The Adventure Zone - Ep. 66. The Stolen Century - Chapter Seven

Episode Date: June 29, 2017

Our heroes' long, forgotten journey comes to an end.   Music: "Relic" by Reeder - https://iamreeder.bandcamp.com/ Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Your years are still stressful, but tucked away inside of them are long stretches of quiet days. And this is one of them. It's night and Taco, you and Loop just cooked the team a delicious meal, something low stress. Oh, man, I'm glad you finished that sentence. What did you want to finish it with? Well, I just thought you were going to say they just cooked the team. It's horrible. Oh, okay.

Oh, no. No, you just cooked them a tasty meal, and it was something like low stress, but it was tasty nonetheless, what did you make for them just this sort of innocuous evening? Stu. It's a good the good thing about stew that I've

discovered over the years is that it's very flexible, right? Like you can't really mess it up and you can have other people get the ingredients for you. And then when they bring it home, it's just like, fuck, fine. Yes, I'll make a stew out of this, I guess. This like pile,

this like handful of grass and also like beaver skin that you've brought me. I'll just whip up a stew. So you made a tasty stew. And everybody loved it, except for, except for Barry. Towards the beginning of this year, the seven of you recovered the light of creation from an ancient Drake who hoarded it away in his lair. And in the confrontation, Barry was killed, leaving him. Oh, that probably is why he didn't enjoy the stew, I guess.

Yeah, it left him. It left him a pretty long litch shift to carry out before the next reset. And so he's not eating much food. Death is like that for Barry and Loop now. It is more than anything and annoyance. And the conversation you all were having continues. And you hear a voice from Barry's red spectral figure as he says, I mean the conservatories, I guess, for obvious reasons.

And Loop says, oh, oh, sure, honey, that was a. That was a good one, but man, the food in Tessaralia, though, like, it's hard to beat that. And Lucretia says, I mean, for me, I liked the beach here. I feel like it's cheating, but yeah, that one was my favorite. You know, call me crazy. I actually like the one where I got turned to stone. That's kind of perverted, maybe a little bit? Well, it was just, you know, it was just such weird.

Like, how often you get to know and, like, remember the sensation of, of dying by being petrified. You know what I mean? Like, so unique. Barry says, what about you, boys, favorite year so far? Well, I like the one where we lived with the civilization that lived in the hamster habit trail. And we were running through those plastic tubes. That was awesome.

That one was weird. I liked to be in a hamster taco. Jellotown. I mean, obviously. I mean, an entire world made of jello and everyone's jello. And they don't just discourage you. from eating them, but they like love it? Wait, I didn't know we can make it up.

I want to go back and say puppy town where it was just all puppies. Puppy town. Yeah, puppy town was on point. What about you, Captain? You got a favorite? And Davenport says, I guess home. Boo. Come on.

Lucretia stands up and she carries her plate into the, I guess her bowl into the kitchen. and she starts scrubbing it in the sink. And you see her mouth moving and just static is coming out. And she's staring intently down at the sink, not speaking to anyone. It almost looks like she's singing. But there's no words, no melody, just static. And Loop kind of looks over at her with puzzlement.

And then back at the three of you, what do you do? What's in this stew? Lucretia, are you okay? Uh, yeah, I'm just doing, doing my dishes. What's up? And then she looks back down and the static starts up again as she starts singing. So you're singing static right now. Uh, I'm assuming this is something that we have not observed before. No, you've never seen this before. She says, uh, what are you talking about? I'm just, I'm singing, I'm singing, oh, God, what was the name of it? From back at the conservatory, remember that red-headed kid, he worked on it for months. He was always bellowing it down on the quad.

And Barry says, yeah, what are you guys talking about? I can hear it just fine. You're sure you can't hear it? Is this a gag you all are planning? Barry, you sing it. He starts singing it too, and it's just static. Loop, can you hear this? Loop stands up from the table.

She's, like, freaked out. She says, what the fuck is going on? Barry, what are you saying? What the fuck is going on? To understand this next part, I need you to imagine the apocalypse. Imagine it happens tomorrow. And that everyone you ever knew, every place you've ever been, every performer whose work you admired,

every band who's ever written a song that meant something to you, all of it was gone and that you survived. Imagine that feeling of loss. Imagine that guilt, the pressure it would put on you, how you would change beneath that pressure. Now imagine that apocalypse occurring annually, a hundred times over. What would you do to stop it? What would you do to protect the ones you loved, the ones who also felt that terrible weight? That is the reality of our heroes.

That is what will lead them down the path to their destinies. further from home, away from each other, into the adventure zone. It's the 90-second cycle, and your journey has not stopped being exhausting. Your escapes are still performed with zero margin for error. The hunger is still accumulating power at a horrible rate, but in recent years, there are glimmers of hope. Barry and Loop's studies of the light have proven, fruitful. And in the last decade, you finally come to somewhat understand this force, this tool that

some divine creator used to author all of existence. And they don't have answers on how to end your escape from the hunger. Not yet. But there's a feeling, to quote, loop, that you're really fucking close. And that's the general sentiment as you enter into this 90-second cycle. The world you descend into is populous and prosperous and vibrant. There are cities of gemstone and glass all built on these massive floating land masses that hover above the uninterrupted ocean below, the surface of which is constantly troubled by massive waves that lap at the bottom of these islands. And the light plummets into the vast waters, and you lead a treacherous but ultimately successful undersea recovery. And several weeks later, Loop approaches the rest of you with a discovery.

One of these floating islands is home to a massive. massive facility where immensely powerful magic items are manufactured by artificers working with methods that she's never even heard of before. This facility, it's called the hanging arcaneum, could teach you what you need to know to truly harness the power of the light to stop the hunger for good. And you're welcomed into the arcaneum by the chief artificer, a half-orc named Holdsworth, named for Holly Holdsworth on Twitter, thank you. And she hears your plight and is happy to instruct the seven of you, but explains that there's no special privileges that are going to be handed down. You'll have to train under the arcaniums instructors just like every

other apprentice and study to master the principles of artificing from the ground up. You'll be provided some of your materials, but you'll have to provide most of your own for your work. And only once you've proven yourself, will the arcanium's most powerful secrets be revealed. So during your tenure, your studies are grueling, but eventually you produce items that Holdsworth deems suitable evidence of your mastery of this craft. And let's figure out what those items are. So this is the first chance to spend these scores that you have been building up over this sort of mini-campaign.

You're going to have an opportunity to do stuff with experience and bond later on, but now we're going to spend your assets to make some magic items. So everybody takes plus one asset right now, which represents sort of the basic tools and materials. is given to you by the facility to begin your work. And with that in mind, let's start making some magic items. Now, Griffin, this isn't in the instructions you sent us, but I would like to make a lightsaber.

Is that possible? Absolutely not. Well, no, no, no. Yes, and. So, Taka, no, but we can't do Star Wars. Taka, you've got five assets. Merle, you have three, and Magnus, you ended up with just one. Material goods mean nothing to Magnus.

Yeah, apparently not. Just a quick breakdown for how this works for the folks at home. I've given you sort of a list of things that you can make, which is either plus one armor weapon or a magical instrument, plus two or plus three. Or you can make an accessory, and accessories are free, but you can only make one of them. And the idea is that you will then go down to this list of effects,

which I've given you about like 16 or so of, and you will sort of put those effects on the, these magic items and spin your assets accordingly to build a magic item that you will then take with you into the finale, where we will be playing fifth edition again. Just to clarify, like, for example, Merle has three assets. Could he make like three plus one things? Or do you only get to make one? No, he could make three plus one things, or he could spend all three assets on,

you see where plus two, armor, weapon, or magical instrument cost three assets. You could just make that and not put any kind of special effects on it. or you could build a plus one armor weapon or magical instrument, which is only one asset, and then spend two assets to put two effects on it. Got it. So you could, so, all right, and so the effect is, the accessory is something that attaches to the armor.

An effect, but it doesn't have any. The accessory is just like a blank canvas that you can put one effect on. I basically added that in because I kind of wanted Magnus to be able to make something that has an effect on it if you want. Well, I'm actually going to get. I just give Magnus one of my assets. Oh, that's nice of you. Oh, thank you.

Well, I had a surplus for what I wanted to make. How many does that leave you? He's at four, and Magnus is now at two. Just to give the folks at home some idea. By the way, the plus one, plus two, plus three, I don't know if you've ever talked about it, but that basically adds to rolls. So, like, if you have a plus one sword and you attack with it, you get plus one to attack and damage.

And it works the same way for armor. It just is an AC bonus. So, and then the effects are stuff. like resist damage type, where you choose like a type of damage and then you take half damage from it. There's one in here called Champions Might, which gives you a critical hit on 19s as well as 20s. Yeah, there's a bunch of stuff that we can get to as we make stuff. I'd like to give one of my assets to him as well. Oh.

That's going to mean he has more assets than you, but I like it. That'll give him three and you too. Yeah, I don't mind. I think it's more important that he's either weaponed up or armored up. Okay. You guys are the best. I would like, we have a lot of ground to cover, so I'd like to move through this very quickly. I sent you this list yesterday, and I'm curious if you have any sort of initial thoughts of what you want to make.

I also sort of encourage you in this email not to keep in mind what equipment you have now when making this stuff. Like, I want you to make cool shit that is going to be cool for your character to have. Okay, well, you guys go first because I now find myself. with extra assets I wasn't prepared for. Yeah, Justin, it sounds like you have an idea of what you want for Taco. I know I already have a cool staff, but I, I, just a plus two armor for me is like not that interesting. Yeah, and like I said, like, I don't, it ain't going to help that much.

We need to lean into sort of the dramatic irony of this episode, so I don't, I genuinely don't want you to think, like, well, I've already got a staff, so I won't make a staff. You know what I mean? Yeah, so I am making, uh, something that, But it is so sweet. It's like really sweet. It's called, it's a glave, like, shaped like a, remember of the movie, Kroll? Yeah, it's basically a glave like in Kroll, but it's a class, it's a casting glave.

So instead of, like, actually throwing it, it throws out, like, a projection of itself. Nice. To cast with. That's fucking sick, dude. It's got, it's a plus two magical instrument. Can you still throw it, though? It's got, what? can you still throw it?

Sure. I mean, it's sharp. It's probably sharp, and you can throw sharp things. Yeah, I mean, I could definitely throw it if I wanted to. You have one asset left over. Which effect do you want to toss on it? Or you could not put an effect on it and then make an accessory and put an effect on that. And by accessory, I mean anything that's not armor, so it could be a helmet or a cape or a ring or a necklace or whatever the fuck.

It's an elemental damage. I'm going to put lightning damage on it. So that's for weapons only. If this is a magical instrument, I don't know how that would work, unless you want to be able to use it as a weapon also. All right, you know what I'm going to do instead? I think it would be perfect for this because the glave is designed to come back to you. I'm going to give it Mulligan's blessing. Okay, that's perfect.

So that's an effect I have on here where if you miss with a spell attack, you don't spend a spell slot for that attack. And also, it's called the Krebs star. The Krebs star is perfect. Star. All right, Taco's good. Merlin Magist. It's fucking high fantasy, by the way. Bejewled, like, high fantasy.

Devo. Yeah. Can you spell Krebs star just for the folks at home? K-R-E-B-S-T-A-R-S-T-A-R-S-T-A-R-S-S-T-A-R-S-E. Okay. Merlin... It is intercapped. Great.

Merle and Magnus, what you got? Merle, you have two, Magnus, you have three. Maggie? I'm not, I'm not ready yet. All right. I'm going to make. make a single stick, also known as a cudgel. Okay.

Is this a weapon, or is this like a holy item that you use? It's a weapon, but I'm going to use it as a holy. Okay, so it's a magical instrument then. Magical instrument. Okay. Sort of like a stave, and whereas... I guess it's going to be a plus one, right? Because that's all you can afford.

Yeah. Okay. And whereas he's got, his glave is really really, fancy. This is mostly wood, and it's got like a leather cup around the handle, and maybe it looks a little twiggy, just in keeping with the whole tree arm kind of stuff. Natural, sure. And I can add a plus one to it, right? Yeah, you can add one effect to it for, and that'll be all your assets. You know what? I'm going to add vampiric damage to it. So that's for, again, that's for weapons only. If you're using this as a divine, or as a...

There's a healing one on there, Dad. There's a healing one. There's a lot of cool shit on there. Retribution is cool after taking damage in combat, gain plus two on your next action during your next turn. Arcane assurance is cool. You can spend two spell slots whenever you cast a spell to gain advantage on that spell. There's a lot of cool stuff for magic. I might want to use that. The Arcane Assurance? Yeah. I think that might make a lot of sense for me in that case. Yeah. So whenever you cast a spell.

spell, like say you cast a fifth level spell, you can spend two level five spell slots and then gain advantage on the roll. It's kind of a way of just like, if you've got one sort of clutch action, you can double down on it. Yeah. Okay. So keep that in mind. So let me put our cane assurance on that. And that should be two. That's two assets. Do you have a name for this cool stick? Yes. Gilly. Gilly. Gilly. Gilly. Gilly. Why, gilly? Oh, Jesus.

All right, Magnus, you got three to burn. What you got? I'm going to get plus one armor. Okay, this is just, by armor, I mean, like, chest breastplate armor, like. Can I do a helmet? Yeah, I guess so. But I basically just made it chest armor so that you couldn't, like, do a bunch of level one armor. Well, I'm only going to get the one armor.

I just don't, I know we're trying not to play meadow. but I got you. I like my feathered curious. If you have a cool idea for a helmet, definitely do it. Okay. What's this helmet's deal? I want it to look very much like ramsoorns. Okay.

I don't know why. That's just the first thing to pop into my head. No, you know what? Hold on. Hold on. If I'm making it, I want it to have like a kind of think of like a face plate like a football helmet. Okay.

Except instead of a, uh, get great, it's like, uh, bear's teeth. It's like fangs. Cool. Yeah, I'm into it. Um, and I want to get retribution on it. Yeah, that's a cool one. Like I just said, if you take damage in combat on your next action during your next turn, you gain plus two on whatever that action is.

Um, and then I'm going to get an accessory. Okay. What is it? Um, I wanted to be just a really sick-ass pendant. Okay. You know, just like, you know what? Continuing the theme, like, it's like a metal bear fang chain. Just a lot of bear stuff.

Listen, I'm leaning into it. You know what I mean? Definitely. I'm remembering my training, my inspiration. I'm going for it. What effect do you want on that? I'm going to go with gambler's luck. Okay, that one lets you re-roll any ones that you roll on attacks only, not skill checks.

So if you attack something and roll a one, you will get to roll again. That's a pretty good one, I think. And you've already been doing that anyway, so I figured. I'm going to call the helmet bareface. You know, naming stuff just isn't Magnus's strong suit. And I'm going to call the pendant tooth necklace. Okay. Spelled exactly how it sounds.

Two words. So it takes you guys most of them. No, you know what? It's number two, TH, necklace. Why? Because it's his. Because it's mine, damn it. All right. So, you all spend the better part of the year, like, practicing. These are not the first magic items you make, but they are, like, the best ones that you make. And so it takes you a while to produce these.

While you're in the thick of your training at the arcanium, Taco, loop drops in and challenges you to a wizard's duel. She wants to test out what she's been working on. Do you agree? Uh, yes. Uh, okay, not to the death or anything. Um, sort of Harry Potter style. Um, so she, you all find like a large clearing and, um, she steps several paces away from you. And she's carrying this, a long instrument that's wrapped in brown canvas.

And as she steps some paces away from you, she lays it down at her feet and she kneels down in front of it. And she says, uh, you ready, bro? Hell yeah. Uh, roll plus mind. To the pain. No. to the tickle. Nine.

Okay. With a nine, what do you cast? What do you shoot at her? Like a big ass fireball. I don't have my spell cards, but you know a big fireball. You cast a big ass fireball at her, and it hits her,

just barely. She tries to get out of the way of it and just kind of nicks her. And she rolls forward and grabs this wrapped package, And as she completes the role, you see the canvas fly into the air. And there she is in kneeling position, and she has an umbrella held out in front of her. And she hits you with a couple of magic missiles. And you kind of fall backwards as these magic missiles hit you. And as you are sort of knocked down, the Krebs star comes flying out of your hand.

You see this umbrella turn inside out. And just as it's about to, just as your shiny new glave is about to fly into this hungry mouth of this umbrella, she pulls it back and catches the Krebs star and hands it back to you. And she walks over and she says, so this is, well, it's called an Umbra staff. It consumes the power of defeated magic users. It's pretty tight, right? Well, okay, two things. Three, one, that wasn't on the list. The Griffin said, so I don't know how you did that.

Two, that really fucking hurt. Three, it looks ridiculous. I'm sorry, but you look like a clown with that thing. It is ludicrous. She says, yeah, like a cool, like a cool clown. No, no, no, don't play the Pennywise card like you always try to. No, not a cool cloud, like a ridiculous cloud. Remember Mr. Bing Bong.

Oh, I could forget Mr. Bing Bong. You look like Mr. Bing Bong right now. He would get drunk in the middle of the town, and we would all laugh at him and throw cheese at him, and we hate it, Mr. Big Bang. That's what you look like. I got a bad drunk clown. She walks away back to the arcaneum, and she says over her shoulder, well, there's no accounting for taste. It's a take plus one bond, Taco. It's the last month of this cycle now, and the seven of you have gathered together in the galley of the Star Blaster for a strategy meeting.

And you've had these every year. Like, it's an opportunity for you to talk about the big picture and figure out what you've learned and what you need to do next to try to thwart the hunger once and for all, if you can. And this is the last of those meetings that you'd ever have. You're all seated around the dinner table. And Loup speaks first. She says, we need to make sure our friends in the ethereal plane aren't listening. Taco, could you do the honors and chew them away? Go away.

Dear, you need to blink over there. Ah, yes, of course. I knew that. It's just been a long time since I've played D&D. Yeah, yeah, no, a lot. D&D is, of course, the nickname of the game that Loop and I came up with where I came up and... And don't remember the rules that Gary Gygax came up with.

Right, right. And Gary Gygax's code. Yeah, he's an ogre or something, whatever. Can you... So do you do it? Yeah, for sure. I cast Blink and just ducked my head in. Yeah, you ducked your head in and...

you do, you see this like wispy white version of the room you were just in, and there are these little, um, these little white sort of knee-high creatures, uh, with these blank expressions and, and big eyes that as they sort of see you, um, and you start to sort of like motion towards them, they scatter and disappear and the room is clear. Okay. Uh, you're, you're back in the room now and you're all together. And loop says, show him, Barry. And Barry takes out his wand. It's a new one. he made, why do you keep reacting to Barry like that? Because he's scary. Oh, he's probably not a lynch. No, he's alive now, yeah.

He takes out his wand, and he begins to conjure up a scene on the dinner table, and the room darkens as these projections take form. A white disc floats above the center of the table, and then 11 other discs appear around it floating in orbit. And Barry says, this is the planar system. This is what it looks like, each time we come into a new world. And you see a small projection of the story. Star Blaster flying in from the edge of the table landing on that center plane.

And Barry continues and says, each cycle, within a day or two of us landing, the light of creation emerges and follows us to this plane. And you see a small light lower down from the ceiling, and it lands on that central plane as well. And he says, and then about 48 hours or so after that, the hunger scouts find us. And then there's a dozen white eyes floating over the projection. and they relay our location to the hunger. And then about one year later,

and then a round black disc appears from below the table and slowly consumes the scene. And Barry says, that's when the hunger arrives. And then rinse and repeat. And sure enough, this scene plays out, it rewinds and plays over and over again. And Barry says, I've been trying to figure out why the light follows us down into these new worlds.

And I don't know. there's so much about the light that we don't understand. What I do know, though, is how the hunger keeps finding us. And you see the light descend from the ceiling again? Only this time there are waves, there are ripples of energy coming off of it, that reach far beyond this scene, and they start bouncing all around the kitchen. And Barry says, this is that force. It's that desire to be desired that the light gives off.

Cravability. It's the craveability. that the light gives off. It's a signal. It's a beacon, and it reaches well beyond the edges of our reality. The hunger's scouts are attuned to it. They're able to follow it as easy as a path,

unless... Unless... Unless... Unless we interrupt it. And then suddenly the scene changes, and those ripples cascading off the light of creation, they grow weaker. And they're not bouncing all around the kitchen anymore.

They're just sort of surrounding... the plane in the center of the projection. And Barry says, if we can reduce the signal's strength to, according to my calculations, about 15% or so, it won't be able to escape the boundaries of our reality. The hunger won't know where to find us.

We can hide, wade it out, starve it out. And Loup says, and we can do that with artificing. We can divide up the light of creation into seven parts, and then we hide those parts inside of magic items. And those items, well, they'll be incredibly powerful, but the signal will be weak. And Barry says, there's one problem with this plan. That cravability, it needs to be fed.

If it doesn't, this division, it won't take. That means once we've made these items, we can't just keep them for ourselves. We'll have to circulate them out into the world and let them be quested after and valued and pursued. Only then will this plan work, and it will work. And Loup says, there's another complication too. It's too late for that plan here. And in fact, we're only going to be able to execute this plan in a cycle where we can recover the light before the hunger finds it. And that's a tight window.

We've only done it a few times. Barry says, so, uh, what do you all think? Well, it's better than what we had before, which was nothing. Right. As an improvement on nothing, I'm very high on it. Now, Griffin, do we, we know that this is 100 years, because it's called the Stolen Century. Do we know in, at this point, that we've got like eight more cycles theoretically to go? No, basically what... Is it an ending as far as we know right now?

What he just said is essentially the next time you can find the light before the scouts find it, you do this thing. No matter how long, it could be this next... It's too late now. The hunger knows where you are in this cycle. Maybe in the next cycle, you find the light really quick and it happens. Yeah, I'm for it. Is it going to be dangerous? Lucretia says, like, yeah, I don't know that I want to be responsible for putting anything dangerous out into the world.

Barry, Loop, I know you know your stuff. It's just the light is a sickeningly powerful energy source. Any items powered by that energy are going to be devastating. We could keep an eye on them. Barry says, listen, part of this plan is once we put them out there, they're out there. We have to let them be craved or else it's not going to work. So, but the first time, though, we can sell them, right, for sure? Like, we're going to be able to turn a profit here.

Loub laughs and says, however we put them out into the world, it's up to us. But from that point on, we kind of just have to let it be. Here's my thinking on there, as far as the danger thing goes. I'm, I've been thinking about this for a while, about 92 cycles now. And you know that feeling? I don't know if you all feel this, but that feeling when we arrive to a new plane and it's populated and this feeling of fear and regret that there are people here that even if we get the light, it still isn't great for them.

And is a little bit of danger out in the world, isn't that better than the entire world being destroyed? Lucretia speaks up and she says, Magnus, I've been thinking about that this whole time too. And I've come up with a plan also. And I didn't think it was ready, but I figure now is the time to talk about it. I think I can channel the light into a spell, a warding spell to defend against the hunger's advances.

And she waves a wand at this projection on the table and a light barrier surrounds that central plain. and she says, I've been practicing this spell for decades now, up a final barrier. With the aid of the light, I can weave it around an entire plane, and it will be strong enough to keep out everything. And that includes the hunger. And Loup says, Lucretia, let me show you something. And then this projection changes again, and you see thousands of little threads of light stretching between all the different planes. and pass the projection, out of the projection,

reaching out into other realities entirely. And Loop says, if that barrier cuts off everything from outside, you risk severing the bonds between this world and the rest of existence. A world cut off like that. I'm sorry, Lucretia, but it won't survive. And Lucretia gets kind of upset. She says, you don't know that. We don't know anything about what the light is capable of.

Even if that's true, fine. This world has some lean years until we starve the hunger out. But please, I'm begging you. Just think about it. And the seven of you spend some time debating these two plans, and things get a little heated at times. And finally, Davenport cuts everything off, and he says, that's enough. Well, we'll put it to a vote. Barry and Loop, I imagine you're supporting your plan.

Lucretia, for yours. What are the rest of you think? I'm with loop Lucretia says Taco you won't even consider it you won't even consider my plan You know I wish I could Here's the thing

I I'm torn honestly because I love a good shield I I don't know I mean I wish there was a third option where we could just fight and beat them Loub says I've thought of that too Magnus

I promise I've tried everything to blow up the hunger, if I could channel the light into a big explosion, it would not be enough. It is, it's the size of a lot of planes at this point, and you can't just blow something like that up. I'm sorry, but when it comes down to it, your plan is us making a decision for a world that's not our own to cut them off from everything else. And I don't, I just don't feel comfortable doing that. Listen, I'm on your team, but in fairness, like, it's a pretty big decision to unleash seven ultra-powerful artifacts across a planet, too. Like, we're putting some incredibly dangerous weapons into the planet. Again, on your side, but let's look at this with clear eyes.

We're making decisions for other people regardless. Okay, well, let me make another reason. if the seven artifact thing falls through, we can get on the ship and fight another day. If we cut it off, if we close off the world and it doesn't work, we're fucked. Okay. Love that. If everyone hear that part, loving that. That's a great point.

Also, the other thing about it is, like, I know we're going to get rid of them. But I think I'm a mortal now. So eventually, statistics say, I would. will get one again. So I am pretty gized about that. Listen, I, I've got to go with the majority here. Besides, we got the meat shield here. He can, he can protect us all from stuff. Um, I'm gonna have to, I got, yeah, yeah, you have a shield that shouldn't help against a reality killing, all-encompassing hunger. You're gonna know whether to be annoyed or flattered, honestly.

Davenport says, well, it sounds like we have a pretty big majority here. Listen, if I can't real quick, Lucretia, let's do, here's the thing, if you think about a logical order, let's do the seven article fact thing, that doesn't

work. The next time we get the light of creation on a future cycle, we can do your thing. She looks up at you, Magnus, and her eyes meet yours, and she, takes that to heart. If this was a fucking telltale game, it would say Lucretia will remember that at the top right corner of the screen right now. She does look disappointed, though. She looks downtrodden.

She's been working on this plan for like decades, and it kind of just came to an end. But Louvreysh that and says, Lucretia, I promise you, I swear on my life and my second life, this is going to work. We're nearly done. Okay? And Lucretia says, Okay. The next few cycles, your efforts to quickly recover the light prove unsuccessful. But it gives you the time that you need to design the magic items that you'll hide the light away in. Each of you using the artificing skills you learned in the last cycle, we'll build one.

I think I speak for the rest of us and like the entire audience when I say, I cannot wait to see what these fucking seven items are. Yeah. I know. Each of you will build one and be responsible for putting it out into the world. And for a bonus experience point, do you want to guess which your grand relic was? I can list them off and... Yeah, list them off. Okay, so there was the...

No, hey, I would guess. Hold on. Well, he's in a list... No, no, no. All right. The artifacts were. Okay. In order of their appearance, there was the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, the Oculus, the Gaya

Sash, the Philosopher's Stone. the temporal chalice, the animus bell, and then the staff that you only saw at the end of the last episode, which is called, and you know this because one of you talked about what it is called the bulwark staff. Which one, for an extra experience point, which one did you make? One of these should be very easy for one of you. I think I made the temporal chalice. Well, yeah, of course. Okay. Saw as much of a flash.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Take one. Well, to make it a little bit tougher, I will guess somebody else's. How about that? Well, let's let Merlin Taco guess there. But take one experience point. I think, keep in mind, like, what, if you were making an item, like what your interests are, what you think power is, what you would think is desirable, that is sort of the guiding principle for how you made these.

Go ahead, Jus. Guy a sash. I did the guy of sash. That's right. Take one experience point. Did I do the philosopher's stone? You did? You did.

I'm a big HP fan. Yes, you're the biggest HP fan. All right, everybody take experience points. Davenport. In Oculus, right? Yeah, because of his interest in illusion magic and what the possibilities would be, if you can make those illusions real,

he made the Oculus. Barry, with his interest in sort of some of the necromanic arts that he picked up when he became a litch, made the animus bell. Lucretia. I think about how weird it is that romantic is in the word necromanic. It is strange. Lucretia made the bulwark staff, and Loop made the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet.

So the seven of you have designed your relics. You haven't built them yet because the time hasn't been right. But the plan is set. And then after a few more cycles, finally, it happens. The light, it comes down right on top of your ship, and you recover it within the hour. And when you do, there is a dawning realization of what that means. Your journey is over. You are home here in cycle 99.

Hey, everybody. This is Griffin McRoy, your dungeon master, your best friend, and your midnight boy. What's a midnight boy? It's a boy at midnight who's recording a podcast. Thanks for listening to episode 66 of the Adventure Zone. this is the final episode of the Stolen Century, and that means that the next episode is going to be the beginning of our finale, and that is a completely buck wild thing to say out loud, and I can't believe it's true, and I'm just, I'm having a full-blown freak out.

Yeah, it's a big episode, and I hope you enjoy it, and I'm so excited to get to the ending, and for whatever is going to be next, Thank you all so much for being with us through this whole thing. I've been listening to old episodes again to sort of prepare, and that's a very emotional process for me, and it just makes me just so grateful for everybody who has helped to make this show what it is. Got a personal message here. This one is for Morgan, and it's from Keenan. I believe that's how it's pronounced.

or Keenan, I think it's Keenan, who says, I can't believe we've been friends for 21 years. When we first met, I honestly had no idea how important you'd become to me. I'm so proud of you for fulfilling your dream of becoming a professional animator. Maybe those doodles on my grade 9 math homework will be a museum or biography material someday. And then there's a smiley emoticon. Nope, I'm so sorry. Listen, when I read these things, I'm very far away from my screen.

It is a winky emoticon. Please reach out for a full refund. I completely dropped the fucking ball here. Congratulations on becoming an animator, Morgan. That's very, very exciting. I'm really happy for you. It just sounded like I was being facetious. I wasn't. I'm genuinely very happy. Here's another message. This one's for Jacob, and it's from The Cult of Dum, who says, thank you, Jacob, for organizing and DMing us for the last year. Your hours of preparation each week provided us with a rich and full world, and you were always quick on your feet when our more chaotic elements strayed from the path.

There's always one, huh? Though you have moved to a new realm, rest assured we will continue to carry your torch. That is such a sweet message. God, I love fucking D&D groups using this as like a love note message board. It makes me so happy. Thank you all for tweeting about the show using the Zonecast hashtag. If I'm being completely honest, the next episode is the finale, or part one, I guess, of the finale. And I don't know if there's going to be any opportunities for new characters.

But for the folks who have tweeted about the show and supported it and help spread the word, we sure do appreciate it. And as we move into the end game, if this show has like meant something to you ever, if you've ever enjoyed it, it would mean a lot if you would help spread the word and tell somebody. We don't pay to advertise the show at all. And so we rely entirely on you to grow our audience and make this thing even bigger and better. Thanks to Maximum Fun for having us. You can check out all the great podcasts at maximum fun.org.

There's some really good stuff on there like Jordan Jesse Go, Judge John Hodgman, lady to lady, all kinds of great podcasts. We also do a bunch of other shows and video stuff that you can find at Macroyshows.com. I want to say a huge thanks to Reader. That's R-E-E-D-E-R. He's a musician, a pianist and composer, whose work I found a few months ago, he composed some songs inspired by The Adventure Zone.

And I used a song of his called Relic in this episode. I think it'll probably be towards the end there. You can find all of his music at I Am Reader. Again, it's R-E-D-R dot bandcamp.com. He's got a new album out called It Is the N-E-E-E-R-Ban-Camp.com. He's got a new album out called It Is The N nature of dreams to end. That is really terrific.

And I really, I really appreciate him letting me use this song for this episode because I, I think it's really great. And I think it's going to fit the scene really well. I think that's it. Yeah, the next episode's going to be up on, when's it going to be up? It's like the middle of July sometime. Oh, yeah, July 13th. And I feel like I finally have to say it.

Like, it is the first part of the finale, and it's going to be wild. So, um, I'll talk to you then. Bye. What is most peculiar about this new world that you will now call home is how closely it resembles the home you first left. Biologically speaking, it's nearly identical. There are humans and elves and dwarves and dragons and halflings and goblins. Merle, as sort of the chief biologist of this mission, you are struck by the familiarity of the flora and fauna in this place.

I bet he is. Especially the flora. The sky above is blue and there's only one sun, but otherwise it feels like home. But it's more than just the biological makeup of this world. There are echoes of the world you left all over. There's technology in this world, and it's being advanced by this laboratory that you hear of. And later on, you hear rumors that they're studying the planes, too, just like the Institute of Planar Research and Exploration. Merle, you know some people in this world, and they don't know you, not right now anyway.

But you have like some distant relatives that existed in your home plane, too, and the odds of that are just astronomical. And there are cities and national parks and beaches and music and taco. There's so much food here. And your journey could have ended anywhere. It could have ended in the ruined world with the judges ruling over everything. Or it could have been the world where the planes intersected and there was nobody there. But it ended here. And you're so grateful for that.

And the seven of you rushed to complete your relics in the next day. hoping to complete your task before the hunger's scouts arrive. And the work is surprisingly easy. Barry and Loop carefully divide up the light, and you take that power, and you put it inside of the items you designed, and it's just done. And you can feel the thrall of these powerful artifacts pulling at you, but you resist them. And you stow them away for the moment, and you just wait. You wait one day, and two, three.

And after a week, the finality of this situation is. situation sets in. You did it. The hunger's not coming. You're safe. And so you, you celebrate that night and in the morning, you decide it's time to put your relics out into the world. And I want to know how you do that. Magnus, again, like... I take it to refuge, right? Yeah, Magnus, you take it down and you, I guess, try to find somewhere sort of isolated to put the temporal chalice, but you kind of get lost in your journey and you are out in the woven gulch. and you're so thirsty, you, like, fucked up and didn't bring enough water and you're lost. I think this is interesting, you have to think for the last hundred years, like,

mortality hasn't really been a concern? That's another thing. Like, this is set in on all of you when you kind of realize this is home. Like, you can't die anymore. You're not leaving. So, yeah, I think you're probably having a tough time with that. Like, oh, shit, am I going to die in this gulch? But you are found by Jack and June.

and they're so kind to you. And that kindness is what lets you know, like, these are the people I can trust with this. I had to Fandlin, and I throw the rock in the well, and then I walk away and shout, hey, there's a cool rock in the well, tell everybody forever. And then I go back to doing whatever I was doing.

Nobody really listens to you. Not at first, but I think what we see is some minor coming back to town, after a sort of long and exhausting shift, maybe at Wave Echo Cave, maybe somewhere else. And as they walk by this well, the same route that they've walked between work and home hundreds, if not thousands of times during their stay here,

they hear a voice coming from the bottom of the well. Merle, what do you do? Don't I have to go back to the gold cliffs? Hey, you do not. You do not. These relics... Hold on. Take a second.

Dad, you remember the name of a thing? I'm so proud of you. I'm extremely proud. Yeah, me too. These relics are going to move around a lot. We have a lot of time still between now and where our story begins, and so don't worry about putting it right at Goldcliffe. Okay.

Well, I have an idea. I'm going to hide it in plain sight, which is where... what Sherlock Holmes always suggested you do. And there's this massive statue, you know, like the Colossus of Rome. And I tie the Gaia shaft, sash. Thank you.

Around its head like a headband. Okay. Yeah, I think, again, like, it that, you hit it in plain sight and sure enough, like I think it takes a while for anybody to even realize what it is, but there's a, there's a sculptor that comes to study this, comes to study this statue and sort of how it was made. And this thing's been here for a while, so like not a lot of folks still appreciate this thing, but this sculptor does.

And the next time that this sculptor comes around, they see this sash and they hear, they feel, it calling to them. And things don't escalate all at once. It takes time for the legend of these powerful relics to spread throughout the land for the avarice of the world below to truly catch fire. But once it does,

well, you know how this next part goes. After about 10 months after your arrival in this world, the conflict that you've heard referred to now was the relic wars truly ignites. And the devastation it reeks is immeasurable. Every party in this world, every band of adventurers, every mercenary guild, every kingdom wants the grand relics. And as you coast above this land aboard the Starblaster, every few weeks or so, you see a battle raging down below. And the relics are just unearthed, and they change hands, and they are squirled away.

and then that cycle begins anew. But it's not just the conflict surrounding the relics that is so troubling. You also hear reports, and you see firsthand exactly what these relics are capable of, and they're capable of so much more than you assumed when you were making them. Maybe they're getting powerful. Maybe just in the hands of the wrong people, they can be used to so much greater effect than you assumed. The gauntlet, the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet,

It surfaces every few months, and it leaves a circular glass scar on the world's surface. Once it was at the scene of one of these massive battles. Once it was where just this sleepy agrarian village once stood. There are reports of impossible things, monsters and other phenomena conjured into existence by the Oculus. Deadly, unceasing storms take shape overhead, and Merle, it's the telltale sign of the Gaiasasashe's power. A string of cities built upon the Moonshaye Isles are drowned in minutes under the weight of one of these storms. Taco, you only see a couple of instances of the Philosopher's Stone being misused, but they're so horrible. One that hits hardest is the city of Armos.

A child found the stone somehow, Taco, and turned their home and everyone inside of it to peppermint. Magnus, your relic might be the most distressing of all of them. Because you don't see anything change because of the chalice. And that's the problem. Time can be rewritten with the chalice, made miserable without your knowing it. And what you don't know, it haunts you, Magnus. But the year passes. And the hunger never comes.

And that is cause for celebration. But the weight of what you've done to this world is always present. It's looming overhead. And that's the scene now. It's been a little over a year, and your team is celebrating the success of their plan. You have hidden from the hunger. You have staved off the apocalypse. And so you're having a little celebration with just the seven of you and Fisher.

And I want you all to sort of choose a character to do a scene with at this party and sort of explore how your character is reacting to this situation. Let me just say parenthetically, we've gone from wrecking trains to start. starting a global conflict. Well, to be more precise, you started a global conflict, and then you started wrecking We got better, actually, if you think about it. Yeah, Arc is actually an impressive one. Yeah, we're doing good. I want these scenes to be relatively short, so just like pick a character, and I mostly

just want to see how your character is reacting to what you've done. I would like to have a scene with Barry. Okay. What are you doing at this party with Barry? Man, it's a really good question, Griffin. Maybe we're looking through our albums to play... pick the next music to play. Okay.

Yeah, there's probably, I think we have some sort of, I don't know what the rule is for like music storage in this world, but there's probably some sort of album-like thing. I put it on the new album by My Morning Curass. Okay. Barry says, oh, my morning cloak? Wait, which was better? Hold on. Cloak, Cloak.

Yeah. My Morning Curas is great, because their songs are usually a little bit somber sometimes, a little bit bittersweet, and that's definitely the tone here. Okay. And Barry looks up as you put that album on, and he says, oh, yeah, this is a, this is a good one. It's really going to get the party bump in Magnus. He says, hey, he says, how you, how you doing, bud?

You know, a little split. It's been, here's the thing, dude, like, we've been going so long. and then it reset. You know, like we do a year, it resets. And you get used to, you know, for a hundred years, we knew what the next thing was going to be, what the end game was. We had to find the thing or we had to get away.

What's the end game here? He says, I think this is it, bud. This is life now. We've, we saved the world. It sure doesn't feel like it, but there is no finale. If there was, we already did it. But what do we do now? Like, how do we make what's next for us individually?

You know what I mean? Like we've been so goal-oriented for 100 years. and now I don't know what's next Merle Taco Well I think it's pretty obvious What Merle wants to do at a party He wants to dance

Okay So he asks Loop He asks Loop to go on to the dance floor with him Come on, sis Let's go Let's cut a rug Loop is just like Loops in the kitchen

She was cooking up some party favors and you realize she's just been like stirring the same pot for like 20 minutes now. It smells like it's burning maybe a little bit. She's just kind of absent mind and she looks up and says, oh, Merle, I'm sorry. What was it? Come on. It's time for you to have a little party at the dance. At the party.

Let's have a little fun. Come on out on the dance floor with me. Put that ladle down. Take that off the burner or whatever it is. you are gonna dance with Merle. I'm getting like a real feeling of fucking Leland Palmer dancing. Fucking Mervazi notes a dozy, don'ts, a little lers. I was thinking tequila, but.

Looop's, Loub says, Merle, how the fuck can you feel like dancing right now? Listen, kid, you gotta dance every. day. Every day, you got to dance. It's good for your physical. It's good for your mental health. Now, if you don't come out on the dance floor with me and dance and have a little bit of fun, I'm going to cast planar warts on you, and you're going to get warts on your hands, and Barry's going to be grossed out. She says, don't cast any spells on me. I'll take a rain check. I'm just not in the dancing mood right now, Merle.

Lucretia sees you having this conversation with her. She sees you being sort of, like, extremely positive in this situation, and... And she's jealous. No, she looks, like, kind of distressed. Like, I know I referenced Leland Palmer, like, dancing after his daughter's death in Twin Peaks, but, like, it's... I feel like there's a sort of uncomfortableness of, like, why? Why is this dude so turned up right now?

Like, why is he like... This doesn't seem like the time or place, really. So this is awake and not a party. It sure feels like it. Taco. I want to talk with Barry. Okay. Like, we're just kind of bumped into each other.

Like, I feel like we're kind of maybe watching this, and as it sorts to wind down, I'm just sort of talking to him. Hey, Barry. Yeah. You know what's kind of fucking me up? What's that, Taco? So speaking personally, I would assume a lot of stuff. Yeah, it's weird, though.

We traveled around for 100 years and didn't really have a place to call ours. And now that we're stuck here, I can't stop feeling like we're technically homeless. Like, think about it for a second. We've been waiting for the other shoe to drop for so long over again. year now, and we live on a spaceship? It's still really weird to me. Like, do you remember about 70 years ago or so? 70 cycles? I just stopped learning math because everybody did math differently, and I just got sick of it. So I just stopped learning math. I'm going to have to learn the math here now. I have to make some sort of life here, but of all the places to call home,

I don't know, it just seems weird. He says, no, I know what you're talking about. And, you know, we talked about it's not right for us to really live in that world until, I don't know, we see how things play out. I would feel guilty being a citizen in a world that I poisoned. But like, can I speak frankly? You're my family, Taco. Can I speak frankly? Please.

I can't believe that's what you're worried about right now. Listen, I'm, I'm just trying to get by, man. Thanks for the shade, I guess. This has been being great. He says, I don't mean to. I'm struggling with it, too, and I don't know how, I don't know how you shut yourself off from that. We, I mean, I'm sorry, but I've been living a hundred years with me and one year with

millions of people, it interchangeable. I, I guess I just got to a point where, I was the one that I could focus on because everybody else that I ever met aside from the six of you were dust. They were just talking dust. Okay, so I started worrying a lot more about me because what was the fucking point?

That's the scene, I think. By the way, I did spare everyone. I was going to make a sick Groundhog Day reference where I talked about being in an island world once and I met a guy and we ate lobster, drank pen and colladas and something that we loved like sea otters. and I didn't. And I just want everybody to know that I was going to and imagine that I did.

Maybe in the expanded version. It's a deleted scene. So you've been in this world 20 months now. And the conflict over these relics shows no sign of stopping. Nor does the occasional bits of devastation that they visit on this world. And one morning, Loop gathers everyone in the kitchen. and she seems just so tired. And she explains that during the night,

a city called Cordelia was destroyed by the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, and estimates put the death toll in the low thousands. And Loop tells you all this with a stone-faced expression and adjourns the meeting, and everybody kind of goes back to their quarters and Taco, she looks heartbroken. You know you didn't mean to make something like that. I understood the rationale you came up with.

I mean, it was just damage. It was just damage. The other ones that we made, they could be twisted and perverted in so many different ways. And I think at least the way you explained it to me that by making something that was just damage, it would limit it. You didn't mean for any of this to happen.

I know that, Taco. I know. I, and I know it's good. Like, the hunger's not here, and the hunger's worse than anything we've done. I get all that. I just, I can't help but ask. Did we make the right decision? I mean, hindsight's 2020.

Yeah. Who knows if the shield would have worked? you know, sometimes there aren't right decisions. Sometimes there's just decisions. I mean, at the scale that we're talking about, the devastation that the hunger brought to all those worlds, I can say pretty certainly that it's better than that, right? It's got to be.

I know. You're right. She still looks really bummed out. Okay, I'll do it one time. And then I go over to the record. player and I turn on the thong song song and I do my fucking thong song lip sync it is basically amazing I can't even really put what do justice to it with words but I feel like it always makes loop laugh because it's really ridiculous she does she laughs she laughs she laughs so hard she has to

sit down at the kitchen table and she watches the rest of your performance and can I be your background to answer? I think you've done quite enough at this. She laughs so hard that she is like crying a little bit. And she wipes those tears from her eyes and says, Taco, I can't, I couldn't have done any of this without you. I wouldn't have made it here without you. I know we don't say this enough, but thank you. That was the last conversation you ever had with your sister.

When someone leaves your life, those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful and poetic and satisfying. Others are abrupt and unfair, but most are just unremarkable, unintentional, clumsy. Where Loop went, she didn't intend to end up there, and she certainly didn't intend to spend as much time away as she did. And we'll talk more on that later. But from your perspective, Loop was there, and then the next day she wasn't. And you all searched for her,

very tirelessly, painfully so, but she was nowhere to be found. And all you had to go on was a note that she left behind on that kitchen table. And its two-word message offered no clues to her whereabouts, but simply a promise that was left unfulfilled. Back soon. Now we see Lucretia in her private quarters, and she's working by candlelight and the soft glow from Fisher's Tank. And she has one of her journals open in front of her and a large well of black ink uncorked on her desk.

And she reaches for a quill and then stops, and then instead takes up a small brush. She's had to do remarkably difficult things to survive this journey, but this is the hardest. In order for this plan to work, she would have to go over every word of the record of your mission, relive every moment of terror and pain and joy and loss and choose what to keep and what to erase. She spends entire weeks in her quarters. You don't see her much during this time, as she shapes your memories, your lives, with a long and agonizing redaction. It's the early afternoon now on a day two years into your stay here, and this is where you were when it happened.

Merle, you're spending some time with Davenport, and you're all aboard the Star Blasters still, but right now it's just the two of you, you and Davenport. What are you doing? Playing tabletop games. Playing a game. Like a card game or like a card game? board game or?

No, we're playing, yeah, we're playing a card game. We're playing Uker. Two-person U-U-K-R. Yeah, it's possible in this world. It's spelled Y-O-O-K-E-R. Yuker. Do you play that often with Davenport,

just like kill time? You know, it's kind of become a thing we kind of do. Okay. Because you don't have to talk. Sure. And so we just sit there and play, and we play, what's neat is we play it with a, like a tarot.

deck. So it's a very complicated game. I like the idea of you guys just playing this game in silence. And you've played like several rounds now. And I think you're just trying to like, I don't know, man, like distract yourself from everything that's going on. Well, and he also owes me a lot of money. Yeah, sure. Because I'm really good. And after a few rounds, he breaks the silence and he says, holy shit. I think it's my birthday. I guess we gotta start I guess we gotta start caring about stuff like that again

What are you like 130, 140? He says, yeah, I don't know, do we count those years? I certainly didn't age during that. Jesus, Merle, we're gonna get older now. Hmm. He says, do you think we'll be able to have normal lives after this? Nobody's ever had a life like ours. There's no rulebook.

I don't even know where to begin. Why would you want a normal life? Normal life's suck. Like this game, we play this game, we just sit here. It's just a way to kill time. Come on, Skipper, you don't want to just kill time all the time. He says, I know, I just, how do you want to live, Merle? Like, I don't have a, this mission has been my life for a century.

I don't know what I want to. to do. You want to know what I'd like to do? I'd like to move to the beach. You know why? Because with the ocean, the scenery is always changing. And I want the scenery to always be changing, man. I don't want to be looking at the same thing all the time. I want to see a million, billion shells. I want to watch rain come sweeping in. That's the life right there. Change it up. Man, keep it interesting. As you're talking to him, Merle, he drops his cards and he's blinking like really fast and he wipes his eyes and his face and he looks around and his breath it quickens. He's panting and he says, yeah, wait, wait, where am I?

You're Merle, right? I know you. What's going on? And Merle, you see this panicked guy in front of you, and you want to help this guy out, but this guy, you can't remember who that is in front of you. And you see out the windows and you're up in the sky? And the details of why that is leave you, your memories, your time on the beach, your conversations with John, the first church of Funston, their first church of Fungsten, their fading. Everything's fading. Merle. The world is coming down around

you. You're lost. Everything is just static. Wait. Who are you? I'm Davenport. I'm Davenport. I'm Davenport. Taco, you're spending that day, or at least this moment with Barry.

And you're up on the deck of the Star Blaster, just sort of looking around at the world below. And as you come out onto the deck, you see Barry standing over this table that he's dragged out here. And pinned down is a map. And it's showing all the locations where he has searched for loop. And he's leaning over this map.

His heads in his hands. And you see him just, like, nodding off. He's so tired. He's been at this so hard for so long. What do you do, Taco? I guess just try to strike up casual conversation. How's it going? He says, you sort of wake him up.

And he kind of like jumps to the start. And he's like, oh, sorry. I, sorry. So, um, Anyway, there's a dungeon out beyond the Felicity Wilds. It's a subterranean demonic keep thing. There's a bunch of arcane energy coming off of it. I was going to check it out tonight if you want to come with.

Yeah, remind me, how far is that relation to the last glassing? I've triangulated it here, and he shows you the map, and there's some black circles drawn on it. Okay. And it's pretty well within, it's fairly close to, to, to, one of the circles. Yeah, it seems like a good of place as any. Do you want to do the usual?

I'll go down and start casting around, see if I can pick up anything, and then you start talking to folks? He says, yep, that's, uh, I mean, it hasn't worked so far, but it's got to work one of these times. He says, Taco, what if she's just gone?

Who? He says, Taco. Taco, I'm... What if who's gone? What are we... Oh, God, Luke. Taco, I'm... I can't remember her face, Taco.

Taco. Whose face? Is this Fisher? And Taco, sure enough, you feel it too. The Mungoose family that taught you their language, the meals in Tessaralia, the best day ever, your sister, those memories are fading,

Taco, and they're nearly gone. And Barry stands up, He says, Taco, kill me right now. I'll remember if I'm a litch. I can't. Please, Taco, just kill me. I'll be okay. I can't forget.

I'm begging you. Please, Taco. I'm blasted. I'm already blasting him. He is knocked backwards by your spell. Up against the railing of the Star Blasters deck. And he looks up at you and you see a brief pained smile on his face as he. He topples backwards and off the ship.

And as his body falls further and further down, you realize, you don't know who that is. And as you fall to your knees on the deck of this ship that has served as your home for 100 long years, you realize you don't know where you are. Magnus, you've been worried about Lucretia. She has spent so much time hiding away in her quarters. And you've brought her something to just try and cheer her up. What is it? It's a duck.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. But I personalized it, I made it like I painted it so it looked like her, but in duck form. That's fun. Yeah, I invented that. I definitely didn't steal that idea from anyone else. You walk in and you see her bathed in the light of Fisher's Tank. And she turns to face you and she has tears in her eyes, Magnus. And behind her, floating in the tank, wrapped in Fisher's Tank.

Tendrills is a thick blue book bound with silver trim. You see one of her journals, and it's being consumed by Fisher, and immediately the details of your journey are blurring and vanishing one by one. The bear that taught you the meaning of strength, the victorious season of the Tessaralia winners, that fish floating in the tank? What is that thing? No, no! Lucretia speaks and she says God, Magnus, no you weren't supposed to see this

I'm so sorry Magnus What do you do? What? She says Magnus, please This is just for a little bit I'm gonna stop this what we've done to this world I'm gonna find you a place where you can be happy again It's just for a little while and then you'll remember I promise

Who are you? I can do this Magnus please Please just lie down I don't want you to fall and hurt yourself I love you Magnus, I love all of you. I'm sorry. It'll be over soon. Not all exits are made equal. Lucretia didn't intend to spend as much time as she did away from you, saving the world.

She could not live with the cost of what the seven of you did to the world below. She could not sit idly by as the world killed itself pursuing the weapons you created. But she couldn't go against the will of her friends to fix it. that will had to be altered. Moreover, she couldn't handle what the destruction you caused was doing to you. She couldn't bear your sorrow, your pain, your guilt, how it made you miserable and calloused and shut off from the world. That anguish, it could be altered too.

Before her work could begin, she had to make sure her friends, her family, were safe and happy. You were walked to the beach in a day's Merle. She arranged everything for you, a home, a society you could slot right into. You were so happy back on the beach. And in the years that followed, you thrived in that society. You were at peace. You never saw her, but she would check in on you from time to time.

When things were most difficult for her, it brought her some small measure of peace to see you lounging in the sand. laid back your feet soaking in the retreating sunset tide. Magnus, your home was the easiest to find. She just found the most prestigious woodworking shop in this whole world, built high atop the pillars of Raven's Roost. She found you a home, humble but cozy, with a spacious studio fully outfitted with everything a craftsman might need.

In time, you'd be invited to take a residency at the hammer and tongs, and the years that followed would be filled with joy beyond measure. Taco, she struggled to find you a place to fit in because what home is good enough for Taco? The answer was, there isn't one. Everyone in the world deserved to be around you, Taco, to see what you do, what you're capable of. And you deserve it too, Taco, to be recognized, to be admired by every living person you ever encounter. She finds you a stagecoach, a supplier, an audience. You're taco from TV, and you are so, so loved.

Barry was gone, and she didn't know where to. It was a source of constant distress for Lucretia. Was he out in the world somewhere? His memory purged, lost? She didn't know. The alternative was difficult, too. Lucretia had realized after finding Fisher that imbibing its icker made you immune to its power.

It was a discovery she made accidentally when she was doused by its family, back in the world of the Legato Conservatory. But if Barry became a litch, he could remember too. That much she knew. She would have to take measures to keep him at arm's length, just in case. And Loop. Loop was just gone.

In her limited spare time, she looked. She looked everywhere. But Loop was nowhere to be found. And if she was truly lost, it was another reason to forget. She could hardly bear Lou's absence. How hard would it be for her brother? How hard would it be for her love? What happened to Davenport was the most challenging side effect of all of this.

She was so careful in the redaction. She made sure to just leave in the parts of her journal pertaining to your mission, but Davenport's life was the mission. His memory was so severely edited, it left him a shell of who he was. Most days, he could only see. say his own name. She would keep him close and ensure his safety herself. The three of you found happiness in the lives Lucretia made for you, but in enacting this plan, Lucretia found little happiness at all. She recovered her relic easily enough. In pursuing the second, though, her journey

nearly met its end, in Wonderland. She was trapped, and if not for the selflessness of her companion, a sorcerer she'd hired to explore that place with her, she would have died there. It was too close. She needed help. She recruited the scientists you discovered upon arriving in this world, the Millers, who helped her found the Bureau of Balance. They built her a headquarters in the sky, and in exchange she inoculated them, taught them what she knew of the planes, advanced their research in binding souls into robotic forms with the help of a crystal you recovered from the robot kingdom you discovered so many decades ago. And the Bureau thrived. She installed a series of checks and balances among its members, hoping it would counteract the temptation built into these relics,

but it wasn't enough. Without fail, her reclaimers were lost to the thrall of the grand relics, one by one. And Lucretia was tormented by these failures, by how long this was taking, by how distant she felt from her friends. Few people who have lived have ever experienced such loneliness, such hopelessness. It was Fisher who provided a way out. A child. A second void fish. One that offered a redundancy that could once and for all help her gather the relics and cast her barrier around the world. The only people who could recover the relics without succumbing to them were the people who made them in the first place. You could drink from the first fish and learn about the relics, learn just enough to let you

recover them, while the second fish could continue suppressing the truth of their origins. You'd know enough to find the relics, but not enough to know that you made them. She could finally bring you in. She could finally bring you home. Sitting upon the throne on top of this fancy-ass platform is a human woman in her, you would say about her 50s, holding a white oak staff. welcome the three of you to the Bureau of Balance. Elder flour macaroons. Hot diggity shit.

That's what we do. That is how we do it. That is a baller cookie. How did you even do this? We're getting so close. I mean, we're getting close to finishing our goal. And I guess we're also getting, you know, closer as people. It's just...

High five. One day I made the decision to stop championing other people's heroism and to take the direction of my life into my own hands. And I lost dear, dear friends because of that decision, but it was the only one to make. So I admire your faith, Merle. I do, but I think I'm done waiting on anyone to fix my problems for me. Hey, you got to stand for something or are you going to fall for anything. So, listen, you have got faith.

It's faith in you. I guess that's a good way of putting it. Yeah. When you were away on missions, she worried. When you came home, she rejoiced. She tried her hardest not to show it, not to give herself away. With each meal, each candle night's gift exchanged, the nights spent walking the bureaus campus,

the trips to the spa, she fought back a smile that you came to treasure during your 100-year journey. A radiant smile full of, of joy and relief. It's the same smile you just saw moments ago when Magnus burst into the dome, alive again, a mannequin no longer. Her friends were here again, in her hour of greatest need. But that smile is gone now.

The hunger's here again. You've escaped it a hundred times, but no more. This is it. This is it. Comedy and Culture, artist-owned. Listener-supported. What the f*** is an interview? I mean, I do not know.

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