The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 17: Figging Around!

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

Armed with new allies and new information, the Abnimals head to the Future Dryer-ia to stake out the whereabouts of Clamgela!Abnimals Theme by Justin McElroy, Eric Near (https://bit.ly/ericnearmusic) and Jonathan Coulton (https://www.jonathancoulton.com/).Additional Music in this Episode: "Make Funk" by Holizna: https://holiznaroyaltyfree.bandcamp.com/; "The Cleaner" by Wax Lyricist: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/wax-lyricist/; "Surveillance", "Chi Town Funk", "Blood in the Water", "Bittersweet", and "Mindsweep" by Mr. Smith: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSk2j0fTMw9V94UGyfWrSuA?; "Rather Never Than Ashamed" by done with fish: https://soundcloud.com/donewithfish; "Taffy Machine" by Kate Kody: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/kate-kody/; "Air" by Jesse Spillane: http://www.jessespillane.com/; "Demolition" by 1st Contact: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/1st-contact/; and "Turn around" by Koi-discovery: https://koi-discovery.lescigales.org/.Palestine Children's Relief Fund: https://www.pcrf.net/ Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

A new have heard, we're at the height of our powers at top the toll of our towers to stay. You never stop us. Take my hand if you trust and we will do what we must until it's turning out just like to play. The only way is wrong, but our mojo is strong and unless I'm wrong, and I'm not, we're at the height of our power. A new day dawns on River City. and we find ourselves at the future home of hair dryers, dryerea, the only laundromat in the city featuring only dryers. Is the expectation that you would show up with a bunch of sopping wet clothes?

Yeah, yeah. Well, I think the assumption, and remember, this isn't me making this is hair dryer, that like maybe you got splashed by a big puddle or you got caught in a water balloon fight. So you get nude right there in front of God and everyone. You go over to the curse of Soak Island You get your clothes That's across the street, yeah It's a good location

Yeah sure It's actually, I've been saying They should open a cursive soak island there for years Because it's actually so close to the dry area And outside the three of you Along with the baddies that you Left the River City First Enforcement with Hammer Ned

Eel Patrick Harris Squidmark, Artificial and thumper as well as Joshua Darnett, the at this point former River City First Enforcement officer. Maybe they can all form some sort of super

bad guy team real quick just so we don't have to hear their names individually ever again. I turn to them and I say first order business most of you are going to need to wait in the van. There's just a lot. It's a gaggle right now. It's too, yeah, it just takes too long as to me be able to keep back. Okay, sorry, hold on, which one of us

are any of us coming in? Who knows hair dryer the best? I've got, I've only got two openings, and then I'll take a pool cue and snap it over my knee and toss it to him. You sort it out. Well, how are we supposed to play pool now? You just broke in half. Whoever eats their half first.

That's messed up. Take a cue from him, he'll tell you. That's good. No, just, you know, low profile. Someone who's not going to be tempted to do a bunch of crimes. someone who maybe has a personal connection with a hairdryer, has any kind of contact with Clamjula, that would be sort of our ideal candidate.

Artie raises his hand. I have been in contact with Angela before. Do you mean Clamjula? What did I say? You said Angela, I thought. I'm full of Dorito dust. Yes, Clamjula. Oh, my God.

Is his face all messed up, like, what happened to Haley Joel Osmond when he ate spinach in our A.I? No, it's just covered. a lot of orange dust. I think about that face he makes in my worst dreams. Yeah, of course. What does he eat? He eats spinach.

He's having a spinach eating race with the real human son to show off, and then half his face like melts off. Yeah, his love is real, but he is not. And I think it's easy to forget that. But then his biceps sprout up with anchors on him. And you hear, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And he beats the kid up. Have you not seen that movie?

He's up his brother. Yeah, I just say that it sucks that it was spinach. If I was going to die eating some food, I would want it to be some sort of zesty ball. Yeah. No. No, a zesty ball shape food is the best food. Like, so sort of crunchy, zesty ball. So, yeah, Artie, why don't you come with us?

Okay. The rest you wait in the van, don't steal it. Don't drive, don't leave. Squidmark stops halfway through eating the pool here. Are we still eating? in the pool queue or if you get hungry enough sure okay cool thank you

I just didn't know if it was off limits if you're gonna need it again it's that's for the table also these things unscrew you didn't need to snap it in half you could have just unscrewed it I want to stroll on it okay you guys stroll into the dry area inside you see hair dryer

this place currently it looks like it was being built out into some kind of like storage unit like a warehouse but was not completely So now he is developing it into the dry area, the future home of the dry area. You see hair dryer as well as his hot boys going around, sweeping up the place, picking up, you know, whatever debris, scrubbing graffiti on the walls, that kind of thing. Hey! It's you guys!

Yeah, no, I see you. Hey, it's me, hair dryer. Hello, hair. Is that what you always sounded like? Well, yeah, the accent I remember was fake. I'm from Nebraska. Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Yeah. For the Midwest. The accent was just so good because it helped you sound like someone else. That was when I was trying to be, that's when I was trying to be kind of an evil guy. You know what I mean? And, like, I was doing heist and stuff to try to finance my dream of opening the only dryer-only laundromat. But now I got a small business loan. And so, like, I'm set.

How is business, by the way? Well, we haven't opened yet. So, so far so good So if you guys are here to like Dry your clothes or something We're not ready, I love the enthusiasm We could hook up, we got a couple dryers here Or we could just like, I don't know

Blow dry your clothes till they're warm or something That's one of the top things I love When a dryer can do Make your clothes warm? And dry That's number two. Those are like the two things Two, yeah

And I'm a sea mammal So I'm all set vis-a-vis being wet all the time. Okay. No, we had something sensitive to talk about with you. Is there a private place where we can go? Anything you could say to me, you could say in front of my hot boys. Here, I got this.

And I'll just go dryer to dryer activating them. That's so loud for dryer to noise. This is good. Sorry, what did you say? Who puts shoes? in there. There's a clear rule that says no tennis shoes. Oh no we didn't put the sign up yet. Ricka-cuck-a-cuck-a-rick-c-see you like a wrench in there or something? There's coins. That was overalls. Your guys' wife don't wear exclusively overalls? That's the side of overalls in the dryer.

Rick-a-wrack-a-wrack-a-rack- What did you guys need? Let's go, let's step outside. Oh, that's so much better. Yeah that's much better. Okay, so what is it? So we're We're a fugitives. Oh. I think... Like the shoe is on the other foot kind of thing. I'm a legitimate businessman, though. Yeah.

It's funny how life goes sometimes in the big city. But we need your help. We're trying to find... Londering money? I should have expected that this was going to take a little bit of time. Three episodes I waited for that. We're trying to find a clam chelot. And we know that you've done...

some dealings with Clangula, and so I was hoping you might be able to point us in the right direction. Well, maybe I have, and maybe I haven't. But I have. Which is it? Yeah, I have. Yeah, I did. I mean, but it's all online. It's all online?

Yeah, like you contact Clamdula. Clamjula contacts back you. It's kind of an anonymous. How do you, what are you using? Email. Are you sure you're not being fish-catted? Um, I mean, I got to have, uh, one of my hot boys, you know, spectacles Troy could take a look at it. Yeah, I, I mean, I can send an email to you.

Well, he went to MIT. He could maybe help you pinpoint. The email address? Like the idea. Either you know it, it's, it would be in your history. I don't need to go to MIT. I know, I know the email address, but that's not, okay, wait. I'm so sorry, I didn't want to assume anything. An email address isn't like a physical address that you can go to. You know that part, right?

Yes. Okay, but if we can trace like the IP address, then you could maybe find her. You're being, can I ask a question? Yeah. Why are you not more scared of clamph? Because I'm on the up and up now. No, absolutely. But like, you know, I thought I'm surprised that you would be willing to sort of turn on her.

I would think that you were just want to stay away from the crime world. I guess I shouldn't be looking at gift in the mouth. I can explain two reasons. First of all, I wouldn't be where I am now. If you guys hadn't sent me on the right path and said, like, just legitimately, like, purchase a business and do it. Yeah. And then your buddy Dean, you gave me his car. I reached out to him.

He helped me, like, with the paperwork for the loan and everything. So I owe you guys. Hey, um, can I talk to you two over here? There was a second reason. I don't know. Yeah, go for it. One row. What's the second reason?

Hold on. No, no, no. Well, it seems like you're not right. Hold on, I need to, I'm not ready for a second reason. Okay, I'll wait on the second reason. We need to talk about the first. We need to talk about the first reason what it means to us. We're going to reconnoit.

Okay, okay, yeah, I'll wait over here. Are you guys by this? I'm not so sure. You think, you think he's... I don't know. I tend to think that a zebra stripes are black and white, you know. I wonder if maybe this isn't a vast cover-up for some sort of... You hear artificial.

Was I supposed to join you guys over there? or stay here with hair dryer. Stay there, Artie. Okay. Oh, yeah, we could have Artieffing the IP address. Right. So what if, but what if the pathway that we're being led down by hair dryer will just lead us right into capture by claim to?

I have an idea. Why don't we, I know we're not supposed to divide forces. But since I am an undercover operative, Why don't I pretend to go along with hair dryer and you two pursue some other line of a... That seems so misguided. I can't. I'm trying to... I'm trying to be productive, you know, and build off of it.

I really, I swear, but I can't see a single reason. It's the most obvious thing. Yes. I'm trying to... And I'll tell you what bugs me a little bit is that we... We all kind of came up with this plan together, and now you're saying, it's my plan. You guys go find another even better plan. That is the way of the cooperative.

Okay. So do you guys buy it, or are you, do you think he's really turned over a new leaf? I mean, I'm not a great judge of character, but he seems pretty solid to me. Okay. I, uh, I'm going to sneak in the back office. well um and i'm gonna see what's what's cooking back there um and and i'll get a look at his books okay justin give me a uh like a sneak roll i happily do that uh yeah can make yeah i would use extreme hiding can use camouflage to hide in the environment 5d8 yeah you got 5d8 baby

what do you camouflage as in a laundromat um and remember not a fendomboise A lot of concrete walls and graffiti and a house plant. A fiddly fern. A fiddly fern. A fiddly fern. A fiddly fern. Fiddly fern. Fiddly fay.

Fiddly fay. Another folder roll. This house plant is a gift of thee. If you can add some ritele of riddles three. Okay. I freaking love that this conversation went, Lyle saying, I don't trust him. walking into the laundromat, turning into a house plant. Holy crap.

And then strolling for the back room. Oh, crumbs, guys. I got one eight and four failures. One to one, one, one, eight. Ouch. You got three ones. Three ones, man. I'm having a hard time.

I'm trying to get my creative juices flowing and figure out what a mixed success of camouflaging oneself as a house plant looks like. A totally firm. Yeah. He only gets the bottom. I think that now you look like a, plant man, um,

but still the man part, much like in the classic film The Stupins. Yeah. Oh man planned. Man bush. If we're, if we're gonna do a whole stupid, uh, goof.

Um, and so you don't look like while anymore. But you do still look like a person. So I'm like stuck. Is that what you're saying? I'm like stuck. No, like you've made yourself green and leafy. You've changed the way you're frills.

look. But I'm stuck mid-planted camouflage. Yeah. Okay. Like it makes people not look at me, but mainly because they don't want to look at me. Yeah, it's a little embarrassing. It's like, go away, green. I look at everyone else in our little band of scoundrels here. I say, just making sure nobody else feels like they're about to turn into a plant. I don't know if chlorophyllus put some sort of spores in the air that is now slowly going to do that to all of us. Hey, did you guys want to hear my second? Yes, sorry, sorry. What was your second?

Yeah, yeah, sorry. What's your second point? Oh, it's a clangulist just kind of a go-between. Just a middle person, you know, kind of deal. So, like, that's not really where the scary is. Like, I could put you in touch with her. And what you guys do from there is kind of your deal. Sounds good.

Well, we are on the run now, so perhaps she would entertain the idea of using us. We're criminal. We are criminals now. Let's hire, let's try to get hired by her, whatever. Yes. Three stupers. Yeah, I think that's great. But then.

Could, do you want me to do anything with this housewarming plant? Do you want me to? That plant person? Yeah, I look like a man plant. Yes. Should, or a plant man? This is just a regular plant and he wants to put it in your office. I'm a regular plant, and I must be placed into his office.

It has, it's connected to Amazon the shopping service. Well, this is interesting because right now, if you look around at all the hot boys, I got a lot of slabs of beef around here, and it would be nice to have something kind of more vegan. Yeah. So this, this. It's not a fiddly fern. You don't want to eat that. So this man plant.

Like he wants to join the hot boys? No, he just, just put it in your food. your office for decoration. Yes, it's a gift. I'm a decorative plant. He's decorative, so he wants to decor. And check this out. I'll just put him in your office.

Buy jelly beans. Buy Amazon. Buy jelly beans. I'm going to roll to put the plant in the office. Thank you. What should I roll? God, that's such a good question. You guys love backing me into some DM corners here, huh?

What would you roll? I just want to make. Make sure he's not trying to trick or trap us. Is it a Zee-K? You're right, the zookeeper. Okay. Okay. How about?

Hey, could it be the Zique? Is that something? Yeah, I'm the Zeke, baby. Um, okay, yeah, I'll interview him to see if he wants to join or let him decorate my office, I guess. You keep saying him. This is a bush. Well, he's talking. And it's an AI, it's a robot, it's connected to Amazon.

Well, so is that robot. And to be fair, artificial waves his hands. I'm a talking cow, so I mean... Everything's just wild. Yeah, I guess different strokes for different folks. I'm a fiddly fig with a bad attitude. Huh, that's not a great start to your employment application. It tells jokes in weather.

Okay, hey, fiddly fig, was it? Fiddly fig. How big... Did you wait, hold on. Hold on. Fiddly fig, tell me a joke. Fiddly fig, fiddly fig. Fiddly fig.

who asked for one of my riddles three. Well, I said a joke. So I stole it from a giant's house. Oh. Okay. How big is the dry area? Like a laundromats on? That's a really good question.

Well, I was curious if perhaps you needed a plant manager for the dry area. and maybe this plant man could become a plant manager. I'm going to be honest with you guys. Is that anything? I'm all turned around and topsy-turvy. So for right now, why don't we go to my office? Yeah. And we'll draft an email to Clangula.

And I guess we'll put the plant near the window. Great. Awesome. Awesome. Yes. Can it just be a montage? of each of us sitting at the keyboard and me just sort of slapping the desk

and be like, nope. Anyone got good ones for typing? Any of you all got fingers? My fingers are sort of splits of my fin and they're each about four inches wide. Mine are hooves. That's not great. Lyle, what are you working with?

Maybe Artie has AI? Already could probably just send the email with like a radar dish in his torso or something. I feel like it would be insulting to have him type out an email. While you guys are trying to figure this out, Navy, you get two phone calls at the same time. One is from Dr. Barker, aka Loveless. And the other one is, nope, what's the other one? Back me into a corner. Okay.

I answer Dr. Barker. I say, Navy SEAL, please hold, and then I'll switch over to the call for my dad. Hello? Dark blue, what has gone into you? You left me? You are my ride, and you left me here. What were you thinking? Um, yeah, I sort of revoke ride privileges when you narc on me to...

Narc? Yeah. What? What in the deep blue ocean are you talking about? I saw you on the cameras. You were narcan us out. I was making business deals with billionaire philanthropist Walter Russell. What kind of business deals, Dad?

He's going to help me fund some like offshore observation towers. And in exchange? He's going to own part of them. That's a pretty good deal, actually, Dad. I can see why you got excited about that. It's huge for the brand. But then right after you started talking to... him, we got raided down in the basement

where we were doing our secret thing. I'm just saying for, you know, trying to get some of the heat off our backs, you didn't do the best job. I might have gotten distracted by the possibility of a business relationship, but that's part of being King of Seals, don't you see? Yeah.

That's not a real position, Dad. That's not a real... Oh, this again. It's not a monarchic sort of structure. We are at the end of the day, wild animals who are learned to stand and talk and chill and stuff. Mm-hmm.

So. And one of us is golden seal with a big golden submarine. And the other one is a disgrace member no longer of the royal seals. Let me check to see who's in charge. Hmm. One of us is king. One of us isn't. Oh, that's so weird.

You'll never understand me, Dad. You just don't. You switch back. Oh, my. Oh, my. I switch back over. Sorry. What?

Yeah, sorry. I was doing a different call. What's going on, Bart? I was calling for some updates on how, you know, the operation was going. The operation. Yeah, pretty good. We found out what was taken, which is a great development. It's kind of...

It's kind of funny. Hey, real quick, what do you know about Walter Russell? Like, what's your relationship? The billionaire philanthropist? Yes, everyone knows that bit. Well, I mean, he's one of our major donors here for the Barker Innovations. Okay. A lot of our work, you know, he then buys a lot of our work and uses it in the enforcement agency, in his various businesses.

is we would not be able to do the research and such that we do without the funding for Walter Russell. Okay, understood. All right, well, I'll let you get back to it. What was missing? I'll let you get, uh, sorry, we're in the middle of another operation. I can't be loud or else we'll get caught. I'll contact you later. I will contact you later, over and out.

But I have 70 more. Berm. It's a joke I know well. Uh, yes. And it goes in a little something like this. a priest, a preacher, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. Okay. The rabbit says, I think I'm a typo.

I get it. That's really good. I enjoy this plant, ma'am. Just real quick, gang. I got a call from Travis Barker, and I didn't know if he's, like, if we should, who to trust, I guess, right now. I don't know how much in the lamb mode. I should be switching into. It feels like...

Well, currently, I only trust the sun. So I think I'm a little too deep at the paint on this one. I've got to get out of this. This is a plant half-man for... Okay. I just need to take one quick pictures around his office if that's all right with you guys.

But we're all in the office now sending an email. So like, mission accomplished. With a plumb, you got us all in here, Juice. Did I see anything that indicates... case to us that there's anything shifty going on. I will give you, without rolling, I'll give you that surface level. There's nothing to indicate like you see. What is with rolling?

I mean, you might find more. Okay, well, that's what I came in here to do, so I'd like to have a butcher's. I'd be willing to bet a hundred million dollars. There's nothing else going on. Make success, there's nothing that you see that would indicate to you. Anything out of the ordinary. That's, you know what, I'll take it. Fine, I'll take it.

That's fine. I'm half playing half man. I can't expect better. Why would I do better than that? Okay, so one of you just log in here and I'll give you the email address. You can send an email, start the contact. I'd be glad to. I've already worked up a first draft.

Wait, wait, wait. Can you check this for any sort of key-line software? Where'd you come from? Wait, are you still plant man? What? I forgot that you were here, uh, beans. Oh, that's fair, though. Yeah, I am programmed to sound exactly like, well.

That's amazing. Yeah. Anyway, that's all the, that's all I actually, he programmed me to say. It's like recording. I'm recorded, pre-recorded. This is pre-recorded. D and, beep. It doesn't beep.

All right, well, Roger, you're probably going to want to make, like, a fake email address or something. Oh, that's good. Make it sound super evil, like you're an evil guy with evil friends. Okay, yeah. Scuzzy crom a lot. No, hold on. That's really good. Yeah.

What about Scuz? Scuz crumelot? What about that? I don't know if scuzz at cmail.com is going to be available. Well, a matter of fact, I checked, and I'm going to have to go with scus cromelot. 17. There are that many Scuze Gromelots. Oh, wow. Okay. What are you going to put in the subject line?

Because that's usually for me the hardest. Okay, so the body of what I've come up with. Well, the subject line, though. What are we going to have a line first? Tired of morons. And it's a question? You hook them with their need first. Okay.

Look them with their need. Can we use a word that's maybe a little kinder? Goons? Is goons okay? Well, but goons is kind of the whole deal. You want guns. Yeah, but see, we're trying to reshape their thinking. We're trying to look at it a whole other way.

Say, type in, I'm no goon. I'm no, yes. We're no goons. We're no goons. We're not goons. It's a posthrophy. There's an apostrophe there. Yeah.

Dear clam jula. Don't put deer. You're evil. Okay. Stupid clam. So would hair dryer notice if I rolled away right now? No, go for it. Okay, I want to roll away to have a little bit more of a butcher.

Okay, roll 3DA for me? Got him a second, budgers. They gave me a big success again, scraps. I'm so sorry, man. They know I'm a play it, rolled around. Okay, here's what happens. You start moving around like one of those little... I feel like a Miyazaki movie,

We're like halfway through, like, he's going to walk around at some point, right? This is the most boring detective movie I've ever seen. Now, you start doing that thing, like those little, like, kind of dashboard toys, you know, where it's like when music plays, the flower dances. So you are doing that. And he's already bought into, like, that you're like a robotic, half robot, half plant. So you're moving around, but it's not exactly subtle. So, um, tired.

of hiring incompetent goons. How about three competent goons? Oh, that's good. Lancelot LinkedIn gives us two prehensile tails up. That's good, man. Mostly due to our efforts of freeing some of your employees from the security force recently. Oh, that's good, too, Dad. Yes, we busted them out of jail to show you we're bad.

Boys. Butts. We're bad butts. Bad buts. Nice. Strong language. You love that. Badest butts in town.

What? I'm not. And roots. We have roots in the community. And then type in a free hat. Free, we have our own branding. And we will give you a free hat if you hire us to do dirty deeds, done dirt cheap. Then hair dryer sees the,

The fiddly fig just slapping its leaves on the keyboard Wild Dad's typing? I'm sorry, I forgot. You had an extra comma. The free hat is so it gets picked up in the algorithm. Oh, okay. Right, okay, yeah. Wait, the plant spell checks, too?

Yeah, the plant does everything. The whole thing's in papyrus. I think even the plant is getting tired of being the plant. If I'm being honest. Well, that's deep, man. Isn't it? So I think this bad boy's ready to send. Sincerely, no.

Insincerely yours. The three bad butts. Well, you need to put in your name. But is it possible you've forgotten it? Should I use my name? Also, wait, are we going to have to stay here in a hair dryer's place to wait for a response? Yeah, the next scene, kids, is a 40 minutes. Let's set up an interview somewhere.

Well, that'll be at Clangelo's job, I assume. We don't set, typically when you want to interview for a job, you don't set up the interview, you madman, you're absolute lunatic. Dad, when was the last time you interviewed for a job? Well, I've never been fired from one, Travis, so I don't have any experience in trying to find a new job. I always have people coming to me. Yeah.

This is why the Lancelot LinkedIn would be the best, way to go about it. What time? Okay, how about this? P.S. What time do you want us to show up for our interview? We can do 330. Say we can do 3.30 tomorrow? We can do 3.30 tomorrow.

Right. Friday's looking pretty good. Also. Earlier in the day, I've got my stories. Right. And then your name. Should I use my real name? No, you use the name that you came up with when you introduced yourself in the first paragraph of the body. Oh. Oh, my God, you have forgotten already, then you.

It's unbelievable. Scud. I lean over and I type in. Oh, Scuz Crum a lot. Scuz Crumly. Scus Crum. Scus Crum a lot, I thought. Okay, we'll go with that.

I'm just on Scuz. Just sign Scuz. That way it's kind of personal, but the same time. Sounds like I'm one of those bad butt people who only uses one name, like Cher. That's cool. But when three people show up, she might be confused. And associate. Scuz and his scum buddy.

Scuz crummelot and the morsel men. Oh, that is good. And we're the morselman. And I just pointed at the plant. Us two are the morsel men. And your Scud's crumlaw. Yeah, and sincerely. Great.

All that's in it, yeah. Okay, well, while we wait for a response, you guys want to, like, grab a coffee, or we could go over to Sox Island. This whole time, I'm going to transform back in myself. Justin, Tyler, I was going to get him out of the office for you. I was a plant. He was about to leave you in the office by yourself.

Well, that went in a bit. Where's the fun of that? First the sport. Where's the prestige? He's the sport. What? Lyle! That's right.

Dance for me, puppet. Okay, and he starts dancing. No one ever knows where I am. Oh, there's a response. Wow, that was a little desperate. It just says, what's your rate per job? Oh, I hate that. I hate what they do like that.

Ask what they're willing to pay. Market standard plus 10%. Oh, that's good. I don't know. Market standard plus the juice. The Vig. Plus the Vig. Plus the Vig.

Tell them the juice is full. Type that in. Science does crumb lot, the morsel, man. You get a response almost right away that says, I'll be in touch when you're needed. Now, at this point, already has been plugged in to the computer. And dings.

Uh-oh. We got a hit. Yeah. Artie, what do you have? I have been able to trace the IP to a building. I haven't been able to pinpoint within it. But it seems that the emails are coming from within the River City First Bank. Well, that's bad news for us.

I'm not sure how persona non grata we might be if we show up there. we can go incognito and Artie holds one finger up under his nose like a mustache I love this yeah hasn't proven to be our strong guys it was me the whole time yeah no we're all doing a lot of great disguise work today maybe let's circle back head to the van and put a little bit of elbow grease behind our well if you can get me into the building and I can connect to the router I can pinpoint which computer the emails are being sent from.

Yeah, but then we have to do a podcast about you. Well, I'd just be there with you. It's okay. I like Arty. Artie sounds different enough for me to know who Artie is, which I like about him. Thank you. No problem.

Do you have any more Doritos? Oh, I don't think that did a little bit of a number on you there, Tex. I love Doritos. Let's say this. If you do, a successful job. There will be Doritos a plenty. Family-sized bag?

Oh, yes. But they would not be for my family. They would be for me and just me. Maybe a party pack. Here's what I would say, friend. Can't start a family unless you got the Doritos to be

true. That's so deep. So sometimes you've got to get the family bag before the family because otherwise people aren't going to feel safe with you or provide it for. That's what they mean when they say family planning. They're talking about making sure you get the Doritos you need before they start. I understand.

So remember that, kids. So, yeah, let's get out of here. I hop on my skateboard. Grind off the wall. Grind, I do a little rub off the wall, a little jump, wall grind, jump off 180 land. So now that you know that Clamgello is somewhere in the River City First Bank, you know that you've been contacted by Dr. Barker. What is your next move?

I mean, it didn't seem like Barker wanted anything for me, right? He was just hitting me up for information. Well, I would remind you that he is one of the Greenback Guardians. Oh, that's right. Okay. All right. Remembering that. Maybe I call him back real quick.

Uh, hey, uh, Travis, wink, wink. Oh, sorry. Yes, hello. Hey, whoa, that was weird. Um, hey, is this Dr. Travis Barker? Yes. Wink, wink, wink. The winks are appreciated, no idea.

If the line is secure. So we found... He's doing them, too. Wait, is the line secure? Can you backwards hack it or whatever from where you are? Uh, yeah, let me see. Hold on. And while you're doing that...

Where is R-T? I, no, we got him. What? Yeah, he's hanging with us for a minute. He got out again? He rode with us. He's riding with us now, and that's all you really need to know right now. Okay, have him check the line.

Have him check the line? I already checked the line, pal. Of course. Yeah, check it. This line is secure. Amazing. So, listen, it's the tape. It's the Greenback Guardian's pilot episode.

What's that? Why does he have to lick it to see if it's secure? That's how I check. Plus, I thought I saw some Dorito dust on the phone. Absolutely. We may have broke your guy. He's just real jacked up. But, yeah, so someone stole the tape, the cassette tape with the pilot episode,

unaired of the real greenback guardians. Yeah, what would somebody see if they were to watch that? Well, I mean, it's our origin story. It's, you know, how we became went from being four. little tortoises being full-fledged, you know, a fighting team, if you will. You were just regular turtles. Secret? You were just regular turtles in the sewer and you got to swim through slop, right?

Well, no. Well, we were trained tortoises helping with experiments by Dr. Professor Dr. Barthman-Roe, who, as I'm sure you know, is a physicist, surgeon, and extreme sports enthusiasts. And then there was a laboratory accident while he was microwaving a burrito. And the ensuing reaction caused us to mutate into the Greenbacked Guardians.

Why would... But that's not a secret, right? I mean, that's general knowledge, correct? But this was intended to be... So this was brainstormed by Lamar and intended to be an accurate, like the real Greenback Guardians. And it was, in fact, very accurate. Was there something on that tape that someone either would want to see

or would not want other people seeing? It does detail the combination of chemicals that was involved in our creation. Interesting. So someone wants to know. know the chemical compound that's capable of mutating animals into abnals. Was it not adapted for television? It was never aired once. Right, but like they put the real formula into the TV show?

This, as I said, was Lamar's, you know, his work. He wanted it. Sure. Wildly irresponsible. It's just hugely. It's like if they used to show on Pokemon and then they were like, and here's how to build a bomb. Hmm.

Did they not get any notes from the network? I mean... This is why Dr. Monroe, Professor Dr. Monroe, made sure it never saw the light of day. How did it get out of a pilot's script stage, though? The fact that this went into production at all is frankly wild to me. But that's... Neither here nor there.

Someone took it. Someone wants to know that formula. Well, that's the bad news, but there is good news. It won't be as easy as they think for you. You see, it was in Beta Max format. Okay. It will take them some time to be able to view the videotape. To decrypt.

Decrypt it. All right. Makes sense it was the superior format. Indeed. Well, we're about to do something pretty irresponsible, Dr. Barker. So if you don't hear from us for a minute, we've been arrested by cops. Okay, I understand. Now, if you manage to not be arrested by the enforcement agency, then meet me at JJ August's home.

I believe we may need some help. Okay, can we do our thing first, or should we get here? Oh, yes, no, by all means, there's no rush. Okay, awesome. I always love having a plan after a plan. I thought you're going to say I always love you. No. No.

He doesn't give his heart away quite that easily, my friend. I'm a harp seal. We're loners by nature. Dr. Barker, I apologize. That's okay. Well, Godspeed. Oh, I'm not a harp seal. I'm a raw seal.

Why did I lie like that? Guys, why did I just lie like that? Well, because you like keeping people at arm's length. I guess that's true. All right. Walls are so high. I think we've just established that. So, uh, onto the bank.

On to the bank. Maximum fun. A worker-owned network. of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.