The Adventure Zone - The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 3: Training Day!

Episode Date: October 10, 2024

The Abnimal heroes have a job interview with one of the best of the best. Well, a job interview that involves dodging buzzsaws, sword-wielding dummies, and pushing/smushing paddles. A map of The Carvery and alt text for the map can be found here: https://bit.ly/AbnimalsMaps Spike Splosion is performed by Sandeep Parikh: https://linktr.ee/sandeepparikh Abnimals Theme by Justin McElroy, Eric Near (https://bit.ly/ericnearmusic) and Jonathan Coulton (https://www.jonathancoulton.com/). Additional Music in this Episode: "Gearing Up", "Questions," and "Mindsweep" by Mr. Smith: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSk2j0fTMw9V94UGyfWrSuA?; "Funky Energy Loop" by Kevin MacLeod: https://incompetech.com/; "Task Man" by Gamesharkoff: https://gagmesharkoff.bandcamp.com/; and "Heartache" and "Darlin'" by Beat Mekanik: https://linktr.ee/beatmekanik. Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/jointaz

So you've heard, we're at the height of our powers at top of the tallest in towers to stay. You never stop us now. And we're at the height of you trust that we will do it with me much until it's turning out just like to play. And the way is wrong, but our mojo is strong. And unless I'm wrong, and I'm not, we're at the height of our power. So you've just entered what you now know is the carvery. The door is slammed shut behind you.

You saw Carver across the way, sitting at his desk. He is so excited to see you guys. He flipped on the lights. The Carvery word into life. It's quite loud. Let's just say like American Ninja Warrior levels of production, this ain't. Yes. A lot of like generators going and chains and conveyor belts and that kind of thing.

But laid out before you is what can only. be described as like a gauntlet obstacle course training ground kind of deal in an oblong shape in the middle and then in the corners anywhere where there's not training ground you are standing on like grated floor now roger you are still in shadow there's pools of light coming from overhead lights but there's also a catwalk around the perimeter of the room on what would be the second floor and that is providing some shadows, which you are still hidden in, but you Lyle and you Navy are both in plain view of Carver. Is this a situation, is the vibe in here like wealthy, retiree with nothing to do?

Like, has this is his, this is his post-retirement sort of hobby? Yeah, I don't know about wealthy. Everything has kind of a DIY feel for you. to be that so much as I would say like resourceful retiree with nothing to do. Okay, great. That vibe's correct. Okay.

So what's the... Sorry, this is crazy. Sorry, you're so far away. Yeah. Are you gonna get started? What do we... Is there a flag or a buzzer? Well, no, it's just training.

So like, you come over to me and then we'll turn off the switch. Okay. So there's a button. There's a, there's, there's, there's, yeah, there's a button over here. And, uh, you should, you should get moving. It's kind of, I wouldn't say it's timed, but, um, and roll like a check for a list. A look around?

Yeah, look around. An observing and check. I got one success. One, one five. Okay, Justin, you give me a check as well. Uh, what kind of check? Uh, just like a looking around check. There's a two D8s for you.

Well, is it dark? It's got to be pretty dark in here. It's got to be fairly dark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the inside of the warehouse. Then I get 3D8. Famously dark. Wow, that's, wow.

You fail a lot. I don't have the tab open, so I'm just kind of judging by your guys' reaction. Yeah, it's three failures. Yeah, three failures. So, Justin, go ahead and make sure you're adding an experience point. Oh, well, that sounds like a silver lining if I ever heard one. Yeah, there you go. Griffin, with your mixed success, you hear like a building kind of,

buzz from beneath you. Okay. And it should be noted. You're standing on a metal-graded floor. Okay. It's only now that I've tapped back over that I can appreciate what a absolute failure that was. Huge burden. Yeah.

Wow. I think there's a trap and I'm going to blast off now. Are you good? Well, I figure as much good as I'm going to get over here, man. Yeah. If there is some sort of trap, it seems like stuff like physical harm doesn't actually bother you all that much. Well, I'm a more spiritual guy. Yeah, you guys don't have to, everything's like,

I'm not pleasant, but you're not going to get hurt. That's not the goal. You would be fine. Would I understand, like, just by looking at it, I see the overhead map that you've so kindly provided for us. To what extent am I aware of this around me, or is there more of a fog of training around? No, I mean, you can look basically the only,

complication as far as that goes is like the obstruction of view because there's a lot of stuff. A lot of obstacles. Yeah. So where do we start? We're down at the bottom right. Okay, there we go. Okay. I'm just going to charge up my splash pack and just do the biggest, gnarliest jump, just skipping over as much of this as I can't, just leaping into the fray.

Or is there a roof? There's not a roof so much as there's kind of a gridded system over it, which a lot of stuff is hung from. So there's definitely some clearance you can make, but it's not like open to jump. You know what? I don't want to skip. He worked a long time on this. I want to make this feel good for Carver. I don't want to blow through his whole training routine.

So I'll start with the moving dummies with swords, which seems so dangerous to have in your home gym. They're like rubber sword. You know what I mean? These are foam swords. This is training. He's not trying to kill you. Yeah. I'm just going to sort of turn my splash back to fire forwards and just sort of shoot a column of water between these guys to try and knock them over and clear a path for me and Lyle.

Okay, great. Wait, hold on. Before you do that, what are you doing, Roger? You are still cloaked in shadow, but you are standing on the same metal-graded floor that they are. Okay, yeah, I'm not up on the second floor on the catwalk, right? You're not on the catwalk, but you do have, you can see in the bottom left corner, there is a ladder to the catwalk level, and you do have some shadowy cover to get over there if that is your goal. Yeah, I think I'm going to make my way to the stairs and go up to the catwalk. Okay, yeah, give me a 2D8 stink roll. Eight and a three.

Hey, where's that? That's that, uh, where's the, what's the name Dustin Hoofman? Was that it? What was it? Uh, it, he doesn't, he's actually kind of weird about us giving his name out. It's a thing we need to sort of talk about as a team. Uh, but he's got, he didn't come with us. He was sick. Oh, bummer, man. Okay. Well, well, cow, it is Calvid. Cal, Calvin? He got Calvid. Calvid. Okay. They're shaking their heads. No. I'm sorry.

You got Calvert 19. It's not a joke. It's a real thing. You guys were so wrapped up in the human experience. You're calling over their lawyers, Griffin. I don't know what to tell you, man. It's out of my hands. You don't even think about the bovine experience.

It's rough for them too, man. So, Roger, you're able to make it up to the catwalk. And, lovely, with the whirring of all the machines and everything, your hoof steps on the graded floor are covered, but you're not able to make it all the way to the last. ladder, but you're like there. You know what I mean? You're ready to scale the ladder.

Can I blast these freaking dummies yet? Of course you can. Give me an attack with your blaster. Okay. That's 3D8 with my signature item. Correct. Cool. Big money, no amies.

Double success, Cowbonga 7. Oh, yeah. You do this. They go flying. So they start spinning as you spray them and like, you know, their arms kind of spread as they spent and they end up like kind of knocking each other over. Yeah, I have to brace myself.

I feel like when I do it this, not like, I feel like bulky boy comes into play a bit here, where when I combine my two powerful jets of water into one incredibly powerful column of water, there is a recoil effect that would take down the average animal. Now, are you headed towards the left or the right? The right side you have kind of angled stepping stones, as one might see in Nancy.

I'll see where Lyle goes. next. I feel like I don't want to hog all the glory here. I've just sort of neutralized this first trap to make a path for us. Okay, yeah. Laya, which way do you want ahead? You have swinging chains on the left, a spinning log in the middle, and the angled stepping stones on the right, all three of which are over, you know, the graded floor is kind of across the whole thing. Okay, so I am, but I'm still, okay, so help me understand this is like a level above the actual training ground or have I jumped down? This is like a cutout.

What I am standing on is like the same level as us. It's just... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just kind of highlighting the things. There's only two layers. There's the training ground and the catwalkabuzz. Okay, got it. I am... I think I'm going to head... Man, neither one of these is

really playing to my strengths. I'll use my camouflage abilities to get past the dummies. I already did that, man. Those dummies are gone. Oh, so we don't have to individually challenge them? Well, no, on his, on his Kawabunga, he's taken out the ones on the right.

Okay. Towards the stepping stones. If you want to go for, like, the swinging chains or the spinning log, right? You can head through the left or over the stepping stones in the middle. Yeah, let me try the stepping stones. I feel like that would be a really good fit for me. That feels like a good match for my skill set. As an extreme firefighter, well, as an extreme firefighter, getting through environments that are challenging is really up my alley.

Yeah, okay, so if you're picturing these, they're like kind of rounded mushroom top kind of stepping stones, right? So it's not just like, boop, bo, it's a little bit of like having to balance and jump across them. Okay, well, I will sit down and take off my shoes. Okay Okay This will be easier Is that you Wait sorry

Is Lyle Is Lyle is doing that? Lyle is doing that Yeah Um Okay great great And my other socks I have to wear two socks

Cause of the oozing All right It should be no problem now man I'm at full My stickiest Most uh sticky potential here All right

And I'll just Glide across the stepping stones Without a care in the world Now, this is a new thing that you've just invented for yourself. Extremely sticky feet. It's not a super power, Travis. It's just color, all right? Okay.

It's just color. I'm not trying to pull a fast one. I'm just trying to add a little, a few colorful threads to your tapestry, okay? I didn't, Justin, I didn't assume a fast one. I was just trying to play in the space, maybe. You can't blame Travis for thinking. All right, Justin, give me just two D8 roll. I'm going to say an animal with your oocy.

Uzi feet. Okay. Oozy feet sounds like something. Yeah, man. Two successes. Oh, that's a double success. Yeah. As you're going,

you're stepping across. This is as easy as not falling off a log for Lyle. He does this, maybe even doing it kind of one foot at a time. Like boop. Bootoo, right? This is like what Lio,

as an Auxado, of course, was born to do. Crossing across kind of slippery stones. across a river. You make it look easy. Just like the babbling brooks of your use. Hey, my man. Navy. I don't actually know your biome like where you grow up. A Navy. I left my, I left my dang shoes, man. Oh, I got you. Do you mind? Sorry. I'll just walk over there. I should have said I picked them up. No problem. Yeah. Okay. Hey, give me, as you walk back across, give me another like perception check, a looking around check.

This is me doing this? Yeah. That's three failures. Okay, yeah, you reach to grab the shoes, and when you do, you get pretty significant shock from the electrified grate on the ground. Okay. Did it get a great electric fried? Yeah, he doesn't...

Sorry, did he have my shoes? Are my shoes? I do have your shoes. I'm definitely not letting go to those. Okay. Well, you wouldn't be able to. Your fingers kind of lock up. Don't take this for me.

It doesn't cause any damage. but it's wildly unpleasant. Okay, I want to just sort of reflexively get off the ground and maybe get up onto the stepping stones. The platform with the dummy is cool. Oh, okay, well then I beg to hop on the platform with the dummies, no problem. And Roger, you're at the ladder.

Now, Roger, your teammates know where you are. Do you want to try to communicate with them in some fashion as to what you're planning? I don't know if I can without... Now, we have established a rudimentary hand signal communication system. It puts the rude and rudimentary. It's extremely advanced

and it's not my fault that you guys can't lock it in. It is rude. There are some rude gestures. Yeah. No, I don't think I can. I don't think I would. For one thing, I don't think they can see me. Correct. All right, Roger, you're at the ladder. What are you up to? I'm going to try to access the catwalk

so I can sneak as close as I can get to maybe find a way to assist my teammates in getting past these obstacles. Excellent. You're able to make it up the catwalk. The ladder's not a problem. But tell me about Roger's footwear situation. What's he rocking down there?

I got some shoes if you need them. No. No, Roger wears dance shoes and they're extra padded because, of course, hooves. I think we all. I think we all figured that out Yeah And so They're dance shoes

They're not exactly like ballet shoes They're not that soft stuff They're kind of a A black leather They could pass for something Looking pretty dressy But they're not If I find out Roger's wearing any leather

I'll be hugely upset By that It's leather It's leather It's pleasant Trav where did I stop my My motion Where did I like end up

You have made it across the stepping stones, right? So then you have the option of heading across the swinging chains. But is there a safe spot that I am at or? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like little platforms. Roger, with those dance shoes, I'm going to say this is a pretty easy but not a shoe-in roll.

So give me a 3D8 roll to get up that metal ladder without making too many quunk, clon, clunk noises. Very well. Three failures. That's us. That's us on this freaking obstacle course He didn't ask the name of our podcast He asked what you roll

So you are able to make it up The thing, go ahead and take yourself an advancement point XVeux here But now Carver clocks you up there And he's like, oh, okay, you were able to make it Are you feeling better, man? Yes, but I I have reverse

height issues When I'm done on the ground when I'm down at a lower level I get sick. I had to get up here. Get a little air. Okay. Okay, cool, man. Are you saying that you're only, sorry, if I could just ask a quick follow-up, man.

Are you saying that you're only comfortable at higher elevations? Oh, yes. You get like dizzy and freaked out if you're not elevated, man. You have Invertego. I have in vertigo. Bad in vertigo. Sorry, but wouldn't that make... Can you pause the electrified floor just for a second?

Oh, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he lowers the switch to about halfway. Awesome, thank you so much for that. So, like, it seems like dance would be a bad profession to choose if one suffered from... Invertego. And so I use a hand signal to show them that I'm lying. All right, cool. Oh, I got it.

Huh. Cool. It's subterfuge. It's what I'm supposed to be doing. I got you up. It's the Dave Collier cut it out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, we're good. You can elect to... Oh, I love that guy. I wrote a whole song about him back in the 90s. Okay, so actually, lower the switch again. Are you saying that you wrote, you ought to, did you ghost right? You ought to know for a lettuce Morissette? No. It just happened to be one of those like strangely, you know, like parallel kind of thing.

I wrote, do you know you should? Okay, Dave Cooleyer heard a lot of people. Let's get back into the training, though. Oh, no, mine was about facts that I didn't think he knew. He didn't hurt me. It was just like, here's a random fact that Dave Cooleyer should know about. Do you know about this? You should.

Okay, cool. Yeah, it was a chart topper in Lithuania. Okay, back to the thing. And he cranks back on the switch. Oh, but now that you're up there, that's great. I can try these out. And you see the, basically, the different panels of the catwalk start kind of flipping in sequence. So one, then the next one, then the next one, then the next one.

Each panel is about four feet long and then they reset. It's got a balance obstacle in the American Ninja Warrior Parlance. Now, this catwalk runs along the edge of the building. Or is it the grid over the whole top? This is about two feet above the grid. So you can see where the grid is secured to the catwalk. But it's like a separate structure. So it's like wired in and kind of like tension wired to hold it in place.

But it was not structurally part of the building, the grid over the obstacle course. So you could reach the grid over the obstacle course. But it would not be maybe as stable per se as the catwalk it. Gotcha. Okay. I would like to, it looks like spinning log is in front of us at this point. Yes. I would like to standing on the platform, try and brace myself as firmly as I can,

and just sort of sumo grab the spinning log to try to stop it, spinning. Oh, Griffin, I love this so much. Thank you for this gift. Yeah, of course. Okay. Roll me a bulky boy check. Okay. Oh, double eights, baby.

double success, Calabung. I'm tearing Carver's whole world apart right now. So you brace your feet on the platform, right? And like then grab the wheel. And you hear like a grind, grind, grind, grind, grind. So not only do you stop it from moving temporarily. You just like worn the gears out. I look up at Carver to see if Simpai notices me in this moment.

Yeah, you know what? a double-eight, Kawabanga. He's like, hmm, nice. He starts stroking what would be a beard if he had a beard, but he's a tortoise. Amazing. But then you also see him,

he goes, oh, man, I'm going to have to get new gears for my giant log. Do you know how hard it is to find giant gears for a giant spinning log? That's okay. It's okay. You're doing exactly what I told you to do, man. Kawabunga.

This is the greatest moment of Navy SEALs life. Oh, man. Now, listen, that was killer, but look ahead I think those are smoohing paddles I saw all those man at so many places are one of the hardest things to get past and if

you get stuck between the panels you're going to get smushed brother that's right they're rubber paddles what's wrong with what's wrong with you sicko these are smooishing battles the government outlawed these man

you just think foam, man. It's going to be okay, dude. Fucking smush for anybody, man. Well, you could go through the spinning thick jump ropes. You could head towards the climbing wall. Because when I look at an axolato, I think I bet that dude loves jumping rope.

Yeah. I look at Axelail, I say, I feel like given your sort of gummy, tacky nature, being smooched would not be as fatal to you as it would be to the crunchier. I don't know, man. I've never experienced it. It always just looks so smushy. Just a reminder, man.

It's just big fun, bud. It's just fun. There's no fatal about it. Can you just turn them off, please? And I'll keep going. No? I think he should be able to ask for the obstacles to kindly be turned off. I think here's what I'm saying, right?

It shouldn't ever impact our work together as heroes that I got smushymophobia, right, man? That's true, man. Okay, here's what I'll do. And he turns a dial, so now they're moving at alternate times. So they might, now they're pushing paddles. And they'll push you off like a bear with that. That's fine. You're okay being pushed?

That's good stuff. Okay, I don't want you to get smooched if you're not comfortable with it. All right, and I just... Will you turn them back up for me when I crossed, though? I want... I want more... And he writes down on... He has a consent check list.

Yeah. And he's like, okay. Cool. Smoohing. More smoohing for the pushin. For me, thank you so much. Okay, now that's confusing. Do you want it to be the pushin battles or the smoohing? Maximum smoogeon, baby.

Maximum smooch, got it, man. All right, putting a dollar in the baby jar. All right, I hit the conveyor belt as hard as I can with my axe. All right, you head towards the pution paddles. Yeah. And so this is the conveyor belt that you'll be running across is running back towards you. Right, so this is going to be a combination of speed and dog. I'm going to hit the conveyor belt as hard.

Oh, I give you back your shoes for sure. Okay, thank you. I don't know how sticky you want to be for the rest of this. I hit the conveyor belt as hard as I can with the Hatcham Man. Okay. Because I'll stop it. It should do that. It'll just stop and then I'll walk.

Okay, yeah, give me a roll with your signature tritom, so it's 3D8. I feel like Carver wants to see our ingenuity as well. Absolutely. And our ninja newty. Our ninja newty. Thank you. That is one success. And so your goal was to hit the conveyor about in such a way that it

just buried the axe in it, just to pin it in place so I could get across safely. Okay. And then summon my axe back to my hand. So with a mixed success, it pins it in place, but it pins it in place by when it reaches the end, like the platform you're standing on,

it like wedges it there. with the axe handle on the platform and the axe head in the conveyor belt. So if you were to like pick the axe back up right now, it would move again. So right now it's held in place as long as the axe is pinning it there.

Okay, I walk, I run across the conveyor belt. Like, I'm not messing around. So give me a 2D8 and we're going to see how your timing with the potion paddles does. Okay, that's seven and an eight. That is a double success, my man. these paddles ain't got nothing on you you are the wind

they're going boom boom boom and you've got the rhythm down your like moving imperfect concert with them and I'm like I raised my hand at the end of the platform like hatchet man to me ah man do you need me to get your hatchet for you yeah I get yeah no no problem thank you just so it when we're in the field if you could keep better track of your own personal belongings I feel like

Hey listen, I stopped the conveyor belt. You should be thanking me. Okay, I am going to... The shoes, the axe. You know, it is starting to look like a train. I found your wallet back here. Did you mean to set that down also? Hey, hey.

Whose pants are these? I know how many punches my Peter Pitapit card had. It's just, just saying, if you swap it out with a different one, ma'am, keep it track. I'm almost to have a freak or consul. A free what? Sorry, and he lowers the switch act to have A free what?

A pita Gorgonzola, it's my favorite thing at Pita Pett. It's just a pita full of Gorgonzola? Is that what you said? Yeah, but they fry it and the banana pepper oil made it's outrageous. Oh, gosh. Oh, that does sound pretty radical, dude. Actually, yeah. Okay.

I heard a boy named Griffin McElroy ate one and he died. From his stomach. Yeah, that makes sense, man. Okay. And he cranks the switch back up. Um, Roger, what are you doing? You got these flipping panels in the catwalk. These flipping panels?

These flipping panels, man. Ah, flip. Taking our jobs. Oh, I was going to... Ah, these panels. Uh, Roger is going to use the, um, all the machinery noise.

You said there was a lot of noise. Yes, correct. which would be working in a regular pattern, which provides a techno beat so he can do Night Foxtrial. Unbelievable. Heck yeah, it does. To get past the panels. Would you say, Dad, that this is industrial techno?

Whatever. Well, yeah. No mind. Don't worry about it. As I know, yeah. Just like some of those, like corn, you mean? Just like corn, dad. Just like corn.

Just like corn. Dad, give me 48s. This is your time to. shine here. Okay. And I failed miserably. Jesus Christ. 1-1-3-4. Incredible, Dad. Wow. So, take another point of advancement.

And where do I put that? Under practice makes perfect, dude. Okay, dude. It's at the bottom. Got it. I love you trying to recreate the breakdance scene from Oceans 12 and just immediately falling in the first hole. It'll happen someday. Okay, yeah, give me...

So basically, you step on the first panel, it starts to flip. Now you have the option to either drop down into the obstacle course or try to hang on to the panel. I gotta try to hang on to the panel. Okay. Do you want to use your prehensile tail to do that? Yes. Kindness that he has just offered you.

Okay, give me a 3D8 prehensile power check. Wow, Dad. Wait a minute. That's a 3.3.2. Yeah. That was 3.3.2. So I guess I fall. Yeah, you try to hold on with that their tail and you just whiff it.

Just for lack of a better term, and I'm sorry to use this. You beef it. Yeah. So you're going to drop down and now you are in the left side with the dummies and their rubber foam swords. but you are prone on the ground so the swords are like spinning around you, like above you. So you are currently safe, kind of, oh my God, cowered underneath the spinning swords. There's going to be a lot of those. Cow is in a lot of words.

Yeah, I can't. I'm not doing it. I know. Now you got to hurry. You got to hoof it. Okay. Let's not use them all up, okay? Yeah, I don't want to milk it.

You're right. Yeah. Oh. I see that. Roger has fallen. I'm going to try and defend him. It's my favorite Jared Butler movie. Roger has the president's in danger.

Roger is fallen. I'm going to sort of focus the apertures of my splash pack into sort of a pressure wash sort of nozzle and try to just kind of cut across the dummies to just sort of lave them in half.

I love that. To disarm them, I guess. Since he's prone on the ground, I figured the odds of going very poorly or low. Yeah, yeah. It would have to go real bad to hit him. Okay. That is two successes.

Yeah, on two successes, you're able to like carve straight through them and Carver once again appreciates the maneuver carved straight through him. Love it. I bet he does. He does once again get mad

that he's going to have to replace those dummies. I mean, let us know, man. If you want us to be less destructive on the course, I just thought it was a good thing. No, no, no, you're doing great. This is my own. I didn't, you know, I should have had more backup parts.

You can take some dummies from the right side. Put them over here on the left. Okay, yeah, reduce reuse. I love it. Lyle, you are up. You've made it across the conveyor belt. I'll move you over here. So now you have a greasy, oily, slippery four to your left.

You have, like, balanced teeter-totter's stepping stones to get across or, like, an overhead netting to swing across. I got to go with this slippery. floor. I think that's my best bet. So do you remove your shoes once more? I think I'm going to have to. Hey, I'm sorry about this.

But I have to remove one of my shoes to keep balance between the stickiness and the slipperiness. The problem isn't anything to be slippery because ice is that. It's not a problem for it to be sticky because you know, earth is sticky.

But if I have one sticky foot and one slippery, foot. Well, slow it down, Hank Green. I can't keep up with a sign. If one slippery foot and one, you know, sticky foot, I won't have any problems. It makes sense to me. But I get, you gotta get my shoe, please.

So you hand your shoe? Yeah, no, I've picked up on that. Just leave it near the axe. No, you haven't picked up on it yet. I just set it down. Okay. Give me a roll there. I don't want to roll. I'm going to try to stay upright. Roll 2D8. Oh, boy.

Oh man, oh man, God punish me with a two and a three. It doesn't make sense, though. You had one sticky foot and one slippery foot. The science was in place for that to work. Thanks for nothing, Gary Gagax. I don't think Gary was involved in three. This was all of us. This was trappy tri-tracks.

That's true. How did you know about my rap name? Okay, you spin out, Lyle. You are now kind of doing a little bit of impromptu break dancing. here on the slippery floor and you go to Prone. Yes, but you're doing it very well for a novice.

Well, better than an Australian, right? Zing. That's not nice. It also won't be topical by the time this comes down. No way. Roger, you're up. Well, you're down. You're prone. But it's your turn. A reminder, the spinning log

is completely defunct. So that would be an easy way to cross. The spinning, bad guys, dummies have been cut in half. half so they are no longer a threat. No, I think I'm going to grab the chains and try to swing across.

I'm going to try to do two maneuvers in one. I love it. I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to swing across the chains and then use the momentum from that swing to dodge the spinning thick jump ropes. Now, be careful that. These jump ropes are so

thick. I know. Travis didn't specify each one is two and a half feet thick. They make a terrible noise every time they... Yeah, they're more like a jump they're jump mats. Okay. Give me... These are like, you know, like you would see at a crossfit,

you know, where people are whipping those ropes around. Doing what? We're not sure. Exercise. Well, I don't know. Because it just looks like they're kind of making giant spaghetti. Yeah, it's confusing. Okay, Roger, I'm loving this.

Give me, I would say with the use of your tail and hands, you have an advantage on the swinging chains. So give me 3D8s using your prehensile power. There we go. A 1, a 3, and an 8. Yes, so with that 8, you are able to make your way across. It's a little, let's say, less than graceful, but you are able to land. but heading into the spinning thick ropes, you're a little off balance.

So this one is going to be a little more challenging in order to make it through you're going to need at least two successes. So give me a 2D8 roll to make it through the spinning ropes. You got it. It's an 8 and a 3. 8 in a 3.

Okay, with an 8 and 3, you're able to make it about halfway before one of the ropes trips you up. And then it just kind of keeps whapping you. as you're laying on the ground in the middle of the ropes. Once again, no damage, but wildly unpleasant. Ow. Ow.

Navy, you are at the end of the currently paused conveyor belt that is being held in place by the wedged axe. Bliply your slippery floor. Okay, so he's no longer than the conveyor belt. So he's spinning around on the slippery floor. Yeah. And Roger is getting spanked by the spinning ropes. No problem.

I'm going to grab the axe And I would like to throw it at the rope that is currently beating up Roger I have to protect my teammates Okay yeah give me a 2D8 Yeah this is not my signature item One success, eight and a two Yes, with a mixed success

You absolutely stop the rope that's hitting him Yeah But the robes on either side of him are still going Okay, that's fine. Justin, are you having some fun spending your token in place? Seems like he's really slippery, and so Axel Isle-Lyles kind of rotating. I'm just loving Justin having his own little in-world fun. It's just the closest I've ever gotten playing video games while I do this dumb thing.

You know what I mean? I don't have that time of my life over here. I thought it'd be good for you. That was just for your all's benefit. You're complaining to me about it. No, it made me. I wasn't complaining Joseph. It made me so happy.

I couldn't tell if you guys could see it as I was moving it or if it was just for my own benefit. That was the really scary part. I love it. Um, now what's happening here? Oh, it says, cool. Someone just wrote cool right on the map. Cool. I didn't know, okay, I need to take that ability away from you guys later. Um, but I do know it's Griffin because it's in his color. You're going to have to take the spinning away from me. Navy. Navy. Um, character token. Hold on. How do I undo that? Suddenly, without warning. Navy SEAL. It's cool. An isolated Navy SEAL. We forget ever knowing him. there was a third member

but did Carver snap his fingers how did that happen that's giant I messed this up so bad I brought you back now Navy you spent your last two turns helping your two compatriots

I'm going to say you have another action It's a flaw of mine Okay you care too much I care a little too much Yeah I have now I guess reenabled the conveyor belt. So I grab the shoe as it comes to me.

Yeah. Collecting, collecting the shoe. I now have the shoe and the axe. And Carver turns a dial and they're back to smoohing paddles. Oh, yeah. Just how I liked it. I'm going to wait. Try to time it out just right and in the gap between their smooching. I want to try to just rock it forward with the splash pack and try to land on one of the two. Give me a 3D8 roll with your flashback. Okay. Two successes, six and a five. Yeah, with two successes, you're able to time it out perfectly. So they are moving kind of chunk, chunk, chunk, right?

And on the last one you go is they're spreading apart and they're closing behind you. And you are able to make it to the end, no problem. Amazing. Okay, spinning a while, you are up. For the listener at home, we have almost completed this room. We are on the north side where Carvers, I imagine his desk is at the end of the obstacles we are currently on. Okay. I have to...

Oh, man. I'm too slippery, man. I can't stop. Do you want your other... Is this a situation where you could remove or add a shoe? I'll try anything at this point, man. Can you toss me mine? Yep. Toss him his shoe.

He's pretty close. I'm going to say that the shoe toss from Navy isn't tough, but the fact that you are currently spinning and slipping. I'm going to need a roll from you to catch your shoe effectively. So give me a 2D8 roll. Oh, yeah, double successes. You catch it on your foot. It ties itself.

It lands around your foot. And I stop myself with it. Yeah, with two successes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the shoe on your foot, you're at a halt now. You're back. You have control of yourself once more. So, okay.

I'm at the end. of what I can see as the obstacles, right? Correct. Where I'm at, am I, oh, I should be able to just like leap on top of Carver's desk from here. Yeah, I think it's going to be a little bit tricky because you are still on the slippery floor, but you are close enough to make that jump. All right, I make the jump and then I raise my hand up in the air and I say, Hatchet man to me.

Well, we'll see if you make the jump. Hold on. I thought if I kind of did a combo. Yeah, you can make the jump. Okay, let me try to make the jump first. Yeah, it's a collection. Yeah, we have a potpourri. Oh, double successes, eight and a five.

Nice. Yeah, you make that jump. It was tricky to get your feet underneath you, but with both shoes. And, you know, these are extreme firefighter shoes. You know what I mean? These aren't basic firefighter shoes. So you make that jump, you land on his desk,

you raise your hand and say, hatch it, man, to me. Do you want to bring it to you? Because I'm whole, I... Well, no, you threw it. Come on, Griff, you can do this. Oh, that's right, I did throw it. Wait, you already threw it? Where is it now?

Yeah, I used it to cut the ropes. Oh. Where is it now? I hope that's okay. Well, it's lying next to Roger on the ground. Hatchett man, to me! Sorry, Roger, he keeps dropping all of his stuff, and I think it's going to be sort of an ongoing thing

that me and you are going to be. man, it's going to be so impressive if you think I can do this. Yeah, make it. Please just throw it really good. Um, well, all right. Um, I'm going to use my tail to throw it. Perfect.

I think I have more accuracy. I didn't even know cows could use their tails to throw things. It's prehensile for some. I'm not a botanist. Welcome to the Abnibnibnambles universe. Give me a 3D8 roll, Roger, to launch that axe with your tail. At Lyle's.

Okay. Ooh, yeah. Wow. Double success. Oh, that was a Calabunga. Okay. So, yeah, it goes perfectly. This is 100% like Molnir level, like,

fom, directly to your hand. And Carver clocks it not just as like a checkmark for you, Lio, but also for you, Roger. And he's like stroking his invisible beard once more. My head. We're doing it, guys. Let me reintroduce myself. Okay.

I'm Axelotl. Your name's Axelotel? No, listen, I've got it. You're not listening. Let me finish. My name's Axel Isle. These are the Little Isles. And we're here to see if you want to join our team.

Wait, so the name of your team is Axelio and the Little Isles? We're trying it out. Would that make you want to join? I'm not a fan, but if you like it. It seems limited. It seems, I don't know, reductive. Not for me. Well, yeah.

It's huge for him. For me, that name recognition alone would be massive. No, we don't have a name, but I made it up here first. Do I get a metal or a ribbon or, like, a pack of gum or anything? Well, you could turn off the switch so that they can just, like, kind of walk over here if you want. Do you want to say first? Sorry? Well, I don't want to just turn off somebody's switch if they're in the middle of something.

Oh, no, no, no, I'm more of a steam deck guy. He's playing dangone rumpur on his switch on his desk. All right, I used my handle of Hatchet Man to turn the switch off, like a cool dude. Wher, war, war, war. Everything powers down at this point. Now you guys are free to just, like, walk over there. Yeah. And it covers like, hey, yeah, man, so as far as the physical challenges go, man,

passed right by now before I decide if I'm gonna you know take on the role as your trainer spiritual challenge more of just like an interview segment that's always right

okay yeah let's get to that and he puts on some readers and sits down with like a legal pad and he goes let's do this and like a guitar singer hits for a job interview yeah

hey it's Danny at Maximum Fun Have you checked out the bonus content for the Adventure Zone? There are a lot of fun one-shots in there, from a museum heist DM'd by Critical Role's Matt Mercer to a chaotic dungeon dive designed by Justin's daughter, Charlie. You can go enjoy all of those right now if you're already a MaxFun member. If not, any time of year is a good time to support the show by joining Maximum Fun, starting at just $5 a month.

And when you do, you get access to the bonus content for every other MaxFunn show, too. So head to Maximumfund.org slash join, and thanks for your support. This won't take long. Most of it was the physical thing. You guys are doing great. I see you got good bones. I look at the house band that was just playing a guitar stinger as he set up this job interview. Like, are they going to be here the whole time?

No. I brought them in just for this, man. You guys are good. You guys can go. Are you sure? Yeah, man. Thank you. They're good, man.

Hey, partner, I hope you're not bummed about the level of destruction. and we brought to your obstacle course there. I don't know if you got, if you have a guy or whatever, but we can help you get it, you know, set back up. Oh, no, quite the opposite, man. Like, that ruled. You got, that was great. I loved kind of the violent aspect to it.

That was great. Okay, great. So, first question and whoever wants to jump in, why did you, oh, here, why did you decide to become an abnormal hero? Well, I can go first. Where I came from where I was raised was an extremely religious environment. Oh, boy.

Okay. It was, um, we were members of the Methodist Church. Methanist, you said? Methanist. Okay. They've left. Oh, I went to look at the judges and they've left. Oh, my.

They love that. Hey, Justin, I'm the judge jury. They came over. house maybe. A lot of the judges, it seems like we're thinking you were going to go with Catholic and they're really like, they're realizing that it's why that's why the judges don't get on the mic, you know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. They don't have the expansive mind of Clint McElroy. They, they who can't judge. Yeah. The methanists are very, is a very repressive society. Uh-huh. Very puritanical. It's funny.

And I love the dance. I love to dance. It's a part of my being, and they had banned dancing. So I always have hated people that are persecuted for what they love, for their passions, for people who are not allowed to exercise their passions. Oh, okay. You hate the people or are you? You hate the persecution. I don't hate anyone, but I hated being persecuted.

And I left. I came here. I decided that I would be hoofless. And I came here to this realm, to protect those who have been persecuted for their passions. And the spy thing. Well, we were all wondering. I have learned. Yes.

Well, I mean, that's the best way. To learn dance. I need to infiltrate and change to the way people feel. I plan on learning all these spy skills and then going back to my planet and teaching them not only how to dance, but how to be sneaky. Okay, cool. But I have to be sneaky. I have to infiltrate and I have to be a spy. Sneaking dance.

Okay. Yes, to do the dancing. Sneaking dancing. Okay, sneaky dancing, got it. What about you? Sorry, blue seal was it? Navy SEAL. Navy SEAL. Oh, oh. Yes, not an actual active service member of the Navy. I, well, it's a family business. Surely you're aware of the Royal Seals. Yeah, of course. Well, us Ross Seals, we don't usually leave our sort of Antarctic in Viron, and so all of the Royal Seals are related with something of a family ban. So I joined sort of because it was required of me, as the oldest of the SEAL siblings. And it went pretty good for a long time.

Okay. And then it did not. Oh, okay. Cool, cool, cool. And what about you? Axolyle. Yeah, I was raised by some Dominican nuns. They help out a lot of the axolados over there. Okay. So, I was raised by nuns, man. They trained me up.

They taught me their incredible nun fighting style. They said it. Awesome. But they said it's nameless. and there's no names for it. And if anybody tries to come up with a pun-centric name for it, they said that there is no name and that they're wrong. Respectful.

Yeah, it's very cool. So, yeah, they taught me their fighting style, and I just wanted to carry on that incredible gift. They gave me a second chance, and I'm trying to do the same. And they didn't use nunchucks, just to check. Hugely disrespectful, Carper. I'm a big fan, but that was, you just really stepped in it.

a second. I'm so sorry. Lyle. Lyle. You have to forget me. I'm sure I'm glad I didn't say smacks a lot of time by myself. Um, I'm, I'm so, it's not enough, man. You need more. You're not ready for, to be around others. That was, whiff. You know what? Now I'm okay. Okay. Great. I am also religious. I didn't want to be the only guy with that sort of, are you, Are you religious or spiritual? More spiritual. Yeah. I believe in energies.

Well, yeah, man. Like electricity. They're the world's religious fighting team. Now watch as we tear this phone book in half. They don't have a Jewish one, but that would be on theme. They're on here. Okay, so you were trained by nuns, cool, cool. and so that just kind of naturally

led to being like a cool dude fighter man Well I, yes, I was for a long time An extreme firefighter Oh, I'm cool man Yeah, so when the regular firefighters And we so respect them But sometimes it's just too dangerous And too extreme

And they got to call in me For a while I was on another team. The amphibate force would call me in sometimes if they had like any really extreme fire centric scenario and then we were just

like talking and they, I told them that I didn't go through metamorphosis. Yeah. Axelols don't. And they got super weird and I haven't heard from them since so whatever. It's not like even a problem. Oh, okay, cool man.

I had no idea. All right. Whatever. What a bunch of stinky pants. Can you again, man, God. This is my family. We're talking about you guys are just doing this stuff with nunchucks and stinky pants. And just like the base decorum.

You know what I mean? I'm trying to support you. Read the room. All right. Read the room, cowboy. Read the room. All right, man. Well, listen.

What about you? I'm ready. Me. What about a little? Tert for tat Well, I'm That rule That was really good

I want to see it out And I want all you guys to bust up So if there's any kids listening They'll know that was funny Here we go Okay, do it again Take it again Tert for tat

Made it into a clown show And I'm furious Well yeah man I was one of the Green Bank Guardians You know like The original Okay

And, you know, we were trained by Professor Dr. Barth Monroe. Yeah, man, we thought Dr. Kildef and other... I'm a little more interested in what you've been doing lately, huh? Oh, yeah. Well, I would say kind of quietly fighting crime whenever I can get away with it, not get caught fighting crime, building the carvery, of course. Amazing work for it. For a sort of self-professed amateur hobbyist, it is, it is remarkable.

I got to say, though, in the last 20 minutes, man, at least seven different people have come in here trying to buy choice cuts of meat. And you may want to think about that because it does sound like an artisanal butcher shop. I'm going to take it off Yelp. That's a good call. It's a good cover, though, man. It's a good cover. Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

Thank you. And I'll tell you, Navy, there's so many YouTube videos. about building your own warehouse kind of post-apocalyptic, like scrap metal gauntlet. You know what I mean? It was amazing, man. I basically learned it all through there. But mostly I've just been preparing all of that and getting ready to find myself kind of a team that I can like take under my wing. I never thought I could do those kinds of projects.

But during Cal Fit, I really bridged out, you know. We all had a lot of time. Yeah, man. We had a lot of free time. Couldn't get out there as much. I started making my own bread What I don't know about you all As long as you're not making your own cheese man

Because then you gotta see a doctor That's one of the symptoms of Calvin That's a bad thing for you I guess But you guys are kind of glossing over the part Where I was like I'm looking for a team to like train a doctor Professor Dr. Bart To be fair man I assumed it was something like that

Or otherwise this is one heck of a how do you do Yeah So did we Did we pass? Did you see when I said Hatchet Man to me? Yeah, that was pretty cool I like that and hey, excellent

toss with your butt their roger That was excellent man And what a wild way to do it Yeah, but it worked man You know they say Shake your tail feather I sort of did Yeah

Wait it's feathers A lot of biologically confusing stuff in that So yeah, I'm going to say kind of a trial run, but you guys, like I said, good bones, good beginning of a team. Stuff we can work on. Definitely some notes, but I think you guys are ready for your first, like, mission under Mike Tootelage. You know what I mean? How's that sound, boys?

It would be an honor. Sure. Yeah, amazing. Sign me up. Whatever your mission is, I accept it. Okay. Awesome, man. So, time to hack into the computer system and find you guys some crime.

I don't know. I'm not normally the guy who does this, but give me a second. And he opens the laptop. Wait, you're a crime guy? No, what? No, I'm going to find you, like, potential thing that you could stop. We did give a really hard agree to whatever. And if you would be wild if I was like, yeah, go rob a bank.

Yeah, that would have been something else. Here's what we're going to do. Let me hack into the whip. And you see him, like, open basically like his computer. And it comes up and it's like, Like, okay, I got to put on my password. Okay, we're in. Not really hard.

Ironclad. And he goes, sorry. And he's just like hunting pecking, you know, single. Okay. And he goes to first book, which is, of course, River City first book that is there kind of like all in one, like social media platform and browser. He's like, okay, let's see. Events. It's just people trying to sell their old IKEA furniture.

Yeah. Oh, I don't. What's that fireworks or gunshots? No, look, they've got, I can buy big gears for my spinning log on you. That's good. Awesome. Get that. Okay, great.

Hold on. Oh, here we go, man. This is perfect. Okay. It looks like tonight. Yeah. Okay. At River City First Stadium, he's hosting like a big kind of gala to celebrate the River City runner-ups.

Their 50th consecutive second-place finish. Amazing. Yeah, they're getting a... One for the Hall of Fame. Yeah, they're getting a big, like, silver kind of football trophy thing, man. That's... Yeah, dude, there's been, like, a rash of, like, silver theft. In time, there...

That's going to get hit, man. Your crime senses are tingling. No, I'm just reading it. Oh, okay. Just basic... Yeah, no, I looked it up on the internet. All right. Yeah, it's pretty cool, man.

The internet's pretty great. Sounds like a job for... And I really thought that if I got momentum there, it would just kind of come to me. But it did, it did not. Try this out. How do you like this? More, more, more. So confusing.

Is that like a Tony, Tony thing? Sort of. I thought of that, yes. Okay. We'll keep working on it. What about? Moor, more, more. I think it's got something for it.

I look at the three of us. I look at the sign that very much makes it sound like this is a high-end butcher shop. What about surf and turf? A celebration of our variety, our diversity, and our fields of expertise. I like that. Doesn't it kind of sound like and also ex-clyle? But you are the day walker. You live between the...

the surf and the truck. People are going to, what they're going to think is I'm your driver. You're going to think I'm the happy, you know, just get you all from A to B. You're the, mm. Right, but like, man, I guess what I'm saying is like, if you go to see Hall of Notes and there's a third guy near them, you wouldn't immediately assume. That's the end. That he was another Oates. This is a different Oates. Yeah, he's both a Hall and Oates. It felt strong to me, but I realized now that it was hugely exclusionary.

Hey, everybody, it's me Spike Explosion. Your favorite transportation secretary of the all-unicorn mercenary group, Unicorn. I'm here to tell you about buying fireworks, and how bad it is to buy fireworks from an unlicensed dealer. That isn't always a good idea. Sometimes it can be if it could work out in your favor, and everything will be just fine. But one out of 17 times, things go horribly awry.

And one of those unlicensed fireworks, well, they just might explode your horn off. And you don't want that. Let me tell you, especially if you're part of the unicorn, or if you're just even an average citizen of the unicorn population. If you lose your horn, well, you just immediately become a regular horse, and you lose your ability to speak languages. You run a little bit slower because you're less aerodynamic, of course. and you also have a gaping hole in your head.

Also, you just start doing horse stuff, like neighing and being obedient and allowing saddles to be put on you. You don't want that. Nobody wants that. That would be insane. So, please, stay away from those unlicensed dealers. Go to someone with a bona fide license. That's the smartest thing to do. Because they'll have fireworks that won't damage you or they'll teach you the proper methods in order to use them.

appropriately such that your horn will stay where it belongs right between your eyes. All right, everybody, that's been Spike Explosion telling you this important safety tip, because as you know, knowing is one-eighth to one-seveteenth the battle. Maximum Fun A Worker-Oled Network of Artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.