The Adventure Zone - Ep. 60. The Stolen Century - Chapter One

Episode Date: April 13, 2017

We're nearly at our journey's end -- but before we can understand what lies ahead, we must first return to this story's true beginning. What brought our heroes together to the crisis they face today? What happened to the memories of their dear, forgotten friends? And just how long have they been running away? Taako learns a new language. Merle eats some beans. Magnus trains under an unlikely teacher. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Before the day the hunger arrived, before this crisis, before Wonderland, before the time-sick town and the crystal lab, before races and trains and moon bases and gauntlets, before the beach and the sizzling and the roost. Before everything I've told you, there was a journey beyond imagination. Seven explorers lost their home to the same force that threatens us now. Their impossible trajectory carried them between wild, desolate, beautiful, deadly worlds where they faced terrible hardships and experienced immeasurable joy. They lived and died and loved and, in the end, forgot. It's time.

to remember. It's time to go back to where our story truly started, because only then can we prepare for how it ends. It's the adventure zone. Finish this delectable little slice of turkey while you begin, Griffin. Let me take him of my little boy.

Begin the game, Griffin. I'm going to enjoy some turkey into the microphone. Begin the begin. I'm in hell. Oscar Myel Dolly Fresh. Mesquite. I've been stressing this episode for two months about this episode and you are elongating, you're prolonging the magic in a way that is absolutely torturous. What is Mesquite? You ready?

Yeah. Yeah. That was all in the podcast, right? Yeah, absolutely. Okay, good. Let me get through this intro thing and we'll kind of explain what we're doing here. We open up on a promotional video that is being projected. onto a large screen and we hear a woman's voice say,

everything begins, and I mean that quite literally, with the light of creation. Imagine the power to realize anything your mind can conceive of on any scale, and then imagine that power given tangible form. It's not the being that created our existence, but it may very well be the tool that that being used. It's the paintbrush that illustrated the very first, tree. It's the yardstick that told the stars where to hang in the night sky. Somehow, the

light of creation ended up in a place where it probably was not intended to go, our world, the very world that it helped to shape. A year ago, the Institute of Plainer Research and Exploration, the world's premier collective of bright minds and adventurous spirits, recovered the light of creation. And in this past year, we've made immeasurable advancements in the fields of science and arcana, all culminating in tomorrow's unprecedented voyage. Please give a warm welcome to our brave explorers. And the video ends, and the lights come up on the stage, and the seven of you are greeted with a wave of applause from the massive audience congregated in front of you.

Griffin, I need to know. Sorry to interrupt. Is it a curtain rises or the lights like burst on with like confetti cannons? There's no confetti canons. It's not a fucking Flaming Lips concert. Why not? Because it's like a press conference for a scientific institute. Have we got swag or are we handing out swagged everybody?

It's not really that type of thing. It's not an apple like unveiling. Okay. It is over 100 years ago. And tomorrow, the three of you, Lucretia, Loop, Barry, and Captain Davenport are all setting off on the mission that will bring you to the world that you currently inhabit, the world in which the rest of the podcast has taken place. Um, and so this is-

I would like to say canonically. Yeah. That my character chooses to refer to him as cap and port. Kind of like cap and crunch. That's good flavor. Yes. Thank you. That's exactly the kind of flavor.

Magnus loves portmanteau. Absolutely. That's exactly the type of flavor that we are going to be sort of dealing in. Uh, because during this episode and the next episode, hi, welcome to the adventure zone. Uh, we're not going to be playing D&D. We're going to be trying something new, uh, because we have a lot of ground to cover. and I don't want to belabor it. This arc is called The Stolen Century,

and we will be playing a game that I made that is the same title. I've called it the Stolen Century. Shit, I just got good at Dungeons and Dragons. I didn't. I didn't? No. Well, then bring it on.

So we're trying something new, and it may be kind of clumsy. I didn't fucking playtest this at all, because that would be a weird thing to, like, playtest with folks. So I ask that you sort of, I ask of you, Justin Travis and Dad, and you, the listener to kind of bear with it. If it doesn't work out, sorry, we'll be done with it in a couple of episodes. And then we'll be on to basically what I hope will be the starting point for the finale.

But before we get there, we have basically a hundred years worth of stuff to sort of clear up. If you'll remember from... So buckle in. It's going to be a couple episodes. If you remember the Chalice episodes, you all had this like 100 years of static you couldn't remember. and in the last episode we learned that you went on this mission with the seven of you, the seven red robes who traveled as part of the institute, that Lucretia made you forget. And so this will be our effort to sort of fill in that 100-year gap.

One thing I want to make clear is that even though that these events are happening in the past, the events that unfold are not set in stone at all. I have very few story points that are fixed. Your decisions will affect and design your history. But more importantly, and this is the most important thing about this game that we're going to play, the things that you do in the stolen century will impact the ending of the rest of the campaign. What you do here is going to author the finale. And I want you to keep that in mind as we play.

Like your decisions are going to have a lot of weight once we get into the, get into the, the finale. Griffin, I have a story question. Yeah, please. But if you would like to explain the mechanics of the... Yeah, let me explain the mechanics in like a one-minute sort of overview. And then because the next thing I want to do is sort of established timelines, because I think we're getting maybe a little bit complicated in that department.

Can you give me an estimate on how many slices of mesquite smoked turkey you're going to be talking for other rules? Two. I think two. It depends on how quickly you slobber them down. And if you chew properly, which we've always had an issue with. Sure. Oscar worked this long to get this mesquite smoke flavor in here. The least I can do is just enjoy it.

I have modeled this game sort of half on the powered by the Apocalypse system and half on sort of like choose your own adventure. If you haven't played a game like Dungeon World or the Apocalypse World or anything like that, this is all I've taken from that system. We're not rolling D20 anymore. The only dice that you guys will roll, I will roll no dice at any point during this game, is two six-sided dice. And you will add whatever relevant modifiers to those dice rolls based on the actions that you take. And it'll only be, most of the time we're just going to be like having a conversation about what your characters do over this journey.

It's only when you say that you're doing something that could be remotely challenging that you will roll. You only have three stats. You have body, which you use for like fighting or physical activity or endurance. during something in any way. You have mind, which you use for like deduction and studying and surveying and spellcasting. And then you have heart, which is what you use for like convincing someone of something, anything like interpersonal. And here is how all of these roles work. It's so, so simple. After you roll your stats and you add up the 2D6, if you get a six or below, you've failed and something very bad will happen. You don't get to accomplish

what you were trying to accomplish. If you roll a 7 and 9, it's sort of a mixed success, a limited success. You get to do what you want to do, but usually there is a cost or some sort of side effect, or maybe it's not quite as effective as you were hoping it would be. If you get a 10 or above, it's a total success. And basically you, the player, gets to dictate what happens next. You get the reins of the story for a little bit and tell me what happens when you do your thing good. That's it.

That's like the only thing that you need to keep in mind. Six or below is failure. Seven or 9 is mixed success. 10 or above is complete success. I can't see what you guys are rolling. Not that I ever had, but I ask that you keep it completely honest because this game is more interesting, I think, and Apocalypse games are more interesting if, like, you fuck up a lot of the times. The only other thing that you have going on are three scores, and these scores are going to be important in the finale. You have experience points, which sort of measure your personal growth throughout the game.

you have assets which are like things you, objects you accumulate during the game, and you have bonds, which are sort of a measurement of your interpersonal relationships with the rest of the team and the people in the worlds that you visit throughout the game. Assets and experience are going to be very important when we get to the finale.

I'm not going to tell you exactly what they do, but you can probably into it. Assets are special in that they will also be important at the end of the game, but you can also spin, one asset to upgrade a role result once. So if you fail, you spend an asset and you can get it up to a mixed success. If you get a mixed success, you can spend an asset and get it up to a complete success. But you have to tell me, like, how you're spending that asset. So, like, the example I have in the

rules is, like, if you're talking to, like, some corrupt king and you're trying to, like, free one of your teammates from their prison and you roll a failure, you could spend an asset and say, like, you've bribed him with jewels or whatever. And that's the asset you're spending. and then it upgrades the result and we'll deal with that in the story. That's it. That's like the whole shebang. That's the whole kit and caboodle

of what the game is going to be. Do you guys have any questions before we hop in? Well, the one I had was about like timeline because it's something I've been very curious as to like where this falls in regards to Magnus's like known origin story. Yeah, so let's clear this up. This is before everything that happened in the podcast, obviously. it is before everything that happened in the world that this podcast has taken place in.

So, Taco, this is before sizzled up with Taco. This is before your cooking show. What we have for, this is the world you were born and raised in, though. So Taco, what we have from your childhood. Let's deal with Taco last. Magnus, the only thing we have for Magnus' birth and raising is there's like one scene where you were defending a dog and you got the shit kicked out of you by a bunch of kids. But this is before Ravens Roost.

This is well before Ravens Roost and Julia. All that happened in our world. Is there anything like you wanted like tell us about like Magnus's like upbringing before he went on this journey? I mean, I've always pictured him as like a good but kind of rebellious kid. Like he was probably kind of a little bit of a turd. Like, you know, like he wanted, he was a good kid who was kind of sarcastic and kind of, you know, I think Julia was a very positive influence on his life and made him a good man and not just like a good person. You know what I got you. Made him a great man.

Okay. So, yeah, then you were that sort of a rebellious youth and then you joined the Institute and that's where we are in the story right now. Kind of a Johnny Storm kind of character. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Merle, we actually have quite a bit of stuff for you, I feel like. You were born in this, like, druidic hippie enclave. You were learning the ways of Pan as they were sort of handed down by your father. We had that one scene from Wonderland where there was the woodsman who taught you battle

axe proficiency and kind of helped you see like a life outside of the enclave. But this is before you were married. This is before you had... Mavis and Mookiee. Before you sort of lived on the beach in that sort of community. This is well before that. So you grew up in this enclave. And one thing that I kind of fill in from Earl is like, when did you leave that druidic enclave that you sort of came up in? Like, what were the circumstances of you leaving that?

I felt they were, I felt that they were a little bit too inclusive. I always doubted religious people who are not really trying to outreach it that are only in it for themselves. Like those people say, well, I'm going to heaven. Tough luck for you. Okay. And I didn't feel like they were doing enough to contribute to the good of mankind, and they were only committed to their own religious pursuit. So what you mean is exclusive when you said inclusive. Well, yeah. Well, they included each other.

Insular. Insular. Yeah. Okay, cool. So you probably left. I was afraid that you were saying, well, what I did like about them is how open-minded they were. Yeah. So you left that enclave, and just based on what you said, like, it sounds like you tried to do some good. out in the world?

Try to like prove them. Probably. But I have a very weak will. Okay. And I was sorely tempted by the ways of the world. Okay. Taco, we talked a lot about your story in the chalice, although there's always been this, there was this missing piece in what you saw in the chalice, which we now know was your twin sister loop.

You sort of talked about how you had this kind of like challenging life for a bit where you were living in caravans and like cooking to make yourself kind of indispensable. Right. How you learned magic to sort of aid in those skills. You also mentioned something about living with an aunt who kind of taught you cooking and stuff, but that way I don't think we ever drilled down too deeply into that. Is there anything? I know you don't know much about loop, but is there anything else sort of about your childhood that like you can firm up here or any gaps to fill in any holes like um this is this is before sizzled up this is before like a lot of this is before um right

sizzled up happened after the the 100 year journey um i'm fine sort of leaving like the childhood stuff yeah about as flesh as it the thing is with the i was never really thinking like pretty much everything that i've ever pictured for taco has been like within what we would think of as adulthood yes in terms of in in in human terms like elf elf terms that's a whole you would have to go back pretty far to get to something that looked more like childhood. So I've never really thought about it like that. I guess he and Loop probably got passed around, I would think. That, like, I feel like staying with the aunt was sort of a more of a respite scenario

than any thing, like, super long term. Sure. I felt like it was something that worked for a while, and that was a good time for, for, I mean, I guess them, I'm saying them, it feels like the caravan stuff was probably the two of them, you know, looking out for each other, but still very much. Yeah, I absolutely don't want to take away like tacos distrusting, like, nature and sort of individualism by introducing this other, by introducing Loop, this other character, because I still feel like the two of you had it rough and relied on

each other, but still have this sort of distrusting nature. One thing I kind of want to make clear, we're going to learn a lot more about Loop during this, this session. and pretty much on through the rest of the campaign. But I wanted to say as long as we're talking about your backstory that the two of you are twins and that Loop was assigned male at birth, but at like a fairly young age, she transitioned and identified as a female elf and as, you know, as Loop, which I only mentioned because like we're talking about your backstory and having like kind of a difficult childhood or whatever.

We're like, I don't really, it's your call, but like, I don't really want that backstory to be like, you had a traumatic traumatic childhood because of your identities or whatever. Um, because I think that would kind of be shitty, but rather just that like, it's a tough world. I feel it was more scrappy. I mean, I feel like it was more like, well, we're going to look out for each other. Yeah. And that's, and that's the, that's, that's it. We're on each other's team and we're looking out for each other. I don't think it had as much to do with, with our identities. Um, so we're. We're clear and at the rest, so I'm clear not to misgender loop. Can we make the assumption that the things that we were talking about probably took place after she transitioned. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if I'm referring to loop.

Yeah. As she, like, anytime I'm referring to loop. That is her pronoun. Yeah. That is like, okay. So that is the time period in which we were. Yeah, we're, we're, we're, we're, let's get back to like the institute stuff. Um, the, the, the three of you, I, I think this was kind of a tough world.

Like, this was kind of a, uh, a, uh, as challenging as like any fantasy world is, right, where people can, like, use magic to fucking burn down your house or whatever. Yeah. Are we to assume that we were from the same world? Yeah. Yeah, the three of you are from this purple skyed two-sund world that we have seen before. This is the world you all were born on and grew up in and had these,

these upbringings. Merle, I guess you're a little bit older at this point than the others. Although I don't know. We haven't even talked about elf age and like how all that shit works. but it's a tough world, right? And so you kind of got to jump at the job opportunities that you get. And there are few opportunities that are as posh and promising as the work that you found with the Institute of Plainer Research and Exploration,

which I'd like to just kind of call the Institute from this point forward, because that's a mouthful. The three of you were candidates from a pool of hundreds for this mission, but you were selected because of the unique skills that you possessed that made you sort of a perfect fit for this mission. And speaking of, let's hop back into the press conference and sort of clear things up a little bit more now. Captain Davenport is speaking at the podium. Cap'nport is speaking at the podium now.

And he's addressing some of the questions from the audience. And he explains that the mission's going to last two months, during which the seven of you will embark on a mission that will take you off this world and into the outer reaches of the planar system, hoping to kind of see what lies beyond it. and you'll be able to do so thanks to this ship that thanks to this force, this light of creation the institute was able to put together. And this is a good opportunity, I think, for naming a boat. I don't have a name for this boat,

and I was hoping maybe we could come up with a name for a cool boat name for this boat that you all are going to be traveling the world in. Or I guess... Boaty McBoat. No. Bad, bad, bad. Spinnaker. Spinnaker?

Yeah, that's also my DJ name. It's perfect. What is a Spinnaker? Is that like what a spider has on its... No, a Spinnaker is a sailing ship. Oh, so it's just like boat. We just called it was named it boat? Yeah.

Spinnaker sounds more poetic. Finneker is good because, like, they wouldn't have boats anymore. Once you get space stuff, it's like... Who wants to go on a boat? Can I recommend putting an adjective in front of Spinnaker to, like, make it feel more like a name in that? The stinky spinnaker? Not the stinky spinnaker.

The laser spinnaker. Laser spinnaker is also bad. The hyper spinnaker? Still shitty. The flying boat. The tail spinnaker. I think that's getting closer, but it's still pretty far away from the destination. You said adjectives.

Those are all the ones I know. How about Lightbringer? Gross. Lightbringer's more in the neighborhood of what I was hoping for. I mean, I'm sorry. Are you, who's the boat? Like, is it our boat? is it your boat? Because it feels like

you really wanted us to create this. Because the stinky spinnaker, I think, is going to win. The laser spinnaker, I feel like the flying spinnaker is funny because someone would be like, wait, do you be a flying boat? It would be like, exactly bye, and we'd blast off. All right, so we're going to call it

the laser spinnaker. Is that it? How about Sky Spinnaker? So, skyboat. Skyweaver. Skyweaver is better. Star dancer. That's Star Blaster. Star Blaster.

Star Blaster. Star Blaster. The Star Blaster. All right. You can call up the Star Blaster if you all want. It's the Star Blaster. Star Blaster. I feel like it's our people's first spaceship. That's very much a Nouveau-Rish.

Hello, people of Earth, we're the Star Blaster. All right, I love it. All right, it's called the Star Blaster. This ship, I'll describe it a little bit. It's got this brilliant silver hull. It's got the rough dimension. of sort of like a medium-sized yacht. Nothing like huge and ostentatious, but like enough to house seven people in their supplies for a long journey.

There's a long open deck at the top of the ship with an elevated bridge that houses the helm near the center of the deck. And that deck has like sort of a field around it that can sort of support life when you guys like, for instance, fly the Star Blaster into space. You won't be destroyed. And, yeah, the rest I'll let you kind of like, fill in the gaps yourself, but I just wanted to kind of describe the size and shape of it. The most notable thing about the ship is the engine that powers it. It is this large, shimmering

white ring about 12 feet in diameter that is sort of suspended and tethered to the back of the deck by some unseen force. And this ring is constantly silently rotating behind the ship. And I think like a big, like, tarp is pulled off the ship in front of the audience. as Davenport references it, and there's a bunch of pictures being snapped and like ooze and oz. And Davenport explains about that ring on the back of the ship,

and he says, I got to really work on my Davenport voice. He says, this ship, the Starblaster, and there's a round of applause, because of the name is, yeah. And a few like, huh? What? Starbusts. Did he say, did he say Starblast?

Did he say, does a child name it? He says, it doesn't. run on any kind of fuel you've ever heard of. It doesn't run on any type of fuel at all, actually. This was the biggest discovery that the light of creation allowed us to harness. That ring powers the ship using bonds. What we discovered while studying the light of creation's power is that any two things in existence, from the whales in the sea to the dust in the air, to every individual teaspoon in your kitchen cabinets back home, are connected somehow by bonds.

It covers any number of observable phenomena, magnetism, and gravity, electro and covalent bonds. But there's infinite unobservable threads holding the matter of our universe together. In a manner of speaking, the interpersonal connections that we share are a type of bond too. Emotion, sympathy. You could call this a love boat if you wanted to be extremely reductive. Oh, we didn't think of that. Bonds are what propel and power this ship, and it's what's going to allow us to go to places we've never. even dreamed of.

Captain Davenport, Steve Johnson, Fantasy Times. Did you say that the ship was called the Starblaster? Yes, our R&D team was very, very excited about the name Starblaster. Travis, I'm so glad you did this because I actually wanted you guys to be

reporters in the audience asking questions of the other people on the ship. Yeah, the Star Blaster, we're really excited about that name. We think it's got a lot of brand potential, so after the first journey, we think we'll come back. Follow us at the Star Blaster. I have a lot of Star Blaster T-Sters.

Any other questions about our journey here? Captain Davenport, Rex Reed, Hollywood Reporter. That's H-O-L-L-Y-W-U-D-D. Oh, good. It's a town in Neverwinter. You're not going to say anything about midichlorians or anything. The midichlorians were not involved in this process, were they? I don't know what you're talking about.

Good. Good. Hey, my name is Rod Pizzowack from the Freedom Constitutional. Thanks for Skyping me in. Yeah, no problem. I'm glad to. We're a big fan of your publication. Who's paying for this thing?

Us, the taxpayers? Yeah, that's what I thought. Good science pays for itself. Who knows what we're going to discover out there? You know, we've already made several exciting discoveries just in building the ship that we're going to be able to sort of turn into exciting products. A great pin. Woohoo. And this pen writes upside down.

Captain Davyport, Klomp Hoffman, Minotaur Monthly. Quick question. What's your end? What are you hoping to discover out on the reaches of this? What did you call it? Just the outskirts of our planar system, that's a great question. I'm going to let our sort of science expert Barry Blue Jeans up here to answer that question. Barry, and Barry Blue Jeans, who is wearing his red uniform and.

just crisp blue jeans goes and stands up at the mic and he says like raw denim yeah dude that good shit and he says um nice well um we don't really know what's out beyond our planer system so i don't really i don't really know what we're going to find out there there could be new forms of matter new forms of energy new worlds we could potentially inhabit from a scientific perspective the possibilities are theoretically limitless and i'm just really and as he's talking loop who's sitting next to you taco uh kind of mutters under her brain She's like, Nerd Alert.

And Barry gets kind of embarrassed. And he's like, I'm just excited about the opportunity to get out there and find the new things to study. It's just really exciting. And he goes and he sits down. Captain, Captain Cliff Clavin, Boston Messenger. All right. I'd like to ask you a question.

Of the dwarf member of your crew, can I ask him a question? Are you going to ask yourself a question? Yes, yeah, sure. This is a, yeah, sure, this is, this is Merle High Church, our head physician and biologist for this mission. Merle, come up to the mic. Burl, you go up to the mic. Is it, is this on? Yeah, what's your question?

Yeah, I would, you know, it's very obvious. I hate this so much. It's very obvious that you are probably the most attractive member of the time. No, no, no, no. You have a rugged physique, your hair, your face is chiseled. I want to know, is there anybody. going to be waiting back home for you on this mission? Oh, well, no, I'm kind of a free agent right now.

And besides, they said we couldn't have any kind of connections with anybody back here on the planet just in case we're delayed. We're delayed. They told me. There's another reporter. Hi, name, name from publication. Merle. Come on, Griffin. Hi, Jeff Jeffins from the Jeff report, which is a very important.

I wanted to ask you, Murrell High Church, how does a man of the cloth like yourself end up on an interplanar science expedition? I'm looking for God. I'm looking for God in all the wrong places. No, I figure, you know, this whole lightness of being stuff, maybe it's a being of lightness. And so I'm going along because there are more forces out there than we know to deal with, Jeff. May I call you, Jeff? I have a quick question. Wisp Blinkman from the Eye of the Beholder, backslash geosities.com.

What kind of weapons is this ship? Are you worried about any kind of run-ins with any kind of beings out there in the void? We, Davon Ports up there and he says, we, we, we, the ship is not necessarily armed with, you know, it's called the Star Blaster. It's just Star Blaster. I've already forgot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called the Star Blaster, but it doesn't, it's not equipped with blasters. of any kind. However, we do have a

security officer on the ship. Magnus Burnside. Maybe you can answer this one. And Magnus, like, flips this cool guy, fantasy shades. Okay. Yeah, what... What's the... I can't remember the voice. Yeah, what's the question? What did you want to... What was it? Sorry, I wasn't

paying attention. You asked it. Oh, yeah, I did. Are there any... Yes, this is my regular voice. Are there any weapons on board? Yeah, I'm the only weapon we need. All right, next question. Hello, I'm Dr. Frazier Crane.

Oh, my God. Frazier Crane Show. Frazier! Question. I haven't seen you since your original show. Hello, such a pleasure. Honestly, Cliff, so good running into you. For Taco, I believe, is what his t-shirt is identified as.

Taco, are you, did Griffin say in the last episode what you do on the ship? because chef makes the most sense, but I don't remember. Thank you. I'll let Roz play this in the studio while I take my answer off the air. I didn't say anything, but I mean, I think Taco would probably, Taco and Loop would probably do some, some cooking. But like, this is. That's a pretty cool boat that has seven people. Well, sure, sure.

But it is not the only, it's not the only thing you guys do. Like, you guys are both skilled, arcanist. Like, you guys are both skilled. And this, I sort of imagine the. Institute as like NASA if NASA also had like not only scientists but like dope-ass fucking wizards and arcanus in it who see taco and loop as sort of a sort of a package deal like they do similar stuff yeah you two are just to get you two graduated I think fucking high on the list at the academy and you did fucking really really like you we should be doing this as like as like

reporter conversations maybe but like you all are like just fucking really good at magic right that's not that's not revisionist history like listen to the rest of the adventure zone you're fucking really we make jokes from time to time but taco is an incredibly competent magician i just didn't know if i know no listen no you'll find no shade on that fact here i was more talking about loop yeah she's like just also a bomb yeah you you and you and loop and barry and um davinport and lucretia who we haven't really gotten to yet but like all of you are pretty skilled wizards like you're all of you're all I feel like we should move forward.

If we have 100 years to cover, we've gotten through one press conference. One more question. Okay, I need questions for the other NPCs who haven't talked yet, but okay. Yep. Jamie Green, Brooklyn Magazine, that's BRUK. Now, Jamie Green is what we named one of the bug bears in the back of the area. Same person. Whoa, twist.

Whoa, shit. Okay. Jamie Green, from Bugbear Times. Weird. Can you tell us a little bit about the one lady in the back who hasn't said shit yet so, I'm sorry, poop yet so far in the press conference and what purpose she serves? Sure, Davenport walks up with the mic and he's like, oh, well, Lucretia is going to be serving as our chronicler during this journey. And hopefully she can get up here and sort of talk about what that means. And Lucretia sort of walks up to the mic and she's a little bit like more nervous in this environment than everybody else has been so far.

And she says, well, hi, my name is Lucretia. I will be the chronicler on this journey, which means I'm going to write down everything that happens up there. That's it? Yeah. And Lucretia just kind of like shrugs and it's like, I'm a, I'm a biographer by trade. You wouldn't know my name, but I've almost certainly ghostwritten something that you've read and this.

And she motions back to the rest of you and to the ship. She says, this just, this seems like, this seems like a story worth telling well. And she goes and sits back down. And there's one more. I want to do one more. One of the reporters raises their hand and says like, yeah, hi, I'd like to get a quote from, from Loop as well. Loop, what made you want to, are you really comfortable with leaving this, this world behind for such a long stretch of time? And Loop goes up.

And she goes up to the microphone and she says, well, I did this one already. I did this world and kind of crushed it. So I guess I'm excited for opportunities to expand the old brand, as it were. So yeah, I'm pretty psyched to get off this stink planet and see what else is out there. As weir walks back to her seat, Magnus kind of puts up a hand for a high five. She definitely gives you the high-five And then she like runs back up to the mic And grabs it and gets really fucking close to it

And she's like also Greg Grimaldis You owe me $15 and I aim to collect You better believe Greg Grimaldis And then she picks up the mic And extends her arm And you hear Davenport say like Please don't drop the

And she drops the mic to the floor Clatter And I think that's it Let's wrap up the press conference Because holy shit This may not last two episodes Davenport puts the mic back up and sort of dismisses the audience and there's another round of applause.

And the seven of you have a quick, what? Do it? We're going to do it in one. That's how fast we're moving? Yeah. Yeah, bud. You said it's not going to last two episodes. The crowd starts chinting.

We're making good time. We're still on year in the notes, what I have is year zero. So yeah, it's taking a lot. Shit. You have a quick debriefing and you sort of talk about the mission tomorrow, the ship, the Star Blaster leaves at 0,800 the following morning, giving you sort of one last evening on home turf before you ship out. And I guess this is like, yeah, this is kind of like your first prompt.

Like, I do want to know. You don't know this at the time, but this is your last night on the world that you're from. And I'm curious how you spend it. So like you can tell me like what you do. I don't necessarily think this is going to be something you're going to have to roll for. But like, it can be the type of thing where I can reward you experience assets or bond based on like what you tell me. I don't necessarily, I don't want you to ever while we're playing this game to like think of your decisions as like, how can I get the highest score or how can I win the game? Like, I want you to always do the things that are narratively rewarding and cool and we'll flesh out this story and I will, I'll give you points along the way, right?

I'm not going to like, we're not going to finish and one of you is like in the lead or whatever. That's not what the points are for. I want to tell a cool story first and foremost. Magnus goes looking for a fight. I say, yeah, I say we go to the meanest, dirtiest, nastiest biker bar. Wow. And we bond a little bit. Okay.

and we end up getting in a fight that loop starts. So all seven of you have it. You can also take individual actions, right? You're going to do that a lot of the time. But if you all want to go to a biker bar together and, like, get fucked up and, like, party and whatever, that's totally. That sounds pretty good, actually. Yeah, I think we're on board with that. And I think it's about look for a fight.

That seems a little, like, not best that our planet has to offer. All right. Obviously, have not watched any westerns. That's how the group is coming together. All right. Let's deal with this one at a time. Magnus, you go out and you guys have a nice party. Magnus maybe throws back a few too many.

I want to say, I want to make it clear. He doesn't go looking for a fight like I want to fight somebody. He goes looking for a fight he can step into. You know what I mean? Like he wants to like a bad person's butt. Okay. There's a fight that breaks out at this kind of like the seedy dive bar. You don't want to go someplace too big because you guys are kind of,

I mean, you just had a fucking press conference. people would recognize you. You go to sort of a C-deer dive bar and there is like a fight that breaks out and Magnus steps into it. Roll 2D6 plus body. And this will be your sort of like way of like getting in the fight.

I got eight total. Okay. So an eight is between seven to nine. You get a mixed result. I think you break up the fight and you kick up sort of, you kick the ass of the aggressor, but they get in a blow on you and you just like

when you leave the next morning, you have a black eye, which is kind of like. Yeah, that's what I wanted to have in. Ha-zah. Yeah, you've got to. Taco and Loop do the same thing they do every bar they go to, which is hustle people at pool. Okay.

I think this would be like plus mind. I think like the two of you're being clever. That's an eight. All right. Yeah, at this bar, you hustle this other, these two folks in a game of nine ball and win the best of five sets and really kick their ass. And you get something from them. Like you win like some wager. Can you tell me what it is?

It could just be money if you want it to be. Here's the thing. Their shoes. Okay. We don't have any use for money because we're leaving. We just want to punish them. So it's their shoes. And their shoes are ours now.

Okay. They're really nice shoes. And they're actually, one of them is an adventurer. So they have like a magic enchantment on it. So these are like actually pretty fucking cool shoes. And you decide to take them with you. Take one asset. Is the asset specific?

So no, this is one thing I want to drive through. It is, from the moment you get an asset, it is abstract at that point. You could spin that asset later and it could be a fucking magic sword or it could be $100 or it could be whatever. So like when we get to this adventure, it's not going to be like you have a list and it's like magic shoes, etc. and magnet's also, I should have mentioned this, take one experience for getting in this fight. Merle, how do you like spend your night at this bar? Well, the way the fight breaks out is Lucretia is busy writing all this stuff down, just because, as the chronicler, and so... She's also kind of a...

She's a little bit of like a wallflower, I think. She is. She's kind of shy. Yeah, she's nervous. She's off in the corner right next to the ski ball game, and she's... It's a cool bar. She's writing it down, and so I... So one of these bikers sees her writing it down and thinks that stinks.

That's actually how the fight starts. So Merle takes her and kind of squirrels her away down behind the bar, so she'll be protected. Okay. And then he kind of stands on the bar, so he's eye level with the bikers. Roll plus heart, because this is you like, this is such a, thank you boys so much for this fucking tutorial level. This is you all sort of like, this is you trying to like tell these bikers to fuck off while also like trying to sue Lucrezia.

Are we the picture that, because I love this, she's just writing the whole time. Like bottles are flying around and breaking and like. I'm down with that. And she's just like complacently not even noticing. This isn't like you defending her so much as it's like just go. Okay. Go over here. How'd you do?

Well, I rolled a seven plus two heart. That's nine. Okay. So it's a mixed result. I think that you, Lucretia is like fine. She's like chilling under the bars. This fight breaks out. And you're trying to like tell these guys, you're like, hey, calm down.

Get out of here. You don't want any of this. Because she keeps popping back up to see what's going on. Yeah, she wants to write and get the clearest account of this. And everything's, the situation diffuses pretty well, although like in the melee, you're kind of in the outskirts of it. Somebody throws a bottle and it like just nicks you. And so you have like a little, you have a little cut that kind of like starts in your forehead and goes up in your hair. Just not a serious one, just like a sort of superficial cut on your forehead.

This is great, by the way. This is very good stuff. One thing about Lucretia while she's taking notes that's like just kind of cool flavor, but also we'll kind of come back later. She's writing with both hands into two different journals. And she's writing simultaneous accounts with like a redundancy. She's keeping... Are the books just like floating? Are they enchanted the books?

No, they're just fucking... Then how she holds them, Griffin? They're sitting on a table. You know how there's tables sometimes that can hold you? All right, you win. You've never really seen anything like it. It is like it must require this, this. a mental sort of like a gymnastic situation.

Yeah. No, it's good. She's an excellent writer. So, Merle draws that thing with like the little, the dude's nose like poking over the line and he's got like spiky hair. Merle,

Lucretia, like really appreciates this. Like, she is, she's a sort of, um, uh, what's the word I'm looking for?

Reclusive person. And so like, I don't, introvert. She's, she's very introverted. And so like, you guys have probably talked.

in the workplace, but like she didn't. She wasn't expecting you to kind of like help her out like this. So take one bond, which kind of reflects like you and the crecia got a little bit closer. This is your fucking social link leveling up. All right. That was great. You all did each of the three individual actions and scored each of the individual scores. And I appreciate you doing that.

So how far have we gotten now? Yeah. Well, you're 10. How many years? What year is it now? Let's get to that. The next morning comes with, let's, fanfare than the apocalypse deserves. You arrive early to the Institute and there are nerves and

there are final checks and there's coffee and cake and you put on your... A lot of coffee for Magnus. You put on your uniforms which are crisp and bright red. Some of you have jackets. Some of you have robes. That's up to you. I get a jacket. I get a jacket. I figured Magnus was sort of a jacketed. Magnus a jacket, dude. Maybe no shirt underneath either. Maybe just jacket. Taco. Both. Don't even trip. Jacket on top of robe. By the way, I am cosplay in this. Yeah, for sure.

Next time we do a lot. And each of these uniforms have the emblem sewn into the left breast pocket that has the 12 planes with IPRE stitched into them in the left breast pocket. And the seven of you climb aboard the Star Blaster. And you wave and smile for the crowd below, which looks equal parts excited for your departure, but also nervous because there is this storm. hanging overhead and it is motionless. And if you hadn't been so, like, focused and sort of nervous about this mission, you may have noticed the unnatural stillness of this darkness in the sky or the way that the colors seemed to be slowly draining from the world around you.

But you didn't notice, and you carried on with the mission. And standing on the deck, you watched as Davenport took the star blaster up and through the storm and into the stars and past the stars. And as the ship's bond engine, as that big ring kicks on and pulled you out of the prime material plane, that's when you see it. And that's when the panic kicks in. You see the hunger. You don't call it that yet. But you see it reaching down and into your world.

You see its dark tendrils, sort of reaching around your ship to the world that you're flying away from. And Davenport tries and fails to contact the institute. And he makes the call. You're escaping and you're regrouping and you're going to return when the time is right, when things are safer. And he makes evasive maneuvers to dodge those tendrils and you fly far, far away and you watches the planes and this entity that's attacking them starts to shrink behind you. And out here, like, away from the planes, space is acting kind of strangely. The void between the planes is, well, you don't like, you probably don't know much about this space. it's like where your expedition was supposed to take you from,

but you know it probably shouldn't be like jiggly. And as your home is consumed behind you, you pass through a threshold that you cannot see or comprehend, and time comes to a stop. And you feel yourself being torn apart. Like you see these projections of yourself, all frozen in place on the deck of the Star Blaster, all sort of like firing outward from you in all directions,

just thousands of tacos and merls and magnuses and loops, and all of you just bursting away from yourselves frozen in place. And then with a flash, they're all pulled back in, and you're unstuck, and you're flying back to the planes. But that 13th plane is gone now. The planar system's in front of you, and after a few hours of cautious observation, during which time you're still out of communication with the Institute, Davenport takes the Star Blaster back down and into the prime material plane.

But it doesn't take long for the seven of you to realize that this is not the world you left. This is not the reality that you left. This is a different reality altogether, the first of many that you're going to encounter during this mission. And now we're on year one. Hey, buddy, this is Griffin McRoy, your dungeon master, your best friend, and your trusted source for all the latest Hollywood gossip. Did you hear who's dating?

You'll never believe it. It's them. Thanks for listening to episode 60, holy shit of the Adventure Zone. It is the first episode in The Stolen Century, which, as you've probably, deduced by this point is a weird one, huh? I apologize for being a week late with this here episode for taking last week off. I was sick and my baby was sick and I really wanted this episode to be this kind of big weird thing, but it took me time to like design the rules and to write

all this stuff down and I was so fucking out of it for a long time and so I just couldn't get it done. So I appreciate you sticking with with us. it'll probably will be on what the community likes to call wrong Thursday, probably for just a little bit. The next episode's going to be up in two weeks because Justin and I are traveling for work all next week, and so the timing is kind of now weird, and I apologize for that. But look, we're getting into the end game of what we're calling the balance campaign, and I really want to fucking stick the landing. So I hope you will bear with me if things get a little bit weird,

but I will always let you know when things are coming and what to expect, because you all deserve that. So yeah, next episode's going to be up on April 27th, which I usually say at the end of this ad break. So now let's get to what I usually do at the beginning of the ad break, which is the ads. Got some Jumbotron spots here too. Got one here for Sella, aka Scuttle Buddy. And it's from Isaac, Dominic, Sean, Katie, and D. parents who didn't, who don't have names. Hello, I am parent. I am also parent. We love child. We want to wish a very happy birthday to the greatest friend, child, and significant other we could

ever ask for. Thank you for the great memories over the years, including foot licking, zucchini stomping, and your countless doodles of our good friend's star scream. We love you very much. Can you have a taco or Angus Wish you a Happy Bee Day? Sure. Happy B day on Taco. Still got it. Happy birthday, Sella, and thank you for thanks for the mentioning the foot licking and zucchini stomping. Thanks for just sort of airing out those fetishes.

No judgment. Here's a judgment-free zone. Here's a message for Alex, and it's from Quinn, who says, please read in Magic Brian's voice. Okay, do it, getting working out the pipes. Happy 27th, I don't remember what his fucking voice was. Happy 27th birthday to my sweet, Alephonse. I love you very much. Thank you for introducing me to these hilarious brothers,

as well as Dungeons and Dragons. Here's too many more years... Sorry, I can't do it anymore. Here's the many more years of playing board games, discussing fantasy novels, and losing my entire inventory in D&D. Ah, geez. Sounds like you're working with one of those DMs. Happy birthday, Alex. Um, congratulations on your friendship with this very cool person, and what sounds like, a life well lived. I want to thank everybody who's been tweeting about the show using the Zonecast hashtag. If you do that, you could end up as a character on the show, although I would be pretty transparent with y'all. There's not that many of those left. I think I'll probably introduce a couple during the Stolen Century, but for obvious reasons, they will not be key players for very long.

But, boy, we just sure do appreciate you spreading the word. We do not pay to advertise the show at all. So the only reason that our show is what it is is because folks are sort of like spreading the spreading the news about it. And we appreciate y'all so much for that. So, so, so much. Oh, one thing, if you liked the music from the suffering game, then you can pick it up now. You can go to my bandcamp page. It's just my name, Griffin Macaroy.

com and pick up the suffering game. It's name of your own price. I really don't give a shit what you what you pay for it or if you grab it for free, whatever. You can also, I don't think I've mentioned this in a long time. You can also pick up the soundtracks for the 11th hour and the Crystal Kingdom. The suffering game soundtrack is a little bit shorter than the others because the arc was a little bit shorter than the others. So I also added the new theme song to Adventure Zone Knights, which was our Max Fun Bonus Drive bonus episode. And I think it's a pretty righteous song, so I tossed it on there too.

So it's all there, Griffin Macquarie. About Bannacamp.com. Go listen to the other shows on the Maximum Fun Network. Go to Maximumfund.org and just start clicking on shit. You're going to find something you like. There's stuff like Lady to Lady and One Bad Mother and Jordan Jesse go and stop podcasting yourself in the Beef and Dairy Network and a ton of other tights and fights, like a ton of other really great shows that you can find all at Maximumfund.org.

If you want to hear other stuff that we do or see the videos that we make, you can go to Macquaridshows.com and all of our other projects are listed there. I'm going to let you get back to the episode again. The next one is going to be up in two weeks, which will be April 27th. And then I'm hoping we can get back on the regular schedule, like, pretty soon after that. But I will keep you all updated. And yeah, I hope you're enjoying this thing. I hope you're enjoying this new game I made up.

And if you're not, I just hope you'll bear with us because we are going to get back to D&D real soon once we're done here. So see you in a couple weeks and talk to you later. Bye. Okay, I also just want to go on record and say Magnus brought a bunch of hard candy with him. That's excellent. I'm glad that we're getting to that now. Okay. Because I'm going to reference it later and I didn't want people like, wait, where to get to hard candy. He didn't say he brought hard candy. Yeah, but he did.

A two month supply of hard candy. So we're on to the first cycle now and I really am starting to think that this may last longer than two episodes because I don't want to rush it. I hope folks are into it. But basically, the process from this point forward is I'm going to set up these cycles. I'm going to set up these worlds that you go to. I'm going to tell you things about them. I'm going to give you some flavor. And you are going to tell me the action that you take in this world.

This action is meant to represent. And this will also be kind of abstracted how you spend your year. And it's important to remember, like, if you say, like, I spend the year, like, training or whatever. It doesn't mean you do fucking push-ups for a year straight. You do other stuff. that's just the action that we're honing in on and the action that you're paying particular attention to during that year.

There will also be times where it's like, well, I want to go talk to this guy. That won't take a year. We can deal with that scene and then move on and then try to figure out together what your abstract year-long action is and we'll have to sort of come to an agreement of what that is and figure it out together.

But that is sort of the structure of the game. And then once that year is over, we will have the resolution of what happened. And your objectives, I highlight, I sent you guys some rules, your objectives sort of broadly speaking are to find out what the hunger is, to keep the hunger from getting stronger, to learn how to stop the hunger and to make yourselves strong enough to stop the hunger. So it's all about improving and keeping the hunger from like outpacing you while also like you guys don't know anything about the hunger at this point. And this is during this journey is where you kind of learn about. it. One last thing is we're not going to do a hundred of these cycles. We're not going to cover what happens in each of the 100 years because that would be awful. That would not be fun after a while.

We're going to do one and then we're going to hop forward quite some time and then we're going to do one and we're going to keep going like that until we get through all of them. So with that in mind, let's get to this first cycle and we'll sort of play it by year. You notice it immediately upon your descent into this prime material plane as you approach the the sort of main planet, the continents and oceans are just different shapes. So immediately you're like, oh, this is this is not right. The world is far more verdant than the one you just left. There's thick forests just like pretty much everywhere.

So Davenport like doesn't really know where to bring the ship. He brings it down sort of close to this large forested area just north of the planet's equator. And he flies low for a while, and you all spend a couple of days just sort of surveying the land. And this is what you learn about this first world. The big thing, there's no people, no people in this world at all. There's no elves or humans or teethlings or just anything like that. This world is entirely populated by animals. And you saw them kind of congregating during one of your flyovers.

They don't seem to be following the natural order of the world that you're from. Um, for one thing, they're all herbivores. Like, wolves and pigs are just like chilling. Um, and all the animals speak this common primal language. Um, and it, like, it's just sort of like all in different registers, obviously, because they're different animals with like different ways of speaking, but it's just like, uh, just like grunts. God, that just sounded like fucking home improvement.

And so these, these animals are all congregating together in these natural settlements. It's not cities. And, uh, the, the animals aren't. bipedal. There's no Zootopia thing going on here. The animals are just sort of, they congregate their dins fairly closer together. Like, there's bear caves near, you know, rabbit hutches near, you know, a bird nest. And, like, the animals just sort of live close to each other. They have these cross-species civilizations.

They seem to have some system of trade. Like, they use their natural abilities to harvest things from the environment that they just seem to, like, share with each other. Like, boars dig up these root vegetables that they just, trade with bears for honey and so on. So that's what the world is like. And after a couple of days after arriving in this world, your sort of flyover reconnaissance is interrupted by a peculiar event. You see a bright light streak down from the sky and plummet downward to the west.

And you recognize it immediately. It's the light of creation. It has found its way into this plane. And loop tracks its heading so that maybe you can try and triangulate its location later. and several days after the light arrives, there's another event in the sky. The bright, like, day that is around you immediately turns dark for a moment. And the sky is filled with these burning white eyes, all looking down at the world below. And you fear momentarily that that force that you just saw consume your home world, like a week ago at this point, had invaded this world too.

But after a few moments, this event passes. So the seven of you set up camp, and it's secluded clear, and it. in the woods right near your ship and you settle in for your year in this strange animal run world. What do you do? I do want to, at this point, we're going to sort of get into these abstract year-long actions and I want you to sort of base your actions around what I told you in that last section in the setup section. But at any point in any of these cycles, you can also do one of three other actions. You can train, which you will roll for experience. If you just like want to like get get yoked you can do that um i just want you to tell me like specifically like what

kind of training you do you can um what's the word i used you can you can salvage which basically means you just like spend a bunch of time exploring the world looking for treasure or anything that can like help you out in your journey uh and you will roll to claim assets um or you can socialize which is you pick a member of the crew that you want to get to know better uh or just a person in this world that you want to get to know better and you spend some time with him and we'll zoom in, zoom in on that scene and that conversation and you will get bond. You won't roll for that. I'll just like give you an amount of bond based on like how good the scene is essentially. So if you don't, I have a motivation question. Yeah. I'm not trying. Yeah. Why a year?

Why don't we just get back on the ship and take off and go somewhere else? I think that's an interesting question. I think that I think that you try that actually. I think that you get down in this world and it's like what the fuck there's like all all animals like uh things are calm though the hunger's not here and so davenport's like let's go back he actually issues a command like let's go back but as you fly out like away from the planer system it's not jiggly it's not like you can't seem to like pass through whatever threshold you pass through to get to this reality so at this point you can't seem to go back and so you you return to the world uh below um can i start yeah sure i think and can i dictate for Taco and Loop or what would be?

I think dictate for Taco and I think the other characters will definitely like go along with you and assist you but like you just have control over over Taco but what were you thinking? But if you have an action that involves her. Yeah if you want to if you want to spend your you're socializing with Loop like obviously you can do that or if you want to go out and just just tell me your action I'm not going to. It seems like it seems like what I would most like to do is work with Loop to try to to decode this animal language and try to uncover from them sort of like what they've, I'm trying to think of how to phrase this, changes that have come to their world,

by which I mean, like, do they remember creatures like us, humans? Okay. I mean, things like that. Or like, has anything changed or even through like legends that, you know, that kind of thing to see if we can find out any sort of overarching. things. Cool. So I say like first,

first few months, I think to get a basic comprehension, but they're good at, they're good at languages. We just don't have a druid with us, unless, do we? No, you don't.

This is, so this is your action for the year. And it's a good one, and it's going to cover a lot of stuff. This is how quickly I want, want to move. I think this is you and Loop, um,

do go out. And I think Barry wants to go with you too. Like, Barry is sort of the most scientifically minded person here. And so like he's fucking just, Barry's very, very curious and wants to kind of like know, also about this.

So the three of you go out and what do you like what I think the animals are nervous. Like I don't think you can I think it takes you a long time to like find some animals that don't just fucking run away as soon as they see you because they've never seen people. What is what's like the community? Like what's the sort of animal

community that you that you sort of first find success in and kind of like start this communication with? I feel like there's no predators. Yeah. I did take that one from Zootopia. The fur, we make a lot of, um, we make a lot of, uh, of attempts and nothing is really like working until we, uh, we find a family of mongooses.

I was so hoping. And they're the first ones that, that like are able to, that we're able to like talk to. Okay. Yeah, this is, this is great. Ricky, tiki and tovi. So this is like, they're not necessarily part of a bigger community. I think that maybe this family is just like a little bit more reclusive. they don't run away. Maybe there's a baby

mongoose that's really curious. And so when the Well, they also know they can handle their shit. Right. So if they need to, they're not like, uh, super intimidated. And would it not be monguese? No one's quite sure. So when this, when this family of mongy sees like this younger mongoose like hanging out and sees that y'all are cool,

you all are like sweet, they, they don't run away. And so it takes you a really, it takes you a while. You build trust with them just through like, you know, feeding them and hanging out with them. and they seem to really like Barry, although Barry, I think, is scared of mongues. I mean, they're vicious. They can be very vicious animals,

but even he kind of warms up. And so the three of you spend a while with this mongoose family, which eventually leads to you sort of, you don't scare away every animal that comes to you, and you do start to try to learn this language. I think this is going to be, I'll leave this up to you,

and obviously you are better at mind than heart. I think you have a plus two in mind. Do you think that this is a mind role of you trying to decode this language, or is this a heart role of you, like, learning this language and, like, trying to communicate and get things from these mongies? No, I think this feels like much more of an exchange of, like, information. Okay, so I'll let your role mind. They're curious about us, too. So I feel like it's a, it's a talking to them about our world and culture and vice-and-but-but-but-I think with the angle of, like, you trying to decode, I think mind works. So roll 2D6 plus mind.

seven. Okay. So that's just, that's just good enough. Now, you do have an asset. You do have those magic shoes. You could, you can spend that to make a complete upgrade.

With the seven, I'll let you get some of the stuff that you wanted, but I won't give you everything you wanted. That's basically what a limited success is. Or you can hold on into the asset. You can spin the assets in the manner that I've explained, but I also want to make clear that the more assets you have at the end of the game,

the better off you are because it's still a score. So it's up to you. Do you want to? No. No. Okay. So with a seven, you all spend,

it takes months and months and months, but eventually you can speak this language of grunts. And sure enough, like, every animal speaks it. And you and Loop and Barry learn it. I think we actually have some scenes of you three just like grunting at each other over dinner while the other four folks on the journey are like, what the fuck are you guys saying? But you use it and you talk to these mongies. And talking to them, like, there's some history. There's some, like, lore that this world possesses.

Like, they don't have recorded history, but it's all like, um like story based and communication based there's never been people here people just like didn't evolve here or whatever um it's always just been animals and eventually just like meat eating and predatory instinct just like kind of phased out and they just kind of learned like well wouldn't it be better if we just kind of like lived together and we're we're cool with each other and so like they they don't remember humans necessarily you learn that there is a court a high court um There's a very sort of loose, I guess, governmental structure here, where there are three beasts that rule over essentially everything. They're called the royal beasts.

And each one represents sort of an aspect of beastial nature. There is a bear that represents power, a snow owl that represents wisdom, and a wolf that represents sort of instinct. and their court is out to the west. You also ask them sort of about the light of creation, which you saw like come down, like see if they know anything about it, and they don't really know anything about that. Can I go?

I think as a result of this action, you take plus one bond as you like become buddies with this Mongo's family. And I think that also the three of you can now serve as translator to the others if they want to also do stuff with these animals. Griffy, I'm torn because there's two things I really want to do, but I don't, I want to be able to do both, and I don't know how long they will take. All right, tell me what you want to do, and we'll figure it out. On the one hand, I'd like to investigate the light of creation, but on the other hand, I'm now super intrigued to try to train with this bear of power.

Okay, you, so. We can split up, right? Yeah, you are, all of your actions will be individual, I'm assuming. I don't, I don't necessarily think two of you will ever do the same thing, because, you all have such limited time in these worlds that it doesn't really make a lot of sense. Well, I too had thought about, since I already stated, Merle's curiosity with the light of creation and theological stuff. Why don't I go check that out while he does bears?

Yeah, sure. Perfect. Let's do the light of creation thing then first, Merle. I think in order for you to figure out what, here's how the light of creation is going to work. It's going to be kind of the football. in most of these cycles, you, you, it will be very good. It is a bonus, essentially. If you can find the light of creation, it will be a very good thing for you.

But you have to do just that. You have to find it. You saw it fall from the sky. You have no idea where it is except that it's west. Well, let me, let me establish this. My motivation is not necessarily to become one with the light of creation, whatever. But I'm curious on how we're, you know, how we can escape this planet. Sure, yeah.

If we need to and continue our search. I want to find out how it got down here. So tell me, you tell me how you find it. Like what, what do you just fucking set out? Do you like go on an expedition and like go looking for it? Do you like go talking to people? You can take the ship and fly around and look around. I'm going to have me a fucking quest.

All right. What do you think about that? I feel pretty good about that. I think I would, you know, see if anybody wants to go with me. But, you know, I think, you know, if I have to go off by myself, I'll go off by myself. but I thought I'll just start wading through the forest after Loop and Taco do that triangulation thing they call. So I think Loop Taco and Barry are spoken for, so they won't go with you. Magnus is rassling with a bear.

We'll get to what Magnus does with the bear in a little bit. Magnus, you just really want to treat with this fucking bear then, this power bear. Yeah. Okay, we'll get to that. I found out there's a bear of power. Yes. Yeah. Yes, Gepin.

That's exactly what I want to do. Well, then, how about if me and Davenport head out? Yeah, I think Davenport would go with you. Lucretia's going to... I mean, he's a navigator. He knows about flight and everything else. I think Lucretia is, like, more than happy to, like, stay back at the ship and, like, write and take notes and, like, do little, little, like, scouting things to, like, go out and, like,

draw pictures of the weird plants in this world because she wants to, she wants to, like, consume and save everything in these in these journals um so yeah davenport says he'll he'll go out with you so um hmm i'm trying to think of what the best role would be to like represent you and davenport like taking a bunch of fucking camping gear taking a bunch of rations and just like rolling up your sleeves and like going out in the world because i want to say oh i think we're going to live off the land yeah i want to say i'll let you make the argument it could be body um like you just trying to like get out there and actually like the act of you walking around the physical labor or we can mind of you like going out and trying to like uh you know make maps and shit of this world to like try

and find your way to the light i think it's one of those two body your mind and i leave it up to you to sort of make the call is it is this more of like a physical activity thing or is this more of like uh finding your way and like deducing where it is i thought of it like a walkabout so it's almost spiritual in nature but you're not going to let me get away with no it's not a heart thing. Although, if you, it's not a heart thing, but why don't you roll mine? It'll be like you, like, mapping this place. One and a five, that's six, plus one is seven.

Okay. And you don't have an asset, I think, if you wanted to upgrade it. I don't know if you have an asset yet. No, I don't. Assets will just take it to the next rank, Griffin. It'll take a failure to a... Mix failure, mixed success or a mixed success to a complete success. Okay, so with a seven, you, you know what you find where the light is.

It takes you a long time. And it fell near that, like, high court that the three royal beasts sort of reside in. With a seven, though, you don't, like, gain access to it. You know where it is, but, like, you're not able to, like, get into that court and, like, you're not able to secure it or anything like that. You aren't able to, like, make the connection. You aren't able to, like, be brought before the court. And this journey takes you a super long time, I think, also with a mixed success.

Like this is, it almost take to go there and get back to the ship, takes you and Davenport like a pretty, a pretty long time. But as a result, you and Davenport spend a lot of time together and you kind of like realize you actually have a lot of shit in common. It takes a lot of time for Davenport to let down his walls because like while he is like a gnome, which I think you could write off as like a goofy sort of culture or whatever, like he's a very serious captain because he feels like he has to be to like maintain control of the situation or whatever.

But those walls come down from time to time and like over campfires and shit. Like you guys like talk about, you know, old war stories and you eat fucking beans from a pot and like camp out together and become closer. So I think take one bond from that. Okay. Can we do, can I have a blazing saddle scene with him? Yeah, sure. You're eating these beans. He wants to fart a bunch.

No. You're eating these beans and let him fart a bunch. Let me. If dad wants to far, all right, you're eating these beans. and Davenport says like, you know, I'm having a lot of fun out here with you, Merle. Mike. The levels are just, the levels are just. Okay, that's out of my system.

Cool. Oh, Jesus. Okay. Magnus. So with these two bits of information I have going forward, can I challenge the power bear for access to the light of creation? Oh, boy. Yeah, I mean, I like this a lot. You know where the royal quarters are.

I think you, let's say you spend the year kind of like training around the ship before you go to the bear for training. And that's sort of like how we- Eating hard candy. And sort of like, I think maybe you're defending the ship, right? Like you don't know what to expect. And so you're still the security officer. So you stay near the ship and hang out there. I'm checking the hole for any like, you know, damage from avoiding the tendrils, making sure that whatever shielding is in place, both from heat and damage. Yeah. And I think you also spend some time with Lucretia, although I'm not going to necessarily give you bond on that. But like you, you two do like, you're the only ones left at the ship at this point. And so you, you do spend some time together. You know what? I'll actually let you roll for it. Like roll 1D6. The two. Yeah. You know, she's she's, you, you spend some time together, but I don't necessarily think you move up to the next social rank. I think you, I think just like you learn a little bit more about her. And you're.

impressed by by her uh her writing and note-taking abilities and stuff like that but she's still got some um you you don't necessarily like become best best buds um so you train around the ship and then when davenport and merle return and tell you about this like this this big cool powerful bear uh you're like i'm gonna go fucking find this one and and go train with them so you you you i think take the ship and go to the the high court and you go and you are um How are you brought before? Like these are the three rulers of this world. Like how do you get in front of them?

Well, it's a good question. I feel like just from what we've learned and like what I know about animals and what Loop and Taco and Barry have told me, I feel like it's a matter of like if they're representing these things, the person that I would want to see, I'd have to demonstrate like that I'm kind of worthy of that attention. So it feels like there would be some kind of test of strength. And also we've kind of established like you're kind of a. Roughneck.

So, like, I think you go to this fucking villageing, like, I'm, where's the fucking Power Bear? And, like, I know, like, clinging bottles together? Power Bear! Does that mean one of the three translators went with him? Did one of the three translators go with you? Or is this, like, a Magnus? Well, I mean, I, do they want to go with?

Like, that's the question. I feel like Barry, a science officer, would be pretty into this. Yeah, okay. Like, Spock would go with Kirk. Talk about. We could also, we could also say this. Do, are all seven of you back together? and like at this thing?

Because if so, like, this is the last turn, so we're going to get to the resolution. I don't feel like we ever went too far. So, like, we could, you know, like, we didn't go on a long journey. All seven of you together. And Magnus is just like, I'm going to go see the fucking power bear. And maybe some of you are like, please don't go fight the power bear. I'm going to get, I'm going to get access to the light of creation. And I'm going to fight a power bear.

And it's going to be awesome. Okay. So, don't get it. I think Magnus, like, causes a scene. And you are essentially arrested by some fucking boar or something. And you are brought into, the seven of you are brought into this high court. It's also like weird. You guys are people.

You're people. And they don't know how to deal with people. So they bring them in front of the ones who are in charge. Yes. This is the animal's court. You are. With Judge Hopner and he's a rabbit. Oh, shit.

This court to the West is different than the other sort of settlements that you've seen the other like natural settlements. It is in this big shaded grove of serene willow trees and something is off here. Namely animals like all the animals are using tools. There's like they're not living in caves and trees and holes in the ground like you see some foxes like working together to stick posts in the ground like framing a small building. You see a nearly finished structure that some squirrels are working together to craft like a sawed root. for, these advanced buildings are like new. We're towards the end of the year now, and like it looks like the kind of buildings that some

animals would have built maybe over the course of a year. This kind of looks like a person's settlement, like a settlement that like orcs and elves and humans and gnomes put together. But it's all animals, like using these tools. And you're brought through the settlement and you're brought to the court and you see the three royal beasts. You see a large, you see a brown

kodiak bear that is the aspect of power. You see a white snow owl that is the aspect of wisdom. And you see this gnarly looking gray one-eyed wolf that is the aspect of instinct. And these royal beasts

are fucking gigantic. Like think like, like, uh, like, uh, if you play the Dark Souls games, like great wolf siff,

like the wolf is like bigger than you all considerably. Um, and their court is in the middle of this advanced city, and there are, there's this throng of attendees at their court who are all sort of kneeling in deference to these three gigantic creatures. And Magnus, what do you, what do you do? I want to do some kind of feat of strength. Tell me about the attendees kneeling around the big bear. I mean, there's all kinds. There are rabbits and turtles, and there are deer, lots of deer. There are, um, there are, um,

Um, uh, you know what? Here's what I'm going to do, Griffin. Okay. Here's what I'm going to do. In a moment of wisdom, I see this fucking giant bear. I'm going to say that this is a, that maybe one of the first humble moments since getting the shit kicked out of him over, uh, rescuing a dog where like I was like charging out. Picture me, like charging out of the entryway of the ship like, I'm going to fight this bear. And then I get there and it's like a fucking two-story bear.

Okay. And I just kind of look way up. And I just kind of turn and look at Lucretia with like a kind of look on my face. Because as you said, we've been hanging out for the last couple months. Maybe not best buddies. But I just kind of look at her and like shake my head a little bit. What are you trying to like get across here? Like I shouldn't do this, right?

I'm looking at her for like, you're smarter than me. Yeah. I shouldn't do this, right? She looks up at the size of the bear and kind of like sizes them up and looks back to you. And then like grits her teeth like, no, probably not. I kneel before the snow, ow. You kneel, like, they're all sitting up on this dais that you probably wouldn't be able to approach. So, like, you kneel before all of them.

And they start to grunt and the others translate. And they ask, the bear asks, what you're doing here. And who, what are you? I am manimal. They look at each other. They look at each other. Manimal? Manimal?

We're called tacos. Oh, we're a different species. Yeah, I think you can all talk, but Magnus is going to be the one that, like, does the role here, because this is technically his action, but they look tacos. Tacos? Tacos? The wolf is like, tacos, I see, tacos. Well, I kind of look at Taco, like, all right. Can I cast a spell? Yeah, sure.

Can I cast Enhanceability? To do what? On Magnus. So here, I, these roles are so close that I feel like if I let you do this, we could do it every time, and then you could get bonuses on everything. And like, because we're talking about bonuses, not in like the nines or tens, like, they're ones and twos. Like, I don't think that would be fair. Okay. Let's let Magnus kind of carry the weight here, though.

Okay. So I say that we come from far away. We've traveled a great distance to be here. And I recognize, I see the three of you, and I recognize proud, brave, strong, intelligent warriors warriors like myself and one of the strongest things

a warrior can do when you say actually when you all interrupt you when you say warriors like myself the big brown codyack bear fucking laughs and he's like you're nothing like us you're you're tiny you're not furry you don't have fangs or claws I'm not

fuck off uh all right yeah I think yeah all right I think we just had like sort of a Marty McFly chicken moment there. I think when you say that, a bear from the audience charges you.

Cool. Because you've just disrespected. Roll plus body. That is an 11. All right. What do you do? No matter what the game, Travis rules at it. So what do you, what do you do when this bear fucking,

this bear's coming at you to kill you? Well, since I'm, I assume, a little bit smaller, I'm going to do like. This is not, this is not, sorry, this is not the, Sorry, this is not the Royal Beast Codiak bear, this bear is like bear-sized. But I seem to slightly bigger than me. I'm going to do some judo shit and use their strength and momentum against them and kind of do a crouching throw. So like I go with their movements and throw them over me.

Okay. Did you learn that from the other bear? No, I just know that shit. That's judo, man. Use their own strength and weight against them. When you do that, the royal bear stands up, like with a start. Oh, are you next? No, he's not, like, standing up to fight.

He's, like, kind of, he's kind of impressed. And the bear is going to, like, the bear continues to kind of come at you. Do you, like, kill it or what do you subdue it or what do you do? I don't want to kill it. I love animals. I would like to subdue it. All right. You fucking choke out with an 11.

Like, yeah, you choke out a bear. If you had a bear hug. So to kind of give you an idea, like, if you'd roll a mix success, I wouldn't have allowed you to make that choice, you would have killed the bear, and things would have probably been bad. But all right, you subdu— No, Magnus doesn't kill animals if you can help it. Sure.

You subdued the bear, though, and with that, the royal beasts are a little bit more impressed. They're also impressed, like, that you can talk and you can speak. So you explain to them that you want this—you want the light of creation, but they do want a little bit of time to sort of, like, get to know you, to know if, like, you can be trusted with this thing that they found that they know, like, they can use to learn how to use tools. And, like, this thing is, like, a source of discovery and curiosity and intellect. So, like, in an animal's hands, they learn how to use tools and build buildings and invent things. And so they, like, are drawn to this thing.

But when you explain, like, it's ours, they have this sense of right and wrong. And so they're willing to give it to you. They just want to know that you are going to be responsible. responsible with it. So yeah, Magnus, actually, the bear, the royal bear does want to spend some time with you. He is, like, taking a particular fondness with you, and I think you spend a few months training with it. Roll, roll, um, what's the thing for training? Body, I mean, no, it's, um, Oh, roll a D6. Roll a D6, yeah. That's a five. Okay, on a roll of one to five, you take two XP. If you roll the six, it means like you just like really fucking trained super good that year and you take three XP.

But, so take two XP, but also like as a result, like you are in, all of you are kind of in there now with these royal beasts. And so resolution time, years passed. And you, you have come close to these animals. And I think you are brought before the court once again. And there's, the three of them are arguing. They don't know if they should give you the light or not. And it's been a year now since you've been here. After this time you spent sort of bonding and training and getting to know this animal kingdom, while you're in this court, the sky goes dark. And you see that motionless storm. And you see some of the like color leave the trees in this grove and you see it leave the grass below your feet. And you see that dark force above you once more. Only this time, it's the real deal.

It's not some sort of scout. It's the hunger. And tendrils of shimmering darkness start to descend while these three royal beasts are still sort of arguing about whether or not they want to give you the light of creation or not. And I can kind of leave this to you or I can take the reins here. But like, is there anything you do as you like react to seeing the hunger appear while you're in this sort of final deliberation about whether or not you should get the light? I think we ought to tell them to get to cover. Yeah, the only thing I think to do is to draw their attention to it and say, like, time is of the essence. Yeah, they don't seem to understand, but they do see that, like, one of these tendrils is coming down, like, fucking right for this court.

And I think it actually smashes down into this court. And you see these shadowy figures start to come out. And I'm trying to think of what to do here. I think when it smashes down, it comes down right on top of the three royal beasts. and the owl was holding the light when it did, and these three are just kind of gone. And as soon as, like, they see this, Davenport is like, it's time to bug out.

It's time to fucking, it's time to fucking go. Taco and I'm assuming Loop are like gonzo. Yeah, okay. You did not, they did not need to debate this question. They are like so out. All right, you're turning around and saltpuffs of smoke. Yeah. I'm checking on like bear cubs and telling people to get to cover and trying to help

Is the light just gone then, Ditto? The light is gone, yeah. So, no, this is, this is, this is, this is good. Taco and Lou? I have a question. Yeah, sure. I have a question about Loop though. Is Luke, Taco's the sort that would bolt.

Is Loop the sort that would bolt and like, judging by like what she did at the, um, at the press conference, is loop the sort that would like take pot shots at it as she was running away with Taco or what she just like. Loops, loop specialization is evocation magic. Um, so I think, yeah, for sure. she's like, uh, blasting, like, trying to give everybody cover to, like, get the fuck out of this court. So she's launching fireballs at these shadowy creatures. She's actually the first one of you to, like, kill one of these things. Uh, and these, these shadowy creatures, like I mentioned in the, the last episode,

are different shapes and sizes. They are different species, different things, but they are all made of this, like, material, uh, that is dark with these bright red, blue and yellow and green, like flashes of color inside of it, which, like, um, I want to, the, the canonical sort of aesthetic of these is, what a black opal looks like, which connect the dots from the Crystal Kingdom thing where you found the black opal mirror. Like that's kind of what I envision

where it's not just like pitch black. It is dark, but there's also this like wild technicolor happening inside of it, which you're gonna say, Griffin, did you steal Dorma? No, I had this shit two years ago. Fuck that shit. But anyway. So yeah, Loop is like giving everybody covering like blast and shit as she runs backwards,

back to the ship. And Merle's enhancing everybody's speed as much as he can. Okay, yeah, Merle has also seen everybody's sort of escape back. Barry is kind of sticking close to you, Taco and Loop, as you all make your exit. Magnus, if you want to stay behind, this is, that's fucking great, and I would encourage you to do so. If you want to, like, make sure fucking bear cubs get where they need to get and all that. I'm ushering bear cubs to cover, and I'm helping hatchlings, and I'm helping wolf cubs and shit. I'm going to fucking peewee and Peewee's big adventure.

It's like running back end to the best store. I'm going to call it for interactivity, and I'm going to take the reins and walk us out of this cycle, because this is great. I also just to picture it, whatever tools are around, Magnus is like making use of whatever is there. Sure. Okay, Magnus is, roll a plus body for me. Six, nine, eleven. Okay. So you, the six, six plus three plus two.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Okay. Taco Merle and Loop and Lucretia and Davin Capon Port make it back to the ship. but it's like it's chaos getting out of this city it's like a very popular city and there's like a bunch of animals and shit just like running for cover and there's these shadow beings that you all are fighting off as you get back to the ship um and you lose magnus you don't see magnus and davenport like tries to stick around to wait for him but can't wait that long and so you all leave uh magnus you you you do a lot you you take out a bunch of these things you're picking up fucking shovels and

like smashing shadows over the head and you're like you pick up a big pipe and you drive it through a few of them and you fight them off and you get some some baby bear cubs to safety and some some wolf pups to safety but eventually like you're left behind and you only sort of outlast the hunger for so long before you are killed and you are taken down the rest of you are on this ship and you're on the star blaster and you're dodging these inky columns as you fly away from this plane. And as you leave this plane and you fly away from the planar system, sure enough, the void between the planes is all wobbly again. And you pass through the threshold between realities. And as you pass through that barrier, time stops once more. And this time,

you feel your body, well, for lack of a better verb, you feel yourself sort of shifting to a different position on the deck. And not only that, you see something peculiar. You see something peculiar. You see these white threads of light begin to encircle the ship and these threads get caught up in the ring bond engine in the back of the ship and they interweave there kind of like in a loom and when they finally work their way to a position on on the deck all of these threads converge and they stitch back together Magnus and he's got a black guy. And Merle, you've got a cut on your forehead. And everybody is in the exact positions and in the exact state that they were in when you first left your home world. Everyone is back together and

everyone is alive again and everyone is safe. The last thing you see of this animal kingdom reality before you leave it, before you pass through that threshold, is the hunger descending. And as it sort of reaches out these long tendrils that start to surround the plane you were just on, you see a flash of light from within the hunger. And when that light flashes, things move very quickly as the tendrils retract and they pull that entire plane out of orbit, out of the planer system it was in, and pulls it into the humerus. hunger itself. And when it does, it disappears. And you see those colors, those kind of muted colors inside of the hunger's body, they flash. And there's an explosion of light and reds and neon blues and yellows and greens as it is folded in. And the diameter of the hunger you see just ever so slightly expands.

The hunger is stronger now because that's what happens when the hunger feasts. Maximumfund.org Comedy and culture. Artist-owned. Listener supported. My name is Patrick. My name is Barker. Max FunCon has been a huge inspiration in my life. Now I have this network of friends that I've made that's been literally across the entire globe.

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