The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 20: Breaking In!

Episode Date: February 20, 2025

The Abnimals work with the rest of the Greenback Guardians to find Carver, but must pose as villains to get into the fortress of Governor's Island. It's the team-up of their dream-up!Abnimals Theme by Justin McElroy, Eric Near (https://bit.ly/ericnearmusic) and Jonathan Coulton (https://www.jonathancoulton.com/).Additional Music in this Episode: "Turn around" by Koi-discovery: https://koi-discovery.lescigales.org/; "Slice of Life" by Bryan Teoh: https://www.bryanteoh.com/; "Air" by Jesse Spillane: http://www.jessespillane.com/; "Mindsweep", "Chill Down", "Action", "The Get Away", and "Black Tears" by Mr. Smith: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSk2j0fTMw9V94UGyfWrSuA?; "RF-Silly Saturday" by legacyAlli: https://legacyalli.com/; "A Human Being" by Andy G. Cohen: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Andy_G_Cohen/; "Rather Never Than Ashamed" by done with fish: https://soundcloud.com/donewithfish; "Demolition" by 1st Contact: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/1st-contact/; "Quickening" by malictusmusic: https://www.malictusmusic.com/; "Instrumental Sontagsfaherer" by Patrick Steel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqee4AUSj6Jocrsr-uDEAmA; and "High on Loungin'" by Wax Lyricist: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/wax-lyricist/.World Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/ Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

Well, in spite of what you have heard, we're at the height of our powers at top the toll of the towers to stay. You'll never stop us now. We'll take my hand if you trust that we will do it be much until it's turning out just like to play. And the way shall wrong. The world is long, but our mojo is strong. And unless I'm wrong, and I'm not, we're at the height of our power. Well, yeah, man, Newton starts, as you have asked what happened to the green red. like Guardians, Newton says, well, man, it's not really that dramatic.

I mean, all things considered, dude, like, you know, we, okay. So. You guys disappeared and then assumed secret identities. That's pretty, you're kind of living for the drama drama a little bit at that point. Maybe that part is kind of dramatic, man. But like, you know, so we started in 1983, right? We became Greenback Guardians. We're 18 years old.

And, you know, we're trained by the absolutely. brilliant and extreme professor Dr. Barth Monroe, who, as you know, was a physicist slash surgeon slash extreme sports enthusiast. Of course, yeah. We know that. And, you know, like, for a while there, it was just kind of a back and forth man of us, like, you know, fighting Dr. Kill Death and trying to stop his minions and everything. And then in 1992, you know, when he was elected to city council, we were like, oh, man,

we got to step up, you know what I mean? things are going down. And so Lamar just really put all of his efforts and stuff, man, into, like, training us. And we stopped all of our non-crime-fighting endeavors. It's why, you know, we canceled the animated show. We stopped making the movies. We canceled Greenback O's, our cereal that everyone loved. Yeah.

100%. Definitely, no matter what, you might hear, didn't, like, leave your mouth with a weird kind of waxy feeling afterwards or anything. Sure. And, yeah, it was great, man. And then in 96, Kill Death was elected mayor. And things just started to change, man. You know, he began kind of focusing on actually, like, improving the community and stuff. And, you know, we were like, oh, this is, oh, this is his most dastardly plan yet, man, you know.

But then it kind of seemed like he was sincere about trying to improve the city. And he kind of turned his, like, criminal focus towards, you know, government, corruption and stuff, but while still helping people and everything. Right. I guess it all started really unraveling in 2002 when Professor Dr. Barthman wrote died of a heart attack while he was engaging in a combination base jump in quantum physics experiment. Yeah, you guys remember that? Yeah, quantum entanglements and he got tangled in the strings.

I haven't done any quantum physics since that day. Yeah, I still bungee jump, but never the physical... It was the day that science died. Well, I think that he would appreciate that probably somewhere... It looked like it was good, but it goes back. In a different universe, he's still alive, right? I think that's what he would choose to believe. And we all took it pretty hard, but man, Lamar, dude...

You know, people don't want to talk about this, but the flip side of that is that there's another universe where I'm dead as a discothe. Well, there's infinite universes, so there's infinite living use and infinite dead use. Wow. There's a universe where I'm a little worm. Oh, man. Oh, pizza rolls already. Hold on.

30 minutes later. Here you go, man. Okay. So, where was that? So the hidden secret identities. Oh, yeah. We'll get back to that. So in 2004, you know, with River City First Enforcement going, it, like, changed the way that crime was handled and everything.

And Dr. Kildeth was, he was focused mostly on, you know, government kind of crime. and the world didn't really need the greenback guardians anymore. And, I mean, listen, at this point, I'm willing to admit that maybe kind of the biggest factor was we were near and 40, man. You know, the bones were getting achy. Our knees were creaky and everything. We weren't the same fearsome fighting team we were before, you know? And yeah, Carver didn't want to. But what about drugs?

A lot of people your age, sorry. Your age. A lot of people your age Turned to drugs to help them keep their edge No, we all say nope to dope man You know what I mean? Really? You think the kids shouldn't check it out even once? Well, I mean, weed's cool.

That's fine, but like... Wait, hold on. What? Hey, yeah. What if this ends up on YouTube? No, I get a strike for that. I mean, like, you know, there's THC bombs and stuff that really help with my joints.

So, under the... You're saying under the dis... expression of a licensed physician. Well, yeah, I mean, you always want to use caution when using substances, dude. Like, you don't want to, it's not all for partying and everything. Sometimes it's got medical use or relaxation, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, and either way, if I'm under 18, I'm definitely going to reach out to a parent or guardian

before I experiment with any substances. Oh, yeah, man, that's what I told my stepdaughter, JJ. But, yeah, man, we decided, you know, Lamar Loveless and I, like, kind of agreed. It was time to retire. or did convince us of one thing, which is like, we couldn't do it publicly because, like, he was worried. And I think he was right, man, that if the Greenback Guardians like announced, like, we're not fighting crime anymore, there would be like a big, you know, kind of crime wave.

So we just kind of stepped into the shadows. And, you know, Loveless became Dr. Travis Barker. And I became Stant Peoples. And then when May, you know, got divorced in 2007, we started dating. And I became JJ's stepdad. And Carver, man, he never really stopped. fighting, you know. He would do it here and there, undercover dark and everything to keep, you know, kind of keep it quiet. But, oh, man, Lamar, oh, he, he never really found his purpose

without the team, you know. And then in 2012, when Dr. Kildath retired, Slash was in prison in the elite prison of his own design, Lamar just kind of went with him, man, you know, and he's been living in the solitude of Dr. Kildedath's poolhouse ever since. Okay. I think I get it now. If we run into... Do you guys want any sodas or anything? Yeah, do you have crush? I do, man.

Do you have crunch? You know, I don't have crunch, but I could freeze some of the crush if you want. Yeah, it's the same thing. Yeah, just freeze it. Okay, let's time out for a couple hours while there's freezes. Okay. Do you guys want to play like some we or something? Hey, you guys were right about it.

Paddington, too. I knew you'd love it, man. It's awesome. We are, um, we might be in a spot of trouble. We've, we've sort of formed this kind of like intra-hero villain, sort of cooperative kind of unit. That's cool, man. We've been sort of like blur in line.

We're bringing the people together to rise up against the ruling class. Yeah, man. We ended up endorsing Dr. Kildef for governor, man, so you don't have to like reach to me, you know? Well, that's cool, yeah, but there seem to be forces at work that, like, love the sort of big merry-go-round of crime happens, and a guy, a bunch of mutant animals, beat them up, and then it repeats at infinitum. Oh, yeah, man, there's a ton of money in kind of, like, a prison system. Yeah, yeah. So we're trying to track down the walrus, because the walrus has Carver. And Walrus is sort of this, like, shadowy kingpin fit.

figure. And that's why we're looking for clamsula. And so do you think that that, do you think that the headquarters is where we need to head? Well, man, I would say the HQ, I mean, it's, it was Dr. Kildas and stuff. But so, I mean, that would make sense to me, man. But usually you just wait for kind of the big bad guy to make a big speech, like standing on top of like a big armor. I keep waiting for that. It just has not happened.

Yeah. Maybe the way that you guys did it back in the olden times is not the way us young bucks should be handling it. You know what I mean? Now he may just post on TikTok now. Yeah. And what's TikTok? My daughter's been trying to tell me about TikTok and stuff. Yeah, it's T-I-C-K, T-O-C-K.

And usually it started off with videos of body of vermin, louses, and that. And now it's just kind of. have exploded and uh sounds gross dude oh yeah i've seen some i mean i've heard that there's some at some point in that little soliloquy i bet dad's brain was like i really should learn something oh he was absolutely tarzan swinging looking frantically for a vine and then he grabs like a snake that was hanging from a branch and he's like oh no it wasn't a vine at all yeah fell right into a hippo's mouth. No, he fell right into the vine-covered trap.

He made himself. And that's a shame. Because vine is not there anymore. Vine's gone to. Vine, that could have, uh, he did it for the vine. Uh, yeah, man, but listen, if he's sold up in, in the old, you know, kill death, H.Q, man, like, I don't know how you're going to get, like, we, we never really got in and out, you know, usually he'd come out and fight us and it was like a big thing, man.

Oh, we have a, so kill death sold it? or what's the deal? Well, he was, you know, detained for all of his government crimes and stuff. So he had to kind of vacate and, you know, locked himself up. He surrendered himself, Land. It was mostly his own deal. He wanted to retire. And so he had built Governor's Island to kind of be a retirement home slash prison for him.

Yeah. So, right, he's self-imprisoned. Yeah. So noble. I'm not too worried about getting into RCFHQ Because we have an appointment there tomorrow with Glamgulah And potentially Walrus I don't know, fingers crossed

But it would be helpful if we could get a hold of Do you have like a cell phone number for kill death Or what's the deal there? You know, they don't really Allow like the phones and stuff there, man In prison But you could just go see it It wouldn't be that hard to get in, man

Oh man, it's just in the past 48 hours we broke it into a police station and a bank, and I know we're kind of playing with the line. I thought you guys were heroes. Yeah, no, we did it for under heroic pretenses. Man, things sure have changed since my day. Yeah. You guys never broke into a bank?

No, we stopped other people from breaking into banks, man, and then we'd like slam some burgers or hot dogs or something. You ever break a criminal out of jail? Huh. Yeah. We're dark, man. We're dark. We're pretty much...

Oh my God, man. Yeah, things have changed. They made, like, animal stories a lot grittier now, huh, man? Yeah, that's... Well, you got to. For the kids. For the kids. People won't go see it if it's not gritty as heck.

Anyway, um, we didn't take anything for the bank, so... Oh, that's cool. Nothing at all, no harm, no foul. So... Oh, those are FDIC insured, man. Yeah, no harm, no foul. All right. Trave, I'm trying real hard to remember if my bid to get a...

million dollars worked last episode. No, you stole two big bags of lollipops. Yeah, I couldn't remember if... Yeah, I thought maybe it worked, but you're thinking it didn't. You still a million dollars in crypto, but now it's worth nothing. Nothing.

Oh, okay. Now it is worth two bags of lollipops. Yeah. The two bags of lollipops are actually worth more. That's a real cold wallet right there. It turned into lollipops. Oh, I get it. Well, we've been talking and drinking soda and

eating pizza rolls for the past three and a half hours. So I'm feeling pretty well-rested. I don't know about you fellas. Yeah, I got all. I'm ready to go. Juiced. So, um. So what's your plan, dude? Did you ever try to break in there? What, the governor's island?

Yeah. Back in your heyday. Well, it kind of wasn't there in my heyday because, you know, Killeda, designed it while he was a governor? So that's not what I meant that. So, okay, we're going. There's two different places. Okay. Where are we going?

I think we should go to Governor's Island first to get the lay of the land from Dr. Kildath before we siege the HQ. Yeah, your appointment is tomorrow at River City. Yes. So we have an opportunity to get some intel from Dr. Kildath if we can visit him in his prison island that he designed for himself. Okay. This is a big undertaking, fellows. This is going to be the greatest challenge of our 20-week career. May I suggest that perhaps we make some preparations ahead of time?

And Dr. Snarf steps out and says, I think I can help with that. And he opens his case and then it unfold. Where did you come from, little guy? I was in the bathroom using the special 16 prog abnormal. We've been out here for three and a half hours, Snarf. It takes a while for me to unknit my weird collection of muscles and co-awakers. You have a collection of clothes. Awaka snarf?

Is this sputum? This is very private. You're right. I shouldn't have asked that. But if you want to see... No, I've crossed a line. The viscosity of you is unreal. Yeah.

I had to take a shower afterwards. And it interacted with my bodily fluids. Okay. I feel like I need to take a shower now, man. We can take a 30-minute break if you want to freshen up. Real quick. Okay, yeah. If you guys are cold, if we could knock down individual showers.

Yeah, let's call it 45 minutes, everybody. We need 90, 30 minutes. 90 minutes, 30 minutes each trip, go for it. Well, buses stop running at midnight. It's 10 a.m. Oh, okay, cool. This meeting started super early. Hey, Charles.

I know that I wasn't initially in favor when you suggested. We start doing these in real time. I'd be really diligent about tracking every second 24th style. Yeah. But it is really paying out of narratively, man. I feel like I'm there. It really helps pat out the runtime, too, because Rachel will then add in like two hours of silence

while we watch Paddington, too. You also have to say, like, I am going to the toilet now. So you've all finished your showers. Great. Okay, where was I? Okay. And he unfolds his computer, and that unfolds into, like, seven screens. Oh, man.

It's wild, dude. This is future. Like the NSA agent in Paul Bart Moccon. Oh, you know, now that you mention it, Justin, yeah, a lot like that. A lot like that. And that's on one of the screens. Yeah, that's the seventh screen. That's why it's an odd number.

And Dr. Travis Barker steps up and goes, yes, sorry, call me loveless, narrator. Now you guys can, you know, do some upgrades and everything. Have a few on the house. So if you look on your character sheets, I had just gone ahead and made sure each of you have 15. the practice makes perfect points. Oh, wow. How generous. This feels like maybe our last chance to juice it.

Yeah. I don't know why you'd be so generous otherwise. Hey, guys. Yeah. While we have a second, can I talk to you to? Yeah, sure. What's up, friend? Yeah, like, um, this is kind of an awkward question,

but like, what do you guys feel like is the main thing holding me back? I mean, are we able to speak honestly? This is like such a safe, like it's a really safe place. Okay. Like, I want you to feel 100% confident. You have strong, keen improvisational instincts. Sometimes I feel like you do run into a situation with very little forethought or planning whatsoever, depending on those improvisational sort of instincts when I think those instincts could be,

bolstered by a little bit of caution and care and thoughtfulness. And I think that's a place that, you know, we could lean on each other for. All right. That's actually such a great point, dude. Here's what I'm thinking. I think I'm going to take a moment and upgrade my extreme exfiltration, make it just a little bit easier for me to get out of a tough spot. If you never know a man would that way come in handy.

So I'm going to grab that. Okay. So why did you even ask, I guess? Yes. Well, that was, I'm taking your advice. Well, I actually take the opposite. Being able to read this situation and think about what I'm doing so I have a way out. You know what I mean?

If it breaks back, right? Yeah. I'm going in with a plan so I have a way out. I'm glad this is a safe space where we can share sort of, you know, helpful. positive critiques using positive language with each other. Okay, so that's six points for you, Justin. For improved skill, you get another D8. So anytime you are hiding or exfiltrating,

both of those skills have been upgraded to get five D8 on those roles. As long as we're doing this, I mean, this feels good. This feels natural. As long as we're doing this, Roger, if you do keep letting out huge Mondo farts at every job that we do, we are going to, if we have not already accrue a certain reputation. And I do think that that's going to stick with us. Whoa, dude, you fart all the time?

So you're the party boy, huh? Excuse me, we're having conversation. Sorry, man. I'm going to go make some chocolate chip cookies for you guys. Thank you. I'm so full of junk food. Please stop. Would you rather have like a salad, man?

Doesn't sound very extreme to me, but. Um, anyway. Navy, um, I appreciate your point. And for that reason, I have decided that I need a better way of attacking. I need a better way of contributing to the force of this force. So I am going to... Oh, wait, wait.

And the doorbell rings. And Roger runs to... Oh, it's here, it's here, it's here. Roger runs out. And just sign it. Oh, you got a sign, man. And an Amazon drone has dropped a box. and he brings it in.

Oh, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Here, he opens the box and he has, I have one for each of you. It's, they're pocket squares. They are the coolest thing. And here, it just tuck it into any pocket. There you go. Here. Is this from the Amazon?

I can smell the rainforest on it. It is, yes. See, here. Just tuck it right into your breast pocket there. And if you know of a breast pocket, any kind of pocket, any place you can wedge. There's a crease in my armor. They are really, really neat. And they are all the same color.

They are bright red. And so now that you have those, Roger wants to create a new Mondo move. Okay. For himself. And it's called Toria New One. When someone waves something red, Roger runs straight at the thing with irresistible force. Ooh.

I do like this. I like that too. Awesome, man. Does it have to be these handkerchiefs or can it just be anything sort of red? Does it have to? Anything sort of red. Sick, bro. So.

Here is what I'll say, though. There's going to be a condition to that. That that irresistible force, if you should miss, if you roll your dice and don't get two successes. Right. then it will be detrimental for you. I understand that. Okay, great. Because he's just going to go.

He just goes nuts and loses complete control. Yes, understandable. Great. So that's eight points for you. What about you, Navy? I mean, you guys still have plenty to spend. Yeah. Navy, if I may have an observation.

Absolutely. And Lyle, I think you should also kick out on this. I would like you to do something where you have the... How do I put this delicately? Dude, let it rip. There is no... I know the nature of our sort of relationship. I think you need to grow a backbone where your father's concerned.

So that'll be a Monda move? I think you need to stand up. I'm just making the observation. I think you would be much more... better realized as a functioning animal being, if you could somehow break away from your father's plan for you and become your own entity. Now, Griffin, what data has provided here is the opportunity for you to give yourself the ab skill self-actualization?

Yeah. And I don't know how that would translate to game mechanics. Yeah. Self-acceptance. Self-worth, self-respect, I think. It's huge stuff. Yeah, no, for sure. Yeah, let me just do that.

Okay, done. Now, we took your suggestion seriously. Yeah, but my suggestion was like, here's a workplace behavior that I think could be improved, not fix your relationship with your dad. It's a little beyond the scope. I know the truth hurts. I appreciate what you're saying, and I hear you, you are being heard right now.

I just, it's just, it's tough, man. I'm a crime fighter, but I'm also, I'm a raw seal, and we're very sort of like, you know, territorial and family oriented, and it's tough, man. I can't just stand up to, you get. Perhaps I can put this into words that you would be able to understand better. form of a song. Hey man, that's not cool. That's actually not okay to do.

I don't go around and I don't say that, I don't say M-O-O. I was never here, man. I'm gonna cool my head for a second and think about what you said. Just take it breathing. I'm gonna step out back. I'm thinking about it, right? I know. There's some bad, there's some bad blood there.

And it is constantly in my head. It's a weird mix, you know, working with your. your dad. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I'm thinking about it, and it's getting me all worked up, and I see that there's a swimming pool in the back of the August household. I'm going to take a running... You see a swimming pool, but there's also a slight incline where there's like a heat lamp, and then there's like a big dish filled with lettuce.

Yeah. And that's where Newton goes and just chills out. Ignoring that, I'm going to take a running jump at the swimming pool and hit the splash pack, fly 20 feet up in the air, go spread eagle, land, and splash half the water out of the pool. I'm going to unlock the Mondo move that I've had on my sheet since the beginning of the game. I'm going to unlock the foon. The foon! When dropping down on a group of enemies from a significant height, Navy SEAL can deal damage to the group with a single role.

And I come up out of the water. And I think there's a moment where he kind of looks around for approval. But I realize sort of down in this half-filled pool that I'm actually pretty proud of the food I just did. And I don't care if anyone saw it. So I clamped back up and come into the house that I'm just sopping wet, just getting water everywhere. And then as soon as you walk in loud.

Hey, I sold a food you do out there, killer, man. Real proud. Oh, yeah, thanks. You know, for me, it was more about, I did it for me. Excellent, nice work. Okay, cool. No, I do appreciate it. See you out there. You got the equal part, face smack, and.

Oh, I hurt everywhere. Yeah, it hurts so bad. And the groin wallop. That was excellent. Oh, my groin is screaming. Yes, I would guess. Okay, quick. I have added another Mondo move, Travis.

I was out at a different place outside staring off into the stars. A different pool. A different pool. I made this new ab's move. I was wondering if you could read it and tell me know what you think. I love it, Justin. Okay, can you read that for me? Yeah, so Justin has added,

Fragler's power of limitless foresight. Once for a narrative day, when Lyle is about to make a major mess up, he's able to harness the power of thought and reconsider the action in favor of a better path. Freggler's power of limited limitless foresight can only activate when Lyle acts impulsively. Now is that something I would trigger for you? Yes, you have to trigger Freggler's BOLF.

Okay. But only in a situation where I am acting without being. Okay, got it. And only once per day. And Travis, I will also say this. The stakes of it are not made clear. I guess I do say a major mess up, but I guess that gives you room. Okay.

operate on what a major mess up is. I love that. Dad, do you have something? I have another idea. Yeah, I've only got seven points left. I would like to improve skill. Okay. I'd like to improve counterfeit to include body language.

Oh, okay, yeah. So that's gonna bump that up. Yeah, you'll have 48 when rolling and part of that will be Bonnie language. Okay. I'm looking at a map, an old map of River City H.Q. And just kind of struggling.

And I look up at snarf and I say, hey, let me grab those for a second. And I grab the glasses off his face. And I put them on my eyes. I go, wow, holy crap. Guys, I think I've needed prescription glasses this entire time. Wow. I can see everything's so...

It's like crazy how much better I can see right now with Snorff's classes on my head. I'm gonna improve bug-eyed. By stealing Snarves classes. By taking... Not stealing. Like, he doesn't need them. Yes, you can have them.

I have mini pairs. Don't. Don't replace them. Oh. Okay. But I have all these Warby Parkers. No, these are special. These are special.

These are special because they were yours. And now I'll always have something to... They are wet. Who said that? Oh, that was me. He can't see without his glasses. Oh, that's adorable. All right.

He, by the way, Snarf. Yes. I brought that huge box of books you asked me for. You remember you said you wanted me to bring you like every book? But there would have been time now. No, snarf. And he got it. Wow.

Yeah, it just gives up. I mean, if this is our last upgrade, Sesh, we don't need Snarf anymore. And I'll retire forever now. He walks into the locker room with Mr. Mistophiles and Garfield and Heathcliff. That was my time, boys. Tough season out there, huh? Yeah, but, you know, I feel like I really grew on the listeners. They'll be making fan art of me.

Rap on Snarf. Loveless, Lee, Senses. Okay. boys are ready. I've been thinking this through over the last six hours. You're going to need an RCFE employee that can turn you in. You're going to need to pose as like three criminals that are slated to go to Governor's Island and some sort of impressive armored vehicle at your disposal that can take you to the gate so it all seems official. But where would you Get those things.

I mean, I'll hop on Timu. I don't know if they have that kind of stuff. Wait, I believe you mean shamu. It's, that's rough. Wait, we know. It's actually emu. That's better, darn it. Oh, wait, we know a guy.

We have a guy who's beholden to us, even though we have wronged him personally and financially like a few times. Okay. His name is... Dane. No. I was thinking of the police officer

whose name I think was Jeremy Snuggant. Stop for him. Joshua Darnet. Joshua Darnet. Jeremy Snugworth is a different guy. Yeah, he doesn't know you anything. Yeah, but Joshua, he could definitely get it done. Yeah.

And we have, I think, an armored carcass. We stole one. Oh, excellent. But where will you get the identity of three criminals that were slated to go to governors? You keep kind of saying stuff that is actually stuff that we definitely have. And it feels like, I'll be honest, Lovelace. It feels a little bit leading. I feel like if you give us like 15 seconds, we can get exactly where you're trying to get us to go.

Now we'll need a wheelbarrow. A Holocaust. And a Holocaust. So we've got the criminal identities and the truck. and goshua. What are the odds? I mean, I don't know, man. Pretty good, I guess.

Yeah. Oh, cool. I look at Newton. Was it always like this? Yeah, man. He's a real pain in the shell. You know what I mean, dude. I guess. Do you mean, is that like an analog for butt? Yeah. Okay. You have a butt, though.

Yeah, but back in the 80s, man, we didn't like to say butt when we were around. That was a real no-no word. The armored vehicle of prisoner transport rolls up down the long, narrow bridge leading from the shores of River City to Governor's Island. An imposing stone fortress-looking prison built on a man-made island in the middle of River City Bay. Joshua Darnett driving. Are you guys sure? I don't like getting you in. It's easy, man.

I don't know how I'm going to get you out. We're going to have to figure that out. I'm sort of an expert in getting out of a sticky situation. Gosh, well, you don't have to sweat that. Okay. But I assume that if my plan doesn't work out, we can just call you and you'll come get us. Or we could just, like, schedule a time for me to come get you.

Like, you know what? I'll just be here. So, wait a minute. Is it hard for you to get us out? Well, if you can get out, I'll be here. Schedule a time to pick us up like an Uber. Well, I'll be here if you can get out. How about that?

Okay. That sounds good. So, I mean, you won't. I'm saying I will call you. You come in and get us and bring us out if we get into trouble. Okay, yeah. If you're able to do that, that'll be great. Just say the word like, just say like, what's a good, like, code word?

Does it help? How would you hear it? it. Oh, that's a good point. All right. Yeah. Don't, you know what? We've done this a bunches of times, and we've gotten out a lot of sticky messes. One time I vandalized a rainforest cafe, and it turned out fine. So I think we're going to be able to get out of jail pretty easy. But we are trained professionals, kids. So just remember, if you find yourself in a tricky situation and you're in over your heads, there's nothing wrong with calling home.

getting someone to come get you. And that's what we say. That's a weird one. That's a weird one. Who are you talking to? Over there. Oh. All right.

Why are there a bunch of kids here? Everyone got their villain identities, ready to go? Oh, yes. I'm going to fall back on one of my standards, Mr. Messup. Okay. Yeah. Meerkat. Mess up.

Well, you can't, well, hold on, you should probably be a cow. I'm a master of disguise, if I'm a name of mine. I'm going to be, I'll be Andre from the movie. And if people ask, I'll be like, you mean Andre from the movie about the seal, Andre, with Tina Majorino? And I'll be like, yeah, but I broke bad. Hollywood did some stuff to me. And I'll be your captor, beloved Abnable, Axelio. Wait, I thought that Joshua was our captain.

No, that's, yeah, absolutely. I'm his best buddy. The Admiral from the wrong side of the tracks acts alive. Okay, but it does sound, kind of sound like you're going to leave us to go. Hey, pipe down, suspect. Okay. Well, good, well, okay, man. Hey, he's already into character.

Don't make me come back there, Cal. Yeah. Okay. Joshua returns from the, uh, the, um, check-in desk. The booking death. Of the prison. There is. Welcome to prison.

It's a very nice prison. Here's your key. And remember we have free buffet breakfast at the morning. He leads to the three of you who are shackled at the foot and wrists to the prisoner booking desk. He says, all right, yeah, these three. And he slams down the three files in front of him like, these guys are some of the worst. I whisper in his ear. Actually, I think it should just be two because I think Axel Isle is being himself.

So take one of those back and start over and say two instead. Sorry. What? No, I'm one of the crime guys, too. I'm just not pretending because I really don't like to pretend. The booking guy looks through the files and goes, okay, which one are you, is Squidmark? Oh, me? Crap.

I forgot we have to use the identities on the fake, on the identity. I'm Squidmark. Oh, okay, very clever. Okay. Step over there, turn to your right. Takes a picture. Turn to your left. takes a picture.

All right, move on through. Which one of you... Dips on Hammer Ned. Dips on Hammer Ned. Pooh! Okay, hammer Ned, I guess, step on over there, turn to your left.

Turn to your right. Gonna eat you. Ah. So that makes you Eel Patrick Harris, correct? Yes. Yes, I'm Eel Patrick Harris. But my stage name is Mr. Messon.

Okay, whatever, man. Step in there, turn to your left, turn to your right. Okay, move on through processing. As you move through processing, this guy doesn't miss anything, man. Yeah. They unlock your shackles,

and they hand you your prison uniforms, which are three very comfortable velour track suits. Nice. Excellent. Okay, make your way on through. Have a wonderful day. If you need anything, just speak to one. one of the staff

will be happy to assist you Pickleball starts at four there's a meet and greet at the community center at like six o'clock with whom? It's happy hour until eight oh just all the residents

and stuff oh seeing getting into your new community any chance the velour tracksuits are red no they're purple freaking royal tenon bombs up in here. Yeah, those are Dr. Kildas' colors.

Everything here was by his design. If we wanted to put in a little bit of face time with Dr. Kildeth, what do you think would be the best way of doing that? Oh, yeah, of course, man. He's in the ranch-style home, kind of near the center of the complex there. It's got a big statue of him in front of it. You can't miss up. Okay.

And what kind of stuff does he like? wanted to, like, get into his good graces. He enjoys, like, soft cheeses. You know, he's a big fan of a nice, like, Zinfandel. Okay, where can we get those inside of the prison? Oh, your welcome basket will be inside. And it'll have the soft cheese and Zinfandel? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some slippers in there, too, man, and a sleep mask. Okay. And what time is checkout? Oh, well, yeah, you can't check out. Oh, that's right. Oh, my God. I got so confused for his... Check it any time you'll like, but you can never leave.

Yeah, like the Hotel, California. I haven't heard that one before. Okay, thank you all so much. Have a wonderful day. You got a little sassy there at the tail end. You were really accommodating until the very end of it. Sorry, man, please don't put it on Yelp. Hotel California?

No, it wasn't. Oh, okay. As you walk through the gates, you enter into a beautiful gated community. Lush fields everywhere of grass and trees. The landscaping is wonderful. You see a pretty large kind of coy pond. with ducks on it. The sun shines bright.

You can see above you, it's a large kind of like screen, right? So the ceiling is covered and domed, but it is projecting a beautiful, perfect sunny afternoon day. You see people walking around, some of them having pleasant conversations, playing chess by the koi pond. You see Kaki-Gaater, Shakipus, some of the most noteworthy villains of Abimals,

history, just strolling along, having a lovely time. The ice cream shop is just absolutely bustling. And you can see the ranch-style home of Dr. Kildef about 150 yards down the path towards the center of town. Okay, so first things first, we got to beat up one of these guys to assert ourselves. I've never done any time myself, but I have heard that that is sort of step one in the process. Travis, who's the dorkees-looking one? Probably Calcugator. I see you walking towards Calcugator.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. It's better if it's like a... Hey, if... Hey, point, extra! There's a buzzing within your head, Justin. As something triggers. You see a force as you, in the future, punch Calcugator in the face.

He turns to you growing three times his size as he multiplies. Okay. Becoming stronger, more vicious. I just wanted to say it's an honor to meet you. Wow, Kelk, you dider. I never would have imagined in all my wildest dreams. Oh, thank you so much.

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