The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 18: Don't Bank on It!

Episode Date: February 6, 2025

Navy Seal, Axe-o-Lyle, Roger Moore, and Artie Ficial need to sneak into the bank's IT Department in order to make their date with destiny – destiny named Clamgela!Abnimals Theme by Justin McElroy, Eric Near (https://bit.ly/ericnearmusic) and Jonathan Coulton (https://www.jonathancoulton.com/).Additional Music in this Episode: "First Rays", "Gearing Up", "Bittersweet", and "Bounce" by Mr. Smith: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSk2j0fTMw9V94UGyfWrSuA?; "Flipping In" and "Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have Liftoff" by Wax Lyricist: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/wax-lyricist/; "Task Man" by Gamesharkoff: https://gagmesharkoff.bandcamp.com/; "RF-Silly Saturday" by legacyAlli: https://legacyalli.com/; "Abandoned Robot Puppy" by Jangwa: https://tommasocroce.eu/; "Hoist" by Andy G. Cohen: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Andy_G_Cohen/; and "Neptune" by Joseph R. Lilore: https://josephlilore.com. World Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/ Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

The door, we're at the height of our powers at top the tallest in towers. It's never stop us out. Take my man if you trust and we will do it much until it's turning out just like to play. The phone is long, but our mojo is strong, and unless I'm wrong, and I'm not, we're at the height of our power. The door chimes to the River City First Bank, their prime office, their headquarters, as the four of you, Lyle, Navy, Roger, an artificial, the robotic man, enter in. It's fairly early morning, past people stopping by on their way to work, but before anyone tries to come in at lunch. So it's not busy.

As you look around, you see the ATMs to your right, the waiting. area to your left, a desk with deposit envelopes and pins on chains, because heaven forbid, pins get stolen. There's a teller window. You got so political just now, Trave. Where'd you go? I'm just saying it's a way

that banks, you know, they can't give us pins. You know what I mean? We give them money. They make their money off of us, right? Because they've told us it's safe to put in there. But then Bernie Madoff and Sally Madoff,

I think. Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders. One day, Bernie Sanders. One day, Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders is going to break those little chains one day. Yeah, I'm going to take those pins. That's why I take little nail clippers with me whenever I go to the bank.

Just my tiny rebellion, clip those chains. You can see there's one teller working. It's a cat person, which was a difficult photo to find in search terms. Because it didn't bring up a lot of people who are mostly cats. You brought up a lot of people with a lot of cats. You get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This looks like a mundane Mr. Mistophilis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just Steve Mistophilis. I should have gotten. Please, Mr. Mistofles is my dad. And in the corner, in the place of security, you know, working where security guard would be standing, you can see a SciBot version two, now guaranteed not to revolt. It says on his chest. Yeah, guarantee not to revolt.

99% non-revolting. Who, as you know, a cybot, half cyborg, half robot, standing there working security. What do you do? Do we know what the two offices are on either side of the hallway back to IT? So those are labeled as for like bank agents, the people that would help you figure out like loans and, you know, mortgages, that kind of thing.

So you would have the teller to your right for your simple deposits and withdraws and everything. Dad's never actually done conduct a business at a bank. Yeah, he's got a bunch of coffee cans. He's got a guy. He goes to Uncle David and gets all of his cash. We do have an Uncle Dave. Yeah. The little kid, I feel like Dad needs a flag, like the little kids doing chores running around town, you know, on the Japanese TV show.

Old enough? I feel like Dad needs a flag that he can hold up for a job. like, hey, listen, take your time with me. Sure. Yeah. Dad's flying on his own for the first time. He has a note pin to a shirt and a little lunchbox. I want to circle up to a quick team huddle.

Maybe in these little yellow chairs. Oh, that's nice. There's four of them. So three of us. We got a few options here. We've already walked into the building. So I think trying to hide our appearance and doing some sort of, like real capital C crime is maybe off the,

Well, I will give you guys this. If there was something you wanted to prep, we can do a little Blades in the Dark style flashback. Okay, well, yeah, flashback to just outside 90 seconds ago. Okay. So, so wait, hold on, wait. Actually, let's not do it. First, let's sit down in the yellow chairs, okay?

And we're like, yeah. So you have a constant, you need an anchor to come back to it. Hold on one second. Like, I think it's going to be a perfect plan. And then, like, and that smash cut back, 90 seconds. That's awesome. Oh wait, wait. And there's another line. Are you sure you remember every detail we came up with? Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's really good. Wow. That takes sense. All right, 90 seconds ago, just outside. So what are you thinking? We've got to get into the IT room. We've got to plug in old

Ardy here so he can identify which room we are going to find clamsieland and we get there and then we ask her some questions about the wallers. We rescue carver. It's bang, bang, boom. This is going to go smooth, it's just a question of how we take those first baby steps. Travis, can I just clarify something real quick? This place at the top where there's definitely not a door and it just says door to IT, it might as to assume that that is the door to IT. Yeah, the bank map I found Justin didn't include an IT room. It's not a good use of space in the design because if this was a real life building,

it would just have a little node. They get just a little tumor. It's important to say there's not a door. There's just the words door to. I did put a little door there, but I couldn't figure a way to erase the little monitor and wall there. It's a solid wall. It's a TV. So it kind of seems like you knew what it was, Justin.

It's like the bank has a hat. The bank has a hat and the hat is the IT room. I appreciate it. And it seems like you were able to figure that out through context clues without asking me about it in front of our audience. It seems like in the 90s when all of a sudden everybody's house had those like glassed in sun rooms. It's like, oh, it's an additional room. It's not. It's just a glass port.

That used to be the broom closet. And then they're like, we need somewhere to keep all the computer stuff, you know? And so they just put the brooms in the vault, I guess. Well, being the director of subterfuge of our little organization, may I suggest the old exterminator grift? You know, we go in as if we're going to be spraying some noxswainter. gas and you know I got that. Why is it always have to be gas-centric? That's all I've got.

It's not. You're a fully-fledged person. You're a well-rounded individual. You don't need to fart every time all the time. The farts are kind of my baby. The farts work pretty good actually. I mean, yeah, a broken clock. Lyle, we need to support each other.

It's the only way we're going to get through here. I feel like with my camouflaging skills, I'm the best person to infiltrate IT. Well, it seems like we're going to need to do two individual infiltrations, one to IT, one to Clamptroller's office in that order. So we can split those up. I, I just point to myself, cannot sneak. So I'll be sort of the, I guess, one. I can sneak, Artie says, and he puts a mustache on and it magnetizes to his face. That's good.

Oh. Now, who am I? Who is this strange and continental man standing before you? Yeah, he takes it back off. It was me, Artie, the whole time. No, we did it, Ardy. Yeah, that's good stuff. Here's what I'll say, like, if the IT component is going to be anything that involves, like, computers.

You guys know I'm no good with that stuff. And when Roger gets to talking about computers and IT and stuff, I get all befuddled and confused because he's such a genius with that stuff. Okay. probably better for him to do all the computer stuff and made it get a little bit more wet works. Well, that's what I'm here for. I studied computer stuff at human college. Backseat, Artie. Um, okay. Artie, is it possible that we don't need your whole body going in there? Do you have like a little microchip that actually stores your personality like a Baymax? Oh, sorry, I can't hear you all the way back here in the back seat. I said, do you have a personality chip like a

Bay Max that we can pop out and jack into the computer so we don't have to bring your whole body in here. I'll check. I'll check. I start poking on Artie's neck. I am so glad we're outside and not inside. A microchip, I'm a human being. That said, I'm looking for an eject or something. Yeah, I mean, listen, like most human beings, I can detach my right hand and it just needs to USB into a socket. You know, like humans do. be joking. That is an all-timer, juice. I didn't know

when I was saying it if it would work. It was so good. The last syllable, I just felt it. I knew. Yeah, strong. You know, I just... Okay. I'm disappointed that there's not like a little circular hatch with a personality chip like a baby mix. But we'll take the hand. Give that

to Roger. Roger, you're in charge of getting to IT. Then, once we know where Clangelo is, you report that information to Lyle. Lyle. Lyle, you do the sneaking into Clamptula's office. Perfect. And we do a confrontation. And I'll manage the first room.

Okay. So, wait. So guys, I wanted to ask, oh, okay, so it's one of the, let me actually ask Travis, rather than asking you three. There's three offices. Do we know which one is the one we'll need to get to? We don't. That's what we're doing in the IT.

Okay. And there's four offices. There's three agent offices and the bank manager office in the back. Also looks like there's a supply closet. Clangelo could be a new. Clangelo could be working out of a bathroom stall for a while. This is what I was trying to figure out that, Trave, it looks, is there a path to the other, to the rest of the bank? Or do you have to go through the teller window and then go through there? Do I have, is there another hallway? Or is there just like, Is there access to the back secure part of the bank? Is there a secret? Now that I'm saying it out loud, I'm understanding the problem. Not a very good bank, yeah.

Like, I understand. I understand why other entrances to the secure parts would be a huge level. Yeah. Oh, we left the back door open. Got robbed again. Dang it. I understand. Okay, actually, smash cut back to five minutes before what I'm outside the building.

Yeah, there's no other secure entrances here. I'm not going to waste any time looking for others once I'm inside. Awesome. How efficient. Now, I will say, if you're talking about, like, scouting the building beforehand. No, just for that specific one thing. Okay, because there is... There are windows, it looks like.

Yeah, there is a back door, too. There is a secure back door, right, where they would, like, load up armored cars or take deliveries and that kind of thing. It's high security, but there's... there is a back entrance and exit, just not through, like, the building, right? It's not accessible, like, from this lobby. Is this ground level also this bank, or is it, like...

Correct. Okay, okay, listen, Trav, all right, kidding aside, in my poking around here, I did ascertain this information somehow because I'm seeing a map. So let's say that I, after doing a butcher's outside, decided to enter from their rear. I see a camera here.

I know I'm going to have to deal with that, but that's going to be my infiltration point. Could I do that? Well, give me a looking around role, an ascertaining role, to see what kind of, just give me a butcher's, to see what kind of stuff you scope. Mixed success. Okay, with a mixed success,

you're able to see that the door has, like, a locking system, not like a standard key and lock variety, more of some kind of, like, code or, Yeah. Yeah. So you will need to figure out a way through that. Okay. To use that as an entrance.

Perfect. Okay. I will say this, Trav, I am waiting until the IT thing has happened. Yes. This is a multi-stage operation. Right. So my hope is that maybe once they're into that, that they'll be able to get me in, like, they'll be able to access locks.

Okay. This is my hope. That'll be an option available to me. Otherwise, I'll punt. I have an idea. That's a football thing. I have an idea, Dad. If you're...

I've got an idea. I've got an idea. Okay, sounds like we both have ideas. Yes. So Rock... Do you want to do them at the same time and see whose idea is best? That's usually what we do, yeah. Okay.

But, Dad, you know what? You're the stealth guy. Roger, I'm following your lead, okay? I'll just keep things calm in the waiting room. Okay. All right. All right, are we back in the yellow chairs? Yes.

Shoot, yeah. Sounds like a great plant, guys. I think it's going to go perfectly. Okay, bye. And then Wyle goes outside. Yeah, I didn't come in. I whispered that as they won't do. It would have been pretty wild for me to go in with them.

And then immediately leave for a secret. While grabs two lollipops and then heads back out. Are these balloons for anybody? Yes, balloons at the bank. No, you remember that? Oh, Griffin. Are you too, do you remember when, Dad, do you remember when that was, it was three letters? It's the one that is truest now.

BBT. It was BBT. But before that, Dad, it was like G&B or something like that. And they would give you those balloons with the black riding on them. Yes. Bank slug on it. Awesome. 90s kids remember.

Nineties kids love. Real ones remember when that was a different bank. Let's, let's say that this bank has the same thing. Then they gave away too many balloons and they went bankrupt. Yeah. This bank has the same thing. Cool. See how that fits into my plan.

Cool. Let's go. Okay. So, Roger goes over to the ATM. Mm-hmm. And is going to use Hallicar Hack on the ATM. Great. To get some money.

Cool beginning of the operation. I love this. Okay, roll 3D8. 3D8. 5, 1, and 4. What a? Is a mixed success robbing an ATM look like? Okay, how much money were you trying to get out, Dad?

A million dollars. You're able to withdraw $500. Okay. It's still pretty good. Still a crime with very little upside. I love it, dad. All the risks, none of the rewards. I actually think $500 is right when it tips over to felony.

So it's actually the worst. You get $499. $49. That's right. Okay. I'm going to reattach Arty's hand and bring him with me. Is that okay with you guys? Of course, yeah.

Okay. So Roger takes the money, says, Artie, come with me. Okay. And grabs a bunch of the balloons that we already established they have. And goes back to the IT door office. Yeah, so as you head back there, you're one scoped out by the teller and the Cybot. Well, I just figured, I had just figured that since there was only one teller, they'd be too busy to notice. But Saibot, I get.

There's no one here. There's nobody here. Yeah, he did clarify that it's a very slow day. Okay, that's true. That's true. The teller speaks up first and says, hello, welcome to River City First. How can I help you today? Making a deposit. How can I help you? I am Wink Martin Whale with Publishers Clearing House,

and you've got a winner of $499. Show them the balloons. Artie, show them the balloons. These are balloons. I hold up the cash. Hardy holds up the balloons. He's my camera guy. We've got to get some publicity pictures for the

website. I forgot my camera. No, you've got it, Artie. You have a camera built in, remember? Yes. So we're here to award the Publishers Clearinghouse $499 award. Congratulations. And thank you for subscribing to all our magazines.

I assume IT is back here. God. Yes. What skill would you like to use here to make this? Wishing? Is wishing one? What's the skill for doing impossible things? It's not impossible.

Well, a couple things I'd like to remind you of, Father. Sure. Maybe the main one being that these balloons all have the logo of the bank on them. Yes, it's called cross-promotion. Ah, I see. Okay, great. And are you addressing the Sibon or the teller? the sidebot.

Oh, okay. I assume the sidebot has more clout than the teller does when it comes to security matters. So what exactly are you trying to convince the sidebot of? That I'm with publishers. That much is clear. And how does that connect to you needing to head back to IT? Well, I figure he stopped me. I've got to get past him to get to IT.

Well, now, see, Dad, I see that that's step three. of the press. Step one is convincing them that you work for publisher clearinghouse. Step three is making it back to IT. What I would like to know is what step two that you're saying to the sidewot, the reason I need to go back to IT as a representative of publishers clearinghouse is? The winner works in IT. Okay, great. Ah, and now we're cooking. So let's have you roll. I'm trying, I'm looking at, your skill sets here.

Uh-huh. So I think it's just going to be... Could it be a retroactive role back to when I did the Hellocar hack to find out, like, a personnel list? Oh, that's cool. I would say that if that had been a complete success or, like a Cowbunga, I would give it to you, but I'm going to make success, I think just having the cash in hand is what you got out of it.

Okay, I got a way to do it. I stick my hand out and I say... And your name is asking this, the bot. Okay, well, let's resolve first the first action of you saying, I just need to go back there. So give me a 2D8 roll. I'm going to use a TTS dice. Okay, time to shine dice, giving you an extra one.

We're back at zero on those, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 873. Oh, on a complete success, the SciBot says, Greetings. Yes. Publishers Clearinghouse, you said? Yes. Yes, indeed. And the winner is in IT?

Yes. Works in IT or IT department. Hmm. The IT department is a secure location. I can escort you to the hallway, but I will have to get the winner from the room. You won't be able to enter. Is there any way we can get around that? Mostly because I really, to help promote, I mean, your bank, in addition to, you know, the winner, I really need to show him in his work environment for the pictures, for the website. And it'll just be me and my camera bot here. Having you in the secure location by yourself does not make it more convincing. Well, it's more convincing as for the PRP.

I mean, you can go back with us. You can stand there next to us the whole time, if you would like. Would that make you feel better? So he has already accepted your story and is willing to make the connection, but to actually get in the room, um, let me think. Yeah. I can escort you to the door, and I will remain with you during the interaction. Oh, awesome. That's terrific.

A pleasure to serve you in complete safety. I appreciate that. Artie, come on, bud. Can I attempt something? I like the fact that you added balloons. I want to make it clear. It's very good. Artie says, robots really creep me out.

All right, Artie. Can I attempt something to try and pull the sidebar off of Roger? Thank you. to attract his attention so that Roger can do what he needs to do without disturbance. Yes. Okay, cool.

I'm going to very discreetly turn one of my splashpack nozzles upside down and just start dumping water into the floor of the waiting area. Just start dumping lots and lots and lots of water without making a big deal out of it, like quietly just making a big mess, a big wet mess.

Okay. Um, For this distraction, I'm going to have you, since you are using your signature item, but you're not attacking. Well, yeah. I'm going to say, since it's not attacking, let's do 4D8. Okay. I can, I can stomach that. It's not what it was designed to do, you know what I mean?

To dump water out to make a big wet mess on the floor. Yeah, casually. That's the thing. That's four successes. including a double five. Whoa, Nelly. Yeah, double five. That's a cowbunga.

Griffin, I'd like you. Can you identify the species of person for me one more time working at the teller window? A kitty cat. That's a kitty cat. As soon as you start dumping that water on the ground, that kitty cat starts getting very upset. It starts hissing and getting very upset. Yeah, I don't know. I think you guys, hey, I think you all have a busted pipe, and it's flooding pretty,

bad over here. With that mega cowbung. Oh no, I've dragged the doorway. How will you get into the IT? How will he know how to access the room, Traff? With a mega cowbunga. One, the SciBot. Hey, why did you let Carmen into the recording for a second?

Oh, my God. The Cybot is pulled down to the doorway. Yeah. At the end of the hallway, far in from my team. And the kitty cat is freaking out. I'm trying to scoop it out the front door. I don't know what to do. It's so wet.

Because of the mega cowbunga, it also does appear to everyone that it must be some kind of leaky pipe. And you're trying to clean it up with your splash pack. I'm a hero trying to fix this situation. But there is definitely quite a bit of distraction. Okay. Cool. I wink at Roger. I don't know what else to do.

Wonderful. Um, is, do you want to check in with, with Lyle? Yeah, yeah, hey, hey,

yeah, let's do that. Okay, I'm standing outside the door and I'm just waiting. Okay. All right, good check.

Good check. Just standing out here, just waiting outside the locked door. I'm hoping that it makes like a beep, beep, or something, you know,

some sort of like, beep-bo-beep, or something. Yeah. I knock on the IT door. Roger knocks on the IT door. Okay. The door is opened and a young gentleman peeks out and he says, yeah, how can I help you?

Yes, to whom do I have the honor of speaking? Todd. Todd. Todd Johnson. My name's Todd Johnson. My name is Wink Martin Whale, and I'm here. Okay. I'm here from the Publisher's Clearing House, and you have won.

One, what? You have won 499 big ones. Yes, you heard me right. Your dreams have all come true. Sing them the song, Artie. Sing them our congratulatory song. All right? Yeah?

Sing them the congratulatory song. Okay. Okay. Remember? Bada, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ba-da-da-ba. I was left to my own divvall. Ah, ah, ah, I says, many days fell away with nothing to show. Travis, I don't try it.

Travis, I'm sorry. I don't, I feel like that is so identical. Yeah, you're right about the comic. copyrights, the copyright, we will get a strike for that. We're going to get a strike. It's like, it's exactly like Mr. Brightside. Well, okay, it was Bastille-Pompe, and he finishes the no-for-no recreation. That's embarrassing to me.

Okay, like you would have been, people, if you activated your Shazam, if that's still a thing people do, during when I was singing, it would have. Can I actually say, I saw a video where the lead singer of the Killers came out and said, this is the beginning of the concert. He said, hi, we're the killers. We're a great rock and roll band. Let me show you. And then they played Mr. Brightside. As their first song. Yeah, I saw that.

Imagine. Unbelievable. I would lead out of that. Yeah, the hubris of it is fantastic. He might as well have said, and will never be struck down by the gods. Okay. We're the killers and these wings kick butt. We'll never melt.

Okay. So while the music's playing, Wink has kind of gotten into it and done a little dance. I like a little Victor dancing, of course. We all know how dancing and Roger go together. He kind of very easily kind of slips into the IT office and walks up to Todd. He's waving the bank envelope in his hand. Can I say, Dad, one of my favorite things about you as a player, I love it so much, is that you will narrate a success in the middle of a thing.

Right. And then it's like, and it works and he doesn't. He just likes the story momentum. Yeah, yeah, sure. A success that you have not rolled for. He builds his own plot armor. That's a good point. Yeah.

But I will say with the song going, and you are an excellent dancer, it has been established. Yeah, roll 3D8 for me to make your way into the room. 48. 3D8. Yeah, 3D8. X is up a 4, a 7, and an 8. Yeah, on a double success, he. Yes, he is, whether convinced or over-stimulated, it is hard to tell.

But he takes a step back, the door swings open, allowing you and Artie and the balloons to... Back in the lobby, the Sibot has approached you, Navy, and says, I'm sorry, sir, I need you to clear the area. We'll need to mop all this up, and he... grabs like from his back a like wet floor sign. Yeah. And he's like, I need to get back to my job now. But please clear the area for your safety.

Yes. Service with complete safety. Fully, fully understood. Let me just get. Whoa. I fall down hard. Slipping in the water. Okay.

Um, he is going to try to catch you. Good luck. I'm big as heck. Yeah, you're a bulky boy, which normally makes you hard to knock down. Yeah, now it's hard to keep up. But in this case, yeah, it's going to be hard to catch you. Yeah. So you're going to roll 3DA and he's going to roll 3DA.

Oh, okay. It's one of those, huh? Let me see what he got. That's two successes. Maybe I add a couple TTSs on here, huh? If you want to. I'll do one TTS. Bump it up to four.

That's two successes, thank God. Well, so, and he got an eight and a six. And what did you get? Eight and a seven. Boom. You go down. He tries to catch you. Can I land on top of him?

Sure. I mean, this looks very accidental. He did not have to try to catch me. Yeah. It's in his programming. Yeah. But you go down as he's trying to, one, protect you. And two, protect the company from any liability.

Right. You guys go down in a tangle. Okay, cool. Oh, dang. Sorry. Oh, man. Oh, man. I'm so sorry. It's so wet in here.

Sir, could you please? Please remove yourself from my body. Are you injured? Do you need medical assistance? Yeah. Yes. Oh, my neck. Oh, no. Oh, my back. And your back?

Anything else? Both legs. Your neck, your back? Any further locations? Both legs. Shoulders, shoulders and shoulders. Oh, my tricked shoulders. Both tricks, shoulders and both tricks shoulders. Both legs.

Old hockey. So, like, kind of your whole body? I have six old hockey injuries, and they were all just reactivated. What position did you play? Forward winger. Nice. I need my doctor, Dr. Philip Strongwater, and I need my lawyer, Dr. Rogers, Strongwater. Time out.

Time out. We have our communications here, so. I'm going to take this moment to call Roger. Hey, Roger. This seems to be taking a few minutes, pal. I was wondering if you could give me sort of the lay of the land.

How's it going over there, man? Oh, let's see. Arnie, start recording. I'm here with Todd Johnson. Wow. And I'm getting ready to present him with his prize from Publishers.

clearinghouse. Are you guys under duress? No. There's someone with you who has you at gunpoint or something. I don't understand. No.

And Todd? I'm just standing outside. I got to say the most boring door I've ever seen that I'm just standing. And I'm hearing the things you're saying and I can't imagine how they could be serving you guys. You know, getting us closer to the goal here.

As we say, here at Publishers Clearing House. Again with this, man. The doors will soon be opening to your future. I'm losing it with that stuff. The doors will soon be opening to your future. You're getting louder to it. I heard you.

Now, who's that? And you said it was $499,000? I said you were going to try to get a million. You said you're going to try to get a million, man. 499 big ones. Can we get the photo shoot ready to go? So the doors to the future can be opening. Is it like a big check or something?

Oh, no. Cash in this envelope right here. Look how thick that is. Money's not supposed to enter into it, man. Okay, so we'll just do like a quick photo and then I can get back to work, right? All right. Absolutely, absolutely. Oh, boy, I don't really like that angle.

Can you come over here next to me? Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. And, and I think that's a better angle. The lighting's better. Uh, and it really kind of captures the whole ambiance of everything.

Yeah, take the balloons. Take the balloons. Okay. Now, um, if I, if I may, I need your signature on the envelope before you do this. And, Artie, you do what you do so well. Eat Doritos? Wink. Oh.

So yeah, this is a whole bunch of discombobulation, and you've rolled well. He is distracted and befuddled, and Artie is able to plug his finger into the USB port on the computer. Okay, so in doing so, one, he doesn't relay any information to you in the moment because of Todd's presence, but the back security door is unlocked. Did I hear something? Yes, there was a beep and a click. Okay, but I, okay, that's good. But I don't know what office yet, right?

Correct. Okay, I'm just going to put a brick. Do you do so sneakily? The normal, well, I haven't, okay, so here's the thing. I'm underneath the security camera currently. I have not been spotted by it yet. Obviously, I wouldn't post up where it could see me. But I do know the door is unlocked,

but I don't know if Artie has managed to unlock the security gate yet, the camera yet. So I am now going to attempt to ascertain that by talking to Roger. All right, Roger, I need you to tell me the cameras. What's the situation with the cameras? Um, let me, let me, uh, ask, uh, Artie, Artie, um, the, uh, home, uh, studio wants to know, uh, about the camera? The camera. Yes, Artie, the camera.

Oh, yeah, the camera. Of course. Um, and you see the camera power down and point to the ground. Okay, now I will put a brick in the door. Okay. Do you do so sneakily? I mean, yeah, Traff. That's the sneakiest way anybody's ever put a brick in a door. I love that.

Roll 3D8 for me. Okay. Unless are you using a camiform? It is what it is. It's a success. Okay. I'd not do anything different because I rolled it. Okay, great.

With that success, when you open the door, the sidebot that is facing away from you that is on the other side of the door is not alerted to your presence. Great. and I would like to know that he's there too. Yeah, you know that he's there. As you crack the door, you can see that he's there. Okay, great. Well, I think I have all the shots I need.

Well, do you really have all the info you need? Have we gotten everything? Yes. Do you want to do a silly one? Well, no, I think maybe we need a location shot. Mm-hmm. You need to ex-fill. You need to get out of there.

Oh, okay. So already knows. Yes. Okay, I think we're done here. What? Should I give him the balloons? After he signs... Which office? I got to get his signature on this piece of paper.

But I couldn't find a pen. They're all chained up out there, and I couldn't bring a pin in with me. So you see your corrupt system has his fault. That's a joke from me. Wink Martin Whale. Where do I go? And then I fart. I let a tremendous, horrible...

Okay, the moment I hear the fart, I smashed against the door as hard as I can to try to smash the robot over. Do I need to roll for fart? Yes, of course you do. Clearly, obviously. Dad, why do we call this podcast roll for fart If we're not going to make you, roll her fart.

You have... It's in the name. The age for you. Yeah. You're going to roll 3D8. Uh, well, okay. Actually, I'm going to do a... That wasn't quite sure about your judgment there, Trow.

I'm going to use one of my TTS dice. I think this is important. Yeah, it's important. It's a very important part. So, 48. but it's a VIF. This is the most important fart I've ever left. What, an MIF?

Yeah. And it's two successes, an eight and a six. With two successes, you rip, oh, I can't say. You rip fart, you rip butt. Real good. Yeah. It's like it just turned into a text parser adventure game. I haven't been, has Rachel been having a lot of fun with the fart sound effect?

I have to imagine there's a diminuering. before than now. Todd still holding the balloons, passes out. Oh, okay, great. What were you going for? I just wanted to chase him out of the room, so Artie could tell Lyle which office.

I love you so much. There's so many ways that could happen. That you were like, I'm going to fart to get him out of the room. Instead of you leaving the room. he was here first Why should he have to leave? So Todd Johnson faints Yeah

From the smell of your farm John Thompson All right, Artie, do it Oh, oh It seems that the computer The IP is linked to Is in the bank manager's office Well, bank manager's office

Toot sweet I'm already on the way And you smash you the door Yeah. Give me, let's see, what are you going to use to smash this side-line? Anything's the drum? Indeed. Anything's a drum means I'm exceptionally skilled in improvising melee weapons in my environment,

so I'm going to roll 3D8 to attack this guy with the door, and of course I would like advantage on it because he's a good brother. He's a good brother. I'm aware of my presence. Oh. Okay. No, I'll give you 4D8. You can also use time to shine ice if you want to add.

I was going to use, you know what? I am going to use one of those chaps. I want that. This is a moment where I want that extra little bit of juice, and I'm thinking about it. And honestly, I've been struggling with always remembering to use my time to shine ice. I really want to take this opportunity to do it. I'll use it now and with all of this that has led up to this very furative, secretive kind of move.

I'll give you an extra one so you can roll 5D8. Wow. That's a success, two sixes. That's a Calabunga. With a Calabunga. Right where I needed the most. You pop that door and the doorknob hits the Saibot right in what would be the center of the spine but is a processing unit. And that Saibot is disabled silently.

You smash its Baymax personality. You smashes Baymax personality. The shreds, all of its memories of being. being a small robot. Oh, don't do, don't do it. I'm already gone. I'm halfway down the hallway. Okay. I'm halfway down the hallway. I'm not even seeing the light go out of its eyes. It's not even fully, it's still warm.

I'm gone. All right. So you're in the hallway. Are you heading? I just remember that one time that I got that electric stick that killed robots. Yeah, I do. I think Griffin stole it from you. Yeah. Griffin stole it from me. I still missed that stick. All right. Sorry. Go ahead. So you're in the hallway. Are you heading?

I'm, I'm, uh, um, uh, uh, sauntering down the hallway. I feel like... Okay, now let me ask you this, Travis. Uh-huh. In the context, from your opinion, do you feel like I was able to... I mean, do you think I was able to do that

without pulling this entire place down around me? Would you think that was effective enough and speedy enough that I was able to sort of like maintain this theme? Oh, with a Calabanga? Yeah, man. It's great. And you were able to do it without alerting attention.

Perfect. I need to make my... way down the hallway I'm going to harness the power of extreme ex-fled no no extreme hiding using camouflage to hide in the environment right roll 5d8 for that you've trained in that and trained in amps success yeah on two successes in there you are able to move from shadow to shadow blending in with the wallpaper on the walls the cover of the door like that one creepy monster from Monsters Inc. I was just thinking about that creepy monster from Monsters Inc.

Think about a lot of Pixar movies here today. The door is closed. Ah, shoot. I shouldn't have said anything, should I? Because you put me in there. But I mean, I just assumed you were going straight in. What's your plan? Well, I know. I didn't have a plan. I didn't know if the door was locked. I'm just going in, but I didn't know if the door. I presumptuously put myself in the office. And I didn't know if there was locked. The door is not locked. Okay, perfect. So I'm in the bank manager's office. Tell me what I see. You went to the bank manager's office, and it's nice, just what you would think of,

you know, a Newton's cradle thing on the desk. Oh, swanky. And- isn't that one of those things that you guys would like love? A Newton's Criminality? But if I had one, it would ruin any recording.

Yeah, I'd never be able to do audio again. Newton's Crayal and Jacob's Ladder. Right next to you're kidding me. It would literally be a point to where you would hear me be like, no, that is my iron lung. I told you guys, it's not the clacking balls. If I had a medical device. If I had one of those things in my office, believe it or not, my, like, hoity tooidiness,

your inability to, like, reason with me on anything, it would go out the window. You what? Like, like, let me think, click, click, click, click. Let me watch the balls swing back and forth. It's the only moment of peace I have. In this world, the only thing that makes sense is my mental swinging balls. Don't you understand? Anyways, you enter the room and sitting behind the desk.

Okay, wait, hold on. Just one last question about the Newton's cradle. Yes, of course. Do you think when Newton, presumably, invented it, like, when he got it going, he was like, heck yeah, dude. That's all I'm doing now. Like the first time, and he's like, hey, get in here. Debbie, get in here.

And she's like, what? He's like, heck yeah, dude. Look at it. And he's like, I'm going to call it Newton's balls. And she's like, I don't think you want to do that. Okay, cradle? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, look at it.

I did it. And she's like, do you think that you could scale it up and do it with like bowling balls? Heck yeah. Yeah, I could do with bowling balls. I can do it. Watch this. I'm going to try pumpkins. Oh, no.

That one didn't work. Like, he probably had to work at it for a long time. And when he was done, no one was quite sure if he was done or not. He's like, I got it. And he's like, I'm going to take a quick break to go sit underneath that apple tree and think about how awesome I am. Ow! I have another idea.

Gravity. Okay. You enter and sitting behind the desk is a shrimp man in an ill-fitting suit. and you have actually seen this man before at the award ceremony for the River City Runner Ups. This is Krillium. You saw him with Walter Russell. Mm.

Ah, um, yes. Um, sorry, uh, uh, yes, uh, can I help you? Uh, how did you? I walk past and I just pick up his computer. Um, that's, Uh, excuse me, um... Call, there's no need for all that. Oh, okay, I'm going to call security now.

No, no, no, no. I'll be done in a second. Oh. All right, just about got it. What are you... Sorry, I'm... All right, I'm leaving the room with your computer. No, that's theft, actually, and I am going to have to call security.

I'm out of the building! If you take the computer, he will alert security. No, no, no, I... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't just say no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, he won't. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, okay. So he, I'll start to take the computer and then he says he didn't call security.

Don't call security, man. You're not gonna wanna tell him why I'm here, do you? I, I don't know why you're here. Think about it, man, are you sure? Come on, you know why I'm here. I have to desperately now try to remember the weird there it is. Wait.

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