The Adventure Zone - Ep. 41. The Eleventh Hour - Chapter One

Episode Date: June 2, 2016

After a fairly morose start to the episode, our heroes are launched -- with great speed -- into a new adventure. What awaits them inside of the time-stuck anomaly? More important question: Who's ready for SUMMER FASHIONS? Merle exhibits classic Dwarven jealousy. Magnus loves a fish. Taako accidentally saves the day. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously, on the Adventure Zone, that is where you come in, the reclaimers. This is actually a very hard position for us to fill because most of the time, anybody who discovers one of the grand relics is unable to fight off the temptation to claim it for their own. My name is Boyland. Excuse me? You see a crystallized figure, a dwarven figure with a cigar in his mouth. Oh, God, it's Merle. No, you actually recognize this crystallized figure. figure as Boyland. The director

draws a curtain and you can see the window into the cerebro chamber. Like you've seen three times now, these huge columns of light stab through the ball. So that's for it. So that's the glove, the belt, the stone. The Oculus. That's like halfway, right?

We're more than halfway there. Yeah, that's... More than halfway. I... Good for us. This is going better than I ever could have expected. You three. Us too. Yeah. Can our heroes recover the final three grand relics before they're crushed by the weight of their incompetence? No, they can't. It's the adventure zone.

New story time. Yay! New story day! Crack open the dusty volume. Crack this dusty volume right up. The tails. Crack that dusty volume. Well, hold on, no, it's new story time.

If there's dust on the volume, then that's a manufacturing error. I like to imagine you pulling down a, a, uh, a, uh, a tome from the, an age-ripened tome from the shelves. And maybe the book's alive, like in the Pagemaster, and it's screaming as you rip it open. Another tale of the McElroy voice, you say it. Bound in human skin. Just like in the page, just like in the page master,

all of the voices of this arc will be Whoopi Goldberg. Please enjoy. I'm going to start this arc off on a somewhat dour note. The three of you, it's been, let's say it's been like a month and a half, maybe two, so it's late, winter, early spring. And the three of you are attending the Rights of Remembrance for everyone's favorite character, Boyland. The director has been putting this off. The rights of remembrance are when a bureau member goes down in the line of duty.

Their information is fed to the voidfish so as to avoid uncomfortable questions from the world below as to their whereabouts. So Boyland is gone, but not yet forgotten. But soon. But like in like no joke, like in a minute and a half both of the things. And you're in the voidfish's chambers where you actually, you haven't been in a while.

And it is just as you remember it. You got the big tank with the void fish jellyfish looking giant guy floating in the, floating in the tank. And pretty much everybody from the Bureau is here.

And Pringles? No, Pringles is in jail. Where he belongs. God, I know this is about free in prison breaking out Pringles. Are we eventually going to find out what happened to Pringles and what the justice system is like in this organization? Maybe I just put him in jail because of his bad name. It's entirely possible. Hey, Griff, can I ask a canon question?

Yeah, please. How do cannons work? I know, yeah, is it sparks or gumpowder? What's up in there? their suction. Uh, no, when somebody is fed into the void fish, the people aren't fed into the void fish, that's ghoulish. Oh, man. Okay, what do you, what they write their names down or whatever. What happens to like physical evidence of that person's existence on earth? Like, how are, how are physical, uh, uh, yeah, no, I'll break, I'll break down some of the like

void fish, um, because I've been thinking a lot about the void fish lately. Um, as have we all. I think the voidfish has kind of an ability where not only do they erase information, right? When they're fed information, they erase it from the world. Ooh, it's storming outside. This will add some nice ambiance. Not only does it disappear from the world, except for those who are inoculated, I think the voidfish's powers are a bit broader than that, in that they sort of implant whatever you need. to kind of write your own narrative as to write your own way around that information. So it's not like the stuff just disappears because that would be weird.

And I did kind of set up that that is how Angus joined the Bureau balance. It's because like people kind of knew there were like these edges of the periphery of their memory that something was wrong. Somebody was missing and in investigating those missing persons, that's how Angus ended up there. But I think the Voidfish has an ability where it's just like boy land is gone. and it's like, there's a big chair here that they can't read the name that's etched into the chair of Boyland. So, like, maybe that chair is just for a family friend that they also can't remember. Do you know what I mean? Like, there's a...

Yeah, fog is a good way of putting it. Like, there's... Not only does the voidfish erase information, it fills in the gaps, or it enables you to sort of fill in the gap. But that is not applied to those of us who have been inoculated. No, you... No. They don't disappear from you. just disappear from everybody else in the world, which is a lot of people.

Many. Right. Like Marty McFly's brother and sister. Right. Yeah, exactly. It's gone. So it's been a couple months here. You're at the rights of remembrance.

Everybody is here, except for Prenkels. It's a couple months to get the rights of remembrance together? Yeah, the director's kind of been putting it off. And everybody's here. Obie's actually not here. Obie's been missing for a week or so. I said missing. That sounds ominous.

He just hasn't been around. Oorshadowing. And here's the thing about this ceremony. Everybody is so sad. Like, everybody is so bummed out. And you get the impression that maybe you guys were the only people in this whole organization that were not, like, gigantic Boyland fans. Boilin Boys, as he referred to call them.

This room is full of Boilin Boys. And, like, everybody's, like, crying and, like, sharing their favorite stories of, like, and Boiland's not, like, listening to these stories. Boylan sounds like a dope dude. He'd be like, he always brought in donuts to the office, and people loved that. And he had, like, a lot of. of fun jokes that were like not offensive they like really they were people pleasers boyland was it people pleasing people seem like really bummed out and uh people are getting up

there and giving some speeches killian and carrie who uh who served with him as uh as uh regulators uh have some like totally rad like war stories um and just like everybody seems super upset and you are clued into the fact that maybe you guys should have gotten to know boylan a little bit better because he sounds like a total party animal. Wow. You know what? I stand by it. I think that they were all blinded,

but they were too close to the situation, and we were able to see him for what he really was, a dick. A giant dick. Is this your speech? Is this speech you're giving to the room? No. Mangus would never say that.

Do you want to say anything? Is there anything you want to do in this scene? I'm going to raise... Oh, this is great, because I haven't gotten to use this a lot. my flagging that makes everything like doubly potently alcoholic. Okay. And I'm getting real drunk at this wake.

Okay. To Boiland. Okay. Everybody joins you. To Boiland! They all shout and raise their own flagons that they all have for some reason. So the director walks in, walks sort of close to the tank, and she has a few roles of parchment, which he hands over to Johan, who's been playing sort of accompaniment to this scene.

has been playing a slow, sad tune on his cello, probably that he wrote specifically for Boyland. Good God. And he's really weepy. And Johann takes it and puts it into the tank and pulls a lever and you see these three rolls of parchment float up into the tank, and the voidfish wraps some of its tendrils

around these three rolls of parchment and pull it into its body. And, like, suddenly, instantly, as soon as these parchments can, that contain information about boiling or consumed, the voidfish illuminates from within in a way that you've never really seen before. The voidfish has always had like a sort of faint spiral galaxy, like nebula of stars floating around inside of it that you can see.

But this is like, this is like all of those galaxies like explode at once. And you see these bright strands of red and yellow and green, just sort of zipping around inside of its body. and there's a lot of light activity in there. And as soon as that happens, Johann, like, it steps back. And he's like, well, I've never seen a reaction like this before. I lean down to Taco and Merle.

You guys see this too, right? Everybody sees it. Everybody's like, everybody's actually kind of scared a little bit. They're, like, stepping back because it's like, the voidfish is, uh, there's like a fireworks show going off inside of it. And the director says, uh, um, oh my God. It's his comically large family, Johann. And Johann's like, oh, oh, oh, God, that's horrible. Sorry, whenever the voidfish blocks information that it's consumed,

that's what causes those lights inside of it. It's like a little alarm, if you will, it's showing that people out there are trying to think of the things that the voidfish blocked. So that's all, that's like his 400 kids and wives and husbands and stuff. God, that's rough. Yeah, but they don't know, right? I mean, it's only rough from sort of like an ethical perspective. Yeah, practically speaking.

They've already forgotten him. To think about maybe the Void Fish created for them a brand new dad. He says, a better dad. He wasn't a giant dick. Johan says, uh, yeah, really, if you think about it, his family has it easy. Because the rest of us have to go on knowing what a great dude we lost. Yeah. As I've always said in every situation, I'm the one hurt most by this.

Yeah. Is this like a physical strain for the voidfish? Is this? The voice doesn't seem. That seems like a lot of work. Is it grunting? No, it's not, it's not, it doesn't seem. I'm not asking you, Griffin.

I'm asking you, Johann. Oh, he says, uh, I did it in character voice, damn it. Um, I mean, he doesn't, the void fish doesn't seem like it's particularly distressed by all this. It's just whatever reaction is happening inside of there, it's, it's, the voidfish is blogging a lot of information right now. It's just rough. Yo-Hong, do you know does he need this? Like, does the voidfish get antsy if he doesn't get fed from time to time?

I don't know that it's a he, but, um, I, I feed it my compositions from time to time to just kind of keep him, keep, keep, keep it fed and happy and fat. I love the void fish very much. I guess you could say he's your number one. Man. Hey, hey, Johann, do your t-shirts come in X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-L? Yeah, and they have hundreds of armholes. You've cheered me up. The director who is like very, she's really upset.

You see the Stone of Far Speech that she has around her neck, her pendant, start to light up again. And she turns and, she turns and, talks to the voice coming from inside of it. And you actually hear that it's Avi. And she has a short conversation with Avi. And she turns to the three of you and says, it's time. Collect yourselves.

You have to die. Meet me in my office for a briefing. Before I do that, Magnus just puts his hand on the glass and stares at the the void vase, just mesmerized by the flashing lights inside of it. Very quickly, it puts up one of its tendrils and puts it up against your own, and then you hear it actually sing that song again, that it sang a few lunar interludes ago. Let's listen. It's just seven notes.

Yeah, let's listen in to the voidfish's seven notes song. The dirge of the voidfish. Yeah, it does have some sort of reaction to that, Magnus. I love this void fish, you guys. So I should show hammered. I have animal proficiency. I don't know what to tell you. The director mentioned to you that it's time.

About a week ago, she mentioned that. I would like to jump in here real quick, by the way, and thank all of our listeners. And I mean this sincerely for finally explaining to me what it means to have proficiency and stuff. Somebody explained to me how proficiency in thieves tools worked. And I was like, oh, duh. Yeah. And it all made so much sense to me. Thank you, everyone.

And you didn't know that? Well, I didn't know, like, please, please. What it transcended to actually have proficiency in, like, a tool. Dad practically wrote these rules. Yeah, I mean, if you ever need to... I would like you to be a little bit more informed in the future of... If you ever need to go to dungeon school, you can take Clint McElroy's correspondence. Dungeons and Dragons and Daddies.

Yeah. Oh, actually, that sounds weird. That's not great. The director mentioned that it's time. About a week back, um, she... mentioned that she had a beat on a job coming up. And she mentioned that it was big, but it was going to be a little while before she could figure out how to

get a plan of attack going and to keep it under your hat. Okay, so we know what's up. But she says it's time. It's like a finger to the nose. You know that she has a job. Do you want to move in to her office and get briefed? Goodbye, boy, fish. It does its little song again, but quieter this time.

But those lights inside of it are still popping off. I sprinkle some food onto the top of its bowl. Okay. Well, its food would be like when I was a little boy, I had a, you know, I had a rabbit named Douglas. And it'd be like, mm, thank you. Douglas is gone. This is fun, though, because I wouldn't forget it. I could feed the boy fish any, like, if it was like one time I slided my friend Jim,

like we were supposed to split it 50-50 and I gave him 40 and he never forgave me. I could put that in there and Jim would not remember. Yeah, for sure. I did that. There's a million times that you probably farted, and it was just a bad situation, and you could just, like, purge that. Is our immunity to this selective?

Like, if we wanted to forget something, could we ask the void fish? No, you've been inoculated. Because I'm so sick of hearing about damn boy land. Okay. I could do it's in like five minutes. I know. If you clone the void fish,

and then, if you cloned that void fish or and then fed it the name Boyland, you might be able to get out of the way of it. Griffin, please. This does leave, Magnus has got a backstory and it's got a dude that does not like him. Yeah. Could Magnus make that guy forget him? I'm not asking this in character, because I don't think this is occurred to Magnus yet. Yeah.

Okay. So I'm going to keep. That might occur to Magnus later. Yeah. Okay. So you've moved on to the director's office. You've been in here a few times now. The last time you're here was actually a little bit uncomfortable because there was

some tension between you and the director. but she she and I worked that out yeah you guys have that's a good question have we caught each other up on what happened in our individual things

yeah if you wanted to I don't know if Taco told you guys about his umbrella acting up I don't know if I don't know if you guys listened to the last fucking episode maybe you didn't still might be fun to tell each other

because I think I definitely told them about like training with Carrie but I don't think I told them about like the box and the whole thing with yeah sure sure sure I don't think I'd betray that confidence

oh my God I'm hearing about the things that I may or may not know from a podcast I did in fact listen to, and it's the most boring thing it's ever happened. Okay. So you're in the director's office. Let's move on. You're in the director's office.

She seems bummed out. And she says, have you collected yourselves? Are you emotionally prepared to, if you need to take a day, I think we could probably give you some leave. Is it paid? Paid leave? I mean, I mean, the whole thing with Boyland has just, I'm pretty shattered, but I don't want to lose a day of pay.

If that's what you desire, if that's what you need, then I completely understand. I'm willing. Boy, boy, boy, land. If you are already... Wouldn't it be great if the whole rest of this episode and, like, the next three episodes was us taking a paid leave day off? Just fucking watching or just the new Black season four or whatever, just like chilling, doing some binge watching. Assuming you're okay, I'm ready to tell you about the next mission. Are we okay, guys?

I feel good. Yep, we're good. So, sorry, I'm worried about the three of you on this next mission because the last one we sent you on ended up being much more dangerous than we initially expected. And longer. Yes. And we didn't kill as many people. Yeah, barely any. That will, that will not be the case with the mission.

Yeah. I crave blood. I know exactly how dangerous this mission is going to be. which is to say extraordinarily. Okay. But not for the reasons you might expect. To be frank, I don't know what's waiting for you on this mission, but I know what's waiting for you at the end of it.

And it's the fifth grand relic. It is the temporal chalice or chalice, depending on just sort of what region you're from. Let's go with chalice. It's like an onion then. It is a relic, a cup, that, Dad, I want you to know I got that. Thank you. I got it.

It's just like... I didn't use the amulet. Yeah, you're lucky. It is a relic. It is a cup that gives the holder power over the flow of time itself. She says, you've been able to withstand the thrall of each of the relics that you've faced so far. And that is commendable. But there's no power and no treasure more seductive than that which the...

temporal chalice presents. It will tempt you in ways that you've never been tempted before. And I have no way to aid you except to warn you that the power to fix your mistakes is a power that is nearly impossible to resist. Do you know anything in regards to the extent of the power of the chalice or who's wielding it now? Anything that can clue us in as to what we might face or be up against when we face the person. She says, allow me to brief you. And she pulls out one of those spheres that she showed you all those scenes of destruction from in the last episode and taps it and you see another sort of display pop up over it.

And this one is showing a large brown dusty canyon. It's actually a series of canyons that are just sort of weaving a bunch of channels into the ground, dry channels, they're not rivers, it's just dry canyons, all made of red clay. And you see one of the canyons, the largest of this network of canyons, has a pretty big opening in it, right sort of in the heart of this series of canyons. And inside of that opening, you see a circle. And it looks like it was actually drawn into this projection.

I could say it is a perfect circle. And she says, we discovered this anomaly several weeks ago, and we've been trying to figure out a way to breach it. We can't tell what it's protecting. It is a force field. And whatever is powering this force field, the power is starting to slightly wane. That's how we were able to discover it. Avi has been researching a form of transportation that will be able to get the three of you through the field and contacted me during the rights of remembrance for Boylan to let me know that he's had a breakthrough. Avi had to miss Boylan's rights of remembrance to discover this.

So I hope you're grateful for this. I didn't know that there was an option. She says, I have no intel on what's inside of this force field. save for some information on the bubble itself. It's nearly a mile and a half in diameter. It is impenetrable and opaque. We can't get through it through any sort of common methods. It's not just a dome.

It's perfectly spherical. It extends down into the ground as well. And it's some sort of, I've referred to it as a force field. It's actually some sort of time distortion. It doesn't block force. it blocks time. So you can't move through it for that reason. If you tried to punch your fist through it,

your fist wouldn't be stopped by a barrier. It would just stop. Now, hold on. Are you sure? Because I've punched a lot of things. I'm pretty sure that that wouldn't swing it. Okay. We'll see. We can't see through the barrier.

Whatever's in there, it could be large. It could be, I mean, it's a mile and a half in diameter. it could be a fortress, it could be some sort of army encampment, it could be a whole city. We don't know what's waiting for you in there. All we know is that the

temporal chalice is what is projecting that field and it is almost certainly where you will find it. So what's the main thing the temporal chalice does? The temporal chalice simply has, for lack of a better term, its powers are broad and that's what makes it such a

frightening force. It has control over the flow of time, but it can also give the user a sort of broader dominion over time. It was able to essentially create a barrier composed of time, which is news to me. But it's just the more reason why we need to get this out of the hands of whoever's using it, and we need to get it into our hands and then just destroyed. How exactly do you suggest we do that when it's creating a barrier that we can't move through or see through or get through?

That Avi has figured something out. So we're going to send you down to the, what's the name of this area? No, Dry Bones is the name of an enemy from Mario. That won't do it. That won't. Gucci Gulch. Gucci Gulch is. pretty good. That's something

though, right? I think it's the taint. We have to go down to the taint. We're sending you to the devil's taint. You got ravine. You got Gulch. Yeah, I'm looking. How about the blasted lance? The blasted lance is from all the

Warcraft. Okay. How about the not blasted lance? How about your blasted lands? The Grand Canyon. Mm-hmm. But you're spelled with two D's. Grand The Taco Belgronde Canyon. I was about to say the arid wastes, and that's a map in Starcraft.

Blizzard, can you get off my nuts for a second? How about tattooing? No, I've got it. We're going to send you down to the woven gulch to meet up with Avi and figure out a way of entry. Once you get in there, again, I don't know what dangers await you, but once you've bested them, just sorry I'm having kind of a hard day and I don't

I don't want What's going on with you? It's boy land It's I was in my God Right yeah Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah I don't get controlled

This chalice I'm gonna go back in time And make everybody No see that's This is explicitly what I'm talking about That oh I thought you were going to say Save Boyland Oh no

No No Not gonna save boy land Listen but that's what I'm talking about You goof Because you're a goofer But that's I am

You can't, this, this thing's going to come at you from all sides. And if you give into it, you'll lose control and we'll have to send in the regulators after you. And none of us want that. Let them try. I kind of want that. We've beat them before. Not at all. So the goal is get this chalice and do not use it.

Do not use it and get out. Is there a palace where they keep the chalice? Good question. What if we have to use it to stop it? That's goofy talk. Well, I'm saying once you're not going to be there. You don't know. To quote your imprisoned friend Pringles, once you pop, the time control don't stop.

Okay. Do we need to stop by and see Avi or are we just headed down planet side? Avi's already planet side. Is it hot down there? Is it really hot? It's probably sticky. If you want to wear shorts, this is... Oh, wait a minute.

We got to get new looks. We got to get summer looks. Yes! Shorts! We need shorts. Shorts. Shorts. Fantasy shorts. Fantasy shorts. Fantasy shorts. Fantasy shorts. Okay, this is, yes. Magnus definitely has cargo shorts. Don't try to tell me I do not. I will set this up. I will set this up for you. If you will get on, this will be sort of your signing bonus for this job, is I will secure for each of you some cool shorts. Is that? Okay, but on one condition, I want a changing room for three, like three different compartments. I want Killian and Carrie and Noel be there, all kind of like shaking their head

yes or no when we come out and display it. Does that sound good to you guys? Say yes to the shorts. Say yes to the shorts. Don't, and please don't trip. I'm wearing a skirt. Don't even bug on that. Like a horse I'm wearing a killed. A kilt? Like a man killed? Not a kilt. You don't want to go to the desert. Murl would have a utila kilt. That's a fact.

No, like a skirt, but like a magical one. Oh, okay. Maybe Jodd purrs. We're going to the desert. Jodpers. Okay. Did it make Joddper shorts? And the way you go. She's like holding both of her hands extended and just kind of slowly walking towards you, like pushing you towards a... Oh, off we go on another adventure. Griffin, can I ask you a question real quick?

Yeah. Just completely out of curiosity having nothing to do with what's going on right now. Please. What class is the director? Like, what kind of still said to do? She definitely is magical. She is, you know, either a wizard or a sorcerer or something. She has magic stuff.

But we have not seen her wield that power. So, I mean, she has a couple times. She used, the only thing I can kind of think of is when you guys did, God, this is a pull. When you guys first did the test of initiation, she, like, tapped her White Oak staff on the ground, and it, like, you guys went to sleep. Essentially, it woke up in the testing chamber. It's safe to assume she's pretty powerful. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, she's the, she's, you know, in charge here.

She's got some, she's got some skills. Why don't you ask me? I'm the one that just spent some quality. Getting to be best buds, yeah. We are kind of best buds now. Mud buds. When she's covered with mud, she looks like Charlize Theron in those Huntsman movies.

Never seen. I don't know. Nobody's actually seen them. We haven't? No. No. Fee the fuckers to the void fish. Where would shorts, I guess,

not fantasy Costco. I want to say like maybe Leon is like... Fantasy old Navy. Ye old, you Navy. I guess it would be new Navy, right? If you guys heard about a new store, it's just called Navy. We think it's going to be around for a long time. You are in the clothing department of the fantasy Costco, and Garfield the Deals Warlock is, like, helping you pick out shorts, because, like, it's like that scene in the Matrix where, like, a bunch of different shelves of guns come at you, but it's all just, like, shorts and, uh, utilica quilts and skirts and, like, lightweight summer fashions.

I want one like Jared Leder Awards the 2015 I Heart Radio Music Awards You've got it You're welcome for those awards by the way Thanks dad What color I think a salmon would look good on you Taco Well his was black

But I think so the light for the climb would be great So maybe kind of like a Merv A Mouwov Yeah okay He gets you the exact color that you're picturing your mind's eye How How high or low cut Is this, what are we talking?

Like at the knee? I mean, I mean, flirty. Okay. Fingertie length. And Dad and Travis, what kind of shorts do you want? I would like some, uh, haem. I would like some cargo shorts, but if they could be enchanted in some way that I don't have to worry about sand getting up in there.

Sure, sure, sure. You know what I mean? Oh, that's, yeah, that's, don't worry about that. Okay. Um, and something that will keep the pockets from leaking. I cannot believe how much time we're spending on this. I've put a lot of thought into my magical cargo shorts. Yes.

And, uh, and, uh, and, Earl for you? Jodpers. I like the Jodpers idea and I want them right above the knee with garters. I love this because Merle's like short.

Define that word and use it in a sentence. Jodpers? Give me those Jodpers with the big flaps at the side. Okay, but those are in no way shorts. You understand? This is arguably the worst possible summer wear.

No, but he will look like a 1950s director. Absolutely. Yes. With a second set of knees. Cesar. DeMille. Okay, he gets you some

pants, some weird pants that are baggy at the, at the butt and thigh area. These are the least flattering pants I've literally ever seen. They're not really baggy. I thought they had built-in angles. No, not the job purrs I'm seeing.

Think of like riding pants. No, yeah, definitely. Do you want me to cut these off at the knee for you just to give you sort of a... Yeah, but I want like a belt around the bottom so I can fix them. So sand doesn't blow up my hoo-ha.

He brings you some jod purrs and he cuts them off at the knee to make you jort purrs, I guess. That's a fun one. Jort pers. And then he takes out his wand and he goes, now don't tell the director about this. And he waves it over your shorts and jort purrs and skirt so that they are protected completely from just like humidity and stickiness and grit. And says, that one's on the freaky for my most loyal customers. He winks. Thanks, Carfield.

Can we leave now? I wish you would. Well, listeners who are just joining us again, we're assuming you fast forwarded through that last segment. Welcome, back to the Adventure Zone. We're still here, still doing it. Important, important question. Get ready, busy for you.

What color are the jorts in the jort purse? Camo. Mine up camo. Jesus. Daddy? Plaid. What color plaid? That's nothing.

Black, green, and red. Okay, cool. God, I'm glad we settled all that. Hey, everybody. This is Griffin Mac. Roy, your best friend, your dungeon master, and your guardian angel, don't climb up that rickety old ladder in the garage. It's just no good anymore. Thanks for listening to episode 41, Jesus, of the Adventure Zone, the first part of a new story arc. This one's kind of buildup, getting them in the front door

of where the arc's going to take place, and things are really going to pop off in the next episode. I'm very, very excited for it. I want to thank everybody who's been tweeting about the show using the hashtag the Zonecast. If you do that, you might end up as a character in the show. I went through the past, about the past month or so, whenever I saw a name that I thought matched up with one of the characters in this new arc, I would grab it. I don't want that to seem like this is like a raffle, and I hope I haven't set it up like that.

I really just pick names that I think sound cool. But I really appreciate folks spreading the word about the show. The show's been growing, like, really fast, and we really, really appreciate it. Like, the show's been doing really well, and it's all because of you guys. We have never paid to advertise the show. It has all been word of mouth. So everything you can do to help us get the word out, we super duper appreciate.

We have a couple personal messages and a couple commercial messages on today's episode. If you want to sponsor the show and get a message out to a friend or a message out for your small business, it's easy to do. Just go to maximum fun.org. You can find out all the details there.

For this first message, I'd like to tell you about a web comic called Little Guardians, which is excited to announce the release of book three, Tane and the Spirit Dragon, Available now at little guardianscomic.com. Check out Little Guardians. It's in all ages fantasy adventure web comic and graphic novel series about village kids fighting demons badly, which is basically like kids fighting monsters is essentially what we go for

here at the Adventure Zone as well. Little Guardians is equal parts humor, action, and suspense set within a lush RPG-inspired world and is perfect for the family of fantasy fans looking for a fun story. New pages post every week at little guardianscomic.com.com. If you're attending JinCon this year, visit the Authors Avenue for a free sketch. Let's get you something right up. It's not a big deal. You don't even have to ask.

You probably have to ask. They're not psychic, I assume. Again, that's little guardianscom. Well, you're checking that out, as long as you get your browser open, why don't you go to Amazon.com and search for the girl with the red hair. Or you could just go to mjs author.com. Girl with the red hair is a fantasy novel that was inspired by the author's own D&D campaign. She was just a lost girl when they found her,

but it soon becomes apparent that she is much more. I'm assuming this is the titular girl with the red hair and not like the craziest author biography ever. It just launched on Amazon June 1st. That was yesterday. So go check it out. Again, amazon.com, it's the girl with the red hair or mjsauthor.com.

Got a personal message here for Abbott, and it's from Eric, Ian, and Jesse, who say, it will be hard to find someone willing to sacrifice his party members for a chance at the best loot, but it paid off for you in the form of an unusually roguish hat. your character and friendship will be missed. Good luck on your new side quest. I don't know, I don't know what this person has gone off to do that involves a roguish hat. Unless they're like a,

like an ambulance driver? Why did I say ambulance? Anyway, congratulations, Abbott on whatever life move you've recently made and good luck to the rest of you on fill in that party member-sized whole. And one last message here. This one's for Mickey and it's from Michael who says, Thanks for covering me that weekend when I forgot my wallet. You're extremely generous and a great friend. You're also a big jerk who refused to let me pay you back. But you know who won't refuse my money? The McElroyce.

So here's our favorite dungeon master telling the world that you're a terrific, selfless guy. Now we're even, you stubborn asshole. Two things. That's a really sweet move. It sounds like you helped them out in a tight spot. I know how bad that can be when you leave your wallet somewhere. And then some dumb kid finds it and spins all of your Amazon credit. Second thing, I will always take that money. Do you hear me? This is serious. This is serious time now. I will always take that money.

If you like this show, go check out the other shows on the Maximum Fun Network. There's a lot of other shows on there, and I guarantee you're going to find one that is going to really, really do it for you. How about Adam Ruins Everything, a new show on the network? How about The Greatest Generation? That's a podcast about Star Trek, the next generation. You're going to like that one. How about Throwing Shade? How about Jordan Jesse Go?

There's so many shows on the network. They're all free and they're all amazing, and they've been really supportive of us the whole time we've been podcasting. Again, maximum fun.org. If you like shows we do, you can go to Macroy Shows. We do a bunch of other shows like Cool Games Inc, a video game design podcast I do for Polygon, or Sawbones, a medical history show that Justin does with his wife, Sydney, or Bunker Buddies, a show that Travis does about surviving the apocalypse, all those shows, macroyshows.com. Let's get back on that episode, though. What do you say?

The next episode's going to go up on Thursday, June 16th. Oh, Jesus, that's during E3. Oh, uh-oh, I got some of Palanin to do. Uh, I will talk to you then. See you later. The three of you are in the hangar of the Bureau of Balance getting ready to launch to your destination. Obie's not here. Avi is the hangar operator.

So you're not really sure who's going to be blasting you out of this cannon until they reveal themselves. It's a small boy who walks out from behind the cannon. And it's Angus McDonald. Son of a bitch. And he looks pretty nervous. He's like, hello, sirs. I'm honored. Andes, how's the magic going?

Oh, what's going? Very good. My favorite magic spell, if I knew how to use it today, would be to fire you guys off to your destination without killing you. But I'm sorry, I'm just very nervous. It's my first time manning the cannon, and Avi showed me how to use it, but I'm just a little boy. And some of the machinery is very complicated. But I think I'll be able to get you where you need to go. All safe and sound.

and away from volcanoes and stuff. Ango, if there was one person I trusted to do this well, you're definitely on the short list of people that that might be. Short list. That wasn't supposed to be a mean joke, Dad, but thank you. He motions you up the stairs to the loading platform and into the glass ball. You guys didn't have this launch protocol for your last adventure.

Yours is more floating canoe base, so it's been a little bit since you've mounted up for a, for a blast off like this. You mean in the vomit, comets? Yeah, yeah. You hop in? Hell yes. Okay.

Yeah, you hop in and shut the sealed little circular door behind you. And the back of the cannon starts to lift you up into the cannon. And the last thing you see, like through the sliver of light between the cannon hatch and the, the cannon is Angus's face. And he looks like he's about to break down into tears. I give him a thumbs up. Okay. I give him one finger. Okay.

well we don't have to be mean every time dad oh yeah and we're homies now and uh uh yeah you are sealed into the cannon and you hear uh three two one mark and you are launched out of the cannon and uh yeah it's been a while since you've done this and he forgot to open the door and you die then that's the end of the adventure zone guys wow what a ride i'm glad we ended on that short tie note you are uh no you're launched and you're launched and And you are sailing through the skies at several hundred miles an hour. And you have a lot of actual horizontal velocity this time. So you're getting a good look at the ground below you as you sort of sail above it all.

And you watch yourselves go over the black circle of glass that used to be fandolin. You go over never winter. You fly over the – you fly over gold. Cliff and the deserts surrounding it. So all of the sites of our greatest trial. Yeah. You fly over the deserts of Goldcliffe. Rather discreetly while we're doing the soaring, I cast stone skin on myself. Really?

Well, this motherfucker just said he could kill us in fiction. Okay. Yeah, sure. Reality. Okay. Why would I not cast that on myself? Okay. And, uh, I guess.

I read the in-flight, um, safety manual. Yeah. A couple of times. Way too much. More than normal. Okay. If you're reading that, Dad, make a, Make a perception check, Dad.

Of course. Certainly. Perception check. You have a bonus because you have those eyeglasses. Oh, yes, my glasses. And whatever your skills give you. Okay. 16.

Yeah, so that's enough. You see out of the corner of your eye, Taco turned to his skin turned to stone. You little shit. Well, it's because this way, if anything happens to us, I can heal you. I wanted to pray. It's for the team. Well, then why didn't you cast it on me? I only have so many slots, my man.

Okay. And you see yourself floating and starting to descend into the woven and it does look like just a big knot made out of these canyons. And these canyons look deep. A few of them that are sort of not attached to the larger weave have, it looks like there's some clouds in them. like they have their own little self-contained weather systems, not like fog, like proper clouds in them. And, but the one you're sinking into, the largest of all of these, is clear and you are falling down into it.

And you're getting very, very close to the ground and very, very close to the ground now. Oh, we pull the lever. Okay, you pull the lever. This is a pretty rough stop. This is a, this is going to be a rough landing. You feel, I forget if the, there's a, there's a, There's not a parachute. It's just kind of the momentum of it starts to come to a stop.

But you hit the ground pretty hard. It's a, it's red clay. I pulled the lever, I remember it. You did pull it pretty late. Yeah, but like, you don't take a- You as the DM didn't remind your stupid players that they had to pull a stupid lever. Oh, I didn't know this was a baby game for children. Ooh.

Oh, dunk. No, you don't take any damage or anything. and the ball is fine, but you do roll a couple times, and you come to almost a perfect stop directly in front of Avi, who is just looking at you with this, like, grimace on his face, just preparing for doing. During that whole time, I curled my body

to protect Stephen the Magic Fish. Okay, been a while. In case anyone was worried. Yeah, he's fine, still swimming around, still being a fish in my pocket. How long do you go fish live? He's magic, Griffin. And a long time, longer than like two months.

How long do goldfish live inside a pocket? He's magic as shit, y'all. So you skid to a halt in front of Avi. And you are now in front of this massive, massive, it is a sphere, but to you, it just looks like a dome on the ground that is just reaching high, high up into the sky. It looks weird. It looks weirdly like silvery, but it looks like when you look into it, you are seeing exactly what the other end of it would see, like a natural. You know that like camouflage, like that, like that Metal Gear Solid shit where you have a camera on your back. So when you look at the front, you see what the camera on the back showing you.

Like that's kind of what it looks like. It just looks like a, it looks like a distortion. So it kind of looks like you can see through it, but you're actually just seeing past it, right? Got it. Got it. You've explained it very well four different ways. And you see Avi, and you see a gigantic, way bigger than the one you just came out of, Canon, that Avi basically has pointed, not quite point blank, but maybe about 10 feet

away from the dome pointed directly at it. And as the door opens, he says, wow, that was some pinpoint shooting. That was good work. Whoever did that up there did, oh, it was Ango, right. It was Ango. It was a, I trained him. Yeah, boy, that was a hole in one. I pulled the lever.

He sees you, Taka, goes, Taka, what happened to your whole skin situation? You know, spray tans went wrong. He says, oh, man, if you have a stone skin on, that should have thrown off the trajectory of the, oh, man, if you hadn't done that, you probably would have smashed right into the side of this thing. He's a hero. I'm a hero. He says, okay, boys, here's the situation. Here's what I figured out.

He pops out some little scanner that he's got with them, a little tricorder looking doodad, and points it at the barrier, and you see sort of a sine wave appear on it, and the waves are sort of contracting and expanding. And he says, this is whatever energy this thing's given off, this isn't what Avi sounds like. It's been a while since he's talked.

I think he had more of like a surf. bro voice, but I kind of lifted that for Carrie. I'm sorry my voices are getting so out of whack, everybody. Doing my best. He says, whatever energy, this thing's given off, it fluctuates and it gets weaker and it gets stronger. And my hypothesis that I've tested out with like a couple rocks and I did it with a skull is that if you launch something with enough speed and momentum, right when this thing's

at its weakest energy signature. I'm like, guys, I'm like 94% sure. If I shoot you out of this big canon, directly at this thing, right when the energy signatures at its weakest, you're going to pass right through and it's going to be totally great, totally great. What percent? Cool.

What percent? 94 to 93 to 95. That's still an A, but in my blood. That's an A, yeah, sure. What's everybody's passive perception like? My passive perception is 11. How would I know that, girl? I think it's like 8 plus whatever your perception or 10 plus 10 plus whatever your

perception bonuses. Why it's 15? Merle, you notice how to your corner your eye coming from behind you in the direction that you were shot down, you see something move and sort of disturb the clay earth about 30 feet behind you. It looks kind of like, you know that hilarious movie, Caddyshack?

And there's that groundhog that causes all the folks just no end of trouble. Just so much trouble. Oh, that gopher. Is it a gopher? Yes. I love that movie.

Anyway, yeah, you notice something disturbing the earth and moving in your direction. It's coming, and it's coming pretty quick. Hey, guys, look. What is it?

It's a gopher. Sweet. Cool. Um, okay. So, uh, if you're not going to do anything about it, these, uh, the, the shape moves towards you and, uh... Fellas, we need to brace ourselves for impact. Branches off. Something's coming at us under the ground. It branches into three, uh, of these little moving patches of clay earth, uh, almost like it's starting to encircle, uh, this, this group of people. And, uh, quickly emerging from the ground, you see three very large, very purple worms. pop out of the ground, almost trimmer style. They are, what is sticking out of the ground is about 10 feet long, pretty, pretty, about a car tire

in terms of thickness, with these three sharp yellow pincers at their mouth, forming kind of a beak, and they are screaming like they're in distress, and they are upon you. Let's roll initiative. Of course, now there's a 20. I had a seven I have a 15 and Justin rolled a 20 20 of course there's my 20

that means he gets a special bonus attack because he rolled the crit no okay taco is first in the order you got these three worms they're all about they're sort of encircling you

they yeah they look they look pretty they look pretty gnarly and they they sound like they're in distress and they are about 10 feet away from you.

So are they literally surrounding us, or are they 10 feet apart, like, coming at us? They're not literally surrounding you. They are 10 feet apart, 10 feet away from you, forming like a triangle. Okay, well, I am going to cast Thunderwave. Okay. Because it seems like a good thing.

Yeah, okay, so I can hit two of them on this. Okay. And I'm going to cast it as a level three spell. Oh, wow, okay. I can do an additional 2D8 damage with it. What do they have to do? They have to do some sort of saving throw? Okay.

I'll do one, I'll do one at a time. That's fine. Yeah, each one. The first one fails. The second one got an 18, so that's a success, I imagine. Yes. Yeah, so you hit one of them. So he takes 2, 6, 11, 13 damage.

Okay. This thing like squeals and gives out kind of a pathetic cry as it, and you knock it back, right? Unsecured objects that are completely within the area of effect. And since it's that, since they're still somewhat submerged, I'm actually also, I'm actually going to say that you knock it out of the ground. Like you, the force of this thing like pulls the rest of its body out of the ground. There wasn't a whole lot in there sort of tethering it. So you knock it out of its whole. hole and this thing is fully exposed and it's just sort of wriggling around on the ground and kind of

crying. Next in the order is the worms. The one that you hit is going to, I'm going to say it's prone. So it's going to spend its turn, it's going to spend its turn riding itself, reaching or lifting the top part of its body up and then smashing down into the ground and burrowing down. And then it's going to use another move to kind of move over and burrow up and hide behind one of its unharmed fellow purple worms.

The other two are going, you see their mouths start to glow red, and the two of them are casting scorching ray, and they're both going to aim at you tacos since you just hurt the boy, the other boy. Okay. That is a spell attack throw. The first one is, what's your AC? Right now. Yeah.

Oh, you have stone skin. That doesn't affect by AC. AC is 13. Oh. The first... Don't skin doesn't affect your AC? No, sir. It gives me resistances to certain types of damage.

Interesting. Is fire one of those types of damage? Uh, non-magical bludgeoning, piercing, and splashing. Uh, the second one's going to be a hit. Uh, okay. Hold on. You're gonna... This is an attack, right?

Yeah. It is a range spell attack. It's not a melee attack. It's as long as there's an attack roll against him. Oh, okay. Instead of a save, I can do protection. Okay. That's 19 versus AC

Still gonna hit Sorry, I tried Hey Hey, well Say Lavi Good job That is 21 points of fire damage

Hachimachi As you get lit up by this one And another one tries to Blast you But it Curves around And it hits the barrier And just kind of diffuses

It doesn't do anything Okay Next in the order is Dad I'm going to cast my new spell, Flame Strike, because we've got two of them right next to each other, right? Because one's hiding behind the other one? Yes, yes. So I cast this.

It's a vertical column of divine fire that roars down from the heavens. Jesus. In a location, you specify each creature in a 10-foot radius, 40-foot-high cylinder centered on a point within range, has to make a dexterity-saving throw. Okay. Uh, that is an 11. Not going to do it.

What is your... Spell DC? Yes. Is 16. Holy shit. Okay. They super don't save. Okay.

Well, each one of them takes four D6 fire damage. Damn, son. Wow. Wait a minute. And four D6 radiant damage. Good Lord. Did you just burn your, like, nuke? What level spell is that?

Wait. Level five, nosy. Nice. Nice. Six. Eight. Four. I'm up to 18.

Wait. One. That's 19. Right? That's the fire, right? How did you get an eight on a T6? That's actually a super good question, Travis. And I think it's something worth looking into.

I think maybe let's take that one back to the judges. Let me do some investigation here on my end. We're doing a camera. We're doing a judge's review right now. And I think there may have been something a little bit fishy with those rolls. I'm trying again. I'm trying to get it. And you see a seven on there, thud?

All right, wait a minute, you're good. One, five, so that's six, two, so that's eight, two, so that's ten. So ten fire damage. Four, five, so that's nine. Another five, that's 14, one, 15. So all in all, 25 damage. Good Lord. Okay.

On each. the the one that was fresh takes that damage and looks uh it squeals and like a pig like it is it is like very very upset by that attack um and the one that was already damaged is like lying on the ground not dead but like it just kind of twitching and like the one that is still undamaged like looks at it and does another sort of soft whale. And next

up is Travis. It's actually kind of making me sad. So we've got one on damaged. That's when we noticed that they were rushing at us with brochures for how to best enjoy the woven gulch. Welcome to woven gulch.

Welcome to woven gulch. Here's some coupons for the DCBY. our band performs every Friday we love if you guys could come out free beer for the ladies ice cream social on Sunday also we're giant worms I know that's off pudding but if he just like oh oh I see thank you for not judging by appearance and not killing us oh no see yet drink them Travis what are you doing

so we have one completely untouched one that's in bad shape and one that's in super bad shape right yeah yeah yeah uh so I'm going to go out after the one that's undamaged, I guess. Okay. So I'm going to run up to it and switch to two-handed axe. Okay. Yeah, you've got some options now, huh? Yeah.

And I'm going to attack it. Okay. It's a 12 plus 8 plus 9. That's a hit. Yep. And that's... I assume you're going to attack it. Let's start doing this because your turns...

Now that you have like all these different shits you can do, your turns you're going to start going long, I think if you're going to take multiple attacks, on a thing if you're like planning on taking bonus actions. Why don't you just like roll, just roll a bunch of D20 and let's just like, you know what I mean? Okay. Yeah. If you need to break it up for like strategic purposes, I totally am down with that.

But if you think like my move for this action is going to be I'm going to hit this worm three times, just then I would prefer you just do it. Okay. So I'll remember that that one is going to be a goading attack. Okay. And then I'll attack again. Okay. Eight plus nine, 17. That is insufficient.

Poopy. But your going to attack hits. That is a nine plus five. So that's 14 damage. Okay. And then plus six. So you need to beat a 20 saving throw to avoid the go- Of wisdom?

Yeah. Not this thing strong suit. That is 16. So no. Okay. Yeah. So any attack not against me will have disadvantage. Got it.

And now I'm going to use cunning action to, dash away. Okay. Dash away. We need to figure this out because I'm pretty sure. So both cunning action, we need to talk about this after the show. Cunning action and bonus attack both use a thing called the bonus action. In combat, you have move action, action, action, reaction, reaction, reaction, reaction.

And I think bonus attack uses the bonus action, so you can't do that and cunning attack, cunning action in the same turn. But we will figure that out. That to me would be an action search because I just get to attack. I don't think that's a bonus action. Okay. Can you only action surge once per battle? Yes. Okay, cool.

We'll say that's what happened. Cool. All right, you move away from this thing. Justin, back up to you, Taco? And just, Griffin, just so you know, because I think someone might point out, I think if I dash away, I get an attack of opportunity against me. If you disengage and move, you don't get an attack of opportunity. Oh, so I do get an attack of opportunity. Yes.

When you hit it, this worm starts to, one. wine and squeal also, and it does not do its attack of opportunity against you. It just kind of rears, rears back, and almost cowers. Taco, it's your turn. Well, we need to stop attacking these guys. Okay, but, like, they attacked me. Yeah, but, like, what if we just, we're beating the shit out of them right now? What if we just didn't attack them this round and saw what they did?

Who are you? You know what? I'm into it. Oh. Look, I'm going to chill on this. Okay. I raised you better than that. Just so it's in fiction, this is like I braced for an attack of opportunity and nothing came.

Yeah. And it kind of like, oh. So, Taka, you're going to delay your turn. Just see what happens. Sure. Okay. The worms are up next. The two sort of injured ones, the ones that got hit by the flame pillar and the one that Magnus just attacked, they do, they start to retreat.

And I guess you could take an attack of opportunity. against them. No, actually, you guys used range attacks, so you weren't up against them. The two slightly damaged ones sort of snake their way over to their injured third member and sort of coil around it, and then all three burrow into the ground and retreat. And you hear them just like, these three little piggies just cry the whole way home. You hear them just like crying, doing a sad little purple worm cry. So I'm the bad guy.

As they run away. I'm the bad guy here. I mean, I'm a bad guy. I cast a spelling before. I chopped them with my axe. Well, all three attacked and just like didn't kill them. Which can I just say, ooh, strong character growth from all three of us.

Yeah, we let something live. Avi pokes his head from behind the cannon where he was hiding. He's like, great job, guys. We're proud of you. So we won, right? Lots of cool moves. Yeah, you won. I mean, there's a bit of moral,

A bit of moral ambiguity in there. He's like, okay, we should, I guess, get going before more of those things show up. Are you guys ready to blast off? Have you, you've been here for a while, Avi. Have you seen something like that before? I've heard some, like, some stuff under the ground, but, like, whatever's down there, I guess those purple worm guys, like, they've never, they've never breached before. Let me give you some advice.

Okay. A little bit of advice. If they come back and they pop up out of the ground. just look at him and say, I am the quesots Hararok, and they'll live you alone. So these weren't dune-sized sandworms. He says...

It still works. He says, I've actually heard of purple worms before. They're supposed to be like... They're supposed to be like huge. They're supposed to be like the size of like a bunch of trains all bundled up together. Like hundreds of feet long and like dozens of feet wide, like big old...

Were those baby purple worms? Maybe. I don't know. Oh shit. Let's get this train on the road, huh? Well, before we do that, can I cast Healing Word on Taco? Yeah. Do you need to take a second to figure out what to do when you actually heal someone? Look, wise guy.

Taco could also just use his hit dice to take a short rest and recover that way. Okay. Oh, that's fine, yeah. So just roll... I've never done that before. Trying to be part of the team. How much damage? No serious slots, my dude.

He took 21. 21. So, yeah, you just roll your hit dice, which I think is 1D6. and you can spend as many as you want get back up to full health if you want. That's the one with six and how many hit... Let me see if I have on my sheet, how many hit dies I have all together.

It should be your player level, I think. What's that? 13. 15. 21. All right. I used five. Okay.

But its most defining feature is it is almost entirely metal. So one ball is bigger than the other way. Gross. And instead of being made out of glass, like the ones that you usually write in the bureau, there is a small, small circular porthole window that is like the only source of light in this room. And as you sort of load into this new cannon ball, you notice something weird. Like the, your momentum while you're inside of it is off. Like it, it feels like you're moving.

moving through jelly almost. And he says there's a charm in there that like is going to help reduce the momentum because you're going to go from zero to and you're refers to a little notepad. And he goes to about 800 miles an hour very, very quickly. Oh, you guys are going to break the sound barrier. Cool. Okay, anyway. Oh, awesome.

Yeah. So the charm in there's going to make this trip survivable. But it's still going to be pretty bad. So just hold on to your. butts, he says. Our own, not each other's. Whatever it takes. Is there a name for this canon?

Because I got a sweet name for it. Yeah. You should call it the Yeager. Yeah, this is the Yeager. And... You know, after West Virginia's own Chuck Yeager, the first person to break the sound barrier. It's also a Yeager bomb.

The Yeager bomb. He's like, all right, everybody loading the Yeager bomb. He takes out of Sharpie. Chuck Yeager, a fan of the show. Thanks for tweeting about the show. Yeah. Really appreciate it. Thanks for the donations, Chuck.

Thanks for all the item submissions, like all of them. Yeah. Avi takes out a Sharpie and writes that onto the side of the canning. He's like, cool, cool. And then he takes out his little scanner and points it at the dome, almost like he's pointing a gun at it with the cannon off to his side. And you hear him count down. He's like, all right, I think I got the timing.

He's like, no, no, no, no. He's like, I'm not going to be able to, now, give you a count on now. On this one, so now, I'm just going to launch it now. You guys ready? Now. Now? You guys ready? Now?

Yes. Okay. Mark. And it just, things just, you go very, very, oh, boys, you go very fast. You go very, very fast. And if you, if you were able to see outside while you were sort of spanning the distance from the end of the barrel of this cannon and into the side of the dome, you don't see it. and all you hear is this um it sounds like a the sound of like a large wave rolling in it's like it's it's really really loud and your vision just goes white in in this white space you're you're

no longer sitting in the ball the ball is the cannonball's just gone you're just in this white space um and standing in this white space in front of you um where you're where there was this dome and Avi and the gulch, standing in this white space is a very old woman. And she is holding a large, ornate, silver cup. And she makes eye contact with you this. Here you go. No, she makes eye contact with you.

And gasps. And she says, it's you. And then she says, Find me. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.

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