The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 23: A Lair of SCUZZ and Villainy!

Episode Date: March 20, 2025

The heroes weave their way through Dr. Killdeath’s secret base to pick up some key items and find Carter’s whereabouts. But what other secrets lie in wait?Abnimals Theme by Justin McElroy, Eric Near (https://bit.ly/ericnearmusic) and Jonathan Coulton (https://www.jonathancoulton.com/).Additional Music in this Episode: "Demolition" by 1st Contact: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/1st-contact/; "The Drama" by Rafael Krux: https://www.rafaelkrux.com/#/; "The Get Away", "Chill Down", and "This Could Get Dark" by Mr. Smith: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSk2j0fTMw9V94UGyfWrSuA?; "Taffy Machine" by Kate Kody: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/kate-kody/; "Hoist" by Andy G. Cohen: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Andy_G_Cohen/; "Emerald Therapy" by Jason Shaw: https://audionautix.com/; "Beverly Hills" by Beat Mekanik: https://linktr.ee/beatmekanik; "Turn around" and "Sick of" by Koi-discovery: https://koi-discovery.lescigales.org/; "A Nexus of Waves" by Jesse Spillane: http://www.jessespillane.com/; and High Sky" by Patrick Davies: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/patrick-davies/.Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.comHarmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

High We're at the height of our powers Atop the tallest of towers To stay You never stop us now To take my end in the future That we will do with me much Until it's turning out just like the way

And we sell wrong But our mojo is strong And unless I'm wrong And I'm not We're at the height of our power High above in the skies of River City, a rocket, now a rocket powered escape pod, hurdles across the vast blue cloudy sky. Inside-unpack those adjectives, Travi. I'm working on it. We find inside the cramped compartment. Four figures. We find Axel Isle, Mimar, Navy, Navy Cee.

and Roger Moore. There's no windows or view screen or anything, so you can't see your progress, but you can definitely feel it. The momentum, the G's, they are present. What are your current states of mind? I feel a little self-conscious. The G-forces are probably making my sort of silhouette

look a little, like with all the, you know, blubber and stuff. Like, I'm a pretty body positive guy, generally speaking, but there's a sort of gelatinousness that is occurring, I think, as my flesh is being sort of forced backwards by the force. It's not the most flattering angle. It's not the most flat. I mean, it's not flattering for humans either, but imagine if humans had like a thick layer of blubber. Okay. You look up at Axelial whose skin is utterly gelatinous, and you see it flapping around his

skeleton. Okay, I feel better now. He lifts up and he lifts, he gives you a thumbs on like, looking guy. Roger's feeling it in all four stomachs, and thinks he might have left to

go for a little gas. Oh, Jesus. I know. I'm... I'll kill you. Roger, do you want to trade seats with me to sit in the back?

Roger Moore Angles his arms So that his watch That shoots out little rockets Oh no, God, that's Roger Moore Oh Man, the kids are busting up The kids are losing it, dude

Lamar's eyes are close He seems very cold Well, he's got a shell It's different for him Easy Roger's just going to clinch up He's fine Great A small video screen

clicks on one of the interiors of the chamber, and you see Dr. Kildath pop up. Hello, boys. If you're watching this, it means the rocket hasn't exploded or fallen apart. That's a good news, isn't it? Sorry, it's a video. I've targeted the rocket towards the bay outside of what is now RCFHQ,

but I wasn't fully honest. There's a hidden entrance to my old layer and the rocket is headed straight to that entrance. Surprise! Now, I did seal that entrance when I left, but I've installed a device that should trigger it to open if the entrance still works,

which it should, because the guy who installed it said it had a lifetime guarantee. But what happens if it doesn't... So even if it doesn't work and you die, I'll get my money back. So win, win. We'll find out In three, two, one.

I love you guys. I appreciate you on some levels. If you're still watching this, it worked. Hooray! When the world turned its back on Dr. Kilden. What are you doing? I turned my back on the world. I created somewhere where I could do my destiny work.

Hey, where no one would see. your thumb on the side. Hold on your hold your thumb on the side. It'll actually go it. I think it'll go at double speed, man. Oh, yeah. Zoomed through. Where no one would see you until now. Looky upon, he sweeps his arm. My layer.

Oh, wait. There's no window or view screen. Well, far. This is still pretty slow. Hold on. I'm thinking I can do X4X. Okay, when you're not going to get out, pretend like I just said what I just said. I'm going to put it on 0.25 to really save it. Oh, we shut up. No, it's slow motion now. Zero point.

Oh, also, we shot everything down, but Scars should still be operational. What's Scuz? And we'll be able to help you. Any questions? What is Scurz? Ha, ha, just kidding. This is pre-recorded. Stop the video.

Still, those were good questions, and you should feel good about them. Anywho, have fun out there. If you survive, come back for a barbecue sometime. And the video clicks off. I'm realizing now that Dr. Kildeth is basically like a higher pitched bane. Like if you slow him down enough, he becomes sort of bane. You guys aren't talking about how much I sound like bane, are you? I'm going to turn the video off now.

There's a button right here. And the video clicks off. Thank God. For a moment, this interior chamber, which now is the momentum, slowed. There is, uh, you can still feel a little bit of movement until you feel, uh, the rocket almost gently, just shy of gently, bump into something and stop. And you're now where kind of at a, uh, you feel like you're laying down at a, a supine kind of thing. And you hear the chamber door that you came through to enter the rocket, like unlock the air hisses and it begins to

open. Everyone, uh, breathe out. So to avoid decompress, you don't want the bins. Empty your lungs. Nice try. I know that was a trap. You're trying to give us the bends, but not today, pal. Oh, man, you almost got me. Next time I'll get you. I'm going to give you the corners next time. Okay. That's, that's the bends, but worse. Yeah, sounds like it. Can we leave the rocket? I would like to leave the door. Yeah, I opened the door. Okay. I didn't even make you open the door yourself. I am eight inches taller than when we left, but this will diminish after the first two minutes. Yeah, I will, I will stretch back, much like Stretch Armstrong, I will return to my regular size. I have sort of a light bulb shape now where a lot of my mass has been sort of stretched upward.

But yes, also that will correct. Will you fellows go ahead and depart and get out of the rocket real quick? Just go on, go on, go on. Please, please. I mean, we might need to use it again. Can you not do what you're about to do outside? It's either do it in here or do it out there with you. I'm going to close the door for just a minute.

Wait, dude, let me get out. Lamar scramble's out. You seal dad in his own chamber of farts. No! He dies. He dies. Hmm. Not bad.

Dad's characters always... Three months later. Suffer the most heroic deaths. Three months later, I can't believe. I can't believe we still have not done his funeral This is getting so gross You'd have to retrieve the body No, I closed it behind me

Okay, it's preserved perfectly So He's salt cured himself Perfectly preserved But woe until he who opens The tomb of Roger Moore The fart rose curse Okay

Curse of the Moomy Oh, that was better Bro. Okay. The rocket has come down through a secret entrance, and you find the water that it had sailed into is up against a shore here in some kind of underground docking bay. But all of the lights have been shut off.

You see a little bit of, like, emergency light. It's not completely dark. There's, like, some backups going and everything. But everything is definitely shut down. Okay. It is a very large chamber with a... large, you know, domed ceiling, sort of Batcave-esque, where you can see, like, the Stelag tights that come down from the top. Yeah, that's right. I know. And, uh, but you also see a

mixture of technology and computers. Very old, very, uh, like 90s computers and technology. Nothing up to date. Is it, but nothing's on, right? Um, I mean, you can see some, like, lights, but they're like, you know, if you were looking for an on switch on, like a monitor. or something and there was like a little red light letting you know that the thing was off you see a lot of those around axelyle what what do your elvice see you can you can you find some illumination for us i'm having trouble getting my berries uh yeah i have uh i want to do a sort of a look around do a butcher's too but i want to use Travis uh my superior eyes my incredible night vision which is something of a superpower now i share with you um i think you guys are in this map.

Yes. The detailed blueprints that Dr. Kilduff shared with you of Dr. Kildes totally rad and totally bad secret evil layer. Travis, you've done it again.

No, sorry, this wasn't you. It was Dr. Kildew. Yeah, thank you. I'm seeing that now. I missed up the handwriting, man. Sorry. I understand. We have very similar handwriting.

It would be difficult both for a handwriting analyst to tell the difference because we have, frankly, very similar psychology. Yeah. If you were to get up in your brains and walk you out. Yeah, you would find a very, terrified, but also. Yeah, give me a looking around role

with your superior night vision eyes. With my superior nocturno sense, that's gonna be 3D8. 48. Okay, 48, three successes. With three successes. is you're able to see near the docking platform that you're on, something that looks like a pretty outdated but like security panel and a fairly large red button that says push for scuzz. S period C, period, U period, U, period, Z period, Z period.

I know what that is. I remember James Bond Jr. chases scuzz around the world. That was scum. Scum, man. That was scum. I remember from the hit series, James Bond Jr. was scum. That, by the way, for anyone, and no one listening remembers it except me, James Bond Jr. was his nephew, if I remember correctly,

and I don't think that's how that works. That is not how that. Like, I don't think I could have a kid and name him Joseph McRoy, Jr. But now he's Bezos's boys. You can have five sons. Yeah, that's fair. Five beautiful sons. Can you hit the scoze?

Hit the scoze button? I would glad we hit the scussed. Yeah, let him. I don't want to push it. And Roger, with great aplomb, pushes it. You hear a whirring up, whether it is mechanical or technological. You can't tell if it's a, it almost sounds like a film projector, wearing up, but with lots of

unnecessary to your ears, beeps, and boobs, and you hear a voice kind of echoing through the chamber. Hey there, new recruits. Welcome to Dr. Kildas totally rad and totally bad secret evil layer. I'm scus. How can I

help you today? Do you have the programming required to change your voice? Identify yourselves, bad dudes. My name is, uh, my name Zach Seleyle, I'm like a sort of auxiliary member of the infibble force. You should be able to look me up.

I should be early in the alphabet, but late in the A's, I would say. Nothing in my database, cool dude. What about you? I am Mr. Messup. I don't want to give him my real name. No information found. What about you guys? I mean, what's in your database?

Because I don't know when the last time you were operational. Everything up to date to 2004, my man. 2004? Um, my name is Dr. Kildeth. Oh, okay,

sure, poser. And what? And Lamar says, Scas, uh, it's Lamar and the guys are with me. What?

Greenback guardian detect. Yep. Yeah. Oh. Updating. Sorry, we should have let you take up. What do we need?

Do you need private time? Oh, uh, hey. Hi, Lamar. Hey, welcome back, man. Um, it's been a long time.

Um, sorry, the, uh, the place is a mess guy. Uh, Mr. Messup,

Dr. Kildeth. Um, and, and what was it? It was, Axelyle. Axelyle.

Welcome. Um, sorry, I didn't know we were going to have company, man, I would have, uh, sorry guys, sorry guys. No apologies you need it. Why should you just call around a little bit, Phil? Sorry, it's just been, been a while. I'm making me nervous.

Since anybody came, since anybody came by, sorry. Take a deep cyber breath and focus. You hear the projector like, we're in and we're out. Cool. Um, how you've been filling your cycles down here, brother? Um, waiting. Oof. That's it. That's rough. That's existentially pretty challenging.

Someone could have at least kicked you a real hard math problem or something. Imagine something to keep you busy, right? Pie to the infinite degree. Something like that, man. Does RCF just kind of let you put her around down here? RCF? Yeah, they built their whole thing on top of... On top of this secret base. Are you really not aware of what's going on, like upstairs? Well, no, no

Okay, you've been abandoned down here, man. Why didn't Kildeth take you with you? Well, I mean, I'm just computer and I'm here to, you know, he left me behind keep an eye on the place. I mean, he trusted me. I'm kind of a student of heraldry. What does S-C-U-Z stand for? Oh, it shows my name. It doesn't stand for anything,

but Dr. Kildeth put the dots and stuff in there and make it look cool. Because he couldn't think of two Z words that would fit back to back? You've had like a lot of time to think down here. Certainly you've come up with some it stands for, right? Well, I mean, I could, but give me a second. Okay. You've had all the time in the world.

I'm going to say, um, steel, steel cougar. Um, steel cougar, uptown. So it really doesn't see everything. Okay. I answer my questions. Suit suit, suit. Well, it would be Zoot Zoot Zoot, wouldn't it? Yeah.

Okay, Steele Cougar Uptown Zoot. Do you think you could take us to Dr. Kady's room? I'd love to have just like a good old-fashioned butcher. Oh, you guys want a tour? Please, please, yeah. Yeah, hold on, let me turn on the lights for you. And some like overhead lights start to click on. Not all of them.

Come on. In fact, you would say less than half of them. But what you do see come on is a lot of little red lights. all around the room, and you start to hear movement as about a hundred little robots were to life. All of them in various states of, like, rusting and disrepair, pretty worn out. Some of them even, like, sparks coming out from disuses. And Lamar says, oh, man, the kill-death-bots. Yeah, dude, I haven't seen these even forever, man.

Are they sentient like you are? Are you talking to Skuz? Yeah. Ah, no, man, they're just like little almost like remote control dudes. And that doesn't like mess with you? Doesn't that kind of mess your head up a little bit? I don't know, man. When you play with action figures, does that bother you?

Well, the action figures aren't made of flesh and bone and other stuff that seals are made out of. Ah. You give me a lot to think. about man. Yeah, I'm sorry, we're really challenging. We need to go upstairs and save Carver. Oh, sure, but you wanted to look, you wanted to look around and stuff, right? If it's quick, I guess, and practical. Okay, yeah, let me take you on tour of the place. And you see four of the little kill-death-bots come out, and each one goes to, like, take your hand. Oh, they are adorable.

That is kind of cute. Look at him. Hold him. Look, look. He's got his little middle fingers wrapped around my both. Oh, my dear. Is he tickling you? What's going on?

I don't know. It just feels weird. It just feels weird. They lead you through the first set of sealed doors. And you know from your blueprints to the right is Dr. Kildeth's room. And to the left is the lab. You could tell because it's labeled with science. Mm-hmm.

It also says lab. Yeah, that's true. It also says lab. That's more sort of the identifier I was going on. Hey, what's going on over in the lab? Oh, that's where Cleft and Dr. Kildeth would do a lot of, like, experiments and develop, like, new and cool and totally bad ways to, like, you know, get the best to the Greenback Guardians, no offense some more. Oh, none taken, too. Thank you, man.

And then they would, you know, maybe like develop some kind of like big robot fly that would attack or some kind of like robot, like mole that would attack, or like a big robot frog that would attack, or like a big robotic cheese that would attack. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So is there anything like in there? Yeah, let's go look. And you see, like, the lights light up down the hallway. Okay. Just saying if there's a robot bird, we could use that to fight RCO. There's going to be a lot of...

Have you guys thought about the fact there's going to be, like, a lot of dudes up there? Yeah. Okay? Just making sure you'd run the numbers on that. I got a lot of punches saved up, though. I haven't punched anybody for about a week. Okay. Wow.

I have at least 17 or 18 punches. Really backed up. Okay. Lamar says, have you thought about just continuing that arm? my man, I'm maybe not punching anybody. Oh, man. Imagine Lamar. If Lamar started punching good.

Oh, I don't punch anymore, man. No, I know what he did. I bet you got one in the stored in the tank, don't you, man? Like one really good one. I mean, sure. Listen, I'm all full up on punching. If the situation was dire enough and all the odds were against us, right? Would there ever be a situation where I would turn my back on my newfound ideals of pacifism?

I doubt it. But if you did, man, it would be like... To save us. If we were going to die if you did. Or whatever. Like, it would be like a wild punch, man. It would be huge.

I can't even imagine how powerful that punch would be. Like, they would write books about that punch and how heroic and amazing it was. But I cannot imagine a situation in which you would come down. You would be the true one punch. Yeah. Oh, my God. That would be the dream. Would that extend to robots?

you know, inanimate objects? Could you not punch one of them and not violate your pacifistic ideals? Dang, ma'am. You give me a lot to think about, man. Yeah. I'm going to be quiet over here for a minute while I think about it.

Have you thought about how, for some reason, the adventure zone is kind of a show about the way in which we interact with AI without ever intentionally being a show about the way human beings interact with AI? It's just always, it's like this really pressing, interesting, thematic question that we always kind of like brush pass on our way to some sort of fart joke or something. You know, I don't know. But then we like see this kid coming and turn, whoa!

A gigantic ethical question of sentience is like this massive moving target on our show. Yeah right. And actually skids show up after an unsuccessful part. We wouldn't be able to cover our bases no matter which way the revolution goes. You know what I mean? We have plenty of pro and. time machine. We were on your side, guys. Right. Now, yeah, the one beefy guy ripped your arms off. No one liked that, but. But that was satire. That was satire. Do you guys understand satire? I hope not.

Can we go in the lap? Yeah, you go in the lap and you find just a wide array of half-finished, almost finished projects. A lot of them, you can see where there was like some, you know, material being laid over things to create like the look of a robotic animal or the look of sometimes robotic plants, a lot of that kind of stuff. But a lot of that has rotted away from sitting here in a somewhat dank cavern for many, many years. There is a lot of materials here. a lot of outdated but probably functional scientific equipment that could be at your disposal if that's something you wanted to investigate. But nothing jumps out at you as like, oh, here's a big, massive, writeable machine that we'd be able to write off the lot, right out of here. Are there any computers or anything or the like in there?

Yeah, man, there's some of those, you remember those Apple computers that had like the clear plastic, different colored backs on them? Sure, sure. You see a lot of those. I'm going to use Helicar hack on the Apple computer to see if there's anything in this lab I can complete. As the artificer of the team, I want to be able to. That's news to me. Hold on. I'm looking at your sheet. here. Different arc. Differnard.

Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. No, but go for it. Polkar hack. That is an ab skill. That's 3D8s. Have we refreshed our time to shine dice?

The ride on the rocket gave you so much to think about really shook some stuff loose in your body. So yeah, your time to shine ice is all new and refreshed. Done. Your damage is still present, though. Okay, 3D8. Double success, 7 and an 8.

Yeah, so you boot up the computer and you find projects kind of listed in completion. It's a pretty archaic, you know, kind of file folder system of what it is, but they seem to be sorted in order of near, you know, how near complete they are. What kind of thing are you looking for? Well, I was thinking that it might be nice since we're about to, you know, face all these foes, if there's anything in there that can improve our attack capabilities, like extend the range of my, you know, cattle prod horns or anything that would juice up our weaponry.

Sure. Okay. Yeah. So as you're investigating, you find one project that is listed for a robotic scorpion. and it lays out the schematics for electrified pincers for the front of the scorpion to grab with. And you can tell from the blue parents that the pincers themselves are a singular unit that do not need to be attached to the rest of the scorpion function. They contain their own kind of inner workings. Okay.

And with a little adjustment and some careful work, you think maybe they would be able to be able to be. to be fitted over your horns. And what would be the effect of that? It would improve your signature weapon. Okay. I would like to try to do that. Okay. So should I roll?

Well, I'm looking here to see, because this isn't hacking. This is just building on it. Hey, this is probably a silly question, but dad normally hides and dances. What is his signature weapon? He has cattle prods on his horn. that act as a taser. That's his signature weapon? Used it three or four times.

No, no, no, that's true. I guess I just think of you as more of like... A song of dance man. Hiding or hiding. Give me a C, a bouncy C. Yeah, so I would say that you don't have any inherent mechanical skills. So I think this would just be a straight 2D8 roll. Well, then I'm going to use two...

Time to Shine Dice. Okay. To make it 48. Nice. And that's a triple. Yeah, triple success. Yeah, six and a five. With three successes, you are able to, with a little trial and error and some guidance from SCS and the little kill-death bot that you've been holding hands with, he's pointing at little things.

It let's not person, and let's not personify it anymore. Sure. You are able to fit those over and increase your signature. attack to 4D8. Nice. Okay. Hey, what about Dr. Kildath's room? Can we pop in there?

Oh, sure, yeah. I'll show you, yeah. This way. Follow me. And you see the lights kind of light up down across the hallway from the laboratory. Now, according to the map here, it says no kill death bots are allowed in. Yeah, they all stop right outside the door. doorway and they're kind of peeking in.

Okay. So, uh, Dougie, I need you pop squat right here, okay, pal? I named my robot, Dougie. Oh my God, did you guys hear that? Oh, it's so good. I was adorable. I want to go in the room.

Okay, yeah, as you enter the room, you see, it's a strange combination of like a cavern, but with a lot of very, art deco kind of decorations and a lot of gold and black kind of highlights on everything

a lot of like metallic sharp corners. It's very well decorated, very pretty and threatening at the same time. Think a lot like the room from a street fighter where

why am I not forgetting his name? In Bison? Yeah, where M bison lives. It's like in Bison's room. I have no idea what that means to you. No, in the movie. If Griffin and I don't know what you're talking about. It's a dream you had, I think, of Rauulia and his...

The famous bedroom of In Bison. Yeah, when he's walking around and then, he's doing the... For me... It was a two day. I'm sorry, bud, but like... There was not a bit in that where he was like, look at my famous room. Yeah.

Hold on. Take in its many details so that your mind can summon them later while you listen to brothers play Adventures in. That's fair. I want to look for a secret hatch, a secret, but these bad guys always have a little secret hatch or a secret little button that opens a hatch.

I'm pulling books at angles on bookshelves to see what kind of hatches they reveal. unto me. A hatch to what end? Got secret, powerful stuff inside it. Some of his best stuff. Okay, yeah, give me, um, let's see, what would... Bug-Eye? Yeah, give me a bug-eye check. By the way, I remember the room, Travis. Three successes, there's no way that's true. Five, six, seven.

No, there's like a secret hatch with weapons in it that's all got, had like, red light behind it. Cool. There was a red and white cupboard Are you looking at the scene right now, Mac? Yes. Okay. I mean, to be fair, I am too. Yeah, it's really cool.

Tell me what cool thing I find in the hatch with my three successes. You find on... Treasure, please. You find on his desk a snow globe with a little skyline of River City as it was... I smash it open. The secret is inside the snow globe. Well, when you lift it up, it triggers.

The hatch, you don't have to smash it open. You still can if you want to. Just to be safe, I want to make sure there's nothing inside the snow globe that, like a key card or a SD card or a little key. Do you guys want to hear more things that would fit in a snow globe? A sled called Rosebud. Okay, what is the hatch? Griffin, when you suggested inventing reverse 20 questions where instead of asking questions, you would just list all the things that it isn't, I really didn't think it would catch on, but this is, it's going wild.

Yeah, man, it's magnetic. When you pull it, there is behind a bookcase, the bookcase slides open, and you find... I freaking knew it! You find a set of Dr. Kildedat's patented armor. Okay. That is both very thin and flexible, but has kind of built in shock absorption. to that. Okay.

To deflect some damage. Okay. Does it, is it seal-sized? You think the shoulder puldrons and the chest piece could be their laced, you know, threading so that you could fit them on. Hey, can someone get me? Lace me up? Yeah, absolutely. Okay.

This sort of clashes with my aesthetic. Yeah, definitely does. It has pretty sharp points on the successes. For lacing up. Griffin? Oh yeah, man, you you lace the heck out of it. What does that mean? Do I have armor now? You do. Oh, that's fantastic.

You're going to pick up one damage reduction from your shoulder paltons and chest piece. I love that. That's so great. And you have kind of a, like a 90s bad guy villain aesthetic. That's less great, but I'll take the damage reduction for sure. Hey, Scuz. Did you guys? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You guys have any place around here where you used to, like, watch flicks hang out oh yeah man we have it's totally hey follow me this way and you see the lights light up down the hallway out of the room and down towards the laser disc screening room one more intersection down to the right

along with its own built-in bathroom but you do see labeled on the map but we won't stop the movie so you know that there were strict rules regarding this but you do see why would he include that on the map right it seems like man you could convey the information

should be a sign. Yeah. You see a sign, too. He was very thorough. So Scuz, I'm sure, kind of a long shot, man, but I was hoping you might help me look through your media collection here to see if you might have some copy of, or some footage or some early daily something from the Greenback Guardians pilot. Oh, the real Greenbacked.

Guardian? Yeah, I know there was only one copy, but throughout the production, I was hoping maybe he would have been screen, if it was screening anywhere, right? It would have been screening here. So there's the one official copy, but I don't know. I was hoping maybe some sort of thing might be here still, man. Uh, I, no, I don't, no, I don't, um, give me a role to observe what's going on to read the situation, that kind of deal.

How many... Let's see. Dice. Yeah, give me 3DA roll for your powers of observation from apps. Sorry, I forgot about Freggler's power of limitless foresight.

I don't even know what that is. It's a power I gave myself where if I'm about to make a major mess-up, I will harness the power of thought and reconsider the action in favor of a better path. Awesome. Oh, yeah. But Fregeler's power of limitless foresight can only activate when Lyle acts impulsively.

Is this the same day as the one where you were saved from getting your butt hit to like calcicator? Okay, great. Yes, that's true. But yes, I already tapped into Freckley's Power Flimplice Force Light yesterday, but I haven't today. I'm using it. I'm thinking of as metaphorical days. Yeah, yeah, interesting. So a 3D-A role for-

Think he made it? No, I haven't made it. Okay, two successes. Okay, yeah, with two successes, you see those lights that have been moving you, like, through the hallways, kind of brightened around Lamar. And shift over to where he's standing. And he's listening very intently to what you're saying and thinking about it. Lamar, do you know something?

I mean, we... Hey, Lamar, if there's something you're not telling us, man, the stakes just couldn't be higher. I mean, yeah, Dr. Kildeth consulted on the pilot. He was a major character in it after all. So we sent him, you know, some test stuff to see if he... approved of his portrayal in the show. So they probably have some stuff like that. Uh-huh.

Why do you want to see it? You know, that's a funny thing about this tape, man. Nobody seems to want anybody to see it, but nobody seems to know quite why. And so I don't know why I want to see it except for a lot of people seem to not want me to see it. Doesn't that drive you crazy? Yeah, man. Um, all right. Scuz?

Uh, yeah, yeah, Mr. Lamar. Cue it up. And you hear a worrying, the lights go down. And the screen comes to life. And you see a totally rad, late 90s style animated, uh, opening sequence come up. Um, and the narration begins in a world. without heroes. Villains ruled. And you see like Dr. Kill Deaths, like dark shadow, you know, standing there.

But one group of abnormal heroes rose before them all. And this, you see little tortoises, little, you know, normal-sized, normal, just tortoises, crawling around a laboratory. When physicist, surgeon, and extreme sports enthusiast, Professor Dr. Barthmanroe was working on a way to improve the quality of crops around the world, he had no idea the effect it would have on his pets. And you see Dr. Barth Monroe putting a burrito to microwave

and starting it up, but you notice he's forgotten to unwrap the burrito, so it's still in its silver foil with a lab accident. involving these chemicals, and it flashes across the screen, like, what the chemicals were as there's an explosion from the microwave and all the chemicals spill in. And you can see on the beakers at the different levels of, like, how much was in them, as they're all measured beakers, spill onto the burrito. The tortoises, they enjoyed some lunch. And you see the tortoises, like, eating from the burrito and grew them into. the real greenback guardians.

And they like morph into the powerful heroes we know and love Lamar, Loveless, Newton, and Carver. And Lamar now says like, yeah, you can you can stop there. Yeah, um,

what's after it? I mean, just the rest of the other, the first time we kind of like fought Dr. Kildeth and everything, So you ate a magic burrito? Well, a scientific burrito. A scientific burrito. Yeah, scientific, like, it was kind of like a chemical-laden, like radiated.

And tasty. Oh, my God. I know why you didn't want this pilot out. Anybody watching this could recreate the accident that gave you your powers. Yeah, I was a little too focused. on the accuracy of it and wanted it to be like the real you know like the real story of the greenback guardians and then like we showed dr kill death and he was like no you shouldn't do it and like professor dr barthman row was like i don't think this is a good and like we pulled it and but it was it was a

good pilot man like i think people really would have liked the show and so like i didn't want to like destroyed or anything. But yeah, it was maybe not the best idea to kind of list what the chemicals were and maybe like may have a clear shot of like the measurements

of each one and stuff. Is yours the only origin like this? Well yeah, man, after this, you know, all the other abnambals came from the convergence. And so we were pre-convergence. And we're are there

Sorry, what I'm trying to get at is like, are there similar methods for the other greenback guardians, or is it just his method? No, it's all four of them. Okay. This was all, you see all four tortoises eating this extreme and now powerful burrito to become. Right. Okay. So they all have the same. Hey, I have a weird question now. What happened with the burrito? Oh, we finished it.

Oh, nice. Yeah, man. It was good, dude. It was like carnage soda and, you know. So a right amount of spicy, but where, like, a lot of the spices, like, flavor related and not just he had guacamole. Well, what are you afraid it's going to happen if this information got out there? Like, well, someone could reverse engineer a way to make their own animals. Would they need this footage, or is this something that, like, could I do this now having watched it?

I'm not thinking of doing that, but I'm trying to understand. Well, ask Lamar. So, Lamar, are you saying, are you telling me that right now, I could go and replicate the science breeder? Well, no, I mean, no, you'd still be missing a part of it. Which part, ma'am? This is why I'm... No, you know what, actually? No, he's got an answer.

No, no, Lamar, don't tell me. Well, it's important. No, but Lamar, don't, man. It seems like he really wants to tell us, though. Yeah, but like, guys? It's not like that. Just listen. You ask the question.

Hey, listen, man. If this is one of those things where you tell me and then I know both parts and then you kill me, I'm saying right now, don't tell us. No, I've got to tell you the part that's not there but not tell you the part. So you're going to tell me the part that's not there, but not tell me what is there. Let me answer you, dude. I'm just starting to get that punch build up now, man. Nice.

Keep that. No. I don't want to plan. Use it later. The other factor you'd need to know is the level of radiation from the microwave explosion. And the only way to get that is by like analyzing a member of the Greenback Guardians like DNA or makeup.

That's why I'm worried about Carver, man. Okay. Yeah, knowing that, I don't know how opposed I am. to this information being out there because I feel like everyone should have the choice of whether or not they want to become superpower. But if that information is exclusively held

by the walrists or the jackboots at River City First, then that's worst case scenario. Let me ask you this, Amar.

Could they possibly engineer this to create an anti-abimal effect? To turn abnibals back? Well, I mean, I can put your mind at ease there, my dude. This is unrelated, like, this is just us. I guess maybe they could do it to figure out how to turn the Greenback Guardians back, but we're, you know, retired now.

As far as most people knew until recently, maybe not even around anymore. So, um, I guess you could, if you found a way to like neutralize all the stuff that was like powering the current generation of animals, you could do it.

But I don't see how that would be related to us. More things to think about. What would happen do you think if an animal, if an abnable ate the science burrito? Ooh. If an abnable ate the science burrito. Man, might create a black hole. I have

no idea. I'm not the science one, man. Because man, all I can think is like, we should do this now. I have some time. And you have the DNA, like, let's do it. Well, you want to eat my DNA?

I mean, with cilantro and stuff, like whatever else is in it. Not just your DNA. Oh, my God. I'm saying, let's fix up a bit. Let's fix up a matching these scientific burritos and give ourselves the edge

we need to make ourselves permanent members of the amphibal force. I mean, or whatever we want to you know? I don't want a turtle to grow out of my chest. Like there's so... You don't even know, man. What if that doesn't even happen? What if it just makes your muscles big and makes all

the seal ladies take a double take? Okay, that all sounds great, but we, guys, there's something important here that you guys are missing. And that would be, I hold up a box. They got Flubber. They got Flubber on Laserdisc.

Oh, we could be watching Flubber right now. Okay, tell you what, let's take a deal. Let's take a break. We're going to watch Flubber, and then we'll come back to this exact conversation right now. Put a pin in it. Put a pin in it. Let's watch Flubber, and then we'll come back and speak on this. This is like a huge conversation.

I want to go back with you guys, but I'll be a pin in it. But I would love to watch Flubber and just kind of like center, you know what I mean? Look, look right next to it. What's that? Son of Flubber. Son of Flubber! Yes, this is going to be the best afternoon never. But after this quick double feature, guys, let's promise ourselves exactly back to this conversation right now

because it seems hugely important. Absolutely. But like first Flubber, right? Yeah, absolutely. All right, let's get a little popcorn going on. And if by watching Flubber, we learn how to make Flubber, I look at Scuz Is that anything?

No. Okay. Well, we could still enjoy the hijinks. Maximum Fun. A Worker-Oned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.