The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 13: Enforcement Infiltration!

Episode Date: January 2, 2025

The culprits to Carver's kidnapping have been found, but Carver has not! To find the answers, the heroes must act as villains themselves and sneak into the River City First Enforcement Headquarters!Abnimals Theme by Justin McElroy, Eric Near (https://bit.ly/ericnearmusic) and Jonathan Coulton (https://www.jonathancoulton.com/).Additional Music in this Episode: "Neo Soul", "Deja Vu", "Blood in the Water", "This Could Get Dark", "Heading Home", "Strutting", and "Hellafunk" by Mr. Smith: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSk2j0fTMw9V94UGyfWrSuA?; "Lurking Terror" and "Quickening"by malictusmusic: https://www.malictusmusic.com/; "Thunder" by The Wanderer: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/stranger/; "Turn around" by Koi-discovery: https://koi-discovery.lescigales.org/; "High on Loungin'" by Wax Lyricist: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/wax-lyricist/; and "Taffy Machine" by Kate Kody: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/kate-kody/.Palestine Children's Relief Fund: https://www.pcrf.net/ Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Having spite of what you love for, we're at the height of our powers We're top of our city. Having re-embrance back in their favorite And we'll do ourself round Is long, but our mojo's strong We're at the height of our power Having re-emerged on the beaches of River City, we find the abnibemines back in their favorite dining slash, you know,

Planning location, the Submariners Diner's Diner back at your booth. At this point, you've gained the information that some new big evil mastermind, the Walrus is in play. He orchestrated the kidnapping of Carver, hired the Bayside Badi's. With this new information you have, we find you guys back at the booth talking amongst yourselves. I imagine we've got a bunch of diner accoutrement on the table trying to sort of diagram out. Like, I've got a big gravy. boat and I'm like okay so this is a walrus so when you think of diner acuterman grieve and the first

place you go to is gravy boat I was trying to think of a walrus shaped got it got it got it diner dinerware yeah that's the thing that I think of you know that little syrup thing where you press the silver thing and it slides back oh that's kind of looks like it's talking that's good that's good oh yeah that's carver carver is the syrup dispenser and so I've got him wrapped up in a little napkin to symbolize that he's been captured. What about this little bottle that has all the little peppers inside it, you know, with all the like vinegar or something? What do they call those things? That's going to be something too, okay? I'd just like to look at it. Sure, that can be the Bayside Baddies because it's spicy. They're like spicy boys. And they've got Carver and the Walrus, I guess, hired them because of

clam jula. And so I do just have a clam on the table too. Okay, so if Walrus hired, the peop. boys to kidnap Carver Wait, Carver should just be a knife Oh yeah Because it's like, okay

Oh, I get rid of the surf I have to wrap up a knife Okay And then, so there was the Heist with the Bunny Boys And I guess they were probably Maybe also hired by the Walrus But the Bayside Baties were looking

For something too And we were Eve just dropped on After breaking up the museum heist and I have the little bank envelope. So, clearly, what's happening here is... Yeah.

So... I thought it would just come out if I just said. Well, I mean, I've got to ask Neil, we've laid it all out for him. What do you... Oh, Eel Patrick Harris isn't with he. I was going to say... He turned himself in at prison. I was going to say he's been pretty chill coming with us to hang.

That was pretty cool. Um Well, it's It's obvious, isn't it? What's happening is Tell him a while All right, Dean, that's the entire thing. It's everything we got so far.

What do you think? How's this hit you, Dean? Um, thank you for making the time, by the way, to let us lay out literally everything Yeah, no, no problem. Um, just get your take, man. And you said his name was Squid Mark? That's not important.

Like, the name, the names aren't important. Squidmark, yeah. No, no, I remember that one pretty exactly. Yeah, it's Squidmark for sure. Okay, well, it seems to me if the, as you said,

the bunny brood was hired by the walrus, and so... That's what we said, yeah. Yeah, and the Bayside Bodies then went to Carvers to look for something as well as kidnapping him. Right.

Then it must be something from the museum heist that they were looking for, than wasn't there because Carver took it. There you go. All right. So Carver took something that belongs to them. So Carver's the bad guy, Dean?

We cracked this thing wide open, Dean. I don't know about that, but I'm just saying that it seems like the thing that connects the two is that there was something there that they wanted that then he absconded with. Roger takes the ketchup squeeze bottle and makes a. red line between the two of them connecting them. Oh, don't do that. That's a huge mess. That's just messy. No, no. It will work. Trust me. I've seen these things on every murder show.

They have these boards. You guys said we are going to have lunch. Was that just like kind of a... It's a working lunch, Dean. Tuck your napkin in. Yeah, we just haven't ordered. Oh, okay. We can't order until we... It's a working lunch, Dean. Finish your ice water.

We can't order until we clean up this big mess. be so angry. I only have an hour before I have to get back to the office. Okay, Dean. Priorities, Dean. Carver's been taken. Just tell us what to do next, Dean. If you were us, what would you do next? And do be specific, Dean.

Or I can't, there's no BLT in your future, Dean. If you're light on the details, you're going to be light on the bacon, okay? Well, um, I guess, um, um, um, don't guess, Dean. I'm going to have you,

You're an accountant, man. It's all about specificity. Dean wants to help you so bad. I bet you does. I'm going to have one of you roll or all of you roll to see how well you have remembered all the details and laid them out for him in a way that he can connect the dots. Travis, I hate to quibble. I do think I said I recounted it with 100% position. Yeah, but Justin, memory is so malleable.

Isn't that? That's true. This is why eyewitness testimony is a real issue. I basically didn't even roll. Don't even worry about me. It's stupid. So, you just got, mark yourself a point. This makes perfect.

Two D-8? Two successes for me. And I was the one saying I did it. So, yeah, you did great. Success and a failure, seven and a two. Okay. I would say that. A Navy?

Yeah. How is your recall? Bad fails. Bad fails all around. You're just so worried about Carver. You're having a hard time communicating. Yeah. Well, from what you've said, Lyle, it seems to me that between figuring out what item was missing from the inventory when, you know, after the heist, or, you know, it also, from what you've said, sounds like maybe Carver and this Dr. Barker, Barker, Parcernivations may have had some kind of, I don't know, preexisting relationship after their argument.

Oh, that's actually really good. Hold on a second. Hold on, Dean. You just made us think of something, Dean. Hold on. Be quiet for a second. Oh, I made you think. Okay.

Quiet. Hold on, please. Can I still drink my ice water? Absolutely. Dean, if you can limit the sorping, use the straw. I can't guarantee that. I'll just wait.

Use the straw. Use the straw. Thank you. That'll work. Thank you. So, I'm going to call Dr. Barker on the phone. Put it on speaker. Yeah.

What is that? That's the noises phone, maver. But you're calling him. You're calling him. You're calling. That's the dialing noise. It's the red phone from, you like flint. Actually, Dad, you're 100% correct as copied by Austin Powers.

In the Austin Powers. True. Yes. How can I help you? Hey, Dr. Barker, man. Thanks for calling. What? You called me.

Thank you so much for your offer of assistance implied by answering. We kind of heard. a sworebord, or a scuffle between you and Carver. What do you guys got cooking? Well, this, that's a private matter. Right, that's why I called you on the phone. Hold on, let me take it off speaker. Okay, now it's just us.

Private. It is not something I'm comfortable talking about on the phone. Did you turn the speaker on? Why do you ask? Okay, let me mute my end. What? Did he confess? He's not confess.

Hello? It's not going good. Did you hang out? He said he doesn't want to talk about. Are you there? I hate me on the phone so much. Hey, can I trade? Hey, sorry.

Sorry. Oh, sorry. It was so quiet. Sorry. Yeah. Let me take it. I had you, I did a face mute because of my large shouts and lack of teeth. Hold on.

Let me. I got another friend here who wants to talk to you. Hold on. Okay. Don't hang. up. Hey, what's up, Doc? Oh, did you, Roger? No, I thought you were. No, I'm sorry. Let's two-hand it. Hey, can you- This is embarrassing, guys, please? Sorry, can you hear me? Yeah, yes, can you hear me? Roger's here too. So, listen, Carver's been kidnapped and we really need to, yes, so we need to

rescue him, and it seems like if you guys had something going on, you might be able to help us. I need you to come here right now. Tell me everything. We can't talk about this over the phone. Well, hold on. Just chill for a second, okay? Because he's being kidnapped for a while. It's not like... And this is the first you're telling me? Does he know it's been a while?

Did you tell him? Yeah. Did you tell him it's been a while since he's done. I just told him that it's been a while since the kidnapping. So, yeah, no, it happened a while ago. First, before we come there, why don't you tell us everything about the big fight you guys had, the big argument? It's not safe to talk over the phone.

Okay. Can we get a to go cup for Dean's Icewater? Amanda T at the counter, not... Oh, you'll bring it right over just a second. Thank you. And, uh, Dean, you can clean all this up, right? Because we gotta, we gotta head out, clues are waiting. Oh, there's, there's ketchup.

Yeah, but there's a napkin dispenser right next to you. Right there. And the napkin dispenser, Dean, check this out. It's you. You were the napkin dispenser the whole time. Oh, I've lettered. We got to get going, Dean. As you stand up from your booth,

you hear noise, but it's very muffled, but it sounds like it's coming from under the water outside of the submariner. And it is getting louder and louder. And you, Navy, begin to recognize the noise. No, man.

It is the royal fanfare of the Golden Seal. And as you make that connection, you see a like the beautiful head of the fleet golden basically submarine limo of the golden seal break the top of the water and almost as soon as it does the hatch on top opens and emerges from the golden seal. Hello citizens of the what was it land? of the land I am the golden seal ruler of the raw

seals and leader of the royal seals. Fear not. I come in peace I come to find my son. He does this every time. Every time you check. Son! Yep. Me. Yep. Oh, hey. I thought you were further away.

Hey, can you turn it down? Sorry? It's so loud. The trumpets... The trumpets are so loud. Oh, yeah, hold on. Hey. We haven't slept.

Hey, kill the music. We can't sleep. We don't have a place to sleep. We don't have bed. No, turn off the music. Ah, man. So, Dad, what are you doing? You're embarrassing me in front of my friends.

Griffin, do you try to pay attention to what we're doing? Well, son. It's funny. I am worried about it. I've been saving that one for like 10 years. Go ahead. Sorry. My son, I'm worried about you.

Okay. I don't need, I don't really, is that really it? Because I'm fully, fully old. I'm fully a grown-up. No, no, you misunderstand. I'm not worried about your safety. Okay. I'm worried about how you're representing the seal kingdom here on the land.

Burn. You, I fear, have grown weak during your time here with... these surface dwellers. So I've come to observe your behavior and see how you are representing the seal kingdom here among the land people. Okay. I don't want that. So we're actually heading out to follow a lead

and time is kind of from the essence. We need to kind of move a little bit discreetly because we have been followed in the past and having... Yes. You allowed yourself to be followed. And he writes down in like a little folder takes a note down.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, yeah, maybe we should practice more discretion. So are you going to be following in your golden trumpet ship or... I shall be traveling as you travel. I shall be shadowing you to see how you are operating here on the land. Is there anything? Just pretend like I'm not here. In case you're quieter,

I will try to take that note. And there's nothing I can do to convince you. you not to do this. Nothing I could come back and put yourself in prison in the seal kingdom for 10 years. I'm sorry. Prison for 10 years because I haven't been representing the seal brand good enough. Well, more of like the seal kingdom in general, but yes, if you want to put it that way, I feel the damage you've done is amends.

Okay, cool. Yeah, all right. Let's go on a field trip with my dad. This is great. A cool day we're all having. And let's just get moving because times of the essence. And I have to rescue my new dad, Carver. That's right, Dad. I got a new one. Interesting.

Another seal? I just start sloshing away. You got to stop with the only seal stuff. It's so, we're so far past that as a society, dude. You head out of the Submariner, followed by Navy's large dad. I hate my big dad. I hope nobody takes head out of context and a quote or something. You arrive at Barker Innovations, and Dr. Barker meets you at the entrance.

He is clearly agitated pacing back and forth waiting for your arrival. Oh, yes. Thank you. Thank you for coming. Please. Straight. Wait. Who is this?

who is this large other seal what it's Navy's dad his dad has to make sure he's doing an adventure skit it's not funny

it's not funny guys this is not this is my absolutely just act like I am not here I am simply here to observe and judge my son yeah oh okay

can he be trusted I mean, you have an exhibit dedicated to him in your own personal hero museum. Yes, I just never met him. Okay. I mean, it is an honor, sir. But can he be trusted? I mean, can he be trusted to be thoughtful about your feelings? Or like what matters to you?

Absolutely not. But is he going to do bad guy stuff? No, that's sort of. against his whole thing. Okay, then he can come. Come to my office quickly. Okay. You head into Dr. Travis Barker's office,

and once inside, he locks the door, he pulls the shades down, he unplugs the phone, unplugs the computer. He is very thoroughly isolating the office. What's all the secrecy? Hold on.

Okay, I think it's safe to talk now. What I'm about to tell you, what I'm about to show you, there's only five other people alive that know this, and I must swear all four of you to secrecy. Do you swear? I mean, yeah, five people's a lot of people to know a secret. So like, this doesn't feel quite as precious as I think you're making it out to be. I mean, there's like billions of people on earth.

My word is my bond. My word is my bond as well. I get it. And you see him reach behind him, and he starts fiddling with the back of his head. And you hear a kiss. And he removes his face. And it is a mask. A very, you can see.

the inside once he's removed it, a very intricate robotic mask that he has been wearing. And underneath, you see the face of Loveless. What? The Greenback Guardian known for his scientific expertise. Hey, what? Hey, what? Hey, what? What?

Hey, dudes. Um, yeah, so. Where's Dr. Travis? Barker. No, I am. I am Dr. Travis Barker, guys. No, you're loveless. Dr. Travis Barker is a dog scientist.

Yeah. Yeah. Who came to River City about... And you killed. No. No, I... Okay. Dr. Travis Barker is the kind of alias that I took on so I could continue

my scientific research, try to forward, you know, the ways to help people outside of like, you know, vigilante crime fighting kind of stuff. That's where it's at. But where did he... Where the action is? Where'd he go?

He never existed. He was a creation of me. Can I tell you something? I always thought it was weird that like the big scientist guy here in the city was named after the drummer for Blink 182. And so the fact that you made him up at a whole cloth. Oh, is that his name too? No, I just love the name Travis.

It's just, it's a really cool name for confident, cool, sexy people. And that's important to you. Yeah. Okay, so wait. So, okay, so you've been loveless the whole time. Are all the Greenback Guardians just kind of kicking around in secret? That's not my, that's not my secret to reveal. I can reveal what's up with me and Carver.

You already know what happened. Um, well, he got, uh, he was, he's got his own little, little hideout, right? With the training course and all that. Yeah, I know. The carvery. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He got exactly low profile. No. So he got kidnapped there by the Bayside baddies who are working. They were contracted by a person named Clamjula under the sort of, uh, guidance of some big new kingpin head honcho named the walrus. Yeah. That's, that's, that's exactly. what I expected. Okay. Why do you think I wasn't safe to talk on the phone? This, I don't know, the walrus, I've been hearing murmurings, our information gathering.

It's come up, you know, in different places than the, I don't want to use the term dark web, but we have monitors. Nice, dude. Well, all right. And there's a lot of talk about this wall. Horace fellow and how deeply connected he is and everything he's working on. And we haven't been able to pin any of it down, but this is unlike your usual run of the mill, you know, bad guy who's like, I robbed a bank or, you know, I'm going to take the mayor hostage until, you know, moss everywhere or whatever weird stuff they get into.

This is bigger than that. He's definitely got big, like, head honcho energy, for sure. But what's his game? Why would he kidnap Carver? Because of something Carver took. Oh, are you talking about the bat? Yeah, I know, yeah. No, I think he took more than just the bat.

Yes, there's something else. I haven't wanted to reveal it before, and I still feel that way now. But you know what it is? I haven't wanted to reveal it previously. It seemed not the right time, and this similarly doesn't seem like the right time. It still feels where all the timing feels off for me to reveal what I've sort of sussed out. So we've all got our secrets. We've all got our secrets.

That's what he's saying. I think we're all playing it pretty close to the best. Yes. Until we are all honest and forthright. I showed you like I told you who I am. Yeah, but you haven't told us who the other guardians are posing as. Okay. Yeah, I'm not going to docks anybody.

Okay, that's fair. That's fine. So you don't know where we might be able to find Carver, because that's sort of my whole focus right now is our sort of career trajectory started to take on a pretty exciting arc. When we met Carver, I would like to keep nurturing that relationship, which will be hard to do if he is, you know, chopped up and fed to sharks or whatever. So it's almost a paternal thing, isn't it? It feels like a paternal thing. I kind of called him my. knew dad in front of my... Yes, no, I remember. I heard that, yes, I recall. The dad you never had, I believe, is one of the... No, he did have a dad. The daddy wishes he had, I think, is what he said.

We need to find out what all was taken from the museum. Because whatever he was taken for, it was because of something he had, because they weren't just kidnapping him. They were turning the place over to find it. Okay, well, I don't have that information. It would have been... See, after you stopped the heist, it would have been cataloged by River City First Enforcement.

Great. We know someone there. Yeah. Are you having an inn? Definitely, definitely. Someone there owes us big time. Okay, if you can figure out why. Oh, wait, nope. I got it mixed up. Someone there doesn't like us big time. It was old Joshua Darnett. We did get devoted because of the whole

awards banquet fiasco. So he doesn't actually owe us one. Oh, yes, I remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Perhaps we can obtain the information another way. Oh, okay. No, you said it with such confidence.

Well, I am a master of infiltration and disguise. Perhaps we could sneak in there and get the information. Yeah, that sounds good. We need to get into River City first anyway. Okay, if you can figure out why they took Carver, maybe we can figure out where they took Carver. I'll keep working on my end and try to uncover any kind of, you know, activity related to it, see if I can track down that.

What was the name of the person, the walrus, who wasn't? Clamjula. Okay, well, that seems like that would be easy to figure out. I'll see if I can figure out. It can't be that many clams. Well, I mean, if they're not of this earth, we should at least be able to track through the database to see who comes in.

Eats, if they're a mutant, maybe they come in to work with us here. I don't know. We'll see what we can figure out. I would suggest perhaps you use the missing LinkedIn, just on the off chance that it might be listed there. It's an app I've heard. It's very popular.

Are you proud of that one? A little. Yeah, me too. A little. That's very good. You should be proud. Now, was that his dad saying that? These two do it sound alike. Yeah. You can tell Barker as a much more... You mean Loveless?

Loveless has it much more gravely. And the dad sounds a lot more like that now you can tell the difference. Right. Now you... Much better. You put it out like that, yeah. Dad, I'm going to tell you straight up, we're about to go, I think, break into a police station. Excellent. I know. I just said that to you.

I'm the one that came up with this. This is no good. This is what I live for. This should provide excellent opportunity to observe your behavior in these kind of crucial high-pressure situation. Just pretend I'm not here. I'm just saying like you, I'm telling you now because I feel like breaking into a police station to gather evidence is not sort of great brand stuff. then it will be important for you to protect the brand while committing these felonies. Okay, great.

Cool. Just making sure we're on the same page. I mean, yes. Cool. As long as the raw seal and golden seal and royal seal brand is at the top of your priority list while you're breaking into this, what was it, some sort of authority, like headquarters? You are not a space man. You have been on land before. Have you not?

I try not to remember it. Okay, that's so crazy what you said. May I say something? Please. May I say something to you, your royal highness? Of course. Your son has done so much good. He has saved...

Well, maybe not saved lives. But made lives better? he has been a faithful representative of your peoples. I think you need to become less of a seal of disapproval and become a seal of approval in your son stands. That really means a lot, Roger, thank you. Well, if what you say is true, then his behavior will prove that out, and I will have nothing else to do here,

but until I'm able to observe for myself, I don't know that I can simply take you a word for it, though you are impeccably dressed. Okay. Thank you. I want to say something, too. Okay? Yes.

As long as we're having kind of a group discussion about my relationship with my son, please. And when I'm here for it, too, which is awesome. I want to say something to. Is there anything that the man who was a dog and he's now a tortoise would like to say? I don't know him that good. What I wanted to say is...

I'm kind of just trying to stay out of it. My cousin Tyson said that you guys all know the singer from Kiss from a Rose. And I want to know if that's true or not. Yes, he is my cousin. Okay. Okay. This is great.

So, again, I feel like I have to keep reminding everyone that Carver has been kidnapped. And time lost is Carver lost. I understand. And we're never going to survive. unless we get a little crazy. So before you make your approach to the River City Enforcement, is there anything you want to lay out, anything you want to plan, any arrangements you want to make?

Mm-hmm. Yes. I think we need to contact Dean. And he is an accountant, right? Yeah. And tell him we're going to be forwarding him a list of items that maybe he could, that he could run through to see what was missing.

Oh, cross reference? Yes. He's trying to see what's missing. An inventory. That's a good idea. So you've contacted Dean to let him know that be ready. He's at his computer, ready and waiting. What's your next move?

Okay. I feel like let's figure this out. We go in stealthy approach because if so, me and my dad are probably going to need to take on more of a distraction role. We're talking about infiltrating River City. first enforcement, right? Yes. Okay. You, Axelow, I mean, you're

very live and Roger, clearly you've got the element of stealth and deception. These are not how I typically roll. So, I can work on keeping folks paying attention to the big seal in the lobby, and you

guys kind of do your thing, if that's the direction we want to take this? This is just an idea, but could we go in maybe to apologize? That's so good. I love that idea so much. Yeah, maybe we just go in to say we're sorry. Because I think the three of us are going to be tough to sort of, you know, hide. Yeah. And if you see one of us, that's pretty much the ballgame, so maybe we just go in for an apology session. That's great. That's awesome. And maybe I can sneak away. That's good, too. Oh, classic. Like, I got the

cramps. That's cool. I gotta go to the bathroom right now. And when you've got four stomachs, the odds are you've always have cramps. Okay. Yeah, we got a plan. No further planning required. None whatsoever.

And we... Blades in the dark. We're already in it. We stroll right in. You've just walked in to the entryway of River City First enforcement. You see, you know, a desk with some clerks there to check in to take... Any kind of reports from citizenry. To do any kind of booking for people brought in.

And you see them clock your presence, obviously. You have just walked into the room. And one of them waves you over. Yeah, next. Next. Come on over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on over. Hello.

My name is Roger. Duly deputistized enforcement officer. What? From somewhere you can't check. And these, Three individuals would like to speak to someone in perhaps your PR department or communications officer. Okay, yeah, you got Roger, you said, some kind of complaint or you're turning yourselves in or a reporter. We, these three gentlemen would like to speak to whoever's in charge to deliver.

Yeah, we messed up. We messed up pretty much. Oh, okay, so you're here to report a crime or? A crime of a whoopsie. Whoopsy of a conscience. Oh, okay, hold on. Let me get the whoopsie for him. Hold on.

Procressy. We don't need to leave a paper trail here. We just messed up and we did a bad thing. And Joshua Darnet. We're just looking for Joshua. Goshwa? Yeah. Oh, yeah, that guy.

Well. Why did you say that like that? Oh, he's in the doghouse right now, if you know what I mean? He's a persona non grata. Dogs aren't even people to you. It's pretty messed up. What? You know, I've never thought about how insensitive.

Yeah. Yeah, it's weird that we even say that you said. He's in the bad boy house. How about that? Is that better? So dogs are bad boys? Cool. No, no, no.

I've removed dogs from a situation altogether. Okay. Right. And everybody knows bad boys associated with cops. So where is Joshua so we can just apologize? Oh, he's doing grunt duty right now. Where? Oh, digitizing.

That's not an answer to where. Okay. Oh, sorry. I, you know, this is like, you know, kind of a headquarters of an enforcement bureau that has a lot of, like, you know, red tape, as you have mentioned and very sensitive information. I can't just be like, oh yeah, he's right there. Go see yourself there. Like, I can see if he wants to talk to you. Is there a message you want to pass along?

And if he approves, I can send you guys to him. Tell him we have important information about the events that transpired. And he'll know what that means. Important information about the events that transpired. Okay, how do you want to sign? What are your names? Sorry. Oh, you're still going?

Sorry. Sorry. Okay. De Bois. He'll know what that means. He'll know. Could you spell that for me, please? D, capital D.

Okay, capital D. A. Is the A capitalized? What? He might think it's from the district attorney if you make it. Oh, okay. Okay, capital D. Lo case A.

Funky apostrophe. Okay, yeah. Cateel there? No, like a funky bad boy apostrophe. Okay, hold on. Let me turn on Wendings, hold on. Okay. Now, let me switch back to Times New Roman.

Okay. All right. What else? Boy's B-O-Z. B-O-Y-Z. Okay. I-Tal. Oh, it's in I.

Okay, hold on. I'm going to have to retype it. I don't know how to do. How do you turn it to I-Tal? I. Okay. And bold. Make it, make it more.

Okay. Control B. Control B. Thank you. All right, anything else? Hey, what's your name? My name's Preston. Cool.

Preston and the boys. Oh, are you a sergeant? Sergeant? I'm an agent, yes. Oh. They got you working desk duty too, huh? Maybe you had your own little whoopsie. Well, no.

I got injured in the line of duty. On your way up or on your way out? I'm feeling people get this gig. Wait, listen, we need to establish some empathy. What happens? How'd you get injured? How'd you get her, bud? Oh, I was fighting an army of half robots, half cyborgs, the cybots.

That would be a robot, though, right? No. No, it's a cybot. It's a robot with cybernetic parts added to it. Half robot, half cyborg. It's a cyborg. Well, there was a gang of them, and we was fighting them, and one of them lazered me right in the knee.

Yeah Yeah Yeah Ruined my Ruin my Interimeral sports career Roger Weren't you saying

You had diarrhea Oh Oh Oh boy Oh boy Out of nowhere Right Out of nowhere

Oh no This is bad I grew up on a farm And I know a cow With all them stomachs This is going to be bad Press Where's the bathroom press

Hurry Hurry hurry hurry Oh God Oh God Oh God Dad Give me a roll to perform your diarrhea attack. Don't call it.

As a cow, I will say that this is definitely more pressing. So give me a 3D8 roll. 3D8. All right. And I think I want to use one of my TTS dice. Oh, you're going to use the time to shine. Clearly. For diarrhea.

To shine for diarrhea. Yep. That sounds like a me thing. Shine on. Yeah, listen, this is a perfect time for Roger to shine, singing into a place, being a cow performing. This is perfect. All right. So roll 48 for me.

48. Holy Mother of God. Good Lord. Hey, guys, let's watch it with the blaspheming. We don't know how kids feel about blaspheming, right? Kids these days with their fortnight and their Jesus. Then let me rephrase that. Holy cow.

Here we go. Okay. Can you tell the people at home what you've rolled here done? Four threes. Mm. Yep. I want to bust out a Mondo move. I, catching that this performance is not going so great, I bat my baby doll eyes.

When Navy or a teammate fails a diplomatic role, Navy SEAL can bat his adorbis eyes to a tip to sway the target. Allow him to repeat the roll. Please. He's so sick. Oh my God, I'm getting lost in those big eyes. We'll explore that later, but you gotta help my buddy out. Is that sick, huh? He's really rude.

Okay, roll again, down, 48 again. Okay. Do better. There we go. Six and a five. Oh, okay, listen, we've all been there having really bad diarrhea. All right. All right.

Come. Come with me, sir. I'll show you to the bathroom. We've got to go through this set of doors. Okay. And Preston leads Roger off to the restroom. They have to go through the sealed doors to get there, leaving the three of you, Navy, Lyle, and Golden Seal, unattended.

Very well done, son. Excellent use of your big bug eyes. Thanks, Dad. So Lyle, remind me, did you ever... learn how to hack? Yeah. I guess you could say that. And I get out Hatchet Man

and I attack the computer. Wait, no. The world goes. Okay. One success, two failures. Um, so you smash the computer with Hatchet Man. And it does not gain you the information

you desire, but... I thought it would shoot out. It does send a short through the system and those sealed doors pop up. But, ta-da. I look around for the cameras that are almost certainly on us right now, right? Well, yes, Griffin. Okay, cool.

If you want to be a killjoy, Mel. I start... Why are you working against me? I start swatting around. You're my brother. You almost got that robo spider drone that was sitting on top of that computer. I think he hopped away. Let's keep hunting down this robo...

You said hack it. So... Yes, the robo spider drone I was talking about. that was put here by the bad guys. It's so small. Griffin, rolled 238 for me. It's so small, but so dangerous. Two successes.

Okay, yep. The cameras, you'll almost see them like nod. Like whoever's operating, I'm like, yeah, this makes complete sense. Robot Spider-Trone. Yep, yep, yep. That tracks, yeah. We've had a real problem with those, the cameras seem to say. Do I have lay of the land here?

Like, can we see evidence locker? Can we see, describe the layout right now. Because if I wanted to chase a pretend robot spider drone and, you know, go where I'm not supposed to go in my pursuit, would I have any inkling of where I should be heading? Yeah, roll for me with your big old bug eyes. Roll three D-8s for me. That's three failures. So all you know at this one is it's definitely beyond those sealed doors. But those are open?

Yes, they popped open from a power surge from Hatchet Manning, the computer. I'm going to start flailing, like throwing myself around as I like try to grab this drone. And I also get blasted by a couple times. I'm like, darn you robot spider drone. I'll get you if it's the last thing I do. Well, with your success, yeah, I mean, listen, you're nailing it. The body language of the security cameras are there in it. You know what I mean?

They're feeling it. Shall I just go past those sealed doors? Inside, you find the bustling headquarters of River City First Enforcement. So bustling, in fact, that at this moment, nobody's really clocking you coming in. People are coming and going kind of constantly from this room. everybody is busy handling their own stuff currently. Hey, they're actually pretty busy in here so we can just kind of come in. That's for you, Lyle.

Oh, thanks. And I guess my dad. Dad, you're very suspicious and you stand out because you're huge and golden. So maybe you say... I will make myself small. And you see him kind of hunch over. Mm-hmm. Can you stand out of here and, like, distract?

Disract. Well, I was just here to... Yeah. Same bag. He comes along, tell him it's an official emissary business. You're a muckety mug. Tell him, throw your weight around, pal. My intention was to simply observe.

Well, that's fine. But you know, your son's doing hard work here, and you've just made yourself a liability. And not like me, a liabilities. Which is something he does really well. I'm sorry, I'm not here. Oh, no. Justin, as Lyle,

Roll to convince Golden Seal To help you guys in this endeavor And you make a good point So roll 3D8 for me to convince him To help you guys Okay and I Do I have any time to shine dice? You do you guys

All your time to shine dice will be set I'm going to use ah time to shine dice Excellent 48 that's what I'm going to roll Okay Three successes Very well I shall age you in this

ever. I don't know how much time I'll be able to buy you, but you might want to scoot away from me. Gladly. Yeah, that's kind of the idea. H-o-o-o-o-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hach-h-h-hachy. Why is he even doing it? You know what I mean, he's just gained a lot of attention from the book. I mean, but why? Like, why? So we demand to speak with the head of this organization. I should have been, in hindsight, this was, this was, this was, this. This is actually my fault.

Everyone look at me currently. I have become the liability. I admit it. Look at me as I walk over in this direction to wait to speak to the head of this agency. Also, bring me snacks. Maximum Fun. A Worker Owned Network of Artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.