The Adventure Zone - Ep. 42. The Eleventh Hour - Chapter Two

Episode Date: June 16, 2016

What waits for our heroes on the other side of the time-stuck barrier? Seriously, what could be in there? A dragon made out of time? A parallel universe where people eat time like snack chips? A genuinely kind of innocuous, rustic town? Whatever it is, one thing's for sure: There's about to be some trouble in that bubble. Merle does some successful evangelizing. Taako gets caught red-handed. Magnus rushes in! Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously on the Adventure Zone. To be frank, I don't know what's waiting for you on this mission, but I know what's waiting for you at the end of it. It's the fifth grand relic. The temporal chalice, or chalice, depending on just sort of what region you're from. It is a cup that gives the holder power over the flow of time itself. You are now in front of this massive, massive, it is a sphere, but to you it just looks like a dome. the ground that is just reaching high, high up into the sky. You guys ready?

Yes. Okay. Mark. Boys, you go very fast. And standing in this white space in front of you is a very old woman. Find me. If that old lady is some sort of spooky ghost, I'm out of here. I need a ghost-free guarantee if I'm going to stay in.

The adventure zone. Boys, I have a sickness, got an illness. And the only care is more cowbell. Well, screaming into the microphone, most certainly is not the cure. Cowbell. Whatever the opposite of a cure is, you just did that. The only cure is more Camel Bell. So the end of that sentence that you cut off was, and so I won't be able to put up with any shit today.

But the problem is that I already have. Cowbell. Yeah. This is what scientists and doctors would call immersion therapy. Do you know how Patch Adams made people laugh to make them feel better? I like to make people feel really frustrated and annoyed to make them feel worse. Yeah. They call me Natch Adams.

Thanks, Natch Adams. I hate your... And I, as your father, have a natural nurturing need to just keep shoveling the shit on you. Thank you. I love it. I love to steal things. They call me Snatch Adams. Where'd my Stethoscope go?

Oh, it's over here. I've got your Stethoscope. While we were on our D.C. New York live shows from Bim Bam, you were... You did bring a red nose around with you. That's not a joke. Like, you got a clown nose on it, and you put it on like, while we're on the subway, just to make people think you're a serial killer. You make people laugh and brighten their day.

Yeah, I agree. Make people happy. Let's play Dungeons of Dragons. You treat the disease, you win, you lose. Okay. You treat the patient. You win every time. Step right up.

Step right up and treat the patient. You win, you lose. Let's find out if you guys can win or lose. So you have woken up. So you have woken up. Do you need a refresher where you're out? out what you're doing. We got blasted with a time cannon into a time bubble. We were in like a time ball. There was an old lady and she said, it's you come find me. And then we woke up.

Thank you, Travis. So yes. Man, you should be running this shit. It would be a lot shorter. We would have gone through Crystal Kingdom and half a session. What? There's a guy with the mirrors and a thing. Oh, it's a skeleton man. It's a robot lady. You win. You win. Congratulations. Roll your dice. Yeah, that's high enough. Um, you wake up. Uh, out. of this white space that you were just in. You wake up and you are supine. You're laying on the ground, face down. Got a face full of soft red dirt.

And wherever you are, it's a little bit warmer than the part of the woven gulch you were just in. The air feels kind of stale. And as you sort of look up and write yourself from the red dirt you're lying in, you find yourself standing in front of a gate, which has been constructed over a path leading into a small town. And the town, it looks fairly rustic, for lack of a better term, to kind of give me...

Yeah, finally. My rustic folk hero thing will work and people will like me. Yeah, I didn't even think about that, but yeah, that'll give you some advantages here. This town, just to kind of give you an idea of the aesthetic is very old western town. So the buildings are rustic chic, a lot of wood with some metal panels here and there. Yeah, that's kind of what we are going for in this town. And this gate over the town has a burned in inscription. And it's not the name of the town.

Unless this is the name of the town, which would be crazy. It is a phrase. And it says on this gate, by their sacrifice, our home is made safe. And standing immediately underneath that gate, just a few feet away from you, is some person wearing a suit of armor. And this person is as wide as they are tall. And they are a lot of both. the armor that they're wearing is sort of like a plate male I'm kind of envisioning like the Onion Night from Dark Souls

Okay of course and oh sorry daddy sorry daddy I forgot you're a casual and you've not experienced the from software's brand of challenging role playing games Well my birthday is coming up soon No you probably wouldn't be able to hear one yeah you die one off It's where the real gameers play Oh Gotcha so it's this big big big wide tall a person wearing this suit of plate mail armor. You see something kind of seeping through the joints of the armor.

It kind of looks like really thick blood. And you can't see this person's face. They've got a visor pulled down on its helmet. You can't see inside. It has a massive halberd. Braggert. What? Oh, gross.

I believe he was making a wiener joke. A wiener joke. Wonderful. wonderful, wonderful. Our first of the podcast ever. You've broken the seal. And around this armored individual, there is a faint yellow glow about it. And it's sort of...

And the glow seems to be coming from the individual? It's coming from the individual. It's going around its armor. But it's also going around this small red bird that is perched on its shoulder. So this whole thing is kind of encompassed in this yellow. light. The red bird is a, if you are a bird expert, is a vermilion flycatcher. I did a lot of research into the Flor and Fonina of Canyon regions. That was a vermilion flycatcher call. That was really good. What's weird is that this vermilion flycatcher doesn't do that little

tweety tweet. In fact, it talks in common and it says, I got, guys, I got this. I have a certain Rustic charm. It talks in common. We're fine. We can talk to it. I know. But like, I haven't gotten to do my rustic hospitality thing. Like, people like me.

They give me biscuits because I paint their fences. Yeah, very Tom Sawyer sort of economy. I haven't gone to do it. It's not like a townhome real charm. This, uh, this thing says, uh, hello, visitors, please identify yourselves. Kind of sounds like Angus. Let me give that another shot. Okay.

Hello, visitors. Please identify yourself. Oh, it's more Angus. No, this, it sounds kind of like Angus. It's not Angus. It's just, this has a high voice, because it's a little bird talking. Supposedly, it seems like it's talking for this armored thing. Oh, gotcha.

Hail and well met, bird friend. Hello, please identify yourselves. I am, I'm Magnus Birdside. Was that a bird joke? No, that was, I have a stuffy nose. Can we talk about the insane leap that Travis just made that he would address? That's the bird. Yeah.

Like we see a man in an armor with the bird and tribes like, what's a bird? Well, the bird was taught. I don't want to be rude. The bird didn't say anything yet. You know he has a substantive proficiency. The bird said, please identify yourselves.

Who are your two friends? Well, this is Taco, the wizard. Word. Word. And this is Merle High Church, the cleric. How's it going, bird? I'm not, this is confusing. I, please, I need you all to please stay calm and don't make any sudden movements.

Okay. We're good at that. It's been a while since we've had new visitors here. How did you find your way into our small town? We got lost. Along the way. That's... To somewhere else.

And now we're here. Yep. You just got lost and stumbled in. Yeah. Does that make sense to you? Is that something that'll keep us from getting killed? Yeah. It doesn't make a lot of sense.

People don't usually come here unless they're brought here. Well, like, metaphysically lost. Spiritically? Yeah. Well, I guess... Geographically? What is your intention? We're here to help.

To help with... Yeah. Help with what? Your problem. You're... The big, big problem. You got trouble. Right here in Bubble City.

Why don't... We're here to make trouble in this bubble. Magnus, you've been... Magnus, you've been doing most of the talking. Why don't you make a charisma check? I want to like kind of give you guys a heads up. This is going to be, this arc is going to require you guys to do a bit more legwork than other ones have. Like you're going to have to talk to people and use your more charisma stuff more than other ones.

Just like find out what's going on and what you should be doing. It's not going to be. I'm trying, my intention for this arc is to get away from putting this thing on rails. It's going to be fairly open world. So you guys will need to do it. a bit more, you know, talking, greasing the wheels, so to speak.

I would like to angle for the fact that because I have well-established rustic hospitality that I should get advantage on these checks. Not on every check, because this isn't really a, this person's not offering you hospitality. This person seems to be some sort of sentinel or guard that is just checking you the fuck out. Well, it was 17 plus charisma,

plus one, so 18. So just to get the story straight, you guys saw a big bubble and you just walked right into it. Actually, we were a shout through the wall at you're to blame. Well, it's not your fault. Sorry about the mistake. Hmm.

I'm going to make a command decision here, and I think we should wait to sort of let you guys, you know, run around free until you've been checked out by Sheriff Isaac. So if you wouldn't mind, again, just hands of the sides. Just stay calm and come with me to the sheriff's office. We'll get this thing figured out. Okay. Sure. Sounds great.

I have no problem with that. Are there refreshments? There can be? Great. Even better. You walk into this town and it is, like I said, it is rustic, chic. Parts of it are kind of shambly. and as you walk

Like disrepair Not like in a state of disrepair It's just like It is a town that seems like it was People worked very very hard And did a lot of intricate work To make it as livable as possible With not a lot of resources

Got it So it's like cobbled together It's cobbled together But it's charming Even adorable at parts How many outlets are there What's the paint scheme like? Brown

Cool So you're walking through the gate onto this main road into the town. And as you walk this main road, I want to tell you about a few points of interest. Just as you go inside the gate, there's a large well, large water well, just inside the gate. There are two rows of buildings kind of lining either side of this main drag. There is a what looks like a general store called Helpingtons. to your left. Across the street from that is a large building with saloon doors on it.

You intuit it's a saloon. And the name of this building, according to an ornately carved sign hanging over it, is the Davy lamp. There is a big bank that seems a bit more solidly built than the other buildings, some iron bars over the windows. Behind that is a tall clock tower showing the current time about... about 11.05, maybe 11.10. Yeah, it's about 1110 a.m. On your right, just down the street from that is a sheriff's office, and attached to that, made of, you know, clay and stone is a jail. And then at the very end of the street is a large two-story manner at the end of the road. And beyond that manner, you can actually see a thick curtain of pine trees behind it. To your left, behind the, behind the, the buildings on the left, you see this rocky plateau overlooking the main street and the buildings spiraling off of it. And then to your right, there is a tall wooden fence kind of running along the eastern perimeter of the town. A quick question, diddo. Is the clock moving?

Yeah, it's moving. The thing that most catches your eye on this main drag is the statue. Directly in front of this large manner at the end of the street, right in the middle of the main road, is a statue about eight feet tall, cast from some kind of brown metal, and this statue depicts three figures. The first figure is a small human girl, maybe about seven years old, and she's wearing a knee-length dress, her hair is done up in a bob. She is holding hands with a large, broad, bearded human man who is wearing a miner's helmet with a torch on it. and a big flannel shirt and big bulky pants. He is dressed up like a minor.

And he is holding hands with this small girl. And standing behind, both of them have like, you know, some crude smiles on their faces. It's a pretty well-made statue that you can make out facial details. But standing behind them with one hand on each of their shoulders is another figure, smaller than the other man, still pretty broad-shouldered. This figure standing behind them is tall and muscular.

A fact that you can make out, even though this figure is wearing a robe that is covering their entire face and body. And the metal of this figure, where the robe is, has been stained or oxidized, turning it a bright crimson red. Oh, like the bad guys. Harvey Birdman.

Um, I'm not, okay, I'm not a bird. Just, okay, yeah, what is it? Yes, you are. Okay, what's going on? Uh, that's a, a beautiful statue. I'm struck by the, the brilliant red of the rope. What, what is it depicting, if you don't mind me asking? Well, that's, that's, that depicts a very important event in our town's history. That's the visitor who came and, um, brought the father and daughter to our town. And by their sacrifice, our home is made safe.

Okay. Oh, just like it's written on the game. Yeah, that's kind of our, yeah, that's our thing. And how long ago did this sacrifice happen? This sacrifice happened about a year and a half ago. So was the guy in the robe real ugly or something? Is that why they don't have any, you know, like can't see his face or anything like that? Nobody really saw the figure in the robe except for Sheriff Isaac.

So I don't know. I've heard tale that he was big and broad and strong. I shouldn't say he, I don't even know. but whatever they were, they were big and strong. What sort of danger were you in that he needed to save you? Well, the danger of, you know, the world. I really shouldn't, I don't know your guys, this is uncomfortable. I don't know what you guys want.

I don't really know your intentions. Sandwich. Okay. Well, we can take care of that at the sheriff's office. Cool. He walks you into the sheriff's office. As you walk in, you do see some, a few jails. cell down on the far side of the room.

And you see a big desk with a big, big, big chair behind it, big sturdy chair. In fact, you see a few smaller broken chairs kind of piled up in the back corner of the room that have apparently been crushed underneath this being's girth. And he says, sorry, we don't really, I don't want to lock you guys in a cell because you haven't really done anything wrong, so to speak. Can I trust you to just hang out here and not do anything? Yeah, do you want me to fix those chairs? That would be wonderful.

Okay, great. I'm going to do, I guess, an investigation or perhaps reception. I'm going to say investigation on the armor and the bird to see if I can figure out what the sort of relationship is there. Okay. And I've got a 19. So with that investigation check, I will tell you two things. first of all, you can tell that the red stuff that's coming through the armor is not blood. It actually looks like clay.

It looks like red clay, kind of like the stuff that is all around that is sort of inside of this armor. And the second thing I will tell you is that whatever this thing is, whatever is sort of animating it is magic as fuck. So that being said, maybe an arcana check would be. So I'm looking at the, I'm looking at a, basically a big suit of armor, onion night suit of armor with a little redbird on it. And there's clay coming out of like what seems to be the joints, like as if there's clay inside of it. As if it was as if it was full of clay. Yeah.

Okay. There's a like a homunculus or like a, oh, what's the, what's the Jewish thing? The golem, but we're not going to call it that because the last arc was very gollum. centric. Okay. Let's go with homunculus then. Gollum heavy. So I'm going to run an arcana check on the homunculus.

Okay. Who I'm going to call Homer. Perfect. Has a name you just haven't bothered to ask, you rude, rude boys. Homer is fine for right now. Okay, not the name, but go ahead. Oh, you're saying I didn't guess the name from Whole Claw. Or ask it.

That's why. Like, when you meet a person, sometimes you say, like, what's your name? But you guys would have been rude boys. Okay. Come on, rude boys. Come, come and give it up. Homer, what's your name? I'm called Roswell.

Ooh, great. Roswell, are you, is Roswell the name of you, the bird, or the big fella that you're riding on? I don't see why it's important that you distinguish between the two. Okay, well, that's fine. I'm not into labels either. So listen, I've got a, I've got an arcana check. that adds six, so 17 all together. I thought you're going to say seven.

That would have been a pretty bad role. No, 17 altogether. Okay, yeah, you can pretty clearly identify what is going on here. This thing, Roswell, is an earth elemental that has been animated. It is essentially living clay that is inside of this suit of thick metal armor. and somehow this like spell that animated this clay maybe this bird was like standing on the clay when it got animated but it somehow got caught up in this spell

and for all intents and purposes this is it's just one thing it's just one sort of thing okay um and then like the armor able to discern if this thing has is operating of its own volition or yeah it seems it seems to have its own sort of sentience So like whatever created this thing is like Must be very very powerful. Yeah. Also just between those two checks, you can tell

If this was EverQuest and you were to con this thing Just to sort of figure it figured out, it would fuck you right up. It's like skulls all around. It's bad, bad shit. Also, I should point out, I forgot to mention this And sort of the general description of Roswell, but you certainly figured out during the perception or investigation check. He's wearing a little deputy's badge.

Aw. How's it affixed? Poorly. Okay, got it. Adora bubble. Okay, well, I'll get to work fixing these chairs, I guess. I appreciate that. So it's hard to find a chair that's good enough for my big body.

You know, I bet if I combined the parts of a couple of these chairs, I could make, like, a bench or something for you. A super chair. Great. Yeah. You know, I think you guys are all right. I hope Sheriff Isaac agrees. I haven't seen him today, but I can go out and try and look for him. Just please have one.

Well, can you tell us anything about him in case he comes back before you get back? Um, we just want to make a good impression. He'll have a badge that says sheriff on it. I mean, it's a good start. Just be yourselves, and don't be bad, just as long as yourselves aren't bad people. Cool. No, not us. Hey, Roswell, how long have you been here?

Um, I, gosh, I can't even, I don't even remember. Ballpark it. Um, I've always lived inside the dome. Okay, so you're about a year old. Yeah, I'm a one-year-old. Go-Goo-Gag-G-Go. Solid foods are on the way, my friend. Hang in there.

Um, there is a sound of disturbance. outside, you hear some shouting, you hear Taco and Merle, you would identify it too. You hear the telltale sounds of, you know, spells being cast. You hear some shouting. You hear some stuff breaking. And he says, oh, duty calls, I got to go. And he storms out the door, leaving you in the office. Are there any windows or anything, diddo? Yeah, there's one window facing out into the street. He runs out the door and runs to the left. So you can't really see what he is running towards. I want to go through the desk. Okay. Cool.

Yeah, you can look at the desk. You don't see too much of interest on top of the desk. There is a locked, there's a locked shelf. What's the where I'm looking for? There's a locked drawer in the desk that you see. All the other ones, as you open them up and root through them, just seem to have some sort of paperwork. The other thing of interest is a map that is hanged.

up behind the desk. And boys, I spent a while making this map. We can't even see it. You're about to, because I'm dropping it in Skype for you. Enjoy the map. Sweet listeners, I'll post this on... Holy shit, diddo.

Sweet listeners, I'll post this on... I don't know, I'll probably post this on the Facebook group, maybe. I'm downloading it. I don't know the best place to put this map. But looking at this map, now you get kind of a feel for this town, which, as it is labeled, you now know this town is called refuge. And you can see the circular barrier

that is keeping everyone out. You can see the town that you're in. And there's some stuff behind the town. You see the forest of pine trees behind it. There seems to be a farm up to the north a bit. To the west, you see that rocky plateau. There's a little bit of stuff up there. And then to your right,

where behind that fence you see a quarry. So like I said, this is going to be a fairly open world arc. So keep this on here. hand if you can, if you ever need to know, like, where to go next, where you want to go next, where you want to investigate. This is kind of the Mad Dog McCree, like, overworld, if you well. Gotcha. What do I need to roll to fix the chairs? Nothing. You're so fucking good at furniture, Magnus, you just, like, whip them both together.

Are you building a super chair out of them, or are you building three chairs for you and your assembly? Before I do that, I want to use my new sneaking skills and maybe pop my head out the door sneakily. Okay. To see if I can see what's going to be. on outside? Uh, yes, make a stealth check. That's, uh, six plus 10, 16. Okay, uh, yeah, you, you barely poke, like in a cartoon, your eyeball, like grows real long and, like, pokes out the door and turns a night of the... Um, but you see, you see down the street, uh, so now you have this map for reference, uh, you guys are in the sheriff's office, uh, down the street, uh, outside of the Davey lamp, uh, uh,

You see one man wearing a purple handkerchief around his neck. He's just like lying on the street. It just looks like a refian. And you hear like a whom sound. And another man wearing a very similar outfit just goes flying DJ Jazzy Jeff style out of the front door rolling into the street. And you see Roswell like walking that. way. And when he sees these two men, he runs to chase them, but they sprint off away from him and

out of sight. Okay, now I'm going to build the super chair. Okay. Taco and Merle, what do you guys want to do? You've already sort of turned over. The cells, I should point out, are unoccupied, save for the one on the end. There is a big burly woman in one of those, and she is wearing some super ratty clothes. She is, she looks soot-stained, for lack of a better term. And she is just kind of sitting quietly in the corner. Let's your boys let me handle this one. Oh, God.

I walk up to the cell and pull out my extreme teen Bible and say, hello, sister. Have you heard the word of pan today? No, what's a pan? Pan can be your best friend, my lady. Like using a pan? Like, you'd use a pan for painting for gold or diamonds. I get it.

I get it and I like you. There are rewards in the afterlife, just like gold and diamonds that are more precious. I like gold and I like diamonds. I lean over to talk, admittedly, this is the best this has ever gone. Yeah, I mean, we're 30 seconds in. Let's not throw a parade. Hey, hey, who the hell are you? I never seen folks like you before around.

Tam? Well, I'm Brother Merle High Church, and I'm just here to help you get back on the path of righteousness. While they're talking, I'm going to cast Knock on the desk. Okay. Oh, you opening up that drawer? Yeah, not not. Okay. What's up? Does that just magic? This is just fucking do it or you have to roll it? Nah, it just doesn't. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, that's magic, all right? Pretty little ahead about it. Read me the description of what Knock does. You're going to choose an object I can see within range. The object can be a door, box, chest, set of manticles, a padlock, or any other object that contains mundane or magical means that prevents access.

Target that's held shut by a mundane lock or barred becomes unlock, unstuck, or unbarred. Okay. Okay, yeah, you hear a click come from this previously locked drawer in the desk. I'll go ahead and, what's in it? What do I see? You open it up and getting inside. Yeah, I'm pulling it up. As you pull this drawer, you feel something snap and you hear a,

come from the desk drawer that you have just popped open. You see a set of a ring of keys inside, though. But there is some sort of siren or alarm going off. And the woman says, hey, what the hell are you doing over there? You don't even misbehaving, are you? You should close that. Rosswell's going to come kick your ass. Is there anything else other than Keys?

Nope, just Keys. This is bad. This is a bad thing I did. Could our semi-rogue disconnect the arm? I mean, the ship doesn't sell. We can't ring a bell, boys? Well, they're in the fight. Thieves tools?

Can I shut that down? Yeah, if you're, Magnus, if you're putting your chair rebuilding on hold, as you sort of poke your head inside, you see some some it's a trap it is an alarm trap that activated well that's just so irritating because I use magic to get to keys that I could have used magic instead of whatever these go to dang it oh gosh dang it uh as you uh yeah taco you or magnus magnus yes you you see a trap in there that you could use your thieves tools okay i'm doing that does that work on a trap that's already been like trapped um for one that has sort of a sustained

effect like this, I'll allow it, yeah. Okay, I roll the 15, and then I'm proficient. You get a fuck-ten. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, you, you snip some wire inside of this little hockey puck-lacan thing, and the alarm goes off. But while you have your hand in the drawer, like unlocking it, you hear, kachong, kajum, kajong, kajong. And, uh, Roswell is standing in the door frame of the sheriff's office. I sneak my hand out. Uh, make a slight a hand for me.

It's going to contest his perception. Well, I got 15. Okay. Plus two. Yeah, that'll do it. Yeah, you pull your hand out of the cookie jar real fast, and he says, uh, okay, well, I gave you guys a chance and, uh, to be frank, you blew it. So. Bluff check.

I'm going to do a bluff check on Roswell. Okay. I'm going to try to bluff. Okay. What do you fucking bluff? Oh, you got to tell me. Got, okay. My role stays.

I'm not changing the role. I'm telling Roswell, uh, let me try it before I'd tell you. By the way, he's got his, uh, he's got his, his weapon drawn. And cool. He looks like he's in fuck you up. But before you say anything, Diddo, can you describe it? Since we're looking at him now, you say, kachunk, kachunk, is he a robot man? He's not a robot man.

He's a big fucking dude. And as they, as they, like, ran up the stairs to, of this building to come greet you, they were making a lot of noise. Not a robot. I want to point that out. No robos in this one. So just Roswell, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Those guys, they came by and they were trying to break into this desk, and we scared him off. They tripped the alarm. Okay, Cassidy, can you confirm that? And the woman in the cell says, Well, I didn't see him do nothing, but I didn't see any other boys come in here. I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them, and I could throw them

pretty far. You know what? Roswell, I'm going to shoot straight with you. We're here to figure out what happened a year and a half ago. We're here to help in any way we can. We haven't been honest with you, and I feel like

you haven't been completely honest with us. I haven't been honest with you because I don't know anything about you. I mean, here's what I'm just going to ask. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not. I'm going to talk to, we're going to let Sheriff Isaac figure out what to do. Got it. But now I'm going to have to ask you guys to wait in a cell.

What about the guys? They're getting away. Yeah. They're gone. There was just a little bar. There was just a little bar fight kerfuffle. He, not those guys. He goes.

No, the different guys. The guys that Taco was just telling you about. Different guys. Yeah, the guys that tried to steal. Now, listen, I don't want to panic anybody, but I don't. didn't get an 18 on that bluff check. He did get an 18. He's like buying it.

That bluff check kept him from getting aggressive with you. He's giving, this is about as good as a benefit of a doubt as you're going to get. He goes to the desk and opens up that drawer that you, um, um, uh, hacked into, uh, and takes out this big ring of keys and uses it to open up one of these jail cells and, uh, it says, just wait in here. Please, please don't make this any harder. Okay, I'm going to be on it. Can I be honest? Can I be honest? Can I tell you what happened?

I shouldn't have opened the drawer. I thought it would be locked, but it was unlocked, and then the alarm just went off. So there was no harm meant. I was just trying to find nails because I was fixing your super chair. He's trying to find nails because he was fixing the chair. Now I'm using that 18, to its full effect. Now behold, the full power of right 18. As the glow emanates from Taco's eyes.

Also, I should mention, this is an 18 bluff. He puts his weapon away and he says He's loving it Listen He says I love you This is Sheriff Isaac will be back any minute I don't I Please just get in the cell

It's comfortable in there It's cozy Look he takes out a little puzzle From his pocket Here's a puzzle Yeah fine let's get in the cell Okay we get in the cell I pull out my harmonica

I can't go back to the can man I can't go back Tough shit you're in the can Hey everybody this is Griffin McElroy Your Dungeon Master your best friend and your personal trainer. Sit down and give me 200 burpees right now. I don't think I know what those are,

but I want to see you do them. Thanks for listening to Episode 42 of the Adventure Zone. The second part of our new arc, which I titled The 11th Hour, not realizing there was also a Doctor Who episode, name that, and there's plenty of time travel shit going on in that one too. So sorry, Matt Smith. You're not even the guy anymore.

I want to thank everybody who's been tweeting about the show using the hashtag the zone cast. If you do that, you might end up as a character in the 11th hour arc. Characters like Roswell, whose name for Ben Roswell. Roswell writes on Twitter. Isaac, Benjamin Isaac, Sheriff Isaac on Twitter. I mean, no, Sheriff Isaac's not his Twitter name. That would be weirdly prescient. You might end up like Cassidy, who's named for Cassidy Sharples, Cass J. Tuck, on Twitter. Got a few spots available. I got a couple names that haven't really locked down yet. So tweet about the show using the Zonecast hashtag, you might end up as one of these dang characters. in this fantastical Wild West Fantasy Town.

Thanks to everybody also who has reviewed the show on iTunes and people who've been sharing the show with their friends who like nerdy stuff. We don't pay a red cent to advertise the adventure zone, the growth that we've had, and we've had a lot. It's all thanks to you, kind folks. Listen at home, telling your Fred, spreading the word. Got that grassroots shit going on,

and we appreciate the hell out of you. Got a few personal messages on this week's episode. If you want to get a personal message on the show, just go to maximum fun.org slash jumbotron, and I'll read them out loud on the show. show and I might have a sick voice when I do it like I do now. My apologies. This message is for John and it's from Emma who says happy early or belated birthday shark. I love you and look forward to making many more bad jokes and terrible political bets with you. Hope it is or was a great day. Abraka

fuck you love Emma. It was a sweet message until the dismount there and I get that that was like a fun joke from the show but it's coarse language. No, I'm just kidding. Let those bad boys a rip. we certainly do. Happy birthday whenever it was, John. Got a message here for Alan Michael, and it's from Clark, who says, Hello, friend, just wanted to send you a big bugbear congrats on purchasing your new pad. Oh, should I be reading this as Clark? Yeah, I guess so. Hello, friend. Oh, well, I should do the supplicant, Clark voice. Hello, friend. Just wanted to send you a big bug bear congrats on purchasing your new pad. I hope to bring you warm greetings and oolong from another world. I'm proud of you, my dear friend. I love you. Got a little romantic there. Kind of a bold character choice for Clark,

but say la Vee. Uh, congratulations on your big purchase, Alan Michael, and, uh, enjoy mortgage or whatever. One last message here. This one is for, I'm going to guess it's a D&D party because of the names. It's for Sinalph, Lorelei, Mango, SummerSky, and Ryan Lake Bottom. One of these things is not like the other one. And it's from your dungeon master. who says, thank you all for being the best damn D&D group I've ever had the honor of running a game for. Your antics helped make our campaign something truly amazing, and I can't wait to see what else we get up to. Also, don't forget to water your guild leader and feed them a bucket of fish heads every day. That's just a good balanced breakfast.

Anybody knows that. That's the food pyramid right there. Water, and then you pour that over the fish heads, you've got yourself a stew going. Hey, if you like this show, I have two places where you'll be able to find other good podcasts that I guarantee you're going to love. How about Maximumfund.org? That is the podcast network that we are a proud, proud member of. There's tons of great programming on Maximumfund.org. It's all free. It's all wonderful.

I'm talking about shows like throwing shade. I'm talking about shows like Getting Curious or One Bad Mother or Jordan Jesse Go or Judge John Hodgman. They're all absolutely fantastic. Just go to Maximumfund.org. You're going to find a show in there that you're going to just slip right into like old pants. If you want to hear us do other shows, good news. There's a website for that too. It's Macquaryshows.com.

at Macroyoshows.com, you can learn about all the podcasts we do because we do a lot. Travis has one called Interrobang, he does. He also does one about Manners with his wife, Teresa, called Schmanters. Justin does one with his wife, Sydney, about medical history called Sawbones. I do a podcast with my wife, Rachel, called Rose Buddies. We're talking about the current season of The Bachelorette right now. It's very exciting. And I got a new video game podcast, too, called Cool Games Inc, where me and Nick, my co-worker at Polygon.com, we come up with funny video games ideas, video games ideas, you know, like for video games. We got links to all of our Twitter contacts and PO boxes and all that shit too. It's all at Macroyshows.com. Go get connected.

That's it for this commercial break. Thank you all for listening. I hope you enjoy this arc. It is, I think you'll probably realize what we're going for here in a bit. It is ambitious as fuck, I think. And I hope you enjoy what we're going for. Next episode, oh God, we're recording this one so far in advance. I don't even know when this episode's going up. It's going up on 16. So the next episode will be up on June the 30th. So we'll talk to you then. Bye.

You guys are in the fucking slammer. Back in the pokey. Can I tell you what, girlfriend? I actually feel more comfortable in here. I feel like this is the me I've grown to know at this point. Yeah, they're not, they're not locked in there with them. They're locked in here with you. Yeah, exactly.

I was born in here. Sheriff Isaac is not rolled around. It's just you three and this woman that Roswell identified as Cassidy in the other cell, who's giving you guys the stankiest. I, oh man, the stink eye that Cassidy's given you. In thieves can't? I'm going to say, hail and well met, Cassidy. What is this garbage talk you're speaking? Was that gurglin?

Yeah. Sure was. Hey, I think these three boys might be six gervlins stacked up and dressed up in human skins. Oh, wait, at least seven. The problem was you use thieves can't. That's just stinking thinking. I'm going to try thieves can. Thieves do.

Thieves do You do a like offensive version of thieves can't That she also does not buy Are we three in the same cell? Yeah you're all locked up in the same cell She's talking common right Yeah she's talking common

What's your story Cassidy I don't think I should tell you guys this You're here to kill all We're stealing maroot beer barrels Good improv Cassidy Way to see yes Let me try again So what's your story

Well I'm glad you asked She says I'm been falsely cute Boys, I'm locked up here. They said I blew up the temple. I don't blow up the damn temples. I blow up the earth. I get those diamonds out from under them. Best whoever was.

That sure's shit. True. That's my story. I'm sticking to it. Yeah, she did spit. How did you know? Just intuition. Oh.

Well, can I tell you something, Cassidy? Yeah. I believe you. Oh, boy, I like you already. What's your name? My name is Mangus Burnside. Marchus Perkins. Yep, nailed it.

Got it in one. I can't hear very good because all the explosions. I feel you. In my line, business are explosions? Non-stop. Can I tell you something, Cassidy? Please. You seem like a woman who knows the truth of things.

A lot of people here think my big ideas are small, dumb, bad ideas. They say, you got stink ideas, Cassidy. Well, I tell them. No, I don't. No, I don't. No, you do not. You seem like a woman who's got her finger on the pulse and sees the truth. Cassidy.

Oh, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. What can you tell me about the visitor and the sacrifice? You know, I kind of keep my head below ground. So I didn't, I wasn't here when they rolled up in town. I mean, all this I know is the bubble can protect us from the dangerous outside world. Things are getting really hairy out there. What can you tell us about the sheriff?

Oh, Sheriff is a good dude. Cool. Okay. Ask and answered. Yeah, I mean, he keeps us safe. Is he a human, or what's his story? It's a weird kind of racially charged question, but yeah, sure, he's a human. What's your sort of persuasion?

Let's say that Cassidy is half-ork. Okay. I don't know if that's a thing or not, but it is in this universe. She, you know, she appears to be a human of orc. size, just very, very, a big old broad, broad, strong, mine and woman. So half orc, half hillbilly, apparently. Oh, she's a full-blown hillbilly, yeah. Cassidy, who's over yonder in that, that two-story manner we saw on our way in? Yonder.

Right. Nice. Way to fit in. Dialect. I got rostic hospitality, y'all. Yeah, that's what that is. She says, well, that's the sheriff. He's also the, you know, the mayor, the elder in the town. And so, like, I. I guess that means you could still live in the biggest and best house. There made much sense to me, but I'm not one to rustle the feathers. And we saw some, we saw some fellas in purple bandanas when we came in. Oh, that's just, you know, ruffians. Where are they?

If this is a closed system, how'd you get ruffians in here? It's a fucking good question. All right. Let's move the clock for a little bit. You guys feel, uh, whoop, boop, boop, boop. You guys feel, you haven't been. in here that long at all. You've been in here.

Just whoop, whoop, whoop. You've been in here about 20 minutes. Oh, whoop-oop-oop. That's the juggalo greeting. You feel a tremor. You feel what feels like a very light quake. Are we hungry? It's not what it is?

Well, maybe the earth's hungry. Because the ground below you is shaking. The building is shaking. You hear some concerned yelps coming from outside. side. You hear in the distance, you hear the sound of glass breaking. In front of the sheriff's office, you can actually see

through the bars and through the window, you see a lamp post fall over, and the glass enclosure at the top of it shatters when it falls, and you hear a horse get scared and see it run down the street. But it doesn't last very long. It was just kind of a violent little short trimmer.

Cassidy, is that normal? Uh, no? Not normal, not normal at all. And you hear, ka-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch as, uh, sorry, it's going to take me a while to memorize his name. Roswell, uh, goes charging out of the office. Leaving us alone. Yep. I think we ought to check and see if that quake did any damage to the cell. Oh, good. Yeah. Ooh. Okay.

Uh, make a... Cassidy, can you see out your window now? Wait, do you guys want to leave? If you guys want to leave, we could just leave. Do you want to leave the cell? Because we could just, wait, do you guys just want to leave? I thought we were playing it cool. Like, we could just leave.

Wait, hold on. And I'm going to say this in Elvish to Taco. Oh, shit. Yeah, I forgot I could do that, huh? So did I. Yeah. All right, Taco, here's the, remember what happened when you popped it? Derblins speak, I knew it.

Remember what happened when you popped the drawer and she ratted us out? For sure. Can you do some kind of like distraction noise or something and then pop this lock and we'll say it shook loose in the quake it. I mean, listen. Yes, obviously. That's, yes, I can do that for sure. I will say one thing. I don't know how many more 18 plus bluff checks I got in that, dude. Let me help you guys out because Cassidy, after she accuses you of being goblins, just that's because that's how she's going to be, I think, this whole arc. Um, she's actually looking very intently at the corner of her own cell facing the exterior wall, where a small crack has formed, um, a few cracks, actually. Uh, this, this wall has started to buckle a little bit. Oh, shit. And she is kicking her way out of her own cell. Uh, she's like, now you booze. You aren't narcs, are you? I can't say, I can't, I can't, I can't, spend another night in the cell. Yeah, well, takes one to no one. Gobbling narcs. Wait, wait, Hold on.

She's kicking her way. She's kicking, kicking, kicking and kicking. She's like, I won't narc if you won't narc. Just like we gotta get a little circle of trust, you boys and old Cassidy. Cool. So are you staying put? Are you gonna find your way out?

Well, let's talk, let's do one thing that we rarely do. Let's talk to each other in character about our current scenario. Okay. Merle, Magnus, if we haven't even gotten the lay of the land yet, I'm a little nervous about going rogue before we sort of know what's going on here.

I don't even know if we're in danger. But it's possible that if we help, we're going to really, like, win them over, whereas if we just stay here, someone could be in trouble while we stand by and do nothing. We need to make a big impression or else I'm really starting to think

that these people, if they find out we're anti-red cloaks, they might not be big fans of ours. Merrill? I say we help Cassidy escape and ask her to come back and help us later. Cassidy's fucking gone. She's kicked her way out.

We did great. Because you're talking in character. Cassidy definitely finished kicking her way. Mission accomplished. I mean, if you guys want to leave, we could just leave. I'm not kidding. Well, maybe it'll help the story along if we just kind of sit and relax. Does that normally the way to keep narratives?

It seems to be working in this case. Yeah, maybe we, you know what? That's a great point. Sort of a meta point, I'll grant you. Unless the cell's falling in on us. Is there any... I'm going to roll a perception check of four to see if our cell is in any way damaged by this quake.

You're in a prison cell. Okay, it did great. I got a 10. You're in a prison cell with bars on it. I got a one. You're in a cube-shaped... Place. Hard box.

No, I'll give it for the 10. There's no obvious signs of damage to yourself. Cool. Let's dip. I wish we had some smokes to trade. You're the only, you're fucking the only people here right now. So you'd be trading with each other. Well, what's wrong with that?

I vote. We go help. Okay, well, let's just go then. Go help who? Wherever the noise was. It was an earthquake, so everywhere? Yeah. But listen, I've got a lens of creeping that we can follow Roswell and go help.

Okay, I'll cast knock on the door to this cell. Let's get moving. It swings open, and you hear a boo-uh, no, I'm just kidding. Yeah, it swings open. It opens up. Okay, I use my lens of straight creeping so I can follow where Roswell went. Okay. You step outside and catch a quick glimpse of the clock tower as you go outside.

It is currently 1140. and as you look, through the lens of straight creep and you see these gigantic footprint impressions in the ground and they are leading directly into Helpingtons, the general store, which is just down and across the street. Okay, follow. I follow. Okay. Other boys? Yeah, yeah.

Okay. You make your way into Helpingtons and you see Roswell picking up some goods. There's nobody else in the store except for Roswell. If there is a store clerk here, they are not currently here. And Roswell is like helping clean up because there's actually not a lot of goods here in Helpington's. But whatever is here is on the ground. And Roswell is helping to pick it up. And he says, okay, seriously?

Seriously? Listen, our, our cell popped open And we didn't want you to come back and think that we had escaped So we came to find you This earthquake popped your cell open? Yeah, and also sucked Cassidy out of her cell Apparently That sucked her right out

So if there's any way that we can help And then we'll return with you back to the sheriff's office No, I'm done waiting for the sheriff Uh, uh, uh, Roswell draws it's Halbert and starts to step towards you and you guys get saved by the bell. Not quite the bell, actually. It's not a bell.

It is an explosion. And it is coming down the street. I run towards it. Oh, that was quick. Roswell is chasing you then. Yep. And can I assume the other boys you guys are going to? I kind of waddle.

Okay. I don't really run. This explosion doesn't sound like the bar fight from earlier. doesn't sound like the earthquake. This was like the sound of a short pop and then like a fucking explosion. Very, very loud. And as you make your way out in the street,

you see smoke coming through the windows of the bank. Is it like this all the time in this damn town? There's a lot of shit going on. You guys have been here for 45 minutes. What the fuck did you bring with you? See what we can do in an hour. Roswell is now paying you guys no fucking mind. He is charging.

They are charging. charging for the bank, and you see them storm inside. I mean, I'm going, too. I'm right there next to him. This, Roswell outpaces you. I'm just saying Roswell gets their first. Yeah, they got a long wingspan. You see a person who is on fire, like come out of the building, kind of like flailing, and they fall to the ground outside of the bank.

Okay, I run over and start rolling them around in the dirt. You're stop dropping rolling them? Yeah. Okay. Make a, what would that be? First aid check. Is that medicine? Is that what it's called?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah, we'll say... Yeah, we'll say... Okay. Yeah, you give them the medicine of them not being on fire anymore. But they are... They're in really, really bad shape. How about if I heal them?

Would that be a crazy idea? You can totally do that. Let me finish describing the scene because, like, the situation in the bank is still very active. You hear, like, shouts and screams, and you hear shit getting broke. You hear like the sound of shit getting thrown around. Still on fire and stuff? It's still super fucking on fire. So like you could stop and help this person out, but like the shit is popping off.

As they, as you put them out, you realize that this person is wearing one of those purple kerchiefs. And it's dressed up like one of those rowdy boys. Still don't want them to die. I've really turned on over a new leaf. Yeah, sure. I switched my belt to fire. Okay. And then I rush in.

Okay, cool. Uh, Merle, do you want to heal this person or what? Uh, nah. Okay. Save those spell slots. Nah. I'll save it. Taco yourself.

So what do we got here? You got a burning bank and a bunch of people inside and it sounds like there's fighting. Taco, what do you, is there anything you want to do before you guys rush into this burning bank? Yeah. Not? Yeah. I'm going to cast a new one. Woo.

Hot, hot off the presses. Okay. Called cone of cold. Oh, interesting. All right. I'm going to sort of it. It is a 60-foot cone. It's a big fucking cone.

That sounds good, though. Big 60-foot cone. A big 60-foot cone of cold that I'm just going to blast. I mean, the only stats that I have are in terms of, you know, damage. I'm not trying to do any damage. I'm just trying to fire out. Well, here's the thing. If you are just sort of launching it into this building, there are some people in this building.

And because you don't have that. spell sculpting thing anymore when you change specializations like you're gonna make attack rolls on everybody in this place if you do that i'm totally i'm totally down with it maybe you want to like aim it at the ceiling the ceiling is there's like that's kind of what i was thinking but at the same time it might not be i'm totally willing to give it to you i'm just saying like there will be collateral damage unless you don't roll good against each of each of the people inside he said if i emanate a cone out you're gonna hit some people i'm gonna hit people that are caught in it and i can't sculpt around them like i used to be able to

Also, it's cold and it's not... It's cold. It's damaging. Yeah. The cold would work on the fire, but it's a damage. So you couldn't use it to protect Magnus as he rushes into the fire. No, no, no. He used it to kill Magnus, yeah. And that would be bad, right?

Let me just, like, make this a straight up and down choice. You can do this to try and put the fire out, but you are going to potentially hurt people inside. You're not in there yet. You don't know how many people are in there, but you would have to make attack rolls on all of them. I'm seeing if I have anything else that'll help. Yeah, press the digitation. which lets you put out a small flame. This is a big old flame.

You have stone skin, right? I can create up to 10 gallons of water. Can you? That ain't going to be now. Okay. Juice does stone skin grant resistances? Oh yeah. Tucka, you still got stone skin on.

Hell yeah, I'm going in that building. Yeah. Yeah, you rush in. God, I wish I'd remember that you had stone. Oh, well. You rush into the building, and yeah, it is a scene of just pure bad carnage. There are some bodies on the ground. Do you see the body of a dark elf woman?

I took off my shorts. What? You didn't want to burn them up. I'm not going to burn off my shorts. I just got these shorts. I believe it was a skirt. Nude from the waist down. I took off my skirt.

Thank you, Travis. Yes, of course. I took off my Jared Lotto skirt. And I'm nude from the waist down because I'm not going to like, no, I've got me undies on, but like. Fucking fantastic. Okay. Let me describe this carnage scene, please. Before you talk about your dick.

There's a, there's a dark health woman who is lying on the ground. She is dead. There is a young man with jet black hair lying on the ground. He is also dead. There are two guards. You assume we're protecting this bank. They are dead. And then there are two of those purple kerchief ruffian dudes who are dead.

There is also a dwarf woman who is near like the back desk of this bank, the tellers window. who seems like she's like on our last legs. And then there are three of those purple kerchief ruffians who are alive. And they look really freaked the fuck out. And they are engaged in combat with Roswell. So they're fight. So Roswell is fighting the three surviving ruffians who are not dead from this explosion. The explosion, the fire is not spread all throughout the room.

It's mainly actually towards the back of the room where there is a large vault that is blackened and charred, but closed still. If this was their plan to blast this vault open and do a good, good bank robbery, they fucked up completely. And this room is, the fire is spreading very, very quickly. It's all over the ceiling, and like ashes and cinders are falling down on this scene. Are we in combat now, or can we act freely? You can be. But you're not engaged in combat. These three ruffians and Roswell are engaged with each other.

If you want to hop into this shit, you can hop into the ship. I want to run to the dwarf woman. Okay. Yeah, that would be my priority, too. I'm not getting in the middle of Roswell versus the purple dudes. I don't really care. Okay. All right, yeah, you rush to the, and Merle, you're doing the same?

I'll wait out here to heal. Okay. Healing whom? Whoever they bring out. Yeah, we're going to bring out the dwarf woman. Okay. Now you do have time to heal that person that was on fire. outside of the building. You're going to pop them off one?

Yeah, do it. We might need to talk to them. Okay. Well, I have my ways. All right. So. Oh, yeah, don't you have the thing where someone dies? Do you have, did we get that? Shh. It's to ruin the surprise. You, um, you go and check on the Dwarven woman while Roswell is just fucking handily handling these three. They're trying to mix it up with Roswell and like in circle Roswell and

and give them a hard time. But Roswell is just like, cutting them down, just shishkabobab in these dudes. And this dwarven, this dwarven woman is like out of it. If you could see an HP bar above her head, it would be at one. I pick her up. Okay. I'm just helping him to help shield her from, I'll take out the, I'll open the Umbra staff. Okay.

To prevent, to create a shield to protect her from any other falling embers or damage or anything that might be coming down her way in case there's any other fire. Okay, yeah. stray things. I don't want to take any chances. And you guys are just rushing out of the bank. I'm sure that thing's impenetrable. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, you rush out of the bank and get this woman outside. And Magnet says you're carrying her. She's like, who the fuck? Are you guys? Just relax. We're here to help.

Get you outside. Okay, you get them outside. You get this dwarven woman outside, set them down. And they are, they're actually unconscious now. But alive. front of Murrow. Okay. So it's just the two of the guy in the purple bandana that's all burned up?

Yeah. And the Dwarven woman. Yeah. They seem to be the only survivors. Okay. I'm going to cast mass healing word. Okay. This will heal both of them.

They can regain hit points equal to one D4 plus my spell casting modifier. Okay. So I'm rolling the D4. It's a four. Nice. And my spell casting. modifier is somewhere. I'm going to tattoo it on the inside of your eyelids.

That would be a shame because it does change. Oh, okay. 16, right? That is not your spellcasting modifier. That would be crazy. Okay, plus eight. Eight. Okay, so that's...

So 12. 12. Okay, yeah, you... For both of them. Yeah, you bring them both back to life. The burned one is, is, is, seems pretty, um, pretty dazed, pretty out of it. the dwarven woman just kind of coughs and says, thank you, thank you guys.

What happened? You guys talk to her and figure out what's going on and Magnus rushes back in. Okay. Can we get a description of the dwarven woman? She is... You creeper. She is...

I'm just visualizing. I'm just trying to visualize. Yeah, she's about middle age. She has... Nice. Middle dwarven age? Middle dwarven age. Yeah, so like 150.

she has long red hair she has some whiskers she uh she's wearing uh she's wearing some nice clothes she's coughing a whole lot and seemed like like the other dude like she just seems like super out of it Magnus inside you see

all three of the dudes that Roswell was fighting just like on the ground all dead all fucked up and Roswell like has their their Halbert like out and they're like standing at like a badass angle with their back to you and turns and faces you and says this has been a really bad hour and it didn't start until you guys came in town I need to know what the fuck you brought with you who you are and what you're doing here it's my job to keep the town safe and this hour has kept me from doing so terrific can we talk

about that outside the burning building please uh would you do you have something juice how closer we to the like we woke up right we were knocked unconscious when we came yeah in right um how close are we to sort of the edge of the bubble like was that anywhere in our sphere of yeah when you woke up you were when you woke up you were right next to the bubble yeah you can see the bubble everywhere the bubbles okay the bubble's in the sky did we leave a hole no you didn't okay cool all right just want to make sure we hadn't you yeah that's a good thing to ask there's no exit from what you can tell unless there's a big ass can we got the rosal we got the Dwarven woman out? Is there any other survivors in here? Nope. There's just me and you. And I know I actually,

let's put a little bit of pressure on the situation. Tell me where the fuck you came from, what you're doing here, or I'm not going to let you leave. And a pillar, a beam falls from the ceiling and crashes to the ground and fiery splinters. Cool. We came from outside the bubble. We're here to find a chalice. And now we need to get outside of this building. Roswell says, I have a chalice. I have no fucking idea what you're talking. Fucking. Neither do I. Just go, just go, just go, just go. Because another, another beam falls from the ceiling, very narrowly missing you.

Roswell kind of buckles and says, like, is letting you go. Okay, let's go. Yeah, you- Hey, bring one of the dead guys out with you. Okay. You run out, and Magnus, just as you make it outside, the building collapses. Is it possible for me to, well, we got two living people, I guess. Yeah, no, there was nobody else alive that you could tell.

Well, I was going to grab one of the dead. bad guys from Merle. Except for Roswell, who was inside the building when it collapses. What? Ooh. And you do not see this thing very, very quickly goes bad and tumbles down and falls on top of Roswell. And there's nothing I can do?

No, Roswell is gone. Horshit. And you actually, you can now see as the bank has fallen, you see that. you see the clock tower behind the, you see the clock tower that was behind the bank. The base of the clock tower is on fire and starting to climb up it. And there are some people now who have like come out into the street to like check things out. You see an elf with a big bucket of water run up and like throw it onto the fire and realize that that's not enough water.

walks away. You see a few other people like trying to do the same, try to help out, but like the bank is gone. The clock tower is on fire. And the clock tower chimes because it has struck noon. And it chimes again and again. And it chimes 12 times as clock towers are wont to do when it has turned over to noon. And as it does, something absolutely horrible happens. Did you base this on Major's mask. There is another trimmer, and this one is much more powerful from the last, and much longer than the last, and it doesn't seem to show any sign of stopping. And as it picks up, as the clock strikes noon, the residents of refuge who are now standing in the street start to scream and hold each other. And the buildings that they were standing in just start to fall over like they were made out of

toothpicks because the ground is shaking so much that it's actually hard for you to keep your footing. And cracks slowly start to form and spread throughout the ground, but they're not just fissures in the ground. There's a bright and incredibly hot light coming from the ground, and you hear just the screams pick up all around you, and the fissures grow bright, and a plume of unbearable heat emerges from the ground, and the ground, this entire, the ground all around this town swells up beneath you, just toppling all of the buildings that remained as the ground expands. The clock tower snaps at its midsection, as it chimes its 12th chime, and it falls over into that large two-story manner at the end of the street with a loud crash. And the ground, as quickly

as it expanded, it just falls out beneath your feet, and you're falling and you're burning, and you're being crushed by the shattered earth as it compresses down into the ground. And you hear an anguished scream come from something massive and furious. And all three of you have died. The tacos. Well, good run. And there's something about the dying that feels familiar. And then you're back in that white space.

and you see that old woman again and she says you'll have to do much better than that, loves and then you wake up awesome Maximumfund.org Comedy and culture, artist owned, listener supported. You guys, I'm so excited to introduce you

my new baby, getting curious with Jonathan Van Ness. This is going to be a really fun look at things that I find curious. Whether it's a menstrual cup, it might be the Romanov family, it might be fracking, it could be Carly Theorina. I don't even know.

Who knows? It's going to be whatever I think is interesting. I can't wait to bring it to you guys. We're going to be bringing in content experts. I'm going to be learning the things. It's only going to take about 30 minutes for you to expand your baby brains with me and have a super fun time,

so I can't wait to see you on our first episode of Getting Curious.