The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 14: Hide and Sneak!

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

Security doors and corporate offices stand between the Abnimals and their one chance at finding Carver. Can they wind their way through the cubicle maze to deliver a heartfelt apology?Abnimals Theme by Justin McElroy, Eric Near (https://bit.ly/ericnearmusic) and Jonathan Coulton (https://www.jonathancoulton.com/).Additional Music in this Episode: "Hellafunk", "Slingshot", and "Bittersweet" by Mr. Smith: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSk2j0fTMw9V94UGyfWrSuA?; "Darude - Sandstorm [Chiptune Version]" by BildPünkT: https://soundcloud.com/lichttrager; "Task Man" by Gamesharkoff: https://gagmesharkoff.bandcamp.com/; and "Air" by Jesse Spillane: http://www.jessespillane.com/.Palestine Children's Relief Fund: https://www.pcrf.net/ Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

While we're at the height of our powers Atop the tallest of towers It's been You'll never stop us now And we'll do with me much Until it's turning out just like to play And the way So wrong is long

But our mojo is strong And unless I'm wrong And I'm not We're at the height of our power While we get into Roll 20 And we're getting the game going here I wanted to tell the kids a quick story. Yes.

Kids are home? Yeah, kids at home. Kids listen. Hey, kids. This is a story about heroes. Yesterday, I was at my house with my daughter, who's six, and there was a loud crashing noise. And she said, what was that? I said, I don't know.

You go look. So she went upstairs and looked, and there wasn't anything up there, but I was still pretty freaked out. So then I went up and looked, and there was nothing up there. But then Tommy came to the house with Charlie and they said, did you guys feel that earlier? And I said, what are you talking about? And Tommy said, it sounded like there was a huge explosion. They felt it all over town. And I got really wigged out then, kids, because I had no idea what was happening.

So I just kind of sat there, freaked out. And my kids were like, Dad, are you okay? I was like, I'm not okay, kids. What's happening? And then it turned out, kids, it was an earthquake, a 3.3 earthquake. Kids, this nothing burger of an earthquake since your podcast hero, Justin Baccaroy, into an absolute tailspin.

So I want you to know that as I'm even pretending to be an action-based axolotl, this action hero, and you think, oh, I could never be as brave as Justin is, leaping into these various scenarios and rolling dice, the helter-skelter hither and yawn, I was terrified. You needed your six-foot-15 father-in-law to come and stand near you to make you feel safe and strong.

No, he was, he looked freaked out. And guys, that's what sit me into a pan. No way. What you're scared in here that I think is important, Justin is. Mary was just texting me names of cities where they also felt the explosion. I was absolutely losing it. You're showing the kids at home that even like their bravest, strongest heroes have flaws. And I think that that's important, you know?

Like every hero has a weakness. and yours is being really afraid of stuff. Yeah, I get afraid of explosions. Yeah, that's your one witness. He texted me. I just, and I said, and I said, I didn't, I didn't feel anything. So apparently I'm no good at all in this scenario. It was only 3.3, guys.

You're just so posted up on a real sweet spot of the tectonic plate. I have never even heard of West Virginia having an earthquake. So kids know where your shelters are in time of my mom. emergency. And stay away from Justin. Yeah. And don't tell Justin. We'll get, we'll get math frog to come in and do that one. He's just a superhero I came up with. Speaking of superheroes, when we last left our heroes, they were infiltrating the River City First enforcement headquarters. Roger, he faked tummy troubles in one of his four tummies. and Agent Preston took him to the potty

and Navy SEAL's big fancy dad Golden Seal made some loud seal noises to distract some of the guards we're here inside the ID only the badge identification gates and now you can see the full scope of the main floor of the River City First enforcement headquarters

You are trying to find Joshua Darnett. He has been demoted into records and processing. Okay. So from where we are here in the coat check area of the main office, can we see the stairs down to leading down to records? You can't. So from where you're standing, there is like a half wall kind of with a gate through it that you would enter into the bullpen proper. across the way, you can see doors that are labeled stairs. You know, they have all the signs and markings and excites and whatnot.

But there is to access them, you can see it as a security door with like an ID scanner. Okay. That you will need to swipe some kind of identification to get past. In which room is Eel Patrick Harris in? E. Patrick Harris, you can see through a large plate glass window in the wall, is in, the interrogation room across from you and to the left. You can also see

at two of the desks across the way, Squid Mark and Hammer Ned are going through processing and being booked. Man, the arm of justice does not move at a great clip. There's a lot going on here in River City. Fair, fair.

I would like to suggest that we don't do the thing that we do every time we have a heist scene. which is that all of us all try to break into the place all at the same time. And in different ways. And in different, sorry, in different contrast ways. Maybe conflicting.

Conflicting and contrast. Conflicting and contrast your brother's heist plan. Goofus always does a heist like this. I've got a little composition notebook, playbook, with some plays in it. And I say over our little radio like, All right. I think, guys, I think it's time for two men and a baby. You guys remember that one? Yeah.

Okay. Hey, man, can you go over some of the salient details? Two men and a baby? Well, Ted Danson. No, of the plan, man. I remember the film. Oh, right. So us two will be the two men.

You know, it's one of the most profitable movies is for me. Yeah, they've made it for a song. They paid Ted Danson with a big sandwich. Anyway, we're the two men. And I'm a baby. You're little. You go through, you can sneak. We're not sneaky.

I'm huge and untrained in the arts of stealth. So we'll be two men, go in there, and we'll pry open the door for you. So you can slip in, right, dude? Three men or a baby. Okay. So I have to get to the door, right? Roger, at this point, you hear a knocking on the door as Agent Preston is starting to get a little impatient waiting here with. you. Hey there. You, uh, you almost done in there? You, are you okay? Do you need, are you, we need to, I need to get back to the desk.

Oh, ho. Oh, it's a bad one. It's a bad one. Oh, boy. And Roger is going to release the biggest. Oh, God. Please. No, no, no, no. You don't need to. We're like, we all let's leave. Let's let see a look. Imagine. Disruptive methane cloud Let them fill in the blanks. Leave a gap in the map. It's going to use CH4 you and really

try to chase Prest it away. Good, good, good, good, good. Dad's way for him just made the face of the devil. It just gets sketched out. It scared him, I think. All right, dad. Roll me 3D8. 3D6, what?

3D. Oh, I get it. devil. 3D. That cow's got the devil in him. All right. 3D8. Smell of brimstone. 8, 4, and 1.

That's only one success, but the one success is at 8, which is the best number on there. That is true. With a mixed success, it is a very convincing Stink Cloud, which is mollified agent press in that this is definitely an emergency situation. for you and that you are really having some serious tummy troubles,

but it does not drive him away. Oh, no. Uh-uh. No, no, no, no, no. I noticed there... No, no, no, no. If dad, no, no. If dad gets a mixed success when attempting to make the biggest fart he can,

there is only as an acceptable outcome. Now, wait, and that's on the bubble for the content filter. That is on the bubble for the concept filter. So we need something different. I'm going to call it a blart. And kids, you know what I mean. I'm going to have to call the FCC real quick to make sure. Hold on.

He fooped. Oh, this, Derek? Yeah, yeah, we're working on a thing. It's a little bit of the boy who cried. Yeah, no, he got a mixed success. I'm trying to make a really big fart. It was an a. It was an a.

It was an aide. Tell him about foop. Tell them we're thinking about foop. We're going to rebrand it as far. Foop? Or Blart. Is that going to pass? That's still pretty bad, but it's on the bubble. Oh, good.

Okay, we can go with Foop? Awesome. Okay, thank you, Derek. Love you. You know, using bubble isn't appropriate. Okay, Derek said we can go with Foop. Fooke. And we'll be tentatively okay.

Cool. Okay, so it's this massive Foop. Yeah. Looking at this. I don't know if you want to go with massive, Dad. Are you sure with the implications of that? Well, I'm sitting on a, I mean, I'm in the water closet. It's a good place to do it. I mean, the Lou.

What is Art? Okay. Yeah, you know? That's cool. That's cool to figure out. You poop real big. And he doesn't move at all? Come on.

Give me a little. He doesn't come in to check on you. This is what I'm arguing. He has to move, but he poops his pants. Oh, I see. This is like, he got, that's the. mix of the success. It's the only mix of.

Great here. For those of you at home who can't see them out, there are two doors to the room. And so, Dad opted to instead foop himself. Travis, if I can walk into my logic. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Yeah, no, please, yes. It is important to note.

If Travis, dad attempts to fart so loud, he scares the man away. But he instead farts quietly. That is not a big success. It's an embarrassing. failure. Okay. He's just farted himself. But instead, fooping himself, you consider that a partial success?

It is a success, but there is a price has been paid. And I got to say, there's a cost. There's probably no worst place on the planet to foop than inside of a bathroom stall. You were so close. You almost had it. The psychological effect. And it's not just the sound. So smart.

Trave. I was really hoping that the cloud of gas would be. So powerful, he would at least step away a couple of steps. That's the seasoning of experience. Yeah, so he is definitely grossed out. He's going to kind of move to the other side of this big group with Golden Seal. Like, oh, God. Oh, guys, guys.

Oh, yeah, we're going to need a minute in there. Maybe he'll have a match, well, like 100 matches or something. My God. I think he just fluked himself. Is the coat rack on wheels? The coat rack is on wheels. Perfect. Cool.

Okay. I'm going to step inside the coat rack and slowly start edging it in the direction of the stairs. Slowly. Two men and a baby, I think, calls for the two men to be sort of synced up instead of having, again, our own competing conflicting distraction. So I'm right here, right here with you. Come with me. This is how we're going to do. Yes, brother.

I'm looking at our pathways. Yeah. This is the only option. Yes, I love this. Should we let Roger get moving before we begin doing our own sort of deal? Well, I thought that his turn was fording, so I wanted to do my turn. Well, now that he's proved himself, let's see how this plays out. Well, sorry, guys, how's the real dead move?

I think with that extra space, he's going to go through that back door of the bathroom and clamber into the... Now, there's nothing you're going to do first. You know what? You spent 12 minutes investigating the foop. I petition you to move on. I wouldn't. Very true. Very true.

But every 10 seconds, somewhere in this world, a cow poops. And it just falls. It's probably, dad, that's insane. It's probably, there's so many cows on Earth. There's so many cows on Earth. I think he just lets it fall Where it does The biggest source of agricultural greenhouse gases

Worldwide cows Got to eat fewer cows guys Come on The more you know Nope we do that at the end Okay So you're moving towards that back door here And I'm going to clamber into the air vent

Okay, yes you are Hope it's a pretty big air vent So as you exit into that kind of side hallway there, before it sees you, you see that there's a camera at the end that is kind of doing a sweeping about 270 degree pointing at the hallway where you are and then sweeping back to the seating area here where Golden Seal is surrounded by the enforcement. So you will need to time that out if you wish to if you're trying to avoid being seen. I think it's time for me to do a night fox trot. Of course it is. The Mondo move. When he hears a techno beat, he can do a fluid, acrobatic, tumbling dance.

And I think into his headpiece, he's going to say, I need one of you fellows to give me a techno beat. There has got to be a better way for you to do this. You can borrow my zoo for the next operation so you can control my powers. These are my moves. The fact that your powers are conditional to one of us doing a beatbox is really hard on the rest of us. Lyle has like a drum thing, doesn't they? I need to check the pockets of the coats, please.

Are there any devices in the coat pockets that can't play music? Oh, that's good. Okay, good. Give me a role with, I'm going to say anything's a drum to find something. Yeah, thank you. Yeah. Oh, one success. Okay, with a mixed success, you find in one of the coat pockets, someone has bought a birthday card.

Oh, that's smart, Travis. I love that. To give to a friend. And it's one of those that you open it up and it plays like... Sandstorm. Yeah, it plays through Sandstorm in a real like chip tunes kind of way. Okay, as it starts playing, that's very unfortunate for me because that's quite loud and distracting. As it starts playing, I'm going to fold it into a paper airplane. Okay. When in a structure or environment is in danger of destruction, I've practiced since the best path of escape.

This place is ready to blow now with all this methane gas. No, okay, that's not, you're right? A bit of a stretch. Maybe if it had been a completely successful foob? No, 100%. Yeah, it was a dirty one. Can I roll 2D8 to fold an airplane card? You can, but if your goal is to sail it over there to him,

there will also be a role to see if you can do it without detection. Okay. You are good at camouflage. Yes, so let me do the role. This is how well you can construct the airplane to make it all the way to him. And I don't have any reason to think I'd be good at that. 2D8 seems more than fair. Yeah, I mean, it's a mixed success.

Okay, so with a mixed success... If you stack enough mixed successes on to each other in this game, you really start to lose the plot. With a mixed success, you are pretty sure you have folded it in such a way that it will make it to him. And I'm going to, like, flip a coin. And if it's heads, it'll make it to him. And if it's tails, it does not. I mean, that's a mixed success.

Okay, it's flipping. Heads. You succeed. Yes. Okay. Okay, now we'll just hold it up to see if you are noticed. Oh, man, I just barely got two successes out of those five die. Okay, yeah, with that, you are able to do this, like, an absolute surgeon.

Five die? Five die? Just like fold it. Perfect. Five, what's grammatically correct? Five die or five dice? Um, you, two dice, three dice, four dice, five dice. Five dice.

It just sounds weird. Five dices. I actually think. Dices. I hate Dices to pieces. Okay, dad still has to do his move now. Yeah, you have successfully landed this birthday card playing Derood Sandstorm on Chip Tunes right next, or in Roger's hands from across the headquarters without being noticed. And it's a shame that no one noticed because if they had, it would be the wildest.

Everybody would have lost it. No matter how loud my dad is being right? out, there's no way they didn't just hear like, but da-da-da-da-ba-da-da-ba-da-ba. Well, here's the thing that you don't know, Griffin. That is, like, everybody's favorite song in this office without fail. So people are constantly, it's everybody's ringtones. And also, Griffin, there is a way I rolled about it.

That's true, I guess. And I know they didn't, because I rolled about it. Yeah, narratively, it's because it's everyone's ringtones. But mechanically, it's because Justin rolled some dice and he got two successes. I know it feels like they should have, but they didn't. Yeah, cool. Sometimes Griffin the dice tell a story. Yeah.

So, Dad, you're now holding a birthday card paper airplane playing to Root Sandstorm on ShipTunes, giving you a techno beat to use your Knight Fox Trot. All right. Then it's time to roll. So you're going to roll 4D8. Now, you also have lots of time to shine dice. Yo, I'm going to use one. Oh, believe me.

I was going to say the amount of, the amount of goofs that have gone into this single maneuver. So much work, it's got to work. So I'm going to roll. Just 20 minutes of goofs building to this. 5.8. Here goes the roll. 557. Not only a success, but a cowabunga.

Thank goodness, dad. You are able to seamlessly enter this vent like a stinky shadow, just rolling up in there. Nobody notices the noise of the vent being removed. You're able to get in there and just enter that vent. and begin shimming your way through. I prefer clamber if it's all right with you. I don't think you want to clamber. I think that implies noise.

Yeah. Okay. If you want to. No, no. And I'm going to unfold the paper airplane and put it in my jacket pocket. But I'm going to hold on to it. Thank you. Good idea, I think.

All right. So now we... Are you going to close it or leave it open? Oh, I'm going to close it. Okay. If he listens to techno music constantly, he will be dead within the hour. He can't handle that much. And with that Kawabanga, not only do you enter seamlessly, but you are able to do so and replace the vent as the camera comes back around to that end, revealing nothing.

It seems. This is what you are billed for, Roger. Yeah. Thank you. I mean, not all of it. Well, maybe with four stomachs. Okay, we're back to the coat rack and the two men of the two men in the two men. baby scenario. Your plan, if I remember correctly, is to move the coat rack through the gate

and into the bullpen. So should I make it look like I'm pushing the coat rack into the room and then you can be in the coat rack hiding? Because like if they just see a coat rack scooting across the floor, they're going to be pretty confused, I think. No. So it's a we're going to pretend to be, you know what, I'm sure I'll come up with something. I love it. I want to support you in this. In the moment, like, yeah, in the moment, but I can't just do fit here, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You need the pressure.

Exactly. You're a game time player. Okay, that's good. Okay, with the distraction of Golden Seal, you are able to get as far as the gate, but now you will need to open the gate and maneuver yourselves in a co-wreck through. So this is where I'm going to need the roll Lyle it seems like you are leading the way So give me that camouflage roll Okay, so that's a cow bunga Oh wow

Yeah, so as far as anyone's concerned This is just A coat rack Maybe come loose a little bit Somebody hung a coat weird Does anyone need their coats? Wait, what are you doing? What?

This is how it's been working the whole time. You see a guy turned from the coffee station at the sound of your voice. Hello, do you need any service from Cokebot? Wait, what? Yes, your office is in the pilot program. You're one of the first offices with a Coke bot. And this has been working. I got a double Calabunga.

I mean, listen, I fully believe that this is a copi, but I'm still clear about it out. I know. Listen. How can I help you, Copi? You can turn around. I'm sorry, my programming is still. Do you have feedback? I sense from your reaction that I have upset a social moray.

Well, yeah, I'm a little confused, Copac, because, like, I said, turn around. Oh. Um, sorry again. I'm now, he fully believes that this is a co-bought with your Kawabunga. You are camouflage's co-bought. He's buying him. But now he is a little bit confused as to whether or not he should follow this command. Okay.

So I'm going to need one of the two of you. Well, yeah, Justin, you're the one leading the charge here. I'm going to need, Justin, I'm going to need you to roll to see if you can get him to turn around. It doesn't seem like you got anything in that strength. To roll 2D8 to see if you can get him to follow this command. Okay. Mixing sense. So he turns 90 degrees.

Yeah, he turns, he's still kind of looking at you over his shoulder as he faces towards the stairs. He's like, I mean, he's a little suspicious. Like this? I get it. I get it. Yeah, that's good. Perfect. While he is doing this, it looks like, based on sort of the, the vector at which we are entering this room,

we are right up close to a bunch of desks. Could I try and swipe an ID card or something? It's good. Because no matter what, it seems like we're going to have to get past that ID scanner in order to reach records. Yeah, give me, let me see what you got here. This is not my forte whatsoever, but I don't know.

So first, give me. Give me a bug-eyed roll to see what you can see on the desk from your vantage point. Okay. Two success, seven-five. Okay, yeah. With two success is definitely within arm's reach, you see someone as like hastily put down, like maybe they clocked in late, but like their pile of stuff. And it's like their keys, their phone and their like ID badge that they would, and it's all kind of grouped together. Okay.

So now I'm going to have you make a roll to see if you can grab. one of them without getting noticed. I'm going to use, I think, two time to shine dice here. Whoa. Giving you 48. Because I have nothing. I have nothing here. And then the ID is what I want to grab, right?

If it's an ID scanner, I don't want his keys or his phone. Cool. All right. Here goes nothing. Please. Three successes and a Kalabunga. 755. Oh, yeah.

With three successes and a Kalabunga, you grab his phone and his ID badge if you want it. Oh, man. I don't know that I want his phone. I feel like that's just going to cause more complications for me. What do I need a police officer's phone for? That's fair. Okay, yeah, you grab his ID badge and with that, Cowabunga, not only does no one see,

but that guy, you know, is very busy. You could tell by the rush to set everything done. He forgets that he has an ID badge at all. Yeah. Like, he's not going to notice for quite some time. Okay. Okay, let's get back to Roger in the vents' real quick.

Get back to me. Yeah. I mean, I needed a breath after we walked six feet in a coat rack. Well, and convinced the guy that you were a coat rack. We did a lot of stuff. I'm not grousing. I'm not grousing. I think our overall progress in this episode is fantastic.

I'm amazing, frankly. The rate at which we are just grinding through your content. Roger, give me, let's see, we've already established that you are graceful in here. You're a dancer. Give me a 3D8 role to see how far you have made. it through the vents. Okay. It's two successes.

Five, five, four. That's a Cowbunga, baby. All right, you've made it all the way down to the corner. Okay. And from this vantage point, you can start to hear voices coming through some of the vents along the way further down. They're a little bit muffled right now. You can tell there's some distance still before you would be on top of them.

But you can definitely hear some voices coming through some of the vents. Could I make my way down to listen to the air duct next to the interrogation room? Yes, you can. I'm going to have you do a roll, another 3DA role, to see if you can do that undetected since the interrogation room is currently occupied. Okay, well, surely something in here are my powers. I mean, I'm giving you 3DA for being a graceful spy. Okay, well, I'll just keep it at the three

Okay Holy crap, oh my God Here's your three sixes What? What does this mean, Travis? Why, Travis? It means he's up the devil. Oh, no, not the Antichrist Oh, no!

I think this is the second time Dad has rolled three sixes. Hey, guys, it has to mean some. Sign of the beast. Can we say something though? It's like, this is a kid show So if we could come up with something that's kind of like the Antichrist

but like a little less. Oh, cool for kids. The boogieman! The super bad guy. It's the boogie man. Anti-Scibitty. Yeah. He's Ohio.

He wants to kill all the skitties. No, I think if it's supposed to be satanic, just make it skibbitty. None of us. Well, some of us know what that means. You are able to make it right next to them, and lucky for you the way that the airflow is going. The duct is carrying your stink trail away and down. Oh, it's gone. It's gone.

Hey, Dad, that's for me to. a sign. You food yourself. Travis, actually with three sixes, I think dad should get to be in charge for a little while. Of his stink clown? Of reality. I mean, three sixes is crazy, man. That's a crazy role. Didn't you make a special role for that? Like, you have to quit the game or something? I do? Or dad?

No, like, dad, who ever rolled it is to quit? I think that's what you said. Dad, at this point, your stink cloud, you're like the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland, where you can shape your stink clown into different. things. Also, maybe Gandalf, like a wizard. Are you sure you want to give me that power? For the next 10 seconds. Oh, okay. Then I'm going to make like a pretzel shape. Just turn it into the evidence we're looking for. It's like green lanterns ring. Oh, yeah, whole new power. Whole new power. And the power's gone. Okay. Roger wants to listen in. Okay, yeah. With three sixes, absolutely you're able to do so undetected.

You can hear the voice is much clearer now. You hear it. Yeah, so then I, it's the voice of Yopatra Harris. So then they sent us in and we kidnapped this guy and I'm not a liberty to say. But then I fled down to a thing, went to the seal base, the base-eye batties. They were there. What other information do you guys want? I mean, I'm trying to tell you whatever you mean.

yeah okay listen eel eel we're willing to like let you off here like but you gotta give us more than that like who hired you right who was it oh yeah um it was um so this uh lady named clamjula hired us on behalf of some guy named the walrus um and uh what else what else um so it seems to you roger like You are getting the impression, especially with 36es, that he has turned confidential informant here giving them whatever information they want about what went down to avoid any kind of sentence. Okay. But we knew that stuff, though, right? Yeah. He said that to us when we interrogated.

Yes. Yeah. And I also have my columns open when I was listening to this stuff, so you guys could hear whatever I heard. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So just to be clear, I just want to make sure I understand sort of what I'm here and try to keep up with the story. storylines and stuff. So we're at River City First Enforcement. We are telling them that a guy named the Walrus hired us to do something.

No, no, no. E. Patrick Harris in the interrogation room. Yeah, no, sorry. E. Patrick Harris is telling them that he was hired by somebody named the Walrus. He's telling the people at River City First Enforcement that he was hired by someone named the Walrus. And they're like, huh, interesting. let's keep a note of that.

I just want to understand what's happening. Yes, correct. I mean, it's also doing so so that Hammer Ned and Squidmark will face harsher sentences, and he will not. Oh, man. So now we're

back to Navy SEAL and Axel The security guard that you have convinced that you are a coat rack robot is now facing 90 degrees away from you. You have the identification Navy. Yeah. Take it away.

Okay. I guess we'll just keep rolling towards the ID scanner and the stairs. Wait, so why did you have me, what's the net, what's going?

I thought you would give me my code. Hey, Trave, we're done. With that guy. I didn't know we could do that. This challenge is done. Okay, so is he still talking to me? Yeah. Okay.

I'm going to grab him and pull him into the coats and knock him out. Well, but he's not looking at us. He's looking away from us. Well, he's looking, kind of. He's looking 90 degrees away from us. He's looking, yes, half away from you. So I can half get the drop on him, no problem. Yep.

Justin, give me. Everything's a drum. Everything, anything's a drum. I'm rooting through the pockets to look for something to knock this guy out with. Yeah, go for it. Let me see why I can find him. Oh wow, that's three successes in one of them's a cowlbun. Yeah, so with the cowbunga...

There's a 5-5-7. There's a hypo full of drugs in there. We are just really crushing our roles today. Yeah. In one of the pockets, you find a taser labeled instant and painless. Knock out for five to ten minutes. Okay. I, uh...

One use only. I take one of the coat hangers and, uh... use that to hang him up with the other car. I call that How to Succeed in Business Without Really Dying I'm looking at Axelail With a look of shock and horror

On my face. We are going to get in so much trouble You just escalated this. This was trespassing, bro. No, no, no, no. This was trespassing, bro. I would have thought so too. But I know that that worked perfectly. I don't know how to explain

it, but it definitely worked perfectly. I'm just saying they would have gotten us on trespassing. And now you've done something way worse, way, way, way worse. You just have to try things and see if they work out in this life. In this life, you don't know if something's going to succeed or if it's going to fail before you do it. In this life that you and I are living together right now, you have to just do something and maybe it'll work and maybe it won't. That is literally not in your control. You're right.

That makes me uncomfortable, but you're right. Let's get to the ID scanner and then try and get out of here without anyone seeing our faces. Okay. So can we keep tiptoeing? That was a beautiful scene. The message was nice. I'm not sure about the source of it. Sometimes in life you just have to knock someone out.

And just see what happens. Well, the message is that he is aware that he is in a role playing game. What? That's what he's saying. In this life that we're living, you and I right now, you have to just do things because you cannot know if they're going to succeed or not. So he is being literal in his existence,

he has found that he doesn't know if things are going to work or not. He just has to try them. And maybe they will, maybe they won't. It's really not up to him. Can we try and steer over to the right a little bit? You can try to steer any way you want. This thing's fully lubricated, no squeaks at all. how do I know, Calabunga.

Yeah. Which way are you heading? I don't know. If we can move over towards the camera and then there seems to be like one office over here. Yeah, let's investigate over there. So I'm thinking like if we have an opportunity to maybe take this camera out so that Roger doesn't have to deal with it. Oh, I love that. I love that.

Yeah, we're in a fully actual position. And Travis, I would love if I could knock out a few more guys that you'll have to drag along with this coat rack. Yeah. Viewer at home, listener who's not a viewer, you will not get to see the real joy of watching Travis scoot a coat rack and then me and then Griffin

and then the little guy that I knocked out and just be adding more detritus to the pile. It's like a little catamara into a scene of inconvenience. It'd be great if we left by just rolling the coat rack up to the front lobby and just like 30

police officers. I think can we pass, I mean, what's in this office? Can you see into it? The door is currently closed. And this one does not have a plate glass window. You could listen. Yeah, sure.

Roll me. It'd be weird if I was like, no. The coat rack pot is now blocking fire exits. I don't have bug ears. I'll just do 2D8. Yeah. Wish I had bug ears. One success, 4 or 5.

With the mixed success, you can hear only one voice. voice from what you can listen to. You're not quite able to make out what they're saying. Okay. But you only hear one distinct voice talking. Is it an authoritative sort of chiefly voice? It is... This is the only private office in here, so I have to think someone in here.

There's a confidence to it, a gravitas. Okay. Okay. So that's definitely not Joshua. I think we can all agree. I want to find out. I mean, Joshua got demoted. I don't know why he would get his own office. But maybe it's Joshua.

Dang, now you got me second guessing. Well, if it is, Joshua, I don't actually want to see him. He would be pretty mad at us. So we're good here. Just here blocking the door and the camera. I think we should... Oh, this is perfect. Yeah?

We can keep rolling until we are blocking the camera. That's cool. And then we can exfiltrate from the coat rack. I have an exit strategy, and that's it. I love it. Can we roll up to the camera? And block it with the coat rack. Where you are right now, you are blocking the camera.

At least from the corner of the stairs, you know, go down. And so right now you are in a pretty effective blocking position. Okay. I think we're in a good spot. Yeah, let's just wait. Let's just wait. Okay, Roger, give me one more roll to get to the end of the vent there. Okay.

Is he literally rolling like a keto roll or just rolling dice? Just rolling dice. Yeah, with double six. You have made your way down to the vent. You can see out of the vent now from your vantage point. You can see through the vent to see Squidmark at processing with an agent with him. You see Hammer Ed being processed with a couple agents around there as well. And to your left, you see a coat rack.

He knows what's up with the coat rack. There's no way we have about that. I peek my little face out and hold up the ID card. give a thumbs up. He can't see that? Can he see that? Do you want him to see that? Yeah, clearly.

Okay, make a role for me to see if anybody else sees that. It's so discreet, though. Like, I'm barely... Well, you have comms. You could just tell him. We're in the coat rack and we have the ID card. Roger, I assumed. Yes, good.

With that role, would you allow me to continue down the air duct? Sure. To where... To where the camera. is on the other side of the wall. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. Because I have to assume there are like wires.

They definitely put wires through the air ducts, definitely. Yeah, here behind the camera, you were able to see a bundle of wires. None of them labeled. Okay. Okay, I mean, he is a spy. Infiltration is his thing. I think he's going to fiddle with the wires of the camera. You do have also the...

Didn't you get a device? I do. Yes, the halikar. Yes, yes, the halikar hack. The halikar hack, which... Did you forget about your hacking device that you built? That's what it is. I assumed, hey, Dad, can I tell you something?

I love you so much. When you asked me if you could get to the camera and there would be wires and stuff, I was like, oh, yeah, he totally remembers that he has a hacking device. Well, of course I did, Travis. Oh, it was all a clever boy. That told me into a sense of security. I was luring you into my narrative. You have to accept that on some level dad did know, right?

Yeah. That is the only thing that makes sense is that inside dad, there is a war. There are two wolves, one who remembers he has inventory. And one who's just kind of drooling and lays on his side all the time. Waiting for belly rubs. and farting Yes, I use the Halikar Hack, which is a

cleverly disguises the pocket watch with a cow face on it and use it to connect to the Okay, here's what he's going to do He's going to use it to connect to the camera so that it's on a permanent loop of what it's

showing now. Okay, give me a 3D8 roll with your Haliccar hack. Can he see, can you see the like network? Because it would be cool to know where stuff is. I don't know if the Hallicar hack has a screen. Hmm.

Well, let's see how well he rolls. And then I'll let you know how well he connects. I'm going to use a time to shine dice too. Okay, so 48. 48. 6, 2, 3, 8. With two successes, you're not able to access, like, the full network, but you are able to create a loop on this camera.

allowing you guys to in this area around the stairs move without being detected by this camera. Amazing. Perfect. So let's jump back to the two men in the coat rack. Are you guys waiting for some kind of movement from Roger or is there a next step in your plan? Can we tell if Squidmark and Hammer Net are nearing the end of the processing process? Because, like, to paint a picture for the folks at home, Roger is going to have to basically sneak right behind where these two criminals are being processed in order to reach the stairs down to records. Give me a roll with your big old bug eyes to see if you can get a read on the situation. Seven and eight, two success.

Okay, yeah, with two successes, it's hard to tell exactly where they are in the process. They've clearly been here a long time, and you can tell that they are getting very agitated and somewhat uncooperable. with the agents who are processing them. Tensions are running high. It is definitely a fraught situation. Okay. It seems like everybody's ready to be done in one way or another. Okay.

We got two bogeys by the gate. You should be able to get there, Roger. And we should be able to get you the ID, but you're going to need to move quick. Because it's an agitated situation. Roger? Roger that. This is really confusing. I didn't even think about the fact that you're nice.

Roger Roger Roger 10 for Roger cool so what do you do so that I do something you solved it Roger does you solved it Justin I was just waiting for you to do something yeah that's it okay yeah that actually beats animals um thank you I was telling dad to do so thank you everybody you're sort of uh we're in position we have we have nothing we can do it's all the roger show right now and I can't can't wait for the same Roger time, same Roger channel. Join us again next week on The Roger Show. Our big cliffhanger is that dad wasn't acting fast enough.

Hey, it's a new, it's a new low. It's a new low, but kids, I want you to remember this, because you thought we were going to have a good cliffhanger, right? But this is another thing where your heroes let you down. And you over hear one of the agents say, What? A meteor? Heading for the city? This thing's really...

Oh, no, sorry. I miss heard you. Oh, sorry. Yeah, no. You wanted a meteor sandwich. Okay. Maximum Fun. A workaround network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.