The Adventure Zone - Ep. 55. The Suffering Game - Chapter Five

Episode Date: January 26, 2017

Strange things are afoot in Wonderland as our heroes find themselves aided by an invisible accomplice -- but will their secret plan pop off before the boys lose something precious to the Wheel? Merle does some costly healing. Taako gets into cosmetics. Magnus forgets. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Previously, on the Adventure Zone, this doorway opens in the wall and three names appear above it. Antonia, Rowan, and Lord Artemis Sterling. Well, guys, I guess I'll see you on the other side. Hey, guys, my name's Cam. Oh, I mean, I've been here for a long time, but I got screwed over. But that's not important. This goes against everything, I believe. Well, luckily, it's not your decision. For sake.

All right. And they chose trust. Hell yeah. Live from the inescapable depths of Wonderland, it's time for another round of heart attack, the heroic dating show. I cast true seeing on Magnus. You see that red robe,

and you just see this red robe put a single skeletal finger to its non-existent lips. Fred not, dear listener, it's always darkest before the dawn, unless, of course, you're locked in some sort of pain dungeon. It's the adventure zone Madness, what does it mean to be a hero? You did just call me madness.

Did I? It sounded like madness to me. You definitely said madness. Was that a clue? That was a clue, wasn't it? It was a clue. Start over. Second take.

They put that one in the blooper reel. Madness. Got it. Magnus, what does it mean to be a hero? The two liches in front of you, who you can see in their true form are still giving you the same prompt to Magnus, and you don't really know where this site came from, right? Because Taco didn't give you a heads up, but you blink a couple of times and the true site fades. And I don't want to be a rules guy, but he does have true sight for an hour. So I do not know why that vision would be fading so quickly. When I cast, I cast, I cast correct. Wooha, wooha, I've got you all in check. I'm going to retweet that.

Um, okay, but it's just going to be a lot of kind of, yeah, sure, fuck it, why not? Yeah, all right, you still got the true site, and it's, uh, it's still on you, and you have it for a whole hour, and you just see this red robe, and now he's just kind of floating uncomfortably in front of you. His, uh, his main planned interaction. We don't know what shit we're going to be doing in the next hour. I'm not going to burn a, uh, a level six spell for your narrative. I'm sorry. That's fair. That's fair. Uh, okay, yeah, you can still see this red robe then, and he's, he's just kind of floating a, expectantly in front of you. And the two elves, who you still see is litches, thank you, Justin, for the clarification.

Don't seem to take notice of the red robe. Your answer, a Magnus. You know, if you'd ask me in my younger days back 10 years ago. Or 15 seconds ago. Yes, that was the joke. Thank you, Dad, for filling in the punchline. You're welcome. I would have told you that what makes a hero

is someone who acts, someone who leaps into the fray without thinking. But, you know, I've had some time to think now, and I would say that I've grown a little wiser, and I would say that a hero is someone who acts when it counts, acts at the right moment, acts when it's needed. With that, you hear a little bell ring, signaling the end of this.

this game of heart attack. And the audience applauds your answer, Magnus. And there's a little music stinger playing you out. And the two liches say, well, it sounds like our suitor has made their decision. Let's see who they chose for their hot date. And that screen beside all of you drops to the ground. And you can see the figure casting the silhouette. It is another one of those marionettes.

and because of Taco's spell, it's still kind of shuddering and making kind of weird pseudo-laughing noises. And really, it's just kind of like collapsed onto the ground. And one of its legs is just like repeatedly lifting up

and thumping down into the ground. Okay, I mean, I have a question. I'm serious. What do... I mean, what do Taco and I see? Because he only cast true... Yeah, he cast two side on magnets. You see the same thing.

The true site kind of just made it so that Magnus could see through the blinding lights and see like who was in the studio audience. But you see, you all see this kind of creepy display. And it's just not stopping. Its leg is just dumb, dump, dump, down into the ground.

And Edward says, well, hmm, well, we learned everything we need to know. So I guess let's call it a draw. Let's move on. This has gotten frankly a little too weird, even

for us. And they turned... But I would have won, right? Oh, let's not... It's like who's line, baby. The points don't matter. But I would have. And they turn to, like, go, but before they do, they say, oh, wait, we need to find out

how your opponents in the last round of trust or forsake fared. And a... Probably pretty fucking bad, huh? And a screen appears behind the two of them, and it lights up. And you see three figures standing on a glowing square labeled finish, and you recognize that they are on that board game that loaded into this room previously. It's all sprawled out behind them. And it takes you a second to recognize them because all of the sacrifices they've gone through here in Wonderland have changed them pretty dramatically. But it's the three adventurers that you met in the Felicity Wilds.

It's Rowan and Antonia and Lord Artemis Sterling. And they look rough. Sterling is the worst off. First of all, he's no longer like a young, like boy man. He's aged probably, it looks like into like his late 30s and his hair's gone in early bright silver. And he's also like... That's a good look though, Griffin.

It's a good look. You're trying to make him sound haggard, but like... No, he's the young silver fox. Malfoy shit for sure, but he's also severely injured. Oh. That's a good look, you know? He's laying in Antonia's lap, and she's trying to comfort him, but she's not looking at him, like, she's not looking down at him while she's doing so, and you realize she's wearing a bandage

wrapped around her head that's just covering her eyes. And Rowan is standing and facing the screen, and he looks just withered up. He looks so worn down. You can see big patches missing from his big red beard. No. And you can't hear anyone on the other side, but you can tell that Sterling is just like wailing, and this column of black smoke is just pouring out of him. And as Rowan recognizes you guys on the other side of the screen,

you see him mouth, the word, clear as day. Why? I point at Taco. And then the screen shuts off. And how are y'all doing? I haven't asked you that this arc. I feel like that was a good thing to know in the last one. Just like a quick emoji check-in with the boys.

I don't physically feel great. I've had better days physically. Emotionally, I'm about over it. From just like a emotional perspective, I think I'm pretty well done. with these people and these these these creatures yeah I would say Magnus is kind of like physical taking a lot of like physical damage is is like Magnus you know he's a tank it's his emo but like just like he's just being worn down psychologically by this shit and merle's saying I'm okay how are you you lost the eyeball yeah that's fair I know but ever continuing to run into

door frames, Murrell's doing great. The two elf litches, they seem to like notice that you guys aren't like having a great time. And Lydia says, you all seem pretty down in the dumps.

How would you like a bonus round? I'm good, actually. Yeah. I like that about as much as a poke in the eye. Cam looks over it. a taco and he says the bonus round is how I ended up getting trapped here in the first place. I wouldn't recommend it.

Yeah, like no shit. Yeah, dad. You're not like, it's honest, oh, what? It might be bad. So it's the first part of this game to be unpleasant. Excellent. Edward is kind of like awkwardly like tapping his fingers

together. He's like, it's kind of not optional, though. I also figured that. Okay. And another pitch black door opens up behind them as they disappear. And it leads you into the next chamber, which I'm assuming you're popping into. Unless you want to hang out. I mean, you can look around this room more if you want.

Like I said, there's just a bunch of these marionettes just now all inactive. Actually, they're just sitting completely stationary in these risers facing the stage. just not moving and they're these intricately made with all these different points of articulation these marionettes but they have no face

I take one of their arms I was gonna say take an arm baby I need to rebuild my collection sure you you pop off one of their arms and now you have a wooden arm cool and then I slap the laughing

marionette with the arm and I say pull yourself together As you hit the laughing marionette, it finally stops moving. Let's go, guys. Yeah, we're following. Okay. In the next chamber, you're in another large circular room about the same dimensions as the one you just left. And in front of you are three large platforms, just not very high up, about a foot and a half off the ground.

and each one has a huge multicolored neon sign hanging above it. And one says escape game, one says healing game, and one says recovery game. And as you walk in, you hear Lydia say, oh, wait a moment, one of you has already played the escape game. And that pedestal dissolves into black smoke and wops up into the ceiling. And so you're just left with two platforms that say healing game and recovering game. And you hear Edwards say, for the bonus round, you get to decide what game you want to play. Both are terrific little diversions, but this time you only get to pick one. So we have to assume that heal means we get healed and recover means we get to take something back that we gave up, I would assume.

Maybe our, but maybe just spell slots and stuff. recover those I don't know Cam still looks like like kind of uncomfortable just being in this like bonus room decision chamber Cam which one did you choose

what happened I ended up I ended up playing the escape game and I well I I lost and that's that's why I'm here and ahead

How do you lose a bonus round Wait hold on hold on hold on I'm no games master but a bonus round should just be winning. Well, it was a bonus round for the person who won. It was kind of like the decision game. I came in here. I was hired to guide someone in here, and we were doing, well, we weren't doing very well.

We made it through a couple rounds, and then we played the escape game, and they made us an offer where if one of us betrayed the other, we could escape, but we'd leave the other one to be stuck in Wonderland to suffer eternally. And I told her, it was a trap. I told her anybody who left this place alone wouldn't survive 10 minutes in the Felicity Wild, but she took the offer and, well, here I am. This person you were guiding. Older lady? Yeah, but I mean, she got older while we were here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Right. Wait, do you know. Do you know Lucretia? Just a guess.

Yeah, we do. We're kind of working for, basically. So she trapped you in here, too. She sent us in to save you? Wait, she sent you in to save me? Surely, man. Rescue, Mish. Yeah, diehard rescue Mish.

We're here for you. You see, like, tears start to well up in his eyes. You should probably see. stay hydrated because I don't think you can drink water. He's kind of speechless. He says, maybe I was wrong about her. I don't know that I can escape anymore.

I'm pretty sure the only reason... Well, no, it's not just that. I mean, I'm just ahead. I'm pretty sure it's this place that's keeping me alive in the first place, but that means a lot. Thanks, guys. You just hear Edward just go, like, yeah.

Let me be a coach for a second. Look, we're not going to escape. I say we go for heel, right? The stuff we'd given up, we gave up a room for you will. Let's get healed up. We're not going to get healed any other way. But hold on, if I might counterpoint for a second, Cam makes it sound, and Cam, please correct me if I'm wrong,

makes it sound like only one of us will get and the other will lose. Maybe. So you hear Edward say. So it sounds like in the heel chamber, maybe like one of us gets healed, but the other two lose hit points. That would be fine. Tacos down to like a decimal point something. We could make that work. You know what?

As you mentioned, I'm still doing pretty good. So like, sure. Let's do it. Heal. Yeah, let's go to the healing room. Okay. You all step up onto the healing platform. And as you do a ripple of light, um, admits from the platform.

and everything else in the room disappears. As the light comes down, Taco is hit by the realization that there's a possibility this room could test the healing abilities of our party and he's hit with a deep existential dread. Just like a mortal panic.

He basically like tries to get off the pedestal and things just can't in time. Talking about me, aren't you? I guess I should also ask, Ditto. Yeah. Do I see anything before, like, let's retcon a second. Before we step on this platform, does the true site reveal anything?

Huh. I'll tell you what, that's a good, that's a really good question. Yeah, your true site showed you when you walked into this chamber, Magnus, and it's something the other boys didn't see, is that for like a split second, everything in this chamber was just black smoke, like the same black smoke that you've seen that pours out of you when you have a bad time. It was just black smoke. And then it kind of like firm firms up, almost like you know how popping, pop in works in video games when you're like too far away from a thing. And then it's just like, boop. It is, it's kind of like that. And you were the only one that kind

of saw it. It was like the contents of this room like had to load in for a second. How's that? So this light ripples throughout the room, and all of a sudden, the three of you are all standing in front of a little pedestal with two buttons on it. And the buttons are labeled with the other names of the people in your party. So, Taco, you're standing in front of one that says Magnus and Merle, and so on. And you hear Lydia explain. Oh, and there's like, there's like bright. like neon trim lights running all around the room, and the words healing game are like floating

in a big sign between all of your pedestals. And Lydia says, we know some of you are fairing a little bit worse than others, so we thought we'd give you the chance to balance out some of your current states of physical well-being. So in the healing game, we'll allow you to transfer some of your vitality over to a friend. But in doing so, you will experience a bit of energy degradation during the transfer, so they'll only receive half the vitality that you send in their direction. So, in the healing game, you can give another person on your team some hit points at the cost of two to one. And how many hit points does Cam have to give to Taco? This is a great point. Okay, Cam also has a little pedestal, and it has all your guys' names on it.

and you all have a pedestal that has Cam's name on it. And he's like, I'm going to be honest, I'm just ahead. So I don't really have a lot to give or receive. So I'm probably going to abstain from this challenge. I'm actually good to go. I'm full of hit points. There's just like four of them. All right.

What are you down to, Taco? 14. I'm at like 75. Okay. Even though there's some internet discrepancy, I maintain I'm at 71. So I'm going to give... Do I hit the button of who I want to give it to? Uh-huh.

All right. I hit Taco and I give 40. That would kill you. No? Oh, you give it... So he's getting 20. Right. Oh, okay.

I thought you're saying you're giving him 40, so you were subtracting 80. That would be a fun way for Merle to go. Oh, the ultimate heel. He made the ultimate heel. Yeah. Now who can't heal, dead. All right, Taco heel 20 and Merle take 40 points of damage.

Okay. That's golden brassy. Magnus? Do you anything? Taco, what's your max? It recently went down. Yeah, yeah. I am currently at 34.

And my max is 49. Holy shit. I don't see what? That's just real low. Is it, is it, is it, is it, is it, is it, is it real low? Is it almost like some fucking liches of your imagination sucked my hit points away from me a wizard? Is that what happened?

Is that what made account for the lowness? It's really, it's like real low. It's like so crazy low, huh? It's just super weak and low. It's all I can think about. Yeah. Uh-huh. I kind of feel like, so I feel like I want to do like that guy in the office that when

everyone starts like collecting for charity. You don't really want to give, but you also don't want to be the only one who doesn't. So I'll give, I'll give like 10 of my hit points to give Taco 5. That's also like 10% of Taco's health, though. So. All right. You just, you just lightly tap the Taco button. I mean, I need, okay, like on, like, guys, I don't know what just happened, but I had a

skinned knee and it healed over. But like, my job is to get. It's just to stand in the back. It's still red. It's not healed up completely, but like, it's definitely somewhat healed. There's still a little raspberry there. Thank you for whoever was so kind to donate that. You know, it averages out that, like, we gave you 12.5 points each.

No, no, it doesn't really. As someone who has taken a lot of shit over being a bad healer, I don't think it averages out at all. I just healed that I'm the tank, so who's the best healer, really? You know, you're supposed to heal. You did a knee. Yeah, a very important knee. While all this is taking place, just a little bit of that smoke is coming out of you guys, as you have this argument. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine.

That's fine. Thank you to everyone who gave an average of 12.5 hit points. I really appreciate it. At least we could do, buddy. And Magnus, you actually see that red robe who has sort of been shadowing you from behind. he floats into the middle of the three of you and he sucks up a little bit of that black smoke tasty tasty

and joking aside like Taco you looked fucking pretty bad because still from that washing machine that fell on you but you're actually looking a lot better like your wounds really have closed up a bit Merle on the other hand you actually have started to look a little bit bad now and Magnus, you also have a skin knee.

And you feel like, and it's, can I say something? It stings. Doesn't feel good. Shouldn't he have two skin knees? Yeah, that's a great point. You have two skin knees because of the two to one. Or wouldn't you just be that one of the skinnings is twice as big? Nope, you got two skinned knees.

It's a really good luck. And with that, the lights in this room kind of shut off and another door opens up in the back of the room, another pitch black door. Let's do it. Am I, Griffin, am I safe to assume that I'm seeing a lot of, like, and the black smoke starts to fade in this room and form a new room kind of thing. Yeah, actually, you see the inverse as you leave this room. You see it, like, start to unload a little bit.

And then as you, as soon as you walk into the next room, you see it sort of fade in, just like a second too late. And it is another room with, I mean, it's not another room. It's the same room with that big old wheel of sacrifice in the middle of it. The wheel, I wanted to call it the wheel of misfortune, but I think that was an old Animaniac scuf. No, that was Wheel of morality. Wheel of morality, damn it, you're right.

But yeah, the three of you with Cam walk into the wheel room, and you see the same big stone door on the far side with four dots over it that are sort of a dim red, and it's the same old wheel and you hear Edward say, this is a wheel of sacrifice. You guys know the score just really spinning around Philip the dots. It's like what those disclaimers on the auto ads. And you hear Lydia say,

Edward, can you take this seriously please? This round, as you might expect, the sacrifices will be a little bit more intense than they have been, but I know that the three, well, the four of you have it in you. I didn't expect it to get worse. I kind of did.

Yeah. Glass half empty. A little bit of smoke. Oh, my. A little bit of smoke came out of Taco with that. All right. All right. You've got to stop going Eeyore on us, man.

So who's going to go first? I'll do it. Are we doing it four times again? Yep. Yeah. Magnus spins. Swords. Awesome.

Excellent. Excellent. Yes. Phenomenal. Magnus, you hear Edwards say, mm, perfect. Magnus, if you choose to accept this sacrifice, you will lose a fight. Literally, you will lose a fight.

You will have a fight taken from you. Hmm. What do you say? Well, you know, uh, This is one of those circumstances. I'm going to say this one's not going to be up to me. Taco, Merle, Cam. This sounds like it's more you guys having to fight a fight without me.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. I think he's talking about a past fight that you fought. No, no, no. You misunderstand. You won't have to leave your friends in the lurch and have them fight the fight themselves. The fight itself will be lost. It will be just gone. It will never exist.

You will have the glory of an important battle just stripped away as that battle simply won't exist. And remind me what happens if I say no? Penalty. Sorry, I had a mouthful of coffee. Because you sounded very eastwood there for a second. Yes. You know what? Bite my butt.

I'm taking the penalty. Wow. Okay. As you say that, you hear Lydia say, wow, I'm, I have to admit, I'm pretty disappointed. I had a pretty good one lined up for you there. Yeah, that's why I figured you seemed very excited about it. And so, you know, I just wanted to have a moment where I felt in control for a second.

Okay. Well, you're in control. and you see a fifth dot appear over the door in front of you. Well, dump. A little bit of smoke comes out. Oh. Hey, you know, not so bad. That looks good.

Actually, you know, now that I think about it. But I will say this, you love fighting. Yeah. I do love it. Okay, listen, though. What if that was a fight, like, that was a boss battle to, like, save someone's life that they took away from us? You know what I mean?

If they say it was a similar fight to us fighting the Raven, like, you know what I mean? Like, that could have destroyed a whole town, could have ended the world. And you wouldn't have gotten credit for it. You hear Edward say, lucky you. You get to participate. You get to be in Wonderland even longer. You get to play the wheel game even more. This is, I said penalty.

I should have said Super Prize. That is great. Yahoo! Here we go. I'm spinning the wheel. And it's stopping on. Mind. Oh, man.

Merle, mind is a tough one. You've already lost some important memories to the wheel in this game. And for this third round of the wheel game, we're going to take some doozies from you if you accept it. So if you accept this sacrifice, Merle, you will lose the memories of the birth of your children. take the penalty Merle Scott's kids

imagine my shock Merle's a deadbeat dad a gag a gog I'm aghast I'll take the penalty as nurturing as he is you know

I guess I can't talk yay about him anymore he gave me a bunch of hit points yeah it's real bad I can't believe it and with that a six dot appears above the door And you hear Lydia say, oh, this is, you boys may want to get comfortable in there because it seems like you might be in it for a while. I'm spinning the wheel.

Hand. Hand. Let's see. With hand, we will take away some of your capabilities. Taco, you are an accomplished wizard. But you also have a certain other special knack that few wizards. can claim, you can do sick flips and sweet tricks. And I think we're going to take some of that away.

And if you accept this sacrifice, you're going to take a hit to your dexterity modifier as you become less skillful, less acrobatic of a wizard. Damn. I mean, the hard one for me about this is I've made such good use of my acrobatic skills. It practically defines the character. turn. Yeah, fine. All right.

You step forward to, like, touch the wheel, and as you do, you kind of trip a little bit. So what's your, what's your dex modifier, Taco? Three. Yeah, no. Well, it's a 16 plus three. No, it's a plus one. Okay. That's going to hit your, that's going to hit a lot of stuff, probably.

AC initiative. You need to, are you changing, you're not changing my modifier. You're changing my... Oh yeah, whatever, the score bumps it down to a plus one. I think that's a 12, maybe. I just made it 126, isn't it? 126 is not... That would be a crazy sacrifice to me.

All right. Magnus is going to spin. All right. Body. Oh, man. Body we've seen before in past rounds, although I'll admit it's going to hit you. the party's main defender much, much harder than it did your accomplice.

By choosing body, you will have a significant amount of your vitality drained from you, Max. I accept. Okay. It's going to take 20 off your Max HP. You're good? Yep. All right. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Off the Max HP? Yep. I mean, listen, my max HP is 111, so that drops me down at 91. I'm still doing fine. All right, you walk up to the wheel and just how you saw it happen to Magnus earlier, or happened to Taco earlier, you just feel some of your vitality, like, drain from you, and you get kind of a sour feeling in your stomach, and you feel like a really harsh, like cold chill kind of go through you. I'll do some crunches later and get it back. Now we have two lights up over the, oh, okay. Skull.

With Skull, you're going to have a spot of bad luck in the future. if you accept skull. Well, I'm having plenty of bad luck now. I accept. Spin again. All right. Minus is just going beast mode. Hold on.

And I'm next. I spend mind. Oh, man. Oh, Tram. I could hurt you so bad with mine, though, bud. I know. How do I want to get you? I have two ways to fuck you right now, Tram, and I'm trying to decide which one's the best one.

One's hard. One's real bad. I'm not going to do that one. I'll do the next one. Magnus, you have someone that you loved once, right? And they were taken from you by someone who you now hate. I wonder which one would be worse to take from you, the person that you loved or the person that you hate. I think we'll go with the latter. If you accept his sacrifice, you'll feel. You'll feel. forget Governor Kalin.

You'll forget all about him. You won't be able to track him down. You just won't know anything about Governor Kalin. You'll forget what you'll remember what he did to you, but you will not remember who did it. I whisper in Magnus is here.

I don't know who that is, but that sounds chill as hell. I mean, right. Like, just let go, like, oh, my man. Finally, you can get your mind. That's what, uh, that's what, uh, That's what this, whoever the person is, I'm sure that's what they'd want, right? Yeah, get on with your life.

Get on with your life. What a gift. You know, here's the thing. Wait a minute. So those are the terms? Yep. Magnus, uh-huh. Tell me what happened.

I'm sorry, I see what you all are doing here, and we've been running Wonderland for long enough. You won't be able to remember no matter what. You can tell him the story or whatever, but that would be a shitty sacrifice, don't you think? That's all right. I saw Memento. You know what? Here's what I'm going to say. Merle.

Taco. Yeah. Don't try to remind me of it. But if in your journeys you ever meet a slimy asshole named Governor Kalan, kill him on site. Don't talk to him. Don't let him talk to you. Kill him.

And tell him it's for Julia. That's the one thing I want you to say to his face before you kill him. This is for Julia. Then you end him then and there. Understood? And then loot him for Julia. You do whatever the fuck you want after that. Yeah.

Well, listen, we kill most of the people who come in contact with any way. Statistically speaking, we were probably going to kill him eventually. Deal made. Yeah, deal confirmed. Accepted. And just like that, like Magnus's quest for Vincent. vengeance just ends.

And ours begin. You're at four out of six lights. I'm spinning. Go for it. All right. Let's see. Oh, sorry. That was real cool, Magnus.

Yeah. Hey, thanks. What was? Merle spins swords. Come on, come on. Give it to me. The problem with swords for you, Merle, is you're just not a very... I haven't won any fights.

Yeah, you're not a very combative person. One moment, please. Who killed the spider in our very first adventure? The big hairy spider. I know I wasn't there for that, so I'm not sure. Well, yeah. I'll change it because I don't know that you have any big global. battles in the future that I can take away from you.

A little bit of smoke comes out of you when you say that. But how about this? In your next battle here in Wonderland, you're going to be a real dunce. And if you accept this... No, but what's his punishment? Yeah, what? No, if anyone has a doctor, yeah. If you accept this one, everything you do in the next battle here in Wonderland, you will have disadvantage.

Accepted. All right Five out of six You will Wait You three Accepted you pricks That's good

Make more black smoke A little bit of that smoke And again You see some of it Get peeled off And Magnus you see You see that red rope Just eating it all up

I'm gonna spin the The wheel now Clock Oh Taco My sweet taco What's up How do Elvin ages work

I thought you'd been running Wonderland for a long time. And your elves. This is Griffin. This is Griffin asked. Or aren't they? How about this? How about this? How about this?

How about this? We'll leave it abstract. I'll take it from the... I've got another thing. Taco, you are of the elven people and a good-looking one at that. And so taking time from you is a tricky prospect, because elves can live a long, long time. And we don't want to establish a discrepancy in the sacrifices that we'd demand from our participants.

So instead of taking your age from you, what if we sort of take away something that diminishes over time, which is to say some of your beauty, Taco? Oh, I wonder if you would accept a sacrifice that deals a hit to your vanity like that. if you take this taco, you'll just become slightly less of just a beautiful young elf man. Can he choose what part of him is not as attractive? Will it, will, will, will it, okay. So like, I'll go from sort of a feminine ethereal beauty to more like, um, sort of a craggy, Richard Burton kind of handsome kind of thing.

More of a Richard Karn-esque beauty is what we're talking about. That's way too beautiful, Griffin. Choose again. More of a Richard Link later. No, he looks good. He looks fucking good. I love that you were just like, oh yeah, my fucking agility in battle? Fuck that, no way.

But my beauty. Hmm. Well, you have to understand that, like, for Taco, it's not just vandal. I mean, it's like the way he sees himself is as a television personality that has been disgraced but will eventually come back. Not like television, but you know what I mean. Who will reclaim his rightful place. Right. And that, like, that, this is counter to that.

Hey, I'll take another spin. If you do that, you would have two spins because you would lose one. That's how the penalty works. How, like, how bad? How ugly. I'll put it this way, Taco. For the first time in your life, you will simply look normal. You will be plain.

And you hear Edward say, well, that's a fate worse than death if you ask me, but Taco, it's your sacrifice to make, bud. I just don't, I know I need to make a decision here. It's just, you know, it's a tough one, right? You say to one-eyed Merle and Magnus, who just forgot the killer of his... Everybody's battles of their own. And I'm not going to sit there and tell Taco that his struggle is worse or less than mine. I realize how hard that... Taco's also not a good person. Like, Taco's not a good person.

I know Taco well enough at this point to understand how hard this must be for him. I understand if this is too much, and I'll take two spends if you need to say no. Listen, I've thought about it a lot, and as near as I can figure, normal tacos still head and shoulders above 90% of the population of this planet. So let's go ahead and go normal. You instantly are changed, and you don't feel. And Merle and Magnus, like... Ugh.

No, he's still look... Like, he's not unrecognizable, right? He still looks like Taco, but like... There's... There are differences that you... Just because you've traveled with him for so long, you can kind of pick out. Just like, you know, his lips aren't as full,

and his eyes aren't as soft. He's got the Geneseik... I cast a sky's self on Taco. to make myself look like old taco and instantly Except I still see normal taco Except he still sees normal taco With this true sight

Oh dear God, there's getting confused Yeah, it sure is Okay Taco You're beautiful again But you're gonna have to keep Burning that spell In order to keep yourself That's great

You have fucking arcane cosmetics Now! This is the best game ever made With that, the six dot opens up, the six dot turns green, and the big stone door opens up into the next chamber. Shit. Griffin, where's the red robe right now? The red robe was floating towards the door and motioning you towards it. All right. Let's go, boys.

And as they step through the doors, and as they do, the red robe leans down, and you can, like, see the red robe doing this now. And it extends a skeletal finger and prods it. into your palm and makes a mark in it of thieves can't. And it's a symbol that thieves use to let others know that it's going to pop off soon. Cool. It's fun. You move into the next room and it's another big circular chamber and it's the trust or forsake room. And you step in and you don't even get a rules explanation this time.

I think the Edward and Lydia just assume that you know what the deal is. But these rings of light are emanating from the platform in the... middle of the room, and the screen on it spins, and the face that pops up on it, I'm just going to say, because I rolled for the other two, but I just want everybody to get a turn on it. Magnus, your face, your pixelated caricature of your face appears on the pedestal. And you hear Edwards say, you know what's up, right? If things work in your favor, you can breeze right through the next challenge, or you could face your doom. It's up to you, Magnus. have at it.

And as I stare at the buttons, the sad face of Rowan appears before me saying the word, why? And I look at Taco. And what is Taco doing, Justin? Taco, you see before her,

the sad face of Taco, and stop it. Then Taco mouths, because I would have died. And I look over at What's the world doing? Picking his nose. And I look back at the button and I see the face of Julia.

No, I hit trust. Okay. You hit trust and the same sort of display appears in front of you again. And it says you chose trust. And it says they chose. Do you have a two-sided die? No. It's called the quarter.

they also chose trust Hey Both parties chose trust And you hear Edward say Oh Okay Sorry this just like

Never happens And the door on the other side of the room Slides open Let's go Let's go Okay Yeah because you both chose trust You play the easiest version

Of the challenge ahead of you I mean it's still going to be tough But you know Can we win something this arc. Boy, let's see. You move into the next chamber and it's another

huge circular room and you realize as you walk in that the walls and floors and ceiling of this room are all made out of this really detailed screen almost like an LED screen and it's showing

these scenic vistas almost like it's in like screen-saver mode. So as you walk in, like this screen makes it look like you're standing in a big tropical beach. And then it looks like you're standing in a smoky forested mountain. And then it looks like you're standing next to a babbling brook. And at the far end of this room is a pile of bodies. But as you approach them, you realize that they're not dead folks.

They are more of those wooden marionettes. And they're the same types with the, they're intricate. carved with all the different points of articulation and no faces. And as you enter the room, the screen around you goes dark. And you hear Lydia say, this challenge is going to be fun to watch. Say, are any of you feeling particularly nostalgic? Yeah, I long for the time when we weren't in this place. Yeah, sure.

And Merle, as you say that, a bit of black smile comes out of you. And it joins a big cloud of black smile. smog that lowers down from the ceiling and this cloud like sucks up some of the mannequins from the pile and then all of a sudden this this cloud takes the form of a massive red dragon um and the screens around you are displaying what looks like a dragon's like horde like a dragon's cave uh and you can see some of the the mannequin shapes like floating in its semi-translucent skin but it looks and it sounds so real. But then it changes shape and some of the mannequins fall out of the cloud and it transforms into a hill giant holding a massive club and all of a sudden you're standing in the ruins of a

castle on a hill that the screen is showing you. And then the shape dissipates and then it reforms sucking up more of those mannequins from the back of the room and all of a sudden it's a floating beholder with all of its different eye stalks glowing with different colors. and two mannequins raise up from the floor, and all of a sudden they're surrounded by black smoke, and they transform into mind flares. And all the while, like, while you're seeing these different scenes and this shape is transforming into different monsters,

a word is circling the room on that screen that says, calibrating. And after a few more of these transformations, all the mannequins fall to the floor, and the screen surrounding you lights up, and it makes it look like you're standing in some sort of cavern. only the walls of the cavern are giving off a faint glow. And then a bunch of mannequins are picked up off the ground and absorbed by the smog,

and it starts to take shape. And you see eight long black legs with a thick body and two sharp pincers and a long stinger up here out of that smog. And one of the mannequins just stands up from the pile and is encircled with smog, and suddenly that one is holding a smooth staff, and it's wearing a fantastic robe emblazoned with a spider. And then those two figures come to life and start to march towards you as three words appear on the ceiling on the screen,

and they say, Boss Rush, begin. Hey, this is Griffitha Macroy, your dungeon master, your best friend, and a real human being and a real hero. Thanks for listening to Episode 55 of the Adventure Zone. It's the fifth episode of the Suffering Game arc, which I intended to keep pretty short and tight, but it's getting away from me again a little bit.

It'll still be a little bit shorter than the other arcs. And yeah, thanks for listening. I hope you're enjoying it. I hope it's not causing you too much anxiety. I promise it's going somewhere. I have a few sponsors to tell you about this week. Got a few Jumbotron messages to read for you, too. This one's for Joel Ginn, and it's from Maggie, the Maggot.

That's a fun nickname for. for Maggie, Augustus and Lysander, who say, Dear Joel, congratulations on being the kind of DM and friend that warrants well wishes from the brothers Macaroy. Thanks for the great adventures and happy questing for your doctorate in psychology. You'll always have a spot at our table. A person with a doctorate in psychology, and I don't want to like cast dispersions here, would have some pretty nasty, like, tricks up their sleeve when it came to DMing.

Like, if this person was running the suffering game, I feel like they could really get deep down in that super ego and do some wild stuff. I have another message here for Universal, and it's from Blaze, Voparu, Blood Ted, Quinn, and Kian, and Sku. And I'm going to go ahead think, I'm a guess is this a D&D group? But they say, to a truly great storyteller, we really enjoyed season one of the crate and Cobold campaign, and it's very lit for the next one. Thanks for all the fun times, and thank you in advance for gifting Blaze, the magical sword elf liquor, which turns into a dog for 1D6 turns if you want to attack an elf with it.

I don't know. It sounds a little opi to me, but Blaze is going to get what Blaze wants. I want to thank everybody who's been tweeting about the show using the Zonecast hashtag. If you do that, you might end up as a character on the show like Rowan, polite botanist on Twitter. Cam, Cam Marshall, Splarf Lord on Twitter. Lydia, who's hacked motion art, and Edward, who's lumberbuns on Twitter, there probably won't be too many more, like, new characters coming up in this campaign before we move on to the next one. But we still really appreciate you spreading the word.

It is the only way that we, like, get more people to listen to us as word or mouth, because we don't pay to advertise Adventure Zone at all, anywhere at all. So thank you all very much for your help and spreading the word. I want to give a special shout out to the Adventure Zone Facebook group. It is a really cool community, and there's a lot of fun stuff happening over there. Matthew and Lindsay are our mods. Thank you both for your help in keeping it chill. Thanks to MaxFund for having us.

You can go to MaximumFund.org and check out all the other great podcasts over there. They're all free, and I guarantee you're going to find something you're going to like over there. They got shows like Jordan Jesse Go, stop podcasting yourself, Judge John Hodgman, a bunch of really, really great programs. If you like the stuff we do and you want to hear more Maceroy-based podcasts or video stuff, you can go to mackleroyshows.com, and you can find it all there. We have a ton, a ton, a ton, a ton of podcasts and videos that we do. So go check it out if you want to hear more of us.

That is it for this ad block. I'm going to let you get back into the episode. Next one's going to be up on Thursday, February 9th. So we will talk to you then. Bye. All right, initiative. I got a seven. Total.

16 for me. I have, well, 13. All right. Do you remember the voice? This doesn't have a voice. These two things, weirdly enough,

like they look kind of like Magic Brian and Brian, but they aren't making any sound. They aren't like speaking to you, and they look like, Magic Brian also doesn't have a face. Oh. Yeah.

First up is Taco, and I will warn you guys that this battle, that I've devised here is kind of a special case in which, like, it's going to move and change in ways that, like, battles typically don't in this game. So, uh, just a heads up. I don't want a bunch of, like, people telling me rule stuff because I'm, this is going to be, uh, a different kind of battle. But, Taco, you are up first. I'll just cast magic missiles, a second level spell on magic Brian. Okay. What is that in, that, those, like, automatically hit, right? It just gives it,

yeah, um, um, um, It's one D4 plus one force damage. As a second level spell, it's an additional dart. Okay. So you hit him with four. Okay, go ahead and roll it. Well, no, sorry. Four, two, three, two.

11. 11, yeah. Okay. You hit Magic Brian for 11 points of damage. And with that, the facade that was sort of composing this magic Brian, you like knock it off of him as the fourth bolt hit. and you see that just turn into black smoke that lifts up into the ceiling

and the mannequin, the marionette falls down and is sort of sucked back into the pile in the back of the room. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Well, kind of. Merle, you're up next. Merle, you're up next. You have Brian the spider in front of you.

I cast sanctuary on Magnus. Okay. That Ward's Magnus. Any creature who targets Magnus with an attack or harmful spell Must make a wisdom saving throw On a failed save the creature must choose a new target or lose the attack or spell Okay It doesn't protect the worded creature from area effects

Got it All right, you cast a buff on Magnus Next up is the boss The big spider Brian seeing that its accomplice was just killed is going to make an attack on Taco And it's just going to I meant I cast up on Taco

And it just jumps forward And tries to grab you with its pincers And bite into you Uh 19 versus AC I'm gonna do protection I jump in front with the shields Okay That's disadvantage got it

Uh 15 versus AC Now that I do to check. 19 was a defo hit. Yeah, yeah, that's gonna hit too. All right.

We need to get you some new pants, Doggo. Some thick armored pants. Uh, you get bit for 14 points of damage, Taco.

Mm, delicious. Uh, next in the order is Magnus. Uh, I'm gonna attack with my two-handed X. Well,

yeah, I'll attack one-handed with the X and keep my shield out. Okay. 18. That is just enough. Nice.

Cool. I'm also going to turn it into a goading attack. Okay. When attack lands, superiority dice plus damage, and you have to make a wisdom saving throw. So the damage is eight plus five. So that's 13. And then my superiority dice, I roll the seven. So you'll need to roll a 20 or better as a saving throw.

Plus, yeah, okay. I roll the 14. I don't think there's anything I can add to that that's going to get me there. So, okay. Cool. So now I have to attack you. So now I have to attack you, but then I have to roll a wisdom save to even get the attack off. Yep.

Okay. That's cool. Wow, you guys are really using your heads on this fight. Well, you know, in my old age now. Yeah, okay. Well, how much damage did you do? 13 points of damage. Okay.

With that, Brian, the spider, just collapses. and a bunch of those marionettes fall out of them and get pulled back into the shape in the back of the room and the cloud dissipates and floats up into the ceiling and then the room changes. And all of a sudden the room actually looks like, and this may be kind of a bummer for you guys, but it looks like fandelion.

And that smoke comes down and it absorbs some of those marionettes and it's taking on kind of a humanoid shape and all of a sudden standing in front of you is a giant flaming dwarf. Are we talking pre us or post us? It looks like just based on the scene and the big flaming door from the middle, it looks like it's going to be during us. Okay.

Dido this whole time, TrueSight giving me any insight? Yeah, that's a good question. Your Trucite actually lets you see the red robe. And the red robe is like behind all of this, like behind the pile of bodies. and seems to be like working on something on the far side of the room, kind of close to the exit door from this room. It looks like he's like trying to channel some sort of spell or something. But yeah, the redrobes doing something on the far side of this room.

That's what you see. Taco, you're up. Hold on. Amagnos wants to say out loud. Hey, hey, fellas. Should I circle around, do you think? and I keep an eye on the red robe to see how he reacts. He just extends a single finger as if to say, like, wait a minute.

I'm going to cast... First off, I want to roll an arcana check. Okay. To see if I have any idea what's going on here. 17. Yeah, I mean, this is just like really, really advanced, like, animation magic. The Black Smoke... Like Pixar?

Yeah. the black smoke you have like you've never seen anything quite like it um it seems to be like uh uh instantiating like creating stuff in a way that you've like never seen magic behave before um so it's like some combination of those things um but yeah you you understand that these things are being animated and brought to life there's also some sort of um you you can feel it now that you've rolled this check, there's something sort of, um, like scanning you, like you feel, you feel some sort of presence in your own mind taco, uh, that is scanning you and you, you, into it that it is like feeding it, the information that is showing it, like, how to

transform into these battles that you fought before. Um, when magic Brian, when the Brian's disappeared and the dwarf reappeared, were they in basically the same area? Um, yeah, more or less, like in the center of the room. Okay. I'm going to cast the hunger of HADAR. Holy shit. What? I'm opening a gateway to the dark between the stars.

It's a region infested with unknown horrors. Yeah, you know. You know. Oh, you don't know. A 20-foot radius sphere of blackness and bitter cold appears centered on a point that is basically the dwarf's nards, and it's going to last for a minute. The void is a coughing of soft whispers and slurping noises. It can be heard from 30s and.

feet away. There's no light that can illuminate the area and it creates a warp in the fabric of space. Yeah. And the area is a difficult terrain. Any creature that starts to turn in this area takes two D6 cold damage. If you end your turn in the area, you have to take a dexterity saving throw or take two D6 acid damage as otherworldly tentacles are up against you. Now, the- Is that level one or? The explanation I'm reading says, uh, milky otherworldly tentacles are against it. And I'm wondering why you didn't read that particular adjective. It was just a little too grody. Yeah.

And that's the hunger of Hodor? That's the hunger of, it's the hunger of Hagar. Then it's pretty horrible. I'll tell you guys what. All right. This weird black starry field appears on the ground. But they don't have to roll anything until its turn, right? Right.

Okay. Merle, you're up. We're just staring at a big, like, orb with milky tentacles coming out of it. It's like, okay, now we have to do something. I would recommend no one to be near that. Yeah, but you can still definitely see... That's just Battletips 101. You can still definitely see the flaming dwarf inside of it.

I'm going to cast... I'm going to cast Guardian of Faith and bring forth Angelic Della Reese. Okay. And any creature hostile to the three of us that moves into a space within 10 feet of the Guardian on the first time must succeed on a dexterity throw, the creature takes 20 radiant damage on a failed save,

or half as much on a successful one. I can't wait until it's my turn to cast axe. Okay. He's summoned Deloresse. He's summoned spheres of milky tentacles, and I swing up, he's a metal on a stick. All right, so Delorese, your guardian angel, appears. in the same space.

You guys are just kind of stacking up these bombs for this horrible figure. And she appears in the field. One weird thing happened where you've cast this spell a few times on your adventure now. This time when you summon your angel, it takes her like a while to show up. Not too long, but like five seconds longer than usual. Also, some milky black tentacles come out. of the orb. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

But she fights him off. Okay. All right. Cheater. Next up is the giant flaming dwarf, who takes 2D6 cold damage. So go ahead and roll that. Four,

five, nine. Okay. And then has to roll to escape, right? No, it's at the end, if it's still in there, at the end of its turn. Okay.

It has to do that. Oh, it has to roll a save, right? For the Guardian Angel. A dexterity saving throw. This is the deck save for the angel. 22. What? You have a 22-sided die?

No, sometimes you add numbers to the numbers in Dungeons of Dragons. So it takes half damage, so it takes 10. And it is still not down. And it is going to step forward to try to get away from this horrible death trap in the middle of the room. And it fires off a fireball targeted at sort of the middle of all of you, including Cam. And I'll make a dexterity saving throw. No.

I got a 15. That is not going to do it. What did you say a dexterity saving throw? Yeah. Should be no problem for me. I'll just, oh wait. 13. Nope.

Five. All right. So Cam got a Nat 20 and I'm not sure how this is even going to work out. Roll! You wanted to be the dungeon master. Cam's, yeah, Cam, I guess gets just sort of like tugs away and falls off your shoulder. Taco and rolls out of the blast. What did you get, Merle?

Five. Okay. And the three of you are surrounded by a wave of flame that hits you for 11 damage each. With that, the shape dissipates. And the flaming dwarf is gone. And appearing in the middle of the room, you see three of the marionettes pick themselves up from the pile. and start walking towards you, and they are surrounded by black smoke. And all of a sudden, you see in front of you two of them turn into these like grisly, meaty shapes.

And the one in the middle, you see transform into a tuxedo with a very bright, not a tuxedo, but like a nice red suit with a bright shimmering bow tie. And you recognize them as Jenkins and the two meat monsters. Cam, after being knocked off a taco's shoulder, he looks up at you, Taco, and he says, I'm getting pretty sick of this. Taco, you got a spare wand. Does he even have a wand? Yes, I have a spare wand. Yeah, it's because you're using your umbrella, but you still have your starter wand.

Yeah, right. Here you go. Toss it down to me. He catches it in his mouth, and he moves it, he moves it around a little bit. And all of a sudden, Cam is now levitating. Oh, yeah. And he has the wand in his mouth. You could have done that this whole time?

We've been carrying your head. He looks over at you, Magnus. He says, spill slots. And then he points his wand at Jenkins and the two meat monsters. And he says, heads up. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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