The Adventure Zone - Ep. 52. The Suffering Game - Chapter Two

Episode Date: November 17, 2016

Our boys survived their first encounter in The Felicity Wilds -- but will they survive the perils that await them inside of Wonderland? Or like, maybe it's not so bad in there? No, I'm just goofin'. It's pretty dang bad in there. Magnus makes a new BFF. Merle goes dark. Taako considers a job application. Music: "Storm Top Dog" by Zackery Wilson. You can find his music at soundcloud.com/zackerywilson and at zwmusic.bandcamp.com! Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously, on the Adventure Zone, she pulls out a flyer, and it's really gaudy. It is advertising in big, colorful block letters a place called Wonderland. On this flyer is an image, and it is, in fact, a grand relic. As the flyer says, it's the animus bell. My journey through Wonderland was hell. I wagered 20 years of my life in a game of chess in Wonderland, and I lost. And then an arrow comes in and hits that goathead. And with that, the chimera just instantly falls to the ground dead.

You see a few people. You see a half-elf man who is kind of gruff. With him, you see a wood elf. You see a kind of scrawny human man who is no older than like 20 years old, probably. He is Lord Artemis Sterling, the ruler of Neverwereld. winter and the most powerful man in the world. What will our boys find in Wonderland? Well, this art's called The Suffering Game, so

nothing great. It's the adventure zone. Are you guys, are you guys, are you guys ready to be whisked away? Whisk, whisk, whisk. I have a little concern. Okay. Why is this art called the suffering game? Oh, don't worry about that. Why, Griffin?

Don't worry about it. What's in the box? It's like when you call like a big guy tiny. You know what I mean? You're like a little guy baby. Okay, so it's really the celebrating game. That's exactly right, Dad. Okay, I feel a little better now.

I've been concerned. No, you have nothing to worry about. So, at the end of the last episode, you encountered these three people. You see a half-elf guy with a big old long bow dressed in pelts with a shirt. with a short, shaggy beard and dark red hair. There's an elven woman with dark purple hair, and she's got a gnarled wooden staff and the same sort of pelt armor. And you see Lord Artemis Sterling, the Lord of Neverwinter,

and he's holding a short bow, and he's kind of standing behind the two elves. and he's dressed in this finery. And he looks at the three of you and he says, I need a voice for this boy. He says, Oh, use the king from Hamilton. That'd be good. Who are you?

Have you been following us? I'm not going to deal with this for the whole Art Griffin. No, what's wrong? It's me. The Lord Artemis Sterling. Have you been following us? Have you been following us the whole time? I am not going to deal with berries and cream for this whole episode, Griffin.

That's what you got. When you got berries and cream, you make berries and cream a maid. Okay, that's not how any of that works. He's asking you a question. And these two elves, which you kind of surmised just because they're like standing between you and him are probably his bodyguards. The half elf guy has his long bow drawn on the three of you. Have you been following us this whole time? Answer me.

No? No. What brings you to the Felicity Wilds? Big, big bubble? We had a... It was a big, yeah, big bubble bars. Oh, wait. Oh, good, okay.

This is a common misconception. Are you asking what conveyed us here? Like, through what method did we arrive? Or for what purpose? What is your goal for being here? Why are you here? Ah, see, that's the confusion, guys. You thought...

Not to follow. Follow you. No, we're here because the Wonderland thing and we're going to do it. When you say that, he sort of stands up with a start and walks over and whispers into the half-elphs ear. And he says, Sterling says, turn around and leave these woods. Don't try to follow us any further or my mercenaries will kill you. Secret secrets are no fun. When he says that, that elves kind of like roll of their eyes.

And that the half-health man says, Hey, are you guys, are you guys Merks? Sort of. Yeah. That's a useful. Yeah, you know what? Potato, potato. Yeah, let's go with Merks.

I mean, I'm a level 10 fighter, level two rogue, so I think Merck fits that pretty good. For sure, yeah. Nice. I'm a level 14 Ranger. Nice. High five. I'm a level 20 liar. No, you're not.

As you're like talking to this half-elf, who has kind of like a friendly demeanor, Lord Artemis Sterling seems like he's kind of frustrated. And you also notice that he has, and it's weird, he has like a beam of light coming out of him that is like pointing him towards the woods, like deeper into the woods. Is Artemis Griffin? Is Artemis armed? Yeah, he's got a short bow on him.

And the elven woman turns to Sterling. He's like, listen, there's no need for us to fight about anything. They're just going to Wonderland, too. We can all go together, and the next time a Chimera comes around, it'll make the trip a little bit easier. And Sterling is kind of protesting. He does not want to roll with the three of y'all. Hey, look, short pants, let the adults take care of this, okay?

How dare you, sir? Do you have any idea who I am? No, actually, of the three of us, I'm the only one with a really bad perception role, so I have no idea. I don't know who he is. I am Lord Artemis Sterling, the ruler of High Winter. I keep saying High Winter. Sometimes I call it, I'm trying to change the name of Never Winter to High Winter because I think it sounds funnier. Like a weed joke.

Anyway, I don't want to go with these guys. We don't know them. They might just be following us. They might be trying to, they might just be using us to get to Wonderland and then they'll try and kill us. I don't want to go to these. Hey, listen, let's get one thing straight. We are going to use you to get to Wonderland, but we're not going to try to kill you once we're there. So that's 50-50, I guess.

And you know what? That's a win-win. You can use us too. We'll use each other. That's what friendship is. The Ranger smiles and he lowers his bowies. I like these guys. Let's just go with them.

Sterling, you've got to trust me on the... You hired us to get you through these woods, and that means using all the resources at your disposal, and these boys look like good resources. Hey, do you guys want some jerky? And he pulls some jerky out of it. Yeah. What's your name, friend?

My name is... Let me try and look it up. Okay. My name's Rowan. Yeah, I live here in these woods, and just trying to help get the boy king here into Wonderland. Rowan, you and I are going to be BFF, Should we come up with some kind of like secret handshake or something?

I think we shouldn't come up with it. I think let's just put our hands together right now and see what happens. All right. Let's do it. You just do it. Is it amazing? It's an amazing. It's a 14-step secret handshake and it's really, really great.

The druid woman walks over to you, Merle, and like, without saying a word, just, like, kind of grabs your soulwood arm and, like, starts, like, inspecting it. She's like, are you, are you like a, are you part dryad? Are you, are you a tree folk? What is this? This is awesome. You've heard of having a green thumb? Yeah. Yeah, this, this was just like a green thumb thing gone totally wrong.

No, Pan gave me this. My God Pan. Well, I'll heal out it to happen. Oh, I like Pan. She, uh, she smiles and, and let's go of your arm. She's like, sorry, I got to. You been sick? Because your voice is evolving.

into like a really cool level. I'm really digging it. I am really sick. Thank you for asking. Yeah, you sound super cool. She releases your arm and she looks a little bit disappointed. She's like, oh, that's, I mean, it's cool. I was, I was hoping it was sort of a dryad situation, but.

It is. It is. Yeah, he's a good. I've got, like, a third cousin that's 60% dryad. Okay. He's like a treeborg. Treeborg. Ooh, I'm stealing that.

Treeborg. I can sit in here for three minutes trying to come with something better than Tree Borg. Tree doesn't run with Sye. It's a stupid pun. Dry Borg. Dry Borg. Dry Borg. Dry Borg.

It's pretty good. Triborg's not bad. That's better. So I think while you guys are sort of getting to know these two. Big bag of Treadle Borg. Okay. Shikamore Borg. All right, we're done.

Just saying things. While you two are getting, or you three are getting to know these elves, I think Sterling just kind of starts to walk off into the woods. and as he goes, the two elves kind of chase after him. And the six of you make your way through the Felicity Wilds. And it's a quiet trip. There's no more three-headed monstrosities to fight on your trek to Wonderland. On the way, can I ask Sterling what's up with the beam of light?

He says, it's none of your business, okay? It's my way of finding Wonderland, all right? Oh, so we'll just follow the weird Care Bear stare you get kicking there And it'll get us safely there, right? He sighs and he's like, yeah, that's the idea And keeps walking Darius, Rowan and Magnus are just trading jerky stories

Yeah Different places where they've had jerky, different kinds of jerky they've had Rephrase that a little I will not I said what I said and I'm standing by you So yeah, your trip is, is Aside from Sterling who's kind of a heel you get to know these other two elves, Rowan and Antonia,

and you all kind of have a lot in common. They are mercenaries hired to get him through the forest, and they're pretty friendly. Merle, you and Antonio spend a lot of time just talking tree, and you share some jerky with Rowan, and you all have a fairly good time, and after about a half-day's journey, you reach a clearing.

And it's a huge clearing, actually. It's carved out of the forest in a perfect circle. And in the middle of that circle is Wonderland. And it's a squat, wide cylindrical building with these large floodlights positioned all around it shining on its surface. And the building, the exterior of the building, is painted in these, vertical white and black stripes. But it's not, you realize it's not paint because that pattern is actually moving.

It's like spinning in a circle, like rotating around the exterior of this cylinder. And it almost looks like a giant roulette wheel. And you notice that Artemis's beam is leading you down a dirt path towards Wonderland. And as you look around this clearing, you realize it's one. of maybe a dozen dirt paths, all leading from different parts of the woods directly towards Wonderland. And you actually see on a couple of the paths, you see a couple other beams of light, apparently leading other people in from the woods as if this thing is like attracting folks from

all over. And the dirt path that you are sort of directed down is lined with billboards, big, tall billboards. And they are, they're kind of, the design of them is like just as gaudy and loud as the flyer invitation that the director showed you. And it's showcasing the prizes awaiting within. And you see your names, Taco Merle, Magnus, on a big billboard, and you see the animus bell on your billboard. And it looks exactly like it did on the director's invitation. But there's three other billboards also. You see one with Sterling's name on it.

And on Sterling's billboard, there's a big, intricately sort of crafted glass vial of silvery liquid. And the billboard calls this vial miracle milk. And he kind of gasps when he sees it and motions to the Merks. And they have their own billboards, too. Antonio has a billboard with an anatomically correct heart. made out of gnarled wood, and it's called the heart of the forest. And she kind of, when she sees this, she goes, huh, I didn't think I would have one. And then there's a billboard for Rowan, too, and it has just a plain leather band on it,

and it's labeled Carmine's collar. And he just kind of, when he sees it, he just goes like, huh, interesting. And so that is the approach into Wonderland. and the other three people in your party start walking in towards the building. And as I peer out into the darkness, I see there's one for Merle and it's a prosthetic penis.

It's so strange. It's like replace what you have lost and perhaps never had. Like his wiener got taken away? Yeah. When did that happen? I don't remember his wiener getting me. I'm just looking at the billboard.

It's in one of those bonus episodes we've recorded that hasn't aired yet. You'll hear it. Oh. You'll hear it. When the weener graber, the weiner grabber came and he took, he took your wiener away to the wiener dimension. Hi, everybody, I got another wiener. That sounds like Mickey Mouse.

Yep. Now it's like a kingdom hearts thing. Hey, I got your wiener. You will keep wondering when the two shows will cross over and here it is, right here. Here it is. I'm going to give him this wiener to my buddy tutels. He's going to take it away forever. Now, everybody, hold on just one moment.

Uh, this seems a little simple, doesn't it? Yeah, I mean, uh, Rowan says, uh, yeah, I mean, you guys get that this is a big trap, right? Like, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a hugely deadly trap. Yeah, but like, but like this, this whole walkway is just lined with like, yeah, everything's gonna be, here's all your prizes. Just walk on through. Yeah, but it's like a trap. Like, we have been, Rowan referring to this little adventure of ours as the suffering game. It's a nickname we came up with it.

We don't even know why we're calling it that. we just kind of feel like it's going to go bad. Yeah, I mean, it's not great, but the money is really good for this job. And now that I know that that collar's in there, I kind of can't not go in. I understand. Wait right here for just one second, and Magnus pulls out his shield and just sprints down the path. Okay. Doing what?

Just kind of like, being stupid. No, you know, bobbing and weaving, serpentine, lots of unnecessary rolls. All right, you do. You see some fucking Paul Blart Mallcop style antics as you roll and bob and weave your way down the path. And there's no landmines. There's no trip wires. You just make it to the building. And the other five people are just like looking at you, I guess.

Everything's cool. I thought there might be traps, but everything's fine. Yep. So you thought the trap would be in the road to the trap? I just, I thought it seemed pretty simple because it was just like a pathway. and we started with like a fight in the thing so I thought maybe there'd be more things you know why in retrospect I realized how that looked

so cool as your answer it looked so cool so do you I'm guessing the rest of you follow down the approach now that there's no regular speed like regular adult speed no cartwheels yeah they're flip flops you uh okay you make it to the building

and the pattern, this black and white roulette wheel pattern, uh, stops spinning. Um, and, uh, it, uh, you, you see, uh, a black segment has stopped sort of in your direction. And it stops spinning for us, like, does it seem to have stopped because we approached it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um, is it all leading to a central, are all these different roads leading to, like, a central entrance? Yeah, it's leading to this, this huge cylindrical building. Um, and, and, um, and, um, is it leading to a central road. And, and, And as the wheel stops on this black segment, a portion of the wall just sort of slides away, and all of a sudden there is an entrance into the building. And through that— What you've been describing, Griffin, just so I know I can picture it correctly, it's kind of like a kinetoscope where, like, it's segmented.

And if you're looking, it's spinning past going white, black, white, white, black, white, black, right? Yeah, kind of, kind of. Okay. And stopped on a specific segment when we walked up. And this doorway opens in the wall and three names appear above it. And the names are Antonia, Rowan, and Lord Artemis Sterling. And Sterling doesn't say anything. He doesn't wish you guys goodbye.

He doesn't even address you. He's sort of continuing his streak of being a dick that he's carried on throughout your journey through the woods. and he just walks in and Rowan sighs and he says, well, guys, I guess I'll see you on the other side. Oh, he reaches into his bag and he pulls out a small, a small container of extra jerky and he hands it to you, Magnus. He says, in case you guys get hungry in there.

And I reach into my bag and pull out a small carved wooden duck. And he says, wow, this is great. Antonio, did you see this? I made that just for you, buddy, while we were walking. She's, I carved it while I was rolling down the pathway. And Rowan walks into the door and sort of disappears into that black space. Does there seem to be any interaction between the light and the roulette wheel, or was that really just guiding him to the wheel? It was just sort of guiding him in.

Like it was like it didn't see like a key or anything. It just seemed to. No, it's almost like a siren song. Like you follow the light to to Wonderland. Can we see the other people going in the other entrances? No, there's nobody else making their approach in this clearing right now. They're just like on their way, you kind of assume. And Antonio says, well, good luck, boys.

Sorry about Lord Sterling. He's kind of a ding-dong. I'm used to it. I hope we'll see you guys again. Good luck in there. That's a lot. Smell you later. Peace.

And she walks into the roulette wheel and the door closes and the names disappear. and they're gone. And then the wheel spins some more. And it ends after a few rotations on a white space and another door appears. And this one has your guys names on it. And there's nothing beyond it except just inky blackness. So it's a white door with inky blackness. Yeah.

Like it's not like it's not just dark inside. It is, it's black. Like it's like you're, yeah. It's less, it's kind of less like a door. away and more like a portal. Magnus is already inside. Oh, shit, okay. Merle turns and says,

Hey, Magnus, you, what the hell? Yeah, I'm not sure about this one, fellas. I mean, I'm trying to be true to Taco and this seems whack as all the hell. Can I step back out real quick? Uh, yeah.

I grab Taggo and run inside. Son of a bitch. Uh, okay. Merle, you follow in, suit? Yeah, I waddle on in. Okay. As soon as you're through the passageway, uh, you look behind you and it's like, it wasn't even like a door shut menacingly behind you. The door, it's just not there. You, you are, uh, you are in a chamber that is so dark. You can, you can barely see. Even those of you with dark vision, I think, uh, everybody but Magnus has like special eyes that they

can see in the dark. You can't, you can't really see much. of anything. You can just kind of make out the shapes of things. You can tell it's a huge, huge chamber bigger even than it appeared on the outside. But after a few moments, everything is illuminated. There's a row of spotlights on the ceiling that click on, and these two big rotating floodlights on the ground that activate and shine upwards. and they cross on the center of the chamber

and you see two figures standing on a long elevated platform. They are beautiful elves, one female, one male, and they are dressed in these tight-fitting, high-fashioned garments of gold and green and violet. He's wearing a golden half cape with fur trim, and she's wearing these huge, insane golden shoulder pads, and you realize the long platform they're standing on is a runway. And the female elf sticks a slender gloved arm into the air and snaps. And all of a sudden, the ceiling and walls and floor of this room transform into a thousand

multicolored neon panels that shift and flash in time with loud, pulsating music that floods the chamber. And every time the beat hits on this song, the spotlights flash in time. And every time they do, they catch this duo as they just fucking vogue and pose their way down the runway, just like working it. Just like hitting the beats so fucking hard and just vogueing their brains out. This should go without saying at this point, Taco is delighted. Like, fucking finally we go someplace cool. It's been so long. we are at some place that it's worth visiting.

And they reach the end of the runway, which is just this large circular platform. And as they do, the rest of the runway descends down into the ground to be about floor level. And this circle platform spins around a few times as they continue to pose to the music. And finally, they address you.

And I'm going to need two voices here. Fucking amazing. They say, I might just do like Jesse James. Jesse and James from from Pokemon Yes please Yes But Jesse kind of sounds like

Taco all right Well okay I'm not worried about it The The male elf says You made it Welcome to Wonderland And the woman says Hopefully you didn't have too much trouble

Navigating the Wilds Meowf Oh and meowth there And suddenly the male elf is behind you, Taco, and he's got his hand on your shoulder, although weirdly, you can't, like, feel it. He's, like, weightless. And he says, are you excited for your quest's end? Whatever you seek, you will find it in Wonderland. I wasn't before, but I'm getting pretty jyes now.

And the woman is behind you now, Magnus, with her hand on your shoulder, and she says, it's not going to come. It's not going to come easy though, dear. Are you prepared for that? What? Was that an innuendo? I'm very uncomfortable. She winks. Maybe.

And all of a sudden, they're both back up on top of the platform. Are they casting shadows, Griffin? No, they're not. She says, he says, the rules are simple. You will be evaluated. Are you guys holograms? What's that? Are you hologrant? Are you illusions?

Are you Jim? She says, When we look this good, does it really matter? And she votes one more time. I mean, no, he's right. No. Shut the fuck up. The rules are simple.

You will be evaluated through a series of tests and games in order to determine the extent to which you truly want your prize. And she says, the test will be rough, but they're important. In Wonderland, you can only find the things you truly desire by losing the things. things that hold you back. You follow the rules of the test, you push through the pain, and you will leave here happy. And he says, you break the rules, you try to find shortcuts, and you won't leave here, happy. Ready to get started? I have one question.

Shoot. Are you guys taking applications? Or like, what's the story vis-a-vis employment? I have skills, whatever. several references, these dunces, others that are dead. She laughs and he kind of looks at her seriously, like, he's thinking about it a little bit. Yes. And he says, let's see if you can make it through Wonderland.

If that's what you truly desire, maybe it'll be waiting for you at the end of your trials. Hell yeah. And they lift their arms up in the air and snap. and just like that, they disappear. And that circular panel that they were standing on lowers to about waist height. And you realize that this spinning platform they were standing on actually is a giant wheel,

like a roulette wheel, that is cut into various multicolored sections, each with a different symbol on it. And the two floodlights on the ground rotate to shine on a large stone door at the opposite end of the room, and above that door are three dim, red, circular panels. And the symbols on this wheel really quick are,

there's an eye, there's one that looks just like a body, there's a skull, there's one that looks like a brain, there's one that looks like a backpack, one that looks like a hand, one that looks like two cross swords. Slow down, slow down. No, you don't have to write these down. Okay. I was trying to like missed slash riven this shit.

No, no, no, no, no. It doesn't matter. No, nothing like that. Two cross swords, there's one of a clock, and then there's a question mark. And you hear a voice say, this is the wheel of sacrifice. You spin it, and you give up whatever it lands on. You are, of course, free to refuse if you land on something you value too much to lose, but there will be a penalty for your reluctance.

Man, I hope it doesn't land on the skull. After completing enough sacrifices, the door will open. And the voices are gone, and all of the lights, all the spotlights in the chamber, pivot to shine directly on this wheel in the center of the room. And give me a second. I got to tell you, the production values in Wonderland are stunning. They are absolutely beautiful. So this wheel is before you.

And in order to open the large stone door at the other end of the chamber, you will need to sacrifice three things. Is this the kind of thing where we each do it once? Or every time we click it, all three of us have to sacrifice whatever comes up? You hear the voice explain to you that each of you will take one turn at a time. and you spin the wheel and whoever spun the wheel is the one who will have to do the sacrificing. Cool.

I will go first. Okay. As is my want. I dropped a link into Skype for you to a website called Wheel Decide. Thank you, Wheel Decide, sponsor of the show this week for this good, good internet software. So click that wheel,

and it should spend and you tell me what it lands on. Hand. Hand. Okay. You hear those voices again. And you hear, um, hmm,

what do I want to do? Hand, hand, hand. How gnarly do I want to be to start out? Um, and you hear, uh, the, the woman's voice say,

oh, not too gnarly. They're just getting, we don't want to discourage them right from the beginning. Um, and you hear the man's voice say, okay, okay, how about this? One finger.

You get to pick it. I won't choose it for you. You get to pick the finger. You won't even have to, like, cut it off. We're not going to have another Crystal Kingdom debacle on our hands. You just pick it and then, boop. If you do want to cut it off, though, I'll help him out. This is not that bad.

You've got ten of them. You're being greedy, actually. Actually, we've never discussed this, but Magnus is actually born with 11 fingers. No. No? Okay. So it has to be the person who spun the wheel that makes a sacrifice or any of the three of us can make the sacrifice. No, the one who spun the wheel is the one that does it.

And honestly, if it's, if it is too much, if you are going to be selfish about this, you don't have to do it. But there will be a small penalty. Okay. So just so I understand the parameters, if I don't do it, I'm not disqualified from moving forward. Oh, no, God, no. I want you to move forward. Hmm.

This is tricky, you see, because I'm sitting here thinking both as like a carpenter and a woodcarver and a fighter and a rogue, losing a finger, even like a pinky, could be detrimental. Yeah, but if you think about all those professions, statistically speaking, you should have lost a couple already. That's an excellent point. Kind of ahead of the game, really. This is just such a big. All right, yeah. Take, uh, oh, fuck me.

None of my gloves will fit. Not the thumb. Oh, wow. I'm not losing the thumb. This is so sad. I feel so bad for you. A whole finger. Losing a whole finger.

I chopped off your hand. Who the hooty fucking who? I chopped off your hand to save your life. I'm chopping off a finger to win a game. A very good game. Fuck. Any change you tell us what the penalty is? Absolutely not.

Okay. Yeah. Take my left pinky. God damn. Just as soon as you say that, Magnus, it's just gone. And there's no, it hurts a bit. But it doesn't... Oh, shit.

Come on. It doesn't sting that bad. There was no, like, blade that popped out. It's just your finger, your pinky, where it once was. I hate this game. Now gone. And what do you wear, what I, you were, let's say it's the, the, the, on your non-dominant hand, right? Yeah, I think that's the Fletcher's Mett or is that, that might be Phantom Fist.

The pinky on your Fletcher's Mit is now just like empty and it's just kind of hanging down. But yeah, you, you, your left pinky is gone. And as soon as it disappears, you hear a, bing. And one of those three red circular panels above that stone door. at the other end of the room, uh, turns bright green. Magnus, while you were kind of grousing about, uh, the, the, the, the, the, you know, the, the, the, the, the shittiness of losing of a finger. Um, well, like, while you were doing that, um, make a, make a perception check for me.

16, uh, plus one, 17. It kind of, it, you know how like, when it's cold, you can see your, your breath when you talk. Uh-huh. It was kind of like that for a second. With a 17, that's, that's, that's what you kind of, kind of see. Like breathing out fog? Yeah, something like that. Okay.

Next. That wasn't that bad. Let's go. Yeah, that was nice. I kind of enjoyed it. Hey, everybody. I'm Griffin Macroy, your dungeon master, your best friend, and your personal chef. I hope you kids like spaghetti.

Thank you for listening to episode 52 of the Adventure Zone. the second episode in our new arc, which is called The Suffering Game, it's a dark, it's a dark dramatic turn for the franchise. We're going to take things in such a moody direction. You're going to flip your shit. Thanks, thanks again for listening. I do want to get a big thanks here before we get into the money zone spot of the show. Big thanks to Zachary Wilson, who did the song that you just heard. That was sort of the theme for Wonderland. The song's called Storm Top Dog.

Zachary Wilson's really great. I've been listening to his stuff on SoundCloud for a while. You can find his music at SoundCloud.com slash Zachary Wilson. That's Z-A-C-K-E-R-Y, Zachary Wilson. Or on Bandcamp at Z-W-Music.Band-Camp.com. And again, Zachary, thank you very much for letting me use that song. As soon as I heard it, I, like, became obsessed with using it in this particular scene. So, thanks again.

Got a message here for... Huh. C-R-N-O-Bog. Cernobog. And it's from Hamlet and the rest of the hashtag Cobol crew, in spirit, if not in actual expressed interest, which is a very honest and wonderful way of filling out that particular field. They say, really looking forward to hearing Griffin read that name. Yeah, thanks.

So the game is done. It's on the way to Walmart right now or already sold out if this is late. The day one patch is submitted for validation. You did it. You made that happen. Take a nice long break and find your next challenge. You deserve it, man. I'm certainly proud of you.

As for, they wanted that one to come out October 3rd. So it sounds like this game sold out. got that Goody status, got that 10 out of 10, got the 5 out of 5 fun factor, the kids' choice awards, all kinds of people are just weighing in and saying what a great thing this is that you made. So congratulations, Cernabog, and I don't know what this is, I don't know what this is talking about, but I'm very proud of you. Got a message here for Craig. Sorry, I said your name like that.

I have a message here, and it's for Craig. and it's from Jake who says Craig is a big fan of the Adventure Zone. So I thought I would ask you guys to wish him a happy birthday. Craig, may you have a great year full of fun adventures. Oh, Craig, you did it, didn't you? Craig, you did it again. Craig, I'm so proud of you. Your birthday is, it says around November 16th, that was yesterday, so crushing it.

And now, Craig, I feel like I'm also celebrating a birthday. And thank you for sharing this experience with me. I have another message here, and it's for Dad and my sweet baby brother, Pierce, and it's from Your DM, who says, congrats to us for maintaining our own adventure zone. Despite being spread out between the UK, Maryland, and Virginia, we've managed to maintain our fortnightly family D&D session on the reg. As I prepare to move to Berlin, I'm confident it will change nothing, except maybe some more disturbing monsters and more delicious snack breaks. Yeah, that is a, that's God. It's hard enough to get your family together to play D&D every other week when you live all across the

continental United States. Mixing it international time zones, that is a Herculean feat, and I'm, I'm very jealous of your family's organizational skills. I want to say thank you to everybody who has been tweeting about the show using the Zonecast hashtag. If you do so, you might not end up as a character in the show as a sorry patron of Wonderland. I'm talking to about folks like Lord Artemis Sterling, who's named for Chris Sterling. That's Lio by four. I butcher that, sorry. On, on Twitter, I'm talking about folks like Rowan, polite botanist on Twitter, Antonia, named for Antonia DiPieri. That's Tonya, Tonya, oh, Jesus, Tony Arena on Twitter. there's some more folks that are going to be included in this arc,

and if you want to end up with your name on one of those folks, you can do so. It's shoot you about the show using the Zonecast hashtag, and you might just do it. And let's get back into it. The next episode's going to be up on, I think it's going to be December 1st, and that's crazy. Yeah, holy shit, December 1st. So again, Rachel and my wife and I are expecting a baby very early December. So there's a chance that next episode might be a live show episode from our show at MaxFunConnConn East in the Poconos, which was a lot of fun. I'm very excited for you to hear that.

But it may also just be the next episode in the Suffering Game arc. And we will try to let you know on Twitter ahead of the time what episode you can expect on December 1st. And until then, keep it real. See you later. Bye. Who's going? I guess I will Spinning, spinning, spinning.

Holy crap! I'll let Taco tell you. You got I. Aye. Okay. Ay, aye. You hear the woman say, oh, this is a real shame. You have such beautiful,

beautiful dwarven eyes. I've always preferred dwarven eyes. Hazel, beautiful hazel dwarven eyes. This sacrifice, We're not going to take an eye from you. Don't worry about that. Just some of your, let's say, keen, dwarven vision. So for this sacrifice, you will lose dark vision.

What the fuck? I lost the pinky. He loses dark vision? I should also mention you didn't lose any, like, tangible skills for your pinky loss. That's fair. I think you should have to subtract one. From what? Everything.

Every role? No. Everything involving his left hand. What do you say? What do you say, Merle? This is a, this is a, this is a breeze. Could I give up an eye? Not yet.

Okay. Yeah, go ahead. Take it. What's, you sound dissatisfied by this? No, uh-uh. No, listen, I'm completely used to it. I got, I mean, I can't drive at night. I have shitty vision already.

Take the, the darkness vision crap. Um, okay. Uh, As soon as you say that, your vision kind of changes. It's kind of like when you're taking a vision test and they're trying on the different lenses to find out your prescription. And they switch you to a lens that is just like not good. You can still see just fine, but like this room, the parts of it that aren't illuminated by spotlight are kind of dim. And so like all of a sudden you realize you can't see those parts of the room as well.

And Taco and Magnus, you notice that the color. in his beautiful hazel eyes kind of drains away, leaving him with just like dark gray irises. And with that, a second panel above that door at the end of the room flashes green. And you hear another ding. Cool. Fine. Fine.

I'll go. Taco, it seems like you're not enjoying the game very much. No, it's been pretty good so far. I mean, so far, yeah, I got skull. Skull's a nasty one. Skull is sort of like delayed gratification. Well, not for you, for me. All the skull means is at some point in the future,

you will face some pretty bad luck. I'm not going to tell you what that means necessarily, but I will be honest. it won't be great. What do you say, Taco? Nah. You're turning this one down? Well, now, hold on, hold on, Taco.

Before you do, take a look at the other things on that wheel. There's not like a good one. Yeah, but my rationale is that I probably, there's a chance I won't have to suffer the penalty alone, right? It may be something that impacts all three of us. Yeah, but I'm not spinning again. I do want to point out, it will only affect you, Taco. It's your burden to bear.

Hey, bud, I'll spin again if you want me to. No, I mean, it's a skull. That's what I got. Yeah, fine, I'll take the bad luck. Okay. You say that, and you don't experience any change. And a green light above the door in front of you flashes on. and very slowly the wheel descends into the ground and the stone door slides open.

Yeah, Griffin, I want to ask, while Taco was kind of hemming and honing there, did I notice anything? Was there any kind of, could we see his breath too? No, you didn't notice anything. Just, you know, him and Merle were kind of being a little, what's the word I'm looking for? hesitant, but no, you didn't notice anything really coming from them. Gotcha. Okay. Okay. The door in front of you is now open, and you see another chamber that is just kind of like pitch black that you cannot sort of, you can't really see through. Well, that just went great. You know what? I'm going to get into the next one first, because if it's anywhere near as cool as this

I want to be the first to see it. So out of the way, tacos rushing in. What? Okay, Magnus follows him. Merle's good out here. What's going on? Okay, you, so not all three of you,

boy, I don't like it when you guys don't all go through doors at the same time. Merle goes in. Okay, you enter into the next chamber, and you, let me find where I'm at, as you step into this like void, you realize that you're walking on some sort of floor. You don't just sort of fall out into space. And again, as soon as the three of you like walk through that doorway, it vanishes.

It is just gone. And in this pitch black room, you see a single point of light about 30 feet ahead of you. And as you approach it, you realize that this light is coming from a small pedestal that is about check. high and it's got two buttons on it on top of it. And going around the exterior of this cylindrical pedestal is a screen that wraps all the way around the span of the of the pedestal. And on this cylindrical screen are pixelated illustrations of your guys' faces. And you hear the woman's voice say, only one of you will play this particular game. Let's find out who it's going to be. And all of a sudden the faces start spinning around the podium.

And it stops on Merle. Ooh, yeah. You hear the man say, you hear the male elf say, Murl approach the podium. Okay. You walk towards the podium and the buttons illuminate. And they have words on them. and one of the buttons reads trust,

and the other one reads, forsake. And you hear a voice say, the rules of this game are simple. You all probably know this already, but you're not the only ones currently making your way through Wonderland right now. This section of the game will be something of a competitive mode.

Right now, there's another group and another chamber identical to the one you're standing in now. Now, the next room you'll face will feature a deadly, deadly challenge. But based on your decision in this room, you can change your fate in the next. And the woman says, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Very few survive our challenges. They're designed to push you to your breaking point, which is not a place that many folks are capable of returning from.

An advantage such as the one that you can secure in this chamber will be invaluable if you want to reach the end of Wonderland in half. Press for sake! Um, you... Hey, press for sake! Quiet, please. You... Go ahead, press for sake now! You, Merle, and a...

It might be a speed thing. Pest for sake! You, Murrell. It's probably timed. Trust! It's probably timed. Go ahead, press for sake. I'll do.

I have magic. Let me get Bigby's hand up in here. You... Merle, you got to trust. Murl, you, and a representative for that other group will decide what fates await your parties. Now, if both of you select trust, you'll both face the challenge as it was normally designed. And as I mentioned before, that means you'll face a trial that you may not walk away from, but you don't have to face that trial. And the woman says, that's what the forsake button is for.

Now, if you both get greedy and choose forsake, that's bad news. You'll both face a more difficult version of the trial, and these more challenging trials will probably kill you. And the man says, but if you choose forsake and your opponent chooses trust, then that's great news for you. You don't have to face the trial at all. Your opponent's team, however, will face a nearly impossible version of the challenge. And the room illuminates with these bright, multicolored rings that originate from the base of that pedestal and slowly sort of work their way around the room, like encompassing it as this tense, like, who wants to be a millionaire style music starts playing. Where's the other group?

You don't get to know who the other group or who the representative for that group is going to be. Okay. Where are they? I mean, are they here? They're in Wonderland. Absolutely. How far away? Space is kind of a weird, abstract concept in here.

I wouldn't worry about it. Listen, Merle, I thought about this. You got a one in three chance of it being bad and a two and three chance of it being better. So if you hit trust and they hit trust, it's great. But if you both hit forsake, then it's bad. It's worse than before. All right, Taco, make your case. You know, forsake, my dude.

They're going to forsake us. They're vagabonds. I'll tell you who the other group is. But Taco, but if he hits Forsake and they hit Forsake. So I will say this. To your credit, the only thing I will say is, as near as I can figure, there's a two out of three chance that the person on the other side is going to press trust. Because two of the three that we encountered were not total deal weeds. Yep.

So there's a two out of three chance that they're going to trust. Now, if it's a stink pants or Archie of Bakedville or whoever he was trying to name his town, he is going to forsake, and that would be the pits for sure. But it's our podcast. So we're not going to die. So let's say trust. The final decision is up to Merle, and I'm going to count it that once you tell me what it is, you press the button and there will be no more deliberating after that.

Okay. The dryad lady kind of had a thing for me. I could tell, just looking at her. So trust! Okay. You put your hand on the trust button and push it down. And as soon as you do, the music comes to a stop. And there's no fanfare or anything like that.

The room's walls all just illuminate white. And the far wall opposite to the one that you all came in through, you see words start to appear and it says your decision and then in big green letters trust appears and then you see their decision

and in bright red letters the word forsake appears son of a bitch but you know what it doesn't matter if we have both forsaken that would have been even worse I do want to be clear this is the worst possible

outcome for you guys. Those words disappear and the door opens on that wall where the screen was leading into the next chamber. So we don't get to find out who pressed the button? Nope. Okay. I got a theory. I don't want

to go. It's going to be fine. Don't worry about it. Something bad's going to happen. No. Wait, are we all going? I thought he had to face it on his own. What? No, you all go on to the next challenge, change. What? You suck. Let's go.

As you said that, Merle, Magnus, now that you kind of know to look for it, you see that same fog kind of come out of Merle's mouth and kind of just sort of float up into the ceiling. I see. Hey, Taco? Yeah. Are you vaping? No, in there, when I was like, I don't want to cut off my pinky. And now in here, when Merle was all like, oh, go in there. bad guy. This like fog

stuff came out of our mouths. What's that? I'm gonna roll an arcana check. Okay. See if I have any clue. Oh, whoa. That's a flashing Nat 20. Oh, really? Actually, I know exactly what the fuck

that is. No problem. Let me open my mouth and my voice might sound different, but I'm about to something very smart about it. So here's what I'll tell you, because that roll is too good for me. me to not tell you something. You, you, you noticed it too. You noticed this, this, um, it's like a dark fog that came out of, of their mouths. And, and, uh, whenever Magnus, you know, kind of groused about

getting his pinky chopped off. And when Murrell was talking about how much this sucks, you saw this dark fog come out of their mouths. And whenever they said it, you don't know, like, what's causing it, but it is some sort of necrotic. energy that that is is leaving them and sort of being spirited away somewhere here in Wonderland. Taco didn't even want to come in. So here's my best guess, boys. My best guess is at this place.

Wait, hold on, hold on. Pocket spa. Step in here with me real quick. Okay. Or pocket workshop. Yeah, let's go to the spa, please. I need a break. All right, so the pocket spa is open.

Only can walk in the pocket spa. So before we move on, so here's my... What is that noise? It's not in a canyon. No, that's a spa. That's 528 hertz. In case you don't know, that's the miracle tone that is supposed to enable you to relax. So this is a very soothing.

So here's my best guess. This place isn't trying to kill us. Uh-huh. It just wants to make us miserable. Uh-huh. And it seems like it's feeding off of that. That's my best guess. This is a place designed to make us miserable.

And every time that we vocalize that, it knows that it is succeeding and it's feeding off of that energy. That's my best guess. I like that. So do you think it's better to give it what it wants or to stay super positive? What am I the fucking necrotic energy whisper? I have no idea. Listen, I, I'm, this is, this is, we very rarely talk through this kind of shit. I'm very much enjoying it.

Just trying to get a vibe on where you're at. I'm really uncomfortable with it. Let's get out of here. I mean, I will say this. I don't see any, I don't see any reason to feed it if we don't have to. I mean, it's very much not in our nature to not grasp about, but maybe we should try to stay posy about this whole experience. Yeah, let's swing towards the, the positive side of things.

All right. Let's do this. Okay, you make your way back out of the pocket spa and into the decision room again, and are you moving on to the next chamber? Yes, of course we are. Okay. Here we go. Wee!

You move through the door, and you are in another circular room. Yay! Awesome. It's also very, like, neon bright, and above you, the whole ceiling is nothing but machinery that is attached to the ceiling. And it's this huge, heavy manufacturing, like, assembly line machinery. And it all connects sort of in a spiral. And in the center of the ceiling is a large circular hatch. And as you enter into the room, the doorway disappears behind you.

And with three loud clunks, three large boxes fall from the ceiling and land on the ground. Super cool. And each box has a, these boxes are perfect cubes, and each box has a word etched on a side, and the words are things like fiery and quick and some other adjectives and nouns. And you hear a voice say, welcome to the monster factory. This is so exciting. Each of you will roll these dice in front of you, and you will build a bespoke foe to square off. against. It could be something new altogether. Nobody knows.

Wow, sounds fun. Now, based on the consequences of the decision game, there will be some difficulties imposed on you during this challenge, but let's not worry about that. Let's roll those bones. Sounds good. Let's do this one at a time. You're going to roll a D6. Tell me who wants to go first and then pop into Skype

and I'll paste something in there for you. I'll go first. All right. That's Merle for those listeners who can't tell the difference to win our voices. All right, your dice,

Merle, the one that you go pick up has the name of some monsters on it. So go ahead and roll that. Two. That is, you roll the big, big box

and it lands on the word slime. And then that box turns green and disappears. I will go. Okay, here are your words. You pick up a dice just covered in these different adjectives? I roll a three.

Poisonous. So poisonous and slime are the words so far. And Taco. Here are your words. Five. Five. Regenerating. So you get regenerating poisonous slime.

Cool. Awesome. Yeah, fun. Yay! that could have gone so much worse Yeah there's dragon on dire bear and stuff on there And you hear a voice The machinery above you on the right side of the room

Kicks into gear and you hear pistons firing And you hear steam being blown off And you hear the sounds of industry But you hear you hear the woman say Oh that's so disappointing I've seen a regenerating poisonous slime before And you hear the man say Oh well that's nothing to worry about

they didn't win the decision game. So they're going to do it again. And three more dice fall down from the ceiling. Son of a... No, what fun? What fun. A second chance at a first impression. Taco a little bit, just like a little bit of that dark fog came out of your mouth.

Damn it. And float it up in the ceiling. And a little bit more went up. Fuck! No joke. Every time you do that, just like a little bit more goes up to the ceiling. You'll be. I'll just be zen about it

Okay, I'll roll first this time Okay Four Dyer Bear What fun Who's rolling the second dice Two? Two Electrified, holy shit

Uh Merle Two Flying, holy shit A flying electrified dire bear Now we're talking Hold on, sorry, that's in character Fuck yeah

A flying electrified Dyerbearbear They're wonderful. That would be what you would have to face if you both chose betray, but unfortunately, you all are getting the sharp end of the stick, so to speak. So one more dice, and another dice falls down from the ceiling. I'm not actually going to show you what's on this dice. Who wants to roll it? Tago?

Sure. Five. Okay. the word pops up and it applies to both of the creations that you've created so far. And as soon as it lands, I think you all look at it in horror and you hear the elves kind of squee in delight. Because, and I think you hear the man say, oh, this is delicious. Not only are you facing off against a regenerating poisonous slime and a flying electrified dire bear, you're going to face off against multiplying,

regenerating poisonous slimes, and multiplying flying electrified dire bears. This is going to get zany, he says. And after a few more seconds of the machinery above you, processing things, sure enough, falling down through that hatch is a cube of slime that is giving off a horrible, horrible stench that is about 15 feet tall

that slorps down to the ground and then right behind it with a pair of beautiful, beautiful, angelic wings is a humongous dire bear with bolts of crackling electricity sort of wrapping around its body and they roar at you.

Let's roll initiative. Maximumfund.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Instead of door busting for a plasma TV this Black Friday, how about you stay in and snag the best deal of all? Max FunConn'Con 2017 tickets. Max FunCon West returns to Lake Arrowhead next June,

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