He says, I'll never tell. the name tag. And yeah, you have won the battle wagon race.

We solved the battle wagon puzzle. You did. And Merle and Magnus and Hurley, you guys came in second. Congratulations, I guess. A smaller spout of confetti comes out for you guys. We were all in the same team. So as soon as one of us crossed, I feel like we all won, it's not really based on the vehicle. If you look in the battle wagon rule book, which I have right here,

And as you're celebrating, you almost don't notice as Sloan appears in the distance, you see like a trail of dust that she's kicking up and the roar of this giant motorcycle. And she doesn't look okay. She's actually like shuddering a little bit. And she's holding her chest. and you actually see these giant blue streaks of lightning start to sort of shoot off of her body. And as those lightning bolts hit the ground, these giant vines like really quickly, violently shoot out of the ground. And that calamity is getting closer and closer to you.

And suddenly the ground beneath you is starting to shake. And some smaller pieces of the cliff near the edge are breaking off and falling. to their bouldery death. Her motorcycle runs right through the crowd and you hear Hurley yell, Sloan, no! But she goes flying off the edge of the cliff. Sloan does?

Yeah, on the motorcycle. There's suddenly, though, a blast of wind that comes up from the edge of the cliff, knocking back the few people who looked over the edge to sort of witness her demise. And as those people are... Can I just jump in and say those people are sick? Yeah.

As they're blown back the sky around you, like somebody just flipped a switch just turns pitch black. And a giant tornado, like a mile wide, is just a few dozen feet away from the cliff. From the cliff's edge and away from Goldcliff, the city itself. And surrounding that tornado, you see thousands and thousands of ravens. I turn to Hurley. So how is...

Let me do my voice. Ahem. So how's the whole beating her and she'll give us this ash thing going? She looks devastated. She looks really, really... She actually just took off her mask. And as she did, as she took off her Rams mask and sort of tucked it away in her sack, you hear the crowd around. You gasp.

As she does so... I take off my mask. I've been Magnus the whole time. There's not as big... of a gasp. Like you aren't like a, you aren't a lieutenant in the militia in this town. Fair. But people are just like, you hear some chatter like, oh, yeah. And I take my mask off and say, and I'm Bruce Wayne. Okay, they all, uh, you hear a, oh, okay, Mr. Wayne. Cool. I'm actually a mongous. Meow. She climbs into the driver's seat and straps herself in.

And she leans out the window and says, I've asked you boys for too much already. I can't ask you to risk your lives again, but... Magnus hops onto the car. I leave. Okay. She looks up at you, Magnus, and smiles and says, we've got to try and save her, right?

Oh, no, I left my wallet. Sorry. That was confusing. Oh, but yes, yes, yes, we will. And I'll walk over and say, No adventure would be complete without Weasel Man. Thank you, Lee. She's like laugh crying now.

Like you're cheering her up. She's like, thank you, Weasel Man. Then the three of you are suddenly just uncomfortably looking at Merle as he doesn't get into the car. All right. All right. Yeah, I'll get in the car. I'll fix some shit with the big wrench. Okay.

You clang around on the body of the car with the, uh, with the ranch. It had some pretty gnarly damage to it. I just changed one of the tires. Yeah, you change one of the tires. You pry the shark tank's harpoon out of the back of the wagon and the hole that it created just sort of closes up. So yeah, the battle wagon is more or less good as new. And you guys assume your positions on top. Magnus, are you staying on top of the car? Yeah. Okay, God bless you. She throws the car in reverse. Oh, real quick, before we go. Yeah.

Maybe a new harness for Taco. We don't have one. Okay, let's go. We only have the ones we've got. Wait a minute, I'm not even driving? I pass. Taco, take my harness. No, don't worry about it.

I'll have made me some mongoose wings. I just extend them at any point. It's no problem. Oh, cool. Are you sure you know what a mongoose is? She's like, she's like laugh crying again. You guys are really. really lifting her spirits.

Yeah, like that's her intent. She throws the car in reverse and backs up quickly a good, a good couple hundred feet. And does that thing that people do in cars that's really cool where they have like the brake on and they run the accelerator at the same time. It makes it make real loud noises and the tires are screaming. And then she releases the brake and a car flies forward. And you hear Captain Bain yell like, what the hell are you? as you go flying past the crowd and you are free falling. The car has flown off of the edge of the cliff.

And Hurley is yelling, but you can't tell if it's out of fear if she's just like psyched because of how sick this stunt is. And you're falling down, but you got a pretty good horizontal velocity too as you enter into the edge of the tornado. And as you are sort of caught up in this tornado, you feel yourself being lifted and spun around pretty violently. And you can actually see into the tornado now. You can sort of see into the heart of it.

And you see a pretty horrific sight inside. You see this giant pillar, like 10 stories tall, made out of hundreds of these thick vines. And at the top of this pillar, these vines form sort of a natural platform at their crest. And on that platform, you can barely make out Sloan, who is semi-encased in these vines. Basically, her legs are sort of absorbed in this giant pillar of vines. And her mask is off, and her skin is a mottled gray. And her eyes are just completely glossed over. She has just been completely taken over by the power of this sash.

Wow. I just thank God it wasn't Elmira Goltz on a bicycle. because that would have been really scary. Now who and what is that? The things that you said. From Wizard of Oz. Inside the tornado. Come on.

Get an education. Read a book. I guess if I had read the Wizard of Oz maybe. Or seen the movie? I've only seen Return to Oz. Oh, okay. Then imagine TikTok. Imagine TikTok.

It was really confusing for me. My only Oz reference point, too. Imagine TikTok or nothing. I have nothing else. Ease on down. on down the road. Aga, that's a whiz.

Oh, right. So what is our car doing at this point? It's in this tornado and it's just kind of spinning around. You're just sort of

going around and around and around this big giant column of vines and you're spinning around it. And Hurley's still just screaming. But now it's like definitely a like completely psyched scream. And it's a little

irritating. Maybe a little bit. I'm not nervous, too. Yeah. Yeah, we get it. We've all been in tornadoes. She yells out, we got to get over there. We got to get to the pillar.

Okay, you're driving. I can't think it's in the air. What are you? I'm gonna get. There's not a sky road. She yells. What do you want me to do? I don't know.

I didn't think this through. I just drove off the cliff. Could we harpoon it? What? If we need to get somewhere in a hurry and we can't be bound by roads, there's only one place we can turn. She actually yells, Magnus, that's a great idea.

Oh, harpoon it. Yeah, that's good, too. Taco, you're in the gunner compartment. So you're the one who could take a shot at this thing. Okay. You want to roll, I guess, make a range attack roll on the pillar of vines? Sure, yeah. It's not, uh, I'll put this charitably.

It's not my strong suit. Making range attacks. Oh, 18. Maybe this is your strong suit. That'll do it. The harpoon blasts out of the, blast out of the cannon that you have mounted on top of Hurley's battle wagon and a big thick rope comes out tied to it, comes out after it.

And you gave it the exact proper amount of lead time, which is pretty impressive considering you were encircling your target from a tornado. Pretty sweet. But you see the harpoon sort of dig its way in, to this vine bean bean stalk close to the top of the platform. And the car is suddenly sort of jostled as the rope is pulled taut. And now every time you encircle this central platform of vines, you're getting a little bit closer to it and a little bit closer to it.

Like tetherball. Kind of like tetherball, yeah. And you're getting closer to it and closer to it. And another lap around. And now you're very, very, very, very close to it. it. Suddenly your wagon just kind of crashes onto the side of it and is bound to it by this rope near the top. It sort of landed on its wheels on the side of the wagon. So Merle, you're actually kind of pressed up against the door and through the window behind you, you just see a gooey

death waiting for you below. And the left side of the car is sort of facing up towards the top of the platform and you can almost see it like you're right up almost flush against it i want to climb up to the platform yeah you can actually do that pretty easily you by the way magnus had a pretty bad time during that whole i was hooked in you were hooked in but damn son like they don't they don't like hook astronauts onto the sides of spaceships when they blast them off but yeah fortunately you actually have a pretty easy time climbing up on top of the platform um and you can see a a uh a completely enthralled Sloan encased in vines. All right.

I clamber. I clamber out of the car. Is there a clamber? Do you have a proficiency in clambering? I have a clamber proficiency of 22. Yeah, I can't actually think of what the check would be, which usually means that you probably don't have to do a check. In fact, Hurley, you were all snapped into your seatbelt, so you're not in, like, danger

of falling out of the car. Hurley actually helps you out through her window. I don't need no help. Well, she helps you anyway, because that's the kind of person she is. And talking, you can actually get out pretty easily, too, because the, the gunner compartment has a big hole in the roof. Oh, great. So, yeah, all of you are standing on this platform, and you see Sloan encased in these vines, and she is, she looks bad. It is, it is very reminiscent.

Obviously, she's not on fire or anything, but it is very reminiscent of when Gundren, Rock Seeker was completely taken over by that gauntlet and just lost control. We call that the Zool effect. Yeah, she is. I look at Hurley. Hurley, what do we do? You know her. I don't know her like this.

She, she, she, she looks really upset. Maybe I never, maybe I never really knew her. I cast Zone of Truth. Zone of Truth has been cast. My friends. Okay. On what? It's all of us.

It's a big old radius of us all. So everybody has to tell the truth. If they fail a wisdom saving throw. Yeah, okay. All right. I roll the 12. Okay. You're telling the truth.

Wow. Curly rolled a 17. I did not beat it. I got a 20. Okay. Sloan got a 14. Okay. So he's the second part of my plan.

Sloan, how do we free you from the sash's possession? You cannot free your friend. She says, this, by the way, was not her normal voice, if you recall. There is no power greater than the power I possess now. I am absolute. What about the power of love? What about Jesus? What about Jesus?

Where is that guy? We haven't seen him in a dog stage. We could use some help right now? I need all three of you to make reflex saving throws or dexterity saving throws. I rolled a 15, well, a 13 plus 2. 10, uh, 8. Uh, all, with a zero modifier. Okay.

Uh, she points her finger and from her arm, this big sickly green vine extends. and it's covered in even sicklier green thorns that she just rakes across the three of you and knocks you on your butts and all three of you take nine points of vine damage Hurley very narrowly avoids it using her monk monk-like agility and with that why don't we get into initiative

I roll, I got a 16. 19 for me. 18. Sorry, 22 for me. Damn. Not good for a godlike plant deity. I'm just saying infiction. That roll doesn't make any sense at all.

She did not do very good either. With the 22, Taco, you go first. As she retracts that vine that she just whipped the three of you with, and it pulls back into her body. what you could see of her body, like her torso and arms and head, are now completely enveloped in even more vines. And from her position in the center of this platform, extends just basically a much, much larger torso and two really scary looking arms and head completely made out of vines. This thing is about 20 feet tall. and it is

fucking terrifying and it is your turn what are we on exactly you're on a platform you're on a platform made out of vines don't worry about the consistency of it it's a solid platform

you know sometimes there's like a boss fight in a video game and you're like just standing on a bunch of vines for some reason yeah it's like that yeah this could be this could be considered one of those boss fights and Griffin is this also one of those boss fights

those boss fights where like you're supposed to lose and then you all wake up and it's like well we'll get them next time there's only one way to find out you're saying is this a dream or have you been inside of bart's nightmare this entire time barts bart's night marts nightmare was known for its uh fail state boss battles free action to talk to uh hurley okay hey listen we're gonna have to blast the hell out of this thing you understand that right like no Can you blast your rounder? We tried to do it your way. It didn't work.

Does anybody have any like weed be gone or anything? I am weed be gone. That wasn't as menacing as you thought it was going to sound. I thought it was pretty cool. I am weed be gone. That still doesn't work, does it? It was okay. Okay, you saw all kinds of powers, right?

Did you happen to see us rest after that? No. Okay, so where are the limited options territory? My dude. I cast a fireball on whatever part of the plant is furthest from Sloan, I suppose, where the Sloan-shaped object would be. That would probably be the head of the thing, because it's way high up. And Sloan was sort of inside of the platform, partially. Sweet. Oh, I make a Dixiris saving throw. Okay. Yep. I just realized you guys are kind of fighting like a wacky inflatable tube person. But it's made out of vines. It looks scary.

It's a scary inflatable tube, man. A very dramatic inflatable tube, man. 13. Not going to do it. You have set the head of this thing a blaze. 6. 13. 16.

20, 23, 28, 29. Fuck me. Wow. 33. 33. Okay, and it's fire damage, which plants don't love. So go ahead and double that.

66. And as I fire, I scream in one of my patented cool lines. That was my last spell. Okay, yeah, the head of this thing just disappears. As you burn it up and little gray,

ashy chunks get swirled up and caught in the tornado and just kind of fly away as this thing's head just disappears. And sort of the areas around its neck and shoulders are still on fire. So they'll take some damage from that as well on their turn. Is that the hardest hit of the show so far? It's got to be, right? Yeah, it has to be. Yeah.

Okay. Next in the order with 18 is Merle. I'm casting prayer of healing on the four of us. Oh my, that's a good spell. What's it do? Up to six creatures of my choice regain hit points equal to

2D8 plus my spell casting ability. That's a fucking heal and a half. And I needed that real bad. This is... All right, here we go. Seven. So it's two... I'm sorry?

Oh, we don't eat right. Okay, sorry. No, I give you 14 plus... No, no, you have to roll the D8 twice. Oh, okay. Seven and four. So that's 11, plus three is 14. Okay.

I mean, I cast prayer of a healing. Oh, extreme teen Bible. You hear the faint sound of a chorus of angels as the four of you are encircled in a brilliant white light. and you recover 14 hit points. Harley is actually a little worse for wear. She took a little bit of damage in the crash,

and she stands up. It says, thanks, guys. You're welcome. Next in the order was 16 is Magnus. Can I see Sloan, or is she, like, covered by vines? She's gone. Yeah, you can't see her. So there's just, like, a pillar of vines, right?

Okay, well, I want to run up to it. Okay. And I guess I want to hack at it. Okay. What I want to do is try to like pull it open to see if I can see Sloan inside. Pulling it open would be kind of dangerous because these vines are surrounded in in thorns that are like the size of your forearm. So that might be kind of tricky. You could try it, but I would make you do probably slide a hand to avoid taking damage from that.

Even with Fledger's mitt and Phantom Fass? Well, that means nothing, but yes. I've got gloves on, Griffin. Is it possible that this thing is so big it's become tree-like? No. Okay. I do want to try to pull it open because if we can save Sloan, the fact that we couldn't save Guntran has really been eating at me over the last two seasons. Yeah, sure. So, yeah. I'm going to see if I can pull it up.

And make a slight of hand check. I'll say you have to beat a 15 to get around these. I can't help. I roll the 17. Okay. Oh, ha, ha. All right, yeah. You find two good handholds where you can sort of get in there without getting poked at. And now make a strength check.

19, plus 7, 26. Don't you still have the Red Bull? Yeah, but I'm good with a 26. Yeah, 26 is good. Well, actually, I roll critical on 19 and 20, so technically I got a critical on my strength check. Yeah, it's like you're throwing open like a shit. saloon door. You just sort of throw these vines out to the left and right. And yeah, you do actually see Sloan in the middle of them. She's got, it was like a little bit hollowed out inside. It was like

a kind of like a little viny clubhouse that she was, she was in. But you see, again, her torso and just sort of sticking out from the top of this platform. And she kind of hisses at you violently as you part the curtain into her little inner sanctum. I want to go into the inner sanctum and run up to her and punch her. Punch who? I want to punch Sloan. Cool, okay. I thought you went into a savor, but all right?

I want to knock her unconscious. Okay. Okay. Remember, zone of truth is still in effect. So he definitely does want to punch her. I definitely want to punch her. He does want to do that. 16 plus 723.

Yeah, that's a hit. Um, Now let me ask you this. Okay. I've got this thing called disarming strike. No, you can't punch somebody's belt off. Okay, well, then I just want to punch her and see, and I want to push her out of these fines. She can't.

No. She's, she's, her legs are gone. Her legs, like, inside of this giant. Okay, well, I just want to punch her in the head then. You punch her head. That's a four plus two. I do six points of damage. Okay.

Uh, yeah, you, you clock her. And she sort of rears back from your punch and looks up at you and spits out a little bit of green blood. And then you hear her go, and I laugh too. We are having a good time. You done? Yeah. Taco calls up, hey, you guys laughing in there? Yeah, come on in.

Don't leave me out. Love a good chuckle. It's actually Sloan's turn. And you're actually unable to join them because the vine. slam shut behind Magnus. And Magnus, you're now sort of in pitch black, and you still hear that sort of haunting laughter.

And you can't tell what is coming at you, but you feel like you're being electrocuted and stabbed at the same time. I'm on board with you. It's a 24. That does hit. This is AC. But I'm going to use Perry, which is when another creature

damages you with a melee attack, you can use your damage and expend, you can use your reaction and expend one superior order to reduce the damage by the number you roll on your superior order to die plus your decks, not of fire. Okay, go ahead and roll that. And...

It's a five plus... So seven. Reduce it by seven. So you only take 26 points of damage. Ooh, really glad that Merle healed me. and glad I decreased it. I'm down to eight points of life. Yeah, you just get fucking shredded. You just hear Magnus go,

ah! From inside of the torso of this giant vine monster, uh, which, uh, also as those vines shut behind Magnus, uh, this thing's head completely regrows.

And, uh, uh, a rain cloud actually appears over it and rains on it and the fire that was surrounding it, uh, goes out. And it takes both of his arms and his, going to swing at the two of you again.

This time, using like the edges of its hands as like big morning stars surrounded in these razor sharp thorns. Does it say feed me, Seymour? No, it does roll a 20, though. Not a natch, not a natch 20. Okay. So the two of you take 18 points of damage. Hachimachi.

Okay. Uh, next in the order is Hurley. Hurley takes a step back towards the edge of the platform and hops off of it. What? Uh, but she reappears a couple seconds later, and she's holding in her hand the arcane core from the car that she has popped out of the engine. And she climbs back on, walks over to Utako, and she says, uh, you're at a car. to do some pruning and throws it and smashes it on the ground. And there is a bright blue flash of light and suddenly suspended in the air in front of

you, Taco, are these just shiny blue translucent flex that your umber staff, kind of like that one time that it swallowed that guy's staff and became more powerful. Your umber staff kind of like excitedly, like a dog that just smelled a treat, looks up at these flex and turns inside out and swallows them all up and is now just kind of shaking in your hand. And you feel empowered with an energy that you've never really felt before. Okay. And it's your turn. Okay.

All of your spell slots are back. Oh, great. Excellent. Did it also heal all of us and give us like plus 16 to attack? No, the arcane core just sort of exploded, and its arcane contents poured out of it, and we're hungrily gobbled up by the Umbra staff. I guess I'm going to cast... Try zone of truth.

I'm going to cast a zone of truth on myself and then say... You tell the truth forever. We're going to win! Just by saying that and being true. Right. Yeah, you've been reality. I mean, I think we're going to... going to need to cast fireball again.

Okay. But I'm going to focus this fireball on the same area that Magnus ripped open with his bare hands. Okay. To try to blow a hole open for them. Uh, 14? No, sir. Okay. I'm not going to do it. Four, five, six, uh, eleven, eleven, seventeen, twenty-three.

27, 32. Okay, you point your umbra staff. 64. Yeah, you point your umbra staff at the, at this towering vine giant, and the fireball starts to come out of the tip of it, but it's like really big. And it's not,

it hasn't like fully come out of it yet. It's almost like a drop of water that hasn't really fallen out of the faucet yet. So go ahead and keep rolling those D6s. Okay. 3, 9, 11, 15, 18. Are you telling me when it's top? 22.

23, 29, 33, 33, 37, 47, 43. This is worrying me. Yeah, 47, 48. Okay. So that's 48 on top of the 32? Yeah. for a total of 160. Yeah.

The sun basically comes out at the end of your Umbra staff. Okay. You actually... Hey, but did I get to say anything? Yeah, sure. Who's up for some sun-dried dips shit? Then I find it. Okay, yeah. The sun comes out of your Umbra staff.

You actually feel like a blast of heat, like backdraft, come at you as this thing flies at the big towering vine monster with Magnus inside. Yeah, there's kind of a wicker man thing going on right now. I'm going to be fine. How to get burned? You actually are fine. This wacky, inflatable vine man

is just completely consumed by this fire. And is just is completely, he basically keeps his shape, but is now just like gray ash that is quickly whipped away by the winds of the tornado around you and is now gone. And you can see Magnus, who looks like shit inside, and you see a still yet undaunted Sloan, who laughs and says, Impressed it!

But you are not a Jedi yet. She starts to regrow vines around her, but these look. different from the vines that form that towering monster. These vines are like an inky black with these shining white thorns. And Hurley actually runs up to you, Magnus, and grabs you by the back of the belt and starts to pull you backwards. And she says, guys, be careful, be careful, be careful. That's silver point.

She says, it's a type of plant. Its venom is cursed. There's no cure. If you get touched by that, there's no surviving that. Stay back. Merle, you've actually heard of this plant before, and it is infamous for its deadliness. Stay away from it. Those vines sort of form a bramble around Sloan and sort of encase her.

Like a pelt? Like a tomb. Like a bramble. Like a bramble pelt. Yeah. She has swallowed up in these black vines with these white points. Hurley says, guys, I have one last idea.

Come over here, she says, and walks over to the edge of the vines. She says, we're going to need a lot. Miraculously unburnt vine platform? Yeah, the vine platform itself is fine. The vine monster is gone. Oh, good. That was a good spell.

Yeah, you targeted it really well. She beckons you over to the edge of the platform. And she says, we're going to need as much distance between her and us if we're going to make this work. Okay. Okay. The three of you So far so good

You walk over to the very edge of the platform And Hurley's smiling now She's got a really devious idea She says, okay, Taco Kneel down Okay I kneel Hurley walks over to you

And actually throws her arms around you And gives you a big hug Cool She picks this moment I'm into it And she whispers Thanks for everything

And backs up and as she backs up, you see that she's no longer wearing her safety harness. In fact, you are. And she claps her hands together and points them at the three of you. And you are blasted backwards by a wave of force. And instantly, your safety harness bubbles deploy as you go soaring backwards into the outskirts of the tornado. and you see Hurley clap her hands together with determination, and she starts to glow with this brilliant white light,

and she just takes a running leap headfirst into the black bramble, and that white light that encased her suddenly starts to shimmer throughout the vines that you guys were standing on. And in fact, it starts to shimmer throughout the tornado that you're trapped in, and it starts to shimmer through the sky above you. And that is the last thing you see before you sort of black out from the G-forces of being in this tornado just floating around in your bubbles. Wow.

We did. We won! Another day saved by us. We knew all. We're the best. I didn't think we were going to fix that one, guys, and then we totally did. We so came true. We did it.

And not a life was lost. At no cost to ourselves. Another W for the good guys. They're going to change your team. Yeah, we're going to get a plaque for this one for sure. When the three of you come to, you landed pretty close to each other, which is as unlikely as it is adorable. And you are in a very shallow pool of water. And you realize that you have landed in the middle of the Goldcliff city center.

You're surrounded by these tall, shimmering buildings, and you realize that the sky is now just sort of lovely weather. It is, it is returned to normal. And you are sort of sitting in this pool that the rivers that flow into town sort of converge in before they flow out and off the cliff. And about 20 feet away from you in the pool, you see the raven. and she's better. Her skin is not this weird, modelled gray that it was when she was in possession, when she was being possessed by the sash.

But she's holding in her arms, Hurley, who does look bad. She looks really, really rough. Her skin is starting to turn, like, pitch black and some sort of contagion, some sort of play you can tell is sort of climbing up her veins. And you actually hear the sounds of sirens coming your way from the finish line on the outskirts of town as the Goldcliff militia starts to rush in to fix this situation.

And you hear Hurley weekly cough and she says to Sloan, you're in trouble. And Sloan laughs and looks up and says, this whole time I was looking for something more powerful than this fucking belt and she looks down at Hurley and she says I'm such a fool

and Hurley says ha ha yeah don't you have any magics you're a cleric crying out loud me someone looks sadly at you and says this is the venom of Silverpoint is there's nothing we can do for her Well, there's... Hors shit.

There's one thing I can do for, she says. And she leans down to Hurley and whispers. And Hurley says, yeah, I think that'd be all right. And Sloan looks back at the three of you and says, I want to thank you for everything you've done, but I have one last request for you. She says, are there other objects in this world that are as powerful as this belt?

Yeah. Yeah. There are fewer. She says, don't let this happen again. And then you are blinded by another flash of light, an explosion of force that sort of throws back some of the water in this pool back on your face. And you're blinded for just a moment,

but as your sight returns, you realize you're being buffeted by this thick whirlwind of these light, pink petals. And they settle somewhat, and the wind settle somewhat, and thousands of these petals are floating weightlessly through the air. And you can see in the middle of this pond of a beautiful towering cherry blossom tree has appeared. And it's where these petals are just sort of flying off of.

And as far as trees go, it's the prettiest one you've ever seen. and at its base you see these roots and knots that are forming two vaguely humanoid shapes. One is sort of a shorter figure lying in the embrace of a taller figure. And on the ground, in the water in front of them, you see a raven mask and a Rams mask and tucked neatly in between the two of them. You see the guy a sash.

I elbowed taco and point out of it. at the stash. I elbow Magnus. Okay. I elbow Magna. I elbow, I elbow Taco a little bit harder point at the mask or point at the belt. Oh yeah. I notice Magnus reaching for rail splitter and I say, Don't even think about it. And then I grab the bell. Hey everybody. This is your best friend, your dungeon master, your confidant. You can tell me anything. I can keep a seat. I'm Griffin Macaroy. Thank you so much for listening to episode 27 of The Adventure Zone. The 10th installment and final installment, I should say, in the Pedals to the Metal

saga. Boy, this one really stretched out and went a while, but I had no idea how long that race was going to go, but I enjoyed doing it. I really hope you enjoyed listening to it. I want to thank everybody who's been tweeting about the show using the hashtag the Zonecast. If you use the hashtag the Zonecast, you might end up as a character on the show. I think the next episode is going to be another lunar interlude.

I'm going to do a little bit of shopping at the Fantasy Costco. Oh, if you want to send in an item for me to consider adding to the store shells of the Fantasy Costco, you can hit us up at AdventureZonecast at gmail.com. Send it in. Make sure it's not like way overpowered and make sure it's not just like a silly joke because either of those are not going to be used. I'm looking for neat, practical, humorous in nature, but not just like, it's a poop, that type of stuff. And I'll put it on the shelf, and maybe they'll buy it with their hard-earned cash.

And if you tweet about the show using the hashtag the Zonecast, you might end up as a character in the next arc, which should start pretty soon. I have a few personal messages to read on this episode. If you want to get a message out there to a fellow listener, a loved one, maybe a soon-to-be-loved one. I don't know what your plans are. You can hit us up. Go to max1fun.org. Sash jumbotron, and you can find out how to get on the show. Like this message for Jess from Kenny, who says,

and that's the phonetic pronunciation I've decided to give this emoji. Because it's really just an emoji. Jess, Kinney has said to you an emoji, and it's a smiling face with heart-shaped eyes. And to me, I see that, and I read it left to right, and I go, yeah. Because I don't know, I guess that's the sound of love. Or maybe they're a little bit afraid that their eyes have been replaced with hearts.

Anyway, sounds like there's some good love in there. Congratulations, Jess and Kinney. And thanks for listening. Got another message here, and it's for RJ, and it's from Sam, Ryan, and Billy, who say, Happy birthday, RJ. We know that it's hard being such an abnormally tall, basic B word in today's rough and tumble world. We hope that the PSL we know you're holding, and a message from the Macaroys, ease your pain. Love, the brain trust, and Ryan. Ryan, I don't know why you didn't make the cut.

It sounds like you got lots of good ideas on how to spring surprises on your good friend RJ. But you know what? Keep on hoping. Aspirations are what fuel the fire of life. And RJ, happy birthday, man. Hey, do me a favor and do yourself a favor and go listen to the other shows on the maximum fun network. There's a lot of really. really good shows over there. I'm talking about Jordan Jesse Go. I'm talking about throwing shade. I'm talking about Pop Rocket. There's tons and tons of great shows. They're all free. We do other shows on the network too, like my brother, my brother and me, a show that me and Justin Travis do about giving out bad advice and making fun of people on Yahoo! Answers. Thanks again for

listening and thanks for sticking with us through an abnormally long story arc. It's kind of bonkers that like nearly half of the episodes we put out have been in this in this arc and that we've been working on it for God, like five months now. That's ridiculous. I'm excited to move on to something new. Again, it's going to have the same characters and everything. It's just going to be the next sort of step in the campaign. Thank you all so much for your support of the show, I should say, too. It's really cool when we can try new stuff, and you guys are just all down to clown.

It really means a lot, and it makes it a fun space to explore the depths of our creativity and our depravity. I'm rambling, and I have nothing else to talk about, so let's get back to the episode. The next one will be up. On December 3rd. Oh, we're not going to see it again before Thanksgiving. Have a happy Thanksgiving. From our table to yours.

Pass the pudding, won't you? Okay, this is the end. As you walk forward towards the belt, you hear a voice in your mind. Say, wizard, wouldn't you like to be more powerful than you are now? Wouldn't you like unceasing, undeniable power? over nature, you could cast big lightning balls

and control trees and finds and shit. You know this is Taco, right? Hell yeah, I mean, I'm listening. Why'd you stop? What else you got? Grab me and put me on, why don't you? Hey, listen, Bill, I love everything you're laying down, bovola, but I

can't put you on. I got to put you in my bag. What's too small? Uh, go and make a, we're going to do a wisdom contest. Oh, gosh. Not my strong suit. Probably better than mine. Got a nine. Yeah, listen, I can't lie on this one.

Dudes, it's a critical failure. Uh, yeah, you reach down and grab the belt and, uh, you stretch its two ins out. Just as you're about to clasp it around your body, you hear a voice say, No, don't do it. Taco? Hang in there. You're tougher than this. And you hear it.

And it's Jiminy Cricket. And you hear another voice go, yeah, trust me, man. You don't want to put that thing on. The voice is giving you advantage on that roll. That's a three, my dude. Sorry. I rolled a 22 to punch him in the hell. Okay, he punches me and then have my...

And I grab the sash. And Murrell grabs the sash. I'll roll the 19 plus a three modifier. There. Thank God. 22. Now, to be fair, Taco does take five points of damage for the head. Okay.

Noted. Okay. Yeah. So, Merle, you hear, oh, okay, you nature clerical. Why should have come to you first? Come on, man. Nobody ever thinks of Merle. There's no plant.

There's no vine. You'll never be able to not fuck. They say, I'll give you sexual conquest over anything. What do you want a fucking onion? But you have beaten this thing in a test of wisdom. I don't need your help, pal. Fucking an onion? To have sex with an onion.

I can fuck any onion I want. I get all the bulbs I can handle, man. Red, it doesn't matter. Onion rings, they're mine. You open the door, I walk through it. After the weirdest, after executing the weirdest brag ever, you put the Gaiasash safely into your belt, into your, no, not in your belt, fuck.

Fanny pack, it's my fanny pack. You lower it into your fanny pack and give it an authoritative zip. You hear Sloan and Hurley's voice in your head go, well, that was not what I expected, really, but I guess do the power of teamwork the two of you triumphed? I held Taco up. Okay. You helped Taco up. Thanks, pal. No, you're Merle.

I'm glad you helped him up, so I didn't have to. We're the worst. The Goldcliffe militia have surrounded the pool that you guys are standing in. A few concerned members of the militia hop out of their wagons and draw their weapons. They pull these clubs and crossbows out. But another battle wagon pulls up and kicks up some dust as it does a brake slide to the edge of the pool. And Captain Bain does an elegant leap out of the car and runs over to the three of you and says, boys, don't worry, I got this one.

These three are with me. And he grabs you and puts you into his paddy wagon and says, come on, I'll get you guys to safety. And drives away from this scene. and he takes you back to his office in the uh his private office in the gold cliff militia headquarters and is uh is sort of debriefing with you and he asks um guys i got to ask what happened out there nothing like uh where listen there's like seven episodes of stuff man i guess well then that then we cross fade into the sound of an airplane propeller as we tell the whole story uh i i guess just

for start as what happened to Lieutenant Hurley? Uh, tree. She got limbed, man. What does that even mean? I don't know. She's a tree. Tree now. Yeah, but we're okay. We're okay. We're fine. Great. Did you secure the Grand Relic?

Uh, yeah. It was, it was touch and go for a second. We, we have a long list of expenses that, I guess we could like to just forward that to you. Receipts? Yeah, do we need to give our receipts to you? No, I imagine the director. probably want those. She'll pass them off to, I don't know, the burser or whatever. I sort of play by my own rules

vis-a-vis expense reports. I hope Debra's back from vacation because Raoul takes forever. Yeah. Oh, God. Debra. With the birthday parties. Of course, in the birthday parties,

everybody gathered around. It's Friday. It's 3 p.m. I want to go home. I got to ask you guys something. You've recovered three of these things now. Mm-hmm. How do you manage to, like,

resist the thrall of them, you know? Oh, we're pretty dumb. We are dense. comes a box of rocks He looks at the theory He doesn't quite believe you But he says That's interesting

That's interesting Well he reaches Underneath his desk And he pulls out a decanter With this thick brown beverage Inside of it And pours himself In the three of you

A glass of it And he holds up his glass And he says A toast To Lieutenant Hurley She was the bravest the bravest officer I ever worked with in this force. I'm getting too old for this shit.

Yes, I hope her memory never leafs you. Ah, nice. Oh, that got right to the root of the problem. It was a tremendous joke if I do say so myself. Bark, there's a dog in here. He's looking at the three of you sort of expectantly, and he looks kind of nervous as he's holding this. drink up.

A toast then. Have you guys ever toasted before? Marshallows. I like toast. No. It's bad luck if you don't drink after the toast, he says. I'm not really thirsty, old buddy. Yeah, I'm good.

This is a 30-year brandy wine. Magnus, kill him. Kill him. Kill him right now. This is really rare stuff. Just fucking drink it. I cast charm person on him. Okay. He has to make a wisdom saving throw. He rolls at 19.

Fuck. Yeah, he resists your charm spell, but you almost feel like your charm spell was overpowered by another spell, another mind control spell as... And Captain Bain

starts to glow red. Like he has a faint red outline around him. As he... Oh, babe, my dude. What's up? As he quietly stands up and he

Taco, he takes your glass and smashes it to the ground. And Merle, he takes your glass and he smashes it to the ground. And then he takes Magnus's glass and just chugs it. And then suddenly his skin starts

to turn that sort of sickly black color that Hurley's was after she dove into the silver point vines and he falls to the ground dead. Oh, bummer. And as he falls, you see a figure standing behind him. It's actually not standing. It's kind of floating. And it's human-sized and human-shaped, but you can't really make out its race definitively

because all you can see is a bright red robe. If there's If there's a person in that You as okay You reach up to punch the The red robe And your fist just passes through it It is punch again

You punch again It is And again You punch it furiously It is incorporeal Oh then I used rail splitter on it Okay Well that did it

You cut it in half It's not in arboreal It's incorporeal Oh that's a good joke Thank you Your axe Your axe passes clean through it You're lucky you didn't

Get a hunk of one of your buddies with that swing. You can't see inside this floating red robe. All you can see is just complete pitch blackness and a single small white light that illuminates as this red robe begins to speak. And it asks, what?

Yeah. I think he's talking to you, Taka. What did you, I couldn't, what did you say? Are you afraid? I'm still, I'm still, like, In general? He doesn't say, are you afraid of the more? More of a goosebumps man, myself.

His whispers are actually filling the room. They're really loud. Cool. Are you afraid? No. I mean, sometimes. I think we all are. You know, you get lonely and you're like, what if I never meet the right person?

There's a lot to worry about. You know what I mean? It says, uh, you do not know how to be afraid. well probably not if it's a smartness thing no huh uh it extends a sleeve of its robe and displays and hands you being afraid

for dummies that says how to be afraid uh no he actually kind of uh projects this almost holographic representation of a series of familiar faces and it says uh...

Mention Fox Seeker Masha and as it says these names their faces sort of appear in the palm of its hand. And it says, This is the true nature of man.

The want, the hunger. It consumes everything it touches. It can't be stopped or changed. It's the end of everything. And then it says, this is your first lesson. And disappears in a spout of flame. I didn't get any of that. It was really spooky, though.

It was a little spooky. When he was asking if I was afraid, I was like, yeah, you're pretty afraid right now. Yeah, I mean, like, for a second. I didn't know what was going on. I got a little afraid now, but he's gone. I thought it was pretty good. Love the Santa robe.

He looked great. Oh, yeah. It was a good red. It looked like a rich fabric. I tried to punch it. Did you see that? Nothing happened. That's crazy, man.

That would be really cool to have. Yeah, right. But we're all right. And now we've got this cool office. Yeah, ho. Guys, I think, I think I, if I was getting the right message from that, I think we're a need to turn our attention to one very important question. Do you think there was any prize money for the race, or is that somebody need to check back in on?

Sure. Actually sitting on Captain Bain's desk, you see a briefcase. You actually see two briefcases, and one is bigger than the other, and imprinted on the top of it is the number one, and then the smaller briefcase, if you're going on that, is the number two. I grab number two. I got number one. Yeah, you crack them open. And inside of number one is 3,000 gold pieces.

Hell you. So split evenly. And then inside of number two is 1,500 gold pieces. Oh, yeah. Pretty good. We'll just split it three ways. 1500. And I search Captain Bain.

1,500 a piece. That seems fair. Captain Bain doesn't have anything on him except for his badge. Okay, he also has a small black vote. vial? I take the vial. Okay, you take the vial and written on the vial in scrawled almost childish letters is the word silver point.

Oh, yeah, I figured. That bastard. What a monster. I grabbed the bottle of hooch. Yeah, okay. Well, it's very poisoned, but that's your prerogative. I guess it'd be a fun prank. Just write it down. Write it down. You may need it something. Is a stapler in here? Anybody want the fucking stapler?

Are we telling you that? Yes, I grabbed the stapler of power. No, it's just a stapler, dude. Yeah, that's all the story I got for you. This is too meta. So if you would like to hear season four, just go to Kickstarter. Yeah. Search for you. Go to kickstarter.com.

Throw us some money. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Let's be honest. We live in a world with too much media. You need a podcast on the front lines figuring out what's great.

We're here for you. We're Pop Rocket. I am Guy Branham. I'm a comedian. comedian. I'm Wintern Mitchell. I call myself a digital strategist. I'm Oliver Wing, academic, and disc junkie. Margaret Wappler, I'm jesui as journalist. And we watch, listen to, and read everything so that you don't have to. And then we tell you about all the things that you'll love to love. Find us in iTunes or wherever you download podcasts. Poprocket. Every Wednesday from maximum fun.org.