The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 1: Bunny Heist!

Episode Date: September 26, 2024

Our Abnimal heroes Navy Seal, Ax-o-Lyle, and Roger Moore swoop in to thwart a gang of burgling bunnies who intend on stealing the signature weapons of the beloved Greenback Guardians! JJ August performed by Erika Ishii: https://www.instagram.com/theerikaishiiSgt. Salamander performed by Brennan Lee Mulligan: https://brennanleemulligan.com/Opening monologue punch up by Paul Foxcroft. Abminals Theme by Justin McElroy, Eric Near (https://bit.ly/ericnearmusic) and Jonathan Coulton (https://www.jonathancoulton.com/). Additional Music in this Episode: "Gearing Up", "Questions", and "Hellafunk" by Mr. Smith: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/mr-smith/; "Emerald Therapy" by Jason Shaw: https://audionautix.com/; "How it's done" by Pawel Feszczuk: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/pawel-feszczuk/ ; "Task Man" by Gamesharkoff: https://gagmesharkoff.bandcamp.com/; and "Instrumental Sontagsfaherer" by Patrick Steel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqee4AUSj6Jocrsr-uDEAmA.   Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

In spite of what you have heard, we're at the height of our powers atop the tallest of towers. We'll never stop us now. We'll take my hand if you trust that we will do it we must until it's turning out just like the plane. The road is long, but our mojo is strong, and unless I'm wrong, and I'm not, we're at the height of our power. Today marks the 20-year anniversary of the last reported sighting of the Greenback Guardians, seen defending the streets of River City from the volatile pairing of criminals and crime. Even after many other animal teams have taken up their mission to keep the people of this city safe following the convergence of 2010, has any team truly been able to fill the void that the guardians left behind?

The citizens of River City say no. But tonight, those same citizens may sleep a little easier. River City has unveiled a shining tribute to heroism. Four statues in the shape of those beloved Greenback Guardians themselves, Lamar, Loveless, Newton, and Carver, all lovingly rendered in ten-foot-tall golden glory and keeping eternal watch over the city streets to the north, south, east, and west. The monument is a new permanent adjutant,

to River City's famous entry pavilion and celebrates not only the heroes of yesteryear, but the opening night of the History of Heroes exhibition in the museum's West Wing Wing, sponsored by Heron Sorkin. The History of Heroes Exhibition runs for the next three months and celebrates the battles of good versus evil in River City, from villains like the Calcugator and Choptopus to heroes like Omega Mouse and Jeremy the Badger Man. But the true highlight of the collection, an array of Greenback Guardians memorabilia that includes their original signature weapons, an unseen cut of their TV pilot, and archival footage of their most famous rescues and victories.

I have to say that I, for one, feel a little safer, knowing that while the guardians are gone, they will always be with us in spirit. Coming up after the break, it started as a simple school trip to the beach, but what happened next? We'll bring you the hilarious ending to that tragic tale. Reporting for River City First News, I'm JJ August. Stay safe out there. The newscast transitions to the station's call letters and then ads begin to roll. We pull back from the TV display in the window of Brody's discount television Wonder Emporium and make our way down a side street of River City.

Several hours have passed since JJ's broadcast first aired and the city sleeps. But this slumber is not entirely peaceful. We return once again to the Arthur Gallery Museum and find it shrouded in darkness. The streetlights on either side of the entry pavilion have been tampered with. The panels cut open and the wires chewed through. It seems that someone is up to no good. The bunny brood are robbing the museum. Flopsy and Mopsy stand at the top of the steps directing henchmen carrying boxes labeled

Greenback Guardian stuff towards a box truck. We see cotton tail separate from the others chewing on the legs of the Guardian statues. But we also see one more thing. Across the parking lot, taking cover behind a sensible green sedan, we see three abnimal heroes. My first and past most important question, whose sensible green sedan is it? Which one of you three owns the sensible green sedan? My guy owns a cyber truck. He's way.

into that life. Way into that cyber truck lifestyle. What an amazing way to introduce your character. Can I say, you'll get a heel turn at the very beginning of an actual play podcast. Can I, can I say brief sidebar, Huntington has its first cyber truck and it is a citywide panic trying to figure out who has the cyber truck. It's all anybody is talking about here is which dork bought a cyber truck. You know what? Two, I do want to say two independent parties came to Sydney to ask if I was the culprit.

That's I are cold, man. My brand is so bad, apparently. So does the green sedan belong to Roger or to Lyle? I think it's messed up that you didn't even offer it to me. I don't actually own a side. You just said you didn't own it. You said you had a cyber truck. I don't have a cyber truck.

That was clearly. I think it would be Rogers if. It's part of his cover as a competitive ballroom dancer. I don't think Roger would drive a sedan. It's like in the movies where they put him in some junkie car. Yeah. And it's hilariously. This is cool, Chav.

We've never introduced the characters by saying what they aren't. Yeah. That's such an interesting diversion. I think you've got an Aston Martin back in the beach house. I like the idea of Roger just constantly telling people he has an assing. Martin, but he can't ever drive it or show it anyway. There's a bumper sticker on this sensible green Camry that says, my other car is asked. Don't trip.

The other car's in Aston Martin. All right. So we see Axelile, the extreme firefighter axelado. We see Roger Moore, the cow secret agent. We see Navy SEAL, the Ross Seal, I don't know, beefy boy. And the three of you, the Ocean Commando is the Tyler. Ocean Commando. Beefy Boy.

And you guys can see this heist taking place. Now, you're far across the parking lot is a good distance away from you, so you have plenty of time to plan and act. Between you and this heist, you can see the fountains of the museum. And you also can see that in this kind of driveway circle, there's a manhole to the east that is between you and heist. There is also a manhole to the west, which is closer up on the other side of their vehicle. You can see, as they said, a street lamp to the east and west, but both of them are currently off. Awesome. And, of course, the four statues of Lamar, Loveless, Newton, and Carver surrounding a large golden plinth.

And then you have Flopsy and Mopsy who are on the stairs of the museum while the henchmen are bringing stuff out and loading the truck. And then Cotton Tail, who is further south gnawing on the legs of these statues. I turn to Axelyle and Roger, and I start doing hand gestures. I start doing like two fingers in the air, sort of swirl it around, three taps on my wrist, sort of brush against my face, pointing with my whole thin hand towards that area. I pointed at myself, kind of put my head on top of my head, push it down, three more finger slaps on the wrist, and then I check for confirmation. I'm sorry, fellows, I'm not quite sure I know what indicating.

Um, Lyle, do you have any idea? Three taps. There must be something. Are you, are you... Remind me three, man. Are you wanting us to split up? No, I mean, maybe if that's what the situation commands, but three taps for three bogies,

then pushing the head down, discretion. When I point with the fin, it's pointing at the, direction of the bogies? Yes. And then... Oh, yeah, yeah. And then this is... And then I brush my face,

discretion. Oh, I see. Yes. Always, man. I asked you guys if you felt comfortable with the hand symbols. Well, I know, but we didn't want to... Be up here difficult.

You seem so proud of them, man. I don't know if us wanted a harsh shit. Yeah, that was... You had this glow while you were describing them in our previous meeting. It was... was very hard to disrupt. Okay, so I brush my face again, three taps.

Thumbs up. Wait, now the thumbs up. Hold on a second. About the thumbs up. Where are we out with that? I just kind of shake my head and I do a little somersault roll. I'm going to try to sneak up towards the fountain.

Now the head shake. Okay, you're sticking up towards the fountain. Yeah, I want to get into the fountain splash down and sort of do an aquatic approach, Rambo style. Okay. Give me a just straight 2 D8. I'm going to say this

as an abs roll because seals I don't think are inherently sneaky. No, once we get in the water, though, it's remained in the shade. That's a three, but then an eight, which is the highest number you can roll on an eight-sided dice. Okay, yes. That is going to be a success, but so you are

able to sneak over there. And you're trying to make it to the Fountain. Correct? Yes, I'm trying to make it to sort of the south side of the fountain here, far away from the foes. In the rules of this game, the success butt appears above you. If you get it. It's humiliating.

You are able to do it, but you're hidden, right? You're not spotted, but it makes a little bit more noise than maybe you were anticipating, maybe you're going for it. So Cotton Tail has paused their chewing on the legs of the statue, and they're A little more aware now. Can I have my control of my token, please? Enroll 20? Oh, man.

Give me the toy, Trave. Damn, you got a toy, look at that. We all got little toys down here, but you won't let us play with them. I can do controlled buy. Set me loose. Set me free. Yeah. Let him clear history.

Don't make me take that control away. Whoa, he's spinning around. He's going crazy, guys. Griffin. I'll take the control of a little. You're right. Okay, what are the other two of you doing? I would like to activate my nocturno sense.

In a darkened environment and when not an act of peril, Lyle can use sound and chemical detection to understand more about his environment, enemies, etc. Okay, what are you trying to determine? I'm trying to determine places where I might not be seen, like cones of vision, that kind of thing. Okay, excellent. And also like any...

Big glowing weak points on their backs. Yeah, I was going to say weak points, but like explosive barrels. That's like probably not. You know what I mean? Just like any kind of adventure stuff. Travis, I do just want to say this is, if you do put explosive barrels in the first encounter of your, like, campaign, we're going to expect them in all of them. He's Lyle has an ability to, he's exceptionally skilled at improvising melee weapons in his environment. So he gets his weapons around him.

So I need to kind of know what I have at my disposal. Okay, excellent. Roll 48. 48? Yeah. Okay. 4D8, not 48. Amen.

My nocturno sense goes wild with an 8755. All passes. Yeah, that's perfect. Okay, yeah, first, you can see that along the side of the road closest to you, there are some vehicles parked, probably, you know, maybe courtesy vehicles from the museum, or a transport that they use. And so that's going to give you some pretty good cover to get up pretty far along the line. But you can also see just ahead of you in kind of the garden.

You can see the greenery and landscaping area. It seems that they were kind of in the middle of redoing some stuff. So you can see that the landscapers have left behind sets of shovels and some like rakes and hedge trimmers and stuff like that. A leaf blower even. Okay. And what kind of enemies do we have? We've got the three bunny brood who are, you know, about like pretty tall, ranging between like 510 and 6 foot 5 bunny people.

Those are bipedal rabbit men, yes? Correct. Excellent. Great. As well as their three henchmen who just seem like pretty standard dudes. Human dudes? Yeah. Okay.

And then just your run of the mill. What's a normal? Trave, what's a normal dude? Describe a normal average dude to me. Me? Well, that's so fascinating to me. But not surprising. They have different facial hair, though, so you can tell the difference.

Cool, dude. Yeah. Oh, and they're all wearing fake bunny ears to indicate their allegiance. Oh, that's good. That's a good henchman move. And they each have little cotton balls glued onto their butts. Yeah. All right, I'm going to use the right side outside the line of, of,

cars there to move up closer in a discreet way and maybe grab myself a rake. Okay, yeah, and with all those successes, you are able to navigate that incredibly easily, and you've got your rig. I'm going to say you're up, yeah, right about there, right by the streetlight east. Okay, what about you, Roger? Roger is going to rely on his natural dancing skills and just, make a beeline for which one of them is gnawing on the legs of the statues? That would be cotton tail.

Cotton tail. Pretending to be a mime. Huh. You know, relying on his natural, you know, he's going to be pretending to be a street performer, a mime. Oh, okay, got it. And he's doing the old pulling yourself along with a row. That'll be very distracting. Excellent job, man.

Super job. Do you maybe want to go around the other side of the street, than the one we are on, let's not be too hasty. I think Dad's got a plan and I think... To draw attention directly to where the two of us are hiding.

Yeah, you got to, Dad, just go to a different place to your dance. I'm going about halfway between. That way I can distract for both of you. Okay. A full focus is too bad. How close can I get to him? Well, that's a great question.

Now they're just kind of looking at both of us, group. We're in both their periphery now. That's awesome. Yeah. A bold choice. Dad, to go ahead and move yourself up there. I'm going to have you.

Oh, okay. Sorry. This is, I would say, movement is your strong suit. Right? So go ahead and roll 3D8 for me. A 1, an 8, and a 1. Okay, yeah, I'm going to say that with that kind of mixed success, you are able to move up, and Cottontail does not immediately attack.

Cottontail's not the brightest of the three, but Cottontail is going to move to kind of mean. you in the center and like is investigating what you are doing. Okay. But so far, everybody is kind of still more or less in cover. But now, Roger, I'm going to have you perform this mime routine and know that like Cotton Tail is already pretty suspicious. I don't know why he'd be suspicious.

He's, he's just keeping watch outside of the heist and a mime came up. up. If that raises, stop being so jumpy, Cotton Tail. Well, one, it's a rabbit. Two, I would point out. I know, bro. That was the goof. I thought it up. Oh, okay. But maybe my thing was a goof in which I was pretending that I didn't know. Okay. Me reacting this way to it is also a goof. We're three. If you're going to make a show that families can listen to, you can't spend so much of it arguing about goofs.

Okay. Kids hate that. Give me another 3D8 performance check. Me? Yeah. Very well. A four, a five, and a four. So that five works.

Contchale gets into it, and with that make success, is it going to attack you? But does start doing it with you by like holding your hands and doing it at the same time. Oh, like a tug of war. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. competitive dancing. A competitive bime. Interaction. But he does have a hold of me, correct?

Yes, correct. Mopsy, also with that, makes success, has started to notice something is going on with Cotton Tail. It's pretty dark, though. And so where Mopsy is, she can't see what's happening, but he's aware that something's going on over there. And it's going to move a little bit this way to try to figure out what's happening. What are you doing, Lyle and Navy?

I want to let Navy take the lead because kind of an appointman position there. I'll see what Navy's doing first. I want to approach a little bit up the fountain just so I can get a better look. I want to get an idea of how much they have already stolen, what part of the heist process. It looks like we're in. If it looks like these gentlemen are going to peel off and go back in to grab more stuff or if they are about to make their getaway. Okay.

As we established in the water, I'm going to say you don't even. for this lights off. No one's paying attention to you. You're in the water. It's so easy for you to get close to there. But do give me, give me, yeah, just a 2D8 check to see if you can scope out how it's going. I do have a skill bug-eyed.

Ross Seals have gigantic eyeballs that enhance Navy's powers of perception. Oh, sick. Okay, yeah, give me a 3D8. Double success, 727. Okay, yeah. Yeah, so at this point, the truck is pretty loaded. Okay. You can see lots of boxes in there, and you can overhear a little bit.

Maybe, like, you see them talking, like, Flopsy is starting to give some congratulatory, like, thumbs up. Like, hey, we're almost done. Good job, everybody. So you can tell, like, it's starting to wrap up. You don't have long here. And I want to remind you, Lyle, especially where you are now, next to this streetlight, you can see like the panel that was pulled off to access the wires inside and you can see like where they've been gnawed through and it's pretty like green wire is cut and there's a green wire you know underneath the red wires right so it wouldn't be hard to figure out like how to wire these back together wire the street light back together or wire the alarm system back together what is the panel? Yeah panel goes with the street light the alarm system you assume is inside but they don't for maybe obvious reasons give access.

to the alarm system. Outside of the building. Yeah. That's cool. That makes perfect. That makes perfect sense, Tram. I should have gotten that through context clues, for sure. I mean, I'm ready to pop this thing off.

I don't know if you guys, if you guys are feeling like this is good. Yeah, this is good. I'll push the street light over. Okay. On to the red, the red one. Mopsy. I can't see that name. Mopsy. Yeah. Mopsy. It looks like that would work. So I'm going to do that. And then you can play it off like an accident, like a final destination. Whoopsie. That happened. What are you using to do this? Is there any skills you have? Yeah, Trave. I'm using a rake.

You're using a rake. I said I grabbed it earlier. So I'm using that as a lever to make it easier. Okay. With my incredible strength. So I'm picturing this correctly. You're wedging like the rake and un-shevel. Not a rake. A shovel. Let's be sensible men. It's a shovel. A big shovel. Well, now I get it. Okay.

Now you get it. I'm using the tip of it underneath the bolts, and I'm knocking it over with that, with my incredible strength. Amazing. Okay, give me a 3D8 strength jack assisted by your shovel. Two, one, six. Okay, yeah. So I will say that with a six that makes success, you are able to get it going. Yeah.

is making a fairly loud noise as it goes. Yeah. Yeah. So it doesn't hit Mopsy, but it does, like, they throw themselves backwards and, like, she's on the ground, right? Very disoriented with what has just happened. But it did draw, well, some attention that away. So Hintra, number one, is headed that way to investigate. Flopsie's heading over to help up Mopsy and be like, what the?

What was that? Oh, and when, after I noticed. all them looking at me, I say, Yeah, I'm, I'm here for street light repair. Okay, sorry, just to clarify, and this is... Try to get the access panel.

Okay, just, so... You're saying, yeah, I got to access the panels. So you... First of all, it's like two o'clock in the morning. Electricity doesn't sleep, and I can't either. You can't sleep at all? No. I don't sleep.

We're a server. I mean, as a service, we don't sleep. I understand. And to fix the streetlight, you had to bri it from its full. You gotta get to the access panels, man. Okay, yes. Okay, give me a 2D8. Unless you have something that makes this very believable,

give me a 2D8 and is, it's going to be a tough one, Justin. Two big eights. Here we go. Two big eights. Nope. There's a three. Yeah, no, Justin, that's a fail. Yeah.

That's a failure. Yeah. Now, you do get to mark a point in your experience, your advancement points. Yeah, dude. This practice makes perfect, dude. Point marked. Point marked. And Flopsy is going to come charging at you and attack you.

Wow. Okay. Well, they're a bad person. No, I know, Travis. They had like a... I like to... Oh, but luckily, they do miss you on both of those. were misses.

So the battle has commenced. Now, so far, the only, well, Cotton Tales pretty aware of Roger at this point. They're dancing, Traff. Okay, yeah, and the beautiful mind dance. Hinchman 1 and 2 are also going to move in to you, Lyle. So, Hinchman 1. An 8 does hit. So you're going to take one point of damage.

from them and Hinchman 2, another hit. So you've taken two points of damage because you don't currently have any natural armor. Okay. Now, Navy, since you are still undiscovered and undercover, is your turn to act. Yeah. And you can act, and then once you're engaged

or whatever you do, take a surprise round, if you wish. Okay, cool. I am going to use a Mondo move. Whoa. I think in this scenario, the most important thing is not even my life. It is that these precious cultural treasures, these relics of the Greenback Guardians, cannot be stolen. So I am going to use torpedo.

When submerged in water, Navy SEAL can launch himself at a foe, a tremendous speed, closing large gaps, and dealing huge damage. I'm going to say not a foe. I'm going to charge up the splash pack, this huge aqua jet pack I have on my back. and I'm going to launch myself like a missile from God at just the side of the truck. Ooh, a lot. Okay, give me a 48 roll against the truck. That's an 8-7-8.

I think double-eighths. What you've got right there? That's a mega-cabunga, my friend. Yeah, my friend. Whoa! That's very good. That's the best thing you can get in this game. Yeah, it works and.

So you impact the tree. truck. I shout as I fly towards the area, you'll munch blubber. Yeah, I love that. You slam into the truck in such a way that your naturally protective blubber takes the impact so you don't take any damage from this, but you hit it perfectly, right, so that the connection that connects the cab of the truck with the cargo area snaps loose. Oh, nice. Right? So right now, there would be no way for them to haul that away unless it is repaired. Yeah. And the truck nuts just go flying.

The truck nuts go flying. They slap up against the front door. Oh, stop. You're making me nauseous. Normally, it would be funny, but in this circumstance, because of the severity of the situation. It's scary. It's kind of scary that the truck nuts are going flying so violently. That was the added effect of that move is the intimidation factor.

Well, the end is you didn't take damage. It's not just damage but broken. And Hinchman 3 is so surprised by this impact. He was moving over, but he is like knocked down. Nice. So you can act on him as well. Hmm. We haven't really discussed the level of violence.

We are willing to bring to bear. Yeah. I mean, I think here's where I'm at. Axelotel's got to be able to lose limbs. But I don't think there's got to be blood. No. So what I'm thinking is no blood. No blood.

No blood is real bad. No blood, no foul. Lots of getting knocked out. Okay. But you can lose limbs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can. Yeah, you can get sliced up and stuff, but like, you just, it never bleat.

There's no blood. Don't worry about any blood. Okay, everybody's very blaze. If Hinchman three is, you're just. just laying down on the ground. I'm just going to like sort of walk close. Not laying down. Don't make it sound like he just is taking a nap. He fell back, but he's

surprised. Yeah, but he's prone, right? He's down. He's on the ground. Yeah. I'm just going to walk over here to start checking out the situation and then just very casually just kind of lay down on him. Just kind of very casually just sort of flop over to the side like I'm just like... Because you're a big dude! I'm hopping onto the love seat at the end of a long day of work.

Like that, that energy of casualness. Yeah. And you've got the skill of bulky boy. Yes, that's that is true. So give me a 3D8 roll. Oh, that's bad. That's worse. I got double ones on that one. A one two one. Yeah, you go, but you sit down

upon him, but you maybe sit down in kind of an awkward way and you end up rolling backward. Yeah. So now the two of you are kind of laying prone next to each other as the one observes the other one like, what's what happened? This is nice. That's weird. I learned it on my keys. Oh, no.

I hate when that happens, man. Jackie Cachian, hi, and welcome to the maximum fun.org podcast, the Jackie and Lori show where we talk about stand-up comedy and how much we love it and how much it enrages us. We have a lot of experience and a lot of stories and a lot of time on our hands. So check us out. It's one hour a week and we drop it every Wednesday. stay on nexima fun.org. Hello, podcast recommendation service.

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winning comedy podcast and you can find it at MaximumFund.org or wherever you get your podcasts Okay, up next so Roger Cotton Tail having observed both of these attacks is now on the defense

but you still get to act first because they had not maybe caught on to you quite yet so you have like one chance to do something here what do you do? Roger looks at Cotton Tail and says

Pardon me may I have this dance and does his Mondo move the Huanggo Bango Tango Tango. I hate that. The names When someone grabs Roger or attempts to grab him

and he's already been grabbed he can counter grab the opponent and put them into a disorienting spin And I think he's going to try to spin him around, disorient him, and throw him into Mopsie. Oh, okay, excellent. Yeah, give me a 48 roll. 7, 7, 8, and 1. Yeah, that double 7 there is going to be a cow bonga as well.

So you are able to not only successfully throw them into Mopsy, but Mopsy and Cotentail go rolling into a tangle of bunny, and they are both knocked prone. And, Lyle, you are up. Oh, wait, I have to say my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

he has to make some remarks towards, you know, like, um, um, don't Peter out.

Oh, I get that. I don't. I really don't. It's like, I think Peter Cottontail, because it just

is just, I get you now. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm just saying we, I'm just saying, probably the best one of those I'm going to do.

Hold on. Let me look at the judges. Yeah, the judges say it plays. Alright, nice, Dan. All right, Lyle, you're up to remind you of Hinchman 1 and Hinchman 2 as well as Flopsy. So, I don't understand hassling somebody who's just here to fix the electricity. No, I've already seen through that clever ruse. Oh, well, in that case, and I'll swing the shovel in an arc hitting all of them.

Didn't see that coming, did I? Wait, did you? You'll never know. It really did feel like you're putting that sentence together as, like, plank by plank as you cross the bridge. Yeah. This is the way we need this arc to go. Okay.

Give me a 3D8 roll because you do have the skill, anything's a drum. So you're very good with improvised weapons. So give me that 3D8 roll, and we will determine how well this swing. goes. Got a eight and then a four no one. Okay, so I'm going to say that you make contact with one of them.

I'll let you choose which one you'll want. Let's say henchman won because that'll definitely get hit into Mopsy. Well, I mean, it's a little beefier than that, but it does quang right off of his head. Cool. The bunny ears go flying and he is knocked unconscious. The hinching aren't very tough. Yeah, hence the name. So he's off the board.

Holy crap, he knocked him like 20 feet away. Yeah, I don't know how to mark, I don't know how to make it clear like that guy's unconscious. But I like him, just make him go away. I don't want to see it anymore. Yeah, sit in the fair. We got away. Boom. A little sleepy face there.

That was almost to King Cobra Island. Okay, so Flopsy is going to attempt to kick you real good. by dropping back on his butt it's a six so you're going to take a point of damage for that how are you looking as far as damage goes I you've taken three so far

okay well let me that's three then let me mark those one two three got it and then the Hinchman 2 is also going to just take a swing of you with big meaty piece oh geez that's a double 6

there's two points of damage there you're going to need to eat something radical soon. Okay. Next, we've got, so Hinchman 3 laying next to you is going to attempt to get you pinned down. So they are attempting a strength competition against you.

So they rolled one success, but you are a bulky boy. You're hard to knock down, hard to pin down. So you can roll three. 3D8. Three successes. Well, there you go. You not only beat it, but you cowabung it in with the double fives.

So now you have him pinned down the way you had originally intended to, but maybe not as permanently as when he was first not prone. But you have the advantage here, and it is your move. Okay. I mean, if I'm on top of this dude, I consider that pretty well neutralized. He is, I'm big, and he's not as big. that's got to be bad for him. Instead, I'm going to look directly up at the two bunnies that have just collided here, Cotton Tail and Mopsy. As long as they are sort of stacked up like that, I'm going to try and take this opportunity. I am going to look up at them, target them with my big old eyes, and then sort of twist the nozzles of my jet pack the opposite way so that they're pointing up and try to blast them with a high-pressure jet of brine. So you're remaining sitting on Hinchman 3. Yeah.

And you're blasting Mopsie and Kondo. Okay. Give me, because you're using hydro propulsion, you're using your splashback. So give me a 3D8 attack. 277. That is a cowabunga with those double seven. Calabongas are off the charts this up. Yeah.

So you blast them. And what are you hoping to accomplish with this? I don't know, knock them back into the crowd of bad guys that are actively killing. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, the two of them go rolling and they impact into Flopsie. So the three of them are now in a soaking wet bunny bundle. And they're going to get knocked far enough away that there's a little more breathing room for Lyle there. Okay.

It's your turn now. I tap my wrist again, looking exasperated. Three times. Bunny ears on the head. Pushing down on my head. Nodding? I think he wants us to take our pulse. I'm more dead than alive, man.

I don't know much about the exhalottle circulatory system. Roger, you are up. Can Roger get to the wet rabbits? Yeah, I mean, Roger is, you know, a bull pretty well known for charging. So I'm going to say that movement. Yeah, very easy to reach for you. The plan is to use his cattle prods. When he gets up to them, he kind of does like a breakdance move like the worm.

And now is it like the worm? Let's say it. Well, he has to be able to touch his. him to touch his horns to one of the wet rabbits to give a shock. And the only way to do that is the worm. That's so. Basic physics. That's science.

He bust into the worm and uses his cattle prods, which are metal caps on the ends of his horns that act like a taser. And since everybody's in a wet tangle, I figure that will transmit to all three of them. Yeah. Give me that 3D8. We're going to see how effective that is. four, two, and six. So with only one success, I'm going to say it is going to be super effective on one of them,

moderately effective on another, and doesn't touch the third. So which one are you hoping to knock unconscious with this taser? Whoever is the healthiest. No, let's do a quick vet check. Get a doctor in here. Hey, guys. Make sure none of them have any kind of like, heart irregularities that this kind of shock.

What about it? Your family history? There might be some sort of... Mopsy. Let's go with Mopsie. No, no, Cotton Tail. He started with Cotton Tail. Let's go on with Cotton Tail. I would love to continue the trend of dad accidentally electrocuting and killing at PC the first handful of episodes of the...

Well, this is non-lethal shocking. Okay, cool. Non-lethal wet shock. It's funny shocking. With the combination of the soaking wet fur and the taste of the taste of, here. You are going to knock cotton tail out for at least around, if not more. We'll see how well they do. Now, Mopsy gets some of it

and it's definitely not looking as hail and hardy as they were before. Flopsy is able to dampen the impact of it. Got rubber soles. Yeah, rubber sold shoes. Big, you know, big, rabbit-sized rubber sole shoes. So they are looking untouched by this. Let's see. Next is you, Lyle. You got one more henchman on you,

the other henchman currently unconscious. Yes, you just got the one henchman. I'm gonna... I gotta heal myself. I'm gonna read, which of my limbs are I missing? How many limbs does an axolotl start with? Well, when a mommy axolotl

and a daddy axel, I actually don't know if that is being an act. Okay, wait, hold on. You know that you can put iodine in an axolidle to turn it into a salamander, but you don't know how many legs it's got. Four, man. And the tail and the head. That's six limbs.

And the tail in the head. There's six limbs. I'm going to say that your tail has been damaged in this fight. That is where we are seeing the bulk of your damage. Okay. I would like to heal my tail. Okay, so you're currently missing how many hit points? Five.

Okay. Give me a roll of, let's see here. Yeah, give me a 3D8 roll, and we'll see how effectively you recover those hit points. Okay. Oh, no. Oh, beans. Well, those are three failures. How busted is the tail that comes out?

How busted and wrong is that new? I don't even know what happens, Tram. The tail just kind of as you're trying to push it out, you're making the noise, whatever your basic noise for a single limb is. And the Henshen's like looking at you and curious, waiting to see what happens, and nothing happens. And there's a look of concern on the Henshan's face

that just doesn't sit right with you at all. It doesn't make you feel good about yourself or your abilities. Okay But you do Hey, practice makes perfect, dude That's to a second point Of advancement Okay, but no healing has taken place

No, sadly no healing has taken place You might say have suffered more emotional damage And the hintson says, listen Man, I'm gonna try to hit you again But are you okay? Hey That's actually so cool with you Thank you for checking out

Yeah, I'm I've been better I mean, I feel like I'm arning a lot today. Oh, sorry about this. And they punch you for one more point of damage. Nurtz. Up next is Hinchin 3. We only have eight hit points, right?

Yeah. So Lyle's almost cashed in his chips at one. Yeah, three quarters of those hit points are. Awesome. Hinchin number three, still sitting on top of you, or you're sitting on top of him, says, uh, listen, I just wanted to say, even though you're squishing me and it's like my job to stop you.

I just wanted to say, thank you for your service. Oh, sorry, I should make clear. I am not, nor have I ever been an active duty service member in our armed forces. Maybe you heard... Why do you call yourself a Navy SEAL? Oh, well, I didn't actually know about that being a thing when my color was a sight to me. I was a member of the Royal Seals.

You're familiar with them, I hope. And so I was... They punch you twice. You lose two points. And with it being two successes on the hits, I'm also going to say, like, you get not quite knocked off of them, but knocked back enough. So it's like maybe your legs are over them still.

But they're able to, like, breathe again. And they start to try to get up. Okay. But you are up. It's your turn there. Navy SEAL. I, as they're standing up, I look at them enraged and hurt. And I say,

I have nothing but the utmost respect for our brave heroes fighting our important wars overseas. It just kind of sounds like a practice response to somebody asking you about it. Well, I've had to say it a bunch of times. And I blast him full force with the splashback. Double barrel. Give me 3D8. Five, seven, four, two successes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes flying backwards, bongs against the back of the truck. You hear a, you know, bong. And he is not unconscious. Flopsy is going to take a big old kick swing at you there, Mac, Roger. Oh, geez. Oh, boy. That's three successes, a five, a seven, and an eight.

That's three points of damage on a Roger there. And then Mopsy is also going to take a swing at you. And that's only one point of damage. And eight. So that's four points of damage on Roger there. And then Conton Tail is going to try to wake up, but not good enough. Doesn't wake up. They're still unknocked unconscious.

I'm going to say they remain so. Lyle, you have one hinsman on you. You're not looking great. Roger, it's your turn. I'm going to use my fighting skill, Mutai. Okay. and I'm going to kick Cottontail.

No, Cottontail's unconscious. It's brutal, mobsy is weekend, Flopsy is full. Mopsy. I'm going to hit Mopsy. He could make Cotton Tail more unconscious. That's not a mechanic. Yeah, there we go. Give me that 3D8 roll.

Sweet 3D8, 4, 1, and a 7. Yeah, on that one hit, that's really all you needed because she was already looking pretty woozy. So in that hit, yeah, she's knocked unconscious. Lyle, you are up. You got the one henchman on you. We got basically one henchman left, two unconscious bunnies, and Flopsy is still up. I don't want to try to heal again.

That's boring. I'm going to... So wait, one of the henchers under the street light still. The one that is still up, I believe. Yes, I'm going to... Finish the fight, guardian. Sorry, darling. Looks like I'm back for seconds.

And I push the pole again. I'm going to knock that person out. I'm going to knock that henchman out. Okay. Give me a 3D8 roll. This one is a lot easier because it's already pretty loose. So, yeah. Yeah, all it needed really was one success on that one

because you'd already done it once. I was going to fall over you here last. Bunk, that Hinchin is not unconscious as well. At this point, Flopsy has got panic, the only one left, and kind of shakes Mopsy and Cotentail in the Hinchman just awake enough for them to all go running away. And you have won this battle. Wait a minute, no way. Now, Jews, we talked about this.

The only victory condition in the Adventure Zone animals is all the bad guys run away. or they have to run away there can't be any permanent damage to any of these people or they get sent to ARU but like I'm not about I'm not about that let me help let me help

I see this little fellow stuck under the post let me move there you go fella you can go ahead thank you I think all the hatred should have to make like wounded baby animal

noises as they scamper back off into the there's a lot of like now let's see what these guys were so desperate to get their hands on. When you look in the back of the truck, you are surprised to find that someone has beaten me there. There's a shadowy figure, you know,

wrapped in a coat and a hat pulled down low, who is going through the box. It's a mummy. Look out, fellas. What? I start charging up the splashback. I'm not messing with no mummies today. Hey, thanks for taking care of my lightwork and everything,

but this is this is kind of where your job here in, so you all can go. And who might you be, my good man? Oh, okay, yeah. I'm the guy who just told you to leave. Hey, listen, people tell us to leave all the time, man. You gotta be more specific.

Wait, you're, wait, hold on. You're an axelotto, right? I'm axelial. So that's a yes? Well, I mean, a maxilile. Axylottles are a lot smaller than me, but yeah. And a cow and a seal? What's the theme you guys are going for?

We're still figuring that out. I'm pushing for growth and connection. That is all motifs. So while some people might have the theme of like all birds, right? Or like all barnyard animals, your theme is growth and connection. And connection and equal measure. Listen, we're still workshopping, and we're not necessarily going to know. We're thinking about the name Grow Connectors.

Ooh. With a side of respect. Okay. You guys should also think about, like, getting armor and not getting hit as much, because you all look rough. Well, you think that now, but watch this. Yeah, give me that role, Justin. What is their old 3D8? Come on, baby.

Yeah! Stop calling me, baby. I got two successes. Yeah, with the two successes, out of your five hit points, you recover three. Your tail regrows not to full. But listen, you know that given time, it will be back to your impressive tale once more.

Okay, listen, I'm not going to lie, man. That was absolutely wild. Yeah. You re-grew your butt. You should be inside of it. Seeing it from the inside out and it ain't an untreaty. Partner. I'm living it.

I'm living that experience. Okay. This whole time, this figure has still been looking through boxes. And you see this figure, their whole body language shifts as they reach into a box and they pull out Carver's signature baseball bat. and they start like spinning it around and you know kind of getting a feel for it i shout i shout hey mommy that belongs in a museum well no actually it doesn't it belongs to me and who are you they turn and they're still shadowed but they're like i it belong okay it belongs to me right and who's okay i uh i connect

the street light. You said it was easy to connect. So I'm going to go ahead and connect it and then a light from that to illuminate this person. The light flips on and you get enough light to see the face that has been hidden in shadow underneath this hat. And it's the face of Carver, the hot-headed loose cannon of the Greenback Guardians. Oh.

Wow. Man. Well. Carver? Okay. Um, could I knock all three of them unconscious in such a way that they'll forget that they saw me? Oh, no need. Carver. Okay. What? Please, this is your bad. This is your bad.

This is so embarrassed. This is a victim of this crime in my car. Yeah, but I really need you guys to, like, not tell people we did, like, we disappeared 20 years ago and I really needed to stay that way. We could be so discreet, Carver. I'm such a huge fan. I promise you I can keep a huge secret. Who are we talking about even? Who are you talking about even?

I don't see anybody. You don't know Carter, man? No, I'm playing alone. It's like a huge deal. I'm playing along with these wounds. Yeah, that's my statue. Did you see my statue the one that the chewy one was kind of gnawing on? That was me.

That looks exactly like you. That's what I'm looking at. Like I used to it. I run over, I start polishing off the chew marks. Please, sir, let me take care of this for you, sir. I'll have this looking shiny and new. Carver comes over and give me all three of you. And if you have anything that gives benefits to this,

like you're trying to like check his body language, see what you can tell from this look that he's giving this statue. I got double successes, a 6-6, a bunga. Yeah, with that double success, you can see like the look that crosses through his eyes, the body language. He's staring up this statue of himself that is him, but at least 20 years younger.

The Greenback Guardians haven't been seen, but this was probably modeled after like, you know, 25 years younger. And here stands before you a hero in their at least mid-50s. And there is nostalgia mixed with kind of sorrow, mixed with like a certain amount of loss that you can see in his life. Oh, that is completely lost on me. So tell me real quick, in Greenback Guardians surf the moon, Um, they seem like there was a little bit of tension happening between you and Lamar.

And a lot of people were saying like maybe it was happening off camera too and that you guys were sort of building off of that. Um, and I'm like, no way, these are friends, best friends for life. That is just how good of actors they are. Do you have anything that I can take back to the fan page? Well, not, okay. Once again, no, no, no, but it's quiet, right. Secret quiet, secret quiet. Okay.

Let's see, which one was that, Surf the Moon you said? Yeah, Greenback Guardian surf the moon. Oh, yeah, Lamar was being a jerk about, like, it was a craft service thing, where he was like, you ate all the Twizzlers. And I was like, I don't even like Twizzlers. And, yeah, that went on for like six weeks. God, you're amazing. Mr. Cunner, yes, Lyle had a question. Carver.

Lyle had a question. I, where are the other guys? Are you running around, too? I mean, I'm sure there's somewhere. I haven't talked to those dudes in. Let me check. Yeah, 20 years. Oh, well, why did you pop up here and now? Just to get your bat.

To get Slugger? Yeah, man. He's been bouncing around in, like, private collections and all this stuff. I had no idea where it was. And then I saw the news report, and they said that our signature items were going to be. And so, like, I was like, oh, I better go get Slugger. I bet he misses me. I missed him. Well, can we have the other ones?

No, man. in a museum. Well, they belong. That shouldn't that would. But he's here and he can do anything he wants. He's still. Okay, above the law. You guys.

You know what? I don't think it's right. I think you should put it back, man. Okay. Do you? Yeah. I might agree with Lyle. I think, you know, it's.

You know, you guys have been, you put in a lot of work and we're all really grateful, but we've been the ones cleaning things up around here lately. And I don't see why you just waltz in here. Let us do all the hard work, and then you take the bat. Okay, so just to be clear, right? I'm looking

to you say you've been cleaning up the streets and everything. So are you guys in Fibbaforce or code named Bird or the Royal Seals? I'm former. I'm former force. We had some differences, but, you know, I'm

I'm figuring things out. I've heard from them a few times. It's been a little bit, but, you know, so kind of off and on, I guess. Off and on. That's what I... Yeah, I mean, off and on. And I'm still in my 90-day probationary period with the organization, so I've been operating as kind of a lone cow on my own. Just recently joined these two.

I was a royal seal before I was disobeyed. Honorably discharged from the Royal Seals, not the actual military, which I've never been. Got it. I don't know why they got to see discharge. So you guys aren't even like a real team. Okay, got it. Yeah. Well, hold on.

I'm going to go. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. In Greenback Cardi and's pepperoni slumber party. Yeah. It seemed like the romance arc that was happening between. between you and Kylie Minogue's character. It felt like that also was real behind camera. And I was also just wondering if you could spill the tea.

But if you had it off-screen brobats with Kylie Minogue during the making of that motion picture. Not during the making of it, no. What are the other signature items that are here? We have Carver's Bat. We've got, Lamara has a spiked shield. Lovelace is hook and chain. And Newton.

And on the loop of voice. And Newton's was a boomerang. So a boomerang, a spiked shield, and a hook and chain. Okay. I'm going to walk over and pick up the hook and chain. Hey, what do you? No. No.

That's loveless. Well, I thought we were, we're all having some fun here, right? All right. You know what? You know what? I don't make you guys. a deal. Let's put our stuff down first though, right?

You put your stuff down. I start swinging the hook. Now, you don't know me. My name's Axel Lyle. I'm extreme firefighter. And if you're wondering if I'm going to be able to hit this shot with this hook and this rope, I've hit way longer on way smaller. toe holds, partner.

Okay. All right. I toss the hook at the bat. Whoa. Okay. Let's do this. And he throws off his coat, and you can just see, though he is in his 50s,

still quite in shape. Scars across his body, armored underneath his coat, and he squares off for a fight. It's not fair that you didn't take that off before, fought. It's Sergeant Salamander here with another amphibifact from the amphibiforce. Ever jumped off the last step on your way to get to school? Well, over 90% of stair relented injuries occur on the last

step of the staircase. Why put your foot in your mouth when you could stay on your toes? Let's hang 10 on that last step every time and your heel turn will stay flat-footed. Ancles! A Worker-owned Network of Artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.